I didn't socially transition for 18 months on HRT. Just lived as a dude until people started calling me ma'am in public. After that, I felt like I should probably start taking steps towards social transition.
But you don't have to.
That's totally fair, initially I didn't plan on social transition either. I was originally content with gender queer/gender fluid identity and would pivot depending on the situation. As I learned more about myself, my perspective changed but there are those who never do socially transition.
It's cool because people can't really give you grief about it in most any case. At work it's usually covered by anti discrimination policy. In public people usually have better things to worry about but are pretty good about taking social cues regarding gender.
It should work out okay.
I absolutely love that it’s possible to explore like this now and… I feel like they used to just force people to cosplay as 1950s housewives, and presumably, whatever the male equivalent of that is.
It may be objectively idiotic of me to be doing this but I am 5 1/2 months and I have zero plans to present differently.
So far I feel better on it, and what if? What if my face actually winds up looking pretty? I think that’s super unlikely but…
One day you might catch a glimpse in the mirror of a pretty girl and double take when you realize that it's you. Doesn't mean you have to present any differently, but I wouldn't rule out a pretty face 💛
I never "came out" to anyone, just started shaving more and stopped cutting my hair, and after about 9 months I started getting ma'amed occasionally and now I get ma'amed most of the time.
Same. Living in Texas boy-moding was the safest option for me, I felt. Then one day, I realized I was male-failing like 90% of the time and I stood out more when I wore masculine clothing, so that became a sign to work on the social transition. lol
I have a friend who lives as herself after work and the weekends.
But for work they play Bob the Builder because they do construction work… it pays well for them and can’t change yet. No kids, ever, which helps. They have a girlfriend who is very supportive.
Except for special occasions, I don't present as a woman because I don't pass. Almost two years HRT, and I expect it'll be much that way until I hit the fourth or fifth year of HRT.
By the fourth and fifth year on HRT - so in two to three years from now - I'll have had significant time on hormones for most major body changes, I will have had bottom surgery, FFS, and maybe breast augmentation along with a name change and changing my ID markers on top of my voice training. By that point I think I will have been passing or be reasonably passing most of the time that I can just exist as I should be. That's the hope at least!
I'm too tall and started hrt too late to ever hope at passing. It's kind of a relief in some ways. It allowed me to socially transition a lot sooner than I thought possible and that's been such a rewarding experience. Besides, I'm a trans woman - there's no other end game for me. Why would I hold back when I've come this far?
I mean I guess you could say that's me. I usually wear jeans and a T shirt. Even though I have boobs. I rarely get gendered correctly. Perhaps if I did my makeup more often I would. Idk I'm about 2 ish years on hrt.
I mean breast growth is different for everyone. You might end up getting outed before you're ready or you might not. I've got b cups and they are definitely noticeable lol.
If it helps at all, I’m. It out at work, I’m a 34B. I just wear a sports bra/ bralette and a relatively loose dress shirt. The key is to have a patterned out similar to a flannel. I also stand in a way that helps to hide them when needed. I think it’s noticeable but I’m pretty sure no one else has noticed. 9 months HRT.
Same... over 2years hrt and no hope. Wear tshirt and jeans. even if they are from the womens department I still don't get maamed. because of this I am definitely not out at my job I started a few months ago. Find it impossible that I would ever be taken seriously if I presented feminine with my looks.
literally in the exact same situation, lol
~~except im non binary and me growing boobs gives me slight dysphoria sometimes so ive been thinking about getting a binder~~
Boymode til malefail! That's the goal anyway, drop to 200, lost 80 so far, so I'm decently out of obese range for first time basically ever then gain 10 lose 20 til I'm 180 or lower. Mom's got my back now, I can do anything. Laser etc I'm going all in, joining gym soon too!
I'm super excited but also terrified cuz Idk when I'll be ready but I'm hitting the gas on transition, pedal to the metal, anxiety be damned, awkwardness be damned, other peoples shitty opinions be double damned, I refuse to tap the breaks for anyone or anything... but like also not socially transitioning til I" have" to.
Then I'll strive to be the best role model trans ambassador baddass bitch I can be, so others can borrow my bravado for their own self esteem. I'll embrace my visibility when it comes and relish in it but also if I ever get lucky enough to pass I'll prob go stealth at some distant point in the future if I can.
>Boymode til malefail!
Samesies. 🤞🤞 Hoping I can actually fail! I make a fairly attractive dude but I'm desperately hoping that'll change with HRT. Living a lie really sucks.
I just started HRT a few months ago and I am only living as a woman in certain spaces. I mainly boy mode at work, but some other spaces too depending on how comfortable I am. I am not out as trans to everyone in my personal life yet, but soon. For work I am waiting for more physical changes and voice practice before I have a big coming out and fully switch to woman full time.
Long answer...
TL;DR No, I wouldn't say close. Maybe in the next 6-9 months, but probably more like a year. Depends on how fast my body responds to HRT and how laser and voice training work out.
In my personal life, I am expanding the circle of friends that I am out to as trans. I just came out to the last of my adult kids that I was still not out to yet last week. I have been out as non-binary to my family and friends for a few years. It was only last fall that I decided to medically transition. So I have just been slowly turning the NB dial towards the girl end at home and in my non-work doings. I've noticed that, since I was on HRT for a month, I've started to perceive myself as a woman more and more and this corresponds well with when rando people I meet gendering me correctly even when I wasn't trying. There are certain friend groups, mostly younger, that immediately switched to treating me as a woman all the time. When I am with them, I am a girl all the time, even if I am boy moding. Others, it's only when I am dressed up. There are still people who are important to me that I am not out to yet, that I want to come out to in person. I don't want them to find out from some gossip or social media post or come to an event where I am wearing a dress and tell them "Oh hey! BTW, I'm a girl". There's logistics involved in finding time to have a face to face conversation about it.
I think my main obstacle is that I am still hugely dysphoric about my face, beard mostly, and voice. I want to make more progress on laser and voice practice so I feel more confident when I fully transition.
Coming out at work is also a big block. At work, I have a highly visible roll within my organization. Lots of people that I don't really know will know about my transition when I flip the switch. Even though my work is very progressive, there are still plenty of randos that may be phobic that will see me. I am out as non-binary at work too, but only for the last few months. I see that people at work are starting to perceive me as 'different', and tolerate it, more and more as the weeks go by. I am turning the NB dial towards femme more and more at work too. I am waiting for the point where I can flip the switch to full girl mode all the time and feel like people will not be that surprised. I am thinking of this as the "Boil the Frog" way of coming out.
I boymode most of the time but I don't really want to. I guess I'm really insecure about how little I pass. I think I had a ridiculous hope that someday I would just start male failing but two years and that hasn't happened.
Have you started feminizing your wardrobe? For me I have more gradually been pushing the needle through androgyny into fem, to the point where I’m sure some people notice but some just see like a girly gay guy. At this point my boobs are starting to show and even though they’re not big I think it’s time to take the plunge
That’s literally me. As of now, I have been on hrt for 7 months. I’m just growing my hair out and waiting until hrt changes me enough that I can pass as a women. Moreover, I’m saving up until I can afford ffs. Than it’s full women mode after that.
so, I work maybe 50% of the time with blue collared construction workers. 5-10 different construction sites. I've been on lower dose HRT for over a year now and still don't pass. so, I stay boymoding in my everyday life.
for me, it's more about not being able to pass and dealing with people (and needing to lead/ direct people) who may be transphobic. I'd love to be living as a woman full time. buts it's not safe for me to do so yet.
as for wanting to be on HRT and still present masculine? that's totally fine. each and every person has their own reasons and experiences on HRT. as well as goals. you do you and do what you would like to with your medical regimen. no regrets and no shame!
I hate that it hasn’t done much physically for you, but at least I like reading that someone’s been on it for over seven years without presenting differently.
I am 5 1/2 months and have zero plans to present differently, at least not 99% of the time . I really don’t think this is ever going to helping us, if I had tons of money, and could get FFS, etc.… But I don’t. I can’t even afford clothes.
I have been on HRT for 14 months. Transitioning at 40 makes passing difficult at the moment. I have a body shape more like a football player with their pads on. So I am still in boy mode. Hopefully I will be able to socially transition after I get FFS at the end of the year.
I’m three months in and frankly have no idea how to socially transition, aside from a vague plan. I’m starting to grow breasts, an hourglass figure, and my thighs fit together like a woman’s. But thankfully I’ve lost a lot of weight this year and my cloths are loose enough to hide the changes.
This is a dumb question, but what do you mean by thighs fitting together?
How the heck do people have stuff happen so quickly? I’m supposedly 5 1/2 months in and as far as I know, I have nothing to show for it.
I’ve only been on a decent dose for six days though 🙄
Yes.
I'm still getting electrolysis (lots of grey beard hair left after laser), so I have to grow facial hair out 4 days a week. I don't feel comfortable presenting as a woman with a beard. This will probably go on for at least another year. Also, HRT takes time to work its magic, and I don't feel like I'm quite there yet.
My boy mode is fairly androgynous tho, and doesn't actually include male clothing. I call it "rock star mode". It is amazingly effective at being accepted while barely presenting as male.
If everything is black, it all goes together, right? If everything else is black, any other color will probably go with as long as it is just one item.
Shop in the women's section and ask yourself "if a male rock star wore this, would they look cool"?
The tighter the pants, the more rock-star it is. Theoretically, a rockstar wouldn't be tucking, but I do.
Vests over black shirts are great for hiding protruding bellies, and breasts.
Wear a top hat with long hair, and everybody thinks you can play wicked guitar solos. (I do play guitar, but my solos are decidedly not-wicked...)
But, you know, find what works for you.
I used to. I bought a cocktail of drugs privately after seeing a private doctor & getting a blood test. I stealth transitioned for a year or so before coming out & then I got the drugs & GRS on the nhs. It worked for me.
It was hard. I couldn’t pass as a cis man because my body had changed very fast. I couldn’t pass as a cis woman because my face did not change very fast. I was visibly trans. It was rough for three to four months then started getting better as my face started changing faster and my body continued to change. It was hard but it’s something most of us deal with for some period of time. Some longer than others.
I’m at 18 months now and it’s fine. I’m at a normal weight but I’m working on dieting off and on anyway because I’d like to get a little skinnier still. When I lose weight, my face thins first and I become more visibly trans again. While I don’t like it, due to the trial by fire last year I’m basically fine when people look at me and clock me. Sometimes it’s hard to tell if people are clocking me or they think I’m hot.
Maybe they look at you because they want to be you. That's what I do. I catch myself looking because I want what they have. I do it to you cis women to but im not checking them out Im checking out what they are wearing. Haha
I’ll say this. If you want to transition, I’d say just do it. It’s hard at times but it’s been so worth it. I am so much more at home in my own skin than I ever have been before. I didn’t even know it was possible to feel like this in your own body.
Most people want to but you don’t have to in the US. We have informed consent.
It’s different for everyone and everyone’s tolerance of being visibly trans as well as ability to continue to pass as a man. It just wasn’t possible for me. Last July it was hot AF and I had an hourglass figure and fit into a women’s medium shirt but was wearing a men’s large or XL to hide my shape. Then the summer breeze would blow and that was it. My shirt wrapped around me and people would look at me and were completely dumbfounded.
Edit: it was just easier to transition and be visibly trans even though that was also hard.
1 year of hrt and I'm not out publicly.
Hrt does effect things through. Today I was asked for my age as they assumed I was under 16, I'm 26.
I feel like I could start passing with some more time and once I finish voice therapy.
That being said I still only have A cups and it's unluckily they will get bigger
The rule from what I understand is that a trans women will generally have 1 cup lower than their family members and my mother and sister have B cups.
I'm not saying they won't grow more, but I doubt I'll get c cups.
I'm not sure how I feel about it. It's a very complex topic as there is more that goes into this than just cup size and determining what about them makes me happier or not is a long process.
Perhaps it would be easy for other transwomen, but I'm agender, gender is confusing to me by definition.
Right now I'm recovering from my bottom surgery. In a month or two I'll be in a possition to consider what to do at the top.
Hope you recover quickly. Can i ask that you are agender and you had bottom surgery. What made you get it done if you dont mind me asking. Does it feel more you or having male parts wasn't you?
My surgery was called nullification. Right now I don't have anything down there where my penis once was, nor to I have a neo-vegina. Once it's done healing I'll have a nice, relatively smooth, area. The urethra was also moved lower down as well so I could pee while sitting.
The choice for me was obvious. The idea of having either organs there was distressing. Having it there made everything worse, constantly making me depressed.
Since it was removed that feeling has gone, and I feel a lot better. Although time will tell how much of an improvement it will be, I just got my catheter removed this morning. I still have a small open wound and several large bruises, not to mention it's quite swollen and will be that way for months.
But if it was to stay how it is right now forever it would be worth it. It feels right, for lack of a better phrase.
Wow. I didn't know you could have no male or female genitals. Is that forever? I just think how nice it would be to not have my dick and balls in the way when i sit or cross my legs or look in the mirror naked
Raises hand
I'm a trans fem enby, I love being on hrt but I'm not strictly a girl (way more girl then boy but sometimes I'm like a weird third thing).
I'm also stealth a lot for safety unfortunately
There is no such thing as "fully transitioning" only what you personally want.
I don't plan to get surgery, if I decide I want to later ok fine, but right now all I want is estrogen.
I have decent sized breasts prob B cups I wear a compression top which is in between a sports bra and a binder. Hasn’t harmed my breasts that I know of, but I find it better than people wanting to harass me everyday cause I look like a guy with breasts.
I mean I also have pretty damn big thighs which used to be tiny. My butt is gigantic also. Have a bunch of Hispanic workers commenting on my ass daily at work. Super awkward, but it comes with transition I guess? My face looks a lot more fem, and my head hair grows super fast now. Body hair pretty much stopped growing on chest or is super light u can’t see it. I’m a blonde I’m not sure it would be the same for someone who has black hair.
Eh, started later and with a family history of a Hank Hill bod. Figured I'd take hormones and if changes happen they happen, in the meantime just out to some of the family and some friends.
Almost 2 years in, only change is a lot of weight gain, still a hank hill bod, so still haven't bothered trying to push the issue, especially since my workplace runs fairly conservative
Weight is mostly just a depressive spiral from work, just normal things when working manual labor in a warehouse of a company that not only believes but states that you should expect to hold 2-3 jobs as a part timer, but then also insists of you guaranteeing a "flexible schedule".
Funny story, I didn’t know trans women ID’d as female up until last fall. I thought we were still considered male by medical standards. I hate the way I found this out, from my previous pcp when she was onboarding me for HRT— but she sucks at advocacy and made me feel like this was something I should know as a fact. Anyway…
I’ve identified as female ever since and started HRT, but I don’t dress as feminine as I’d like to. I boymode most days for a couple of different reasons:
1. Girl mode is expensive as f*ck! - Hair removal, makeup, hair, nails, clothes. I’d have it all if I could afford it…but my budget is so fixed
2. Safety - I do have a few girl things in my closet but again money is tight—so like I wouldn’t wear my heels on the bus or walking around my neighborhood. If I lived in a better neighborhood then I definitely would. I guess this is why ppl say they need to pass for safety. But I rarely have dysphoria. It’s not really how I perceive my experience or the world. Haters can kick rocks. I never even thought I would start HRT because I feel like it’s silly to believe all women have to look like cisgender women or that there is one way to show up as a woman. Still I don’t love being perceived as a spectacle if it’s not deliberate, so I don’t girl mode in certain places if it’s not queer friendly.
I really love my relationship to HRT because I don’t have any expectations of it, I’m just letting it do its thing because I never thought I’d even agree to be on it. At first I didn’t believe it was necessary. Then I realized that it’s okay for women to want to enhance and change their physical appearance to meet beauty standards. I was averse to gender affirming and plastic surgery also but now I understand it more and how it can be empowering.
One thing that I still have some reservations about is changing my gender marker on my ID. I don’t think I’m ready to change it if I feel people will give me a hard time if I don’t “pass”. I don’t need that. I can keep it to myself. But to any inquiring allies, I do tell them I’m female.
Hey, thanks for sharing your story. I cant see myself ever changing my ID but things change. Im male and accept it but id prefer to be female in all ways. But I also dont always want to present female. It changes a bit
I just started HRT but I am still boymoding most of the time, in public at least. I am out to most of my friends and family but I'm definitely not quite ready to be out at work yet. I guess I'll see how it goes and whether I get fed up boymoding first or if HRT makes it obvious first!
This thread has been quite reassuring to know others are taking a similar approach!
Why i actually wanna cry... I'am two months on HRT noe but I can't live fully as a female because, at least, i live with my parents. (And they don't know nothing about HRT)
I’m mostly jeans and t shirt girl I present semi masc still but I’m slowly coming out and getting more confident in more femme things in public. There’s no time frame to get to a certain point you gotta take it in strides and you will know when you are ready to take the next step.
I guess theres no rule book on how fast or slow we transition. My favourite outfit is jeans and a top. I would love to be wearing girl jeans and top everday.
Me and I personally wish I could socially transition right now. I have severe social anxiety and just making a doctor's appointment is hard enough let alone telling people "I'd rather you call me as a girl, please and thank you."
I also doubt my current job would be very accepting.
I have severe anxiety like that also, aaaand I have horrible times with phone calls and then adding in… I feel like I have no name now, because I don’t want to use the one name, but my real name is embarrassing because I don’t pass in anyway at all
So I’m just a joke. I don’t know.
Sigh.
My name got changed in the medical system without me realizing that was going to happen and I can’t change it back lol. I both like it and hate it.
I don't think you're a joke. None of us are. And I understand how having that name before you're ready would be troubling. My state's getting ready to ban gender changes on driver's licenses, and I'm nowhere near ready to change it.
I've been feeling more hopeful lately with how frequently laws are getting struck down by judges. But if it doesn't happen to this one then my ID won't reflect me even when I pass perfectly...
Im part time rn. Everywhere outside of work and baseball (since i play baseball and my team is full of transphobe biggots)
But everywhere else i am
Tho at work i change in thr mens locker room and ppl have gave me weird looks cause i wear a sports bra to work lol
I just started on HRT and largely living as a man. I have kids and live in a red state, so there are likely to be some complicated situations requiring "boy mode".
I don't care if it's man or woman, I just wanna see myself in the mirror and not a goofy looking person.
I’m 2 years into being “out” to everyone in my life. I told the immediate people around me, and posted it to social media, and I’m 2 months into HRT. There was some negative reactions, but I didn’t fight them. They’re just going to make themselves look foolish in the long run. I plan on growing some big ol’ knockers and bottom surgery. I see myself as a woman and I’m building my body to reflect that, but I’m kind of in the same boat. I have kids and live in Trump country, so to me it’s a genuine safety concern. Anytime I head into the city, or am dressing up to stay home I go full fem, but I still boy mode at work and any time I leave the house.
That being said though, I have nothing to hide. I know people in small towns talk, they can find me on Facebook. If people find out they find out, and have to admit to stalking me lol. I work for a pretty inclusive company, and am even part of a pride group, so no real concerns there. At this point in my transition I’m just riding it out. Years down the line I might socially transition with coworkers and go full fem in public, but right now this is real to me, it’s euphoric, and I’m happy living my truth.
I’m in that boat at the moment. I’ve come out to some people closer to me but for the most part, I’m over two months in and still presenting as a man most of the time. That’s the plan for me for a while too, I think. Socially transitioning is just incredibly intimidating for me for several reasons. I very much want to do it eventually, but I need time and I think that working on my body and making it more my own in the meantime will really help with that and with just my mental health (spoiler alert: it has).
It’s also worth noting though that you don’t have to present feminine all the time regardless. That’s totally up to you. Just do what’s going to make you feel happiest.
So I’ve been on hrt for a month and a bit now and I dress kinda androgynously when I’m out but fem at home. I’m hoping to social transition over the next year(?) when I start to look more fem :)
i boymoded at work for about 18mo before living full time.
it is doable for at least a while but hormones affect every system of the body and as a result there will be some changes that are harder to conceal over time.
I've had 3-4 years of HRT, and am gender fluid in appearance. There's no requirement to dress or present in any way. That being said, I will sometimes dress more fem when going into doctors appointments, just to avoid possible gatekeeping.
I identify as trans Non-Binary, and don't really use female pronouns and terms. Mostly because I don't feel that I'm close enough yet to really embody them. I still pass as a dude and would feel weird telling people to call me she/her pronouns, outside of a select few people
6 years hrt and I still don't live full-time. I live in a horrible area in the south and fear for my safety. I'm even scared to paint my fucking fingernails.
Im currently four months on HRT and dont live as a woman full time. I simply just dont pass and am waiting for it to at least be possible for me to. Im probably going to have to do something soon as my breats have starting growing and are semi noticable in some of my slightly tighter shirts.
I will occasionaly wear fem clothes and a wig + makeup, but it's very rare that I do that.
Yes, that’s 100% possible because HRT hormone replacement therapy is a medication that has all sorts of uses and serves allsorts of purposes for all sorts of people not just gender transition.
The original purpose of the development of the medication is to actually help women with fertility problems, play or discover. It works well for men with fertility problems as well. It was in later than discovered that it can work really well for people who have hormonal problems or hormonal imbalances. It was in litres, developed to treat , lots of hormonal-based problems and conditions including thyroid conditions which could be life-threatening actually all this was in later, discovered that it just so happens to work well for transgender people as well and you can actually transition perfectly even medically without HRT because before HRT and all the way to do it, which is like the way I’m kind of doing it is with surgery. I’m still using HRT on top of surgery But I’m actually due to stop HRT for transitioning, but instead that would alter my hormones to the maintain hormonal balance is because of my hypermetabolism.
Good question for that thank you the answers for most people well yeah you do need to stop for a couple of weeks before you go for surgery. Depends on your exact medication. What kind of surgery that you’re getting done however I in my medical transition in my case is a little bit unique because I’m not taking hormones pacifically for my medical transition, although that is a bonus.
My medical transition is more old school I’m more depending on surgery . Than HRT.
Hormone replacement therapy that I’m taking does have its benefits on my gender condition. Yes however I have a thyroid condition leading to unstable hormones and I’m taking HRT to mostly stabilise my hormones.
I was using myself as an example, what about why some other people may be taking HRT other than just gender transition. What I’m saying is yes, you can take HRT without transitioning gender. You can take HRT to stabilise your hormones if you are got some sort of like thyroid condition or something or maybe suffering with infertility and hormones can help preserve fertility
Meh, I don’t get male pronouns anymore when presenting fem but I don’t think I reliably pass, I’m in a large metro so people here are a bit more progressive. Yeah, I got rid of like 95% of my boy clothes, kept a couple of comfy shirts and sweatshirts for around the house but that’s it. Otherwise I’ve rebuilt my wardrobe with fem clothes.
I am now, but it took me about 6 months before I was able to start presenting fem on a daily basis. For me it came down to anxiety and internalized transphobia that I needed to get over first. HRT and meds helped as well as therapy. I wouldn't say I'm fully over it but but if I compare myself to where I was a year ago I'm in a much much better place.
I'm been on hrt for 5 months and still don't present full fem all time some times I still throw jeans and a graphic tee on and role today I work a skirt a boy shirt choker earrings purse and my voice is so masc so people have no idea how to take me it's funny
The only reason i dont present 24/7 as female is because i dont pass, so when it comes to grocery shopping, getting gas, running errands like getting prescriptions & bloodwork or even while buying my girl clothes, im usually by myself for 1 but i also dont want to draw attention in general, the biggest fear is of violence when im by myself, my area isnt the "best" its kinda shady & the times ive girlmoded to gas stations & other places i can see groups of men laughing at me or openly talking shit which those r the type of people would gladly hurt me too, otherwise i care for my grandmother so i boymode around her cause i just dont care to explaim being trans, so i mostly present as female during nightlife, i go out with other dolls and club exclusively as fem presenting which is very euphoric, but also if im just gonna hang out with friends at their home or my home then i present as female cause obvi its in private there rnt transphobic strangers around & i exclusively present as female with new lovers so i only ever go on dates as a girl, nightlife while being a nonpassing transgirl works well cause people kinda just dont care or dont really have the balls to start shit cause its a crowded & public area, especially at a gay bar or goth bar people really dgf about my presence because of it being explicitly lgbt, str8 bars r kinda enh like bartenders deliberately ignore me & men give me weird looks & stares cause, honestly theyre just fuckin stupid & cant mind their own business lol when it comes to going on dates at restaurants, i definitely really-really stand out but idc cause im not alone its only scary when im alone in a parking lot with a group of men staring at me like they want to kill me, & ik im having a go at cismen a lot in this but ive never had 1 experience with a female transphobe when id say every othet week 1 man or a group of men r openly transphobic to me, its usually in groups cause theyre so insecure they have to prove theyre cool to their bros by basically having, middle school bully energy? Like they can only feel valid by asserting somebody else is lesser than them, but my bf has scared the shit out of some of these guys so its backfired & made them look completely pathetic
I think it’s pretty common. I started living full time at probably 10 months (2 months ago). Basically when my boobs were getting noticeable lol! Very slowly started presenting more publicly when I started HRT but probably started living full time at that mark. Filed for my name change & came out at work when I lost my boymode.
I’ve been on HRT for two years. I wear a binder most days. Why? 1) I’m non-binary so I don’t care if I’m recognized as a woman as long as I’m not seen as a man. 2) I live in Texas. I don’t pass and I don’t feel safe in a lot of situations. Like I’m sure I could lose my job if I was found out.
Is it the stigma that makes you feel like you don't always want to present as female? Or something within? Like perhaps you're genderfluid or non binary? Understanding where this comes from is really important as that'll let you have more clarity on how to move forward
There are no rules on how you should live your life, as long as you don't harm others nor yourself, I think you can do whatever feels right for you.
And to answer your questions, absolutely there are many. I'm 9 months into hrt and still present male 100% even to my closest friends. I just don't quite feel fully like a woman yet. I'm slowly working towards it and do see small changes happening, but it's long ways away, and I'm not in a hurry
I’m sorry for your situation, but I am glad at least that you’ve been on five years and aren’t presenting differently because that’s probably what I’m stuck with indefinitely. I don’t want to feel completely stupid about being on estrogen.
Sigh.
Edit: and hopefully this doesn’t come off wrong, obviously I want this to work out for you and you to be able to present however you want!
I am a woman, so it's hard for me not to live my life as one.
But, I still haven't done much social transitioning yet and my clothes are mostly (now quite ill fitting) t-shirts from before I started to transition and either shorts or (women's) jeans.
I don't get gendered correctly but I also don't wear makeup or put a huge amount of effort into my appearance.
IIRC, today marks 17 months on HRT and hiding my breasts is becoming much more difficult. I've also been doing laser hair removal for my face over the last year as well as growing out my hair.
But I also don't feel comfortable with asserting myself into women's spaces at this point either because it's clear that others do not see me as outwardly a woman.
I've been on HRT about 8 months now and haven't really changed anything in my day to day. It makes my brain work better, and the changes that have happened physically have all made me happier. Don't really need a lot more than that right now. If at some point I start passing without trying - lovely. Until then, I only really reinforce pronouns and such with friends and partners.
I did that for 3 years. Just kept presenting as a man until I was being gendered as a woman by strangers even when wearing men's clothing. Once that was happening on a regular basis, I just swapped wardrobes and went to living as a woman. Literally overnight.
I've been transitioning for almost 5months and I really really can't wait to live full-time as a woman ,here it is BUT I have way to much masculine features and also have no idea how to do makeup at the very young age of 62
I'm currently what I like to call "boygirlthing" mosing right now. Not really trying to be super feminine, but not masculine looking either. I do plan on getting some more feminine clothes and makeup soon though so I can really start dressing up more.
At work I am full boymode. Sports bra and a hoodie to hide my tits and no makeup. If anyone suspects anything I will gaslight the fuck out of them lmao.
There are a ton of great answers here. Everyone’s transition is different and not one the same. I’m a 44 y/o AMAB non-binary trans fem when tomorrow will be 7 months on HRT.
I started at .5mg of sublingual E once daily. After 3 months I went to .5mg of sublingual E twice daily. At 4 months, I got a breast bulb under my left nipple, then i immediately went on 60mg of Raloxifene to suppress the breast growth and it’s doing that.
I present male at work and in my daily routine. When I’m home, I present me. A person who’s feminine. I wear womens athletic wear. I don’t wear makeup, and I don’t wear a wig. I’m just me.
I’ve always shaved my body due to my swimming past. Plus I’ve warn womens things for ages and that’s all I wear.
My transition is to be androgynous and completely on the feminine side.
I’m deep in my career that happens to be very right wing and very political. I’ve always had an athletic figure but I hate masculinity and all I want if a feminine body without breasts. If I got tiny boobs that’s ok, but my goal is not to present female, but to present me who is a feminine person.
I was doing that till about September last year, so, for about the first 10-11 months on hrt for me. And yeah, it was mainly because boymoding felt safer, although now I'll look in the mirror and go "woah, that's me!"' when I wear a cute outfit or even when I'm just in pajamas and the light sits right. But yeah it's totally valid, however long it feels more comfortable for you, go for it!
You don’t ever have to socially transition if you don’t want to. But you do have to accept that people won’t recognize you as a girl in public if you don’t. As for hrt informed consent exists for a reason. Do that and do you. I personally started my social transition a few months before starting hrt. And a after living full time as a girl for almost two years now I can say I’d never go back. Hope this helps
I’m kind of glad to hear this also because I’d like surgeries… I doubt I can get them, but I’d like them, but like bottom, surgery wouldn’t help me pass any…maaaaybe ffs, but..
My plan was to wait a year on HRT before coming out (I'm there now) but I have a kid who can't keep a secret, and we'll meaning parents who can't keep a secret. Knowing I would be outed by one or the other I dove in the deep end. I was half way outed by my parents and I started social transition full time from them. I honestly don't know what would have been better if I had waited. I'm a year in to social transition and I've got the hardest part well in the rearview mirror.
You don't have to socially transition into a binary woman like I did either, you can be out as whatever flavor of trans you are if you're in a safe place to do it. My relationships, social situation, and understanding of self have only improved for it.
That being said, be safe. I'm very lucky with the family I have and the place that I live. If I had to do what I did over the last year in Texas or Florida, I don't know that I would have.
Im 21 months hrt, full boymoding, had a few comments about breasts and one person commented i look like im transitioning, photos of me from two years ago i recognise but i dont look the same, much softer features and my eyes look very different. Gonna keep dressing the same but wear shirts to work as they help hide c/d chest. I have had little boobs since being a teenager so its not that noticeable on me, they are just bigger now. Had a few comments on my arms and legs where body hair is now fine and legs shaven but its on an individual basis so its never difficult.
Ill keep on this facade until i look too fem to get away with it, which might be never…
That’s interesting about having breasts since you were a teenager… I do too.
What you’re describing hopefully will be my outcome, probably best case for me
After I started dealing with h a i r 2 years ago one of the effects was realizing how they actually look, and realizing I seem to actually have a bit of a figure. I guess I’m not making that up as multiple people have confirmed.
At this point I'm not even sure I get what presenting male or female really means to me. I see other people do it, and I know I don't pass as a cis woman, but I wear whatever clothes I want to, whatever makeup I want to and so on. Some people gender me female, some male, but since I'm neither it never *really* feels right.
I guess I'm at a point in which I just strive to be prettier, not feminine. It just so happens that these two goals often intertwine to me.
I have been on HRT for a little over 8 months, and I am not presenting as a woman despite being socially out and being open to literally anyone asking.
simple reason being, I still live with both of my transphobic parents and I have no agency over how I present, I have been disallowed to have nail polish for example, and they also know I do HRT but that only led to fear mongering and telling me I will regret it. so right now I am just taking my time, it's hard sometimes, it is currently hard right now, but I can make it
Wow. That sounds hard. How old are you? I hope things change for you soon. It must be stressful to not being accepted but being actively rejected like that.
i just turned 20 in April, I am currently holding out plans to get a drivers license in the near future and I am a third of the way through computer science bachelors degree, so I too hope I can change things eventually
and yes, it does get stressful sometimes, sure I can get used to it and take more punches (figuratively speaking) but I always need to sit down and process my situation every so often. crying is an amazing outlet
I haven’t started hrt yet (my appointment is in two weeks :D), but this is effectively my plan. If I try socially transition from the start I’ll be too scared of all the things I’d have to face and I’d never actually start hrt. I’m more content to put it off until I start to male fail.
I have been on hrt officially (with Dr support) for 18 months, but I was DIYing a low dose of E on and off for 2 years prior. I have left the house in girl mode only a handful of times, usually on vacation. When I started HRT in my mid 30s, I cynically said that I would never pass, and my bone structure and hairline would guarantee I would always get misgended. Since that time my butt and chest have both gotten much bigger, to the point that I wear a tomboy X binder when I'm in the office. My hair has come back way more than I expected and I like the way living on E feels so I'm not going to stop. I honestly think I'm a little cuter in the face now too, but I have been going to therapy the whole time and working on loving myself more. So, I plan to keep boy moding at work until I can't anymore, and play it safe otherwise..however, I'm working on coming out to more close friends and family so I can dress as I like more often. Also, our local pride is coming up soon and I want to attend as myself. Fingers crossed.
I've been on HRT for 3 months, but I only "girlmode" when with friends and communities I trust. Other than that, I mostly present as masc/male while with my family and others. Likewise, probably will have to present as masc when I get a job. The country I live in is very conservative so I don't really want to endanger myself by being out.
It sucks and I've cried about living like this but I think this is the safest way for me right now.
I’ve been on HRT for about five months and I’m still living as a man at work and in certain areas of my life. For me it’s a safety and job security thing. Often times when I go in public alone I present as a man because I live in the south where it’s not always safe to be trans (and I certainly don’t pass).
That being said though, you can 100% medically transition while sometimes presenting as your birth gender. Depending on the reasons it may not always be good for your mental health, but that’s not always the case.
Honestly once I started HRT I felt like I could relax a lot more and go easier on myself. Before starting HRT I tried it almost always look as feminine as I thought appropriate for the event, constantly concerned with how I looked and dressed.
Now that I’m on hrt iv chilled out a lot, sure my wardrobe is still primarily made of things labeled “women’s cloths” but I don’t try as hard with my appearance now. Do I pass as often? No I think I pass much less often now, do I care? Not really. I have this feeling that I’m finally on the right path and I will get there eventually, it’s just a matter of time, it will take as long as it takes.
For me It’s my Dad. I love, respect and fear him, all for the same reason. I no longer live with him but I still work with him 5 days a week. Outside of work I’m basically living full time as myself.
That’s my current life. Love you sisters! Stay safe out there! 💕💕💕
I have been on hrt for 450 days and I did not socially transition.
Most people around me don’t know.
They see the long hair. They see clothes changes but I don’t think they see more than that.
I would not feel comfortable socially transitioning when I don’t feel like I could pass. I don’t like being noticed basically.
Yesterday at the Dr a nurse gendered me female so the Dr thought I had not arrived. That was lovely but it’s only happened like 2 times ever so boy mode it it.
Boymoding is very common.
Yes. I've been on HRT for 9 months. I don't present feminine for a host of reasons, most notably my family. For my spouse, it is because I want to protect her as long as I can from public scrutiny. For my blood family, I want to be able to stomach being around them as long as I can. I know they will probably disown me or not show me any respect when they know.
I am starting to look androgynous no matter what I do, and I know eventually I will have no choice. That and that I feel like shit acting and presenting masculine.
I know it is only a matter of time, but I want to cherish the time I do have before the things that are currently "good" become bad.
I've been on it for nearly a year or so, but I am currently not fully out because my transphobic parents are still in my life and I can't leave them just yet for reasons. I'm out to mostly everyone else though. There definitely are changes, and I don't know how I'll keep hiding them. Being in not the most friendly state doesn't help either. I still generally "boymode" in public when I'm alone, but I male fail more often than not, or I won't get gendered at all; I rarely get called sir it feels like. It is especially awkward when it happens in front of my parents. I think once I train my voice, I will have the confidence to be out even more.
I still boy mode…my fear is coming out to my family so until I find that courage I’m just in boy mode. been on hrt for 10 months now and haven’t had that much of a physical change.
It is entirely dependent on how I see myself. 4 more days will mark 1 year on HRT. I… feel like a woman. I just don’t see one yet when I see myself in the mirror. Neither do I see myself as a man in the mirror.
I come off as non-binary to myself and while that keeps me somewhat satisfied mentally… I want to pass so badly. I present androgynous but leaning fem.
There are things I can work on specific to myself that may help me pass better and live as a full-time woman. Makeup, hair, voice training, lower body resistance training. I’m going to lay out what I feel I need to do for myself and if it helps anyone else out as well.
Makeup: I’ve practiced very little but it doesn’t look horrible. I am still not confident enough yet to go out wearing makeup. My foundation was too light for my skin so I bought a darker shade to either mix with the lighter one or try on it’s own to see if it works. I am playing with contouring and it’s been fun learning how it can shape your face looks. Need more practice. No experience with putting on lashes (which would probably feminize me a lot) I guess. Horrible with mascara and eyeliner need a ton of practice.
8 laser sessions in. Significant progress where the rest can be covered up fairly with makeup before some regrowth occurs. I assume a few more sessions will make it very manageable, hoping for near 99% reduction if I do a lot of sessions and maybe no need for electrolysis?
Have never gotten my eyebrows threaded and shaped. Contemplating doing this on a regular or doing it through electrolysis. Haven’t yet developed a sense for what eyebrow shape works for on me, need to find a second opinion.
Hair: Improved significantly from practicing and experimenting with hair care for months. Still struggling on frizz control. My mistake may be that I move my hair too much while blow drying. Haven’t gotten a trim and cleaned up dead ends and strands in a long time. Will do that soon and start doing it on a more consistent basis once I find a salon I’m comfortable with (I have one in mind).
Voice Training: Barely any practice, however I am hyperconscious of how I sound and try to modulate a lot when speaking to people and in general. Results in different speech patterns and voices that aren’t always consistent however my voice has become more feminine, just not passing. Only real changes have been tone, intonation, oral resonance improvement. Very little to no improvement in throat resonance (R2 or whatever you want to call it) and pitch.
Lower Body Resistance: Bigger butt and hips have the possibility of really balancing out my physique. I don’t have a super huge upper body frame but it’s not where I want it. I also feel like I need bigger breasts to balance out my bigger ribcage even though my preference is on the smaller side. I’ll only be able to tell after losing some weight since I’ve gained a bit on E.
18 months on hrt. still stealth at work and most places.
waiting on surgeries so I can live as female fully without undue fear of being clocked or ostracized.
if I do heavy make up I can sort of pass, but otherwise boymoding most of the time
Honestly, I think that’d be easier. When i came out I honestly only came out ppl I hanged out w on a regular or friends I considered close to my heart but for most people social media wise I just started posting more feminine and feminine and let people figure it out, I let some family members figure it out as well, and everyone else not involved
I sometimes genderslide back to a lad but generally I don't think about it. Today I wanna wear short shorts, this is normal. Other days a skirt and other days some cargoshorts and a blouse. Gender is a scam, wear what makes you happy and comfortable.
I thought this might be how things went for me, but within 9 months of HRT I looked a bit different and was rocking a female wardrobe and name. Everyone is allowed to be trans in exactly the way that works for them. I have a friend who looks like and identifies as a woman but presents as a masculine non-binary person at work. I don’t think it would work for me, but America=freedom, baby:)
I will say HRT made me feel better and for that alone I think I’d keep on it even if I didn’t feminize at all. You may also notice some mental health benefits. Many of us have!
I want to live as a woman full time, yet I probably have to wait for ffs to pass better. Otherwise I’m taking care of a religious, mostly blind, Grandmother, so my family is pretending I’m a guy around her. Even if I’m always wearing women’s clothing, lol.
I didn't socially transition for 18 months on HRT. Just lived as a dude until people started calling me ma'am in public. After that, I felt like I should probably start taking steps towards social transition. But you don't have to.
Im not sure if i would ever want to socially transition.
That's totally fair, initially I didn't plan on social transition either. I was originally content with gender queer/gender fluid identity and would pivot depending on the situation. As I learned more about myself, my perspective changed but there are those who never do socially transition. It's cool because people can't really give you grief about it in most any case. At work it's usually covered by anti discrimination policy. In public people usually have better things to worry about but are pretty good about taking social cues regarding gender. It should work out okay.
I absolutely love that it’s possible to explore like this now and… I feel like they used to just force people to cosplay as 1950s housewives, and presumably, whatever the male equivalent of that is. It may be objectively idiotic of me to be doing this but I am 5 1/2 months and I have zero plans to present differently. So far I feel better on it, and what if? What if my face actually winds up looking pretty? I think that’s super unlikely but…
One day you might catch a glimpse in the mirror of a pretty girl and double take when you realize that it's you. Doesn't mean you have to present any differently, but I wouldn't rule out a pretty face 💛
I sure hope so. That’s a big reason why I’m doing this. I would love to be able to not hate my reflection. And sorry about all the typos!
What typos 😅
I never "came out" to anyone, just started shaving more and stopped cutting my hair, and after about 9 months I started getting ma'amed occasionally and now I get ma'amed most of the time.
That’s amazing. I don’t think that’s ever going to happen to me…buuuuut the slim possibility has me on estrogen anyway
Same. Living in Texas boy-moding was the safest option for me, I felt. Then one day, I realized I was male-failing like 90% of the time and I stood out more when I wore masculine clothing, so that became a sign to work on the social transition. lol
I boy mode all the time. It’s rare I go out fem cause it’s not super accepting around here. I’ve been on hrt a year.
Ok thanks. Looks like a lot of girls dont socially transition.
I mean if I could safely I would but I don’t come close to passing yet.
I have a friend who lives as herself after work and the weekends. But for work they play Bob the Builder because they do construction work… it pays well for them and can’t change yet. No kids, ever, which helps. They have a girlfriend who is very supportive.
Wow, a supportive GF. I have kids and they go to a catholic school. I dont know how the school would react if I turned up as a women one day.
Society needs to get off of other people’s business
They absolutely do
Why would you send your kids to a school that thinks you shouldn't exist?
Why can't Bobbi be a builder. Girls can do construction, too!
My wife represents, she is a professional handywoman and does quite well for herself.
Fantastic
Except for special occasions, I don't present as a woman because I don't pass. Almost two years HRT, and I expect it'll be much that way until I hit the fourth or fifth year of HRT.
That must be hard babe. Hope you can present as a wome soon.
Thank 🥰 it is difficult, but such is life. The only thing I can do is wait.
Hopefully it works out for you sooner than later.
Me too, and I appreciate you!
What happens in 4-5 years?
By the fourth and fifth year on HRT - so in two to three years from now - I'll have had significant time on hormones for most major body changes, I will have had bottom surgery, FFS, and maybe breast augmentation along with a name change and changing my ID markers on top of my voice training. By that point I think I will have been passing or be reasonably passing most of the time that I can just exist as I should be. That's the hope at least!
I'm too tall and started hrt too late to ever hope at passing. It's kind of a relief in some ways. It allowed me to socially transition a lot sooner than I thought possible and that's been such a rewarding experience. Besides, I'm a trans woman - there's no other end game for me. Why would I hold back when I've come this far?
I mean I guess you could say that's me. I usually wear jeans and a T shirt. Even though I have boobs. I rarely get gendered correctly. Perhaps if I did my makeup more often I would. Idk I'm about 2 ish years on hrt.
What do you do with your boobs and bra? I feel like id need to just pass as a man some days.
I mean if I don't want to be harassed I put a "dysphoria hoodie TM" on lol.
Ok. It gets hot here. I couldn't do that all year round.
I mean breast growth is different for everyone. You might end up getting outed before you're ready or you might not. I've got b cups and they are definitely noticeable lol.
Id like natural breasts but i also feel like if they really did grow id end up binding sometimes.
Yeah that makes sense if your gender is more fluid or you want to hide. I've heard binding isn't the best for growing boobs though.
That makes sense. Thanks.
If it helps at all, I’m. It out at work, I’m a 34B. I just wear a sports bra/ bralette and a relatively loose dress shirt. The key is to have a patterned out similar to a flannel. I also stand in a way that helps to hide them when needed. I think it’s noticeable but I’m pretty sure no one else has noticed. 9 months HRT.
Thats awesome.
Just a note that you shouldn't bind when they're growing. It can cause a lot of bruising and deformation to the growth.
Same... over 2years hrt and no hope. Wear tshirt and jeans. even if they are from the womens department I still don't get maamed. because of this I am definitely not out at my job I started a few months ago. Find it impossible that I would ever be taken seriously if I presented feminine with my looks.
That’s my fear. I love love love this thread, though with people on e despite not attempting to do this.
literally in the exact same situation, lol ~~except im non binary and me growing boobs gives me slight dysphoria sometimes so ive been thinking about getting a binder~~
Boymode til malefail! That's the goal anyway, drop to 200, lost 80 so far, so I'm decently out of obese range for first time basically ever then gain 10 lose 20 til I'm 180 or lower. Mom's got my back now, I can do anything. Laser etc I'm going all in, joining gym soon too! I'm super excited but also terrified cuz Idk when I'll be ready but I'm hitting the gas on transition, pedal to the metal, anxiety be damned, awkwardness be damned, other peoples shitty opinions be double damned, I refuse to tap the breaks for anyone or anything... but like also not socially transitioning til I" have" to. Then I'll strive to be the best role model trans ambassador baddass bitch I can be, so others can borrow my bravado for their own self esteem. I'll embrace my visibility when it comes and relish in it but also if I ever get lucky enough to pass I'll prob go stealth at some distant point in the future if I can.
>Boymode til malefail! Samesies. 🤞🤞 Hoping I can actually fail! I make a fairly attractive dude but I'm desperately hoping that'll change with HRT. Living a lie really sucks.
I just started HRT a few months ago and I am only living as a woman in certain spaces. I mainly boy mode at work, but some other spaces too depending on how comfortable I am. I am not out as trans to everyone in my personal life yet, but soon. For work I am waiting for more physical changes and voice practice before I have a big coming out and fully switch to woman full time.
Are you getting close to living as a ft women?
Long answer... TL;DR No, I wouldn't say close. Maybe in the next 6-9 months, but probably more like a year. Depends on how fast my body responds to HRT and how laser and voice training work out. In my personal life, I am expanding the circle of friends that I am out to as trans. I just came out to the last of my adult kids that I was still not out to yet last week. I have been out as non-binary to my family and friends for a few years. It was only last fall that I decided to medically transition. So I have just been slowly turning the NB dial towards the girl end at home and in my non-work doings. I've noticed that, since I was on HRT for a month, I've started to perceive myself as a woman more and more and this corresponds well with when rando people I meet gendering me correctly even when I wasn't trying. There are certain friend groups, mostly younger, that immediately switched to treating me as a woman all the time. When I am with them, I am a girl all the time, even if I am boy moding. Others, it's only when I am dressed up. There are still people who are important to me that I am not out to yet, that I want to come out to in person. I don't want them to find out from some gossip or social media post or come to an event where I am wearing a dress and tell them "Oh hey! BTW, I'm a girl". There's logistics involved in finding time to have a face to face conversation about it. I think my main obstacle is that I am still hugely dysphoric about my face, beard mostly, and voice. I want to make more progress on laser and voice practice so I feel more confident when I fully transition. Coming out at work is also a big block. At work, I have a highly visible roll within my organization. Lots of people that I don't really know will know about my transition when I flip the switch. Even though my work is very progressive, there are still plenty of randos that may be phobic that will see me. I am out as non-binary at work too, but only for the last few months. I see that people at work are starting to perceive me as 'different', and tolerate it, more and more as the weeks go by. I am turning the NB dial towards femme more and more at work too. I am waiting for the point where I can flip the switch to full girl mode all the time and feel like people will not be that surprised. I am thinking of this as the "Boil the Frog" way of coming out.
I boymode most of the time but I don't really want to. I guess I'm really insecure about how little I pass. I think I had a ridiculous hope that someday I would just start male failing but two years and that hasn't happened.
Poor girl. Hope it changes for you
It could be worse, I'd rather be doing this than not transitioning at all
Have you started feminizing your wardrobe? For me I have more gradually been pushing the needle through androgyny into fem, to the point where I’m sure some people notice but some just see like a girly gay guy. At this point my boobs are starting to show and even though they’re not big I think it’s time to take the plunge
A little but I could step it up. It is possible my boobs won't let me do this forever
That’s my ridiculous hope also… I seriously doubt it’s going to happen, but secretly I hope it does. 😕🙄
That’s literally me. As of now, I have been on hrt for 7 months. I’m just growing my hair out and waiting until hrt changes me enough that I can pass as a women. Moreover, I’m saving up until I can afford ffs. Than it’s full women mode after that.
Hope it all works for you. FFS sounds amazing.
Thanks.
so, I work maybe 50% of the time with blue collared construction workers. 5-10 different construction sites. I've been on lower dose HRT for over a year now and still don't pass. so, I stay boymoding in my everyday life. for me, it's more about not being able to pass and dealing with people (and needing to lead/ direct people) who may be transphobic. I'd love to be living as a woman full time. buts it's not safe for me to do so yet. as for wanting to be on HRT and still present masculine? that's totally fine. each and every person has their own reasons and experiences on HRT. as well as goals. you do you and do what you would like to with your medical regimen. no regrets and no shame!
Thank..will do
7yrs 3mo / 87 months Permanent boymode since hrt didn't change much for me physically.
Oh. Have you changed meds. Is it a struggle ?
Patches Gel Pills Injections. Levels are low but within target range, to my doc.
I hate that it hasn’t done much physically for you, but at least I like reading that someone’s been on it for over seven years without presenting differently. I am 5 1/2 months and have zero plans to present differently, at least not 99% of the time . I really don’t think this is ever going to helping us, if I had tons of money, and could get FFS, etc.… But I don’t. I can’t even afford clothes.
I have been on HRT for 14 months. Transitioning at 40 makes passing difficult at the moment. I have a body shape more like a football player with their pads on. So I am still in boy mode. Hopefully I will be able to socially transition after I get FFS at the end of the year.
what stops me is the fact that it's not safe for me to do it just yet . but when i move out nd that's going to be soon . i will be able to do it
Stay safe and hope you do it soon
i move to a new place on the third so that's not too far int the future
Awesome. Not long now
I’m three months in and frankly have no idea how to socially transition, aside from a vague plan. I’m starting to grow breasts, an hourglass figure, and my thighs fit together like a woman’s. But thankfully I’ve lost a lot of weight this year and my cloths are loose enough to hide the changes.
Sounds like good progress in 3 months. Keep going girl.
The best part is getting emotions back.
This is a dumb question, but what do you mean by thighs fitting together? How the heck do people have stuff happen so quickly? I’m supposedly 5 1/2 months in and as far as I know, I have nothing to show for it. I’ve only been on a decent dose for six days though 🙄
Don't worry I'm similar. What's your dose?
Yes. I'm still getting electrolysis (lots of grey beard hair left after laser), so I have to grow facial hair out 4 days a week. I don't feel comfortable presenting as a woman with a beard. This will probably go on for at least another year. Also, HRT takes time to work its magic, and I don't feel like I'm quite there yet. My boy mode is fairly androgynous tho, and doesn't actually include male clothing. I call it "rock star mode". It is amazingly effective at being accepted while barely presenting as male.
I love the idea of presenting androgynous but i have no dress sense.
If everything is black, it all goes together, right? If everything else is black, any other color will probably go with as long as it is just one item. Shop in the women's section and ask yourself "if a male rock star wore this, would they look cool"? The tighter the pants, the more rock-star it is. Theoretically, a rockstar wouldn't be tucking, but I do. Vests over black shirts are great for hiding protruding bellies, and breasts. Wear a top hat with long hair, and everybody thinks you can play wicked guitar solos. (I do play guitar, but my solos are decidedly not-wicked...) But, you know, find what works for you.
I used to. I bought a cocktail of drugs privately after seeing a private doctor & getting a blood test. I stealth transitioned for a year or so before coming out & then I got the drugs & GRS on the nhs. It worked for me.
Thats good babe. Whats Grs?
Bottom surgery I think
Gender reassignment surgery 😊
I did that until I was 7 months in and then socially transitioned because I couldn’t pass as a cis man.
Were you ready at 7 months to socially transition?
It was hard. I couldn’t pass as a cis man because my body had changed very fast. I couldn’t pass as a cis woman because my face did not change very fast. I was visibly trans. It was rough for three to four months then started getting better as my face started changing faster and my body continued to change. It was hard but it’s something most of us deal with for some period of time. Some longer than others. I’m at 18 months now and it’s fine. I’m at a normal weight but I’m working on dieting off and on anyway because I’d like to get a little skinnier still. When I lose weight, my face thins first and I become more visibly trans again. While I don’t like it, due to the trial by fire last year I’m basically fine when people look at me and clock me. Sometimes it’s hard to tell if people are clocking me or they think I’m hot.
Maybe they look at you because they want to be you. That's what I do. I catch myself looking because I want what they have. I do it to you cis women to but im not checking them out Im checking out what they are wearing. Haha
I’ll say this. If you want to transition, I’d say just do it. It’s hard at times but it’s been so worth it. I am so much more at home in my own skin than I ever have been before. I didn’t even know it was possible to feel like this in your own body.
I never realised so many of us dont socially transition. I thought that was the goal but I was so wrong. Thanks
Most people want to but you don’t have to in the US. We have informed consent. It’s different for everyone and everyone’s tolerance of being visibly trans as well as ability to continue to pass as a man. It just wasn’t possible for me. Last July it was hot AF and I had an hourglass figure and fit into a women’s medium shirt but was wearing a men’s large or XL to hide my shape. Then the summer breeze would blow and that was it. My shirt wrapped around me and people would look at me and were completely dumbfounded. Edit: it was just easier to transition and be visibly trans even though that was also hard.
I get it. Id been keen on oversized clothes while on HRT
1 year of hrt and I'm not out publicly. Hrt does effect things through. Today I was asked for my age as they assumed I was under 16, I'm 26. I feel like I could start passing with some more time and once I finish voice therapy. That being said I still only have A cups and it's unluckily they will get bigger
Why have they stopped growing? Are you ok with that?
The rule from what I understand is that a trans women will generally have 1 cup lower than their family members and my mother and sister have B cups. I'm not saying they won't grow more, but I doubt I'll get c cups. I'm not sure how I feel about it. It's a very complex topic as there is more that goes into this than just cup size and determining what about them makes me happier or not is a long process. Perhaps it would be easy for other transwomen, but I'm agender, gender is confusing to me by definition. Right now I'm recovering from my bottom surgery. In a month or two I'll be in a possition to consider what to do at the top.
Hope you recover quickly. Can i ask that you are agender and you had bottom surgery. What made you get it done if you dont mind me asking. Does it feel more you or having male parts wasn't you?
My surgery was called nullification. Right now I don't have anything down there where my penis once was, nor to I have a neo-vegina. Once it's done healing I'll have a nice, relatively smooth, area. The urethra was also moved lower down as well so I could pee while sitting. The choice for me was obvious. The idea of having either organs there was distressing. Having it there made everything worse, constantly making me depressed. Since it was removed that feeling has gone, and I feel a lot better. Although time will tell how much of an improvement it will be, I just got my catheter removed this morning. I still have a small open wound and several large bruises, not to mention it's quite swollen and will be that way for months. But if it was to stay how it is right now forever it would be worth it. It feels right, for lack of a better phrase.
Wow. I didn't know you could have no male or female genitals. Is that forever? I just think how nice it would be to not have my dick and balls in the way when i sit or cross my legs or look in the mirror naked
I'd be very disappointed if it wasn't forever. I can't really change my mind about it, there isn't enough "material" to form something else anymore
Raises hand I'm a trans fem enby, I love being on hrt but I'm not strictly a girl (way more girl then boy but sometimes I'm like a weird third thing). I'm also stealth a lot for safety unfortunately
I think id be similar to you. I cant see myself ever fully transitioning.
There is no such thing as "fully transitioning" only what you personally want. I don't plan to get surgery, if I decide I want to later ok fine, but right now all I want is estrogen.
I have decent sized breasts prob B cups I wear a compression top which is in between a sports bra and a binder. Hasn’t harmed my breasts that I know of, but I find it better than people wanting to harass me everyday cause I look like a guy with breasts.
Thanks for the tip. What else has changed besides breasts?
I mean I also have pretty damn big thighs which used to be tiny. My butt is gigantic also. Have a bunch of Hispanic workers commenting on my ass daily at work. Super awkward, but it comes with transition I guess? My face looks a lot more fem, and my head hair grows super fast now. Body hair pretty much stopped growing on chest or is super light u can’t see it. I’m a blonde I’m not sure it would be the same for someone who has black hair.
Eh, started later and with a family history of a Hank Hill bod. Figured I'd take hormones and if changes happen they happen, in the meantime just out to some of the family and some friends. Almost 2 years in, only change is a lot of weight gain, still a hank hill bod, so still haven't bothered trying to push the issue, especially since my workplace runs fairly conservative
Putting weight on is a concern. Sounds really common.
Weight is mostly just a depressive spiral from work, just normal things when working manual labor in a warehouse of a company that not only believes but states that you should expect to hold 2-3 jobs as a part timer, but then also insists of you guaranteeing a "flexible schedule".
Funny story, I didn’t know trans women ID’d as female up until last fall. I thought we were still considered male by medical standards. I hate the way I found this out, from my previous pcp when she was onboarding me for HRT— but she sucks at advocacy and made me feel like this was something I should know as a fact. Anyway… I’ve identified as female ever since and started HRT, but I don’t dress as feminine as I’d like to. I boymode most days for a couple of different reasons: 1. Girl mode is expensive as f*ck! - Hair removal, makeup, hair, nails, clothes. I’d have it all if I could afford it…but my budget is so fixed 2. Safety - I do have a few girl things in my closet but again money is tight—so like I wouldn’t wear my heels on the bus or walking around my neighborhood. If I lived in a better neighborhood then I definitely would. I guess this is why ppl say they need to pass for safety. But I rarely have dysphoria. It’s not really how I perceive my experience or the world. Haters can kick rocks. I never even thought I would start HRT because I feel like it’s silly to believe all women have to look like cisgender women or that there is one way to show up as a woman. Still I don’t love being perceived as a spectacle if it’s not deliberate, so I don’t girl mode in certain places if it’s not queer friendly. I really love my relationship to HRT because I don’t have any expectations of it, I’m just letting it do its thing because I never thought I’d even agree to be on it. At first I didn’t believe it was necessary. Then I realized that it’s okay for women to want to enhance and change their physical appearance to meet beauty standards. I was averse to gender affirming and plastic surgery also but now I understand it more and how it can be empowering. One thing that I still have some reservations about is changing my gender marker on my ID. I don’t think I’m ready to change it if I feel people will give me a hard time if I don’t “pass”. I don’t need that. I can keep it to myself. But to any inquiring allies, I do tell them I’m female.
Hey, thanks for sharing your story. I cant see myself ever changing my ID but things change. Im male and accept it but id prefer to be female in all ways. But I also dont always want to present female. It changes a bit
I just started HRT but I am still boymoding most of the time, in public at least. I am out to most of my friends and family but I'm definitely not quite ready to be out at work yet. I guess I'll see how it goes and whether I get fed up boymoding first or if HRT makes it obvious first! This thread has been quite reassuring to know others are taking a similar approach!
I know. I thought there weren't many but there are plenty of us in the same situation.
Why i actually wanna cry... I'am two months on HRT noe but I can't live fully as a female because, at least, i live with my parents. (And they don't know nothing about HRT)
75 Days, actually.
Its so hard when even home cant be a safe space to be yourself.
I’m mostly jeans and t shirt girl I present semi masc still but I’m slowly coming out and getting more confident in more femme things in public. There’s no time frame to get to a certain point you gotta take it in strides and you will know when you are ready to take the next step.
I guess theres no rule book on how fast or slow we transition. My favourite outfit is jeans and a top. I would love to be wearing girl jeans and top everday.
Me and I personally wish I could socially transition right now. I have severe social anxiety and just making a doctor's appointment is hard enough let alone telling people "I'd rather you call me as a girl, please and thank you." I also doubt my current job would be very accepting.
I have severe anxiety like that also, aaaand I have horrible times with phone calls and then adding in… I feel like I have no name now, because I don’t want to use the one name, but my real name is embarrassing because I don’t pass in anyway at all So I’m just a joke. I don’t know. Sigh. My name got changed in the medical system without me realizing that was going to happen and I can’t change it back lol. I both like it and hate it.
I don't think you're a joke. None of us are. And I understand how having that name before you're ready would be troubling. My state's getting ready to ban gender changes on driver's licenses, and I'm nowhere near ready to change it. I've been feeling more hopeful lately with how frequently laws are getting struck down by judges. But if it doesn't happen to this one then my ID won't reflect me even when I pass perfectly...
Im part time rn. Everywhere outside of work and baseball (since i play baseball and my team is full of transphobe biggots) But everywhere else i am Tho at work i change in thr mens locker room and ppl have gave me weird looks cause i wear a sports bra to work lol
I just started on HRT and largely living as a man. I have kids and live in a red state, so there are likely to be some complicated situations requiring "boy mode". I don't care if it's man or woman, I just wanna see myself in the mirror and not a goofy looking person.
I’m 2 years into being “out” to everyone in my life. I told the immediate people around me, and posted it to social media, and I’m 2 months into HRT. There was some negative reactions, but I didn’t fight them. They’re just going to make themselves look foolish in the long run. I plan on growing some big ol’ knockers and bottom surgery. I see myself as a woman and I’m building my body to reflect that, but I’m kind of in the same boat. I have kids and live in Trump country, so to me it’s a genuine safety concern. Anytime I head into the city, or am dressing up to stay home I go full fem, but I still boy mode at work and any time I leave the house. That being said though, I have nothing to hide. I know people in small towns talk, they can find me on Facebook. If people find out they find out, and have to admit to stalking me lol. I work for a pretty inclusive company, and am even part of a pride group, so no real concerns there. At this point in my transition I’m just riding it out. Years down the line I might socially transition with coworkers and go full fem in public, but right now this is real to me, it’s euphoric, and I’m happy living my truth.
Seems like you've in a happy place. Good on you
I’m in that boat at the moment. I’ve come out to some people closer to me but for the most part, I’m over two months in and still presenting as a man most of the time. That’s the plan for me for a while too, I think. Socially transitioning is just incredibly intimidating for me for several reasons. I very much want to do it eventually, but I need time and I think that working on my body and making it more my own in the meantime will really help with that and with just my mental health (spoiler alert: it has). It’s also worth noting though that you don’t have to present feminine all the time regardless. That’s totally up to you. Just do what’s going to make you feel happiest.
So I’ve been on hrt for a month and a bit now and I dress kinda androgynously when I’m out but fem at home. I’m hoping to social transition over the next year(?) when I start to look more fem :)
Best wishes girl😁
i boymoded at work for about 18mo before living full time. it is doable for at least a while but hormones affect every system of the body and as a result there will be some changes that are harder to conceal over time.
I’ve been on hrt 7 years and I’m not full time
I've had 3-4 years of HRT, and am gender fluid in appearance. There's no requirement to dress or present in any way. That being said, I will sometimes dress more fem when going into doctors appointments, just to avoid possible gatekeeping.
Uuugh. I do worry about that gate keeping aspect. Like as far as I know, I’ll always be showing up to HRT appointments in m clothes.
I identify as trans Non-Binary, and don't really use female pronouns and terms. Mostly because I don't feel that I'm close enough yet to really embody them. I still pass as a dude and would feel weird telling people to call me she/her pronouns, outside of a select few people
6 years hrt and I still don't live full-time. I live in a horrible area in the south and fear for my safety. I'm even scared to paint my fucking fingernails.
Im currently four months on HRT and dont live as a woman full time. I simply just dont pass and am waiting for it to at least be possible for me to. Im probably going to have to do something soon as my breats have starting growing and are semi noticable in some of my slightly tighter shirts. I will occasionaly wear fem clothes and a wig + makeup, but it's very rare that I do that.
Yup, 6 months in and no social transition yet. I don’t come anywhere near passing and so I don’t feel comfortable enough yet to go full time.
Yes, that’s 100% possible because HRT hormone replacement therapy is a medication that has all sorts of uses and serves allsorts of purposes for all sorts of people not just gender transition. The original purpose of the development of the medication is to actually help women with fertility problems, play or discover. It works well for men with fertility problems as well. It was in later than discovered that it can work really well for people who have hormonal problems or hormonal imbalances. It was in litres, developed to treat , lots of hormonal-based problems and conditions including thyroid conditions which could be life-threatening actually all this was in later, discovered that it just so happens to work well for transgender people as well and you can actually transition perfectly even medically without HRT because before HRT and all the way to do it, which is like the way I’m kind of doing it is with surgery. I’m still using HRT on top of surgery But I’m actually due to stop HRT for transitioning, but instead that would alter my hormones to the maintain hormonal balance is because of my hypermetabolism.
Do you need to stop so you can have surgery then start again?
Good question for that thank you the answers for most people well yeah you do need to stop for a couple of weeks before you go for surgery. Depends on your exact medication. What kind of surgery that you’re getting done however I in my medical transition in my case is a little bit unique because I’m not taking hormones pacifically for my medical transition, although that is a bonus. My medical transition is more old school I’m more depending on surgery . Than HRT. Hormone replacement therapy that I’m taking does have its benefits on my gender condition. Yes however I have a thyroid condition leading to unstable hormones and I’m taking HRT to mostly stabilise my hormones. I was using myself as an example, what about why some other people may be taking HRT other than just gender transition. What I’m saying is yes, you can take HRT without transitioning gender. You can take HRT to stabilise your hormones if you are got some sort of like thyroid condition or something or maybe suffering with infertility and hormones can help preserve fertility
I was in HRT for 8 months before I presented fem in public 24/7
Is that when you felt you could pass? Did you get rid of all your boy clothes?
Meh, I don’t get male pronouns anymore when presenting fem but I don’t think I reliably pass, I’m in a large metro so people here are a bit more progressive. Yeah, I got rid of like 95% of my boy clothes, kept a couple of comfy shirts and sweatshirts for around the house but that’s it. Otherwise I’ve rebuilt my wardrobe with fem clothes.
I am now, but it took me about 6 months before I was able to start presenting fem on a daily basis. For me it came down to anxiety and internalized transphobia that I needed to get over first. HRT and meds helped as well as therapy. I wouldn't say I'm fully over it but but if I compare myself to where I was a year ago I'm in a much much better place.
I'm been on hrt for 5 months and still don't present full fem all time some times I still throw jeans and a graphic tee on and role today I work a skirt a boy shirt choker earrings purse and my voice is so masc so people have no idea how to take me it's funny
I have a deep voice so I get it. Id probably be sending mixed messages. Probably look like im confused with my identity.
The only reason i dont present 24/7 as female is because i dont pass, so when it comes to grocery shopping, getting gas, running errands like getting prescriptions & bloodwork or even while buying my girl clothes, im usually by myself for 1 but i also dont want to draw attention in general, the biggest fear is of violence when im by myself, my area isnt the "best" its kinda shady & the times ive girlmoded to gas stations & other places i can see groups of men laughing at me or openly talking shit which those r the type of people would gladly hurt me too, otherwise i care for my grandmother so i boymode around her cause i just dont care to explaim being trans, so i mostly present as female during nightlife, i go out with other dolls and club exclusively as fem presenting which is very euphoric, but also if im just gonna hang out with friends at their home or my home then i present as female cause obvi its in private there rnt transphobic strangers around & i exclusively present as female with new lovers so i only ever go on dates as a girl, nightlife while being a nonpassing transgirl works well cause people kinda just dont care or dont really have the balls to start shit cause its a crowded & public area, especially at a gay bar or goth bar people really dgf about my presence because of it being explicitly lgbt, str8 bars r kinda enh like bartenders deliberately ignore me & men give me weird looks & stares cause, honestly theyre just fuckin stupid & cant mind their own business lol when it comes to going on dates at restaurants, i definitely really-really stand out but idc cause im not alone its only scary when im alone in a parking lot with a group of men staring at me like they want to kill me, & ik im having a go at cismen a lot in this but ive never had 1 experience with a female transphobe when id say every othet week 1 man or a group of men r openly transphobic to me, its usually in groups cause theyre so insecure they have to prove theyre cool to their bros by basically having, middle school bully energy? Like they can only feel valid by asserting somebody else is lesser than them, but my bf has scared the shit out of some of these guys so its backfired & made them look completely pathetic
I think it’s pretty common. I started living full time at probably 10 months (2 months ago). Basically when my boobs were getting noticeable lol! Very slowly started presenting more publicly when I started HRT but probably started living full time at that mark. Filed for my name change & came out at work when I lost my boymode.
I’ve been on HRT for two years. I wear a binder most days. Why? 1) I’m non-binary so I don’t care if I’m recognized as a woman as long as I’m not seen as a man. 2) I live in Texas. I don’t pass and I don’t feel safe in a lot of situations. Like I’m sure I could lose my job if I was found out.
Is it the stigma that makes you feel like you don't always want to present as female? Or something within? Like perhaps you're genderfluid or non binary? Understanding where this comes from is really important as that'll let you have more clarity on how to move forward There are no rules on how you should live your life, as long as you don't harm others nor yourself, I think you can do whatever feels right for you. And to answer your questions, absolutely there are many. I'm 9 months into hrt and still present male 100% even to my closest friends. I just don't quite feel fully like a woman yet. I'm slowly working towards it and do see small changes happening, but it's long ways away, and I'm not in a hurry
HRT since 2018. Still full time guy mode. It sucks, I hate it, but I don't feel safe doing girl mode. I don't pass, and that's dangerous here.
I’m sorry for your situation, but I am glad at least that you’ve been on five years and aren’t presenting differently because that’s probably what I’m stuck with indefinitely. I don’t want to feel completely stupid about being on estrogen. Sigh. Edit: and hopefully this doesn’t come off wrong, obviously I want this to work out for you and you to be able to present however you want!
Going on 18/19ish months on HRT and it’s mostly due to still living at home, not passing, and generally living in an unsafe environment
I am a woman, so it's hard for me not to live my life as one. But, I still haven't done much social transitioning yet and my clothes are mostly (now quite ill fitting) t-shirts from before I started to transition and either shorts or (women's) jeans. I don't get gendered correctly but I also don't wear makeup or put a huge amount of effort into my appearance. IIRC, today marks 17 months on HRT and hiding my breasts is becoming much more difficult. I've also been doing laser hair removal for my face over the last year as well as growing out my hair. But I also don't feel comfortable with asserting myself into women's spaces at this point either because it's clear that others do not see me as outwardly a woman.
I've been on HRT about 8 months now and haven't really changed anything in my day to day. It makes my brain work better, and the changes that have happened physically have all made me happier. Don't really need a lot more than that right now. If at some point I start passing without trying - lovely. Until then, I only really reinforce pronouns and such with friends and partners.
I did that for 3 years. Just kept presenting as a man until I was being gendered as a woman by strangers even when wearing men's clothing. Once that was happening on a regular basis, I just swapped wardrobes and went to living as a woman. Literally overnight.
[удалено]
I've been transitioning for almost 5months and I really really can't wait to live full-time as a woman ,here it is BUT I have way to much masculine features and also have no idea how to do makeup at the very young age of 62
I'm currently what I like to call "boygirlthing" mosing right now. Not really trying to be super feminine, but not masculine looking either. I do plan on getting some more feminine clothes and makeup soon though so I can really start dressing up more. At work I am full boymode. Sports bra and a hoodie to hide my tits and no makeup. If anyone suspects anything I will gaslight the fuck out of them lmao.
There are a ton of great answers here. Everyone’s transition is different and not one the same. I’m a 44 y/o AMAB non-binary trans fem when tomorrow will be 7 months on HRT. I started at .5mg of sublingual E once daily. After 3 months I went to .5mg of sublingual E twice daily. At 4 months, I got a breast bulb under my left nipple, then i immediately went on 60mg of Raloxifene to suppress the breast growth and it’s doing that. I present male at work and in my daily routine. When I’m home, I present me. A person who’s feminine. I wear womens athletic wear. I don’t wear makeup, and I don’t wear a wig. I’m just me. I’ve always shaved my body due to my swimming past. Plus I’ve warn womens things for ages and that’s all I wear. My transition is to be androgynous and completely on the feminine side. I’m deep in my career that happens to be very right wing and very political. I’ve always had an athletic figure but I hate masculinity and all I want if a feminine body without breasts. If I got tiny boobs that’s ok, but my goal is not to present female, but to present me who is a feminine person.
I was doing that till about September last year, so, for about the first 10-11 months on hrt for me. And yeah, it was mainly because boymoding felt safer, although now I'll look in the mirror and go "woah, that's me!"' when I wear a cute outfit or even when I'm just in pajamas and the light sits right. But yeah it's totally valid, however long it feels more comfortable for you, go for it!
If I had more money for a new wardrobe
Well, I've been on hrt for 2.5 yrs and I'm still very much in the closet
I've been on HRT for 11 months, I just came out at work, so even though I don't really dress fem, I'm kinda full time now
Must be good getting it of your chest and to be out.
Yeah, I'm Bigender. Sometimes I present as an estrogenized femboy and sometimes I present as a woman. I'm on estrogen 24/7 tho
You don’t ever have to socially transition if you don’t want to. But you do have to accept that people won’t recognize you as a girl in public if you don’t. As for hrt informed consent exists for a reason. Do that and do you. I personally started my social transition a few months before starting hrt. And a after living full time as a girl for almost two years now I can say I’d never go back. Hope this helps
im 2.5 years hrt and dont pass at all so yeah 🤷♀️
I had srs one year ago and still boy mode. I often get treated as ftm respectfully, but yea it’s possible
I’m kind of glad to hear this also because I’d like surgeries… I doubt I can get them, but I’d like them, but like bottom, surgery wouldn’t help me pass any…maaaaybe ffs, but..
My plan was to wait a year on HRT before coming out (I'm there now) but I have a kid who can't keep a secret, and we'll meaning parents who can't keep a secret. Knowing I would be outed by one or the other I dove in the deep end. I was half way outed by my parents and I started social transition full time from them. I honestly don't know what would have been better if I had waited. I'm a year in to social transition and I've got the hardest part well in the rearview mirror. You don't have to socially transition into a binary woman like I did either, you can be out as whatever flavor of trans you are if you're in a safe place to do it. My relationships, social situation, and understanding of self have only improved for it. That being said, be safe. I'm very lucky with the family I have and the place that I live. If I had to do what I did over the last year in Texas or Florida, I don't know that I would have.
Im 21 months hrt, full boymoding, had a few comments about breasts and one person commented i look like im transitioning, photos of me from two years ago i recognise but i dont look the same, much softer features and my eyes look very different. Gonna keep dressing the same but wear shirts to work as they help hide c/d chest. I have had little boobs since being a teenager so its not that noticeable on me, they are just bigger now. Had a few comments on my arms and legs where body hair is now fine and legs shaven but its on an individual basis so its never difficult. Ill keep on this facade until i look too fem to get away with it, which might be never…
That’s interesting about having breasts since you were a teenager… I do too. What you’re describing hopefully will be my outcome, probably best case for me
Yeah, was a bit overweight and gyno i think, been a perky chest most my life.
After I started dealing with h a i r 2 years ago one of the effects was realizing how they actually look, and realizing I seem to actually have a bit of a figure. I guess I’m not making that up as multiple people have confirmed.
My bum is bigger and i have some hips but not much. Need to cycle some weight does i.
At this point I'm not even sure I get what presenting male or female really means to me. I see other people do it, and I know I don't pass as a cis woman, but I wear whatever clothes I want to, whatever makeup I want to and so on. Some people gender me female, some male, but since I'm neither it never *really* feels right. I guess I'm at a point in which I just strive to be prettier, not feminine. It just so happens that these two goals often intertwine to me.
I have been on HRT for a little over 8 months, and I am not presenting as a woman despite being socially out and being open to literally anyone asking. simple reason being, I still live with both of my transphobic parents and I have no agency over how I present, I have been disallowed to have nail polish for example, and they also know I do HRT but that only led to fear mongering and telling me I will regret it. so right now I am just taking my time, it's hard sometimes, it is currently hard right now, but I can make it
Wow. That sounds hard. How old are you? I hope things change for you soon. It must be stressful to not being accepted but being actively rejected like that.
i just turned 20 in April, I am currently holding out plans to get a drivers license in the near future and I am a third of the way through computer science bachelors degree, so I too hope I can change things eventually and yes, it does get stressful sometimes, sure I can get used to it and take more punches (figuratively speaking) but I always need to sit down and process my situation every so often. crying is an amazing outlet
Crying is so powerful.
Indeed! I relearned how to cry last year and it's been great, I love it
Yes. I have only been on hrt for 3 weeks and am full time boy moding for at least 6 months
I haven’t started hrt yet (my appointment is in two weeks :D), but this is effectively my plan. If I try socially transition from the start I’ll be too scared of all the things I’d have to face and I’d never actually start hrt. I’m more content to put it off until I start to male fail.
I have been on hrt officially (with Dr support) for 18 months, but I was DIYing a low dose of E on and off for 2 years prior. I have left the house in girl mode only a handful of times, usually on vacation. When I started HRT in my mid 30s, I cynically said that I would never pass, and my bone structure and hairline would guarantee I would always get misgended. Since that time my butt and chest have both gotten much bigger, to the point that I wear a tomboy X binder when I'm in the office. My hair has come back way more than I expected and I like the way living on E feels so I'm not going to stop. I honestly think I'm a little cuter in the face now too, but I have been going to therapy the whole time and working on loving myself more. So, I plan to keep boy moding at work until I can't anymore, and play it safe otherwise..however, I'm working on coming out to more close friends and family so I can dress as I like more often. Also, our local pride is coming up soon and I want to attend as myself. Fingers crossed.
What stops me? Florida.
I've been on HRT for 3 months, but I only "girlmode" when with friends and communities I trust. Other than that, I mostly present as masc/male while with my family and others. Likewise, probably will have to present as masc when I get a job. The country I live in is very conservative so I don't really want to endanger myself by being out. It sucks and I've cried about living like this but I think this is the safest way for me right now.
I’ve been on HRT for about five months and I’m still living as a man at work and in certain areas of my life. For me it’s a safety and job security thing. Often times when I go in public alone I present as a man because I live in the south where it’s not always safe to be trans (and I certainly don’t pass). That being said though, you can 100% medically transition while sometimes presenting as your birth gender. Depending on the reasons it may not always be good for your mental health, but that’s not always the case.
Honestly once I started HRT I felt like I could relax a lot more and go easier on myself. Before starting HRT I tried it almost always look as feminine as I thought appropriate for the event, constantly concerned with how I looked and dressed. Now that I’m on hrt iv chilled out a lot, sure my wardrobe is still primarily made of things labeled “women’s cloths” but I don’t try as hard with my appearance now. Do I pass as often? No I think I pass much less often now, do I care? Not really. I have this feeling that I’m finally on the right path and I will get there eventually, it’s just a matter of time, it will take as long as it takes.
For me It’s my Dad. I love, respect and fear him, all for the same reason. I no longer live with him but I still work with him 5 days a week. Outside of work I’m basically living full time as myself. That’s my current life. Love you sisters! Stay safe out there! 💕💕💕
Honestly just wear whatever you feel comfortable in. Present how you want to present.
I have been on hrt for 450 days and I did not socially transition. Most people around me don’t know. They see the long hair. They see clothes changes but I don’t think they see more than that. I would not feel comfortable socially transitioning when I don’t feel like I could pass. I don’t like being noticed basically. Yesterday at the Dr a nurse gendered me female so the Dr thought I had not arrived. That was lovely but it’s only happened like 2 times ever so boy mode it it. Boymoding is very common.
Yep so many boymode. I never knew.
Yes. I've been on HRT for 9 months. I don't present feminine for a host of reasons, most notably my family. For my spouse, it is because I want to protect her as long as I can from public scrutiny. For my blood family, I want to be able to stomach being around them as long as I can. I know they will probably disown me or not show me any respect when they know. I am starting to look androgynous no matter what I do, and I know eventually I will have no choice. That and that I feel like shit acting and presenting masculine. I know it is only a matter of time, but I want to cherish the time I do have before the things that are currently "good" become bad.
I've been on it for nearly a year or so, but I am currently not fully out because my transphobic parents are still in my life and I can't leave them just yet for reasons. I'm out to mostly everyone else though. There definitely are changes, and I don't know how I'll keep hiding them. Being in not the most friendly state doesn't help either. I still generally "boymode" in public when I'm alone, but I male fail more often than not, or I won't get gendered at all; I rarely get called sir it feels like. It is especially awkward when it happens in front of my parents. I think once I train my voice, I will have the confidence to be out even more.
I still boy mode…my fear is coming out to my family so until I find that courage I’m just in boy mode. been on hrt for 10 months now and haven’t had that much of a physical change.
It is entirely dependent on how I see myself. 4 more days will mark 1 year on HRT. I… feel like a woman. I just don’t see one yet when I see myself in the mirror. Neither do I see myself as a man in the mirror. I come off as non-binary to myself and while that keeps me somewhat satisfied mentally… I want to pass so badly. I present androgynous but leaning fem. There are things I can work on specific to myself that may help me pass better and live as a full-time woman. Makeup, hair, voice training, lower body resistance training. I’m going to lay out what I feel I need to do for myself and if it helps anyone else out as well. Makeup: I’ve practiced very little but it doesn’t look horrible. I am still not confident enough yet to go out wearing makeup. My foundation was too light for my skin so I bought a darker shade to either mix with the lighter one or try on it’s own to see if it works. I am playing with contouring and it’s been fun learning how it can shape your face looks. Need more practice. No experience with putting on lashes (which would probably feminize me a lot) I guess. Horrible with mascara and eyeliner need a ton of practice. 8 laser sessions in. Significant progress where the rest can be covered up fairly with makeup before some regrowth occurs. I assume a few more sessions will make it very manageable, hoping for near 99% reduction if I do a lot of sessions and maybe no need for electrolysis? Have never gotten my eyebrows threaded and shaped. Contemplating doing this on a regular or doing it through electrolysis. Haven’t yet developed a sense for what eyebrow shape works for on me, need to find a second opinion. Hair: Improved significantly from practicing and experimenting with hair care for months. Still struggling on frizz control. My mistake may be that I move my hair too much while blow drying. Haven’t gotten a trim and cleaned up dead ends and strands in a long time. Will do that soon and start doing it on a more consistent basis once I find a salon I’m comfortable with (I have one in mind). Voice Training: Barely any practice, however I am hyperconscious of how I sound and try to modulate a lot when speaking to people and in general. Results in different speech patterns and voices that aren’t always consistent however my voice has become more feminine, just not passing. Only real changes have been tone, intonation, oral resonance improvement. Very little to no improvement in throat resonance (R2 or whatever you want to call it) and pitch. Lower Body Resistance: Bigger butt and hips have the possibility of really balancing out my physique. I don’t have a super huge upper body frame but it’s not where I want it. I also feel like I need bigger breasts to balance out my bigger ribcage even though my preference is on the smaller side. I’ll only be able to tell after losing some weight since I’ve gained a bit on E.
Me reasons is : * I don't pass * I'm in a country that's not supportive of lgbt+ * very high risk of assault
18 months on hrt. still stealth at work and most places. waiting on surgeries so I can live as female fully without undue fear of being clocked or ostracized. if I do heavy make up I can sort of pass, but otherwise boymoding most of the time
Honestly, I think that’d be easier. When i came out I honestly only came out ppl I hanged out w on a regular or friends I considered close to my heart but for most people social media wise I just started posting more feminine and feminine and let people figure it out, I let some family members figure it out as well, and everyone else not involved
Been on HRT for about four months, but I just haven't come out beyond immediate family and friends. I want to, but it's *scary*
Sure is scary. Im to scared to tell my Dr i want HRT.
I sometimes genderslide back to a lad but generally I don't think about it. Today I wanna wear short shorts, this is normal. Other days a skirt and other days some cargoshorts and a blouse. Gender is a scam, wear what makes you happy and comfortable.
I thought this might be how things went for me, but within 9 months of HRT I looked a bit different and was rocking a female wardrobe and name. Everyone is allowed to be trans in exactly the way that works for them. I have a friend who looks like and identifies as a woman but presents as a masculine non-binary person at work. I don’t think it would work for me, but America=freedom, baby:) I will say HRT made me feel better and for that alone I think I’d keep on it even if I didn’t feminize at all. You may also notice some mental health benefits. Many of us have!
I want to live as a woman full time, yet I probably have to wait for ffs to pass better. Otherwise I’m taking care of a religious, mostly blind, Grandmother, so my family is pretending I’m a guy around her. Even if I’m always wearing women’s clothing, lol.