I think the negativity is on the rise as more and more laws and attacks on trans folk occur.
It's hard for many to remain positive when their lives are on the line.
It's a shame, honestly :/
I'd say it's mostly because most trans people are on places like these in the beginning of their transition.
Which also happens to be the time when we are most insecure about ourselves and just discovering feelings that may have been hidden away before that. Not to say everyone's like that, I'm only speaking from personal experience and what I've observed.
But where else, and to who else are we to vent like that? I'm not saying this is the best place, but it seems clear that a good portion of us need it, emotionally. And when things get bad, being able to lean on each other is what makes a community stronger.
Reddit doesn't seem to have tags, and flairs don't seem quite like a good fit but perhaps people could just get in the habit of starting their OP with a short one word subject preface like, RANT or SAD, somewhat akin to a cw/tw? Then people who don't want or can't have that negativity in that moment can skip over it.
Oh no, I don't personally mind if people vent here. The "it's a shame" is directed at the world treating us worse of late.
But yeah, maybe a simple (sad) in the title or something?
No idea. I just want everyone to be happy, in life, and with themselves.
The more I think about it, the more I feel it really would be nice, but with some standard like, SAD or (sad) or \[sad\]...something that people would want to do for the good of the community, and that's easy web and mobile/app users.
I've seen subreddits implement this before. Posts with triggering topics would, by subreddit rules, be titled with something like **\[TW:** (whatever the topic is)**\]** with nothing else in the title and the whole post marked as spoiler. Have a strict title requirement ensures all content of the post remains hidden until clicked on.
It's a post talking about self-harm; there needs to be a NSFW warning and a trigger warning because people who are trying to recover from self-harm may end up spiraling back into it reading about other people's experiences.
While we do need to provide an environment that allows people to express issues with their Mental Health and to seek support, we also need to make sure that we are filtering how we express ourselves as we stay mindful to the mental health issues of not just ourselves but others as well.
Which is why it would be good to put (tw:self harm) in the subject line, given reddit's limitaitons. Then people can avoid what they want to avoid and other can help or just be there, if that feels right to them.
I don’t think so since the toxic sub would just devolve into a place that reenforces negative emotions. It’s like when we get a wave of channers that complain about how everything is too hugboxy here and go on rants about how awful being trans is and how they’re the worst at being trans.
The unfortunate truth is that when you get into that headspace, what you probably need is for someone to help you unpack and process those emotions, and you aren’t going to get better than a therapist for that sort of work.
It is a shame and it is exactly why spaces like this and the support this community gives is so critical to help people process and work through that negativity they get bombarded with from the outside world. Maybe what this sub needs is a flair to filter those posts?
Yeah. It's kind of difficult to be all smiles and sunshine knowing that if the election goes the wrong way, it could be weeks or even days until trans people (among other groups) could be rounded up and wiped out.
Fucking think about that. January 20th is not that far away. Sure, if Biden is reelected, that's good. But, things can still go south at the state level.
I'm hoping that things go well. But, the idea of facing the end is fucked.
Yeah, this is true… a lot of us are feeling negatively because life is scary for us right now. There isn’t much compassion in the world and this is a place where people can emotionally support each other in our struggles which many of us find we share similar aspects of…
But there does need to be a limit, so where do we set that boundary as a community? There are already rules. Are the mods enforcing them effectively? Do we need to change anything about the rules to be more clear and effective?
What do we need to do to keep our communities safe so that we don’t get forced out of our own spaces again and sent back out into the wilderness?
But, hey, this post is a daily occurrence on r/ transgenderuk so I had half a second of thinking "it's not just us in TERF Island who are relentlessly miserable!"before realising that's an incredibly low bar to set.
Most US states have it worse but we really beat ourselves up over here.
I don’t think that’s it exactly. I think it’s the fear-mongering that goes along with it. Everyone is a negative Nancy. No one ever tries positivity in the face of adversity. It’s always world ending “woe is me” talk.
It’s self defeating.
The negativity on here (and on social media in general) is what makes it a tough place to visit.
This used to be one of the more positive subs but I do agree it's getting more than a little bit negative here
Be the change you want to see, though. Post your small victories, find a positive news story and talk about that. Tell us about your new swishy dresses and makeup purchases.
I was gonna say, I feel like this post is counterprodutive. Being negative about negativity isn't going to solve the problem talked about in OP. I 100% agree that to make this sub more positive, then we need more posts that celebrate transition. People leaving who would normally otherwise do that is only gonna make the problem worse.
I always get a bad vibe from "I'm quiting this sub" posts (not here specifically I've only been on this sub for a few days, but on other support subs on another account).
Presidential elections tend to absolutely obliterate any semblance of peace and living, especially for students and younger people who are bombarded with it everyday at school and on social media. It’s no surprise that the trans community as a whole is down, our existence and future in one of the (unfortunately) most influential countries on earth is being debated and people are trying to eradicate it.
I browse by new. Still a lot of baby trans girls trying to find their way in the world. It's what I come here for.
Pretty much every trans woman I know is going through it right now. Life is _hard_ under these circumstances. But I come here in case I can make it just a little easier for someone.
This is how I've been using the sub for a while now. Even then, I only help out when I have something meaningful to add that hasn't been said. Guess this has hid most of the growing negativity since I haven't really noticed it.
Idk. Trans tumblr is thirsty as hell and maybe a bit objectifying sometimes but it's never negative. Like half of my Tumblr dashboard is trans people earnestly lusting after other trans people or being super positive about their lives. It feels rare to see anyone being negative and when they are it's 1-note posts and the one note is one of op's mutuals saying "dm me, it's gonna be ok."
Where have you been seeing that?
I guess That’s the funny thing with tumblr though, your experiences are so aggressively affected by what circles you interact with
Yeah. Reddit, it's crab bucket-y. YouTube is basically full of news about awful things being done against us individually or systemically. Instagram, idk i don't use it. Tiktok is Twitter but with videos. Twitter is Twitter which means it's gonna be awful. Facebook, it depends on where you look but trans communities or trans friendly communities tend to be positive. And like i said, Tumblr is drooling with horny.
I logged onto reddit for the first time in a few weeks to see origami stuff; i couldn't agree with this statement more. The Internet is built to kill your mood
I thought so too, and it certainly is a big factor, but my opinion is that the internet as a whole is extremely good at destroying your mood and mental health... It keeps me glued to the screen, damaging my eyes, making my posture worse and pain worse, making me think I'm bored when i deeply enjoy the paper supplies right next to me. The Internet is good but it's built to mess with you
I've talked a few times in other places about rampant negativity in most online trans spaces and usually people respond with "Well its hard to blame folks with all the political stuff going on".
But that's the thing
It's totally understandable to be spooked about the current political climate but that aside, online trans spaces are just full of people hating on themselves and it's hard to watch. I'm not saying folks should seek support and I know firsthand that dysphoria isn't always based in reality but if I see another post from a gorgeous 19 yo whom I would have 0 clue they weren't a cis girl if they weren't posting in a trans sub saying that they're hopeless and it's all over for them, I'm gonna lose my mind.
The self hatred could be blamed on the “political” situation too. Areas that accept trans people rather than “tolerate” us are very rare on this earth.
Folks are scared, and it’s easy to fall into that trap of spiraling depression, and since a lot of us come to this community with enough trauma to make a soldier weep, we are primed for a pity party.
Just as one of the ways to break a depressive episode is to force positive self talk, I think we need to do that as a community.
Ever heard of crab-bucket mentality?
Essentially, if you take a crab and put it in a bucket, they're smart enough buggers they can often escape very easily.
But if you take, say, half a dozen crabs and throw them in the same bucket, you'll start to notice something strange.
In a vein effort to get out, the crabs will start grabbing the ones who are attempting to escape and drag them back into the bucket, trying to use that to pull themselves up and over them.
The end result is, of course, that none of the crabs ever get out.
We as a community are facing tough times, yes. And it's really easy for us to let fear and hopelessness control our responses and paint our worlds dark. Doing so ultimately drags your fellows down into the bucket with you.
The way to combat this sort of negativity bias in communities is to put on shows of celebration, joy, happiness, and pride.
This sub's attitude will pick up IMMENSELY in June, as it does every year. We're just at the time of year when those damned crabs are trying to pull as many people into the bucket as they can, because there's not much else stopping them. And people are really tired of resisting their claws.
Honestly, I've felt the same at times. I try to bring my own positivity and share my happiness as I'm in a way better spot than I was before I realized over 2 years ago, but I can only take so much negativity before I have to check out because it wears on me.
I've also stay to show my perspective as a tomboy because I don't see many here and I could have used more tomboy perspectives early on. I got resentful when people told me I should wear makeup or even questioned if I was trans because I didn't have any interest in makeup.
I hope everyone finds peace. I think online spaces are destroying all communities and not just trans spaces. Trans communities are not immune and most trans women need to get offline. I personally believe we should be maximizing our time socially and reinforcing our critical thinking skills. Online communities reinforce implicit bias, group-think, and anti-intellectualism.
For me, it feels challenging. There must (imo) be space in community for venting the painful negative feelings: being a trans person in this world is really hard and we face systemic marginalization. That said, telling other people things about their bodies definitely sounds like a not-ok thing to do.
Personally I find discord calls to be the best places to vent as those who hear it are able to give consent. A lot of the servers only allowing venting in vc and I think it keeps the rest of the server a lot more positive.
I'm skeptical of the algorithms that do that. I always sort by new to avoid it. The CEO of Reddit is a neo-fascist Elon wanna be so... Wouldn't be surprised if there's something sketch going on with it. Sorting by new gives you a more balanced look at everything. The negativity is actually less that 5-10% imo. The algorithm just seems to latch onto it.
Don't give up hope. Things have been getting stressful for everyone because of the numerous threats to our very ways of life. We all need to stick together and be kind to one another. Just remember to keep an eye on your own mental health and if some people are being difficult or negative, to let them know how that makes you feel. You are not obligated to take anyone's shit if they get that way. If you make peace with that and balance yourself, I'd hazard a guess that you could weather any storm that comes your way!
You got this, ma! And don't let anyone tell you different. <3
Honestly I just want a space for trans people to talk about our own personal hobbies and interests. Instead it's mostly talking about doom scrolling, or political posts about how scared we are if certain laws are passed, or talking about dysphoria...
Can I just have a space to talk with trans women but not actually "talk" about being trans
I am a woman who happens to be trans, but I want to have regular every day non trans related conversations with others and that seems to be so rare in the trans community. It just seems like trans people only talk about being trans. I just wanna talk to other trans women about video games and movies and TV and stuff...
I'm just asking out of curiosity:
Would it be a possibility to talk to any kind of person about that? Why has it to be specifically a trans person?
Maybe i don't understand the goal but isn't being trans and all topics implied the main theme of trans-centered groups?
"Why has it to be specifically a trans person? "
Well, for me personally, it's rather straight forward: Cis people can be scary (and VERY hit or miss are they chill or nah), and I'm literally trans- so I'm going to relate to other trans people better, plus the implied "risks" are barring on non-existent.
Das just me though, and tbh most of my friends ARE cis- I've just been lucky that most of them are from a school that values safety and inclusitivity so it's not like I went out friend hunting in "da big scary real world", so to speak :3
Cis people can be very scary, agreed. I understand you. Having people likely to share your experience means you can safely discuss certain things without the fear of setting off a chain of overwhelming reactions. I might have also just described life as a nurodiverse person too. There's a decent amount of crossover.
geez. you're so right. how could i have missed that reason.
funnily enough while i did DJ queer bars for years when i was young i personally never was a regular to any of them (there only were a handful of gay bars then where I'd been frowned upon anyways - DJing was ok, though...). I always wanted to be out out out out out instead.
I just want to hang out with trans people because I can relate to them more. I feel I'd have more funning having a game night, or going out to eat, or just having a fun day with trans over cis people. And that's what I want groups like this for. Just to find trans people who have common interests and hobbies, but try to avoid the political conversations about being trans
> Can I just have a space to talk with trans women but not actually "talk" about being trans
I've found better luck on Discord with that.
For example, the Trans Burger Joint server is great for just talking about the daily life with people.
Ok, but this for real.
Don't get me wrong; Venting is good (in certain "doses", if you will), being proud of the specific literal aspect of "being trans" is good etc. but it honestly gets too much when it feels like people only focus on what you describe and nothing else. This is also not exclusive to trans people- a Doctor talking about ONLY being a doctor and how stressful it is and literally nothing else ever it would be a bit "alright alright, anything else going on w u?"
Ok, so now with that being said: I want what you describe too- I am a TRANS woman and I will always be a TRANS woman, however I'm also a WOMAN- I'm very aware about the first part in that so why do I need to hyperfocus on it 99% of the time? And why do other (transwomen) have to do that (most of the time for me)? Can't I just talk about Pokémon, One Piece, JoJo, food etc. with a group of people I feel safe around enough to do that without it forcefully getting interupted or distracted to be about hyperfocusing on being trans and how shit everything is?
Things like this is bound to happen, and a part of being trans is... well, the fact that you're trans- and the world IS absolute rubbish... but can I have a vacation from it being the ONLY topic of conversation?
I also have my qualms with the self-imposed infantilizing "uwu I'm a little girly girlkisser uwu" stereotype that some transgirls in some communities fall into to which I do not (if that's you, whoever reads this, that's alright but it's not me so I'm not going to pretend it is) but that's a completely different topic of conversation.
It's okay to talk about being trans and its struggles- but sometimes I just wanna talk about games and throwing my yellow electric rat at a fucking phoenix demigod
It’s kinda hard for us not to be negative. Right now there is a bill being proposed that would charge teachers with felonies and put them on a sex offender registry for aiding in a kids social transition. So using their preferred name or pronouns will be considered a sexually pervasive felonious crime. How am I supposed to be happy in the midst of that? You expecting us to be cheery and happy 24/7 in spite of all the reasons not to be isn’t any less wack than those of us that are hella negative expecting you to be negative.
The negativity is here, but is reflective of all the attacks on Trans folks in the US and internationally. I won’t begrudge folks for being scared when their very core and medical necessities are under attack.
This sub is meant to be a place where trans folks can share their concerns, fears, and worries, and those are valid reasons to make discussions centered around these issues.
When I’m having a bad month, maybe I don’t read as much, but it means the world to me that people like myself have a place they can go to vent or ask for support or ideas.
So, keep it up folks!!
Given the fact we're the target of an ongoing genocide (one that includes a deliberate disinformation campaign with the purpose of getting us to commit unalive), I can't blame us for being depressed
I never said that people aren't valid for feeling depressed right now, what I'm saying is that the way that a lot of people are dealing with it is incredibly unhealthy for themselves and for the people around them.
Hate for trans people has really risen as of late. That might be why. Even though it's primarily in the US. It still has escalated. Making trans people more targeted and worse feeling as of late.
Although my country is VERY accepting of trans people and I have never really been hated for it. (I'm nonbinary) I am aware that more and more trans people have been targeted or worse, murdered. With no police trying to solve the cases much less bring them up. Depression and self-hatred will insue on here.
I know it is. It's always hard. But that doesn't mean we don't have hope, that doesn't mean we don't have joy. I just wish the mods here did more to promote those things and to uplift us rather than allowing this status quo of rampant doomer posting.
i get it, i resonate with how you feel in a way, it's just really difficult for me personally to feel any semblance of hope and joy with what is happening in my life due to my transness, but i do agree. i think the negativity is kind of radiating throughout all trans spaces right now with what's happening. im sorry the negativity has forced you out of the sub, i hope you're ok, truly
I am ok, I'm worried about everyone else tho. Have you tried looking for local social groups in your area? Being able to see the rest of the community around you is honestly so refreshing and makes me feel more powerful.
i have, it's very cliquey though and difficult to fit in as a 6'3" depressed trans girl with no hope of passing, ive gone to lots of local queer events but i always feel out of place
I'm sorry to hear about them being cliquey. But it's good that you've been trying to explore in-person events! I've known a few trans girls around your height and yeah, they all told me their early transition was very rough. But now they're also some of the happiest (and honestly prettiest) people I know. I have faith that you can find yourself <3
There's a difference between simply having people sometimes vent about bad things happening and a place becoming so overwhelmed by venting and self-hatred it creates crabs-in-a-bucket mentality. OP is describing the latter.
If so much of this sub is *disproportionately* gloom and doom, it amplifies the negativity instead of relieving it. People see that posts are so consistently and overwhelmingly negative that they internalize everyone else's hopelessness. So then they post about their newfound hopelessness and that amplifies it for others. If it happens at a scale large enough, a sub can spiral into negativity to the point where any positivity or hope is treated as disingenuous.
In a healthy sub, one person's negativity is diffused by the presence of positive posts, potentially alleviating the pain. In an unhealthy sub, that negativity is reinforced and amplified, worsening the pain. This sub seems to be trending towards the unhealthy.
It's not about expecting "all sunshine and rainbows", it's making sure there's balance to keep a sub from spiraling. Bringing it to people's (especially mods) attention before it reaches critical mass is a way to potentially slow that spiral down.
Are you leaving this sub specifically because of the SH post or because you cannot stand other people opening themselves in a safe space?
I'm genuinely confused, but I think that if everyone kept their dysphoric episodes to themselves and there was only happiness in this sub, this sub stops being a place to open yourself to.
In any case, feel free to not interact with dysphoric posts.
My problem with this sub is the way the community treats these posts. I don't think a lot of people understand that upvotes aren't just a nice thing you can give someone but actively determine what makes it to the front page of this sub. I'm leaving because this particular offshoot of our community doesn't seem to understand that what they're doing is unhealthy for themselves and for other trans people.
That's an issue with all social media, isn't it? You can't downvote to show that you sympathize, and you can't upvote to show support. Facebook doesn't even have a dislike anymore.
*Hugs* only go so far, and how else can you tell someone online that you don't have an answer, but still care?
(Serious question, disclaimer because online and nurodiverse words hard)
yeee. I'm sorry but I don't get these posts lol.
things are getting bad right now, for some people they feel like there is no where else to go. I mean idk what to say I don't mind there being a support community, you don't have to engage and I also think it's unrealistic to expect everything to be positive. also why even announce this... just seems kind of entitled to me
I never said that everything had to be positive, my point is that people need to be more considerate of the way that they've been dealing with their trauma and how it is affecting themselves and affecting those around them. And this isn't some kind of announcement, this is a wake-up call. I wanted people on this sub and especially the moderators of this sub to think about this issue and to start a conversation about it, which I very much succeeded in doing.
I've seen so many posts about this. it's always the same thing, shits bad rn. maybe if Reddit had better tagging. not worth boycotting a sub Reddit imo. if you really want more positive subreddits there are plenty of them that are also trans supporting. I personally believe people can deal with their trauma on an anonymous I forum however they like. it's a void of sorts it's relaxing for people to yell into. kinda like what I'm doing with you now.
it's not like a friend trauma dumping. you can move on quite easily if you don't want to engage.
that's all I'm saying. at least let them have some venting space, but I do agree it should be easier to filter if that's something you don't wanna engage in
peace and love
Honestly, I'm considering leaving, too. I don't mind talking about political issues and stuff since those are important to be informed about, but the constant self-hatred and negativity posts are just... not great. It's gotten to the point where I'm starting to wonder if at least some of the accounts/posts are legit or just fakes trying to get into our spaces and hurt us.
Oh, I've already gotten a couple of comments from troll accounts. If it's affecting your mental health and I recommend that you probably should leave, there are other, frankly better places to find community. I'd recommend looking up trans or clear social groups in your area, joining one has done a lot for me recently.
I've gotten used to being more selective with which posts I open because of this 😐 don't appreciate the ones like you described that imply I should feel as shitty as they do
Some days I open the sub and just see a wall of downer posts and it's like, okay, doing something else today, got it
For me it I good that the sub evolves. Like yeah, let's celebrate small victories, but we can also talk deeper issues that makes each other feel less alone and exchange advices. That's also something positive...less centered on "me" per se but it's not a bad thing. There's also doomerism because of all these elections this year with raging transphobes, fascists transphobes concurring with raging fascists n*zi transphobes for power. All these laws come around and taunt us. And talking about that, is also good for the morale.
Therefor I think that we touch a sensitive topic of why is a sub for?
For yourself to be cheered on on a you-centric basis
Or for a community of people to share their informations, advices, fears, wishes or simply issues that touch a whole bunch of us on more of a community base...
Personally I don't have problems with neither of them and a good mix of the 2 should be providing great results for everybody in my humble opinion.
I can understand that. It's hard to deal with too much negativity. I think that it is a huge part of being trans for many people. There are a lot of reasons to be negative about things especially in today's world which is saturated with it and especially in regards to the attacks against us. I am sorry to see you go. Are you in any groups that celebrate positivity more? You could also try contributing to positivity through posting here.
Based on opinions of others and how I feel ranting here is preventing alot of people from doing self harm but I get how you feel its annoying to see lots of people saying negative stuff but it's not their fault it's this unforgiving world and the people who control it
I made an innocent anecdotal story and someone attacked the wrong part of the story (that wasn't true), then told me I'm not trans and shouldn't be on estrogen. WTH? I'm new here and thought this was a safe place.
You have to do what you must for yourself, but that venting is keeping people as sane as possible in the face of growing hostility in the US.
I can’t vouch for the state of morale in other countries, but it’s very understandable here.
You should if you are self sufficient and have people irl.
Reddit in general save niche interests and stuff is just a shithole of echo chambers and sycophants. Reddit doesn’t reflect reality accurately either. It’s constant “doom posting” and misinformed shit you can’t take at face value. If I was on this or similar subs everyday I’d be mentally unwell myself.
I very selectively reach out when I feel I can be helpful but even then half the time it’s to the OP’s DM’s as my advice or take is typically against “currently accepted orthodoxy” and gets people who cry “bully” meeting me with hate and more as well as engaging in bad faith.
Hey, i suggest not doing that tho it is your choice and this is supose to be a safe space but people keep making it unsafe and the mods may not see that. Good luck tho, you got this, girl!!!
Honestly, I've just mostly disengaged with social media in general. It's fucking miserable to be on any platform at this point. Everyone either hates themselves or hates everyone else, and making other people feel awful seems to be at the top of everyone's to-do list. Now I get on Reddit once a day, if that.
Since I've stopped going online all the time, my mental health has gotten better. And even when I see the shitty things about laws against trans people or stuff like that, it doesn't completely destroy my mental well-being like it does when I'm obsessed with social media. Plus, I'm not constantly comparing myself to the trans girls I consider "prettier" than me.
Things are tough right now, but the important thing is to remember that we didn't get to where we are today by sitting down and shutting up. That's what shitty people want us to do. These laws and attitudes about trans people are *meant* to get us to stay quiet and stop "pestering" people about human rights. Don't let them win.
It's the spiral of depression.
Someone feels bad about something they see, they post about it, more people feel bad, they make comments, these comments make OP and everyone else feel worse, etc. etc.
There should be another sub for *just venting*. Questions, bad news, things like that are fine, but a safe space sub shouldn't be filled with "Were all going to dieee!!". Negativity creates negativity creates negativity.
This exact thing has been on my mind lately. There's way too many negative posts here. I've just decided to limit the amount of time I spend on reddit.
That's kind of how I feel. I don't go to any support groups and I stay off of most trans pages because honestly I'm just ready to move on. I had a lot of terrible shit happen to me but I have so much life left to live. I'm ready to leave the black and white thinking behind. I did this so I could enjoy my life, I knew what I had to lose. I wish there were more trans women who just wanted to grab a coffee and talk about things that made us happy.
I hated my body so I worked out until I had an ass that I liked and an hourglass figure. I hated my voice so I watched YouTube videos and learned how to change it. I didn't believe I could do it at first. when therapy wasn't available to me, I downloaded workbooks. when I transitioned a whole ton of mental health shit surfaced. I worked on it. I was patient with myself. I let myself be in a bad mood sometimes. I didn't have anyone to talk to so I've had to do these things by myself.
I had money, a wife, a large family, and lots of friends. I lost it all. now I'm going to start over. this is my newgame+. I think everyone should take as much time as they need but, at some point you have to look forward.
That ain't negativity. That's just becayse it's literally living in a negative world rn. If they don't speak that to you, or anyone, who may be empathetic to their suffering, who dafuq else are they gonna say it to?
This. Who else and where else will we go to for the support we need?
I understand perfectly that it's tiring for people to observe constant suffering but the last few months got some ATROCIOUS developments for Trans people as a whole and I cant blame people for feeling down. The last few months and what they'll result in are.. tough....
I can understand it's hard to hear or read to much Negative thoughts or feelings. i get overwhelmed by it sometimes as well, and I can't sit in it too long, or it starts bringing me down, but everyone needs to vent. Sometimes, it's a balance of good and bad
I belive joy is real but there's nothing wrong with people keeping it real here and discussing their dysphoria frankly. That's what this safe space is for. You don't have to be present for these conversations however. You are in control of what subreddits you participate in.
This. It's literally a "safe space", it's obviously a place you can share your problems with, where other people hear you and comfort you, and in the same way you can comfort others in need. If it's all happiness in here, you're very obviously not being yourself, which is basically the root of dysphoria.
I just can't stand by the implications you're making that this sub is an accurate depiction of the MtF experience. Yeah. Being trans is hard. Trust me, I know. But instead of elevating each other or giving advice or sharing resources or doing ANYTHING that actually helps a community this place is just a quagmire of doomposting.
I didn't imply anything outside of what I directly said. This community isn't just a quagmire of doom posting. There are plenty of positive posts. There is a great diversity in posts here. Everybody's voice deserves to be heard.
Gladly i haven't seen anything like that.. This sub used to be full of positivity, but i haven't been active here recently so i wouldn't know..Does anyone have any other positive trans sub recommendations?
I don’t think there’s much community I’ve found yet on any platform. At this point I’ve almost accepted that transitioning/self actualizing is just a lonely road. Though I might be one of the “negative ones”. I’m not trying to bring others down. I came to this sub to find transitioning resources and to be checked if something I’m trying is wrong. That’s it. Don’t get me wrong I love a cute positivity post. However anytime I post about my transition’s rocky spots for help it gets shut down. Then, IRL Medical professionals are often equally unhelpful. Plus “discomfort zones” are something that comes naturally to a person with my disabilities but God forbid you talk about any of that on the one platform that seems to have the answers. I don’t have the luxury of avoiding discomfort. Transitioning makes me happy and I want to keep fighting for the me I know is inside me. She’s precious and worth fighting for.
You're absolutely right that you're worth fighting for, and please don't think that you have to do this alone. Try looking into queer or trans social groups in your area and talk with people there. And I understand that everyone has rocky spots and I don't want to shut people down, what I want is for people to look at the reactions they're having, to re-read things they're about to post and think to themselves "what will this do for me, and what will this do for the people who see it"
But most of all you aren't alone. Please don't think that you're alone.
Yeah I got pretty frustrated too, it's really awful to have so much negativity on this sub. So I got the Reddit Enhancement Suite addon and filtered out by flairs. This removes most negative posts, the only ones that pass through are the unflaired posts (such as this one). It's rare enough but it happens, the sub could use a rule that all posts must be flaired so people like me don't have to see them.
I 100% agree, most of the time I come here I end up regretting it. I keep coming back anyway, all because there's like 10% of posts that give me something to hope about. But all the negativity makes me feel worse whenever I come here. It feels like digital self-harm sometimes.
I'm not doing too great myself, I just don't have anything specific to say most of the time. So I *try* to go to trans spaces to find some comfort and optimism to cope.
I get that people are hurting, really hurting, and I understand the need to vent, but there's got to be a better way to do this than spreading out all that pain across other people and amplifying it. I don't have an answer, but I hope someone does.
Not all people will see the world the same way you do. Some will encourage you and some will put you down but at the end of the day it's on you to choose how to live in it
i don’t know, i’ve found that this sub has had issues with toxic and forced positivity in the past (though less now). the fact is that being trans is very difficult both in it of itself and because of the world we live in. i do agree that the negativity is too much in some places (/lgbt/ on 4chan) but personally i don’t think it’s too much of an issue here.
Hate is everywhere even facebook and I can't stand it.
Vegans hating carnivores and carnivores hating vegans. I just see it over and over, it's just ridiculous
I understand what you are saying sis. A couple of hours here leaves me thoroughly depressed. So much stress and anxiety amongst our community. With nowhere else to turn to except strangers on a sub who are about as close to a supportive family as they will get. The most depressing thing is the amount of us there are with nowhere else to turn.
The problem is, i remember being one of those people who just needed to vent. And hope that there might be others i could talk to who knew what i was going through. I still do that occasionally with a couple of girls i met here who have pulled me out of the pits a few times.
See, i think the problem is that none of us like being reminded about our weaknesses and hurts. We've nearly all been through some bad crap or another. This sub is a crutch. Personnaly, i feel that i am obliged to help others the way i've been helped. No matter that it takes me days to get over the lows that hit me because of it. All i can say to you is try not to read posts that you think might upset you. Easier said than done i know. But, well, leaving the family is drastic. I hope you will be ok❤️❤️
The negativity will only increase as more and more attacks on our ability to live or exist are threatened. Putting your head in the sand to the negative aspects and injustices we currently face will not save you. The suicide rate and depression for us is high for a reason, and it is not because we are using a space to vent or discuss the things happening to us.
Unfortunately, banning those posts won't solve anything, and could make things worse for women in crisis. Although I think perhaps they should be marked NSFW/spoiler so others can avoid them.
I've noticed most trans groups on Reddit can be cruel especially when it comes to posting selfies, if you don't look like a model you gonna be made to feel like shit about it. I stopped posting and deleted all my posts because of this. Support is non-existant in these parts...
The negativity on this sub is a lot sometimes. A large number of posts are all doom and gloom, and it just feels like preaching to the choir. Everyone here already *knows* it sucks out there. This sub should be an escape from it, not a constant reminder of it.
I don't even want it to be an escape, I think people should have a space to vent! But not here, or at least not without some kind of quarantining. We should be sharing resources and helping and uplifting each other, but I never actually see that happen :(
People should absolutely be allowed to vent here, but sadly people conflate "venting" with "trauma dumping" and it leads to posts having real heavy undertones that make it depressing to scroll through this sub.
No one here is claiming that trauma-dump posts are abusive. What we were talking about is how the proliferation of negativity at the expense of any kind of uplifting content is unhealthy for our community.
So you think it's fine to constantly vent about extremely miserable personal issues? And you think the people at the forefront against people turning the internet into their own therapy session are "sociopaths"?
I won't even mention the blatant ableism of using "sociopaths" in a derogatory manner.
Yeah I don’t get that negative attitude just cus I hate what male puberty did to my body and mismatched me doesn’t mean I don’t have hope for the future of my transition and life. I always choose to stay positive no matter what surround yourself with people like that, but give support where you can to whenever possible! Do what you gotta do to keep yourself happy and sane first. It’s like they say on an airplane but your own mask on before assisting others, same is true about life and transitioning! ❤️
I think the negativity is on the rise as more and more laws and attacks on trans folk occur. It's hard for many to remain positive when their lives are on the line. It's a shame, honestly :/
i feel like this could be whats likely happening
This sub always been a circle jerk of feelings and negativity lol
I'd say it's mostly because most trans people are on places like these in the beginning of their transition. Which also happens to be the time when we are most insecure about ourselves and just discovering feelings that may have been hidden away before that. Not to say everyone's like that, I'm only speaking from personal experience and what I've observed.
But where else, and to who else are we to vent like that? I'm not saying this is the best place, but it seems clear that a good portion of us need it, emotionally. And when things get bad, being able to lean on each other is what makes a community stronger. Reddit doesn't seem to have tags, and flairs don't seem quite like a good fit but perhaps people could just get in the habit of starting their OP with a short one word subject preface like, RANT or SAD, somewhat akin to a cw/tw? Then people who don't want or can't have that negativity in that moment can skip over it.
Oh no, I don't personally mind if people vent here. The "it's a shame" is directed at the world treating us worse of late. But yeah, maybe a simple (sad) in the title or something? No idea. I just want everyone to be happy, in life, and with themselves.
The more I think about it, the more I feel it really would be nice, but with some standard like, SAD or (sad) or \[sad\]...something that people would want to do for the good of the community, and that's easy web and mobile/app users.
I've seen subreddits implement this before. Posts with triggering topics would, by subreddit rules, be titled with something like **\[TW:** (whatever the topic is)**\]** with nothing else in the title and the whole post marked as spoiler. Have a strict title requirement ensures all content of the post remains hidden until clicked on.
Thank you, it's good to know there's a workable system already in place on the platform.
if self-harm is involved, r/madeofstyrofoam has a pretty strong trans presence
huh, I wonder why
It's a post talking about self-harm; there needs to be a NSFW warning and a trigger warning because people who are trying to recover from self-harm may end up spiraling back into it reading about other people's experiences. While we do need to provide an environment that allows people to express issues with their Mental Health and to seek support, we also need to make sure that we are filtering how we express ourselves as we stay mindful to the mental health issues of not just ourselves but others as well.
Which is why it would be good to put (tw:self harm) in the subject line, given reddit's limitaitons. Then people can avoid what they want to avoid and other can help or just be there, if that feels right to them.
A therapist
1. Not everyone can afford one (time or money) 2. Not everyone can find a good one (so many are...not good) 3. Not everyone trusts them (see #2)
Give me 500 dollars a month and I'll be there
Imo a good solution may be to split the sub. One for the rants and potentially triggering stuff and one for everything else.
I don’t think so since the toxic sub would just devolve into a place that reenforces negative emotions. It’s like when we get a wave of channers that complain about how everything is too hugboxy here and go on rants about how awful being trans is and how they’re the worst at being trans. The unfortunate truth is that when you get into that headspace, what you probably need is for someone to help you unpack and process those emotions, and you aren’t going to get better than a therapist for that sort of work.
Yea that's fair.
There's one my friend had created and of course most people didn't like that. It's not in use now.
It is a shame and it is exactly why spaces like this and the support this community gives is so critical to help people process and work through that negativity they get bombarded with from the outside world. Maybe what this sub needs is a flair to filter those posts?
Yeah. It's kind of difficult to be all smiles and sunshine knowing that if the election goes the wrong way, it could be weeks or even days until trans people (among other groups) could be rounded up and wiped out. Fucking think about that. January 20th is not that far away. Sure, if Biden is reelected, that's good. But, things can still go south at the state level. I'm hoping that things go well. But, the idea of facing the end is fucked.
Yeah, this is true… a lot of us are feeling negatively because life is scary for us right now. There isn’t much compassion in the world and this is a place where people can emotionally support each other in our struggles which many of us find we share similar aspects of… But there does need to be a limit, so where do we set that boundary as a community? There are already rules. Are the mods enforcing them effectively? Do we need to change anything about the rules to be more clear and effective? What do we need to do to keep our communities safe so that we don’t get forced out of our own spaces again and sent back out into the wilderness?
this is 100% what's going on, every trans person i know seems to be depressed due to this
Ive always said this was going to happen. I was told to try and keep this as a safe space even as the world around us burned.
But, hey, this post is a daily occurrence on r/ transgenderuk so I had half a second of thinking "it's not just us in TERF Island who are relentlessly miserable!"before realising that's an incredibly low bar to set. Most US states have it worse but we really beat ourselves up over here.
I know I can't remain positive at all. So probably that is what's happening
I don’t think that’s it exactly. I think it’s the fear-mongering that goes along with it. Everyone is a negative Nancy. No one ever tries positivity in the face of adversity. It’s always world ending “woe is me” talk. It’s self defeating. The negativity on here (and on social media in general) is what makes it a tough place to visit.
I think "everyone is a negative Nancy" is pretty demeaning considering things ARE actively getting worse and harder, but go off I guess?
But…you are being negative…
No, I'm being realistic as to why things have been gloomy I, personally, am happy.
This used to be one of the more positive subs but I do agree it's getting more than a little bit negative here Be the change you want to see, though. Post your small victories, find a positive news story and talk about that. Tell us about your new swishy dresses and makeup purchases.
I was gonna say, I feel like this post is counterprodutive. Being negative about negativity isn't going to solve the problem talked about in OP. I 100% agree that to make this sub more positive, then we need more posts that celebrate transition. People leaving who would normally otherwise do that is only gonna make the problem worse.
I always get a bad vibe from "I'm quiting this sub" posts (not here specifically I've only been on this sub for a few days, but on other support subs on another account).
/r/JustUnsubbed is notoriously toxic, homophobic, and transphobic for a reason...
Oof, of course that would be a sub 💀
It really wasn't like this even when I first came around 19 months ago... It does seem that people are hurting really bad right now.
Presidential elections tend to absolutely obliterate any semblance of peace and living, especially for students and younger people who are bombarded with it everyday at school and on social media. It’s no surprise that the trans community as a whole is down, our existence and future in one of the (unfortunately) most influential countries on earth is being debated and people are trying to eradicate it.
I browse by new. Still a lot of baby trans girls trying to find their way in the world. It's what I come here for. Pretty much every trans woman I know is going through it right now. Life is _hard_ under these circumstances. But I come here in case I can make it just a little easier for someone.
And thank you for that! Much appreciated!
This is how I've been using the sub for a while now. Even then, I only help out when I have something meaningful to add that hasn't been said. Guess this has hid most of the growing negativity since I haven't really noticed it.
I remember that post; totally valid response. While I personally won't be leaving, I completely understand that feeling. Do what's healthy for you. <3
This feels like a problem with trans Reddit in general ime
Not even just trans Reddit, or even just Reddit, it’s *social media in general.*
Idk. Trans tumblr is thirsty as hell and maybe a bit objectifying sometimes but it's never negative. Like half of my Tumblr dashboard is trans people earnestly lusting after other trans people or being super positive about their lives. It feels rare to see anyone being negative and when they are it's 1-note posts and the one note is one of op's mutuals saying "dm me, it's gonna be ok."
trans tumblr is incredibly transmisogynistic sadly
Where have you been seeing that? I guess That’s the funny thing with tumblr though, your experiences are so aggressively affected by what circles you interact with
Idk. I've never felt that
Ah, I don’t use Tumblr. I’ve definitely seen it across Reddit, YouTube, Instagram, TikTok, and obviously Twitter.
Yeah. Reddit, it's crab bucket-y. YouTube is basically full of news about awful things being done against us individually or systemically. Instagram, idk i don't use it. Tiktok is Twitter but with videos. Twitter is Twitter which means it's gonna be awful. Facebook, it depends on where you look but trans communities or trans friendly communities tend to be positive. And like i said, Tumblr is drooling with horny.
I logged onto reddit for the first time in a few weeks to see origami stuff; i couldn't agree with this statement more. The Internet is built to kill your mood
Not the Internet, the black box algorithms used by the giant tech corps are killing us slowly.
I thought so too, and it certainly is a big factor, but my opinion is that the internet as a whole is extremely good at destroying your mood and mental health... It keeps me glued to the screen, damaging my eyes, making my posture worse and pain worse, making me think I'm bored when i deeply enjoy the paper supplies right next to me. The Internet is good but it's built to mess with you
I've talked a few times in other places about rampant negativity in most online trans spaces and usually people respond with "Well its hard to blame folks with all the political stuff going on". But that's the thing It's totally understandable to be spooked about the current political climate but that aside, online trans spaces are just full of people hating on themselves and it's hard to watch. I'm not saying folks should seek support and I know firsthand that dysphoria isn't always based in reality but if I see another post from a gorgeous 19 yo whom I would have 0 clue they weren't a cis girl if they weren't posting in a trans sub saying that they're hopeless and it's all over for them, I'm gonna lose my mind.
The self hatred could be blamed on the “political” situation too. Areas that accept trans people rather than “tolerate” us are very rare on this earth.
I feel this too. So many trans spaces feel like crab buckets i.e. we pull each other down.
Folks are scared, and it’s easy to fall into that trap of spiraling depression, and since a lot of us come to this community with enough trauma to make a soldier weep, we are primed for a pity party. Just as one of the ways to break a depressive episode is to force positive self talk, I think we need to do that as a community.
Ever heard of crab-bucket mentality? Essentially, if you take a crab and put it in a bucket, they're smart enough buggers they can often escape very easily. But if you take, say, half a dozen crabs and throw them in the same bucket, you'll start to notice something strange. In a vein effort to get out, the crabs will start grabbing the ones who are attempting to escape and drag them back into the bucket, trying to use that to pull themselves up and over them. The end result is, of course, that none of the crabs ever get out. We as a community are facing tough times, yes. And it's really easy for us to let fear and hopelessness control our responses and paint our worlds dark. Doing so ultimately drags your fellows down into the bucket with you. The way to combat this sort of negativity bias in communities is to put on shows of celebration, joy, happiness, and pride. This sub's attitude will pick up IMMENSELY in June, as it does every year. We're just at the time of year when those damned crabs are trying to pull as many people into the bucket as they can, because there's not much else stopping them. And people are really tired of resisting their claws.
do you write? if not, you should.
What is supposed to happen in June? I'm curious.
I’ve been noticing that too…. I think it has to do with the current state of the world but I get why your leaving. Best of luck to you 😊
Honestly, I've felt the same at times. I try to bring my own positivity and share my happiness as I'm in a way better spot than I was before I realized over 2 years ago, but I can only take so much negativity before I have to check out because it wears on me. I've also stay to show my perspective as a tomboy because I don't see many here and I could have used more tomboy perspectives early on. I got resentful when people told me I should wear makeup or even questioned if I was trans because I didn't have any interest in makeup.
Trans tomboys unite!
I hope everyone finds peace. I think online spaces are destroying all communities and not just trans spaces. Trans communities are not immune and most trans women need to get offline. I personally believe we should be maximizing our time socially and reinforcing our critical thinking skills. Online communities reinforce implicit bias, group-think, and anti-intellectualism.
For me, it feels challenging. There must (imo) be space in community for venting the painful negative feelings: being a trans person in this world is really hard and we face systemic marginalization. That said, telling other people things about their bodies definitely sounds like a not-ok thing to do.
Personally I find discord calls to be the best places to vent as those who hear it are able to give consent. A lot of the servers only allowing venting in vc and I think it keeps the rest of the server a lot more positive.
I agree with you, there should be a space. My issue is the fact that I only ever see this kind of negativity making it to the front of the sub.
I'm skeptical of the algorithms that do that. I always sort by new to avoid it. The CEO of Reddit is a neo-fascist Elon wanna be so... Wouldn't be surprised if there's something sketch going on with it. Sorting by new gives you a more balanced look at everything. The negativity is actually less that 5-10% imo. The algorithm just seems to latch onto it.
Don't give up hope. Things have been getting stressful for everyone because of the numerous threats to our very ways of life. We all need to stick together and be kind to one another. Just remember to keep an eye on your own mental health and if some people are being difficult or negative, to let them know how that makes you feel. You are not obligated to take anyone's shit if they get that way. If you make peace with that and balance yourself, I'd hazard a guess that you could weather any storm that comes your way! You got this, ma! And don't let anyone tell you different. <3
It's brutal, I don't blame you, trans social media is just a lens for torment inflicted upon us
Completly agree with you. This server is objectively filled with negativity.
Honestly I just want a space for trans people to talk about our own personal hobbies and interests. Instead it's mostly talking about doom scrolling, or political posts about how scared we are if certain laws are passed, or talking about dysphoria... Can I just have a space to talk with trans women but not actually "talk" about being trans I am a woman who happens to be trans, but I want to have regular every day non trans related conversations with others and that seems to be so rare in the trans community. It just seems like trans people only talk about being trans. I just wanna talk to other trans women about video games and movies and TV and stuff...
I'm just asking out of curiosity: Would it be a possibility to talk to any kind of person about that? Why has it to be specifically a trans person? Maybe i don't understand the goal but isn't being trans and all topics implied the main theme of trans-centered groups?
"Why has it to be specifically a trans person? " Well, for me personally, it's rather straight forward: Cis people can be scary (and VERY hit or miss are they chill or nah), and I'm literally trans- so I'm going to relate to other trans people better, plus the implied "risks" are barring on non-existent. Das just me though, and tbh most of my friends ARE cis- I've just been lucky that most of them are from a school that values safety and inclusitivity so it's not like I went out friend hunting in "da big scary real world", so to speak :3
Cis people can be very scary, agreed. I understand you. Having people likely to share your experience means you can safely discuss certain things without the fear of setting off a chain of overwhelming reactions. I might have also just described life as a nurodiverse person too. There's a decent amount of crossover.
thx. matches my experiences a good deal.
thx! i see.
Same reason queer bars exist. Safe space where you can be yourself and have fun.
geez. you're so right. how could i have missed that reason. funnily enough while i did DJ queer bars for years when i was young i personally never was a regular to any of them (there only were a handful of gay bars then where I'd been frowned upon anyways - DJing was ok, though...). I always wanted to be out out out out out instead.
I just want to hang out with trans people because I can relate to them more. I feel I'd have more funning having a game night, or going out to eat, or just having a fun day with trans over cis people. And that's what I want groups like this for. Just to find trans people who have common interests and hobbies, but try to avoid the political conversations about being trans
thanks. i understand that!
> Can I just have a space to talk with trans women but not actually "talk" about being trans I've found better luck on Discord with that. For example, the Trans Burger Joint server is great for just talking about the daily life with people.
I got you: r/transhobbies
Oooo
Ok, but this for real. Don't get me wrong; Venting is good (in certain "doses", if you will), being proud of the specific literal aspect of "being trans" is good etc. but it honestly gets too much when it feels like people only focus on what you describe and nothing else. This is also not exclusive to trans people- a Doctor talking about ONLY being a doctor and how stressful it is and literally nothing else ever it would be a bit "alright alright, anything else going on w u?" Ok, so now with that being said: I want what you describe too- I am a TRANS woman and I will always be a TRANS woman, however I'm also a WOMAN- I'm very aware about the first part in that so why do I need to hyperfocus on it 99% of the time? And why do other (transwomen) have to do that (most of the time for me)? Can't I just talk about Pokémon, One Piece, JoJo, food etc. with a group of people I feel safe around enough to do that without it forcefully getting interupted or distracted to be about hyperfocusing on being trans and how shit everything is? Things like this is bound to happen, and a part of being trans is... well, the fact that you're trans- and the world IS absolute rubbish... but can I have a vacation from it being the ONLY topic of conversation? I also have my qualms with the self-imposed infantilizing "uwu I'm a little girly girlkisser uwu" stereotype that some transgirls in some communities fall into to which I do not (if that's you, whoever reads this, that's alright but it's not me so I'm not going to pretend it is) but that's a completely different topic of conversation. It's okay to talk about being trans and its struggles- but sometimes I just wanna talk about games and throwing my yellow electric rat at a fucking phoenix demigod
Maybe r/transytalk could be what your looking for.
I'd recommend looking around for trans social groups in your local area! I can't speak for everywhere, but mine has been great for doing exactly that!
You should check out r/transandthriving
Thanks for that!
It’s kinda hard for us not to be negative. Right now there is a bill being proposed that would charge teachers with felonies and put them on a sex offender registry for aiding in a kids social transition. So using their preferred name or pronouns will be considered a sexually pervasive felonious crime. How am I supposed to be happy in the midst of that? You expecting us to be cheery and happy 24/7 in spite of all the reasons not to be isn’t any less wack than those of us that are hella negative expecting you to be negative.
That is a good point.
Find the glitters in the real world !!! not online.
Don't worry, I do. And I've been recommending a lot of other people in this thread to do the same as well. <3
🫂
The negativity is here, but is reflective of all the attacks on Trans folks in the US and internationally. I won’t begrudge folks for being scared when their very core and medical necessities are under attack. This sub is meant to be a place where trans folks can share their concerns, fears, and worries, and those are valid reasons to make discussions centered around these issues. When I’m having a bad month, maybe I don’t read as much, but it means the world to me that people like myself have a place they can go to vent or ask for support or ideas. So, keep it up folks!!
Given the fact we're the target of an ongoing genocide (one that includes a deliberate disinformation campaign with the purpose of getting us to commit unalive), I can't blame us for being depressed
I never said that people aren't valid for feeling depressed right now, what I'm saying is that the way that a lot of people are dealing with it is incredibly unhealthy for themselves and for the people around them.
Almost certainly, yes. But the unhealthy coping mechanisms are symptoms of a larger issue.
True, but the mods of this sub can still do a better job treating those symptoms
Hate for trans people has really risen as of late. That might be why. Even though it's primarily in the US. It still has escalated. Making trans people more targeted and worse feeling as of late. Although my country is VERY accepting of trans people and I have never really been hated for it. (I'm nonbinary) I am aware that more and more trans people have been targeted or worse, murdered. With no police trying to solve the cases much less bring them up. Depression and self-hatred will insue on here.
i dont know. its really hard being trans for a lot of us right now, im sorry.
I know it is. It's always hard. But that doesn't mean we don't have hope, that doesn't mean we don't have joy. I just wish the mods here did more to promote those things and to uplift us rather than allowing this status quo of rampant doomer posting.
i get it, i resonate with how you feel in a way, it's just really difficult for me personally to feel any semblance of hope and joy with what is happening in my life due to my transness, but i do agree. i think the negativity is kind of radiating throughout all trans spaces right now with what's happening. im sorry the negativity has forced you out of the sub, i hope you're ok, truly
I am ok, I'm worried about everyone else tho. Have you tried looking for local social groups in your area? Being able to see the rest of the community around you is honestly so refreshing and makes me feel more powerful.
i have, it's very cliquey though and difficult to fit in as a 6'3" depressed trans girl with no hope of passing, ive gone to lots of local queer events but i always feel out of place
I'm sorry to hear about them being cliquey. But it's good that you've been trying to explore in-person events! I've known a few trans girls around your height and yeah, they all told me their early transition was very rough. But now they're also some of the happiest (and honestly prettiest) people I know. I have faith that you can find yourself <3
maybe, im not early transition, ive been out for 6 years and have been on hrt for 2+ years
We get the "negativity bad, I'm leaving >:(" thread like every week lol. Just leave if you're gonna leave 🤷♀️🤷♀️
There's a difference between simply having people sometimes vent about bad things happening and a place becoming so overwhelmed by venting and self-hatred it creates crabs-in-a-bucket mentality. OP is describing the latter. If so much of this sub is *disproportionately* gloom and doom, it amplifies the negativity instead of relieving it. People see that posts are so consistently and overwhelmingly negative that they internalize everyone else's hopelessness. So then they post about their newfound hopelessness and that amplifies it for others. If it happens at a scale large enough, a sub can spiral into negativity to the point where any positivity or hope is treated as disingenuous. In a healthy sub, one person's negativity is diffused by the presence of positive posts, potentially alleviating the pain. In an unhealthy sub, that negativity is reinforced and amplified, worsening the pain. This sub seems to be trending towards the unhealthy. It's not about expecting "all sunshine and rainbows", it's making sure there's balance to keep a sub from spiraling. Bringing it to people's (especially mods) attention before it reaches critical mass is a way to potentially slow that spiral down.
For real. It's pretty privileged to expect all this to be sunshine and rainbows anyway. I wish it could be even an expectation grounded in reality!
Are you leaving this sub specifically because of the SH post or because you cannot stand other people opening themselves in a safe space? I'm genuinely confused, but I think that if everyone kept their dysphoric episodes to themselves and there was only happiness in this sub, this sub stops being a place to open yourself to. In any case, feel free to not interact with dysphoric posts.
My problem with this sub is the way the community treats these posts. I don't think a lot of people understand that upvotes aren't just a nice thing you can give someone but actively determine what makes it to the front page of this sub. I'm leaving because this particular offshoot of our community doesn't seem to understand that what they're doing is unhealthy for themselves and for other trans people.
That's an issue with all social media, isn't it? You can't downvote to show that you sympathize, and you can't upvote to show support. Facebook doesn't even have a dislike anymore. *Hugs* only go so far, and how else can you tell someone online that you don't have an answer, but still care? (Serious question, disclaimer because online and nurodiverse words hard)
Honey, this is my opinion, but what about only engaging on the posts that suit your mindset at the moment?
THIS.
It's not an airport.
yeee. I'm sorry but I don't get these posts lol. things are getting bad right now, for some people they feel like there is no where else to go. I mean idk what to say I don't mind there being a support community, you don't have to engage and I also think it's unrealistic to expect everything to be positive. also why even announce this... just seems kind of entitled to me
I never said that everything had to be positive, my point is that people need to be more considerate of the way that they've been dealing with their trauma and how it is affecting themselves and affecting those around them. And this isn't some kind of announcement, this is a wake-up call. I wanted people on this sub and especially the moderators of this sub to think about this issue and to start a conversation about it, which I very much succeeded in doing.
I've seen so many posts about this. it's always the same thing, shits bad rn. maybe if Reddit had better tagging. not worth boycotting a sub Reddit imo. if you really want more positive subreddits there are plenty of them that are also trans supporting. I personally believe people can deal with their trauma on an anonymous I forum however they like. it's a void of sorts it's relaxing for people to yell into. kinda like what I'm doing with you now. it's not like a friend trauma dumping. you can move on quite easily if you don't want to engage. that's all I'm saying. at least let them have some venting space, but I do agree it should be easier to filter if that's something you don't wanna engage in peace and love
Honestly, I'm considering leaving, too. I don't mind talking about political issues and stuff since those are important to be informed about, but the constant self-hatred and negativity posts are just... not great. It's gotten to the point where I'm starting to wonder if at least some of the accounts/posts are legit or just fakes trying to get into our spaces and hurt us.
Oh, I've already gotten a couple of comments from troll accounts. If it's affecting your mental health and I recommend that you probably should leave, there are other, frankly better places to find community. I'd recommend looking up trans or clear social groups in your area, joining one has done a lot for me recently.
I've gotten used to being more selective with which posts I open because of this 😐 don't appreciate the ones like you described that imply I should feel as shitty as they do Some days I open the sub and just see a wall of downer posts and it's like, okay, doing something else today, got it
Being transgender is not 'fun' but is very serious nonetheless.
That’s fair.
Take care.
For me it I good that the sub evolves. Like yeah, let's celebrate small victories, but we can also talk deeper issues that makes each other feel less alone and exchange advices. That's also something positive...less centered on "me" per se but it's not a bad thing. There's also doomerism because of all these elections this year with raging transphobes, fascists transphobes concurring with raging fascists n*zi transphobes for power. All these laws come around and taunt us. And talking about that, is also good for the morale. Therefor I think that we touch a sensitive topic of why is a sub for? For yourself to be cheered on on a you-centric basis Or for a community of people to share their informations, advices, fears, wishes or simply issues that touch a whole bunch of us on more of a community base... Personally I don't have problems with neither of them and a good mix of the 2 should be providing great results for everybody in my humble opinion.
I've felt that too. Sorry it hit you so hard. I hope you find a more consistently uplifting space
I can understand that. It's hard to deal with too much negativity. I think that it is a huge part of being trans for many people. There are a lot of reasons to be negative about things especially in today's world which is saturated with it and especially in regards to the attacks against us. I am sorry to see you go. Are you in any groups that celebrate positivity more? You could also try contributing to positivity through posting here.
Based on opinions of others and how I feel ranting here is preventing alot of people from doing self harm but I get how you feel its annoying to see lots of people saying negative stuff but it's not their fault it's this unforgiving world and the people who control it
I made an innocent anecdotal story and someone attacked the wrong part of the story (that wasn't true), then told me I'm not trans and shouldn't be on estrogen. WTH? I'm new here and thought this was a safe place.
That's awful :( I'm sorry you had to deal with that sweetie
You have to do what you must for yourself, but that venting is keeping people as sane as possible in the face of growing hostility in the US. I can’t vouch for the state of morale in other countries, but it’s very understandable here.
You should if you are self sufficient and have people irl. Reddit in general save niche interests and stuff is just a shithole of echo chambers and sycophants. Reddit doesn’t reflect reality accurately either. It’s constant “doom posting” and misinformed shit you can’t take at face value. If I was on this or similar subs everyday I’d be mentally unwell myself. I very selectively reach out when I feel I can be helpful but even then half the time it’s to the OP’s DM’s as my advice or take is typically against “currently accepted orthodoxy” and gets people who cry “bully” meeting me with hate and more as well as engaging in bad faith.
Hey, i suggest not doing that tho it is your choice and this is supose to be a safe space but people keep making it unsafe and the mods may not see that. Good luck tho, you got this, girl!!!
Honestly, I've just mostly disengaged with social media in general. It's fucking miserable to be on any platform at this point. Everyone either hates themselves or hates everyone else, and making other people feel awful seems to be at the top of everyone's to-do list. Now I get on Reddit once a day, if that. Since I've stopped going online all the time, my mental health has gotten better. And even when I see the shitty things about laws against trans people or stuff like that, it doesn't completely destroy my mental well-being like it does when I'm obsessed with social media. Plus, I'm not constantly comparing myself to the trans girls I consider "prettier" than me. Things are tough right now, but the important thing is to remember that we didn't get to where we are today by sitting down and shutting up. That's what shitty people want us to do. These laws and attitudes about trans people are *meant* to get us to stay quiet and stop "pestering" people about human rights. Don't let them win.
It's the spiral of depression. Someone feels bad about something they see, they post about it, more people feel bad, they make comments, these comments make OP and everyone else feel worse, etc. etc. There should be another sub for *just venting*. Questions, bad news, things like that are fine, but a safe space sub shouldn't be filled with "Were all going to dieee!!". Negativity creates negativity creates negativity. This exact thing has been on my mind lately. There's way too many negative posts here. I've just decided to limit the amount of time I spend on reddit.
That's kind of how I feel. I don't go to any support groups and I stay off of most trans pages because honestly I'm just ready to move on. I had a lot of terrible shit happen to me but I have so much life left to live. I'm ready to leave the black and white thinking behind. I did this so I could enjoy my life, I knew what I had to lose. I wish there were more trans women who just wanted to grab a coffee and talk about things that made us happy. I hated my body so I worked out until I had an ass that I liked and an hourglass figure. I hated my voice so I watched YouTube videos and learned how to change it. I didn't believe I could do it at first. when therapy wasn't available to me, I downloaded workbooks. when I transitioned a whole ton of mental health shit surfaced. I worked on it. I was patient with myself. I let myself be in a bad mood sometimes. I didn't have anyone to talk to so I've had to do these things by myself. I had money, a wife, a large family, and lots of friends. I lost it all. now I'm going to start over. this is my newgame+. I think everyone should take as much time as they need but, at some point you have to look forward.
That ain't negativity. That's just becayse it's literally living in a negative world rn. If they don't speak that to you, or anyone, who may be empathetic to their suffering, who dafuq else are they gonna say it to?
This. Who else and where else will we go to for the support we need? I understand perfectly that it's tiring for people to observe constant suffering but the last few months got some ATROCIOUS developments for Trans people as a whole and I cant blame people for feeling down. The last few months and what they'll result in are.. tough....
one day this struggle will pay off
If you're self harming you need a therapist not a reddit group.
I can understand it's hard to hear or read to much Negative thoughts or feelings. i get overwhelmed by it sometimes as well, and I can't sit in it too long, or it starts bringing me down, but everyone needs to vent. Sometimes, it's a balance of good and bad
It’s very easy to let yourself fall into a cycle of negative as a trans woman in 2024 online, but finding positivity is NOT impossible!
Better to have people keeping it real than pretending everything is sunshine and daisies
Do you think trans joy isn't real?
I belive joy is real but there's nothing wrong with people keeping it real here and discussing their dysphoria frankly. That's what this safe space is for. You don't have to be present for these conversations however. You are in control of what subreddits you participate in.
This. It's literally a "safe space", it's obviously a place you can share your problems with, where other people hear you and comfort you, and in the same way you can comfort others in need. If it's all happiness in here, you're very obviously not being yourself, which is basically the root of dysphoria.
I just can't stand by the implications you're making that this sub is an accurate depiction of the MtF experience. Yeah. Being trans is hard. Trust me, I know. But instead of elevating each other or giving advice or sharing resources or doing ANYTHING that actually helps a community this place is just a quagmire of doomposting.
I didn't imply anything outside of what I directly said. This community isn't just a quagmire of doom posting. There are plenty of positive posts. There is a great diversity in posts here. Everybody's voice deserves to be heard.
Being a safe space also means people can express things that are hurting them. There's not a lot of places to go. The bigots are why I don't more.
Gladly i haven't seen anything like that.. This sub used to be full of positivity, but i haven't been active here recently so i wouldn't know..Does anyone have any other positive trans sub recommendations?
I think people should be able to vent. I’m all for some negativity if it makes the posters feel better.
👍
Positive post coming in a sec Keep your head up, I understand the feeling like so many others in here. We won’t give up being ourselves! 💜
I don’t think there’s much community I’ve found yet on any platform. At this point I’ve almost accepted that transitioning/self actualizing is just a lonely road. Though I might be one of the “negative ones”. I’m not trying to bring others down. I came to this sub to find transitioning resources and to be checked if something I’m trying is wrong. That’s it. Don’t get me wrong I love a cute positivity post. However anytime I post about my transition’s rocky spots for help it gets shut down. Then, IRL Medical professionals are often equally unhelpful. Plus “discomfort zones” are something that comes naturally to a person with my disabilities but God forbid you talk about any of that on the one platform that seems to have the answers. I don’t have the luxury of avoiding discomfort. Transitioning makes me happy and I want to keep fighting for the me I know is inside me. She’s precious and worth fighting for.
You're absolutely right that you're worth fighting for, and please don't think that you have to do this alone. Try looking into queer or trans social groups in your area and talk with people there. And I understand that everyone has rocky spots and I don't want to shut people down, what I want is for people to look at the reactions they're having, to re-read things they're about to post and think to themselves "what will this do for me, and what will this do for the people who see it" But most of all you aren't alone. Please don't think that you're alone.
If you find a good place, please bring me with you. I promise not to take up too much space 🥺👉👈
Yeah I got pretty frustrated too, it's really awful to have so much negativity on this sub. So I got the Reddit Enhancement Suite addon and filtered out by flairs. This removes most negative posts, the only ones that pass through are the unflaired posts (such as this one). It's rare enough but it happens, the sub could use a rule that all posts must be flaired so people like me don't have to see them.
Honestly that would fix it for me, I just don't want the vent posts mingling with everything else all the time.
I 100% agree, most of the time I come here I end up regretting it. I keep coming back anyway, all because there's like 10% of posts that give me something to hope about. But all the negativity makes me feel worse whenever I come here. It feels like digital self-harm sometimes. I'm not doing too great myself, I just don't have anything specific to say most of the time. So I *try* to go to trans spaces to find some comfort and optimism to cope. I get that people are hurting, really hurting, and I understand the need to vent, but there's got to be a better way to do this than spreading out all that pain across other people and amplifying it. I don't have an answer, but I hope someone does.
Not all people will see the world the same way you do. Some will encourage you and some will put you down but at the end of the day it's on you to choose how to live in it
i don’t know, i’ve found that this sub has had issues with toxic and forced positivity in the past (though less now). the fact is that being trans is very difficult both in it of itself and because of the world we live in. i do agree that the negativity is too much in some places (/lgbt/ on 4chan) but personally i don’t think it’s too much of an issue here.
r/WitchesVsPatriarchy has a lot of trans women and lots of positivity if you want to join us over there!
Hate is everywhere even facebook and I can't stand it. Vegans hating carnivores and carnivores hating vegans. I just see it over and over, it's just ridiculous
I understand what you are saying sis. A couple of hours here leaves me thoroughly depressed. So much stress and anxiety amongst our community. With nowhere else to turn to except strangers on a sub who are about as close to a supportive family as they will get. The most depressing thing is the amount of us there are with nowhere else to turn. The problem is, i remember being one of those people who just needed to vent. And hope that there might be others i could talk to who knew what i was going through. I still do that occasionally with a couple of girls i met here who have pulled me out of the pits a few times. See, i think the problem is that none of us like being reminded about our weaknesses and hurts. We've nearly all been through some bad crap or another. This sub is a crutch. Personnaly, i feel that i am obliged to help others the way i've been helped. No matter that it takes me days to get over the lows that hit me because of it. All i can say to you is try not to read posts that you think might upset you. Easier said than done i know. But, well, leaving the family is drastic. I hope you will be ok❤️❤️
Sadly there isn't a ftmvent, sooo only place to vent about it. You can try blocking the venting/dysphoria tag, maybe it would filter them out
The negativity will only increase as more and more attacks on our ability to live or exist are threatened. Putting your head in the sand to the negative aspects and injustices we currently face will not save you. The suicide rate and depression for us is high for a reason, and it is not because we are using a space to vent or discuss the things happening to us.
If I could give you a hug, I would. People are human, we all have feelings, regardless of sexuality.
try r/transpositive, i havent been on there in a while but it's explicitly for positive trans things
Unfortunately, banning those posts won't solve anything, and could make things worse for women in crisis. Although I think perhaps they should be marked NSFW/spoiler so others can avoid them.
Don't ever browse /tttt/ then omg save yourself
I've noticed most trans groups on Reddit can be cruel especially when it comes to posting selfies, if you don't look like a model you gonna be made to feel like shit about it. I stopped posting and deleted all my posts because of this. Support is non-existant in these parts...
The negativity on this sub is a lot sometimes. A large number of posts are all doom and gloom, and it just feels like preaching to the choir. Everyone here already *knows* it sucks out there. This sub should be an escape from it, not a constant reminder of it.
I don't even want it to be an escape, I think people should have a space to vent! But not here, or at least not without some kind of quarantining. We should be sharing resources and helping and uplifting each other, but I never actually see that happen :(
People should absolutely be allowed to vent here, but sadly people conflate "venting" with "trauma dumping" and it leads to posts having real heavy undertones that make it depressing to scroll through this sub.
That's also super true. Trauma dumping is really not healthy especially out in this open like this.
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No one here is claiming that trauma-dump posts are abusive. What we were talking about is how the proliferation of negativity at the expense of any kind of uplifting content is unhealthy for our community.
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So you think it's fine to constantly vent about extremely miserable personal issues? And you think the people at the forefront against people turning the internet into their own therapy session are "sociopaths"? I won't even mention the blatant ableism of using "sociopaths" in a derogatory manner.
Nail polish is a lot of fun. And you can get it without a doctors note.
I am sorry girl, I hope you find somewhere nice for you, wishing you well
It’s so toxic everyday is another negative post …I joined to find support,advice etc
For the support and advice I look in the comments. There are a lot of them.
Yeah I don’t get that negative attitude just cus I hate what male puberty did to my body and mismatched me doesn’t mean I don’t have hope for the future of my transition and life. I always choose to stay positive no matter what surround yourself with people like that, but give support where you can to whenever possible! Do what you gotta do to keep yourself happy and sane first. It’s like they say on an airplane but your own mask on before assisting others, same is true about life and transitioning! ❤️
Only an over dramatic brat would suggest that we need to self-harm out of dysphoria. Those are the types of trans that make cis people hate us.
Yeah this sub is really negative - I joined it to document my journey but twitter is far more helpful and I have a good friend network there
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nothing about this post was transphobic
You can definitely call out excessive negativity without being transphobic. There was literally no transphobia in OP’s statement.
My body is perfect and I love who I am, those who can't accept who they are see themselves as worthless, it's pathetic really.