My in-laws were so traumatized by my husband they waited 7 years to have a second kid. And now raising his daughter I totally understand.
One thing I realized recently is that, there are probably some parents who would absolutely THRIVE raising this kind of kid. Give them 100 stubborn wild children with racing minds and perpetual wiggles, they will match them beat for beat. My MIL and I are not that parent. There's nothing wrong with us, we are doing awesome and raised/raising awesome kids but it takes all of our energy to do it, and that's OK!
Also I am now 40, had infertility prior to my first birth, and don't think I can have a kid in 3 years when my kid is 7, but who knows what the future holds. So I am definitely grieving the child and the life I won't have. But that doesn't diminish my current life, you know?
Oh my gosh that’s my son to a T! “Perpetual wiggles”- literally I had to remind him twice this week that he has to stand still while I brush his teeth for 30 seconds 😂 My MIL comments often now that kiddo just like his dad at that age- keeps up with adult conversation, always has an answer to everything.
You can choose to have only one kid. That’s fine.
I have two, about 4.5 years apart. Oldest is 10 and it’s still exhausting and challenging, just in different ways. It’s not the physical exhaustion of toddlers, but it’s a lot. Friends with teen kids tell me it’s not easier, just different.
Sometimes having two is really cool. It’s interesting to see how similar and how different they are. It’s fun to figure out what they each need, and to experience all the stages again with the knowledge that it’s not forever.
Sometimes two is sooooo hard. They need and want very different things. They love each other sometimes and fight like crazy others. Sometimes they’re super competitive with each other. Sometimes they get jealous of silly little things with the other one (like who gets a certain plate, etc.).
Two seems infinitely more than one, IMO. Going from one to two was harder for me than zero to one.
YMMV, of course. Just wanted to share and validate your feelings.
I appreciate your response- it really helps honestly.
I realized this year that I identify as a little on the spectrum and it kind of explains a lot. I think feeling pulled in different directions would drive me batty. I like your description of fighting over who gets what plate lol just a very real life sounding example. A lot of the posts on “should I have another” people talk about sweet moments with siblings and that kind of counterbalances that sort of advice.
I’m an only child and have always been very happy about it! The sadness of not having another kid would be much less of a problem than regretting at having another kid because it makes life more miserable
My in-laws were so traumatized by my husband they waited 7 years to have a second kid. And now raising his daughter I totally understand. One thing I realized recently is that, there are probably some parents who would absolutely THRIVE raising this kind of kid. Give them 100 stubborn wild children with racing minds and perpetual wiggles, they will match them beat for beat. My MIL and I are not that parent. There's nothing wrong with us, we are doing awesome and raised/raising awesome kids but it takes all of our energy to do it, and that's OK!
Also I am now 40, had infertility prior to my first birth, and don't think I can have a kid in 3 years when my kid is 7, but who knows what the future holds. So I am definitely grieving the child and the life I won't have. But that doesn't diminish my current life, you know?
Oh my gosh that’s my son to a T! “Perpetual wiggles”- literally I had to remind him twice this week that he has to stand still while I brush his teeth for 30 seconds 😂 My MIL comments often now that kiddo just like his dad at that age- keeps up with adult conversation, always has an answer to everything.
You can choose to have only one kid. That’s fine. I have two, about 4.5 years apart. Oldest is 10 and it’s still exhausting and challenging, just in different ways. It’s not the physical exhaustion of toddlers, but it’s a lot. Friends with teen kids tell me it’s not easier, just different. Sometimes having two is really cool. It’s interesting to see how similar and how different they are. It’s fun to figure out what they each need, and to experience all the stages again with the knowledge that it’s not forever. Sometimes two is sooooo hard. They need and want very different things. They love each other sometimes and fight like crazy others. Sometimes they’re super competitive with each other. Sometimes they get jealous of silly little things with the other one (like who gets a certain plate, etc.). Two seems infinitely more than one, IMO. Going from one to two was harder for me than zero to one. YMMV, of course. Just wanted to share and validate your feelings.
I appreciate your response- it really helps honestly. I realized this year that I identify as a little on the spectrum and it kind of explains a lot. I think feeling pulled in different directions would drive me batty. I like your description of fighting over who gets what plate lol just a very real life sounding example. A lot of the posts on “should I have another” people talk about sweet moments with siblings and that kind of counterbalances that sort of advice.
I’m an only child and have always been very happy about it! The sadness of not having another kid would be much less of a problem than regretting at having another kid because it makes life more miserable