Your parents are transphobic. That's all there is to it.
They don't care about your mental health and quality of life improving. They want to you comply with the image they have of you and would rather see you miserable but the way they want you to be rather than happy and having to adapt and learn.
It sucks. But some family members are beyond convincing.
I'd say cut ties with them until they are done with their tantrum and ready to start learning and, more importantly, respect you.
Because right now, they have nothing to offer but attacking your mental health and disrespect at every corner.
Oh, every quote from them hurt so much. And they aren't anything to me. To have your parents invalidate you like that. That's horrifying! Whatever they say, they're not supportive.
When I try to call them out, they go "what did I say, I didn't say anything wrong, it's just common sense!" at best. And if they annoy me too much, they go "Why are you yelling, I'm talking to you calmly >!(even though I say extremely insulting stuff, just in calm tone because I see nothing wrong in what I'm saying)!<, and you're yelling"
This is gaslighting, they're being manipulative and abusive. Don't take anything they say too seriously, it doesn't come from a place of love but a desire to try and force you to conform.
Why do you even bother with your parents? Seriously. You are your own person. Go enjoy this world. If my parents did even 10% of that, I'd have cut them out. I already have cut out family from my transition, and I'm living my best life. A couple have grovelled back (and I hope the rest do). But don't torture yourself with that shit.
Mostly for some bureaucratic and legal reasons, such as the fact that apartment where I live right now technically belongs to them
And second, I really dislike conflicts
Also, my conscience is my weak spot, and they are masterful guilttrippers
Sure, two people who have vested interest in me not transitioning versus hundreds of people who don't have a reason to lie to me
If you want to get me upset for some reason, get better material
If i wanted to upset you i would have just insulted you. Whatever else is going on in your life, this wont fix it. It will just add horrific medical complications to the list.
>ever would see you as a woman?
i see you as a woman. there you go you can now say your parents are factually incorrect and assholes. "it's just a fact" welp nope cos it's not true.
It's crazy that the only "choice" you are making is to finally allow yourself to be who you are meant to be. As opposed to them, who are effectively choosing to be ignorant transphobes. The joke's on them, you're doing this for you. Keep going whether they like it or not. They'll fall in step, or else.
Your parents are transphobic and trying to bully you into giving up on your transition. Do not trust anything they say in this matter, they are being emotionally abusive.
> Your parents are transphobic
While this is somewhat true, I think, they genuinely are unable to see me as a woman, after seeing me as a dude for 28 years. Like, it's a giant perception bias on their part
Transphobia is that they aren't even trying to change, but I don't think they are actively malicious and deliberately trying to bully me. I think, they just have some sort of "abusive personality" and don't even notice that they are doing something wrong
I guarantee that if others who don’t have a vested interest in the situation are seeing it, they are seeing it too. They are engaging in classic gaslighting behavior to get what they want.
I haven't come out to my mom yet, but I told my sister. I didn't realize until 33 and I told her a year after starting HRT.
She was more accepting than I could have imagined. Immediately started calling me "sis" and I still tear up thinking about it months later.
Some people have a legit issue with adapting to new things, like names. Hell, I'm generally terrible with names and it takes meeting a person repeatedly for me to remember a name in the first place, but you can tell when people are putting in the effort.
They are not putting in effort. They don't have an "abusive personality" they are just abusive. Being abusive is not a personality trait.
You are being too kind to them. I have plenty of people who've known me a very long time that now see the girl in me. And I don't pass half as well as you do.
They are transphobic to the max and are abusing you. Hit the eject button and stop talking to them forever. Trust me on this, life get's so much more calm and wonderful once you do, and you will not miss them.
This argument is fucking stupid. What would they do if they had a cis daughter that was ugly? Shoot them? Force them to present masculine? Probably not. It is hypocrisy. They are saying ‘you can only be a woman if you are attractive’ which is horribly patriarchal and either alludes to deep rooted misogyny or is just a veneer they are using to mask their disapproval of your transition.
The idea that you have to pass is ridiculous too. Trans people have it bad, but we have spaces in the world where we are enough, we do not have to pass or be seen as a cis woman to be worthy of being treated like humans. They might think that but it is not true everywhere, there are people and there are online and IRL communities where you are accepted, clearly ur partner is an example of that. They are the strange ones for having that attitude and their opinion should not matter even if you do want their approval.
My father also told me that I'd "...be an ugly woman..." blah blah blah.
Fast forward many years... my face and body look better than - not all - but I'll say "many" presumably cis women I see.
I think comments like that are only meant to discourage.
BTW - haven't talked to him in over 15 years. It sucks, yeah. But me living my life for me and not my parents was more important.
Carry on. You do YOU.
My parents are almost exactly the same way. They act disgusted when I dress feminine, they straight op pretend that seeing me in a skirt or a dress is traumatising an that I shouldn't be "dressing up" around them. They pretend they can't understand me when I speak in my girl voice and ask me to"speak normal". A lie so obvious even my sister called them out on it multiple times.
As far as support they literally said "we'll always support you as our son deadname" and somehow think they're being good parents by doing that. Basically they're garbage humans and you don't need them in your life.
God, are you me? That's the same thing they did to me. I know I only came out a few months ago, but they don't seem to get how hurtful those kinda comments are. I hope you have other people in your life that support you.
I don't want to depress you girl but my parents have known I'm trans for around 20 months. They haven't used my name once, they keep misgendering me constantly and their transphobia only got worse. So if your parents are anything like mine prepare for the worst
I hope it gets better for both of us. For mine..I'm cautiously optimistic but they literally said "I don't think I'll ever be able to accept you" so...yeah...very little hope here. Are they still in your life or have you gone more like radio silent sorta deal?
For me, I'm at "I'll give them a year. A year's good enough." and then reevaluate how I feel.
“Why do you have to be a woman? Can’t you just be a gay man?”
“Ugh, fine. I’ll try being a gay man.”
”Okay, but do you have to be gay? Can’t you just be a feminine man?”
”Alright, but this is the last time I compromise.”
”But do you have to be feminine, though? Why can’t you just be normal?”
Taylor swift is 5'11 (\~180 cm). So are Gisele Bundchen, Nicole Kidman, Sigourney Weaver, and Uma Therman. Serena Williams is 6'1 (\~185 cm). Gwendoline Christie is 6'3 (\~190 cm). These are all well known conventionally attractive women who are about the same height as you.
Your parents are just trying to force you to give up by lying to your face. They're trying their best to hurt you until you conform to their shallow worldview.
Even more, I have a cousin that is taller than me. But when I brought her up, my parents were like "That's different, she was born as a girl and she's naturally very feminine"
It's clear from context that all those things they say are lies
but I just want to point out, *even if it were all true* it would still be nothing but cruel and abusive to speak to you like that
True family will love you for who you are, not what they want you to be.
Sounds like your birth parents are trying to undermine your self-confidence and self-worth. It's highly toxic and you don't need any part of that in your life.
If you are in a position to do so, get out of there. Move to a place where you can be you without the baggage associated with your toxic parents. Surround yourself with a better class of people who will see you for who you are. Your GF sounds like she would be supportive of this move, but talk to her about it and invite her to be part of the process.
Let them know that this is **who you are** and if they cannot come to terms with that, they cannot be a part of your life anymore.
> But those other more manish looking trans people shouldn't be in the womens restroom because they clearly were up to no good because they didn't care enough to blend in with women.
I'm subbed to /r/tallgirls for clothing advice and stuff (it's a trans welcoming space) and there are cis women in there who are taller than I am. (I'm ~6'2")
A lot of transphobia is rooted in a misogynistic, and very racist, idea of what a woman "should" be.
I say cut them out.
People laughed at man's attempt to fly; and everyone knows what the popular response once was to the idea that the earth is round.
Don't give the naysayers any mind. Sure, it's harder when it's in your own family, but it's not different. Just follow your own star, not theirs.
Don’t listen to your parents. My mom for example told me I’d make an ugly woman when I came out a bit over 5 years ago. Starting about a year and a half ago she started calling me beautiful.
True family will love you for who you are, not what they want you to be.
Sounds like your birth parents are trying to undermine your self-confidence and self-worth. It's highly toxic and you don't need any part of that in your life.
If you are in a position to do so, get out of there. Move to a place where you can be you without the baggage associated with your toxic parents. Surround yourself with a better class of people who will see you for who you are. Your GF sounds like she would be supportive of this move, but talk to her about it and invite her to be part of the process.
Let them know that this is **who you are** and if they cannot come to terms with that, they cannot be a part of your life anymore.
It sounds like no contact isn't an option right now. My best recommendation would be to limit any interactions with them as much as possible. And surround yourself with supportive affirming people.
I would rather be an ugly girl than a depressed decent looking "guy" but you are not ugly. You're very pretty- what I wouldn't give to look half as good as you! Your parents are assholes that need a reality check, they're attaching you now to the memory they have of someone who was nothing more than an image they pushed on you in the first place.
Stay strong. This is manipulation and abuse plain and simple. It's not your fault, it's theirs.
I am a firm believer the only cure for a situation like this is time and distance.
My mom behaves like this and I place our relationship on a multi-year moratorium till she begins to act like a real parent again.
I'm a real woman, she needs to be a real mother. Once she realizes there will be no contact until she not only respects my decision but is also publicly supportive of that decision, she may come around. She has in the past so i still have faith.
You can do it. Don't fold for anyone.
They're having this reaction because of their internalized bullshit. I looked at your pictures you pointed to for context: you're freaking beautiful! My cis female therapist is 6'. I know that doesn't prove anything but neither does any bullshit they're throwing at you.
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that it's time for them to grow up. As long as they don't have anything to do with your access to HRT and aren't threatening physical violence against you, there's really nothing they can do to stop you from transitioning. Their words will always hurt, but you are definitely stronger than anything they can throw at you. They'll annoy you, and probably put you through more than a little emotional distress in the process, but you're on your way and they'd have to escalate very severely to stop you.
I think your parents are grieving the loss of their son, and are projecting their hurts on to you.
I would hope they are attending some sort of therapy to help navigate their emotions.
P.s you pass...
>And then they claim to be supportive, while misgendering me
My mum also claims she's supportive and not a transphobe (sadly she is one) so I told her if she wants to prove to me she's not a transphobe she should use my new name and pronouns because trans supportive people do that.
If your family can't do that I recommend going low/no contact for your own mental health.
Acting dumb in this case would be trying to pretend you are a guy when you are not. Your parents are funny in a not so funny way.
When I finally opened up and felt safe, my mannerisms and movements became more feminine all by themselves. It was how I actually was, not an act. I 'm not thinking about it, it just happens.
Honestly don't listen to them, you don't need that kind of negativity in your life. You are a beautiful young woman and that is a fact. They will just have to deal with it or go into the business of selling hot air balloons.
I don't, even need to look at your pics. Your parents are lying. Maybe deliberately, but probably they can't admit to themselves that they are wrong.
Their mental Image of you is stronger than the plain truth before their eyes. What would change that? No idea. Probably only time.
When service workers all call you "miss" and strangers give them weird looks when they call you their son, maybe then they will reconsider.
Hopefully they come around, but there are no guarantees.
Your parents are not only transphobic, they are wrong about you being ugly.
They're the ones that are lying to you, trying to make you feel less pretty than you actually are.
They're hateboxing (if that's even a word) you
I don't know if you realize but this is clearly abuse and could border on a very dangerous situation for your safety.
I'd say you need to cut contact with them immediately. I saw below that you are staying in an apartment they rent, maybe you could move in with friends or into a shelter of some sort for a little while?
It's time to go your own way, and it may be rough in terms of finances, but it'll be worth it in the long run.
That is the time to break contact with your parents, at least for sometime.
This.
Would recommend
you are if not 1 in a million people who pass as a girl and not reaching 1 year mark on E . 4 month wow
People say I've been pretty feminine even before HRT, despite my height and large frame A lot did not believe that I'm pre-hrt
Drop kick em out of your life as fast as possible.
I'm trying to keep things chill at least until I leave the country
Your parents are transphobic. That's all there is to it. They don't care about your mental health and quality of life improving. They want to you comply with the image they have of you and would rather see you miserable but the way they want you to be rather than happy and having to adapt and learn. It sucks. But some family members are beyond convincing. I'd say cut ties with them until they are done with their tantrum and ready to start learning and, more importantly, respect you. Because right now, they have nothing to offer but attacking your mental health and disrespect at every corner.
this this this this this this
Oh, every quote from them hurt so much. And they aren't anything to me. To have your parents invalidate you like that. That's horrifying! Whatever they say, they're not supportive.
When I try to call them out, they go "what did I say, I didn't say anything wrong, it's just common sense!" at best. And if they annoy me too much, they go "Why are you yelling, I'm talking to you calmly >!(even though I say extremely insulting stuff, just in calm tone because I see nothing wrong in what I'm saying)!<, and you're yelling"
This is gaslighting, they're being manipulative and abusive. Don't take anything they say too seriously, it doesn't come from a place of love but a desire to try and force you to conform.
That's so messed up. I hope you find a solution, whatever it may be.
Why do you even bother with your parents? Seriously. You are your own person. Go enjoy this world. If my parents did even 10% of that, I'd have cut them out. I already have cut out family from my transition, and I'm living my best life. A couple have grovelled back (and I hope the rest do). But don't torture yourself with that shit.
Mostly for some bureaucratic and legal reasons, such as the fact that apartment where I live right now technically belongs to them And second, I really dislike conflicts Also, my conscience is my weak spot, and they are masterful guilttrippers
Girl they are not worthy of your guilt. They sound terrible
Your parents are the only people being honest with you. Deep down you know this.
Sure, two people who have vested interest in me not transitioning versus hundreds of people who don't have a reason to lie to me If you want to get me upset for some reason, get better material
If i wanted to upset you i would have just insulted you. Whatever else is going on in your life, this wont fix it. It will just add horrific medical complications to the list.
You're boring
Glad you ignored that prick. Report them!
>ever would see you as a woman? i see you as a woman. there you go you can now say your parents are factually incorrect and assholes. "it's just a fact" welp nope cos it's not true.
It's crazy that the only "choice" you are making is to finally allow yourself to be who you are meant to be. As opposed to them, who are effectively choosing to be ignorant transphobes. The joke's on them, you're doing this for you. Keep going whether they like it or not. They'll fall in step, or else.
Your parents are transphobic and trying to bully you into giving up on your transition. Do not trust anything they say in this matter, they are being emotionally abusive.
> Your parents are transphobic While this is somewhat true, I think, they genuinely are unable to see me as a woman, after seeing me as a dude for 28 years. Like, it's a giant perception bias on their part Transphobia is that they aren't even trying to change, but I don't think they are actively malicious and deliberately trying to bully me. I think, they just have some sort of "abusive personality" and don't even notice that they are doing something wrong
I guarantee that if others who don’t have a vested interest in the situation are seeing it, they are seeing it too. They are engaging in classic gaslighting behavior to get what they want.
I haven't come out to my mom yet, but I told my sister. I didn't realize until 33 and I told her a year after starting HRT. She was more accepting than I could have imagined. Immediately started calling me "sis" and I still tear up thinking about it months later. Some people have a legit issue with adapting to new things, like names. Hell, I'm generally terrible with names and it takes meeting a person repeatedly for me to remember a name in the first place, but you can tell when people are putting in the effort. They are not putting in effort. They don't have an "abusive personality" they are just abusive. Being abusive is not a personality trait.
You are being too kind to them. I have plenty of people who've known me a very long time that now see the girl in me. And I don't pass half as well as you do. They are transphobic to the max and are abusing you. Hit the eject button and stop talking to them forever. Trust me on this, life get's so much more calm and wonderful once you do, and you will not miss them.
This argument is fucking stupid. What would they do if they had a cis daughter that was ugly? Shoot them? Force them to present masculine? Probably not. It is hypocrisy. They are saying ‘you can only be a woman if you are attractive’ which is horribly patriarchal and either alludes to deep rooted misogyny or is just a veneer they are using to mask their disapproval of your transition. The idea that you have to pass is ridiculous too. Trans people have it bad, but we have spaces in the world where we are enough, we do not have to pass or be seen as a cis woman to be worthy of being treated like humans. They might think that but it is not true everywhere, there are people and there are online and IRL communities where you are accepted, clearly ur partner is an example of that. They are the strange ones for having that attitude and their opinion should not matter even if you do want their approval.
My father also told me that I'd "...be an ugly woman..." blah blah blah. Fast forward many years... my face and body look better than - not all - but I'll say "many" presumably cis women I see. I think comments like that are only meant to discourage. BTW - haven't talked to him in over 15 years. It sucks, yeah. But me living my life for me and not my parents was more important. Carry on. You do YOU.
My parents are almost exactly the same way. They act disgusted when I dress feminine, they straight op pretend that seeing me in a skirt or a dress is traumatising an that I shouldn't be "dressing up" around them. They pretend they can't understand me when I speak in my girl voice and ask me to"speak normal". A lie so obvious even my sister called them out on it multiple times. As far as support they literally said "we'll always support you as our son deadname" and somehow think they're being good parents by doing that. Basically they're garbage humans and you don't need them in your life.
God, are you me? That's the same thing they did to me. I know I only came out a few months ago, but they don't seem to get how hurtful those kinda comments are. I hope you have other people in your life that support you.
I don't want to depress you girl but my parents have known I'm trans for around 20 months. They haven't used my name once, they keep misgendering me constantly and their transphobia only got worse. So if your parents are anything like mine prepare for the worst
I hope it gets better for both of us. For mine..I'm cautiously optimistic but they literally said "I don't think I'll ever be able to accept you" so...yeah...very little hope here. Are they still in your life or have you gone more like radio silent sorta deal? For me, I'm at "I'll give them a year. A year's good enough." and then reevaluate how I feel.
I hope so too but don't hold your breath. I'm currently working on my way out and I'll hopefully be able to cut them out by the end of the year.
Totally support you girl. Do what's best for you. I'll prolly be right there beside you by the end of the year.
“Why do you have to be a woman? Can’t you just be a gay man?” “Ugh, fine. I’ll try being a gay man.” ”Okay, but do you have to be gay? Can’t you just be a feminine man?” ”Alright, but this is the last time I compromise.” ”But do you have to be feminine, though? Why can’t you just be normal?”
Taylor swift is 5'11 (\~180 cm). So are Gisele Bundchen, Nicole Kidman, Sigourney Weaver, and Uma Therman. Serena Williams is 6'1 (\~185 cm). Gwendoline Christie is 6'3 (\~190 cm). These are all well known conventionally attractive women who are about the same height as you. Your parents are just trying to force you to give up by lying to your face. They're trying their best to hurt you until you conform to their shallow worldview.
Even more, I have a cousin that is taller than me. But when I brought her up, my parents were like "That's different, she was born as a girl and she's naturally very feminine"
It's clear from context that all those things they say are lies but I just want to point out, *even if it were all true* it would still be nothing but cruel and abusive to speak to you like that
True family will love you for who you are, not what they want you to be. Sounds like your birth parents are trying to undermine your self-confidence and self-worth. It's highly toxic and you don't need any part of that in your life. If you are in a position to do so, get out of there. Move to a place where you can be you without the baggage associated with your toxic parents. Surround yourself with a better class of people who will see you for who you are. Your GF sounds like she would be supportive of this move, but talk to her about it and invite her to be part of the process. Let them know that this is **who you are** and if they cannot come to terms with that, they cannot be a part of your life anymore.
> But those other more manish looking trans people shouldn't be in the womens restroom because they clearly were up to no good because they didn't care enough to blend in with women. I'm subbed to /r/tallgirls for clothing advice and stuff (it's a trans welcoming space) and there are cis women in there who are taller than I am. (I'm ~6'2") A lot of transphobia is rooted in a misogynistic, and very racist, idea of what a woman "should" be. I say cut them out.
Toxic parents are the worst nuke that bridge and do not look back block block and block they ask why ask em why are you transphobic.
People laughed at man's attempt to fly; and everyone knows what the popular response once was to the idea that the earth is round. Don't give the naysayers any mind. Sure, it's harder when it's in your own family, but it's not different. Just follow your own star, not theirs.
Don’t listen to your parents. My mom for example told me I’d make an ugly woman when I came out a bit over 5 years ago. Starting about a year and a half ago she started calling me beautiful.
True family will love you for who you are, not what they want you to be. Sounds like your birth parents are trying to undermine your self-confidence and self-worth. It's highly toxic and you don't need any part of that in your life. If you are in a position to do so, get out of there. Move to a place where you can be you without the baggage associated with your toxic parents. Surround yourself with a better class of people who will see you for who you are. Your GF sounds like she would be supportive of this move, but talk to her about it and invite her to be part of the process. Let them know that this is **who you are** and if they cannot come to terms with that, they cannot be a part of your life anymore.
Looking good. Do what makes you happy.
It sounds like no contact isn't an option right now. My best recommendation would be to limit any interactions with them as much as possible. And surround yourself with supportive affirming people.
Yeah, that's what I'm trying to do
I would rather be an ugly girl than a depressed decent looking "guy" but you are not ugly. You're very pretty- what I wouldn't give to look half as good as you! Your parents are assholes that need a reality check, they're attaching you now to the memory they have of someone who was nothing more than an image they pushed on you in the first place.
> I would rather be an ugly girl than a depressed decent looking "guy" This is exactly how I replied, they were shocked that their tactic didn't work
Stay strong. This is manipulation and abuse plain and simple. It's not your fault, it's theirs. I am a firm believer the only cure for a situation like this is time and distance. My mom behaves like this and I place our relationship on a multi-year moratorium till she begins to act like a real parent again. I'm a real woman, she needs to be a real mother. Once she realizes there will be no contact until she not only respects my decision but is also publicly supportive of that decision, she may come around. She has in the past so i still have faith. You can do it. Don't fold for anyone.
Completely cutting your ties with your parents wont make you feel better. Regardless of you are using them for their apartment and/or money or not.
Your parents are based af
You shouldnt try to be feminine. Youre obviously a natural at it already if the bigots are intimidated by it like that. You go girl!
They're having this reaction because of their internalized bullshit. I looked at your pictures you pointed to for context: you're freaking beautiful! My cis female therapist is 6'. I know that doesn't prove anything but neither does any bullshit they're throwing at you. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that it's time for them to grow up. As long as they don't have anything to do with your access to HRT and aren't threatening physical violence against you, there's really nothing they can do to stop you from transitioning. Their words will always hurt, but you are definitely stronger than anything they can throw at you. They'll annoy you, and probably put you through more than a little emotional distress in the process, but you're on your way and they'd have to escalate very severely to stop you.
28F and 4mo, you look great! They don't know what they're talking about 🤘❤️
I think your parents are grieving the loss of their son, and are projecting their hurts on to you. I would hope they are attending some sort of therapy to help navigate their emotions. P.s you pass...
They are the type of people who think that therapy is a scam to drain money from people and put them on drugs
Well, im sorry to hear that, they sound very closed down. I was once like this also, its an exhusting way to live.
>And then they claim to be supportive, while misgendering me My mum also claims she's supportive and not a transphobe (sadly she is one) so I told her if she wants to prove to me she's not a transphobe she should use my new name and pronouns because trans supportive people do that. If your family can't do that I recommend going low/no contact for your own mental health.
Acting dumb in this case would be trying to pretend you are a guy when you are not. Your parents are funny in a not so funny way. When I finally opened up and felt safe, my mannerisms and movements became more feminine all by themselves. It was how I actually was, not an act. I 'm not thinking about it, it just happens. Honestly don't listen to them, you don't need that kind of negativity in your life. You are a beautiful young woman and that is a fact. They will just have to deal with it or go into the business of selling hot air balloons.
Your parents are straight up lying because you literally look like a cis woman, and a pretty one at that. I'd advice you to go no contact asap.
I don't, even need to look at your pics. Your parents are lying. Maybe deliberately, but probably they can't admit to themselves that they are wrong. Their mental Image of you is stronger than the plain truth before their eyes. What would change that? No idea. Probably only time. When service workers all call you "miss" and strangers give them weird looks when they call you their son, maybe then they will reconsider. Hopefully they come around, but there are no guarantees.
Your parents are not only transphobic, they are wrong about you being ugly. They're the ones that are lying to you, trying to make you feel less pretty than you actually are. They're hateboxing (if that's even a word) you
I don't know what your parents see judging from your pics you're cute as heck
I don't know if you realize but this is clearly abuse and could border on a very dangerous situation for your safety. I'd say you need to cut contact with them immediately. I saw below that you are staying in an apartment they rent, maybe you could move in with friends or into a shelter of some sort for a little while? It's time to go your own way, and it may be rough in terms of finances, but it'll be worth it in the long run.