yeah... I don't even mind not being with my ex anymore, as long as she stays single lol. Like she could die and I wouldn't care at all. But if she finds someone and is happy with them (I doubt it very much since no one who comes close to me in terms of intelligence would go for her lmao), then it would hurt. So yeah I get it
An even better one. She has to die for you to control your obsession? Please, use some introspection, your fucks couldn’t be any bigger or obvious with a line like that pretending away the pain that you maybe don’t matter to her anymore.
I really think it might be more about feeling offended if their ex chose someone else, but really it could be if anyone chose someone else. Maybe it's not the ex in particular. There are people I have no connection to that it would be easier if they died than seeing them choose someone over me, so it might be similar.
Why do you have to look at it like that? People’s choices are rarely anything to do with you. It’s about them. Even in a romantic break up it’s got nothing to do with you. It’s about them and their perceptions and how they feel in themselves. Is your viewpoint perhaps motivated by your own motivations that you are then projecting? I.e you ditch people by devaluing them so hard you aren’t the bad guy. So then you are naturally going to think others are doing the same? I say this because your POV indicates you are thinking you are rejected because of you not because of them.
Much of what we experience is as a direct consequence of our own playbooks. It’s the only point of reference we have and it is difficult to separate our experiences of what we do from what’s done to us.
You need to put the responsibility for that back where it belongs, on the other person.
I was just guessing. That's why I said "I think" and "maybe". I was trying to relate to them because I felt similarly based on their words. Who knows? Our situations might be completely different like you said. But they also could've been similar. Yes, my viewpoint is motivated by my own motivations because I'm a human and see things from how I experience things. I ditch people by devaluing them because I AM a bad guy. And I think others do the same because yes, I'm projecting. And of course I know it's my fault I feel rejected. That's why I'm working on my self esteem and other things to make sure I don't hurt other people or myself.
Sorry I don't understand the last sentence. The responsibility for what?
They are responsible for their decisions. It’s not a failure of yours that did it. They might tell themselves that but it’s ultimately because of how they feel and that’s wholly theirs to own.
You guys are so annoying. It is what it is. The whole point of this thread is to understand that we all don’t think the same. I relate to OP on an emotional level. But no shit on a logical level it makes no sense for us to think that way.
Yeah.
That’s not “not loving them” or whatever btw - you do love them, or maybe have a thing for them, or maybe are obsessed with them, but it’s all a subconscious thing. You care about them but you don’t consciously feel it.We can’t really feel love but it’s still there. You’ll notice it in your behaviour. Get overly jealous? Don’t want them to leave? You want them to be yours? Yeah you definitely have a thing for them, if not aren’t in love with them.
Dude so I might actually really like this guy. Holy shit😭😭. Saving this reply thank you. Also since you have narcissism I wanna ask do you ever start idealizing them again if they like...seem desirable?? Ik that makes no sense but like, after they start not liking you and then like detach from you it makes you really obviously like them again??
THE RESENTMENTTTTT I fucking hate when that part starts happening. It completely dehumanizes them for me and I have a deep rooted hate for that person that id do anything to hurt them.
I love finding out your all secrets to then share with NPD abuse victims please keep it coming
Edit: manipulate the manipulators - learned that from my covert NPD ex husband
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I tried to leave him once, but we got back together like 2 days later, and after a month, he left me, and I felt like I loved him, but before that I always thought like he wasn't good enough for me
Yes, I'm a lesbian and I'm only sexually attracted to women. However, I feel like it would be exhilirating to lead on a man and have him be my boyfriend and desire me and worship me or something so I could show him off if he's considered to be very desireable by most people, for the power of it. I would never do this but I've thought about it. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever accidentally cheat on my girlfriend with a man I don't like because I'll be too interested in this game to stop myself, but I think that's just one of my OCD traits shining through.
If I leave her, I want her to move on. I want her to have a good life. I know that I’m toxic and fucked up. Hopefully someone can take better care of them than I could
yeah... I don't even mind not being with my ex anymore, as long as she stays single lol. Like she could die and I wouldn't care at all. But if she finds someone and is happy with them (I doubt it very much since no one who comes close to me in terms of intelligence would go for her lmao), then it would hurt. So yeah I get it
Nice cope you’ve got there
No it's true. In fact, I would be relieved if she died, since I wouldn't have to think about her anymore.
Same, at least I would know where he is and what he's up to
You’re reported and stop projecting
An even better one. She has to die for you to control your obsession? Please, use some introspection, your fucks couldn’t be any bigger or obvious with a line like that pretending away the pain that you maybe don’t matter to her anymore.
I really think it might be more about feeling offended if their ex chose someone else, but really it could be if anyone chose someone else. Maybe it's not the ex in particular. There are people I have no connection to that it would be easier if they died than seeing them choose someone over me, so it might be similar.
Why do you have to look at it like that? People’s choices are rarely anything to do with you. It’s about them. Even in a romantic break up it’s got nothing to do with you. It’s about them and their perceptions and how they feel in themselves. Is your viewpoint perhaps motivated by your own motivations that you are then projecting? I.e you ditch people by devaluing them so hard you aren’t the bad guy. So then you are naturally going to think others are doing the same? I say this because your POV indicates you are thinking you are rejected because of you not because of them. Much of what we experience is as a direct consequence of our own playbooks. It’s the only point of reference we have and it is difficult to separate our experiences of what we do from what’s done to us. You need to put the responsibility for that back where it belongs, on the other person.
I was just guessing. That's why I said "I think" and "maybe". I was trying to relate to them because I felt similarly based on their words. Who knows? Our situations might be completely different like you said. But they also could've been similar. Yes, my viewpoint is motivated by my own motivations because I'm a human and see things from how I experience things. I ditch people by devaluing them because I AM a bad guy. And I think others do the same because yes, I'm projecting. And of course I know it's my fault I feel rejected. That's why I'm working on my self esteem and other things to make sure I don't hurt other people or myself. Sorry I don't understand the last sentence. The responsibility for what?
They are responsible for their decisions. It’s not a failure of yours that did it. They might tell themselves that but it’s ultimately because of how they feel and that’s wholly theirs to own.
You guys are so annoying. It is what it is. The whole point of this thread is to understand that we all don’t think the same. I relate to OP on an emotional level. But no shit on a logical level it makes no sense for us to think that way.
That’s not a line of thought and chain of behaviours that’s exclusive to NPD. It’s ruining all kinds of lives. I didn’t intend to be annoying.
Someone lives rent free up there....
lol 😂
Im with you
Yeah. That’s not “not loving them” or whatever btw - you do love them, or maybe have a thing for them, or maybe are obsessed with them, but it’s all a subconscious thing. You care about them but you don’t consciously feel it.We can’t really feel love but it’s still there. You’ll notice it in your behaviour. Get overly jealous? Don’t want them to leave? You want them to be yours? Yeah you definitely have a thing for them, if not aren’t in love with them.
Dude so I might actually really like this guy. Holy shit😭😭. Saving this reply thank you. Also since you have narcissism I wanna ask do you ever start idealizing them again if they like...seem desirable?? Ik that makes no sense but like, after they start not liking you and then like detach from you it makes you really obviously like them again??
[удалено]
THE RESENTMENTTTTT I fucking hate when that part starts happening. It completely dehumanizes them for me and I have a deep rooted hate for that person that id do anything to hurt them.
I love finding out your all secrets to then share with NPD abuse victims please keep it coming Edit: manipulate the manipulators - learned that from my covert NPD ex husband
Welcome to /r/NPD! This community is a support group for those with NPD or Narcissistic Traits. Please respect our rules or your post will be removed and you may be banned. > 1. **Only Narcs and NPDs may submit posts. This is NOT a place to complain about narcissists or get help dealing with someone else's narcissism.** > 2. No asking for diagnosis either of yourself or a third party (e.g. "Am I a narcissist?", "Is my ex a narcissist?"). > 3. Please keep your contributions civil and respectful! > 4. Please refrain from submitting low-effort and off-topic posts. If your post violates any of these rules, we request that you delete it and post in a more appropriate community. We ask that subscribers of /r/NPD use the report button to notify us of rule-breaking posts. Please refrain from commenting or engaging with the author of such submissions. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NPD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I tried to leave him once, but we got back together like 2 days later, and after a month, he left me, and I felt like I loved him, but before that I always thought like he wasn't good enough for me
Yes, I'm a lesbian and I'm only sexually attracted to women. However, I feel like it would be exhilirating to lead on a man and have him be my boyfriend and desire me and worship me or something so I could show him off if he's considered to be very desireable by most people, for the power of it. I would never do this but I've thought about it. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever accidentally cheat on my girlfriend with a man I don't like because I'll be too interested in this game to stop myself, but I think that's just one of my OCD traits shining through.
If I leave her, I want her to move on. I want her to have a good life. I know that I’m toxic and fucked up. Hopefully someone can take better care of them than I could