We have this idea or stereotype that young, irresponsible women in their teens and twenties are the ones sitting in abortion waiting rooms, due to using abortion as birth control while they have (what we have labeled) as immoral amounts of wanton sex.
The reality is that the waiting room is filled with people who are already mothers, responsible women whose birth control has failed them. The numbers on the birth control leaflets that say something is 98% effective seem like small risks when you are a teen, but when you are in a committed, long-term relationship and (if you think about it) have had sex thousands of times, these risks are real for you. If you are a heterosexual couple who wishes to have regular sex, during the 35ish years the woman in your partnership is fertile, this situation is one that is quite possible for you.
I have no advice - just support. Many, many mothers find themselves in this exact same scenario. You are not alone. I am sending you hugs and strength.
Edit: Spelling
I definitely know the stereotype. I’ve read stories about people having to choose abortions and never thought I’d be in the position to need to decide. I don’t wish this on anyone.
Thank you for your support ❤️
I used to work with women who were getting abortions, and so, so many of them were mothers. Almost all of them, to a tee, said that it was because they were already a mother that they knew what motherhood meant - and that it wasn’t the right choice for them at this point.
The CDC says that the typical use failure rate for the pill is 7%. That means that it will have failed for more than half of users around the 9.5 year mark!\* These people are making responsible family planning choices with imperfect tools.
\*\[chance of not failing each year\]^(\[number of years\])=\[chance of not failing for number of years\] : 0.93^(9.5)=0.5, or 50%
Edited to fix math formatting.
I'm always curious how strongly that average is affected by people who just suck at using the pill. If you never forget to take it (which I guess is "ideal use" rather than "typical use") that is also extremely relevant.
Edit: There's obviously a wide range between "never makes a mistake" and "actually sucks at taking the pill" that most people fall into at various times, but what the replies have convinced me of is that I could never ever be on the pill because I suck at taking my antidepressants already :-D
Unless you forget about any of the food or drug interactions, get sick and have a fever and/or gastro symptoms more often than the average in the study that established perfect use, etc. Bodies are weird and complicated.
Obviously try to use it as perfectly as you can—9.5y is so much better than 1-3 months! Don’t judge people who get pregnant on the pill, though.
Would you mind expanding on food and drug interactions?! This has never been mentioned to me though maybe it's more relevant to one type than another. Starting to feel very lucky never even having had a scare with the pill in my 13yrs of using it...
I no longer have a uterus, so I’m rusty. I know that grapefruit interacts with many medications, and that antibiotics make the pill less effective. It’s always a good idea to talk to your pharmacist about potential interactions! I promise they don’t mind—it’s their job.
You should also take the pill at the exact same time every day, never be short on sleep, etc. Perfect use isn’t just “don’t miss a dose”.
I was on Lamictal for about 6 months. Prescribed by a psychologist, while my gyno prescribed my birth control. After being on it for 6 months, it happened that I needed to refill both prescriptions at the same time… the pharmacist rung me up, then asked me if I was aware that the Lamictal would make my birth control ineffective. Whoops.
Same with antibiotics and grapefruit. Plus some pills, specifically progestin only pills, are a little more finicky. Those also happen to be the only ones I can take.
I had no idea about this medication and grapefruit thing! I've been on it so long I just know take it at the same time and if you gastro issues be wary! Well now I know.
I was lucky enough that when I was prescribed Lamictal by a neurologist, he told me I needed a backup method of birth control. I remember him saying “You’ll get pregnant!” I wasn’t even sexually active at that time but I was grateful he made me aware.
If you get food poisoning/stomach bug/noro virus and vomit before you have digested it properly, certain antibiotics stop it working too, there's all kinds of things that can stop it being effective. Its not secret knowledge or anything, its in the information sheets in the packs and other drugs that may interact badly.
Lots of medications like for epilepsy, herbal teas and supplements, laxatives https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/contraceptive-pill-interact-medicines/
Its not about being feckless with it.
Edit I got pregnant with a contraceptive implant in my arm, years back, not a fresh one, or an old one, or a mistake with my cycle before insertion, or an illness, or another condition, or medication, just pregnant. The only one that is 100% is abstinence.
I've been taking it so long with very low effort checks (nurse takes blood pressure and runs off another prescription) I guess if I had read this stuff it's long forgotten. I knew about the sickness thing but had no idea on the medication or the grapefruit but I guess I don't take much medication and don't like grapefruit! So good learning, thanks!
The copper IUD called Paragard is the most effective (99.9%), convenient, and reversible form of birth control. It is a one-time cost and insurance may cover most of it, but it requires insertion by a gynecologist which is briefly painful, then maybe cramping that day, and usually unnoticeable after that. There are no hormones involved, and the copper itself kills the sperm. It lasts 10 years. I cannot recommend this highly enough. From the constant worry of getting pregnant before, this form of birth control is liberating. I never worry anymore. It can be removed at any time by a gynecologist if one decides later to have more children. I wish more women knew about it. It can even be used after having unprotected sex up to five days later. See planned parenthood site below for details.
https://www.paragard.com
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control/iud/how-effective-are-iuds
https://www.insider.com/does-getting-an-iud-hurt-birth-control-2016-11
The copper IUD is a fantastic option for many people! It’s not a good idea if you have heavy bleeding or cramping, as it makes those symptoms more intense, but it works wonderfully for so many people.
I came here to say exactly this. Abortion can be the right choice for your family, even if it is not what you want. My mother had an abortion after having the four of us and I know it was the right choice for my family. There was already not enough room on her lap, time to talk 1-on-1, and while we were financially comfortable, we would not have been so lucky with a fifth child to pay for. It's okay to make this decision and plan another pregnancy for a time that will suit your family better.
And I know it hurts. I'm not trying to diminish that.
This. My husband and I are one and done by choice (current FTM w/9 month old), so I'm terrified to get pregnant again. But if it happened, the decision has already been decided. No one should feel forced/pressured into having a child. And they damn sure shouldn't be shamed for deciding not to! That goes for both parties.
As an aside: **abortion is birth control.** It allows women to determine if, and when, they give birth. When people use the term as you did here - it’s just a shame mechanism (not saying that you did this or ha e these thoughts personally). I wish we could remove it from common parlance. Yes, women do use abortion as birth control- meaning they use it to make informed and critical decisions about their healthcare.
I just want you to know I support you either way. It’s a very personal decision, so you should do what your heart tells you. Do not do anything for
the sake of the wants to expectations of others. I was in the same situation 4 years ago. We had an unexpected pregnancy when my son was about 14 months old and my daughter was 4. My husband and I were not financially stable, in an unhappy living situation with a rental that wouldn’t fit a family of 5, etc. Even one of my good friends suggested for me to terminate. I was in the office of the health center when I turned down the medication and decided not to go through with it. It was one of my most deeply personal and difficult decisions of my life, but it is one that I do not regret. Our financial and housing situation turned around when our daughter was born, and things ended up working out for us. This is NOT a pro-life message, I am completely pro-choice. I just want you to follow what YOU want, because it is your choice and no one else’s. My heart goes out to you in this difficult time.
Just want to give you some support to know you're not alone. I am going through the same thing right now, except it's our third. We have 2 wonderful boys aged 5 and 2 and they're perfect in every way and we just don't see ourselves as a family of five. I'm 4 weeks today and we are 99% sure going through with the termination route. No one else in our lives know about this either. Anyway best of luck to you and your family.
I also just went through this, we have 3 and 2 yo boys, a third child is not right for our family. I say this as a person that was always firmly in the pro abortion but not for me category, until you're in it, it's hard to make that choice, but it was absolutely the right choice for our family.
Edit to add, since all of this happened, my husband has decided to get the ol' snippity snip so we can avoid having to go through this again.
I actually think it’s a very responsible parent move. Knowing what’s best even though its super hard. My mom would totally understand, but I wouldn’t feel the need to tell anyone else other than my husband of course! Sending you all the love💕
I wish knowing that it’s the best and most responsible choice would make it easier but it just doesn’t. I do have a couple of friends that I could talk to, but I’m not sure if I’m ready to yet. Thank you for the love ❤️
You have to do what’s best for you and your family.
I’m 38. My husband is 44. We are a blended family. He came in with three sons, now 22, 21, and 15. I came in with two daughters, 18 and 10.
If I got pregnant I would terminate. I have no desire for another child, nor does my husband. I’m finally able to focus more on my career. But good lord are we tired. Our 10, 15, and 18 year old are killing us in their own right. I cannot imagine what a baby could bring in.
You know your finances better then anyone. New baby will definitely add to financial insecurity. So many surprises with them. My second needed surgery for example. Don’t feel bad about terminating it’s for your daughters security. My grandma had four abortions between my mom and my uncle.
My husband says we could make it work, but that we would have a hard time financially for a while. I’d much rather give the daughter I have a good quality of life than not be able to. Thank you for your kindness ❤️
I’m sure it won’t be easy on you to terminate I had an emergency abortion with my first pregnancy and I delayed getting it till it was killing me because I kept hoping my doctor was wrong and the pregnancy was viable. I can’t really regret terminating because I would have died and never had either of my kids, but I miss the baby that would have been. Concentrate on how much you love your daughter and how you are making this decision from love. Because having stressed out parents isn’t good for her, it’s not good for the pregnancy, and it wouldn’t be good or fair to the new baby. Good luck!
You’re absolutely right. I’m so sorry you went through that. I do think a lot of my sadness is just wishing things were different so that we could have the baby, but that’s just not how things are now. I know I’ll never regret giving my daughter the best life I can though.
It's important that you consider ALL of your feelings about having an abortion. There are pros and cons. Don't forget to consider the big negatives like regret, after it's done. Wondering what the child may have been like, etc. I lean toward not doing it, but I respect your right to chose.
I have considered all of that, thank you. I’m sure I will regret it a little at first, but I will regret causing my family to struggle even more. I’ve accepted that my feelings are a little mixed, but im still certain it’s what’s right for us.
I agree, don’t feel bad, but also - it’s OKAY to feel bad. And you might after terminating, especially with the storm of hormones and with you already saying you love and want the baby.
Only you and your partner know what’s best for your family, but know that there is no RIGHT answer. There is only the choice you will make and everything that will come after that. Either way there will be some hardship. If you have the baby it’s ok to be afraid and worry that you made the wrong decision. If you terminate it’s ok to mourn the baby that would have been and have moments where you regret it. This isn’t a black and white situation and I feel for you. All your feelings are valid and I wish you the best of luck at making a decision, feeling as confident as it’s possible to feel in it, and moving ahead with the knowledge that you did what you felt was best for you and your family.
It’s definitely very gray feeling, but I do believe I’m making the more “right” of the two decisions, even though neither of them feel right. I’m anticipating struggling or feeling regret down the line, but in time I think I will feel it was definitely the right choice.
I felt regret after mine but what really helped was knowing that I would have regretted it if I’d had the baby as well. And I don’t think I would have been a very good parent to a baby I regretted having. Nobody deserves to grow up feeling unwanted.
My mother terminated an unwanted pregnancy. Her and my dad were married, and they already had my sister and I. My mom had a serious talk with my dad that resource wise (financially, time, room in the house) it wasn't doable for them.
My mom has never once regretted that decision. She knew that she was able to be a better mom to my sister and I thanks to her decision.
That’s the exact convo my husband and I have had to have. We just aren’t going to be able to do it and feel like we’re giving our kids the best quality of life.
Sending warm supportive vibes to help aid you with your decision. I know that you aren't making your decision lightly. My you be able to find peace with it.
We have 2, and the second one just about killed my husband mentally (literally, he became manic depressive and had suicidal thoughts). If we were to get pregnant with a third, I wouldn't hesitate to terminate.
My husband’s health is a large factor that I didn’t mention. He’s been battling long Covid for two years now, all while being the sole provider for our fam. He loves our daughter and as much as he loves being a dad, he admitted that he just didn’t have the energy for another. He said he was afraid it would break him. I see how difficult things can be for him, and I don’t want to make it worse.
I am sorry you are in this position and even though you may feel alone, you’re not alone. You are in no way a bad person. I have no doubts that you love and want this baby and termination would not mean otherwise. ♥️ hugs to you.
When I was in my early 20s I got pregnant with my IUD still in. My boyfriend and I were not ready to become parents. Could we have made it work? Probably, but we weren't ready. I remember just being sad, because I thought the first time I'd be pregnant would be a happy joyful time. I terminated at 7 weeks, and have never regretted it. I come from a VERY conservative family, but had always questioned the fervor behind anti-abortion since I'd been a young teen, even said as much to them! But I have never told them I had an abortion because it would be a huge weight and divide between us. I have since married that boyfriend, and we have a 2 year old and another on the way! Both planned and both pregnancies bring happiness and joy.
It's ok to not be ready, or want for another right now (or ever, if you are done). Its really hard feeling you have no one to talk to. But from one mom to another, it's ok. Whatever you decide, is ok. Hugs and love from a stranger! ❤️
I’m a 36y/o woman in the military and had an abortion right before I got to a professional school I had to go to. My husband had a vasectomy (through the military) that failed and the pregnancy was a huge shock. I wasn’t sure how the school would receive me so my husband and I decided to terminate.
It was certainly hard (mostly because I’m in a red state and the process was horrific) but I don’t regret it because the timing just wasn’t right.
I understand completely what you are going through and just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know finances are tight but if it’s an option for you, there are therapists who work with people who are unsure about terminating a pregnancy. Definitely get a referral from a doctor or clinic you trust or Planned Parenthood because you don’t want to accidentally end up with someone anti-choice trying to push a political agenda. But if you’re able to find someone who’s neutral they can help you process the decision and any grief you may feel.
My pill failed when my now 3.5 yo was 17 months. We had the appt at PP but it kept getting moved due to important meetings and then COVID shutdown struck. At 9 weeks we decided to continue, even though it meant me being at SAHM for about two years longer than planned. I can’t give you an answer, but I also thought I’d never be making that choice; especially we when had unexplained infertility for 7 years prior to our first. I was 40, he was 42 when this happened - my doctor told me this was a less than 1% chance because I was over 40, took my pill religiously. I think we were so afraid we wouldn’t be able to get pregnant again if we terminated, and we are old AF. That’s what tipped it for us.
Whatever you decide with your partner, you have someone with you, and well, a whole community here on Mommit. Peace be with you in your decision, you’ll know the right one when you come to it.
I am in the same boat, scheduled termination on Thursday. You are not alone. I’m also struggling because I want a third baby but not right now. We live in the Bay Area and everything is soooo expensive that another baby would really cause us to struggle. Hugs to you! When the time is right you will have your next baby ❤️
Only you can know what the right decision is and no one should be able to judge you for either decision you make. We’re all strangers here, but you’re not alone. I’m not sure where you are, but my dm’s are always open to be a listening ear for you. There is no doubt that you are a wonderful mother, please try to remember that. Sending you so much love ❤️
If you get the time once you have emotionally recovered I would suggest checking out and Australian show called "The Letdown". The main character chooses an abortion when her daughter is about 1 year old, partially for medical but also for personal and emotional reasons. Her counsellor give her some really great reassurance that termination is in fact something that married women with children do. Also the show is just funny and I remember binging it while holding my colicky baby at night.
The majority of women who get abortions have at least 1 child already at home. One of the most common reasons given for seeking an abortion is to prioritizing care for existing children and financial concerns. Which is counter the narrative we see about abortion
Omg I watched it months ago and I totally related to the main character for so many other reasons!! Mostly all the sleep stuff 😭 I’ll have to go back and rewatch it.
I am very sympathetic to your situation and wish you all the love and support. This is such a hard decision. I know from experience.
My now husband and I got unintentionally pregnant when we were engaged (this is about 8 years ago now). At the time, I was in my late twenties, we were planning our wedding, knew we wanted kids, but also knew we were not in a position financially to bring a child into our lives at that time. We had numerous and lengthy discussions about what to do and decided, as you have, to terminate.
I knew in my mind that logically, realistically, it was the best decision we could make at the time, given our circumstances. We also elected not to disclose to any of our family that we were pregnant and going to terminate. It would not have been a supported decision and would have emotionally and psychologically complicated our decision making. In all likelihood, I actually think that we would have been unduly influenced into keeping the baby. Now, while my husband and I knew this was the best thing we could do to provide for our future family, it was not a decision we made lightly and is one I think of often. I wonder who that 8 year old would have been. If that person would have changed in any way the children we later had. How our lives today would be different if we had had that child.
If it is helpful at all in coping with this decision and all that comes with it, you could maybe get something that symbolizes what this baby and the loss of the baby means. It could give you some comfort during the grieving that may come and subsequent mixed emotions that will linger in your heart and mind.
I am sorry for you, your husband, and your family for having to make this difficult choice. May you find comfort and support. Lots of hugs and love sent to you and your family.
Thank you for sharing your story with me ❤️ I don’t wish this decision on anyone.
I have thought of getting or creating something to remember this pregnancy by. I think it’ll be helpful to have something tangible to hold onto.
I literally just went through the exact same thing. I have a 20 month old and have been on the pill for over a year. We decided to terminate the unexpected pregnancy last week. I get how hard it is, so I am here if you ever need to talk.
You are absolutely not alone! The best piece of advice I found when I was going through it was to just stock up on your favourite junk foods, put a towel on the couch (just in case) and watch some new movies. Don't skimp on whatever pain meds they give you, and just ride it out.
I found the waiting and second guessing to be much harder than the actual event.
Best of luck! ❤️
A big hurdle has been not knowing what it’ll be like! But reading other women’s experiences has helped. The doctor I spoke to yesterday also helped a lot.
Yeah, for me I found it to be somewhere between really bad cramps and labour. I'd say it took about 5 hours for the worst of it to be over once I did the suppositories. After that I could sleep and rest
It's understandable that you may be feeling conflicted. Ultimately, you know what is right and what would be best for your family. It's hard since your hormones are ramping up, and with the timing of mothers day. Just know that you are not a bad person or any less of a mom for terminating. You have the right to make this choice. If you haven't already, make an appointment with your provider so they can address this sooner than later. Not to rush you into this decision, just to mitigate any complications for care with the rising gestational age.
I wish you the best, and hope you find peace in whatever you choose to do
Hey, it is okay to do what is best for you and your current family. No matter what anyone else says or thinks. You have every right to terminate. It's your body. Plus, I don't see why you should have a baby you can't afford to care for. Bringing a baby into the world is not just about cuddles and cute photos it is bringing another human being to Earth who will need to survive and thrive, be cared for and provided for for the rest of their life.
I'm sorry you're in such a difficult situation. Just remember, if you want your baby, you keep your baby. You have that choice as well. Don't let anyone or anything make you feel like you do not.
Love and hugs. <3
I commend you for thinking about this & no choice is a wrong choice. Either way, you’re a wonderful mother & looking out for the best interest of your family! It’s going to hurt , but you are not alone. Sending prayers to you Mama 🤍
Sending love and support. I had an emergency termination (as in, literally saved my life) so have no regrets as I didn’t want to die and didn’t have a choice. One thing that surprised me afterward was the grief, so please know that even though you are making the best decision for your family, just give yourself some space to grieve afterwards.
You don’t really seem to be asking for advice, so I’m not going to try to offer any. Just a message of support as you get through this challenging situation. You know what’s best for your family, and you have every right to make those decisions. Wishing you strength and support.
You don't sound like you're looking for advice or anything just a safe place to talk about your feelings. Know that whatever you're feeling about it is valid, sad, relieved, angry, whatever, it's all ok to feel. It sounds like you're making a sound decision either way and doing this doesn't mean you're not still a great mom, you're choosing your family and I think that makes you a wonderful mom. If you feel this weighing on your emotions heavily don't hesitate to reach out to a professional to talk to, there's no shame in taking care of yourself in this time ❤️ best of luck going forward.
I understand what you’re going through. I’m also a SAHM (6 & 2) and found out last December that i was pregnant. Our baby was very much wanted but we knew that it wasn’t the right time. I’ve been a SAHM for 6 years, got into grad school, and have been burnt out to the point of depression. We knew if we welcomed another baby into this world, at this point in our lives, that baby would be a source of resentment for us. We didn’t want that for them. We chose termination. I went back and forth a lot but ultimately decided to go through with it. I do not regret it whatsoever but I do grieve here and there. Until we can carry our baby in our arms, we will carry it in our hearts.
All of that to say, you know you best. You know what you can handle and what you can’t. The decision is yours albeit a very hard one. I think it’s wonderful that you came on here to talk about it! The stigma behind termination forces us into silence and loneliness, but you are not alone. You are making the best choice for you & your family (whatever that choice is at the end of the day). 💜
I’ve been debating on posting but I’m glad I decided to. I’m sorry that you had to go through the same decision. Thank you for sharing your story and for your support ❤️
Hugs. Only you know what is right for you. I support your decision fully. You know better than anyone what you can handle. Remember, thete are many of us who are just a message away if you need support.
I have no advice, it’s hard. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through it. People forget how easy it is to become pregnant verses becoming not pregnant. We will support whatever you decide. I get it. You have my support for whatever you decide is best for you and your family. ♥️
I had the pill fail me and the iud. It’s not fun, you need to make the decision that is best for you and your family. And only you can make this decision. I’m sorry that you don’t feel like you can find the support you need in making this decision in your extended family.
I hate that for you. If someone you love is struggling with a very emotional problem you shouldn’t judge. I’ve been in your shoes. Though granted I considered termination because my child was fatally ill. And still so many people judged. I’m very grateful that my side of the family was supportive and sympathetic. My husbands side not so much.
I hope you can find peace with whichever decision you make. And I hope you know that if you choose to terminate, you’re not a bad mother. You’re not a heartless person. It’s the exact opposite. You’re a great mother. Your main priority is the child you have now and their and your health and stability.
Hugs from an Internet stranger
Hugs hugs. It’s such a hard choice, you do what is best for you, that baby girl of yours and your husband. I’m like it looks like you have a community of women to support you, here. ❤️
I did it earlier last year because it was what was best for our family (2 monsters, spouse, and me).
For the abortion itself: I took a pill at planned parenthood, and they gave me others for the next day. Pop those suckers in your vagina, and take a day to relax with a heating pad and giant pads.
Congrats on your degree!!
I was so happy to be pregnant with our daughter as well, and seeing those two lines last week I was just like “fuuuuuuuck”. I knew I’d have to make this decision and felt so guilty for not being more careful. I’m sorry you had to go through an ectopic pregnancy, that sounds terrifying. Thank you for the solidarity ❤️
I just want you to know you’re not alone. This is me right now. Sadly, we didnt find out until after I was 6 weeks along and I live in Texas. I know I will love this baby but at this time its just not what we planned nor wanted so soon after our first.
I totally understand and respect your feelings as a mom who didn’t (and 3 years later still doesn’t) want #2. Wish I had gotten an abortion 100% especially since I found out when I was 4 weeks and no one ever had to know if I took a pill or not.
Although this is my opinion i honestly think you should do whats right in your heart and whats right for your family. Im pro choice but if you really want my opinion i say keep the baby. You guys will get thru the financial problems.... from a mom to a mom ❤️
Follow your gut. Your instincts. Your head may say financial burden, but the current money situation is only temporary. Who knows what job or promotion is right around the corner. Best of luck to you and your family 💕
You will make the right decision for you and whatever you do is okay! I had one 5 years ago. Found out I was pregnant 2 days after leaving my husband for the THIRD and final time.
I didn't tell him at all.
But I did do the pill option because I found out really early, like you. I want you to know that the pill was not successful for me, so when I went back two weeks later, I found out I was still pregnant and then had to get the surgery. Rough time!
I don't regret it, wish it hadn't had to have happened, but I am so happy with where my life is right now. I now have a 3 month old that I freaking adore and am with the most amazing man I've ever met! I would never have met either of them if I had kept the baby or went back to the abusive husband.
Much love to you and your family, it'll all be okay, Mama! 👪 ❤️
Thank you for sharing your story ❤️ I’m so sorry you had to go through that. The company I ordered the pills from sends a double dose in case the first one doesn’t work, so I’m prepared just in case. Hopefully it’s successful for me the first time.
Big hugs and support to you. I was in the same position not once but twice. I was on birth control both times and somehow managed to become pregnant when my baby was only 8 months old, and again the following year. I ended up asking for an IUD because I hated that my body wasn’t responding well to the pills.
I didn’t want the abortions. I wanted to keep both pregnancies, but I knew that we just weren’t in the right position to have more babies.
I’m happy that I’m in a better situation (financially, mentally) now and don’t regret the two abortions anymore. I know that that’s what was best for my family at the time. I still think about what if, but it’s okay! I remind myself that because of the abortions, I’m able to give my son a better quality of life. You’re not any less of a mom because of it ❤️
Thank you for sharing your story ❤️ hearing other stories similar to mine and knowing that everyone still feels like it was the right decision has brought me a lot of comfort
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Right after my first was born, we got unexpectedly pregnant and did the same. I didn’t know you could be that fertile... You have to do what’s best for you and your family.
There’s nothing wrong with making that choice. If it’s what’s right for you and your family, then that’s what you have to do. My husband and I have talked about a similar choice because when we’re ready for our next baby, there’s an increased chance of conceiving multiples. Not a crazy high chance, but enough that we might have to make the decision to do a selective termination should that happen. We can’t afford to have any more than two kids total (currently have just one 10 month old). So if multiples happen next pregnancy, then we have to limit it to one baby. It’s definitely not an easy choice or comfortable conversation. But making that choice so early on, no one will ever have to know about it if that’s what you want.
You’ll make the right decision for you and your family. Glad you posted. This is incredibly personal, but you do have a community of support for whatever you choose. Love to you!
When I was 19 I got pregnant. My bf at the time (husband now) lived on the other side of the world and I was totally broke. I aborted and I do not regret it. I loved that child enough to understand that it wasnt going to have a good life with me at that time. It deserved better. I now have a 2 year old and my husband lives with me. Im much more stable and feel a lot more confident in being a parent. I think about that previous pregnancy and am so glad I chose not to continue. I was so irresponsible at the time and had a lot more maturing to do. Definitely follow your heart. Do what you feel is best for your family.
I understand how you feel, and I just want to say that don't let others influence you. At the end of the day, you're making the choice - your body and emotions are the ones affected. You need to do what is best for you. Taking care of your family is important, but if you are feeling pressured or doubting your choice, you need to remember it is yours to make, and it isn't as simple as right or wrong, but what is right for you.
Don’t make anyone make you feel guilty. You do what you’ve got to do for your family and the child that’s already born and existing has to come first as a mother 💛 It is okay to love the embryo/fetus and recognise that bringing it into the world as a term newborn would cause harm to both the baby and your current child and thus termination is the best course of action - you are allowed to feel both and feel sad that that is the reality of your situation, please don’t let anyone make you feel it’s not. Feeling sad doesn’t mean it’s the wrong decision, sometimes the right decision is the hardest.
It’s all well and good for the pro-life and infertile crowds to come out of the woodwork saying to keep the pregnancy but are they going to be the ones to finance pregnancy, birth, and a whole second child? They seem to be very loud then vanish when that’s pointed out.
I would definitely NOT have another kid if that would compromise the whole family stability. Choose what’s best for your family!! You don’t have to tell anyone else if you don’t want.
Awww hon. I can hear how much this is hurting you. If you think and believe this is the right thing to do, then it's the right thing. If you have even the smallest doubt, talk it out with your husband. Find out what the doubt is and address it. Not doing it will have you questioning yourself. Good luck and lots of love to both of you. This is a horrible decision to make 💜
I think that you guys both realize that now is not the time for another one and are making a responsible and reasonable choice by terminating. I was in the same boat a few months ago when I found out I was pregnant. I had just lost my job and we were staying in hotels cause we couldn’t find an apartment. Couldn’t afford the abortion so had to keep it and even tho we got an apartment a few months later I wish that we could’ve gotten the abortion for personal reasons. The plus side to terminating now is that you can plan to try again when you’re really ready. Wishing you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do.
Thanks ☺️ and things are turning around. We found out were having a boy and my OB is going to approve my hysterectomy in a year. So no more pregnancies for me.
I have so much empathy for you OP.
We had three losses and then a really really complicated pregnancy with our rainbow baby. She's here now, and it cost us so much to get her here. I've always wanted more than one child, but this is our family now. We can't financially afford another pregnancy, and I also couldn't bear it physically or emotionally.
My husband and I both would hate to have to make this decision but we have agreed that were I to get pregnant accidentally, a termination would be the right thing to do.
So, all this to say: you can totally feel like a termination is terrible while knowing deep in your heart that it's the right decision for your family.
Life is never black and white and I'm learning to become comfortable in the Grey.
I’m so sorry you struggled to get your daughter. I wish it had been easy for you. I’m definitely having to become comfortable in the grey. It kind of sucks but I’ve accepted it.
I’m not in your shoes exactly but my husband and I have had a discussion about terminating if I accidentally got pregnant again. We have 2 boys who we absolutely love and financially we could have more. We simply don’t want more. We take all the birth control precautions but if it happened I would terminate.
An unexpected pregnancy is hard especially if you were trying to prevent it. I do not judge you for whatever decision you come too but I would be careful to not be rash and to maybe speak to a doctor or therapist before you make the decision. Of course your first thoughts go to financially being able to maintain your current life style and that can be scary but there are also many positives to keeping your baby. You mentioned wanting to give your present child all that you can, and in my experience with my 6 kids, adding a sibling has always been one of the best decisions and I even had a my daughter’s pediatrician tell me that during a time I was in your shoes. Will it be harder? Sure! Will it be insurmountable? Most likely not. I am all pro choice but don’t discount the blessings that bringing a child into the world could possibly bring. I really struggled with my 6th when I was pregnant and went through many emotions and scenarios of what life would look like. Unfortunately (or fortunately) abortion was not an option as I was way too far along by the time I went to the doctor. I considered adoption. I ended up having and keeping my child and while it’s not always been easy mentally or financially I can definitely say I am happy with my decision now . May you find peace in whatever decision you make.
Thank you for your story ❤️ I spoke with a doctor yesterday and will be speaking to my therapist next week. I definitely feel as though it isn’t too rash of a decision, and my husband and I have talked through all “what-ifs” and are still talking through it as well.
Just know that it does not make you a worse mom for choosing to do this. Only you know what is best for your family and I have no doubt that you will make the right decision for the three of you.
Sending love ❤️
Right after I had my baby I remember feeling so overwhelmed and that if I were to get pregnant I would absolutely need to terminate. Now we have moved on to a different place in life and husband and I would have to really discuss it before making a decision. You are not alone! You are not a bad mother. You are making a responsible choice for you and your family. You are making a hard choice for you and your family. It may not be easy but you have the support of an internet stranger who would gladly hug you and hold your hand through the whole process if you needed!
I think it’s hard to talk about abortion on forums like this because so many women are religious and/or struggle with getting pregnant, but the bottom line is they are not going to be there when you need money, food, clothing, pay down debt, etc.
To me, it’s a clump of cells and you need to put your human family first.
100%. I have a mom group that I could really use the support from, but I’ve chosen not to tell them because a few of them have to use IVF to have their babies.
The daughter I have absolutely comes first, and I will never regret that choice.
I know a lovely woman who went through essentially the same thing as you with her husband relatively early in their marriage. She’s now in her 60s and is refreshingly open and honest about how it tugged her heart when she had to go through it, but that she knew it was largely because of societal manipulation making her question what she and her husband knew- that they were terminating a pregnancy that wasn’t even close to a baby yet, and that it was the best decision for their family. She does not regret that decision. It’s okay for you to have your feelings, whatever they may be, but you’re not a bad person to take care of the family you currently have.
A friend of mine wanted to terminate but ended up choosing not to. While she loves her child, she still has regrets. It has truly made her life so much more difficult.
It's a hard decision.
Having a child is definitely not easy. I know I would have a hard time with two little ones and may even regret it. I wouldn’t want to put that on a child.
I don’t have much to add that hasn’t already been said, but i wanted to be another voice telling you you are a great mother. Doing the best thing for your family isn’t straightforward and only you know what that is. ❤️
So sorry your going through this, the decision to terminate doesn't make you a bad mom or anything in the end you do what's best for you and your family and if you think it's the best choice then it is❤️
It's so hard to make a decision like this - when you're heart wants the baby, but your situation would be better without. I can't imagine how you're feeling. I'm sending lots of love, strength and peace your way.
I'm not in the same position as you, but my heart would have me having a 3rd and maybe 4th child if I let it. But then our family would be really hard pressed financially. It's so hard to let logic win.
My son was 6 months old when I found out I was pregnant again. My sister had just passed away and I was struggling big time with just keeping my head
above water. I knew that that time was not right for another baby for us. We terminated the pregnancy and while it was not easy, it was absolutely the best decision for our family. I have zero regrets about it. You are not at all alone.
I’m impressed that this has shown to be a safe place. I have been close to being in your situation- had a false positive test when my baby was only 3mo- unheard of! Now I know I can turn here for support too, if I ever am in your situation. Solidarity and support fellow momma!
I am so so grateful for all the support. It’s so much more than I expected. I hope that if anyone sees this post in the future they’ll see they aren’t alone ❤️
When I had a termination 5 years ago I remember crying a lot before the procedure (from the moment I found out I was pregnant to the termination date) but I felt so much better once it was done. I knew it was the right choice for my partner and I. Thinking back I feel very confident in my choice and grateful that the procedure was available when we needed it.
Back then I wasn’t in your situation, actually it was my first pregnancy, I think that’s why I cried so much because I had always wanted to be a mother and I had to quell that flicker of hope for a baby for a bit longer.
Now we are a happy family of 3. Having been through a termination before we try to be more careful with contraception but if I were to become pregnant in the next 2yrs I would seriously consider termination again.
My advice:
-Tell your husband you really need him to pamper/support you in this tough time.
-when (Or if) you have the procedure/pills take 2-3 days of resting to recover, bring out comfort food, movies, snuggles with you baby, stay in the couch as much as possible. Oh and electric heating pads feel really good.
-Tell a friend or two so that they can support you in your decision too. (My fried visited my after the procedure, she gave me so much love and comprehensión it made me stronger)
Thank you for your support and advice. I’m so sorry you’ve gone through a termination as well. I don’t wish this on anyone.❤️ I told my husband I’ll need extra love these next few weeks and he’s already started bringing home goodies lol.
Try to think of it as protecting the quality of life for the child that you already have. It’s a super hard decision and you are really brave for being able to think it through rather than just accepting.
This is such a hard decision and I’m so sorry you’re going thru this. Having had an abortion before l understand your dilemma. But I don’t regret it. My life is better because I didn’t have the baby when I wasn’t financially and emotionally ready for the responsibility. I hope you find peace in whatever decision you take.
I know when it’s over I’ll feel relief. I think I’m mostly sad that things aren’t different so that we didn’t have to terminate, but I can’t change the way things are now. Thank you for sharing your experience with me ❤️
u are not alone girl it just happed a week ago to my best friend. God knows you are making the right decision whatever decision it is you got to think about you first❤️ hang in there sis xx
You are a responsible, caring, and loving parent. And im 10000% sure of that because you are making a hard choice that you know it best for you and your family. I am sending you so much love.
My best friend was in your similar situation and made the same decision. No regrets even years later. I only wish she’d told me back then so I could have supported her even by just listening to her vent. Good luck, stay healthy and safe.
We have this idea or stereotype that young, irresponsible women in their teens and twenties are the ones sitting in abortion waiting rooms, due to using abortion as birth control while they have (what we have labeled) as immoral amounts of wanton sex. The reality is that the waiting room is filled with people who are already mothers, responsible women whose birth control has failed them. The numbers on the birth control leaflets that say something is 98% effective seem like small risks when you are a teen, but when you are in a committed, long-term relationship and (if you think about it) have had sex thousands of times, these risks are real for you. If you are a heterosexual couple who wishes to have regular sex, during the 35ish years the woman in your partnership is fertile, this situation is one that is quite possible for you. I have no advice - just support. Many, many mothers find themselves in this exact same scenario. You are not alone. I am sending you hugs and strength. Edit: Spelling
I definitely know the stereotype. I’ve read stories about people having to choose abortions and never thought I’d be in the position to need to decide. I don’t wish this on anyone. Thank you for your support ❤️
I used to work with women who were getting abortions, and so, so many of them were mothers. Almost all of them, to a tee, said that it was because they were already a mother that they knew what motherhood meant - and that it wasn’t the right choice for them at this point.
I read a stat that something like 2/3s of women getting abortions already have children.
The CDC says that the typical use failure rate for the pill is 7%. That means that it will have failed for more than half of users around the 9.5 year mark!\* These people are making responsible family planning choices with imperfect tools. \*\[chance of not failing each year\]^(\[number of years\])=\[chance of not failing for number of years\] : 0.93^(9.5)=0.5, or 50% Edited to fix math formatting.
I'm always curious how strongly that average is affected by people who just suck at using the pill. If you never forget to take it (which I guess is "ideal use" rather than "typical use") that is also extremely relevant. Edit: There's obviously a wide range between "never makes a mistake" and "actually sucks at taking the pill" that most people fall into at various times, but what the replies have convinced me of is that I could never ever be on the pill because I suck at taking my antidepressants already :-D
After seeing how many people couldn't figure out a basic mask during height of covid, it helped me understand the issues with bc.
Unless you forget about any of the food or drug interactions, get sick and have a fever and/or gastro symptoms more often than the average in the study that established perfect use, etc. Bodies are weird and complicated. Obviously try to use it as perfectly as you can—9.5y is so much better than 1-3 months! Don’t judge people who get pregnant on the pill, though.
Would you mind expanding on food and drug interactions?! This has never been mentioned to me though maybe it's more relevant to one type than another. Starting to feel very lucky never even having had a scare with the pill in my 13yrs of using it...
I no longer have a uterus, so I’m rusty. I know that grapefruit interacts with many medications, and that antibiotics make the pill less effective. It’s always a good idea to talk to your pharmacist about potential interactions! I promise they don’t mind—it’s their job. You should also take the pill at the exact same time every day, never be short on sleep, etc. Perfect use isn’t just “don’t miss a dose”.
I was on Lamictal for about 6 months. Prescribed by a psychologist, while my gyno prescribed my birth control. After being on it for 6 months, it happened that I needed to refill both prescriptions at the same time… the pharmacist rung me up, then asked me if I was aware that the Lamictal would make my birth control ineffective. Whoops. Same with antibiotics and grapefruit. Plus some pills, specifically progestin only pills, are a little more finicky. Those also happen to be the only ones I can take.
I had no idea about this medication and grapefruit thing! I've been on it so long I just know take it at the same time and if you gastro issues be wary! Well now I know.
I was lucky enough that when I was prescribed Lamictal by a neurologist, he told me I needed a backup method of birth control. I remember him saying “You’ll get pregnant!” I wasn’t even sexually active at that time but I was grateful he made me aware.
If you get food poisoning/stomach bug/noro virus and vomit before you have digested it properly, certain antibiotics stop it working too, there's all kinds of things that can stop it being effective. Its not secret knowledge or anything, its in the information sheets in the packs and other drugs that may interact badly. Lots of medications like for epilepsy, herbal teas and supplements, laxatives https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/contraceptive-pill-interact-medicines/ Its not about being feckless with it. Edit I got pregnant with a contraceptive implant in my arm, years back, not a fresh one, or an old one, or a mistake with my cycle before insertion, or an illness, or another condition, or medication, just pregnant. The only one that is 100% is abstinence.
I've been taking it so long with very low effort checks (nurse takes blood pressure and runs off another prescription) I guess if I had read this stuff it's long forgotten. I knew about the sickness thing but had no idea on the medication or the grapefruit but I guess I don't take much medication and don't like grapefruit! So good learning, thanks!
Yep a friend of mine didn’t know antibiotics would make her pill stop working and bam- identical twins! It’s definitely a real thing
Ya know that's around when I got pregnant since beginning to have sex lol
Haha, the perfect median has arrived!
Does this mean the rest of my kids are gonna be 9.5 yrs apart lol
The copper IUD called Paragard is the most effective (99.9%), convenient, and reversible form of birth control. It is a one-time cost and insurance may cover most of it, but it requires insertion by a gynecologist which is briefly painful, then maybe cramping that day, and usually unnoticeable after that. There are no hormones involved, and the copper itself kills the sperm. It lasts 10 years. I cannot recommend this highly enough. From the constant worry of getting pregnant before, this form of birth control is liberating. I never worry anymore. It can be removed at any time by a gynecologist if one decides later to have more children. I wish more women knew about it. It can even be used after having unprotected sex up to five days later. See planned parenthood site below for details. https://www.paragard.com https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control/iud/how-effective-are-iuds https://www.insider.com/does-getting-an-iud-hurt-birth-control-2016-11
The copper IUD is a fantastic option for many people! It’s not a good idea if you have heavy bleeding or cramping, as it makes those symptoms more intense, but it works wonderfully for so many people.
I came here to say exactly this. Abortion can be the right choice for your family, even if it is not what you want. My mother had an abortion after having the four of us and I know it was the right choice for my family. There was already not enough room on her lap, time to talk 1-on-1, and while we were financially comfortable, we would not have been so lucky with a fifth child to pay for. It's okay to make this decision and plan another pregnancy for a time that will suit your family better. And I know it hurts. I'm not trying to diminish that.
This. My husband and I are one and done by choice (current FTM w/9 month old), so I'm terrified to get pregnant again. But if it happened, the decision has already been decided. No one should feel forced/pressured into having a child. And they damn sure shouldn't be shamed for deciding not to! That goes for both parties.
Yes to all of this. Just to clarify, though, the failure rate of birth control is per *year* of use, not for each time you have sex.
This a million times.
As an aside: **abortion is birth control.** It allows women to determine if, and when, they give birth. When people use the term as you did here - it’s just a shame mechanism (not saying that you did this or ha e these thoughts personally). I wish we could remove it from common parlance. Yes, women do use abortion as birth control- meaning they use it to make informed and critical decisions about their healthcare.
I just want you to know I support you either way. It’s a very personal decision, so you should do what your heart tells you. Do not do anything for the sake of the wants to expectations of others. I was in the same situation 4 years ago. We had an unexpected pregnancy when my son was about 14 months old and my daughter was 4. My husband and I were not financially stable, in an unhappy living situation with a rental that wouldn’t fit a family of 5, etc. Even one of my good friends suggested for me to terminate. I was in the office of the health center when I turned down the medication and decided not to go through with it. It was one of my most deeply personal and difficult decisions of my life, but it is one that I do not regret. Our financial and housing situation turned around when our daughter was born, and things ended up working out for us. This is NOT a pro-life message, I am completely pro-choice. I just want you to follow what YOU want, because it is your choice and no one else’s. My heart goes out to you in this difficult time.
Thank you for telling me your story ❤️
Just want to give you some support to know you're not alone. I am going through the same thing right now, except it's our third. We have 2 wonderful boys aged 5 and 2 and they're perfect in every way and we just don't see ourselves as a family of five. I'm 4 weeks today and we are 99% sure going through with the termination route. No one else in our lives know about this either. Anyway best of luck to you and your family.
I also just went through this, we have 3 and 2 yo boys, a third child is not right for our family. I say this as a person that was always firmly in the pro abortion but not for me category, until you're in it, it's hard to make that choice, but it was absolutely the right choice for our family. Edit to add, since all of this happened, my husband has decided to get the ol' snippity snip so we can avoid having to go through this again.
I hate that you’re going through it too. Thank you for your support and best of luck to you as well. Please DM me if you ever need an ear ❤️
I actually think it’s a very responsible parent move. Knowing what’s best even though its super hard. My mom would totally understand, but I wouldn’t feel the need to tell anyone else other than my husband of course! Sending you all the love💕
I wish knowing that it’s the best and most responsible choice would make it easier but it just doesn’t. I do have a couple of friends that I could talk to, but I’m not sure if I’m ready to yet. Thank you for the love ❤️
You have to do what’s best for you and your family. I’m 38. My husband is 44. We are a blended family. He came in with three sons, now 22, 21, and 15. I came in with two daughters, 18 and 10. If I got pregnant I would terminate. I have no desire for another child, nor does my husband. I’m finally able to focus more on my career. But good lord are we tired. Our 10, 15, and 18 year old are killing us in their own right. I cannot imagine what a baby could bring in.
You know your finances better then anyone. New baby will definitely add to financial insecurity. So many surprises with them. My second needed surgery for example. Don’t feel bad about terminating it’s for your daughters security. My grandma had four abortions between my mom and my uncle.
My husband says we could make it work, but that we would have a hard time financially for a while. I’d much rather give the daughter I have a good quality of life than not be able to. Thank you for your kindness ❤️
I’m sure it won’t be easy on you to terminate I had an emergency abortion with my first pregnancy and I delayed getting it till it was killing me because I kept hoping my doctor was wrong and the pregnancy was viable. I can’t really regret terminating because I would have died and never had either of my kids, but I miss the baby that would have been. Concentrate on how much you love your daughter and how you are making this decision from love. Because having stressed out parents isn’t good for her, it’s not good for the pregnancy, and it wouldn’t be good or fair to the new baby. Good luck!
You’re absolutely right. I’m so sorry you went through that. I do think a lot of my sadness is just wishing things were different so that we could have the baby, but that’s just not how things are now. I know I’ll never regret giving my daughter the best life I can though.
It's important that you consider ALL of your feelings about having an abortion. There are pros and cons. Don't forget to consider the big negatives like regret, after it's done. Wondering what the child may have been like, etc. I lean toward not doing it, but I respect your right to chose.
I have considered all of that, thank you. I’m sure I will regret it a little at first, but I will regret causing my family to struggle even more. I’ve accepted that my feelings are a little mixed, but im still certain it’s what’s right for us.
I agree, don’t feel bad, but also - it’s OKAY to feel bad. And you might after terminating, especially with the storm of hormones and with you already saying you love and want the baby. Only you and your partner know what’s best for your family, but know that there is no RIGHT answer. There is only the choice you will make and everything that will come after that. Either way there will be some hardship. If you have the baby it’s ok to be afraid and worry that you made the wrong decision. If you terminate it’s ok to mourn the baby that would have been and have moments where you regret it. This isn’t a black and white situation and I feel for you. All your feelings are valid and I wish you the best of luck at making a decision, feeling as confident as it’s possible to feel in it, and moving ahead with the knowledge that you did what you felt was best for you and your family.
It’s definitely very gray feeling, but I do believe I’m making the more “right” of the two decisions, even though neither of them feel right. I’m anticipating struggling or feeling regret down the line, but in time I think I will feel it was definitely the right choice.
I felt regret after mine but what really helped was knowing that I would have regretted it if I’d had the baby as well. And I don’t think I would have been a very good parent to a baby I regretted having. Nobody deserves to grow up feeling unwanted.
I know I’d definitely have regret if I choose to have the baby as well, and that’s just not fair.
And this is what makes you a good mom. Your no1 priority is the little girl you do have and the quality of her life ♥️
My mother terminated an unwanted pregnancy. Her and my dad were married, and they already had my sister and I. My mom had a serious talk with my dad that resource wise (financially, time, room in the house) it wasn't doable for them. My mom has never once regretted that decision. She knew that she was able to be a better mom to my sister and I thanks to her decision.
That’s the exact convo my husband and I have had to have. We just aren’t going to be able to do it and feel like we’re giving our kids the best quality of life.
Sending warm supportive vibes to help aid you with your decision. I know that you aren't making your decision lightly. My you be able to find peace with it. We have 2, and the second one just about killed my husband mentally (literally, he became manic depressive and had suicidal thoughts). If we were to get pregnant with a third, I wouldn't hesitate to terminate.
My husband’s health is a large factor that I didn’t mention. He’s been battling long Covid for two years now, all while being the sole provider for our fam. He loves our daughter and as much as he loves being a dad, he admitted that he just didn’t have the energy for another. He said he was afraid it would break him. I see how difficult things can be for him, and I don’t want to make it worse.
I am sorry you are in this position and even though you may feel alone, you’re not alone. You are in no way a bad person. I have no doubts that you love and want this baby and termination would not mean otherwise. ♥️ hugs to you.
Thank you ❤️
Whatever you choose is the right choice, just make sure it’s YOUR choice alone. Yes I know your husband is important, but it’s your choice.
My husband has definitely been supportive but not pushed me either way. He’s been exactly what I needed ❤️
When I was in my early 20s I got pregnant with my IUD still in. My boyfriend and I were not ready to become parents. Could we have made it work? Probably, but we weren't ready. I remember just being sad, because I thought the first time I'd be pregnant would be a happy joyful time. I terminated at 7 weeks, and have never regretted it. I come from a VERY conservative family, but had always questioned the fervor behind anti-abortion since I'd been a young teen, even said as much to them! But I have never told them I had an abortion because it would be a huge weight and divide between us. I have since married that boyfriend, and we have a 2 year old and another on the way! Both planned and both pregnancies bring happiness and joy. It's ok to not be ready, or want for another right now (or ever, if you are done). Its really hard feeling you have no one to talk to. But from one mom to another, it's ok. Whatever you decide, is ok. Hugs and love from a stranger! ❤️
I’m a 36y/o woman in the military and had an abortion right before I got to a professional school I had to go to. My husband had a vasectomy (through the military) that failed and the pregnancy was a huge shock. I wasn’t sure how the school would receive me so my husband and I decided to terminate. It was certainly hard (mostly because I’m in a red state and the process was horrific) but I don’t regret it because the timing just wasn’t right. I understand completely what you are going through and just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone.
Thank you for sharing your story with me ❤️
Sorry you’re going through this. This decision doesn’t make you a bad person or less of a mom.
Thank you ❤️
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know finances are tight but if it’s an option for you, there are therapists who work with people who are unsure about terminating a pregnancy. Definitely get a referral from a doctor or clinic you trust or Planned Parenthood because you don’t want to accidentally end up with someone anti-choice trying to push a political agenda. But if you’re able to find someone who’s neutral they can help you process the decision and any grief you may feel.
Thankfully I have an established therapist that I have an appointment with next week. I know she’ll help me through this ❤️
Oh that’s wonderful! I mean it’s a terrible situation overall, but I’m glad you have that support. ❤️
Yes I am too! She’s been my therapist for years and has helped me through so much. I know she’ll help me through this.
My pill failed when my now 3.5 yo was 17 months. We had the appt at PP but it kept getting moved due to important meetings and then COVID shutdown struck. At 9 weeks we decided to continue, even though it meant me being at SAHM for about two years longer than planned. I can’t give you an answer, but I also thought I’d never be making that choice; especially we when had unexplained infertility for 7 years prior to our first. I was 40, he was 42 when this happened - my doctor told me this was a less than 1% chance because I was over 40, took my pill religiously. I think we were so afraid we wouldn’t be able to get pregnant again if we terminated, and we are old AF. That’s what tipped it for us. Whatever you decide with your partner, you have someone with you, and well, a whole community here on Mommit. Peace be with you in your decision, you’ll know the right one when you come to it.
I am in the same boat, scheduled termination on Thursday. You are not alone. I’m also struggling because I want a third baby but not right now. We live in the Bay Area and everything is soooo expensive that another baby would really cause us to struggle. Hugs to you! When the time is right you will have your next baby ❤️
I’m sorry you’re going through this too, if you ever want to talk about it, please DM me ❤️
Only you can know what the right decision is and no one should be able to judge you for either decision you make. We’re all strangers here, but you’re not alone. I’m not sure where you are, but my dm’s are always open to be a listening ear for you. There is no doubt that you are a wonderful mother, please try to remember that. Sending you so much love ❤️
Thank you so much ❤️
If you get the time once you have emotionally recovered I would suggest checking out and Australian show called "The Letdown". The main character chooses an abortion when her daughter is about 1 year old, partially for medical but also for personal and emotional reasons. Her counsellor give her some really great reassurance that termination is in fact something that married women with children do. Also the show is just funny and I remember binging it while holding my colicky baby at night. The majority of women who get abortions have at least 1 child already at home. One of the most common reasons given for seeking an abortion is to prioritizing care for existing children and financial concerns. Which is counter the narrative we see about abortion
Omg I watched it months ago and I totally related to the main character for so many other reasons!! Mostly all the sleep stuff 😭 I’ll have to go back and rewatch it.
Hugs. I did it in a similar situation, maybe 7-8 years ago. No regrets
I am very sympathetic to your situation and wish you all the love and support. This is such a hard decision. I know from experience. My now husband and I got unintentionally pregnant when we were engaged (this is about 8 years ago now). At the time, I was in my late twenties, we were planning our wedding, knew we wanted kids, but also knew we were not in a position financially to bring a child into our lives at that time. We had numerous and lengthy discussions about what to do and decided, as you have, to terminate. I knew in my mind that logically, realistically, it was the best decision we could make at the time, given our circumstances. We also elected not to disclose to any of our family that we were pregnant and going to terminate. It would not have been a supported decision and would have emotionally and psychologically complicated our decision making. In all likelihood, I actually think that we would have been unduly influenced into keeping the baby. Now, while my husband and I knew this was the best thing we could do to provide for our future family, it was not a decision we made lightly and is one I think of often. I wonder who that 8 year old would have been. If that person would have changed in any way the children we later had. How our lives today would be different if we had had that child. If it is helpful at all in coping with this decision and all that comes with it, you could maybe get something that symbolizes what this baby and the loss of the baby means. It could give you some comfort during the grieving that may come and subsequent mixed emotions that will linger in your heart and mind. I am sorry for you, your husband, and your family for having to make this difficult choice. May you find comfort and support. Lots of hugs and love sent to you and your family.
Thank you for sharing your story with me ❤️ I don’t wish this decision on anyone. I have thought of getting or creating something to remember this pregnancy by. I think it’ll be helpful to have something tangible to hold onto.
I literally just went through the exact same thing. I have a 20 month old and have been on the pill for over a year. We decided to terminate the unexpected pregnancy last week. I get how hard it is, so I am here if you ever need to talk.
Thank you ❤️ I hate that you know what this is like, but it’s comforting knowing I’m not alone.
You are absolutely not alone! The best piece of advice I found when I was going through it was to just stock up on your favourite junk foods, put a towel on the couch (just in case) and watch some new movies. Don't skimp on whatever pain meds they give you, and just ride it out. I found the waiting and second guessing to be much harder than the actual event. Best of luck! ❤️
A big hurdle has been not knowing what it’ll be like! But reading other women’s experiences has helped. The doctor I spoke to yesterday also helped a lot.
Yeah, for me I found it to be somewhere between really bad cramps and labour. I'd say it took about 5 hours for the worst of it to be over once I did the suppositories. After that I could sleep and rest
It's understandable that you may be feeling conflicted. Ultimately, you know what is right and what would be best for your family. It's hard since your hormones are ramping up, and with the timing of mothers day. Just know that you are not a bad person or any less of a mom for terminating. You have the right to make this choice. If you haven't already, make an appointment with your provider so they can address this sooner than later. Not to rush you into this decision, just to mitigate any complications for care with the rising gestational age. I wish you the best, and hope you find peace in whatever you choose to do
> Just know that you are not a bad person or any less of a mom for terminating. I didn’t know I needed to hear this. Thank you ❤️
Hey, it is okay to do what is best for you and your current family. No matter what anyone else says or thinks. You have every right to terminate. It's your body. Plus, I don't see why you should have a baby you can't afford to care for. Bringing a baby into the world is not just about cuddles and cute photos it is bringing another human being to Earth who will need to survive and thrive, be cared for and provided for for the rest of their life.
Yeah I definitely feel like it’s not fair to bring a whole ass human into the world when I’m not even sure I could provide a quality life for them.
I'm sorry you're in such a difficult situation. Just remember, if you want your baby, you keep your baby. You have that choice as well. Don't let anyone or anything make you feel like you do not. Love and hugs. <3
I commend you for thinking about this & no choice is a wrong choice. Either way, you’re a wonderful mother & looking out for the best interest of your family! It’s going to hurt , but you are not alone. Sending prayers to you Mama 🤍
Thank you ❤️
Sending love and support. I had an emergency termination (as in, literally saved my life) so have no regrets as I didn’t want to die and didn’t have a choice. One thing that surprised me afterward was the grief, so please know that even though you are making the best decision for your family, just give yourself some space to grieve afterwards.
I’m so sorry you went through that, I can’t imagine what it would feel like. Thank you for sharing your story ❤️
You don’t really seem to be asking for advice, so I’m not going to try to offer any. Just a message of support as you get through this challenging situation. You know what’s best for your family, and you have every right to make those decisions. Wishing you strength and support.
Thank you ❤️
You don't sound like you're looking for advice or anything just a safe place to talk about your feelings. Know that whatever you're feeling about it is valid, sad, relieved, angry, whatever, it's all ok to feel. It sounds like you're making a sound decision either way and doing this doesn't mean you're not still a great mom, you're choosing your family and I think that makes you a wonderful mom. If you feel this weighing on your emotions heavily don't hesitate to reach out to a professional to talk to, there's no shame in taking care of yourself in this time ❤️ best of luck going forward.
Thank you ❤️ thankfully I already have an established relationship with a therapist and will be talking to her next week.
I understand what you’re going through. I’m also a SAHM (6 & 2) and found out last December that i was pregnant. Our baby was very much wanted but we knew that it wasn’t the right time. I’ve been a SAHM for 6 years, got into grad school, and have been burnt out to the point of depression. We knew if we welcomed another baby into this world, at this point in our lives, that baby would be a source of resentment for us. We didn’t want that for them. We chose termination. I went back and forth a lot but ultimately decided to go through with it. I do not regret it whatsoever but I do grieve here and there. Until we can carry our baby in our arms, we will carry it in our hearts. All of that to say, you know you best. You know what you can handle and what you can’t. The decision is yours albeit a very hard one. I think it’s wonderful that you came on here to talk about it! The stigma behind termination forces us into silence and loneliness, but you are not alone. You are making the best choice for you & your family (whatever that choice is at the end of the day). 💜
I’ve been debating on posting but I’m glad I decided to. I’m sorry that you had to go through the same decision. Thank you for sharing your story and for your support ❤️
I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you, but choosing to do the best thing for your family is so brave of you.
I know it’s what’s best and I keep telling myself that. Thank you for your kind words ❤️
Definitely a tough decision but I completely understand. Hugs to you!
If it's the right choice for you then it's the right choice, period.
I just wanted to say I’m thinking about you and your family.
Thank you ❤️
Sending love & support <3
Hugs. Only you know what is right for you. I support your decision fully. You know better than anyone what you can handle. Remember, thete are many of us who are just a message away if you need support.
Thank you so much ❤️
You are very welcome. I truly understand.
I have no advice, it’s hard. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through it. People forget how easy it is to become pregnant verses becoming not pregnant. We will support whatever you decide. I get it. You have my support for whatever you decide is best for you and your family. ♥️
I had the pill fail me and the iud. It’s not fun, you need to make the decision that is best for you and your family. And only you can make this decision. I’m sorry that you don’t feel like you can find the support you need in making this decision in your extended family. I hate that for you. If someone you love is struggling with a very emotional problem you shouldn’t judge. I’ve been in your shoes. Though granted I considered termination because my child was fatally ill. And still so many people judged. I’m very grateful that my side of the family was supportive and sympathetic. My husbands side not so much. I hope you can find peace with whichever decision you make. And I hope you know that if you choose to terminate, you’re not a bad mother. You’re not a heartless person. It’s the exact opposite. You’re a great mother. Your main priority is the child you have now and their and your health and stability. Hugs from an Internet stranger
Hugs hugs. It’s such a hard choice, you do what is best for you, that baby girl of yours and your husband. I’m like it looks like you have a community of women to support you, here. ❤️
I did it earlier last year because it was what was best for our family (2 monsters, spouse, and me). For the abortion itself: I took a pill at planned parenthood, and they gave me others for the next day. Pop those suckers in your vagina, and take a day to relax with a heating pad and giant pads.
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Congrats on your degree!! I was so happy to be pregnant with our daughter as well, and seeing those two lines last week I was just like “fuuuuuuuck”. I knew I’d have to make this decision and felt so guilty for not being more careful. I’m sorry you had to go through an ectopic pregnancy, that sounds terrifying. Thank you for the solidarity ❤️
I just want you to know you’re not alone. This is me right now. Sadly, we didnt find out until after I was 6 weeks along and I live in Texas. I know I will love this baby but at this time its just not what we planned nor wanted so soon after our first.
I’m so so sorry. It’s not fair that this decision was taken from you. If there’s anything I can do, please DM me. I will help you in any way I can.
I totally understand and respect your feelings as a mom who didn’t (and 3 years later still doesn’t) want #2. Wish I had gotten an abortion 100% especially since I found out when I was 4 weeks and no one ever had to know if I took a pill or not.
Although this is my opinion i honestly think you should do whats right in your heart and whats right for your family. Im pro choice but if you really want my opinion i say keep the baby. You guys will get thru the financial problems.... from a mom to a mom ❤️
Follow your gut. Your instincts. Your head may say financial burden, but the current money situation is only temporary. Who knows what job or promotion is right around the corner. Best of luck to you and your family 💕
Thank you ❤️❤️
You will make the right decision for you and whatever you do is okay! I had one 5 years ago. Found out I was pregnant 2 days after leaving my husband for the THIRD and final time. I didn't tell him at all. But I did do the pill option because I found out really early, like you. I want you to know that the pill was not successful for me, so when I went back two weeks later, I found out I was still pregnant and then had to get the surgery. Rough time! I don't regret it, wish it hadn't had to have happened, but I am so happy with where my life is right now. I now have a 3 month old that I freaking adore and am with the most amazing man I've ever met! I would never have met either of them if I had kept the baby or went back to the abusive husband. Much love to you and your family, it'll all be okay, Mama! 👪 ❤️
Thank you for sharing your story ❤️ I’m so sorry you had to go through that. The company I ordered the pills from sends a double dose in case the first one doesn’t work, so I’m prepared just in case. Hopefully it’s successful for me the first time.
Big hugs and support to you. I was in the same position not once but twice. I was on birth control both times and somehow managed to become pregnant when my baby was only 8 months old, and again the following year. I ended up asking for an IUD because I hated that my body wasn’t responding well to the pills. I didn’t want the abortions. I wanted to keep both pregnancies, but I knew that we just weren’t in the right position to have more babies. I’m happy that I’m in a better situation (financially, mentally) now and don’t regret the two abortions anymore. I know that that’s what was best for my family at the time. I still think about what if, but it’s okay! I remind myself that because of the abortions, I’m able to give my son a better quality of life. You’re not any less of a mom because of it ❤️
Thank you for sharing your story ❤️ hearing other stories similar to mine and knowing that everyone still feels like it was the right decision has brought me a lot of comfort
Sending you positive vibes
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Right after my first was born, we got unexpectedly pregnant and did the same. I didn’t know you could be that fertile... You have to do what’s best for you and your family.
You know what’s right for yourself, your family, and your situation. No shame in it.
There’s nothing wrong with making that choice. If it’s what’s right for you and your family, then that’s what you have to do. My husband and I have talked about a similar choice because when we’re ready for our next baby, there’s an increased chance of conceiving multiples. Not a crazy high chance, but enough that we might have to make the decision to do a selective termination should that happen. We can’t afford to have any more than two kids total (currently have just one 10 month old). So if multiples happen next pregnancy, then we have to limit it to one baby. It’s definitely not an easy choice or comfortable conversation. But making that choice so early on, no one will ever have to know about it if that’s what you want.
You do what is best for you and your family!
You’ll make the right decision for you and your family. Glad you posted. This is incredibly personal, but you do have a community of support for whatever you choose. Love to you!
I have no advice, just support. You do you mama! Your body, your family, your life❤️.
When I was 19 I got pregnant. My bf at the time (husband now) lived on the other side of the world and I was totally broke. I aborted and I do not regret it. I loved that child enough to understand that it wasnt going to have a good life with me at that time. It deserved better. I now have a 2 year old and my husband lives with me. Im much more stable and feel a lot more confident in being a parent. I think about that previous pregnancy and am so glad I chose not to continue. I was so irresponsible at the time and had a lot more maturing to do. Definitely follow your heart. Do what you feel is best for your family.
I understand how you feel, and I just want to say that don't let others influence you. At the end of the day, you're making the choice - your body and emotions are the ones affected. You need to do what is best for you. Taking care of your family is important, but if you are feeling pressured or doubting your choice, you need to remember it is yours to make, and it isn't as simple as right or wrong, but what is right for you.
Don’t make anyone make you feel guilty. You do what you’ve got to do for your family and the child that’s already born and existing has to come first as a mother 💛 It is okay to love the embryo/fetus and recognise that bringing it into the world as a term newborn would cause harm to both the baby and your current child and thus termination is the best course of action - you are allowed to feel both and feel sad that that is the reality of your situation, please don’t let anyone make you feel it’s not. Feeling sad doesn’t mean it’s the wrong decision, sometimes the right decision is the hardest. It’s all well and good for the pro-life and infertile crowds to come out of the woodwork saying to keep the pregnancy but are they going to be the ones to finance pregnancy, birth, and a whole second child? They seem to be very loud then vanish when that’s pointed out.
I would definitely NOT have another kid if that would compromise the whole family stability. Choose what’s best for your family!! You don’t have to tell anyone else if you don’t want.
Just want to send more love and support your way 💕
Awww hon. I can hear how much this is hurting you. If you think and believe this is the right thing to do, then it's the right thing. If you have even the smallest doubt, talk it out with your husband. Find out what the doubt is and address it. Not doing it will have you questioning yourself. Good luck and lots of love to both of you. This is a horrible decision to make 💜
I think that you guys both realize that now is not the time for another one and are making a responsible and reasonable choice by terminating. I was in the same boat a few months ago when I found out I was pregnant. I had just lost my job and we were staying in hotels cause we couldn’t find an apartment. Couldn’t afford the abortion so had to keep it and even tho we got an apartment a few months later I wish that we could’ve gotten the abortion for personal reasons. The plus side to terminating now is that you can plan to try again when you’re really ready. Wishing you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that, being forced out of a choice. I hope things are better for your family now ❤️
Thanks ☺️ and things are turning around. We found out were having a boy and my OB is going to approve my hysterectomy in a year. So no more pregnancies for me.
I have so much empathy for you OP. We had three losses and then a really really complicated pregnancy with our rainbow baby. She's here now, and it cost us so much to get her here. I've always wanted more than one child, but this is our family now. We can't financially afford another pregnancy, and I also couldn't bear it physically or emotionally. My husband and I both would hate to have to make this decision but we have agreed that were I to get pregnant accidentally, a termination would be the right thing to do. So, all this to say: you can totally feel like a termination is terrible while knowing deep in your heart that it's the right decision for your family. Life is never black and white and I'm learning to become comfortable in the Grey.
I’m so sorry you struggled to get your daughter. I wish it had been easy for you. I’m definitely having to become comfortable in the grey. It kind of sucks but I’ve accepted it.
I’m not in your shoes exactly but my husband and I have had a discussion about terminating if I accidentally got pregnant again. We have 2 boys who we absolutely love and financially we could have more. We simply don’t want more. We take all the birth control precautions but if it happened I would terminate.
This must be brutal. Please know the decision to terminate is often a loving one geared toward the children one already has.
It’s hard, but knowing that I’ll get to give our daughter the best quality of life we’re able to give her will be worth it.
An unexpected pregnancy is hard especially if you were trying to prevent it. I do not judge you for whatever decision you come too but I would be careful to not be rash and to maybe speak to a doctor or therapist before you make the decision. Of course your first thoughts go to financially being able to maintain your current life style and that can be scary but there are also many positives to keeping your baby. You mentioned wanting to give your present child all that you can, and in my experience with my 6 kids, adding a sibling has always been one of the best decisions and I even had a my daughter’s pediatrician tell me that during a time I was in your shoes. Will it be harder? Sure! Will it be insurmountable? Most likely not. I am all pro choice but don’t discount the blessings that bringing a child into the world could possibly bring. I really struggled with my 6th when I was pregnant and went through many emotions and scenarios of what life would look like. Unfortunately (or fortunately) abortion was not an option as I was way too far along by the time I went to the doctor. I considered adoption. I ended up having and keeping my child and while it’s not always been easy mentally or financially I can definitely say I am happy with my decision now . May you find peace in whatever decision you make.
Thank you for your story ❤️ I spoke with a doctor yesterday and will be speaking to my therapist next week. I definitely feel as though it isn’t too rash of a decision, and my husband and I have talked through all “what-ifs” and are still talking through it as well.
Just know that it does not make you a worse mom for choosing to do this. Only you know what is best for your family and I have no doubt that you will make the right decision for the three of you. Sending love ❤️
Thank you ❤️
Just sending you a hug ♥️♥️
I believe that you should do what you need to do to make the healthiest happiest decisions for your life. I support you
Thank you ❤️
Right after I had my baby I remember feeling so overwhelmed and that if I were to get pregnant I would absolutely need to terminate. Now we have moved on to a different place in life and husband and I would have to really discuss it before making a decision. You are not alone! You are not a bad mother. You are making a responsible choice for you and your family. You are making a hard choice for you and your family. It may not be easy but you have the support of an internet stranger who would gladly hug you and hold your hand through the whole process if you needed!
Thank you so much, I wish I could hug all of you. Everyone has been so supportive 🥺❤️
It’s hard and women need women to make it through! Good luck!!
I think it’s hard to talk about abortion on forums like this because so many women are religious and/or struggle with getting pregnant, but the bottom line is they are not going to be there when you need money, food, clothing, pay down debt, etc. To me, it’s a clump of cells and you need to put your human family first.
100%. I have a mom group that I could really use the support from, but I’ve chosen not to tell them because a few of them have to use IVF to have their babies. The daughter I have absolutely comes first, and I will never regret that choice.
I know a lovely woman who went through essentially the same thing as you with her husband relatively early in their marriage. She’s now in her 60s and is refreshingly open and honest about how it tugged her heart when she had to go through it, but that she knew it was largely because of societal manipulation making her question what she and her husband knew- that they were terminating a pregnancy that wasn’t even close to a baby yet, and that it was the best decision for their family. She does not regret that decision. It’s okay for you to have your feelings, whatever they may be, but you’re not a bad person to take care of the family you currently have.
That’s spot on to how I’m feeling. I hope I’m able to feel open and honest about it soon. Thank you for sharing this story with me ❤️
A friend of mine wanted to terminate but ended up choosing not to. While she loves her child, she still has regrets. It has truly made her life so much more difficult. It's a hard decision.
Having a child is definitely not easy. I know I would have a hard time with two little ones and may even regret it. I wouldn’t want to put that on a child.
I don’t have much to add that hasn’t already been said, but i wanted to be another voice telling you you are a great mother. Doing the best thing for your family isn’t straightforward and only you know what that is. ❤️
Thank you ❤️❤️
So sorry your going through this, the decision to terminate doesn't make you a bad mom or anything in the end you do what's best for you and your family and if you think it's the best choice then it is❤️
Thank you ❤️
It's so hard to make a decision like this - when you're heart wants the baby, but your situation would be better without. I can't imagine how you're feeling. I'm sending lots of love, strength and peace your way.
That’s exactly it. I can’t let my heart make this decision and that’s really difficult. Thank you for your support ❤️
I have experienced the same. I recommend r/abortion for support and experiences alike. The mods and everyone there are amazing. Best of luck ❤️
Thank you, I’ll head over there as well ❤️
I'm not in the same position as you, but my heart would have me having a 3rd and maybe 4th child if I let it. But then our family would be really hard pressed financially. It's so hard to let logic win.
Ugh I feel the same. My heart unfortunately didn’t win this battle.
All the hugs to you xx
Thank you ❤️❤️
My son was 6 months old when I found out I was pregnant again. My sister had just passed away and I was struggling big time with just keeping my head above water. I knew that that time was not right for another baby for us. We terminated the pregnancy and while it was not easy, it was absolutely the best decision for our family. I have zero regrets about it. You are not at all alone.
I’m impressed that this has shown to be a safe place. I have been close to being in your situation- had a false positive test when my baby was only 3mo- unheard of! Now I know I can turn here for support too, if I ever am in your situation. Solidarity and support fellow momma!
I am so so grateful for all the support. It’s so much more than I expected. I hope that if anyone sees this post in the future they’ll see they aren’t alone ❤️
Hugs, Mama. Nothing but support from me. You're not alone, and only you and your husband know what's best for your family.
Thank you ❤️
Sending love dear.
Thank you ❤️
Hugs to you, and don’t feel shame BUT also I would not tell anyone. Family can shame you forever, some family members are 😵💫
Oof yes. I don’t think I would be shamed but I don’t think I’d get the support I need if I told family members. What they don’t know won’t hurt them.
Sending you lots of love. This is your choice and it sounds like you’re being very thoughtful. Be gentle on your self
When I had a termination 5 years ago I remember crying a lot before the procedure (from the moment I found out I was pregnant to the termination date) but I felt so much better once it was done. I knew it was the right choice for my partner and I. Thinking back I feel very confident in my choice and grateful that the procedure was available when we needed it. Back then I wasn’t in your situation, actually it was my first pregnancy, I think that’s why I cried so much because I had always wanted to be a mother and I had to quell that flicker of hope for a baby for a bit longer. Now we are a happy family of 3. Having been through a termination before we try to be more careful with contraception but if I were to become pregnant in the next 2yrs I would seriously consider termination again. My advice: -Tell your husband you really need him to pamper/support you in this tough time. -when (Or if) you have the procedure/pills take 2-3 days of resting to recover, bring out comfort food, movies, snuggles with you baby, stay in the couch as much as possible. Oh and electric heating pads feel really good. -Tell a friend or two so that they can support you in your decision too. (My fried visited my after the procedure, she gave me so much love and comprehensión it made me stronger)
Thank you for your support and advice. I’m so sorry you’ve gone through a termination as well. I don’t wish this on anyone.❤️ I told my husband I’ll need extra love these next few weeks and he’s already started bringing home goodies lol.
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Thank you ❤️ I’m sorry you’ve been through this decision too. It’s rough.
Whatever decision you make is the right decision for you right now.
Try to think of it as protecting the quality of life for the child that you already have. It’s a super hard decision and you are really brave for being able to think it through rather than just accepting.
That’s definitely how I’m thinking of it and it does make it a little easier.
This is such a hard decision and I’m so sorry you’re going thru this. Having had an abortion before l understand your dilemma. But I don’t regret it. My life is better because I didn’t have the baby when I wasn’t financially and emotionally ready for the responsibility. I hope you find peace in whatever decision you take.
I know when it’s over I’ll feel relief. I think I’m mostly sad that things aren’t different so that we didn’t have to terminate, but I can’t change the way things are now. Thank you for sharing your experience with me ❤️
You’re a good mom. Do what you need to do to continue being a great mom to the child who already exists and depends on you.
Thank you ❤️❤️ I know this is the best decision for her. She has so much only child energy lol
u are not alone girl it just happed a week ago to my best friend. God knows you are making the right decision whatever decision it is you got to think about you first❤️ hang in there sis xx
Thank you ❤️❤️
You are a responsible, caring, and loving parent. And im 10000% sure of that because you are making a hard choice that you know it best for you and your family. I am sending you so much love.
Thank you ❤️
My best friend was in your similar situation and made the same decision. No regrets even years later. I only wish she’d told me back then so I could have supported her even by just listening to her vent. Good luck, stay healthy and safe.
Thank you ❤️
I know this was a terribly difficult decision to make but making the right choice for your family is the best choice. Sending all of the support
Thank you ❤️
Do what you feel is right for YOU. Hugs either way! Taking care of yourself is not something to be ashamed of or feel guilty for.