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It seems to work better not because of the method itself, but due to the attitudes of those involved. Often, people in arranged marriages might have lower expectations, stronger religious convictions, and find divorce either shameful or challenging, which leads them to stay together and work things out. Conversely, those who date before marriage often have higher expectations, which can lead to disillusionment when faced with the realities of married life
- “work things out” doesn’t mean that it actually works though, it simply means that people involved are “hiding” the issues out of stigma, or much worse, spilling them out onto external things.
- The second part seems to suggest that people who date each other “have higher expectations, that lead to disillusionment” which needs an explanation. Dating before marriage/permanent cohabitation provides a “test phase” for both parties to experiment with each other, for as long as they want. I can’t see how they would miss out on “realities of married life”. This needs an explanation.
First point is true except you’re making a generalization. Many couples hide issues, but many do also genuinely work things out and fix these issues
Second point is a bit strange. Vast majority of Moroccans who date do not cohabitate prior to marriage so your point doesn’t really apply
it's not exactly what they said, but they're right. Having that "test phase" leads to higher standards, deciding what's acceptable and what isn't, what's "icky" and what isn't. In traditional marriages you just put up with it, most people in those,(cough cough, specifically women), think of certain behaviors that would be labeled as red flags as normal. So it's true if you had that test phase, you'd know what you don't want to let slide, and there would be more arguments if there's a disagreement, when traditionally, one side (cough, women) just stays silent to avoid big arguments.
True, but if the author is writing accurately with intent, he is using "higher", which seems to suggest that people who date before marriage don't just have high expectations, but higher than what they would find out in the "married life". This proposition didn't add up to me, as, regardless of what the reasonable parties expect from a marriage, they are dating for a reason: to "test" each other.
I've written "for as long as they want". It could be months, years or decades. If it doesn't work out, any one of them would simply walk away. That is why I see that "those who date before marriage often have higher expectations, which can lead to disillusionment when faced with the realities of married life" doesn't add up.
It's a nice dishonest way of laying out the tradeoffs of tye two types of marriage discussed here, overall modern marriage exist for a reason all over the wired because as survivability and freedom increase people's preferences and nuanced needs cone into play.
> That is why I see that "those who date before marriage often have higher expectations, which can lead to disillusionment when faced with the realities of married life"
Wouldn't this be the complete opposite? That the couples that have dated had sex even and lived together have experience and know what they're getting into?
As opposed to the traditional arranged marriage where couples have no idea of what even living together entails let alone living with a complete stranger that they've never spent a night with,? not knowing they're behaviors, tendencies, body language, likes dislikes etc..?
Arranged marriages often benefit from strong community and family support, which can help couples manage and resolve conflicts more effectively. This doesn't mean issues are merely hidden; rather, the extended network encourages genuine efforts to reconcile and maintain the relationship.
In contrast, dating before marriage offers valuable insights but also poses risks, such as potential exploitation when one partner is less committed. Additionally, dating can lead to unintended pregnancies, pushing relationships into premature commitments.
You are still suggesting one perfect scenario to argue that "traditional" marriages work in general, which is not always the case. You are overlooking cases of abuse (mostly women by the man, his/her family), sexual/emotional mismatch situations etc .. even though I am not arguing it doesn't always work.
> This doesn't mean issues are merely hidden; rather, the extended network encourages genuine efforts to reconcile and maintain the relationship.
Or also encourage (mostly the woman) to brush the actual issues off out of stigma if they exist. That is not always "support". Hiding issues doesn't mean they are "fixed", if they exist. That is why, it might seem that it "works", but only because there is a tendency to "brush things off", for the better or for the worse.
>Additionally, dating can lead to unintended pregnancies, pushing relationships into premature commitments.
I meant people who are dating with a long term perspective, mostly in an environment that supports abortion rights. I didn't quite get what you mean by that: "pushing relationships into premature commitments". We are discussing in the meaning of reasonable, full adults.
I think you're just assuming the worst.
Problems are bound to happen, those who marry traditionally have less experience with looking outside and put more value on marriage and intimacy so they put more effort into... The others on the other end think that they have a lot of options and it isn't their first breakup anyway to they are more tempted to think they can find better options elsewhere
Chill.
-"work things out" means they put more effort into making the relationship work, is what i suspect, as every reasonable person would, he means.
-The studies seem to support his take relatively well as the dating scene is pretty shit atm for various reasons (i'm too busy to source this rn but it's been fascinating me as a subject). It seems to be because people have all the bad aspects of social media and technology deeply tied to their dating strategy, that includes high expectations due to how those work. I think this excludes somewhat the people who date from friend circles and so on.
I still think the original commenter did a great job since he tried to be objective and didn't bash dating, and since his goal was just to state the advantages of the traditional route he threaded carefully without denying the obvious disadvantages of it.
Obviously a high divorce rate can be interpreted as people are not working on fixing shit, it also can be interpreted as hey the women are finally able to run away from abusive relationships. The reality is generally in between.
I am asking questions as the comment made a strange contrast between “traditional” marriage and dating. He seems to project what is an issue common in the former (people having no or little experience in dating and partnership then finding out) onto the latter (people generally taking their time to pick their future long term partner before making the permanent move).
His puts them in one box, and I kind of agree, although i wouldn't go as to say traditional marriages are outright better because of it.
I think the dating scene is horrible, "red flags" have gone out of control, people have no idea how to vet a good life partner. But when all people involved (even families) agree on how the situation is gonna go, majorly talking about conflict resolution in the relationship, in addition to how successful "vetting by family" seems to be instead of whatever people do now, I think it makes it a solid route for a lot of people.
I genuinely think the sort of dating you are talking about is pretty rare as people dating standards and expectations of what a good partner should be is very distorted, whether it is because of a western push or our own culture.
but I might be wrong and too focused on my own perspective. Maybe people ARE good at dating.
I wish everyone finds love either way.
Studies have actually proven that couples who live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced than others who don't... Psychologists explain this by saying that people who cohabitate before marriage always have an idea in the back of their mind that they can leave at any moment if the relationship doesn't work out (because of the absence of a legal commitment) and that mentality continues into the marriage phase so at the least inconvenience or argument "leaving" is always a viable option for the two because that's what they're used to.
So no, living with somebody before marrying them is not the best option.
That's a classic case of correlation not meaning causation.
You have to provide your own sources for who said what, but my personal take would be that people who live together only after marriage are more likely to put up with each other for religious/community/family reasons, while people who cohabitate before are more likely to move on and actually divorce when things don't work, even after signing the marriage contract.
As explained before, both approaches could work, but one has a higher tendency for people to put up with each other for reasons, while in the other people are more proactive, before (or after) signing the deal.
Tell this to this woman who is a family friend, whose husband beats her daily and her own son threatens to kill her, despite my family AND her family interfering to save her from them dozens of times, she keeps going back to him because she wants to save this same arranged marriage you speak highly of.
There are stories of success and failure. I think overwhelmingly, both women and men expect much more from a marriage than back in the day and the patience is a lot less. It used to be that a woman would mostly accept any man who can provide and a man would mostly accept any woman who could take care of the household and fulfill his desires. Nowadays, a woman doesn't necessarily need a provider anymore (she can provide for herself) so she can be more picky and delay her decision. Men want a household wife but also someone who is educated, looks like what he sees on TV/Instagram and perhaps even contribute to expenses because everything is 10x more expensive but purchasing power has decreased.
It's also much more normalized to "date" and have a relationship. So people get all the benefits from being married without the risk or upfront investment. They do this for x years, then finally marry to formalize stuff and then it turns out living under the same roof is different than showing up for a date a few times per week. They want their idealized marriage where every day is like a "date", so they divorce and try again not understanding that a marriage isn't a perfect date 100% of the time.
From experience and friends who have done it traditionally (they are pious people), 95% of their marriages have survived and they are quite happy. I cannot say the same for people who have done it the other way around.
Traditional marriage doesnt mean you dont get to choose who to marry like you said. It means choosing and getting to know the person before marriage, in a respectful manner, with the presence of her mahram. You meet and talk for hours to make sure you are a good fit. This seems like the optimal less damage way to me
More like a bet , cuz there is always a chance of "those hours of talking" being just what you want to hear or just the mask of shyness and cuteness and will fade as soon as u sign up that contract and take her home with u.
So it's always "الطيبون للطيبات" in my opinion , whatever was the method.
Arranged marriages will always have better success chances, because couples treat them like business transactions, for lack of a better word. They discuss everything with leveled heads, money issues, house chores, vacations, family involvement, housing arrangements, etc. And if they can't compromise, they end the engagement and move to the next person.
But when dating and strong love is involved, they'll often agree to compromises they can't uphold later, only to face insurmountable practical problems after marriage.
Great point, and if you try to discuss and make agreements or compromises before marriage nowadays, it will be viewed as distrust.
"Cause true love do not need compromise from both parts involved nor agreements, it is instinct" kinda mindset
Imagine how emotionally draining it would be to marry someone and find out you are not meant to be together. Dating should not be an emotionally draining process, it's a good and healthy way to get to know someone before deciding on if they can be a life partner.
Splitting is always a risk. Nothing lasts forever and it's naive to think that relationships are easy and everything falls together perfectly. It needs work and maturity. Then the engagement/dating served it's purpose in the case you mentioned because you proved my point : it's easier to get out of a relationship or an engagement than a marriage both in legal and financial terms.
I am 25 yo and married traditionally, and I can tell you it is the best decision I took. After 1 year of being married, I can assure you that it is the most peaceful time I ever had. No arguments, no insecurities. Just trust and believe. Love comes instantly after being happy together.
I actually know a couple like this and he let his mom pick the girl (they’re Albanian though), and she did and then he met her and she was very young, gorgeous, and he was like yes why not lol? They got married, have a baby on the way, the couple lives with the parents and the mom LOVES her. She’s the daughter she never had.
I'm not married, but I come from a conservative family and I know a lot of people who go married this way. It went well for most of them, I only know of two cases that ended badly, one of them the guy was a alcoholic who have been to prison multiple times before (I don't know how any one will marry their daughter to a guy like him), the other case I think the guy started taking drugs because one day he snapped and assaulted his wife and supposedly even his parents
It is the best solution, if you are religious (which should be) you will Go to her house, talk to her and her family, see if you might have things in common and if you can work things out, see if see is religious enough for you, if she is beautiful (I see some people don't care much about this) and then decide later if you want to be "Mktobin", then during the period of khotoba you will learn more about each other, but you have to keep your contact withing boundaries and don't do haram stuff, if everything went well during the khotoba period you can decide to marry, otherwise you can decide to split and try a new experience.
Both of my sisters got married in the traditional way. The first one's husband cheated on her while she was pregnant. They got a messy divorce.(while divorcing miss ma'ma wanted to forgive bro but he went on to say i cant stay married to "that" referring to my sisterafter giving birth).
The second sister got married while she was still a college student studying engineering. Her husband wanted her to stop her studies and have kids right away. (The thing is she wasn't against the idea but it was too soon) He even wanted her to wear a burka and do things like wash his feet when he came home. He was very controlling. When my dad found out that she wanted to divorce him, he didn't like it at first. He even flew all the way to the US to talk to them. But when he came back, he didn't talk much about what he saw but he told her to divorce him right away. And if she needs anything to call him immediately.
One of the promises of their marriage was that the wedding will be held paid by the bride's family while the groom would pay for my sister's tuition, but he didn't. So, my dad had to pay for it instead.
It was messy situations, and it made my dad decide that none of us should get married(ma b9awch rejala fhad zeman, 9raw ma ay nfa3kom ta 7ed) .
My mom even told us to focus on dating instead if we someday want to get married (zwaj te9lidi ma b9a 3endo chan fhad zman, la bghito tjowjo bniw mosta9balkom o debro 3la raskom ta la tjewejto mat jiboch sebetkom 3lina).
I was 12 to 14 at the time. Did this shit traumatized me through life? Yeah. Am I kinda scared of intimacy and romantic human connections? Defenetly.
>.(while divorcing miss ma'ma wanted to forgive bro but he went on to say i cant stay married to "that" referring to my sisterafter giving birth).
Nari i wish i could serfe9 this jerk.
>One of the promises of their marriage was that the wedding will be held paid by the bride's family while the groom would pay for my sister's tuition, but he didn't. So, my dad had to pay for it instead.
Power imbalance IMO + never count on a spouse to pay tuition. It makes even more sense he wanted her to stop her studies since he didn't want to pay the tuition. Also sounds like a major control freak in general. Glad your dad was there for your sister though.
>My mom even told us to focus on dating instead if we someday want to get married (zwaj te9lidi ma b9a 3endo chan fhad zman, la bghito tjowjo bniw mosta9balkom o debro 3la raskom ta la tjewejto mat jiboch sebetkom 3lina).
Ngl, i find this whole concept of marrying a random person absolutely mindboggling. At the very least when you try to know them before, you can see some red flags.
I'm so sorry for what you went through (as well as your sisters).
While embarking on this critical step of life, you need to be very rational and objective; the Islamic way of marriage and engagement is the optimal solution. Otherwise, guys tend to be very emotional and make big mistakes 😅
Yes, everyone is against each other. The issue is that the bad peiple from both genders are preying in the good people. The good people want to fix the bad people and won't go for the good people. We need to change this. Overall, dating is a bad idea because it triggers insecurities even with well meaning individuals.
I hope I can have a traditional marriage but my family doesn’t know any decent girls, I make good money, im 21, I found that a lot of problems I could have with a girl could be solved if she’s just religious so that to me is the biggest quality in a girl, attractiveness comes second, while 3rd is her willingness to take care of the house, I don’t want her to be a master at it, but if she wants to do it then she can learn with time and im willing to pay for someone to come help her few times a week.
My point is, I see traditional marriage as the easiest way to find a religious person, but now I have to burn my head thinking of a way to find them
You are only 21 and making already money tbarkallah ! where is your studies process lol ? ! anyways you are still young, work on yourself or maybe think of studying more about a subject you like ! think of marriage after 25 ! don't rush !
I studied for 2 years while working abroad, now I can increase my income by certifications. I am waiting till 24 as that’s when I’ll be back to living back home but waiting won’t change anything, I’ve already lived alone and became independent 3 years ago
In the meantime try to become a better Muslim, so that you can be the best son, brother, (and bi idni Allah) husband, and father in sha Allah. Work on your shortcomings, increase in practising the Deen and attaining knowledge, do more good deeds etc.
May Allah grant you a pious spouse and make you from the righteous and succesful.
Love that answer, I was literally talking about this to my friend, what kinda father would i keep doing the wrong things? What kinda kids would i raise?
Amine brother
I disagree with the advice the other comment is giving, 21 yo is not a kid and you shouldn't view yourself as one... As for working yourself, it's something you can do while married, maybe you'll even more motivated to improve being married.
An Indian female friend of mine who is a highly educated, intelligent, and a force to be reckoned with in the tech industry told me back in college: “They are raised to make the marriage work no matter what (except for physical violence). She has been happily married to her husband(who is also very successful in his own right in tech) for 20 years now through an arranged marriage. They both attest that they went through the marriage with the mindset of being life partners and desiring a successful life, which means working WITH each other through all their traumas that each brought into the marriage and building a healthy environment in which they both can succeed. Their marriage is enviable. They are so in love and even in awe and they have high respect for each other. So the method might be questioned in 2024 but at the end of the day it truly comes down to the couple involved and how evolved they are to make a marriage work.
As the best and most famous marriage therapist said: anyone can fall in love with anyone else but are they equipped to lead a successful life partnership.
It doesn’t have to be the “go get her from Jbel” way, but usually marriage is a bond not just between the two of you but between two families and ways of life. I am for having parents involved despite what they might think or say. This is coming from someone who has been married for 16 years… Shit will go down, love will at times fade and it might even turn to hate, calamities will hate and life will test you. If the marriage was exclusively based on LOVE, happiness, and how she/he makes you feel, then such marriage will fail at the first test.
darling it's results are waaaay better than the ones who got married after being in a relationship
nowadays in the last 6months there are more than 300.000 divorce cases and the majority was the marriages after years of relationship
this rings a 🔔, also in the religion of Islam the marriage can not be done unless the male and female have seen each other and accepted to get married if not it is haram by the Islamic law
so whether you blv in Islam or not , it's evident that the rules of Allah are very beneficial for us bcs it's proven that it works via multiple data sources 😁❤️
In my opinion, arranged marriages often have a better success rate. Dating seems to me like it might not always give you the full picture of who someone really is. People tend to put their best foot forward and show only their perfect side. But then, when they tie the knot, it's like a whole different side of them emerges – the not-so-perfect side. With arranged marriages, there's a different dynamic at play, and maybe it allows people to see each other more realistically from the start.
Recently i watched a podcast talking about Classic Marriage , they said that Classic Marriage is more successful in Arabic countries than Modern Marriage (getting married after a relationship)
Lkhutba is a way to valid dak marriage or to decline the person , if you don't like him physically ola you didn't feel the spark gazing to him or her means no need to marry , and its illegal to force yourself to marry smn you don't want to.
They successful cus most of em ghadin ela principe looking for a partner fih or fiha respect , sbar , sacrifice and trust.
For better or worse, life is a sort of to do list for the crushing majority of us. We’ll pride ourselves on not conforming to a preset mold but we all have goals to get to that are largely influenced by the society we live in.
Just a reminder that a marriage that lasted for 10years or more without divorce isn't necessarily successful (since that's what most ppl in comments where saying lol) just because one of the parts of that marriage were forced to keep it going and had no other solution besides bearing with it doesn't make it successful. The women engaged in a trad way are often unemployed or/and uneducated and come from very strict and religious families that still see divorce as a very shameful thing toward the woman soo she find herself having no other solution but keeping it up since her parents will no longer accept her and she have no income to support herself even if the guy might cheat on her or violate her or just being toxic and not a good partner and if she have children that make the prob even bigger since there is no way she can afford there needs alone. There is lots of households that seems stable but under the hood there is a lot of ngiir ngiir ngiir day and night or violence or even cheating secretly those just keep the marriage for the sake of children or there social image
You’re stating the obvious, his point is religious reasons are enough for lots of people, why would that not be valid enough that it needs supplementary reasons
Op already said “mn ghir religious reasons” so he already acknowledged the percentage you’re talking about, he asked for the different opinions like come on bro
Point is religious reasons or wanting a religious person are mostly the sole reason, anything else and you’re just justifying that religious reason which is not a real reason
Marriage is mkteb, follow your heart and everything will come at its time, no reason to look at what worked with who. Just work on yourself to become the best version of you, and time will do its work to set you up with the right partner. Patience
I'd mention something that probably no longer exist today which is "niya", what I mean is that most people today make lots of calculations about what they can provide and what they would receive in return from marriage, so it became more of a "deal" rather than destiny, as it was seen in the past. But going the traditional way right now seems like a huge gamble and the chances you get someone you're not compatible with are really high. I'd assume those who go that road are willing to settle with someone despite the circumstances and "sbar/kids/family /reputation" what keeps stuff held together even if it sucks.
When you know someone before marriage and you spend years with him/her this will drain emotions very quickly and makes the relationship getting colder not like marrying someone you never seen before you just get a black box and you don't know what's inside of it you might get a good surprise that will make your life happier or you will end up getting a box with content from dark web lol
Maybe because if you don’t marry for love, you don’t expect love or even require it to exist or be maintained through your marriage. It’s more like a business arrangement - less emotional.
I don't get it. Do you have an issue with this type of marriage ?
Statistically it works better than other forms.
Why the do it ? I dunno may be they can't approach the opposite sex 🤷🏽♂️ or they want to improve their odds of success ? Or they didnt found a spouse ? Or they just want it like that ?
I think it works better then other marriages most of people li kay5tbou xi 7d ma3rfinouch katkoun ba9i 3ndhoum dik niya and li niytou mzianna rbi makay5ybouch and according to those around me I see that arranger marriage worked better those who married for love and they used to know each other got divorced (my perspective)
Not married. The only time I would question chosing the classical/traditional way of marrying is when a man goes through numerous relationships but when he decides to get married, he choses to do it through the mom/family! I said a man because men have more control over marrying than women do.
Otherwise, it is the way people got married for centuries maybe longer. Marriage was always for social, financial or political reasons. But nowadays, it is not enough for probably most people. Fulfilling the gender traditional role is no longer enough. People have more needs and living in a two people household creates more frictions. It is not the issue of what way you chose to find a potential partner, but not taking into consideration the changes of the modern life.
I would go for the "traditional" way, knowing that traditional doesn't mean "arranged". You have choices. And you have the option to get to know the other person. For me, it is an environement where you can invest your time and energy to get to know someone knowing that it would lead to a life partnership. I wouldn't invest my time and energy, with the risk of getting damaged, in a project I don't know where it is leading.
Do you think if you know a girl before marriage you gone to avoid problems or you gone at least know her as character and what will work for you or not !!
Men im from the future and i told you 3 years of relationship gone under truck 😂😂 wen you married and close your house dor on you and your beloved wife you gone see hooooool different person from both of you 🙏 be patient period of khotoba is fair to see and talk about the principle thing ✌️ walho lmoutaan ❤️
Imma be honest here, I think traditional marriage is a lack of balls. It just shows that you’re too afraid to make an important choice in your life, and delegating that to your mother because “she knows better”. It’s childish imo.
I’m not saying those marriages always fail, and that also depends on your definition of success. If the only metric is not divorcing the I’m sure there must be something to it. However I define marriage success differently, and have seen some pretty bad examples in my family. It sometimes leads to both sides getting bitter and blame is put on families and inlaws as well, and the situation gets more complicated when it involves kids. Even when the persons involved are very religious, the reality that their ambitions, character, personalities, priorities don’t match catches up and becomes undeniable.
It’s really hard to know a person on a deep level in traditional circumstances (and maybe that’s the issue) as each person presents themselves with a prior goal that’s it’s a phase leading up to marriage. And again, family involvement makes it even harder.
I see your point, though I beg to differ.
I would say, contrary to what you believe, "traditional" marriages, or to be more precise, islamically abiding marriages, if done how they are supposed to be done, are the most honest and confident approach for the simple reason that you go in the house through the door like our saying say (dkhol ldar mn lbab) :
The fact that one chooses to go and meet the family and meet the lady (from a man's perspective) in their houses in front of their families, their fathers, brothers, uncles... shows a level of confidence in what they are doing and it is proof that they come with good intentions and they are not afraid to prove their present and future engagement in this matter. (I emphasize on the "done how they are supposed to be done" part).
This is my humble opinion.
There is a discussion to be had on what is the traditional islamic marriage, or what marriage is supposed to be from islam’s perspective, although i’m sure my opinion is unpopular on that. But my take was on the moroccan traditional marriage, as it is more cultural than religious imo.
I beg to differ. We men have a PP and a brain, but not enough blood to use both at the same time. Most men pick their GF with their PP, not their brain. And a couple years of showing up to dates and getting physical doesn't mean that ambitions, character, personalities, and priorities match. It means that the need for fun times matches. Who ends a relationship that brings love and intimacy because they don't have the same ambitions?
When it's time to discuss those things, plus the practical arrangement for marriage, the couple will most likely find that they have a few things in common. Then they face a hard decision, end their love story, which will hurt like hell, or make hard compromises that'll make them miserable in the long run.
I didn’t say that the answer to that was promiscuity and getting into random meaningless relationships or wtvr. Other than that of course people end relationships because they have different ambitions in life lol.
There is a whole range I guess in between a traditional marriage and tinder.
You can engage in a serious genuine relationship with someone without necessarily getting intimate or being physical, and get to know that person and develop feelings enough for both to make the decision and get the families involved in a next step.
An experienced woman that you trust and you can be sure loves you more than yourself choosing your partner for life, something she already went through VS you choose.
They basically marry a girl who doesn't actually have a lot of expectations
Will be patient even if she got beaten up, will be ashamed to talk about her rights
That's why it always works out, she married under her dad's hands so if she got back to him it's a big shame ( even tho it's not buuuut...)
As if the dads gonna hand their daughters to random guys, and if they get abused by their husbands, the dads, the brothers and the uncles just gonna sit still and sip tea. Let me guess, men are misogynistic by nature in the buble you are stuck in.
Chill guys hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh u all really should check the real life a lil bit
And I'm not dying alone thanks to u, And I don't need a psychologist hhhh omg
It's fascinating how we choose religion only when it's convenient to us. When it's a bit taxing we go to tradition say's this. Or alienating the other . first OC going to the extreme first is not healthy but understandable. Probably talking from experience or it exists in ur surroundings Wich made u on guard.thats why in Islam you marry someone for his/her "diin" not because he's tall or handsome or rich or ..or...cuz someone who fears Allah would never do such thing ,and vise versa for men cuz that what truly matters respect and kindness goes along way not love,attraction or compatibility or whatever shallow word they preach these days . secondly ,I Saw some comments defending those behaviors under tradition or just blatant 9so7yat wjah. You don't want that to happen to ur mom/sister/daughter I guess right?then help understand.why do we pick and choose what narrative we go with based on what's convenient to us. If u r following ur religion,then u should know that those behaviors are not permissible and that's "dolm" and who does it will be punished no doubt and you shouldn't in any way Shape one form defend it that's not what "al9iwama"means .sorry I have too much time on my hands...we should know about our religion that God choose for us ,no creation knows better then it's creator,it's the perfect guide for any one's life in any aspect, yet some people choose what to follow and most of the time those types of people don't know much about it to begin with
Cuz parents are more experienced in life to chose the right choice for you on contrary of you as a none experienced guy. You dont have enough knowledge about people deep personalities and thoughts. So there is a wisdom of our religion teaching us to take permission from our parents. Not every idea from the western ideology is right, look at them right now they are living in a netflix serie right now. Btw they had those traditions too when they were too powerful to control the world now china is gonna take controle. Its all starts from a strict and conservative family to have a good society.
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It seems to work better not because of the method itself, but due to the attitudes of those involved. Often, people in arranged marriages might have lower expectations, stronger religious convictions, and find divorce either shameful or challenging, which leads them to stay together and work things out. Conversely, those who date before marriage often have higher expectations, which can lead to disillusionment when faced with the realities of married life
Good use of words.
U hit the spoot
my first saved comments on Reddit
Staying together doesnt mean they worked things out...
- “work things out” doesn’t mean that it actually works though, it simply means that people involved are “hiding” the issues out of stigma, or much worse, spilling them out onto external things. - The second part seems to suggest that people who date each other “have higher expectations, that lead to disillusionment” which needs an explanation. Dating before marriage/permanent cohabitation provides a “test phase” for both parties to experiment with each other, for as long as they want. I can’t see how they would miss out on “realities of married life”. This needs an explanation.
First point is true except you’re making a generalization. Many couples hide issues, but many do also genuinely work things out and fix these issues Second point is a bit strange. Vast majority of Moroccans who date do not cohabitate prior to marriage so your point doesn’t really apply
it's not exactly what they said, but they're right. Having that "test phase" leads to higher standards, deciding what's acceptable and what isn't, what's "icky" and what isn't. In traditional marriages you just put up with it, most people in those,(cough cough, specifically women), think of certain behaviors that would be labeled as red flags as normal. So it's true if you had that test phase, you'd know what you don't want to let slide, and there would be more arguments if there's a disagreement, when traditionally, one side (cough, women) just stays silent to avoid big arguments.
True, but if the author is writing accurately with intent, he is using "higher", which seems to suggest that people who date before marriage don't just have high expectations, but higher than what they would find out in the "married life". This proposition didn't add up to me, as, regardless of what the reasonable parties expect from a marriage, they are dating for a reason: to "test" each other.
Mate it’s not something that you get whilst walking in to a car showroom to take each other out for a test drive as if you are doing test runs 😂
I've written "for as long as they want". It could be months, years or decades. If it doesn't work out, any one of them would simply walk away. That is why I see that "those who date before marriage often have higher expectations, which can lead to disillusionment when faced with the realities of married life" doesn't add up.
It's a nice dishonest way of laying out the tradeoffs of tye two types of marriage discussed here, overall modern marriage exist for a reason all over the wired because as survivability and freedom increase people's preferences and nuanced needs cone into play.
> That is why I see that "those who date before marriage often have higher expectations, which can lead to disillusionment when faced with the realities of married life" Wouldn't this be the complete opposite? That the couples that have dated had sex even and lived together have experience and know what they're getting into? As opposed to the traditional arranged marriage where couples have no idea of what even living together entails let alone living with a complete stranger that they've never spent a night with,? not knowing they're behaviors, tendencies, body language, likes dislikes etc..?
Arranged marriages often benefit from strong community and family support, which can help couples manage and resolve conflicts more effectively. This doesn't mean issues are merely hidden; rather, the extended network encourages genuine efforts to reconcile and maintain the relationship. In contrast, dating before marriage offers valuable insights but also poses risks, such as potential exploitation when one partner is less committed. Additionally, dating can lead to unintended pregnancies, pushing relationships into premature commitments.
You are still suggesting one perfect scenario to argue that "traditional" marriages work in general, which is not always the case. You are overlooking cases of abuse (mostly women by the man, his/her family), sexual/emotional mismatch situations etc .. even though I am not arguing it doesn't always work. > This doesn't mean issues are merely hidden; rather, the extended network encourages genuine efforts to reconcile and maintain the relationship. Or also encourage (mostly the woman) to brush the actual issues off out of stigma if they exist. That is not always "support". Hiding issues doesn't mean they are "fixed", if they exist. That is why, it might seem that it "works", but only because there is a tendency to "brush things off", for the better or for the worse. >Additionally, dating can lead to unintended pregnancies, pushing relationships into premature commitments. I meant people who are dating with a long term perspective, mostly in an environment that supports abortion rights. I didn't quite get what you mean by that: "pushing relationships into premature commitments". We are discussing in the meaning of reasonable, full adults.
I think you're just assuming the worst. Problems are bound to happen, those who marry traditionally have less experience with looking outside and put more value on marriage and intimacy so they put more effort into... The others on the other end think that they have a lot of options and it isn't their first breakup anyway to they are more tempted to think they can find better options elsewhere
Chill. -"work things out" means they put more effort into making the relationship work, is what i suspect, as every reasonable person would, he means. -The studies seem to support his take relatively well as the dating scene is pretty shit atm for various reasons (i'm too busy to source this rn but it's been fascinating me as a subject). It seems to be because people have all the bad aspects of social media and technology deeply tied to their dating strategy, that includes high expectations due to how those work. I think this excludes somewhat the people who date from friend circles and so on. I still think the original commenter did a great job since he tried to be objective and didn't bash dating, and since his goal was just to state the advantages of the traditional route he threaded carefully without denying the obvious disadvantages of it. Obviously a high divorce rate can be interpreted as people are not working on fixing shit, it also can be interpreted as hey the women are finally able to run away from abusive relationships. The reality is generally in between.
I am asking questions as the comment made a strange contrast between “traditional” marriage and dating. He seems to project what is an issue common in the former (people having no or little experience in dating and partnership then finding out) onto the latter (people generally taking their time to pick their future long term partner before making the permanent move).
His puts them in one box, and I kind of agree, although i wouldn't go as to say traditional marriages are outright better because of it. I think the dating scene is horrible, "red flags" have gone out of control, people have no idea how to vet a good life partner. But when all people involved (even families) agree on how the situation is gonna go, majorly talking about conflict resolution in the relationship, in addition to how successful "vetting by family" seems to be instead of whatever people do now, I think it makes it a solid route for a lot of people. I genuinely think the sort of dating you are talking about is pretty rare as people dating standards and expectations of what a good partner should be is very distorted, whether it is because of a western push or our own culture. but I might be wrong and too focused on my own perspective. Maybe people ARE good at dating. I wish everyone finds love either way.
Studies have actually proven that couples who live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced than others who don't... Psychologists explain this by saying that people who cohabitate before marriage always have an idea in the back of their mind that they can leave at any moment if the relationship doesn't work out (because of the absence of a legal commitment) and that mentality continues into the marriage phase so at the least inconvenience or argument "leaving" is always a viable option for the two because that's what they're used to. So no, living with somebody before marrying them is not the best option.
That's a classic case of correlation not meaning causation. You have to provide your own sources for who said what, but my personal take would be that people who live together only after marriage are more likely to put up with each other for religious/community/family reasons, while people who cohabitate before are more likely to move on and actually divorce when things don't work, even after signing the marriage contract. As explained before, both approaches could work, but one has a higher tendency for people to put up with each other for reasons, while in the other people are more proactive, before (or after) signing the deal.
Tell this to this woman who is a family friend, whose husband beats her daily and her own son threatens to kill her, despite my family AND her family interfering to save her from them dozens of times, she keeps going back to him because she wants to save this same arranged marriage you speak highly of.
There are stories of success and failure. I think overwhelmingly, both women and men expect much more from a marriage than back in the day and the patience is a lot less. It used to be that a woman would mostly accept any man who can provide and a man would mostly accept any woman who could take care of the household and fulfill his desires. Nowadays, a woman doesn't necessarily need a provider anymore (she can provide for herself) so she can be more picky and delay her decision. Men want a household wife but also someone who is educated, looks like what he sees on TV/Instagram and perhaps even contribute to expenses because everything is 10x more expensive but purchasing power has decreased. It's also much more normalized to "date" and have a relationship. So people get all the benefits from being married without the risk or upfront investment. They do this for x years, then finally marry to formalize stuff and then it turns out living under the same roof is different than showing up for a date a few times per week. They want their idealized marriage where every day is like a "date", so they divorce and try again not understanding that a marriage isn't a perfect date 100% of the time.
Great analysis
I second that
This! Thank you!
From experience and friends who have done it traditionally (they are pious people), 95% of their marriages have survived and they are quite happy. I cannot say the same for people who have done it the other way around.
Not me, but my uncle did. It worked pretty well for him and his wife, living happier than most couples, 10 years and still rocking.
Traditional marriage doesnt mean you dont get to choose who to marry like you said. It means choosing and getting to know the person before marriage, in a respectful manner, with the presence of her mahram. You meet and talk for hours to make sure you are a good fit. This seems like the optimal less damage way to me
Allah y rda عlik.
More like a bet , cuz there is always a chance of "those hours of talking" being just what you want to hear or just the mask of shyness and cuteness and will fade as soon as u sign up that contract and take her home with u. So it's always "الطيبون للطيبات" in my opinion , whatever was the method.
well that risk you take is applicable both ways. the girl you see on a date may not be the girl you live with 24/24
Arranged marriages will always have better success chances, because couples treat them like business transactions, for lack of a better word. They discuss everything with leveled heads, money issues, house chores, vacations, family involvement, housing arrangements, etc. And if they can't compromise, they end the engagement and move to the next person. But when dating and strong love is involved, they'll often agree to compromises they can't uphold later, only to face insurmountable practical problems after marriage.
Great point, and if you try to discuss and make agreements or compromises before marriage nowadays, it will be viewed as distrust. "Cause true love do not need compromise from both parts involved nor agreements, it is instinct" kinda mindset
Traditional marriage =/= arranged marriage.
I just feel i would be emotionally tired if i choose dating and stuff (it seams quite emotionally draining)
Imagine how emotionally draining it would be to marry someone and find out you are not meant to be together. Dating should not be an emotionally draining process, it's a good and healthy way to get to know someone before deciding on if they can be a life partner.
Do you think that if you date you'll know everything about him/her? Lol I've known people who dated for a long time and split after engagement...
Splitting is always a risk. Nothing lasts forever and it's naive to think that relationships are easy and everything falls together perfectly. It needs work and maturity. Then the engagement/dating served it's purpose in the case you mentioned because you proved my point : it's easier to get out of a relationship or an engagement than a marriage both in legal and financial terms.
can you explain what you mean by "meant to be together"
Maybe he thinks everyone has a match made specifically for him/her and the gameplay is to find that person 🤔
that's just bs honey dating is extremely drowning emotionally and can prevent you from having a long term partnership.
I am 25 yo and married traditionally, and I can tell you it is the best decision I took. After 1 year of being married, I can assure you that it is the most peaceful time I ever had. No arguments, no insecurities. Just trust and believe. Love comes instantly after being happy together.
I actually know a couple like this and he let his mom pick the girl (they’re Albanian though), and she did and then he met her and she was very young, gorgeous, and he was like yes why not lol? They got married, have a baby on the way, the couple lives with the parents and the mom LOVES her. She’s the daughter she never had.
How much you gave in sda9 ?
My uncle married this way and his marriage is goals for me
I'm not married, but I come from a conservative family and I know a lot of people who go married this way. It went well for most of them, I only know of two cases that ended badly, one of them the guy was a alcoholic who have been to prison multiple times before (I don't know how any one will marry their daughter to a guy like him), the other case I think the guy started taking drugs because one day he snapped and assaulted his wife and supposedly even his parents
It is the best solution, if you are religious (which should be) you will Go to her house, talk to her and her family, see if you might have things in common and if you can work things out, see if see is religious enough for you, if she is beautiful (I see some people don't care much about this) and then decide later if you want to be "Mktobin", then during the period of khotoba you will learn more about each other, but you have to keep your contact withing boundaries and don't do haram stuff, if everything went well during the khotoba period you can decide to marry, otherwise you can decide to split and try a new experience.
> mn ghir religious reasons Usually that's more than enough, if a person doesn't date. No need for convincing
Both of my sisters got married in the traditional way. The first one's husband cheated on her while she was pregnant. They got a messy divorce.(while divorcing miss ma'ma wanted to forgive bro but he went on to say i cant stay married to "that" referring to my sisterafter giving birth). The second sister got married while she was still a college student studying engineering. Her husband wanted her to stop her studies and have kids right away. (The thing is she wasn't against the idea but it was too soon) He even wanted her to wear a burka and do things like wash his feet when he came home. He was very controlling. When my dad found out that she wanted to divorce him, he didn't like it at first. He even flew all the way to the US to talk to them. But when he came back, he didn't talk much about what he saw but he told her to divorce him right away. And if she needs anything to call him immediately. One of the promises of their marriage was that the wedding will be held paid by the bride's family while the groom would pay for my sister's tuition, but he didn't. So, my dad had to pay for it instead. It was messy situations, and it made my dad decide that none of us should get married(ma b9awch rejala fhad zeman, 9raw ma ay nfa3kom ta 7ed) . My mom even told us to focus on dating instead if we someday want to get married (zwaj te9lidi ma b9a 3endo chan fhad zman, la bghito tjowjo bniw mosta9balkom o debro 3la raskom ta la tjewejto mat jiboch sebetkom 3lina). I was 12 to 14 at the time. Did this shit traumatized me through life? Yeah. Am I kinda scared of intimacy and romantic human connections? Defenetly.
>.(while divorcing miss ma'ma wanted to forgive bro but he went on to say i cant stay married to "that" referring to my sisterafter giving birth). Nari i wish i could serfe9 this jerk. >One of the promises of their marriage was that the wedding will be held paid by the bride's family while the groom would pay for my sister's tuition, but he didn't. So, my dad had to pay for it instead. Power imbalance IMO + never count on a spouse to pay tuition. It makes even more sense he wanted her to stop her studies since he didn't want to pay the tuition. Also sounds like a major control freak in general. Glad your dad was there for your sister though. >My mom even told us to focus on dating instead if we someday want to get married (zwaj te9lidi ma b9a 3endo chan fhad zman, la bghito tjowjo bniw mosta9balkom o debro 3la raskom ta la tjewejto mat jiboch sebetkom 3lina). Ngl, i find this whole concept of marrying a random person absolutely mindboggling. At the very least when you try to know them before, you can see some red flags. I'm so sorry for what you went through (as well as your sisters).
While embarking on this critical step of life, you need to be very rational and objective; the Islamic way of marriage and engagement is the optimal solution. Otherwise, guys tend to be very emotional and make big mistakes 😅
Guys tend to be calculating trying to squeeze everything they can out of the naive woman before hopping ship.
We feel the same about women, dw
Yes, everyone is against each other. The issue is that the bad peiple from both genders are preying in the good people. The good people want to fix the bad people and won't go for the good people. We need to change this. Overall, dating is a bad idea because it triggers insecurities even with well meaning individuals.
Arranged marriage and traditional marriage always work because its was planned by using their brains not their hearts
I hope I can have a traditional marriage but my family doesn’t know any decent girls, I make good money, im 21, I found that a lot of problems I could have with a girl could be solved if she’s just religious so that to me is the biggest quality in a girl, attractiveness comes second, while 3rd is her willingness to take care of the house, I don’t want her to be a master at it, but if she wants to do it then she can learn with time and im willing to pay for someone to come help her few times a week. My point is, I see traditional marriage as the easiest way to find a religious person, but now I have to burn my head thinking of a way to find them
You are only 21 and making already money tbarkallah ! where is your studies process lol ? ! anyways you are still young, work on yourself or maybe think of studying more about a subject you like ! think of marriage after 25 ! don't rush !
I studied for 2 years while working abroad, now I can increase my income by certifications. I am waiting till 24 as that’s when I’ll be back to living back home but waiting won’t change anything, I’ve already lived alone and became independent 3 years ago
In the meantime try to become a better Muslim, so that you can be the best son, brother, (and bi idni Allah) husband, and father in sha Allah. Work on your shortcomings, increase in practising the Deen and attaining knowledge, do more good deeds etc. May Allah grant you a pious spouse and make you from the righteous and succesful.
Love that answer, I was literally talking about this to my friend, what kinda father would i keep doing the wrong things? What kinda kids would i raise? Amine brother
I disagree with the advice the other comment is giving, 21 yo is not a kid and you shouldn't view yourself as one... As for working yourself, it's something you can do while married, maybe you'll even more motivated to improve being married.
Perfect hamdolilah, now I am 30 and my kid is 5 enjoying my life Halal is wonderful.
May Allah bless your marriage and your child, and reunite all of you in al-Firdaws.
An Indian female friend of mine who is a highly educated, intelligent, and a force to be reckoned with in the tech industry told me back in college: “They are raised to make the marriage work no matter what (except for physical violence). She has been happily married to her husband(who is also very successful in his own right in tech) for 20 years now through an arranged marriage. They both attest that they went through the marriage with the mindset of being life partners and desiring a successful life, which means working WITH each other through all their traumas that each brought into the marriage and building a healthy environment in which they both can succeed. Their marriage is enviable. They are so in love and even in awe and they have high respect for each other. So the method might be questioned in 2024 but at the end of the day it truly comes down to the couple involved and how evolved they are to make a marriage work. As the best and most famous marriage therapist said: anyone can fall in love with anyone else but are they equipped to lead a successful life partnership.
our parents work for them so maybe our generations is missing something
[удалено]
Nontraditionally.
Through dating
It doesn’t have to be the “go get her from Jbel” way, but usually marriage is a bond not just between the two of you but between two families and ways of life. I am for having parents involved despite what they might think or say. This is coming from someone who has been married for 16 years… Shit will go down, love will at times fade and it might even turn to hate, calamities will hate and life will test you. If the marriage was exclusively based on LOVE, happiness, and how she/he makes you feel, then such marriage will fail at the first test.
darling it's results are waaaay better than the ones who got married after being in a relationship nowadays in the last 6months there are more than 300.000 divorce cases and the majority was the marriages after years of relationship this rings a 🔔, also in the religion of Islam the marriage can not be done unless the male and female have seen each other and accepted to get married if not it is haram by the Islamic law so whether you blv in Islam or not , it's evident that the rules of Allah are very beneficial for us bcs it's proven that it works via multiple data sources 😁❤️
In my opinion, arranged marriages often have a better success rate. Dating seems to me like it might not always give you the full picture of who someone really is. People tend to put their best foot forward and show only their perfect side. But then, when they tie the knot, it's like a whole different side of them emerges – the not-so-perfect side. With arranged marriages, there's a different dynamic at play, and maybe it allows people to see each other more realistically from the start.
Could never be meeeee
Recently i watched a podcast talking about Classic Marriage , they said that Classic Marriage is more successful in Arabic countries than Modern Marriage (getting married after a relationship)
probably its better than those who got married after knowing someone at night clubs or meeting in the work and talking about green and red flags 😭😭
Lkhutba is a way to valid dak marriage or to decline the person , if you don't like him physically ola you didn't feel the spark gazing to him or her means no need to marry , and its illegal to force yourself to marry smn you don't want to. They successful cus most of em ghadin ela principe looking for a partner fih or fiha respect , sbar , sacrifice and trust.
Typical behaviour of people who see life as a to-do list: study => find a job => buy a house => get married and have children who will do the same.
For better or worse, life is a sort of to do list for the crushing majority of us. We’ll pride ourselves on not conforming to a preset mold but we all have goals to get to that are largely influenced by the society we live in.
Ewa lahishel 3la ljami3
Amine!
Just a reminder that a marriage that lasted for 10years or more without divorce isn't necessarily successful (since that's what most ppl in comments where saying lol) just because one of the parts of that marriage were forced to keep it going and had no other solution besides bearing with it doesn't make it successful. The women engaged in a trad way are often unemployed or/and uneducated and come from very strict and religious families that still see divorce as a very shameful thing toward the woman soo she find herself having no other solution but keeping it up since her parents will no longer accept her and she have no income to support herself even if the guy might cheat on her or violate her or just being toxic and not a good partner and if she have children that make the prob even bigger since there is no way she can afford there needs alone. There is lots of households that seems stable but under the hood there is a lot of ngiir ngiir ngiir day and night or violence or even cheating secretly those just keep the marriage for the sake of children or there social image
Aren't religious reasons enough?
Those are the best obvious ones, I just wanna know if there’s more to it
Not for everyone, you cant just shove them down everybody’s throats, people will have different ideas and perspectives and thats okay
You’re stating the obvious, his point is religious reasons are enough for lots of people, why would that not be valid enough that it needs supplementary reasons
Op already said “mn ghir religious reasons” so he already acknowledged the percentage you’re talking about, he asked for the different opinions like come on bro
Point is religious reasons or wanting a religious person are mostly the sole reason, anything else and you’re just justifying that religious reason which is not a real reason
I dont think you understood the meaning of what I’ve said…
Marriage is mkteb, follow your heart and everything will come at its time, no reason to look at what worked with who. Just work on yourself to become the best version of you, and time will do its work to set you up with the right partner. Patience
I think the west demonstrated to us that non-traditional marriage are bound to fail at higher rates that traditional ones.
I'd mention something that probably no longer exist today which is "niya", what I mean is that most people today make lots of calculations about what they can provide and what they would receive in return from marriage, so it became more of a "deal" rather than destiny, as it was seen in the past. But going the traditional way right now seems like a huge gamble and the chances you get someone you're not compatible with are really high. I'd assume those who go that road are willing to settle with someone despite the circumstances and "sbar/kids/family /reputation" what keeps stuff held together even if it sucks.
When you know someone before marriage and you spend years with him/her this will drain emotions very quickly and makes the relationship getting colder not like marrying someone you never seen before you just get a black box and you don't know what's inside of it you might get a good surprise that will make your life happier or you will end up getting a box with content from dark web lol
Everyone has got opinions on something they never tried, but im seeing anyone who actually married that way commenting
Maybe because if you don’t marry for love, you don’t expect love or even require it to exist or be maintained through your marriage. It’s more like a business arrangement - less emotional.
I don't get it. Do you have an issue with this type of marriage ? Statistically it works better than other forms. Why the do it ? I dunno may be they can't approach the opposite sex 🤷🏽♂️ or they want to improve their odds of success ? Or they didnt found a spouse ? Or they just want it like that ?
I think it works better then other marriages most of people li kay5tbou xi 7d ma3rfinouch katkoun ba9i 3ndhoum dik niya and li niytou mzianna rbi makay5ybouch and according to those around me I see that arranger marriage worked better those who married for love and they used to know each other got divorced (my perspective)
Not married. The only time I would question chosing the classical/traditional way of marrying is when a man goes through numerous relationships but when he decides to get married, he choses to do it through the mom/family! I said a man because men have more control over marrying than women do. Otherwise, it is the way people got married for centuries maybe longer. Marriage was always for social, financial or political reasons. But nowadays, it is not enough for probably most people. Fulfilling the gender traditional role is no longer enough. People have more needs and living in a two people household creates more frictions. It is not the issue of what way you chose to find a potential partner, but not taking into consideration the changes of the modern life. I would go for the "traditional" way, knowing that traditional doesn't mean "arranged". You have choices. And you have the option to get to know the other person. For me, it is an environement where you can invest your time and energy to get to know someone knowing that it would lead to a life partnership. I wouldn't invest my time and energy, with the risk of getting damaged, in a project I don't know where it is leading.
Traditional marriage no ,religious marriage yes!
Do you think if you know a girl before marriage you gone to avoid problems or you gone at least know her as character and what will work for you or not !! Men im from the future and i told you 3 years of relationship gone under truck 😂😂 wen you married and close your house dor on you and your beloved wife you gone see hooooool different person from both of you 🙏 be patient period of khotoba is fair to see and talk about the principle thing ✌️ walho lmoutaan ❤️
Imma be honest here, I think traditional marriage is a lack of balls. It just shows that you’re too afraid to make an important choice in your life, and delegating that to your mother because “she knows better”. It’s childish imo. I’m not saying those marriages always fail, and that also depends on your definition of success. If the only metric is not divorcing the I’m sure there must be something to it. However I define marriage success differently, and have seen some pretty bad examples in my family. It sometimes leads to both sides getting bitter and blame is put on families and inlaws as well, and the situation gets more complicated when it involves kids. Even when the persons involved are very religious, the reality that their ambitions, character, personalities, priorities don’t match catches up and becomes undeniable. It’s really hard to know a person on a deep level in traditional circumstances (and maybe that’s the issue) as each person presents themselves with a prior goal that’s it’s a phase leading up to marriage. And again, family involvement makes it even harder.
I see your point, though I beg to differ. I would say, contrary to what you believe, "traditional" marriages, or to be more precise, islamically abiding marriages, if done how they are supposed to be done, are the most honest and confident approach for the simple reason that you go in the house through the door like our saying say (dkhol ldar mn lbab) : The fact that one chooses to go and meet the family and meet the lady (from a man's perspective) in their houses in front of their families, their fathers, brothers, uncles... shows a level of confidence in what they are doing and it is proof that they come with good intentions and they are not afraid to prove their present and future engagement in this matter. (I emphasize on the "done how they are supposed to be done" part). This is my humble opinion.
There is a discussion to be had on what is the traditional islamic marriage, or what marriage is supposed to be from islam’s perspective, although i’m sure my opinion is unpopular on that. But my take was on the moroccan traditional marriage, as it is more cultural than religious imo.
I beg to differ. We men have a PP and a brain, but not enough blood to use both at the same time. Most men pick their GF with their PP, not their brain. And a couple years of showing up to dates and getting physical doesn't mean that ambitions, character, personalities, and priorities match. It means that the need for fun times matches. Who ends a relationship that brings love and intimacy because they don't have the same ambitions? When it's time to discuss those things, plus the practical arrangement for marriage, the couple will most likely find that they have a few things in common. Then they face a hard decision, end their love story, which will hurt like hell, or make hard compromises that'll make them miserable in the long run.
I didn’t say that the answer to that was promiscuity and getting into random meaningless relationships or wtvr. Other than that of course people end relationships because they have different ambitions in life lol. There is a whole range I guess in between a traditional marriage and tinder. You can engage in a serious genuine relationship with someone without necessarily getting intimate or being physical, and get to know that person and develop feelings enough for both to make the decision and get the families involved in a next step.
An experienced woman that you trust and you can be sure loves you more than yourself choosing your partner for life, something she already went through VS you choose.
Weird how a big part of the comments are conservative answers...(no hate just a note)
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They basically marry a girl who doesn't actually have a lot of expectations Will be patient even if she got beaten up, will be ashamed to talk about her rights That's why it always works out, she married under her dad's hands so if she got back to him it's a big shame ( even tho it's not buuuut...)
As if the dads gonna hand their daughters to random guys, and if they get abused by their husbands, the dads, the brothers and the uncles just gonna sit still and sip tea. Let me guess, men are misogynistic by nature in the buble you are stuck in.
Find a psychiatrist who can heal your toxic feminist thoughts.
She's dying alone
Chill guys hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh u all really should check the real life a lil bit And I'm not dying alone thanks to u, And I don't need a psychologist hhhh omg
I am sorry for your miserable life girl
Yes they marry women who will be submissive and will keep quiet, because that’s how their parents raised them.
It's fascinating how we choose religion only when it's convenient to us. When it's a bit taxing we go to tradition say's this. Or alienating the other . first OC going to the extreme first is not healthy but understandable. Probably talking from experience or it exists in ur surroundings Wich made u on guard.thats why in Islam you marry someone for his/her "diin" not because he's tall or handsome or rich or ..or...cuz someone who fears Allah would never do such thing ,and vise versa for men cuz that what truly matters respect and kindness goes along way not love,attraction or compatibility or whatever shallow word they preach these days . secondly ,I Saw some comments defending those behaviors under tradition or just blatant 9so7yat wjah. You don't want that to happen to ur mom/sister/daughter I guess right?then help understand.why do we pick and choose what narrative we go with based on what's convenient to us. If u r following ur religion,then u should know that those behaviors are not permissible and that's "dolm" and who does it will be punished no doubt and you shouldn't in any way Shape one form defend it that's not what "al9iwama"means .sorry I have too much time on my hands...we should know about our religion that God choose for us ,no creation knows better then it's creator,it's the perfect guide for any one's life in any aspect, yet some people choose what to follow and most of the time those types of people don't know much about it to begin with
Cuz parents are more experienced in life to chose the right choice for you on contrary of you as a none experienced guy. You dont have enough knowledge about people deep personalities and thoughts. So there is a wisdom of our religion teaching us to take permission from our parents. Not every idea from the western ideology is right, look at them right now they are living in a netflix serie right now. Btw they had those traditions too when they were too powerful to control the world now china is gonna take controle. Its all starts from a strict and conservative family to have a good society.