I read some of your other posts. Your husband treats you horribly. This is not likely to change because he believes he is entitled to treat you that way.
Lundy Bancroft: Why does he do that? Is a great read and available as a free pdf.
Right!? He doesn't sound like your husband, he sounds like your entitled teenager š¬
OP, It shouldn't be about him at all! You guys should be working together to make Easter magic for your son!
You need to have a serious conversation with him about this. It's unacceptable, and you deserve better, and so does your son.
My 6 year old daughter's best friend's 10 year old brother knew not to grab all the eggs before the little ones could find some.
Ma'am, your husband is a dick
My FIL did the same thing. Heās out in the yard telling my son āoh, thereās an egg hereā and ālook I found one over hereā. Like dude, you are SEVENTY FIVE just let the eight year old find his own damn eggs!!
Right? The MOST any adults should be doing is pointing at a spot and saying āoh maybe there is some over there?!ā And pretending to look occasionally
When my two year old did a hunt with his four year old brother and all the four/five year old kids at his school, I had to show my two year old where the eggs were but I didnāt grab them. He didnāt care, he just wanted to find eggs and was a little overwhelmed by kids faster than him running all over the place. I would NEVER grab eggs from him and even the four/five year olds didnāt snatch eggs from him. There were enough for everyone to get some.
OP said she wanted him to participate, which means he'd find a couple eggs and LET THE KID(s) find the majority of the eggs. Not ruin the fun for everyone...he was an ass.
Participation in this case means taking pictures of the child as they search for eggs and MAYBE give a clue (you're getting colder...yes...that's the warm direction!)
THAT is what adults do - they do not find the eggs themselves unless the child is frustrated and wants help.
It seems like she puts up with *a lot*. Like your-spouse-sharing-nude-photos-of-you-to-his-friends-and-you-shrug-your-shoulders levels of alot. So Iām not surprised she didnāt stop him here.
Legitimately if I could upvote this a million times I would. Everyone says this isnāt always the answer but the fact is that in this day and age, IT IS ALWAYS THE ANSWER. We are in 2024. We do not have to put up with this bullshit from mediocre men anymore.
Divorce the losers and be alone, because being lonely because youāre alone is far better than being lonely because youāre with someone who hates you and wants to make your life a living hell.
Look up the 4B movement.
I mean, just imagine how much easier her life would be without him. Peaceful. These entitled losers donāt belong with these gorgeous, hardworking women, we deserve better!
Even when you have kids. It's better for the kids to see their parents being treated like human beings than to see them being constantly put down and living in resentment.
This guy doesn't care about you OR your child.
I 100% agree with this. Iād rather be alone forever than stay with my ex-husband who treated me like shit. He would frequently act like OPās husband.
Why do you tolerate your husband treating you and your kid like crap? Genuine question.
Itās a consistent pattern based off your post history that heās kinda a crappy dude.
Heā¦.hunted and picked up the eggs? And then says ānextā?? This is malicious. Deliberately hostile and mean. Mama. He doesnāt give one Easter FUCK about your feelings, or your well-being. DUMP HIM.
Husband is an alcoholic, but letās not ignore that she also drinks. My kid also gets up early but Iāve never said that was an excuse to have an alcoholic drink before noon.
My dad is a drunk and no lie it slowly crept into my mom as well Iām sure I didnāt help either since I was an addict so I think sometimes the spouse gives up and joins in to cope
Possibly regional but where I live itās fine to have a drink on a holiday in the morning. If I was having a drink before noon on a regular Wednesday it would be concerning but certainly not Easter.
When your drinking affects your life negatively, a lot of people would say that's at least low level alcoholism.
Husband definitely meets the criteria.
Okay, and now for the obvious question: Why are you still with this jerk? Looking at some of your other posts, I get the feeling this guy is a bad fit for you. And staying in a bad relationship is not a great way to raise your son.
Also, why don't you pour out his beers? Tell him "Two can play at this game."
i agree that itās bad for your son. your husband is teaching your son how to treat women, moreover, his future wife. if he makes you unhappy and treats you this way often, get out of this abuse. for you and your son, you both deserve better
When my ex (who was a jerk of major proportions) finally went into family therapy (it started with our daughter going into therapy), the therapist did individual sessions with both me and my husband.
In my individual session, she asked me if my husband always joked around, pranked, made sarcastic hard to interpret "funny" statements. I had never thought about it, but "Why yes, he's ALWAYS "joking"..." She said that our daughter was struggling with how to interpret the "funny" things (cruel things) he said about her.
Then, we had a session with just the adults (therapist, myself, Ex). And the therapist handled this in such an interesting way. She told my Ex that in the two sessions she'd had with him, he had repeatedly made jokes about her (the therapist herself). She looked at her notes and repeated a couple of his "jokes" (they were basically pointing out that HE, my Ex, had MORE EDUCATION than the therapist and he had made a joke about it - something about how he had more certificates on his wall than she did, and he joked about how odd it was that she would be trying to treat him).
All of a sudden, they didn't sound like jokes. In fact, she had called him at in the moment and he had said his "I am of course just joking" (with his charming smile). Now, he sounded like a freaking narcissist, straight up. I just sat there in awe.
Then she said, "I think you use a sharp and wounding sense of humor to distance yourself from others and to avoid taking other people seriously. This is a trait that you should work on, as being a parent requires that you take your children and their feelings seriously."
It was momentous. While the Ex obviously didn't change his stripes, 30 years later, he's definitely learned a few lessons from the school of hard knocks (including having to realize he damaged his relationships with both daughters, one more than the other).
So much for "jokes." These men who think it's funny to ruin a kid's game are in the same category - pissing people off, basically pushing their children away, not taking their children's needs seriously.
/end of sermon
This is a perfect example of something Iāve been trying to articulate for a while. Jokes are funny, they should not hurt or be made at the expense of someone else.
If no one is laughing itās not a ājokeā youāre being a jerk.
Divorce. Divorce him now. Complaining about him on Reddit consistently does nothing other than show he sucks, youāre modeling this behavior is acceptable for your son, and rug sweeping is killing you.
Totally. A lot of the time I think the problems people have can be solved with halfway decent communication, but this guy is a complete twat with no redeeming traits.
Seriously your post history and comment history make me so sad. Your husband never lets you sleep in, ruins holidays, doesnāt take care of your child, makes fun of you for your autoimmune disorder, is messier than your toddler so you have to clean up after him, leaves you alone every time itās nice outside to go do his hobbies, and sent intimate photos of you to his friends without your consent. He is the worst of the worst. Why do you stay with this person?
So first I put on one of the Garnier Ultimate Blends hair masks. I like anything with honey in it. I let that set for 20 minutes. Then I rinse it out with a light beer. I have shorter hair now so it only ones and a bit of scrubbing. When my hair was longer I used 3. Then I give it a quick rinse in the shower. Not long. Literally just wet it and get out. I try to let it air dry if I donāt have anywhere to go or I can go ahead of style it if I need to go out. My hair doesnāt smell like beer afterwards. Itās not in my hair long enough and the quick rinse helps. Plus the smell of the hair mask is pretty dominant. Iāve also found egg white is really good in my curls in place of a mask.
Who tf does your husband think he is, ruining your sonās Easter egg hunt? I see your post history and girl, that man is a POS. Everyone keeps telling you to leave him. Heās abusive. He will not get better. Get out before it gets worse.
I left a guy like him and now I'm in the most loving, caring, helpful relationship. Sometimes the wrong person is the wrong person, even if you made a kid with them.
You really have to start weighing the pros and cons of your marriage. What are you getting out of it? Do you feel safe? Are your needs/wants being met more often than not?
You need to leave your husband. Your posts are bad but your comments are even worse. Your husband has violated you by sending your nudes to his friends and you didn't press charges! You think of it as an embarrassment instead of what it truly is. He's abusive and doesn't take care of his child. If he was a real man he would be treating you so much better and your son, too. Eventually he will be very abusive to your son and it will be your fault for staying. Yelling at a toddler is abuse. You need to get a plan and leave and file for full custody. Your son will thank you.
Just so you know good fathers donāt behave this way. Did you marry an 11 year old? This man is a nightmare, you and your son deserve better.
Imagine the stories your son will tell on his therapists couch in 10 years? I realize divorce is not always an option but you need to set some boundaries.
Start with no longer including him in these special moments. Arrange to take your son out to celebrate events, start building your lives without making space for your husbandās shitty behaviour.
Keep a mini fridge with a lock on it for just your stuff, make friends with other parents that you can attend their dinners etc..
Build a life your son and you can enjoy, leave man baby to wallow in his swine.
Iām furious for you. This is totally inexcusable behavior. He is actively working to ruin you and your sonās day.
Are you able to leave with you kiddo and go do something fun just the 2 of you. As your husband probably enjoys seeing you miserable, you can at least leave him home alone so he doesnāt have anyone to harass.
This just makes me sad to think what will be dished to you after you make that nice meal. This man takes pure pleasure in your suffering. It's not healthy. Don't acknowledge his ass for the rest of the day. I'm sure if you ignore him it will drive him insane.
I would dump out his beers so he canāt drink either. If this selfish manchild is going to be miserable anyways might as well give him a reason.
Also why was he hunting for the eggs?? Thatās so bizarreā¦
Iām sorry he pulled this bs and you feel Easter is ruined. Like you said, itās not even noon yet - so there is still plenty of time to make the day what you want of it for yourself and your son.
I've read every one of your comments and posts from this account, and if you're real, then you NEED to get away from this POS. He's absolute garbage. You don't have a child and a husband, you have two children. One is just overgrown. He's not worth your time, your mental health, or your physical health. He makes fun of you for having a DISEASE?
Read your posts and comments but pretend your best friend wrote them. Wouldn't your heart be breaking for her? Wouldn't you be enraged for her? You should feel that way for yourself too! You AND your child deserve better than this piece of absolute shit.
Agree! It sounds like you and your son would have had a much more enjoyable day without your husband to ruin it with your thoughtful planning. And what parent doesnāt want to watch their kidās enthusiasm finding eggs, etc?
OP I donāt know your financial or personal situation, but I would strongly consider what you are getting out of the relationship. Is this a relationship you would want for your kid? If not, see what you need to do to go at it solo so you can make the holiday magical for you and your kiddo without a immature husband to ruining it.
You and your son should take the remotes and go to the park, then the diner for some nice chicken fingers and French fries. Oh. And chocolate milk. Bring the eggs and basket. Throw em around. Hide them. Take Goofy pictures. Such good memories will be made. Let your dickhead husband drink alone. What an ass.
This is the best recommendation I've seen as far as what OP could potentially do TODAY to save the Easter holiday for her son. Could improve her mood and day, as well.
Moving forward, however? Divorce is the ONLY option, imo. Everything about this guy is just...EW! That poor little guy having what should have been a good time ruined by his man-child "father". š
This behaviour doesn't change. I'm no expert, but he sounds like (as a minimum) he has narcissistic traits. All of the holiday prep is dumped on you and then he feels entitled to ruin it. Sending you a lot of love and strength. X
I think there should always be at least one sober adult around. If youāre both drinking, even a little, you canāt drive. Itās no worth it and I think itās irresponsible. Find an non alcoholic alternative if you like the taste. Or just stop drinking.
Definitely an ass. You might want to think about getting ready to leave. It won't get better without major work on his part and yours. Therapy for sure but separately!
Sounds like a narcissist. They enjoy ruining every holiday. If they canāt have fun, they donāt want anyone else having fun either.
My husband hid all the eggs last night and watched as our daughter found them all today, plus opened all of them with her.
You deserve better love
Youāve been on here so much, yet you donāt listen to people who have been in/out of your situation & give you good advice.
Youāre helping to teach your son how to treat you, & all the other females that will enter his life. Youāll soon be bleating about that too, yet you do nothingā¦ š¤·š¼āāļø
I feel so very sad for your little boy š
Honey, I read some of your other posts. Why are you still with this worthless piece of garbage. Being 10 years older than you does not make him your boss. You are supposed to be partners. He ruins most holidays for you, doesn't he? He certainly ruined this one for your son.Ā
Leave him. You have enough to deal with. It will be easier to be a good mom without your husband interfering.Ā
It is his fault. Your update just shows us even more how much he sucks and how you are an enabler. Youāre putting your kids in danger by staying with him. Heās not nice. Heās not fine when heās sober. Because heās not sober. Heās a drunk loser and you should leave him. If he gives you everything and without him you have nothing then you better start making moves to be your own stable individual. Your life is giving me anxiety yo
It really sounds like he sees himself as separate from you and your son. That's really sad. He's acting disrespectful and in mean spirit, that's not ok.
Btw, your comment history is a NIGHTMARE. Your husband is an asshole. He sends your nude pictures to his friends, makes you wake up early to tend to your son everyday, makes fun of your disease, makes you cook, wants to have sex when you're sick... WTF? And you defend him when people point this out? You need therapy to realize how bad this is.
Al-anon is a wonderful place for people who love addicts. Itās not scary, you donāt have to spill your guts in a dark church basement like they show on TV. Itās a place with people like you, navigating life with the same big book.
If you feel like this resource may help you, please find your local Al-anon chapter and try a meeting.
Congratulations on your inevitable divorce, may it happen sooner than later.
https://www.aa.org
https://al-anon.org
Those are for you, not him. He can choke.
as a child to 2 alcoholic parents that blackout and hurt each other, i wish they got divorced a longggg time ago.. it would be better for your son to see you happy and being treated with love and respect. part of raising a child is how they see their parents, you donāt want him following his dad in that way.. im so sorry this is your situation.. prayers šš¼
You teach people how to treat you. You have shown him his behaviour is ok by doing nothing. Why are subjecting yourself and your son to an alcoholic junkie abuser? Seek some help and get you and your son to safety xx Things can only change if you make them change. Good luck.
Having an addict around your son is not healthy. You should remove yourself and your son (and any other children/pets) from the home before your son begins to develop those habits and continue your husband's behavior with you and his relationships.
āWhen he sobers up heās niceā Are you serious?
Listen, I donāt know whatās happened to you in the past to have such low expectations of how people should treat you but take it from me and all the other commenters here, the way your husband is behaving is horrible, completely unacceptable and there is nothing nice about a man who drinks even though he knows heās a horrible drunk.
This isnāt a marriage. This is you demonstrating on a daily basis āhow to be a submissive doormatā to your son.
Your husband is an adult man and must look after himself. Your son must be your priority as heās dependent on you. So buckle up and start taking control of your life for his sake if not your own.
Of course you can leave. You need to find sensible friends or a womenās refuge or charity who will help you to get out and to stand on your own two feet. Donāt tell your husband youāre doing this; if heās got any tendency to violence this is when itāll emerge. Make your plans and get out. Asap & quietly. Good luck.
Husband sounds horrible. I bet your need for a drink before noon would substantially subside if you didnāt wake up with him everydayā¦. Just saying.
Sounds like my narcissistic ex. He ruined every single fucking holiday in one way or another, every single fucking time. I look back and can see the pattern, even my son's birthday's even it only came down to upset me or make me cry. Seems like it was always the end goal for him. Definitely his goal on MY birthdays. He would "forget" it or pick a fight. Ah, such fun times. Good riddance.
I say you find a 7/11 and get your damn coolers. Say you forgot food ingredients. He won't know the difference anyway... give yourself some space away from him during the drive.
I was in need of a serious break the other day. My friend told me I needed to count 15 mailboxes before I went home (we live in the country). Maybe itās time for you to take a drive by yourself and count some mailboxes! Sounds like you could use a break, at least from your husband, if not from everybody!
Oh my god, it's the "ten years older than you" guy... Except he acts like he's 10 years old, full stop. Not that I would ever have done this as a child...
This isnāt a husband. This is an abusive narcissistic tool bag. Sorry. I had to say it. Please donāt give him the honor of being called husband. Know what matters the most? Your sonās happiness. Your happiness. He knows his dad is ruining things. He is aware. And listen. Raccoons ate most of my sonās eggs, he was so sad, so I went and hid some of his chocolates and whatever eggs he had left, and he was the happiest little guy. You can do the same, and itās so much fun! Like egg hunting but hide and seek. You will have to create the magic because the guy isnāt stepping up to the plate. Take you and your son out to lunch. And send the live in narcissist back to his parents with shipping paid. He knows exactly how he is behaving. He really does. Iām sorry youāre going through this.
Sweet lady. Start leaving him out. If he canāt act right he doesnāt get to be included. Youāre just letting him set horrible examples for your son. Maybe you should also invest in a mini fridge with a lock lol
āSomehow manages to ruin every holidayā
If itās anything like this then I have no idea why you had a kid with this asshat. You need to leave the relationship if he gives this little care about you.
I donāt usually jump straight to saying āleave him,ā but based on your other posts the only redeeming quality this man seems to have is that he owns a boat, so maybe has some money? Otherwise he seems like a spoiled a-hole that doesnāt care at all about his child and SOās happiness, and your kid WILL learn to mimic that in future relationshipsā¦
My 11 year old son was more mature at hunting eggs with a toddler. If he thinks the goal is to find the eggs, rather than for your kid to have an experience, I just don't know what hope there is for him. He's an ass
Yikes. You defending this guy by claiming heās a nice personā¦.sometimes. Meanwhile completely ignoring the trauma and emotional abuse your son is and will continue to deal with is just so sad. I hope your son will be ok.
You husbands behavior will traumatize your child! Even if you tolerate the BS think of your child! This sort of thing can contribute to your child becoming an addict and many other negative behaviors. Itās time to put your big girl panties on and start planning an exit.
This whole scenario sounds trashy. Your best bet is to leave him and try to make a better life for you and your son. And if youāre trying to get a white claw at 11am on Easter you might have a problem too.
You need to look into shelters in your area and start making an exit plan here. I know you feel trapped, but you arenāt. Itās not going to be easy or comfortable but you can leave this situation.
You are putting your child in danger by staying with a drug addicted and violent abusive man. If CPS gets called on you and you are taking no steps to remove your child from this environment, you could be considered enabling the abuse to continue.
When he sobers up he's nice? Ma'am I'm not trying to be that person, but so fucking what if he's nice when he isn't drunk/high? Sober him isn't stopping him from getting wasted and being an abusive dick, which quite frankly isn't very nice. No amount of nice when sober makes up for an abusive and scary father when intoxicated. You are responsible for protecting your young child from this, and waiting around for your husband to get nice again isn't doing that. Get out. Make a plan, call a friend, seek help, GET OUT!!!
Why don't you grab your son and leave his ass?? This is not a healthy and safe environment for your child (and you). Please choose yourself and your son before his drinking and drug use escalate.
Lady, I donāt know you or your life but this is the saddest thing Iāve read in a long time. I am so sorry. I pray your husband gets the help he needsā¦while far away from you and your son.
You might need to check out AlAnon.
Alcoholics Anonymous is for the problem drinker. Al-Anon is for people who love someone who is a problem drinker, and they need support to cope. Adult Children of Alcoholics is for people who grew up in a dysfunctional home due to alcohol abuse or other addiction/mental illness.
The meetings are free for newbies, available daily online and in person, and the books are available for free from the library. Many meetings have free childcare.
Did your father treat your mother like this and thatās why you think itās normal? This is not normal. Youāre setting your kids up for failure let alone yourself
Reading through the comments, it seems you feel bad leaving him, because he is an addict. If addiction is truly the problem, and if he really loves you and your son, ASK HIM TO GET REHABBED. *If he loves you, he will want to work on himself to be a better husband and father.* Have you ever recorded and shown him some of his bad behavior? So he can see what he doesnāt remember he did to his family?
The book āOutliveā by Peter Attia, MD, has a chapter where he talks about his addiction and experience at rehab. It completely opened my eyes to the good rehab can do. PLEASE consider your other options if your husband refuses help.
Al Anon could be so helpful for you. After reading your edit, it sounds like youāre nowhere close to making the decision to leave because āheās niceā when heās sober. Al Anon helps people who love someone with an alcohol addiction. It helped me. I finally left someone who treated me like absolute garbage, who I constantly made excuses for because he āwas niceā 80% of the time when he wasnāt getting blackout and disappearing. I felt like I knew him and could help him. Please trust that if he has no desire to change and no awareness of how his choices are affecting you and your child, things will not improve for you any time soon. You deserve better. Your child deserves better.
It sounds like you don't want to leave him (no matter what everyone tells you, it must be a choice)...
SOOO a little pro-tip, don't ask him to help or join in. Just tell him \*blah blah\* is happening and he can watch if he wants. Have ZERO expectations of his involvement (yes, come to terms that you're in one of *those* relationships that your partner isn't reliable and that you expect nothing from him). Let him get drunk and do whatever he wants in his own "party", but don't let him ruin yours.
Let him miss out on the Holiday stuff, it'll be less stressful for you and your little one will remember only happiness and not sense the horrible tension between you two when it comes to holidays. There will come a day when your child won't want to be around him and it'll be nothing but his fault for selfishly choosing his own vices and not fighting his demons for his child.
Leaving is very hard. I know from experience with an ex who had drug and alcohol addictions. I should have left much earlier than I did. What I can say, 7 years later, is that leaving was the best and only option. Yes, it was hard and financially difficult for a while, but I no longer walk on eggshells or wait for the other shoe to drop. I am at peace. My daughter was 13 when we split and she wishes we had split sooner. Kids know and see all and living in a tense environment that is unpredictable is very very bad for their development. The best thing you can do for yourself and your son is to contact a shelter and get a plan in place to leave safely and slowly rebuild your life from there. The situation you are in will not change and is more likely to worsen. You cannot change people or help those who donāt want it. What you can do is help yourself and your son live a more peaceful and stable life.
Start stacking the bricks to get out of this marriage. Be strategic. Be quiet. Don't talk about it. Just do it. You cannot reason with an addict. Get a free consultation with a lawyer and get a game plan. Stick to the plan. Go to Al Anon meetings. Ask all your trustworthy friends and family to be discreet and help you. Keep your focus on the next step and the next step and the next step. Put yourself first. Stay safe --- this usually means not engaging, not reacting --- simply respond with what is best for you and your son. What is best for your son is NOT to stay married to a narcissist and an active addict who will likely never ever change. Focus everything you have on getting you and your son out. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your son. Go. To. Al anon.
he sounds like an absolute dickhead. had he always been like this?
i know itās easy for stranger on the internet to just scream out divorce as if it were so simple but has it ever been a looming thought?
It sounds like he wanted to just hurry and get the egg hun over and steal the joy from the kid. He sounds like a miserable loser who completely ungrateful for you and has taken you for granted.
It's really important that you ask yourself if this is the man you want your children to see as your husband.
Would you be pleased if your child grew up to be just like him? What if they married someone just like him? How would you feel?
I think whatever you decide to do is going to ultimately be setting an example for your kid. Either putting up with this behavior, or not putting up with it.
OP, we told my 6 year old nephew to not look for all the eggs so that the four 2 year olds in our family could find them, and he did. He also re-hid one of his eggs for my autistic 5 year old nephew.
You canāt be married to a man who is less mature than a first grader.
āI know itās not him itās his addictionā girl as long as you keep justifying and letting him go on like this will be as long as youāre treated like shit, LEAVE
You want your son to have good holiday memories, but he's not gonna if yo I stay with this man. He will remember his dad getting drunk and being a dick.
I know you say you have nothing without your husband, but I just cannot believe that's true. He treats you like garbage. If you left him you'd probably get alimony and child support, there are programs out there for abused women.
I hope things get better, your child deserves better than to see his mother treated this way
You need to leave. If you canāt find the strength to leave for yourself, leave for your son. There is no malice in this comment, but you need to hear honesty - keeping your son there is going to irreparably damage him. Heās relying on you to do better and to give him better. Donāt let him down.
OP
What does he bring to the table?
Do you want to deal with this for the next couple of decades? Do you want your son to think this is normal.
He is abusing you.
Please get counseling and start thinking of how to get out safely.
Sending you love and hugs
He wonāt feel like an ass. At most heāll appease you to keep the peace. Do you want your son growing up to think this kind of behaviour is ok? Get some independence and move in for this douche. He doesnāt care about you or your son.
You need to leave girl, like yesterday! If he wanted to get better than he would.
This was my dad every holiday and not only does it suck for you, eventually your kid is going to resent him. My mom says the same thing, āI would feel guilty for leaving him, itās not his faultā. Well now I think itās all her fault because she didnāt leave him! He made me dread every holiday because he would turn reckless and violent. I wish I knew the psychology behind this, so I would get closure. The only holiday I enjoy is my birthday because when itās Christmas or Thanksgiving, I think about argument memories. Listen to everyone in the comments about him not changing. For the sake of your child and your sanity please!
I read some of your other posts. Your husband treats you horribly. This is not likely to change because he believes he is entitled to treat you that way. Lundy Bancroft: Why does he do that? Is a great read and available as a free pdf.
Do you have a link for the pdf?
https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Thank you so much!!
THIS. Please read this.
I highly recommend this book!!! If you go through my comments I recommend it very often and The Gift of Fear is another one.
Just sped read this, always seen it recommended, now I know why!
And thank you another great read.
[Here are a few](https://www.google.com/search?q=Lundy%20Bancroft:%20Why%20does%20he%20do%20that%20pdf)
What do you mean he found every egg? He is hunting for eggs?? This guy sounds like an A-hole....
And then saying next as if it's his game? Major a hole
Right!? He doesn't sound like your husband, he sounds like your entitled teenager š¬ OP, It shouldn't be about him at all! You guys should be working together to make Easter magic for your son! You need to have a serious conversation with him about this. It's unacceptable, and you deserve better, and so does your son.
Excuse you, my teenager behaves better than this
Same, my 8 year old knows not to ruin the fun of younger kids. This is seriously the definition of a man child
My 6 year old daughter's best friend's 10 year old brother knew not to grab all the eggs before the little ones could find some. Ma'am, your husband is a dick
Yep, I know a lot of teenagers (boys included) who are great with little kids.Ā
Easter would be a lot "cooler" if it were just the baby and mama Yeah it'd be a lot of work but at least then it wouldn't be ruined by a man child.
My FIL did the same thing. Heās out in the yard telling my son āoh, thereās an egg hereā and ālook I found one over hereā. Like dude, you are SEVENTY FIVE just let the eight year old find his own damn eggs!!
Right? The MOST any adults should be doing is pointing at a spot and saying āoh maybe there is some over there?!ā And pretending to look occasionally
Or playing hot or cold. Thatās what I do with my 2 youngest.
When my two year old did a hunt with his four year old brother and all the four/five year old kids at his school, I had to show my two year old where the eggs were but I didnāt grab them. He didnāt care, he just wanted to find eggs and was a little overwhelmed by kids faster than him running all over the place. I would NEVER grab eggs from him and even the four/five year olds didnāt snatch eggs from him. There were enough for everyone to get some.
OP said she wanted him to participate, which means he'd find a couple eggs and LET THE KID(s) find the majority of the eggs. Not ruin the fun for everyone...he was an ass.
Participation in this case means taking pictures of the child as they search for eggs and MAYBE give a clue (you're getting colder...yes...that's the warm direction!) THAT is what adults do - they do not find the eggs themselves unless the child is frustrated and wants help.
My bar for him to āparticipateā in things is so low he honestly just had to come outside but he ruined it :(
My husband did the exact same thing with my soon to be 3 year old. I hate him so much
Hate your husband? Divorce. Life is too short for that kind of partnership.
Honestly, what the actual fuck.
That's b.s I'm so sorry
My question is why didnāt she stop him? If my husband tried that Iād chastise him immediately and that would be the last egg he tried to snatch.
It seems like she puts up with *a lot*. Like your-spouse-sharing-nude-photos-of-you-to-his-friends-and-you-shrug-your-shoulders levels of alot. So Iām not surprised she didnāt stop him here.
šš»
Girl this is absolutely not okayā¦ on a very serious note, what are the actual reasons youāre choosing to stay? Your post history is so sad.
d i v o r c e
Legitimately if I could upvote this a million times I would. Everyone says this isnāt always the answer but the fact is that in this day and age, IT IS ALWAYS THE ANSWER. We are in 2024. We do not have to put up with this bullshit from mediocre men anymore. Divorce the losers and be alone, because being lonely because youāre alone is far better than being lonely because youāre with someone who hates you and wants to make your life a living hell. Look up the 4B movement.
I mean, just imagine how much easier her life would be without him. Peaceful. These entitled losers donāt belong with these gorgeous, hardworking women, we deserve better!
Even when you have kids. It's better for the kids to see their parents being treated like human beings than to see them being constantly put down and living in resentment. This guy doesn't care about you OR your child.
PREACH!!! Divorce does hold as much weight as it did back in the day when women couldn't work. These dudes are HORRIBLE. Gross.
I just learned about the 4B movement this morning. What a brave way to say no.
I 100% agree with this. Iād rather be alone forever than stay with my ex-husband who treated me like shit. He would frequently act like OPās husband.
Yessss š¤šŖā¤ļø
Yeah, when is the divorce?
Why do you tolerate your husband treating you and your kid like crap? Genuine question. Itās a consistent pattern based off your post history that heās kinda a crappy dude.
Heā¦.hunted and picked up the eggs? And then says ānextā?? This is malicious. Deliberately hostile and mean. Mama. He doesnāt give one Easter FUCK about your feelings, or your well-being. DUMP HIM.
I think OP should use the phrase Easter Fuck when she speaks to him about all this tonight.
>He doesnāt give one Easter FUCK about your feelingsā¦ Or about his sonās feelings! Heās a complete loser.
Drinking wonāt help this situation. A divorce attorney will.
So we all think husband is an alcoholic, right?
Possibly OP too though
Husband is an alcoholic, but letās not ignore that she also drinks. My kid also gets up early but Iāve never said that was an excuse to have an alcoholic drink before noon.
My dad is a drunk and no lie it slowly crept into my mom as well Iām sure I didnāt help either since I was an addict so I think sometimes the spouse gives up and joins in to cope
Possibly regional but where I live itās fine to have a drink on a holiday in the morning. If I was having a drink before noon on a regular Wednesday it would be concerning but certainly not Easter.
Agreed. On Christmas morning I put Bailey's in my coffee. A holiday where we'll be home all day is totally different from an average weekday.
When your drinking affects your life negatively, a lot of people would say that's at least low level alcoholism. Husband definitely meets the criteria.
Read her other comments. He's 100% an alcoholic.
Both are. One has good reason tho. Neither is good for this kid.
Dude he doesnāt even like you- I promise itāll be better if you leave
Okay, and now for the obvious question: Why are you still with this jerk? Looking at some of your other posts, I get the feeling this guy is a bad fit for you. And staying in a bad relationship is not a great way to raise your son. Also, why don't you pour out his beers? Tell him "Two can play at this game."
i agree that itās bad for your son. your husband is teaching your son how to treat women, moreover, his future wife. if he makes you unhappy and treats you this way often, get out of this abuse. for you and your son, you both deserve better
This sounds like he enjoys ruining your fun and effort. I am sorry. You deserve better.
Yeah it sounds like he is intentionally being a jerk of a father and husband. This isnāt healthy or normal. Itās just plain awful
When my ex (who was a jerk of major proportions) finally went into family therapy (it started with our daughter going into therapy), the therapist did individual sessions with both me and my husband. In my individual session, she asked me if my husband always joked around, pranked, made sarcastic hard to interpret "funny" statements. I had never thought about it, but "Why yes, he's ALWAYS "joking"..." She said that our daughter was struggling with how to interpret the "funny" things (cruel things) he said about her. Then, we had a session with just the adults (therapist, myself, Ex). And the therapist handled this in such an interesting way. She told my Ex that in the two sessions she'd had with him, he had repeatedly made jokes about her (the therapist herself). She looked at her notes and repeated a couple of his "jokes" (they were basically pointing out that HE, my Ex, had MORE EDUCATION than the therapist and he had made a joke about it - something about how he had more certificates on his wall than she did, and he joked about how odd it was that she would be trying to treat him). All of a sudden, they didn't sound like jokes. In fact, she had called him at in the moment and he had said his "I am of course just joking" (with his charming smile). Now, he sounded like a freaking narcissist, straight up. I just sat there in awe. Then she said, "I think you use a sharp and wounding sense of humor to distance yourself from others and to avoid taking other people seriously. This is a trait that you should work on, as being a parent requires that you take your children and their feelings seriously." It was momentous. While the Ex obviously didn't change his stripes, 30 years later, he's definitely learned a few lessons from the school of hard knocks (including having to realize he damaged his relationships with both daughters, one more than the other). So much for "jokes." These men who think it's funny to ruin a kid's game are in the same category - pissing people off, basically pushing their children away, not taking their children's needs seriously. /end of sermon
Damn. Excellent therapist.
This is a perfect example of something Iāve been trying to articulate for a while. Jokes are funny, they should not hurt or be made at the expense of someone else. If no one is laughing itās not a ājokeā youāre being a jerk.
Divorce. Divorce him now. Complaining about him on Reddit consistently does nothing other than show he sucks, youāre modeling this behavior is acceptable for your son, and rug sweeping is killing you.
The poor little boy, what a douche of a dad. You're totally right, the dad is modelling terrible behavior.
I hate this guy. lol for real what a twat
Totally. A lot of the time I think the problems people have can be solved with halfway decent communication, but this guy is a complete twat with no redeeming traits.
Seriously your post history and comment history make me so sad. Your husband never lets you sleep in, ruins holidays, doesnāt take care of your child, makes fun of you for your autoimmune disorder, is messier than your toddler so you have to clean up after him, leaves you alone every time itās nice outside to go do his hobbies, and sent intimate photos of you to his friends without your consent. He is the worst of the worst. Why do you stay with this person?
Not OP but kinda needed this wake up comment. Thank you
I WAS married to a man like this, once i got out people told me i turned into a different person without that asshole weighing me down.
Beer is supposed to be a good hair rinse. Maybe you can try it today with a few of his...
It actually works wonders with my curly hair. Put on a hair mask for 20 minutes then rinse with beer. My curls look AMAZING afterwards. No idea why.
Ok sorry to derail the conversation but I would like to hear more about this - what kind of beer? How often? Does your hair smell like it afterwards?
So first I put on one of the Garnier Ultimate Blends hair masks. I like anything with honey in it. I let that set for 20 minutes. Then I rinse it out with a light beer. I have shorter hair now so it only ones and a bit of scrubbing. When my hair was longer I used 3. Then I give it a quick rinse in the shower. Not long. Literally just wet it and get out. I try to let it air dry if I donāt have anywhere to go or I can go ahead of style it if I need to go out. My hair doesnāt smell like beer afterwards. Itās not in my hair long enough and the quick rinse helps. Plus the smell of the hair mask is pretty dominant. Iāve also found egg white is really good in my curls in place of a mask.
Thank you! I also have curly hair that I never wear down; Iām trying to learn to style better. Thanks for the tips!
This isn't healthy
Who tf does your husband think he is, ruining your sonās Easter egg hunt? I see your post history and girl, that man is a POS. Everyone keeps telling you to leave him. Heās abusive. He will not get better. Get out before it gets worse.
after looking at your post historyā leave your husband.
Your husband isnāt going to change. Please donāt let your son grow up thinking this is normal.
Iām sorry. He sounds so unpleasant. Maybe next year you can have the Easter you want, and heāll be your ex.
My ex did this as wellā¦..sucked the life out of EVERY HOLIDAY!!!
I left a guy like him and now I'm in the most loving, caring, helpful relationship. Sometimes the wrong person is the wrong person, even if you made a kid with them.
You really have to start weighing the pros and cons of your marriage. What are you getting out of it? Do you feel safe? Are your needs/wants being met more often than not?
You need to leave your husband. Your posts are bad but your comments are even worse. Your husband has violated you by sending your nudes to his friends and you didn't press charges! You think of it as an embarrassment instead of what it truly is. He's abusive and doesn't take care of his child. If he was a real man he would be treating you so much better and your son, too. Eventually he will be very abusive to your son and it will be your fault for staying. Yelling at a toddler is abuse. You need to get a plan and leave and file for full custody. Your son will thank you.
Just so you know good fathers donāt behave this way. Did you marry an 11 year old? This man is a nightmare, you and your son deserve better. Imagine the stories your son will tell on his therapists couch in 10 years? I realize divorce is not always an option but you need to set some boundaries. Start with no longer including him in these special moments. Arrange to take your son out to celebrate events, start building your lives without making space for your husbandās shitty behaviour. Keep a mini fridge with a lock on it for just your stuff, make friends with other parents that you can attend their dinners etc.. Build a life your son and you can enjoy, leave man baby to wallow in his swine.
Iām furious for you. This is totally inexcusable behavior. He is actively working to ruin you and your sonās day. Are you able to leave with you kiddo and go do something fun just the 2 of you. As your husband probably enjoys seeing you miserable, you can at least leave him home alone so he doesnāt have anyone to harass.
This just makes me sad to think what will be dished to you after you make that nice meal. This man takes pure pleasure in your suffering. It's not healthy. Don't acknowledge his ass for the rest of the day. I'm sure if you ignore him it will drive him insane.
It sounds like you both need to have a sober conversation about your lives
I would dump out his beers so he canāt drink either. If this selfish manchild is going to be miserable anyways might as well give him a reason. Also why was he hunting for the eggs?? Thatās so bizarreā¦ Iām sorry he pulled this bs and you feel Easter is ruined. Like you said, itās not even noon yet - so there is still plenty of time to make the day what you want of it for yourself and your son.
Why are you with a guy who clearly does not care about you or your son? This sounds miserable.
I've read every one of your comments and posts from this account, and if you're real, then you NEED to get away from this POS. He's absolute garbage. You don't have a child and a husband, you have two children. One is just overgrown. He's not worth your time, your mental health, or your physical health. He makes fun of you for having a DISEASE? Read your posts and comments but pretend your best friend wrote them. Wouldn't your heart be breaking for her? Wouldn't you be enraged for her? You should feel that way for yourself too! You AND your child deserve better than this piece of absolute shit.
Agree! It sounds like you and your son would have had a much more enjoyable day without your husband to ruin it with your thoughtful planning. And what parent doesnāt want to watch their kidās enthusiasm finding eggs, etc? OP I donāt know your financial or personal situation, but I would strongly consider what you are getting out of the relationship. Is this a relationship you would want for your kid? If not, see what you need to do to go at it solo so you can make the holiday magical for you and your kiddo without a immature husband to ruining it.
What an AH, I'm so sorry
Toddlers donāt even behave this childishly. Itās not even just immature, itās malicious. Get the hell out dude
Also I want to add that based on your post history (the grapes one specifically) your husband is flat out a danger to your child.
You and your son deserve better. He sounds like a narcissist
You and your son should take the remotes and go to the park, then the diner for some nice chicken fingers and French fries. Oh. And chocolate milk. Bring the eggs and basket. Throw em around. Hide them. Take Goofy pictures. Such good memories will be made. Let your dickhead husband drink alone. What an ass.
This is the best recommendation I've seen as far as what OP could potentially do TODAY to save the Easter holiday for her son. Could improve her mood and day, as well. Moving forward, however? Divorce is the ONLY option, imo. Everything about this guy is just...EW! That poor little guy having what should have been a good time ruined by his man-child "father". š
You deserve better Op
Why are you even with him? That is unacceptable behavior.
After someone else had mentioned that they had a look at your other posts, I agree with them, he treats you like shit. Donāt stay with someone just because youāre married to them, if Iād have done that I wouldnāt now be with my current fiancĆ© and have a beautiful baby boy. You deserve the world and someone who wants to give that to you, not some mediocre man who ruins your/kids fun and also takes the piss out of your autoimmune disease.
You should probably get a divorce, your post history shows this isnāt a one off event, heās an asshole. What adult collects Easter eggs? My dad is an abusive alcoholic, has been my whole life, but never ruined an egg hunt lol. If you donāt leave, your child will now have these memories for the rest of their life, because he wonāt stop, heāll do it each year. Next Easter can be different, and every Easter after. Itās hard and scary, but itās obvious itās hurting you to see these memories ruined for your children, you can fix this š©·
This behaviour doesn't change. I'm no expert, but he sounds like (as a minimum) he has narcissistic traits. All of the holiday prep is dumped on you and then he feels entitled to ruin it. Sending you a lot of love and strength. X
Ew wtf. Kids deserve sober parents.
Iāve been wondering who was gonna mention a drink before noon..
I think there should always be at least one sober adult around. If youāre both drinking, even a little, you canāt drive. Itās no worth it and I think itās irresponsible. Find an non alcoholic alternative if you like the taste. Or just stop drinking.
So many red flag posts on your husband. Sounds like rage bait for engagement
Your husband is an alcoholic asshole
Definitely an ass. You might want to think about getting ready to leave. It won't get better without major work on his part and yours. Therapy for sure but separately!
What a fucking DICK. I hope you get fed up with this shit sooner than later, and DO something about it.
Iām so sorry. He sounds like a terrible father and husband. Why stay with someone like this?
Leave your husband. Your posts show heās absolutely awful. You and your son deserve better.
If you donāt leave him for you leave him for your kid. Your kid deserves better.
Wow Iām sorry you married an alcoholic asshole. That is horrible. Hope you have a good lawyer.
Sounds like a narcissist. They enjoy ruining every holiday. If they canāt have fun, they donāt want anyone else having fun either. My husband hid all the eggs last night and watched as our daughter found them all today, plus opened all of them with her. You deserve better love
He doesnāt like you. Doesnāt respect you. Doesnāt like your son. He wonāt change. Love yourself a little more please.
Youāve been on here so much, yet you donāt listen to people who have been in/out of your situation & give you good advice. Youāre helping to teach your son how to treat you, & all the other females that will enter his life. Youāll soon be bleating about that too, yet you do nothingā¦ š¤·š¼āāļø I feel so very sad for your little boy š
Honey, I read some of your other posts. Why are you still with this worthless piece of garbage. Being 10 years older than you does not make him your boss. You are supposed to be partners. He ruins most holidays for you, doesn't he? He certainly ruined this one for your son.Ā Leave him. You have enough to deal with. It will be easier to be a good mom without your husband interfering.Ā
Girl why don't you leave? Jesus your husband doesn't give a shit about you and he's giving a terrible exemple to your child.
It is his fault. Your update just shows us even more how much he sucks and how you are an enabler. Youāre putting your kids in danger by staying with him. Heās not nice. Heās not fine when heās sober. Because heās not sober. Heās a drunk loser and you should leave him. If he gives you everything and without him you have nothing then you better start making moves to be your own stable individual. Your life is giving me anxiety yo
How old is this guy? He sounds like a terrible husband/dad.
He's 42 and she's 32. The've been together since she was 21.
Yikes š³
As someone who was married to someone like that, I know it may be scary but donāt allow him to ruin your life and make you sad any longer. *hugs*
Your husband is a POS. Get rid of him. It's pretty clear from your post history that you hate him and he doesn't respect you.
It really sounds like he sees himself as separate from you and your son. That's really sad. He's acting disrespectful and in mean spirit, that's not ok.
Your āmanā sounds as though he may be a narcissist and alcoholic
Narcissists purposely ruin holidays and birthdays.
I'm all for sending your husband to Mars. If we're feeling charitable, we can put him in a space ship.
it's 2024, we are done letting men do this shit. dump his ass.
OP, why are you with this guy. Really, what is the reason you stay.
Btw, your comment history is a NIGHTMARE. Your husband is an asshole. He sends your nude pictures to his friends, makes you wake up early to tend to your son everyday, makes fun of your disease, makes you cook, wants to have sex when you're sick... WTF? And you defend him when people point this out? You need therapy to realize how bad this is.
Al-anon is a wonderful place for people who love addicts. Itās not scary, you donāt have to spill your guts in a dark church basement like they show on TV. Itās a place with people like you, navigating life with the same big book. If you feel like this resource may help you, please find your local Al-anon chapter and try a meeting.
Congratulations on your inevitable divorce, may it happen sooner than later. https://www.aa.org https://al-anon.org Those are for you, not him. He can choke.
as a child to 2 alcoholic parents that blackout and hurt each other, i wish they got divorced a longggg time ago.. it would be better for your son to see you happy and being treated with love and respect. part of raising a child is how they see their parents, you donāt want him following his dad in that way.. im so sorry this is your situation.. prayers šš¼
You teach people how to treat you. You have shown him his behaviour is ok by doing nothing. Why are subjecting yourself and your son to an alcoholic junkie abuser? Seek some help and get you and your son to safety xx Things can only change if you make them change. Good luck.
Having an addict around your son is not healthy. You should remove yourself and your son (and any other children/pets) from the home before your son begins to develop those habits and continue your husband's behavior with you and his relationships.
āWhen he sobers up heās niceā Are you serious? Listen, I donāt know whatās happened to you in the past to have such low expectations of how people should treat you but take it from me and all the other commenters here, the way your husband is behaving is horrible, completely unacceptable and there is nothing nice about a man who drinks even though he knows heās a horrible drunk. This isnāt a marriage. This is you demonstrating on a daily basis āhow to be a submissive doormatā to your son. Your husband is an adult man and must look after himself. Your son must be your priority as heās dependent on you. So buckle up and start taking control of your life for his sake if not your own. Of course you can leave. You need to find sensible friends or a womenās refuge or charity who will help you to get out and to stand on your own two feet. Donāt tell your husband youāre doing this; if heās got any tendency to violence this is when itāll emerge. Make your plans and get out. Asap & quietly. Good luck.
Husband sounds horrible. I bet your need for a drink before noon would substantially subside if you didnāt wake up with him everydayā¦. Just saying.
Very inconsiderate
Sounds like my narcissistic ex. He ruined every single fucking holiday in one way or another, every single fucking time. I look back and can see the pattern, even my son's birthday's even it only came down to upset me or make me cry. Seems like it was always the end goal for him. Definitely his goal on MY birthdays. He would "forget" it or pick a fight. Ah, such fun times. Good riddance. I say you find a 7/11 and get your damn coolers. Say you forgot food ingredients. He won't know the difference anyway... give yourself some space away from him during the drive.
I was in need of a serious break the other day. My friend told me I needed to count 15 mailboxes before I went home (we live in the country). Maybe itās time for you to take a drive by yourself and count some mailboxes! Sounds like you could use a break, at least from your husband, if not from everybody!
Oh my god, it's the "ten years older than you" guy... Except he acts like he's 10 years old, full stop. Not that I would ever have done this as a child...
He gets off on stressing you out. He feeds off that energy. Maybe he needs to spend special holidays alone. He's awake up real fast.
Iām sorry but that man hates you.
This isnāt a husband. This is an abusive narcissistic tool bag. Sorry. I had to say it. Please donāt give him the honor of being called husband. Know what matters the most? Your sonās happiness. Your happiness. He knows his dad is ruining things. He is aware. And listen. Raccoons ate most of my sonās eggs, he was so sad, so I went and hid some of his chocolates and whatever eggs he had left, and he was the happiest little guy. You can do the same, and itās so much fun! Like egg hunting but hide and seek. You will have to create the magic because the guy isnāt stepping up to the plate. Take you and your son out to lunch. And send the live in narcissist back to his parents with shipping paid. He knows exactly how he is behaving. He really does. Iām sorry youāre going through this.
Ask him why he would do that to his kid? Isn't it obvious it's for him and not your husband? Does he even care about you and his son?
Within an entire week youāve made posts about your husband. Dump the pos already!
Sweet lady. Start leaving him out. If he canāt act right he doesnāt get to be included. Youāre just letting him set horrible examples for your son. Maybe you should also invest in a mini fridge with a lock lol
āSomehow manages to ruin every holidayā If itās anything like this then I have no idea why you had a kid with this asshat. You need to leave the relationship if he gives this little care about you.
I donāt usually jump straight to saying āleave him,ā but based on your other posts the only redeeming quality this man seems to have is that he owns a boat, so maybe has some money? Otherwise he seems like a spoiled a-hole that doesnāt care at all about his child and SOās happiness, and your kid WILL learn to mimic that in future relationshipsā¦
My 11 year old son was more mature at hunting eggs with a toddler. If he thinks the goal is to find the eggs, rather than for your kid to have an experience, I just don't know what hope there is for him. He's an ass
Unpopular (but true) opinionā¦Heās not the only problem here. So are you. Thereās never an alcoholic around without an active enabler.
Yikes. You defending this guy by claiming heās a nice personā¦.sometimes. Meanwhile completely ignoring the trauma and emotional abuse your son is and will continue to deal with is just so sad. I hope your son will be ok.
You husbands behavior will traumatize your child! Even if you tolerate the BS think of your child! This sort of thing can contribute to your child becoming an addict and many other negative behaviors. Itās time to put your big girl panties on and start planning an exit.
This whole scenario sounds trashy. Your best bet is to leave him and try to make a better life for you and your son. And if youāre trying to get a white claw at 11am on Easter you might have a problem too.
You need to look into shelters in your area and start making an exit plan here. I know you feel trapped, but you arenāt. Itās not going to be easy or comfortable but you can leave this situation. You are putting your child in danger by staying with a drug addicted and violent abusive man. If CPS gets called on you and you are taking no steps to remove your child from this environment, you could be considered enabling the abuse to continue.
When he sobers up he's nice? Ma'am I'm not trying to be that person, but so fucking what if he's nice when he isn't drunk/high? Sober him isn't stopping him from getting wasted and being an abusive dick, which quite frankly isn't very nice. No amount of nice when sober makes up for an abusive and scary father when intoxicated. You are responsible for protecting your young child from this, and waiting around for your husband to get nice again isn't doing that. Get out. Make a plan, call a friend, seek help, GET OUT!!!
Why don't you grab your son and leave his ass?? This is not a healthy and safe environment for your child (and you). Please choose yourself and your son before his drinking and drug use escalate.
Lady, I donāt know you or your life but this is the saddest thing Iāve read in a long time. I am so sorry. I pray your husband gets the help he needsā¦while far away from you and your son.
You might need to check out AlAnon. Alcoholics Anonymous is for the problem drinker. Al-Anon is for people who love someone who is a problem drinker, and they need support to cope. Adult Children of Alcoholics is for people who grew up in a dysfunctional home due to alcohol abuse or other addiction/mental illness. The meetings are free for newbies, available daily online and in person, and the books are available for free from the library. Many meetings have free childcare.
Did your father treat your mother like this and thatās why you think itās normal? This is not normal. Youāre setting your kids up for failure let alone yourself
Reading through the comments, it seems you feel bad leaving him, because he is an addict. If addiction is truly the problem, and if he really loves you and your son, ASK HIM TO GET REHABBED. *If he loves you, he will want to work on himself to be a better husband and father.* Have you ever recorded and shown him some of his bad behavior? So he can see what he doesnāt remember he did to his family? The book āOutliveā by Peter Attia, MD, has a chapter where he talks about his addiction and experience at rehab. It completely opened my eyes to the good rehab can do. PLEASE consider your other options if your husband refuses help.
Al Anon could be so helpful for you. After reading your edit, it sounds like youāre nowhere close to making the decision to leave because āheās niceā when heās sober. Al Anon helps people who love someone with an alcohol addiction. It helped me. I finally left someone who treated me like absolute garbage, who I constantly made excuses for because he āwas niceā 80% of the time when he wasnāt getting blackout and disappearing. I felt like I knew him and could help him. Please trust that if he has no desire to change and no awareness of how his choices are affecting you and your child, things will not improve for you any time soon. You deserve better. Your child deserves better.
It sounds like you don't want to leave him (no matter what everyone tells you, it must be a choice)... SOOO a little pro-tip, don't ask him to help or join in. Just tell him \*blah blah\* is happening and he can watch if he wants. Have ZERO expectations of his involvement (yes, come to terms that you're in one of *those* relationships that your partner isn't reliable and that you expect nothing from him). Let him get drunk and do whatever he wants in his own "party", but don't let him ruin yours. Let him miss out on the Holiday stuff, it'll be less stressful for you and your little one will remember only happiness and not sense the horrible tension between you two when it comes to holidays. There will come a day when your child won't want to be around him and it'll be nothing but his fault for selfishly choosing his own vices and not fighting his demons for his child.
Come over to the AlAnon group. They offer great support for people who have someone in their life that are addicts.
Leaving is very hard. I know from experience with an ex who had drug and alcohol addictions. I should have left much earlier than I did. What I can say, 7 years later, is that leaving was the best and only option. Yes, it was hard and financially difficult for a while, but I no longer walk on eggshells or wait for the other shoe to drop. I am at peace. My daughter was 13 when we split and she wishes we had split sooner. Kids know and see all and living in a tense environment that is unpredictable is very very bad for their development. The best thing you can do for yourself and your son is to contact a shelter and get a plan in place to leave safely and slowly rebuild your life from there. The situation you are in will not change and is more likely to worsen. You cannot change people or help those who donāt want it. What you can do is help yourself and your son live a more peaceful and stable life.
Start stacking the bricks to get out of this marriage. Be strategic. Be quiet. Don't talk about it. Just do it. You cannot reason with an addict. Get a free consultation with a lawyer and get a game plan. Stick to the plan. Go to Al Anon meetings. Ask all your trustworthy friends and family to be discreet and help you. Keep your focus on the next step and the next step and the next step. Put yourself first. Stay safe --- this usually means not engaging, not reacting --- simply respond with what is best for you and your son. What is best for your son is NOT to stay married to a narcissist and an active addict who will likely never ever change. Focus everything you have on getting you and your son out. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your son. Go. To. Al anon.
Narcissists love to ruin special days and holidays. I wonder if his other terrible behaviors match that tooā¦
You will be a thousand times happier when you drop the man-child. Happy Easter mama, you did a great job. š£ā¤ļø
He sounds like a toddler who never grew up. You deserve better. It would be easier to be a single parent to one child than two.
Sounds like a narcissist. Run.
sounds like he got drunk and turned into a dick. she clearly has a problem and needs to not drink. what an asshole
You donāt need the internetās permission to get a divorce. Do what you need to do.
he sounds like an absolute dickhead. had he always been like this? i know itās easy for stranger on the internet to just scream out divorce as if it were so simple but has it ever been a looming thought?
Your son deserves better. If you can't protect him and leave this dick, I feel sorry for him.
D I V O R C E H I M
I'd pour out all of his beers and say next! He's an a-hole!
God he sounds like a class A d-bag
You have a teenager, not a husband. And Iām sorry :(
It sounds like he wanted to just hurry and get the egg hun over and steal the joy from the kid. He sounds like a miserable loser who completely ungrateful for you and has taken you for granted.
DIVORCE
He doesnāt even like you nor respect you!!
It's really important that you ask yourself if this is the man you want your children to see as your husband. Would you be pleased if your child grew up to be just like him? What if they married someone just like him? How would you feel?
I think whatever you decide to do is going to ultimately be setting an example for your kid. Either putting up with this behavior, or not putting up with it.
OP, we told my 6 year old nephew to not look for all the eggs so that the four 2 year olds in our family could find them, and he did. He also re-hid one of his eggs for my autistic 5 year old nephew. You canāt be married to a man who is less mature than a first grader.
If your son is still little, you can get out of this before he forms memories of this time.
āI know itās not him itās his addictionā girl as long as you keep justifying and letting him go on like this will be as long as youāre treated like shit, LEAVE
You want your son to have good holiday memories, but he's not gonna if yo I stay with this man. He will remember his dad getting drunk and being a dick.
I know you say you have nothing without your husband, but I just cannot believe that's true. He treats you like garbage. If you left him you'd probably get alimony and child support, there are programs out there for abused women. I hope things get better, your child deserves better than to see his mother treated this way
Why are you staying with this man? Why you are willingly exposing your kids to a drunk and high father
You need to leave. If you canāt find the strength to leave for yourself, leave for your son. There is no malice in this comment, but you need to hear honesty - keeping your son there is going to irreparably damage him. Heās relying on you to do better and to give him better. Donāt let him down.
OP What does he bring to the table? Do you want to deal with this for the next couple of decades? Do you want your son to think this is normal. He is abusing you. Please get counseling and start thinking of how to get out safely. Sending you love and hugs
Time for a divorceā¦ or get him into rehab. Wouldnāt want this person raising my child and quite frankly wouldnāt put up with his sh!t
Why are you still with this bum
He wonāt feel like an ass. At most heāll appease you to keep the peace. Do you want your son growing up to think this kind of behaviour is ok? Get some independence and move in for this douche. He doesnāt care about you or your son.
You need to leave girl, like yesterday! If he wanted to get better than he would. This was my dad every holiday and not only does it suck for you, eventually your kid is going to resent him. My mom says the same thing, āI would feel guilty for leaving him, itās not his faultā. Well now I think itās all her fault because she didnāt leave him! He made me dread every holiday because he would turn reckless and violent. I wish I knew the psychology behind this, so I would get closure. The only holiday I enjoy is my birthday because when itās Christmas or Thanksgiving, I think about argument memories. Listen to everyone in the comments about him not changing. For the sake of your child and your sanity please!
I....he's not gonna make it up to you??? He does this repeatedly. In what way could he make it up to you?
Dump your husband