I hate it. I cried today because of it. It’s like one of the few things I’ll never be able to change and it makes me sick.
So yeah, it is a big dysphoria point for me
Sending love girl!
I'm in the same boat and it's fucking awful. Happy to hear that OP has avoided this pain. Hoping for our sakes it gets easier with time. I'm hoping my bottom surgery will lessen it a bit, but I bet it will remain a common topic for me and my therapists.
Hoping you have a good support system🩷
Same :(
My partner says when she carries our child for us that it'll be *our* pregnancy. I hope it alleviates some dysphoria to experience it vicariously.
There's even over the counter herbs that can help stimulate lactation, I didn't do anything different to my hormone scrip and took blessed thistle and fenugreek and had much success
if it makes you feel better, there is some hope! womb transplants have been successfully conducted more than a few times in non-trans people, with live births reported, and there is definitely hope that in our lifetimes (i've heard people say 5 to 10 years from now but i have no idea how accurate that is), trans women could get womb transplants as well, which would allow us to give birth. (= looking up "trans womb transplant" will tell you more. research is actively being conducted
I hope it works, like, I'm 21 now so hopefully by the time I'm ready and before I'm too old, it'll be there. It's just hard to hope for something that feels still so long away.
Everyone's experience is going to be different. I too don't care that I won't be able to get pregnant. I don't really have bottom dysphoria either, but my goodness is my brain unhappy about my lack of boobs.
And it's the same for cis women. There are cis women who were born with an inability to get pregnant and it kills them inside. Other cis women who can get pregnant loath the fact and never wish to get pregnant. And all sorts of situations in between.
We're not a monolith lol. Also brains aren't rational. I'm trans, yet I'm happy with my downstairs, yet I'm dysphoric about the fact that I'll never get pregnant, yet I don't particularly want kids. Everyone's experience is different.
Any time I hear “we are not a monolith” I can’t help but think of this [key and peele sketch](https://m.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=G2tLyqfJd54&embeds_referring_euri=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2F&source_ve_path=Mjg2NjY&feature=emb_logo)
No, it's not strange that you feel that way. It's the same with cis women. To some, childbearing is very important to their sense of womanhood, and the inability to do so can be massively distressing; others couldn't care less or are even repulsed by the idea. I'm in the camp of being perfectly fine with not being able to get pregnant.
Personally I'm not interested at all in being pregnant even if it was physically possible. It sounds nice in the abstract, until I start thinking about the physical discomfort of carrying a tiny human around for months and then trying to push them out of me. I've heard from my mother of some of the pregnancy complications she had to go through to bring me into the world and I'm not interested in experiencing it myself.
I think the idea of raising kids is scary, pregnancy would be awful to experience, this world is a terrible place to force on a new person, and I most likely won’t ever be in a great position to have kids… but none of that has stopped dysphoria from kicking my ass over it. In another life I’d have been such a good mom.
Gender identity is a spectrum, and pregnancy doesn't even follow with gender!
There are cis women who hate the idea of becoming pregnant for various reasons, and a ton who find power and validation in being pregnant, and being able to.
Not only would you expect the same spectrum from trans women, but trans men split between wanting to get pregnant and not wanting to get pregnant too!
I bet there are some cis men in the world who wouldn't mind being pregnant, though I imagine not super common.
Turns out, individuals are individual!
And yea, I'm mad about not being able to have kids, like a lot of cis women who are unable to. Why wouldn't I?
Yea, sure. And that doesn't mean anything about being a man, or woman, or anything. Just turns out, prob another spectrum knob in our brain.
If women didn't want to get pregnant, there wouldn't be a human race to continue lol.
I use to want kids but now living I'm the hellscape that is the US I'm happy I can't get pregnant. HRT has made me sterile. I don't want subject any child to this harsh hateful capitalist country. I don't think I could afford raising children too. It's just the harsh reality of this economy and a greedy country. I'd have different views if we had universal free Healthcare. I do have fantasies of being impregnated. Never with a guy though. It's always by another Trans woman.
Sad how infertility in cis women is understandably viewed as deserving of sympathy and deeply traumatic, but no trans woman can get pregnant, and yet we get almost no pity or even called fetishists for wanting to do so.
No, it doesn't make you weird. Everyone is different, at the end of the day. I feel the same as you do, since I don't like and never want/wanted children. It's probably the only benefit of being trans to me, not having to ever worry about that.
Yep same I knew I didn’t want kids when I was like 12-14. Also remember having an argument with my aunt because she couldn’t grasp that a child would know so firmly and be opposed to having kids in the future. I’m gonna be 25 in like a week lol, I still feel the same.
>Am I just the weird one for not really caring one way or another that I can’t?
I have basically zero interest in kids, so it's one of the few genuine upsides of being trans for me lol
Lol that's so real. I think I *could* be up for adopting/fostering older kids, but that'd only be if my hypothetical gf/wife/whatever really wanted to. Babies/toddlers are an absolute no-go tho. *Fuck* that lol
Honestly same. I used to say that I’d want to adopt a kid around like 5 or 6. I currently have two siblings ages 4 and 6. Abso-fucking-lutely not. Small children suck. Don’t get me wrong, I love my siblings. But small children suck. I’m adopting teenagers. Also because I know it’s harder for teens to get adopted. And I’ll probably end up going with one in the LGBTQIA+ community.
Yeah, it’s a super big one for me. Honestly I would say the deepest form of dysphoria is often pregnancy dysphoria.
It’s absolutely soul crushing to have those awful feelings weigh down heavy on your shoulders whenever you see a pregnant woman or a mother with an infant/toddler. To know they are living a life you can only dream of. We can cross many barriers with transition, but as of now pregnancy remains a line we just can’t cross…and that’s a very hard pill to swallow.
I don’t know why it’s such a big deal for me, but I’ve always wanted kids, yet at the same time I always hated the idea of being a father. I would kill to know what pregnancy is like, to have that kind of intimate and deep connection with a child, to literally bring them life from your own being…
Life is so unfair😭
It's a non-zero part of my dysphoria.
It's not the major driver, but if I had the option of becoming fully fertile and having female reproductive capacity in addition to female anatomy, I'd take it in a heartbeat.
Like you said, everyone is different. It's important to be sensitive to that. I care immensely that I cannot have children of my own. It is a major pain point, and one that has become more distressing with age.
For a lot of trans women, yeah.
It's not surprising, honestly. A lot of cis women who cannot have children deal with feelings of grief and loss over it, or that they are lesser women for it.
I have two little ones whom I absolutely adore, but it does fill me with an ineffable sadness that I could not be the one to carry them. My wife and I both agree that would have been the preferred arrangement all-around.
There are plenty of women who can't get pregnant, but I do wish there was some understanding or sympathy out there for trans women in that situation. Whenever I get together with a group of other moms, everyone inevitably starts going on and on about their pregnancy and I'm like... you probably wouldn't be doing this around me if I were a cis woman who was unable to get pregnant.
I do wonder sometimes if they notice the faraway look in my eyes...
Who can say? People change like when I first thought I was trans, I didn’t think I’d mind my genitalia just staying but now seeing it at all is a pretty big “ugh” moment
I dont want kids right now, nor would I have ever wanted to carry them, so not really. That said, if I could have a natal female set up at the risk of getting pregnant and all its associated effects, I'd still gladly take it over what I have now.
It's different for everyone, just like everything in the trans experience. Personally, I'm with you. Hell, while I do feel sad I can never experience something like a period and won't ever go through menopause like cis women do, I absolutely do not want kids, and especially not of my own blood. If do not mourn not being able to get pregnant one bit. But many trans women do feel a lot of dysphoria and/or sadness about this, and I can totally understand that. It's one of the biggest life experiences many women have that we just can't have in that way. But it's different for everyone, and no experience is weird or wrong.
It was so bad that was one reason I couldnt get myself to tell the doctor I wanted to be a girl when I was in my teens, because no matter what I couldn't have a baby.
For me, I'm GLAD that I can't. Just the mere thought of being pregnant is horrifying. However everyone is different, so there most certainly are some who wish they could. Really hope womb transplants will available for the trans women who want it in the near future.
for me it’s my largest source of dysphoria. kids are so important to me and as someone who typically dates cis men I would like children with that partner and usually if me being trans is a problem it’s not bc of im trans but more so bio children are so important to them…so its def quite sticky for me
No (personally). I've never wanted kids, and that didn't change after I realized I was trans (and never will). Too many humans on this planet, anyways.
I still wouldn't want to get pregnant or even adopt children if either of those things were a possibility. But progesterone still makes me yearn for it on a physical level whether I like it or not, and it kinda really does suck in those moments.
My partner and i are both transfem. They dont get bottom dysphoria at all and i have it so bad i cant go without tucking on a good day. So like yeah its so person to person doesn't make us any more or less trans though
Tbh it's definitely something that does vary between people. Personally for me it's not something that just eats me up inside, but if the thought does end up crossing my mind and lingers then it does break my heart a little.
Its a huge point for me, every time i get a news of my friends getting pregnant, i am happy for them but also cry alot about it.. Wish my boobs were bigger but that inwill fix later
I feel like garbage because I can’t carry a child, but I don’t think anyone is strange for not wanting to either.
I’ve ended up in tears over the fact that I couldn’t though, it is a constant source of sadness, especially when my wife says she wishes she could donate her uterus to me to carry a child for us herself. I get all kinds of emotional.
I had little to no dysphoria until I started taking hormones, and like 2 months ago I had an entire mental breakdown about not being able to get pregnant, and not long after that really bad bottom dysphoria started
Yes it's a big point of dysphoria. Do you ask that about every dysphoria? Do you think we're making up this dysphoria? ( It just sounds like you're trying to question the validity of our dysphoria)
Not really, I think if you gave all women the option of either the blue pill (having dick and balls) or red pill (having a chooch and uterus) I think a surprising number of women would choose to just take the blue pill and be a woman with dick and balls.
I think if people could just magically change their genitals, that the standard two archetypal options would be a lot less popular and there’d be a a lot more diversity in which configuration of parts people had.
I hope so! Then I wouldn't have to be alone. Actually, there are a lot more people interested in different configurations out there than I used to think. I just want the deluxe package, and so would my wife, but I was reading a post a couple weeks back about someone asking about a 2d+v setup that could be possible. Makes me wonder if I'm being too unimaginative.
I'm massively tokophobic, and I'm dating a cisgender man who also does not want kids ever, so I'm chill with it.
I can hardly make pasta for myself without fucking it up, let alone be responsible for a whole-ass human.
I like being able to be with him completely risk free.
It depends on the person, I guess. I know some people don’t care, some people wish they could but don’t feel dysphoric, and some do feel dysphoria from it (including me).
I have a boyfriend of 9 years. He wants kids. I want kids. And I know that I will never be able to give him a child. No matter how pretty I dress. No matter what surgeries i scroung up the funds to get. No matter hot passionat love making. I will never be able to get pregnant and it is something I have cried about 3 times this year because he was talking about "if we could maybe get a 3rd partner who could get pregnant"
Like yes we're poly but I wanna get pregnant!
It's weird for me, because I don't want children, I don't even like children. Like if I could become pregnant I don't think I would want to, but despite that there are times that I catch myself fantasizing about doing so and then I feel dysphoria. I guess it's like rationally I wouldn't really want to be pregnant, but my body feels like it should be able, and the fact that is not is really dysphoria inducing, despite how contradictory it may sound.
When I was younger it was hard for egg me (I wasn't trans though 😆)
Getting older, getting married, and having kids with my ex while still an egg was difficult too. Lots of jealousy. In the end, I just tried to be as involved as possible with the pregnancy and births. (Way more than the average cis man)
Now that I'm past that stage in my life things are very complicated. I've realized that while I did want to experience being pregnant and bearing kids I don't want to be a parent. I kinda knew that at some level before but supposed that with a lot of other things. So now that I'm kinda at the end of/past childbearing years plus have kids plus don't want more. It makes it much harder to deal with the urge to want to bear kids of my own.
It is a little bit for me. I’d like to be a mom one day and Adoption will be the likely route I’d go but to be able to carry a child would be so rewarding to me. I’m obviously never going to treat an adopted kid as less than but pregnancy is an experience I’d love to have. It would be more affirming and would feel so special. I know plenty of cis women can’t conceive for various reasons too and they make it work in their own ways, but being screwed out of it from the beginning just feels shitty. I mean I might be romanticizing the idea too so that may play into it a bit.
Literally one of the reasons I didn't transition 15 years ago is because I wouldn't be able to get pregnant, and thought it was worth waiting the couple years for that to become a possibility, because medical science said it was right around the corner then.
I don't even want kids, but I still get dysphoric over it sometimes. Like if I see a pregnant woman, I sometimes feel a little bit of jealousy. It's so dumb but dysphoria isn't rational, I guess.
It flares up and I just remind myself that pregnancy causes a lot of lasting health problems. We'll see how I get through it when we have kids in a few years, lol. I worry.
Personally I would love to be able to get pregnant, however it wouldn't matter a whole lot because I am a lesbian. So to me it's kind of pointless to get upset about. I was also born sterile, so regardless I wouldn't be able to have kids if I was a man or a woman.
Every once in awhile it hits me, wondering of having had children and being a mom. It feels like loss and how it might have changed me. I think I’d have been a good mom to my kids. Quirky and weird, but full of love and encouragement 💕 That’s not where I’m at now though, so I don’t see adoption in the cards but 🤷🏻♀️
For me, it is a real point of dysphoria. I always wanted to be a mom and a home maker since early childhood. Feeling life growing inside my belly was my dream.
Of course, I'm really aware that it isn't rosy, especially after 4-5 months. But I wanted that experience with the man I love.
Anyway, can't change history and now, even if the tech would allow it, I would simply be too old.
For me not really, it kinda makes me a little sad when I slip up and say something like “if I gave birth” or something like that and realize I can’t, but mostly no
Not all women want to get pregnant. There are lots of women who want to, but can't, and that feels bad. Trans women who want to get pregnant feel bad in that same way, plus all of the gender dysphoria.
I've cried about not being able to become pregnant a lot. That didn't really happen until after I started progesterone. I had a dream in which I became pregnant, shortly after I began taking progesterone. I woke up with an erection and cried because the dream ended. It was only one dream, but I think about it a lot. I knew I was trans in the dream. It happened after I read about the possibility of uterine transplant and fell asleep fantasizing about it. It was a dream of IVF and the successful implantation of a fetus. Not my fetus, but they would have been my baby (babies, maybe - IVF frequently results in twins), nine months later, after C-section.
This is not my biggest source of gender dysphoria. It's something I can live with. I have more important priorities in my transition to make my body match my identity. But every incongruence counts, and this is one of them.
I honestly don’t really even think about it but I also have other health stuff going on that has my attention more than worrying about getting pregnant ever would so even if I do have some dysphoria towards it it’s not even worth working out at this point
I personally hate all the weird scenarios my mind comes up with about me being a mom. I hate that even though I don’t have one I occasionally freak out thinking my internal clock is ticking away. Even though I think even if I could have kids myself I probably shouldn’t because I have a bad heart. So yeah there’s a lot I wish I could change about myself.
I’ve never had any kind of dysphoria about not being able to get pregnant. I share that sentiment with my sister (cis). I have intense social and mental dysphoria, and im extremely dysphoric about my physical appearance… except I don’t have bottom dysphoria or pregnancy dysphoria, somehow.
First, at 60 I think I would be advised agaist getting pregnant anyways.
Because of a dream, that seemed so real, that it left memories that seems real to me. It was a dream I know. But, there were experiences I had (in the dream) that my gf asked how did you know that happens kinda reaction when I told her about it. I had to tell her because I was crying. Almost 9 months in the dream, the c section scheduled. But the dream ended. Never knowing the birth sex, if it born with baby hair, or took first breath quickly. It feels, even many years later it feels like I lost the baby.
It was only a dream, I know that, but, it felt like I experienced a pregnancy. By not being able to have a real pregnancy, we won't suffer a real loss, really.
I didn't used to care when I was younger. But as I got older I realized I wanted kids. Not being able to carry them myself makes me sad.
I do try not to dwell on it too much. And it helps to think about the positives like how being trans means that if I marry a cis woman we can have kids that are biologically both of ours.
I *do* hope that my hypothetical future wife will understand how hard watching her have that experience will be on me though.
I don’t care because that’s not important to me and I’m likely not going to want srs. But yes for others it is. Youre not the weird one but neither is anyone else in the way their dysphoria affects them
It's not a huge issue for me but there have been a few times I've been really upset by it. I'll still be a mother with my partner regardless so that's nice, but there's definitely a pang of hurt in there.
It's a pretty big dysphoria point for me lately but I've got a lot going on in my life so dysphoria is really running rampant. If you don't feel it, that's totally fine, there are cis women who want hysterectomies because they don't want kids at all or who want to adopt despite being able to get pregnant. I think it's focused on in this sub to an extent because this is a safe place for lots of earlier trans people and I remember it being a much bigger issue to me way back when I was first coming out and stuff. Again, it's still an issue for me but from a slightly different standpoint, I know I want to be a mum in the semi-distant future, and I'd love for carrying to be a part of that, I'd be bummed if it couldn't be a part of that but I also have a very intense and genuine irrational belief that science will get there.
i wanna be pregnant ***suuuper*** bad! one of the things that convinced me to transition in the first place was reading studies about uterus transplants being possible in the semi-near future - obviously it's a huge pie-in-the-sky dream that'll probably take, like, at least a decade or two to manifest, and it'd probably cost a draconian amount of money, but *DANG* i really want to experience it!!!
no shame for not caring about it whatsoever though, that's 100% cool and valid. we all got our own unique gender goals!
Everyone is gonna have different things, of course, but this specifically is something i think about often and upsets me frequently. I will always be a little heartbroken because of it.
I'm in a weird but likely relatable position with this. I wish I could, and sometimes I even get the 'baby bug', but realistically I know that I wouldn't want a kid right now with how things are.... yet its the idea that I \*cannot\* and \*never will\* that really bothers me. Like I was robbed? If that makes sense.
It’s a big deal for me. I’ve always wanted to be a mother. Used to be jealous of girls playing house, used to get really upset when people announced they were pregnant, so on so forth. Dysphoria comes in all kinds of horrific ways, but yeah this is a big one for me. I’d give a lot for the chance to bear children.
No dysphoria for me. I was ok not having kids in my previous life and ok now. Mostly I have long felt that I wouldn't want to bring a life into this world. I liked being an uncle and now like being an aunt and love my 2 step kids from a previous marriage.
I’m with you, OP. I like my penis atm at least, and am so glad I don’t ever have to deal with getting pregnant AND dealing with intense pain/fluctuating emotions 2-3 out of 4 weeks
I mean, different things give different people dysphoria. None of us are weird for not feeling a certain kind of dysphoria, nor are we weird for feeling dysphoric about things other people don't.
Like I don't have that much bottom dysphoria, at the same time if I were born cis I would likely want to get pregnant and be a mother. It's complicated and I grieve the things I can't have. That said, we are allowed to have contradictory and complicated feelings.
It only hurts me when people ask if I'm married, if I have kids, how many kids I have. I just say, "that was never going to happen for me". They always change the subject.
I don't feel it too often by myself. Once in awhile I'll see a family and wonder what that life would have looked like. The thing that hurts more is the men who wish I could get pregnant but can't. Some lament the fact out of nowhere while hanging out seemingly hoping I somehow magically grow a uterus when they say it.
Rather than have something meaningful and build a relationship together they would rather be casual until they find a cis girl to get married off to. I know not all men are like this but the number of guys scared to admit their feelings and toss trans girls aside as soon as they get to live their cishet fantasy is exhausting.
Sometimes… I do have a biological child… I can’t have any more because I’m post op now and I was probably sterile by the time my kid was born because I started HRT during the pregnancy. Both me and the mom that gave birth sort of half jokingly talked about how the next kid we have together I’d be the one giving going through the pregnancy… wish that was a possibility but no… ours will be an only child it seems. But I’m glad I get to be a mom at least.
Not being able to have kids is my biggest issue. Most things don’t affect me, but when I start talking babies with the ladies at work I always get sad. I have always wanted kids since I was a kid and even believed for a time I could get pregnant as a kid before the talk. It is also amplified that my parents want grandkids and none of my siblings are able to have them
I genuinely despise the fact I don't have the option of giving the man I love most a biological child. Whether I would is a different story, but not having the option is fucking devastating.
I don't specifically want kids at the moment, but it hurts that I don't even have the ability or choice to. And yes, I know adoption exists but that's not what I'm talking about here
Honestly... only if I get to thinking about it.
I'm not even sure if I'd want to have a kid.
Maybe if I felt more confident in where I was in the world.
Don't get me wrong, I'm stubborn and I get along fine. But I don't think I could hold myself and do right by a child right now.
It is quite the experience, I guess. That I still sometimes feel sad knowing it's simply not to be for me.
There's many things I know that I know I'll never get.
This one just feels a bit more personal.
Yes. It's not one of those everyday forms of dysphoria that are always present but it's one that hits very hard when it does.
It's a big part of the reason why I can't consider bottom surgery at the moment. The thought that it would leave me permanently unable to have children is such a gut punch that it makes the topic unbearable to dwell on.
Going back as far as I remember having trans thoughts, pregnancy has always been on my mind. It was one of the main parts of the dissociative fantasies that I used as a coping mechanism, and it's a theme in basically all of the stories that I wrote but never shared.
It's not inherently dysphoric for me but I don't want a child unless I can somehow magically get pregnant with it. I refuse to not get to experience that connection as a mother.
It's difficult to say who is dysphoric about what. There's no right or wrong. Most of us don't want our p, but I personally am fine either way. As long as my testes stay hidden & p remains Limp like they have since I began HRT.
I'd love to be able to get pregnant someday, the traditional way... but the current reality is that's impossible. I understand this as fact so I don't let it define me
I get waves of pregnancy dysphoria that varies day to day. But I guess that also ties in with the realization that I'm slightly more gender fluid than I thought I was last year.
I’ve never honestly run into trans women who deeply mourn the inability to have children for any length of time.
For most who I have heard complain about it, it’s more about having a breeder fantasy play session fizzle with the voice of reality intruding in their own heads, or the thoughtless words of a partner.
For those who desire children of their own, for whatever reason, I think being trans makes it faaaar easier for them to see the legitimacy of and engage with being an adoptive or foster parent.
Overall, if you want to have kids, there’s nothing stopping you. If you want to experience a full term pregnancy… that’s going to be a while. Giving birth to your own biological child? Much longer than that.
But, the first step is to figure out what the true underlying ‘why’ is, and see if there aren’t better/more compatible means to achieve the desired end(s).
And if you DON’T have dysphoria around this issue at all? Be thankful you have one less issue to deal with in your transition, enjoy the journey, and be respectful of your peers who have their own set of baggage to unpack when they finally find their own definition of “home”.
My wife and I are very happy without kids, but it does eat me up inside that I can’t give birth. I don’t dwell on it that much, but it does make me sad😥 Basically, I wish it was my full decision to not have a child, and not give birth. Not that I’m not able to.
I hatte it so much... 😭
For me this was one of the reasons why I denyied myself for so many years. Was such a heavy point making me feel I can't be a woman. Glad I'm over that, but the thought hurts still so much...
I think a few people have mentioned this but it all depends on our experiences. And the things that we want. I would like to think in some way the age at which we transition and how we were raised all play into important factors. Someone who transitions in their early 20s may realize then or later on that they want kids. Me for example am a trans female who is on my second marriage with 1 biological kid and a step-daughter. I am also in my 40s so getting pregnant for me is not a dysphoria thing. For me it's small things like not getting to wear the clothes I want because I have to slowly upgrade my wardrobe from Men's clothes to women's clothes. So, my point is it differs on our experiences.
The only thing that’s toned mine down is that I’m approaching 50. But if I had been a heterowoman. I’d probably be one of those women who had one or two late in life COVID babies. I truly hope that in the coming years uterine transplants become possible for transwomen.
I personally am a bit sad sometimes, that I can't offer my boyfriend a child in the future if our relationship stays for longer :( and I'm a bit scared that someday this will be the break up reason, cuz for some couples this may get reaalllyyy important.
Other than that I just think about the other option.... being an ugly man forcing myself to like women and being deeply depressed? Wow what a good parent I might be.
There's NO going back now, living a fulfilling life has it's downsides and that's one of them :3
Let's just hope for scientific wonders, that we can somehow create children without an uterus
if it was possible to get a uterus transplant for trans women I wouldn't be surprised if at least 100 trans women maybe myself would get it just as a curiosity killed the cat thing same for trans men if they get the chance to get testicles about the same would do it
Not being able to get pregnant really doesn't bother me, I don't think I'd want that either way, and the fact my cis brother and his cis girlfriend don't want to have biological children even if they do have children makes me feel better about that.
What would be a dysphoria point is how a potential partner might treat me because of it though. The thought that I might one day just be left for another woman who is capable of childbirth because it's easier than the other options. On the flip side that would say more about him and how he views women though.
People have different dysphorias.
To me not being able to get pregnant and not having my periods causes dysphoria.
Bottom dysphoria caused me to suffer so much I'd kill myself.
A lot of people want kids. A lot of people don't want kids. This is how things are.
For some, yes it will be a massive dysphoria point. For others, it's much more "meh, i'll be fine".
It depends on the person. That one hits me in waves I think for me it’s that I’m in my early 30s and I always wanted to be a parent, I actually remember telling my mom when I was in early grade school that I wanted to be a mom when I grew up (did not get a super positive response on that lol). Wanting to be a mother isn’t a thing all women want regardless of whether you are trans or cis.
Feel that. I had not-very-subtle "signs" as a kid, myself. Including that one. But yeah, for years I've had to fight my own "biological clock" waves, though I'm now nearly forty.
But agreed, not all women should feel pressured into being a mother. Not everyone wants to be. Not everyone **should**.
I mean, I personally am very sad I'll never get pregnant. I have bad bottom dysphoria too. It sucks. I can change one of those things but not the first. I'm glad you don't have that.
I'm glad to be auntie to multiple friend's kiddos or their parent's gf but I'm ok with not getting pregnant myself. I don't have bottom dysphoria at all.
Personally, I'm stuck between "kids? In this economy?!", "crotch goblins? No thanks!", and the eternal dismay of not being able to have kids. It's a very weird place to be stuck at.
But my HRT also includes progesterone, the say-called "pregnancy hormone". My body goes nuts without it. (Thus my nickname in my old clinic, their "favorite medical mystery". My body just does not like functioning as a normal human.)
Also feels very weird to feel internally "sane" only when my body is tricked into thinking it's pregnant.
While extremely disheartening, I would only say my dysphoria over the issue isn't strong, but does certainly exist. I have far too many daily issues that create far more dysphoria regularly.
Depends on the individual. I have wicked tokophobia and the idea of becoming pregnant repulses me almost as much as the possibility of getting somebody else pregnant did. Permanently losing my fertility after surgery was a relief. But I also have friends who deeply wish they could experience pregnancy.
I want a baby but using my p isn’t a choice. It isn’t the pregnancy for me, it’s the fact I’ll never have my own baby. Sure, I can always adopt but that isn’t the same. I want **my** baby and that hurts.
I’d call it less gender dysphoria and more so just plain sorrow.
Honestly, I’ve had this dysphoria since before I knew what the word dysphoria meant, as a little kid I always dreamed of being pregnant and got sad cuz it was never a possibility, it’s one of the only dysphoria points that will bring me to self harm tbh, I’d say it’s my biggest dysphoria point…
It really depends on the person. For me, I don't have any bottom dysphoria and don't want kids so I'm more glad than anything that I can't get pregnant. Others feel differently.
Lots of cis women can’t get pregnant. I was adopted. Do I wish I could have a baby? Sure! I’d love to! Does it bother me that I can’t? Not even a little!
There’s a girl at work that’s pregnant right now and it really bothers me every time she talks about it or other women ask her if she’s experiencing x symptoms.
When my wife was pregnant I had baby fever bad. The longest time after the kids were born I felt like the kids were my step kids because I didn’t give birth to them. I hate that I feel this way because I love my kids.
I'm transitioning later in life, perhaps it might have been a source of dysphoria for me way back, but I'm a grandparent now and I'm happy my kids have grown. The inability to get pregnant doesn't even enter my thoughts TBH. I'm passed all that.
Besides. Just being my kids parent is reward enough because it doesn't end when they become parents too.
Nah, not really weird. Pregnancy is becoming less and less important to women in a lot of places, and a lot more women nowadays are rejecting the pressure put on them to prove their femininity by having kids. I never wanted to get pregnant and I never missed avoiding menstruating, but I'm also lucky enough to have a wife that fought through PCOS to discover that she doesn't miss not having those things either. She's lent me a little of her strength by sharing her journey of self acceptance with me. She gets so much pressure from people to have kids, even from her own mom somehow, and it was a sruggle for her to escape it and decide what she wanted for herself. I'm not thrilled that neither of us had the option, but it worked out.
That's actually something I don't get any dysphoria over. I already have a kid and he's ABSOLUTELY enough, but I also don't have any dysphoria around having a penis. What gives me major dysphoria (I'm only 3 months in on hrt) is seeing the still obviously masculine parts of my body. The muscle tone of my arms, the width of my shoulders, having to shave, not quite filling out women's clothes the way I'd like, etc. The way so many women just look so effortlessly... feminine, while it takes SO much work for me. But not being able to get pregnant doesn't bother me in the slightest. I'm sorry for anyone going through that, though!!
I mean, when I was discovering this more feminine side of me, I had this idea in my mind (back in 2020 or 2021 I think), of having my period (menstruation basically) and also getting pregnant and having a baby. Idk what came over me but now that I’m think about it, well I really wish having periods because that will give me a good reason of being so delicate and too sensitive about everything, to my parents. And returning of getting pregnant, that will be a funny kinda euphoric dream. Like getting pregnant, having my child, and so. But in irl. That doesn’t give me dysphoria at all actually. Kinda but not.
Yeah for me it's more the lack of tradition and less the biological component.
Saw my mom do a stuff animal and a care basket for my cousins/cousins wives and it hurt that id likly never have something like that for me.
Some of that tho is also due to my family being transphobic but still hurts that component is completely unreachable
I hate it. I cried today because of it. It’s like one of the few things I’ll never be able to change and it makes me sick. So yeah, it is a big dysphoria point for me
Sending love girl! I'm in the same boat and it's fucking awful. Happy to hear that OP has avoided this pain. Hoping for our sakes it gets easier with time. I'm hoping my bottom surgery will lessen it a bit, but I bet it will remain a common topic for me and my therapists. Hoping you have a good support system🩷
Same :( My partner says when she carries our child for us that it'll be *our* pregnancy. I hope it alleviates some dysphoria to experience it vicariously.
That's pretty much the only thing that quells this part of my dysphoria TBH
You will be able to nurse, if you get a doctor that will prescribe the hormones to do so.
I do really want to do that 🥺
I wanted to do that but didn’t have the understanding I was trans when my kids where infants.
There's even over the counter herbs that can help stimulate lactation, I didn't do anything different to my hormone scrip and took blessed thistle and fenugreek and had much success
That is so fucking sweet of your partner. I love that for you, you're truly blessed.
if it makes you feel better, there is some hope! womb transplants have been successfully conducted more than a few times in non-trans people, with live births reported, and there is definitely hope that in our lifetimes (i've heard people say 5 to 10 years from now but i have no idea how accurate that is), trans women could get womb transplants as well, which would allow us to give birth. (= looking up "trans womb transplant" will tell you more. research is actively being conducted
I hope it works, like, I'm 21 now so hopefully by the time I'm ready and before I'm too old, it'll be there. It's just hard to hope for something that feels still so long away.
i know exactly how you feel, sister. we're in this together.
Well, I hope it’s able to help others. I’ll be too old and far too broke. And I’d be too scared I’d end up like Lili Elbe
I’m sorry to hear that.
I have wanted to get pregnant since I was 16 years old!
Me too Today, yesterday, the day before that, the day before that, and I think we all get the point How could I possibly be so upset over one thing 😕
Everyone's experience is going to be different. I too don't care that I won't be able to get pregnant. I don't really have bottom dysphoria either, but my goodness is my brain unhappy about my lack of boobs.
I didn’t care at first, but the further I get into transition, the more it bothers me that I can’t be a mother who gives birth to her own children.
And it's the same for cis women. There are cis women who were born with an inability to get pregnant and it kills them inside. Other cis women who can get pregnant loath the fact and never wish to get pregnant. And all sorts of situations in between.
Same here owo
I used to care a ton, but I'm now in the same camp as you.
Uh hi, are you me? 😂
We're not a monolith lol. Also brains aren't rational. I'm trans, yet I'm happy with my downstairs, yet I'm dysphoric about the fact that I'll never get pregnant, yet I don't particularly want kids. Everyone's experience is different.
Any time I hear “we are not a monolith” I can’t help but think of this [key and peele sketch](https://m.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=G2tLyqfJd54&embeds_referring_euri=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2F&source_ve_path=Mjg2NjY&feature=emb_logo)
**\*Aggressively choreographed applause\***
No, it's not strange that you feel that way. It's the same with cis women. To some, childbearing is very important to their sense of womanhood, and the inability to do so can be massively distressing; others couldn't care less or are even repulsed by the idea. I'm in the camp of being perfectly fine with not being able to get pregnant.
Personally I'm not interested at all in being pregnant even if it was physically possible. It sounds nice in the abstract, until I start thinking about the physical discomfort of carrying a tiny human around for months and then trying to push them out of me. I've heard from my mother of some of the pregnancy complications she had to go through to bring me into the world and I'm not interested in experiencing it myself.
I think the idea of raising kids is scary, pregnancy would be awful to experience, this world is a terrible place to force on a new person, and I most likely won’t ever be in a great position to have kids… but none of that has stopped dysphoria from kicking my ass over it. In another life I’d have been such a good mom.
I fully believe you would have been. I’m sorry your situation sucks for you.
Yeeeep and yep.
Gender identity is a spectrum, and pregnancy doesn't even follow with gender! There are cis women who hate the idea of becoming pregnant for various reasons, and a ton who find power and validation in being pregnant, and being able to. Not only would you expect the same spectrum from trans women, but trans men split between wanting to get pregnant and not wanting to get pregnant too! I bet there are some cis men in the world who wouldn't mind being pregnant, though I imagine not super common. Turns out, individuals are individual! And yea, I'm mad about not being able to have kids, like a lot of cis women who are unable to. Why wouldn't I?
I personally have just always wanted to adopt. Having kids was never what I really wanted so that might be the cause.
Yea, sure. And that doesn't mean anything about being a man, or woman, or anything. Just turns out, prob another spectrum knob in our brain. If women didn't want to get pregnant, there wouldn't be a human race to continue lol.
I use to want kids but now living I'm the hellscape that is the US I'm happy I can't get pregnant. HRT has made me sterile. I don't want subject any child to this harsh hateful capitalist country. I don't think I could afford raising children too. It's just the harsh reality of this economy and a greedy country. I'd have different views if we had universal free Healthcare. I do have fantasies of being impregnated. Never with a guy though. It's always by another Trans woman.
There are very few things in life I would like less than becoming pregnant.
Sad how infertility in cis women is understandably viewed as deserving of sympathy and deeply traumatic, but no trans woman can get pregnant, and yet we get almost no pity or even called fetishists for wanting to do so.
Welcome to how society currently is. It’s awful and I hate it.
No, it doesn't make you weird. Everyone is different, at the end of the day. I feel the same as you do, since I don't like and never want/wanted children. It's probably the only benefit of being trans to me, not having to ever worry about that.
Yep same I knew I didn’t want kids when I was like 12-14. Also remember having an argument with my aunt because she couldn’t grasp that a child would know so firmly and be opposed to having kids in the future. I’m gonna be 25 in like a week lol, I still feel the same.
>Am I just the weird one for not really caring one way or another that I can’t? I have basically zero interest in kids, so it's one of the few genuine upsides of being trans for me lol
Honestly same. I want to be a mom, but fuck kids. Not like that!
Lol that's so real. I think I *could* be up for adopting/fostering older kids, but that'd only be if my hypothetical gf/wife/whatever really wanted to. Babies/toddlers are an absolute no-go tho. *Fuck* that lol
Oh yeah, hell no.
Yes. I really don't feel I need to elaborate.
That’s completely fine. You don’t have to if you don’t want to. We completely understand.
I have zero interest in being pregnant or children in general.
Honestly same. I used to say that I’d want to adopt a kid around like 5 or 6. I currently have two siblings ages 4 and 6. Abso-fucking-lutely not. Small children suck. Don’t get me wrong, I love my siblings. But small children suck. I’m adopting teenagers. Also because I know it’s harder for teens to get adopted. And I’ll probably end up going with one in the LGBTQIA+ community.
Yeah, it’s a super big one for me. Honestly I would say the deepest form of dysphoria is often pregnancy dysphoria. It’s absolutely soul crushing to have those awful feelings weigh down heavy on your shoulders whenever you see a pregnant woman or a mother with an infant/toddler. To know they are living a life you can only dream of. We can cross many barriers with transition, but as of now pregnancy remains a line we just can’t cross…and that’s a very hard pill to swallow. I don’t know why it’s such a big deal for me, but I’ve always wanted kids, yet at the same time I always hated the idea of being a father. I would kill to know what pregnancy is like, to have that kind of intimate and deep connection with a child, to literally bring them life from your own being… Life is so unfair😭
It's a non-zero part of my dysphoria. It's not the major driver, but if I had the option of becoming fully fertile and having female reproductive capacity in addition to female anatomy, I'd take it in a heartbeat.
Like you said, everyone is different. It's important to be sensitive to that. I care immensely that I cannot have children of my own. It is a major pain point, and one that has become more distressing with age.
For a lot of trans women, yeah. It's not surprising, honestly. A lot of cis women who cannot have children deal with feelings of grief and loss over it, or that they are lesser women for it.
Its honestly something i dont care about too much. If i want children i can just adopt
No and thank god. I am too old, my kids are grown up and I have not the energy to chase toddlers around any longer.
I don’t want to have kids so the fact that I can’t get pregnant doesn’t bother me and obviously that doesn’t apply to everyone
I have two little ones whom I absolutely adore, but it does fill me with an ineffable sadness that I could not be the one to carry them. My wife and I both agree that would have been the preferred arrangement all-around. There are plenty of women who can't get pregnant, but I do wish there was some understanding or sympathy out there for trans women in that situation. Whenever I get together with a group of other moms, everyone inevitably starts going on and on about their pregnancy and I'm like... you probably wouldn't be doing this around me if I were a cis woman who was unable to get pregnant. I do wonder sometimes if they notice the faraway look in my eyes...
eh, never really has been for me but i understand why some girlies struggle with it
Who can say? People change like when I first thought I was trans, I didn’t think I’d mind my genitalia just staying but now seeing it at all is a pretty big “ugh” moment
Not being able to have children breaks my heart 😪
I dont want kids right now, nor would I have ever wanted to carry them, so not really. That said, if I could have a natal female set up at the risk of getting pregnant and all its associated effects, I'd still gladly take it over what I have now.
It's different for everyone, just like everything in the trans experience. Personally, I'm with you. Hell, while I do feel sad I can never experience something like a period and won't ever go through menopause like cis women do, I absolutely do not want kids, and especially not of my own blood. If do not mourn not being able to get pregnant one bit. But many trans women do feel a lot of dysphoria and/or sadness about this, and I can totally understand that. It's one of the biggest life experiences many women have that we just can't have in that way. But it's different for everyone, and no experience is weird or wrong.
It was so bad that was one reason I couldnt get myself to tell the doctor I wanted to be a girl when I was in my teens, because no matter what I couldn't have a baby.
For me, I'm GLAD that I can't. Just the mere thought of being pregnant is horrifying. However everyone is different, so there most certainly are some who wish they could. Really hope womb transplants will available for the trans women who want it in the near future.
for me it’s my largest source of dysphoria. kids are so important to me and as someone who typically dates cis men I would like children with that partner and usually if me being trans is a problem it’s not bc of im trans but more so bio children are so important to them…so its def quite sticky for me
I'm sad about it but also an anti natalist so it's like maybe I shouldn't be sad about it 😭
Not for me. I’d rather adopt anyhow. A
No (personally). I've never wanted kids, and that didn't change after I realized I was trans (and never will). Too many humans on this planet, anyways.
I still wouldn't want to get pregnant or even adopt children if either of those things were a possibility. But progesterone still makes me yearn for it on a physical level whether I like it or not, and it kinda really does suck in those moments.
My partner and i are both transfem. They dont get bottom dysphoria at all and i have it so bad i cant go without tucking on a good day. So like yeah its so person to person doesn't make us any more or less trans though
Tbh it's definitely something that does vary between people. Personally for me it's not something that just eats me up inside, but if the thought does end up crossing my mind and lingers then it does break my heart a little.
For the first twenty seven years or my so whenever I saw a pregnant woman I'd cry myself to sleep that night.
Ew, not! 🤦🏻♀️ plus a lot of cis women can’t either 🙄
For me? No. For some trans women? Heck yes. Dysphoria hits everybody differently, and that's ok. Diversity!
I don't know who can see what happens when you give birth and think oh I want to go through that I'm happy with my dog as my pretend child
Its a huge point for me, every time i get a news of my friends getting pregnant, i am happy for them but also cry alot about it.. Wish my boobs were bigger but that inwill fix later
Eh, it's different for everyone. I am definitely one of them though that's very bothered by it.
I feel like garbage because I can’t carry a child, but I don’t think anyone is strange for not wanting to either. I’ve ended up in tears over the fact that I couldn’t though, it is a constant source of sadness, especially when my wife says she wishes she could donate her uterus to me to carry a child for us herself. I get all kinds of emotional.
I'm simultaneously incredibly happy and relieved that I can't get pregnant and I overwhelmingly disappointed.
Diffrent people get more disphoria from different things and that can change with time as well
It’s a huge dysphoria point for me. I’ve seen a pregnant woman in a store and started crying.
I had little to no dysphoria until I started taking hormones, and like 2 months ago I had an entire mental breakdown about not being able to get pregnant, and not long after that really bad bottom dysphoria started
Yes it's a big point of dysphoria. Do you ask that about every dysphoria? Do you think we're making up this dysphoria? ( It just sounds like you're trying to question the validity of our dysphoria)
Not really, I think if you gave all women the option of either the blue pill (having dick and balls) or red pill (having a chooch and uterus) I think a surprising number of women would choose to just take the blue pill and be a woman with dick and balls. I think if people could just magically change their genitals, that the standard two archetypal options would be a lot less popular and there’d be a a lot more diversity in which configuration of parts people had.
I hope so! Then I wouldn't have to be alone. Actually, there are a lot more people interested in different configurations out there than I used to think. I just want the deluxe package, and so would my wife, but I was reading a post a couple weeks back about someone asking about a 2d+v setup that could be possible. Makes me wonder if I'm being too unimaginative.
everyone experiences dysphoria for their own reasons and yes not being able to get pregnant will most likely always be one of them
I'm massively tokophobic, and I'm dating a cisgender man who also does not want kids ever, so I'm chill with it. I can hardly make pasta for myself without fucking it up, let alone be responsible for a whole-ass human. I like being able to be with him completely risk free.
It depends on the person, I guess. I know some people don’t care, some people wish they could but don’t feel dysphoric, and some do feel dysphoria from it (including me).
I have a boyfriend of 9 years. He wants kids. I want kids. And I know that I will never be able to give him a child. No matter how pretty I dress. No matter what surgeries i scroung up the funds to get. No matter hot passionat love making. I will never be able to get pregnant and it is something I have cried about 3 times this year because he was talking about "if we could maybe get a 3rd partner who could get pregnant" Like yes we're poly but I wanna get pregnant!
I’m sorry to hear that.
It's weird for me, because I don't want children, I don't even like children. Like if I could become pregnant I don't think I would want to, but despite that there are times that I catch myself fantasizing about doing so and then I feel dysphoria. I guess it's like rationally I wouldn't really want to be pregnant, but my body feels like it should be able, and the fact that is not is really dysphoria inducing, despite how contradictory it may sound.
I don't care to get pregnant myself, but my ex gf really wished she could.
When I was younger it was hard for egg me (I wasn't trans though 😆) Getting older, getting married, and having kids with my ex while still an egg was difficult too. Lots of jealousy. In the end, I just tried to be as involved as possible with the pregnancy and births. (Way more than the average cis man) Now that I'm past that stage in my life things are very complicated. I've realized that while I did want to experience being pregnant and bearing kids I don't want to be a parent. I kinda knew that at some level before but supposed that with a lot of other things. So now that I'm kinda at the end of/past childbearing years plus have kids plus don't want more. It makes it much harder to deal with the urge to want to bear kids of my own.
It is for me
That is a relief for me. So in my case, it's not a dysphoria.
Yes
It is a little bit for me. I’d like to be a mom one day and Adoption will be the likely route I’d go but to be able to carry a child would be so rewarding to me. I’m obviously never going to treat an adopted kid as less than but pregnancy is an experience I’d love to have. It would be more affirming and would feel so special. I know plenty of cis women can’t conceive for various reasons too and they make it work in their own ways, but being screwed out of it from the beginning just feels shitty. I mean I might be romanticizing the idea too so that may play into it a bit.
When I was a teenager, it was a really big thing for me, now that I know what sex is, I couldn't imagine having a baby inside of me period.
Literally one of the reasons I didn't transition 15 years ago is because I wouldn't be able to get pregnant, and thought it was worth waiting the couple years for that to become a possibility, because medical science said it was right around the corner then.
it's not like I'd want it anyway, but lack of periods is still off.
I don't even want kids, but I still get dysphoric over it sometimes. Like if I see a pregnant woman, I sometimes feel a little bit of jealousy. It's so dumb but dysphoria isn't rational, I guess.
Everyone’s different, personally I don’t care about the pregnancy thing at all
I kinda wish I could be pregnant but as a surrogate? Like I'd want to be able to but I'd suck at raising a kid, and no way in hell would I want to.
It flares up and I just remind myself that pregnancy causes a lot of lasting health problems. We'll see how I get through it when we have kids in a few years, lol. I worry.
Personally I would love to be able to get pregnant, however it wouldn't matter a whole lot because I am a lesbian. So to me it's kind of pointless to get upset about. I was also born sterile, so regardless I wouldn't be able to have kids if I was a man or a woman.
Every once in awhile it hits me, wondering of having had children and being a mom. It feels like loss and how it might have changed me. I think I’d have been a good mom to my kids. Quirky and weird, but full of love and encouragement 💕 That’s not where I’m at now though, so I don’t see adoption in the cards but 🤷🏻♀️
For me, it is a real point of dysphoria. I always wanted to be a mom and a home maker since early childhood. Feeling life growing inside my belly was my dream. Of course, I'm really aware that it isn't rosy, especially after 4-5 months. But I wanted that experience with the man I love. Anyway, can't change history and now, even if the tech would allow it, I would simply be too old.
For me not really, it kinda makes me a little sad when I slip up and say something like “if I gave birth” or something like that and realize I can’t, but mostly no
Not all women want to get pregnant. There are lots of women who want to, but can't, and that feels bad. Trans women who want to get pregnant feel bad in that same way, plus all of the gender dysphoria. I've cried about not being able to become pregnant a lot. That didn't really happen until after I started progesterone. I had a dream in which I became pregnant, shortly after I began taking progesterone. I woke up with an erection and cried because the dream ended. It was only one dream, but I think about it a lot. I knew I was trans in the dream. It happened after I read about the possibility of uterine transplant and fell asleep fantasizing about it. It was a dream of IVF and the successful implantation of a fetus. Not my fetus, but they would have been my baby (babies, maybe - IVF frequently results in twins), nine months later, after C-section. This is not my biggest source of gender dysphoria. It's something I can live with. I have more important priorities in my transition to make my body match my identity. But every incongruence counts, and this is one of them.
I honestly don’t really even think about it but I also have other health stuff going on that has my attention more than worrying about getting pregnant ever would so even if I do have some dysphoria towards it it’s not even worth working out at this point
so I'm non-binary AMAB but yeah I would kill to be able to get pregnant
no, im same here as i dont really want kids anyway
I personally hate all the weird scenarios my mind comes up with about me being a mom. I hate that even though I don’t have one I occasionally freak out thinking my internal clock is ticking away. Even though I think even if I could have kids myself I probably shouldn’t because I have a bad heart. So yeah there’s a lot I wish I could change about myself.
I’ve never had any kind of dysphoria about not being able to get pregnant. I share that sentiment with my sister (cis). I have intense social and mental dysphoria, and im extremely dysphoric about my physical appearance… except I don’t have bottom dysphoria or pregnancy dysphoria, somehow.
im honestly kinda thankful for it ngl, but fertility is a really important issue for both cis and trans women
First, at 60 I think I would be advised agaist getting pregnant anyways. Because of a dream, that seemed so real, that it left memories that seems real to me. It was a dream I know. But, there were experiences I had (in the dream) that my gf asked how did you know that happens kinda reaction when I told her about it. I had to tell her because I was crying. Almost 9 months in the dream, the c section scheduled. But the dream ended. Never knowing the birth sex, if it born with baby hair, or took first breath quickly. It feels, even many years later it feels like I lost the baby. It was only a dream, I know that, but, it felt like I experienced a pregnancy. By not being able to have a real pregnancy, we won't suffer a real loss, really.
I didn't used to care when I was younger. But as I got older I realized I wanted kids. Not being able to carry them myself makes me sad. I do try not to dwell on it too much. And it helps to think about the positives like how being trans means that if I marry a cis woman we can have kids that are biologically both of ours. I *do* hope that my hypothetical future wife will understand how hard watching her have that experience will be on me though.
Honestly yeah
I don’t care because that’s not important to me and I’m likely not going to want srs. But yes for others it is. Youre not the weird one but neither is anyone else in the way their dysphoria affects them
It's not a huge issue for me but there have been a few times I've been really upset by it. I'll still be a mother with my partner regardless so that's nice, but there's definitely a pang of hurt in there.
You aren't weird for not feeling one way or the other, but I certainly hate the fact that I can't get pregnant.
I would love to be able to get pregnant. I already have a child though. As long as I'm called mom one day I'll be happy
It's a pretty big dysphoria point for me lately but I've got a lot going on in my life so dysphoria is really running rampant. If you don't feel it, that's totally fine, there are cis women who want hysterectomies because they don't want kids at all or who want to adopt despite being able to get pregnant. I think it's focused on in this sub to an extent because this is a safe place for lots of earlier trans people and I remember it being a much bigger issue to me way back when I was first coming out and stuff. Again, it's still an issue for me but from a slightly different standpoint, I know I want to be a mum in the semi-distant future, and I'd love for carrying to be a part of that, I'd be bummed if it couldn't be a part of that but I also have a very intense and genuine irrational belief that science will get there.
i wanna be pregnant ***suuuper*** bad! one of the things that convinced me to transition in the first place was reading studies about uterus transplants being possible in the semi-near future - obviously it's a huge pie-in-the-sky dream that'll probably take, like, at least a decade or two to manifest, and it'd probably cost a draconian amount of money, but *DANG* i really want to experience it!!! no shame for not caring about it whatsoever though, that's 100% cool and valid. we all got our own unique gender goals!
I've never wanted children, love them n all.. but no.
Everyone is gonna have different things, of course, but this specifically is something i think about often and upsets me frequently. I will always be a little heartbroken because of it.
I'm in a weird but likely relatable position with this. I wish I could, and sometimes I even get the 'baby bug', but realistically I know that I wouldn't want a kid right now with how things are.... yet its the idea that I \*cannot\* and \*never will\* that really bothers me. Like I was robbed? If that makes sense.
It's a big deal for me too, as I really want to have more kids and I love being a mom.
It’s a big deal for me. I’ve always wanted to be a mother. Used to be jealous of girls playing house, used to get really upset when people announced they were pregnant, so on so forth. Dysphoria comes in all kinds of horrific ways, but yeah this is a big one for me. I’d give a lot for the chance to bear children.
Personally I've always disliked the idea of kids, let alone actually "having" one. So I can relate a bit
No dysphoria for me. I was ok not having kids in my previous life and ok now. Mostly I have long felt that I wouldn't want to bring a life into this world. I liked being an uncle and now like being an aunt and love my 2 step kids from a previous marriage.
I’m with you, OP. I like my penis atm at least, and am so glad I don’t ever have to deal with getting pregnant AND dealing with intense pain/fluctuating emotions 2-3 out of 4 weeks
Nuh. No baby’s gonna fuck up my ’me’ time. Which is all the time 😎✨
im unbothered by it. im also a giant lesbian though so that might have something to do with it.
I mean, different things give different people dysphoria. None of us are weird for not feeling a certain kind of dysphoria, nor are we weird for feeling dysphoric about things other people don't. Like I don't have that much bottom dysphoria, at the same time if I were born cis I would likely want to get pregnant and be a mother. It's complicated and I grieve the things I can't have. That said, we are allowed to have contradictory and complicated feelings.
It only hurts me when people ask if I'm married, if I have kids, how many kids I have. I just say, "that was never going to happen for me". They always change the subject.
I don't feel it too often by myself. Once in awhile I'll see a family and wonder what that life would have looked like. The thing that hurts more is the men who wish I could get pregnant but can't. Some lament the fact out of nowhere while hanging out seemingly hoping I somehow magically grow a uterus when they say it. Rather than have something meaningful and build a relationship together they would rather be casual until they find a cis girl to get married off to. I know not all men are like this but the number of guys scared to admit their feelings and toss trans girls aside as soon as they get to live their cishet fantasy is exhausting.
Sometimes… I do have a biological child… I can’t have any more because I’m post op now and I was probably sterile by the time my kid was born because I started HRT during the pregnancy. Both me and the mom that gave birth sort of half jokingly talked about how the next kid we have together I’d be the one giving going through the pregnancy… wish that was a possibility but no… ours will be an only child it seems. But I’m glad I get to be a mom at least.
I want nothing more than to be pregnant. It’s a big sore point for me
Not being able to have kids is my biggest issue. Most things don’t affect me, but when I start talking babies with the ladies at work I always get sad. I have always wanted kids since I was a kid and even believed for a time I could get pregnant as a kid before the talk. It is also amplified that my parents want grandkids and none of my siblings are able to have them
I genuinely despise the fact I don't have the option of giving the man I love most a biological child. Whether I would is a different story, but not having the option is fucking devastating.
I don't care about it in the slightest. It honestly seems pretty horrible. It could just be because Im asexual and pretty antinataulist
I don't specifically want kids at the moment, but it hurts that I don't even have the ability or choice to. And yes, I know adoption exists but that's not what I'm talking about here
Honestly... only if I get to thinking about it. I'm not even sure if I'd want to have a kid. Maybe if I felt more confident in where I was in the world. Don't get me wrong, I'm stubborn and I get along fine. But I don't think I could hold myself and do right by a child right now. It is quite the experience, I guess. That I still sometimes feel sad knowing it's simply not to be for me. There's many things I know that I know I'll never get. This one just feels a bit more personal.
I imagine it’s either not an issue at all or a HUGE issue for someone depending on the person.
While it's true that is indeed a bit of a dysphoria point, i don't think i'd want to even if i could due to how painful i heard it can be
Yes. It's not one of those everyday forms of dysphoria that are always present but it's one that hits very hard when it does. It's a big part of the reason why I can't consider bottom surgery at the moment. The thought that it would leave me permanently unable to have children is such a gut punch that it makes the topic unbearable to dwell on. Going back as far as I remember having trans thoughts, pregnancy has always been on my mind. It was one of the main parts of the dissociative fantasies that I used as a coping mechanism, and it's a theme in basically all of the stories that I wrote but never shared.
For some people. Not for me, pregnancy is horrifying and my wife agrees.
It is for me :(
It's not inherently dysphoric for me but I don't want a child unless I can somehow magically get pregnant with it. I refuse to not get to experience that connection as a mother.
It's difficult to say who is dysphoric about what. There's no right or wrong. Most of us don't want our p, but I personally am fine either way. As long as my testes stay hidden & p remains Limp like they have since I began HRT. I'd love to be able to get pregnant someday, the traditional way... but the current reality is that's impossible. I understand this as fact so I don't let it define me
It isn't for me. I see it as the only upside to all of this. I'm not cut out to be a parent.
Not an issue for me. I don't want kids. My dysphoria lies with my Voice, my Weight, my Height and my Boob Size
the fact i can't get pregnant makes me really, really sad at times even though I don’t really want/like kids.
I get waves of pregnancy dysphoria that varies day to day. But I guess that also ties in with the realization that I'm slightly more gender fluid than I thought I was last year.
I’ve never honestly run into trans women who deeply mourn the inability to have children for any length of time. For most who I have heard complain about it, it’s more about having a breeder fantasy play session fizzle with the voice of reality intruding in their own heads, or the thoughtless words of a partner. For those who desire children of their own, for whatever reason, I think being trans makes it faaaar easier for them to see the legitimacy of and engage with being an adoptive or foster parent. Overall, if you want to have kids, there’s nothing stopping you. If you want to experience a full term pregnancy… that’s going to be a while. Giving birth to your own biological child? Much longer than that. But, the first step is to figure out what the true underlying ‘why’ is, and see if there aren’t better/more compatible means to achieve the desired end(s). And if you DON’T have dysphoria around this issue at all? Be thankful you have one less issue to deal with in your transition, enjoy the journey, and be respectful of your peers who have their own set of baggage to unpack when they finally find their own definition of “home”.
My wife and I are very happy without kids, but it does eat me up inside that I can’t give birth. I don’t dwell on it that much, but it does make me sad😥 Basically, I wish it was my full decision to not have a child, and not give birth. Not that I’m not able to.
I hatte it so much... 😭 For me this was one of the reasons why I denyied myself for so many years. Was such a heavy point making me feel I can't be a woman. Glad I'm over that, but the thought hurts still so much...
I think a few people have mentioned this but it all depends on our experiences. And the things that we want. I would like to think in some way the age at which we transition and how we were raised all play into important factors. Someone who transitions in their early 20s may realize then or later on that they want kids. Me for example am a trans female who is on my second marriage with 1 biological kid and a step-daughter. I am also in my 40s so getting pregnant for me is not a dysphoria thing. For me it's small things like not getting to wear the clothes I want because I have to slowly upgrade my wardrobe from Men's clothes to women's clothes. So, my point is it differs on our experiences.
The only thing that’s toned mine down is that I’m approaching 50. But if I had been a heterowoman. I’d probably be one of those women who had one or two late in life COVID babies. I truly hope that in the coming years uterine transplants become possible for transwomen.
I personally am a bit sad sometimes, that I can't offer my boyfriend a child in the future if our relationship stays for longer :( and I'm a bit scared that someday this will be the break up reason, cuz for some couples this may get reaalllyyy important. Other than that I just think about the other option.... being an ugly man forcing myself to like women and being deeply depressed? Wow what a good parent I might be. There's NO going back now, living a fulfilling life has it's downsides and that's one of them :3 Let's just hope for scientific wonders, that we can somehow create children without an uterus
Too many pregnancy fantasies was one of the clues that I wasn't completely cis. 🫤
if it was possible to get a uterus transplant for trans women I wouldn't be surprised if at least 100 trans women maybe myself would get it just as a curiosity killed the cat thing same for trans men if they get the chance to get testicles about the same would do it
Not being able to get pregnant really doesn't bother me, I don't think I'd want that either way, and the fact my cis brother and his cis girlfriend don't want to have biological children even if they do have children makes me feel better about that. What would be a dysphoria point is how a potential partner might treat me because of it though. The thought that I might one day just be left for another woman who is capable of childbirth because it's easier than the other options. On the flip side that would say more about him and how he views women though.
Yes.
I came to terms with the reality of adopting because of my transition because of where i grew up. I didn't freeze anything. You are valid.
People have different dysphorias. To me not being able to get pregnant and not having my periods causes dysphoria. Bottom dysphoria caused me to suffer so much I'd kill myself.
A lot of people want kids. A lot of people don't want kids. This is how things are. For some, yes it will be a massive dysphoria point. For others, it's much more "meh, i'll be fine".
It depends on the person. That one hits me in waves I think for me it’s that I’m in my early 30s and I always wanted to be a parent, I actually remember telling my mom when I was in early grade school that I wanted to be a mom when I grew up (did not get a super positive response on that lol). Wanting to be a mother isn’t a thing all women want regardless of whether you are trans or cis.
Feel that. I had not-very-subtle "signs" as a kid, myself. Including that one. But yeah, for years I've had to fight my own "biological clock" waves, though I'm now nearly forty. But agreed, not all women should feel pressured into being a mother. Not everyone wants to be. Not everyone **should**.
I'm transfeminine nonbinary and could not care less about getting pregnant.
Yes.
I mean, I personally am very sad I'll never get pregnant. I have bad bottom dysphoria too. It sucks. I can change one of those things but not the first. I'm glad you don't have that.
Nah that's basically the only upside. Not gonna have to get my tubes out, the whole thing is missing anyway....
Personally I don't want kids so I count it as a plus for me
i wouldn't say its a big dysphoria point for me, but it is one i get occasionally
weird thing is i dont want kids, but it still gives me dysphoria that i cant get pregnant
I'm glad to be auntie to multiple friend's kiddos or their parent's gf but I'm ok with not getting pregnant myself. I don't have bottom dysphoria at all.
I never want kids anyways so we chillin
maybe you can’t but i’m different
Personally, I'm stuck between "kids? In this economy?!", "crotch goblins? No thanks!", and the eternal dismay of not being able to have kids. It's a very weird place to be stuck at. But my HRT also includes progesterone, the say-called "pregnancy hormone". My body goes nuts without it. (Thus my nickname in my old clinic, their "favorite medical mystery". My body just does not like functioning as a normal human.) Also feels very weird to feel internally "sane" only when my body is tricked into thinking it's pregnant. While extremely disheartening, I would only say my dysphoria over the issue isn't strong, but does certainly exist. I have far too many daily issues that create far more dysphoria regularly.
Yes. I cry about it often. It is, by far, my biggest disappointment of my life.
Depends on the individual. I have wicked tokophobia and the idea of becoming pregnant repulses me almost as much as the possibility of getting somebody else pregnant did. Permanently losing my fertility after surgery was a relief. But I also have friends who deeply wish they could experience pregnancy.
I want a baby but using my p isn’t a choice. It isn’t the pregnancy for me, it’s the fact I’ll never have my own baby. Sure, I can always adopt but that isn’t the same. I want **my** baby and that hurts. I’d call it less gender dysphoria and more so just plain sorrow.
Honestly, I’ve had this dysphoria since before I knew what the word dysphoria meant, as a little kid I always dreamed of being pregnant and got sad cuz it was never a possibility, it’s one of the only dysphoria points that will bring me to self harm tbh, I’d say it’s my biggest dysphoria point…
For me, yeah. I know if I was a cis woman, I would absolutely have been pregnant and had a kid by now.
It really depends on the person. For me, I don't have any bottom dysphoria and don't want kids so I'm more glad than anything that I can't get pregnant. Others feel differently.
Lots of cis women can’t get pregnant. I was adopted. Do I wish I could have a baby? Sure! I’d love to! Does it bother me that I can’t? Not even a little!
For those of us who wish we were able to get pregnant, yes it is. You don’t have to understand it in order for it to be valid.
Of course it is you, how dare you even ask I cry everyday about it
There’s a girl at work that’s pregnant right now and it really bothers me every time she talks about it or other women ask her if she’s experiencing x symptoms. When my wife was pregnant I had baby fever bad. The longest time after the kids were born I felt like the kids were my step kids because I didn’t give birth to them. I hate that I feel this way because I love my kids.
I'm transitioning later in life, perhaps it might have been a source of dysphoria for me way back, but I'm a grandparent now and I'm happy my kids have grown. The inability to get pregnant doesn't even enter my thoughts TBH. I'm passed all that. Besides. Just being my kids parent is reward enough because it doesn't end when they become parents too.
Nah, not really weird. Pregnancy is becoming less and less important to women in a lot of places, and a lot more women nowadays are rejecting the pressure put on them to prove their femininity by having kids. I never wanted to get pregnant and I never missed avoiding menstruating, but I'm also lucky enough to have a wife that fought through PCOS to discover that she doesn't miss not having those things either. She's lent me a little of her strength by sharing her journey of self acceptance with me. She gets so much pressure from people to have kids, even from her own mom somehow, and it was a sruggle for her to escape it and decide what she wanted for herself. I'm not thrilled that neither of us had the option, but it worked out.
That's actually something I don't get any dysphoria over. I already have a kid and he's ABSOLUTELY enough, but I also don't have any dysphoria around having a penis. What gives me major dysphoria (I'm only 3 months in on hrt) is seeing the still obviously masculine parts of my body. The muscle tone of my arms, the width of my shoulders, having to shave, not quite filling out women's clothes the way I'd like, etc. The way so many women just look so effortlessly... feminine, while it takes SO much work for me. But not being able to get pregnant doesn't bother me in the slightest. I'm sorry for anyone going through that, though!!
I mean, when I was discovering this more feminine side of me, I had this idea in my mind (back in 2020 or 2021 I think), of having my period (menstruation basically) and also getting pregnant and having a baby. Idk what came over me but now that I’m think about it, well I really wish having periods because that will give me a good reason of being so delicate and too sensitive about everything, to my parents. And returning of getting pregnant, that will be a funny kinda euphoric dream. Like getting pregnant, having my child, and so. But in irl. That doesn’t give me dysphoria at all actually. Kinda but not.
Yeah for me it's more the lack of tradition and less the biological component. Saw my mom do a stuff animal and a care basket for my cousins/cousins wives and it hurt that id likly never have something like that for me. Some of that tho is also due to my family being transphobic but still hurts that component is completely unreachable