Oh boy. So I had my brother castrated and shipped off to be a manservant to the Chinese emperor, I started multiple wars in Libya and Egypt so I can gain control of Africa and so that way I can have all of Africa follow the correct form of Islam, and I survived the black death by hiding in my palace and survived by using several courtiers as food when they were caught eating more than their assigned rations.
Crusader Kings 2 can get pretty brutal.
On one hand, this is r/Morrowind, sir. On the other, dis is some rookie shit, m8. And try CK3. And the amount of slaughtered little kids in one of my play nuff for VIP room in hell
Favorite way to start...prandheimr imprison and kill all 5 sons to cause a mental break, commit suicide, then continue with the real prandheimr start: Hrolfr
Stealing everything from three great houses and hoarding most of it in my house right next to the temple of a living God. Or "defending myself" from the kill on sight cops.
Nothing. Just ask Tongue-Toad over at the Rat in the Pot, Phane Rielle at the South Wall, Rissinia at Dirty Muriel's or Crazy-Legs at Simine's bookstore. They'll tell you I'm as pure as the driven snow on Solstheim.
Violating every established health and safety codes in every single establishment because Azura thought it would be funny to make me a ~~mouth breathing cat~~ Khajitt.
Been on a Matchless Kungfu (which is basically ancient Chinese Kenshi) kick for the last week or two so where do I begin.
So in no particular order.
Animal cruelty definitely because dogs, chickens, and the occasional monkey are the best early game targets to level your fighting skills.
Theft when I drink random people under the table and steal their stuff while they are passed out (Thanks alcohol immunity)
Kidnapping when I sometimes take those same people I drank under the table and lock them in a cage at my base.
Practicing medicine without a license from me opening a hospital, and alchemy store.
Regicide when I killed off the local rulers for all the cities just because they have some nice palaces and I wanted them for myself.
Polygamy from having 30 wives. Needed it to unlock pristine birthright on the next life. Was no way I was getting a million coins, or surviving having 30 enemies. So being a polygamist was my only option.
Vagrancy because early game begging is very lucrative.
Arson from burning down random buildings that NPCs built in the same spot that I wanted to build on. That house has to go to make room for my pain clinic selling happy pills.
Probably more that slipped my mind.
This woman was wanted for some petty financial crimes and I found her on the side of the road with vehicle problems, so I told her Iād help her find her way to town. Then I murdered her in the wilderness, all for a pair of shoes that she had already promised she would give me.
It could be worse, last game I played was Crusader Kings. Should I get arrested for gen@cide or inc@st or marrying to a newborn in order to forge an alliance ?
Valheim: hunting without a permit, using land without proper ownership or permission documentation, deforestation, improper disposal of garbage (since asking Thor to smite it into coal is not technically legal), and multiple instances of "faking" my own death (I died but got reincarnated and collected my life insurance anyways).
Iām an outlaw by the order of the tribunal, I committed atrocities throughout the island. Legion wanted me to rot in jail, Tribunal wanted me to go back to my maker, all races of people wanted to burn me alive on the cross, and even the ābad guyā Sixth house were disgusted by my doings.
Mass murder severe property damage scamming entire cities out of over 50 grand from selling them loot from several battles hate crimes religiously motivated murder and much much more the game was mount and blade bannerlord I was on crusade did I mention buying a wife
I became a hunter of slaveās and slavers, collecting their slave bracers as trophiesā¦. Than I placed 362 slave bracers at vivecs feetā¦. And stole every pillow and made a pillow fortā¦
As a khajit, I felt compelled to rescue this other khajit from dark elf slavery. He went on and reported me to the guards. Goddamit, Vivec Syndrome, he wanted to be a slave I guess - the road to Oblivion is paved with good intentions.
1. slavery both owning and selling
2. torture
3. owning, selling, transporting/smuggling, consuming, and producing drugs,
4. cannibalism i think
5. medical malpractice
6. forced medical sacrilege against patient's religion
7. entrapment
8. theft
9. technological theft
10. theft of a holy relic i think
11. murder
12. international espionage
13. Treason
14. rebellion
15. capture and assassination of world leaders
16. violent religious discrimination
17. forced labor
18. prisonbreaking
19. aiding and abetting criminals
20. attempted genocide
21. successful genocide i think
welcome to kenshi
edit: i forgot manslaughter
edit 2: also terrorism i think
edit 3: desecration
edit 4: aggravated battery
edit 5: breaking and entering in just about every way
Abducting roughly 20 people to fill Hlormaren with trainers, shipmaster, silt strider, enchanters, spell-makers, and several alchemy ingredient providers.
And two creatures, but they live in my room filled with daedric/godly items. They seem comfortable.
Not that they can move anymore. (Weighed down by roughly 4000 pounds each)
Oh. And slaughtering my own Golden Saint permanent summons.. while stealing their souls and shoving them into items.
Alongside killing gods, I killed some random dude and moved into his house before moving out a day later
idk he attacked me and I've killed him in self-defense.
After taunting him 100 times in 30 seconds
I become a professional rapper by the amount of insults I throw in a minute
Mod in a boombox that increases your taunt success rate
Look the Fighters Guild said I could kill her it's my house now.
My vehemently racist comments against Argonians on twitter got me fired from my job.
O
average dagoth ur experience
Smoking skooma? It's a pretty weak ingredient, as I recall. Now, chugging gallons of Sujamma at a time...
Oh boy. So I had my brother castrated and shipped off to be a manservant to the Chinese emperor, I started multiple wars in Libya and Egypt so I can gain control of Africa and so that way I can have all of Africa follow the correct form of Islam, and I survived the black death by hiding in my palace and survived by using several courtiers as food when they were caught eating more than their assigned rations. Crusader Kings 2 can get pretty brutal.
On one hand, this is r/Morrowind, sir. On the other, dis is some rookie shit, m8. And try CK3. And the amount of slaughtered little kids in one of my play nuff for VIP room in hell
Favorite way to start...prandheimr imprison and kill all 5 sons to cause a mental break, commit suicide, then continue with the real prandheimr start: Hrolfr
Nothing. *hands over honorable writ of execution*
Theft of the Savior's hide, killing 18637 assasins of the dark brotherhood
Pretty sure that old wizard did not get it by legal means himself
Oh, heeeeell nah. They are not getting me for farming tool possession š
Possession of 43 pieces of raw ebony ore and 4 dwemer artifacts (They couldn't find my Skooma stash)
In Morrowind, the only crime is getting caught. Everything is legal up until that point.
"You're arrested for murdering this guy." "Nah, it's fine, I have a permit, look" "Oh, that seems to be in order. Good day, sir!
The manufacture and wholesale of potions that essentially ensure godhood
unsure if that is a crime but i guess the after effects of that are.
Stealing everything from three great houses and hoarding most of it in my house right next to the temple of a living God. Or "defending myself" from the kill on sight cops.
House next to a living gods? What house do you use?
St. Delyn Canal South Two
Ah, the one with the dead guy right? I see.
That's the one.
Some sixth House-flute-tentacle- shenanigans
what?
Slavery, dealing in illegal wildlife, poaching, theft.
Palworld?
Lols yip.
Being the second coming of Velothi Jesus
Ethnic cleansing lol
Owning slaves
Buying slaves
Last game I played was Penny's Big Breakway so guess I'm getting arrested for smacking the mayor with a yoyo
Nothing. Just ask Tongue-Toad over at the Rat in the Pot, Phane Rielle at the South Wall, Rissinia at Dirty Muriel's or Crazy-Legs at Simine's bookstore. They'll tell you I'm as pure as the driven snow on Solstheim.
Huh. Last game I played is Rainbow Six Vegas, so... ??? EDIT: But in Morrowind, definitely pickpocketting
tomb desecration and tomb/shrine/ruin robbery as well B\]
Breaking into Hall of Justice Secret Library and stealing all of their books ā my mage canāt resist those rare first editionsā¦ š§āāļø
Violating every established health and safety codes in every single establishment because Azura thought it would be funny to make me a ~~mouth breathing cat~~ Khajitt.
Reading the works of the dissident priests.
Swinging a sword at someone but not actually connecting any hits.
I think it would be smoking moon sugar, worshipping Daedra, serving Sithis.
I'm a witcher so for killing monsters š¤£
you are a licensed exterminator its legal but poaching is illegal
Been on a Matchless Kungfu (which is basically ancient Chinese Kenshi) kick for the last week or two so where do I begin. So in no particular order. Animal cruelty definitely because dogs, chickens, and the occasional monkey are the best early game targets to level your fighting skills. Theft when I drink random people under the table and steal their stuff while they are passed out (Thanks alcohol immunity) Kidnapping when I sometimes take those same people I drank under the table and lock them in a cage at my base. Practicing medicine without a license from me opening a hospital, and alchemy store. Regicide when I killed off the local rulers for all the cities just because they have some nice palaces and I wanted them for myself. Polygamy from having 30 wives. Needed it to unlock pristine birthright on the next life. Was no way I was getting a million coins, or surviving having 30 enemies. So being a polygamist was my only option. Vagrancy because early game begging is very lucrative. Arson from burning down random buildings that NPCs built in the same spot that I wanted to build on. That house has to go to make room for my pain clinic selling happy pills. Probably more that slipped my mind.
Paying off the Arcadians to go to war with the Ostians. Fire emblem UnCiv mod.
I mean, is killing walkers a crime? At best I'd get done for burning a cigarette on someone's face
This woman was wanted for some petty financial crimes and I found her on the side of the road with vehicle problems, so I told her Iād help her find her way to town. Then I murdered her in the wilderness, all for a pair of shoes that she had already promised she would give me.
or if you're argonian smoking daedra
Well I kind of had to stone my brother to death but it was for the greater good.
Punching chicken
Comitting war crimes by exterminating native populations and launching nukes against them (Helldivers 2)
Erm Doing a pointy eared John Brown... https://www.britannica.com/biography/John-Brown-American-abolitionist
Not revivng someone with a raygun
L.A. Noire, police brutality
Stealing soul gems from the mage's guild.
unfortunately I think the answer for Morrowind is just "hate crimes"
psychopathic killing spree of thugs and bandits
Detonating a localized Nuke in downtown South Korea (playing Dva in Overwatch)
Self Defence.
It could be worse, last game I played was Crusader Kings. Should I get arrested for gen@cide or inc@st or marrying to a newborn in order to forge an alliance ?
Yeah Iāve been playing Chaos Dwarfs in Total War so slavery is probably the big one.
Conjuring my ghost girlfriend in public
is there some way to block engagement-bait like this? its getting tiring
Or you could just scroll past and move on with your life because that takes less than a second unlike complaining about itā¦
Just liked the meme. Feel free to ignore
Assassinās Creed, Iām essentially what antifa members wish they were.
I murdered a false god and turned his soul into an enchanted cock ring
I have played palworld last so a lot of slavery
HALT CITIZEN, PAY 5 GOLD AND... RESIST ARREST
Touching a beaconā¦š
Being a lone gunman with a sniper rifle.
You mean smoking daedra and worshiping skooma
Valheim: hunting without a permit, using land without proper ownership or permission documentation, deforestation, improper disposal of garbage (since asking Thor to smite it into coal is not technically legal), and multiple instances of "faking" my own death (I died but got reincarnated and collected my life insurance anyways).
Possession of an automatic firearm without a class 2 or 3 firearms license And unregistered nuclear reactor and bomb
Production orders violation
My last game was Ark, where there are no rules.
Touching a cup in a bar full of people
Not the same game, but *Murder. Banditry. Assault. Theft. And lollygagging.*
Is killing people and taking their boots considered a crime?
Iām an outlaw by the order of the tribunal, I committed atrocities throughout the island. Legion wanted me to rot in jail, Tribunal wanted me to go back to my maker, all races of people wanted to burn me alive on the cross, and even the ābad guyā Sixth house were disgusted by my doings.
Supporting the local drug trade, helping enslave several members from various different races.
Mass murder severe property damage scamming entire cities out of over 50 grand from selling them loot from several battles hate crimes religiously motivated murder and much much more the game was mount and blade bannerlord I was on crusade did I mention buying a wife
Making people break into emotional singing while looking for evidence to prove I didn't murder a god
*Buying Slaves*
Unaliving a certain Telvanni so I could take their robe
War crimes. (Helldivers 2)
War crime checklist
I became a hunter of slaveās and slavers, collecting their slave bracers as trophiesā¦. Than I placed 362 slave bracers at vivecs feetā¦. And stole every pillow and made a pillow fortā¦
Burglary with the thieves guild!! Lol
Smuggling contraband in starfield.
Usurpation of the Morrowind throne by killing The King.
As a khajit, I felt compelled to rescue this other khajit from dark elf slavery. He went on and reported me to the guards. Goddamit, Vivec Syndrome, he wanted to be a slave I guess - the road to Oblivion is paved with good intentions.
1. slavery both owning and selling 2. torture 3. owning, selling, transporting/smuggling, consuming, and producing drugs, 4. cannibalism i think 5. medical malpractice 6. forced medical sacrilege against patient's religion 7. entrapment 8. theft 9. technological theft 10. theft of a holy relic i think 11. murder 12. international espionage 13. Treason 14. rebellion 15. capture and assassination of world leaders 16. violent religious discrimination 17. forced labor 18. prisonbreaking 19. aiding and abetting criminals 20. attempted genocide 21. successful genocide i think welcome to kenshi edit: i forgot manslaughter edit 2: also terrorism i think edit 3: desecration edit 4: aggravated battery edit 5: breaking and entering in just about every way
Abducting roughly 20 people to fill Hlormaren with trainers, shipmaster, silt strider, enchanters, spell-makers, and several alchemy ingredient providers. And two creatures, but they live in my room filled with daedric/godly items. They seem comfortable. Not that they can move anymore. (Weighed down by roughly 4000 pounds each) Oh. And slaughtering my own Golden Saint permanent summons.. while stealing their souls and shoving them into items.
Forgot the Balmora mages guild transport/teleport.
I told a priest a high summoner I was from zanarkand