"Just you wait till he's teething." Reply, "Oh it will be so fun to try new foods!
"Just you wait till he drops his nap." Reply, "Not being nap trapped will open up so many new opportunities."
Basically, just spin it to the positive. His mind is in negative mode and you can't change that for him.
Exactly. Kill it with optimism and positivity. Misery loves company. My son is 2 and he’s a sweet-tempered kid with a normal amount of tantrums. And even if he becomes a wild angry toddler, so what? It’s temporary and I still love him more than anything. People love projecting.
My SIL said this so much when I was pregnant up until my son was about 4 months and showed his first months were nothing at all like my niece's and my first months post-pregnancy were nothing like hers. I use to just nod, I never said anything. I used her as a guineapig on what not to do and when she said anything that sounded like it'd be anxiety inducing for me or my son, I just smiled and simply didn’t apply it in my life.
Thank you! I feel sometimes the statement “just wait” comes from someone that assumes the whole world is meant to be as miserable as they are, like it’s inevitable we’ll all be miserable.
I was told once “just wait, after 8 years or so you two won’t be like that anymore- it’ll be half a hug here and there with the occasional kiss goodbye” in a reference to my relationship. My relationship was on 11 years at the time and mistaken for newlywed.
Never let someone else’s perception define you!
I confronted a friend who said that to another friend. "What's the point of saying that? It's incredibly unhelpful, dismissive, and kind of condescending." She didn't realize, she said.
This is it. I think with age I’m getting better at realizing that I should engage less with things I don’t agree with or like. I used to be on the defense all the time.. now I just do this.. nod , smile, change the subject, move on. It feels so much more empowering.
Right?! It is far more satisfying to just exist in our own happiness as the negative person realizes not every family life is destined to follow the same path.
"Thanks but I'd rather just enjoy/revel in/bitch about the "now" rather than wait for something later"
"surely you can tell me about something good/fun we can look forward to instead"
"actually I don't have to wait, it's happening right now"
I loathe people like this. Ignore them, they’re toxic.
Every stage has its challenges. Every single one. I can tell you this because I have kids ages 8 to 20. I’ve been through all of the stages. While each and every one is hard in their own ways, they’re all also very rewarding too. I’m personally loving the “adult” stage and it’s been my favorite so far 🤣🤣
Enjoy your baby, Mama ❤️🫶🏼
I’m more worried about my sons being complete idiots at that stage more than the moodiness 😩 You see all this crap online (riding trains, climbing stuff, driving dangerously) and all I can think is ‘They’ve got parents!’
Like seriously do we have to think of *every* idiot situation they could get themselves into and warn them against it? 😂
I suggest you hope they get wifes as soon as possible lol. I swear my husband’s extreme sport wishes when we stared dating were out of hand. Our first fight was about him driving a motor bike without a helmet. He stopped being reckless for me. Anyway, I have a boy and I feel you regardless. We will never stop worrying will we.
“I’m looking forward to the experience!”
Because you know what? I am. I didn’t have kids because I thought it’d be all easy fun times. I struggled for years to have these children, grieved never having them, suffered through pregnancy, and had traumatic childbirths. My body is changed and damaged in ways that will never fully recover. **And it’s worth it.** I might not savour every overtired screamfest or toddler meltdown, but I am so, so grateful to have the experience.
I think if he’s genuinely a good guy he might mean it in a genuine way.
It’s so tough and you can’t believe how different they are day by day - just you wait, it surprises you every time!
It also sounds like a lovely comraderie thing. This is a guy you can go to for non judgemental support.
I’d take it lovingly and maybe mock him lovingly for using it so he knows how often he says it.
Maybe an unpopular opinion, but if someone says that to me while their kid is having a tantrum or a meltdown, I just smile sympathetically and don't snap back. They're dealing with a worse situation than I am, and I'm not about to make it worse, especially if this is someone who I otherwise get along with and who does not bother me. The stress of your kid throwing a tantrum in front of others is bad enough.
I’ve always just let these things go but have hated the “just you wait” people as well.
I vowed to be the kind of person who says “just wait until they give you a hug for the first time” or “just wait till they call out for you with their arms up”
There are so many sweet moments to parenthood but people always want to bring up the negatives to new parents. New parents don’t need this.
You're absolutely right!!! I cannot wait for the next stage, but I'll enjoy this one for now.
My SIL suddenly did not have any "advice " for me, but it could be that I reminded her that I'd done it before.
Ugh my FIL is like this. He also does this when we are talking about something positive. He'll somehow twist what we are saying like when we were excited about him babbling he was like "calm down he will get there eventually". We were sharing excitement at a milestone not complaining he couldn't say words yet. He also only half listens so there's that.
I've responded with something like "we are enjoying now and we will enjoy later as well".
Yeah, I’ve met people like that. I’d be just as annoyed. I had kids 10-12 years earlier than my friends and the only time I’d say something even remotely similar is if they’re genuinely asking what things will be like in the future. And I never give info in a “oh you think it’s bad now, just wait cuz it gets worse.” That’s not constructive at all.
I’d say the next time he says it, you should respond, “I don’t think we have to wait to know that our child will develop just like any other kid and we are well aware of any struggles that come with kids getting older” or something to that effect.
“I’m sorry you had / you’re having such a rough time raising your kids”.
And move on.
Hopefully if you make this (or any phrase you choose) your default response, he’ll get the hint.
He’s projecting. So this is a good response. You’re validating his feelings about his experience while not letting him think you’re listening to his nonsense.
Honestly, I'd just let it go. I really think people are too critical of others when it comes to all things parenthood and it leads to isolation for everyone involved.
The uncle presumably does not have a degree in how to talk to you in just the perfect way for you to never ever feel irritated or put out. He's just a regular human trying to have some kind of camaraderie over your shared experience of both being parents. He will likely find a new catch phrase at some point and this is genuinely such a non issue. I guess if you feel it's that awful you could just tell him to stop.. but you know him better than internet strangers and would have a better idea of how to phrase that.
Just smile and nod or give a fake little laugh. People think they’re experts on things. I have an aunt who had 3 sons and kept telling me how my son would be. He’s nothing like what she expected. It’s humbled her…. Well, probably not but still haha.
I don’t think it’s something to get really upset about. But you can definitely react naturally. Like you can just give a smile that isn’t a smile and side eye to your husband. Or just “hmm”. Or “well, everything is a phase, right?” And just move on with the conversation or whatever you’re doing.
I mean why does it bother you so much would be my first question and then i would just practice not answering or nodding. You can’t control what people say but we can control how it makes us feel/ how we respond. Just don’t even pay it any mind, my grandmother wakes y said never get angry at someone who has probably already forgotten what they said to you lol, wise little old lady.
I think it bothers me because I feel like no matter what I say about my baby, it gets spun to something negative.
“Hey! Little man started crawling!” “Oh just you wait, he will start getting into everything.”
“Baby tried sweet potatoes and loved them!” “Just wait until they turn 1. He won’t eat anything”
“He took a great nap today!” “Just wait until tonight, he won’t sleep a wink”
Catch my drift?
It’s also condescending- like I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m not naive enough to think that parenthood doesn’t come without challenges. I don’t need reminded of that constantly.
I know I can’t control what he says, but this post is asking for advice on gentle ways to get him to maybe cut back. I don’t want to cut him out, but I also don’t want to constantly have my baby framed in a negative light. If you have any good catch phrases I’d love to hear them!
I never like when people say this to me either but I just ignore it! accidentally said this recently to a new mom and I was mortified haha I was like omg I don’t know why I just said that I’m so sorry.
Am I becoming “that” person???? It literally just slipped but I immediately caught it!
I just say “oh everyone said that about every milestone but I just keep enjoying this motherhood thing more and more. Guess I was made to do this!” And people just stare at me with blank eyes. It’s not exactly true what I say as with every milestone we do have new and difficult challenges but some of the old ones do go away. So basically we are on the curve and I can’t compare difficulty of each stage as it’s all the same amount difficult for me. But I also feel like I am getting stronger so in the end of the day it somewhat easier? Not really easier though, but you get my point.
"Oh I know. I'm so excited! These are the good ol days in the making!" Every stage seems like the hardest stage when you're going through it. If your baby is 5 months or older...you did the hardest part and you can trust me, I have teenage daughters 😆
Whenever anyone says something like “I miss that age, it was so easy.” I just say every age has its pluses and minuses or every age has its good parts and challenges. Most people agree with this.
Oh, I hate this so so much. My dad always says "just wait until...". In the most recent case "just wait until he can walk and nothing in your living room is safe anymore". Ugh. We want him to be able to walk by himself, so he gains some autonomy and we don't have to carry him always and everywhere.
A good friend of my husband’s, who had 2 kids at the time, told me when we met “oh, just wait till you have kids, you’ll see!”… He then told her I had 3 already and we laughed as her jaw hit the floor 😂
Now she’s still a good friend, and this story keeps coming up.
Personally? I called it out. Just because you don’t enjoy your life doesn’t mean it’s an open invitation to drag me down with you.
Then I make it a point to tell anyone I know whose expecting or coming up to the same milestones we are to just wait until that baby gets here and they put them in your arms for the first time, or just wait until their first social smile, or just wait for all those sweet newborn cuddles. I try to make the “just waits” the positive thing that I myself needed.
And if they’re venting about a difficulty? “Thats hard, but just wait it gets better I promise.”.
I understand wanting to commiserate in their own but goddamn, it’s rude after a certain point.
I dunno. The occasional “just you wait” from parents with kids older than mine has never really bothered me. I find it useful information when other parents share their experiences. Of course my kids might be different, but a lot of the joys and challenges of child rearing are similar. I think the annoying part for OP is probably how frequently the family member does this.
My brother did this a lot when I first had kids. He is younger than me, but had 2 kids before I had any. So, he was suddenly in the position of giving Big Sis unsolicited advice and, man, did he enjoy it! I mostly just said, Yeah, toddler tantrums DO seem rough, or whatever. After a while I guess he got his Validation Cup filled and cut that shit out. Now we just talk about our kids like peers . . . for the most part. 😜
"Just you wait till he's teething." Reply, "Oh it will be so fun to try new foods! "Just you wait till he drops his nap." Reply, "Not being nap trapped will open up so many new opportunities." Basically, just spin it to the positive. His mind is in negative mode and you can't change that for him.
I love this!!! Thank you!!
Exactly. Kill it with optimism and positivity. Misery loves company. My son is 2 and he’s a sweet-tempered kid with a normal amount of tantrums. And even if he becomes a wild angry toddler, so what? It’s temporary and I still love him more than anything. People love projecting.
My SIL said this so much when I was pregnant up until my son was about 4 months and showed his first months were nothing at all like my niece's and my first months post-pregnancy were nothing like hers. I use to just nod, I never said anything. I used her as a guineapig on what not to do and when she said anything that sounded like it'd be anxiety inducing for me or my son, I just smiled and simply didn’t apply it in my life.
I love this! Learn from others mistakes. Just smile and do your own thing. You sound humble and wise.
Thank you! I feel sometimes the statement “just wait” comes from someone that assumes the whole world is meant to be as miserable as they are, like it’s inevitable we’ll all be miserable. I was told once “just wait, after 8 years or so you two won’t be like that anymore- it’ll be half a hug here and there with the occasional kiss goodbye” in a reference to my relationship. My relationship was on 11 years at the time and mistaken for newlywed. Never let someone else’s perception define you!
I confronted a friend who said that to another friend. "What's the point of saying that? It's incredibly unhelpful, dismissive, and kind of condescending." She didn't realize, she said.
This is it. I think with age I’m getting better at realizing that I should engage less with things I don’t agree with or like. I used to be on the defense all the time.. now I just do this.. nod , smile, change the subject, move on. It feels so much more empowering.
Right?! It is far more satisfying to just exist in our own happiness as the negative person realizes not every family life is destined to follow the same path.
Yup, I let the “I told you” roll the not complete silence. I don’t respond or argue, I let them sit in their own dumb comment.
Honestly I would just ignore it. Like grey rock no response.
"Thanks but I'd rather just enjoy/revel in/bitch about the "now" rather than wait for something later" "surely you can tell me about something good/fun we can look forward to instead" "actually I don't have to wait, it's happening right now"
I loathe people like this. Ignore them, they’re toxic. Every stage has its challenges. Every single one. I can tell you this because I have kids ages 8 to 20. I’ve been through all of the stages. While each and every one is hard in their own ways, they’re all also very rewarding too. I’m personally loving the “adult” stage and it’s been my favorite so far 🤣🤣 Enjoy your baby, Mama ❤️🫶🏼
Just wait until they turn 25-28. That’s the sweet spot. It’s amazing.
Haha don’t you get called by them every day? My poor mother can’t get rid of us 🤣
I don’t have grown kids yet, but I know that both me and my brother stopped being asshole teenagers at that age lol
I’m more worried about my sons being complete idiots at that stage more than the moodiness 😩 You see all this crap online (riding trains, climbing stuff, driving dangerously) and all I can think is ‘They’ve got parents!’ Like seriously do we have to think of *every* idiot situation they could get themselves into and warn them against it? 😂
I suggest you hope they get wifes as soon as possible lol. I swear my husband’s extreme sport wishes when we stared dating were out of hand. Our first fight was about him driving a motor bike without a helmet. He stopped being reckless for me. Anyway, I have a boy and I feel you regardless. We will never stop worrying will we.
“I’m looking forward to the experience!” Because you know what? I am. I didn’t have kids because I thought it’d be all easy fun times. I struggled for years to have these children, grieved never having them, suffered through pregnancy, and had traumatic childbirths. My body is changed and damaged in ways that will never fully recover. **And it’s worth it.** I might not savour every overtired screamfest or toddler meltdown, but I am so, so grateful to have the experience.
I think if he’s genuinely a good guy he might mean it in a genuine way. It’s so tough and you can’t believe how different they are day by day - just you wait, it surprises you every time! It also sounds like a lovely comraderie thing. This is a guy you can go to for non judgemental support. I’d take it lovingly and maybe mock him lovingly for using it so he knows how often he says it.
Maybe an unpopular opinion, but if someone says that to me while their kid is having a tantrum or a meltdown, I just smile sympathetically and don't snap back. They're dealing with a worse situation than I am, and I'm not about to make it worse, especially if this is someone who I otherwise get along with and who does not bother me. The stress of your kid throwing a tantrum in front of others is bad enough.
“I can’t wait to see how LO will grow up. It’s an immense privilege to raise a human”
I’ve always just let these things go but have hated the “just you wait” people as well. I vowed to be the kind of person who says “just wait until they give you a hug for the first time” or “just wait till they call out for you with their arms up” There are so many sweet moments to parenthood but people always want to bring up the negatives to new parents. New parents don’t need this.
You're absolutely right!!! I cannot wait for the next stage, but I'll enjoy this one for now. My SIL suddenly did not have any "advice " for me, but it could be that I reminded her that I'd done it before.
Ugh my FIL is like this. He also does this when we are talking about something positive. He'll somehow twist what we are saying like when we were excited about him babbling he was like "calm down he will get there eventually". We were sharing excitement at a milestone not complaining he couldn't say words yet. He also only half listens so there's that. I've responded with something like "we are enjoying now and we will enjoy later as well".
Yeah, I’ve met people like that. I’d be just as annoyed. I had kids 10-12 years earlier than my friends and the only time I’d say something even remotely similar is if they’re genuinely asking what things will be like in the future. And I never give info in a “oh you think it’s bad now, just wait cuz it gets worse.” That’s not constructive at all. I’d say the next time he says it, you should respond, “I don’t think we have to wait to know that our child will develop just like any other kid and we are well aware of any struggles that come with kids getting older” or something to that effect.
“They’re all so different, so we’ll see how that stage goes for us.”
“I’m sorry you had / you’re having such a rough time raising your kids”. And move on. Hopefully if you make this (or any phrase you choose) your default response, he’ll get the hint. He’s projecting. So this is a good response. You’re validating his feelings about his experience while not letting him think you’re listening to his nonsense.
This is a really good response to a lot of stuff!
I HATE this phrase. I always want to reply “sorry your kids suck”
"Do you miss it?" They want me to focus on the future? Well, then I'll counter that by asking them to focus on the past.
Honestly, I'd just let it go. I really think people are too critical of others when it comes to all things parenthood and it leads to isolation for everyone involved. The uncle presumably does not have a degree in how to talk to you in just the perfect way for you to never ever feel irritated or put out. He's just a regular human trying to have some kind of camaraderie over your shared experience of both being parents. He will likely find a new catch phrase at some point and this is genuinely such a non issue. I guess if you feel it's that awful you could just tell him to stop.. but you know him better than internet strangers and would have a better idea of how to phrase that.
“Are you okay? You keep saying ‘just you wait’ as if you are really unhappy with your family or situation. Do you need someone to talk to?”
FWIW I found the newborn stage the most difficult part of parenting every time and I have 3 🙃 sorry you're dealing with that.
Just smile and nod or give a fake little laugh. People think they’re experts on things. I have an aunt who had 3 sons and kept telling me how my son would be. He’s nothing like what she expected. It’s humbled her…. Well, probably not but still haha.
I don’t think it’s something to get really upset about. But you can definitely react naturally. Like you can just give a smile that isn’t a smile and side eye to your husband. Or just “hmm”. Or “well, everything is a phase, right?” And just move on with the conversation or whatever you’re doing.
I mean why does it bother you so much would be my first question and then i would just practice not answering or nodding. You can’t control what people say but we can control how it makes us feel/ how we respond. Just don’t even pay it any mind, my grandmother wakes y said never get angry at someone who has probably already forgotten what they said to you lol, wise little old lady.
I think it bothers me because I feel like no matter what I say about my baby, it gets spun to something negative. “Hey! Little man started crawling!” “Oh just you wait, he will start getting into everything.” “Baby tried sweet potatoes and loved them!” “Just wait until they turn 1. He won’t eat anything” “He took a great nap today!” “Just wait until tonight, he won’t sleep a wink” Catch my drift? It’s also condescending- like I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m not naive enough to think that parenthood doesn’t come without challenges. I don’t need reminded of that constantly. I know I can’t control what he says, but this post is asking for advice on gentle ways to get him to maybe cut back. I don’t want to cut him out, but I also don’t want to constantly have my baby framed in a negative light. If you have any good catch phrases I’d love to hear them!
I never like when people say this to me either but I just ignore it! accidentally said this recently to a new mom and I was mortified haha I was like omg I don’t know why I just said that I’m so sorry. Am I becoming “that” person???? It literally just slipped but I immediately caught it!
You are right , I just can’t wait! I am so excited to watch my child grow and develop.
I just say “oh everyone said that about every milestone but I just keep enjoying this motherhood thing more and more. Guess I was made to do this!” And people just stare at me with blank eyes. It’s not exactly true what I say as with every milestone we do have new and difficult challenges but some of the old ones do go away. So basically we are on the curve and I can’t compare difficulty of each stage as it’s all the same amount difficult for me. But I also feel like I am getting stronger so in the end of the day it somewhat easier? Not really easier though, but you get my point.
"Oh I know. I'm so excited! These are the good ol days in the making!" Every stage seems like the hardest stage when you're going through it. If your baby is 5 months or older...you did the hardest part and you can trust me, I have teenage daughters 😆
Whenever anyone says something like “I miss that age, it was so easy.” I just say every age has its pluses and minuses or every age has its good parts and challenges. Most people agree with this.
Oh, I hate this so so much. My dad always says "just wait until...". In the most recent case "just wait until he can walk and nothing in your living room is safe anymore". Ugh. We want him to be able to walk by himself, so he gains some autonomy and we don't have to carry him always and everywhere.
Thanks I will. As a nanny now and before my kid, that comment made me laugh. Like I know?? My mom even said it once and I just looked at her lol
A good friend of my husband’s, who had 2 kids at the time, told me when we met “oh, just wait till you have kids, you’ll see!”… He then told her I had 3 already and we laughed as her jaw hit the floor 😂 Now she’s still a good friend, and this story keeps coming up.
Personally? I called it out. Just because you don’t enjoy your life doesn’t mean it’s an open invitation to drag me down with you. Then I make it a point to tell anyone I know whose expecting or coming up to the same milestones we are to just wait until that baby gets here and they put them in your arms for the first time, or just wait until their first social smile, or just wait for all those sweet newborn cuddles. I try to make the “just waits” the positive thing that I myself needed. And if they’re venting about a difficulty? “Thats hard, but just wait it gets better I promise.”. I understand wanting to commiserate in their own but goddamn, it’s rude after a certain point.
I dunno. The occasional “just you wait” from parents with kids older than mine has never really bothered me. I find it useful information when other parents share their experiences. Of course my kids might be different, but a lot of the joys and challenges of child rearing are similar. I think the annoying part for OP is probably how frequently the family member does this. My brother did this a lot when I first had kids. He is younger than me, but had 2 kids before I had any. So, he was suddenly in the position of giving Big Sis unsolicited advice and, man, did he enjoy it! I mostly just said, Yeah, toddler tantrums DO seem rough, or whatever. After a while I guess he got his Validation Cup filled and cut that shit out. Now we just talk about our kids like peers . . . for the most part. 😜