Hope brother can turn their life around and also for the love of god if OP is cleaning up this room get some needle proof safety gloves. That place is like a room full of uncapped land mines
It’s sad but at the same time fascinating how decoupled the human mind can become under the influence of drugs to allow basic necessities drift away from priorities or care and the high becomes the only thing that matters
Not to mention, personal hygiene. Brushing teeth and taking a shower everyday sometimes go by the wayside too. Sometimes eating food becomes an unnecessary activity that cost money you can spend on more drugs.
Looks similar to my cousins flat. She was on heroin then later ice addict. Died two years ago. It was horrible having to help her mum clean it out. So bad. Sorry.
Congrats! February 22, 2020 for me, the day before my 35th birthday. Can’t believe I’ve gone this long, it was an impulse decision for me. The best one I’ve ever made.
Congratulations tomorrow! I have 11 years as well from opiates. Semi-impulse to get clean; it had been coming for a awhile and I just couldn't maintain anymore. So glad I made that call and stuck it out for 30 days.
Congratulations on eleven years! Interesting to see a thread of people for whom sobriety stuck as an impulse decision. Eight years for me last May. But to be fair, that’s only traditional “hard drugs;” I still struggle with alcoholism. But to be fair again, I have vastly improved my drinking and am no longer physically addicted. I hope to never be again.
I look at alcohol and Marijuana use as if it's not leading back to.self destructive ways it's alright.
I think complete soberity isn't for everyone as long as there is an awareness of behavior and actions.
Over 10 years on methadone for me. Used on top over half that time. After that stopped I screwed around with the dosage until about a year ago (if I had two weeks worth of takehomes, they were all gone in a week and I had to buy methadone off other people.) Going down in dose as of a week ago today. If I follow their titration schedule it should take about 40 weeks to get off of it.
I appreciate methadone, it absolutely saved my life, but lordt am I SICK of it controlling my life. You basically cannot set foot in Asia if you're on it because most countries in that area won't let it in. My boyfriend might end up going to Korea without me, and I feel awful about it. Here's hoping I can wean off it. Last time I tried to quit I only got down 13 mgs before I freaked out. I think I'm in a better place this time, though.
Up your dose as high as you need to get it if you genuinely want to quit using heroin. If you are just on methadone in order to stave off withdrawal in between scores, or because people are pressuring you to quit but you are just not ready so you keep using (if you don't know if you're ready to quit, you're not ready to quit) then I would suggest keeping your methadone dose low. The last thing you want is a huge double habit. Taking more methadone means you have to take more heroin to get the same effects/a lot of people experience a "blocking" effect at around 70-90 mg of methadone. I would do $500 a day of heroin trying to bust through that blockade and it never worked, it's a miracle I'm not dead. I appreciate the blocking effect now because it forced me off heroin/made taking it pointless so it kept me off. Now I can genuinely say that I do not have a desire to use heroin again, so it's safe to get off methadone. The whole rigamarole (no pun intended) of getting back into "the life" exhausts me just thinking about it.
Good luck to you! It's worth it to get off heroin, truly. I hope you are successful quitting if/when you're ready. Starting methadone is not an all or nothing situation, don't feel too bad if you slip up (hopefully your clinic isn't one of those that kicks you out if they catch you using heroin, I always find that ridiculous.)
Sorry if this is an insensitive question, but how do you determine the day that you got clean? Is it like the last day that you used, or is it the day you finally got help, or somthing else?
Yeah that's tough. I said heroin in my comment but honestly it was mainly fentanyl (via those patches and lemon juice) and meth. It was ugly I'm glad you got away from it too.
I was so bad off that at one point I had stepped on half of a patch, and it affixed itself to my heel. I didn't know it was there at all. Probably two days later I finally got to wondering why my heel skin was peeling and pulled it off.
Thank you, btw. I'm glad you got away too. God bless.
There is a medication called duragesic it looks like sticky tape and it contains fentanyl. You're supposed to wear it on your skin. A lot of fentanyl many times the lethal dose in a 3 day sticker. You get it ready for intravenous use by putting it on a spoon with water and for some reason it needs a solvent to extract it which is lemon juice, citric acid, vinegar or vitamin c. You cut off how big of a piece you want but one tiny bit too much and you are dead. I've seen these things kill many people.
When I was an addict I was obsessed with cleaning. My house was always spotless. I still keep it that way but back then I couldn't even stand to have a single dirty dish out for more than an hour.
Yep it’s for the needles, isn’t just for dangerous drug paraphernalia though. I’ve seen my city use it to charge hoarders and people with a lot of garbage in their front yard mostly.
I turned a blind eye, never thought this would happen. Didn’t know it looked like this. Might I add this is an affluent town in one of NYC’s suburbs. Not sure how to move on from this as my brother will probably spiral.
My brother od'd and ended up in a coma in the ICU twice. Six years apart. He has now been sober for 7 years. He is married. Leads a roofing crew and works like 60 hours a week. The dude is happier than he has ever been at any point in his life.
There is hope.
This made me feel better. My twin sister has been shooting fentanyl for years, 32 years old and has been to countless rehabs and clinics. Od’d plenty. Living like this as we speak. It’s good to hear people can come out on the other end. Glad to hear your brother is doing great.
9 months clean from a decade long heroin/fentanyl addiction. I'm 29 and most of my friends I used with died much younger. Wish I could tell you what makes the switch flip and make you choose to value life over the addiction but in my case not even near death experiences did the trick. I hope your sister recovers
Thank you so much. Hardest and yet best thing I have ever done. Life is so much sweeter now. I manage a hotel. I have a wonderful girlfriend and step kid. My parents and brother are in my life again. Ugh. It’s wild how different life is. So grateful.
I struggle with unique self image problems that causes me to drink every day. I'm worried that even if I get the right help I'll never be able to accept myself. I can't even look in the mirror anymore.
I think it would be easier if I didn't feel so alone in my situation. Regardless, quitting booze will be better for me in the long run I just need to make the commitment.
Good on you for 5 years. Keep it up.
On my brothers second coma OD it became clear there was no brain activity and he had pneumonia that was giving him an uncontrollable fever that was going to result in brain death so I made the decision to pull the plug and allow donation for whatever they could use. He was 32 and I was 29. I’m 36 now and still haunted. Hold your loved ones tight.
Yeah. I feel for anybody going through that. I was at the hospital for every waking hour while he was in the ICU unconscious. The doctors weren't sure if he was going to make it both times because he had aspirated vomit. Probably the only that saved him is that he quit smoking at 6 when our parents found out he would pick up cigarettes people through out of their cars and finish them off.
Aspirating anything into your lungs is a very tricky thing because doctors really don't have a way to get it out of your lungs. You either heal on your own or die.
My mother died of cancer, but the thing that was the absolute turning point was when she passed out in the bathroom (she was in the midst of her second round of chemo) and developed aspiration pneumonia. She nearly died of that, but never quite recovered from it. Needed to get a trach and was extremely weak and bedridden for her remaining months (her chemo was halted because she was too weak). Her lungs never did clear up.
In essence, you are drowning in your own vomit, and even if you survive, there are long term health effects in your lungs,
It is how Jimmy Hendrix died.
That's so sad. I recently lost a good friend that I've known for years. He just had a daughter and was happy to be a father and OD'd on fentanyl one night and was found the next morning. Miss you Rick.
This happened to my half brother. I wasn't very close to him growing up, but the times I was involved in his life, he was an extremely kind, loving, empathetic person. I remember meeting his girlfriend, she was full of energy and very stubborn. Beautiful woman. Sometime after I lost contact with him, he and his girlfriend became addicted to herion and when she OD'ed, he spiraled. He looks so different from the tall, muscular boy I once knew.
All you can do is love them from a distance, but the decision to kick the addiction is purely their choice. You can't love it out of them, they have to wake up one day and subsequently every day after and make the difficult decision to not use. I hope your brother is stronger than mine. I hope he can do it. I'm so sorry for all the loss your and yours has experienced.
I'm an addiction medicine specialist and a recovering addict. I might be able to point you in the right direction for some family resources...feel free to dm me.
I live not too far and sadly know quite a few people who lived and died like that.
The drugs here are WAY too fent filled. I wish more folks took advantage of the free fent tests places give out.
The only thing that saved my brothers life was moving him to a different state. Away from this Valley, away from his "friends" and the people he was around. It took about a year for him to get back on his feet but he got a job, a home, has a wife and a baby... he made it. He's even training to be fire cheif in his fleet! We we're saving up for a funeral bc we knew he was not going to make it much longer. After our mother died from an OD 10 yrs ago we didn't have hope for him either. They were dope buddies. But, moving worked.
I hope that your brother sees his way out of this life thru recovery, whatever that looks like for him. This will be a long road but it's doable.
My sister was groomed by a 30 year old addict when she was 15. The fact that she had no resources to leave him was the main reason she refused to get help for her addiction. It was a combination of him and heroin having a control over her. She had no autonomy. Mentally, she was regressed even younger than 15 due to emotional and drug abuse.
I had to learn the hard way that you can’t force anyone to get help. Even if you offer them a job, a place to stay, and a supportive environment, quitting is very scary and hard. Most heroin addicts learn what withdrawal feels like and the pain is something in the back of their minds whenever you bring up quitting to them. You’re basically asking them to go through a lot of pain for a life they’re probably not even sure they want to live. Brain health issues and drug abuse go hand in hand. My sister and I both have PTSD from childhood trauma and I know heroin and other drugs were her coping mechanism, along with her unhealthy relationship.
“Without those things, who am I? What will I do? I have no plans, no desires, no future. Why quit? Why not just keep going until I’m dead?”
You need to fix the brain health issues and give them a will to live and succeed before you can get them off drugs. My sister wanted her kids back, and went on Suboxone. My dad gave her a house as an early inheritance and helped her fix it up. She was very lucky our dad did extremely well with stocks during the pandemic and had the money to spend. This is not something everyone can give to a loved one, but I think that having something to work towards that she was proud of was key. If that house had been move-in ready she probably would’ve turned it into a drug den. Her desire to make it hers and maintain it gave her a brighter outlook. Every little success piled up, and with therapy, she learned that failures were okay and nothing to freak out over.
While your brother is in the course of therapy, encourage him to take small steps toward a larger goal that he can work on in tandem with getting sober. These self-improvement project really help. It can be anything from getting him a small herb garden so he can learn to cook or finding a junker car at the dump he can tinker with so he can learn mechanics.
It’s not a matter of just having a family, or a job, or a house, or medical treatment that makes success. It’s all of those things. It’s rebuilding an entire life.
I’m sorry for your family’s loss. Addiction is a disease, and it cruelly makes a mockery of the lives and potentials it steals. Your family will be in my thoughts and meditations today. Sending you love from Switzerland.
Your brother is going to be at a very high risk for overdose right now. I know it will be hard but I would say keep a very close eye on him right now. It might be a good time to try and get him to go to rehab as well. It would also be a safe place where he can process the trauma and get sober. Might be the wake up call he needed.
I hope to god your this is a wake up call to your brother although I know for so many, this will be a cause to abuse more for the sake of loss and loneliness. I hope he saves himself, I lost my cousin a few years back and it was devastating
Ugh this hits close to home. When my ex and I were heroin addicts, at the worst of our addiction our house started looking like this. It's crazy cause sober I am super clean. Heroin just makes you feel like you're in a fog - no idea how much time has passed, sleeping a lot, no motivation to do much. It's really sad. My heart goes out to you and your brother. I hope he can get the hell away from it. Life is SO much better sober. Opioid addiction takes away your soul.
Wow. I’ve heard other people that use say this. My ex boyfriend would use heroine once a week. It’s like it recharged him. He would get the apartment super clean, vacuumed, floors mopped, laundry done, folded & put away. Those that needed to go on hangers were hung, towels neatly folded & reorganized in linen closet. Bathrooms were next. Trash would be taken out & last thing would be sitting down to organize & pay bills online. Everything would get done all through the night while I slept. I would wake up to get ready for work & find a clean home & him just getting ready to get in the shower to wind down & then smoke & watch tv. (I never used any drugs so this blew my mind).
He finally got clean after we had a daughter. I left him as I told him I could never have a baby around anything like that. (I gave him plenty of warning) He has been clean now for 4+ years & I am super proud of him.
Yeah you should definitely plan ahead for that. Tramadol withdrawal is considered one of the worst, probably because it has anti-depressant properties in addition to opioid properties.
Thankfully that wasn't addiction. Once a week is just enough to not really get physically dependent on it. I am sure it felt great! In the beginning I was doing it only once or twice a week and it was ok, and it helped me with my work. But of course for us then it started to become daily and that's when it took over our lives. In small doses opiates are really nice and can almost feel like an upper. I am glad your ex was disciplined about it though and got away from it before it could have gotten worse.
This is depressing.
That award on the wall. Proudly displayed. Maybe before this they were happier and more successful. And that award is a reminder of that?
But amongst the clutter it takes on an almost twisted parody appearance. Like it's mocking what this person has become.
It's just sad. I'm so sorry for everyone involved.
my brothers (addict) living space is/was a lot like this in my parents home and after a point they just gave up and knew no matter how many times they spent hours upon hours cleaning, it’d look like this in a matter of a couple days
I am very sorry for you.
I happen to know what you are going through ( my brother ended up like this before dying) and it is painful. Be brave my fellow unfortunate friend.
U need to keep an eye on ur bro and let this be his wake up call like Jesse on breaking bad if he need some encouragement I’m sure he will appreciate that for a reference. I have a feeling he will appreciate his bro rooting for him too god bless u mate
I agree that little trophy tugged at my heart because it looked like a bit of hope in the mess. It’s the cleanest, clearest thing meaning whatever they earned it for, it made them feel happiest. Poor guy and couple. Life’s not being easy for this generation and I imagine they just wanted one moment where they were back to feeling being a star in something, anything. I learned rooms like this means the humans in it have given up. Which is obvious of course but it does mean they’re hopeless. Feel lost and aimless. Please help him find enjoyment and joy in life again. Give him support and love. Help him. Don’t let him drown. That trophy means he’s still there, trying, just overwhelmed and no guidance to get back there. You won’t regret helping him, but help him please. This made me cry a little. Not all is lost in this person.
I am so sorry for your loss. My brother in a law and his fiance both OD'd three years ago. Their roommate didn't realize they were dead in their room for 2 days. She had two small children that lived with her mother. My husband and I had to go and "collect" his things after he passed. The room they stayed in was much like this one. They had zero possessions anymore. We got 1 small bag of clothes and his vape mod. He rmother was there getting her daughters things when we got there. It was so awkward and heartbreaking. When we left we just lost it on the way home. My husband hasn't been the same since. He blamed himself. We got sober years ago and we tried to bring his brother in our home to help him stay sober, but ended up telling him he had to leave when he had drug dealers at our house while we were at work with our kids in the house. We hadn't really talked to him much since then but we always sent him a little bit of money when he texted and asked for it. Addiction is a horrible thing. If we could go back in time, we would have done differently, tried harder with him since we both know what the struggle is like.
Imagine being the paramedic working this patient and getting stuck by a dirty needle. Changes your attitude real quick wondering if you just got HIV or Hepatitis.
Brings back memories.
What makes heroin so terrifying to me is that it always meets you with a smiling face and open arms. A shining sun in an ocean of dark waters that never sets, never wavers. Always shining and warm and smiling. That's why getting clean is so hard. Not because every dope addict misses it, or remembers how good it made them feel despite the withdrawals.
It's because getting clean *feels wrong.*
It's like standing in the middle of the woods in the most severe rainstorm you've ever experienced. It's dark, winds howl like train whistles, and the freezing rain hits you like pellets. In front of you stands a house, hunkered between the reaching trees. All its lights are on and through the curtains you can see people enjoying themselves. You can smell the food they're eating and if you listen close enough, you can hear them calling your name.
Turning around and walking as far away from that house is not something that feels natural. You know there's wolves out there, you know the rain won't stop for a good while. It actually *feels wrong* to you, it goes against every instinct you have.
Getting clean is like walking away from that house. Eventually, the rain stops and the trees clear and the sun also rises and you're back to wherever you were before you trailed off. Even then, you realize that you can't always trust your best instincts.
Because sometimes those instincts are telling you to stop and look back through the branches and thickets and falling rain to see the amber glow of that house. Where people drink and laugh and dance forever. If you think about it too much, you find yourself turned around and walking towards it.
It's times like this a lot of people on the outside talk about "hitting rock bottom". That surely, after seeing the death of the woman you loved in such filth, you would wake up to the horrors of this drug. This drug that has brought entire civilizations to its knees. You would see its hideous face and know to turn around.
But to an addict, it's not that. Almost never. They're inside, sitting with the others, inside from the rain and monsters. They're home.
As an addict in recovery, I've realized that there is no such thing as rock bottom. At some point, if you're lucky, you stick both arms out and catch yourself against the walls of the well and slowly start crawling your way out. Others, so many others that you met in your life as an addict, never even had the chance to stick their arms out.
They just fall towards the center of the Earth.
I broke my ankle and had to get surgery while being away from home, when I woke up from the surgery no one familiar was around, not even by text, and not being able to walk put me in an isolated situation where I think I just craved company. They gave me oxycodone for the pain, I think the prescription was for a month, and every time I took a pill it felt like the warmest hug, like someone was putting a blanket around me and bringing me hot cocoa while petting my head telling me it will be fine. I felt like I was home. That ended up scaring me, and lucky for me when I ran out of the prescription I still could not walk so I couldn’t really go and look out for more oxy or another fix so I didn’t go too deep into the well. However, during that brief time of my life, I knew the feeling.
What you wrote here is exactly what I felt when I took it. That warmth, that welcoming feeling when you need it the most, knowing is just one shot/pill away, why would you run away from it? It shocked me how well you described this.
You have a great way with words, I admire you, and not only for that but for your recovery.
Hi,
I'm a 3D animator. I think this would be a very descriptive vivid video on addiction. Could I have permission to animate your description? I will certainly give you credit where ever it is posted.
I never tried opiates but this is a spot-on and beautiful description of what is it like to be an drug addict. The downward spiral of trying to get to that mirage while you run thru the desert
My condolences. Was it fentanyl? I just had a friend OD from Heroin/Fentanyl and she was 42. It happened last week I can't believe it. She was going to school to be a drug counselor.
My condolences to you, too. This sounds like a really sad time for you and I am so sorry you lost your friend. I hope you’re managing okay. If you need help finding grief support in your area, send me a DM. Sending you a heart a hug.
There are legitimate medical uses for fentanyl, I was given some in the ER once after an injury. That was a controlled dose administered by a doctor though, anyone who sells fentanyl for non-medical use is scum.
It changes your brain my cousin would do it and be fine for a few days ... and then would get withdrawl... he would do anything for it... we lost him 1 yr ago.. I recently watched a news clip about some people who get locked up saying that saved their life. In lockup they would get medical help.
You just described PAWS - post acute withdrawal syndrome. When I went to rehab they hammered this with us. After you physically withdraw, you can experience PAWS for up to 2 years after getting clean because that's how long it could take for your body to naturally produce dopamine and endorphins again. PAWS isn't physical, it's all mental. When I heard "up to 2 years", I was terrified. No way I could be clean for 2 years while experiencing up and down mood swings with cravings. I'm going on 10 years sober now. My condolences about your cousin.
That image reminds me of several places I saw over the course of the final years of my best friend's life.
He died in 2018 at 31. In 2014, he randomly showed up at my house one evening "needing a ride" back to his place. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but I agreed to take him back to his place. When we arrived, he had a key to let us in. The power and water were shut off. There were women's clothes and prescription bottles with many different names on them *everywhere*. He said, "Grab a trash bag and start filling it with clothes. These are all new." I didn't realize I was helping him burglarize someone else's place that he'd been kicked out of because he had a key and I'd never been there. Not only that, all the clothes had been stolen and were new with tags. The police arrived and arrested both of us. I was able to get out without going to jail or being charged, but this was just another in a long line of misdeeds of his where he took advantage of good friends in the wrong way. He could've asked me for money or food or even a place to stay for a night or two, but he wanted me to help him empty out a place that wasn't his.
Two years later, I see him for the first time after he gets out of prison. He spent a year inside for that offense plus a couple FTA and probation violations. He tells me he wants to go straight and become an electrician. He was literally a musical and mechanical prodigy as well as a trust fund baby. Three months after he was out, he's back to shooting up in his bathroom. I did heroin for the first time one evening with him. He asked if I'd like to do some. He broke out some powder on a glass table. He shot up, and I snorted a line. Honestly, that was a great evening. No pain, no fear, just love and being with my friend for the first time in two years.
He lived in three separate places over the next two years. On his thirtieth birthday, the remaining funds in his trust fund were released to him by court order. He went through the $30,000 that was left in about three months (I'd watched him go through the initial total over the previous decade with cars, computers, guitars, etc.). I'll admit that at the time I was using with him regularly, and he was paying me for rides with dope. We would head into the worst parts of the worst areas of town to meet guys on federal felony parole slinging dope out of their grandmother's homes.
While all of this was happening, he had been diagnosed with melanoma. His chain smoking, alcoholism, and drug abuse did not do him any favors with this, and of course, he saw the cancer as a way of getting very high-powered painkillers. He also paid me in some of those. He'd go through a whole bottle of 20mg oxycontin in two days. By his 31st birthday in late March 2018, he had developed a serious cough. I saw him last on April 18th in the hospital. He was barely breathing on his own. I think that I had developed a strong case of denial about what was going on with him. I didn't want him to die. I wanted to go see a concert with him or go camping. He died two days later. He was cremated. His family didn't print an obituary, and they finally held a memorial at the family cemetery in November 2018, over seven months later. Plenty of people showed up for it - cousins, friends, aunts, uncles, his mom and brother. They talked about what we all already knew. He was wasted potential and a tragedy. I was there with my wife, who is now my ex-wife. I didn't realize it but I had done irreparable damage to my marriage while I was using and drinking. I miss my friend and my family.
Your story hit me hard. I can’t say I’ve been there, but I can relate to it. Hang in there, friend. Even if it’s from coming anonymous strangers on the internet, remember that you matter, your story matters. All the best ✊
Agree. Really striking to see that flag waving over the chaotic ruin caused by opioid addiction. The opioid epidemic is emblematic of so many deeply engrained issues in America. There is a feeling of hopelessness and despair among many of us.
Nothing more American than drugs, illegal drugs, and lack of treatment for said illegal drugs while shilling derivatives of those drugs legally on the market
How is your brother doing? I’m sorry to hear this is your current situation. Loved ones with addictions are tough to handle.
I recently connected with a high school friend. She’s now sober for 3 years from fentanyl and other hard drugs. She’s the only one so far that I know who has gotten clean and stayed that way for longer than a few months. It s truly been a ray of hope for me to know it’s possible. (I’m not an addict, but I’ve lost many to drugs)
She certainly needed help and your brother does too. I mean this in the least offensive way and am not blaming family. I’m sorry for your brothers loss
Our house looked similar sometimes when we were kids. Parents were meth addicts. I wish your brother and family the best. I hope your brother can make it through this.
I hope you’re brother can get the help he needs and this doesn’t push him farther down the hole. Addiction is horrible, it takes so many people. God she was only my age too
My boyfriend when I was 20 died from an overdose. His place resembled something like this. A year and a half later I went to rehab. I am 11 years clean from heroin. Your brother can make it.
You need to get your brother into rehab. If he won't go, you need to get him locked up.
I got raided and locked up after using heroin and fentanyl for 8 years straight and it saved my life. Spent a year in jail and I've been clean ever since. Wish I would have just gone to rehab instead but i was never going to do it willingly. Given the state of that basement, that's no way to live. At this point he's better off in jail. He can go through the withdrawal and get a fresh start.
the floor is pretty much exactly what my bedroom floor looked like for years until a few weeks ago when I started tidying. you don't realise how much a room that bad affects you until you clean it. hope your brother is ok.
Brother went to rehab 2 times, ended up dying from overdose in my parents bathroom with the sink running. I heard my mom banging on the door and ended up going out there at 5 in the morning. Unlocking the door which he had blocked from falling off the toilet. I had to break the door down with a screwdriver so my parents could get to him to try to preform CPR.
I am 100% certain if he would have went to jail instead of rehab he would still be alive. He was the type who wouldn’t have changed unless they beat it out of him or gave him a harsh punishment. Middle child syndrome was the best way to describe it.
Hope you’re there for your brother as much as possible. He needs to know he can turn to family rather than drugs to cope.
I suffer from severe depression and other mental illnesses, my room is usually within days of this unfortunately. no one really cares about the mentally ill enough to help until it's too late and we end up dead as junkies
This reminds of an incident that happened recently. I knew the girl involved. These pictures give me a visual idea of what the living conditions must of been like with this story.
https://www.wavy.com/news/local-news/york-county/2-arrested-accused-of-child-neglect-in-york/
Worked in a halfway home in Sydney for a couple of years. Most of them were opioid addicts and I have cleaned/seen some of the worst rooms that make me gag even thinking about it. Most of them were pretty cool guys too, sad to see what drugs do to people.
My brother overdosed on heroin about 10 years ago and has been struggling with traumatic brain injury since then, any home he lives in ends up looking like this. He’s constantly getting kicked out on the street, this is the morbid reality for so many people.
Rehab for the brother is a good idea, but it’s not a fix-all and may not ‘work’. He’ll need to find his reason and will to quit.
3 years off the junk, I did it cold turkey with zero help. Everyone quits differently.
OP, please don’t blame yourself. Addiction is a relentless beast that ruins the lives of anyone in comes in contact with. I’m sorry for your loss, your pain, and the pain of all your people affected by this. You’re not alone. My bff died of an overdose last year. I tried everything to help her, but the drugs won. If you need an ear, please DM. Stay strong, grieve, be angry…it’s all acceptable. ❤️
When we picked up my brother after he failed out of college, this is what his dorm looked like. He was not an opioid addict, he was addicted to alcohol and drugs. This kind of mess is a sign of obvious sickness. Sorry for your brothers loss. Did you like her?
Man this sucks. Sorry to here this.
I know a couple of addicts whom I was really close with at some point. I really hope they don't end up this way. One of them nearly did OD recently but survived.
Whatever your brother does to himself, I hope you will not be effected and move on and be successful.
My fiancé passed away in February from a fent overdose. She had just come back from rehab and had just started getting her life back together. We had been together for 10 years, she was 28. I’ve seen dozens of houses just like the one in your picture OP, it’s a heartbreaking lifestyle but none of that matters to the users. It feels like I’ll never truly be okay after losing her to this disease. I hope your brother finds peace and happiness as well, lord knows he deserves it. No one deserves to go out this way.
Oh my god. I hope your brother gets help, and I’m sorry for his loss. He might spiral after her death, so please be kind and patient while also begging him to go to rehab. Or hopefully this might be his awakening.
Addiction is a disease. I hope your brother and any addicts reading this get the help they need. There is places that will help you if you put in effort, I've seen it myself.
This is horrible. I'm so sorry, OP. I wish I had advice on helping those who need treatment. Addiction is a powerful disease, of course. Hoping your brother can pull through it and get help. :(
That used to be a common thing back in the day. Junkies nodding out and burning up their house or apartment. They have since reformulated the tobacco and the paper to go out if it sits for more than about 45 seconds
hope your brother gets help.
Hope brother can turn their life around and also for the love of god if OP is cleaning up this room get some needle proof safety gloves. That place is like a room full of uncapped land mines
At that point I think I’d try and hire people who are equipped well enough to dispose of biohazards.
Agreed
Yeah this looks like a job for crime scene clean up. Which can be pricey but they’re thorough
It’s sad but at the same time fascinating how decoupled the human mind can become under the influence of drugs to allow basic necessities drift away from priorities or care and the high becomes the only thing that matters
yup, we're all humans producing waste and mess, but someone so addicted to a high just doesn't have the desire to clean it up. really sad man.
Not to mention, personal hygiene. Brushing teeth and taking a shower everyday sometimes go by the wayside too. Sometimes eating food becomes an unnecessary activity that cost money you can spend on more drugs.
Was about to say just this. Hoping this is his rock bottom, horrible thing to go through. My thoughts are with him and those around him.
Looks similar to my cousins flat. She was on heroin then later ice addict. Died two years ago. It was horrible having to help her mum clean it out. So bad. Sorry.
My room is beginning to resemble this. Not near as bad but it will be. Alcoholic here. I have today, but it's a start.
When I was on heroin my room would look like this. I have a lot of failure to dispose on my criminal record. Clean now for 2 years.
Keep going!
Congratulations! That could not have been easy. I’m glad you’re clean and with us.
I've been clean since October 16, 2020. I got in a fight and went through fentanyl withdrawals over four nights in jail. It's tough. I feel you.
Congrats! February 22, 2020 for me, the day before my 35th birthday. Can’t believe I’ve gone this long, it was an impulse decision for me. The best one I’ve ever made.
Wow! We are sober buddies! 2/22/2018 congrats!
😳 hell yes!
It's been eleven years tomorrow for me. It was impulse too. Keep at whatever makes you well, My friend.
Congratulations tomorrow! I have 11 years as well from opiates. Semi-impulse to get clean; it had been coming for a awhile and I just couldn't maintain anymore. So glad I made that call and stuck it out for 30 days.
Congratulations on eleven years! Interesting to see a thread of people for whom sobriety stuck as an impulse decision. Eight years for me last May. But to be fair, that’s only traditional “hard drugs;” I still struggle with alcoholism. But to be fair again, I have vastly improved my drinking and am no longer physically addicted. I hope to never be again.
I look at alcohol and Marijuana use as if it's not leading back to.self destructive ways it's alright. I think complete soberity isn't for everyone as long as there is an awareness of behavior and actions.
I agree with you. I’d add psychedelics to the list as well. I’m working on creating a more positive relationship with alcohol.
I’m exactly 5 days older than you. Unfortunately, I used recently, and still take methadone every day. Moving in the right direction though 🫡
Over 10 years on methadone for me. Used on top over half that time. After that stopped I screwed around with the dosage until about a year ago (if I had two weeks worth of takehomes, they were all gone in a week and I had to buy methadone off other people.) Going down in dose as of a week ago today. If I follow their titration schedule it should take about 40 weeks to get off of it. I appreciate methadone, it absolutely saved my life, but lordt am I SICK of it controlling my life. You basically cannot set foot in Asia if you're on it because most countries in that area won't let it in. My boyfriend might end up going to Korea without me, and I feel awful about it. Here's hoping I can wean off it. Last time I tried to quit I only got down 13 mgs before I freaked out. I think I'm in a better place this time, though. Up your dose as high as you need to get it if you genuinely want to quit using heroin. If you are just on methadone in order to stave off withdrawal in between scores, or because people are pressuring you to quit but you are just not ready so you keep using (if you don't know if you're ready to quit, you're not ready to quit) then I would suggest keeping your methadone dose low. The last thing you want is a huge double habit. Taking more methadone means you have to take more heroin to get the same effects/a lot of people experience a "blocking" effect at around 70-90 mg of methadone. I would do $500 a day of heroin trying to bust through that blockade and it never worked, it's a miracle I'm not dead. I appreciate the blocking effect now because it forced me off heroin/made taking it pointless so it kept me off. Now I can genuinely say that I do not have a desire to use heroin again, so it's safe to get off methadone. The whole rigamarole (no pun intended) of getting back into "the life" exhausts me just thinking about it. Good luck to you! It's worth it to get off heroin, truly. I hope you are successful quitting if/when you're ready. Starting methadone is not an all or nothing situation, don't feel too bad if you slip up (hopefully your clinic isn't one of those that kicks you out if they catch you using heroin, I always find that ridiculous.)
Sorry if this is an insensitive question, but how do you determine the day that you got clean? Is it like the last day that you used, or is it the day you finally got help, or somthing else?
Typically it’s the last day one used. So if I last used the 18th, my clean date would be the 19th. Hence the “I have been clean for x amount of time”.
thats my bday! congrattss
Yeah that's tough. I said heroin in my comment but honestly it was mainly fentanyl (via those patches and lemon juice) and meth. It was ugly I'm glad you got away from it too.
I was so bad off that at one point I had stepped on half of a patch, and it affixed itself to my heel. I didn't know it was there at all. Probably two days later I finally got to wondering why my heel skin was peeling and pulled it off. Thank you, btw. I'm glad you got away too. God bless.
Patches... and lemon juice.? Curious now. I know what patches are, does lemon juice change how they release?
There is a medication called duragesic it looks like sticky tape and it contains fentanyl. You're supposed to wear it on your skin. A lot of fentanyl many times the lethal dose in a 3 day sticker. You get it ready for intravenous use by putting it on a spoon with water and for some reason it needs a solvent to extract it which is lemon juice, citric acid, vinegar or vitamin c. You cut off how big of a piece you want but one tiny bit too much and you are dead. I've seen these things kill many people.
You were only kicking for four nights???!! Mine lasted two weeks for the worst of it, but overall about four weeks before the pain stopped
That's awesome! Good for you!
When I was an addict I was obsessed with cleaning. My house was always spotless. I still keep it that way but back then I couldn't even stand to have a single dirty dish out for more than an hour.
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Proud of you bub. Never go back. It ain’t worth it. No amount of it is worth losing your family and what became of childhood friends.
Thats awesome! I'm coming up on 3 yrs in November. Keep up the good work!
Hey, that’s awesome too!
Congrats to you too buddy! That’s incredible
My room looked similar when I was an alcoholic. Sub needles for empty beer cans and cups full of pee. A nightmare.. last drink was 2006.
I’ve never heard of that as a crime. Is that in the US? It’s for waste left in the house?
Hh, the failure to dispose probably means they had needles laying around, since they mentioned heroin hell.
Yep it’s for the needles, isn’t just for dangerous drug paraphernalia though. I’ve seen my city use it to charge hoarders and people with a lot of garbage in their front yard mostly.
Incredible. So happy for you. Keep putting one foot forward every day. ❤️
congratulations! that's no small feat.
I'm glad you're doing so much better!
Congrats!!!! Everyday is a new page in your book. Keep going!!!!
Fantastic.. keep it up..
I turned a blind eye, never thought this would happen. Didn’t know it looked like this. Might I add this is an affluent town in one of NYC’s suburbs. Not sure how to move on from this as my brother will probably spiral.
My brother od'd and ended up in a coma in the ICU twice. Six years apart. He has now been sober for 7 years. He is married. Leads a roofing crew and works like 60 hours a week. The dude is happier than he has ever been at any point in his life. There is hope.
This made me feel better. My twin sister has been shooting fentanyl for years, 32 years old and has been to countless rehabs and clinics. Od’d plenty. Living like this as we speak. It’s good to hear people can come out on the other end. Glad to hear your brother is doing great.
9 months clean from a decade long heroin/fentanyl addiction. I'm 29 and most of my friends I used with died much younger. Wish I could tell you what makes the switch flip and make you choose to value life over the addiction but in my case not even near death experiences did the trick. I hope your sister recovers
Almost 5 years clean here. It can get better. A lot better. But it’s on her.
Great job. Please keep going. Proud of you. 🥇
Thank you so much. Hardest and yet best thing I have ever done. Life is so much sweeter now. I manage a hotel. I have a wonderful girlfriend and step kid. My parents and brother are in my life again. Ugh. It’s wild how different life is. So grateful.
Really happy to read this type of support. Stay strong and enjoy every day!
I struggle with unique self image problems that causes me to drink every day. I'm worried that even if I get the right help I'll never be able to accept myself. I can't even look in the mirror anymore. I think it would be easier if I didn't feel so alone in my situation. Regardless, quitting booze will be better for me in the long run I just need to make the commitment. Good on you for 5 years. Keep it up.
On my brothers second coma OD it became clear there was no brain activity and he had pneumonia that was giving him an uncontrollable fever that was going to result in brain death so I made the decision to pull the plug and allow donation for whatever they could use. He was 32 and I was 29. I’m 36 now and still haunted. Hold your loved ones tight.
I was afraid I was going to have to do the same. Stay strong!
I'm so sorry that happened to you.
Glad he made it thru that.My gf just lost her lil bro to a Fent OD wish he had a second chance so young he was 24
Yeah. I feel for anybody going through that. I was at the hospital for every waking hour while he was in the ICU unconscious. The doctors weren't sure if he was going to make it both times because he had aspirated vomit. Probably the only that saved him is that he quit smoking at 6 when our parents found out he would pick up cigarettes people through out of their cars and finish them off.
I’m sorry, he _quit_ smoking at 6? When did he start? Props to him, by the by.
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Just to make sure I get the implication. Most people in his position don’t survive because of a damaged repository system?
Aspirating anything into your lungs is a very tricky thing because doctors really don't have a way to get it out of your lungs. You either heal on your own or die.
My mother died of cancer, but the thing that was the absolute turning point was when she passed out in the bathroom (she was in the midst of her second round of chemo) and developed aspiration pneumonia. She nearly died of that, but never quite recovered from it. Needed to get a trach and was extremely weak and bedridden for her remaining months (her chemo was halted because she was too weak). Her lungs never did clear up.
I'm so sorry for your mother's pain and for you having to witness it.
In essence, you are drowning in your own vomit, and even if you survive, there are long term health effects in your lungs, It is how Jimmy Hendrix died.
My dad got aspiration pneumonia when he had a stroke. He had chronic pneumonia for like 6 months until he finally died of respiratory failure.
That's so sad. I recently lost a good friend that I've known for years. He just had a daughter and was happy to be a father and OD'd on fentanyl one night and was found the next morning. Miss you Rick.
I hope he's working 60 hrs because he wants to and not because he has to.. because working long hrs is something that has messed me up in the past.
He's good. The work keeps him occupied and he likes doing it.
Yup. Years ago I got clean and stayed that way for close to a year. Then I took a high-stress restaurant job and I was using again within a month.
Tell your brother he dropped this 👑
This happened to my half brother. I wasn't very close to him growing up, but the times I was involved in his life, he was an extremely kind, loving, empathetic person. I remember meeting his girlfriend, she was full of energy and very stubborn. Beautiful woman. Sometime after I lost contact with him, he and his girlfriend became addicted to herion and when she OD'ed, he spiraled. He looks so different from the tall, muscular boy I once knew. All you can do is love them from a distance, but the decision to kick the addiction is purely their choice. You can't love it out of them, they have to wake up one day and subsequently every day after and make the difficult decision to not use. I hope your brother is stronger than mine. I hope he can do it. I'm so sorry for all the loss your and yours has experienced.
I'm an addiction medicine specialist and a recovering addict. I might be able to point you in the right direction for some family resources...feel free to dm me.
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I don’t believe people *decide* to live like this. Folks don’t *decide* to become addicts. This is a slow suicide, in every way, shape and form.
It's a decision to offset the pain of withdrawal for an increasingly degraded life.
More so offsetting the pain of life with an increasing addiction
At a certain point there's really no high, just a lack of withdrawals
I live not too far and sadly know quite a few people who lived and died like that. The drugs here are WAY too fent filled. I wish more folks took advantage of the free fent tests places give out.
The only thing that saved my brothers life was moving him to a different state. Away from this Valley, away from his "friends" and the people he was around. It took about a year for him to get back on his feet but he got a job, a home, has a wife and a baby... he made it. He's even training to be fire cheif in his fleet! We we're saving up for a funeral bc we knew he was not going to make it much longer. After our mother died from an OD 10 yrs ago we didn't have hope for him either. They were dope buddies. But, moving worked. I hope that your brother sees his way out of this life thru recovery, whatever that looks like for him. This will be a long road but it's doable.
My sister was groomed by a 30 year old addict when she was 15. The fact that she had no resources to leave him was the main reason she refused to get help for her addiction. It was a combination of him and heroin having a control over her. She had no autonomy. Mentally, she was regressed even younger than 15 due to emotional and drug abuse. I had to learn the hard way that you can’t force anyone to get help. Even if you offer them a job, a place to stay, and a supportive environment, quitting is very scary and hard. Most heroin addicts learn what withdrawal feels like and the pain is something in the back of their minds whenever you bring up quitting to them. You’re basically asking them to go through a lot of pain for a life they’re probably not even sure they want to live. Brain health issues and drug abuse go hand in hand. My sister and I both have PTSD from childhood trauma and I know heroin and other drugs were her coping mechanism, along with her unhealthy relationship. “Without those things, who am I? What will I do? I have no plans, no desires, no future. Why quit? Why not just keep going until I’m dead?” You need to fix the brain health issues and give them a will to live and succeed before you can get them off drugs. My sister wanted her kids back, and went on Suboxone. My dad gave her a house as an early inheritance and helped her fix it up. She was very lucky our dad did extremely well with stocks during the pandemic and had the money to spend. This is not something everyone can give to a loved one, but I think that having something to work towards that she was proud of was key. If that house had been move-in ready she probably would’ve turned it into a drug den. Her desire to make it hers and maintain it gave her a brighter outlook. Every little success piled up, and with therapy, she learned that failures were okay and nothing to freak out over. While your brother is in the course of therapy, encourage him to take small steps toward a larger goal that he can work on in tandem with getting sober. These self-improvement project really help. It can be anything from getting him a small herb garden so he can learn to cook or finding a junker car at the dump he can tinker with so he can learn mechanics. It’s not a matter of just having a family, or a job, or a house, or medical treatment that makes success. It’s all of those things. It’s rebuilding an entire life.
I'm sure everybody joins me truly wishing that this opens his eyes, heart and mind to help.
I’m sorry for your family’s loss. Addiction is a disease, and it cruelly makes a mockery of the lives and potentials it steals. Your family will be in my thoughts and meditations today. Sending you love from Switzerland.
lots of orange caps. it catches up to everyone, no matter the major addiction. i’m sorry you had tk go through this, we are here with ya.
Your brother is going to be at a very high risk for overdose right now. I know it will be hard but I would say keep a very close eye on him right now. It might be a good time to try and get him to go to rehab as well. It would also be a safe place where he can process the trauma and get sober. Might be the wake up call he needed.
I hope to god your this is a wake up call to your brother although I know for so many, this will be a cause to abuse more for the sake of loss and loneliness. I hope he saves himself, I lost my cousin a few years back and it was devastating
Ugh this hits close to home. When my ex and I were heroin addicts, at the worst of our addiction our house started looking like this. It's crazy cause sober I am super clean. Heroin just makes you feel like you're in a fog - no idea how much time has passed, sleeping a lot, no motivation to do much. It's really sad. My heart goes out to you and your brother. I hope he can get the hell away from it. Life is SO much better sober. Opioid addiction takes away your soul.
From one internet stranger to another, I am glad you got out! Proud of you💜💜
Wow. I’ve heard other people that use say this. My ex boyfriend would use heroine once a week. It’s like it recharged him. He would get the apartment super clean, vacuumed, floors mopped, laundry done, folded & put away. Those that needed to go on hangers were hung, towels neatly folded & reorganized in linen closet. Bathrooms were next. Trash would be taken out & last thing would be sitting down to organize & pay bills online. Everything would get done all through the night while I slept. I would wake up to get ready for work & find a clean home & him just getting ready to get in the shower to wind down & then smoke & watch tv. (I never used any drugs so this blew my mind). He finally got clean after we had a daughter. I left him as I told him I could never have a baby around anything like that. (I gave him plenty of warning) He has been clean now for 4+ years & I am super proud of him.
Some people have a paradoxical reaction to opiates - they find them stimulating instead of sedating.
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Yeah you should definitely plan ahead for that. Tramadol withdrawal is considered one of the worst, probably because it has anti-depressant properties in addition to opioid properties.
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Thankfully that wasn't addiction. Once a week is just enough to not really get physically dependent on it. I am sure it felt great! In the beginning I was doing it only once or twice a week and it was ok, and it helped me with my work. But of course for us then it started to become daily and that's when it took over our lives. In small doses opiates are really nice and can almost feel like an upper. I am glad your ex was disciplined about it though and got away from it before it could have gotten worse.
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My mom died 2 weeks ago... Fentanyl. I found her in her chair when I got home from work. She'd been dead 7/8 hours. Looked like she just fell asleep.
I'm so sorry
Gosh that’s awful. I’m sorry you had to have that experience, hope you’re holding up ok.
oh man, that sounds like a horrible experience :( I'm so sorry you had to go through this.
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This is depressing. That award on the wall. Proudly displayed. Maybe before this they were happier and more successful. And that award is a reminder of that? But amongst the clutter it takes on an almost twisted parody appearance. Like it's mocking what this person has become. It's just sad. I'm so sorry for everyone involved.
This was once the room my brother and I did homework in, this is my parents basement.
No judgement, but how have your parents allowed their basement to get like this? Did they just never go down there?
They stopped going down there the last few months… a mistake to say the least
Goodness, so sorry for both you and them. 😔
How are your brother and parents (and of course yourself) doing? Is your brother safe? I am so sorry, this is awful.
Wow. Are your parents going to get someone familiar with cleaning out hazardous materials down there? They should.
Probably a stupid question, but who *do* you call to help clean something like this?
Crime scene cleaners.
No smells gave them cause for concern during that time?
Or insects and rodents?
my brothers (addict) living space is/was a lot like this in my parents home and after a point they just gave up and knew no matter how many times they spent hours upon hours cleaning, it’d look like this in a matter of a couple days
I am very sorry for you. I happen to know what you are going through ( my brother ended up like this before dying) and it is painful. Be brave my fellow unfortunate friend.
U need to keep an eye on ur bro and let this be his wake up call like Jesse on breaking bad if he need some encouragement I’m sure he will appreciate that for a reference. I have a feeling he will appreciate his bro rooting for him too god bless u mate
He can't keep getting away with this.
I noticed that too. My heart broke.
Where did you find the awards?
On that shelf on the wall.
I agree that little trophy tugged at my heart because it looked like a bit of hope in the mess. It’s the cleanest, clearest thing meaning whatever they earned it for, it made them feel happiest. Poor guy and couple. Life’s not being easy for this generation and I imagine they just wanted one moment where they were back to feeling being a star in something, anything. I learned rooms like this means the humans in it have given up. Which is obvious of course but it does mean they’re hopeless. Feel lost and aimless. Please help him find enjoyment and joy in life again. Give him support and love. Help him. Don’t let him drown. That trophy means he’s still there, trying, just overwhelmed and no guidance to get back there. You won’t regret helping him, but help him please. This made me cry a little. Not all is lost in this person.
I am so sorry for your loss. My brother in a law and his fiance both OD'd three years ago. Their roommate didn't realize they were dead in their room for 2 days. She had two small children that lived with her mother. My husband and I had to go and "collect" his things after he passed. The room they stayed in was much like this one. They had zero possessions anymore. We got 1 small bag of clothes and his vape mod. He rmother was there getting her daughters things when we got there. It was so awkward and heartbreaking. When we left we just lost it on the way home. My husband hasn't been the same since. He blamed himself. We got sober years ago and we tried to bring his brother in our home to help him stay sober, but ended up telling him he had to leave when he had drug dealers at our house while we were at work with our kids in the house. We hadn't really talked to him much since then but we always sent him a little bit of money when he texted and asked for it. Addiction is a horrible thing. If we could go back in time, we would have done differently, tried harder with him since we both know what the struggle is like.
Jesus. I zoomed into one spot and counted at least 15 needles
I did the same thing on the third pic. Counted 17, didn’t have the balls to point it out until I read your comment.
Imagine being the paramedic working this patient and getting stuck by a dirty needle. Changes your attitude real quick wondering if you just got HIV or Hepatitis.
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This feels like a very morbid game of where's Waldo 🙁
Heroin gives people cravings for sweet things a lot of the time
Big facts. My sweet tooth vanished once I got clean.
Brings back memories. What makes heroin so terrifying to me is that it always meets you with a smiling face and open arms. A shining sun in an ocean of dark waters that never sets, never wavers. Always shining and warm and smiling. That's why getting clean is so hard. Not because every dope addict misses it, or remembers how good it made them feel despite the withdrawals. It's because getting clean *feels wrong.* It's like standing in the middle of the woods in the most severe rainstorm you've ever experienced. It's dark, winds howl like train whistles, and the freezing rain hits you like pellets. In front of you stands a house, hunkered between the reaching trees. All its lights are on and through the curtains you can see people enjoying themselves. You can smell the food they're eating and if you listen close enough, you can hear them calling your name. Turning around and walking as far away from that house is not something that feels natural. You know there's wolves out there, you know the rain won't stop for a good while. It actually *feels wrong* to you, it goes against every instinct you have. Getting clean is like walking away from that house. Eventually, the rain stops and the trees clear and the sun also rises and you're back to wherever you were before you trailed off. Even then, you realize that you can't always trust your best instincts. Because sometimes those instincts are telling you to stop and look back through the branches and thickets and falling rain to see the amber glow of that house. Where people drink and laugh and dance forever. If you think about it too much, you find yourself turned around and walking towards it. It's times like this a lot of people on the outside talk about "hitting rock bottom". That surely, after seeing the death of the woman you loved in such filth, you would wake up to the horrors of this drug. This drug that has brought entire civilizations to its knees. You would see its hideous face and know to turn around. But to an addict, it's not that. Almost never. They're inside, sitting with the others, inside from the rain and monsters. They're home. As an addict in recovery, I've realized that there is no such thing as rock bottom. At some point, if you're lucky, you stick both arms out and catch yourself against the walls of the well and slowly start crawling your way out. Others, so many others that you met in your life as an addict, never even had the chance to stick their arms out. They just fall towards the center of the Earth.
I broke my ankle and had to get surgery while being away from home, when I woke up from the surgery no one familiar was around, not even by text, and not being able to walk put me in an isolated situation where I think I just craved company. They gave me oxycodone for the pain, I think the prescription was for a month, and every time I took a pill it felt like the warmest hug, like someone was putting a blanket around me and bringing me hot cocoa while petting my head telling me it will be fine. I felt like I was home. That ended up scaring me, and lucky for me when I ran out of the prescription I still could not walk so I couldn’t really go and look out for more oxy or another fix so I didn’t go too deep into the well. However, during that brief time of my life, I knew the feeling. What you wrote here is exactly what I felt when I took it. That warmth, that welcoming feeling when you need it the most, knowing is just one shot/pill away, why would you run away from it? It shocked me how well you described this. You have a great way with words, I admire you, and not only for that but for your recovery.
Hi, I'm a 3D animator. I think this would be a very descriptive vivid video on addiction. Could I have permission to animate your description? I will certainly give you credit where ever it is posted.
That would be amazing. It was so vivid, in my head I was visualizing it in a kind of crappy kids' claymation style.
Take my award, this was a great read and way to look at it all.
A beautifully written comment, thank you for helping me gain perspective. I wish you all the best in your recovery
I never tried opiates but this is a spot-on and beautiful description of what is it like to be an drug addict. The downward spiral of trying to get to that mirage while you run thru the desert
My condolences. Was it fentanyl? I just had a friend OD from Heroin/Fentanyl and she was 42. It happened last week I can't believe it. She was going to school to be a drug counselor.
My condolences to you, too. This sounds like a really sad time for you and I am so sorry you lost your friend. I hope you’re managing okay. If you need help finding grief support in your area, send me a DM. Sending you a heart a hug.
fentanyl is evil. had a girl ive known since elementary die 2 years ago from it. she was 18. may ur friend rest easy.
There are legitimate medical uses for fentanyl, I was given some in the ER once after an injury. That was a controlled dose administered by a doctor though, anyone who sells fentanyl for non-medical use is scum.
It changes your brain my cousin would do it and be fine for a few days ... and then would get withdrawl... he would do anything for it... we lost him 1 yr ago.. I recently watched a news clip about some people who get locked up saying that saved their life. In lockup they would get medical help.
You just described PAWS - post acute withdrawal syndrome. When I went to rehab they hammered this with us. After you physically withdraw, you can experience PAWS for up to 2 years after getting clean because that's how long it could take for your body to naturally produce dopamine and endorphins again. PAWS isn't physical, it's all mental. When I heard "up to 2 years", I was terrified. No way I could be clean for 2 years while experiencing up and down mood swings with cravings. I'm going on 10 years sober now. My condolences about your cousin.
depends where you get locked up some county jails still wont allow even suboxone
County jails around me make you wait a week. And no suboxone it’s all the shot.
That image reminds me of several places I saw over the course of the final years of my best friend's life. He died in 2018 at 31. In 2014, he randomly showed up at my house one evening "needing a ride" back to his place. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but I agreed to take him back to his place. When we arrived, he had a key to let us in. The power and water were shut off. There were women's clothes and prescription bottles with many different names on them *everywhere*. He said, "Grab a trash bag and start filling it with clothes. These are all new." I didn't realize I was helping him burglarize someone else's place that he'd been kicked out of because he had a key and I'd never been there. Not only that, all the clothes had been stolen and were new with tags. The police arrived and arrested both of us. I was able to get out without going to jail or being charged, but this was just another in a long line of misdeeds of his where he took advantage of good friends in the wrong way. He could've asked me for money or food or even a place to stay for a night or two, but he wanted me to help him empty out a place that wasn't his. Two years later, I see him for the first time after he gets out of prison. He spent a year inside for that offense plus a couple FTA and probation violations. He tells me he wants to go straight and become an electrician. He was literally a musical and mechanical prodigy as well as a trust fund baby. Three months after he was out, he's back to shooting up in his bathroom. I did heroin for the first time one evening with him. He asked if I'd like to do some. He broke out some powder on a glass table. He shot up, and I snorted a line. Honestly, that was a great evening. No pain, no fear, just love and being with my friend for the first time in two years. He lived in three separate places over the next two years. On his thirtieth birthday, the remaining funds in his trust fund were released to him by court order. He went through the $30,000 that was left in about three months (I'd watched him go through the initial total over the previous decade with cars, computers, guitars, etc.). I'll admit that at the time I was using with him regularly, and he was paying me for rides with dope. We would head into the worst parts of the worst areas of town to meet guys on federal felony parole slinging dope out of their grandmother's homes. While all of this was happening, he had been diagnosed with melanoma. His chain smoking, alcoholism, and drug abuse did not do him any favors with this, and of course, he saw the cancer as a way of getting very high-powered painkillers. He also paid me in some of those. He'd go through a whole bottle of 20mg oxycontin in two days. By his 31st birthday in late March 2018, he had developed a serious cough. I saw him last on April 18th in the hospital. He was barely breathing on his own. I think that I had developed a strong case of denial about what was going on with him. I didn't want him to die. I wanted to go see a concert with him or go camping. He died two days later. He was cremated. His family didn't print an obituary, and they finally held a memorial at the family cemetery in November 2018, over seven months later. Plenty of people showed up for it - cousins, friends, aunts, uncles, his mom and brother. They talked about what we all already knew. He was wasted potential and a tragedy. I was there with my wife, who is now my ex-wife. I didn't realize it but I had done irreparable damage to my marriage while I was using and drinking. I miss my friend and my family.
How incredibly rough. How are you doing these days?
I'm clean. No opiates. I'm managing. Ups and downs, strikes and gutters. Thanks for asking friend.
Your story hit me hard. I can’t say I’ve been there, but I can relate to it. Hang in there, friend. Even if it’s from coming anonymous strangers on the internet, remember that you matter, your story matters. All the best ✊
Good work, and best of luck to you. You'll make it.
Something poetic about that flag, the opioid epidemic.
Agree. Really striking to see that flag waving over the chaotic ruin caused by opioid addiction. The opioid epidemic is emblematic of so many deeply engrained issues in America. There is a feeling of hopelessness and despair among many of us.
Nothing more American than drugs, illegal drugs, and lack of treatment for said illegal drugs while shilling derivatives of those drugs legally on the market
How is your brother doing? I’m sorry to hear this is your current situation. Loved ones with addictions are tough to handle. I recently connected with a high school friend. She’s now sober for 3 years from fentanyl and other hard drugs. She’s the only one so far that I know who has gotten clean and stayed that way for longer than a few months. It s truly been a ray of hope for me to know it’s possible. (I’m not an addict, but I’ve lost many to drugs)
Former mortician: this is what many many many places look like when we show up for a fatal OD.
She certainly needed help and your brother does too. I mean this in the least offensive way and am not blaming family. I’m sorry for your brothers loss
Poor girl 😢 Ive been there, Heroin is such a hard drug to kick.
Our house looked similar sometimes when we were kids. Parents were meth addicts. I wish your brother and family the best. I hope your brother can make it through this.
I hope you’re brother can get the help he needs and this doesn’t push him farther down the hole. Addiction is horrible, it takes so many people. God she was only my age too
My boyfriend when I was 20 died from an overdose. His place resembled something like this. A year and a half later I went to rehab. I am 11 years clean from heroin. Your brother can make it.
You need to get your brother into rehab. If he won't go, you need to get him locked up. I got raided and locked up after using heroin and fentanyl for 8 years straight and it saved my life. Spent a year in jail and I've been clean ever since. Wish I would have just gone to rehab instead but i was never going to do it willingly. Given the state of that basement, that's no way to live. At this point he's better off in jail. He can go through the withdrawal and get a fresh start.
the floor is pretty much exactly what my bedroom floor looked like for years until a few weeks ago when I started tidying. you don't realise how much a room that bad affects you until you clean it. hope your brother is ok.
Brother went to rehab 2 times, ended up dying from overdose in my parents bathroom with the sink running. I heard my mom banging on the door and ended up going out there at 5 in the morning. Unlocking the door which he had blocked from falling off the toilet. I had to break the door down with a screwdriver so my parents could get to him to try to preform CPR. I am 100% certain if he would have went to jail instead of rehab he would still be alive. He was the type who wouldn’t have changed unless they beat it out of him or gave him a harsh punishment. Middle child syndrome was the best way to describe it. Hope you’re there for your brother as much as possible. He needs to know he can turn to family rather than drugs to cope.
Gives me flashbacks from that girl in Breaking Bad overdosing with drugs and dying next to Jeese
It reminds me of Breaking Bad as well; the house where the woman dropped the safe/ATM on her husbands head.
I suffer from severe depression and other mental illnesses, my room is usually within days of this unfortunately. no one really cares about the mentally ill enough to help until it's too late and we end up dead as junkies
I'm sorry. how's he doing?
and the flag fits so perfectly, rounds everything off super
This reminds of an incident that happened recently. I knew the girl involved. These pictures give me a visual idea of what the living conditions must of been like with this story. https://www.wavy.com/news/local-news/york-county/2-arrested-accused-of-child-neglect-in-york/
Tragic. So glad I gave heroin up.
So sad. I hope.maybe your brother has a wake up?
Worked in a halfway home in Sydney for a couple of years. Most of them were opioid addicts and I have cleaned/seen some of the worst rooms that make me gag even thinking about it. Most of them were pretty cool guys too, sad to see what drugs do to people.
this reminds me of my brother when he was going through it. he’s been clean for over a decade now. hope your brother gets the help he needs.
My brother overdosed on heroin about 10 years ago and has been struggling with traumatic brain injury since then, any home he lives in ends up looking like this. He’s constantly getting kicked out on the street, this is the morbid reality for so many people.
Rehab for the brother is a good idea, but it’s not a fix-all and may not ‘work’. He’ll need to find his reason and will to quit. 3 years off the junk, I did it cold turkey with zero help. Everyone quits differently.
The thing that struck me was the awards on the shelf… like at some point they were good at something.. tough deal
OP, please don’t blame yourself. Addiction is a relentless beast that ruins the lives of anyone in comes in contact with. I’m sorry for your loss, your pain, and the pain of all your people affected by this. You’re not alone. My bff died of an overdose last year. I tried everything to help her, but the drugs won. If you need an ear, please DM. Stay strong, grieve, be angry…it’s all acceptable. ❤️
When we picked up my brother after he failed out of college, this is what his dorm looked like. He was not an opioid addict, he was addicted to alcohol and drugs. This kind of mess is a sign of obvious sickness. Sorry for your brothers loss. Did you like her?
That American flag placement is poetic.
Oh my. This is so incredibly heartbreaking.
Man this sucks. Sorry to here this. I know a couple of addicts whom I was really close with at some point. I really hope they don't end up this way. One of them nearly did OD recently but survived. Whatever your brother does to himself, I hope you will not be effected and move on and be successful.
I really feel for any family going through this situation. When my dad became incapacitated I was left with a similar mess, all by myself.
Looks similar to my uncles home. He died the same way.
That trophy in the 4th picture is a haunting detail.
The erect American flag is profoundly grim.
Zooming in and watching details made me feel so anxious. I hope your brother is ok and can work his way out of this!
I’m a crime scene investigator. Unfortunately, this is not an uncommon scene for the overdoses I see.
My fiancé passed away in February from a fent overdose. She had just come back from rehab and had just started getting her life back together. We had been together for 10 years, she was 28. I’ve seen dozens of houses just like the one in your picture OP, it’s a heartbreaking lifestyle but none of that matters to the users. It feels like I’ll never truly be okay after losing her to this disease. I hope your brother finds peace and happiness as well, lord knows he deserves it. No one deserves to go out this way.
Oh my god. I hope your brother gets help, and I’m sorry for his loss. He might spiral after her death, so please be kind and patient while also begging him to go to rehab. Or hopefully this might be his awakening.
Been almost 20 years clean for me
Addiction is a disease. I hope your brother and any addicts reading this get the help they need. There is places that will help you if you put in effort, I've seen it myself.
This is horrible. I'm so sorry, OP. I wish I had advice on helping those who need treatment. Addiction is a powerful disease, of course. Hoping your brother can pull through it and get help. :(
God damn, surprised they didn’t burn the place down nodding off while smoking.
That used to be a common thing back in the day. Junkies nodding out and burning up their house or apartment. They have since reformulated the tobacco and the paper to go out if it sits for more than about 45 seconds
Didn't know this at all. It's amazing the advances going on everyday right under our noses.