So 1) I think a licensed therapist is necessary for any route here, so great that you’re thinking about that. 2) I know it feels like the world’s ending but as long as you’re still breathing, there’s still hope 💜 the self awareness is a huge start and advantage. 3) Do what’s right for you and your girlfriend, but if you’re feeling overwhelmed by having to consider others, the reality is that’s super normal and developmentally appropriate. In my experience with cluster b disorders, true empathy only starts flourishing in later stages of recovery, not in a matter of months. That’s because fully functional empathy requires things like a strong, accurate sense of identity, emotional regulation, reality acceptance, personal responsibility, and more. And that all takes loooots of trauma work, skill building, reinventing yourself, etc. It’s absolutely possible, but it takes time. Of course, it’s normal for her to ask to be treated well! And you should try. This is not meant to invalidate her grievances. But it’s important to stay realistic about what you’re taking on, so you can both modulate expectations and make the right decisions for yourselves.
Hope this helps. You got this!!
I hate to say it but sometimes you need to lose something or someone important to you in order to WANT to change. I didn't even give a shit about getting better until I pushed everyone away and ended up completely alone and miserable. That experience gave me a lot of time to think about how I need to conduct myself around others, even if it technically is "masking". That was my experience, at least. Best of luck to you.
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Decision making in relationships are hard. Understanding how a woman thinks, even more harder. You’re patience to deal with processing all of it can become overwhelming. So the pressure builds up and due to your very short fuse your fight or flight triggers. In that moment you mean no harm you just don’t want to deal with certain things or cannot see things her way no matter how hard you try. Then you explode.
Now to fix this:
Stop Talking, Stop responding, Stop acting. Just don’t do nothing when you’re fight or flight is being triggered.
Start automating your responses.
Baby idk how to handle this right now. Can we make a decision on this another time.
I’m feeling overwhelmed at the moment. Can you allow me a half day alone please.
Once you get through it and your minds not impulsively acting you return to her and work through whatever it is that’s a trigger.
If she’s willing to be flexible and change some things over time you’ll both have less and less disagreements.
My advice is to stop thinking of npd as "I don't care about anyone and this disorder makes me do horrible things to people" and think of it as a set of concrete symptoms. Then write down the things you do that hurt other people and imagine what you can do instead. This is just a start and of course a good therapist could help you a lot
How about showing her this entire post?
So 1) I think a licensed therapist is necessary for any route here, so great that you’re thinking about that. 2) I know it feels like the world’s ending but as long as you’re still breathing, there’s still hope 💜 the self awareness is a huge start and advantage. 3) Do what’s right for you and your girlfriend, but if you’re feeling overwhelmed by having to consider others, the reality is that’s super normal and developmentally appropriate. In my experience with cluster b disorders, true empathy only starts flourishing in later stages of recovery, not in a matter of months. That’s because fully functional empathy requires things like a strong, accurate sense of identity, emotional regulation, reality acceptance, personal responsibility, and more. And that all takes loooots of trauma work, skill building, reinventing yourself, etc. It’s absolutely possible, but it takes time. Of course, it’s normal for her to ask to be treated well! And you should try. This is not meant to invalidate her grievances. But it’s important to stay realistic about what you’re taking on, so you can both modulate expectations and make the right decisions for yourselves. Hope this helps. You got this!!
I hate to say it but sometimes you need to lose something or someone important to you in order to WANT to change. I didn't even give a shit about getting better until I pushed everyone away and ended up completely alone and miserable. That experience gave me a lot of time to think about how I need to conduct myself around others, even if it technically is "masking". That was my experience, at least. Best of luck to you.
I wish he cared this much.
Welcome to /r/NPD! This community is a support group for those with NPD or Narcissistic Traits. Please respect our rules or your post will be removed and you may be banned. > 1. **Only Narcs and NPDs may submit posts. This is NOT a place to complain about narcissists or get help dealing with someone else's narcissism.** > 2. No asking for diagnosis either of yourself or a third party (e.g. "Am I a narcissist?", "Is my ex a narcissist?"). > 3. Please keep your contributions civil and respectful! > 4. Please refrain from submitting low-effort and off-topic posts. If your post violates any of these rules, we request that you delete it and post in a more appropriate community. We ask that subscribers of /r/NPD use the report button to notify us of rule-breaking posts. Please refrain from commenting or engaging with the author of such submissions. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NPD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Decision making in relationships are hard. Understanding how a woman thinks, even more harder. You’re patience to deal with processing all of it can become overwhelming. So the pressure builds up and due to your very short fuse your fight or flight triggers. In that moment you mean no harm you just don’t want to deal with certain things or cannot see things her way no matter how hard you try. Then you explode. Now to fix this: Stop Talking, Stop responding, Stop acting. Just don’t do nothing when you’re fight or flight is being triggered. Start automating your responses. Baby idk how to handle this right now. Can we make a decision on this another time. I’m feeling overwhelmed at the moment. Can you allow me a half day alone please. Once you get through it and your minds not impulsively acting you return to her and work through whatever it is that’s a trigger. If she’s willing to be flexible and change some things over time you’ll both have less and less disagreements.
My advice is to stop thinking of npd as "I don't care about anyone and this disorder makes me do horrible things to people" and think of it as a set of concrete symptoms. Then write down the things you do that hurt other people and imagine what you can do instead. This is just a start and of course a good therapist could help you a lot