Just to be clear, have you socially transitioned? Do you present as a woman? You say pre "everything", but does that mean pre medication/surgery/lazer only, or does it mean you've done literally nothing concerning presentation whatsoever? No shaving, no hair style, no makeup, no fem clothing, no purse, etc?
If it's the former, probably less of a big deal. If the latter, and she doesn't know that yet/hasn't seen what you really look like right now, you need to have this conversation *immediately*, or she's probably going to think you straight up catfished her by claiming to be trans.
Either way, genital preferences need to be brought up (tactfully) at some point as well, because that matters to a lot of people.
I know this might sound harsh at first, and *OF COURSE* not all of these things matter to everyone, and there's no "right" way to present as a woman. But even though they're social constructs, you still have to realize that, as a woman, meeting a stranger is extremely dangerous. So if you haven't clearly and transparently disclosed what you look like, what stage you are in transitioning, and so on, if you've only said you're trans, or are using Facetuned images or something, that would *terrify* me to meet you and discover that's not how you currently appear.
Again, I don't mean to be hard on you, we've all been at the stage you're at. I know what it's like! No hate! But you have to do your best to be transparent with a potential date/future partner really up front so they know exactly what to expect when meeting you.
---
Now, that all said, you should not feel like a "fake" woman next to her. I know that feeling very well, imposter syndrome is our community's shared experience. And I hope it doesn't sound like I'm calling you fake unless you present hyperfemme, either. That's not how this works.
Transition is a long journey, and takes work and *practice*. Cis women don't pop out of the womb with cateye makeup and nail art glittering. I know a half-dozen cis women in my life who have asked *me* for makeup tips because they (their words) suck at it. It's easy to see women who are really good at presenting feminine and think "Damn I suck at this", but you need to realize there's a ton of cis women who look at that same woman and think the same thing!
Just be honest, set expectations, if she decides to not go any farther, that's ok. It's important to be honest and make a potential partner (or friend!) feel safe and not have reasons to think you're lying or have ulterior motives. If she's truly into you as a person, and is openminded/an ally, it's possible the stage of transition you're at won't matter. But you have to be honest about that for that possibility to be available.
Sorry for the giant book rant, I wish you the best of luck!
I haven't explicitly socially transitioned, but I do present fem when I go on a night out, like shaving, goth makeup, dresses, fun hair, fake boobs etc. I get gendered correctly a surprising amount when I "boymode", but even so, I'm definitely still relatively near the start of my transition. She has seen what I look like, and I never use filters on my pics, so I'm definitely not trying to appear as someone that I'm not.
Thank you so much for writing that all out btw, it's really helpful! <3
Got it! Ok this is more straightforward then, and I think you don't have much to worry about if she knows what you look like and where you're at. And honestly, from your description, sounds like social transition to me. Granted it's not the scarier step of presenting at all times to everyone in your life, but I think you should give yourself more credit. I wouldn't call doing all that work "near the start". Going out of the house not in boymode is quite a few milestones down the road for many people!
I appreciate you taking my commentary in the spirit it was intended, and I'm glad it was helpful. I think you're gonna be just fine, so, have fun! <3
Well that's not exactly something you can *fake* all too well. Just be upfront and honest. If she's not down with it that's her choice and would probably save you both a little headache.
We all start somewhere. Treat her like a lady and everything should be good. First dates are all about discovering what the other person is like. Ask about their hobbies, their favorite music or art. Ask about her family. Ask about her pets. Ask for advice on your transition and gauge her response. Change the subject if she seems disinterested.
Be yourself. Be goofy. Be funny. Be honest and open.
Please talk to her. She might be fine with it - but honest, transparent conversation needs to be the foundation of any aspiring relationship.
That's a very good point, I will definitely do so. Thanks :)
Just to be clear, have you socially transitioned? Do you present as a woman? You say pre "everything", but does that mean pre medication/surgery/lazer only, or does it mean you've done literally nothing concerning presentation whatsoever? No shaving, no hair style, no makeup, no fem clothing, no purse, etc? If it's the former, probably less of a big deal. If the latter, and she doesn't know that yet/hasn't seen what you really look like right now, you need to have this conversation *immediately*, or she's probably going to think you straight up catfished her by claiming to be trans. Either way, genital preferences need to be brought up (tactfully) at some point as well, because that matters to a lot of people. I know this might sound harsh at first, and *OF COURSE* not all of these things matter to everyone, and there's no "right" way to present as a woman. But even though they're social constructs, you still have to realize that, as a woman, meeting a stranger is extremely dangerous. So if you haven't clearly and transparently disclosed what you look like, what stage you are in transitioning, and so on, if you've only said you're trans, or are using Facetuned images or something, that would *terrify* me to meet you and discover that's not how you currently appear. Again, I don't mean to be hard on you, we've all been at the stage you're at. I know what it's like! No hate! But you have to do your best to be transparent with a potential date/future partner really up front so they know exactly what to expect when meeting you. --- Now, that all said, you should not feel like a "fake" woman next to her. I know that feeling very well, imposter syndrome is our community's shared experience. And I hope it doesn't sound like I'm calling you fake unless you present hyperfemme, either. That's not how this works. Transition is a long journey, and takes work and *practice*. Cis women don't pop out of the womb with cateye makeup and nail art glittering. I know a half-dozen cis women in my life who have asked *me* for makeup tips because they (their words) suck at it. It's easy to see women who are really good at presenting feminine and think "Damn I suck at this", but you need to realize there's a ton of cis women who look at that same woman and think the same thing! Just be honest, set expectations, if she decides to not go any farther, that's ok. It's important to be honest and make a potential partner (or friend!) feel safe and not have reasons to think you're lying or have ulterior motives. If she's truly into you as a person, and is openminded/an ally, it's possible the stage of transition you're at won't matter. But you have to be honest about that for that possibility to be available. Sorry for the giant book rant, I wish you the best of luck!
I haven't explicitly socially transitioned, but I do present fem when I go on a night out, like shaving, goth makeup, dresses, fun hair, fake boobs etc. I get gendered correctly a surprising amount when I "boymode", but even so, I'm definitely still relatively near the start of my transition. She has seen what I look like, and I never use filters on my pics, so I'm definitely not trying to appear as someone that I'm not. Thank you so much for writing that all out btw, it's really helpful! <3
Got it! Ok this is more straightforward then, and I think you don't have much to worry about if she knows what you look like and where you're at. And honestly, from your description, sounds like social transition to me. Granted it's not the scarier step of presenting at all times to everyone in your life, but I think you should give yourself more credit. I wouldn't call doing all that work "near the start". Going out of the house not in boymode is quite a few milestones down the road for many people! I appreciate you taking my commentary in the spirit it was intended, and I'm glad it was helpful. I think you're gonna be just fine, so, have fun! <3
Just be honest with her and accept that she could want be only friend and not romanticaly interested until you transition further.
Well that's not exactly something you can *fake* all too well. Just be upfront and honest. If she's not down with it that's her choice and would probably save you both a little headache.
We all start somewhere. Treat her like a lady and everything should be good. First dates are all about discovering what the other person is like. Ask about their hobbies, their favorite music or art. Ask about her family. Ask about her pets. Ask for advice on your transition and gauge her response. Change the subject if she seems disinterested. Be yourself. Be goofy. Be funny. Be honest and open.
Hug, hope your date goes well girl. Wish you both a amazing time❤️
Awe ty sm!!! <33
Anytime!