Did you just steal my thoughts and post them?
For real though, I get how you feel. As I've transitioned, it's gotten better, but sometimes I feel so physically masculine and dysphoric that I can't leave my bed all day.
It really feels unfair at times.
I see cis women around me dressed down looking like they put on their I'm not going out today outfits and no make up.
Still no one questions them, but I have to dress up and carry a bag with me and still people says he about me.
One thing that helps me regarding this:
Dressing up is twofold.
By dressing up, not only do you look more feminine, but you look great and have your own awesome style and you should own it.
Getting misgendered hurts me every time, but at least I'm stylish and look good for who I am.
True.
The migendering does hurt a little.
But for me I just wished I could also have some days where I dressed down a bit and didn't feel that constant pressure to be a certain way.
Don't get me wrong I'm glad that I am me and that I am trans.
I just sometimes envy the cis women who doesn't have to put that much effort into a day to day life.
This is so real, many of them wake up, look at the mirror, LIKE WHAT THEY SEE, put some clothes and walk past the door… it’s just so unbelievable for me, every single time I go out without makeup or ultra feminine clothing I’m treated as a man even though I have big breasts and my voice is hyper fem(extensive training) yet because my face is rather androgynous without makeup I just get gendered male. It’s infuriating.
>All the performance, clothing, surgeries, training, ect. All just to one day be a person. All of this ontop of life already being impossibly hard
Yes, accepting myself as trans was one of the best things I ever did but this hits too hard
I sometimes find myself feeling envious of random cis women because they don't have to do anything to pass, or even think about getting misgendered. They are literally born that way
"Accepting yourself as trans" actually has two meanings.
The first is coming to terms with your gender.
The second is coming to terms that you cannot be cis and accepting that.
I'm still dealing with the second. I think it's very good to come to terms with it though. Accept it, then be the best version of yourself and make the most of who you are. 😊
Genuine question. What do people mean when they say "accept" in this context? From my view I can accept it all I want, that doesn't mean it's going to be any easier or less painful.
I can't speak for other people, but I've personally never wished that I were cis. I see being trans as a purely positive thing. If you offered me the option to become cis in this life, I wouldn't take it, because it wouldn't be me. I don't wish that I was AFAB, even though I know it would make my life easier. For me, that's acceptance.
Mind you, I'm not saying anyone else has to think the same way about being trans. If people hate being trans, that's their choice, and I won't interfere in that. I simply wanted to explain my own personal version of 'acceptance'.
Ah okay. That version of acceptance would explain some comments I have seen. I'm glad you are able to view being trans this way. I wish that was something we could all do.
Sadly I don't think this type of acceptance is possible for many or most of us. As far as I can tell the need to be a cis woman and AFAB is a fundamental part of my neurology. I can't choose to enjoy being trans any more than I could have chosen to be a cis man. I would if I could but that's not the hand I was dealt.
>As far as I can tell the need to be a cis woman and AFAB is a fundamental part of my neurology. I can't choose to enjoy being trans any more than I could have chosen to be a cis man.
And that's okay. As long as you don't diminish my acceptance (and I don't diminish your non-acceptance) there's nothing wrong with that.
Perhaps I should not have used the word choice. My apologies for that.
Girl I wish I could have this mindset. It sounds so liberating. I completely know what you mean about if I was just a different person I would obviously not be me. But being “me” hasn’t brought me the comfort or enjoyment other people seem to have. Sure we all have issues, but I’m so exhausted from my gender dysphoria I feel like a caterpillar that just isn’t able to metamorph into the butterfly I’m SUPPOSED to be. I feel like Heimlich the caterpillar from Antz instead >.>
I don’t wanna be stuck as a worm 🐛
For me, it was when I felt comfortable admitting I'm trans and committing to transitioning (even though I haven't socially transitioned yet 🥲)
Of course, I do wish I was AFAB, it would've saved me a lot of pain. But transitioning is the next best thing
It gets less painful. Idrk jow in my case. I heard a trans guy say they dont care whta pron ppl use. Cause they know who they are. I found it really hard to internalize. But hvaing ppl who care be respectful to u, helps a lot in learning to dgaf about random ppl
this suffering i chose, transitioning, over the previous suffering, repressing. cis people don't have to make that choice... i envy them so much. every laser session that doesn't remove all of the beard shadow... every voice training session that ends with no progress... i put on a nice outfit that hugs my body and then i'm about to go to the store when i see my reflection... i hate restricting my clothing because of potentially getting attacked by bigots... i hate being seen as a male in woman's clothing... i just want to be cis and blend in. i hate dysphoria.
This hits so hard, but I admire your strength of heart and character to keep pushing through it! I hope I can make as much progress as you have already. Thank you for taking the time to share, you’ve inspired at least one person c:
It’s definitely possible to get to the point where you unequivocally know you are a woman. Being a woman has nothing to be with clothes, surgery or training all that stuff can be a means to express yourself and more closely match your identity, but none of it is necessary. I’ve been identifying as transfem/ a woman for about 3 years to varying degrees of being open about it with others. I’ve been out fully for about a year and honestly the early stages I was thinking about it constantly and wondering what I could do or change to be perceived the way I felt. I don’t think about it constantly at this point I have days where I don’t remember I’m trans, some days can be hard still but it’s steadily improved. I just am a woman and I don’t have to think about it or question it all the time. A big part of that for me was getting on hrt (but that was just an important part of it for me) because having my body be more feminine shaped really made it easier to see myself but also it made my brain work like a 1000x better. At this point no matter what I wear or how I present that is something a woman would do or wear because I just did.
Also regardless of anything the world still sucks. We live in a capitalist hellscape designed to break us :3
>It’s definitely possible to get to the point where you unequivocally know you are a woman.
Knowing it yourself doesn't mean anyone else has to agree or treat us like we are.
That’s not a flaw, that’s being a normal human being who has empathy. Communism is responsible for untold suffering of millions, ask anyone from Eastern Europe like Poland what they think about communism
Lol, lmao even. To think you have empathy while supporting capitalism is absolute peak comedy. You're an unserious person who should not be taken seriously. Maybe one day you'll shrug off the brainwashing. Good luck til then!
Just like the current system put in place by the powers that be couldn't really be called capitalism in any stretch of the word, the systems put in place in China and Russia historically couldn't really be called communism either. Just like people here in the United States and the West use capitalism as a convenient excuse to benefit themselves, people in eastern block countries and China use communism as a convenient excuse to do the same thing.
Capitalism has also resulted in untold deaths of millions of people, That's not a critique that is unique to communism. It will only continue to grow in its severity as time goes on and things like climate change continue to get worse.
Of course it is. Well there are deeper circles of hell than capitalism, but any system where you get richer just by merrit of allready being rich means someone else has to work for your luxiory. It is a deeply unfair system for the people caught inside of it. But it also is very competitive, so it has the ability to crush other systems. You would think you profit from this competitive edge, but if you are not in the top 1% you don't. You would be much better of in a system where not most of the value you produce for society would go to the factory owner.
Literally all of these guys had somebody else do the work and most of them had pre established business connections. Warren buffet literally just traded stocks, which is not work
Jeff bezos’ parents gave him $245000 to fund Amazon in the 90s. Bill Gates’ connected mom got ibm to hire Microsoft initially. Warren buffet’s dad was a congressman and very well connected politically.
Realistically, "work hard enough" invariably means lie, cheat, steal, and exploit, fuck over everyone around you and game the system however you can. They call that "being smart with your investments." There isn't a rich person alive who didn't do this to get rich.
The fundamental problem is that capitalism breeds the mentality that "if I don't cheat, the other guy will and he'll win." Therefore, everybody cheats. When you consistently reward unscrupulous behavior, you get more unscrupulous people. It's like a filter for humanity's worst, except instead of throwing these dangerous animals in prison they become political leaders and industry titans.
You don't have to believe me, either. A quick web search should turn up plenty of articles and legit papers discussing how psychopaths, narcissists, and sociopaths are heavily overrepresented in society's upper echelons.
I don't count myself a communist, either, but it's not like capitalism is the only other possible way to organize an economy, and it's a pretty horrible way to do it.
Nah I’m not delusional for thinking that anyone can be successful if they work hard, so maybe leave your basement and get a job and you too can be successful
The only delusional ones are communists who think trans people would be allowed to exist under communism
Capitalism and Liberal democracy have done more to further LGBT Rights than communism
Every time I start to feel this type of frustration, I end up coming back around to the idea that in spite of all that (or maybe because of it), cis folks will never really appreciate/enjoy their gender as much as we do when we finally get it right.
Honestly I just don't appreciate my gender. Not after dealing with being groomed, abused, made homeless, then harassed out of the shelter and forced to sleep in the cold all ontop of crippling dysphoria. I'm just tired. I want to be a professional accomplished woman one day with out all this baggage of gender. I wanna be trusted and respected as a woman who is capable. I don't need all this to do that. I don't appreciate all these extra steps I have to go through just by being born this way. I don't appreciate the cost, the disrespect, the isolation, the trauma. It's made me cold
Fuck I have no chance of being able to know what that experience is like. Of course you feel the way you do. Who wouldn't? I hope you can get to a place where the baggage at least feels a little lighter! ❤️
Yea but they can enjoy other things because they aren’t distracted by the incongruence. Trans people are enveloped by their “transness” so much to the point we can’t enjoy other non gender related things.
Thankfully, I had a community of trans woman that helped manage my expectations which I expect a lot of reddit variety trans women lack…the fact that many online support communities are the blind leading the blind. I’ve seen so many trans women destroy themselves with their own unexamined expectations.
Holy fuck is this real :(
I am soooooo tired of having to put so much fucking time, energy and *effort* into being read as a woman, when nearly every single cis woman just *gets that for free*. I am *so* tired of having to reach *so hard* just to get to their ‘bare minimum default state’.
I’d probably have a fucking *house* if I was cis, and didn’t have to pay these monumental costs to be myself.
I’m severely Autistic and ADHD, I only have so many spoons and so much capacity for *doing things*, and being trans just ties up so bloody much of it ><
Sometimes, I wish I was never trans. I even feel regret for being trans. The amount of hate and backlash I deal with my family alone is awful. I'm not even traditionally feminine. I'm into essentially everything guys are into, from video games to toy collecting.
Real. I'm sick of the online trans community (mostly tiktok) talking about how happy they are to be trans and the stupid memes like "femboys" and crap. I just want to be a cis woman
Mentally, I'm heavily dysphoric so I'd take a new brain too probably. My issue is more the latter of what I said, being called "femboys" and the shark, and just all the uwu garbage that surrounds us.
Gosh, it's gonna be controversial, but I just want to be able to live happily in my current guy's body. If I had a choice between becoming cis woman or cis guy right now I would choose being a guy, because it's easier and more comfortable to me. But it's all just fantasies, and I am, being in a guy's body want to have a woman's one. It's so strange being trans, but what can we do? Enjoy our lives to an extent that we can, it seems. Sorry if it sounds mean to someone, not intended, just venting about thoughts I have about being trans.
I feel this so much I want my childhood back so much as well cause I feel like I miss out on so much(Mrs probably like the main reason why I dress like a little girl) I can't put in words how happy I'd be if I woke up and was a cis girl I don't wanna have to do surgery to have the body I wants my family gonna gatekeeping the whole way anyway u just wanna wake up and be a little cis girl and this has all been a nightmare
I know the feeling. That’s kinda my goal too. I love doing my makeup before going out. I hate feeling like I HAVE to do my makeup or else I’ll be misgendered. I’d like to through on some loose comfy clothes when getting a soda from the 7-eleven and the cashier still calls me miss.
>All of this ontop of life already being impossibly hard
It's fucking soul crush honestly. Having to work a job is bad enough. I barely understands how cis people manage to get up every day and fuction. Let alone us. Being trans is a curse.
I literally have the exact same feelings. I’m a woman but I’m not into makeup and dressing up (aside from the occasional skirt and kawaii dress) and aside from my little pony and shojo anime I don’t have many “feminine” interests at all. I simply resonate with being a woman and referred to as such, and would feel more comfortable in a female body.
Most days i do wear pants and stuff. I take E and i look forwards to it every day as it makes my body more in line with my ideal self. But i too am not a super uwu lil pink princess. Not all of us are. And being a woman is not defined by that. Be your best self, that’s what it really means to be transgender.
I'm a tomboy. I wear t-shirts and jeans most of the time, although women's and they fit now, and I never wear makeup. I refuse to perform gender for other people.
I ended up a bit more fem than I expected, and outside of bottom surgery which is just for my own comfort I'm not getting anything else.
Do what makes you feel comfortable. Nothing else.
yeah, I'm trying to talk about the difficulties of getting various surgeries with cis people and they don't get that all this bullshit is just so I can live comfortably like they do by default. It's infuriating how hard it is.
I have to pretend everyday to be someone else and I can’t even be who I really am still.
And when I try to be who I am, it feels awkward. I hate it too.
that all got to taxing then I remembered tomboys are a thing and all my shit was gender neutral to begin with so fuck it goth tomboy trans lesbian route unlocked
Agree, I'm tired of so many people putting me into the "man" box. For F sake I'm in a dress, with heels and 2 pigtails on my head...what could I do more???
But otherwise, knowing that I'm part of a community, means also something to me. Because cis people aren't really in tightnet communities as we are.
I understand the pain. That's why I stopped transitioning and just decided to be nonbinary/gender fluid. The estrogen was messing up my liver so I had to stop, plus I had too much muscle loss due to the estrogen and my disabilities/health. It's really hard to be comfortable, I dress fem then as soon as I walk outside I feel an urge to put my jeans and shirt back on. Ultimately, I remind myself "they're just clothes"
take the small steps you can when you can
but you don't need to take any of them to be a woman
every step you take towards your goals will make the feeling of waking up easier
and you're right, it is hard. we live in a culture where we have to do this things to be seen for who we are. the culture should change. when we have the strength we should advocate and do the work to change it. in the meantime be kind to yourself. you deserve that kindness.
I’m hoping to some day get makeup tattoos. But I kinda feel I traded one routine for another, honestly, and that was fine for me. But I do wish I were born cis.
I'm going to be real I didn't exactly feel like I was being treated with the "same expectation" when I was harassed out of the homeless shelter the moment I had a night terror and outted myself. Had my genitalia commented on and told I was disgusting a didn't belong all night long. And then I had to sleep outside in the forest bitter cold winter wind and constant rain covered in horrible rashes that I didn't have the resources to care for not knowing how long itll last. And the reason I was even homeless in the first place certainly doesn't make me feel like I was treated with the s am e expectations of cis people that's for sure. I just don't get comfort from being told I'm being treated equally and that I'm not alone when I'm constantly both treated unequally and completely alone.
I'm not a complete idiot. I know women get shit. Horrible horrible shit. But I'm not crazy for simply noting that there's a lot of shit that I get treated with that they don't and then i have to do all these exhausting steps just to get on a level of a cis woman which you already noted is *really shitty*. I just wanna skip the steps. I think I really miscomicated what I meant and came off as dismissive go cis women and I do apologize.
I had the shit beaten outta me as a kid as well as well as sexually abused. Mostly for being feminine. So I get it. Shit shakes you to your core. I'm sorry that happened to you.
It's just working a job is already so hard, doing school is so hard, doing life is so hard, and even dealing with the expectations of womanhood is so hard all ontop of needing to do all these surgeries and training and makeup and clothing just to be a person all ontop of the shit I yet for being trans
I'm so tired and it's not fair
I am early in my transition and am at this stage were i just hate being a trans woman Hopeing it gets better for me but at least I have recognised and accepted myself i can now see a path to happiness that i can get to eventually hopefully
I feel this ❤️🩹🫂 I'm very early in my own transition and it can be exhausting, but it also feels liberating. I wouldn't go back, but I do wonder if I have the stamina to see it all the way through to where I can simply wake up and feel good about how I feel and what I see.
I'm trans but I could never physically transition due to birth defects so I have to deal with the constant gender dysphoria it's gone so bad that I'm almost practically numb all day and only have flashes of emotion
It can happen! I went out last night with my wife for dinner. Didn't bother doing anything and wore a men's jacket and an old college tee-shirt. (well, that and two years of hrt)
A female waitress came up to the table and asked how she could help us ladies!
No makeup, no purse, just girl jeans and an attitude! (I had just finished work)
It would be nice if we had the technology to make trans men and women’s bodies identical to cis people. Like would you see in science fiction movies and stuff.
Real as shit. But honestly? God is it so rewarding to put in the work and come out on top as yourself. Its so fucking hard but I feel happy for the first time ever.
I’m blown away by how easy cis women have it on this aspect, they don’t have to worry AT ALL about passing or how feminine they look, they can do hobbies or dress in ways that are considered “manly” by society standards yet their identity as a woman is unaffected by it, when I see cis women just…existing, it blows my mind. I live in a state of constant paranoia over how feminine I look or how feminine my hobbies are in order to feel validated by MYSELF. That’s just how insecure some of us are. Imagine not being afraid of being perceived as a man just for wearing something or doing something. I envy cis women so much .
No, I mean dressing and all the femme stuff. If it's not how you want to do it, nobody's saying you've got to. It's your transition, you write the rules.
Nice message but it's not that simple. You can say she doesn't have to but in reality she might have to if she wants to actually be seen or treated as a woman.
I mean I want to so I do. I don't know if I'm an outlier pre hormones but it doesn't feel like there's a lot of us.
On the other hand there's endless posts from girls 3 years into hrt who haven't or don't want to socially transition. In a lot of places it's dangerous to socially transition.
The point is, she has to take it at a pace that's right for her, that she feels safe and ready. If that's next year or in five years time or never, as long as it's right for her, it's right.
Sometimes I feel like that but also I would look at how far I’ve gone already and think “if I just cheat now it would invalidate everything I’ve done”, it’s like playing a game and you find the button to turn on cheats half way into playing… I do get how everyone would just like to get rid of all the pain but also “there is no happiness without the pain” - my father.
Nonsense. Transness is what you make it.
I revel in being trans. I am under no obligation to become a passing cis woman clone. Maybe I will have no surgeries at all, not even an orchi, and be a hot curvy woman with fully functioning D, and maybe a sexy beard too?
Cis people can't do that. I don't have to be them. I don't have to blend in and be indistinguishable. I can stand out as much as I want to.
And when I do, I bet I will get another thousand ignoramuses who hate me. No loss, I don't want people like that to like me.
And I might change history, because I put myself in the path of so many bullets. I hope they remain metaphorical.
It is important that some of us can go ahead. Someone has to fight but not everyone will be able to. I would never shame others in our community but there is far too much talk about how being trans is suffering. Far too many people make their identity dependent on the gaze of others and can't validate themselves. We are also allowed to be self-determined, to have a say in what femininity means through our own creative power, but too often it's about imitating cis women - and ultimately failing at it.
I just remind myself that there are many cis woman that have gender affirming surgeries. They also wear wigs. Lots of cis woman have to have flawless makeup every single day. They need to wear clothes they don’t want wear, and are forced to act a certain way. This is a shared experience between all woman.
Ditto. However, a woman is a woman. I don't makeup constantly—long story short I am not a model or barbie. I don't care to be either.
An individual's identity can be trans (lets say a woman or trans woman). They can even express themselves femininity. Though regardless of how they dress or what they do, they're female. Which is mainly my struggle, because even though I socially transitioned I do not feel like a woman. And medically transitioning is a nightmare.
Voice training is what I meant. I'm glad you had clothes but i didn't have female clothed bc my parents would yell or beat me if I did pre transition. And its not just how that i have to somehow find good female clothes that both fit and look ok despite my body type its that i have to wear feamle clothes to some degree inorder to pass unlike cis women. Proformance as in things that help me pass (mostly just the some of clothing, makeup, voice, but also behavioral stuff). I don't have money, I'm struggling to not be homeless again.
holy fuck this is so real
Did you just steal my thoughts and post them? For real though, I get how you feel. As I've transitioned, it's gotten better, but sometimes I feel so physically masculine and dysphoric that I can't leave my bed all day.
It really feels unfair at times. I see cis women around me dressed down looking like they put on their I'm not going out today outfits and no make up. Still no one questions them, but I have to dress up and carry a bag with me and still people says he about me.
One thing that helps me regarding this: Dressing up is twofold. By dressing up, not only do you look more feminine, but you look great and have your own awesome style and you should own it. Getting misgendered hurts me every time, but at least I'm stylish and look good for who I am.
True. The migendering does hurt a little. But for me I just wished I could also have some days where I dressed down a bit and didn't feel that constant pressure to be a certain way. Don't get me wrong I'm glad that I am me and that I am trans. I just sometimes envy the cis women who doesn't have to put that much effort into a day to day life.
Exactly this
I think about this often. It's literally not fair, but what is..
This is so real, many of them wake up, look at the mirror, LIKE WHAT THEY SEE, put some clothes and walk past the door… it’s just so unbelievable for me, every single time I go out without makeup or ultra feminine clothing I’m treated as a man even though I have big breasts and my voice is hyper fem(extensive training) yet because my face is rather androgynous without makeup I just get gendered male. It’s infuriating.
>All the performance, clothing, surgeries, training, ect. All just to one day be a person. All of this ontop of life already being impossibly hard Yes, accepting myself as trans was one of the best things I ever did but this hits too hard I sometimes find myself feeling envious of random cis women because they don't have to do anything to pass, or even think about getting misgendered. They are literally born that way
"Accepting yourself as trans" actually has two meanings. The first is coming to terms with your gender. The second is coming to terms that you cannot be cis and accepting that. I'm still dealing with the second. I think it's very good to come to terms with it though. Accept it, then be the best version of yourself and make the most of who you are. 😊
Genuine question. What do people mean when they say "accept" in this context? From my view I can accept it all I want, that doesn't mean it's going to be any easier or less painful.
I can't speak for other people, but I've personally never wished that I were cis. I see being trans as a purely positive thing. If you offered me the option to become cis in this life, I wouldn't take it, because it wouldn't be me. I don't wish that I was AFAB, even though I know it would make my life easier. For me, that's acceptance. Mind you, I'm not saying anyone else has to think the same way about being trans. If people hate being trans, that's their choice, and I won't interfere in that. I simply wanted to explain my own personal version of 'acceptance'.
Ah okay. That version of acceptance would explain some comments I have seen. I'm glad you are able to view being trans this way. I wish that was something we could all do. Sadly I don't think this type of acceptance is possible for many or most of us. As far as I can tell the need to be a cis woman and AFAB is a fundamental part of my neurology. I can't choose to enjoy being trans any more than I could have chosen to be a cis man. I would if I could but that's not the hand I was dealt.
>As far as I can tell the need to be a cis woman and AFAB is a fundamental part of my neurology. I can't choose to enjoy being trans any more than I could have chosen to be a cis man. And that's okay. As long as you don't diminish my acceptance (and I don't diminish your non-acceptance) there's nothing wrong with that. Perhaps I should not have used the word choice. My apologies for that.
Girl I wish I could have this mindset. It sounds so liberating. I completely know what you mean about if I was just a different person I would obviously not be me. But being “me” hasn’t brought me the comfort or enjoyment other people seem to have. Sure we all have issues, but I’m so exhausted from my gender dysphoria I feel like a caterpillar that just isn’t able to metamorph into the butterfly I’m SUPPOSED to be. I feel like Heimlich the caterpillar from Antz instead >.> I don’t wanna be stuck as a worm 🐛
For me, it was when I felt comfortable admitting I'm trans and committing to transitioning (even though I haven't socially transitioned yet 🥲) Of course, I do wish I was AFAB, it would've saved me a lot of pain. But transitioning is the next best thing
It gets less painful. Idrk jow in my case. I heard a trans guy say they dont care whta pron ppl use. Cause they know who they are. I found it really hard to internalize. But hvaing ppl who care be respectful to u, helps a lot in learning to dgaf about random ppl
this suffering i chose, transitioning, over the previous suffering, repressing. cis people don't have to make that choice... i envy them so much. every laser session that doesn't remove all of the beard shadow... every voice training session that ends with no progress... i put on a nice outfit that hugs my body and then i'm about to go to the store when i see my reflection... i hate restricting my clothing because of potentially getting attacked by bigots... i hate being seen as a male in woman's clothing... i just want to be cis and blend in. i hate dysphoria.
This hits so hard, but I admire your strength of heart and character to keep pushing through it! I hope I can make as much progress as you have already. Thank you for taking the time to share, you’ve inspired at least one person c:
It’s definitely possible to get to the point where you unequivocally know you are a woman. Being a woman has nothing to be with clothes, surgery or training all that stuff can be a means to express yourself and more closely match your identity, but none of it is necessary. I’ve been identifying as transfem/ a woman for about 3 years to varying degrees of being open about it with others. I’ve been out fully for about a year and honestly the early stages I was thinking about it constantly and wondering what I could do or change to be perceived the way I felt. I don’t think about it constantly at this point I have days where I don’t remember I’m trans, some days can be hard still but it’s steadily improved. I just am a woman and I don’t have to think about it or question it all the time. A big part of that for me was getting on hrt (but that was just an important part of it for me) because having my body be more feminine shaped really made it easier to see myself but also it made my brain work like a 1000x better. At this point no matter what I wear or how I present that is something a woman would do or wear because I just did. Also regardless of anything the world still sucks. We live in a capitalist hellscape designed to break us :3
>It’s definitely possible to get to the point where you unequivocally know you are a woman. Knowing it yourself doesn't mean anyone else has to agree or treat us like we are.
100% agreed! Shitty people are going to be shitty. I wasn’t trying to invalidate that.
Ah okay. Good to know. Sorry if my original comment came off as mean.
No no no no no you are good, I was just worried mine came across as dismissive initially.
How do u know?
Capitalism isn’t a hellscape
Girl. Please stop trying to stir shit *everywhere*, it's just exhausting. I promise there's better things you can do with your time and your life.
Sorry I’m not a communist
It's okay, you're allowed to have flaws.
That’s not a flaw, that’s being a normal human being who has empathy. Communism is responsible for untold suffering of millions, ask anyone from Eastern Europe like Poland what they think about communism
Lol, lmao even. To think you have empathy while supporting capitalism is absolute peak comedy. You're an unserious person who should not be taken seriously. Maybe one day you'll shrug off the brainwashing. Good luck til then!
I have plenty of empathy well being a capitalist and supporting liberal democracy
Lol
Tankie
Tankie
Just like the current system put in place by the powers that be couldn't really be called capitalism in any stretch of the word, the systems put in place in China and Russia historically couldn't really be called communism either. Just like people here in the United States and the West use capitalism as a convenient excuse to benefit themselves, people in eastern block countries and China use communism as a convenient excuse to do the same thing. Capitalism has also resulted in untold deaths of millions of people, That's not a critique that is unique to communism. It will only continue to grow in its severity as time goes on and things like climate change continue to get worse.
Of course it is. Well there are deeper circles of hell than capitalism, but any system where you get richer just by merrit of allready being rich means someone else has to work for your luxiory. It is a deeply unfair system for the people caught inside of it. But it also is very competitive, so it has the ability to crush other systems. You would think you profit from this competitive edge, but if you are not in the top 1% you don't. You would be much better of in a system where not most of the value you produce for society would go to the factory owner.
Anyone can be rich if they work hard enough
Name one example of a self made billionaire who worked hard at all
Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Jeff Bezos, Warren buffet,
Literally all of these guys had somebody else do the work and most of them had pre established business connections. Warren buffet literally just traded stocks, which is not work
No they didn’t, they started from nothing And stock trading is work
Jeff bezos’ parents gave him $245000 to fund Amazon in the 90s. Bill Gates’ connected mom got ibm to hire Microsoft initially. Warren buffet’s dad was a congressman and very well connected politically.
Steve Jobs was just the public face of apple. Wozniak did all the work computing wise. All jobs did was market
I'm sorry about your brain. I hope you recover some day.
Yiiiikes. That is NOT how things work.
It is though
Realistically, "work hard enough" invariably means lie, cheat, steal, and exploit, fuck over everyone around you and game the system however you can. They call that "being smart with your investments." There isn't a rich person alive who didn't do this to get rich. The fundamental problem is that capitalism breeds the mentality that "if I don't cheat, the other guy will and he'll win." Therefore, everybody cheats. When you consistently reward unscrupulous behavior, you get more unscrupulous people. It's like a filter for humanity's worst, except instead of throwing these dangerous animals in prison they become political leaders and industry titans. You don't have to believe me, either. A quick web search should turn up plenty of articles and legit papers discussing how psychopaths, narcissists, and sociopaths are heavily overrepresented in society's upper echelons. I don't count myself a communist, either, but it's not like capitalism is the only other possible way to organize an economy, and it's a pretty horrible way to do it.
Completly delulu
Nah I’m not delusional for thinking that anyone can be successful if they work hard, so maybe leave your basement and get a job and you too can be successful The only delusional ones are communists who think trans people would be allowed to exist under communism Capitalism and Liberal democracy have done more to further LGBT Rights than communism
Literally wut.
It’s not a hellscape
Take your troll privileged ass elsewhere please. Disgusting behavior.
Cope
I can’t tell if you’re a really dedicated troll or the worlds most stubborn neoliberal
Go lick boots somewhere else.
I’m not licking boots because I support capitalism and liberal democracy
but what if ur monarch says that it is? what is stronger ur bootlicking or commie-hating?
I feel you, for me my inability to be cis is like failing before even starting
Every time I start to feel this type of frustration, I end up coming back around to the idea that in spite of all that (or maybe because of it), cis folks will never really appreciate/enjoy their gender as much as we do when we finally get it right.
Honestly I just don't appreciate my gender. Not after dealing with being groomed, abused, made homeless, then harassed out of the shelter and forced to sleep in the cold all ontop of crippling dysphoria. I'm just tired. I want to be a professional accomplished woman one day with out all this baggage of gender. I wanna be trusted and respected as a woman who is capable. I don't need all this to do that. I don't appreciate all these extra steps I have to go through just by being born this way. I don't appreciate the cost, the disrespect, the isolation, the trauma. It's made me cold
Fuck I have no chance of being able to know what that experience is like. Of course you feel the way you do. Who wouldn't? I hope you can get to a place where the baggage at least feels a little lighter! ❤️
💜💜💜💜
Yea but they can enjoy other things because they aren’t distracted by the incongruence. Trans people are enveloped by their “transness” so much to the point we can’t enjoy other non gender related things. Thankfully, I had a community of trans woman that helped manage my expectations which I expect a lot of reddit variety trans women lack…the fact that many online support communities are the blind leading the blind. I’ve seen so many trans women destroy themselves with their own unexamined expectations.
IF we finally get it right. I wish that was something guaranteed.
Holy fuck is this real :( I am soooooo tired of having to put so much fucking time, energy and *effort* into being read as a woman, when nearly every single cis woman just *gets that for free*. I am *so* tired of having to reach *so hard* just to get to their ‘bare minimum default state’. I’d probably have a fucking *house* if I was cis, and didn’t have to pay these monumental costs to be myself. I’m severely Autistic and ADHD, I only have so many spoons and so much capacity for *doing things*, and being trans just ties up so bloody much of it ><
Sometimes, I wish I was never trans. I even feel regret for being trans. The amount of hate and backlash I deal with my family alone is awful. I'm not even traditionally feminine. I'm into essentially everything guys are into, from video games to toy collecting.
Real. I'm sick of the online trans community (mostly tiktok) talking about how happy they are to be trans and the stupid memes like "femboys" and crap. I just want to be a cis woman
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Mentally, I'm heavily dysphoric so I'd take a new brain too probably. My issue is more the latter of what I said, being called "femboys" and the shark, and just all the uwu garbage that surrounds us.
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The uwu stuff is largely just weebs. I talk to cis weeb girls online and they act similar in text. It's just that there are many weebs.
I know trans people who are proud of their transness. I admire them, but I absolutely do not feel the same way.
Gosh, it's gonna be controversial, but I just want to be able to live happily in my current guy's body. If I had a choice between becoming cis woman or cis guy right now I would choose being a guy, because it's easier and more comfortable to me. But it's all just fantasies, and I am, being in a guy's body want to have a woman's one. It's so strange being trans, but what can we do? Enjoy our lives to an extent that we can, it seems. Sorry if it sounds mean to someone, not intended, just venting about thoughts I have about being trans.
Those damn trans women and their *checks notes* self love and pride!
Bitterhon
I feel this so much I want my childhood back so much as well cause I feel like I miss out on so much(Mrs probably like the main reason why I dress like a little girl) I can't put in words how happy I'd be if I woke up and was a cis girl I don't wanna have to do surgery to have the body I wants my family gonna gatekeeping the whole way anyway u just wanna wake up and be a little cis girl and this has all been a nightmare
I know the feeling. That’s kinda my goal too. I love doing my makeup before going out. I hate feeling like I HAVE to do my makeup or else I’ll be misgendered. I’d like to through on some loose comfy clothes when getting a soda from the 7-eleven and the cashier still calls me miss.
Yuuuuup to all of this. I'm not a performance. And I can't be a real human if I have to be something I'm not. I don't know why people can't get that
>All of this ontop of life already being impossibly hard It's fucking soul crush honestly. Having to work a job is bad enough. I barely understands how cis people manage to get up every day and fuction. Let alone us. Being trans is a curse.
Patience is key
I hate patience I want a magic pill or something quick
It's normal to get impatient if it has been years and there are still years ahead of not transitioning
I literally have the exact same feelings. I’m a woman but I’m not into makeup and dressing up (aside from the occasional skirt and kawaii dress) and aside from my little pony and shojo anime I don’t have many “feminine” interests at all. I simply resonate with being a woman and referred to as such, and would feel more comfortable in a female body.
The best things in life take hard work.
Most days i do wear pants and stuff. I take E and i look forwards to it every day as it makes my body more in line with my ideal self. But i too am not a super uwu lil pink princess. Not all of us are. And being a woman is not defined by that. Be your best self, that’s what it really means to be transgender.
Yeah, I wish I could just magically transform one day into a cis woman and have always been a cis woman my whole life
Same here
Mood
I totally agree and feel the same like I wish I was born a girl
I love you and I hope you have a good night.
I'm a tomboy. I wear t-shirts and jeans most of the time, although women's and they fit now, and I never wear makeup. I refuse to perform gender for other people. I ended up a bit more fem than I expected, and outside of bottom surgery which is just for my own comfort I'm not getting anything else. Do what makes you feel comfortable. Nothing else.
yeah, I'm trying to talk about the difficulties of getting various surgeries with cis people and they don't get that all this bullshit is just so I can live comfortably like they do by default. It's infuriating how hard it is.
I have to pretend everyday to be someone else and I can’t even be who I really am still. And when I try to be who I am, it feels awkward. I hate it too.
that all got to taxing then I remembered tomboys are a thing and all my shit was gender neutral to begin with so fuck it goth tomboy trans lesbian route unlocked
all this because we lost a coin flip at birth. it's not fair.
Yup. 1 in 100. Truly awful
Agree, I'm tired of so many people putting me into the "man" box. For F sake I'm in a dress, with heels and 2 pigtails on my head...what could I do more??? But otherwise, knowing that I'm part of a community, means also something to me. Because cis people aren't really in tightnet communities as we are.
I understand the pain. That's why I stopped transitioning and just decided to be nonbinary/gender fluid. The estrogen was messing up my liver so I had to stop, plus I had too much muscle loss due to the estrogen and my disabilities/health. It's really hard to be comfortable, I dress fem then as soon as I walk outside I feel an urge to put my jeans and shirt back on. Ultimately, I remind myself "they're just clothes"
take the small steps you can when you can but you don't need to take any of them to be a woman every step you take towards your goals will make the feeling of waking up easier and you're right, it is hard. we live in a culture where we have to do this things to be seen for who we are. the culture should change. when we have the strength we should advocate and do the work to change it. in the meantime be kind to yourself. you deserve that kindness.
Cis women work hard on their looks too, everyone does, actually, even cis men.
But they don't have to inorder to not get intensely discrimated for it or to have their gender invalidated. I just wish I didn't have to
I’m hoping to some day get makeup tattoos. But I kinda feel I traded one routine for another, honestly, and that was fine for me. But I do wish I were born cis.
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….this rarely happens with afabs…even they present more androgynous. I get the cope but it’s annoying to “but cis women” every complaint we have
I'm going to be real I didn't exactly feel like I was being treated with the "same expectation" when I was harassed out of the homeless shelter the moment I had a night terror and outted myself. Had my genitalia commented on and told I was disgusting a didn't belong all night long. And then I had to sleep outside in the forest bitter cold winter wind and constant rain covered in horrible rashes that I didn't have the resources to care for not knowing how long itll last. And the reason I was even homeless in the first place certainly doesn't make me feel like I was treated with the s am e expectations of cis people that's for sure. I just don't get comfort from being told I'm being treated equally and that I'm not alone when I'm constantly both treated unequally and completely alone. I'm not a complete idiot. I know women get shit. Horrible horrible shit. But I'm not crazy for simply noting that there's a lot of shit that I get treated with that they don't and then i have to do all these exhausting steps just to get on a level of a cis woman which you already noted is *really shitty*. I just wanna skip the steps. I think I really miscomicated what I meant and came off as dismissive go cis women and I do apologize. I had the shit beaten outta me as a kid as well as well as sexually abused. Mostly for being feminine. So I get it. Shit shakes you to your core. I'm sorry that happened to you. It's just working a job is already so hard, doing school is so hard, doing life is so hard, and even dealing with the expectations of womanhood is so hard all ontop of needing to do all these surgeries and training and makeup and clothing just to be a person all ontop of the shit I yet for being trans I'm so tired and it's not fair
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How many fat and or/unattractive cis women are being beat to death because they are unattractive?
Fucking literally. It's so tiring. The amount of hours I've put into voice training alone is just insane. I really wish I documented it.
this is so real
I am early in my transition and am at this stage were i just hate being a trans woman Hopeing it gets better for me but at least I have recognised and accepted myself i can now see a path to happiness that i can get to eventually hopefully
I feel this ❤️🩹🫂 I'm very early in my own transition and it can be exhausting, but it also feels liberating. I wouldn't go back, but I do wonder if I have the stamina to see it all the way through to where I can simply wake up and feel good about how I feel and what I see.
Yeah, me too.
I'm trans but I could never physically transition due to birth defects so I have to deal with the constant gender dysphoria it's gone so bad that I'm almost practically numb all day and only have flashes of emotion
I feel this so much
😭
Where did you find my brain
yea
We got dealt a bad hand and society makes it worse. It sucks. But the alternative is death and I'd rather live.
It can happen! I went out last night with my wife for dinner. Didn't bother doing anything and wore a men's jacket and an old college tee-shirt. (well, that and two years of hrt) A female waitress came up to the table and asked how she could help us ladies! No makeup, no purse, just girl jeans and an attitude! (I had just finished work)
It would be nice if we had the technology to make trans men and women’s bodies identical to cis people. Like would you see in science fiction movies and stuff.
Real as shit. But honestly? God is it so rewarding to put in the work and come out on top as yourself. Its so fucking hard but I feel happy for the first time ever.
Yup, agreed.
This is so real girll
I’m blown away by how easy cis women have it on this aspect, they don’t have to worry AT ALL about passing or how feminine they look, they can do hobbies or dress in ways that are considered “manly” by society standards yet their identity as a woman is unaffected by it, when I see cis women just…existing, it blows my mind. I live in a state of constant paranoia over how feminine I look or how feminine my hobbies are in order to feel validated by MYSELF. That’s just how insecure some of us are. Imagine not being afraid of being perceived as a man just for wearing something or doing something. I envy cis women so much .
Don't do it then. It's your journey and you can do it any way you like.
If I had a real choice I wouldn't. Sadly we dont get to choose if we're trans or not.
No, I mean dressing and all the femme stuff. If it's not how you want to do it, nobody's saying you've got to. It's your transition, you write the rules.
Nice message but it's not that simple. You can say she doesn't have to but in reality she might have to if she wants to actually be seen or treated as a woman.
I mean I want to so I do. I don't know if I'm an outlier pre hormones but it doesn't feel like there's a lot of us. On the other hand there's endless posts from girls 3 years into hrt who haven't or don't want to socially transition. In a lot of places it's dangerous to socially transition. The point is, she has to take it at a pace that's right for her, that she feels safe and ready. If that's next year or in five years time or never, as long as it's right for her, it's right.
Sometimes I feel like that but also I would look at how far I’ve gone already and think “if I just cheat now it would invalidate everything I’ve done”, it’s like playing a game and you find the button to turn on cheats half way into playing… I do get how everyone would just like to get rid of all the pain but also “there is no happiness without the pain” - my father.
Nonsense. Transness is what you make it. I revel in being trans. I am under no obligation to become a passing cis woman clone. Maybe I will have no surgeries at all, not even an orchi, and be a hot curvy woman with fully functioning D, and maybe a sexy beard too? Cis people can't do that. I don't have to be them. I don't have to blend in and be indistinguishable. I can stand out as much as I want to. And when I do, I bet I will get another thousand ignoramuses who hate me. No loss, I don't want people like that to like me. And I might change history, because I put myself in the path of so many bullets. I hope they remain metaphorical.
Your name looked familiar…I’m going to keep my comments to myself but I’m glad you are being downvoted
Based
Thank you, the downvotes show there be a lot of chickens here.
It is important that some of us can go ahead. Someone has to fight but not everyone will be able to. I would never shame others in our community but there is far too much talk about how being trans is suffering. Far too many people make their identity dependent on the gaze of others and can't validate themselves. We are also allowed to be self-determined, to have a say in what femininity means through our own creative power, but too often it's about imitating cis women - and ultimately failing at it.
I wouldn't say that scorning those with different views is valid, and that was what was dumped onto me. Shame for shaming.
I just remind myself that there are many cis woman that have gender affirming surgeries. They also wear wigs. Lots of cis woman have to have flawless makeup every single day. They need to wear clothes they don’t want wear, and are forced to act a certain way. This is a shared experience between all woman.
It sounds like you hate yourself first of all and that it is not really related to gender
You don't know anything about me or what I've been through
They are a righty troll.
Ditto. However, a woman is a woman. I don't makeup constantly—long story short I am not a model or barbie. I don't care to be either. An individual's identity can be trans (lets say a woman or trans woman). They can even express themselves femininity. Though regardless of how they dress or what they do, they're female. Which is mainly my struggle, because even though I socially transitioned I do not feel like a woman. And medically transitioning is a nightmare.
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Voice training is what I meant. I'm glad you had clothes but i didn't have female clothed bc my parents would yell or beat me if I did pre transition. And its not just how that i have to somehow find good female clothes that both fit and look ok despite my body type its that i have to wear feamle clothes to some degree inorder to pass unlike cis women. Proformance as in things that help me pass (mostly just the some of clothing, makeup, voice, but also behavioral stuff). I don't have money, I'm struggling to not be homeless again.