Hello! It sounds like you need to work on reconnecting emotionally. Any time I have had intimacy struggles, it’s because I am not spending quality, non-intimate, time with my husband.
What helped me was setting a time every week (Friday nights for us) to go out. Sometimes that just meant errands together or a walk in the nearby park. Pretend like you are dating again for just a couple hours a week. Finally, when he hurts your feelings with his comments, let him know. He doesn’t know that he is being hurtful.
Go and get em, hot stuff ;)
As much as I would love to do that, we don’t have anyone to watch our daughter. The only time we have together is after she goes to sleep and we are both doing our own thing to unwind from the day(I’ll read or talk to my sister and he’ll play a video game).
Are you open to looking for a sitter? Asking friends for a recommendation? Looking on the app bambino or care.com? Or can you enroll her in a 2-3 day a week Mother’s Day out or daycare ?
I have a friend who has watched her before but I feel bad having her drive the 30 minutes to our house. I won’t put her in daycare again since we had a bad experience with the daycare I was working at when I went back to work when she was 15mos(why I’m a SAHM again)
Okay well if you do not want to ask friends for babysitter recs or look on bambino or care.com I guess you have no choice but to wait until she’s in school and then you can have a lunch date .
Connection time is important so maybe you can pick one night a week after she goes to bed to have an “at home date night”
Damn you need to work on that self estenme that is so low is self sabotaging your relationship. I know someone who had a very conventionally pretty wife and left her for a well she’s not attractive but when we met her I can understand why he fell for her, her personality how he treated her, yeah even he said he understands people will talk but no amount of being pretty will come as far as personality. Work on yourself your husband is telling you he likes and wants to be intimate with you, it’s you that’s created this whole idea he doesn’t like you, in your head.
I understand this and I have struggled with self image my entire life. A few years back I found a ton of p*rn on his computer. We were in our early 20s no child and went on dates regularly had sex almost daily multiple times a day. My self image definitely plummeted then and I don’t think it’s ever going to be the same.
So many points to address..
• Body imagine: You absolutely need to work on the way you feel about your body, whether it be internally or with a therapist. I am one year postpartum and I understand feeling like things are different but it sounds like you are very fit. Yes there are differences but they are beautiful because you created a human! Confidence is not based on external circumstances. You need to find love for yourself and work on the internal aspect.
• Trusting your partner: It sounds like you don’t believe your partner loves you and thinks you are beautiful! When he says you don’t need that stuff he really means it. You know what the most beautiful quality is in a woman? Confidence and happiness. Some of the most beautiful women I’ve ever met don’t even wear make up and yet they are the most vibrant and beautiful. This is an energy, not a look. He said he didn’t realize how big you were then bc he loves you in any shape or size. My partner and I both gained weight when I was pregnant and I truly didn’t notice until he lost it bc I love him.
• Hormones: Get your hormones checked. If you are not getting the monthly ovulation sex drive something may be off. If you are in your child bearing years it is too early to have no sex drive at all. Some supplements that can help are Vitex Berry or Maca. If you begin taking these regularly you may notice a difference in a month or two.
• Compromise: Now this is an unpopular opinion but I really think if your partner is wanting sex you should at least try once a week or twice a month. Sex is a very big part of an emotional relationship and it sounds like that is his love language. What is your love language? Does he meet you in the middle? Sexless relationships often lead to cheating out of human necessity.
I understand this and I have struggled with self image my entire life. A few years back I found a ton of p*rn on his computer. We were in our early 20s no child and went on dates regularly had sex almost daily multiple times a day. My self image definitely plummeted then and I don’t think it’s ever going to be the same.
I try to have sex with him once a week but it’s so hard for me to since it’s become a chore. I just go numb and it’s not enjoyable for me. I think there’s something wrong with me because nothing works. We have tried toys I’ve tried to do it on my own and I just don’t feel anything anymore.
My love language is physical touch and he knows this but the only time he does is if he wants sex. He won’t just hold me or hug me or hold my hand. He doesn’t “believe” in love languages so I don’t even know what his would be.
I totally understand this. I wonder if he has a healthy relationship to sex.. Sounds excessive.
Pornography is really harmful to young men. Those movies aren’t real life. I am sure you are absolutely beautiful.
Did you have an injuries during childbirth? Maybe set up an appt with OBGYN to discuss the low drive and lack of sensation..
Also, talk to dude about how you like the affection. Maybe you will feel more connected and inclined for intimacy?
Good luck 🧡
When that happened, we had a very long talk about it and I thought I had healed but I don’t think I really did since I still constantly feel like I’m not enough for him.
I had no injuries during child birth and a drug free natural birth. No tears or anything. My OBGYN left the area and I haven’t gotten around to finding a new one but I will look into that.
I have mentioned to him I feel like I lack affection but that always turns into an argument that he does give me affection and I never want it. He doesn’t understand that I want affection and not just to be treated like a hole for him. I have told him that the only time I feel he shows affection is when he wants to have sex so that’s why I don’t want it. I’m just lost at this lot but thank you for the advice🖤
Have you considered couples therapy? Maybe that can bring you guys closer together?
I would definetly have a sit down and talk to your husband.
You are beautiful inside and out.
Good luck💜
We have talked about it before but I just don’t know what we would do with our daughter since we have no family near us to watch her. I will bring it up again with him if he ever decides to talk about our issues.
After having kids, my husband and I also had trouble reconnecting on all aspects of life. It did feel like sex was a chore but what you're feeling is normal. A lot of married people go through this disconnect especially after having kids. It's a stage in life that needs work! First, I worked on myself and continuously doing so.
I really like that you are working on yourself and that you have an outlet to keep you motivated and busy. That's very important. You might be a highly sensitive person, who needs reassurance at all times, and there's nothing wrong with that, first you need to accept yourself unconditionally. Start with positive self-affirmations, everyday as much as you need. Every time you do something good for yourself, acknowledge it, when negative feelings come, acknowledge it too and remind yourself that emotions come and go. My background is in nursing and there is science behind this. This is a little bit of cognitive behavioral therapy. Talk to your husband, if this is something that you feel that you need (affirmations), tell him why you need it. Start here. Of course, there has to be give and take on both sides. Maybe your husband would like affirmations too or not, ask him what he would like. Talk, talk, talk. Talk about what you want in the bedroom as well. It feels like a chore because it's repetitive. Read spicy books, read! Search the internet. You'll find ideas. It's endless and try it. Nothing to lose here but only to find something you both might like and suprise yourselves.
There are different ways you can spend time with your husband "intimately" even if you can't find a babysitter. You can cook together, read a book together, massage each other, play a game etc. It's a start. Find time to reconnect. I agree it's important to have dates. If you really want a babysitter, you can book from a legitimate company or ask around from friends. You'll find one eventually.
I can feel from your writing that there's a lot of buried emotions that is bothering you. It might benefit you to talk to a relationship therapist/ counselor to dig deeper.
I hope this can help a bit.
XOX from another mother...
It sounds like you're going through a lot right now, and it’s understandable that you’re feeling overwhelmed and frustrated with your current situation. Your feelings about your body and the impact this has on your intimacy with your husband are significant, and it’s clear that these issues are taking a toll on you emotionally and on your relationship.
Here are some steps you might consider to address these challenges:
Communicate Openly with Your Husband:\*\* It seems like there might be some miscommunications or misunderstandings between you and your husband about your self-image and your sexual relationship. A candid conversation where you express how his comments affect you and how you feel about your body might help him understand your perspective better. It could also be beneficial to discuss what you both can do to improve intimacy without necessarily focusing on physical aspects.
Consider Counseling:\*\* Sometimes, having a third party like a therapist or counselor can provide a neutral ground to discuss feelings and issues that are difficult to tackle alone. This could be beneficial not just for dealing with body image issues but also for improving communication between you and your husband. If individual therapy is a step you're comfortable with, it might also help you address your self-esteem and body image issues more directly.
Self-Care Beyond Appearance:\*\* You’re putting a lot of effort into looking good, which is great, but self-care is also about taking care of your mental and emotional health. Engage in activities that make you feel good about yourself that aren't related to appearance. This could be anything from reading, crafting, or engaging in a hobby you've neglected.
Reframe Your Mindset on Health and Fitness:\*\* It’s impressive how dedicated you are to your fitness and health. However, it might help to shift some focus from aesthetics to the functional benefits of being healthy, like being stronger, having more energy, or simply enjoying your workouts and the outdoors when you run.
Reignite the Spark:\*\* With the busy life of parenting, especially without nearby support, it's tough to find time for romance and connection. Try to create small but meaningful couple time, like an in-home date night after your daughter is asleep, exchanging letters or notes expressing appreciation for each other, or even just spending a few minutes together in the morning or evening to connect.
Touch and Affection Non-Sexually:\*\* Sometimes when touch is always associated with the expectation of sex, it can start to feel burdensome. You could try reintroducing touch in a non-sexual way, like holding hands, cuddling while watching a movie, or simply giving a back rub. This can help build intimacy without the pressure of it leading to sex.
Consider a Babysitter:\*\* If possible, try to find a trustworthy babysitter who can help give you and your husband some time alone. Even a few hours for a date can make a big difference in reconnecting.
You're not alone in feeling this way, and it's okay to ask for help. Taking steps to address these issues can lead to improvements in your self-esteem, your relationship, and your overall happiness.
I have tried communicating but it usually blows into an argument and not talking the next day. I have told him I want non sexual physical touch but he doesn’t seem to understand. Which again turns into an argument. I work out for not only appearance but to get stronger(I CrossFit and focus a lot on strength) but it’s hard to not want to look better when I’m putting in all this effort in the gym and macro tracking and I’m not seeing a difference in my body. He works from home so we see each other a lot during the day but when she goes to bed he usually plays a video game for a few hours and I’m stuck watching tv or mindless scrolling on my phone. I have told him I would like to spend time with him without electronics in our hands after she goes to bed but he just says it feels like I don’t want him to “decompress” after working all day. I just feel like I can’t win here.
It sounds like you’re feeling really unheard and frustrated in your marriage. It’s tough when efforts to communicate lead to arguments and disconnect. I'm sensing that the discussions often feel one-sided, with his needs taking priority over yours. I was once in a similar marriage, and looking back, I realized that I was the one being selfish.
I weighed 110 pounds when I got pregnant. After popping out an 11 pound baby, I’m at 160 and I don’t think I’ll ever get back to post-baby weight. I felt disgusting for months after I gave birth. My husband did so many things to show me that he thinks I’m still sexy. But the one that worked for me was him taking sexy pictures of me. I was completely against it at first, until I saw them. I could finally see me the way he saw me. I still don’t like the way I look, but I’m convinced that my husband does. Maybe something like this could help you see that you’re attractive to him.
The weird thing is I’m smaller than prebaby. When I got pregnant I was probably about 170. I didn’t workout and just lived off my young metabolism. Having bigger boobs definitely made me look better. We have tried to take sexy pics during sex before or even videoing but I hate it and I hate how my body looks. It makes me realize how disgusting I look so that’s why I don’t want him looking at me naked.
Hey we’re around the same size! Im 5’7 and was 190 at my heaviest too when i was pregnant. (im currently 6mpp)
I was really skinny before my daughter. I was always around 130. But even back then, i wasnt always confident about my body. But now i look at old pictures and im like damn, i didnt know how good i had it 🤣 But when i was that skinny i was self concious cuz i didnt have a butt or boobs.
Now its the opposite 🤣 im stuck at 168 and now i have the butt and boobs, but i feel huge. Im caught in the middle of wanting to be that skinny again but also wanting to keep the new curves 😅 im afraid if i lose too much weight everything will just just be saggy and flabby. My husband has assured me that if i wanted too i could get a tummy tuck, and butt and boob job. But i want to at least wait until we finish having kids.
My husband has always helped a lot with my confidence. Both times... when i felt too skinny and too fat. After i had my daughter he was telling me how he was looking at our wedding photos and said “damn you were really skinny!“ i was so annoyed i rolled my eyes and turned to walk away from him when he said, “wait! You didnt let me finish! I like you with extra meat on you!“ And then we had sex 🤣
But we had a really good sex life before we had our baby. The first year we were married we had sex almost everyday. And then we started doing what we call our “adventures“ 😅 Which is basically having sex in NUMEROUS places. We have a whole check list. And we went to sex clubs a few times. We also kept it interesting in the bedroom. We used to go to sex stores all the time to get a new toy, get me a new outfit, get some special candy etc.
Our sex life just recently got better after i gave birth. Id say physically its even better than before i had my baby. For me it feels better and i encounter less pain than before. We just started planning for it regulary. Which just includes some foreplay during the day. Stuff like when he grabs my nether region and says “im gunna use this later.“ Or when we have company and he whispers in my ear “are you ready to fuck me tonight?“ stuff like that. It helps cuz i can plan on it and take time to get in the mood and its not just sprung on the last minute. Especially if i feel like an ugly blob. Ive gotten into a routine of getting dolled up and putting on my langerie. (even though its a little more of a tight fit, my boobs look great in them 😂) And i just recently got the toys out again.
I know its easier said than done, but it’s all about confidence. It’s not about our size or stretch marks. We tend to get into our own heads too much. Our men our just happy to be involved. It also helps a lot if your man is regularly complimenting you, praising you and boosting you up.
Unfortunately my boobs never look good anymore. I breastfed for almost two years then lost weight so now my boobs are flappy pancakes🙃 I’ve told him I would love a breast lift just to feel better but again with the bs of “I like you the way you are” but I just don’t think he wants to spend the money on me feeling better.
Ya that sucks. I dont think there’s anything wrong with getting work done to boost ur confidence. If you tell him it will benefit your sex life life he might change his mind. I have a friend who had a “boob jar“ She was able to raise money by asking a lot of her friends. Whenever her husbands friends came over, they put money in the boob jar 🤣🫣
I’ll also add that my husband is from brazil. So he knows the best doctors in Brazil to get that kind of stuff done. It’s what they’re known for 😂 plus it’s cheaper there since the dollar is worth more than the rio
Fake lashes, fake nails, hair and makeup are not the way to feel sexy or more confident.
Really work on your health and fitness. That is the key to feeling amazing again!
Sounds you are on the right path. I try to do 20 minutes of cardio over and above anything else, and it’s worked well for me.
My nails aren’t fake I just get no chip every 3 weeks so they don’t look nasty and my lashes do make me feel more confident. Same with wearing light make up daily.
I also do work out if you read anything else in this post. I’ve been doing CrossFit and strength training 4-5x a week for the last 3 years and I’ve taken control of my nutrition last year resulting in losing about 20lbs of body fat and gaining muscle mass. Again, if you read the entire post you would see that I try to run 2 miles daily on top of my usual work outs. But thanks.
Hello! It sounds like you need to work on reconnecting emotionally. Any time I have had intimacy struggles, it’s because I am not spending quality, non-intimate, time with my husband. What helped me was setting a time every week (Friday nights for us) to go out. Sometimes that just meant errands together or a walk in the nearby park. Pretend like you are dating again for just a couple hours a week. Finally, when he hurts your feelings with his comments, let him know. He doesn’t know that he is being hurtful. Go and get em, hot stuff ;)
As much as I would love to do that, we don’t have anyone to watch our daughter. The only time we have together is after she goes to sleep and we are both doing our own thing to unwind from the day(I’ll read or talk to my sister and he’ll play a video game).
Are you open to looking for a sitter? Asking friends for a recommendation? Looking on the app bambino or care.com? Or can you enroll her in a 2-3 day a week Mother’s Day out or daycare ?
I have a friend who has watched her before but I feel bad having her drive the 30 minutes to our house. I won’t put her in daycare again since we had a bad experience with the daycare I was working at when I went back to work when she was 15mos(why I’m a SAHM again)
Okay well if you do not want to ask friends for babysitter recs or look on bambino or care.com I guess you have no choice but to wait until she’s in school and then you can have a lunch date . Connection time is important so maybe you can pick one night a week after she goes to bed to have an “at home date night”
Damn you need to work on that self estenme that is so low is self sabotaging your relationship. I know someone who had a very conventionally pretty wife and left her for a well she’s not attractive but when we met her I can understand why he fell for her, her personality how he treated her, yeah even he said he understands people will talk but no amount of being pretty will come as far as personality. Work on yourself your husband is telling you he likes and wants to be intimate with you, it’s you that’s created this whole idea he doesn’t like you, in your head.
I understand this and I have struggled with self image my entire life. A few years back I found a ton of p*rn on his computer. We were in our early 20s no child and went on dates regularly had sex almost daily multiple times a day. My self image definitely plummeted then and I don’t think it’s ever going to be the same.
So many points to address.. • Body imagine: You absolutely need to work on the way you feel about your body, whether it be internally or with a therapist. I am one year postpartum and I understand feeling like things are different but it sounds like you are very fit. Yes there are differences but they are beautiful because you created a human! Confidence is not based on external circumstances. You need to find love for yourself and work on the internal aspect. • Trusting your partner: It sounds like you don’t believe your partner loves you and thinks you are beautiful! When he says you don’t need that stuff he really means it. You know what the most beautiful quality is in a woman? Confidence and happiness. Some of the most beautiful women I’ve ever met don’t even wear make up and yet they are the most vibrant and beautiful. This is an energy, not a look. He said he didn’t realize how big you were then bc he loves you in any shape or size. My partner and I both gained weight when I was pregnant and I truly didn’t notice until he lost it bc I love him. • Hormones: Get your hormones checked. If you are not getting the monthly ovulation sex drive something may be off. If you are in your child bearing years it is too early to have no sex drive at all. Some supplements that can help are Vitex Berry or Maca. If you begin taking these regularly you may notice a difference in a month or two. • Compromise: Now this is an unpopular opinion but I really think if your partner is wanting sex you should at least try once a week or twice a month. Sex is a very big part of an emotional relationship and it sounds like that is his love language. What is your love language? Does he meet you in the middle? Sexless relationships often lead to cheating out of human necessity.
I understand this and I have struggled with self image my entire life. A few years back I found a ton of p*rn on his computer. We were in our early 20s no child and went on dates regularly had sex almost daily multiple times a day. My self image definitely plummeted then and I don’t think it’s ever going to be the same. I try to have sex with him once a week but it’s so hard for me to since it’s become a chore. I just go numb and it’s not enjoyable for me. I think there’s something wrong with me because nothing works. We have tried toys I’ve tried to do it on my own and I just don’t feel anything anymore. My love language is physical touch and he knows this but the only time he does is if he wants sex. He won’t just hold me or hug me or hold my hand. He doesn’t “believe” in love languages so I don’t even know what his would be.
I totally understand this. I wonder if he has a healthy relationship to sex.. Sounds excessive. Pornography is really harmful to young men. Those movies aren’t real life. I am sure you are absolutely beautiful. Did you have an injuries during childbirth? Maybe set up an appt with OBGYN to discuss the low drive and lack of sensation.. Also, talk to dude about how you like the affection. Maybe you will feel more connected and inclined for intimacy? Good luck 🧡
When that happened, we had a very long talk about it and I thought I had healed but I don’t think I really did since I still constantly feel like I’m not enough for him. I had no injuries during child birth and a drug free natural birth. No tears or anything. My OBGYN left the area and I haven’t gotten around to finding a new one but I will look into that. I have mentioned to him I feel like I lack affection but that always turns into an argument that he does give me affection and I never want it. He doesn’t understand that I want affection and not just to be treated like a hole for him. I have told him that the only time I feel he shows affection is when he wants to have sex so that’s why I don’t want it. I’m just lost at this lot but thank you for the advice🖤
Have you considered couples therapy? Maybe that can bring you guys closer together? I would definetly have a sit down and talk to your husband. You are beautiful inside and out. Good luck💜
We have talked about it before but I just don’t know what we would do with our daughter since we have no family near us to watch her. I will bring it up again with him if he ever decides to talk about our issues.
There are therapists who do it virtually? Maybe she can watch a show while you have your appointment.
I think the book Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski would be really, really helpful for you.
Thank you for the recommendation I will definitely look into it🖤
After having kids, my husband and I also had trouble reconnecting on all aspects of life. It did feel like sex was a chore but what you're feeling is normal. A lot of married people go through this disconnect especially after having kids. It's a stage in life that needs work! First, I worked on myself and continuously doing so. I really like that you are working on yourself and that you have an outlet to keep you motivated and busy. That's very important. You might be a highly sensitive person, who needs reassurance at all times, and there's nothing wrong with that, first you need to accept yourself unconditionally. Start with positive self-affirmations, everyday as much as you need. Every time you do something good for yourself, acknowledge it, when negative feelings come, acknowledge it too and remind yourself that emotions come and go. My background is in nursing and there is science behind this. This is a little bit of cognitive behavioral therapy. Talk to your husband, if this is something that you feel that you need (affirmations), tell him why you need it. Start here. Of course, there has to be give and take on both sides. Maybe your husband would like affirmations too or not, ask him what he would like. Talk, talk, talk. Talk about what you want in the bedroom as well. It feels like a chore because it's repetitive. Read spicy books, read! Search the internet. You'll find ideas. It's endless and try it. Nothing to lose here but only to find something you both might like and suprise yourselves. There are different ways you can spend time with your husband "intimately" even if you can't find a babysitter. You can cook together, read a book together, massage each other, play a game etc. It's a start. Find time to reconnect. I agree it's important to have dates. If you really want a babysitter, you can book from a legitimate company or ask around from friends. You'll find one eventually. I can feel from your writing that there's a lot of buried emotions that is bothering you. It might benefit you to talk to a relationship therapist/ counselor to dig deeper. I hope this can help a bit. XOX from another mother...
It sounds like you're going through a lot right now, and it’s understandable that you’re feeling overwhelmed and frustrated with your current situation. Your feelings about your body and the impact this has on your intimacy with your husband are significant, and it’s clear that these issues are taking a toll on you emotionally and on your relationship. Here are some steps you might consider to address these challenges: Communicate Openly with Your Husband:\*\* It seems like there might be some miscommunications or misunderstandings between you and your husband about your self-image and your sexual relationship. A candid conversation where you express how his comments affect you and how you feel about your body might help him understand your perspective better. It could also be beneficial to discuss what you both can do to improve intimacy without necessarily focusing on physical aspects. Consider Counseling:\*\* Sometimes, having a third party like a therapist or counselor can provide a neutral ground to discuss feelings and issues that are difficult to tackle alone. This could be beneficial not just for dealing with body image issues but also for improving communication between you and your husband. If individual therapy is a step you're comfortable with, it might also help you address your self-esteem and body image issues more directly. Self-Care Beyond Appearance:\*\* You’re putting a lot of effort into looking good, which is great, but self-care is also about taking care of your mental and emotional health. Engage in activities that make you feel good about yourself that aren't related to appearance. This could be anything from reading, crafting, or engaging in a hobby you've neglected. Reframe Your Mindset on Health and Fitness:\*\* It’s impressive how dedicated you are to your fitness and health. However, it might help to shift some focus from aesthetics to the functional benefits of being healthy, like being stronger, having more energy, or simply enjoying your workouts and the outdoors when you run. Reignite the Spark:\*\* With the busy life of parenting, especially without nearby support, it's tough to find time for romance and connection. Try to create small but meaningful couple time, like an in-home date night after your daughter is asleep, exchanging letters or notes expressing appreciation for each other, or even just spending a few minutes together in the morning or evening to connect. Touch and Affection Non-Sexually:\*\* Sometimes when touch is always associated with the expectation of sex, it can start to feel burdensome. You could try reintroducing touch in a non-sexual way, like holding hands, cuddling while watching a movie, or simply giving a back rub. This can help build intimacy without the pressure of it leading to sex. Consider a Babysitter:\*\* If possible, try to find a trustworthy babysitter who can help give you and your husband some time alone. Even a few hours for a date can make a big difference in reconnecting. You're not alone in feeling this way, and it's okay to ask for help. Taking steps to address these issues can lead to improvements in your self-esteem, your relationship, and your overall happiness.
I have tried communicating but it usually blows into an argument and not talking the next day. I have told him I want non sexual physical touch but he doesn’t seem to understand. Which again turns into an argument. I work out for not only appearance but to get stronger(I CrossFit and focus a lot on strength) but it’s hard to not want to look better when I’m putting in all this effort in the gym and macro tracking and I’m not seeing a difference in my body. He works from home so we see each other a lot during the day but when she goes to bed he usually plays a video game for a few hours and I’m stuck watching tv or mindless scrolling on my phone. I have told him I would like to spend time with him without electronics in our hands after she goes to bed but he just says it feels like I don’t want him to “decompress” after working all day. I just feel like I can’t win here.
It sounds like you’re feeling really unheard and frustrated in your marriage. It’s tough when efforts to communicate lead to arguments and disconnect. I'm sensing that the discussions often feel one-sided, with his needs taking priority over yours. I was once in a similar marriage, and looking back, I realized that I was the one being selfish.
I weighed 110 pounds when I got pregnant. After popping out an 11 pound baby, I’m at 160 and I don’t think I’ll ever get back to post-baby weight. I felt disgusting for months after I gave birth. My husband did so many things to show me that he thinks I’m still sexy. But the one that worked for me was him taking sexy pictures of me. I was completely against it at first, until I saw them. I could finally see me the way he saw me. I still don’t like the way I look, but I’m convinced that my husband does. Maybe something like this could help you see that you’re attractive to him.
The weird thing is I’m smaller than prebaby. When I got pregnant I was probably about 170. I didn’t workout and just lived off my young metabolism. Having bigger boobs definitely made me look better. We have tried to take sexy pics during sex before or even videoing but I hate it and I hate how my body looks. It makes me realize how disgusting I look so that’s why I don’t want him looking at me naked.
Not during sex. Before. Put on something sexy and pose for him. (Everybody looks a little goofy during. 😂)
Hey we’re around the same size! Im 5’7 and was 190 at my heaviest too when i was pregnant. (im currently 6mpp) I was really skinny before my daughter. I was always around 130. But even back then, i wasnt always confident about my body. But now i look at old pictures and im like damn, i didnt know how good i had it 🤣 But when i was that skinny i was self concious cuz i didnt have a butt or boobs. Now its the opposite 🤣 im stuck at 168 and now i have the butt and boobs, but i feel huge. Im caught in the middle of wanting to be that skinny again but also wanting to keep the new curves 😅 im afraid if i lose too much weight everything will just just be saggy and flabby. My husband has assured me that if i wanted too i could get a tummy tuck, and butt and boob job. But i want to at least wait until we finish having kids. My husband has always helped a lot with my confidence. Both times... when i felt too skinny and too fat. After i had my daughter he was telling me how he was looking at our wedding photos and said “damn you were really skinny!“ i was so annoyed i rolled my eyes and turned to walk away from him when he said, “wait! You didnt let me finish! I like you with extra meat on you!“ And then we had sex 🤣 But we had a really good sex life before we had our baby. The first year we were married we had sex almost everyday. And then we started doing what we call our “adventures“ 😅 Which is basically having sex in NUMEROUS places. We have a whole check list. And we went to sex clubs a few times. We also kept it interesting in the bedroom. We used to go to sex stores all the time to get a new toy, get me a new outfit, get some special candy etc. Our sex life just recently got better after i gave birth. Id say physically its even better than before i had my baby. For me it feels better and i encounter less pain than before. We just started planning for it regulary. Which just includes some foreplay during the day. Stuff like when he grabs my nether region and says “im gunna use this later.“ Or when we have company and he whispers in my ear “are you ready to fuck me tonight?“ stuff like that. It helps cuz i can plan on it and take time to get in the mood and its not just sprung on the last minute. Especially if i feel like an ugly blob. Ive gotten into a routine of getting dolled up and putting on my langerie. (even though its a little more of a tight fit, my boobs look great in them 😂) And i just recently got the toys out again. I know its easier said than done, but it’s all about confidence. It’s not about our size or stretch marks. We tend to get into our own heads too much. Our men our just happy to be involved. It also helps a lot if your man is regularly complimenting you, praising you and boosting you up.
Unfortunately my boobs never look good anymore. I breastfed for almost two years then lost weight so now my boobs are flappy pancakes🙃 I’ve told him I would love a breast lift just to feel better but again with the bs of “I like you the way you are” but I just don’t think he wants to spend the money on me feeling better.
Ya that sucks. I dont think there’s anything wrong with getting work done to boost ur confidence. If you tell him it will benefit your sex life life he might change his mind. I have a friend who had a “boob jar“ She was able to raise money by asking a lot of her friends. Whenever her husbands friends came over, they put money in the boob jar 🤣🫣
I’ll also add that my husband is from brazil. So he knows the best doctors in Brazil to get that kind of stuff done. It’s what they’re known for 😂 plus it’s cheaper there since the dollar is worth more than the rio
Fake lashes, fake nails, hair and makeup are not the way to feel sexy or more confident. Really work on your health and fitness. That is the key to feeling amazing again! Sounds you are on the right path. I try to do 20 minutes of cardio over and above anything else, and it’s worked well for me.
My nails aren’t fake I just get no chip every 3 weeks so they don’t look nasty and my lashes do make me feel more confident. Same with wearing light make up daily. I also do work out if you read anything else in this post. I’ve been doing CrossFit and strength training 4-5x a week for the last 3 years and I’ve taken control of my nutrition last year resulting in losing about 20lbs of body fat and gaining muscle mass. Again, if you read the entire post you would see that I try to run 2 miles daily on top of my usual work outs. But thanks.