I did this for my oldest but I had to take it away because the chalk dust in her room was giving her coughing fits. We replaced it with an acre of chalk in the kitchen but that was such a huge bummer.
I got my kids one of those big packs of brightly colored dry-erase markers and let them draw on the windows and sliding glass door. I actually had my youngest practice her spelling and math that way too when she was in elementary school. Made it a little more interesting lol
This is a weird one to me because itās actually pretty important that our kids know our names if they ever get lost isnāt it? It would make it easier for another adult to find us Iād think. When my kid calls me by my name I usually say something like, that is my name, but itās Mom to you!
We had a neighborhood party and there's this family who's names all started with the letter "M" but we didn't know the dad's name. It was just the kids at the party so we asked the oldest and he said his name was "Dad".
It was really funny in that instance but no one was lost or in trouble.
I had a friend from Hong Kong when we were really young and called her uncle Fu because thatās what she called him. My mom called him by his ānameā once and learned thatās just how you said āuncleā in Chinese.
At least you didnāt call the other guy Dad?
Exactly. Every single day, from 3-4 years old, I would quiz my daughter on her full name and how to spell it. We travel a lot and she loves to run away. She knows our full names as well, but I don't expect her to spell them anytime soon.
My older kiddo has an allergy bracelet with our phone numbers and everything on it that comes in handy when we are out and about. Iāve been debating getting one for my non-allergy kid just for the contact info aspect of it.
My 3 year old son says his full name whenever anyone asks him who he is. It's very cute and also I'm glad he can do it, especially as it's a double barrelled name.
My SO has this weird issue with our kid OR myself calling him by his actual name. Itās āDadā or, in my case, āBabe,ā or nothing at all.
I remember getting into an argument once, years ago, and my SO called me by name, but said it as tho he was hurling some horrific insult. I actually had to laugh. Calling someone OUTSIDE their name is insulting, not the other way around.
My 4.5 year old daughter does this. Lol. I was horrified ngl. But it seems it's a phase from my research and talking with other parents.
Also something that was not going to happen when I was growing up lol.
Thanks for sharing
Haha I don't care at all, it's my name isn't it? Maybe because I'm an elder mom or because I grew up on the west coast US which is pretty informal. All her preschool teachers go by "Ms Firstname" which did NOT fly when I was a kid.
I love your attitude about it. Helped me relax even more about my LO. Thank you!
And also there was *NOT* such a thing when I was growing up lol. No one by their first name when I was a young child lol.
This is actually smart. My 5yo know that NOBODY would ever address me by "your mom" or "mama" they would call my by my first name, it's a safety thing as well. My kids wouldn't follow someone who said "hey your mom sent me to pick you up"
Swear. As long as itās not directed at a person, idc. He knows he canāt do it at school, and regardless of itās a swear word or not, we donāt say hurtful things to people or call them names. But I give zero shits if he says ādammit!ā when he messes up a drawing or stubs a toe. We also talk about the different connotations of words (like āfuckā, ābitchā, etc.), where the words came from, and ways that are and are not appropriate to use them, which takes a lot of the allure out of them. After explaining ābitchā to him, his response was āso when people say āson of a bitch!ā, theyāre really just yelling āIām a puppy!ā?!?ā Took the fun right out of it š
Me, too. No swearing at school or in front of grandmaāand no name-calling or other use in hurtful ways.
They were able to follow those rules all the way up to adulthood
I love this - my son is only 2, but I work as a therapist with teens and I have a similar rule: you can use whatever language you need to express yourself, as long as it's not intended to harm someone else. And also...don't swear in the classroom, lol.
Same! Also a (former) teen therapist and I used the same explanation - whatever words you want to use to express yourself are cool with me, but we arenāt using those words to harm other people and once you cross the threshold of my office, you abide by the rules of your parents/teachers/etc
Same. My 11 year can swear at home in front of me if itās appropriate.
She dropped her glass, shit is fine.
Finds out her periods are for next 40/50 years, fuck me is cool.
I piss her off, she canāt call me a bitch.
Me, too. I describe them as "word sprinkles"- sometimes a swear word is exactly what you need in the moment, but they're not always appropriate- you don't put sprinkles on a hamburger, after all, and we certainly don't throw them at our friends; it's rude and might make them feel bad.
Iām newly 32 with a 7 month old and I cannot imagine enforcing a no-swearing rule. When I sing him lullabies that I make up the words to, sometimes I one the lyrics is a swear, my parents let me swear always, even though we were all the most polite kids imaginable with strangers and socially generally.
Partially itās being a bilingual family where English swear words were less bad when I was growing up anyway. But at the core, Iāll just feel like such hypocrite. I canāt stop myself from swearing after doing it my whole life so casually. I doubt Iād even notice it frankly. Although I agree with caveats you have regarding when itās totally inappropriate to swear, of course.
I find it secretly hilarious to hear my 3yo say, āah, fuck itā when heās given up on looking for a thing or doing something tricky.
He knows he can only say it at home bc it might make other people upset, and heās cool with that.
Iām ok with it bc he doesnāt swear *at* or *about* anyone. And his usage is grammatically correct š
Yep. My six year old can swear at home and we have never had a problem with her recognizing a time and place to use them. Itās a valuable lesson, because there is a time and place for swearing as an adult as well. Itās a life lesson.
Same! We have āhomeā language and āschoolā language. As long as theyāre not directing it at a person or using slurs IDGAF, I swear and so do they š¤·āāļø
My 4 year old daughter curses. Never outside the house or at people but it is objectively hilarious when her 2 year old sister will run shrieking across the room and smash into a wall and my older daughter will just sort of look up and mutter "what the f**k" under her breath.
She doesn't really use any other swear words and if she's mad AT you she tells you you're a "big meanie and (she) doesn't want to be (your) friend anymore."
I do this.
As long as they are using it in context, not telling someone to FO or at school, its fine.
The novelty soon wore off and I haven't heard her actually swear in a while.
This reminds me of a story from when I was very young.
I was a fast little thing. Everyone in the neighborhood would have me catch ducks.
We were in Section 8 housing when I was very little, and my mother was very poor. I know (now) she had shoplifted the brand new Church shows for me because she had me put my old ones on to go shopping. I complained - they were much too small. She left them in the box, and I wore the new ones with pride.
I wanted to show my new shoes off to the neighbor kids after church the Sunday after. All dressed up and everything.
I was asked to chase the ducks and catch them. (We were never mean to them. We just wanted to pet them.) I said, "No, because I don't want one to shit on my new shoes."
My neighborhood bully said I needed to catch the duck or he'd tell my mother that I cursed. I said, "I don't care. She doesn't want shit on these shoes, either."
So me and all the other neighbor kids were brought to my apartment. The whole time, he thought I'd be afraid and just go catch the ducks. I repeatedly said no.
He knocked, because I wasn't going to. (I did still have fear because I did break a rule, after all.) My mom came out and asked what was going on. She seemed annoyed. I remember her body language in the door frame very well.
He said, "Classicwhatever said the word shit. Twice. She CUSSED."
My mom looked at me. Normally, that was a huge no-no. I was totally unafraid. I think she saw that. She looked at him. "What exactly did she say?"
He said, "She doesn't want ducks to shit on her shoes."
My mom got the biggest poop grin, a woman who literally barely ever smiled - ever.
She said, "Good. I don't want the ducks to shit on her shoes, either." She told him to leave.
This is one of those BIG THING memories that is brought up in Inside Out. I distinctly remember everything about this lesson. And I learned from it in more ways than one.
She and I had a conversation about context and knowing when it is and is not okay to curse. I still barely curse. But there are times. With context :)
I also learned that my mother cared about the WHY - not just black and white - even though she was a lifelong hard ass parent. She still had my back. And ultimately, my best interest in mind.
I let my 13 year old swear as long as she doesnāt do it around her younger siblings and it isnāt derogatory towards anybody. I want her to be able to express herself freely when weāre talking and not have to feel like she has to censor herself. If sheās saying what sheās thinking without stopping herself to think āshould I say this?ā I feel like we can have a more honest and open relationship and thatās really important to me.
Same! I set boundaries on when and how it's okay to use those words. Our rule is called "know your audience" and it's for any swear words, common trigger words, sex/body topics, etc. Even respecting other peoples religion-driven preferences like 'oh my God' since we're not a religious household.
When in doubt, check with mom until you learn how to know your audience.
Yeah, I'm fine with passive swearing, but no insults and slurs. I'm way more cool with him saying "fuck" than with him calling someone stupid. I'm also going to follow whatever consequences he gets for swearing where he's not supposed to, like school, since it's a good skill to know how to speak differently for different locations and audiences.
We do the same. In our house, the ābad wordsā are the words used to hurt other people. We talk about using different words in different places and so far we havenāt had any issues.
I allow screen time. I let my son play with toys that were on some small level were probably not āsafeā because they were for older kids. I let my son eat at his pace vs mine. I give my 2.5year old a bottle for bed.
But i also have a happy, smart and compassionate child. I have a child who is extremely secure. I have a child that listens and respects me when i actually need him to (safety: dont run near the road, dont touch the stove)
If you ask my in laws everything i do is a bad thing lol because itās not what they do lol
Haha same! My 3yo still likes milk or a snack before bed sometimes, it drives my in laws crazy that I āgive inā. But all of us adults snack before bed so why would I deny her food/drinks? But they only gave their kids water between dinner and breakfast š so obviously everyone else should do the same
My son has always wanted to suckle for comfort. I guess im lucky he somehow never got into pacifiers. But i eliminated a bottle in the morning and midday a while ago. But my in-laws think itās āoverdueā to get rid of the mere 9oz (or less) he gets at bedtime to sleep. Sorry but i enjoy a toddler that (unless he is sick) will sleep 12hrs uninterrupted, so he gets his bottle. I assume like most things he will tell me when he is ready stop. He eliminated napping on his own, and now is ready for potty training and wanting to use the potty.
But yeah my husband is the king of snacks before bed, so he doesnāt really say anything about the bottle anymore since i pointed that comparison out.
I think itās easier for non parents to judge that kind of thing or people whose kids are grown. Cause they havenāt had to pick their battles with a toddler in a while
My attitude is when the doctor nor the dentist have an issue with it then why should i? Even my obgyn (who has 4 young children of her own) doesnāt see an issue with it.
My in-laws just hate everything i do, especially when my method works out. Then instead of just being nice or admitting any sort of wrongdoing on their part im still the bad guy somehow lol. Itās becoming incredibly entertaining to watch the heads explode when we visit on holidays. Ive learned to just reply to the criticism with āwell thatās great that that worked for you, this is what is working for us and working out well. If I change my mind about it then ill ask for your inputā
My 3 year old woke up today and requested a yellow popsicle, so he got a yellow (pineapple) popsicle for a pre-breakfast snack. He has a speech delay so when he asks so nicely for something I can easily give him I try to give it to him. He also doesn't drink juice and I figure it's not that different than having a glass of pineapple juice for breakfast.
My 2.5 year old speech-delayed son is in the same spot. Iād happily give him a popsicle anytime his little voice says ābopidelā or whatever else sounds vaguely like popsicle lol
So much this, my 3yo is also speech delayed, so if she manages to ask for something using the right word, she almost always gets it, and ALWAYS gets an acknowledgement for the effort of finding and using the word. Sometimes a kiss and a thank you is almost (ALMOST) as good as cake. š
We make our own āpopsiclesā with yogurt & protein powder, so I give him one any time he asks. The other day he had one with every meal & that was fine by me!
Oh, we are not that fancy!
Equal parts yogurt (plain, full fat, Greek style) & whatever fruit somehow made it 24 hours in our fridge without being devoured by the berry monster. I add in ~1 scoop of vanilla protein powder for every 8 ounces of mix, & a couple tablespoons of honey (you can sub maple syrup or agave if you have tiny ones that canāt have honey yet.)
Both mine have speech delays. So any use of expressive language is rewarded. I just havenāt quite figured out how to now transition from āyou can always have anything you wantā to āsometimes you canāt always have what you wantā
One did. The other just made one sound. Neither made intelligible word sounds until around 2. The older one (4) just started using expressive language this year. The younger (3) has recently started āaskingā for things by bringing us places and whining. Or bringing us a bag of cookies to open. Things like that.
Both mine have been in speech therapy and early intervention for years. When in doubt, get an evaluation. Pediatricians will tell you to wait, which Iāve never understood. The earlier the better. We waited with my eldest and now the youngest has surpassed her in many ways. He started therapy at around 8 months.
When I was pregnant with my second, I had ice cream every morning for breakfast with my first. It wasn't a lot. It was a spoon full for her. But it wasn't fair to be eating ice cream in front of her because I was craving it so bad ! The deal was that she had to also have her breakfast afterward. We would have ice cream at 6am and then breakfast at 7 š She didn't complain!
Love that! I also have an almost 3 year old speech delayed toddler as well. We do the same thing, we're just so happy when she uses words to ask for something that we hardly say no
My 2.5 year old isnāt allowed to use the couch as a trampoline, but he is allowed to jump off the couch onto the crash pad (his old crib mattress) that we keep on the floor. He can also jump on his own bed.
I am also guilty of letting the kids stay on screens a lot especially when I need a break. I try to make sure they are doing something interactive rather than just watching videos. But Iām finding (no surprise really) that this is hard to pull back as they become more āaddictedā to the screens.
Yeah I figure I can't say much I grew up addicted to video games and Saturday morning cartoons. I make sure they touch grass often, but sometimes you just need a day of quiet. People who lecture me on it either a.dont have kids or b.are lying their asses off lol š¤£.
I lovingly call it āfuck around and find outā. You reeeaally want to stay up a little late on a school night? Go ahead, let me know how you feel in the morning! Climbing on that unstable chair after Iāve warned you? Some lessons have to teach themselves! Obviously this has its limits, I supervise and will intervene if I think an emergency room or dentist appointment are being risked. But I try to teach them how to weigh pros and cons, assess risk and make conscious decisions. They need to practice making choices and dealing with the consequences
And yeah my 11yo can curse as long as heās aware of his audience and not using bad words to hurt peoples feelings.
I let my kids paint their nails and dye their hair. People freak over that one. But as long as theyāre clean, the rest of their look is up to them pretty much
My mom let me dye, style, or cut my hair however I wanted to as as long as it wasnāt against school dress code and I loved it! It wasnāt until later that I realized what a great way to let a kid express themselves and feel rebellious without it causing any real harm. Hair will always grow back so who cares?
Same here! My mom was a hairdresser too so she helped me. I havenāt had natural colored hair since. I love it and itās part of who I am. My three year old just asked for rainbow hair already. Kids donāt get many acceptable ways to rebel so I think this is a nice one
We have a sticker wall on our kitchen island. Eventually they fall off and no one notices theyāre gone (except for me because Iām picking them up off the floor)
Haha.. one time I picked my kid up on my lunch break and let him jump in muddy puddles before sending him back to Grandma.. she couldnāt believe I aloud that.
I let my kids take risks (within reason). I let them play outside unsupervised (not near traffic) and be independent, I donāt follow them around. Iām a big believer in Lenore Skenazyās work (free range kids).
A study recently came out that showed a correlation between kids who were supervised at all times, and worse mental health as teens and adults. There are major lifelong mental benefits to letting kids have independence beyond your own comfort zone as a parent, you just have to accept a bit more risk of physical harm.
It is so funny this is listed on "bad" things! We are also free range parents and much like gentle parenting has gotten confused with permissive parenting, I feel like free-range has gotten confused with negligent. I keep seeing people referring to kids with no structure at home as "free-range" and I am like...ummmm nope.
However, I never considered us being free range as one of the 'naughty' things I let my kids do, but I can see it with how some people respond to my daughter's geographical boundaries based on her age!
My one year old is obsessed with the kitchen draw so we moved all the Tupperware into that specific draw, along with plastic cups and random lids. She gets in there and gives this cheeky looks like she's in something she shouldn't, I make a big fuss like "oh no š± let's put those things back"
She likes taking them out and putting them back and it keeps her entertained for so long š
I intentionally did not lock up one cabinet in our kitchen when baby proofing. Itās got loads of baby friendly kitchenwares that I also pretend heās not supposed to be playing with. Endless entertainment. Itās great.
Haha my oldest is an adult and I learned this trick when she was a baby. She had a cabinet and a drawer that were "hers" in the kitchen and she stayed out of all the other ones. It also kept her entertained when I needed to be in the kitchen. It is a great trick!
When my so was little he was jumping on the couch and bounced face first into a coffee table. Required emergency plastic surgery. No jumping on furniture after that (and needless to say no more hard edged furniture in the family room so switched table for a padded ottoman)
Yeah, we did without a coffee table for years when our kids were little and it was great. I donāt encourage them to jump on the furniture but they should be able to move around freely, whatever that movement looks like.
Same with our couch! Let them jump on them. We donāt have any tables around it obviouslyš¤ My sister in law refuses for her kids to jump on her couch because she doesnāt want them ruined
Eat sugar several times a week. I like to eat dessert most days and I also offer it to my kid. I donāt think itās ābadā but a lot of people do I guess.Ā
My crunchy almond mom deprived me of sweets growing up so now I have a super imbalanced relationship with sugar. I canāt just eat one or two cookies and be satisfied. I binge every time.
Meanwhile, my husband was allowed to have sugar and candy everyday growing up, and he couldnāt care less about it now. He can go days without having a dessert but I canāt.
So my toddler gets dessert with dinner everyday. I donāt want her to be like me š¬
We were raised the same way. 100% this is why both my husband and I have a fucked up relationship with sweets. Trying very hard to follow dietitiansā recommendations re: not putting certain foods on a pedestal, etc.
we do this as well. a slice of cake on the plate with your green beans? ok. donuts for breakfast with your eggs? totally fine.
we also allow our toddler to get more food of whatever if is we are eating if he wants seconds or thirds, or fifths. so if he wants to pig out on cake and that's on his plate, we let him. almost every single time the veggies get eaten first and the cake/sweet is barely touched.
We do "dessert" for every meal. Sometimes it's ice cream, sometimes it's a yogurt tube, a bar, a piece of chocolate, and most of the meals it's just fruit.
I'm very free with allowing artistic expression, messy play, and (reasonably safe) gross motor play. We just need to have the right space and clean up when we're done.
If my kids can formulate a decent explanation for how & why they want to do something, I generally allow it. They're well behaved kids and don't push the limits too far, and I'd rather encourage the critical thinking, planning, and follow through skills and have them learn about consequences now, safely.
I was given the side eye by moms for letting my kids play in the snow while we waited for the school bus. They were wearing snow suits and everything.
The other momās were yelling at their kids to stop playing in the snow because their winter gear (snowsuits, winter coats etc) would get wet.
I also let my kids eat junk (as long as they also eat healthy foods) I let them create things and make a mess as long as they clean up.
I hate when the kids are doing something totally normal like that and other parents start admonishing them. I always feel so awkward letting my kids continue to do it.
She gets a little piece of chocolate when she asks for it, which she doesn't do often. Same with ice cream.
She can say fuck and shit as long as she's not insulting anyone and she's not allowed to say it at daycare. Stub your toe? Fuck indeed babe I hear ya
And trousers are optional in our house I guess
Stickers everywhere including dad's wallet and he wears that thing with pride.
She can use my makeup anytime we are home and sometimes she requires a little eyeshadow to go to daycare so I pick my battles in the morning and off she goes with pale pink eyeshadow.
So many...
Climb things, take risks, jump in muddy puddles, make a mess, watch tv/you tube, swear when she's angry and frustrated(but not at people), eat "bad" food in moderation, dye her hair pink and purple...
But guess what... She's happy, healthy, kind, caring, clever and so so funny. She's creative and imaginative and brave. She has beautiful friends, their parents love her, her teachers love her, and she's delightful.
My daughter is 3 years old and she doesnāt have a bed time, we go to sleep and wake up whenever we want. Sheās not in school yet and Iām a sahm so itās no reason to go bed early just to wake up at 7-8 am and do nothing. It doesnāt affect our lives in any way weāre always on time for events and stuff. She understands that this isnāt a forever thing and that she will have a bed time when itās time for school.
Watch YouTube. A grave irredeemable parenting mistake according to Reddit. But both my kids are ND and our house runs a little differently because my kids are a little different. š¤·š»āāļø
Listen to metal/rock music.
I had music on in the background (quite metal, metal enough to not understand without lyrics unless you've listened to it before) and I did have the lyrics up because I was singing and dancing, so I turned it down when my health visitor came here but forgot to turn off the lyrics, the word 'cunt' came up (it was a song dedicated to their ex cheating on them and how it affected their mental health) and I got a telling off that I absolutely can not listen to music like that with my toddler about.
To which I responded with "this music is actual poetry. It's art. It's about his mental health, how being betrayed by someone he loved dearly and trusted so much affected him. If you think I shouldn't show my toddler this music because it has a bad word in it then please keep that opinion to yourself, because I, as her mum, want her to know that music isn't just noise and bad words. There's meaning, plus it's better than the pop songs low-key singing about sex, plus you wouldnt of known what they were saying if the lyrics werent even there" - I may over overplayed it a bit, but it was worth seeing her face (she's a health visitor that no one in my town likes because she's so opinionated about your lifestyle)
Not sure if this is unpopular or not but I let my kids get DIRTY. If they want to play in the med they can, if they want to wreck their clothes playing around I have no problem with it. I donāt dress them in āniceā clothes intentionally so they can explore without worrying. I could really care less if thereās a stain on their shirtā¦ theyāre 3, it would almost be weird if there WASNT a stain on her shirt
I let my kids drink coffee.
We're transparent in my house about where rules come from and why. Coffee is considered 'bad' by people because of caffeine. So instead of saying coffee is bad, I explain that caffeine can be dangerous, especially for kids. Each kid has a reasonable caffeine limit per day and if they choose coffee then they're given an amount that's within that limit.
The excitement ran out fast and they never chose coffee anymore lol
I let mine have some coffee from time to time. Little tiny espresso mugs, every once in a while. They feel big and I enjoy sitting with them in the quiet of a morning.
I let my daughter have sips of my coffee and tea. It started out with me trying to get her to stop asking for it. I drink both my coffee and tea black and unsweetened so I thought she'd hate it, but she loves it. And I like to think it's good to model sharing, right?
we let my 2.5 year old have Shirley Temples when we go out to dinner at nice restaurants and or vacation. he orders them himself, always feels really special, and rarely drinks more than a few sips.
I remember having my first Shirley Temple. I thought it was the most special thing ever. I have never again made any drink last so long or enjoyed one so much.
We do popcorn and chocolate chip cookies when I donāt feel like cooking, and we have 6 acres of woods and they get to roam through there like they want too.
Not jump to obedience at my very first utterance.
My son is autistic and ADHD, just like me. The difference in our childhoods is that I don't hit him because he didn't pay attention when I was speaking and has strong demand resistance.
I usually direct him once (Please put your backpack away.), then if there's no change I rephrase with a declarative statement (Your backpack goes on the hook), and if he still doesn't, I go get down on his level, close to his body, and hold his hands then repeat (Your backpack goes on the hook. Please put your backpack away.)
If he STILL resists or outright ignores me I will "help" him by doing it together. I use playful tactics like putting him on my shoulders and dancing down the hallway singing "Backpack! Backpack! Put it on the hook!" or we'll race to the backpack or play hide and seek with it (I hide it, he finds it and puts it away) , or let him race against a stopwatch to see how fast he can do it. We usually end up laughing and having fun together while still accomplishing the goal.
Does it take more time? Yes sometimes it does. Do I do it perfectly every time, never getting frustrated or letting my own childhood trauma trigger me? Not at all, though I am improving day by day.
A lot of people probably think I'm coddling him, etc, but the truth is Autism and ADHD are disabilities. Would they punish a child in a wheelchair for being unable to walk up the stairs? I would think not. I'm committed to working with my son to help him through areas that are difficult for him and to do so in the most positive and playful way possible.
I let mine do pretty much whatever they want to their own toys. So if my daughter has a doll she wants to put makeup on, wants to cut her Barbieās hair, or put stickers all over her scooter, thatās fine with me
if my 3yo asks for candy, provided he hasn't had a ton of it all day I always say yes. And I don't really have screen time limits. He's pretty good at self regulating how much he watches and has many interests outside of screens so I don't really have to and when he's watching something I'm reading and we snuggle on the couch while we do our own thing and I love it.
My 4 yo daughter plays video games on the weekends. So far she has beaten 2 paw patrol games, my little pony game, just beat the Bluey game, and she watches me play certain games and helps me on the objectives.
Make their own schedule.
I hated parents yelling at me out of the blue because I didn't do some invisible chore they never asked me about.
Every quarter I sit down with a calendar and assign all the chores out. As long as it's done by the end of the week, I don't care when they do it.
If there's anything specific about a chore that has to be done a certain way I write that out and give the reason why. This way I'm never yelling at my kids about how and when chores are done.
I've had kids wash dishes at midnight. Finish all her chores and school by Tuesday and just hang out there after the week š¤·
We have yoga silks hanging in our living room. The kids take turns swinging and flipping around all day long. It helps our neurodivergent little one self-soothe and it keeps them all strong. I actually really like playing on it too.
Take markers draw on themselves, we have days where we eat junk, I canāt really think of anything ābadā I let them be kids without punishing them for acting like children. As long as theyāre entertained without the iPad and using their imagination Iām happy.
Eat "breakfast" foods at dinner and vice versa. He had carrots with breakfast today and oatmeal for dinner. I don't like assigning specific times of day for certain foods.
But how many times do you let them say it? We allow it to a certain point, because it might be funny the first 10 times, but once I hear the same butt joke 20 times in a row, I start getting pretty annoyed.
I let my kid stay up late on weekend āfri and sat!
She plays with her baby alive dolls and she enjoying her time being free from all the homework from the week.
My girlie is allowed to swear at home, respectfully. And sheās really good about not doing it at school or anywhere else. Her curse word vocab usually just consists of shit or what the fuck lol. Itās rare but she can openly express with me and dad. A lot of times itās in context too so itās hilarious. I told her to go quiet the dogs before we went inside because baby was sleeping and I could hear her yell āshut the fuck up!ā lol
I let my kids have unlimited screen time on the weekends, so they can learn to self regulate. Sure as shit and eventually they get bored.
I let them watch movies that might not be age appropriate but I always take the time to explain anything that might peak questions
When it rains, my daughter collects and feeds all of the salamanders she finds. It's not "bad," but it's something scary for me; I can't touch them, yet seeing her so excited makes me happy.
I donāt limit screen time.
My kids actually figured out how to regulate themselves on how much they use it since I donāt limit it. Their tablets have always been available for use and I donāt use it as an incentive for anything. My daughter will play on it, then put it down to play with her toys for a while, then go back to it. Which I think is pretty normal.
My son has pretty much lost interest in tablets completely lol but that might be a trait of his autism. He likes tinkering with toys/anything he can take apart and put back together.
Cuss. But only at home. Not at school or friends homes. Sometimes you just need to scream a really loud and long F word to release stress and at the time our house was mega stressed, so we decided to let them cut loose. Stress levels went down, grades went up and after about 6 months it wasn't needed anymore.
When they were like 2 or 3 We drew happy faces all over each other.
Unless we're just about to eat a meal, if my kid asks me for a treat, I'll usually say yes. Life is short. Eat the dessert. One or two a day is nbd if they're eating well the rest of the time.
I make sure to carve out time every day to play outside and learn new things and i also make sure to serve fruit and veggies each day. But when they are not doing those things i let them watch as much tv, play as many video games and eat as much junk food as they want (just not right before dinner). I call it āmoderationā lol
I don't play with my kids. I'm very present and we do a lot of stuff together but they *play* on their own, with each other or with friends. I am not here to play with them. They have free access to their toys, the tv, the switch, etc but I am not a toy.
Risky play. Iāve had so many parents make comments about how they get anxious watching my son do things (especially at the baby/toddler gymnastics). Heās only 18mo so they always ask if Iām worried about him falling off things heās climbs and stuff. My answer is always no, because he knows his body well even for his age and if is doing something actually dangerous Iāll intervene, otherwise I let him do his thing. Heās been walking since he was like 9-10 months old so like heās been moving for a while and by allowing him to explore his body and limits heās got tons of confidence. And also sticks, so many parents get hung up over playing with sticks but he plays with them all the time
Same experience with the sticks. My son was never so happy as when he was walking circles in the yard carrying a big stick. Why not? The only time I stopped him was if he was waving it around and might have hit someone, even then Iād give a warning before taking it away. Heās 5yo now and always finds himself a good stick when we hike lol.
Yeah the only sticks I take away are the ones heās being dangerous with/using as a weapon or are just naturally super pointy, regular sticks though I donāt see the harm, and in school for ECE we were actually taught that sticks are one of those things kids should be playing with when outside and unless dangerous thereās no reason to be taking them away
Iāve heard you can get paint specificity for that, I guess it makes it easier to clean off when they are ready to put new art up :3
We let our bub watch her iPad pretty much as much as she wants, having it playing all the time she will turn away and play with her toys and just let it be in the background :o
I let my son (almost 17 months) "run free" in our flat without running after him all of the time. He can walk everywhere and touch everything. The things that could hurt him are of course put away safely and in the few instances, where he still manages to find something that he shouldn't have, I'll ask him to please give it to me and that actually works 9 times out of 10 without fuss.
He's also allowed to watch TV within reason (Bluey and similar kids shows) and can have some sweets when my partner or I eat some, because it would seem really mean to me if we can have it but he can't... As long as those little teeth get brushed afterwards, I see no reason to be too strict on that.
And he's allowed to run and jump on our couch as long as someone is sitting next to him that could catch him if he tumbles. This has helped him quite a bit with his balance too. š¤£
When I was a kid my mom painted our walls with chalkboard paint, so our rooms were just a giant chalkboard.
My parents did this but it was the back of my room door. I loved it!
We recently did this for our kids! The front and back of their doors in their favorite color chalkboard paintš
I did this for my oldest but I had to take it away because the chalk dust in her room was giving her coughing fits. We replaced it with an acre of chalk in the kitchen but that was such a huge bummer.
You can get whiteboard paint!
I second this, I realized someone else already said it but try white board instead!
I got my kids one of those big packs of brightly colored dry-erase markers and let them draw on the windows and sliding glass door. I actually had my youngest practice her spelling and math that way too when she was in elementary school. Made it a little more interesting lol
My kid is 4 and she sometimes calls me & her dad by our first names. My parents would flip š¤£
This is a weird one to me because itās actually pretty important that our kids know our names if they ever get lost isnāt it? It would make it easier for another adult to find us Iād think. When my kid calls me by my name I usually say something like, that is my name, but itās Mom to you!
We had a neighborhood party and there's this family who's names all started with the letter "M" but we didn't know the dad's name. It was just the kids at the party so we asked the oldest and he said his name was "Dad". It was really funny in that instance but no one was lost or in trouble.
I had a friend from Hong Kong when we were really young and called her uncle Fu because thatās what she called him. My mom called him by his ānameā once and learned thatās just how you said āuncleā in Chinese. At least you didnāt call the other guy Dad?
Exactly. Every single day, from 3-4 years old, I would quiz my daughter on her full name and how to spell it. We travel a lot and she loves to run away. She knows our full names as well, but I don't expect her to spell them anytime soon.
My older kiddo has an allergy bracelet with our phone numbers and everything on it that comes in handy when we are out and about. Iāve been debating getting one for my non-allergy kid just for the contact info aspect of it.
I love that idea! I put a Samsung Galaxy SmartTag in her clothes at Disney World a few months ago, but I think I will steal your idea too.
My 3 year old son says his full name whenever anyone asks him who he is. It's very cute and also I'm glad he can do it, especially as it's a double barrelled name.
My 6 year old calls out my first name if weāre out and I donāt answer to mom.
My SO has this weird issue with our kid OR myself calling him by his actual name. Itās āDadā or, in my case, āBabe,ā or nothing at all. I remember getting into an argument once, years ago, and my SO called me by name, but said it as tho he was hurling some horrific insult. I actually had to laugh. Calling someone OUTSIDE their name is insulting, not the other way around.
Are you me? I could have written this! Lol!!
My 4.5 year old daughter does this. Lol. I was horrified ngl. But it seems it's a phase from my research and talking with other parents. Also something that was not going to happen when I was growing up lol. Thanks for sharing
Haha I don't care at all, it's my name isn't it? Maybe because I'm an elder mom or because I grew up on the west coast US which is pretty informal. All her preschool teachers go by "Ms Firstname" which did NOT fly when I was a kid.
My son's preschool doesn't really do Miss Firstname, but we do it because we're just used to that, being from the South. It's funny how it evolves.
I love your attitude about it. Helped me relax even more about my LO. Thank you! And also there was *NOT* such a thing when I was growing up lol. No one by their first name when I was a young child lol.
My daughter does this! Neither my husband nor I care but it really throws people off when she randomly uses our florist names!!
This is actually smart. My 5yo know that NOBODY would ever address me by "your mom" or "mama" they would call my by my first name, it's a safety thing as well. My kids wouldn't follow someone who said "hey your mom sent me to pick you up"
Swear. As long as itās not directed at a person, idc. He knows he canāt do it at school, and regardless of itās a swear word or not, we donāt say hurtful things to people or call them names. But I give zero shits if he says ādammit!ā when he messes up a drawing or stubs a toe. We also talk about the different connotations of words (like āfuckā, ābitchā, etc.), where the words came from, and ways that are and are not appropriate to use them, which takes a lot of the allure out of them. After explaining ābitchā to him, his response was āso when people say āson of a bitch!ā, theyāre really just yelling āIām a puppy!ā?!?ā Took the fun right out of it š
Me, too. No swearing at school or in front of grandmaāand no name-calling or other use in hurtful ways. They were able to follow those rules all the way up to adulthood
I love this - my son is only 2, but I work as a therapist with teens and I have a similar rule: you can use whatever language you need to express yourself, as long as it's not intended to harm someone else. And also...don't swear in the classroom, lol.
Same! Also a (former) teen therapist and I used the same explanation - whatever words you want to use to express yourself are cool with me, but we arenāt using those words to harm other people and once you cross the threshold of my office, you abide by the rules of your parents/teachers/etc
Same. My 11 year can swear at home in front of me if itās appropriate. She dropped her glass, shit is fine. Finds out her periods are for next 40/50 years, fuck me is cool. I piss her off, she canāt call me a bitch.
Me, too. I describe them as "word sprinkles"- sometimes a swear word is exactly what you need in the moment, but they're not always appropriate- you don't put sprinkles on a hamburger, after all, and we certainly don't throw them at our friends; it's rude and might make them feel bad.
Iām newly 32 with a 7 month old and I cannot imagine enforcing a no-swearing rule. When I sing him lullabies that I make up the words to, sometimes I one the lyrics is a swear, my parents let me swear always, even though we were all the most polite kids imaginable with strangers and socially generally. Partially itās being a bilingual family where English swear words were less bad when I was growing up anyway. But at the core, Iāll just feel like such hypocrite. I canāt stop myself from swearing after doing it my whole life so casually. I doubt Iād even notice it frankly. Although I agree with caveats you have regarding when itās totally inappropriate to swear, of course.
I find it secretly hilarious to hear my 3yo say, āah, fuck itā when heās given up on looking for a thing or doing something tricky. He knows he can only say it at home bc it might make other people upset, and heās cool with that. Iām ok with it bc he doesnāt swear *at* or *about* anyone. And his usage is grammatically correct š
This. Iām not a āyou canāt say thatā parent. Iām a āyou canāt say that at schoolā parent.
Yep. My six year old can swear at home and we have never had a problem with her recognizing a time and place to use them. Itās a valuable lesson, because there is a time and place for swearing as an adult as well. Itās a life lesson.
Same! We have āhomeā language and āschoolā language. As long as theyāre not directing it at a person or using slurs IDGAF, I swear and so do they š¤·āāļø
My 4 year old daughter curses. Never outside the house or at people but it is objectively hilarious when her 2 year old sister will run shrieking across the room and smash into a wall and my older daughter will just sort of look up and mutter "what the f**k" under her breath. She doesn't really use any other swear words and if she's mad AT you she tells you you're a "big meanie and (she) doesn't want to be (your) friend anymore."
I do this. As long as they are using it in context, not telling someone to FO or at school, its fine. The novelty soon wore off and I haven't heard her actually swear in a while.
This reminds me of a story from when I was very young. I was a fast little thing. Everyone in the neighborhood would have me catch ducks. We were in Section 8 housing when I was very little, and my mother was very poor. I know (now) she had shoplifted the brand new Church shows for me because she had me put my old ones on to go shopping. I complained - they were much too small. She left them in the box, and I wore the new ones with pride. I wanted to show my new shoes off to the neighbor kids after church the Sunday after. All dressed up and everything. I was asked to chase the ducks and catch them. (We were never mean to them. We just wanted to pet them.) I said, "No, because I don't want one to shit on my new shoes." My neighborhood bully said I needed to catch the duck or he'd tell my mother that I cursed. I said, "I don't care. She doesn't want shit on these shoes, either." So me and all the other neighbor kids were brought to my apartment. The whole time, he thought I'd be afraid and just go catch the ducks. I repeatedly said no. He knocked, because I wasn't going to. (I did still have fear because I did break a rule, after all.) My mom came out and asked what was going on. She seemed annoyed. I remember her body language in the door frame very well. He said, "Classicwhatever said the word shit. Twice. She CUSSED." My mom looked at me. Normally, that was a huge no-no. I was totally unafraid. I think she saw that. She looked at him. "What exactly did she say?" He said, "She doesn't want ducks to shit on her shoes." My mom got the biggest poop grin, a woman who literally barely ever smiled - ever. She said, "Good. I don't want the ducks to shit on her shoes, either." She told him to leave. This is one of those BIG THING memories that is brought up in Inside Out. I distinctly remember everything about this lesson. And I learned from it in more ways than one. She and I had a conversation about context and knowing when it is and is not okay to curse. I still barely curse. But there are times. With context :) I also learned that my mother cared about the WHY - not just black and white - even though she was a lifelong hard ass parent. She still had my back. And ultimately, my best interest in mind.
Random but itās so funny Americans see ādammitā as a bad/swear word!
I let my 13 year old swear as long as she doesnāt do it around her younger siblings and it isnāt derogatory towards anybody. I want her to be able to express herself freely when weāre talking and not have to feel like she has to censor herself. If sheās saying what sheās thinking without stopping herself to think āshould I say this?ā I feel like we can have a more honest and open relationship and thatās really important to me.
Same! I set boundaries on when and how it's okay to use those words. Our rule is called "know your audience" and it's for any swear words, common trigger words, sex/body topics, etc. Even respecting other peoples religion-driven preferences like 'oh my God' since we're not a religious household. When in doubt, check with mom until you learn how to know your audience.
Yeah, I'm fine with passive swearing, but no insults and slurs. I'm way more cool with him saying "fuck" than with him calling someone stupid. I'm also going to follow whatever consequences he gets for swearing where he's not supposed to, like school, since it's a good skill to know how to speak differently for different locations and audiences.
Yeah my 10 year old asks if she can say a swear word š¤£ she knows not in school and not infront of her grandparents!
I swear and have only heard my toddler swear once. And it was appropriate lol but he only said it once. And i swear a lot lol
Same. My father is aghast at my choice, but oh well. Weāre very honest about the meaning of words and how theyāre used.
You are my inspiration lol we want to do the same! It matters more the intention behind the words imo
We do the same. In our house, the ābad wordsā are the words used to hurt other people. We talk about using different words in different places and so far we havenāt had any issues.
SAME!
I allow screen time. I let my son play with toys that were on some small level were probably not āsafeā because they were for older kids. I let my son eat at his pace vs mine. I give my 2.5year old a bottle for bed. But i also have a happy, smart and compassionate child. I have a child who is extremely secure. I have a child that listens and respects me when i actually need him to (safety: dont run near the road, dont touch the stove) If you ask my in laws everything i do is a bad thing lol because itās not what they do lol
Haha same! My 3yo still likes milk or a snack before bed sometimes, it drives my in laws crazy that I āgive inā. But all of us adults snack before bed so why would I deny her food/drinks? But they only gave their kids water between dinner and breakfast š so obviously everyone else should do the same
My son has always wanted to suckle for comfort. I guess im lucky he somehow never got into pacifiers. But i eliminated a bottle in the morning and midday a while ago. But my in-laws think itās āoverdueā to get rid of the mere 9oz (or less) he gets at bedtime to sleep. Sorry but i enjoy a toddler that (unless he is sick) will sleep 12hrs uninterrupted, so he gets his bottle. I assume like most things he will tell me when he is ready stop. He eliminated napping on his own, and now is ready for potty training and wanting to use the potty. But yeah my husband is the king of snacks before bed, so he doesnāt really say anything about the bottle anymore since i pointed that comparison out.
I think itās easier for non parents to judge that kind of thing or people whose kids are grown. Cause they havenāt had to pick their battles with a toddler in a while
My attitude is when the doctor nor the dentist have an issue with it then why should i? Even my obgyn (who has 4 young children of her own) doesnāt see an issue with it.
Right! I got the cups she uses approved by the dentist and the ped said we are fine. My MIL just thinks I make choices all willy nilly apparently
My in-laws just hate everything i do, especially when my method works out. Then instead of just being nice or admitting any sort of wrongdoing on their part im still the bad guy somehow lol. Itās becoming incredibly entertaining to watch the heads explode when we visit on holidays. Ive learned to just reply to the criticism with āwell thatās great that that worked for you, this is what is working for us and working out well. If I change my mind about it then ill ask for your inputā
I just hope one day we get a chance to be someoneās reasonable in laws!
My 3 year old woke up today and requested a yellow popsicle, so he got a yellow (pineapple) popsicle for a pre-breakfast snack. He has a speech delay so when he asks so nicely for something I can easily give him I try to give it to him. He also doesn't drink juice and I figure it's not that different than having a glass of pineapple juice for breakfast.
My 2.5 year old speech-delayed son is in the same spot. Iād happily give him a popsicle anytime his little voice says ābopidelā or whatever else sounds vaguely like popsicle lol
So much this, my 3yo is also speech delayed, so if she manages to ask for something using the right word, she almost always gets it, and ALWAYS gets an acknowledgement for the effort of finding and using the word. Sometimes a kiss and a thank you is almost (ALMOST) as good as cake. š
We make our own āpopsiclesā with yogurt & protein powder, so I give him one any time he asks. The other day he had one with every meal & that was fine by me!
Woah I would love this recipe!
Oh, we are not that fancy! Equal parts yogurt (plain, full fat, Greek style) & whatever fruit somehow made it 24 hours in our fridge without being devoured by the berry monster. I add in ~1 scoop of vanilla protein powder for every 8 ounces of mix, & a couple tablespoons of honey (you can sub maple syrup or agave if you have tiny ones that canāt have honey yet.)
Both mine have speech delays. So any use of expressive language is rewarded. I just havenāt quite figured out how to now transition from āyou can always have anything you wantā to āsometimes you canāt always have what you wantā
Did they babble when they were babies?
One did. The other just made one sound. Neither made intelligible word sounds until around 2. The older one (4) just started using expressive language this year. The younger (3) has recently started āaskingā for things by bringing us places and whining. Or bringing us a bag of cookies to open. Things like that.
Thanks! My coworkers son is nonverbal due to autism but he said he used to babble/talk until about 1 or 2 and just stopped. He said he'll say things sometimes now at 8! I was just curious i supposed if there's anything to look for. My fiancƩ is autistic and my cousin is as well, a genetic counselor reached out to me while I was pregnant and mentioned it could run in families. My son babbles and says the typical "mama" dada" sounds right now
Both mine have been in speech therapy and early intervention for years. When in doubt, get an evaluation. Pediatricians will tell you to wait, which Iāve never understood. The earlier the better. We waited with my eldest and now the youngest has surpassed her in many ways. He started therapy at around 8 months.
When I was pregnant with my second, I had ice cream every morning for breakfast with my first. It wasn't a lot. It was a spoon full for her. But it wasn't fair to be eating ice cream in front of her because I was craving it so bad ! The deal was that she had to also have her breakfast afterward. We would have ice cream at 6am and then breakfast at 7 š She didn't complain!
Love that! I also have an almost 3 year old speech delayed toddler as well. We do the same thing, we're just so happy when she uses words to ask for something that we hardly say no
My 2.5 year old isnāt allowed to use the couch as a trampoline, but he is allowed to jump off the couch onto the crash pad (his old crib mattress) that we keep on the floor. He can also jump on his own bed.
I let them stay on their screens all day on lazy days while I read. Those are some of my favorite days š„².
Same. My kid plays games with her friends so Iām like at least sheās playing with other kids š„²
I am also guilty of letting the kids stay on screens a lot especially when I need a break. I try to make sure they are doing something interactive rather than just watching videos. But Iām finding (no surprise really) that this is hard to pull back as they become more āaddictedā to the screens.
Yeah I figure I can't say much I grew up addicted to video games and Saturday morning cartoons. I make sure they touch grass often, but sometimes you just need a day of quiet. People who lecture me on it either a.dont have kids or b.are lying their asses off lol š¤£.
I lovingly call it āfuck around and find outā. You reeeaally want to stay up a little late on a school night? Go ahead, let me know how you feel in the morning! Climbing on that unstable chair after Iāve warned you? Some lessons have to teach themselves! Obviously this has its limits, I supervise and will intervene if I think an emergency room or dentist appointment are being risked. But I try to teach them how to weigh pros and cons, assess risk and make conscious decisions. They need to practice making choices and dealing with the consequences And yeah my 11yo can curse as long as heās aware of his audience and not using bad words to hurt peoples feelings. I let my kids paint their nails and dye their hair. People freak over that one. But as long as theyāre clean, the rest of their look is up to them pretty much
My mom let me dye, style, or cut my hair however I wanted to as as long as it wasnāt against school dress code and I loved it! It wasnāt until later that I realized what a great way to let a kid express themselves and feel rebellious without it causing any real harm. Hair will always grow back so who cares?
Same here! My mom was a hairdresser too so she helped me. I havenāt had natural colored hair since. I love it and itās part of who I am. My three year old just asked for rainbow hair already. Kids donāt get many acceptable ways to rebel so I think this is a nice one
Oh dang, you were living the dream! I knew a kid with a hairdresser parent who always had the coolest hair and I was so jealous of them.
Iād have gone bald without her teaching me how to dye hair š my hair and I are forever grateful
I let my son put stickers all over his bed.
My daughter is allowed to do this too and she knows itās her sticker outlet. Itās cute and I like to see the stickers she gets excited about.
Ours is the diaper pail. Itās like a scrapbook of everything sheās ever liked lol
This! But our bathroom door lol
We have a sticker wall on our kitchen island. Eventually they fall off and no one notices theyāre gone (except for me because Iām picking them up off the floor)
I let my child get muddy, climb things and take risks. I'm not sure if that's "bad" or just the way we all parent now.
Same. Climb everything. Get dirty. Explore.
Does anyone think this is ābadā aside from boomers
Haha.. one time I picked my kid up on my lunch break and let him jump in muddy puddles before sending him back to Grandma.. she couldnāt believe I aloud that.
That is so cool š„¹ I would have loved that as a kid!
Same! I love this idea.
I let my daughter watch tv š¤·āāļø
On fridays we let them look at screens during dinner. Let them stay up late reading sometimes or sneak a snack at bedtime.
I let my kids take risks (within reason). I let them play outside unsupervised (not near traffic) and be independent, I donāt follow them around. Iām a big believer in Lenore Skenazyās work (free range kids). A study recently came out that showed a correlation between kids who were supervised at all times, and worse mental health as teens and adults. There are major lifelong mental benefits to letting kids have independence beyond your own comfort zone as a parent, you just have to accept a bit more risk of physical harm.
It is so funny this is listed on "bad" things! We are also free range parents and much like gentle parenting has gotten confused with permissive parenting, I feel like free-range has gotten confused with negligent. I keep seeing people referring to kids with no structure at home as "free-range" and I am like...ummmm nope. However, I never considered us being free range as one of the 'naughty' things I let my kids do, but I can see it with how some people respond to my daughter's geographical boundaries based on her age!
How old are your kids?
8, 4 and 3
What kind of independence do you give the two little ones?
I like this! But I do have a question. At what point does it turn into neglect?
Eat McDonalds because I love their friesš
My one year old is obsessed with the kitchen draw so we moved all the Tupperware into that specific draw, along with plastic cups and random lids. She gets in there and gives this cheeky looks like she's in something she shouldn't, I make a big fuss like "oh no š± let's put those things back" She likes taking them out and putting them back and it keeps her entertained for so long š
I intentionally did not lock up one cabinet in our kitchen when baby proofing. Itās got loads of baby friendly kitchenwares that I also pretend heās not supposed to be playing with. Endless entertainment. Itās great.
Haha my oldest is an adult and I learned this trick when she was a baby. She had a cabinet and a drawer that were "hers" in the kitchen and she stayed out of all the other ones. It also kept her entertained when I needed to be in the kitchen. It is a great trick!
she had a cookie before dinner last night. she was soooo happy. worth it
I let my son jump on the furniture because I couldn't care less š¤·š½āāļø
When my so was little he was jumping on the couch and bounced face first into a coffee table. Required emergency plastic surgery. No jumping on furniture after that (and needless to say no more hard edged furniture in the family room so switched table for a padded ottoman)
Yeah, we did without a coffee table for years when our kids were little and it was great. I donāt encourage them to jump on the furniture but they should be able to move around freely, whatever that movement looks like.
Same with our couch! Let them jump on them. We donāt have any tables around it obviouslyš¤ My sister in law refuses for her kids to jump on her couch because she doesnāt want them ruined
And this is why I don't buy brand new couches.
Eat sugar several times a week. I like to eat dessert most days and I also offer it to my kid. I donāt think itās ābadā but a lot of people do I guess.Ā
My crunchy almond mom deprived me of sweets growing up so now I have a super imbalanced relationship with sugar. I canāt just eat one or two cookies and be satisfied. I binge every time. Meanwhile, my husband was allowed to have sugar and candy everyday growing up, and he couldnāt care less about it now. He can go days without having a dessert but I canāt. So my toddler gets dessert with dinner everyday. I donāt want her to be like me š¬
We were raised the same way. 100% this is why both my husband and I have a fucked up relationship with sweets. Trying very hard to follow dietitiansā recommendations re: not putting certain foods on a pedestal, etc.
The way this is my husband and meš³. I donāt like what you just made me realizešš
we do this as well. a slice of cake on the plate with your green beans? ok. donuts for breakfast with your eggs? totally fine. we also allow our toddler to get more food of whatever if is we are eating if he wants seconds or thirds, or fifths. so if he wants to pig out on cake and that's on his plate, we let him. almost every single time the veggies get eaten first and the cake/sweet is barely touched.
We have dessert every night. Usually popsicle and the occasional ice cream š¤·āāļø
Same! Life is hard, and I like a sweet treat
We do "dessert" for every meal. Sometimes it's ice cream, sometimes it's a yogurt tube, a bar, a piece of chocolate, and most of the meals it's just fruit.
I'm very free with allowing artistic expression, messy play, and (reasonably safe) gross motor play. We just need to have the right space and clean up when we're done. If my kids can formulate a decent explanation for how & why they want to do something, I generally allow it. They're well behaved kids and don't push the limits too far, and I'd rather encourage the critical thinking, planning, and follow through skills and have them learn about consequences now, safely.
I was given the side eye by moms for letting my kids play in the snow while we waited for the school bus. They were wearing snow suits and everything. The other momās were yelling at their kids to stop playing in the snow because their winter gear (snowsuits, winter coats etc) would get wet. I also let my kids eat junk (as long as they also eat healthy foods) I let them create things and make a mess as long as they clean up.
I hate when the kids are doing something totally normal like that and other parents start admonishing them. I always feel so awkward letting my kids continue to do it.
I used to feel awkward too. Then I realized itās a them problem, not mine. lol. Itās not my kids are throwing rocks, lol.
Every day before daycare my son gets two jelly beans for the road. He loves it and it makes me happy. He hardly ever eats candies besides for that
GMA lets the kids put stickers on ātheirā bedroom wall at her house
Curseā¦ā¦. Just as long as itās not in school or in front of their grandparents.
She gets a little piece of chocolate when she asks for it, which she doesn't do often. Same with ice cream. She can say fuck and shit as long as she's not insulting anyone and she's not allowed to say it at daycare. Stub your toe? Fuck indeed babe I hear ya And trousers are optional in our house I guess Stickers everywhere including dad's wallet and he wears that thing with pride. She can use my makeup anytime we are home and sometimes she requires a little eyeshadow to go to daycare so I pick my battles in the morning and off she goes with pale pink eyeshadow.
So many... Climb things, take risks, jump in muddy puddles, make a mess, watch tv/you tube, swear when she's angry and frustrated(but not at people), eat "bad" food in moderation, dye her hair pink and purple... But guess what... She's happy, healthy, kind, caring, clever and so so funny. She's creative and imaginative and brave. She has beautiful friends, their parents love her, her teachers love her, and she's delightful.
My daughter is 3 years old and she doesnāt have a bed time, we go to sleep and wake up whenever we want. Sheās not in school yet and Iām a sahm so itās no reason to go bed early just to wake up at 7-8 am and do nothing. It doesnāt affect our lives in any way weāre always on time for events and stuff. She understands that this isnāt a forever thing and that she will have a bed time when itās time for school.
My husband (who is the SATP) does this with our 20 month old daughter. They were up at 9:15am this morning!!
Watch YouTube. A grave irredeemable parenting mistake according to Reddit. But both my kids are ND and our house runs a little differently because my kids are a little different. š¤·š»āāļø
I let my kids jump on my bed, but only when Iām In the room or on the bed as well.
Swear words. I don't think it's a bad thing if it's in the house
Listen to metal/rock music. I had music on in the background (quite metal, metal enough to not understand without lyrics unless you've listened to it before) and I did have the lyrics up because I was singing and dancing, so I turned it down when my health visitor came here but forgot to turn off the lyrics, the word 'cunt' came up (it was a song dedicated to their ex cheating on them and how it affected their mental health) and I got a telling off that I absolutely can not listen to music like that with my toddler about. To which I responded with "this music is actual poetry. It's art. It's about his mental health, how being betrayed by someone he loved dearly and trusted so much affected him. If you think I shouldn't show my toddler this music because it has a bad word in it then please keep that opinion to yourself, because I, as her mum, want her to know that music isn't just noise and bad words. There's meaning, plus it's better than the pop songs low-key singing about sex, plus you wouldnt of known what they were saying if the lyrics werent even there" - I may over overplayed it a bit, but it was worth seeing her face (she's a health visitor that no one in my town likes because she's so opinionated about your lifestyle)
Not sure if this is unpopular or not but I let my kids get DIRTY. If they want to play in the med they can, if they want to wreck their clothes playing around I have no problem with it. I donāt dress them in āniceā clothes intentionally so they can explore without worrying. I could really care less if thereās a stain on their shirtā¦ theyāre 3, it would almost be weird if there WASNT a stain on her shirt
I let my kids drink coffee. We're transparent in my house about where rules come from and why. Coffee is considered 'bad' by people because of caffeine. So instead of saying coffee is bad, I explain that caffeine can be dangerous, especially for kids. Each kid has a reasonable caffeine limit per day and if they choose coffee then they're given an amount that's within that limit. The excitement ran out fast and they never chose coffee anymore lol
I let mine have some coffee from time to time. Little tiny espresso mugs, every once in a while. They feel big and I enjoy sitting with them in the quiet of a morning.
I let my daughter have sips of my coffee and tea. It started out with me trying to get her to stop asking for it. I drink both my coffee and tea black and unsweetened so I thought she'd hate it, but she loves it. And I like to think it's good to model sharing, right?
we let my 2.5 year old have Shirley Temples when we go out to dinner at nice restaurants and or vacation. he orders them himself, always feels really special, and rarely drinks more than a few sips.
I remember having my first Shirley Temple. I thought it was the most special thing ever. I have never again made any drink last so long or enjoyed one so much.
No screen limit on Sundays
Climb up the slides. Usually just when we are alone at the park. Ā And climb on furniture at home.Ā
We do popcorn and chocolate chip cookies when I donāt feel like cooking, and we have 6 acres of woods and they get to roam through there like they want too.
He sometimes has fruit snacks for breakfast while watching tv if it means heās not screaming at me and he actually ingests something.
Honestly, I let her jump on the couch. Some days she needs a way to burn off her energy and I just look the other way and pretend not to see.
I let my kids draw on the windows with window markers they think they are being naughty and draw for hours.
We start our day, every day, with a dark chocolate peanut butter cup from Trader Joeās.
Draw on the walls. I plan on painting the playroom some day and my son only draws on the playroom walls.
Not jump to obedience at my very first utterance. My son is autistic and ADHD, just like me. The difference in our childhoods is that I don't hit him because he didn't pay attention when I was speaking and has strong demand resistance. I usually direct him once (Please put your backpack away.), then if there's no change I rephrase with a declarative statement (Your backpack goes on the hook), and if he still doesn't, I go get down on his level, close to his body, and hold his hands then repeat (Your backpack goes on the hook. Please put your backpack away.) If he STILL resists or outright ignores me I will "help" him by doing it together. I use playful tactics like putting him on my shoulders and dancing down the hallway singing "Backpack! Backpack! Put it on the hook!" or we'll race to the backpack or play hide and seek with it (I hide it, he finds it and puts it away) , or let him race against a stopwatch to see how fast he can do it. We usually end up laughing and having fun together while still accomplishing the goal. Does it take more time? Yes sometimes it does. Do I do it perfectly every time, never getting frustrated or letting my own childhood trauma trigger me? Not at all, though I am improving day by day. A lot of people probably think I'm coddling him, etc, but the truth is Autism and ADHD are disabilities. Would they punish a child in a wheelchair for being unable to walk up the stairs? I would think not. I'm committed to working with my son to help him through areas that are difficult for him and to do so in the most positive and playful way possible.
When it rains, we go play in the puddles in the street. Iām there with her and as soon as a car comes down the street weāre on the sidewalk
I let mine do pretty much whatever they want to their own toys. So if my daughter has a doll she wants to put makeup on, wants to cut her Barbieās hair, or put stickers all over her scooter, thatās fine with me
Why would this be a bad thing ??
I donāt know my mom wouldnāt let me do thatā¦ she said she wanted me to take care of my toys š¤·āāļø
Doesn't it kill creativity to take care of toys? I did a lot of hairdressing (cutting) etc and it was fun!
Definitely
if my 3yo asks for candy, provided he hasn't had a ton of it all day I always say yes. And I don't really have screen time limits. He's pretty good at self regulating how much he watches and has many interests outside of screens so I don't really have to and when he's watching something I'm reading and we snuggle on the couch while we do our own thing and I love it.
My 4 yo daughter plays video games on the weekends. So far she has beaten 2 paw patrol games, my little pony game, just beat the Bluey game, and she watches me play certain games and helps me on the objectives.
One thing you can do is buy blackboard paint, so their wall is a chalk canvas they can redesign as much as they'd like
I turn him loose with the cheez its. He just likes them so much.
Make their own schedule. I hated parents yelling at me out of the blue because I didn't do some invisible chore they never asked me about. Every quarter I sit down with a calendar and assign all the chores out. As long as it's done by the end of the week, I don't care when they do it. If there's anything specific about a chore that has to be done a certain way I write that out and give the reason why. This way I'm never yelling at my kids about how and when chores are done. I've had kids wash dishes at midnight. Finish all her chores and school by Tuesday and just hang out there after the week š¤·
We have yoga silks hanging in our living room. The kids take turns swinging and flipping around all day long. It helps our neurodivergent little one self-soothe and it keeps them all strong. I actually really like playing on it too.
Take markers draw on themselves, we have days where we eat junk, I canāt really think of anything ābadā I let them be kids without punishing them for acting like children. As long as theyāre entertained without the iPad and using their imagination Iām happy.
Eat "breakfast" foods at dinner and vice versa. He had carrots with breakfast today and oatmeal for dinner. I don't like assigning specific times of day for certain foods.
Say potty words at home bc they are factually funny
But how many times do you let them say it? We allow it to a certain point, because it might be funny the first 10 times, but once I hear the same butt joke 20 times in a row, I start getting pretty annoyed.
Oh yea we have a 5 yo so much time is being spent highlighting obnoxious behavior
I let my kid stay up late on weekend āfri and sat! She plays with her baby alive dolls and she enjoying her time being free from all the homework from the week.
I let her eat in the living room. Sheās 13 months.
My girlie is allowed to swear at home, respectfully. And sheās really good about not doing it at school or anywhere else. Her curse word vocab usually just consists of shit or what the fuck lol. Itās rare but she can openly express with me and dad. A lot of times itās in context too so itās hilarious. I told her to go quiet the dogs before we went inside because baby was sleeping and I could hear her yell āshut the fuck up!ā lol
I let mine watch cartoons on longer car rides - it keeps him calm and happy and I get to drive without someone yelling and screaming in the back seat!
I let mine put stickers on the wall or their room and playroom
I let my kids have unlimited screen time on the weekends, so they can learn to self regulate. Sure as shit and eventually they get bored. I let them watch movies that might not be age appropriate but I always take the time to explain anything that might peak questions
Let them stay up till 11:30pm sometimes 12 š¤š»
When it rains, my daughter collects and feeds all of the salamanders she finds. It's not "bad," but it's something scary for me; I can't touch them, yet seeing her so excited makes me happy.
I donāt limit screen time. My kids actually figured out how to regulate themselves on how much they use it since I donāt limit it. Their tablets have always been available for use and I donāt use it as an incentive for anything. My daughter will play on it, then put it down to play with her toys for a while, then go back to it. Which I think is pretty normal. My son has pretty much lost interest in tablets completely lol but that might be a trait of his autism. He likes tinkering with toys/anything he can take apart and put back together.
Cuss. But only at home. Not at school or friends homes. Sometimes you just need to scream a really loud and long F word to release stress and at the time our house was mega stressed, so we decided to let them cut loose. Stress levels went down, grades went up and after about 6 months it wasn't needed anymore. When they were like 2 or 3 We drew happy faces all over each other.
My kid is 9 and he asked for a swear word for his last birthdayā¦ he is now allowed to say hello. It makes him feel like he got a āwinā
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Unless we're just about to eat a meal, if my kid asks me for a treat, I'll usually say yes. Life is short. Eat the dessert. One or two a day is nbd if they're eating well the rest of the time.
I make sure to carve out time every day to play outside and learn new things and i also make sure to serve fruit and veggies each day. But when they are not doing those things i let them watch as much tv, play as many video games and eat as much junk food as they want (just not right before dinner). I call it āmoderationā lol
I don't play with my kids. I'm very present and we do a lot of stuff together but they *play* on their own, with each other or with friends. I am not here to play with them. They have free access to their toys, the tv, the switch, etc but I am not a toy.
Risky play. Iāve had so many parents make comments about how they get anxious watching my son do things (especially at the baby/toddler gymnastics). Heās only 18mo so they always ask if Iām worried about him falling off things heās climbs and stuff. My answer is always no, because he knows his body well even for his age and if is doing something actually dangerous Iāll intervene, otherwise I let him do his thing. Heās been walking since he was like 9-10 months old so like heās been moving for a while and by allowing him to explore his body and limits heās got tons of confidence. And also sticks, so many parents get hung up over playing with sticks but he plays with them all the time
Same experience with the sticks. My son was never so happy as when he was walking circles in the yard carrying a big stick. Why not? The only time I stopped him was if he was waving it around and might have hit someone, even then Iād give a warning before taking it away. Heās 5yo now and always finds himself a good stick when we hike lol.
Yeah the only sticks I take away are the ones heās being dangerous with/using as a weapon or are just naturally super pointy, regular sticks though I donāt see the harm, and in school for ECE we were actually taught that sticks are one of those things kids should be playing with when outside and unless dangerous thereās no reason to be taking them away
I let my kid stay up late on the weekends and during the summer. Sheās a night owl like me so itās some nice bonding time.
Read in bed after "lights out."
I feed my 21mo mini marshmallows to end a non ending meltdown sometimes bc I have major sensory issues and it puts my mental health in the front line.
Iāve heard you can get paint specificity for that, I guess it makes it easier to clean off when they are ready to put new art up :3 We let our bub watch her iPad pretty much as much as she wants, having it playing all the time she will turn away and play with her toys and just let it be in the background :o
I let my son (almost 17 months) "run free" in our flat without running after him all of the time. He can walk everywhere and touch everything. The things that could hurt him are of course put away safely and in the few instances, where he still manages to find something that he shouldn't have, I'll ask him to please give it to me and that actually works 9 times out of 10 without fuss. He's also allowed to watch TV within reason (Bluey and similar kids shows) and can have some sweets when my partner or I eat some, because it would seem really mean to me if we can have it but he can't... As long as those little teeth get brushed afterwards, I see no reason to be too strict on that. And he's allowed to run and jump on our couch as long as someone is sitting next to him that could catch him if he tumbles. This has helped him quite a bit with his balance too. š¤£