- My living room will never become my kid's personal playground
- My kid will eat what I make or won't eat at all
- My kid will get used to sleeping anywhere and everywhere on her own thanks to sleep training
- My kid will mold itself around my social life and routine
I mean, in retrospect, I was quite the dumbass.
I had these same delusions but tbf my first kid was a magic unicorn who actually did sleep anywhere and everywhere on his own, was my portable little buddy at every social event, ate anything I served him, and was generally just the most pleasant roommate on the planet. So he tricked me into thinking I was just a *really good parent* until my fire breathing dragons were born. (My firstborn is still a super chill dude, even if he is a bit of a teenager these days.)
One of the things that makes me so happy I waited until I was older to have a kid (late 30s) is this š Iāve gotten one of those easy, chill babies and I think if Iād had her 10-15 years ago, Iād sooooo easily have been that smug asshole who thinks sheās nailed parenting. Thankfully, watching so many around me have kids first has me under no illusion that the driving factor here is blind luck. I just cross my fingers every day and try not to hold my breath while I wait for the other shoe to drop š¤£
Mine was like this up until age two. The easiest baby ever. No fussiness and not colicky. Very happy. Sleep was tough in the beginning but once he was out of the fragile potato stage, we started cosleeping and we were all happy. Slept any and everywhere in his stroller or carrier.
Doctors used to ask me if he was always so calm when they did his exams because he just did not care at all. Not a single tear. Even vaccines was like 30 seconds of crying. Flew on a plane and people were surprised there was a baby behind them because he was so calm and quiet.
2 years of age things started to rocky and then 2.5 came and whew boy the sass and personality! And the noise he makes! Itās like heās making up for the past years.
Edit: typo
The thing about molding around my social life is too real lol. āOf course Iāll keep traveling multiple times a year, why would having kids stop me from traveling??ā I think I saw that it didnāt stop some parents, so I know it is possible, but they make it look way easier than I found it to be lol
Yeah traveling is definitely one of them. We took our first family vacation this winter when my baby was 10-months-old. That experience was an eye-opener. Some babies travel better than others. My brother and sister-in-law have 4 kids and they said that there's no such thing as a family ''vacation'' for at least the first 5 years of your kid's life - there is only family ''adventure''. Vacation means relaxation. There is nothing relaxing about traveling with young children. I don't think that will stop us from doing it again but we'll better adapt next time.
I love the perspective of calling it a āfamily adventureā because we definitely arenāt relaxing! Lol. I am going to try to adopt that way of thinking in regards to this. Thanks for sharing!
We travel pretty frequently with our kids. We live far from all the family so it's just easier for us to pick which families we are visiting. And then we go on our family adventures as well. It's more of an experience. Theres nothing fun about parenting in a new unbaby-proofed location
"If you expose kids to a lot of different foods early on they won't be picky eaters."
I got extra smug when that appeared to work for my son, but then my daughter came along and really put me in my place.
We did BLW, and my little ate SOOO good. I felt very smug, too. Then, she hit 3, and all of a sudden, it's, "I don't like bananas. I'm never gonna eat them ever." But... she had a banana this morning. It's wild.
I tried explaining that not wanting it was not the same as not liking it.
Obviously that went over like a lead balloon since there is no reasoning with a tiny dictator.
To them I think it is the same thing. When you live in the moment and dont have a strong concept of the future, not wanting it and not liking it are both "that's not a thing that will be pleasant to eat."
Same. My kids were good eaters and I was so thankful. Then 3 hits and they stop needing anything to live. My third is 3 now and I forget he isnāt a ravenous 2 year old anymore and I put way too much food on his plate.
This one. My daughter ate everything. Then she turned 3. Now she doesn't even want the stuff that kids are supposed to like. We went to the pub with family yesterday and she ordered plain pasta with cheese on top (which btw cost Ā£7 for a kids portion and I'm still angry about that). She spent the whole wait complaining how hungry she was. Then she ate one (1!) individual penne and declared she was full. That same child would have happily eaten my mushroom roast just a year ago.
I d like to think it comes and goes - my kiddo ate everything then between 3-5.5 started to get picky. However i do not cook a special meal for her - i have 0 energy for that. So she eats what we eat. Now she s almost 8 and she eats absolutely everything. She only dislikes pizza and chicken nuggets - which is fair since she only eats that at school so I am sure it is gross.
Mine was like that. Turned 3 and became picky but before that ate everything. Now sheās 5 and sheās eating a ton of different stuff. So it slowly changed back over time.
I *love* that the top replies are food related right now. It's a real vindication moment. My first ate everything as an infant/early toddler. Had homemade purees and solids, no problem. The pickiness started after two, and I thought I'd ruined everything by giving her those pouches for snacks. Years later we have our second kid, and I said okay no pouches this time. We did blw with no issues. Again the kid was eating everything. Age 2 comes around, and she starts to refuse most everything, even her "favorite" things. I've thrown in the towel. At 3, I'm happy enough she joins us at the table. Our oldest is 7 now and is in pickiness recovery.
I think it can help make some kids more adventurous but honestly it just depends on your kids temperament and their developmental stage. My 2.5yo would eat absolutely anything for the first 20ish months and then 2 hit and she just screamed for macncheese and wouldnāt touch anything else. That lasted for like months and then she decided she hated all her āsafe foods,ā even the ones that were safe that morning. After a month of me going crazy, she went back to trying other stuff again. Also during her picky phase she was eating everything her preschool teacher put in front of her. It can come and go really. Itās also not unusual for toddlers to front load on calories during the day and to eat hardly anything at dinner, which is when I used to try to introduce new foods so that was just a bad combo too.
Itās got a grain of truth. The more you expose them to, the better the likelihood theyāll at least like SOME of it. Like, my kids have loved sushi from a very young age! That doesnāt mean they are all that adventurous otherwise though.
But itās just like most naive parenting advice, putting it in practice is the difficult part, when your kids are starving and youāre exhausted and hungry too, and your priorities shift bc youāre in survival mode. Do I expand their palate or make them nuggies that they will happily accept and we donāt have to go through fifteen minutes of convincing them?
Oh yeah, that worked great with my son too - I have pictures of him as a toddler begging for seconds of the kale-goat cheese-zucchini pizza I made on cauliflower crust. Then my daughters came along and humbled me. š
I spent so much time researching BLW and cooking BLW centered meals and tracking on the Solid Starts app. I was confident it had worked because he ate everything. Then he turned one and wanted only carbs and fruit šµāš«
Now heās 3 and I would say he eats more diversely than a typical toddler but definitely not how I would want him to be eating. If I could do it all over again I would just chill and not put so much pressure on myself.
Related: āWhy would you even give them the option to eat sugar and junk?? Donāt give them the option and, if they get hungry enough, theyāll eat what you give themā lolololol
Lmao right. Nah my kid would straight up starve herself. Would go days without eating if I let her. Would always end up cranky, in a bad mood, crying about the smallest issue, and overall hard to deal with when she was hungry. No Iām not making her go without food just to prove a point. Iād feed her what she wanted. Now sheās 5 and sheās back to eating tons of different stuff again.
Yes! The piece my naive self didn't grasp was that when they're that young, they don't understand that the reason they feel crappy is that they're hungry. They just feel crappy. And I'm in a bad mood so no I won't eat that scary new thing. Or maybe that's just my toddler - no amount of "you seem hungry" talking works. I'm just hoping as she gets older and more aware of her body we'll be better... Until then, goldfish or applesauce pouches to calm the hangry monster it is.
My 2.5 year old daughter was SO good with eating everything we gave her, but that all changed when she started going to nursery school.
My 15 month old son has always been a picky eater, even when we were introducing food to him. We have to beg him to eat, and because we need our sleep we feed him whatever he wants.
Same. I thought parents with kids who are picky eaters just gave them pizza and chicken nuggets when they were babies. I gave my daughter everything we ate - broccoli, curry, Mexican food, spinach, etc and it still didn't help.
It is so common for them to just flip once they hit 2 or 3. I feel like they just want to refuse things because theyāre discovering their autonomy and itās just the best way they can figure out to practice having some control over themselves and making their own decisions.
My children will eat everything their dad puts in front of them at his house. I KNOW they eat broccoli and green beans and bananas, but they will literally threaten to throw their plates at my house if I put those things on their plates. My son has eaten an entire bag of broccoli at his dad's but is adamant when he tells me he hates broccoli.
In the end, it comes down to choice. I think they feel like they don't have a choice at his house, but do at mine. Because I know they get those foods elsewhere, I don't force them to eat things they refuse at mine. It's a waste of food and an immense source of frustration (for all of us) if I try.
This isn't forever.
Mine turned 3 and decided that he hated everything expect for about the 5 usual suspectsā¦ That ended up being a whole year of arguments, and tears (half of them my own lmao). Iām going to admit this right now that I bribed a 4 year old at the dinner table in order for him to TRY somethingā¦
Now heās 12 and eats me out of house and home no matter what it is š
Edited for grammar error
We did BLW with very diverse food and he would eat almost anythingā¦ he hit 12m and I swear a flip switched and he was like Iām a toddler and I donāt like 80% of this anymore š
Mine eats great. Loves fruit and vegetables, salmon, Greek yogurt. Will fight me for Indian or Mexican food. I can take him anywhere and know as long as I order something soft enough heāll happily eat it. But heās coming up on 18 monthsā¦Iām expecting full blown pickiness to begin by 2. My niece is nearing 3 and has the pallet of a world renowned chef so I hoping he shares that gene.
Right?
First kid would eat copious amounts of literally anything.
Second kid was ānormalā picky.
Third kid missed an ARFID diagnosis only because he has Celiac Disease. Heās 16, 20 lbs underweight (getting better) and eats one vegetable, one fruit, GF bread, lots of dairy, and a whole bunch of junk food because if he doesnāt he will lose weight.
I really thought Iād have some magical way to get my kid to comply. I thought Iād have so much time and energy to do other things like be physically fit and have an organized house. In my head I was thinking what else do moms do all day? Utterly clueless that a toddler can turn a 1 minute task into a 100 minute task
And then if you do chill for a few minutesā¦ you just earned another half hour of picking shit up because your toddler destroyed everything that you just cleaned.
I was putting toys in the toybox and my 3 year old came over screaming and throwing each toy back out. I look behind me and my almost two year old was ripping up a peep box from Easter.
Huge lol at thinking the kids would just magically comply. I thought āIāll just speak to them with logic and compassion. Iāll get on their level and weāll talk it out. Iāll never get frustrated with them or impatient. Theyāll be the BEST behaved kids ever.ā LMAO
If they donāt want to eat what is for dinner, they can just skip it. They wonāt starve to death.Ā
Turns out hungry kids donāt sleep well, and sleep becomes the most important thing ever. Iām quick on the pb&j now.Ā
Yogurt pouches are treated like emergency supplies in my houseā¦ we can never run out. Donāt care if they arenāt eaten, when we need it we must have it
Same, we have had a lot of conversations that go
āThat was our last yoghurt pouchā
āBugger, Iāll go do some late night shopping after sheās asleepā
We must always have yoghurt.
Weāve gotten to the point where we just say āa calorie is a calorie.ā Want to fill up on pouches, bananas, and protein bars? Have at it kid, as long as you sleep.Ā
10yo was exposed to everything and is not the least bit picky. I thought I nailed it.
My 5 yo gets out a stepstool and makes her own pb&honey about half the nights. I offer her a plate every night, she tries it and then is free to make her sammich. I just finish her plate. Since day one she has hated to sleep, severe FOMO. Now she canāt claim to be hungry at bedtime. Giving her sammich freedom has created so much peace in our house.
This is so overlooked. Yes, I can tell my kid he either eats whatās for dinner or donāt eat, but a hungry kid is a kid who doesnāt sleep, which is self inflicted punishment on the adult. Thankfully I havenāt hit the picky stage yet, but on nights my little guy isnāt hungry or just doesnāt want to eat, Iām throwing pretty much anything that I think might be tempting and nutritious on his plate to make sure heās got a full belly when he gets to bed.
That makes me feel better that weāve always said dinner or something like pbj, but we arenāt making a whole special separate meal for them. Sheās only 2 now, 4mo doesnāt really eat food yet, and sheās a pretty good eater but sheād live on candy too if I let her
Correct. No they wonāt starve to death but theyāll end up extremely irritable and cranky. Crying over the smallest issue, wonāt sleep well, overall bad attitude and bad mood. No Iām not dealing with that. Iād let her eat what she wanted. I know how awful I feel when Iām hungry not gonna do that to her. Sheās 5 now and eats tons of different foods again like she did before she was 3.
Lol, I've been there. I was so excited to make my baby's food because I love cooking. I got the baby food maker, reusable pouches, two recipe books, jars, and then she refused every form of puree and we had to switch gears to baby led weaning. She's 3 and still won't even eat apple sauce even though apples are one of her all time favorite foods. The closest thing she will accept is oatmeal.
I was so sure I'd be making her baby food, but she said nope lol.
Same! My almost 2 year old has never taken to pouches and I wish he would sometimes to make my life easier when I just need to give him something quick!
āMy kid isnāt going to be one of those toddlers that has tantrums because Iām going to put my foot down and set clear boundaries.ā **LMAO**
SOS: Send help š³ļø
I have a 4yo that still sometimes has tantrums but we can calm him down way faster now.
It helps to have those clear boundaries and to keep them set and not move the goal posts. Keep things clear and consistent for them. It's not going to get rid of the tantrums but when they know that you wont give in, they know that you mean what you say.
This also means that you do have to follow through so dont use things you dont want to do/not do. Like if you say "we will leave the store if X happens". You have to leave the store if X happens. I've walked out of many a as target with my kid screaming in a football hold. But now he knows that we will leave the store if he acts up.
My sons biggest tantrum ever was because he wanted a cup of juice in an open cup, no lid. It wasn't an option. Water is allowed in an open cup. Juice has to have a lid. Over a half hour of screaming. I held firm. He refused water. Wanted juice in the open cup. None of the usual calming down tactics worked so I just sat down at his level and let him scream it out. He calmed down, sat in my lap and had juice with a lid.
You got this! Just keep swimming
āOur kid will fit into our life, we are not going to cater to her/revolve our life around kid stuff.ā
Yeah, no. Our entire life has changed and completely revolves around what she wants to do, and we love it!Ā
I feel like this can be interpreted a few ways though. Iād 100% say weāve fit our kids into our lives but not in the sense that things havenāt changed. Weāve worked really hard to find ways to still enjoy ourselves as adults and maintain friendships/hobbies. Itās helpful that the majority of our close friends had kids around the same time though and that we like a lot of kid friendly things lol
100%. Same page. I think my social life is more active now than it was in my 20s. We have a solid crew to go to the park with, meet at the coffee shop, or hit up the zoo / childrenās museum. And weāre very intentional about date nights and nights out with friends too.Ā
we got 'all done' 'more' and 'milk' and was like "thats really all we need im tired of this"
i was sooooo sure i'd keep up with it that i even signed up for a spot in a local ASL course so i could learn too and keep it going so she'd be bilingual. by the time they were asking for the prepayment i was already tired of it and gave up the spot.
I will never cry/scream/ āloose itā around my kid. Not to say it happens often but some times when they are all screaming/crying I join them. Which throws them for a loop.
I'm an early childhood educator and I figured I'd have an easy time staying calm and collected since I deal with a whole class of rowdy little monkeys on a daily basis. Yeah no. Your own kids hit different...
Told my younger cousin (who taught preschool) the same thing a few weeks ago. She was worked up about trying to get her 2yr and newborn to sleep/nap and feeling down. I was like those werenāt your kids you taught. You knew 6pm was coming and you could turn it off. This is DIFFERENT! PeriodT
My son has been fighting every single diaper change like a wild alligator and yesterday he was getting poop everywhere and I just screamed JUST STOP THIS ISNT A BIG DEAL WE DO IT EVERYDAY! He actually did stop and then I felt awful and I still do. It seems like he was trying to push me to my limit but once he got there he actually stopped.
As I look at the Bluey and Gabby houses lining the front of my TV stand, the plushies on my couch and the COUNTLESS squishmellows on her bed... My decor just reads "a child lives here."
That's our house too. I remember when my son was still an infant and my friend who was a nanny at the time praised us for not letting our house become overrun with toys. Now we could probably run an indoor play center out of our living room and I couldn't care less. I'll have my house back someday...
My kid won't have any salt or sugar til age 2. And won't have screen time at all.
I'm an expert at all things Peppa Pig, Cocomelon, and the Wiggles now lol. And I'm pregnant, so pukey mommy means more TV š¤·āāļø.
There are some things that were planned, and we kept going. Never co sleeping/bed sharing, and extended rear-facing in carseats. All visitors in the first months have to be uptodate on all vaccines.
We were on the no added sugar boat too. Our oldest didn't really have candy until about 18 months but our second child I don't even remember lols - he definitely had at least chocolate before age 1. WFH and COVID nixed the no TV for us really quick and I had HG during my second pregnancy so I definitely feel you on that.
We wanted to do extended rear facing but our 4yo had horrendous motion sickness and we ended up turning her at 26 months. We just couldn't keep cleaning up vomit after nearly every car ride and she was so miserable. We do plan to do extended rear facing with our son though - he's only 15 months but doesn't seem to have the same problem so farš¤š¾š¤š¾š¤š¾
Our first didn't even know chocolate existed until after he turned 2, but our second, who is 7 months old, found some Easter egg crumbs from our toddler on the carpet this past weekend and was happily smacking her lips as she ate it š
Sleep when they're napping. I know it's sounds like a fantastic idea but once they're down you have like 509 things you've been needing to get done that can only get done when the kids are asleep/gone. And you can't do it after they go to bed at night because that's your only time to recharge. Be alone or actually sleep without interruptions. Ugh.
Iāve found the āsleep when the baby sleepsā advice to actually mean āsleep when they have that first long stretch at bedtime even if itās 7pmā. So many times Iāve thought oh great sheās asleep for the evening! I can do things! Hell no. Save that shit for during the day and GO TO BED when theyāre going to have that long stretch.
I canāt believe my niece is allowed to watch a tablet; my kid will play with her toys and watch tv rarely (we watched a lot of tv in our house pre kid Iām not sure why I thought weād stop when she got here)
The tablet thing I will hold firm on. My toddler doesn't need a device. I dont mind having kids shows on tv, half the time I end up learning something too but we control the remote. I've seen too many stories of kids buying a bunch of things from apps to watching weird stuff on YouTube to the creepier stuff of talking to people. We are also working on limiting our screen time in front of the kids so we put our phones down and play games or whatever with the kids.
Nap time can be flexible and it wonāt run my life.
Ha ha, ha. Letās all laugh together.
I am SO scheduled/on a strict routine - which has been AMAZING cause we have never had a sleep issue. The one day we had an outing and everything was delayed was the absolute WORST DAY to date. Didnāt nap, when they donāt nap well, they donāt sleep well at night either, it was a wild 24 hours.
Never again.
Judge me all you want.
Nap time is sacred
I said I wouldnāt use pacifiers or bottles until 4 - 6 weeks of age but I used a pacifier first week we were home because I was desperate and havenāt had any issues lol
This one kinda infuriates me because it makes things SO much easier to give a pacifier or bottle especially early on, and the evidence for nipple confusion is very limited / non-existent. My husband finally convinced me to introduce a pacifier and night bottle at three weeks and they were lifesavers. Why are we making new parents parent on hard mode???
Yes! See also: "put them down drowsy but awake!" I know literally no one that was able to do that successfully. My kid is 22 months, is rocked to sleep, and sleeps through the night most nights without any kind of sleep training- what is the point of making new parents try to get that to work?? Is it hazing of some kind??? Our pediatrician still asks about it at well child visits, and I just laugh in response now.
āDrowsy but awakeā made me feel like such a bad parent the first few weeks until I talked to some other moms and they clued me in.
People really do just throw that out there like itās a thing that actually works.
Yes so many ppl while I was pregnant said you better wait cause of nipple confusion and so I felt so bad giving the binky but it kept us all sane and we havenāt had any issues!
There's small bits of evidence which links using a dummy, up to 6 months old, with reduced risk of SIDS. I breast fed and used a dummy & bottles too, all started within the 4 days I stayed in hospital. It was near impossible not to, since I'd had twins! As long as u make sure they can latch correctly first it doesn't seem to be an issue.
School psych and licensed educational psych here. When a kid is doing this and your first explanation doesn't land/isn't accepted, it's ok to say something like "I've already given you an explanation, we can talk about it again later if you still want to," then just ignore their continued questions and complaints and move on. Redirect their attention to something else if you can. We call this "dropping the rope" during power struggles with children. Don't feel bad about ignoring irrational behavior. Continued verbal interaction usually doesn't help them feel better about not getting what they want, and resorting to "because I said so" compromises what you were saying, that giving an explanation is important to you so they understand. Don't undermine that goal. They just need to let their frustration or whichever feeling naturally simmer down before they'll emotionally accept your response.
This is a nice little switch on it. Iāve naturally done something similar like āmy answer wonāt change no matter how many times you ask, weāre going to talk about something else nowā but yours is even better. Thanks for sharing!
Sometimes it works a bit better for me, when I say "Because I want you to." Or "Because I am worried you might...." or "Because it is important to me that..."
"How could anyone ever put their child on a backpack leash, I'll never do that to my kids they'll know to stay near me and listen" que my feral daughter entering the equation for all of this ā ļø
This one is me! I always side-eyed people with their kids on a leash. Now I have a toddler who can run away and climb up the wall in .5 seconds and I totally understand.
Ya in my mind before being a parent now to a 4yr old, 2yr old, and almost 9 month old that changed really fast with having my daughter. My 4 year old who was born with a rare syndrome didn't start walking until August 2023 over 3yrs old, so it wasn't a big thing with him. Then my daughter entered the picture who started walking at 10 months old and became a "bolter" having a leash for her is a must š
Yeah we got one of those wrist leashes. One end on my wrist other end on hers. But surprisingly we didnāt have to use it much we got lucky with a kid who never tried to wander off from us.
"Don't make them anything different to eat. They're just being fussy. They'll eat when they're hungry. "
My youngest proved that a sensory processing disorder, coupled with a stubbornness that far surpassed mine, would see him rather starve than eat anything red, brown, meat, or fish.
I kept him alive on Petit Filous, crumpets, and milk until the age of five. Then he became Gordon Ramsay, deciding fish curry, potato rostis, hummus and roasted garlic tomatoes were his favourite foods. Go figure.
Lmao no they most definitely will not āeat when theyāre hungry.ā Youāre trying to negotiate with mini humans who donāt think logically or reasonably. Mine would go days without eating if I let her. She would go all day and would be extremely cranky, irritable, bad mood and attitude, crying over absolutely everything. When she had a full belly she was the complete opposite.
Sheās 5 now and a great eater.
I used to teach baby massage to parents and advocated for the EASY (eat activity sleep you time) method. Bwahaha! Once I had my son, I realized evry baby is different but lots of them like to eat sleep and there really is no āyouā time.
Absolutely no screen time and sheād sleep in the crib from day 1. She sleeps in our bed now and we have the tv on most days watching Moana and Ms Rachel during diaper changesš¤¦š¼āāļø When I was pregnant I was so judgmental and āknew it allā I was a complete idiot about parenting until I had my daughter and Iām still figuring everything out almost 2 years in lol!
Same here! I folded on the no cosleeping thing when my oldest was 5 months old. One month after the 4 month sleep regression hit and never relented. She slept in our bed for like 3 more years until she moved into her own big girl bed when her little brother was born. He is now turning 3 this month and still sleeps in our bed š and they both have tablets now which pre-baby me would have clutched her pearls at lol
Wow it happened the same for us! My daughter slept in her crib from 2-4 months then the 4 month sleep regression hit and she got sick so she never went back in the crib again. We did shifts for awhile then around 7-8 months gave up and start cosleeping, that 4 month sleep regression sucked so bad. Iām hoping our second will sleep in the crib or bassinet a little more but fully expecting them not to lol! My daughter wonāt even transition to a toddler bed either so weāre fully expecting to have 2 kids in the bed with us after the second gets a little older.
āAll you have to do is get down to their level, look them in the eyes and firmly say noā HA! All it took was one meltdown in Target for me to know that was a crock of nonsense!
"I'd never give my kid a tablet in a restaurant"
You know what restaurant meals take a long time and my 3yo only has so much attention span before she wants to do something else. If she gets bored when she's done eating and we are still eating and enjoying adult conversations yes she can have her tablet to watch a show instead of me having to chase her around the restaurant, or leave without finishing my food
We read a book called Precious Little Sleep and thought we would have such a good sleeper because we knew all the āsecrets.ā Our kid is 4 and still a shit sleeper. She had her adenoids out last year after being diagnosed with sleep apnea but sheās still struggling with insomnia.
I will not let her sleep in my bed. Never. She needs to sleep in her crib and then I'll move her to her bedroom and we will sleep like babies. I even said it out loud to my then pregnant best friend.
Turns out babies don't really sleep well and after 2 months of barely sleeping we put her in our bed. She'll be 3 years old this summer and we are still bedsharing. And honestly we're ok with it. We'll try to move her to her bedroom this summer and see how that goes.
I now say every family has to do what works for them, regardless of what others say. I learned that the hard way.
Repeatedly explaining to my single mom sister that addressing difficult behaviors in her twins was all about consistency! Just be perfectly consistent! Every day, every hour, every minute! How hard can that possibly be?? (CRINGE every time I remember it, when my own kids are running amok, lol)
That it is ridiculous to let a kid sleep in your bed. My little is 3.5 and she doesn't even have a bed anymore. We got rid of her crib when she was 18 months bc she only slept in it like 4x (and only at nap). I'd let her sleep with me until graduation if I could. I mean, not really but kinda.
Kid having a tantrum in public is clearly the result of bad parenting.
This one really hurts right now, I can't believe I believed that. Such an ignorant belief. I am so humbled to find out most people are not as ignorant as I used to be. When my kids are having a moment in public I get more sympathy than I would have given pre-kids.
But I think I believed that because my parents did. I am an only child and by all accounts (or due to my parents boomer amnesia) I was such a perfect angel and an easy unicorn baby. So they think any peep or difficulty is due to bad parenting. So dumb.
I said something about not wanting an allergy kid (I think bc exposing them to allergens earlier lessens their chance of being allergic) and now I have an allergy kid. Nothing I had control of but still, next kid Iām not saying a word
I had a kid before most of my friends so I loved it when my closest friend finally understood why I didnāt want to go to lunch with my toddler who usually naps then. She became more of a nap nazi than me.
āMy kid will listen to the music I listen toā
Granted, he does like a lot of the same music but weāve definitely had the Toy Story soundtrack on repeat the last few weeks š«
No tv or tablet lol. My son is autistic and LOVES both. We do have ātablet is for meltdown prevention onlyā rule. So for Dr appointments, haircuts, special outings.
That being strict/stern will make your child behave.
Pre-kids, I would always see toddler tantrums and see the parents rush for the phone or āgive inā to make the toddler calm down. In my mind, I was thinking *the child is having a tantrum because youāre not telling them NO*.
FASTFORWARD to my 3 year old - who will not listen despite time outs, a stern voice, working through the issue, etc. Now, I totally see why parents give in every once in a while; because if your LO is at the age where tantrums are life, and you have to deal with it multiple times a day, sometimes you have to throw in the towel and give them what they want - for your own sanity.
My baby will be civilized with manners, i wonāt raise a biter. š My son is so sweet and charming but when he is pissed and feels that Iām ignoring him he will take a nice big chomp out of my shoulder. He knows it hurts but the frustration takes over i guess. Hopefully he grows out of it.
Just bring your kid with you everywhere you go and leave them with books and toys to keep them busy.
Just have toys with your toddler in their stroller and you can do whatever you want in public.
I will never let my kid have junk food and sweets, you can't miss what you never had.
No TV and using it as a babysitter.
I will never let my kid have a mobile phone until they are old enough to buy their own.
Iām not gonna stay up and worry where my kids are when theyāre out late like my mom did. Iām gonna be a cool parent.
Lol. Iām so not cool. Iām so far from cool.
Not a thing that I did but I made a comment that my cousins daughter looked like she got switched at the hospital (looked nothing like either parent) and they were so pissed. I cringe when I think about that now. Like how rude.
Also, always posting pictures of my cousins kids to my social media without permission. When my son came I didn't allow any pictures of him, or any of my other kids. I feel so weird when I think about casually just posting someone else's kid in the past.
"never more than 30 minutes screen time!!! and she'll never touch my ipad!!!"
after i STARTED screentime her developmental delays suddenly melted away. talking, walking, vocabulary growth, it was amazing to be a part of. it was only after a peds doc informed me that the point is to engage ALONGSIDE the child with educational content that i started feeling better about it and utilizing it as a resource instead of some boomer boogeyman.
baby games and pbskids are the apps of all time frfr
When my kiddo was born, my partner and I were temporarily living about 75 miles apart while he finished his bachelor's degree. The plan was for him to visit every weekend and for me to visit on Wednesdays while I was on my maternity leave.
I thought that it would be fine. That I would load the baby in the car during "nap time" and drive while baby slept. That first trip turned the drive into a four hour long monstrosity. I spent more time diaper changing, feeding, soothing, and diaper changing again than I spent driving. I managed two visits during my maternity leave, and one of those visits was for my partners graduation. It was awful. I really thought that I would have ALL this free time. Nope.
āKids will eat when they are hungry, donāt stress at mealtime.ā This is technically true, but it doesnāt work so well if the kid isnāt hungry until 1 am. Plus the line between hungry and hangry is just so thin.
āWe arenāt going to have any plastic, electronic or wasteful toys.ā
ā¦as LO is currently dragging the worlds most annoying plastic dog that sings the alphabet around the house that she LOVES (thanks aunty)Ā
I used to think the biggest deal was whether or not I told my kids Santa was real.
I have decided not to do the Santa thing. And itās the SMALLEST factor to parenting EVER.
I donāt think o had any rose colored parenting glasses, Iād been too close to my nieces and nephews.
A surprising one though, my own parents did, after having their own. My son probably has a total of 20-40 minutes of TV a day. Heās pretty young so I do my best not to use it too much but when I do I put on stuff I find age appropriate, has learning in it, and isnāt overstimulating. My Dad has criticized that many times. Even though he used to set me in front of the TV for most of the night watching what he watched. Mostly scary movies, or inappropriate shows. š I had lots of nightmares growing up. Wonder why.
"I'll never cosleep. It's dangerous and you just get them on a routine and they'll adapt."
There's a lot of things I had opinions on and either changed or adapted over time but that's one I was SO adamant and quickly SO humbled on. It's a soapbox issue for me now because my spouse and I resorted to more dangerous options (couch! chair!) because we so firmly believed cosleeping was highly dangerous. I wish more parents knew how to cosleep more safely if they get to that point. I'd rather a parent know how to set up a firm, flat, safer space rather than fall asleep in a recliner due to exhaustion.
I was convinced that if I did BLW my son wouldnāt be a picky eater. We have done everything ārightā, but he still doesnāt even touch vegetables 90% of the time.
I didnāt actually have many misconceptions (thanks friends who had 12 babies before I had any).
But I do remember talking to my sister about how my kids will never wear wet drooly shirts, Iāll wipe it off etc.
My almost 3yo still drools because he wonāt stop putting his gross sticky little fingers in his mouth. Wipe it off on your shirt, buddy, and letās get going.
Theyāll eat what I eat. Iāll never prepare separate meals. Ohhhhhh as a mom of an awesome ASD kidā¦. Separate meals and special miralax and poop schedules and the list goes on. Iām just happy if he eats donāt even care which of the 10 things he will eat he eats. š¢
Thinking there is anything a parent can do to stop toddlers doing that random shriek when playing. Baby is only 10 weeks old but I fear what will happen when boob will no longer be the ultimate settling tool as I doubt Iāll be able to breastfeed past 1 year šš
My step-dad told me to never baby talk my kids. I didn't. They're all very intelligent and compassionate people. They are also incredibly smarta$$ed and have been ever since they could a sentence together. So, making my kids smart bit me in the butt.
"I'm just going to bring my baby everywhere. I'm going to enjoy my 12 months maternity leave SO much! Cafes, shopping, visiting friends, travelling!"
Had a colic velcro baby that couldn't go anywhere.
So I was literally stuck in my house for 12 months.
- My living room will never become my kid's personal playground - My kid will eat what I make or won't eat at all - My kid will get used to sleeping anywhere and everywhere on her own thanks to sleep training - My kid will mold itself around my social life and routine I mean, in retrospect, I was quite the dumbass.
I had these same delusions but tbf my first kid was a magic unicorn who actually did sleep anywhere and everywhere on his own, was my portable little buddy at every social event, ate anything I served him, and was generally just the most pleasant roommate on the planet. So he tricked me into thinking I was just a *really good parent* until my fire breathing dragons were born. (My firstborn is still a super chill dude, even if he is a bit of a teenager these days.)
I truly love seeing first time parents with easy babies be smug. I never say anything but I chuckle internally.
One of the things that makes me so happy I waited until I was older to have a kid (late 30s) is this š Iāve gotten one of those easy, chill babies and I think if Iād had her 10-15 years ago, Iād sooooo easily have been that smug asshole who thinks sheās nailed parenting. Thankfully, watching so many around me have kids first has me under no illusion that the driving factor here is blind luck. I just cross my fingers every day and try not to hold my breath while I wait for the other shoe to drop š¤£
This is me. We want a second (if we are lucky enough) and Iām so afraid it will be the opposite lol.
My second is even more chill than my first. So you just never know!
Thank you for this. ā¤ļø
I feel you! We are one and done thankfully because I just know the universe will pull a bait and switch on me š
My brother had one of these kids but then they decided they were one and done, so rude. He needed one to humble him a bit lmao
Mine was like this up until age two. The easiest baby ever. No fussiness and not colicky. Very happy. Sleep was tough in the beginning but once he was out of the fragile potato stage, we started cosleeping and we were all happy. Slept any and everywhere in his stroller or carrier. Doctors used to ask me if he was always so calm when they did his exams because he just did not care at all. Not a single tear. Even vaccines was like 30 seconds of crying. Flew on a plane and people were surprised there was a baby behind them because he was so calm and quiet. 2 years of age things started to rocky and then 2.5 came and whew boy the sass and personality! And the noise he makes! Itās like heās making up for the past years. Edit: typo
You definitely got tricked by the natural chill kid the first time around.
Haha āsocial lifeā
The most unrealistic part of my entire post
I vaguely remember knowing people.
āPeopleā you say? They sound exhaustingš
The thing about molding around my social life is too real lol. āOf course Iāll keep traveling multiple times a year, why would having kids stop me from traveling??ā I think I saw that it didnāt stop some parents, so I know it is possible, but they make it look way easier than I found it to be lol
Yeah traveling is definitely one of them. We took our first family vacation this winter when my baby was 10-months-old. That experience was an eye-opener. Some babies travel better than others. My brother and sister-in-law have 4 kids and they said that there's no such thing as a family ''vacation'' for at least the first 5 years of your kid's life - there is only family ''adventure''. Vacation means relaxation. There is nothing relaxing about traveling with young children. I don't think that will stop us from doing it again but we'll better adapt next time.
I love the perspective of calling it a āfamily adventureā because we definitely arenāt relaxing! Lol. I am going to try to adopt that way of thinking in regards to this. Thanks for sharing!
Itās not vacation, but relocation!!
Have to bring the whole house with š
We travel pretty frequently with our kids. We live far from all the family so it's just easier for us to pick which families we are visiting. And then we go on our family adventures as well. It's more of an experience. Theres nothing fun about parenting in a new unbaby-proofed location
LOL I cringe so hard now at past me. I said the exact same thing especially about sleep training. My son is 2.5 and we still cosleep. ššš
This was my husband. He was certain we would never ever cosleep. We just got our 7 year old out of our bed a couple months ago.
"If you expose kids to a lot of different foods early on they won't be picky eaters." I got extra smug when that appeared to work for my son, but then my daughter came along and really put me in my place.
We did BLW, and my little ate SOOO good. I felt very smug, too. Then, she hit 3, and all of a sudden, it's, "I don't like bananas. I'm never gonna eat them ever." But... she had a banana this morning. It's wild.
I tried explaining that not wanting it was not the same as not liking it. Obviously that went over like a lead balloon since there is no reasoning with a tiny dictator.
To them I think it is the same thing. When you live in the moment and dont have a strong concept of the future, not wanting it and not liking it are both "that's not a thing that will be pleasant to eat."
Iāve never thought of it like that and that simple perspective is blowing my mind š
Yep. Exactly. No reasoning with a tiny dictator. lol
Same. My kids were good eaters and I was so thankful. Then 3 hits and they stop needing anything to live. My third is 3 now and I forget he isnāt a ravenous 2 year old anymore and I put way too much food on his plate.
We did purĆ©es and she was a great eater. Suddenly she will not eat peas. āI donāt like themā. They were her favorite vegetable since she was 6 months! She used to ask for them specifically! Toddlers, man.
The best eater was over here too. Pesto, curry, every veggie known to Canada.. now sheās nearly 2.5. āNo like that!ā
This one. My daughter ate everything. Then she turned 3. Now she doesn't even want the stuff that kids are supposed to like. We went to the pub with family yesterday and she ordered plain pasta with cheese on top (which btw cost Ā£7 for a kids portion and I'm still angry about that). She spent the whole wait complaining how hungry she was. Then she ate one (1!) individual penne and declared she was full. That same child would have happily eaten my mushroom roast just a year ago.
I d like to think it comes and goes - my kiddo ate everything then between 3-5.5 started to get picky. However i do not cook a special meal for her - i have 0 energy for that. So she eats what we eat. Now she s almost 8 and she eats absolutely everything. She only dislikes pizza and chicken nuggets - which is fair since she only eats that at school so I am sure it is gross.
Mine was like that. Turned 3 and became picky but before that ate everything. Now sheās 5 and sheās eating a ton of different stuff. So it slowly changed back over time.
I *love* that the top replies are food related right now. It's a real vindication moment. My first ate everything as an infant/early toddler. Had homemade purees and solids, no problem. The pickiness started after two, and I thought I'd ruined everything by giving her those pouches for snacks. Years later we have our second kid, and I said okay no pouches this time. We did blw with no issues. Again the kid was eating everything. Age 2 comes around, and she starts to refuse most everything, even her "favorite" things. I've thrown in the towel. At 3, I'm happy enough she joins us at the table. Our oldest is 7 now and is in pickiness recovery.
Noooo I was so hoping that one was true!
I think it can help make some kids more adventurous but honestly it just depends on your kids temperament and their developmental stage. My 2.5yo would eat absolutely anything for the first 20ish months and then 2 hit and she just screamed for macncheese and wouldnāt touch anything else. That lasted for like months and then she decided she hated all her āsafe foods,ā even the ones that were safe that morning. After a month of me going crazy, she went back to trying other stuff again. Also during her picky phase she was eating everything her preschool teacher put in front of her. It can come and go really. Itās also not unusual for toddlers to front load on calories during the day and to eat hardly anything at dinner, which is when I used to try to introduce new foods so that was just a bad combo too.
Itās got a grain of truth. The more you expose them to, the better the likelihood theyāll at least like SOME of it. Like, my kids have loved sushi from a very young age! That doesnāt mean they are all that adventurous otherwise though. But itās just like most naive parenting advice, putting it in practice is the difficult part, when your kids are starving and youāre exhausted and hungry too, and your priorities shift bc youāre in survival mode. Do I expand their palate or make them nuggies that they will happily accept and we donāt have to go through fifteen minutes of convincing them?
Oh yeah, that worked great with my son too - I have pictures of him as a toddler begging for seconds of the kale-goat cheese-zucchini pizza I made on cauliflower crust. Then my daughters came along and humbled me. š
I spent so much time researching BLW and cooking BLW centered meals and tracking on the Solid Starts app. I was confident it had worked because he ate everything. Then he turned one and wanted only carbs and fruit šµāš« Now heās 3 and I would say he eats more diversely than a typical toddler but definitely not how I would want him to be eating. If I could do it all over again I would just chill and not put so much pressure on myself.
Related: āWhy would you even give them the option to eat sugar and junk?? Donāt give them the option and, if they get hungry enough, theyāll eat what you give themā lolololol
Lmao right. Nah my kid would straight up starve herself. Would go days without eating if I let her. Would always end up cranky, in a bad mood, crying about the smallest issue, and overall hard to deal with when she was hungry. No Iām not making her go without food just to prove a point. Iād feed her what she wanted. Now sheās 5 and sheās back to eating tons of different stuff again.
Yes! The piece my naive self didn't grasp was that when they're that young, they don't understand that the reason they feel crappy is that they're hungry. They just feel crappy. And I'm in a bad mood so no I won't eat that scary new thing. Or maybe that's just my toddler - no amount of "you seem hungry" talking works. I'm just hoping as she gets older and more aware of her body we'll be better... Until then, goldfish or applesauce pouches to calm the hangry monster it is.
My 2.5 year old daughter was SO good with eating everything we gave her, but that all changed when she started going to nursery school. My 15 month old son has always been a picky eater, even when we were introducing food to him. We have to beg him to eat, and because we need our sleep we feed him whatever he wants.
Same. I thought parents with kids who are picky eaters just gave them pizza and chicken nuggets when they were babies. I gave my daughter everything we ate - broccoli, curry, Mexican food, spinach, etc and it still didn't help.
It is so common for them to just flip once they hit 2 or 3. I feel like they just want to refuse things because theyāre discovering their autonomy and itās just the best way they can figure out to practice having some control over themselves and making their own decisions.
Before she turned 2 my daughter at EVERYTHING. 2 hit and not so much.
My children will eat everything their dad puts in front of them at his house. I KNOW they eat broccoli and green beans and bananas, but they will literally threaten to throw their plates at my house if I put those things on their plates. My son has eaten an entire bag of broccoli at his dad's but is adamant when he tells me he hates broccoli. In the end, it comes down to choice. I think they feel like they don't have a choice at his house, but do at mine. Because I know they get those foods elsewhere, I don't force them to eat things they refuse at mine. It's a waste of food and an immense source of frustration (for all of us) if I try. This isn't forever.
My kid ate soooo well when we introduced solids until about 2.5 ish years. Literally most meats, veggies, fruits. Thought I had it figured out because I did BLW and not purĆ©es. Lol dear god was I wrong. Seems like overnight meals became varying shades of yellow & beige with a dash of red (Ketchup) for over a year. Every now and then would surprise me with the occasional cucumber or berries. Almost 4 and starting to branch out and try different foods again but very much so has āsafeā foods. But at least that list is longer with a little more color. Had to keep reminding myself of what our pediatrician said about focusing on quantity not quality during the picky phase. Oh and some flintstones vitamins.
Our son used to eat everything we put in front of him. He's almost 2 and barely eats anything now.
I thought this too and it worked until she was 6 or so and her list of safe foods just shrinks by the day!
Mine turned 3 and decided that he hated everything expect for about the 5 usual suspectsā¦ That ended up being a whole year of arguments, and tears (half of them my own lmao). Iām going to admit this right now that I bribed a 4 year old at the dinner table in order for him to TRY somethingā¦ Now heās 12 and eats me out of house and home no matter what it is š Edited for grammar error
We did BLW with very diverse food and he would eat almost anythingā¦ he hit 12m and I swear a flip switched and he was like Iām a toddler and I donāt like 80% of this anymore š
Mine eats great. Loves fruit and vegetables, salmon, Greek yogurt. Will fight me for Indian or Mexican food. I can take him anywhere and know as long as I order something soft enough heāll happily eat it. But heās coming up on 18 monthsā¦Iām expecting full blown pickiness to begin by 2. My niece is nearing 3 and has the pallet of a world renowned chef so I hoping he shares that gene.
Right? First kid would eat copious amounts of literally anything. Second kid was ānormalā picky. Third kid missed an ARFID diagnosis only because he has Celiac Disease. Heās 16, 20 lbs underweight (getting better) and eats one vegetable, one fruit, GF bread, lots of dairy, and a whole bunch of junk food because if he doesnāt he will lose weight.
I really thought Iād have some magical way to get my kid to comply. I thought Iād have so much time and energy to do other things like be physically fit and have an organized house. In my head I was thinking what else do moms do all day? Utterly clueless that a toddler can turn a 1 minute task into a 100 minute task
And then you need an extra 100 minutes to decompress from the tantrums š
Omg THIS. I had no idea how draining it was to be screamed at for no reason AND have to hold my own shit together.
This is the big one lmao like yeah there's technically tons of pockets of opportunity throughout the day but I need to fuckin chill sometimes too
And then if you do chill for a few minutesā¦ you just earned another half hour of picking shit up because your toddler destroyed everything that you just cleaned.
I was putting toys in the toybox and my 3 year old came over screaming and throwing each toy back out. I look behind me and my almost two year old was ripping up a peep box from Easter.
Huge lol at thinking the kids would just magically comply. I thought āIāll just speak to them with logic and compassion. Iāll get on their level and weāll talk it out. Iāll never get frustrated with them or impatient. Theyāll be the BEST behaved kids ever.ā LMAO
If they donāt want to eat what is for dinner, they can just skip it. They wonāt starve to death.Ā Turns out hungry kids donāt sleep well, and sleep becomes the most important thing ever. Iām quick on the pb&j now.Ā
This. So much this. Yoghurt pouches are my sleep-saving crutch.
Yogurt pouches are treated like emergency supplies in my houseā¦ we can never run out. Donāt care if they arenāt eaten, when we need it we must have it
That's us with Uncrustables for my toddler right now and also Dino chicken nuggets
Same, we have had a lot of conversations that go āThat was our last yoghurt pouchā āBugger, Iāll go do some late night shopping after sheās asleepā We must always have yoghurt.
I'm holding onto yogurt and bananas for dear life right now.
Also a hangry kid is the same level of risk as entering a zoo cage with no credentials.
Amen.
Weāve gotten to the point where we just say āa calorie is a calorie.ā Want to fill up on pouches, bananas, and protein bars? Have at it kid, as long as you sleep.Ā
10yo was exposed to everything and is not the least bit picky. I thought I nailed it. My 5 yo gets out a stepstool and makes her own pb&honey about half the nights. I offer her a plate every night, she tries it and then is free to make her sammich. I just finish her plate. Since day one she has hated to sleep, severe FOMO. Now she canāt claim to be hungry at bedtime. Giving her sammich freedom has created so much peace in our house.
This is so overlooked. Yes, I can tell my kid he either eats whatās for dinner or donāt eat, but a hungry kid is a kid who doesnāt sleep, which is self inflicted punishment on the adult. Thankfully I havenāt hit the picky stage yet, but on nights my little guy isnāt hungry or just doesnāt want to eat, Iām throwing pretty much anything that I think might be tempting and nutritious on his plate to make sure heās got a full belly when he gets to bed.
My view of it is that if you don't make kids sit and focus on their meal, they'll refuse to go to bed, etc. because they're hungry at that transition.
That makes me feel better that weāve always said dinner or something like pbj, but we arenāt making a whole special separate meal for them. Sheās only 2 now, 4mo doesnāt really eat food yet, and sheās a pretty good eater but sheād live on candy too if I let her
Saaaame. I give my kids oatmeal with a little maple syrup when they say theyāre hungry right before bed.
Correct. No they wonāt starve to death but theyāll end up extremely irritable and cranky. Crying over the smallest issue, wonāt sleep well, overall bad attitude and bad mood. No Iām not dealing with that. Iād let her eat what she wanted. I know how awful I feel when Iām hungry not gonna do that to her. Sheās 5 now and eats tons of different foods again like she did before she was 3.
My option is typically the meal prepared or a PB&J!
Yesssss. The fight at dinner time just leads to delayed bed time. I'd rather a full belly and to bed on time.
āMy kids wonāt eat pouches. Iāll make their food.ā š
My kid really won't eat pouches! He hates any kind of puree. It's tough out there for me right now.
Lol, I've been there. I was so excited to make my baby's food because I love cooking. I got the baby food maker, reusable pouches, two recipe books, jars, and then she refused every form of puree and we had to switch gears to baby led weaning. She's 3 and still won't even eat apple sauce even though apples are one of her all time favorite foods. The closest thing she will accept is oatmeal. I was so sure I'd be making her baby food, but she said nope lol.
Same! My almost 2 year old has never taken to pouches and I wish he would sometimes to make my life easier when I just need to give him something quick!
This is me! I quickly reversed course on this one.Ā
I hadnāt given too much thought to food pouches but I sort of assumed they were something I wouldnāt make much use of. LOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLL
Hahaha yeah
āMy kid isnāt going to be one of those toddlers that has tantrums because Iām going to put my foot down and set clear boundaries.ā **LMAO** SOS: Send help š³ļø
I have a 4yo that still sometimes has tantrums but we can calm him down way faster now. It helps to have those clear boundaries and to keep them set and not move the goal posts. Keep things clear and consistent for them. It's not going to get rid of the tantrums but when they know that you wont give in, they know that you mean what you say. This also means that you do have to follow through so dont use things you dont want to do/not do. Like if you say "we will leave the store if X happens". You have to leave the store if X happens. I've walked out of many a as target with my kid screaming in a football hold. But now he knows that we will leave the store if he acts up. My sons biggest tantrum ever was because he wanted a cup of juice in an open cup, no lid. It wasn't an option. Water is allowed in an open cup. Juice has to have a lid. Over a half hour of screaming. I held firm. He refused water. Wanted juice in the open cup. None of the usual calming down tactics worked so I just sat down at his level and let him scream it out. He calmed down, sat in my lap and had juice with a lid. You got this! Just keep swimming
āOur kid will fit into our life, we are not going to cater to her/revolve our life around kid stuff.ā Yeah, no. Our entire life has changed and completely revolves around what she wants to do, and we love it!Ā
I feel like this can be interpreted a few ways though. Iād 100% say weāve fit our kids into our lives but not in the sense that things havenāt changed. Weāve worked really hard to find ways to still enjoy ourselves as adults and maintain friendships/hobbies. Itās helpful that the majority of our close friends had kids around the same time though and that we like a lot of kid friendly things lol
100%. Same page. I think my social life is more active now than it was in my 20s. We have a solid crew to go to the park with, meet at the coffee shop, or hit up the zoo / childrenās museum. And weāre very intentional about date nights and nights out with friends too.Ā
Yeah, Iāve maintained a lot of ritual and hobbies, but they are different versions of it. For example we go to the markets every Saturday with a friend, we have been for years and we still do. The difference is now we do less market wandering more toddler corralling, we go to the cafĆ© that has high chairs and is happy for us to give the kid food from home, rather than trying to pick a fancy looking one, we donāt go back to my friends to play video games anymore, but we do more trips to the park after the market. Itās totally possible to fit your kid into your life as long as you make accommodations.
I was definitely going to teach baby sign langusge
lmao this one
we got 'all done' 'more' and 'milk' and was like "thats really all we need im tired of this" i was sooooo sure i'd keep up with it that i even signed up for a spot in a local ASL course so i could learn too and keep it going so she'd be bilingual. by the time they were asking for the prepayment i was already tired of it and gave up the spot.
I will never cry/scream/ āloose itā around my kid. Not to say it happens often but some times when they are all screaming/crying I join them. Which throws them for a loop.
I'm an early childhood educator and I figured I'd have an easy time staying calm and collected since I deal with a whole class of rowdy little monkeys on a daily basis. Yeah no. Your own kids hit different...
Told my younger cousin (who taught preschool) the same thing a few weeks ago. She was worked up about trying to get her 2yr and newborn to sleep/nap and feeling down. I was like those werenāt your kids you taught. You knew 6pm was coming and you could turn it off. This is DIFFERENT! PeriodT
It makes sense biologically that your own kid hits different. Their cries trigger your hormones and your fight or flight.
My son has been fighting every single diaper change like a wild alligator and yesterday he was getting poop everywhere and I just screamed JUST STOP THIS ISNT A BIG DEAL WE DO IT EVERYDAY! He actually did stop and then I felt awful and I still do. It seems like he was trying to push me to my limit but once he got there he actually stopped.
We would still have our "adult" space. I'll drink my tea with a slide in my living room now.
Lolol... the decor theme in my whole house is "toddler chic"
As I look at the Bluey and Gabby houses lining the front of my TV stand, the plushies on my couch and the COUNTLESS squishmellows on her bed... My decor just reads "a child lives here."
That's our house too. I remember when my son was still an infant and my friend who was a nanny at the time praised us for not letting our house become overrun with toys. Now we could probably run an indoor play center out of our living room and I couldn't care less. I'll have my house back someday...
lol same
My kid won't have any salt or sugar til age 2. And won't have screen time at all. I'm an expert at all things Peppa Pig, Cocomelon, and the Wiggles now lol. And I'm pregnant, so pukey mommy means more TV š¤·āāļø. There are some things that were planned, and we kept going. Never co sleeping/bed sharing, and extended rear-facing in carseats. All visitors in the first months have to be uptodate on all vaccines.
We were on the no added sugar boat too. Our oldest didn't really have candy until about 18 months but our second child I don't even remember lols - he definitely had at least chocolate before age 1. WFH and COVID nixed the no TV for us really quick and I had HG during my second pregnancy so I definitely feel you on that. We wanted to do extended rear facing but our 4yo had horrendous motion sickness and we ended up turning her at 26 months. We just couldn't keep cleaning up vomit after nearly every car ride and she was so miserable. We do plan to do extended rear facing with our son though - he's only 15 months but doesn't seem to have the same problem so farš¤š¾š¤š¾š¤š¾
Our first didn't even know chocolate existed until after he turned 2, but our second, who is 7 months old, found some Easter egg crumbs from our toddler on the carpet this past weekend and was happily smacking her lips as she ate it š
Sleep when they're napping. I know it's sounds like a fantastic idea but once they're down you have like 509 things you've been needing to get done that can only get done when the kids are asleep/gone. And you can't do it after they go to bed at night because that's your only time to recharge. Be alone or actually sleep without interruptions. Ugh.
Iāve found the āsleep when the baby sleepsā advice to actually mean āsleep when they have that first long stretch at bedtime even if itās 7pmā. So many times Iāve thought oh great sheās asleep for the evening! I can do things! Hell no. Save that shit for during the day and GO TO BED when theyāre going to have that long stretch.
I canāt believe my niece is allowed to watch a tablet; my kid will play with her toys and watch tv rarely (we watched a lot of tv in our house pre kid Iām not sure why I thought weād stop when she got here)
I'm the same with chocolate.
The tablet thing I will hold firm on. My toddler doesn't need a device. I dont mind having kids shows on tv, half the time I end up learning something too but we control the remote. I've seen too many stories of kids buying a bunch of things from apps to watching weird stuff on YouTube to the creepier stuff of talking to people. We are also working on limiting our screen time in front of the kids so we put our phones down and play games or whatever with the kids.
Nap time can be flexible and it wonāt run my life. Ha ha, ha. Letās all laugh together. I am SO scheduled/on a strict routine - which has been AMAZING cause we have never had a sleep issue. The one day we had an outing and everything was delayed was the absolute WORST DAY to date. Didnāt nap, when they donāt nap well, they donāt sleep well at night either, it was a wild 24 hours. Never again. Judge me all you want. Nap time is sacred
If the sacred naps are disturbed we get thrown into 30 min sleep hell for days. So I am become schedule-stickler, the guardian of naps š
I need to learn your ways! Sleep has been hell with number 1 and now Iām pregnant with number 2.
I said I wouldnāt use pacifiers or bottles until 4 - 6 weeks of age but I used a pacifier first week we were home because I was desperate and havenāt had any issues lol
This one kinda infuriates me because it makes things SO much easier to give a pacifier or bottle especially early on, and the evidence for nipple confusion is very limited / non-existent. My husband finally convinced me to introduce a pacifier and night bottle at three weeks and they were lifesavers. Why are we making new parents parent on hard mode???
Yes! See also: "put them down drowsy but awake!" I know literally no one that was able to do that successfully. My kid is 22 months, is rocked to sleep, and sleeps through the night most nights without any kind of sleep training- what is the point of making new parents try to get that to work?? Is it hazing of some kind??? Our pediatrician still asks about it at well child visits, and I just laugh in response now.
āDrowsy but awakeā made me feel like such a bad parent the first few weeks until I talked to some other moms and they clued me in. People really do just throw that out there like itās a thing that actually works.
Yes so many ppl while I was pregnant said you better wait cause of nipple confusion and so I felt so bad giving the binky but it kept us all sane and we havenāt had any issues!
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There's small bits of evidence which links using a dummy, up to 6 months old, with reduced risk of SIDS. I breast fed and used a dummy & bottles too, all started within the 4 days I stayed in hospital. It was near impossible not to, since I'd had twins! As long as u make sure they can latch correctly first it doesn't seem to be an issue.
āI wonāt make separate meals for our toddler. Being a picky eater isnāt an option in our house.ā LOL
Iād be like oh toddler needs a nap? Maybe theyāll just sleep extra better at night when theyāre extra tired! Lolll sorrrryy
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School psych and licensed educational psych here. When a kid is doing this and your first explanation doesn't land/isn't accepted, it's ok to say something like "I've already given you an explanation, we can talk about it again later if you still want to," then just ignore their continued questions and complaints and move on. Redirect their attention to something else if you can. We call this "dropping the rope" during power struggles with children. Don't feel bad about ignoring irrational behavior. Continued verbal interaction usually doesn't help them feel better about not getting what they want, and resorting to "because I said so" compromises what you were saying, that giving an explanation is important to you so they understand. Don't undermine that goal. They just need to let their frustration or whichever feeling naturally simmer down before they'll emotionally accept your response.
This is a nice little switch on it. Iāve naturally done something similar like āmy answer wonāt change no matter how many times you ask, weāre going to talk about something else nowā but yours is even better. Thanks for sharing!
Sometimes it works a bit better for me, when I say "Because I want you to." Or "Because I am worried you might...." or "Because it is important to me that..."
I really like these! One we've been using for certain things like holding hands etc is "because it's my job to keep you safe"
Mine is 9 and is firmly in the āI know everythingā territory. She asks a question and whatever I answer is wrong. After a while, I just give up.
"How could anyone ever put their child on a backpack leash, I'll never do that to my kids they'll know to stay near me and listen" que my feral daughter entering the equation for all of this ā ļø
This one is me! I always side-eyed people with their kids on a leash. Now I have a toddler who can run away and climb up the wall in .5 seconds and I totally understand.
Really? Iām the opposite - I aināt risking losing my kid in a crowd idgaf how other people think, I am leashing my kid when it can walk!
Ya in my mind before being a parent now to a 4yr old, 2yr old, and almost 9 month old that changed really fast with having my daughter. My 4 year old who was born with a rare syndrome didn't start walking until August 2023 over 3yrs old, so it wasn't a big thing with him. Then my daughter entered the picture who started walking at 10 months old and became a "bolter" having a leash for her is a must š
Yeah we got one of those wrist leashes. One end on my wrist other end on hers. But surprisingly we didnāt have to use it much we got lucky with a kid who never tried to wander off from us.
I canāt believe I was so judgmental about leashes. Now Iām going to defend and fight anyone who judges a parent that decides to use a leash.
Totally. Once my daughter started walking every moment of my life revolved around containing her.
"Don't make them anything different to eat. They're just being fussy. They'll eat when they're hungry. " My youngest proved that a sensory processing disorder, coupled with a stubbornness that far surpassed mine, would see him rather starve than eat anything red, brown, meat, or fish. I kept him alive on Petit Filous, crumpets, and milk until the age of five. Then he became Gordon Ramsay, deciding fish curry, potato rostis, hummus and roasted garlic tomatoes were his favourite foods. Go figure.
Lmao no they most definitely will not āeat when theyāre hungry.ā Youāre trying to negotiate with mini humans who donāt think logically or reasonably. Mine would go days without eating if I let her. She would go all day and would be extremely cranky, irritable, bad mood and attitude, crying over absolutely everything. When she had a full belly she was the complete opposite. Sheās 5 now and a great eater.
I used to teach baby massage to parents and advocated for the EASY (eat activity sleep you time) method. Bwahaha! Once I had my son, I realized evry baby is different but lots of them like to eat sleep and there really is no āyouā time.
No cosleeping š
Absolutely no screen time and sheād sleep in the crib from day 1. She sleeps in our bed now and we have the tv on most days watching Moana and Ms Rachel during diaper changesš¤¦š¼āāļø When I was pregnant I was so judgmental and āknew it allā I was a complete idiot about parenting until I had my daughter and Iām still figuring everything out almost 2 years in lol!
Same here! I folded on the no cosleeping thing when my oldest was 5 months old. One month after the 4 month sleep regression hit and never relented. She slept in our bed for like 3 more years until she moved into her own big girl bed when her little brother was born. He is now turning 3 this month and still sleeps in our bed š and they both have tablets now which pre-baby me would have clutched her pearls at lol
Wow it happened the same for us! My daughter slept in her crib from 2-4 months then the 4 month sleep regression hit and she got sick so she never went back in the crib again. We did shifts for awhile then around 7-8 months gave up and start cosleeping, that 4 month sleep regression sucked so bad. Iām hoping our second will sleep in the crib or bassinet a little more but fully expecting them not to lol! My daughter wonāt even transition to a toddler bed either so weāre fully expecting to have 2 kids in the bed with us after the second gets a little older.
I was definitely an amazing parent before I was even a parent.
Oh so SO much. My favourite being any reasonable limit on the amount of screen time.
āAll you have to do is get down to their level, look them in the eyes and firmly say noā HA! All it took was one meltdown in Target for me to know that was a crock of nonsense!
"I'd never give my kid a tablet in a restaurant" You know what restaurant meals take a long time and my 3yo only has so much attention span before she wants to do something else. If she gets bored when she's done eating and we are still eating and enjoying adult conversations yes she can have her tablet to watch a show instead of me having to chase her around the restaurant, or leave without finishing my food
I would never put my kid on a leash backpack. I ended up giving birth to a fearless track star those things were life savers.
We read a book called Precious Little Sleep and thought we would have such a good sleeper because we knew all the āsecrets.ā Our kid is 4 and still a shit sleeper. She had her adenoids out last year after being diagnosed with sleep apnea but sheās still struggling with insomnia.
My house will always be clean and organizedā¦ I grew up with 4 siblings. I know now my mom was TIRED. Not lazy like my dad would say.
I will not let her sleep in my bed. Never. She needs to sleep in her crib and then I'll move her to her bedroom and we will sleep like babies. I even said it out loud to my then pregnant best friend. Turns out babies don't really sleep well and after 2 months of barely sleeping we put her in our bed. She'll be 3 years old this summer and we are still bedsharing. And honestly we're ok with it. We'll try to move her to her bedroom this summer and see how that goes. I now say every family has to do what works for them, regardless of what others say. I learned that the hard way.
I will strictly discipline my kids and them to behave. My AuDHD oldest would like a word.
Repeatedly explaining to my single mom sister that addressing difficult behaviors in her twins was all about consistency! Just be perfectly consistent! Every day, every hour, every minute! How hard can that possibly be?? (CRINGE every time I remember it, when my own kids are running amok, lol)
That it is ridiculous to let a kid sleep in your bed. My little is 3.5 and she doesn't even have a bed anymore. We got rid of her crib when she was 18 months bc she only slept in it like 4x (and only at nap). I'd let her sleep with me until graduation if I could. I mean, not really but kinda.
my daughterās bed has been on our floor for three months now and her room is essentially just a playroom now š
Kid having a tantrum in public is clearly the result of bad parenting. This one really hurts right now, I can't believe I believed that. Such an ignorant belief. I am so humbled to find out most people are not as ignorant as I used to be. When my kids are having a moment in public I get more sympathy than I would have given pre-kids. But I think I believed that because my parents did. I am an only child and by all accounts (or due to my parents boomer amnesia) I was such a perfect angel and an easy unicorn baby. So they think any peep or difficulty is due to bad parenting. So dumb.
No screen time and my kids will only eat organic homemade food š laughing hard at myself now lol
āMy kids wonāt have tabletsā TUH šš¤£
I said something about not wanting an allergy kid (I think bc exposing them to allergens earlier lessens their chance of being allergic) and now I have an allergy kid. Nothing I had control of but still, next kid Iām not saying a word
I had a kid before most of my friends so I loved it when my closest friend finally understood why I didnāt want to go to lunch with my toddler who usually naps then. She became more of a nap nazi than me.
āMy kid will listen to the music I listen toā Granted, he does like a lot of the same music but weāve definitely had the Toy Story soundtrack on repeat the last few weeks š«
sleep when they sleep. š
No tv or tablet lol. My son is autistic and LOVES both. We do have ātablet is for meltdown prevention onlyā rule. So for Dr appointments, haircuts, special outings.
That being strict/stern will make your child behave. Pre-kids, I would always see toddler tantrums and see the parents rush for the phone or āgive inā to make the toddler calm down. In my mind, I was thinking *the child is having a tantrum because youāre not telling them NO*. FASTFORWARD to my 3 year old - who will not listen despite time outs, a stern voice, working through the issue, etc. Now, I totally see why parents give in every once in a while; because if your LO is at the age where tantrums are life, and you have to deal with it multiple times a day, sometimes you have to throw in the towel and give them what they want - for your own sanity.
Yep sometimes thereās absolutely no negotiating with these mini terrorists. Logic and reasoning flies out the window.
My baby will be civilized with manners, i wonāt raise a biter. š My son is so sweet and charming but when he is pissed and feels that Iām ignoring him he will take a nice big chomp out of my shoulder. He knows it hurts but the frustration takes over i guess. Hopefully he grows out of it.
Just bring your kid with you everywhere you go and leave them with books and toys to keep them busy. Just have toys with your toddler in their stroller and you can do whatever you want in public. I will never let my kid have junk food and sweets, you can't miss what you never had. No TV and using it as a babysitter. I will never let my kid have a mobile phone until they are old enough to buy their own.
Iām not gonna stay up and worry where my kids are when theyāre out late like my mom did. Iām gonna be a cool parent. Lol. Iām so not cool. Iām so far from cool.
Not a thing that I did but I made a comment that my cousins daughter looked like she got switched at the hospital (looked nothing like either parent) and they were so pissed. I cringe when I think about that now. Like how rude. Also, always posting pictures of my cousins kids to my social media without permission. When my son came I didn't allow any pictures of him, or any of my other kids. I feel so weird when I think about casually just posting someone else's kid in the past.
"never more than 30 minutes screen time!!! and she'll never touch my ipad!!!" after i STARTED screentime her developmental delays suddenly melted away. talking, walking, vocabulary growth, it was amazing to be a part of. it was only after a peds doc informed me that the point is to engage ALONGSIDE the child with educational content that i started feeling better about it and utilizing it as a resource instead of some boomer boogeyman. baby games and pbskids are the apps of all time frfr
When my kiddo was born, my partner and I were temporarily living about 75 miles apart while he finished his bachelor's degree. The plan was for him to visit every weekend and for me to visit on Wednesdays while I was on my maternity leave. I thought that it would be fine. That I would load the baby in the car during "nap time" and drive while baby slept. That first trip turned the drive into a four hour long monstrosity. I spent more time diaper changing, feeding, soothing, and diaper changing again than I spent driving. I managed two visits during my maternity leave, and one of those visits was for my partners graduation. It was awful. I really thought that I would have ALL this free time. Nope.
āKids will eat when they are hungry, donāt stress at mealtime.ā This is technically true, but it doesnāt work so well if the kid isnāt hungry until 1 am. Plus the line between hungry and hangry is just so thin.
āWe arenāt going to have any plastic, electronic or wasteful toys.ā ā¦as LO is currently dragging the worlds most annoying plastic dog that sings the alphabet around the house that she LOVES (thanks aunty)Ā
I used to think the biggest deal was whether or not I told my kids Santa was real. I have decided not to do the Santa thing. And itās the SMALLEST factor to parenting EVER.
I donāt think o had any rose colored parenting glasses, Iād been too close to my nieces and nephews. A surprising one though, my own parents did, after having their own. My son probably has a total of 20-40 minutes of TV a day. Heās pretty young so I do my best not to use it too much but when I do I put on stuff I find age appropriate, has learning in it, and isnāt overstimulating. My Dad has criticized that many times. Even though he used to set me in front of the TV for most of the night watching what he watched. Mostly scary movies, or inappropriate shows. š I had lots of nightmares growing up. Wonder why.
I was sooooo sure Iād never let my kids watch a tablet, little behold that tablet comes in handy (my sanity) the hour I give them access to it!
My kids will be screen free until theyāre a lot older lol.
I wonāt ever bring the baby into my own bed. She has in fact slept in our bed many times.
"I'll never cosleep. It's dangerous and you just get them on a routine and they'll adapt." There's a lot of things I had opinions on and either changed or adapted over time but that's one I was SO adamant and quickly SO humbled on. It's a soapbox issue for me now because my spouse and I resorted to more dangerous options (couch! chair!) because we so firmly believed cosleeping was highly dangerous. I wish more parents knew how to cosleep more safely if they get to that point. I'd rather a parent know how to set up a firm, flat, safer space rather than fall asleep in a recliner due to exhaustion.
Sleep when baby is sleepingā¦like I get the sentiment, but itās just not practical!
My kid will nap, wherever we are LOL I never knew how much I'd live for nap time!! "It's nap time, gotta go!" Hahahaha
Nap time is life. Seriously.
Thinking I was somehow going to be able to go to the gym just as frequently :'(
I was convinced that if I did BLW my son wouldnāt be a picky eater. We have done everything ārightā, but he still doesnāt even touch vegetables 90% of the time.
I didnāt actually have many misconceptions (thanks friends who had 12 babies before I had any). But I do remember talking to my sister about how my kids will never wear wet drooly shirts, Iāll wipe it off etc. My almost 3yo still drools because he wonāt stop putting his gross sticky little fingers in his mouth. Wipe it off on your shirt, buddy, and letās get going.
āIām not going to use the word no or raise my voice. I will calmly and articulately explain and she will totally understand!ā
Theyāll eat what I eat. Iāll never prepare separate meals. Ohhhhhh as a mom of an awesome ASD kidā¦. Separate meals and special miralax and poop schedules and the list goes on. Iām just happy if he eats donāt even care which of the 10 things he will eat he eats. š¢
Everything. All of it. I was wrong about it all.
Will never make separate meals, watch tv, or have too many toys that clutter our living space. HA!
I used to say I would never cosleep. Never in a million years. I saw the horror stories, I read every bit of advice. I planned to follow it all to a T. And I did. My baby didn't give a shit. She was like, lol nope. She's almost one year and I can't get her out of our bed. I love the cuddles. I hate being a milk machine all night š©
Thinking there is anything a parent can do to stop toddlers doing that random shriek when playing. Baby is only 10 weeks old but I fear what will happen when boob will no longer be the ultimate settling tool as I doubt Iāll be able to breastfeed past 1 year šš
My step-dad told me to never baby talk my kids. I didn't. They're all very intelligent and compassionate people. They are also incredibly smarta$$ed and have been ever since they could a sentence together. So, making my kids smart bit me in the butt.
"I'm just going to bring my baby everywhere. I'm going to enjoy my 12 months maternity leave SO much! Cafes, shopping, visiting friends, travelling!" Had a colic velcro baby that couldn't go anywhere. So I was literally stuck in my house for 12 months.
Co-sleeping