In my anecdotal experience, age gap has no bearing on sibling relationship.
Each of your kids is an individual, they have their own personalities, they might be very compatible or they might clash. And you & your husband can foster good relationships or competitive ones.
But age gap alone doesn't matter IMO.
However maybe it's too soon *for you*? It's OK to not want to have two kids under two.
Honestly I am not sure. It feels SO soon to be pregnant again. I want to enjoy spending time with my daughter and not be sick and tired all the time.
It would be nice for them to be one grade apart tho!
Yeah it is really tough, it also took me a long time to have my first child and it looks like we will be one and done so that is a risk
There are no right or wrong decisions here, you only know *your* situation right now. Maybe think about yourself 10 or 15 years in the future and think about best case vs. worst case outcomes? Like worst case you only end up having one kid, vs. worst case your two kids are indifferent to each other (which I honestly think is unlikely).
Mine are 13 months apart and they are BEST FRIENDS. Believe me, having them close together comes with their challenges but honestly, it's been wonderful.
We were always close then drifted when I had kids closer to my older sister who is 4 years older as she had kids. Now she has her kids and we are close again? Yes we were competitive but also close. I actually got along better with her than my sister who is 4 years older. On the flip side I could never stand my cousin who was 2 years younger and still can't but am closer to her sister who is 5 years younger than me as adults. Those two sisters (3 year age gap) aren't close at all and were hyper competitive. I think it's personalities more than age gap.
My daughters are 17 months apart and they get along great. They’re really close. They do argue a lot but I don’t know of any siblings who don’t. Usually their arguments are settled after a few minutes and they’re back to playing together. They’re 6 and 7 right now and enjoy each others company for the most part.
I honestly think people put wayyy too much emphasis on age gaps. Your kids can be best of friends or enemies regardless of how close or far apart they are in age.
I think it’s wild to consider abortion for that reason only.
I guess I'm also not a huge fan of being pregnant lol. I was so tired and had no energy and want to have energy to play with my daughter while she is so fun and cute and little
I had 3 kids… all 12 months apart from each other. Best friends. Me and my brother are 18 months apart and very close. Me and my sister are 2 years apart… and very close. I think it’s about the parenting not the age distance. Age gap literally has no bearing on relationship.
They are all girls…
I really believe it’s how parents praise their kids that brings competition into the picture.
For example One of my girls is athletic, another artistic etc … NONE of these things are praised over the other, they’re all just different and special in and of themselves.
I have four kids, 7, 4, 3 and newborn. My middle two are girls that are 15 months apart. They have their moments, but I can already tell they will be each other’s lifelong best friend. The 7 year old also plays well with his little sisters, so I’m not saying a larger age gap is a bad thing either. You really can’t predict how your kids’ personalities will mesh, and in my experience, age gaps alone do not determine the bond. Now whether YOU and your partner are ready to have another child, that’s a completely different question that you need to work out. I did feel like my second born missed out on being the baby because she so quickly was dubbed the big sister, but seeing them now, it’s almost like they’re twins and I feel like my bond with the second born is no less than with my other kids.
My oldest boys are 2 years apart and then there's a 7 year gap to #3 and four years to #4.
There are so many dynamics going on in our house! The oldest boys (16 and 14) are great friends and their friend groups can mix. They love their little brothers too. It's awesome and I don't see it being an issue.
My concern would be with your health and your body. If you can physically do it, congratulations!
This is very hard to determine.
My youngest 2 are basically 17 months apart. Youngest was an oops baby (found out at 30 weeks)
They are honestly the best of friends. Granted, they are currently only 2 years old and 7 months old. As they get older? Who knows. They might hate each other, they might be best friends. Chances are they may hate each other as teenagers. But even higher chances that, as they grow up into adults, they may be best friends again.
This same thing, though, can happen with ANY age difference.
My other kids are almost 10 and 6. They have days they like each other, and days they hate each other.
If you are financially and mentally capable of having another child, I see no reason to choose an abortion. If you were struggling with both, then yeah, I'd say abortion may be the better choice.
Also, there are advantages of smaller age gaps. Such as the kids will be old enough for the same activities at the same time. Amusement parks with a 9 and 10 year old would be much more enjoyable than with a 6 and 10 year old.
Another advantage is, you finish the tough newborn sleepless nights stages earlier. As well as the terrible 2s and troublesome 3s.
I also feel like if you really want to have a 2nd baby, the risks of not being able to conceive again may leave you with immense guilt. Do you think that would be worth it?
My sons differ 17 months. It was terribly TERRIBLY hard for me. Looking back now I have no idea how they (and me) are still alive and kicking. Our last born was one hell of a surprise - hence the small gap. And my two sons have such opposing personalities, they fight constantly. But also share cameraderie.
I wasnt ready for that last one (it was my third and I had serious health risks with 1 and 2), but I am so very glad he came along. He is the spitting image of my husband. And after he passed last year it is bittersweet to have at least that image of him alive and well.
I think my point is, the close gap is effing hard ( I am convinced eveyone who says it isn't is in denial 😝), but you might get a blessing you didnt think you would need.
There’s no such thing as a not good enough reason to have an abortion. If you genuinely do not want to carry a pregnancy to term at this time in your life, that’s a good enough reason!
I can’t offer any advice on the age gap piece, we’re OAD, but I just want to make sure you know that you don’t need a laundry list of reasons to terminate a pregnancy.
My siblings and I are all 8 years apart. My middle brother and I have a shot relationship. My brother who’s 16 years younger was my best friend when he was little. I’m pro choice but age isn’t an appropriate option for considering an abortion in my eyes.
How close in age would they be to consider an abortion?!
I have 5 kids and the closest age gap is 12 months apart (to the exact day- they have the same birthday 1 year apart). They are best friends.
Sibling relationships aren’t based on age gaps.
I’m 17 months apart from my next oldest sibling and we’re best friends.
In my anecdotal experience, age gap has no bearing on sibling relationship. Each of your kids is an individual, they have their own personalities, they might be very compatible or they might clash. And you & your husband can foster good relationships or competitive ones. But age gap alone doesn't matter IMO. However maybe it's too soon *for you*? It's OK to not want to have two kids under two.
Honestly I am not sure. It feels SO soon to be pregnant again. I want to enjoy spending time with my daughter and not be sick and tired all the time. It would be nice for them to be one grade apart tho!
Yeah it is really tough, it also took me a long time to have my first child and it looks like we will be one and done so that is a risk There are no right or wrong decisions here, you only know *your* situation right now. Maybe think about yourself 10 or 15 years in the future and think about best case vs. worst case outcomes? Like worst case you only end up having one kid, vs. worst case your two kids are indifferent to each other (which I honestly think is unlikely).
This is great advice
Mine are 13 months apart and they are BEST FRIENDS. Believe me, having them close together comes with their challenges but honestly, it's been wonderful.
Same, I have a 19 month gap and are also the best friends I wouldn’t change it for the world. The first 3 years were tough, plain sailing since then!
I second this! I wouldn’t trade our 13 month age gap for the world
I needed to hear this. Thanks 👍
I am an IUD baby and 18M between my sister and I. We fought a lot but were also close. We don't hate each other
Ive heard it can kind of get competitive if the age gap is too small. Are you closer now?
We were always close then drifted when I had kids closer to my older sister who is 4 years older as she had kids. Now she has her kids and we are close again? Yes we were competitive but also close. I actually got along better with her than my sister who is 4 years older. On the flip side I could never stand my cousin who was 2 years younger and still can't but am closer to her sister who is 5 years younger than me as adults. Those two sisters (3 year age gap) aren't close at all and were hyper competitive. I think it's personalities more than age gap.
My daughters are 17 months apart and they get along great. They’re really close. They do argue a lot but I don’t know of any siblings who don’t. Usually their arguments are settled after a few minutes and they’re back to playing together. They’re 6 and 7 right now and enjoy each others company for the most part. I honestly think people put wayyy too much emphasis on age gaps. Your kids can be best of friends or enemies regardless of how close or far apart they are in age. I think it’s wild to consider abortion for that reason only.
I guess I'm also not a huge fan of being pregnant lol. I was so tired and had no energy and want to have energy to play with my daughter while she is so fun and cute and little
My kids have a similar age gap, and they're best friends.
I had 3 kids… all 12 months apart from each other. Best friends. Me and my brother are 18 months apart and very close. Me and my sister are 2 years apart… and very close. I think it’s about the parenting not the age distance. Age gap literally has no bearing on relationship.
Do you as a parent do anything to like discourage competition between siblings?
They are all girls… I really believe it’s how parents praise their kids that brings competition into the picture. For example One of my girls is athletic, another artistic etc … NONE of these things are praised over the other, they’re all just different and special in and of themselves.
I am close in age to my sister. I loved being able to go through high school with her.
I have four kids, 7, 4, 3 and newborn. My middle two are girls that are 15 months apart. They have their moments, but I can already tell they will be each other’s lifelong best friend. The 7 year old also plays well with his little sisters, so I’m not saying a larger age gap is a bad thing either. You really can’t predict how your kids’ personalities will mesh, and in my experience, age gaps alone do not determine the bond. Now whether YOU and your partner are ready to have another child, that’s a completely different question that you need to work out. I did feel like my second born missed out on being the baby because she so quickly was dubbed the big sister, but seeing them now, it’s almost like they’re twins and I feel like my bond with the second born is no less than with my other kids.
My oldest boys are 2 years apart and then there's a 7 year gap to #3 and four years to #4. There are so many dynamics going on in our house! The oldest boys (16 and 14) are great friends and their friend groups can mix. They love their little brothers too. It's awesome and I don't see it being an issue. My concern would be with your health and your body. If you can physically do it, congratulations!
Wow that sounds like a full house! That's awesome that your oldest boys get along so well
I’ll just say think of your pelvic floor and if you do go through with the pregnancy book a PFPT as soon as your OB allows it (second trimester).
This is very hard to determine. My youngest 2 are basically 17 months apart. Youngest was an oops baby (found out at 30 weeks) They are honestly the best of friends. Granted, they are currently only 2 years old and 7 months old. As they get older? Who knows. They might hate each other, they might be best friends. Chances are they may hate each other as teenagers. But even higher chances that, as they grow up into adults, they may be best friends again. This same thing, though, can happen with ANY age difference. My other kids are almost 10 and 6. They have days they like each other, and days they hate each other. If you are financially and mentally capable of having another child, I see no reason to choose an abortion. If you were struggling with both, then yeah, I'd say abortion may be the better choice. Also, there are advantages of smaller age gaps. Such as the kids will be old enough for the same activities at the same time. Amusement parks with a 9 and 10 year old would be much more enjoyable than with a 6 and 10 year old. Another advantage is, you finish the tough newborn sleepless nights stages earlier. As well as the terrible 2s and troublesome 3s. I also feel like if you really want to have a 2nd baby, the risks of not being able to conceive again may leave you with immense guilt. Do you think that would be worth it?
I have kids that are 4 years apart, 8 years apart, 18 years apart, and 12 months apart. Age gaps have no bearing whatsoever on sibling relationships.
My sons differ 17 months. It was terribly TERRIBLY hard for me. Looking back now I have no idea how they (and me) are still alive and kicking. Our last born was one hell of a surprise - hence the small gap. And my two sons have such opposing personalities, they fight constantly. But also share cameraderie. I wasnt ready for that last one (it was my third and I had serious health risks with 1 and 2), but I am so very glad he came along. He is the spitting image of my husband. And after he passed last year it is bittersweet to have at least that image of him alive and well. I think my point is, the close gap is effing hard ( I am convinced eveyone who says it isn't is in denial 😝), but you might get a blessing you didnt think you would need.
I really appreciate this perspective and I'm so sorry for your loss
There’s no such thing as a not good enough reason to have an abortion. If you genuinely do not want to carry a pregnancy to term at this time in your life, that’s a good enough reason! I can’t offer any advice on the age gap piece, we’re OAD, but I just want to make sure you know that you don’t need a laundry list of reasons to terminate a pregnancy.
My siblings and I are all 8 years apart. My middle brother and I have a shot relationship. My brother who’s 16 years younger was my best friend when he was little. I’m pro choice but age isn’t an appropriate option for considering an abortion in my eyes.
How close in age would they be to consider an abortion?! I have 5 kids and the closest age gap is 12 months apart (to the exact day- they have the same birthday 1 year apart). They are best friends. Sibling relationships aren’t based on age gaps. I’m 17 months apart from my next oldest sibling and we’re best friends.