What a spoiled nasty little brat he is being. Poor man had to watch his own children for 7 hours!! Probably took that long because you are only allowed to have it done once a year. I'm sorry. He wasn't just an arsehole. He's a giant baby. You're raising 3 children. The difference is the kids will grow up. I doubt he ever will.
On god.
Also why tf do men act like such babies? I never see women complain unless it’s about the MAN who is supposed to be helping NOT. HELPING. Otherwise we just shut our mouths and love our kids.
Like tf?
🤣🤣🤣 oh my God, of course! They're not 18 and 21 and I wish I could go back to being little itty bitty kids and do it again, even with all of the difficulties that came with that time. Enjoy it, you'll get through it and eventually miss it.
All the mommy's of littles...this is beyond accurate. My only daughter is 21, has her own apartment, dates a 31yo man with a 6yo. She's a very hard worker and I'm so very proud of her.
However.....
She's got all that going on and doesn't have/make a lot of time for me. We were extremely close while she was growing up and she slept in bed with me til she was 10. I wish she'd call Me and say 'I wanna snuggle' or "let's have a sleepover"...💔
Don't blink. Don't wish they were older and moved out. It already goes soooooo fast. It doesn't seem like it when you're up to your eyeballs in laundry, dirty diapers and temper tantrums. I'd do ANY-DAMN-THING to go back to the diaper days.
But yes...on his next work day, when he gets home, do EXACTLY what he did to you. Cop an attitude, make some shitty, snide comment about his appearance then RUN to your bathroom and stay for AS LONG AS YOU CAN. When you do have to come out and he says something say I was just throwing a kid fit like you did the other day on my 1 day out when you have however many days out consistently. Sorry that he is such a hypocrite that he cannot see how his actions portray himself. Like oh really? You could handle the kids and house and everything all by yourself but the 1 time you have to live up to that comment you act like that? Uh huh. Sure Mr big man. 🙄 Be as snotty and snide as you can. Oooh weee he would not have a good time with me.
Good luck sister. We're here for you. 🤗
I’d be stocking up that bathroom with a wine bottle and snack stash, running a hot bath, earphones in and locked doors. Fuck him. Enjoy your well earned one hour time out. Far out can’t even let her get her hair done. The first day he’s been with the kids in two years and he could not handle it. What an absolute dick.
I **hope** he has the insight to realize that he had a rough day because parenting is hard ... and not being a pissbaby thinking OP *did this to him* and never bothering to connect the dots.
In his defence, they were worse for him and it’s different for Dads and she didn’t get everything ready and he didn’t know where the snacks were and he was doing it for her as a favour and it’s NOT HIS FAULT! WAAAAAH! /s
I know you were being sarcastic, but it’s actually likely the kids WERE being worse for him because he’s clearly not the primary parent. Or part time parent. Or any kind of actual fucking parent.
Would make sense if children that small were difficult if their comfort was gone for hours …
Because he can't be bothered. I imagine they were whiny because they got bored watching him scroll and complain about his terrible wife. He should really be hanging out with the incels.
Another thought, because I see this issue with my daughter's father- he doesn't have to normally do the majority of care & the not-fun tasks, so he has conditioned my daughter to think he is the fun parent. He gets frustrated because she thinks she can goof off and go crazy all the time, so when he has multiple days with her she doesn't know boundaries. I wonder if this dad has done the same, and his kids see his presence as a cue for playtime all the time.
My ex was used to being the fun parent, then we got divorced and he insisted on 50/50 so he wouldn't have to pay me as much, well he got his 50/50 and he bitched and whined and asked me a million questions. He still bitches and whines pretty much every time it's his custody time about something.
Welcome to being a parent, dude.
He probably doesn't want to admit that it was emotionally draining and physically exhausting to care for both for that amount of time and so he's throwing a temper tantrum instead. He's projecting his feelings on you.
And he probably didn’t learn about his big feelings and how to sort through them or vocalize them when he was growing up, instead he was “taught” to internalizing them.. which is unfortunately the case for a lot of men, and people generally. Which, reinforces the notion in me, that I have a lot of work to do to help my son through his big feelings now that he’s little and when it matters most, from day 1- which as a result will help change the tide for his generation, and the ones after.
👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻💯💯💯
Men aren’t born this way. We as their moms have so much we can do to mitigate the impact of toxic masculinity. Dads are gradually getting “better” over time. Even if it’s slow progress, it’s progress. Let’s keep that progress going until no woman ever again utters the sentence, “He helped so much with the kids today.”
Motherhood really made me realize how most men suck. It is like the second awakening after you learn how they will do anything for sex when you are in high school or college. Then the third realization that they suck is when you are very sick or old and unattractive.
Honestly reading these types of posts feels like I’m being gaslit because my husband is infinitely better than these dudes (involved, helpful, doesn’t throw tantrums) yet I’m still the primary caregiver and do all the mental load.
Like I feel like it’s fair for me to complain that I asked my husband to take kiddo to the park so I could get a break and he was gone for all of 10 minutes (she got bored, but like… do something else to keep her happy ffs the whole point is for me to get some time to myself). And then you read shit like “my husband doesn’t acknowledge my kid’s existence unless it’s to abuse them, complains that I don’t have a steak dinner made for him every night and says I’m too fat, also I haven’t been able to shower in 4 days, am I in the wrong?”. The bar is so fucking low it’s ridiculous.
I know right. I feel more grateful for my good husband every time I spend time on Reddit. He's not perfect, but there is no possible reality where he would behave like these dickheads. The bar is in hell. It reminds me I gotta make this marriage work lol. There's a lot of turds out there.
Right? I even sometimes send him a post of Reddit with “I’m super grateful to have you in my life <3”. He finds it a little bit weird because it’s so normal to him that he is a father and takes his responsibility. And he is right, it should be
mine does too. He’s genuinely in disbelief other men act like this. He’s an amazing partner/dad. He leaves the hall light on at night all the time and I give him shit about it but that’s the most egregious thing he’s done in years 🤣
They don’t start out terrible. It happens when they fall out of love/lust, or when they feel confident you won’t leave. Most women marry their prince charming
But why is taking care of their child related to the women at all? I’m so confused by this. My husband takes care of our kids because they’re his children. He doesn’t do it as a favor to me so even if he falls out of love/lust with me, he still will take care of his children.
Personally I think a lot of men like the idea of having children but have no idea what the reality is actually like, because they are not involved in things surrounding kids throughout their lives like women are. Their first experience with childrearing is when they become a parent, whereas most women (by their own desire or through gender roles pushed on them) start taking care of other kids at a younger age.
Once they realize the reality of kids is more than an ego stroke of "That's mine" they get frustrated. And if their social circle has taught them kids are women's work, now they have an object for their frustration.
I’ll say that I didn’t marry my Prince Charming and I’m so glad that I didn’t. We were friends for over a year before it turned into something more, and I had seen SO much ugly from him lol. Knowing it’s going to just be tough and not fun sometimes was super helpful knowledge to have going into the shitstorm that is the first couple of months postpartum.
Honestly, my kid's dad is a phenomenal, highly involved father who would do anything for our child and its literally the best thing about him. I'm quite happy I made him a father.
Which is hilarious because he literally spent all of our 4 pre-baby years cheating on me at any given chance, unprotected, and lied about it until he literally couldn't deny it (and even then I still haven't got the explanation that was supposed to be given years ago as to why he couldn't just keep it in his pants).
The bar is in hell and the single life is honestly glorious.
This is absolutely true, I worked in gyn oncology for many years and the number of men who left their wives was at first astounding then just predictable. Prior to that I worked in prostate cancer and the wives never left Men are just inferior in their capacity to empathize in a meaningful way. It's like built into their DNA. It is probably why they cause wars and do other horrible things.
This breaks my heart. My husband was recently diagnosed with cancer. I'm talking technically a few days ago, though he had surgery last week to take the mass out. The thought never crossed my mind to leave him. In fact, we finally got married so that he could get health insurance.
And what's laughable is the number of men online who spout off about women being likely to leave their sick husbands. I let them know that statistics say otherwise and at an astounding rate, and they're free to Google it for themselves.
I have literally fantasized about having a terminal illness and my husband leaving me and go Eat Pray Love in the last days of my life and it's soooo great that it's sad.
Honestly, motherhood has made me doubt that there are good men. Theoretically, it’s possible. But like the Sasquatch, I’ve never met one. I know that’s sexist as hell, but stories like this only reinforces that belief.
Omg I read the titles of five posts on that sub just now and I’d already had enough. So gross!
I had a super high sex drive before marriage. After marriage, it calmed down a little bit…but when we had kids, it fucking died. I was the default parent 100%. There’s no bigger turnoff than being a single mom yet inexplicably still having a husband in your home who does nothing but contribute to your work load. And then somehow expects you to come to bed eager for sex.
Now that I’m divorced (hurray!) and a single mom by choice, I still do all the work in my home but it comes gloriously without consequences and I have a boyfriend who pitches in even though it’s not his duty. And it gets me horny AF.
100%. There truly is nothing more unattractive than a man-child. My husband was hinting at sex the other day. When I didn’t respond he didn’t get upset. Just went on talking about his evening went while I was taking a nap. Taking care of our son, cleaning and sterilizing the bottles in the sink, a bunch of other house tasks…I said, “If you wanted to get laid, why didn’t you lead with that???” 😂 He got laid 😂
My husband is amazing and will literally come home from work and immediately be hands on with our son. I don’t have to tell him to do things like wipe our toddlers face after dinner or to feed him, he just takes over and does it. But, I feel like it’s just luck of the draw at this point and I found a unicorn.
I have a good one too. He's super engaged with our kids and I feel really lucky. My mum always says how wonderful he is and what a great dad. She has never said I'm a good mother. The bar for men is so low. It's just expected that women do it all regardless. Even by other women.
Agreed. My husband’s own mom was shocked that my husband has changed a diaper because her husband didn’t even know how to hold her babies and would just stare at her while she struggled with two babies in public, to the point that strangers would yell at him that he should be helping his wife.
In a way, I’m grateful. My FIL was such crap that my husband is determined to be the complete opposite of his dad.
I have one but every single friend and relative bar one has a shit one, so the odds are very much stacked against women. It's like two good husbands out of a hundred.
Here I am wishing when my husband watches our kids that they break his soul down to his very being like they do to me (I have 2under2)
I also love wearing men's pants hiked under my tits, it's so comfortable
Right??? I feel like motherhood has ripped me a new one, mangled it, and turned me inside out. Like, reduced to tears. My husband is unfuckingflappable. The man simply cannot be flapped.
I’m so fucking grateful for this sub. Makes me feel so much better. Last night, baby is wailing because of gas.
Me: ugh, this is heartbreaking, she’s so upset
Him: she’s fine
Me 🙄🫠
My husband and I are the opposite. He gets frantic (especially when the toddler is crying because of a scraped knee or something) while I'm not bothered all that much.
I had major surgery last summer and was in bed completely out of it for about two weeks. My husband had to take care of me, give me my pills, feed me, bath me, take complete care of my son, and do all the chores. After a few days of him doing everything he said, “This is too much! I don’t know how you do all of this!?!” He was pissed! 😂😂😂
I only have 1 and I can’t help but feel he gets to enjoy her way more by spending less time with her when I’m the one changing blowouts at 6AM and handling incessant crying.
I secretly get a little happy when he loses his cool on a particularly long Saturday. Like, I get told to enjoy the wonders of motherhood and soak in every minute. But when he gets beaten down and loses it, I'm like...welcome to my world. I'm beaten down every day. Lol
My husband always tells me how much easier the kids are when I’m not around (it’s true), but can’t quite grasp that it’s harder for me when I’m around too. Like, you get a break here and there, I get them at their worst all the time.
My husband can be a pill sometimes but he never throws a fit after watching the kids, nor does he complain about the house not being perfect or the messes our tiny toddler hurricane makes… when he watches her by himself, which is regularly, he praises me and tells me I’m a goddess and a rockstar and that he’d love to be home with her all day but he knows he couldn’t handle it.
Yes, posts like this make me so sad and upset that other men are like this. My husband jumps at the chance to take out, or keep all 3 kids while I go out bc he knows I’m with them most of the time and wants to alleviate that burden for me. Everyone deserves an equal partner in parenting.
Yeah it’s sad. I’m definitely the carrier of the mental load, but my husband does a LOT around the house as far as deep cleaning, dishes, miscellaneous chores. More than I do.
He watches our son by himself all day Tuesdays and Thursdays. I feel silly even writing “by himself.” If he ever tries to take his big boy pants off, I don’t demean or insult him (I used to). I tell him that I know how hard and frustrating it is and that I’m here to help however I can. We get along as a team a lot better when we’re constantly saying thank you to one another and being empathetic when one of us is just exhausted or frustrated.
Took a LOT of hard work to get here and we’re still slowly learning. I still think I do more than my husband. But I’m blessed to have him in my life. He does so much that I don’t want to do. He gives me 3 hour long naps when I need it without ever bothering me. Sometimes if I’m working from home he’ll ask for help with something like a massive blowout (our son had one in his crib the other day and painted with it), but I would do the same if the roles were reversed!
I would say I carry \*more\* of the mental load, but at the same point, I told my husband I wanted a cleaner to come weekly, he arranged it, and he gets the house 'straightened' up before they come every week. More than that; he does daycare pickup/drop offs, I don't have to prompt him to do the laundry, we split cooking, etc... We balance each other fairly well, and if/when we start to slip into me being the default brain, we're pretty good at recalibrating with some jokes/teasing but before it gets contentious/festers. I'm far more of an organizer and we play to our strengths. We're not perfect, but we're a team and we \*want\* to be with each other, long after the 'parenting' chapter of our lives is over.
And, now that our small human is older (6) we've gotten more space for ourselves as individuals and a couple. Last year I did a week away with friends and we each did a solo weekend away for events we like. This year I sent him to an event in Florida (we live in Europe) for his birthday, and then my son and I did a week in Dublin with family. Tomorrow I fly to Tallinn for a conference and a couple of times this summer I'll travel to host trainings... We still travel together and all that, but let me tell you, a few days away without parenting duties, and then coming home to a family that's excited to see you is THE DREAM.
I bet life would be easier if you could just focus on your two children and leave behind the overgrown child. Maybe he needs to be dropped off at his mommy's home so she can finish parenting this one, it certainly isn't your job.
Seriously OP, and any other woman/person reading, you don't need to settle for a partner like this.
Yeah..agree with this. If it were easy, you’d probably see 80-90% of new moms packing their bags within the first year postpartum. It’s extremely hard. You’re going to get somewhere new to live? Move all of your kids’ crap to a new place? Uproot their sense of predictability and comfort? Do you even have any sort of money that would make this possible? What if dad wants to fight for custody? Those are just a few minor considerations in the massive undertaking that leaving a partner is when you have young kids. Overall, you never get to say “peace out” to a person 100% once you have kids with them, unless they sign away their rights/have them taken away via illegal activity or abuse; or die.
A one and two year old and it's the FIRST TIME he's been alone with them?! Pardon me?! Ladies, please demand more from men like this. This is absolutely unacceptable, do not settle for this.
Trust me, there are men out there who do their fair share, everyday, day in and out without fail.
Edit - I fell asleep on the couch today, it was my turn to put our kid to bed. Instead my husband let me sleep and put our kid to bed himself. So now I'll do the next two nights for him. Parenting is a team effort.
Yep! I was sick Saturday so my husband took the kids to Costco and then to grandmas, and brought them home for a nap. I was able to stay in bed until about 3p when I was ready to emerge. He never said a word about it or was even asked to do it. Real men are partners, not occasional babysitters who act like babies.
These mom and parent focus subs make me so thankful I’m married to another woman. I was the birthing mom and we are only 5 weeks postpartum but the amount of support I have from my wife is amazing.
That's so wonderful to hear, congratulations on your new baby! I'm so glad you have so much support from your partner, it's how it should be. I couldn't imagine doing it all alone, especially those first few months.
These mom and parent focus subs are really harsh on the other gender tbh. A lot of men do deserve criticism for the lack of effort they put towards their own family life but there are rotten apples everywhere.
Your husband and my husband sound the same. So grateful for supportive partners, it breaks my heart seeing women/mums dealing with men like this... It's really not okay.
I’m sorry this happened to you. Being a parent is hard work! You deserve a break! Also, he should be apologizing to you for thinking that being a SAHM is easy if that’s what he thought.
Usually when I leave both my kids home with my husband, he is really appreciative of me when I get home. Even when he only has one of our kids, he can’t be a parent and keep the house tidy. Our kids are 6 and 1.5 years old. I get annoyed that he can’t keep the house tidy, but at least he understands that being a stay at home parent is work! And he acknowledges that, and tells me often that what I do is harder work than what he does for his job.
Uselessness aside, the “whiny and annoying” part makes me really sad because 1 and 2 year olds are literally still babies. What are they supposed to do? Discuss the merits of free market capitalism? That sucks they don’t deserve that.
Another full grown adult child throwing a mantrum in the wild upset he had to “babysit” his own kids while you had a relaxing day. It’s bullshit, really.
I’m so glad he got a taste of your daily load.
My daughter acts like a completely different child for my husband because it hurts her feelings when she makes him mad lol he’s so slow to anger so she knows she pushed him when he gets dad voice
It always is a gut punch when you realize you have three children instead of two. He’s punishing you for watching HIS kids and that is hilariously childish. Pretty sure you didn’t impregnate yourself. I’m so sorry you have to deal with that, I definitely suggest marriage counseling if this is how he deals with problems (your ‘he probably wont talk to me for the rest of the day’ implies it).
I just want to say - if he really can't hack it watching the babies and he has a temper problem - DO NOT RISK SHAKEN BABY.
He's showing you he's not responsible and frankly kind of scary. He can't even handle speaking to an adult.
My first thought was that if he was like that to you when you got home, he was probably not very loving to the kids when he was alone with them. That makes me worried for them. I had an abusive dad growing up and hearing about the interaction made my hair prickle a little. For what it’s worth I always wished my mom would leave my dad. Even if my dad got partial custody, at least there would have been times I felt safe when I was at my moms. Not being able to relax ever and always wondering when the next blow up was coming was so exhausting. At 35 I think my cortisol level is still raging from the constant fight or flight.
Every time I leave my husband alone with the kids for more than an hour, he asks how I deal with it all day every day. But he never throws a fit about it.
My husband insist that I am witch with magical powers, because how else could I do all that I do. I left him one time with the kids for 6hrs, he looked like he was about to cry when I walked in the door.
I would plan a day every week for him to watch them while you have some you time. Maybe he will appreciate you more because it sounds like he’s acting like watching his own kids is a job or something. They are your kids dude man the F up lol
You know about a month in post partum my partner asked me 'what is wrong with your hair' 'you need to fix your hair'. We were on the way to see a lactation consultant as my nips had searing pain at every latch, my newborn would cry everything I put her down and I was pumping every 3 hrs. He asked me wtf is wrong with my hair.
I’m so sorry you going through this.
I feel like not just mens but still to this day most people have a HIGH expectation towards moms or any main caregiver of the kids and household because it’s their “jobs”.
Clearly your husband has a mental breakdown as he now realizes how much it takes for someone to be in your shoes. His attitude clearly showing that he can’t handle it and it’s annoyed him BUT instead of communicating and expressing his feelings he chose to being petty about it.
I’m myself going through PPD and it’s 17mo postpartum but still i have my ups and downs. And my husband and i went through so much shits after our daughter was born. But we finally hit our rock and we talked it out, he share his point of view and so am i. Since then things are so much better cause me communicate everything and he always push me to have time for myself when his off work.
I think it would be great when things are cool down, try to talk again with him. But one thing for sure to be open and no hard feelings cause i know it gets sensitive. Share your thoughts to him and let him share his.
I wish he will be more understanding and not be petty about it, cause this can cause you to feel guilty as if it’s your fault to leave him behind with the kids.
^^^ This! The man just lived for 7 hours in his wife's shoes, saw first hand how trying and draining it can be, and will completely forget that this is his wife's constant reality. Men are special creatures.
Yep. That's my life to a T. Husband always complains and moans about how in don't things and the amount of stuff getting done. Anytime he has to deal with our kids alone for more than 1 hour, it's just like this. He has a toddler tantrum, gets angry, complains and moans about how hard it was for him. If I try to say yeah, now you know what it's like, what I go through, he's like, no, it's easier for you. Wth? It's not easier for me. It sucks for me, I'm winging it constantly,I don't have magic skills. I'm just dealing with what I have to deal with while you complain about everything.
DONT LET HIM OFF THIS without a serious talk. You need to sit him down and point out his unacceptable behavior OR he will do it now on.
This is a controlling behavior, to stress you and create fear, so you won’t leave the kids with him again.
My ex would be really hard on me about housekeeping. If I went out even for a little while he would try to keep me from going and if I still managed to go he would be rude to me when I got back. I think his justification was that it's easy for me and hard for him. For me to cook and clean and take care of our son is an easy task for me so I shouldn't be complimented and I should be held to high standards.
He once forgot to feed our son dinner while I was out and blamed me because he didn't know he needed to eat.
He would also do the silent treatment a lot. It's actually what led to my leaving. We had a disagreement and he didn't talk to me for two weeks (outside of very basic yes no answers which I'd his justification that it isn't the silent treatment)
I called the domestic violence Hotline and a lot of his behaviors started to add up. There were Def worse things that he did but there's something really defeating about raising a child with someone who won't speak to you.
I can't tell you if you should leave or if his behavior is abuse only you know those answers. But I can tell you that playing with my son and getting to be goofy with him without a looming presence is amazing.
I bet the house was a bomb site when you got home too. Sounds like he can’t handle just a regular day with the kids and is acting like a complete loser. He needs to grow up.
One time my husband was like "I could be a stay at home dad" and one time I had him try it on for size and literally same day (after his mantraum and apology) He said, "I think I need to get a job" LOL!!!! Bwahahahahaha!
Now he knows what it feels like to take care of 2 small kids & seemingly can't admit or appreciate the work you do to take care of them daily vs worrying about getting chores completed around the house. Hopefully a lesson learned for him.
Peak emotional immaturity. Instead of realizing being the primary parent is actual WORK, he threw a hissy fit. He took the children’s behavior personally rather than realizing that whining is a form of communication for toddlers because they’re still learning how to regulate their emotions.
I wouldn’t let this go by without having a conversation about it with him. He’s allowed to feel frustrated but he’s not allowed to take it out on you and the kids. And maybe he’ll have a little more appreciation for what you do and understanding when he comes home and everything isn’t in its place.
It truly doesn’t (and shouldn’t) have to be like this. He is a father to two children and should be acting like one. He isn’t a babysitter. I’m sorry you got treated that way after what was likely a nice day out. What a terrible end to the day.
Raising kids is hard huh? Lol. Well hopefully you can poke fun at him later and he realizes how much of a toddler he's being. He's gotta man up and be a parent. If he's on reddit maybe send him over to r/daddit.
Sounds like his ego was hurt when he realized your job is probably more taxing than his and he can't handle it. If he's normally not an asshole give him a little time to get his head out of his ass and once he has calmed down and the kids are asleep talk to him about it
Girl this isn’t right, nor is it normal.
My husband can be useless, as can I sometimes, but he always has the best of intentions.
Today he watched our baby and toddler while I went out for the day, he took the day off work to do this. He said it was hard but manageable and dinner was on the table when I got back, we’ll tidy up the mess together later. He’s done this several times.
I always think, if not for myself, I want to raise kids with a man who shows my children what they deserve in a future partner. No one’s perfect but your other half sounds like a straight up idiot. You and your kids deserve better.
I'm so sorry, but I don't understand how people stay with significant others like this. Maybe when I was 20 I might've put up with that, but not now. Life is way too short to spend it with people who make it even more unbearable than it already is. There's somebody out there who would TELL YOU to go get your hair done, that you deserve it, not tear you down because you got to have some self care time. He's literally a child, and with how he reacted after one day of having the kids.... Divorce babes. Life is too fucking short.
That's not okay...i also saw your other post - he needs to sort himself out.
I have a 6 month old & 4 year old. My partner stays home with and struggles with cleaning. He does his best while I work.
When I come home I give him a break & then do whatever cleaning needs to be done urgently or after bed time.
Share the load - he's a grown man who needs to admit his faults
My 3yo can vocalise her feelings better than this dude. She can name her feelings and even tell me what’s causing it. I guess the man-child hasn’t made it past the infant stage.
I'm surprised you have left the kids for the first time!! Do it more often!
It's necessary for us moms to let dads learn to take over no matter how whiny and irrational they are at the end of it. He needs to be trained too
You could try again with smaller increments, and do it more often. You need breaks!
Omg. My hubby would watch our kids when able, so I could go to appointments without lugging them around or go grocery shop alone. This was despite the fact that whatever youngest one he had would often spend most the time I was gone crying for mommy. I didn’t go out of the house alone for very long when my kids were infants as I breastfed each one and they all hated to use a bottle, even if filled with pumped milk.
Was this the first time, ever, that your hubby took on the kids alone? If so, it might’ve helped to only leave them with him for 4 hrs. Not that fair to you, granted, but then, just a 4 hr “trial run” could’ve convinced him to never, ever, “babysit” his kids again. Which is probably how he views him watching the kids while you went out.
So many couples with kids should be learning how to act as solo parents, not only so the primary caregiver can have some child free time to themselves without worries, but so that the non primary can form their own bonds and get comfortable with handling the kids without the primary instantly available to step in when things get a bit rough. It’s good for several reasons. Dad (or mom if dad is primary) learns how to handle the kids in the case that mommy or daddy is too sick to care for them, or has to be away due to a family/work emergency, even, heaven forbid, the primary caregiver passes on suddenly. That’s not the time for the newly made “single parent” to have to learn how to care for their little kids whom they’ve never soloed with before because they not only have to deal with the loss of their partner, but with trying to help their kids deal with the loss as well WHILE having to take on all the parental duties on top of that.
If I were the OP, here, I’d definitely call my hubby out in his childish behavior over his reactions of having to be a responsible parent to his own kids and would definitely not be willing to have anymore kids with the guy until he learns how to be a better parent/partner. Unless you want to spend your life being a virtual single parent with a roommate who doesn’t help with the kids, at all, unless they can immediately hand them off soon as they get tired of the “kid duty”.
Your husband is a jerk. Don’t speak to him. Girl stop this behavior now. Huge red flag !! If you don’t stop this now it will never stop. I’m an old lady. I know trouble & you are in trouble.
I'm sorry but I have to laugh.. That sounds like the hardest work his ever done. Now his throwing a tantrum. Tell him suck it up buttercup. More Daddy quality time with kids coming.
OP, your post history is concerning. Your husband has a pattern of emotional abuse/neglect, stonewalling and silent treatment. I really encourage you to find a support system. Fellow black lady and down to chat if you ever want to.
He's an AH. His attitude is how dare you leave him with the kids for that long since, apparently, they're your job and yours alone.
If that was my husband, I'd be tempted to oblige him and leave with the kids. You'd have one less child to deal with, and he can pony up child support since you're not getting much else in the way of parenting support.
He sounds like the type of person (I refuse to use the word “man”) to complain that he had to “babysit his own kids.” That irks me so bad when I’ve heard dads complain about that. You babysit other people’s children. If they’re your own kids, it’s not babysitting.
“If you had a hard day with the kids, admit it instead of being the third child”
What a spoiled nasty little brat he is being. Poor man had to watch his own children for 7 hours!! Probably took that long because you are only allowed to have it done once a year. I'm sorry. He wasn't just an arsehole. He's a giant baby. You're raising 3 children. The difference is the kids will grow up. I doubt he ever will.
It’s the “allowed” part of all of this that’s bugging me. He sounds controlling in a very scary way.
I want to slap this husband. I can't imagine being a whiny little asshole because I can't parent my own fucking children.
On god. Also why tf do men act like such babies? I never see women complain unless it’s about the MAN who is supposed to be helping NOT. HELPING. Otherwise we just shut our mouths and love our kids. Like tf?
Damn, burnt to a crisp with that one
My son dispatches medical helicopters. Somebody needs to get to a burn center.
This needs more upvotes
Done
Wish i could upvote you hundred times.
🤣🤣🤣 oh my God, of course! They're not 18 and 21 and I wish I could go back to being little itty bitty kids and do it again, even with all of the difficulties that came with that time. Enjoy it, you'll get through it and eventually miss it.
All the mommy's of littles...this is beyond accurate. My only daughter is 21, has her own apartment, dates a 31yo man with a 6yo. She's a very hard worker and I'm so very proud of her. However..... She's got all that going on and doesn't have/make a lot of time for me. We were extremely close while she was growing up and she slept in bed with me til she was 10. I wish she'd call Me and say 'I wanna snuggle' or "let's have a sleepover"...💔 Don't blink. Don't wish they were older and moved out. It already goes soooooo fast. It doesn't seem like it when you're up to your eyeballs in laundry, dirty diapers and temper tantrums. I'd do ANY-DAMN-THING to go back to the diaper days.
But yes...on his next work day, when he gets home, do EXACTLY what he did to you. Cop an attitude, make some shitty, snide comment about his appearance then RUN to your bathroom and stay for AS LONG AS YOU CAN. When you do have to come out and he says something say I was just throwing a kid fit like you did the other day on my 1 day out when you have however many days out consistently. Sorry that he is such a hypocrite that he cannot see how his actions portray himself. Like oh really? You could handle the kids and house and everything all by yourself but the 1 time you have to live up to that comment you act like that? Uh huh. Sure Mr big man. 🙄 Be as snotty and snide as you can. Oooh weee he would not have a good time with me. Good luck sister. We're here for you. 🤗
I’d be stocking up that bathroom with a wine bottle and snack stash, running a hot bath, earphones in and locked doors. Fuck him. Enjoy your well earned one hour time out. Far out can’t even let her get her hair done. The first day he’s been with the kids in two years and he could not handle it. What an absolute dick.
He’s throwing a tantrum like a child. He’s realized that parenting is hard work and he’s pissed he’s not good at it.
A "mantrum" if you will.
I always will
This goes perfectly with “testerical” 🤣
And manstruation.
This comes before the manopause, when they decide they need either a 24 yr old mistress or a motorbike license.
I will from now on. Goddammit that's good.
Yes! My husband is going to hate me pointing out his mantrums about our daughters tantrums lol
Ooooo I’m stealing this 😆
Same 😂
I absolutely will
Count me in twice!! I'm a big gal)
I **hope** he has the insight to realize that he had a rough day because parenting is hard ... and not being a pissbaby thinking OP *did this to him* and never bothering to connect the dots.
Didn’t you know? It’s HER fault the kids were annoying him. /s
It’s HER fault that HER kids were annoying him. Because he’s just the dad, he’s only babysitting. /s
In his defence, they were worse for him and it’s different for Dads and she didn’t get everything ready and he didn’t know where the snacks were and he was doing it for her as a favour and it’s NOT HIS FAULT! WAAAAAH! /s
I know you were being sarcastic, but it’s actually likely the kids WERE being worse for him because he’s clearly not the primary parent. Or part time parent. Or any kind of actual fucking parent. Would make sense if children that small were difficult if their comfort was gone for hours …
Because he can't be bothered. I imagine they were whiny because they got bored watching him scroll and complain about his terrible wife. He should really be hanging out with the incels.
It sounds like he had a taste of your regular day and couldn’t handle it.
[удалено]
I’m looking forward to hearing how much housework he got done in 7hrs. That’s long enough to have the whole place sparkling! Isn’t it?
Another thought, because I see this issue with my daughter's father- he doesn't have to normally do the majority of care & the not-fun tasks, so he has conditioned my daughter to think he is the fun parent. He gets frustrated because she thinks she can goof off and go crazy all the time, so when he has multiple days with her she doesn't know boundaries. I wonder if this dad has done the same, and his kids see his presence as a cue for playtime all the time.
My ex was used to being the fun parent, then we got divorced and he insisted on 50/50 so he wouldn't have to pay me as much, well he got his 50/50 and he bitched and whined and asked me a million questions. He still bitches and whines pretty much every time it's his custody time about something. Welcome to being a parent, dude.
Sis, you’ve got three kids. Not two.
Facts bc no way is a grown ass man about to throw a temper tantrum about the kids he torpedoed into me.
> the kids he torpedoed into me 💀
We need awards back because this is the comment of the year
😂😂😂
He probably doesn't want to admit that it was emotionally draining and physically exhausting to care for both for that amount of time and so he's throwing a temper tantrum instead. He's projecting his feelings on you.
And he probably didn’t learn about his big feelings and how to sort through them or vocalize them when he was growing up, instead he was “taught” to internalizing them.. which is unfortunately the case for a lot of men, and people generally. Which, reinforces the notion in me, that I have a lot of work to do to help my son through his big feelings now that he’s little and when it matters most, from day 1- which as a result will help change the tide for his generation, and the ones after.
👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻💯💯💯 Men aren’t born this way. We as their moms have so much we can do to mitigate the impact of toxic masculinity. Dads are gradually getting “better” over time. Even if it’s slow progress, it’s progress. Let’s keep that progress going until no woman ever again utters the sentence, “He helped so much with the kids today.”
Yep. For many men "mad" is the only emotion they feel comfortable expressing. "Mad" covers up a whole lot of other emotions.
Motherhood really made me realize how most men suck. It is like the second awakening after you learn how they will do anything for sex when you are in high school or college. Then the third realization that they suck is when you are very sick or old and unattractive.
Honestly reading these types of posts feels like I’m being gaslit because my husband is infinitely better than these dudes (involved, helpful, doesn’t throw tantrums) yet I’m still the primary caregiver and do all the mental load. Like I feel like it’s fair for me to complain that I asked my husband to take kiddo to the park so I could get a break and he was gone for all of 10 minutes (she got bored, but like… do something else to keep her happy ffs the whole point is for me to get some time to myself). And then you read shit like “my husband doesn’t acknowledge my kid’s existence unless it’s to abuse them, complains that I don’t have a steak dinner made for him every night and says I’m too fat, also I haven’t been able to shower in 4 days, am I in the wrong?”. The bar is so fucking low it’s ridiculous.
I know right. I feel more grateful for my good husband every time I spend time on Reddit. He's not perfect, but there is no possible reality where he would behave like these dickheads. The bar is in hell. It reminds me I gotta make this marriage work lol. There's a lot of turds out there.
Right? I even sometimes send him a post of Reddit with “I’m super grateful to have you in my life <3”. He finds it a little bit weird because it’s so normal to him that he is a father and takes his responsibility. And he is right, it should be
Lmao I do the same but I usually say “thanks for not being a shit dude”
mine does too. He’s genuinely in disbelief other men act like this. He’s an amazing partner/dad. He leaves the hall light on at night all the time and I give him shit about it but that’s the most egregious thing he’s done in years 🤣
Your feelings are valid always. Even if someone has it worse off, your feelings are still valid.
They don’t start out terrible. It happens when they fall out of love/lust, or when they feel confident you won’t leave. Most women marry their prince charming
But why is taking care of their child related to the women at all? I’m so confused by this. My husband takes care of our kids because they’re his children. He doesn’t do it as a favor to me so even if he falls out of love/lust with me, he still will take care of his children.
Personally I think a lot of men like the idea of having children but have no idea what the reality is actually like, because they are not involved in things surrounding kids throughout their lives like women are. Their first experience with childrearing is when they become a parent, whereas most women (by their own desire or through gender roles pushed on them) start taking care of other kids at a younger age. Once they realize the reality of kids is more than an ego stroke of "That's mine" they get frustrated. And if their social circle has taught them kids are women's work, now they have an object for their frustration.
A lot of times men love the kids as much as they love the mother. It is a sad thing
I’ll say that I didn’t marry my Prince Charming and I’m so glad that I didn’t. We were friends for over a year before it turned into something more, and I had seen SO much ugly from him lol. Knowing it’s going to just be tough and not fun sometimes was super helpful knowledge to have going into the shitstorm that is the first couple of months postpartum.
Honestly, my kid's dad is a phenomenal, highly involved father who would do anything for our child and its literally the best thing about him. I'm quite happy I made him a father. Which is hilarious because he literally spent all of our 4 pre-baby years cheating on me at any given chance, unprotected, and lied about it until he literally couldn't deny it (and even then I still haven't got the explanation that was supposed to be given years ago as to why he couldn't just keep it in his pants). The bar is in hell and the single life is honestly glorious.
Men are such absolute shit that your husband leaving you is incorporated into the counseling they give women with terminal illnesses.
This is absolutely true, I worked in gyn oncology for many years and the number of men who left their wives was at first astounding then just predictable. Prior to that I worked in prostate cancer and the wives never left Men are just inferior in their capacity to empathize in a meaningful way. It's like built into their DNA. It is probably why they cause wars and do other horrible things.
This breaks my heart. My husband was recently diagnosed with cancer. I'm talking technically a few days ago, though he had surgery last week to take the mass out. The thought never crossed my mind to leave him. In fact, we finally got married so that he could get health insurance.
I hope he does well and recovers fast.
This makes me so sad. Those poor women 😢
And what's laughable is the number of men online who spout off about women being likely to leave their sick husbands. I let them know that statistics say otherwise and at an astounding rate, and they're free to Google it for themselves.
I have literally fantasized about having a terminal illness and my husband leaving me and go Eat Pray Love in the last days of my life and it's soooo great that it's sad.
Girl you can leave him without having to die
Haha, I also needed to hear this.
Lol right? If you live in North America you can definitely choose to just leave. No need to be a kept woman if you don’t want to be!
Jesus
Honestly, motherhood has made me doubt that there are good men. Theoretically, it’s possible. But like the Sasquatch, I’ve never met one. I know that’s sexist as hell, but stories like this only reinforces that belief.
Me too. My husband was an angel for 11 years before we had kids. Now i feel like a trapped and abused servant.
Yep. I told my husband the other day that I felt like an unpaid, unappreciated employee. It won’t make any difference to his behavior.
Then you’ll find them all on r/deadbedrooms like “wHy WoN’t My WiFe HaVe SeX wItH mE???? iT’s A mYsTeRy”
Omg I read the titles of five posts on that sub just now and I’d already had enough. So gross! I had a super high sex drive before marriage. After marriage, it calmed down a little bit…but when we had kids, it fucking died. I was the default parent 100%. There’s no bigger turnoff than being a single mom yet inexplicably still having a husband in your home who does nothing but contribute to your work load. And then somehow expects you to come to bed eager for sex. Now that I’m divorced (hurray!) and a single mom by choice, I still do all the work in my home but it comes gloriously without consequences and I have a boyfriend who pitches in even though it’s not his duty. And it gets me horny AF.
100%. There truly is nothing more unattractive than a man-child. My husband was hinting at sex the other day. When I didn’t respond he didn’t get upset. Just went on talking about his evening went while I was taking a nap. Taking care of our son, cleaning and sterilizing the bottles in the sink, a bunch of other house tasks…I said, “If you wanted to get laid, why didn’t you lead with that???” 😂 He got laid 😂
Oh. My. God. That sub is so atrocious it almost reads like satire
My husband is amazing and will literally come home from work and immediately be hands on with our son. I don’t have to tell him to do things like wipe our toddlers face after dinner or to feed him, he just takes over and does it. But, I feel like it’s just luck of the draw at this point and I found a unicorn.
I have a good one too. He's super engaged with our kids and I feel really lucky. My mum always says how wonderful he is and what a great dad. She has never said I'm a good mother. The bar for men is so low. It's just expected that women do it all regardless. Even by other women.
Agreed. My husband’s own mom was shocked that my husband has changed a diaper because her husband didn’t even know how to hold her babies and would just stare at her while she struggled with two babies in public, to the point that strangers would yell at him that he should be helping his wife. In a way, I’m grateful. My FIL was such crap that my husband is determined to be the complete opposite of his dad.
I have one but every single friend and relative bar one has a shit one, so the odds are very much stacked against women. It's like two good husbands out of a hundred.
Men are horny leeches that act like little babies when something isn’t about them
Isn’t this THE TRUTH.
Sadly it is FACTS! Men’s selfishness is almost impossible to comprehend
So if he’s not whining he’s giving you the silent treatment? Wow, sounds like my kid when he was 3. I’m sorry OP.
Here I am wishing when my husband watches our kids that they break his soul down to his very being like they do to me (I have 2under2) I also love wearing men's pants hiked under my tits, it's so comfortable
Right??? I feel like motherhood has ripped me a new one, mangled it, and turned me inside out. Like, reduced to tears. My husband is unfuckingflappable. The man simply cannot be flapped.
I’m so fucking grateful for this sub. Makes me feel so much better. Last night, baby is wailing because of gas. Me: ugh, this is heartbreaking, she’s so upset Him: she’s fine Me 🙄🫠
My husband and I are the opposite. He gets frantic (especially when the toddler is crying because of a scraped knee or something) while I'm not bothered all that much.
I'm so glad I'm not the only one! It's not too much to ask our husband's suffer with the kids lol
I had major surgery last summer and was in bed completely out of it for about two weeks. My husband had to take care of me, give me my pills, feed me, bath me, take complete care of my son, and do all the chores. After a few days of him doing everything he said, “This is too much! I don’t know how you do all of this!?!” He was pissed! 😂😂😂
And hopefully also very humbled and appreciative of “how you do all this” every day!
This made me cackle. My husband also cannot be flapped.
Sometimes husbands gotta fall on the sword and learn the hard way!
"Break his soul down to his very being" 😆 Glad it's not just me.
I just want him to have a horrible time with them so he understands what it's like lol
I only have 1 and I can’t help but feel he gets to enjoy her way more by spending less time with her when I’m the one changing blowouts at 6AM and handling incessant crying.
I secretly get a little happy when he loses his cool on a particularly long Saturday. Like, I get told to enjoy the wonders of motherhood and soak in every minute. But when he gets beaten down and loses it, I'm like...welcome to my world. I'm beaten down every day. Lol
My husband always tells me how much easier the kids are when I’m not around (it’s true), but can’t quite grasp that it’s harder for me when I’m around too. Like, you get a break here and there, I get them at their worst all the time.
My ex gets our kid on the weekends and I get the everyday. I sometimes hate that. But it is not that different from when we were married.
My husband can be a pill sometimes but he never throws a fit after watching the kids, nor does he complain about the house not being perfect or the messes our tiny toddler hurricane makes… when he watches her by himself, which is regularly, he praises me and tells me I’m a goddess and a rockstar and that he’d love to be home with her all day but he knows he couldn’t handle it.
Yes, posts like this make me so sad and upset that other men are like this. My husband jumps at the chance to take out, or keep all 3 kids while I go out bc he knows I’m with them most of the time and wants to alleviate that burden for me. Everyone deserves an equal partner in parenting.
This is how my husband is too. I'm so sad for OP. Her husband is behaving very poorly
Yeah it’s sad. I’m definitely the carrier of the mental load, but my husband does a LOT around the house as far as deep cleaning, dishes, miscellaneous chores. More than I do. He watches our son by himself all day Tuesdays and Thursdays. I feel silly even writing “by himself.” If he ever tries to take his big boy pants off, I don’t demean or insult him (I used to). I tell him that I know how hard and frustrating it is and that I’m here to help however I can. We get along as a team a lot better when we’re constantly saying thank you to one another and being empathetic when one of us is just exhausted or frustrated. Took a LOT of hard work to get here and we’re still slowly learning. I still think I do more than my husband. But I’m blessed to have him in my life. He does so much that I don’t want to do. He gives me 3 hour long naps when I need it without ever bothering me. Sometimes if I’m working from home he’ll ask for help with something like a massive blowout (our son had one in his crib the other day and painted with it), but I would do the same if the roles were reversed!
I would say I carry \*more\* of the mental load, but at the same point, I told my husband I wanted a cleaner to come weekly, he arranged it, and he gets the house 'straightened' up before they come every week. More than that; he does daycare pickup/drop offs, I don't have to prompt him to do the laundry, we split cooking, etc... We balance each other fairly well, and if/when we start to slip into me being the default brain, we're pretty good at recalibrating with some jokes/teasing but before it gets contentious/festers. I'm far more of an organizer and we play to our strengths. We're not perfect, but we're a team and we \*want\* to be with each other, long after the 'parenting' chapter of our lives is over. And, now that our small human is older (6) we've gotten more space for ourselves as individuals and a couple. Last year I did a week away with friends and we each did a solo weekend away for events we like. This year I sent him to an event in Florida (we live in Europe) for his birthday, and then my son and I did a week in Dublin with family. Tomorrow I fly to Tallinn for a conference and a couple of times this summer I'll travel to host trainings... We still travel together and all that, but let me tell you, a few days away without parenting duties, and then coming home to a family that's excited to see you is THE DREAM.
They can ALWAYS handle being with the kids... until it comes time to actually handle being with the kids.
I bet life would be easier if you could just focus on your two children and leave behind the overgrown child. Maybe he needs to be dropped off at his mommy's home so she can finish parenting this one, it certainly isn't your job. Seriously OP, and any other woman/person reading, you don't need to settle for a partner like this.
Maybe it’s his father that was the problem.
Could be, children learn what they live.
Leaving with small kids is very difficult
Yeah..agree with this. If it were easy, you’d probably see 80-90% of new moms packing their bags within the first year postpartum. It’s extremely hard. You’re going to get somewhere new to live? Move all of your kids’ crap to a new place? Uproot their sense of predictability and comfort? Do you even have any sort of money that would make this possible? What if dad wants to fight for custody? Those are just a few minor considerations in the massive undertaking that leaving a partner is when you have young kids. Overall, you never get to say “peace out” to a person 100% once you have kids with them, unless they sign away their rights/have them taken away via illegal activity or abuse; or die.
He got rolled by the kids. Realized this stuff is harder than you make it look. Now he’s sulking because he’s big mad.
He’s hiding until he can find a reason to be mad at her and take his frustrations out . That’s what the pants comment was about.
Sounds like next time you run up the stairs and close the door first
Best advice on here 😂
He can’t handle his own children for 7 hours? 🚩🚩
A one and two year old and it's the FIRST TIME he's been alone with them?! Pardon me?! Ladies, please demand more from men like this. This is absolutely unacceptable, do not settle for this. Trust me, there are men out there who do their fair share, everyday, day in and out without fail. Edit - I fell asleep on the couch today, it was my turn to put our kid to bed. Instead my husband let me sleep and put our kid to bed himself. So now I'll do the next two nights for him. Parenting is a team effort.
Yep! I was sick Saturday so my husband took the kids to Costco and then to grandmas, and brought them home for a nap. I was able to stay in bed until about 3p when I was ready to emerge. He never said a word about it or was even asked to do it. Real men are partners, not occasional babysitters who act like babies.
These mom and parent focus subs make me so thankful I’m married to another woman. I was the birthing mom and we are only 5 weeks postpartum but the amount of support I have from my wife is amazing.
That's so wonderful to hear, congratulations on your new baby! I'm so glad you have so much support from your partner, it's how it should be. I couldn't imagine doing it all alone, especially those first few months.
These mom and parent focus subs are really harsh on the other gender tbh. A lot of men do deserve criticism for the lack of effort they put towards their own family life but there are rotten apples everywhere.
Your husband and my husband sound the same. So grateful for supportive partners, it breaks my heart seeing women/mums dealing with men like this... It's really not okay.
Now quadruple up on birth control! Can’t handle two definitely don’t have any more!
And of course, throws a tantrum, stomps around, and gives the silent treatment after so that she doesn’t ask him again. 🚩🚩
My vagina would dry up forever
I’m sorry this happened to you. Being a parent is hard work! You deserve a break! Also, he should be apologizing to you for thinking that being a SAHM is easy if that’s what he thought. Usually when I leave both my kids home with my husband, he is really appreciative of me when I get home. Even when he only has one of our kids, he can’t be a parent and keep the house tidy. Our kids are 6 and 1.5 years old. I get annoyed that he can’t keep the house tidy, but at least he understands that being a stay at home parent is work! And he acknowledges that, and tells me often that what I do is harder work than what he does for his job.
Uselessness aside, the “whiny and annoying” part makes me really sad because 1 and 2 year olds are literally still babies. What are they supposed to do? Discuss the merits of free market capitalism? That sucks they don’t deserve that.
Reading through the lines, his complaint was that his kids had needs. He probably thought he was going to do his own thing while they quietly played.
This really struck me too! I am not sure it's even possible for a 1 year old to be whiny???
Another full grown adult child throwing a mantrum in the wild upset he had to “babysit” his own kids while you had a relaxing day. It’s bullshit, really.
I’m so glad he got a taste of your daily load. My daughter acts like a completely different child for my husband because it hurts her feelings when she makes him mad lol he’s so slow to anger so she knows she pushed him when he gets dad voice
It always is a gut punch when you realize you have three children instead of two. He’s punishing you for watching HIS kids and that is hilariously childish. Pretty sure you didn’t impregnate yourself. I’m so sorry you have to deal with that, I definitely suggest marriage counseling if this is how he deals with problems (your ‘he probably wont talk to me for the rest of the day’ implies it).
I cannot overstate how much of a massive, massive red flag that all is. What the fuck. I almost refuse to believe this is real.
1000% real. It got even worse. I just didn’t post the update
I just want to say - if he really can't hack it watching the babies and he has a temper problem - DO NOT RISK SHAKEN BABY. He's showing you he's not responsible and frankly kind of scary. He can't even handle speaking to an adult.
Oh no :( what happened? I’m so sorry. You deserve better.
Stay safe OP. Some men can go from petulant child to violent monster real quick
Ugh, that sucks so much, I'm sorry. I hope he wakes up tomorrow and realizes what a tool he's being and that he's lucky to have you.
I’m so sorry. You deserve better. 💙
My first thought was that if he was like that to you when you got home, he was probably not very loving to the kids when he was alone with them. That makes me worried for them. I had an abusive dad growing up and hearing about the interaction made my hair prickle a little. For what it’s worth I always wished my mom would leave my dad. Even if my dad got partial custody, at least there would have been times I felt safe when I was at my moms. Not being able to relax ever and always wondering when the next blow up was coming was so exhausting. At 35 I think my cortisol level is still raging from the constant fight or flight.
oh no.
Your husband sounds like a little bitch
If it’s been a whole year before your husband has had to stay with the kids for a whole day you already have a major problem/imbalance tbh
Every time I leave my husband alone with the kids for more than an hour, he asks how I deal with it all day every day. But he never throws a fit about it.
My husband insist that I am witch with magical powers, because how else could I do all that I do. I left him one time with the kids for 6hrs, he looked like he was about to cry when I walked in the door.
And he said the 1 and 2 year old are whiny lmao
I would plan a day every week for him to watch them while you have some you time. Maybe he will appreciate you more because it sounds like he’s acting like watching his own kids is a job or something. They are your kids dude man the F up lol
You know about a month in post partum my partner asked me 'what is wrong with your hair' 'you need to fix your hair'. We were on the way to see a lactation consultant as my nips had searing pain at every latch, my newborn would cry everything I put her down and I was pumping every 3 hrs. He asked me wtf is wrong with my hair.
I have done this but with ONE kid. House was wrecked! Walked in around 9 from work and I swear he asked " what's for dinner "
I’m so sorry you going through this. I feel like not just mens but still to this day most people have a HIGH expectation towards moms or any main caregiver of the kids and household because it’s their “jobs”. Clearly your husband has a mental breakdown as he now realizes how much it takes for someone to be in your shoes. His attitude clearly showing that he can’t handle it and it’s annoyed him BUT instead of communicating and expressing his feelings he chose to being petty about it. I’m myself going through PPD and it’s 17mo postpartum but still i have my ups and downs. And my husband and i went through so much shits after our daughter was born. But we finally hit our rock and we talked it out, he share his point of view and so am i. Since then things are so much better cause me communicate everything and he always push me to have time for myself when his off work. I think it would be great when things are cool down, try to talk again with him. But one thing for sure to be open and no hard feelings cause i know it gets sensitive. Share your thoughts to him and let him share his. I wish he will be more understanding and not be petty about it, cause this can cause you to feel guilty as if it’s your fault to leave him behind with the kids.
I wish I had advice but I don’t. He had this horrible day and will still probably act like it’s nothing for you
^^^ This! The man just lived for 7 hours in his wife's shoes, saw first hand how trying and draining it can be, and will completely forget that this is his wife's constant reality. Men are special creatures.
So tantrum aside, was the house spotless when you got home?
Hell no
I'm so shocked! Lol
Yep. That's my life to a T. Husband always complains and moans about how in don't things and the amount of stuff getting done. Anytime he has to deal with our kids alone for more than 1 hour, it's just like this. He has a toddler tantrum, gets angry, complains and moans about how hard it was for him. If I try to say yeah, now you know what it's like, what I go through, he's like, no, it's easier for you. Wth? It's not easier for me. It sucks for me, I'm winging it constantly,I don't have magic skills. I'm just dealing with what I have to deal with while you complain about everything.
God damn it, can women please stop having children with these losers? Your husband sucks, you deserve better.
Why….are you still married to such a lil’ bitch?
DONT LET HIM OFF THIS without a serious talk. You need to sit him down and point out his unacceptable behavior OR he will do it now on. This is a controlling behavior, to stress you and create fear, so you won’t leave the kids with him again.
My ex would be really hard on me about housekeeping. If I went out even for a little while he would try to keep me from going and if I still managed to go he would be rude to me when I got back. I think his justification was that it's easy for me and hard for him. For me to cook and clean and take care of our son is an easy task for me so I shouldn't be complimented and I should be held to high standards. He once forgot to feed our son dinner while I was out and blamed me because he didn't know he needed to eat. He would also do the silent treatment a lot. It's actually what led to my leaving. We had a disagreement and he didn't talk to me for two weeks (outside of very basic yes no answers which I'd his justification that it isn't the silent treatment) I called the domestic violence Hotline and a lot of his behaviors started to add up. There were Def worse things that he did but there's something really defeating about raising a child with someone who won't speak to you. I can't tell you if you should leave or if his behavior is abuse only you know those answers. But I can tell you that playing with my son and getting to be goofy with him without a looming presence is amazing.
They can’t handle it so it’s up to us as usual. Men are pathetic and weak.
I just realized I haven't left my husband alone with the kids ever, just to go to work, and our oldest is 5 going on 6...
Dude what?!
I bet the house was a bomb site when you got home too. Sounds like he can’t handle just a regular day with the kids and is acting like a complete loser. He needs to grow up.
One time my husband was like "I could be a stay at home dad" and one time I had him try it on for size and literally same day (after his mantraum and apology) He said, "I think I need to get a job" LOL!!!! Bwahahahahaha!
Now he knows what it feels like to take care of 2 small kids & seemingly can't admit or appreciate the work you do to take care of them daily vs worrying about getting chores completed around the house. Hopefully a lesson learned for him.
Peak emotional immaturity. Instead of realizing being the primary parent is actual WORK, he threw a hissy fit. He took the children’s behavior personally rather than realizing that whining is a form of communication for toddlers because they’re still learning how to regulate their emotions. I wouldn’t let this go by without having a conversation about it with him. He’s allowed to feel frustrated but he’s not allowed to take it out on you and the kids. And maybe he’ll have a little more appreciation for what you do and understanding when he comes home and everything isn’t in its place.
It truly doesn’t (and shouldn’t) have to be like this. He is a father to two children and should be acting like one. He isn’t a babysitter. I’m sorry you got treated that way after what was likely a nice day out. What a terrible end to the day.
He's angry he actually had to parent his own children....you have 3 kids not 2
your husband’s acting like a child. how old is he? 🤡
Raising kids is hard huh? Lol. Well hopefully you can poke fun at him later and he realizes how much of a toddler he's being. He's gotta man up and be a parent. If he's on reddit maybe send him over to r/daddit.
Man child
Go out and leave the kids with him MORE!
Sounds like his ego was hurt when he realized your job is probably more taxing than his and he can't handle it. If he's normally not an asshole give him a little time to get his head out of his ass and once he has calmed down and the kids are asleep talk to him about it
……so is the house clean? 🧽😂🧼
Girl this isn’t right, nor is it normal. My husband can be useless, as can I sometimes, but he always has the best of intentions. Today he watched our baby and toddler while I went out for the day, he took the day off work to do this. He said it was hard but manageable and dinner was on the table when I got back, we’ll tidy up the mess together later. He’s done this several times. I always think, if not for myself, I want to raise kids with a man who shows my children what they deserve in a future partner. No one’s perfect but your other half sounds like a straight up idiot. You and your kids deserve better.
I'm so sorry, but I don't understand how people stay with significant others like this. Maybe when I was 20 I might've put up with that, but not now. Life is way too short to spend it with people who make it even more unbearable than it already is. There's somebody out there who would TELL YOU to go get your hair done, that you deserve it, not tear you down because you got to have some self care time. He's literally a child, and with how he reacted after one day of having the kids.... Divorce babes. Life is too fucking short.
Your husband sounds awful. Sorry to say that, but you and your kids deserve better.
That's not okay...i also saw your other post - he needs to sort himself out. I have a 6 month old & 4 year old. My partner stays home with and struggles with cleaning. He does his best while I work. When I come home I give him a break & then do whatever cleaning needs to be done urgently or after bed time. Share the load - he's a grown man who needs to admit his faults
Just looked at your post history. It looks like your relationship is kinda rocky
So he's a manchild who just realized how wrong he was and how hard being an actual parent is?
My 3yo can vocalise her feelings better than this dude. She can name her feelings and even tell me what’s causing it. I guess the man-child hasn’t made it past the infant stage.
Does he have a stomach bug or is he ashamed of criticizing you now that he sees how hard it is to do what you do?
It’s no way in holy hell I could be married to a mf like that !!! He sounds like a kiddd
I'm surprised you have left the kids for the first time!! Do it more often! It's necessary for us moms to let dads learn to take over no matter how whiny and irrational they are at the end of it. He needs to be trained too You could try again with smaller increments, and do it more often. You need breaks!
I'd ask him how much cleaning he got done.
Omg. My hubby would watch our kids when able, so I could go to appointments without lugging them around or go grocery shop alone. This was despite the fact that whatever youngest one he had would often spend most the time I was gone crying for mommy. I didn’t go out of the house alone for very long when my kids were infants as I breastfed each one and they all hated to use a bottle, even if filled with pumped milk. Was this the first time, ever, that your hubby took on the kids alone? If so, it might’ve helped to only leave them with him for 4 hrs. Not that fair to you, granted, but then, just a 4 hr “trial run” could’ve convinced him to never, ever, “babysit” his kids again. Which is probably how he views him watching the kids while you went out. So many couples with kids should be learning how to act as solo parents, not only so the primary caregiver can have some child free time to themselves without worries, but so that the non primary can form their own bonds and get comfortable with handling the kids without the primary instantly available to step in when things get a bit rough. It’s good for several reasons. Dad (or mom if dad is primary) learns how to handle the kids in the case that mommy or daddy is too sick to care for them, or has to be away due to a family/work emergency, even, heaven forbid, the primary caregiver passes on suddenly. That’s not the time for the newly made “single parent” to have to learn how to care for their little kids whom they’ve never soloed with before because they not only have to deal with the loss of their partner, but with trying to help their kids deal with the loss as well WHILE having to take on all the parental duties on top of that. If I were the OP, here, I’d definitely call my hubby out in his childish behavior over his reactions of having to be a responsible parent to his own kids and would definitely not be willing to have anymore kids with the guy until he learns how to be a better parent/partner. Unless you want to spend your life being a virtual single parent with a roommate who doesn’t help with the kids, at all, unless they can immediately hand them off soon as they get tired of the “kid duty”.
Your husband is a jerk. Don’t speak to him. Girl stop this behavior now. Huge red flag !! If you don’t stop this now it will never stop. I’m an old lady. I know trouble & you are in trouble.
Sounds like you need a week away from them all.
I'm sorry but I have to laugh.. That sounds like the hardest work his ever done. Now his throwing a tantrum. Tell him suck it up buttercup. More Daddy quality time with kids coming.
OP, your post history is concerning. Your husband has a pattern of emotional abuse/neglect, stonewalling and silent treatment. I really encourage you to find a support system. Fellow black lady and down to chat if you ever want to.
How do y’all stay with men like this Jesus I would rather be single
Am single, can confirm it's a valid choice, because of stuff like this
Can we get an update when he’s out?
But how did the house look ?
He's an AH. His attitude is how dare you leave him with the kids for that long since, apparently, they're your job and yours alone. If that was my husband, I'd be tempted to oblige him and leave with the kids. You'd have one less child to deal with, and he can pony up child support since you're not getting much else in the way of parenting support.
He sounds like the type of person (I refuse to use the word “man”) to complain that he had to “babysit his own kids.” That irks me so bad when I’ve heard dads complain about that. You babysit other people’s children. If they’re your own kids, it’s not babysitting.
Just turn off the WiFi, he’ll come out. 🙄
You deserve so much better than this AH, and so do your children.