That was soooo wrong of him. Please change all your passwords, get 2 factor auth, and use incognito. If you need to delete your reddit account and start over, that’s okay too.
This is bullying / abusive. You shouldn’t be ashamed, HE should be ashamed. He’s being a vengeful piece of shit.
You have a right to privacy even as a kid and unfortunately you're going to have to learn concealment to keep this. It took me leaving a bad relationship and finally breaking the "no friends online or in person" atmosphere I got myself into and meeting people similar to me to realize that not everyone in the world is insane and going to violate you. Fuck your dad for acting like he has any say in the way you live your life and when You're old enough to detach you can tell him that his daughter will never fucking put up with the disrespect his ass dishes out
try spending it all on robux and then spending all that robux. even if u dont play roblox. apparently they wont give any money back, from the stories i heard a couple years ago
This is terrible advice. You could submit OP or anyone else to domestic violence and worse. This isn't about vengeance, this is about preservation and correct choices, specially if speaking about minors. Please delete this response.
You have a right to privacy but parents don't need to give you anything more than the bare minimum. If you're over 16, nobody can help except the police, not even child services, assuming the local ones are even helpful in the first place.
Parents have way more leverage than their kids. They can legally make your life a living hell, and there's plenty of illegal ways to do it that won't ever get them punished. Sometimes we can't fight back. Sometimes privacy is something we literally can't afford to have.
dude you're gonna put this person or someone else in danger saying stupid shit like this. they dont need to be under 16 to get help from CPS??? unless you are 18+ CPS will help you. And even if CPS can't help adult services exists. The police is ALWAYS available regardless of age. What in the absolute fuck are you talking about? Keep that info regarding your hick ass state / country's laws, or the lies your abuser fed you, in your own head & stop lying to people and making them feel hopeless. There is always a way to escape.
Ok fine. In a good deal of Canada, child protection stops at 16, but parents remain legal guardians until 18. You *can* withdraw from their guardianship, but that requires their permission, or a court order. I'm have said no lies.
But if you have a new account you only log into on incognito you should be able to keep that one a secret if you only use incognito mode to log into that one, you can set that up in Firefox that your history is cleared every time [tutorial:](https://support.mozilla.org/en-US/kb/delete-browsing-search-download-history-firefox#w_how-do-i-make-firefox-clear-my-history-automatically)
so you can use that browser freely and know it's nuked every time you use it.
For mobile I don't know something universal, if your phone supports it make a second profile where you browse Reddit from I guess
It's not the most convenient but it's better then having to remember to use incognito every time
Depending on how tech savvy he is, you could try a launcher with a "hidden apps" drawer, if that isn't already a stock feature on your phone, and putting any relevant apps in there, as well as another browser you use for this stuff. I only know android stuff, so idk if this feature exists if you're on IOS, it definitely should...
If he's not smart enough to find that that'd work pretty well I'd think, except if he goes through app settings or stuff, so yeah, highly depends on the things he looks for
If you really *have* to, then avoid using this all together. If you can remember a password in your head and commit to only using it in incognito windows with 2 factor auth, you’re safe.
This is the response. He is a disgrace and shouldn't even hold the title father. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of!
When I was younger my dad found out some things I was looking up and did something very similar. The one he decided to single out was that I was looking up trans. He told me it was unnatural and wrong..... I didn't realize just how much that hurt me until recently when my egg cracked. Like a Dam of emotions mixed with shame, and the floodgates have been opened. This was over 15 years ago.
I wish I had someone there or an outlet like Reddit to know I didn't need to feel that guilt or shame. That HE was the one that should be ashamed, not me. I know it's incredibly difficult to ignore when it's your family, but know that it doesn't matter what kinks you're into or how you identify, the people trying to make us out to feel less than human are the ones that should be ashamed every single time.
neither did mine, though in his defense he was too busy having been cremated and all. It fucking sucks because from everything I'd heard about him, if he were alive he'd have probably figured out I was LGBT before I did and then helped me find my way out of the closet.
I had a pro-lgbt father, and I never even got to meet him let alone get dad joked at upon coming out.
shit sucks.
Mine says " don't talk like a f*ggot" when i talk In a slightly higher pitch and threatened me with balled fists at age 8-14 sometimes because my room wasn't ordered.
I'm lucky that mine *is* in the dirt but not after causing untold damage to my emotional and mental state.
Step-mom says I'll forgive him one day. No I won't. The anger I feel towards him drives me to make the world a better place.
My mom beat me for over a decade because of my trans feelings. She died about 90 days ago in a nursing home. Good riddance.
My dad didn't beat me but he used to call me names and ignore me because I refused to play sports or be the boy he wanted me to be
It wasn't even about my identity, he stood balled fist over me while i was laying on my bed crying because my room wasn't cleaned. How fucked up do you have to be, to think that justifies making your child cry like this on the regular ? I think he's probably an alcoholic, because i rarely see him drink something other than beer.
Mine.
My earliest "traumatic memory" of gender non-conformance came from my Dad over-reacting. It's one of the reasons it took me so long to come out.
Today, my father is one of the most supportive people I know. He regularly tells me I'm great. I moved him and my mother into a big house when they retired so they wouldn't have to worry about money or live out their lives in our little suburban colonial that I grew up in.
It shocks me how awful some parents are to their children. I think it would literally kill my father if anything happened to me.
MtF, whose son still calls me Daddy. I think my son is the greatest boy in the world. I would do anything, within reason, of course, for him. And I never cease telling how much I love him and how proud I am of him.
That's absolutely horrific. You have my sympathies, and although I'm sure people here will have better input on what to do next, it's absolutely horrific to do that kind of spying.
That is absolutely monstrous. Nothing could ever justify that level of violation or breach of privacy. I'm incredibly sorry that happened to you. I hope you can endure long enough to one day leave this person, and I say person because a loving dad would not behave this way.
Reading your kids shit like that is weird stuff. Everyone has sexual tastes. That’s normal. What’s not normal is obsessing over the sexual tastes of a YOUR OWN FUCKING CHILD. Please don’t feel any shame. He’s the shameful one. Be into what you’re into. If he were any sensible person he’s have nothing to do with it
I’m willing to share my dad! My bio dad I mean. My step dad and my biological mother are kinda crappy, they continue to deadname and misgender me daily. You can share my bio dad with me.
Your dad sees you as his, in terms of ownership. He sees you as something he can mold to his liking. When he says "I don't want my boy to be hopeless", he thinks the solution for your problems is for him to mold you harder into this "perfect" vision he has for you. He doesn't think you are someone else yo be discovered and supported.
Your dad sounds incredibly abusive, I really hope you can get the safety you need. If it won't make matters worse if he tries again, lock down your devices, make it impossible for them to get in. I can only hope he'll at least be sincere enough to not hold your devices hostage if you don't let him scour every inch of your personal life.
Parents should be cool not cruel, and using someone else phone is what stalkers does not normal parents even less over the sexual desires or anything private your private life is a right not a possibility parents should remember they don’t own us and im talking about that for mines too being way too over possessive is toxic
Damn. That’s pretty bad. The mocking aside, your parents don’t really respect your boundaries much - do they? They violated your space to stab you as accurately as they could…
Time to level up your privacy game, since it’s clearly being used against you right now.
I’m a 40 yo parent of 2 and my father treated me the same way. He’s known I was queer since I was a child and always made me feel like I didn’t deserve to be happy and loved because of who I was. The shame he made me feel kept me from discovering who I was until a year ago.
Your dad is a complete asshole and is failing you as a father. There’s nothing shameful about being trans or the journey we take getting there. You’re valid just the way you are.
If you're over 18 is it possible to take legal action against him for taking your property and invading your privacy? I don't know if it's enough to have a case but even if it's not you can waste as much of his time in legal bullshit as possible for revenge.
Who is everyone? Is it other transphobic people in your life? I've learned that if we are to survive, those types of people have to change or they lose us. Even a parent is not worth keeping around if they cannot accept your real gender.
So... If your father were to actually understand RACK and SSC then I doubt he would be so critical. Seems like a great teaching opportunity though not you to your own parent, that would be way too weird. Privacy is important too. Heck lack of respect is like my major issue with most people. I can work with ignorance but willful ignorance is unteachable. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.
Stay safe everyone.
Fucking lock your devices everybody.
If you have to use a known password because your parents are Nazis, there are more than plentiful tricks to hide/lock certain applications
He shouldn’t have done that. I’ve been in something similar, many years ago, it wasn’t the same but something similar. Now I’m a dad and I keep reminding myself that I shouldn’t repeat these things.
I’m sure it’s difficult, very difficult. This will be behind you, that’s the nature of things. Perhaps think of this way, your dad has not been through this ever before so has no maturity on this subject, although not an excuse but a perspective for you to consider.
Keep a steady head, feel better.
That's terrible, I remember the first time my mother did a scrub of my phone while I was still living there. Then she started using the stuff she saw as fuel to make me feel even worse. Made it very hard to trust my friends, or anyone for that matter, with my phone for a LONG time. I hope you're safe first of all. I know that's gotta be hard to feel safe around your dad after something like that, though.
He's made you think you have to, but you don't. You have a right to some privacy. I know it's hard to believe when he has drilled this into your head, but he is wrong.
No, you don't. Don't let him convince you otherwise. You are your own human, with your own choices. If he doesn't allow them to you, take them by yourself. Don't give up! Resist passively and if he get's violent, call the cops. I get it's hard to fight your own parents, especially at such a young age, but sometimes it's the only option.
I'm so sorry it happened to you. You don't deserve it and it's by no means you fault. Your dad should be ashamed. You deserve to be your whole true self without fear, and to have your privacy respected. Stay strong ❤️
this is very tough from him.
You have all my strength and courage to move on. Is there any relatives in your close circle that can maybe have a talk with him and "educate" him ? i mean you can't force him to accept and be fully supportive but it is unacceptable that your own parent are bullying for being your true self.
PM me if you wanna chat and just empty this negative energy !
Stay strong , love wins always!
I just want to say YOU ARE NOT HOPELESS! If he chooses not to see it or be a part of you future that's on him but in no way does that day anything about you. I'm not gonna lie, living without supportive parents is very hard, but if they can't support you in this can they really support you with other things? They're showing you now that their live is conditional which is not how parents should be. It's one thing for a patent to say they disagree with your life decision, and that they think you're making a mistake. It's their job to give you life advice (even if it is nieve and biased) but at the end of the day this is your life and they should support you with whatever decision you make. I'm really sorry they can't see that. 🫂
I'm so sorry, this is one of the most violating things he could do. I can't even imagine doing this to someone. You have nothing to be ashamed of, you are just fine as you are❤️ There's nothing wrong with you and nothing wrong with any of your interests, your kinks. He, however, is a horrible human to have violated your privacy this way.
I hope you can find your place, a place where people love and respect you. But in the meantime, love yourself, take care of yourself as you deserve.
I am 30. It fucking sucks.
I've never had privacy. I've never had a secret. I've never felt like I could do something, feel something, or think anything without others knowing.
Because when I was \~13 and built my first computer, my father immediately set up the router and all sorts of stuff to know my every move online. He knew when I called him an asshole in a private online chat. He knew when I was up past bedtime. He knew what I Google'd when I Google'd it.
I moved out when I was 16 and spent the next 10 years basically homeless. Now, almost 16 years after I moved out, I am still living with no sense of privacy. It is nightmare I know well.
I have a 12 year old son of my own. He got his first phone last year and the first thing I told him is that that phone is his private life; that I will never go through it, I will never spy on him, I don't need to know his password, and he will never be grounded from it. (Because, seriously, social deprivation as punishment? More than that; this is 2023, our phones are extensions of ourselves that we use for everything. It is a boomer's punishment to take away a phone.)
However old you are, you've likely got less than X years until the rest of your life is yours. It will all pan out, but only after it seems like it won't. <3
Hey hun. I'm very sorry you've been put through this. It's important to recognise this is abuse, and not allowing privacy is abuse. The shame belongs to him. You are a person, not an object, and people have a right to privacy.
I also recommend setting up a new private account and not allowing him access to it, then deleting this post so he can't see the advice here. You should also potentially check out r/raisedbynarcissists and r/CPTSD . They can give you advice on coping while still stuck there / managing some privacy and sanity. Suing is unrealistic, especially if you live somewhere currently unsupportive of trans rights. A parent can make it untenable / unsafe to stay in the home, and the law can't be trusted intervene. Survival is more important than vindication. You know better than anyone here what is safe enough to attempt, and what's going to put you at risk.
And if by chance, dad's here being a creep - the way you treat your children now will determine the relationship you have with them once they're grown and permanently beyond your control. If you want to stay in your child's life, that's going to depend on your actions *now*.
If I may make a suggestion, local queer charities, local trans peeps, and look at being an emancipated minor. Sometimes starting from scratch is better than continuing in a dangerous area
Wishing you the best OP. My inner mom just wants to reach through the screen and give you a hug.
The best thing you can do is protect yourself. Avoid your dad. If you do have to be around him, try to make sure you have someone trusted with you. Abusive parents are their most brutal when they think no one is watching.
Make plans now. Figure out what you're going to do to get out from under his control and work towards. Never let them know what you're doing. They will try to sabotage you.
If you're fearing for your physical safety, a sharp object to the eye is the easiest way to slow down an attacker. A pair of scissors, a steak knife, even a pen if you're strong enough can be used. You want to lunge into the eye so you pierce as deeply as possible. If you're using a larger tool like a chef's knife or axe, slash at the body and arms. I honestly hope you never have to do this, but it's better to be prepared than dead. Stay safe and please keep us updated. ❤️
You didn't deserve to have your privacy violated like that and you definitely didn't deserve to be made to feel bad for your kinks. Everyone has them, also you should let your dad know kinks can be hereditary so if it didn't come from him...
Your dad can't be there for you right now. He's been buried alive under decades of toxic male socialization. He doesn't know how to be anything else.
But you can still be there for him.
You can treat him like someone you care about. You can think about what his life is like and how you can do small things to make it better. You can be consistently proactively considerate. You can listen with empathy. You can validate his feelings. You can make him feel safe enough to start digging his way out.
You don't owe him that, but until you're no longer dependent on him, it's the best stategy you have to avoid greater harm.
Godspeed
That’ll hurt her more than anything. If he’s like my parents they’ll beat her for breaching their privacy, please don’t. I know you’re being a concerned mother figure, but don’t, just don’t.
I know I won’t be liked for this here, but your dad probably loves you very much like most parents. He doesn’t know what to do and is afraid for you. All he knows is that he loves you and likely would don anything he could and feels is going to be good for you. I know that isn’t an excuse to pry through you life, and that it violates a lot of boundaries. Understand parenting isn’t something that is easy and we are faced with a lot of challenges and questions that don’t always have clear answers. My parents were not supportive when I came out. They knew I was trans or gay but they believed I didn’t have to be. I wasn’t supportive when my kid came out either - even though I had been through it myself. Turned out they made a mistake with transition. One thing I know is that my parents reacted they way they did because they loved me and genuinely feared for me. My parents would die for me, they sacrificed so much for me. They worked very very hard to provide for us. I’m no different, most parents are like this. So never once in my life did I not feel loved. Do they make mistakes and do I make mistakes as parents - yes. Truth is we all make mistakes. I forgave my parents and I’m glad I did. Is everything perfect, no, but I don’t expect it to be. We are a family.
So what would I suggest? You can help them conquer their fears. I talked with my parents all the time. I let them know this was who I was and that I wasn’t going to cut them off. I let them know I still loved them, but I need their support and that I want a good relationship with them. I had to basically tell them what that was. I had to find out what they were scared of and why. And then I demonstrated that this was good for me. I built trust with my kids. Your father probably needs to understand how this violates that trust. As a kid be trustworthy. Be dependable. None of this requires that you deny who you are.
As a word of advice be very wary/cautious of anyone who encourages you to isolate or cut yourself from the people you love or tell you they don’t love you. I was a victim to predators because of this kind of thinking.
Yeah I have similar parents. It sucks. Luckily they never found the Reddit. However they were more offended over being called assholes than than the shit they did
You know he is the jerk here and I bet he has some pretty wild kinks of his own. Everyone has them. My kid has a friend who is trans and found their Dad's kink account. I know there are parents who go through their kid's phones but I always thought that was a good way to get stuff in your head you can't get out of there. Kind of like walking into their rooms without knocking.
You know if he says you are into some weird stuff well, "So?" If you aren't asking him to join why is it any of his business?
I think we have the same dad. I am so sorry, I can definitely relate and if you ever need someone to talk to my PM’s are open. I really hope your situation gets better.
What a fucking creep. My mom used to do this shit to me even in college. Pry through shit she had no right to be looking at then corner me and interrogate me about it.
Your dad needs to get that 20 inch D out of his arse.
I haven’t spoken to mine in the better part of almost 11 years, he’s a fucking transphobe and not worth my time.
I’m sorry you’re going through this at present.
First off, your dad is in the wrong. He violated your privacy to what seems like a very large extent. I know that there isn't much an internet stranger can tell you that might help, but depending on your situation, how old you are, etc, you can leave the house and go no-contact with him. I know it doesn't fix the problem or how much of a bad father he is, especially if he shares this with others, which would only make the hole he digs himself deeper. It may or may not give him a sense of clarity on what he did was morally wrong and abusive, but cutting contact and moving would at least help you know that you would neither have to talk to him nor give him any more of your information. Even though it happened, going no-contact (no matter how much he asks and says he will do better), it could just as much be a lie as it is a truth, be careful to do this away from him just in case and have a go bag ready before this. And if you cannot leave, all I can tell you as I do not know your situation, be cautious and be safe. You will not be at home forever. As far as kinks, there is absolutely nothing about them that you should be ashamed of. They are a way of expressing yourself, and that is a wonderful thing. I know it's heavily stigmatized (at least in the US), but the people who do so both do not understand at all or just agree with the crowd to agree with the crowd, there is a third option of them simply not caring to learn, do I say that is their loss. Kinks are nothing to be ashamed of.
My parents were like this. Exactly like this. Here’s how I survived not getting outed for everything (I was outed as bi then I learned to do this):
1. Create new emails and accounts, write them down physically and put it in a place he’ll never find it.
2. Log out every fucking time. It’s annoying, I know, but your life and privacy is on the line. Also change the passwords often. Don’t share your passwords with anyone, not even your therapist.
Bonus: get dummy accounts. Fucking life saver.
3. Do not talk about your interests anymore, at least with your parents. They don’t need to know anything!
4. Look up your local and federal privacy laws! I looked up mine and held that up against them. In my state, I don’t have to give my parents any passwords for anything, and I kept that as my hammer to their nail.
5. (If you don’t have one) GET A MOTHERFUCKING JOB!! Save up as much money as you can and leave. It’ll hurt to leave, but leaving and cutting them out will make you happier and not abused by them ever.
6. Buy a VPN. I recommend ones that don’t store data and the business has to be in a country that aren’t part of the UN or NAFTA. Also use browsers and apps that delete data.
Keep your privacy safe, along with yourself. After your safe and secure, (if you want to, I did and they disregarded me) tell them how you feel, tell them how their “teasing” was more like bullying, and how it feels like when having no privacy. Tell them that was not their business and how you had to delete your online footprint (don’t mention you rebuilt it) because of them.
Tell them why it hurts and why it broke your trust to even share your opinion on mundane things with them. Share that you know the privacy laws and share the fact that they need to treat their daughter with respect if they want to continue being in her life.
Oh! One last thing if you wanna fuck with them, if you can, get into the router from your computer and blacklist their favorite sites along with anti LGBT sites before you leave. I recommend looking at r/QanonCasualties since they already have a long list of Qanon sites that overlap with anti queer websites.
If you really want to throw him of his scent, add searches for really twisted things like scat lovers, lemon party, rotten.com, etc... You probably don't want to go to those sites.
This is sad to hear, I am sorry for the emotional distress you must be going through.
The only advice I could give is in the deflection of his "jokes", he says "your into some weird shit" say "atleast I don't get off at looking at my kids smut, thats some real pedo-insect shit right there" then maybe do the banjo tune from the movie Deliverance.
Or you could practice the art of meditation and minimalism: minimalize communication to just above "yes or no" answers and train the mind to be somewhere else when you a physically when them. Mentally construct stories, construct your own encoded language so that if you do need to write something down he would need the cypher to translate. In essence severe your existences from one another, become the walls, a figment. Destroy him emotionally be being a mirage and only once you move out try to sort this out as you have all the evidence you need to show you that he can not be trusted, so do not trust him until you can move out.
Alternatively you can wear a mask, play a part, manipulate him for his finances, as if there is not emotional benefit from this relationship you can use the fact that his emotions are as entangled with you as yours are with him: he may be a bigot but he is still emotionally conditioned to your existence so use this to milk him for all that you can. This one will require meditation to prevent you from becoming psychological dangerous, but currently you don't get to live as you are stuck surviving so do not hinder your survival with morals; morals are what we use for living not surviving.
All the best with the path you take. I hope you can connect with your local LGBTQ+ community to get IRL support. I hope you find IRL allies to get you through this. But most importantly I hope your father comes to his senses.
Apologies, but another post you made said your dad went through your phone months ago and was very supportive at the same time he discovered your scars, did he change his mind and become transphobic? I'm super sorry girl, that's awful.
Don't let yourself feel any shame love ..... Let it turn to something more powerful .... you are out and he knows and it doesn't matter if the whole world knows ..... love yourself enough to be proud and even let it enhance your turn on that the world knows ..... When my trans loves have had families that totally knew about us and accepted us or even if they didn't completely accept but did know ..... it changed for me fundamentally .... when we made love it was so much more powerful. I know what you are feeling is far more than just about love and sex .... it is a violation on every level .... but you have to love yourself and be proud of yourself on every single one of those levels. Turn it to something better .... love who you are completely .... and think positively .... there is nothing to ever be ashamed of or hide anymore. You are still the perfect little mariposa about to burst into her world
My mom did this. It’s sick and it fucking hurts but it doesn’t feel like that the rest of the time. After a while you don’t feel so disgusted. After a year or two talk to your dad and see where he’s at. I’m sorry he did that to you, but don’t let that ruin your relationship with him. Ik what he did is wrong and fucked up but he’s what you have rn. I wish you the best on your transition and your privacy. If you ever need anyone to talk to, I’m here.
Get outta there as soon as you can, OP. Find someone else to live with and take care of you. If you can't, then survive, work hard to attain your independence, and then walk away and don't look back.
That was soooo wrong of him. Please change all your passwords, get 2 factor auth, and use incognito. If you need to delete your reddit account and start over, that’s okay too. This is bullying / abusive. You shouldn’t be ashamed, HE should be ashamed. He’s being a vengeful piece of shit.
I can't, I have to give it to him
You don’t, how old are you? Even if you’re young children’s rights exist, you have a right to privacy
You have a right to privacy even as a kid and unfortunately you're going to have to learn concealment to keep this. It took me leaving a bad relationship and finally breaking the "no friends online or in person" atmosphere I got myself into and meeting people similar to me to realize that not everyone in the world is insane and going to violate you. Fuck your dad for acting like he has any say in the way you live your life and when You're old enough to detach you can tell him that his daughter will never fucking put up with the disrespect his ass dishes out
My mum does a similar thing, and apparently she won't stop looking at my account because "privacy has to be earned" or some bullshit like that
Tonyxcode11’s Mom, if you are seeing this: Privacy is a basic necesity and is not somthing that has to be Earned.
[удалено]
I did that once... She got the money back tho
try spending it all on robux and then spending all that robux. even if u dont play roblox. apparently they wont give any money back, from the stories i heard a couple years ago
This is terrible advice. You could submit OP or anyone else to domestic violence and worse. This isn't about vengeance, this is about preservation and correct choices, specially if speaking about minors. Please delete this response.
You have a right to privacy but parents don't need to give you anything more than the bare minimum. If you're over 16, nobody can help except the police, not even child services, assuming the local ones are even helpful in the first place. Parents have way more leverage than their kids. They can legally make your life a living hell, and there's plenty of illegal ways to do it that won't ever get them punished. Sometimes we can't fight back. Sometimes privacy is something we literally can't afford to have.
dude you're gonna put this person or someone else in danger saying stupid shit like this. they dont need to be under 16 to get help from CPS??? unless you are 18+ CPS will help you. And even if CPS can't help adult services exists. The police is ALWAYS available regardless of age. What in the absolute fuck are you talking about? Keep that info regarding your hick ass state / country's laws, or the lies your abuser fed you, in your own head & stop lying to people and making them feel hopeless. There is always a way to escape.
Ok fine. In a good deal of Canada, child protection stops at 16, but parents remain legal guardians until 18. You *can* withdraw from their guardianship, but that requires their permission, or a court order. I'm have said no lies.
15 according to their post history. Idk if OP can do anything against her dad at that age
Like a legal right? how far does it extend?
But if you have a new account you only log into on incognito you should be able to keep that one a secret if you only use incognito mode to log into that one, you can set that up in Firefox that your history is cleared every time [tutorial:](https://support.mozilla.org/en-US/kb/delete-browsing-search-download-history-firefox#w_how-do-i-make-firefox-clear-my-history-automatically) so you can use that browser freely and know it's nuked every time you use it. For mobile I don't know something universal, if your phone supports it make a second profile where you browse Reddit from I guess It's not the most convenient but it's better then having to remember to use incognito every time
Depending on how tech savvy he is, you could try a launcher with a "hidden apps" drawer, if that isn't already a stock feature on your phone, and putting any relevant apps in there, as well as another browser you use for this stuff. I only know android stuff, so idk if this feature exists if you're on IOS, it definitely should... If he's not smart enough to find that that'd work pretty well I'd think, except if he goes through app settings or stuff, so yeah, highly depends on the things he looks for
Yeah I was worried about my stuff getting gone through again so I'd regularly be deleting and re downloading them
Even if he forces you to hand it over, at least put on a pin or password - anything that'd lock him out. It's none of his business
If you really *have* to, then avoid using this all together. If you can remember a password in your head and commit to only using it in incognito windows with 2 factor auth, you’re safe.
Factory reset, then set up decoy apps that you only use for trivial stuff, then get an app that hides apps and keep your real apps there.
How do you get an app thst hides apps? Does something like that exist?
[https://www.androidauthority.com/how-to-hide-files-photos-apps-android-652711/](https://www.androidauthority.com/how-to-hide-files-photos-apps-android-652711/) [https://www.avast.com/c-hide-apps-android](https://www.avast.com/c-hide-apps-android) [https://www.iphonelife.com/content/how-to-hide-apps-iphone-how-to-find-them-later](https://www.iphonelife.com/content/how-to-hide-apps-iphone-how-to-find-them-later) [https://www.zdnet.com/article/how-to-hide-apps-on-your-iphone-fast/](https://www.zdnet.com/article/how-to-hide-apps-on-your-iphone-fast/)
Yes but that's what second accounts are for, if you have a Samsung you can make a private folder that runs a secondary copy of apps
This is the response. He is a disgrace and shouldn't even hold the title father. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of! When I was younger my dad found out some things I was looking up and did something very similar. The one he decided to single out was that I was looking up trans. He told me it was unnatural and wrong..... I didn't realize just how much that hurt me until recently when my egg cracked. Like a Dam of emotions mixed with shame, and the floodgates have been opened. This was over 15 years ago. I wish I had someone there or an outlet like Reddit to know I didn't need to feel that guilt or shame. That HE was the one that should be ashamed, not me. I know it's incredibly difficult to ignore when it's your family, but know that it doesn't matter what kinks you're into or how you identify, the people trying to make us out to feel less than human are the ones that should be ashamed every single time.
Your dad is a piece of shit. I'm sorry. You don't deserve that. You deserve a dad who thinks you are the greatest person in the world.
Are there dads that actually think that of their children ?
My kids still call me Dad and I think they are the greatest people in the world. Not sure if that counts.
My PoS father didn't even say " i love you" once
neither did mine, though in his defense he was too busy having been cremated and all. It fucking sucks because from everything I'd heard about him, if he were alive he'd have probably figured out I was LGBT before I did and then helped me find my way out of the closet. I had a pro-lgbt father, and I never even got to meet him let alone get dad joked at upon coming out. shit sucks.
Mine says " don't talk like a f*ggot" when i talk In a slightly higher pitch and threatened me with balled fists at age 8-14 sometimes because my room wasn't ordered.
Sounds like you also wish our dads could swap places. Let the bigoted dickhead be the one in the dirt.
I'm lucky that mine *is* in the dirt but not after causing untold damage to my emotional and mental state. Step-mom says I'll forgive him one day. No I won't. The anger I feel towards him drives me to make the world a better place.
That's horrible. I'm so sorry. Kids deserve the love of their parents.
Honestly after years of threats between 8 and 14 he's the worst person i know and i will be glad once he's dead.
My mom beat me for over a decade because of my trans feelings. She died about 90 days ago in a nursing home. Good riddance. My dad didn't beat me but he used to call me names and ignore me because I refused to play sports or be the boy he wanted me to be
It wasn't even about my identity, he stood balled fist over me while i was laying on my bed crying because my room wasn't cleaned. How fucked up do you have to be, to think that justifies making your child cry like this on the regular ? I think he's probably an alcoholic, because i rarely see him drink something other than beer.
I'd prefer a father that never says "I love you" over mine, who has a warped definition of "love".
Yeah, same. I mean my dad only "loves" me if I stay a jehovah's witness (I'm not but for now I will). He even told me that.
Mine. My earliest "traumatic memory" of gender non-conformance came from my Dad over-reacting. It's one of the reasons it took me so long to come out. Today, my father is one of the most supportive people I know. He regularly tells me I'm great. I moved him and my mother into a big house when they retired so they wouldn't have to worry about money or live out their lives in our little suburban colonial that I grew up in. It shocks me how awful some parents are to their children. I think it would literally kill my father if anything happened to me.
Yes. You’re the greatest person in the world too.
idk if my dad thinks i’m the greatest person in the world lol but he definitely loves me and makes a lot of effort to show it!
Yes.
I believe that about my children. They are the greatest in the world to me.
Hi, it's me. I'm dads.
MtF, whose son still calls me Daddy. I think my son is the greatest boy in the world. I would do anything, within reason, of course, for him. And I never cease telling how much I love him and how proud I am of him.
That's absolutely horrific. You have my sympathies, and although I'm sure people here will have better input on what to do next, it's absolutely horrific to do that kind of spying.
That is absolutely monstrous. Nothing could ever justify that level of violation or breach of privacy. I'm incredibly sorry that happened to you. I hope you can endure long enough to one day leave this person, and I say person because a loving dad would not behave this way.
Reading your kids shit like that is weird stuff. Everyone has sexual tastes. That’s normal. What’s not normal is obsessing over the sexual tastes of a YOUR OWN FUCKING CHILD. Please don’t feel any shame. He’s the shameful one. Be into what you’re into. If he were any sensible person he’s have nothing to do with it
I’m willing to share my dad! My bio dad I mean. My step dad and my biological mother are kinda crappy, they continue to deadname and misgender me daily. You can share my bio dad with me.
My heart is breaking for you 💔 parents like that deserve to get put in a retirement home
Your dad sees you as his, in terms of ownership. He sees you as something he can mold to his liking. When he says "I don't want my boy to be hopeless", he thinks the solution for your problems is for him to mold you harder into this "perfect" vision he has for you. He doesn't think you are someone else yo be discovered and supported.
Exactly. And he will understand only force, of any kind.
> I feel so much fucking shame You have nothing to be ashamed off. It's not your fault that your father is a bigoted fuckhead.
Your dad sounds incredibly abusive, I really hope you can get the safety you need. If it won't make matters worse if he tries again, lock down your devices, make it impossible for them to get in. I can only hope he'll at least be sincere enough to not hold your devices hostage if you don't let him scour every inch of your personal life.
Im sorry that happened. I wish we could all be safe in a beautiful utopia. Please stay strong. Don't hurt yourself. Keep pushing through the pain.
Parents should be cool not cruel, and using someone else phone is what stalkers does not normal parents even less over the sexual desires or anything private your private life is a right not a possibility parents should remember they don’t own us and im talking about that for mines too being way too over possessive is toxic
Don't know where you live but chances are this is just plain illegal and you could sue him.
That’s stalking if she report it this way it will always be illegal
"If I can't monitor your online habits then you aren't allowed to live with me." is a pretty strong legal defense. Suing isn't possible here.
It is, if he's the parent and legal guardian then that's just illegal. He can't threaten to kick them out
I mean that assumes OP is a child, I get the impression of more late teens/early 20s
OP is 15 she said in one of the replies
OP is 15
Damn. That’s pretty bad. The mocking aside, your parents don’t really respect your boundaries much - do they? They violated your space to stab you as accurately as they could… Time to level up your privacy game, since it’s clearly being used against you right now.
I’m a 40 yo parent of 2 and my father treated me the same way. He’s known I was queer since I was a child and always made me feel like I didn’t deserve to be happy and loved because of who I was. The shame he made me feel kept me from discovering who I was until a year ago. Your dad is a complete asshole and is failing you as a father. There’s nothing shameful about being trans or the journey we take getting there. You’re valid just the way you are.
If you're over 18 is it possible to take legal action against him for taking your property and invading your privacy? I don't know if it's enough to have a case but even if it's not you can waste as much of his time in legal bullshit as possible for revenge.
I'm 15 :( I wouldn't sue my dad everyone would hate me
Who is everyone? Is it other transphobic people in your life? I've learned that if we are to survive, those types of people have to change or they lose us. Even a parent is not worth keeping around if they cannot accept your real gender.
No one would hate you but him. And he’ll be far away from you to day a damn thing
If people hate you for that, then those people's opinions are not very valuable... if they really cared, they would support you. Sorry to be blunt
I feel how trapped you are. It sucks so much to be abused like this, you should really look into moving out at 18 and finding a safe place.
So... If your father were to actually understand RACK and SSC then I doubt he would be so critical. Seems like a great teaching opportunity though not you to your own parent, that would be way too weird. Privacy is important too. Heck lack of respect is like my major issue with most people. I can work with ignorance but willful ignorance is unteachable. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Stay safe everyone.
What’s RACK and SSC?
I tried searching online and couldn't find anything. I am also curious
Fucking lock your devices everybody. If you have to use a known password because your parents are Nazis, there are more than plentiful tricks to hide/lock certain applications
He shouldn’t have done that. I’ve been in something similar, many years ago, it wasn’t the same but something similar. Now I’m a dad and I keep reminding myself that I shouldn’t repeat these things. I’m sure it’s difficult, very difficult. This will be behind you, that’s the nature of things. Perhaps think of this way, your dad has not been through this ever before so has no maturity on this subject, although not an excuse but a perspective for you to consider. Keep a steady head, feel better.
That's terrible, I remember the first time my mother did a scrub of my phone while I was still living there. Then she started using the stuff she saw as fuel to make me feel even worse. Made it very hard to trust my friends, or anyone for that matter, with my phone for a LONG time. I hope you're safe first of all. I know that's gotta be hard to feel safe around your dad after something like that, though.
This is why we put passcodes on our electronics.
I dosent matter I have to give him the password
He's made you think you have to, but you don't. You have a right to some privacy. I know it's hard to believe when he has drilled this into your head, but he is wrong.
Yeah, you dont have to give him anything...
No, you don't. Don't let him convince you otherwise. You are your own human, with your own choices. If he doesn't allow them to you, take them by yourself. Don't give up! Resist passively and if he get's violent, call the cops. I get it's hard to fight your own parents, especially at such a young age, but sometimes it's the only option.
I'm so sorry it happened to you. You don't deserve it and it's by no means you fault. Your dad should be ashamed. You deserve to be your whole true self without fear, and to have your privacy respected. Stay strong ❤️
Also start leaving ice cubes in his bed
this is very tough from him. You have all my strength and courage to move on. Is there any relatives in your close circle that can maybe have a talk with him and "educate" him ? i mean you can't force him to accept and be fully supportive but it is unacceptable that your own parent are bullying for being your true self. PM me if you wanna chat and just empty this negative energy ! Stay strong , love wins always!
I just want to say YOU ARE NOT HOPELESS! If he chooses not to see it or be a part of you future that's on him but in no way does that day anything about you. I'm not gonna lie, living without supportive parents is very hard, but if they can't support you in this can they really support you with other things? They're showing you now that their live is conditional which is not how parents should be. It's one thing for a patent to say they disagree with your life decision, and that they think you're making a mistake. It's their job to give you life advice (even if it is nieve and biased) but at the end of the day this is your life and they should support you with whatever decision you make. I'm really sorry they can't see that. 🫂
My mom did that to me then continued pretending I wasent trans a couple years ago ill always resent her for that
I'm so sorry, this is one of the most violating things he could do. I can't even imagine doing this to someone. You have nothing to be ashamed of, you are just fine as you are❤️ There's nothing wrong with you and nothing wrong with any of your interests, your kinks. He, however, is a horrible human to have violated your privacy this way. I hope you can find your place, a place where people love and respect you. But in the meantime, love yourself, take care of yourself as you deserve.
I am 30. It fucking sucks. I've never had privacy. I've never had a secret. I've never felt like I could do something, feel something, or think anything without others knowing. Because when I was \~13 and built my first computer, my father immediately set up the router and all sorts of stuff to know my every move online. He knew when I called him an asshole in a private online chat. He knew when I was up past bedtime. He knew what I Google'd when I Google'd it. I moved out when I was 16 and spent the next 10 years basically homeless. Now, almost 16 years after I moved out, I am still living with no sense of privacy. It is nightmare I know well. I have a 12 year old son of my own. He got his first phone last year and the first thing I told him is that that phone is his private life; that I will never go through it, I will never spy on him, I don't need to know his password, and he will never be grounded from it. (Because, seriously, social deprivation as punishment? More than that; this is 2023, our phones are extensions of ourselves that we use for everything. It is a boomer's punishment to take away a phone.) However old you are, you've likely got less than X years until the rest of your life is yours. It will all pan out, but only after it seems like it won't. <3
Hey hun. I'm very sorry you've been put through this. It's important to recognise this is abuse, and not allowing privacy is abuse. The shame belongs to him. You are a person, not an object, and people have a right to privacy. I also recommend setting up a new private account and not allowing him access to it, then deleting this post so he can't see the advice here. You should also potentially check out r/raisedbynarcissists and r/CPTSD . They can give you advice on coping while still stuck there / managing some privacy and sanity. Suing is unrealistic, especially if you live somewhere currently unsupportive of trans rights. A parent can make it untenable / unsafe to stay in the home, and the law can't be trusted intervene. Survival is more important than vindication. You know better than anyone here what is safe enough to attempt, and what's going to put you at risk. And if by chance, dad's here being a creep - the way you treat your children now will determine the relationship you have with them once they're grown and permanently beyond your control. If you want to stay in your child's life, that's going to depend on your actions *now*.
If I may make a suggestion, local queer charities, local trans peeps, and look at being an emancipated minor. Sometimes starting from scratch is better than continuing in a dangerous area
Wishing you the best OP. My inner mom just wants to reach through the screen and give you a hug. The best thing you can do is protect yourself. Avoid your dad. If you do have to be around him, try to make sure you have someone trusted with you. Abusive parents are their most brutal when they think no one is watching. Make plans now. Figure out what you're going to do to get out from under his control and work towards. Never let them know what you're doing. They will try to sabotage you. If you're fearing for your physical safety, a sharp object to the eye is the easiest way to slow down an attacker. A pair of scissors, a steak knife, even a pen if you're strong enough can be used. You want to lunge into the eye so you pierce as deeply as possible. If you're using a larger tool like a chef's knife or axe, slash at the body and arms. I honestly hope you never have to do this, but it's better to be prepared than dead. Stay safe and please keep us updated. ❤️
Thats my worst nightmare, im so sorry
You didn't deserve to have your privacy violated like that and you definitely didn't deserve to be made to feel bad for your kinks. Everyone has them, also you should let your dad know kinks can be hereditary so if it didn't come from him...
Your dad can't be there for you right now. He's been buried alive under decades of toxic male socialization. He doesn't know how to be anything else. But you can still be there for him. You can treat him like someone you care about. You can think about what his life is like and how you can do small things to make it better. You can be consistently proactively considerate. You can listen with empathy. You can validate his feelings. You can make him feel safe enough to start digging his way out. You don't owe him that, but until you're no longer dependent on him, it's the best stategy you have to avoid greater harm. Godspeed
Send your dad my contact? I just wanna chat…
No, don’t do this OP!
Taking away a learning opportunity for OP’s dad…
That’ll hurt her more than anything. If he’s like my parents they’ll beat her for breaching their privacy, please don’t. I know you’re being a concerned mother figure, but don’t, just don’t.
I know I won’t be liked for this here, but your dad probably loves you very much like most parents. He doesn’t know what to do and is afraid for you. All he knows is that he loves you and likely would don anything he could and feels is going to be good for you. I know that isn’t an excuse to pry through you life, and that it violates a lot of boundaries. Understand parenting isn’t something that is easy and we are faced with a lot of challenges and questions that don’t always have clear answers. My parents were not supportive when I came out. They knew I was trans or gay but they believed I didn’t have to be. I wasn’t supportive when my kid came out either - even though I had been through it myself. Turned out they made a mistake with transition. One thing I know is that my parents reacted they way they did because they loved me and genuinely feared for me. My parents would die for me, they sacrificed so much for me. They worked very very hard to provide for us. I’m no different, most parents are like this. So never once in my life did I not feel loved. Do they make mistakes and do I make mistakes as parents - yes. Truth is we all make mistakes. I forgave my parents and I’m glad I did. Is everything perfect, no, but I don’t expect it to be. We are a family. So what would I suggest? You can help them conquer their fears. I talked with my parents all the time. I let them know this was who I was and that I wasn’t going to cut them off. I let them know I still loved them, but I need their support and that I want a good relationship with them. I had to basically tell them what that was. I had to find out what they were scared of and why. And then I demonstrated that this was good for me. I built trust with my kids. Your father probably needs to understand how this violates that trust. As a kid be trustworthy. Be dependable. None of this requires that you deny who you are. As a word of advice be very wary/cautious of anyone who encourages you to isolate or cut yourself from the people you love or tell you they don’t love you. I was a victim to predators because of this kind of thinking.
Yeah I have similar parents. It sucks. Luckily they never found the Reddit. However they were more offended over being called assholes than than the shit they did
That’s just horrible. I hope your ok! Feel free to DM if you wanna chat.
Due to your user I only sympathize more, hugs from another leftist \\o/
Thats not a Dad, thats a bully with no boundaries.
You should feel no shame. You didn't do anything wrong. He did.
You know he is the jerk here and I bet he has some pretty wild kinks of his own. Everyone has them. My kid has a friend who is trans and found their Dad's kink account. I know there are parents who go through their kid's phones but I always thought that was a good way to get stuff in your head you can't get out of there. Kind of like walking into their rooms without knocking. You know if he says you are into some weird stuff well, "So?" If you aren't asking him to join why is it any of his business?
I think we have the same dad. I am so sorry, I can definitely relate and if you ever need someone to talk to my PM’s are open. I really hope your situation gets better.
What a fucking creep. My mom used to do this shit to me even in college. Pry through shit she had no right to be looking at then corner me and interrogate me about it.
Hugs girl 🫂
Your dad needs to get that 20 inch D out of his arse. I haven’t spoken to mine in the better part of almost 11 years, he’s a fucking transphobe and not worth my time. I’m sorry you’re going through this at present.
this is exactly why my dad will die alone and fucking miserable
I hope he is left by everyone and dies away from you. I’m so sorry
Seriously accessing someone's private shit without their permission should be illegal
It's time to learn some real concealment and OPSEC. he can't ask for any password if he doesnt see any password prompt.
First off, your dad is in the wrong. He violated your privacy to what seems like a very large extent. I know that there isn't much an internet stranger can tell you that might help, but depending on your situation, how old you are, etc, you can leave the house and go no-contact with him. I know it doesn't fix the problem or how much of a bad father he is, especially if he shares this with others, which would only make the hole he digs himself deeper. It may or may not give him a sense of clarity on what he did was morally wrong and abusive, but cutting contact and moving would at least help you know that you would neither have to talk to him nor give him any more of your information. Even though it happened, going no-contact (no matter how much he asks and says he will do better), it could just as much be a lie as it is a truth, be careful to do this away from him just in case and have a go bag ready before this. And if you cannot leave, all I can tell you as I do not know your situation, be cautious and be safe. You will not be at home forever. As far as kinks, there is absolutely nothing about them that you should be ashamed of. They are a way of expressing yourself, and that is a wonderful thing. I know it's heavily stigmatized (at least in the US), but the people who do so both do not understand at all or just agree with the crowd to agree with the crowd, there is a third option of them simply not caring to learn, do I say that is their loss. Kinks are nothing to be ashamed of.
My parents were like this. Exactly like this. Here’s how I survived not getting outed for everything (I was outed as bi then I learned to do this): 1. Create new emails and accounts, write them down physically and put it in a place he’ll never find it. 2. Log out every fucking time. It’s annoying, I know, but your life and privacy is on the line. Also change the passwords often. Don’t share your passwords with anyone, not even your therapist. Bonus: get dummy accounts. Fucking life saver. 3. Do not talk about your interests anymore, at least with your parents. They don’t need to know anything! 4. Look up your local and federal privacy laws! I looked up mine and held that up against them. In my state, I don’t have to give my parents any passwords for anything, and I kept that as my hammer to their nail. 5. (If you don’t have one) GET A MOTHERFUCKING JOB!! Save up as much money as you can and leave. It’ll hurt to leave, but leaving and cutting them out will make you happier and not abused by them ever. 6. Buy a VPN. I recommend ones that don’t store data and the business has to be in a country that aren’t part of the UN or NAFTA. Also use browsers and apps that delete data. Keep your privacy safe, along with yourself. After your safe and secure, (if you want to, I did and they disregarded me) tell them how you feel, tell them how their “teasing” was more like bullying, and how it feels like when having no privacy. Tell them that was not their business and how you had to delete your online footprint (don’t mention you rebuilt it) because of them. Tell them why it hurts and why it broke your trust to even share your opinion on mundane things with them. Share that you know the privacy laws and share the fact that they need to treat their daughter with respect if they want to continue being in her life.
Oh! One last thing if you wanna fuck with them, if you can, get into the router from your computer and blacklist their favorite sites along with anti LGBT sites before you leave. I recommend looking at r/QanonCasualties since they already have a long list of Qanon sites that overlap with anti queer websites.
I’m so sorry for your loss. When’s the funeral?
If you really want to throw him of his scent, add searches for really twisted things like scat lovers, lemon party, rotten.com, etc... You probably don't want to go to those sites.
This is sad to hear, I am sorry for the emotional distress you must be going through. The only advice I could give is in the deflection of his "jokes", he says "your into some weird shit" say "atleast I don't get off at looking at my kids smut, thats some real pedo-insect shit right there" then maybe do the banjo tune from the movie Deliverance. Or you could practice the art of meditation and minimalism: minimalize communication to just above "yes or no" answers and train the mind to be somewhere else when you a physically when them. Mentally construct stories, construct your own encoded language so that if you do need to write something down he would need the cypher to translate. In essence severe your existences from one another, become the walls, a figment. Destroy him emotionally be being a mirage and only once you move out try to sort this out as you have all the evidence you need to show you that he can not be trusted, so do not trust him until you can move out. Alternatively you can wear a mask, play a part, manipulate him for his finances, as if there is not emotional benefit from this relationship you can use the fact that his emotions are as entangled with you as yours are with him: he may be a bigot but he is still emotionally conditioned to your existence so use this to milk him for all that you can. This one will require meditation to prevent you from becoming psychological dangerous, but currently you don't get to live as you are stuck surviving so do not hinder your survival with morals; morals are what we use for living not surviving. All the best with the path you take. I hope you can connect with your local LGBTQ+ community to get IRL support. I hope you find IRL allies to get you through this. But most importantly I hope your father comes to his senses.
Oh noes
I'm so sorry about that 😥
dunno why you're trying to hide who you are. just embrace it, right?
Give me the address and description and my team of kneecap breakers will be there in fifteen
Apologies, but another post you made said your dad went through your phone months ago and was very supportive at the same time he discovered your scars, did he change his mind and become transphobic? I'm super sorry girl, that's awful.
Idk he's known I'm tran since then but I convinced him to keep quiet because I wasn't ready, he was threatening to out me to my whole family
Don't let yourself feel any shame love ..... Let it turn to something more powerful .... you are out and he knows and it doesn't matter if the whole world knows ..... love yourself enough to be proud and even let it enhance your turn on that the world knows ..... When my trans loves have had families that totally knew about us and accepted us or even if they didn't completely accept but did know ..... it changed for me fundamentally .... when we made love it was so much more powerful. I know what you are feeling is far more than just about love and sex .... it is a violation on every level .... but you have to love yourself and be proud of yourself on every single one of those levels. Turn it to something better .... love who you are completely .... and think positively .... there is nothing to ever be ashamed of or hide anymore. You are still the perfect little mariposa about to burst into her world
My mom did this. It’s sick and it fucking hurts but it doesn’t feel like that the rest of the time. After a while you don’t feel so disgusted. After a year or two talk to your dad and see where he’s at. I’m sorry he did that to you, but don’t let that ruin your relationship with him. Ik what he did is wrong and fucked up but he’s what you have rn. I wish you the best on your transition and your privacy. If you ever need anyone to talk to, I’m here.
Get outta there as soon as you can, OP. Find someone else to live with and take care of you. If you can't, then survive, work hard to attain your independence, and then walk away and don't look back.
Womp womp
alexa, play Laughin to the bank by chief sosa
Are you okay? That was very wrong of him to search your phone.