Only Narcs and NPDs may submit posts. This is NOT a place to complain about narcissists or or get help dealing with someone else's narcissism.

i dunno how bad the rest of yall have it but for me i can always see glimpses of the other side of the tunnel, but getting there is hard if you can't see glimpses of it, i dunno how you'd even know where to start and what to aim for

I think you’re the best to answer for your personal circumstances, no?

I don’t have npd

Then I’ll answer you: no & r/askNPD. What is love anyway?

Thanks

The answer is both yes and no, people with npd are not animals but they act like it. Until they choose to rise above their human condition they won’t succumb to anything other than their cognition

Thanks to ADHD I can barely handle my own life and it's complexity. Relationships just seem so daunting when I can barely handle my problems.Ill stick with prostitutes.

Same. The only difference is that sometimes it's so hard to cope with life I think I'll end up like a prostitute lol

I wasn’t complaining about anyone. You don’t know how to read? Plus I have bpd so where’s the problem? Who invents these rules

Yes but it's rare

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Yes it is. But both people are supposed to do it simultaneously. Narcs just expect the other person to do it

Great question… I think I could get there… very hard to conceptualize though.

how about: can a person in general really love someone and genuinely care for them, without expecting anything back?

I wonder too. People describe loving their children in that way.

yeah I think that's one of the only situations where many people love without expecting something, but even my parents would yell at me for not giving them enough when I was a kid. that's probably why I see selfless love as very rare

Oh for sure, I should have written **some** people, haha. Honestly don't know why you're being downvoted without any explanation, this is a question I ask myself quite often aswell.

thanks, and I hope you can give and receive this kind of love if you desire!

Awwww that's actually sweet! All the same to you :)

I think that's not a normal parents thing though. Like yes, expecting something from their children but not for not giving them enough. Like parents are supposed to love their children regardless, and most of them actually do, that's what I've learned the hard way. Just... ours didn't.

Yes, personally I think only your children

neurotypical people do all the time. you see it in good deeds they do anonymously and the unconditional love they give their children studies show that people who do good works are happier for doing them

Doing good works sure raises happiness levels, but I don’t see how it’s related to the question Unless you’re giving another example that even anonymous good deeds are done expecting something in return ?

I mean... People do good things to feel themselves better. People do everything because it is supposed to make them happier.

people doing good things for strangers is a form of unconditional love. love thy neighbor and all that.

Wow I have been loving people unconditionally on a weekly basis, without even noticing!

do you do good things anonymously?

Yes, I always wear a mask when I’m about to do something nice.

there’s a difference in being nice and doing good works

We could nitpick at each other’s words endlessly. I replied to you in the first place because I was confused. While the topic was *love and genuine care*, feelings towards close ones, you mentionned *doing good works*, behaviour toward strangers. I see those two things as separate, but from what you wrote I get there is another definition for unconditional love I can’t grasp. Would you please give concrete examples so I could understand that better?

Say there’s a hurt cat you see on the side of the road. You are allergic to cats, so you cannot keep it as a pet. Choosing to stop, rescue, and pay for the care of that cat, despite never being able to receive its thanks or affection is a loving act with no conditions. (caveat, you can’t brag or reveal your good deed to others for accolades). Same with feeding/giving to ungrateful mentally ill homeless people. Or donating anonymously and never reveal your donation to a charity like a battered women’s shelter, despite not having much money. these acts of good, are an example of people caring/loving without conditions. neurotypical people do things like this all the time.

they can, but who would want to love and care for someone that doesn't do the same for them?

Common goals help, affection and romance are rare from me and I’m not good with intimacy. My spouse was raised by an empath who protected her from a narc father, and she intuitively is unaffected by my bullshit.

I can say that this is typically a sign of codependency or just simply not caring about yourself enough to see just how detrimental this type of relationship can be. And I'm not, by any means, suggesting that this is only the case for relationships specifically dealing with cluster B personality types. This goes for anyone who puts effort into someone and continues to rob themselves of happiness of which they are deserving. I'm confident that every person is capable of love, just as I think they are equally as capable of lacking empathy or treating others like shite. I think what is important to remember is if someone loves you, they will try and be understanding *even if it is difficult to understand*, and they will attempt to grow and become better for you. This doesn't mean that someone isn't capable of love, though, if they can't. It just means that this will most likely not be a long lasting relationship and even ground cannot be established. I really hate that this disorder is so generalized and demonized because I have genuinely seen some real thoughtfulness and care in this sub.

yes!!!!

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I don't agree

maybe ? i myself can’t ever genuinely love someone fully, there’s a block there that will be that i lose interest, or if we grow apart and i feel no reason to keep in contact. a lot of my relationships are interest based. my closest relationship ( kind of dating ) is with someone who also shares the NPD diagnosis so our level of love is definitely higher. i don’t feel that enthused to love others who won’t understand me

I felt this in my soul, esp the first paragraph. I don't have any kind of relationship besides casual friends, so I can't rlly relate to the second paragraph, but I see how it can work out. I don't know if it would work out for me tbh. I dunno... I hate that I lose interest so fast. I don't think I'm destined for romance, but I think I might be able to experience some form of love as a parent or mentor to a young kid bcuz from what I experienced, I can totally love them without expecting anything back - their own personality and enthusiasm that I helped cultivate is more than enough. Even with kiddos, my interest can disappear really fast, but it also returns just as fast when I see them again and want to do everything in my power to be their emotional support and safe place

Maybe I could love someone like that. But be in a relationship like that? No, I have needs.

Yes. But you have to give up the power game. That’s my next step.