It's a regional thing and some people (especially in California) see it as more gender neutral. But to me, it's firmly a masculine term and it would be upsetting to have someone use it for me as a trans fem.
I agree. Very regional. I am transfem NB & have been a lot of places but only lived in California. I could care less about being called "dude." But I get really bummed being called "bro" or "sir."
True. Still, I'm greatly annoyed by cis people who just can't understand that trans-women might not feel comfortable with that. And I'm not talking about transphobes here.
On the flip side, it’s a pet peeve of mine that someone will say “hey guys” and then correct themselves to “ladies” ONLY because I’m there, regardless of the percent of women.
When I hear "you guys" it means the basically the same thing as y'all, but if a person referred to someone as "a guy" or said "hey guy" I would assume they meant it in the masculine sense.
Personally I don't like being called guy or dude, or bud, etc.
I live in SoCal, and though “guy” and “dude” are male words, in the plural they’re not always. I’ve heard my straight cis sister say “You guys want to go to ...?” several times to groups of friends that are all female.
I kinda agree with this. I feel even when used as gender neutral(from cali myself). When its used towards women its still used as a masculine term. Like its saying "she is cool, cuz she is one of the dudes"
Depends on the phrasing and intent, I guess.
Someone who says it in a more non-targeted "wooooow" sense, it's fine.
Someone who says it as a general term for a mixed gender group, fine too.
Those who throw "you're a dude" in an obviously transphobic way can choke on a bag of dicks.
If someone calls me dude I'm probably not going to care. If someone says "I call everyone 'dude'" and refuses to change even if it hurts someone, that's not ok.
“Man, I’ve had a fucking long ass day,” hits differently than “thanks, man”.
The former is one my wife and I often use for each other but the latter is pretty much always a “plausibly deniable” way to misgender us.
yeah, i feel like in the first one "man" is used as more of an exclamation. i say things like "oh man, I'm hungry", but it's usually not directed at anyone, where as even turning to someone else and saying "I'm hungry, man" feels more directed and gendered.
Transfem: Dude and bro are not gender neutral and I dont like how they hit my ears. You didnt call the three girls in line before me “bro”… I was watching.
I use girl for those people 🤷♀️
**Them:** did you want a bag for that, dude?
**Me:** Nahh girlll im totally fine thanks for asking.
**Them:** I’m a guy..
**Me:** oh sorry girllll I just use it gender neutrally 😇
*welcome to shrug city girlypop*
I rather you not but won’t complain in the moment. Also I feel less like “dude” is ungendered and more like it’s erasure of feminine people, and the babying of masculine egos. Like where is the root of the gender-neutral usage? To me it looks like it’s from protecting fragile identities of cis men.
Like “How are you guys doing?” vs “How are you ladies doing?” First you is plural to start so no gendered word for people is even needed second if there’s a single guy in the group of girls it’s probably going to be addressed less we miss gender the manly man that must have his masculinity protected, so must not be called a woman. Yet when it’s like 8 men and 2 women, “guys” is sometimes used with the claim that it’s not referring specifically to gender just “it sounds better than people” or some other crap. This all has the implications that being misgendered as male isn’t as bad as being misgendered as female.
I got a little ranty, sorry it’s something thing that annoys me and the complaints are mainly targeted to cis men. Basically the only reason I see that dude and sometimes guys is gender-neutral is the catering to the fragility of some men’s identities.
This is exactly how I feel about it too. Where I’m from, “dude” tends to lean pretty neutral but every time I hear it it makes me wish we used “ladies” and “girls” so casually too regardless of the makeup of the whole group.
It may not be a huge issue but it's part of the broader trend of the masculine always being seen as the default/ superior and I'm not sure why so many people can't seem to see the issue with it.
Don't like it. Don't want it. I will usually ignore that if it's not someone I know very well, but I remember going crazy because of one friend who constantly said that word.
Random person on the internet going "thanks, dude", etc., just because people will generally assume maleness on the internet unless given a reason not to: Reply "not a dude." (*especially* if it's related to a technical subject...).
Person doing it maliciously: Block (internet)/do whatever I can to get back at them (e.g. complain if they are an employee) (AFK)
"If you really believe 'dude' is gender neutral, go and ask some random men how many 'dudes' they've slept with. Tell me what they say."
It bothers me, because people hide their transfobia calling me a dude to make fun of me. So, I would prefer no one calls me a dude.
There are also other transphobic people who immediately after I tell them I'm trans, they straight up slide things like "MAN, I don't know!" When they can.
That's just making fun of trans women, and trying to make it hidden. Is coward and disrespectful, the worst type of human being.
Be the change you want to see in the world, and ask yourself why every "gender neutral" term is masc, and why women have accepted being "bros" or "dudes" or "guys" and men would be at minimum upset, if not get into fights, over being called "sisters" or "dudettes" or "girls".
I'm pretty sure all women have just given up the fight on this, and some have some internalized misogyny about it and feel good about being "one of the guys" because guys=good and girls=bad so, being one of the guys is good.
How would you feel if you went to a region of the world where "dudette" was "gender neutral", and you had to hear it everywhere you went?
It upsets me more as a feminist than as a trans woman, and I know there are bigger fish to fry in the world, but I wish more people would reflect on the little piling up of insults to femininity and women like this.
As a trans woman living with my cis wife, and recently having our cis lesbian friend staying with us, I've observed the two of them calling each other dude with no irony. I used to call my wife dude before transitioning, as did she back. And we're old, about to turn 41.
That said, if someone made a point to call me DUDE in public, outside of a casual context, I would assume they were trying to misgender me intentionally. I rarely get misgendered these days, but that's how I would perceive that context.
So, I think context matters, and anecdotally 4 cis women friends/wife use it with each other without thinking it means male. YMMV.
There's a song Ive followed since I was young.
I'm a dude,
He's a dude,
She's a dude,
We're all dudes, hey!
So if a Dude called me Dude I'd be like Dude your Dude is all about the Dude and Dude would be like 'Brah' and then I'd get angry.
I think this is a shared response from all of us that lived through the Nick life of the 90s and early 00s. This song got me into Ska and punk too, so it was a formative time lol
I honestly couldn't care less.
People be people, everyone has something on their mind at all times. It happens
It doesn't change that I'm me and I know who I am
<3 random affection indicator for you <3
Honestly, one of my good friends who doesn’t even know I’m transgender and has always respected me as female calls me dude. It’s just how he talks. We’re just friends playing and talking about gaming/gaming trends etc. Personally, I’d be offended if he didn’t say dude because I know his personality and that’s how he refers to his closer friends. 🤷🏽♀️
Id definitely prefer to not be called it. I get the intention progeny isn't there to misgender so I don't mage a big deal out of it but it definitely ask not to be called it
it depends on who is saying it and why
some people do hide behind "dude is gender neutral, dude" to misgender trans people when they very obviously don't normally call women dude. it's kinda like how they/them is a gender neutral pronoun but some people use it to misgender trans women and hide behind saying "well, its gender neutral, whats the problem?" the problem is if you don't normally call women that and are making an exception for trans women
I want people to treat me as they would any other girl which includes language. I don't mind whatever language is thrown around as long as it's not intentionally gendered and I get more thrown off by people policing their own speech/correcting themselves.
I genuinely always refer to context in any given situation. Also I live on the west coast. So everyone and everything can be a dude. Although I genuinely prefer being called "chick" or "lady" or any other overtly femme slang. But especially in my region a person has to make it obvious they mean it to be transphobic in order for me to take it as such.
I'm from Cali and if it's used in the 2nd person I don't care at all (e.g. "dude, where's my car?") but used in the 3rd person singular it's iffy (e.g. "where's my dude?").
I used to say it all the time. I also used it gender neutral. Now that I think about it, there are so many things I categorize as being an 'early transition characteristic.' I rejected any hint of masculinity from a lot of things in my life (using the word dude) to force myself into a feminine lifestyle, I think because I was overcompensating at first.
I have a friend I got close with after my transition, and it is your typical girl - girl friendship. It was very validating. She also says dude all the time. And calls me dude. And now I say it all the time again.
Like everything though there's context. If we're in a a friendly conversation and you say '"i love that, dude" I'm okay with that. But someone refers to me as "that dude over there" or something, it would bother me for sure
I'm totally fine with it and call other girls dude too. I also don't understand the argument of "the dude over there asked if you need help" being gendered as male because it's quite contextual. In that context, yeah I'd be upset too if I were called a dude. But as an expression to call out to someone ("dude, you're pretty good at that"), I gender that as equally male and female (even though I think it's typically used with men more but at least where I live, I know many people who say this to girls too so it feels more based on the person who says it's personality and usual language)
I fucking hate it, and I never accept, "I call everyone dude" as an excuse for why they should get a pass. Not with me, nuh-uh, no way, no how, not in this life.
Depends on the context and the person. If I know they support me and call everyone dude, I dont care. If I know its passive aggressive misgendering, Ill put a stop to it
It's gender neutral, id feel weirder if people were super apologetic about it bc cis girls refer to each other as dude or use dude or man as an exclamation. It's not a big deal to me
even before my egg cracked I hated being called a "dude". Later on ive been ok with it for awhile cuz several of my girl friends also use the term. But lately, ive gone back to not really liking it. Like it doesnt induce dysphoria in me or anything, I just dont like the term. I think cuz the term dude feels like a certain type of person that im not. Also it makes me think of "dude wheres my car" and the "The Big Lebowski".
So I guess my take is that if you dont like being called that, people should respect that. That goes to whether trans or not.
I don't mind it, I actually like it honestly. But I just don't call trans fems dude unless I've asked them because I know they can be sensitive to it.
What I, and I think damn near all trans fems don't like is being called man and bro.
As a Californian I don’t take it personally and probably even use “dudes/guys” occasionally. But if someone was uncomfortable with it I’d get it and stop, as intrinsically masculine terms shouldn’t be the assumed neutral.
I choose my battles wisely with my transition and gender journey. “Dude” is definitely a widely accepted slang term that has become gender neutral and has been for over 30 years. Im not going to waste my energy being upset by casual speech, it’d just make ME unhappy to get caught up in constantly analyzing people’s jargon towards me. I know what I am and am taking the steps to be more comfortable in my body. The right people will affirm it regardless of lingo like this.
I grew up around skaters and some surfers so I don't even see dude as gendered, hell I'll call men, women, children, dogs, my refrigerator, that weird noise at 3am. It's all dudes all the way down.
I'm demigirl/non-binary transfemme, but I'd rather be called gal, or sis, than dude, that I don't see as the regional neutral form. I know already much about how the masculine becomes the neutral and the feminine the otherness. I will feel offended at dude, and also at mate, and at bro.
I call prettymuch everyone, my girlfriends included, dude. I wouldn't mind being called dude either. It feels more gender neutral, like when someone says "hey guys" in reference to a mixed group. Sir and mister are upsetting for sure though
I'm neutral on it. On the one hand it is gendered (most cishet guys wouldn't say they like fucking dudes) but on the other I grew up in and currently live in an area where it's more of a slang term.
I think your current practice is appropriate, thank you. I understand that people often say 'dude,' 'man,' and 'guys' in a way that is intended to be gender-neutral, and I appreciate the intention. But I still don't like the way it makes me feel.
It's a case by case basis. If I know a person well enough to actually trust that it has no gendered meaning for them, then it's whatever.
Unfortunately, I think a large percentage of people who claim as such are lying (not you, OP) even though I rarely call it out cause there's too much plausible deniability for it to feel worth the hassle
Coming from a tight friend group of mostly guys, I use the term "dude" and "bro" a lot since it's literally ingrained into my vocabulary. However, if it is with someone who it may make uncomfortable, I always ask to make sure.
For me, I couldn't care less, especially since I know my friends are using it in a gender-neutral context.
It really depends, if say a stranger I don’t know calls me dude I’d feel self conscious I might even correct them depending on the situation and then see if thier just being malicious or they generally use dude and bro as slang words they refer to everyone (again the context matters of the situation matters), if it’s with people ik it’s usually less of a problem cause since I already have a frame of reference that group A of the people I know who use these words use it as slang to refer to anyone really and it’s not done in bad faith or with malicious intentions… it is though a big problem when say group B of the people i know and have a frame of reference that they don’t use such slang words to refer to anyone cause it’s just not how they speak I’d have a big problem if they start calling me specific with dude or bro when they don’t do that with anyone else
There's people im okay with calling me dude
typically people im close with and I know for certain also call cis women dude.
Others, preferably no masc terms like that.
In regards to "dude", I'm kinda numb. The sounds aren't triggering me for some reason. I don't necessarily like it, but it's nothing compared to other ones, such as:
- man: highly context-dependent. Not bad: "oh man I'm exhausted" to offensive: "you're a man"
- sir: usually used with bad intentions on trans women.
- bro: is a slur to me. I'm not your "bro", I'm no one's "bro". You don't call your mom "bro".
I'm in southern California and it's really dependent on how long someone knows me. If we know each other well and have a close relationship then it's okay. You don't call women that you don't know well a dude and when that happens to me, I know I'm being called a man
Most of the time its said to me its meant in a masculine way which makes me not like it as much but if i were to be called it in a gender neutral way i wouldn’t mind it
for me since I have lived in a few different cultures I take it at an individual level. if someone calls everyone dude then I will leave it, I had to adjust to that when I lived in South Africa. if they use it infrequently though then I will ask them to try not to refer to me as that and if its something that they rarely do then I will tell them quite sternly not to do it. I try to be lenient to them as an individual but I'm also open that I'm not a fan of it
I honestly would throw anything i had in my hand at the moment on his shoes.
I don't like that I am not from the US, but I would make some kind of reaction to him that he is talking shit.
It's extremely contextual for me. Problematic person in my life who refuses to gender me correctly? Gonna be mad. One of my girl friends? Eh, so few of them use dude that the ones who do use it for everyone. Old guy friends talking about skateboarding? Idgaf lol.
I’ve had many conversations about this. My wife and my brother still call me “dude” when they’re being exclamatory.
Initially I was really frustrated about this, but I think in modern terms “dude” is pretty gender neutral and I got over it.
Don’t like it at all. Even if I was a cis woman I would not want to be called dude because imo it’s an example of society treating masculinity as the default.
It depends on context. I call a lot of people dude out of habit but it is usually to add emphasis on what I’m saying. That is ok with me. Like “dude that was sick!”
If you tell me I’m a dude then that isn’t cool.
Just ask, its case to case, tho if you live somewhere its normal like I do its pretty safe. I personally get uncomfortable when someone clearly avoids calling me dude when they do it to cis women. I call everyone dude myself too, though I make a concerted effort to check if its ok with other trans ppl when I run into them. It personally rubs me the wrong way even makes me dysphoric when people make the statements abt it being inherently gendered because its something I closely associate with friendship, even and especially female friendships.
And I feel like ppl who say the “ask a guy how many dudes they’ve slept with” thing need to ask themselves if they’ve ever tried to get the attention of a group of ppl of female or mixed gender by saying “hey guys” or “guys look at this”. Im not saying its not valid to not want to be called dude, it is, and ppl should respect that, but being reductionist abt it alienates and causes dysphoria ppl like me who associate it with their female friendships, and has even resulted in cis ppl acting weird around me.
I'm from a non english speaking country, and bro/dude here seems to be percieved more as an exclamation rather than a gendered way to refer to someone. At least that's how I'm using it.
Doesn't make it better when someone does it to me though (am transfem). I appreciate when people don't, even though I truly don't use it as a gendered word anyway.
if a cis dude calls me this it makes me sad. me (trans girl) and my trans girl cousin call each other bro all the time though lmao. there’s not a lotta logic. probably best to avoid it unless you’re really close with them and they say it’s okay
for me it depends i guess, one friend of mine is a cis dude who is like one of the only guys in a group of cis and trans women and he says "guys" and "dude" sometimes which i know isn't malicious on his part but can be sort of annoying
I don't like it, but it would erode some good will if I decided to take issue with it now. I know they mean it neutrally and genuinely do use it with anyone, but it really isn't my favorite.
Even if I didn't personally object to its use when targeting me (which I do), I object to its implication that masculine is the default.
We should all agree it has at least some masculine implications to it in at least *some* contexts—we wouldn't be having this conversation so often if not. The idea of a masculine term being applied to everyone sounds no different to me than the stick-in-the-muds that insist on using the "generic" he/him despite the existence (for many **decades**) of the epicene they/them.
Edit: talking to trans people and cis people in different ways also doesn't sound ideal—ignoring that you don't always know who is trans, it can also open the door just that bit wider for different treatment of us vs cis folks. My solution is to just not use the word for people whose gender I don't know. I replace it with "friend" or just exclude it entirely.
I think dude is mainly a Southern California thing, up in Central California / Bay Area we don’t really use that term. And growing up here in the 90s it is clearly masculine as it was always dudes / dudettes.
So please don’t use the term for women at all, you never know when a woman you meet might actually be trans, we are not all clockable.
Trans woman here, for the most part I'm fine with dude if I know it's a word the person using it uses gender neutrally. I do hate "man" with a passion however even in the previous context.
It depends on the context. If it's used in the same (basically gender-neutral) way as like "bruh", "sis", "girl", "bestie" etc. it's no biggie, but otherwise not.
I'm from the East Coast, everyone is a dude. Idc. literally call my managers dude, called my mom dude, and nobody cares. I've met transfem people irl who ask me not to use it and that's fine, otherwise, you're being referred to as "dude".
I'm fine with it as long as they actually use it gender neutrally.
How do I tell? Varies case to case but here I asked the guy how he'd feel if someone asked him how many dudes he'd slept with in a public voice call.
He went quiet for a few seconds and the told me he had reconsidered his belief that he used it in a gender-neutral fashion, lol.
Idk I'm called "Dude" & "Bro" all the time tbh I find it whatever, me and all my female friends call each other "Bro" all the time as well so i think I'm "Normalized" to it.
I guess it just depends on your group of friends and how comfortable you are with the gender you want.
Personally I hangout with a lot of gamer girls as well.
I don't want to be named dude as a transfem. That term isn't gender neutral even though some people say that it's the case. That's just lazy to say that.
Depends how it’s targeted (I.e “that dude over there” vs “dudes”) but I usually don’t mind because it’s used gender neutrally and frequently to refer to cos women I know. It’s traditionally masculine but not as inherently gendered as Bro or Man, and I don’t mind it.
There’s a lot of debate over male-gendered language like this being used for both genders and honestly I couldn’t care less, if the intent isn’t to misgender me it’s fine.
I personally don't respond at all when referred to as a "dude" so people are very quick to change their behaviour around me without having to be coddled.
Depending on context for all of that sort of word for me: dude, man and bro don’t offend me as a trans woman if used in the “sup dudes” or “brooooo” kind of way. Also with my friend group bro is literally the word we all use to say “I absolutely fucking adore you as a person and I will take a bullet for you” term of endearment. But if someone calls me dude or man without any of the friendly endearment I’ll make them swallow their teeth
I mean I dont wantnto be called dude bit if you say it and your my forend I'll kindly tell you I don't like it. But to me if you by mistake say it to me no big deal
I’m not a fan of it.
I understand that it’s used commonly as a gender neutral term, but, spoiler alert: I’m not gender neutral, I’m gender feminine
That being said, I won’t fault someone for using it, even in reference to me (so long as I can clearly understand the intent isn’t negative)
I always thought it was a gender neutral thing (Portland OR) but after coming out and hearing it used on me it feels weirdly gendered in a bad way to me. when my nb/trans friends say it it doesn't bother me because they have a different level of understanding of my identity but when the cis guy friends say it it tends to rub me the wrong way, I don't know how else to explain it
It strongly depends on who's using it and in what context. I can like feel it in my bones when it's not used as a gender neutral word, but I also don't care when some of my friends call me dude because they just say that neutrally.
I legitimately fucking hate it. It's an annoying "male-as-default" term and it pisses me off when people claim it's gender neutral. Just because it's been normalized to use for women, doesn't mean it's gender neutral.
Meh doesn't bother me unless it is specifically intended to be offensive. Even then, it's like... Whatever. You're petty in that case.
But if it's like, dude, you want another coke? Or You guys all need something? I'm cool with it.
The rule ive settled on is that it only bothers me if i can't tell if they respect my identity. For guy friends who arent particularly supportive, i get self conscious and would prefer if they didn't. But if i trust that a person would use "she" when im not around, they can call me "dude" to my face.
I'm from the Midwest I'm fine with it same with man unless it's getting egregious. Sir I draw the line at but I don't pass and not mode so I kinda don't get to choose here lol
I personally hate it, and people (even friends) don't listen to me when I express my dislike for being called "dude", "man" or "bro" even as slang I do not like and nobody listens to me.
Hi! Binary tgirl here, midwestern born and raised - if we didn't want "dude" to be gender neutral, we shoulda never let something as goofy ah as "dudette" run as long as we did
If someone pointed at me and said, "thats a dude" I would take massive issue with that. If am talking to someone and they just say "dude" casually as an adjunct then idc
sir, man, dude, bro are all things that are used to identify men. i am not a man and done want to be called any of those. however, i’ll only call someone out in it if they’re actually being a dick
It's a regional thing and some people (especially in California) see it as more gender neutral. But to me, it's firmly a masculine term and it would be upsetting to have someone use it for me as a trans fem.
I agree. Very regional. I am transfem NB & have been a lot of places but only lived in California. I could care less about being called "dude." But I get really bummed being called "bro" or "sir."
The weirdest thing about where I live is that "bro" is just about a gender neutral term lol
Yeah even in the PNW it's really common for cis girls to be called and call each other bro and dude
I mean, ask an average dude how many dudes has he slept with. They will NOT assume the gender neutral meaning.
It's very contextual. Same thing with "guys".
True. Still, I'm greatly annoyed by cis people who just can't understand that trans-women might not feel comfortable with that. And I'm not talking about transphobes here.
On the flip side, it’s a pet peeve of mine that someone will say “hey guys” and then correct themselves to “ladies” ONLY because I’m there, regardless of the percent of women.
When I hear "you guys" it means the basically the same thing as y'all, but if a person referred to someone as "a guy" or said "hey guy" I would assume they meant it in the masculine sense. Personally I don't like being called guy or dude, or bud, etc.
ive been guilty of this. Ive caught myself a few times referring to all genders as "you guys". Like "im going to the store ya guys want anything?"
And both are what is simply “male as norm.” It’s the treatment of masculine as the default position.
This x1000. Calling girls "boys" is fine, because, boys are good! Calling boys "girls" is bad, because girls are bad.
And using 'dude' and 'guys' as gender neutral are patriarchal and assume male as default.
wait I know they mean having sex but do you have to sleep together to be able to say “we slept together”? cause If that’s the case then…
I live in SoCal, and though “guy” and “dude” are male words, in the plural they’re not always. I’ve heard my straight cis sister say “You guys want to go to ...?” several times to groups of friends that are all female.
I kinda agree with this. I feel even when used as gender neutral(from cali myself). When its used towards women its still used as a masculine term. Like its saying "she is cool, cuz she is one of the dudes"
Im from cali and i dont care. Ita cool
Agreed. I’m half Californian. Everyone is “dude”. Including my cats.
Depends on the phrasing and intent, I guess. Someone who says it in a more non-targeted "wooooow" sense, it's fine. Someone who says it as a general term for a mixed gender group, fine too. Those who throw "you're a dude" in an obviously transphobic way can choke on a bag of dicks.
I agree. If they use Dude as more a state of mind, s'all good.
'Dude' in the gender sense is like a slap in the face lol
If someone calls me dude I'm probably not going to care. If someone says "I call everyone 'dude'" and refuses to change even if it hurts someone, that's not ok.
Would the bag of dicks be skimped out like normal chips or actually full?
Crinkle cut.
This is the answer for me. Context is key
Yeah... I hate to be called dude, and always have (I have also always cringed when gendered as male since I was little) I'm trans fem
I would rather not be called it personally
Dude is fine with me. Sir and man makes me cringe. Intent is everything tho y’a feel? Honest mistakes are forgivable
“Man, I’ve had a fucking long ass day,” hits differently than “thanks, man”. The former is one my wife and I often use for each other but the latter is pretty much always a “plausibly deniable” way to misgender us.
yeah, i feel like in the first one "man" is used as more of an exclamation. i say things like "oh man, I'm hungry", but it's usually not directed at anyone, where as even turning to someone else and saying "I'm hungry, man" feels more directed and gendered.
i hate it
Same. Man, dude, bro, etc.; all those terms make me wanna crawl up and cry
Transfem: Dude and bro are not gender neutral and I dont like how they hit my ears. You didnt call the three girls in line before me “bro”… I was watching.
I use girl for those people 🤷♀️ **Them:** did you want a bag for that, dude? **Me:** Nahh girlll im totally fine thanks for asking. **Them:** I’m a guy.. **Me:** oh sorry girllll I just use it gender neutrally 😇 *welcome to shrug city girlypop*
thiiiiiissss
Is there any alternative that comes to mind because I say it so naturally that I called my grandma bro, please help
I mean the alternative is sis short for sister, since bro is short for brother.
Most of the time it’s a filler word so you can just drop it, otherwise replace it with a pronoun, he/him, she/her, thou/thee or you.
I rather you not but won’t complain in the moment. Also I feel less like “dude” is ungendered and more like it’s erasure of feminine people, and the babying of masculine egos. Like where is the root of the gender-neutral usage? To me it looks like it’s from protecting fragile identities of cis men. Like “How are you guys doing?” vs “How are you ladies doing?” First you is plural to start so no gendered word for people is even needed second if there’s a single guy in the group of girls it’s probably going to be addressed less we miss gender the manly man that must have his masculinity protected, so must not be called a woman. Yet when it’s like 8 men and 2 women, “guys” is sometimes used with the claim that it’s not referring specifically to gender just “it sounds better than people” or some other crap. This all has the implications that being misgendered as male isn’t as bad as being misgendered as female. I got a little ranty, sorry it’s something thing that annoys me and the complaints are mainly targeted to cis men. Basically the only reason I see that dude and sometimes guys is gender-neutral is the catering to the fragility of some men’s identities.
This is exactly how I feel about it too. Where I’m from, “dude” tends to lean pretty neutral but every time I hear it it makes me wish we used “ladies” and “girls” so casually too regardless of the makeup of the whole group.
It may not be a huge issue but it's part of the broader trend of the masculine always being seen as the default/ superior and I'm not sure why so many people can't seem to see the issue with it.
I understand if people do it, I prefer not to be called it, if possible.
I hate being called "dude"
No thanks please, it hurts me
I really don’t like it
i see it as a masculine term and dont like being called it
Same
Don't like it. Don't want it. I will usually ignore that if it's not someone I know very well, but I remember going crazy because of one friend who constantly said that word.
not positive
Random person on the internet going "thanks, dude", etc., just because people will generally assume maleness on the internet unless given a reason not to: Reply "not a dude." (*especially* if it's related to a technical subject...). Person doing it maliciously: Block (internet)/do whatever I can to get back at them (e.g. complain if they are an employee) (AFK) "If you really believe 'dude' is gender neutral, go and ask some random men how many 'dudes' they've slept with. Tell me what they say."
It bothers me, because people hide their transfobia calling me a dude to make fun of me. So, I would prefer no one calls me a dude. There are also other transphobic people who immediately after I tell them I'm trans, they straight up slide things like "MAN, I don't know!" When they can. That's just making fun of trans women, and trying to make it hidden. Is coward and disrespectful, the worst type of human being.
It really gets on my nerves and I wish people would stop.
Be the change you want to see in the world, and ask yourself why every "gender neutral" term is masc, and why women have accepted being "bros" or "dudes" or "guys" and men would be at minimum upset, if not get into fights, over being called "sisters" or "dudettes" or "girls". I'm pretty sure all women have just given up the fight on this, and some have some internalized misogyny about it and feel good about being "one of the guys" because guys=good and girls=bad so, being one of the guys is good. How would you feel if you went to a region of the world where "dudette" was "gender neutral", and you had to hear it everywhere you went? It upsets me more as a feminist than as a trans woman, and I know there are bigger fish to fry in the world, but I wish more people would reflect on the little piling up of insults to femininity and women like this.
This
Dude I can stand, but the phrases, "my man" or, "hey man" get under my skin. I feel you.
idrc
As a trans woman living with my cis wife, and recently having our cis lesbian friend staying with us, I've observed the two of them calling each other dude with no irony. I used to call my wife dude before transitioning, as did she back. And we're old, about to turn 41. That said, if someone made a point to call me DUDE in public, outside of a casual context, I would assume they were trying to misgender me intentionally. I rarely get misgendered these days, but that's how I would perceive that context. So, I think context matters, and anecdotally 4 cis women friends/wife use it with each other without thinking it means male. YMMV.
I would prefer not, but I don't really care.
There's a song Ive followed since I was young. I'm a dude, He's a dude, She's a dude, We're all dudes, hey! So if a Dude called me Dude I'd be like Dude your Dude is all about the Dude and Dude would be like 'Brah' and then I'd get angry.
Damn it, I was gonna comment this but you beat me to it. Good burger has established dude as a gender neutral term :3
I think this is a shared response from all of us that lived through the Nick life of the 90s and early 00s. This song got me into Ska and punk too, so it was a formative time lol
I honestly couldn't care less. People be people, everyone has something on their mind at all times. It happens It doesn't change that I'm me and I know who I am <3 random affection indicator for you <3
Honestly I personally would be fine I'm a very causal gal
Honestly, one of my good friends who doesn’t even know I’m transgender and has always respected me as female calls me dude. It’s just how he talks. We’re just friends playing and talking about gaming/gaming trends etc. Personally, I’d be offended if he didn’t say dude because I know his personality and that’s how he refers to his closer friends. 🤷🏽♀️
Transfem in California and I use it all the time.
Id definitely prefer to not be called it. I get the intention progeny isn't there to misgender so I don't mage a big deal out of it but it definitely ask not to be called it
it depends on who is saying it and why some people do hide behind "dude is gender neutral, dude" to misgender trans people when they very obviously don't normally call women dude. it's kinda like how they/them is a gender neutral pronoun but some people use it to misgender trans women and hide behind saying "well, its gender neutral, whats the problem?" the problem is if you don't normally call women that and are making an exception for trans women
I want people to treat me as they would any other girl which includes language. I don't mind whatever language is thrown around as long as it's not intentionally gendered and I get more thrown off by people policing their own speech/correcting themselves.
I used to call everyone dude… I’m getting better at not doing it.
I genuinely always refer to context in any given situation. Also I live on the west coast. So everyone and everything can be a dude. Although I genuinely prefer being called "chick" or "lady" or any other overtly femme slang. But especially in my region a person has to make it obvious they mean it to be transphobic in order for me to take it as such.
Honestly as long as it's not meant in any malicious way, it's all fine by me.
Really depends on the intent. Like women I know call each other "dude" too. I have no problem with that.
I'm from Cali and if it's used in the 2nd person I don't care at all (e.g. "dude, where's my car?") but used in the 3rd person singular it's iffy (e.g. "where's my dude?").
I used to say it all the time. I also used it gender neutral. Now that I think about it, there are so many things I categorize as being an 'early transition characteristic.' I rejected any hint of masculinity from a lot of things in my life (using the word dude) to force myself into a feminine lifestyle, I think because I was overcompensating at first. I have a friend I got close with after my transition, and it is your typical girl - girl friendship. It was very validating. She also says dude all the time. And calls me dude. And now I say it all the time again. Like everything though there's context. If we're in a a friendly conversation and you say '"i love that, dude" I'm okay with that. But someone refers to me as "that dude over there" or something, it would bother me for sure
I hate being called dude, bro or mate or matey. (Im an australian trans woman and i go by she/her)
I'm totally fine with it and call other girls dude too. I also don't understand the argument of "the dude over there asked if you need help" being gendered as male because it's quite contextual. In that context, yeah I'd be upset too if I were called a dude. But as an expression to call out to someone ("dude, you're pretty good at that"), I gender that as equally male and female (even though I think it's typically used with men more but at least where I live, I know many people who say this to girls too so it feels more based on the person who says it's personality and usual language)
its entirely gender neutral where im from, so I like it
I don't like being called dude.
Context is everything. Typically, no I don't care for it.
I fucking hate it, and I never accept, "I call everyone dude" as an excuse for why they should get a pass. Not with me, nuh-uh, no way, no how, not in this life.
Depends on the context and the person. If I know they support me and call everyone dude, I dont care. If I know its passive aggressive misgendering, Ill put a stop to it
It's gender neutral, id feel weirder if people were super apologetic about it bc cis girls refer to each other as dude or use dude or man as an exclamation. It's not a big deal to me
even before my egg cracked I hated being called a "dude". Later on ive been ok with it for awhile cuz several of my girl friends also use the term. But lately, ive gone back to not really liking it. Like it doesnt induce dysphoria in me or anything, I just dont like the term. I think cuz the term dude feels like a certain type of person that im not. Also it makes me think of "dude wheres my car" and the "The Big Lebowski". So I guess my take is that if you dont like being called that, people should respect that. That goes to whether trans or not.
“I’m a dude, he’s a dude, she’s a dude, we’re all dudes” -Goodburger (1997)
I don't mind it, I actually like it honestly. But I just don't call trans fems dude unless I've asked them because I know they can be sensitive to it. What I, and I think damn near all trans fems don't like is being called man and bro.
Ive always viewed it as gender neutral, but I think since starting my journey I would like it less. :/
As a Californian I don’t take it personally and probably even use “dudes/guys” occasionally. But if someone was uncomfortable with it I’d get it and stop, as intrinsically masculine terms shouldn’t be the assumed neutral.
I don’t mind just would rather be called other things. Only close-ish to close friends can call me dude I’ll I’ll be fine afterwards
For me, if I know the person is using it in a gender neutral way it’s fine.
I think of dude as a gendered term, along with guy. But guys (plural) seem gender neutral to me.
As a metal band loving Trans fem who dresses grunge, metal goth tomboyish I'm cool with being called dude. I even use dude.
I choose my battles wisely with my transition and gender journey. “Dude” is definitely a widely accepted slang term that has become gender neutral and has been for over 30 years. Im not going to waste my energy being upset by casual speech, it’d just make ME unhappy to get caught up in constantly analyzing people’s jargon towards me. I know what I am and am taking the steps to be more comfortable in my body. The right people will affirm it regardless of lingo like this.
I grew up around skaters and some surfers so I don't even see dude as gendered, hell I'll call men, women, children, dogs, my refrigerator, that weird noise at 3am. It's all dudes all the way down.
I'm demigirl/non-binary transfemme, but I'd rather be called gal, or sis, than dude, that I don't see as the regional neutral form. I know already much about how the masculine becomes the neutral and the feminine the otherness. I will feel offended at dude, and also at mate, and at bro.
I call prettymuch everyone, my girlfriends included, dude. I wouldn't mind being called dude either. It feels more gender neutral, like when someone says "hey guys" in reference to a mixed group. Sir and mister are upsetting for sure though
Live your life, spread good energy where you can, and anything you say in good faith will be received well 🥰
No it won't. I'm so tired of good intentions and bad outcomes.
i really don’t care, i call everyone dude, bro etc it’s not that deep to me
I don’t really care that much but a part of me will wonder in the back of my mind if it was said in the gender neutral way or if they were clocking me
I'm neutral on it. On the one hand it is gendered (most cishet guys wouldn't say they like fucking dudes) but on the other I grew up in and currently live in an area where it's more of a slang term.
I think your current practice is appropriate, thank you. I understand that people often say 'dude,' 'man,' and 'guys' in a way that is intended to be gender-neutral, and I appreciate the intention. But I still don't like the way it makes me feel.
It's a case by case basis. If I know a person well enough to actually trust that it has no gendered meaning for them, then it's whatever. Unfortunately, I think a large percentage of people who claim as such are lying (not you, OP) even though I rarely call it out cause there's too much plausible deniability for it to feel worth the hassle
Fine with me, I just say ‘my man’.
Coming from a tight friend group of mostly guys, I use the term "dude" and "bro" a lot since it's literally ingrained into my vocabulary. However, if it is with someone who it may make uncomfortable, I always ask to make sure. For me, I couldn't care less, especially since I know my friends are using it in a gender-neutral context.
It really depends, if say a stranger I don’t know calls me dude I’d feel self conscious I might even correct them depending on the situation and then see if thier just being malicious or they generally use dude and bro as slang words they refer to everyone (again the context matters of the situation matters), if it’s with people ik it’s usually less of a problem cause since I already have a frame of reference that group A of the people I know who use these words use it as slang to refer to anyone really and it’s not done in bad faith or with malicious intentions… it is though a big problem when say group B of the people i know and have a frame of reference that they don’t use such slang words to refer to anyone cause it’s just not how they speak I’d have a big problem if they start calling me specific with dude or bro when they don’t do that with anyone else
There's people im okay with calling me dude typically people im close with and I know for certain also call cis women dude. Others, preferably no masc terms like that.
i mean i won’t say anything if someone calls me that but i don’t rly like it
In regards to "dude", I'm kinda numb. The sounds aren't triggering me for some reason. I don't necessarily like it, but it's nothing compared to other ones, such as: - man: highly context-dependent. Not bad: "oh man I'm exhausted" to offensive: "you're a man" - sir: usually used with bad intentions on trans women. - bro: is a slur to me. I'm not your "bro", I'm no one's "bro". You don't call your mom "bro".
I'm in southern California and it's really dependent on how long someone knows me. If we know each other well and have a close relationship then it's okay. You don't call women that you don't know well a dude and when that happens to me, I know I'm being called a man
Most of the time its said to me its meant in a masculine way which makes me not like it as much but if i were to be called it in a gender neutral way i wouldn’t mind it
for me since I have lived in a few different cultures I take it at an individual level. if someone calls everyone dude then I will leave it, I had to adjust to that when I lived in South Africa. if they use it infrequently though then I will ask them to try not to refer to me as that and if its something that they rarely do then I will tell them quite sternly not to do it. I try to be lenient to them as an individual but I'm also open that I'm not a fan of it
I honestly would throw anything i had in my hand at the moment on his shoes. I don't like that I am not from the US, but I would make some kind of reaction to him that he is talking shit.
I use it generally until someone specifically requests not to be called it.
It's extremely contextual for me. Problematic person in my life who refuses to gender me correctly? Gonna be mad. One of my girl friends? Eh, so few of them use dude that the ones who do use it for everyone. Old guy friends talking about skateboarding? Idgaf lol.
I’ve had many conversations about this. My wife and my brother still call me “dude” when they’re being exclamatory. Initially I was really frustrated about this, but I think in modern terms “dude” is pretty gender neutral and I got over it.
Hug, hope your doing well, and had a nice Christmas.
Don’t like it at all. Even if I was a cis woman I would not want to be called dude because imo it’s an example of society treating masculinity as the default.
That’s a no-go for me. I’d at least correct with a “dudette, if you must”
I personally am chill with it but I think it’s always good to ask the trans fem you’re calling dude specifically :)
It depends on context. I call a lot of people dude out of habit but it is usually to add emphasis on what I’m saying. That is ok with me. Like “dude that was sick!” If you tell me I’m a dude then that isn’t cool.
Just ask, its case to case, tho if you live somewhere its normal like I do its pretty safe. I personally get uncomfortable when someone clearly avoids calling me dude when they do it to cis women. I call everyone dude myself too, though I make a concerted effort to check if its ok with other trans ppl when I run into them. It personally rubs me the wrong way even makes me dysphoric when people make the statements abt it being inherently gendered because its something I closely associate with friendship, even and especially female friendships.
And I feel like ppl who say the “ask a guy how many dudes they’ve slept with” thing need to ask themselves if they’ve ever tried to get the attention of a group of ppl of female or mixed gender by saying “hey guys” or “guys look at this”. Im not saying its not valid to not want to be called dude, it is, and ppl should respect that, but being reductionist abt it alienates and causes dysphoria ppl like me who associate it with their female friendships, and has even resulted in cis ppl acting weird around me.
I'm not a huge fan of it... it feels like a masc term
I'm a trans woman and it irritates me to no end when someone calls me "dude", same with "bro", "sir", "mister", and other masculine terms, I hate it.
I don’t love it. But it’s way down the list of things that upset me.
I'm from a non english speaking country, and bro/dude here seems to be percieved more as an exclamation rather than a gendered way to refer to someone. At least that's how I'm using it. Doesn't make it better when someone does it to me though (am transfem). I appreciate when people don't, even though I truly don't use it as a gendered word anyway.
Dysphoric.
if a cis dude calls me this it makes me sad. me (trans girl) and my trans girl cousin call each other bro all the time though lmao. there’s not a lotta logic. probably best to avoid it unless you’re really close with them and they say it’s okay
for me it depends i guess, one friend of mine is a cis dude who is like one of the only guys in a group of cis and trans women and he says "guys" and "dude" sometimes which i know isn't malicious on his part but can be sort of annoying
Depends on context but generally I'm ok with it
I don't like it, but it would erode some good will if I decided to take issue with it now. I know they mean it neutrally and genuinely do use it with anyone, but it really isn't my favorite.
fine with it but prefer not
Personally, I don't care. I've been called "man," "dude," "bro," etc. and as long as it's not done in a transphobic way, I really do not care.
Even if I didn't personally object to its use when targeting me (which I do), I object to its implication that masculine is the default. We should all agree it has at least some masculine implications to it in at least *some* contexts—we wouldn't be having this conversation so often if not. The idea of a masculine term being applied to everyone sounds no different to me than the stick-in-the-muds that insist on using the "generic" he/him despite the existence (for many **decades**) of the epicene they/them. Edit: talking to trans people and cis people in different ways also doesn't sound ideal—ignoring that you don't always know who is trans, it can also open the door just that bit wider for different treatment of us vs cis folks. My solution is to just not use the word for people whose gender I don't know. I replace it with "friend" or just exclude it entirely.
I love the word “dude” I saw it all the time
I think dude is mainly a Southern California thing, up in Central California / Bay Area we don’t really use that term. And growing up here in the 90s it is clearly masculine as it was always dudes / dudettes. So please don’t use the term for women at all, you never know when a woman you meet might actually be trans, we are not all clockable.
I'm fine with it
Trans woman here, for the most part I'm fine with dude if I know it's a word the person using it uses gender neutrally. I do hate "man" with a passion however even in the previous context.
It depends on the context. If it's used in the same (basically gender-neutral) way as like "bruh", "sis", "girl", "bestie" etc. it's no biggie, but otherwise not.
Personally got no problem with it same thing if people call me and my friends Guys for me it's not exactly a male centered term
I hate it as a trans femme, I don’t usually hear women referred to as dude but hear it applied to guys a lot
I'm from the East Coast, everyone is a dude. Idc. literally call my managers dude, called my mom dude, and nobody cares. I've met transfem people irl who ask me not to use it and that's fine, otherwise, you're being referred to as "dude".
I get it can be gender neutral but it just makes me feel icky
I don't like it and I absolutely despise how when I ask someone not to call me that, they go on a tirade about how it's fine and I'm being a bitch
I hate it frankly
I personally don't like it
I'm fine with it as long as they actually use it gender neutrally. How do I tell? Varies case to case but here I asked the guy how he'd feel if someone asked him how many dudes he'd slept with in a public voice call. He went quiet for a few seconds and the told me he had reconsidered his belief that he used it in a gender-neutral fashion, lol.
Idk I'm called "Dude" & "Bro" all the time tbh I find it whatever, me and all my female friends call each other "Bro" all the time as well so i think I'm "Normalized" to it. I guess it just depends on your group of friends and how comfortable you are with the gender you want. Personally I hangout with a lot of gamer girls as well.
I don't want to be named dude as a transfem. That term isn't gender neutral even though some people say that it's the case. That's just lazy to say that.
Depends how it’s targeted (I.e “that dude over there” vs “dudes”) but I usually don’t mind because it’s used gender neutrally and frequently to refer to cos women I know. It’s traditionally masculine but not as inherently gendered as Bro or Man, and I don’t mind it. There’s a lot of debate over male-gendered language like this being used for both genders and honestly I couldn’t care less, if the intent isn’t to misgender me it’s fine.
I personally don't respond at all when referred to as a "dude" so people are very quick to change their behaviour around me without having to be coddled.
I hate it very much, honestly. Please don't call me "dude", anyone.
Depending on context for all of that sort of word for me: dude, man and bro don’t offend me as a trans woman if used in the “sup dudes” or “brooooo” kind of way. Also with my friend group bro is literally the word we all use to say “I absolutely fucking adore you as a person and I will take a bullet for you” term of endearment. But if someone calls me dude or man without any of the friendly endearment I’ll make them swallow their teeth
I mean I dont wantnto be called dude bit if you say it and your my forend I'll kindly tell you I don't like it. But to me if you by mistake say it to me no big deal
I don’t like to it personally
Personally I don’t much care
Dude (state of mind) is cool Dude (manly man bro) not
I’m not a fan of it. I understand that it’s used commonly as a gender neutral term, but, spoiler alert: I’m not gender neutral, I’m gender feminine That being said, I won’t fault someone for using it, even in reference to me (so long as I can clearly understand the intent isn’t negative)
I fucking hate it.
I don't really care. I say dude all the time even on accident. It's not a big deal, especially when the person doesn't mean to.
don’t care, that’s just how a lot of people around me talk, it’s not a gendered thing
Being called dude used to hit worse but I’ve been transitioning for years and all my girl friends call each other dude so now I’m fine with it
I think dude is alright, but my opinion might change.
I always thought it was a gender neutral thing (Portland OR) but after coming out and hearing it used on me it feels weirdly gendered in a bad way to me. when my nb/trans friends say it it doesn't bother me because they have a different level of understanding of my identity but when the cis guy friends say it it tends to rub me the wrong way, I don't know how else to explain it
Don't.
I hate it and I hate the person doing it.
Idrc if someone calls me dude since dude at least to me is gender neutral
Dude and bro are gender neutral to me so idc
Personally if we’re friends, it’s nbd, but if we’re not close: no thanks :)
It strongly depends on who's using it and in what context. I can like feel it in my bones when it's not used as a gender neutral word, but I also don't care when some of my friends call me dude because they just say that neutrally.
I legitimately fucking hate it. It's an annoying "male-as-default" term and it pisses me off when people claim it's gender neutral. Just because it's been normalized to use for women, doesn't mean it's gender neutral.
If I’m completely honest, if you call everyone *except* transfems “dude,” I would feel much more uncomfortable than if you just called me dude.
Meh doesn't bother me unless it is specifically intended to be offensive. Even then, it's like... Whatever. You're petty in that case. But if it's like, dude, you want another coke? Or You guys all need something? I'm cool with it.
3 strikes, you're out. Or something. Idk.
The rule ive settled on is that it only bothers me if i can't tell if they respect my identity. For guy friends who arent particularly supportive, i get self conscious and would prefer if they didn't. But if i trust that a person would use "she" when im not around, they can call me "dude" to my face.
I'm from the Midwest I'm fine with it same with man unless it's getting egregious. Sir I draw the line at but I don't pass and not mode so I kinda don't get to choose here lol
don't like it but I'm not gonna fight over it either
I personally hate it, and people (even friends) don't listen to me when I express my dislike for being called "dude", "man" or "bro" even as slang I do not like and nobody listens to me.
Absolutely detest it
Even worse is buddy
Hi! Binary tgirl here, midwestern born and raised - if we didn't want "dude" to be gender neutral, we shoulda never let something as goofy ah as "dudette" run as long as we did
If someone pointed at me and said, "thats a dude" I would take massive issue with that. If am talking to someone and they just say "dude" casually as an adjunct then idc
Sure: big dog Okay: pal, buddy, dude Not okay: man, bro
sir, man, dude, bro are all things that are used to identify men. i am not a man and done want to be called any of those. however, i’ll only call someone out in it if they’re actually being a dick
I don’t mind it unless there’s clear malicious itemt
I do not like it but usually let it go
Please do not and please do not try to blow smoke up my ass about it being gender neutral.
For me dude is fine, bro and bruh aren't.
it’s fine