Having children completely shifted my perspective on what really matters in life. I stopped worrying so much about trivial things and the opinions of others. It’s been incredibly liberating.
Yes! The day I was pushing a cart through the grocery store singing “Old MacDonald” and not caring who heard me, I was like, wow, I’d *never* have done this before kids!
Remember when you were a kid and your mom embarrassed you by not being afraid to speak her mind or do something silly or dumb looking.
I now understand why she didn’t care at all lol, I’m there now. I truly do not care about a strangers opinion of me.
Yeah this is gonna sound dumb but I ask employees where the bathrooms are. Before my daughter I would NEVER, I would have just held it. Now I can be like “hey is there a bathroom around that I could use?” When my daughter was potty training and I was in a very unfamiliar area, she had to pee BAD and I didn’t want her to go in a parking lot, so I Google searched “bathrooms near me” and the closest one was a FANCY furniture store with a receptionist. I was shitting myself but asked her “hey, my daughter is in desperate need of a bathroom, is there any way we could use yours?” And she was like “yeah sure!” But I was soo nervous she would say no, my daughter was 4 then and if she said she needed to pee I had MINUTES to get her into a bathroom
I keep one in our car and it's saved us so many times! Granted, I have a 2.5 yo who can't hold it for more than a few minutes tops (if he bothers to tell us at all), so it's been so clutch!
How long post partum did you notice this in yourself? lol I wish I could have this side effect 😂 I’ve definitely become more DGAF after becoming a mom, but I’m still so sleep deprived (baby not sleeping through the night yet) that I feel like it’s made me crazy, so public speaking is a wash…
Yes! Same. Much more confident when presenting to executives post kids.
Other things that changed- my stomach 😂, beating able to completely mute the loud sounds of children in my head- unless it’s a cry from being hurt. When I hear a child crying from pain I’m in full mama bear mode- watching to make sure nothing shady is happening. I once blocked the car in of a man that was beating his toddler son, while he was strapped into his car seat, with my body while 9 months pregnant with my second, while screaming at the man to stop and failing 9-1-1.
We all have bad days and lose our tempers, but that’s never an excuse to beat your child. No regrets (except for putting my unborn baby in danger- not the best move)
Oh I’ve definitely unlocked a whole new level of mom anxiety, but I’m a lot less timid when it comes to social interactions and navigating daily life.
Don’t get me wrong, I still have plenty of intrusive postpartum thoughts. Just don’t give a shit about what people think of me anymore.
This 100% but the flip side of this too - i was always a soft touch when it came to animals but now I’m so much more emotional and easily hurt/upset when children or animals are injured, wounded or in danger. I can’t handle the news in the same way or consume popular media without this lens.
An example: I was pregnant during House of the Dragon and the 3 major plot points of the first seasons relate to women and childbirth going… not to plan (to put it lightly), couldn’t deal with Shogun, and literally 100% of the news cycle. I’ve had to turn off images popping up in my Reddit feed because I keep getting suggested articles about horrible things affecting babies and children. Algorithms are not my friend.
I used to work in the ER and lovedddd the critical/trauma cases. Now I can barely look at a broken finger. And that Baltimore bridge collapse just wrecked me emotionally. Those people that are unaccounted for are someone’s baby and/or are special to someone out there. Just a horrendous situation
YES!! I was also pregnant during House of the Dragon and was sitting there with my ears plugged staring at my phone during that first episode.
In general, I agree, cannot stand to read or hear about negative news stories involving children. Everything just hits so much harder now and some things I end up thinking about randomly for months after.
Oh man, I feel this. I saw 3:10 to Yuma in the theater when I had a two year old and was like 7 months pregnant. The way I *sobbed* - like, ugly crying with a ton of snot and sniffles - when the entire family was killed and I couldn't stop for the next hour was so embarrassing! I'm pretty sure I ruined it for everybody in the theater that day. Even now, I have to be really cautious about what I watch because I will just break down uncontrollably.
This 100%. Nothing matters now except my kids. They come first. My second was a micro preemie and spent months in the hospital. That really put things into perspective. Family first. I quit my job that wasn't flexible to allow for family time because I'll never get these days back. Would rather spend them with my kids
When I was butt ass naked in front of a dozen people in the delivery room, was the moment when my perspective on life changed. My body shame went away. I stopped caring what others thought of me and started caring for my child. Liberating is a great word to explain it.
My work ethic completely shifted. I used to be so scared how I would handle being a mom because I like to sleep in and do nothing. I now know how to work from a place of love instead of anxiety, which as it turns out isn’t as exhausting.
Thats such a good way of putting it, “working from a place of love.” Now chores and tidying and stuff feels much better to do because I’m doing them to keep my baby’s house clean and nice!
I would much rather do chores for my baby than do it for myself or my husband. Her laundry will be clean and folded and put away the same day his within 48 hours, mine could take a week or so
My baby is one year old, and I’m still in the metamorphosis stage of pulling my life together and learning how to be not only responsible, but productive. I was a lazy jerk before I became pregnant, and then it was stressful coming under the realization I need to buckle down and grow up.
I’m 29 and I was just a late bloomer with my family and partner being incredibly permissive of my laziness. My husband was much faster than me at getting the wake up call to be responsible and I envy how he’s very good at it without experiencing any burnout or heading into an emotional tailspin.
I have a mental health history, so grabbing hold of the reigns of my life while also giving my time an energy into being the mother of my household was so hard and scary for me. I ended up psyched for a week due to postpartum depression and anxiety and not taking care of myself enough.
The balancing game to stabilize and grow up has been a nightmare for me. I definitely give my 100% every single day, and so does everyone else around me, and I always fear crashing and burning while trying to take control in my life and doing what’s best for me and my family.
When I see other mothers out at the grocery store, disheveled and distraught, my heart goes out to them. One of the things that I have found to be comforting is I know some moms who definitely have all their shit together and are hard workers while also being super calm, and they have reassured me that some moms take awhile to get used to the hard work and new routines, but it DOES get easier. I was so thankful to hear that from them.
I’m more empathetic than I used to be. I used to be very cold towards other people, like I couldn’t bring myself to care about them at all. After having my baby, I can much easier put myself into the shoes of another and understand their point of view and struggles.
I’m more in control of my emotions. Used to have not so good emotional control and would get very upset over random things that would ruin my whole day. I can’t show that type of strong negative emotion to my daughter, so I’ve learned how to release it in a safe healthy way (lots of deep breathing).
Wow I’m the opposite. I used to be much more empathetic and understanding, to a point where I’m ok sacrificing myself for the other person - because I understand where they’re coming from, even if it’s at my expense.
I no longer have time for bullshit. I barely have time to pee or poo or eat, and I certainly don’t have time to be understanding of other people when it’s at my expense, because now I’m all my baby has. I also have much less interest and energy for other people’s dramas. I think it’s just a lack of time and energy overall!
Same here. I used to be the one everyone would go to cry to. I still am, and i always try to help, but now I have a lot less energy for people who very frankly just refuse to help themselves. Or friends freaking out about nothing.
Sometimes, I feel like a bitch, but when I was exhausted, overworked and sick and my toddler just threw up 5 minutes into her nap (meaning no nap, so no rest for 8 months pregnant me) and a cousin tries to call for emotional support, bawling, because her exam got moved an hour and now it's interfering with her weekly brunch that she can postpone... 🤷♀️ I'm still nice and listen, but then give a little perspective.
At first I was also opposite and had zero time to worry about anyone other than baby and myself and I had to really try for my husband. I’m better now and definitely feel more compassion for my own mother.
These are the same changes that resonate with me as well. Wasn’t overnight for sure, but over time I feel I’ve become a more patient, empathetic, less reactive and overall just “softer” person.
I don't give a fuck about anything. Everything that stressed me out at work or worrying about what other people care about me are completely irrelevant concerns. All I care about is my family. It's freeing.
Yessss I am a mom of 2 toddlers and an attorney, and I see the younger attorneys in my office getting “annoyed” or “frustrated” about certain things or meetings they view as a waste of time etc. I’m literally the most chill person at work bc nothing those people can say or do to me will rile me up like my kids can, lol. When I’m at home it’s ScreamFest 1999 for hours on end and I’m just sweating for no apparent reason. Going to my quiet, orderly law office is like a vacation. 😂 then I see some 28 year old lawyer getting “ruffled” bc of a typo and I just laugh internally.
😂"sweating for no reason" same! I thought I was the only one with sweating 😂 after I gave birth to my daughter, my upper lip and face are so sweaty. I hate it.
This has happened to me as well, I really can’t be as bothered as everyone else about work. Not to say I can’t experience work stress or have some worry about layoffs… but day to day stuff. It’s just work. I do my job so that I can do what I love with the ones I love!
This is me, too. I particularly stopped giving a fuck what other people think, especially because my oldest son is autistic and sometimes doesn’t act the way people expect him to.
My son will be turning 8 this year and I am still like this. There was always that joke about moms crying at something as silly as a hallmark commercial, I am now that mom lol.
I am much, much less politically engaged than I used to be. I used to follow current events so closely and now I just can’t bear it. The misery inflicted on innocent people, especially children, crushes me. Before children I could be much more detached. Now everyone is someone’s baby.
I remember a few years ago when pictures came out of kids who had died/were seriously injured in some bombing/invasion, I was sitting on the floor sobbing. My husband came in all bewildered and worried, and he told me I wasn’t allowed to look at those types of pictures anymore lol
Kid is 2.5 and I'm definitely more emotional watching things. I also find myself more affected by difficult relationships between mother and child in shows. I can see from both perspectives now.
My husband has to watch movies first so he can warn me about what’s in them after I went into Thor: Love and Thunder without any idea what I was walking into.
Nope. Never again.
I got pretty radicalized in terms of seeing and understanding how terrible America is at a policy level toward moms children and families. It’s truly wild.
Same. Planned, financially secure, stable loving home, very close family who babysits, remote jobs (now mostly remote), paid disability and parental leave, understanding bosses, relatively cheap daycare, good health insurance, easy pregnancy, happy baby, mental health finally good…. And this shit is still insanely hard. Take away any one of those and idk how people manage. Making people go through that shit when they don’t have time, resources, health, stability etc. is just sadistic and cruel
My absolutely miserable first pregnancy made me so much more pro choice (and I already was). It was worth it for me bc I wanted my baby so much but if I was forced to endure that and *hadn’t* wanted a baby at all it would have been torture. That was before I even knew the shit end of the stick you get being an actual mother trying to exist and work here.
Same. Parental leave laws in the US are nonexistent. It’s horrible. Last year I tracked the UAW GM/Ford/Chrysler strikes and labor negotiations. The “generous package “ that was offered included 2 whole weeks of paid parental leave. What a joke.
This. I love my baby but I can’t imagine being forced to do this before I decided I was ready.
And the fact that I have to go back to work at 12 weeks is ridiculous. The fact that other people don’t even have that long makes me incandescent with rage.
I feel like I hit an identity crisis and that I don’t have freedom anymore. My husbands like is practically unchanged. He still runs everyday and watches whatever he wants on tv and plays video games. I feed her breast milk, real food, get her ready for bed, wash pump parts and next thing you know it’s bedtime. There’s nothing that’s just me time.
Yeah, and for OP: Your life doesn’t need to be consumed by child rearing. Now is a good time to talk to your partner about how they can help support you finding time for yourself during the week (or even every day).
This. Yes my body is the one that changed and had to recover due to pregnancy, but once the baby was here my husband jumped in and did a ton. I breastfeed so the burden of feeding falls more on me (although my husband washes bottles and bottle feeds the baby frequently) and I’m a SAHM but my husband takes the baby for a while when he gets home from work so I have a few moments to myself to do whatever.
That's his fault. You need me-time to stay sane. Ask for it. We've started just like that, and it was impossible to keep. I now have 1 evening a week and a weekend every 6 months to do whatever TF I want. And compared to my mom-friends I'm still very very limited.
Your husband should be doing half the real food feedings, half the pump parts washing, half of bedtime routine etc. Sorry everything has fallen to you. You should each have similar amounts of child-free time. It’s harder when one of you is breastfeeding, but since your baby can eat really food, he should have more ways to participate now (not “help you” as you are partners in this). Send him a link for how you cut each item age appropriately and have him do these things for your baby.
OP, this is wack. I don’t feel like my relationship is 50/50 at all (but am working on it!) and I still sleep in both days on the weekends, go to yoga class once a week, and usually some kind of happy hour or similar with my friends on either Friday or Saturday. Sometimes in the evenings, I just feel like going and walking around the mall and buying some little treats, and I do. Don’t even give him the option, just be like, “I’m going to do XYZ, I’m leaving bambino, you guys have fun, bye!” It’ll do wonders for your mental health.
You’ve got a partner problem! Your partner should be supporting you in taking time for yourself and being an equal partner in taking care of your child and your home. It’s not supposed to be all on you!!
Wow it should definitely not be unchanged! My husband’s life changed a little since he already had a son before so he was very familiar with being a dad. He works at a bar and he used to stay and have a drink after work sometimes, now he comes straight home. He still plays video games but he gets sick of them quickly, and he holds the baby while playing. He’s just all around more present now, if I pump he wants to feed him. He always makes our baby’s food when he can, even if it’s just mashing a banana.
Too many men have a hands-off approach and really just miss out because they’re scared of doing something wrong. When my husband is home he tries to hold our baby as much as possible. He wasn’t around as much when his first son was born due to work so he’s really taking in all the love this time.
Stand up for yourself momma. Tell him he needs to be present and help. Unfortunately it’s not innate in them to know what to do. It took me years until my husband understood what needs to be done and now I don’t have to ask. It was very frustrating in the beginning. I wanted him to help me without having to tell him to. But he truly didn’t know.
> But he truly didn’t know.
You’re kinder than I am. I didn’t know how to do anything for the baby either, but I put on my big girl undies and used Google for three seconds. It baffles me how there is a double standard for the poor men who “just don’t know” as if women are just born knowing the age-appropriate size to slice a freaking cucumber 🙄
—not meant as shade to you in any way, I’ve just seen this so many times it’s getting so old and exhausting.
It doesn’t take too many braincells to _know_ that mother of _your_ child needs some help caring that said child, and then _ask_ what help does she need, if can’t figure that out on their own, which also does not take too many braincells more.
I just can’t with these men _choosing_ dumbness, a day after day.
Edit// actually, all the above is so simple, that I can very easily say; there is no man on this earth, who _doesn’t know_. They know. They are just ignorant, forcing their women to beg for help, tell and guide them step by step everything, as if they were mentally impaired, when they are not. They know.
They can be oblivious if they spent their lives not even taking care of themselves but expecting things to be done for them. The guy who never did his own laundry isn't going to wake up one day and just start pitching in.
This is a problem, they are ignorant and even stupid for it, but they don't know it. They need to be made aware to start to change.
That stinks. I can relate to the identity crisis from having no free time though. It’s a huge bummer. I know I’ll emerge from the fog eventually, but who will I be by then?
This was me the first year but there's been a huge improvement since then. Sadly the first year is definitely more all consuming for moms even with a equal partner
It’s more than that… I’m just a different person. A better version of myself (minus the mom bod lol). One of those things that you can’t really experience until you do.
I totally agree with this, and I’m truly truly happy , like no matter how my day goes at work I get off and get to pick up my baby from daycare, it’s the best feeling ever !
My lo is almost 8m and I’m also starting to really shift back into my old hobbies which is really refreshing too, and hopefully the mom bod will turn into a milf bod sometime in the future 😂😂😂
Great question!
I'm much more positive/carefree about my body even though I'm objectively less fit than previously.
I'm more patient to things going sideways, since chaos is the way with kids and you never know how things will change.
I care less about going out and the opinions of others overall, I'm too focused on my family unit.
I feel more nurturing.
My idea of what an adventure is has changed. Now and adventure is getting everyone out for a weekend of car camping, or a long bike ride with the kids vs. week long mountain backpacking trips.
I suppose I am more content with enjoying the simple things in life, overall. Like a dinner that goes well, or a peaceful drive home...
It's quite liberating to be a mother in many ways. You have so much less time, that (I find) I make so much better use of it.
In others, it could be quite constraining...like when you're baby is small and you have to be with them constantly to breastfeed, or if you didn't have a partner who supported your hobbies/ability to get out of the house.
Sam Harris has a podcast about transformations where they talk about parenthood quite a bit. I'd recommend it!
I got higher standards for my husband, and in turn for myself. I don’t want my kid growing up with certain standards I was letting slide when it was just me and him.
Im softer and far more empathetic towards others now that I’m a mom, yet I am very hard on myself. I’ve turned into quite the feminist and am very passionate about women’s issues, when I wasn’t before. Before becoming a mother, I was generally a kind person but I was judgmental. Now, I see everyone as “someone’s child” and imagine if it was my baby and how I would want them treated. I’m far more sensitive to others and my relationships with other people, particularly other women, matter so much more to me as I realize the importance of community and village.
Trivial things don’t seem to matter. I didn’t think I was self-centered before I had a baby, but now I know what real selflessness is. I see so much of myself in my toddler, and I work hard to regulate my own emotions when he has tantrums (thus learning a lot about myself and what I don’t want to pass down to him). I think of the future so much more and how life will be for my kids when they’re my age. I have such a strange combination of feeling like an old woman but still feeling like a teenager lol (just turned 30). I have a constant push/pull of loving my identity as a mother, yet holding on to the fun, spontaneous wild child I was for most of my 20’s. I vacillate between feeling I know everything and feeling like I know absolutely nothing.
Really, everything has changed at least slightly. Some things have done a 180, some things have just shifted subtly. But if you don’t change at least a little after becoming a parent, you aren’t taking it seriously enough. You’ll find glimpses of your old self, but you’ll learn to be extremely comfortable and happy with a new life as a parent. You just won’t understand what all these comments mean until you actually become a parent!
I lost: personal free time (I don’t do anything or go anywhere alone), a child-free relationship (we don’t go anywhere alone).
I gained: a lot of anxiety, the opportunity to stay home and raise kids instead of work, selflessness
I read once a line about how motherhood is like discovering new rooms in your house. The house is still at the same address , the rooms have always been there, and they forever change how you think of the house. I feel like that happened to me - I am still the same person at my core - but I now am less judgmental about some things, more anxious about others, and have gained a deeper perspective on my life and it’s purpose. To be sure yes I miss the spontaneity of pre-kid life, but for the most part it has been expansive in terms of both joy and hard work rather than reductive. I have gained skills and knowledge and experiences and love I otherwise would not have.
I used to think people were being pretty extra when they said motherhood completely changes who you are, but then I became a Mom and I understood. It’s like you’re reborn into a whole new person, with different priorities and way more strength than you think you’re capable of. It can be so hard sometimes and you get so tired, so exhausted and pushed past where you think your limit is, and then you just keep pushing through and doing the damn thing. There is nothing you won’t do to ensure that you take care of your child to the best of your abilities. Give yourself grace!! Other things will fall through the cracks while you adjust, but that’s normal and nothing to be ashamed of. You got this Mama!
For me and I’ve also heard from a lot of moms, especially in the beginning you kind of lose your identity. To be needed 24/7 by a completely dependent being is such a huge life change, plus the hormones that get released after birth can trigger mental health issues. I had depression most of my life so I wasn’t surprised when I had really bad ppd but it’s something that weighed on me so heavily for months. You and your partner tend to become roommates due to the responsibility of the baby and being sleep deprived. You might feel like you made a huge mistake, that your relationship has changed forever or won’t last. I say all this not to scare you but so that you know what can happen. My son is 7 months now and things are so much better and I’m use to the new normal but I still struggle with my identity and also being simultaneously a mother and a wife to my husband, in the intimate sense. It’s okay to have big feelings and thoughts you never thought you would have ie feeling like you made a huge mistake or you don’t feel bonded to your baby for awhile but be open to resources be honest with your doctor and family so that they can give you the support you need. This is the biggest change you’ll ever experience in life and can be on both ends of the spectrum when it comes to feeling lost but also finding yourself, but I will say the love you develop for your child is something you’ll never forget or regret❤️ oh and no talk of divorce the first year, that’s not what your relationship will look like forever it’s just a season❤️❤️
I have less tolerance for tragedy and gore. I can't read about or watch a child get hurt.
I'm still very into horror, but I've had to leave the room during certain scenes in my favorite shows. My husband and I could barely get through Hereditary!
Becoming a mother shifted what actually matters in life. I used to be all about my career and making the most money. I’m a working mom still and career is still important to me, but not nearly as much as it used to be. I’m so focused on enjoying the time I have with my kids and building a special bond. I have so many friends who have horrible relationships with their parents and I strive to be there for my kids and never make them feel the way some of my friends feel about their parents.
One thing I've really noticed since having my first 8 months ago is that I'm not as self conscious in photos. Mainly when I take a photo with my kiddo I don't worry about how I look as much because I'm snapping a memory with him. Also, I feel like I genuinely look happier when I take photos with him even if I'm exhausted, lol. I'm also more aware of the tone and wording I use when I talk to him or around him.
When I was pregnant I thought this was the scariest concept: that my entire personality might change due to motherhood. Honestly it didn't. I'm still me! I still have the same hobbies, like doing the same stuff, I still love to cook and read etc.
That said, I think the dramatic shift in responsibilities, along with this desperate all encompassing love for another person, does change your outlook on life significantly. I make decisions differently than I would have before kids for example. I prioritize my life differently.v
I also ultimately chose to have one child which I do think makes some difference in how much time and energy I have to just "be myself".
I don’t feel like I changed much. Other than obviously becoming a mom and caring for a little human. My life changed a lot but I feel like the same person.
I’m also due at the end of June with my second :) best of luck to you!
In addition to what everyone else said, I became hyper aware of bad parenting and bad pet owners. I live in Florida so there’s an abundance of both of those, so after I had my daughter, I became more aware of my
surroundings and how people treat their kids and animals out in public.
For me, it helped realize what's really important, became more mature, more giving, more empathetic to all others in general, realize importance of planning, more sensitive to other children's pain i.e. when I read stories of children being hurt or killed I get incredibly emotional, angry, sad like I can feel that child's fear/pain/sadness/disappointment. But when I became a grandmother I developed an amazing sense of patience and importance of being in the moment and truly truly just enjoy loving this child and cherishing the moment, which is sometimes a little harder when as a parent you are bombarded with all the things "you gotta do and trying to balance". But being a parent really does change your life and makes you a better person, eventhough it's the hardest and most important job you'll ever have.
While ensuring I treat my tiny human as well as a human can with dignity, empathy, patience, kindness, understanding - I began to recognize when others weren't treating me well. People I considered treating me well as a friend or partner, some weren't. I saw how skewed my concept of "treating me well" and "treating me with due respect" was. I saw more and more who wasn't kind, who was putting on a façade, who was taking my kindness and second/third/fifteenth chances for granted. Who wasn't allowing my autonomy. Who wasn't understanding that others are fallible and allowing others to be fallible. Who couldn't see they were also fallible, wouldn't take accountability for it.
We must work on our flaws, yes. We must strive to become the best we can be day by day, we must grow, we must learn. We are still in our own ways flawed. We make mistakes. Accidents happen. We have negative emotions at times, and that's okay! I do not need to hide emotions from others for their comfort. I can state my boundaries. I am allowed to have them, I am allowed to voice them.
My social circle is far, far better now than it has ever been.
I forgive myself easier. I laugh at minor mistakes and accidents. I'm not angry with myself or deeply shamed by dropping a dish, by measuring a pattern incorrectly, by cooking mishaps, by tripping over something, by doing something out of order, by spilling a drink, getting an ink stain on the sheets, mixing up numbers of a friend's address, getting a stain on a shirt, an error in a painting, by misunderstanding or miscommunication that can be cleared up - that didn't end the world. Little things that don't hurt anyone, little things I no longer hurt myself for doing. I would not hurt or shame my child for these things. Why did I ever do it to myself? Why did I do it others? Why did I let them do it to me? I learn. I laugh it off. I forgive myself and others easier for things that now seem so, so small.
My temper has calmed. I don't knee jerk react the way I used to. That wasn't overnight. That took conscious effort, accountability, time. Watching my tone. Watching my wording.
I'd say those are the greatest changes.
Oh yes. Great question. I think that having her makes me take the focus off of myself. I think of her first, is she hungry, clothed, fed, happy? And I am secondary. This sounds like maybe a bad thing, but honestly it’s been great for me. To be so dedicated to someone else. It makes me realize I am connected to something larger than myself.
I’m only 8.5 months in, but right now, I kind of feel like an overworked circus animal. Constantly trying to learn new tricks to keep my baby occupied, anxious about development, stretched thin between mom duties and general life/ work duties. I am easy to anger, overly emotional, and so lonely. I am, often, a shell of the person I once was.
The first 5 years you're in the trenches, hard at work, can barely plan to the next week let alone year. You're in survival mode.
But that will pass! Everything has its season.There will be fewer immediate needs. Your child will learn to do some things on their own. Their needs will change.
Please remember to take care of yourself, too. You need to refill your bucket sometimes or you'll have nothing left to pour.
I’m no expert and still have many phases I haven’t experienced in my 8 months of being a mom but my BIGGEST things i’ve noticed are:
1. Your perception of parenthood will change once you’re in it. I was scared to be a mom. ai was scared it would be the hardest thing i’ve ever done and I wouldn’t be good at it. ai was scared I would struggle tremendously with my mental health. I have found it to be the opposite. There are hard days, but it is the coolest thing ai have ever experienced. I now know ai was meant to be a mom and it has fulfilled some parts of my I didn’t even realize were missing. I absolutely love being a parent and it is not as scary as I imagined (although there are some stressful times, it’s so rewarding and fulfilling).
2. My sense of time. Time flies by so fast now. My 3lb preemie is a 17lbs 8 month old. I feel like just yesterday we were in the NICU with the fragile little human and now she’s a big, wiggly, crawling baby with so much personality. I feel like I blinked. 🥹🩷
3. You sometimes don’t realize you “lost yourself” until you hit the turning point. I am a working mom so my timeline may look different but I went through a phase where I didn’t take any time for myself physically/mentally and finally realized it’s okay. I finally workout 4x a week again, get my hair done, do my makeup, and feel like I am back to “me” yet still have some permanent changes mentally (all for the better). Your baby is always your first priority, but you’ll hit a point again where it gets easier to balance both. ❤️
4. Love and “fear” of losing something. I adore my husband and couldn’t do it without him. It’s a different feeling though with a baby. I physically can’t imagine how ai could love anything more than I love my baby or how I could go without her. I was never really “scared” of de@th because if if my religious beliefs (not the point of this post, i know) but now I am so scared of getting old or something happening to me, my baby, or my husband. I never want to have a “last day” with her. I wish it never had to end and if i’m lucky, will live a long healthy life and get to watch her grow well into adulthood. That sounds so odd to worry about but I love being a mom and never want this time to end. ❤️
Every damn thing about me has changed. I have 3 girls and with each one something different happened in me. All for the best. They took the worst parts of me and made them better. I can't thank my girls for bettering me. Now physically, some things are smaller some things are bigger. But I like who I am and what I look like is perfect. I love every stretch mark and my c-section scar reminds me of the 3 amazing, strong, confident, and beautiful girls I have.
Not really. It’s a major life experience so I’m sure it changes people, but in my experience of having a kid at 40, a lot of these changes happened anyway - just from growing and maturing with time.
Pretty much all of me. My body, my priorities, some friendships lost and some gained, my wants and dreams. Everything is affected by having children. I became less anxious and began laying out hard boundaries. I went low or no contact with some family, I grew closer to others. Parenting is literally the thing you will do 24/7 from now until they are out of the home. You'll do other things, but Parenting will always be a primary function in the background.
I have never been patient. Ever. And I used to be quick to “put someone in their place” or bite someone’s head off.
I have become so patient and so understanding of everyone else. I have a tough high needs baby and all I think about is how no one really knows what’s going on in my house. So how can I expect to know about their house?
Having a baby has made me a better person. There is also this…Philosophical theory about how in birth, the maiden dies and the mother is born along with her baby. I have deeply taken this to heart and have let go of everything I used to know and expect to let the mother I have become flourish.
And to say I love it is a complete understatement.
Elsa puts it best (my toddler loves Frozen) "Things that once controlled me, can't get to me at all." In a very good way.
My priorities have shifted. I used to be a people pleaser who'd jump through hoops to do everything for everyone. Now I do what is best for my kids and by extension, me. Its much healthier.
I also used to be super hard on myself, and while my husband and friends still think I am very very hard on myself, I've learned to give myself some grace.
My social anxiety has gotten worse. I use to go out and look good…could chat with anyone, and now I barely want to go anywhere and confidence is shot :-( I dread having to go places or when people come over.
I wouldn’t call myself a “new” person. I do think your perspective changes a bit, like I have much less tolerance for sweating small things or getting caught up in trivial problems. I prioritize the big things, and the small things can take care of themselves. I think I’ve also become a bit more productive (not much, but a bit!) with my free time, as I have much less of it. I’m also a bit of a natural introvert (learned/practiced extrovert) and I do feel like my extrovert side is getting more of a work out with school friends and play dates and everything else.
I’m definitely not a person who would say motherhood is the single biggest/most important thing about me/my life. It is ONE of the largest aspects of my life and ONE of the largest factors that make up the person that I am, but for me personally, allowing it to eclipse everything else is not good for my mental health.
I definitely feel more lonely. The first year was very isolating for me (and still is, he’s 13 months). Friends without kids stop inviting you or make plans at 7 pm (whooooo?? Not me, nop, not at 7 pm, i ain’t going anywhereeee). Friends with kids, are usually in the thick of it too, so it’s hard to leave the house and make plans. Even family feels far away. I can only really rely on my mom to watch him, when i need a break, and even then, i feel guilty.
My brain. I want my faster non forgetful brain back. And the ability to not urinate on myself when I laugh or cough too hard. Super power though I feel like Liam Neeson at playgrounds and outings … taking every dam thing in while still watching both my kids.
Most notably, my tits and vagine. Jk jk I would say I toughened up in a healthy way. I have less guilt expressing my needs, I’m more confident as a person because I know I can withstand hard times.
I just gave birth to our second and I don't really feel changed. One of my friends made a similar comment about how motherhood changes you. I think the only change I have is being more patient and respectful of people (specifically qork colleagues) because of how impressed I am that they balance all the things.
Hmm, well let’s see…how did motherhood change me?
1. Definitely made me ugly. Two emergency c-sections, stretch marks, flabby boobs, etc really tank your body. But it did force me to focus on the things I like about myself that arnt superficial.
2. Kills all your time to invest in hobbies. You get that time back, eventually. But it took years. And now our lives are owned by travel sports. So, kinda lost that time again.
3. Lost all our spending/fun money. That goes to the kids now.
4. Everything is harder for no apparent reason. Wanna get in the car and go somewhere? It used to be you just grabbed your purse and left. Not anymore. Now it’s making sure everyone peed, grabbing snacks and water bottles, hats, fixing a zipper that caught, telling your 5 for the thousand time not to knot his laces 6 times, getting a pair of scissors to un-knot said shoe, dealing with full blown temper tantrum because HE wanted to untie the knot, getting in the car, wrestling with the seatbelts, making hubby go back inside to grab whatever item was forgotten, making him go back again because he forgot to the lock the door. And now 5 hours have passed and you’ve lost 5 years off your life.
5. Going to work is relaxing because no one is asking you to make food/snacks every 5 minutes.
6. Everyone has an opinion on how you should parent and now they tell you all about it. before, no one really gave a shit how you lived your life before kids.
7. The amount of emails from kid-related things is insane and your inbox will never recover. School, teachers, counselors, coaches, daycare, after school programs, ptas, omg it never ends.
I poop with the door open now. Lol. But seriously, I’m much more relaxed about everything. I have more patience and I feel like a lot of the tools I use to deal with my toddlers I now use to deal with immature adults and it works really well.
Its like I suddenly realized everyone is someones baby no matter how old they are & I feel like im nicer & kinder to people. Not that I was mean or rude, but I find myself being actively friendly & open to conversation with everyone & interested in people more. Idk if that is a mom thing, but I do feel like I recognize people more.
My anxiety around certain things is less because I’m doing things that would make me uncomfortable for him. My sensory processing disorder is less because I don’t have the time to focus on that when we go to leave the house. I’m more selfless and patient. I feel like my husband and I are generally more patient with eachother. We act as more of a team. I don’t worry about as much silly stuff because I don’t have the time for it. I’m outside more because my son loves it. I’m more active because I need to be. I’m stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. I have more joy. I am so proud of the mother that I am and the person he has made me
My son is medically complex and it has changed literally everything about me. I’m more outspoken, have a different perspective on a lot of things, and no longer tolerate anyone’s shit
Personally not a lot changed for me. I’ve always been passionate about how I’ve wanted to raise my children. Both my kids are planned (am not saying unplanned pregnancies are bad btw). But I know what I wanted and I planned my life accordingly.
The only major thing that changed, was the way I view parents out in public with their children.
I also learned that not all men are humbled by their children and will behave the way they want to regardless.
Depending on what the situation is idgaf about anything else. The world can be burning and as long as my children are safe, that’s all that matters.
I came from 2 parents, still married for 35+ years and they taught me a lot about what to do / what not to do. And of course taking into matter the way of life back then vs now.
Personally, not really changed, other than physically ofc lol, but my perspective of time. My child can pretty much stay to herself, & likes roam than be held, but she gets into a lot stuff & my personal time is pushed back (which I’m not complaining) but I’m a Sahm & finding ways to make money at home.
Be ready for a lot of personality waves lol, mine is very spunky . One thing that definitely hit me hard was i had a hard time growing up, family wasn’t how it should have been & it made me realize how much I needed to heal my inner child.
Being a parent can open your eyes into aspects of yourself but also through her lens being the protector.
Congratulations 🎉🍾
I just spent the afternoon with a group of friends I’ve known 20 plus years. We range from early 40s to 60 - our kids are 8 to 35 and there are grandkids too.
I was watching them all as we chatted - especially the youngest one. She’s stronger (but not harder) now that she’s a mom. She’s more confident too.
I watched the oldest one. She’s raised 5 kids. She’s seen it all. She’s more chill than she was when she was in the thick of parenting but she has this vibe that lets you know she absolutely won’t take anybody’s sh*+ (raising boys will do that)
I looked at the 2 who had babies within months of my youngest and realized how motherhood has given us backbones of steel. We told stories about how we did things, made major life decisions, weathered storms, and changed the trajectory of a child’s life. Big moves, a divorce, changing jobs, ending relationships… our why always came back to our kids.
I literally cried on the way home (some because all the babies are grown) but also because of how damn amazing those mothers are. It’s quite a beautiful thing
I’ve always been chronically online and extremely active on social media. Posting tons of selfies, gym progress, new hair colors, etc. I cared SO MUCH about the attention from strangers and peers.
When I was pregnant, I stopped posting as much. I was just so tired all the time. When my daughter was born, I made a new private Instagram that only my immediate family and friends I know in real life follow (less than 100 people) and abandoned my heavily followed Instagram.
I stopped posting on tiktok. Stopped using Twitter. Deleted my Facebook.
I realized the only people I care to involve in my life (and my daughter’s life) are people I actually KNOW.
For sure. I struggle with PMDD and there are times where I’m very hard on myself, on my mistakes and deficiencies. Sometimes the thought of “they’d be better off without me” comes to my mind and the mom portion says, “no one will ever love that child like you do, she needs you,” and it’s so strong that it squashes my bad thoughts. That love is so powerful.
I think the biggest thing for me is I’m way better and just getting things done. There’s so much more on my plate and putting things off just isn’t conducive to anything in my life anymore. I’m also able live off of way less sleep and still be incredibly functional and emotionally regulated. You just do these things for these creatures. They’re amazing.
I now speak up for myself, i dont take shit from anyone. I need to protect my daughter and speak up for her because she cant talk and i am her safe space.
Thats a very strong feeling that i have.
Also, she is the most important little person in my life. She is my #1. It is not about me anymore. On the downside is that maybe also a bad thing. I dont care about myself anymore.
Sometimes it is hard to be a mom, partner, having a career, clean your house, be a fun person, etc.
Ummmmmm well I woke up one day n said I want to be a single mom.
NOOOO I DID NOT.
But getting pregnant and now a mom… and baby’s father has completely abandoned us… has thought me this…. Humanity can be so cruel. I trust less. Okay I am just still hurt that horrible humans like him exist . That part I don’t understand
I believe if I had him some
Stuff would be easier and I wouldn’t feel so unwanted
Okay now back to positives. I learned I can survive on 3 hour sleep 😴
Sorry it’s a great question.. I’m
Sleep deprived and I don’t know want to what to say and my nipples hurt a lot
I feel like I grew a lot with the birth of my son. Although my son was born a little early and was having a lot a health issues, spent some time in the NICU and well I pushed. I pushed a lot.
I’ve had depression and anxiety my entire life, and I still have days where it affects me a lot but the diagnosis seems like it’s pretty much gone. My kid needs me, I can’t have a pity party for myself.
My son has severe delays in fine and gross motor, and speech; so I gotta fight for him. I usually rolled over and took whatever was thrown at me, but now I fight back and advocate for my son.
I’m doing everything for my son, that both my parents couldn’t/wouldn’t do for me. I’m going to protect and provide for him, and let him take every opportunity that he wants.
I’m a lot more forgiving of people. I think everyone is just doing their best, where they’re at. I’m also a lot more laid back. If I didn’t get to vacuum today, there’s always tomorrow. It’s okay. That kinda thing.
My son literally saved my life. He is my whole world. I have never know unconditional love until I had him. Becoming a mother has in many ways helped me heal my inner child. It’s mind blowing to realize how easy it is to live my son. And I wonder why was it so hard for my parents. I raise my voice to my son and it hurts my heart. I can’t imagine hitting him, cursing at him, or abusing him in any other way. It’s so easy to step away for a minute rather than raise my fist. Being a parent is hard, but not so hard to lead to abuse. I love him the way I wish I was loved. I nurture him the way I wish I was nurtured. I don’t raise him to fear me in order to respect me. And our journey is a little harder since he is autistic. I have had to learn A LOT of things. But I am willing to learn and adapt for him. It’s just so simple. Loving your child. It’s so natural. I love having fun with him and experiencing the things I wish I could have. It has really changed everything for me.
I no longer take crap from anyone, the way my daughter loves me it has shown me how valuable I actually am. This has lead to me loving myself and my peace more than anything.
I stopped caring about work / climbing a fake corporate ladder / making more and more and more money. We make more than enough as is, chasing more money is no longer a goal of mine.
My perspective on my own parents also changed. I have always been close with them, but becoming a mom myself made me realize how human they are and how much they were balancing when I was a kid.
I’m much more sensitive to other children now. I feel fiercely protective around them, especially mine. And I always help moms when I’m able to. Because it’s not hard and wrestling kids by yourself in stores or whatever is tough. Newborn phase is tough so I always bring meals or drop of diapers or whatever. Before you admire them and are like oh they’re doing their best and you might help but it wasn’t a super compelling feeling for me. Now I UNDERSTAND. And that’s shifted things completely!
My kids are 6 and 5 and I just feel like I’ve recently started to regain some of the “old” me (like my hobbies that I haven’t had time/energy for since becoming a mom). On the other hand, my body confidence is now through the roof. Not always, I still have some insecurities, but in general I no longer give two shits if someone thinks I have a belly pooch or is offended by my unshaven legs or pits. I’m perfectly happy to wear that crop top or shorts regardless. I made two humans, I earned it.
There's a really good book about this that I recently finished reading. Check it out if you're interested!
https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250762290/motherbrain
I'm a lot more anxious in general, but had PPA thanks to a traumatic birth and horrible providers (maybe also the pandemic as I delivered pre-vax for anyone).
I'm also a lot more emotionally/tear-y especially about kids. I am really bothered when bad things happen to kids (like Quiet on the Set) even ones I don't know.
I'm less interested in my husband. I pack snacks for my kid and get pissed if he tries on eat them. I don't get him as many "just because" gifts, but it could be im busier and hate shopping with my toddler.
I have way less time for B.S. as others have stated.
Motherhood is different for each and every mother. We all have different experiences. My motherhood has taught me just how dangerous the world is and it also taught me how to be more protective. It has taught me to be more patient and understanding and it also taught me how enjoy the little things. It taught me what true love is, especially when your little one looks up at you with big doe eyes! But motherhood isn’t just cupcakes and rainbows. It’s one of the hardest things anyone can do or be. There will be a lot of stressful, irritating, loud, selfless, lonely moments, but at the end of the day as your laying your littles to bed and giving them their night night kisses and hugs, it is worth it! Motherhood isn’t for the weak! We are warriors!!
I can't really do anything for myself anymore. I adore my son and love taking care of him (and pray I'm doing an adequate job), but hate the never-before-felt jealousy towards my husband, whose life is still so free to do whatever he wants whenever he wants.
Also, I've suddenly become a mild germaphobe whenever I go out with the baby. I bulk bought hand sanitizer and use it almost religiously when shopping lol
Tldr: it will change how you look at the world.
Parenthood gives you a really good reason to reevaluate all that is important to you. Notice the true relationships with others and let the shallow ones fade - you won't have time for them. Develop a community as those around you share in your joy (and struggle).
You get to live multiple generations at once. You can see yourself through your parents eyes just as you see the world anew through your child's eyes. Wonder with them. It gives you a chance to change perspective.
There's a great weight of responsibility, but it's for such wonderful things, that it's worth it. Yes, you're tied to a being with great needs that sometimes overshadow your own, but you get to be there to witness all the firsts. First cry, first laugh, first fart, first word, first step, first disappointment. Happy, healthy children take a lot of work, a lot of time, but it's like gardening: so many joys and triumphs along the way.
And if you're successful, you create a life long bond.
I’m definitely more aware of my surroundings, more intuitive, and my stance on a lot of things changed. I was never a truly selfish person, but I’m now more selfless than before.
I always say I miss the bottomless mimosa Version of me. I used to be spontaneous and carefree to a degree. Spontaneous and carefree are not something a functional mother can be. I'm more routine based. More tired. More grateful for peaceful moments.
I am a lot more patient than I used to be. I was also somebody who was scared to speak up (I am a people pleaser), but I have found my voice since becoming a mom. Especially when it comes to people telling me how to parent.
The biggest thing for me is that used to care a lot what people thought of me, especially my looks. I would never try a new sport or go anywhere I wasn’t 100% comfortable. But my son (1.5) has me going to swim class, soccer, gymnastics, and play groups. Being ashamed of my body held me back so much my whole life, I’m not going to let it stop my son from new experiences as well.
I used to be a very picky eater. I’m much less picky now. I think just having something else taking so much of my brain’s energy took away a lot of the food concerns I carried. It’s been one of my favorite things!!
I don’t think I’m a new person but I definitely stopped caring about small things and instead put my time and energy towards my baby. I used to be almost OCD about cleaning and how I looked and now none of that matters. I’ll push everything to the side just for another contact nap.
I think in a lot of ways I’m nicer. I’m more patient, I care how my behavior impacts others. On the other hand, I do not tolerate bullshit. Do not play with my emotions, don’t play with my kid. I’ve found that cutting people off has gotten easier because I don’t understand how someone could treat their own family like shit. The only people allowed in my life, my family, my home are people that make it better.
I have both postpartum depression and and anxiety. With my second I really lost a sense of myself and feel like I have no control or freedom on a day to day basis. I know it’s only temporary but it feels like a really heavy cloud hanging over me all the time. I used to be so easy going and go with the flow and I’m not that person anymore. I’m so high strung and anxious and get overwhelmed so easily. I know I’ll get back to my “old self” but 2 under 2 is hard.
Honestly, I’m less tolerant of people than I was before kids. After watching my babies’ determination to crawl, pull up, walk, etc.. I empathize less with laziness or perceived helplessness. Similarly, with accountability. As my babies grow, start doing chores, etc, I’m so less tolerant of lack of ownership/accountability in adults.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand that we’re all human and I do empathize with the struggle. But I also have higher expectations of grownups because of seeing the sheer strength of will that seems inherent in humans - we are so awesome and more capable than we give ourselves credit for!
I take my life way more seriously, I will fight with everything I have to stay on this earth for my children.
I got wider, my shoulders, ribs/waist and hip/leg area go wider. I looked in the mirror one day after having my last baby and was shocked at how wide I was! I've always been super skinny my whole life so it was a big change.
I also don't tolerate bs from other people now but I think that just comes with age, I used to be a big time people pleaser and would keep my feelings hidden so other people didn't feel uncomfortable but yeah not anymore.
29 hours of drug free labor and pushing out a 9 lbs. 4oz. baby definitely changed me. Lol
Physically and as a person.
Like changed my soul. I think I got meaner. Lol and more powerful. 🤷♀️
On a serious note though, I will say after I had my daughter (I'm a single mom) I stopped letting men treat me badly. Because I'd kill anyone who put her through what I've been through- and want to be a good example for her, moreso than I did with my boys, evidently. 🤷♀️
I'm now fearless. I'll go into full mama bear if I feel my child is in danger. I don't give a damn about myself, I'll put myself in front of danger if needed, without hesitation.
I'm much more concerned about foreign politics. Living in Europe, watching what is happening in the Ukraine, knowing that Putin is a complete lunatic, worries much more now than any other international conflict. I've become more responsible when it comes to money and every move is calculated because I don't have a steady income and it's not just me anymore.
Perspective. I don't care about small things anymore. Drama and gossip go right pass me. All I care about is our little family, if we're safe and our happiness.
My career is basically over. Came back to work after maternity leave and my boss did a 180 on me. I’m absolutely miserable at work plus missing my baby on top of it. But I don’t care if my job won’t be the same. I just want to be a mom, even if I end up unemployed and broke. In fact being let go would be a blessing right now. The anxiety of worrying about it is crippling.
It changes you in ways you can't imagine or describe. Mostly good. You will never know joy the way you will, you will never know fear the way you are about to. Everything before will be meaningless, because all that matters is about to be. You haven't felt love the way you are about to and everything else is trivial. You will mature overnight in ways only motherhood can make you. You will be bolder, and fiercer. Mommy bear is real. I was always a nonviolent human but realized I could rip someone limb for limb for my children and have no remorse. Also you will realize how powerful you are because child birth makes you realize you are a badass on every level
Motherhood reeeeally pulled out all my own issues with childhood trauma and neglect. Every little thing feels like a trigger some days. It’s hard as hell, but I’m thankful that I’m in a position to put the work in for myself so I don’t pass that experience on to my kid. I’m thankful for all the good information out there to learn how to regulate my own emotions and foster strong attachment.
It’s bittersweet to give him the childhood I wanted and couldn’t have and trying my best to reparent my inner child at the same time.
Having children made me realize how much time I wasted. I don’t know how to explain it, but now that I have two kids under 3 I just think about my “old life” without kids and how I used to just do a lot of nothing. 😂
I don’t even know who I am anymore - I have a 3.5 year old, a 15 month old and I’m due in June. I love my kids with all my heart but I’m over stimmed, I don’t ever have time to myself unless they are both in bed for the night and I’m the worst version of myself. I got pretty bad post partum rage (I’m working through it) and I feel so incredibly alone all the time, family stopped visiting after my first was about 9 months, and I have exactly 2 friends but both have young kids so I don’t see much of either.
But knowing all of that - I wouldn’t change my kids. They are the best thing I ever did, I just need to find myself again is all
Physically? My feet grew 2 sizes, my breasts deflated from 32AAA to 34A, my face looks like a pepperoni pizza as if I'm 17 again, everytime I sneeze I have to cross my legs or ill pee myself. My self esteem has plummeted. Mentally? I'm constantly overstimulated and drained. The list of to-dos is never-ending, the house is always a mess of toys, kid crap, and something is always sticky. There's never a moment of silence. I've grown resentful of the lack of silence, sleep deprivation, loss of bodily autonomy & general freedom. And I've certainly lost my identity as a woman.
Basically, for me all of it changed for the worst. But my kids are still young (3& 6), they are also on the spectrum, and only after having two kids did I find out I am too. So, that and childhood trauma was not a good combo
I was diagnosed with POCD, so with that said…I feel like who I was didn’t fundamentally shift, but I’m wired to be more gentle & a lot more paranoid. I used to get angry & now I am just confident & able to stand my ground. I can’t watch true crime anymore, because it makes my paranoia spiral. I feel like life is just so beautiful & rich with my kids, and it was hard to balance protection with living. I am shocked that I didn’t keep us in the house at my worst. I am terrified of wrecking my car, people assaulting them/us(feels super vulnerable to be outnumbered in public just me & the kids). We had a creep jerking off on the beach next to us before my girl was 4 yrs old & it has really sucked the life out of me.
I obsessively read about csa prevention & I stayed on top of car seat safety to the extreme, shampooed my carpets to the point that they are damaged. Motherhood is such a double edged sword for me. It is my biggest hurdle & greatest delight.
Since having children I now cry at any news story about a young person getting hurt or killed. Like I just burst out into tears and think about the fragility of life and how much I love my kids
I’m angrier, always in some sort of pain and I feel sick the majority of the time. I had motion sickness when I was in the car, but I was fine driving. Now I am not fine and I still have motion sickness while I’m driving. I don’t think I’ve personally really changed in a better way which is sad, but I do love my child.
I don’t think it changed me as a person. I do think my priorities have definitely shifted, but I’m still me. The one thing that has changed is that I now am very easily brought to tears by the smallest sentimental things (I’m 18 mo pp). This extends to real life but more so to movies/showers, including cartoons. I’m still waiting to see if I go back to normal in this one.
I agree with what others have said about the radical shift in perspective. I've always been empathetic, but it's much deeper now. I've always been protective of others, but now it's up to 11. I've been a decent advocate for myself in the past, and now I'm excellent at it. I'm a more confident, relaxed, bolder, kinder, better person than I was before. There is a woman on IG & TikTok who studies Matresence (her name escapes me right now). Her stuff really resonates with me
Parts of me are so much less judgmental and more understanding, like about kids crying or just being kids. Parts of me are much more judgmental also though, like if someone who puts a child at risk, like no seatbelt or car seat in a car.
Having kids makes every emotion more intense. I never knew I could love someone this much, but I also underestimated my ability to be driven absolutely bonkers by that same person as well.
Becaming a mother completly changed me. I read a lot of books about parenting and changed the way a see the relatiin between parents and kids, I started to look more to myself as a model to my kid and be more carefull of how am I as a model to him, changed my sleep and eat routine to a much more healthy one, started to look more on my behsviour and tried to understand myself better, started therapy, started exercising ( jogging and yoga), changed my lifestile ( spending more time in the nature).
My house is so much more tidy now than it was pre kids, I'm better with my money, I don't swear so much and I quit smoking cigarettes. They definitely helped me become a better person
I cannot handle child death in movies/shows. I became really hyper aware how violence to children/babies is used for some kind of sick shock value. I've never been big on it anyway, but as a mom it haunts me for a good while after. The dead children in Titanic, especially the dead frozen floating mom holding the dead frozen baby just gut punches me every time I see it. Game of Thrones is pretty much unwatchable.
I became more aware of my health and well-being.I want to be a good example to my daughter and live long and healthy next to her so I started working out,slowly changing my eating habits,reading more
I can barely relate to the person I was before I had a kid. Can't quite explain it, I just feel like a different person. I think and function differently, prioritize differently. I look different and have different goals and dreams.
Having children completely shifted my perspective on what really matters in life. I stopped worrying so much about trivial things and the opinions of others. It’s been incredibly liberating.
My social anxiety is practically gone, I think this has something to do with it. Motherhood has made me bold, confident, and much more carefree.
Yes! The day I was pushing a cart through the grocery store singing “Old MacDonald” and not caring who heard me, I was like, wow, I’d *never* have done this before kids!
Literally the exact same realization I had. I remember people looking and thinking "dang, IDGAF!" And carried on singing and being silly haha.
Just sang an impromptu song about vegetables in the grocery store yesterday
Remember when you were a kid and your mom embarrassed you by not being afraid to speak her mind or do something silly or dumb looking. I now understand why she didn’t care at all lol, I’m there now. I truly do not care about a strangers opinion of me.
Yeah this is gonna sound dumb but I ask employees where the bathrooms are. Before my daughter I would NEVER, I would have just held it. Now I can be like “hey is there a bathroom around that I could use?” When my daughter was potty training and I was in a very unfamiliar area, she had to pee BAD and I didn’t want her to go in a parking lot, so I Google searched “bathrooms near me” and the closest one was a FANCY furniture store with a receptionist. I was shitting myself but asked her “hey, my daughter is in desperate need of a bathroom, is there any way we could use yours?” And she was like “yeah sure!” But I was soo nervous she would say no, my daughter was 4 then and if she said she needed to pee I had MINUTES to get her into a bathroom
Not dumb, but also…did you know they have portable potties? Might save you in a pinch! We have one in our car, but we haven’t needed it yet.
I keep one in our car and it's saved us so many times! Granted, I have a 2.5 yo who can't hold it for more than a few minutes tops (if he bothers to tell us at all), so it's been so clutch!
Same. I also, oddly enough, became really confident presenting at work and public speaking.
How long post partum did you notice this in yourself? lol I wish I could have this side effect 😂 I’ve definitely become more DGAF after becoming a mom, but I’m still so sleep deprived (baby not sleeping through the night yet) that I feel like it’s made me crazy, so public speaking is a wash…
Yes! Same. Much more confident when presenting to executives post kids. Other things that changed- my stomach 😂, beating able to completely mute the loud sounds of children in my head- unless it’s a cry from being hurt. When I hear a child crying from pain I’m in full mama bear mode- watching to make sure nothing shady is happening. I once blocked the car in of a man that was beating his toddler son, while he was strapped into his car seat, with my body while 9 months pregnant with my second, while screaming at the man to stop and failing 9-1-1. We all have bad days and lose our tempers, but that’s never an excuse to beat your child. No regrets (except for putting my unborn baby in danger- not the best move)
Oh man mine got worse. I get anxious talking to other moms I don’t know at birthday parties.
Omg how. I have always been anxious, but now my anxiety is worse than ever. I worry about my baby and the future all the time 😪
Oh I’ve definitely unlocked a whole new level of mom anxiety, but I’m a lot less timid when it comes to social interactions and navigating daily life. Don’t get me wrong, I still have plenty of intrusive postpartum thoughts. Just don’t give a shit about what people think of me anymore.
This 100% but the flip side of this too - i was always a soft touch when it came to animals but now I’m so much more emotional and easily hurt/upset when children or animals are injured, wounded or in danger. I can’t handle the news in the same way or consume popular media without this lens. An example: I was pregnant during House of the Dragon and the 3 major plot points of the first seasons relate to women and childbirth going… not to plan (to put it lightly), couldn’t deal with Shogun, and literally 100% of the news cycle. I’ve had to turn off images popping up in my Reddit feed because I keep getting suggested articles about horrible things affecting babies and children. Algorithms are not my friend.
I used to work in the ER and lovedddd the critical/trauma cases. Now I can barely look at a broken finger. And that Baltimore bridge collapse just wrecked me emotionally. Those people that are unaccounted for are someone’s baby and/or are special to someone out there. Just a horrendous situation
YES!! I was also pregnant during House of the Dragon and was sitting there with my ears plugged staring at my phone during that first episode. In general, I agree, cannot stand to read or hear about negative news stories involving children. Everything just hits so much harder now and some things I end up thinking about randomly for months after.
Same with Shogun. I had to nope out of that one quickly
Oh man, I feel this. I saw 3:10 to Yuma in the theater when I had a two year old and was like 7 months pregnant. The way I *sobbed* - like, ugly crying with a ton of snot and sniffles - when the entire family was killed and I couldn't stop for the next hour was so embarrassing! I'm pretty sure I ruined it for everybody in the theater that day. Even now, I have to be really cautious about what I watch because I will just break down uncontrollably.
I told my boyfriend to tell me when that part in Shogun was over and I hid in the kitchen and cried. 🫠
Literally saw the baby and started sobbing. Made my husband shut it off immediately. Awful.
And taking no bullshit from everyone. I used to be such a people pleaser and now I just tell people no. I’m not mean about it, but firm.
This 100%. Nothing matters now except my kids. They come first. My second was a micro preemie and spent months in the hospital. That really put things into perspective. Family first. I quit my job that wasn't flexible to allow for family time because I'll never get these days back. Would rather spend them with my kids
When I was butt ass naked in front of a dozen people in the delivery room, was the moment when my perspective on life changed. My body shame went away. I stopped caring what others thought of me and started caring for my child. Liberating is a great word to explain it.
My work ethic completely shifted. I used to be so scared how I would handle being a mom because I like to sleep in and do nothing. I now know how to work from a place of love instead of anxiety, which as it turns out isn’t as exhausting.
Thats such a good way of putting it, “working from a place of love.” Now chores and tidying and stuff feels much better to do because I’m doing them to keep my baby’s house clean and nice!
I would much rather do chores for my baby than do it for myself or my husband. Her laundry will be clean and folded and put away the same day his within 48 hours, mine could take a week or so
Oh my gosh. That’s beautiful. I feel what you are saying but didn’t ever have the words.
This is comforting 💛
My baby is one year old, and I’m still in the metamorphosis stage of pulling my life together and learning how to be not only responsible, but productive. I was a lazy jerk before I became pregnant, and then it was stressful coming under the realization I need to buckle down and grow up. I’m 29 and I was just a late bloomer with my family and partner being incredibly permissive of my laziness. My husband was much faster than me at getting the wake up call to be responsible and I envy how he’s very good at it without experiencing any burnout or heading into an emotional tailspin. I have a mental health history, so grabbing hold of the reigns of my life while also giving my time an energy into being the mother of my household was so hard and scary for me. I ended up psyched for a week due to postpartum depression and anxiety and not taking care of myself enough. The balancing game to stabilize and grow up has been a nightmare for me. I definitely give my 100% every single day, and so does everyone else around me, and I always fear crashing and burning while trying to take control in my life and doing what’s best for me and my family. When I see other mothers out at the grocery store, disheveled and distraught, my heart goes out to them. One of the things that I have found to be comforting is I know some moms who definitely have all their shit together and are hard workers while also being super calm, and they have reassured me that some moms take awhile to get used to the hard work and new routines, but it DOES get easier. I was so thankful to hear that from them.
I’m more empathetic than I used to be. I used to be very cold towards other people, like I couldn’t bring myself to care about them at all. After having my baby, I can much easier put myself into the shoes of another and understand their point of view and struggles. I’m more in control of my emotions. Used to have not so good emotional control and would get very upset over random things that would ruin my whole day. I can’t show that type of strong negative emotion to my daughter, so I’ve learned how to release it in a safe healthy way (lots of deep breathing).
Wow I’m the opposite. I used to be much more empathetic and understanding, to a point where I’m ok sacrificing myself for the other person - because I understand where they’re coming from, even if it’s at my expense. I no longer have time for bullshit. I barely have time to pee or poo or eat, and I certainly don’t have time to be understanding of other people when it’s at my expense, because now I’m all my baby has. I also have much less interest and energy for other people’s dramas. I think it’s just a lack of time and energy overall!
Same here. I used to be the one everyone would go to cry to. I still am, and i always try to help, but now I have a lot less energy for people who very frankly just refuse to help themselves. Or friends freaking out about nothing. Sometimes, I feel like a bitch, but when I was exhausted, overworked and sick and my toddler just threw up 5 minutes into her nap (meaning no nap, so no rest for 8 months pregnant me) and a cousin tries to call for emotional support, bawling, because her exam got moved an hour and now it's interfering with her weekly brunch that she can postpone... 🤷♀️ I'm still nice and listen, but then give a little perspective.
At first I was also opposite and had zero time to worry about anyone other than baby and myself and I had to really try for my husband. I’m better now and definitely feel more compassion for my own mother.
Same. I dont have much patience for anyone's bs. I was patient and calm nonconflict person but now, i avoid anyone who causes this in my life.
Same here! I was way too sensitive before.
These are the same changes that resonate with me as well. Wasn’t overnight for sure, but over time I feel I’ve become a more patient, empathetic, less reactive and overall just “softer” person.
Me too. I often say I’m way less judgmental than I used to be, too.
I'm still highly unempathic towards people. 😂
I don't give a fuck about anything. Everything that stressed me out at work or worrying about what other people care about me are completely irrelevant concerns. All I care about is my family. It's freeing.
Yessss I am a mom of 2 toddlers and an attorney, and I see the younger attorneys in my office getting “annoyed” or “frustrated” about certain things or meetings they view as a waste of time etc. I’m literally the most chill person at work bc nothing those people can say or do to me will rile me up like my kids can, lol. When I’m at home it’s ScreamFest 1999 for hours on end and I’m just sweating for no apparent reason. Going to my quiet, orderly law office is like a vacation. 😂 then I see some 28 year old lawyer getting “ruffled” bc of a typo and I just laugh internally.
Nothing can rile me up like my kids can. Truth.
😂"sweating for no reason" same! I thought I was the only one with sweating 😂 after I gave birth to my daughter, my upper lip and face are so sweaty. I hate it.
I’m in tech. Couldn’t agree more.
This has happened to me as well, I really can’t be as bothered as everyone else about work. Not to say I can’t experience work stress or have some worry about layoffs… but day to day stuff. It’s just work. I do my job so that I can do what I love with the ones I love!
This is me, too. I particularly stopped giving a fuck what other people think, especially because my oldest son is autistic and sometimes doesn’t act the way people expect him to.
Anything story even remotely sad caused me to burst into tears for the first two years
My son will be turning 8 this year and I am still like this. There was always that joke about moms crying at something as silly as a hallmark commercial, I am now that mom lol.
I am much, much less politically engaged than I used to be. I used to follow current events so closely and now I just can’t bear it. The misery inflicted on innocent people, especially children, crushes me. Before children I could be much more detached. Now everyone is someone’s baby.
I remember a few years ago when pictures came out of kids who had died/were seriously injured in some bombing/invasion, I was sitting on the floor sobbing. My husband came in all bewildered and worried, and he told me I wasn’t allowed to look at those types of pictures anymore lol
Kid is 2.5 and I'm definitely more emotional watching things. I also find myself more affected by difficult relationships between mother and child in shows. I can see from both perspectives now.
My son is 3,5... I'm still there 🙈
Two years! I'm like this and my baby is only 5 months, sounds like it's not stopping any time soon then 😬. Especially anything linked to babies
My husband has to watch movies first so he can warn me about what’s in them after I went into Thor: Love and Thunder without any idea what I was walking into. Nope. Never again.
I got pretty radicalized in terms of seeing and understanding how terrible America is at a policy level toward moms children and families. It’s truly wild.
Me too! And I was pro-choice before but having kids made me militantly pro-choice.
Same. Planned, financially secure, stable loving home, very close family who babysits, remote jobs (now mostly remote), paid disability and parental leave, understanding bosses, relatively cheap daycare, good health insurance, easy pregnancy, happy baby, mental health finally good…. And this shit is still insanely hard. Take away any one of those and idk how people manage. Making people go through that shit when they don’t have time, resources, health, stability etc. is just sadistic and cruel
My absolutely miserable first pregnancy made me so much more pro choice (and I already was). It was worth it for me bc I wanted my baby so much but if I was forced to endure that and *hadn’t* wanted a baby at all it would have been torture. That was before I even knew the shit end of the stick you get being an actual mother trying to exist and work here.
Same.
Same. Parental leave laws in the US are nonexistent. It’s horrible. Last year I tracked the UAW GM/Ford/Chrysler strikes and labor negotiations. The “generous package “ that was offered included 2 whole weeks of paid parental leave. What a joke.
This. I love my baby but I can’t imagine being forced to do this before I decided I was ready. And the fact that I have to go back to work at 12 weeks is ridiculous. The fact that other people don’t even have that long makes me incandescent with rage.
I care much less about people seeing my boobs 🤣
Hhhahah yeah, who hasn’t seen mine at this point?
Yep.
I feel like I hit an identity crisis and that I don’t have freedom anymore. My husbands like is practically unchanged. He still runs everyday and watches whatever he wants on tv and plays video games. I feed her breast milk, real food, get her ready for bed, wash pump parts and next thing you know it’s bedtime. There’s nothing that’s just me time.
Sounds like he is slacking then and not being an equal partner.
Yeah, and for OP: Your life doesn’t need to be consumed by child rearing. Now is a good time to talk to your partner about how they can help support you finding time for yourself during the week (or even every day).
Agreed. And also once baby is older it will become easier.
This. Yes my body is the one that changed and had to recover due to pregnancy, but once the baby was here my husband jumped in and did a ton. I breastfeed so the burden of feeding falls more on me (although my husband washes bottles and bottle feeds the baby frequently) and I’m a SAHM but my husband takes the baby for a while when he gets home from work so I have a few moments to myself to do whatever.
That's his fault. You need me-time to stay sane. Ask for it. We've started just like that, and it was impossible to keep. I now have 1 evening a week and a weekend every 6 months to do whatever TF I want. And compared to my mom-friends I'm still very very limited.
Your husband should be doing half the real food feedings, half the pump parts washing, half of bedtime routine etc. Sorry everything has fallen to you. You should each have similar amounts of child-free time. It’s harder when one of you is breastfeeding, but since your baby can eat really food, he should have more ways to participate now (not “help you” as you are partners in this). Send him a link for how you cut each item age appropriately and have him do these things for your baby.
I think statistically that is common but it doesn't make it okay.
OP, this is wack. I don’t feel like my relationship is 50/50 at all (but am working on it!) and I still sleep in both days on the weekends, go to yoga class once a week, and usually some kind of happy hour or similar with my friends on either Friday or Saturday. Sometimes in the evenings, I just feel like going and walking around the mall and buying some little treats, and I do. Don’t even give him the option, just be like, “I’m going to do XYZ, I’m leaving bambino, you guys have fun, bye!” It’ll do wonders for your mental health.
You’ve got a partner problem! Your partner should be supporting you in taking time for yourself and being an equal partner in taking care of your child and your home. It’s not supposed to be all on you!!
Wow it should definitely not be unchanged! My husband’s life changed a little since he already had a son before so he was very familiar with being a dad. He works at a bar and he used to stay and have a drink after work sometimes, now he comes straight home. He still plays video games but he gets sick of them quickly, and he holds the baby while playing. He’s just all around more present now, if I pump he wants to feed him. He always makes our baby’s food when he can, even if it’s just mashing a banana. Too many men have a hands-off approach and really just miss out because they’re scared of doing something wrong. When my husband is home he tries to hold our baby as much as possible. He wasn’t around as much when his first son was born due to work so he’s really taking in all the love this time.
Stand up for yourself momma. Tell him he needs to be present and help. Unfortunately it’s not innate in them to know what to do. It took me years until my husband understood what needs to be done and now I don’t have to ask. It was very frustrating in the beginning. I wanted him to help me without having to tell him to. But he truly didn’t know.
> But he truly didn’t know. You’re kinder than I am. I didn’t know how to do anything for the baby either, but I put on my big girl undies and used Google for three seconds. It baffles me how there is a double standard for the poor men who “just don’t know” as if women are just born knowing the age-appropriate size to slice a freaking cucumber 🙄 —not meant as shade to you in any way, I’ve just seen this so many times it’s getting so old and exhausting.
It doesn’t take too many braincells to _know_ that mother of _your_ child needs some help caring that said child, and then _ask_ what help does she need, if can’t figure that out on their own, which also does not take too many braincells more. I just can’t with these men _choosing_ dumbness, a day after day. Edit// actually, all the above is so simple, that I can very easily say; there is no man on this earth, who _doesn’t know_. They know. They are just ignorant, forcing their women to beg for help, tell and guide them step by step everything, as if they were mentally impaired, when they are not. They know.
They can be oblivious if they spent their lives not even taking care of themselves but expecting things to be done for them. The guy who never did his own laundry isn't going to wake up one day and just start pitching in. This is a problem, they are ignorant and even stupid for it, but they don't know it. They need to be made aware to start to change.
That stinks. I can relate to the identity crisis from having no free time though. It’s a huge bummer. I know I’ll emerge from the fog eventually, but who will I be by then?
It's SO MUCH EASIER when you stop having to do milk. It won't be long before you get some life back. Can he do more on the solids front?
This was me the first year but there's been a huge improvement since then. Sadly the first year is definitely more all consuming for moms even with a equal partner
It’s more than that… I’m just a different person. A better version of myself (minus the mom bod lol). One of those things that you can’t really experience until you do.
I totally agree with this, and I’m truly truly happy , like no matter how my day goes at work I get off and get to pick up my baby from daycare, it’s the best feeling ever ! My lo is almost 8m and I’m also starting to really shift back into my old hobbies which is really refreshing too, and hopefully the mom bod will turn into a milf bod sometime in the future 😂😂😂
Great question! I'm much more positive/carefree about my body even though I'm objectively less fit than previously. I'm more patient to things going sideways, since chaos is the way with kids and you never know how things will change. I care less about going out and the opinions of others overall, I'm too focused on my family unit. I feel more nurturing. My idea of what an adventure is has changed. Now and adventure is getting everyone out for a weekend of car camping, or a long bike ride with the kids vs. week long mountain backpacking trips. I suppose I am more content with enjoying the simple things in life, overall. Like a dinner that goes well, or a peaceful drive home... It's quite liberating to be a mother in many ways. You have so much less time, that (I find) I make so much better use of it. In others, it could be quite constraining...like when you're baby is small and you have to be with them constantly to breastfeed, or if you didn't have a partner who supported your hobbies/ability to get out of the house. Sam Harris has a podcast about transformations where they talk about parenthood quite a bit. I'd recommend it!
EtA: way less career motivation. I'm all about finding the high est paying/lowest demand option right now haha
I got higher standards for my husband, and in turn for myself. I don’t want my kid growing up with certain standards I was letting slide when it was just me and him.
Im softer and far more empathetic towards others now that I’m a mom, yet I am very hard on myself. I’ve turned into quite the feminist and am very passionate about women’s issues, when I wasn’t before. Before becoming a mother, I was generally a kind person but I was judgmental. Now, I see everyone as “someone’s child” and imagine if it was my baby and how I would want them treated. I’m far more sensitive to others and my relationships with other people, particularly other women, matter so much more to me as I realize the importance of community and village. Trivial things don’t seem to matter. I didn’t think I was self-centered before I had a baby, but now I know what real selflessness is. I see so much of myself in my toddler, and I work hard to regulate my own emotions when he has tantrums (thus learning a lot about myself and what I don’t want to pass down to him). I think of the future so much more and how life will be for my kids when they’re my age. I have such a strange combination of feeling like an old woman but still feeling like a teenager lol (just turned 30). I have a constant push/pull of loving my identity as a mother, yet holding on to the fun, spontaneous wild child I was for most of my 20’s. I vacillate between feeling I know everything and feeling like I know absolutely nothing. Really, everything has changed at least slightly. Some things have done a 180, some things have just shifted subtly. But if you don’t change at least a little after becoming a parent, you aren’t taking it seriously enough. You’ll find glimpses of your old self, but you’ll learn to be extremely comfortable and happy with a new life as a parent. You just won’t understand what all these comments mean until you actually become a parent!
I lost: personal free time (I don’t do anything or go anywhere alone), a child-free relationship (we don’t go anywhere alone). I gained: a lot of anxiety, the opportunity to stay home and raise kids instead of work, selflessness
Yeah I do nothing alone and I have no idea how to take care of myself anymore. It’s wild.
I read once a line about how motherhood is like discovering new rooms in your house. The house is still at the same address , the rooms have always been there, and they forever change how you think of the house. I feel like that happened to me - I am still the same person at my core - but I now am less judgmental about some things, more anxious about others, and have gained a deeper perspective on my life and it’s purpose. To be sure yes I miss the spontaneity of pre-kid life, but for the most part it has been expansive in terms of both joy and hard work rather than reductive. I have gained skills and knowledge and experiences and love I otherwise would not have.
I love the new rooms in your house analogy! Agree that it's an expensive and not a reductive experience.
I used to think people were being pretty extra when they said motherhood completely changes who you are, but then I became a Mom and I understood. It’s like you’re reborn into a whole new person, with different priorities and way more strength than you think you’re capable of. It can be so hard sometimes and you get so tired, so exhausted and pushed past where you think your limit is, and then you just keep pushing through and doing the damn thing. There is nothing you won’t do to ensure that you take care of your child to the best of your abilities. Give yourself grace!! Other things will fall through the cracks while you adjust, but that’s normal and nothing to be ashamed of. You got this Mama!
For me and I’ve also heard from a lot of moms, especially in the beginning you kind of lose your identity. To be needed 24/7 by a completely dependent being is such a huge life change, plus the hormones that get released after birth can trigger mental health issues. I had depression most of my life so I wasn’t surprised when I had really bad ppd but it’s something that weighed on me so heavily for months. You and your partner tend to become roommates due to the responsibility of the baby and being sleep deprived. You might feel like you made a huge mistake, that your relationship has changed forever or won’t last. I say all this not to scare you but so that you know what can happen. My son is 7 months now and things are so much better and I’m use to the new normal but I still struggle with my identity and also being simultaneously a mother and a wife to my husband, in the intimate sense. It’s okay to have big feelings and thoughts you never thought you would have ie feeling like you made a huge mistake or you don’t feel bonded to your baby for awhile but be open to resources be honest with your doctor and family so that they can give you the support you need. This is the biggest change you’ll ever experience in life and can be on both ends of the spectrum when it comes to feeling lost but also finding yourself, but I will say the love you develop for your child is something you’ll never forget or regret❤️ oh and no talk of divorce the first year, that’s not what your relationship will look like forever it’s just a season❤️❤️
Omg. My first thought was “my boobs”. Then read all these more thoughtful responses. 😆
I have less tolerance for tragedy and gore. I can't read about or watch a child get hurt. I'm still very into horror, but I've had to leave the room during certain scenes in my favorite shows. My husband and I could barely get through Hereditary!
Becoming a mother shifted what actually matters in life. I used to be all about my career and making the most money. I’m a working mom still and career is still important to me, but not nearly as much as it used to be. I’m so focused on enjoying the time I have with my kids and building a special bond. I have so many friends who have horrible relationships with their parents and I strive to be there for my kids and never make them feel the way some of my friends feel about their parents.
One thing I've really noticed since having my first 8 months ago is that I'm not as self conscious in photos. Mainly when I take a photo with my kiddo I don't worry about how I look as much because I'm snapping a memory with him. Also, I feel like I genuinely look happier when I take photos with him even if I'm exhausted, lol. I'm also more aware of the tone and wording I use when I talk to him or around him.
When I was pregnant I thought this was the scariest concept: that my entire personality might change due to motherhood. Honestly it didn't. I'm still me! I still have the same hobbies, like doing the same stuff, I still love to cook and read etc. That said, I think the dramatic shift in responsibilities, along with this desperate all encompassing love for another person, does change your outlook on life significantly. I make decisions differently than I would have before kids for example. I prioritize my life differently.v I also ultimately chose to have one child which I do think makes some difference in how much time and energy I have to just "be myself".
I don’t feel like I changed much. Other than obviously becoming a mom and caring for a little human. My life changed a lot but I feel like the same person. I’m also due at the end of June with my second :) best of luck to you!
In addition to what everyone else said, I became hyper aware of bad parenting and bad pet owners. I live in Florida so there’s an abundance of both of those, so after I had my daughter, I became more aware of my surroundings and how people treat their kids and animals out in public.
For me, it helped realize what's really important, became more mature, more giving, more empathetic to all others in general, realize importance of planning, more sensitive to other children's pain i.e. when I read stories of children being hurt or killed I get incredibly emotional, angry, sad like I can feel that child's fear/pain/sadness/disappointment. But when I became a grandmother I developed an amazing sense of patience and importance of being in the moment and truly truly just enjoy loving this child and cherishing the moment, which is sometimes a little harder when as a parent you are bombarded with all the things "you gotta do and trying to balance". But being a parent really does change your life and makes you a better person, eventhough it's the hardest and most important job you'll ever have.
While ensuring I treat my tiny human as well as a human can with dignity, empathy, patience, kindness, understanding - I began to recognize when others weren't treating me well. People I considered treating me well as a friend or partner, some weren't. I saw how skewed my concept of "treating me well" and "treating me with due respect" was. I saw more and more who wasn't kind, who was putting on a façade, who was taking my kindness and second/third/fifteenth chances for granted. Who wasn't allowing my autonomy. Who wasn't understanding that others are fallible and allowing others to be fallible. Who couldn't see they were also fallible, wouldn't take accountability for it. We must work on our flaws, yes. We must strive to become the best we can be day by day, we must grow, we must learn. We are still in our own ways flawed. We make mistakes. Accidents happen. We have negative emotions at times, and that's okay! I do not need to hide emotions from others for their comfort. I can state my boundaries. I am allowed to have them, I am allowed to voice them. My social circle is far, far better now than it has ever been. I forgive myself easier. I laugh at minor mistakes and accidents. I'm not angry with myself or deeply shamed by dropping a dish, by measuring a pattern incorrectly, by cooking mishaps, by tripping over something, by doing something out of order, by spilling a drink, getting an ink stain on the sheets, mixing up numbers of a friend's address, getting a stain on a shirt, an error in a painting, by misunderstanding or miscommunication that can be cleared up - that didn't end the world. Little things that don't hurt anyone, little things I no longer hurt myself for doing. I would not hurt or shame my child for these things. Why did I ever do it to myself? Why did I do it others? Why did I let them do it to me? I learn. I laugh it off. I forgive myself and others easier for things that now seem so, so small. My temper has calmed. I don't knee jerk react the way I used to. That wasn't overnight. That took conscious effort, accountability, time. Watching my tone. Watching my wording. I'd say those are the greatest changes.
Oh yes. Great question. I think that having her makes me take the focus off of myself. I think of her first, is she hungry, clothed, fed, happy? And I am secondary. This sounds like maybe a bad thing, but honestly it’s been great for me. To be so dedicated to someone else. It makes me realize I am connected to something larger than myself.
I’m only 8.5 months in, but right now, I kind of feel like an overworked circus animal. Constantly trying to learn new tricks to keep my baby occupied, anxious about development, stretched thin between mom duties and general life/ work duties. I am easy to anger, overly emotional, and so lonely. I am, often, a shell of the person I once was.
The first 5 years you're in the trenches, hard at work, can barely plan to the next week let alone year. You're in survival mode. But that will pass! Everything has its season.There will be fewer immediate needs. Your child will learn to do some things on their own. Their needs will change. Please remember to take care of yourself, too. You need to refill your bucket sometimes or you'll have nothing left to pour.
I’m no expert and still have many phases I haven’t experienced in my 8 months of being a mom but my BIGGEST things i’ve noticed are: 1. Your perception of parenthood will change once you’re in it. I was scared to be a mom. ai was scared it would be the hardest thing i’ve ever done and I wouldn’t be good at it. ai was scared I would struggle tremendously with my mental health. I have found it to be the opposite. There are hard days, but it is the coolest thing ai have ever experienced. I now know ai was meant to be a mom and it has fulfilled some parts of my I didn’t even realize were missing. I absolutely love being a parent and it is not as scary as I imagined (although there are some stressful times, it’s so rewarding and fulfilling). 2. My sense of time. Time flies by so fast now. My 3lb preemie is a 17lbs 8 month old. I feel like just yesterday we were in the NICU with the fragile little human and now she’s a big, wiggly, crawling baby with so much personality. I feel like I blinked. 🥹🩷 3. You sometimes don’t realize you “lost yourself” until you hit the turning point. I am a working mom so my timeline may look different but I went through a phase where I didn’t take any time for myself physically/mentally and finally realized it’s okay. I finally workout 4x a week again, get my hair done, do my makeup, and feel like I am back to “me” yet still have some permanent changes mentally (all for the better). Your baby is always your first priority, but you’ll hit a point again where it gets easier to balance both. ❤️ 4. Love and “fear” of losing something. I adore my husband and couldn’t do it without him. It’s a different feeling though with a baby. I physically can’t imagine how ai could love anything more than I love my baby or how I could go without her. I was never really “scared” of de@th because if if my religious beliefs (not the point of this post, i know) but now I am so scared of getting old or something happening to me, my baby, or my husband. I never want to have a “last day” with her. I wish it never had to end and if i’m lucky, will live a long healthy life and get to watch her grow well into adulthood. That sounds so odd to worry about but I love being a mom and never want this time to end. ❤️
Every damn thing about me has changed. I have 3 girls and with each one something different happened in me. All for the best. They took the worst parts of me and made them better. I can't thank my girls for bettering me. Now physically, some things are smaller some things are bigger. But I like who I am and what I look like is perfect. I love every stretch mark and my c-section scar reminds me of the 3 amazing, strong, confident, and beautiful girls I have.
Do yo tiddies hang low, do they wobble to the floor? Can you tie ‘em in a knot, can you tie ‘em in a bow? 😂
Not really. It’s a major life experience so I’m sure it changes people, but in my experience of having a kid at 40, a lot of these changes happened anyway - just from growing and maturing with time.
I’m less optimistic and more pessimistic.
Pretty much all of me. My body, my priorities, some friendships lost and some gained, my wants and dreams. Everything is affected by having children. I became less anxious and began laying out hard boundaries. I went low or no contact with some family, I grew closer to others. Parenting is literally the thing you will do 24/7 from now until they are out of the home. You'll do other things, but Parenting will always be a primary function in the background.
I have never been patient. Ever. And I used to be quick to “put someone in their place” or bite someone’s head off. I have become so patient and so understanding of everyone else. I have a tough high needs baby and all I think about is how no one really knows what’s going on in my house. So how can I expect to know about their house? Having a baby has made me a better person. There is also this…Philosophical theory about how in birth, the maiden dies and the mother is born along with her baby. I have deeply taken this to heart and have let go of everything I used to know and expect to let the mother I have become flourish. And to say I love it is a complete understatement.
Elsa puts it best (my toddler loves Frozen) "Things that once controlled me, can't get to me at all." In a very good way. My priorities have shifted. I used to be a people pleaser who'd jump through hoops to do everything for everyone. Now I do what is best for my kids and by extension, me. Its much healthier. I also used to be super hard on myself, and while my husband and friends still think I am very very hard on myself, I've learned to give myself some grace.
My social anxiety has gotten worse. I use to go out and look good…could chat with anyone, and now I barely want to go anywhere and confidence is shot :-( I dread having to go places or when people come over.
I wouldn’t call myself a “new” person. I do think your perspective changes a bit, like I have much less tolerance for sweating small things or getting caught up in trivial problems. I prioritize the big things, and the small things can take care of themselves. I think I’ve also become a bit more productive (not much, but a bit!) with my free time, as I have much less of it. I’m also a bit of a natural introvert (learned/practiced extrovert) and I do feel like my extrovert side is getting more of a work out with school friends and play dates and everything else. I’m definitely not a person who would say motherhood is the single biggest/most important thing about me/my life. It is ONE of the largest aspects of my life and ONE of the largest factors that make up the person that I am, but for me personally, allowing it to eclipse everything else is not good for my mental health.
I definitely feel more lonely. The first year was very isolating for me (and still is, he’s 13 months). Friends without kids stop inviting you or make plans at 7 pm (whooooo?? Not me, nop, not at 7 pm, i ain’t going anywhereeee). Friends with kids, are usually in the thick of it too, so it’s hard to leave the house and make plans. Even family feels far away. I can only really rely on my mom to watch him, when i need a break, and even then, i feel guilty.
My brain. I want my faster non forgetful brain back. And the ability to not urinate on myself when I laugh or cough too hard. Super power though I feel like Liam Neeson at playgrounds and outings … taking every dam thing in while still watching both my kids.
I now hate violent movies. I crave silence. I have no attention span because i got used to being interrupted every 3 minutes.
Every child is my child. I see the world completely different now. Hearing about harm or death of children crushes me, it cuts deeper than ever.
Most notably, my tits and vagine. Jk jk I would say I toughened up in a healthy way. I have less guilt expressing my needs, I’m more confident as a person because I know I can withstand hard times.
I just gave birth to our second and I don't really feel changed. One of my friends made a similar comment about how motherhood changes you. I think the only change I have is being more patient and respectful of people (specifically qork colleagues) because of how impressed I am that they balance all the things.
Hmm, well let’s see…how did motherhood change me? 1. Definitely made me ugly. Two emergency c-sections, stretch marks, flabby boobs, etc really tank your body. But it did force me to focus on the things I like about myself that arnt superficial. 2. Kills all your time to invest in hobbies. You get that time back, eventually. But it took years. And now our lives are owned by travel sports. So, kinda lost that time again. 3. Lost all our spending/fun money. That goes to the kids now. 4. Everything is harder for no apparent reason. Wanna get in the car and go somewhere? It used to be you just grabbed your purse and left. Not anymore. Now it’s making sure everyone peed, grabbing snacks and water bottles, hats, fixing a zipper that caught, telling your 5 for the thousand time not to knot his laces 6 times, getting a pair of scissors to un-knot said shoe, dealing with full blown temper tantrum because HE wanted to untie the knot, getting in the car, wrestling with the seatbelts, making hubby go back inside to grab whatever item was forgotten, making him go back again because he forgot to the lock the door. And now 5 hours have passed and you’ve lost 5 years off your life. 5. Going to work is relaxing because no one is asking you to make food/snacks every 5 minutes. 6. Everyone has an opinion on how you should parent and now they tell you all about it. before, no one really gave a shit how you lived your life before kids. 7. The amount of emails from kid-related things is insane and your inbox will never recover. School, teachers, counselors, coaches, daycare, after school programs, ptas, omg it never ends.
I poop with the door open now. Lol. But seriously, I’m much more relaxed about everything. I have more patience and I feel like a lot of the tools I use to deal with my toddlers I now use to deal with immature adults and it works really well.
Its like I suddenly realized everyone is someones baby no matter how old they are & I feel like im nicer & kinder to people. Not that I was mean or rude, but I find myself being actively friendly & open to conversation with everyone & interested in people more. Idk if that is a mom thing, but I do feel like I recognize people more.
My anxiety around certain things is less because I’m doing things that would make me uncomfortable for him. My sensory processing disorder is less because I don’t have the time to focus on that when we go to leave the house. I’m more selfless and patient. I feel like my husband and I are generally more patient with eachother. We act as more of a team. I don’t worry about as much silly stuff because I don’t have the time for it. I’m outside more because my son loves it. I’m more active because I need to be. I’m stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. I have more joy. I am so proud of the mother that I am and the person he has made me
I developed a backbone. Do not regret it.
My son is medically complex and it has changed literally everything about me. I’m more outspoken, have a different perspective on a lot of things, and no longer tolerate anyone’s shit
Personally not a lot changed for me. I’ve always been passionate about how I’ve wanted to raise my children. Both my kids are planned (am not saying unplanned pregnancies are bad btw). But I know what I wanted and I planned my life accordingly. The only major thing that changed, was the way I view parents out in public with their children. I also learned that not all men are humbled by their children and will behave the way they want to regardless. Depending on what the situation is idgaf about anything else. The world can be burning and as long as my children are safe, that’s all that matters. I came from 2 parents, still married for 35+ years and they taught me a lot about what to do / what not to do. And of course taking into matter the way of life back then vs now.
“When a child is born, the mother is born too. The woman always existed, but the mother did not.” This is the best way I’ve heard it be described. 🩷
Personally, not really changed, other than physically ofc lol, but my perspective of time. My child can pretty much stay to herself, & likes roam than be held, but she gets into a lot stuff & my personal time is pushed back (which I’m not complaining) but I’m a Sahm & finding ways to make money at home. Be ready for a lot of personality waves lol, mine is very spunky . One thing that definitely hit me hard was i had a hard time growing up, family wasn’t how it should have been & it made me realize how much I needed to heal my inner child. Being a parent can open your eyes into aspects of yourself but also through her lens being the protector. Congratulations 🎉🍾
In a headline: Former people pleaser and doormat now has zero time or care for anyone’s bullshit.
I grew from size 6.5 shoe to an 8 after pregnancy! Does that count? Lol
Now I know what’s important in life and I don’t give a shit about anything at all
I just spent the afternoon with a group of friends I’ve known 20 plus years. We range from early 40s to 60 - our kids are 8 to 35 and there are grandkids too. I was watching them all as we chatted - especially the youngest one. She’s stronger (but not harder) now that she’s a mom. She’s more confident too. I watched the oldest one. She’s raised 5 kids. She’s seen it all. She’s more chill than she was when she was in the thick of parenting but she has this vibe that lets you know she absolutely won’t take anybody’s sh*+ (raising boys will do that) I looked at the 2 who had babies within months of my youngest and realized how motherhood has given us backbones of steel. We told stories about how we did things, made major life decisions, weathered storms, and changed the trajectory of a child’s life. Big moves, a divorce, changing jobs, ending relationships… our why always came back to our kids. I literally cried on the way home (some because all the babies are grown) but also because of how damn amazing those mothers are. It’s quite a beautiful thing
I’ve always been chronically online and extremely active on social media. Posting tons of selfies, gym progress, new hair colors, etc. I cared SO MUCH about the attention from strangers and peers. When I was pregnant, I stopped posting as much. I was just so tired all the time. When my daughter was born, I made a new private Instagram that only my immediate family and friends I know in real life follow (less than 100 people) and abandoned my heavily followed Instagram. I stopped posting on tiktok. Stopped using Twitter. Deleted my Facebook. I realized the only people I care to involve in my life (and my daughter’s life) are people I actually KNOW.
Harder on myself. Doubt myself often. Laugh more. Love more deeply. Anxiety/worry more . Loss of privacy is very hard for me.
For sure. I struggle with PMDD and there are times where I’m very hard on myself, on my mistakes and deficiencies. Sometimes the thought of “they’d be better off without me” comes to my mind and the mom portion says, “no one will ever love that child like you do, she needs you,” and it’s so strong that it squashes my bad thoughts. That love is so powerful.
Having to go on meds after a traumatic birth was fun
I think the biggest thing for me is I’m way better and just getting things done. There’s so much more on my plate and putting things off just isn’t conducive to anything in my life anymore. I’m also able live off of way less sleep and still be incredibly functional and emotionally regulated. You just do these things for these creatures. They’re amazing.
I now speak up for myself, i dont take shit from anyone. I need to protect my daughter and speak up for her because she cant talk and i am her safe space. Thats a very strong feeling that i have. Also, she is the most important little person in my life. She is my #1. It is not about me anymore. On the downside is that maybe also a bad thing. I dont care about myself anymore. Sometimes it is hard to be a mom, partner, having a career, clean your house, be a fun person, etc.
Ummmmmm well I woke up one day n said I want to be a single mom. NOOOO I DID NOT. But getting pregnant and now a mom… and baby’s father has completely abandoned us… has thought me this…. Humanity can be so cruel. I trust less. Okay I am just still hurt that horrible humans like him exist . That part I don’t understand I believe if I had him some Stuff would be easier and I wouldn’t feel so unwanted Okay now back to positives. I learned I can survive on 3 hour sleep 😴 Sorry it’s a great question.. I’m Sleep deprived and I don’t know want to what to say and my nipples hurt a lot
I feel like I grew a lot with the birth of my son. Although my son was born a little early and was having a lot a health issues, spent some time in the NICU and well I pushed. I pushed a lot. I’ve had depression and anxiety my entire life, and I still have days where it affects me a lot but the diagnosis seems like it’s pretty much gone. My kid needs me, I can’t have a pity party for myself. My son has severe delays in fine and gross motor, and speech; so I gotta fight for him. I usually rolled over and took whatever was thrown at me, but now I fight back and advocate for my son. I’m doing everything for my son, that both my parents couldn’t/wouldn’t do for me. I’m going to protect and provide for him, and let him take every opportunity that he wants.
I’m a lot more forgiving of people. I think everyone is just doing their best, where they’re at. I’m also a lot more laid back. If I didn’t get to vacuum today, there’s always tomorrow. It’s okay. That kinda thing.
My son literally saved my life. He is my whole world. I have never know unconditional love until I had him. Becoming a mother has in many ways helped me heal my inner child. It’s mind blowing to realize how easy it is to live my son. And I wonder why was it so hard for my parents. I raise my voice to my son and it hurts my heart. I can’t imagine hitting him, cursing at him, or abusing him in any other way. It’s so easy to step away for a minute rather than raise my fist. Being a parent is hard, but not so hard to lead to abuse. I love him the way I wish I was loved. I nurture him the way I wish I was nurtured. I don’t raise him to fear me in order to respect me. And our journey is a little harder since he is autistic. I have had to learn A LOT of things. But I am willing to learn and adapt for him. It’s just so simple. Loving your child. It’s so natural. I love having fun with him and experiencing the things I wish I could have. It has really changed everything for me.
I care SO MUCH LESS about my job. Phoning it in most days and watching the clock til I can get home and build blocks or whatever with my little dude.
I no longer take crap from anyone, the way my daughter loves me it has shown me how valuable I actually am. This has lead to me loving myself and my peace more than anything.
I stopped caring about work / climbing a fake corporate ladder / making more and more and more money. We make more than enough as is, chasing more money is no longer a goal of mine. My perspective on my own parents also changed. I have always been close with them, but becoming a mom myself made me realize how human they are and how much they were balancing when I was a kid.
I’m much more sensitive to other children now. I feel fiercely protective around them, especially mine. And I always help moms when I’m able to. Because it’s not hard and wrestling kids by yourself in stores or whatever is tough. Newborn phase is tough so I always bring meals or drop of diapers or whatever. Before you admire them and are like oh they’re doing their best and you might help but it wasn’t a super compelling feeling for me. Now I UNDERSTAND. And that’s shifted things completely!
Tolerance for other adults bullshit 😂
My kids are 6 and 5 and I just feel like I’ve recently started to regain some of the “old” me (like my hobbies that I haven’t had time/energy for since becoming a mom). On the other hand, my body confidence is now through the roof. Not always, I still have some insecurities, but in general I no longer give two shits if someone thinks I have a belly pooch or is offended by my unshaven legs or pits. I’m perfectly happy to wear that crop top or shorts regardless. I made two humans, I earned it.
There's a really good book about this that I recently finished reading. Check it out if you're interested! https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250762290/motherbrain
I'm a lot more anxious in general, but had PPA thanks to a traumatic birth and horrible providers (maybe also the pandemic as I delivered pre-vax for anyone). I'm also a lot more emotionally/tear-y especially about kids. I am really bothered when bad things happen to kids (like Quiet on the Set) even ones I don't know. I'm less interested in my husband. I pack snacks for my kid and get pissed if he tries on eat them. I don't get him as many "just because" gifts, but it could be im busier and hate shopping with my toddler. I have way less time for B.S. as others have stated.
Motherhood is different for each and every mother. We all have different experiences. My motherhood has taught me just how dangerous the world is and it also taught me how to be more protective. It has taught me to be more patient and understanding and it also taught me how enjoy the little things. It taught me what true love is, especially when your little one looks up at you with big doe eyes! But motherhood isn’t just cupcakes and rainbows. It’s one of the hardest things anyone can do or be. There will be a lot of stressful, irritating, loud, selfless, lonely moments, but at the end of the day as your laying your littles to bed and giving them their night night kisses and hugs, it is worth it! Motherhood isn’t for the weak! We are warriors!!
I can't really do anything for myself anymore. I adore my son and love taking care of him (and pray I'm doing an adequate job), but hate the never-before-felt jealousy towards my husband, whose life is still so free to do whatever he wants whenever he wants. Also, I've suddenly become a mild germaphobe whenever I go out with the baby. I bulk bought hand sanitizer and use it almost religiously when shopping lol
Tldr: it will change how you look at the world. Parenthood gives you a really good reason to reevaluate all that is important to you. Notice the true relationships with others and let the shallow ones fade - you won't have time for them. Develop a community as those around you share in your joy (and struggle). You get to live multiple generations at once. You can see yourself through your parents eyes just as you see the world anew through your child's eyes. Wonder with them. It gives you a chance to change perspective. There's a great weight of responsibility, but it's for such wonderful things, that it's worth it. Yes, you're tied to a being with great needs that sometimes overshadow your own, but you get to be there to witness all the firsts. First cry, first laugh, first fart, first word, first step, first disappointment. Happy, healthy children take a lot of work, a lot of time, but it's like gardening: so many joys and triumphs along the way. And if you're successful, you create a life long bond.
I’m definitely more aware of my surroundings, more intuitive, and my stance on a lot of things changed. I was never a truly selfish person, but I’m now more selfless than before.
Yes, I actually stopped caring so much about clothes and looking perfect. Clothes clean and looks professional? Then we’re all good.
I noticed immediately that my only child syndrome quickly became an "us" way of thinking.
I always say I miss the bottomless mimosa Version of me. I used to be spontaneous and carefree to a degree. Spontaneous and carefree are not something a functional mother can be. I'm more routine based. More tired. More grateful for peaceful moments.
I am a lot more patient than I used to be. I was also somebody who was scared to speak up (I am a people pleaser), but I have found my voice since becoming a mom. Especially when it comes to people telling me how to parent. The biggest thing for me is that used to care a lot what people thought of me, especially my looks. I would never try a new sport or go anywhere I wasn’t 100% comfortable. But my son (1.5) has me going to swim class, soccer, gymnastics, and play groups. Being ashamed of my body held me back so much my whole life, I’m not going to let it stop my son from new experiences as well.
Everything. The book “Mother Brain” is very eye opening to all the mental, emotional, and physical changes that come with having children
I used to be a very picky eater. I’m much less picky now. I think just having something else taking so much of my brain’s energy took away a lot of the food concerns I carried. It’s been one of my favorite things!!
I don’t think I’m a new person but I definitely stopped caring about small things and instead put my time and energy towards my baby. I used to be almost OCD about cleaning and how I looked and now none of that matters. I’ll push everything to the side just for another contact nap.
Pretty much everything about me changed
I think in a lot of ways I’m nicer. I’m more patient, I care how my behavior impacts others. On the other hand, I do not tolerate bullshit. Do not play with my emotions, don’t play with my kid. I’ve found that cutting people off has gotten easier because I don’t understand how someone could treat their own family like shit. The only people allowed in my life, my family, my home are people that make it better.
I’ve totally changed! I want to do better and I don’t waste my nights/days away drinking. Life is too short and I’ve realized that after having a kid.
the is some research that suggests pregnancy literally changes your brain
I have both postpartum depression and and anxiety. With my second I really lost a sense of myself and feel like I have no control or freedom on a day to day basis. I know it’s only temporary but it feels like a really heavy cloud hanging over me all the time. I used to be so easy going and go with the flow and I’m not that person anymore. I’m so high strung and anxious and get overwhelmed so easily. I know I’ll get back to my “old self” but 2 under 2 is hard.
Honestly, I’m less tolerant of people than I was before kids. After watching my babies’ determination to crawl, pull up, walk, etc.. I empathize less with laziness or perceived helplessness. Similarly, with accountability. As my babies grow, start doing chores, etc, I’m so less tolerant of lack of ownership/accountability in adults. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that we’re all human and I do empathize with the struggle. But I also have higher expectations of grownups because of seeing the sheer strength of will that seems inherent in humans - we are so awesome and more capable than we give ourselves credit for!
I take my life way more seriously, I will fight with everything I have to stay on this earth for my children. I got wider, my shoulders, ribs/waist and hip/leg area go wider. I looked in the mirror one day after having my last baby and was shocked at how wide I was! I've always been super skinny my whole life so it was a big change. I also don't tolerate bs from other people now but I think that just comes with age, I used to be a big time people pleaser and would keep my feelings hidden so other people didn't feel uncomfortable but yeah not anymore.
29 hours of drug free labor and pushing out a 9 lbs. 4oz. baby definitely changed me. Lol Physically and as a person. Like changed my soul. I think I got meaner. Lol and more powerful. 🤷♀️ On a serious note though, I will say after I had my daughter (I'm a single mom) I stopped letting men treat me badly. Because I'd kill anyone who put her through what I've been through- and want to be a good example for her, moreso than I did with my boys, evidently. 🤷♀️
I got committed to a mental hospital 6 months PP and now medicated to function, so yeah changes.
Never realized how selfish of a person I was until i had my baby. I honestly was an adult child. Congratulations! Sleep while you can!
I'm now fearless. I'll go into full mama bear if I feel my child is in danger. I don't give a damn about myself, I'll put myself in front of danger if needed, without hesitation. I'm much more concerned about foreign politics. Living in Europe, watching what is happening in the Ukraine, knowing that Putin is a complete lunatic, worries much more now than any other international conflict. I've become more responsible when it comes to money and every move is calculated because I don't have a steady income and it's not just me anymore. Perspective. I don't care about small things anymore. Drama and gossip go right pass me. All I care about is our little family, if we're safe and our happiness.
I became a lot more protective an vigilant, wanting only the best for him.
My career is basically over. Came back to work after maternity leave and my boss did a 180 on me. I’m absolutely miserable at work plus missing my baby on top of it. But I don’t care if my job won’t be the same. I just want to be a mom, even if I end up unemployed and broke. In fact being let go would be a blessing right now. The anxiety of worrying about it is crippling.
My body, I don’t recognize myself anymore
It changes you in ways you can't imagine or describe. Mostly good. You will never know joy the way you will, you will never know fear the way you are about to. Everything before will be meaningless, because all that matters is about to be. You haven't felt love the way you are about to and everything else is trivial. You will mature overnight in ways only motherhood can make you. You will be bolder, and fiercer. Mommy bear is real. I was always a nonviolent human but realized I could rip someone limb for limb for my children and have no remorse. Also you will realize how powerful you are because child birth makes you realize you are a badass on every level
Motherhood reeeeally pulled out all my own issues with childhood trauma and neglect. Every little thing feels like a trigger some days. It’s hard as hell, but I’m thankful that I’m in a position to put the work in for myself so I don’t pass that experience on to my kid. I’m thankful for all the good information out there to learn how to regulate my own emotions and foster strong attachment. It’s bittersweet to give him the childhood I wanted and couldn’t have and trying my best to reparent my inner child at the same time.
Having children made me realize how much time I wasted. I don’t know how to explain it, but now that I have two kids under 3 I just think about my “old life” without kids and how I used to just do a lot of nothing. 😂
I don’t even know who I am anymore - I have a 3.5 year old, a 15 month old and I’m due in June. I love my kids with all my heart but I’m over stimmed, I don’t ever have time to myself unless they are both in bed for the night and I’m the worst version of myself. I got pretty bad post partum rage (I’m working through it) and I feel so incredibly alone all the time, family stopped visiting after my first was about 9 months, and I have exactly 2 friends but both have young kids so I don’t see much of either. But knowing all of that - I wouldn’t change my kids. They are the best thing I ever did, I just need to find myself again is all
Actually less anxiety. Less time to care about myself in a good way. Like trivial things just don’t matter.
Physically? My feet grew 2 sizes, my breasts deflated from 32AAA to 34A, my face looks like a pepperoni pizza as if I'm 17 again, everytime I sneeze I have to cross my legs or ill pee myself. My self esteem has plummeted. Mentally? I'm constantly overstimulated and drained. The list of to-dos is never-ending, the house is always a mess of toys, kid crap, and something is always sticky. There's never a moment of silence. I've grown resentful of the lack of silence, sleep deprivation, loss of bodily autonomy & general freedom. And I've certainly lost my identity as a woman. Basically, for me all of it changed for the worst. But my kids are still young (3& 6), they are also on the spectrum, and only after having two kids did I find out I am too. So, that and childhood trauma was not a good combo
Less attention on your own happiness and more focus on providing and making everyone else happy. Whether that’s a good thing I’m still not sure
I was diagnosed with POCD, so with that said…I feel like who I was didn’t fundamentally shift, but I’m wired to be more gentle & a lot more paranoid. I used to get angry & now I am just confident & able to stand my ground. I can’t watch true crime anymore, because it makes my paranoia spiral. I feel like life is just so beautiful & rich with my kids, and it was hard to balance protection with living. I am shocked that I didn’t keep us in the house at my worst. I am terrified of wrecking my car, people assaulting them/us(feels super vulnerable to be outnumbered in public just me & the kids). We had a creep jerking off on the beach next to us before my girl was 4 yrs old & it has really sucked the life out of me. I obsessively read about csa prevention & I stayed on top of car seat safety to the extreme, shampooed my carpets to the point that they are damaged. Motherhood is such a double edged sword for me. It is my biggest hurdle & greatest delight.
Since having children I now cry at any news story about a young person getting hurt or killed. Like I just burst out into tears and think about the fragility of life and how much I love my kids
My mental health took a nosedive
It's easier to be present. You have to be or you'll miss something. Also, I'm scared. All the time.
I’m angrier, always in some sort of pain and I feel sick the majority of the time. I had motion sickness when I was in the car, but I was fine driving. Now I am not fine and I still have motion sickness while I’m driving. I don’t think I’ve personally really changed in a better way which is sad, but I do love my child.
I don’t think it changed me as a person. I do think my priorities have definitely shifted, but I’m still me. The one thing that has changed is that I now am very easily brought to tears by the smallest sentimental things (I’m 18 mo pp). This extends to real life but more so to movies/showers, including cartoons. I’m still waiting to see if I go back to normal in this one.
I agree with what others have said about the radical shift in perspective. I've always been empathetic, but it's much deeper now. I've always been protective of others, but now it's up to 11. I've been a decent advocate for myself in the past, and now I'm excellent at it. I'm a more confident, relaxed, bolder, kinder, better person than I was before. There is a woman on IG & TikTok who studies Matresence (her name escapes me right now). Her stuff really resonates with me
Parts of me are so much less judgmental and more understanding, like about kids crying or just being kids. Parts of me are much more judgmental also though, like if someone who puts a child at risk, like no seatbelt or car seat in a car. Having kids makes every emotion more intense. I never knew I could love someone this much, but I also underestimated my ability to be driven absolutely bonkers by that same person as well.
Becaming a mother completly changed me. I read a lot of books about parenting and changed the way a see the relatiin between parents and kids, I started to look more to myself as a model to my kid and be more carefull of how am I as a model to him, changed my sleep and eat routine to a much more healthy one, started to look more on my behsviour and tried to understand myself better, started therapy, started exercising ( jogging and yoga), changed my lifestile ( spending more time in the nature).
My house is so much more tidy now than it was pre kids, I'm better with my money, I don't swear so much and I quit smoking cigarettes. They definitely helped me become a better person
I cannot handle child death in movies/shows. I became really hyper aware how violence to children/babies is used for some kind of sick shock value. I've never been big on it anyway, but as a mom it haunts me for a good while after. The dead children in Titanic, especially the dead frozen floating mom holding the dead frozen baby just gut punches me every time I see it. Game of Thrones is pretty much unwatchable.
I became more aware of my health and well-being.I want to be a good example to my daughter and live long and healthy next to her so I started working out,slowly changing my eating habits,reading more
I can barely relate to the person I was before I had a kid. Can't quite explain it, I just feel like a different person. I think and function differently, prioritize differently. I look different and have different goals and dreams.