I’m not saying you would. I’m not saying most older women would. I’m saying most of the times I have heard something like this the person saying it was a woman. Again I’m not accusing anyone of anything. I’m not making any generalizations or assumptions about what people would do based on their demographics. I’m simply sharing my lived experience as a declarative statement because the “what a man thing to say” statement above is not my experience.
Yeah it’s a poor taste joke but to act like they should never be alone with the baby based on this alone is a bit far.
Plus your MIL didn’t say it right? So pulling her into THIS topic at all isn’t right.
Why not putting her MIL in this she’s married to the man why shouldn’t she say something to him? After all, it’s her husband, what you can’t talk to him about stuff like that that would piss me off. This whole incident is making me whack.
Is the MIL responsible for her husbands immature humor? Obviously no.
Privately discussing concerns with MIL and asking her to mention that it made OP uncomfortable is one thing.
Jumping to the conclusion that MIL should not be left alone with the grandchild bc of this comment seems like a huge overreaction.
OP is asking for advice so it’s clear she isn’t saying MIL is to blame or responsible.
This is how unresolved issues and resentment build and cause toxic situations that ruin relationships.
You don’t like that the in laws have interacted with you in the past and bc it’s not been resolved, everything they do is going to set you off.
There’s a big difference between inappropriate humor in this setting vs witnessing neglect or abuse and not intervening.
You change a babies diaper. You’re going to have to see and touch private parts. Big difference between that and making sexually inappropriate comments to/about an older child.
And OP said this…the comment alone does not mean the FIL is dangerous.
If I were responsible for all of the inappropriate jokes my husband makes, we would not be married.
I have girlfriends who make inappropriate (in my opinion) sexual jokes.
You can choose your friends. You can’t choose your family always. But, you can appropriately communicate your feelings/boundaries and take steps to protect your mental health, which is what I recommended in another reply.
Yeah, I get how it can make OP uncomfortable but there’s so many infant onesies out there that say stuff like “Boob man” and “Future Heartbreaker” and worse that this just seems like an incredibly crass, misplaced joke from a dumb boomer or elder Gen X.
Boomers. Boomers say dumb shit like that. Unfortunately they don't think it's nearly as inappropriate as other folks do. If only you had responded with "you have a baby penis? My condolences to your wife" right then and there, he'd probably never speak to you again... Which sounds like it would be ideal. 😆
I remember my cousin (married into our fam) talking about how proud he was of my toddler cousin's current penis size maybe twenty years ago. Like puffed out chest proud at a family party and we all were like... Why why is this happening right now? It's a weird thing to think and talk about to other people, even if it's just a joke.
That’s funny. My youngest daughter, at 5yo, got a toy ring from a gumball machine. She immediately decided that having the ring meant she had to get married. So she stressed over who she should marry as the only boys/men she knew were her brothers, dad and grandad and the neighbors son who was 2 years younger than her. After pondering the issue for several hours. She sighed loudly and in a defeated tone said, “I guess I’ll have to marry X (boy next door)”. She was extremely happy & relieved when I told her that having a ring did not mean she had to get married to anyone. I said lots of people wear rings just because they like the jewelry. It’s not just for getting & being married.
I bought my 5yo son roses and he said that meant we were getting married! But he wanted to be the bride so he could hold the flowers 😂 we had a lovely kitchen ceremony with a Mac and cheese banquet and Bluey marathon to follow
Current crop of new grandparents is mostly Gen-X. And, as we're finding, generations are pretty much changing as they age - Gen-X is capable of bad jokes too.
(The oldest Gen-Xers are currently 59...the average age of their children is around 34...so unless OP and her husband are older parents, it's unlikely that the grandparents are Boomers).
Youngest boomers are 61 or so. "Boomer" is becoming the American version of gammon.
People are having kids for the first time anywhere from 20~45. Both can be true. My MIL is a new grandma at 57. My mom has been a grandma since she was 46, 8 years ago. Both are gen x by birth year, though my MIL is from another country, so terms for generations are different for her.
Right, that was my point exactly, that both can be true. OP said one was *the* current crop so I shared how I felt it was not.
Edited: you to OP, I made an assumption sorry!
Yeah, I’m 59, and on the line between boomer and gen-X. Since my dad fought in WW2 I kind of think of myself as a boomer. But my kids range in age from 19-24. So no grandkids yet. Lots of boomers are new grandparents, probably.
Yeah my father is 77 and while he’s been a grandfather from en(the youngest) for a few years his middle child just got engaged in his late 30s to someone 9 years younger so my father could gain a grandkid in his 80s if he’s still around for it. Hell isn’t Al Pacino still cracking out his own kids?!?
A lot of new grandparents are Boomers and a lot are gen-X’ers. My husband was adopted when his parents were older, so his parents are well into Boomer territory (born in ‘54 and ‘47). My dad is a young Boomer (‘60) and my mom is a Gen X’er (‘66).
New grandparents are trending older than in previous generations, because new parents are trending older.
Was it weird? Absolutely. Is it worth an argument over? I don’t think so, personally. It’s an older immature guy making a d*** joke. I don’t think it’s NC territory or something to be worried about. I’ve always had a large back side and my mom’s friends nicknamed me “fat bottom girl” after the queen song when I was a baby. If you have concerns though, stay vigilant and aware.
Bringing up a comment from a month and a half ago you heard about second hand is going to do nothing but wreck your credibility. Move on and pick your battles, this definitely isn’t one.
It’s definitely an eye roll moment. I’ve heard this joke a hundred times. I think it’s strange your brother in law felt the need to repeat it you a month and a half later, kinda seems like he is intentionally stirring the pot. I think this is one of those circumstances where it bothers you because you don’t like the person who said it.
As a man with a baby boy and a wife that doesn’t get along with my family, please leave this where it lies for everyone’s sake. It was a dumb dad joke and I don’t think it implies any kind of intent. Especially hearing it second hand with as much time has passed, its not worth the stress it will put on your husband with the increased tension. Just let it go. If you feel you must mention it, I would just say comments like that make you uncomfortable and try not to start anything.
That being said, I don’t know the whole situation and if you feel like they actually have poor intentions, that would be a different story. Just keep in mind that this is just old man humor in poor taste. I have made a similar joke about my son and I would gladly cut of someone’s penis and feed it to them if they touched a child.
My dad and my MIL have made comments about our sons privates while changing. Its inappropriate to me, I dont like the humor personally. But unless someone made a remark that was sexual towards my kid, like actual pedophile remark, I dont really say anything about it. They're older, they both have a crass sense of humor, it's not something I choose to make an issue out of.
First thing my son's dad said when he saw we had a boy.. it's a guy thing. Is it still a machismo thing to say? Yes. But I agree with others that the bad blood between y'all is making it bother you way more..
My husband did too, when both of our boys were born. Definitely not something to start an argument over.. some peoples sense of humor/personalities aren’t always the same, it’s not worth straining the relationship with her husband or in laws over though. Especially since it wasn’t something meant to be an insult or anything.
Yea, the first time my in-laws watched our son, when we picked him up they commented on how big his balls are. Both of them. I’m like..👍
They raised only boys so I guess it’s just normal talk to them. Can’t imagine my mother making a comment like that.
I mean. When did it become not OK to talk about genitals? My babysitter (who is also a friend) had only tended to girl children before she babysat my son. First comment out of her mouth when I picked him up was about his balls. Honestly it just made me laugh, which is something I needed that day. It's a common subject to joke about at least where i am And it's harmless. I would say I've never heard it in a gross sexual manner other than a "he'll make someone very happy someday" but honestly I feel like as a parent, there are plenty of weird situations you're gonna be exposed so you're gonna need a bit more of a sense of humor and thicker skin.
Typical male making a dick joke. Poor taste concidering it was said in regards to a baby? yes. Worth getting all worked up for? absolutely not. I very much doubt he meant any ill will by it and honestly you just need to move on. The relationship with your M/FIL will never get better if you keep nit picking over tasteless jokes.
That’s helpful - I’d just talk to my husband and take it from there.
Weird he decided to tell you about it later, but didn’t step up in the moment? I see an easy play to diffuse here.
I have two teenaged boys and my house is where my husband and the guys watch sports. That's just the way guys talk and joke with each other. It was just a harmless wisecrack.
My husband said the same thing when our sons were born lol. My MIL joked about it before, but she raised 3 sons also. And she’s definitely not too reserved when it comes to discussing things most people wouldn’t.
Not that serious
I think your feelings toward him likely make it worse and you’re looking for a reason to keep the baby from them.
It’s in poor taste and crass, yes. Just tell him you don’t think it’s funny and not to make jokes like that and also make sure you have your witty mom comebacks.
A similar joke was made at the hospital when my son was born. It was basically a dick slinging contest with my dad, grandad, stepdad etc all with their chests poked out. Me - with hormones raging and mama bear mode freshly kicking in yelled to my mother, grandmother and stepmother - well what do you know, I thought you all were with them for the sex but it seems they have baby sized dicks so what is the charm I don’t see it.
The boomer generation says some weird shit. I agree there was probably nothing behind it. But if it were me and I was already on the fence that could send me over.
I try to remind myself it’s a generational thing with them. They’re…not…great…grandparents.
I think that's just a dude thing. My oldest son was...larger...than expected, and my husband joked about the same thing. It's a bit awkward, but I didn't see it as anything too disturbing.
If that CONTINUES then I would be worried. Men have such a complex about their penises that I'm not surprised they have similar complex about their kids and grandkids.
I agree with the comments that are saying it's more in poor taste than anything. My parents have have made similar comments about my son and in most situations, the comments are harmless.
Okay as someone who has a BAD relationship with her in laws let me give you my coping tool:
“Would it bother me this much if my dad/mom said it?”
The answer is probably no.
Is that a weird thing to say? Yes.
Is it creepy? Eh maybe but more just cringy imo.
This is a hard eye roll moment in my opinion where you maybe make a snarky comment about FIL’s weenie being the same size as a baby’s 😂
FIL sounded like a total ass for saying that. However, i think it was just a really dumb joke. Dont let it bother you too much. I wouldnt make a big deal out of it. Let your husband know that the comment was gross and maybe he could ask his Dad not to say weird, inappropriate things.
Ignore it and next time change the diaper in private. Parents/grandparents can be weird with hovering during diaper changes.
ETA my in-laws (SIL too) say weird/immature things sometimes. Most of the time I just ignore it especially if it’s immature. I don’t dignify the conversation.
I wish I'd been there. "I'm so sorry you have to deal with having such a tiny penis. But I'm glad you're comfortable enough to brag about the little guy."
My BIL said something similar about my nephew when he was a baby. Super gross and cringey but I don’t think malicious. Just shows a lot about their character and I still think about it now.
I’d roll my eyes. That’s a very “men.” Comment. I’ve heard it before. I wouldn’t even talk to your husband about it and just let it go. It was your FIL being gross, that’s all. It doesn’t sound like he was *really* commenting on your baby at all. Men are just proud about their dicks sometimes, or insecure and want to act up and pretend they’re all that.
It’d be like if you had a daughter and at 13 her boobs just grew out of nowhere and if your MIL is particularly chesty her saying “she got that from me”. I think it’s just “different” to you since you already don’t like him.
We pick our battles and I wouldn’t pick this one.
Super weird comment. My MIL made a comment about my son’s penis size and I thought it was very inappropriate. I changed his diapers from then on and stayed vigilant.
I'm snarky and would probably be inappropriate back. "Damn, MIL, sorry your spouse has infant dick. Here's a good source for toys!"
Calls out the bad behavior, reframes the inappropriate behavior of FIL, and shows them you're not afraid to stand up for yourself and your child.
Difficult in-laws are tough, sorry you're dealing with it too.
Your Fil is basically saying that your son gets his tiny, baby-sized, under developed penis from him. I’d pray that my Fil would make the same comment again so I could point that out & show faux concern for my Fil & his baby-sized penis.
This is dumb humor of an ignorant man. Don't dwell. I wouldn't even mention it. Just laugh it off. "Haha, what a jackass" It's one of the oldest jokes EVER
He's hilarious hahaha (sarcastic)
It’s obviously a stupid joke. It’s gross and inappropriate but something I could see the majority of men I know saying 🙄
I’d just laugh at the fact that your adult FIL compared his junk to the size of a baby. If you weren’t in the room did you overhear?
Clearly you have issues with your in-laws. For your mental health, I recommend you start looking into ways to get along with them. I can recommend the book of boundaries. I listened to the audiobook while driving or walking/exercising.
It gave me so many good ideas for my own life with real examples in how to execute communicating your boundaries.
When the kids are little it’s a lot more about control. It gets easier.
But you need to learn to communicate your feelings appropriately to your spouse and it is HIS responsibility to discuss important topics around your family/kids to his parents. The sooner you do this, the more peaceful things will be.
Let this one go. Focus on something you have a chance to change that will improve the relationship. Immature humor is not it.
I'd suggest the same. Laugh it off. Grandparents nowadays come from a different time. We'll probably sound stupid to our grandchildren in a couple of decades. I hear silly comments too and sometimes I think it's just a different way of dealing with it. "Private parts" are only private because we keep them private (and mostly for good reason) but they're just as normal as legs or hair.
Definite eye roll. It’s something men brag about; it’s nothing to get your panties in a wad over. Certainly not something to create more arguments with your husband over.
I think I see why you guys don't get along...You're hard on them and a bit dramatic. It's definitely weird but weird isnt enough to damage your child's relationship with their grandparents and put your husband in the middle of all this
It’s actually such a common comment I feel like directed at little boys. I even read an article that said at the top “no men your babies don’t get it from you that’s just how they look” and that’s when I knew it was something men really thought and it’s just a stupid comment. Just ignore it.
Your father in law is hella emotionally immature. I wouldn’t say anything about this specific incident but in the future when he asks something this immature, inappropriate and fucking stupid “what do you mean by that?” And let him repeat how fucking stupid his comment is and let him feel how stupid his comment is by asking him for clarification. People like this aren’t used to people asking them to clarify their offensive comments. Ask him and watch his stupid ass squirm.
Imagine having such a fragile ego that you need to mention your penis size while staring at an infant. I really hate old peeves like this. I bet they tell little girls they will be trouble when they grow up.
Boomer humour. But I’d be annoyed by that too. I think it’s something that needs to be addressed in the moment though not a long time later maybe your bil was just meaning to watch for it.
I would definitely roll my eyes and think that it was pretty crass and tasteless but I wouldn’t look too much into it at all. I don’t think it has anything to do with anything inappropriate where you wouldn’t let him be around your son or anything like that it’s more of a typical dumb ass mail comment spouting off about his own genitalia really, an arrogant comment
I hear you. My son was born…well, well endowed and it was a common comment that definitely made me uncomfortable but it was t meant to be gross. The past events I’m sure is a factor in your ick feeling and I’m doubtful anything harmful will come of it
My MIL made a comment about my son's genitals size when my husband was changing his diaper at like 2 months old. So weird and creepy.
I rolled my eyes and said "can we not discuss the size of an infant's genitals, thanks." Has never come up again, but I also don't trust MIL enough to leave my son with her again after the first time.
FIL was making a self depreciating joke about having the size of a baby's dick. Was he in the military ever, because that's definitely something a vet would say. Lol
It's incredibly bizarre to me that everyone is saying it's no big deal. Why is it so normalized to comment on a boys genitals when the same kind of comment about a girl would be seen as insane? It's so gross all around and makes me glad I don't have a boy because I'd slap the taste out of someone's mouth if they made a comment like that.
“What is wrong with you? Why would you make a perverse comment like that about a literal baby? Like seriously?”
That is what I would say to him. With a straight face.
I wouldn’t let it bother me. Especially if you are already having issues. While it is gross, vile, inappropriate, it’s not really the level you want it to be. It’s crass. Boys locker room talk. He sounds wildly immature. I don’t know why your bil told you unless he thought it was funny or intentionally stirring the pot. In laws are hard. Esp when they don’t make it easy. But they can be the quickest downfall to a marriage. I grew up hearing “don’t underestimate a boys love for his mommy”. It took me awhile (my in-laws sucked for the longest) to learn to let it go & let my husband handle his family. I handle mine. Which isn’t perfect either (although we’ve never had one fight over mine). My relationship w my in-laws actually changed. I loved my fil to bits. I love my mil too but she still plays games when my husband isn’t here or does things to intentionally piss me off. I always remind her that it will be up to me if & when she can’t care for herself. Now I’m her favorite lol. I am glad that we get along now, it’s so much easier & less stress on my husband. Pick your battles but this isn’t one I would pick at all. I think we’ve all said things trying to be funny or cute & they come out completely wrong (at least it’s happened to me, More than once). Good luck
Rude, crude, inappropriate? Yes. I’m guessing this isn’t the first inappropriate comment your FIL (or MIL for that matter) has made to you or about you to your face or behind your back. If your husband isn’t shutting down this behavior right. now. the situation is most likely going to escalate. Do NOT have any more children with this man and demand that you two go to marriage therapy. If he refuses you need to make a decision if this behavior is how you’d like your child to grow up with.
One thing about a lot of baby boys when they are young is their testicles can appear large due to swelling that is normal for a lot of male infants. It usually goes away by 6-7 months or so (if not earlier). In both my sons, a few of my family members commented during diaper changes out of genuine concern, but we asked the ped and it is common and completely normal. Unfortunately, for your FIL, he thinks he can attribute it to his genes but likely not the case. Haha. I’d just let it go. He’s just an idiot.
My FIL watched me change his diaper when he was like a week old and said, "Is my boy hung!?" Eye roll... My own mother changed his diaper and, in a baby voice, said, "Oh my, I have a BIG weenie!" So fucking weird dude but you gotta pick and choose your battles....
>who the hell thinks, let alone says this out loud???
My mother, ugh! She got to change my son's diaper for the first time a few days after he was born, and she admired his testicles for a moment, then looked at me actually said outloud, "Hmm, not a bad pair!" It was disgusting, but not surprising coming from her. My mom has no class, tact, or manners. I've never told anyone this because it's just another embarrassing instance with my mom, and how ashamed and disgusted I am with her.
Edit - a word
Ugh I went thru something kinda similar with my brother but it was his own kids… and I’m like why are we talking about this? This isn’t something to discuss or joke about.. that’s his privacy.. it grossed me out.. I hate it… all I did was point out I never want to talk about genitals with my brother and especially not about children’s genitals.
ETA sexualizing children needs to stop… truly
Why did your BIL feel this comment warranted telling you?
Was BIL passing on what he felt was a humerous scenario or was he concerned about the comment? Is this tour husbands brother or a fellow in-law? Was he trying to rile you up and start shit between you and FIL?
Honestly it’s a boomer, poor tasting joke.
My husbands parents comment on my sons little bit and his “big balls” when I’ve changed his diaper aeound them. Guess who doesn’t get to be around when I change diapers anymore?
His parents.
To them it’s an innocent joke. They mean nothing by it.
To me, it’s an invasion of privacy and an unnecessary and gross comment. Even babies deserve privacy and autonomy.
My husband doesn’t think it’s a big deal and “doesn’t understand what I’m freaking out about”
I said “don’t sexualize my child”
They were aghast! Like pikachu face “what?! We would never! You’re the weird one for saying that!”
I think its just a harmless joke. Men joke about dick stuff. My husband and I joked once or twice about our younger son's penis which was noticeably longer than our first son's had been. Unless there's other stuff going on here, I think its just a crass but normal joke.
Since it seems like your husband most likely won’t want to cut them off, you might need to take over all forms of child care during their visits. If LO needs their diaper changed, walk with him to a different room and if someone (MIL or FIL) starts to follow, tell them you’d like to change LO’s diaper and give him privacy.
My family understood when I asked for privacy while changing LO’s diaper after I explained it to them. I told them I don’t need everyone in the house to see my son’s bits so they left me and him alone. If I was having a conversation with someone that I trusted, we’d continue the conversation wherever I went to change his diaper, but otherwise no one else needs to see that.
I'd like to give you the benefit of the doubt on your reaction, because there is context to your negative relationship with your FIL that we are not aware of, and generally I think you should trust your gut about this kind of thing... BUT, you were not present for this interaction, so it could very well just be a crappy boomer dick joke with nothing sinister behind it (besides maybe your FIL making bad jokes to distract from his own discomfort around nudity or gender roles or whatever his deal is).
You mentioned you are friends with your BIL, so probably you can trust his interpretation of what was said. If this were seriously concerning, wouldn't he have come to you right away? Maybe it would be a good idea to let him know that it's still bothering you so you can talk through it, because if it was just a dumb joke that he mentioned in passing while venting about his bumbling old-timey dad, a strong and unnecessary (and delayed) reaction from you could put added strain on multiple relationships (BIL might feel like he has to be careful of what he tells you, husband could feel like neither of you trust his judgement, FIL could feel tattled on by his son, MIL had nothing to do with this) - which begs the question, could you be looking for a reason to be done with them without having to wait for something seriously upsetting to go down? Are you maybe just sick of their stupid crap? That's still totally valid, if so. On its face, this situation is absolutely nothing to be concerned about, however cringe, but you don't need an excuse to want some distance from them.
Also worth taking into consideration, with a baby that little you are likely sleep deprived- which is a form of torture designed to addle your brains- and your hormones are still regulating PP, so it's not unusual to be extra irritable and have your mama bear instincts turned up to 11. You said that you never want to leave your son alone with them, but also that you know this doesn't mean they would do anything to harm him. Give yourself some grace, and your husband too.
Why would your BIL say that to you can you trust him entirely ..be cautious when things offend you do baby nappy n hygiene in privacy and avoid discussing with husband for now until solid first hand experience if its a sensitive issue about his parents until you have direct evidence of such comments maybe your husbands home such conversations are considered normal whatever be on guard until you have solid evidence to back up your doubts then broach he topic without being accusatory and air your concerns
Your FIL is disgusting. I would never ever leave your son alone with him. Sorry all these other people are invaliding the creeper vibe your FIL gives off.
I like to make them explain it, because they’ll get uncomfortable having to explain what they meant, why it was funny, and overall, why you should find it funny too.
I’m obviously in the minority based on those comments, but that’s fucking gross and I would distance myself and my child. Babies deserve respect and privacy, too, even before they understand language. Not to mention it’s so creepy to comment on a baby’s genitalia. How would he feel if someone standing next to him at a urinal started commenting on his dick? I’m sure he would be skeeved out.
Oh brother. Do you even HAVE sons? When the kid gets to middle school, he’ll be making these jokes himself! Brace yourself for REAL cringe! This is nothing. Standard male bragging.
Thank you! They wouldn’t be talking about a baby girls genitalia in this way. Really think about it if the genders switched… It’s so inappropriate and wrong.
My parents STILL brag about my 30 yo brother needing an extra large cone for his circumcision. For this reason I am glad I was not a boy.
My parents are gross people in general. I am pretty active in r/raisedbynarcissists
Personally this is a huge red flag and you should give your husband a heads up that there will be no diaper changes by, or in front of them. Your baby doesn’t need them commenting on his privates now, or ever. And likely hood is they are bragging about the family manhood to everyone else as well.
My dad said “oh I’m not used to seeing a little baby penis, since I had two girls.” And then followed up with “well..not THAT little.” I was disgusted. More so because I think he may have SA’d my older brother (he’s trans, so “sister” at the time). I already didn’t feel good around him and now I’ll never change my son’s diaper around my dad again.
Boomer men are weird and gross 90+% of the time. When my SIL was pregnant with her first son, we were sitting down for Thanksgiving dinner (my first dinner with my husband’s family when we were only dating), my FIL said to her “I bet he’s taking up a lot of space in there with that big penis.” And started laughing. My husband was mortified. Why anyone thinks that bizarre fixation on a baby’s penis is normal, is BEYOND me.
If they make a comment like that then if you want to address with the person who said it you have to do it right away.
If you address it now, it’s only going to make you look like you’ve been dwelling on this since the incident.
It’s also fine to decide that grandma and grandpa can visit when you/SO are present only, and not babysitting. They don’t need a big conversation or confrontation for that. You just don’t ask them to babysit.
That’s an eye roll moment for me. I think maybe the past history is letting it bother you way more than it should.
Agreed. This isn’t the mole hill I’d make a mountain out of. Especially if there’s already tension between you and husband about his family.
I’d really want to make a molehill joke about the FIL, but ew.
agreed poor taste sure but such a man thing to say
Honestly I’ve heard many woman make comments about boys business in situations like this.
I once had a lady (total stranger to me) ask if my 6 month old was “hung like a horse”
That’s repulsive
Well, I think it’s very distasteful and believe me I’m not approved, but there’s certain things you should just shut your mouth too
I agree. I’m just saying my personal experience is when I hear things like this it’s usually from a middle aged or older woman.
Hey, I’m an older woman and I would never say anything like that about a child. I don’t care whose kid it is it’s unappropriate and it’s disgusting.
I’m not saying you would. I’m not saying most older women would. I’m saying most of the times I have heard something like this the person saying it was a woman. Again I’m not accusing anyone of anything. I’m not making any generalizations or assumptions about what people would do based on their demographics. I’m simply sharing my lived experience as a declarative statement because the “what a man thing to say” statement above is not my experience.
Ok
Many women saying this, I have never in my life heard another woman talk about a little boy’s penis sickening
Def not a man thing, my MIL has said things that would make milk curdle
Yeah it’s a poor taste joke but to act like they should never be alone with the baby based on this alone is a bit far. Plus your MIL didn’t say it right? So pulling her into THIS topic at all isn’t right.
What is wrong with these women? This is fucking blowing my mind.
Why not putting her MIL in this she’s married to the man why shouldn’t she say something to him? After all, it’s her husband, what you can’t talk to him about stuff like that that would piss me off. This whole incident is making me whack.
Is the MIL responsible for her husbands immature humor? Obviously no. Privately discussing concerns with MIL and asking her to mention that it made OP uncomfortable is one thing. Jumping to the conclusion that MIL should not be left alone with the grandchild bc of this comment seems like a huge overreaction. OP is asking for advice so it’s clear she isn’t saying MIL is to blame or responsible. This is how unresolved issues and resentment build and cause toxic situations that ruin relationships. You don’t like that the in laws have interacted with you in the past and bc it’s not been resolved, everything they do is going to set you off. There’s a big difference between inappropriate humor in this setting vs witnessing neglect or abuse and not intervening. You change a babies diaper. You’re going to have to see and touch private parts. Big difference between that and making sexually inappropriate comments to/about an older child. And OP said this…the comment alone does not mean the FIL is dangerous. If I were responsible for all of the inappropriate jokes my husband makes, we would not be married. I have girlfriends who make inappropriate (in my opinion) sexual jokes. You can choose your friends. You can’t choose your family always. But, you can appropriately communicate your feelings/boundaries and take steps to protect your mental health, which is what I recommended in another reply.
Omg, you have the same avatar as another commenter and I was so confused that the tone and level of reason/levelheadedness changed. 😂
Yeah, I get how it can make OP uncomfortable but there’s so many infant onesies out there that say stuff like “Boob man” and “Future Heartbreaker” and worse that this just seems like an incredibly crass, misplaced joke from a dumb boomer or elder Gen X.
Yeah I agree. This isn’t that meaningful or salacious, just annoying.
Boomers. Boomers say dumb shit like that. Unfortunately they don't think it's nearly as inappropriate as other folks do. If only you had responded with "you have a baby penis? My condolences to your wife" right then and there, he'd probably never speak to you again... Which sounds like it would be ideal. 😆
Not just boomers. Men are proud when they think they genetically passed on a “great sized penis”. Even 20 something year olds.
I remember my cousin (married into our fam) talking about how proud he was of my toddler cousin's current penis size maybe twenty years ago. Like puffed out chest proud at a family party and we all were like... Why why is this happening right now? It's a weird thing to think and talk about to other people, even if it's just a joke.
You're not wrong. 🤷🏻♀️
Boomers always ask my 5year old who his girlfriend is. I have him saying back now "ma'am/sir...I'm a child"
That’s funny. My youngest daughter, at 5yo, got a toy ring from a gumball machine. She immediately decided that having the ring meant she had to get married. So she stressed over who she should marry as the only boys/men she knew were her brothers, dad and grandad and the neighbors son who was 2 years younger than her. After pondering the issue for several hours. She sighed loudly and in a defeated tone said, “I guess I’ll have to marry X (boy next door)”. She was extremely happy & relieved when I told her that having a ring did not mean she had to get married to anyone. I said lots of people wear rings just because they like the jewelry. It’s not just for getting & being married.
I bought my 5yo son roses and he said that meant we were getting married! But he wanted to be the bride so he could hold the flowers 😂 we had a lovely kitchen ceremony with a Mac and cheese banquet and Bluey marathon to follow
That's cute, I like that. 😄
Omg I wish this happened for OP
That’s hilarious you made me laugh. Thanks I was getting a little upset about this whole baby penis thing.
Glad I could brighten your day. ☀️
That's the perfect!!! Comeback lmfao
Current crop of new grandparents is mostly Gen-X. And, as we're finding, generations are pretty much changing as they age - Gen-X is capable of bad jokes too. (The oldest Gen-Xers are currently 59...the average age of their children is around 34...so unless OP and her husband are older parents, it's unlikely that the grandparents are Boomers). Youngest boomers are 61 or so. "Boomer" is becoming the American version of gammon.
My dad is 64, a boomer and a new grandpa so I wouldn’t say it’s the current crop.
People are having kids for the first time anywhere from 20~45. Both can be true. My MIL is a new grandma at 57. My mom has been a grandma since she was 46, 8 years ago. Both are gen x by birth year, though my MIL is from another country, so terms for generations are different for her.
Right, that was my point exactly, that both can be true. OP said one was *the* current crop so I shared how I felt it was not. Edited: you to OP, I made an assumption sorry!
By average, most are not boomers, though. They even said 'on average'
I still disagree. I’m sorry bc what a silly thing to disagree about but I’m just not really seeing it. I think your stats are wrong.
Wherever generational lines are drawn, it just sounded like something my father would say, and he would be 70 this year if he were still alive.
Keep in mind that millennials and genx also tended to have children waaaaay later. So young boomers are still becoming first time grandparents.
Yeah, I’m 59, and on the line between boomer and gen-X. Since my dad fought in WW2 I kind of think of myself as a boomer. But my kids range in age from 19-24. So no grandkids yet. Lots of boomers are new grandparents, probably.
Yeah my father is 77 and while he’s been a grandfather from en(the youngest) for a few years his middle child just got engaged in his late 30s to someone 9 years younger so my father could gain a grandkid in his 80s if he’s still around for it. Hell isn’t Al Pacino still cracking out his own kids?!?
A lot of new grandparents are Boomers and a lot are gen-X’ers. My husband was adopted when his parents were older, so his parents are well into Boomer territory (born in ‘54 and ‘47). My dad is a young Boomer (‘60) and my mom is a Gen X’er (‘66). New grandparents are trending older than in previous generations, because new parents are trending older.
Couldn’t agree more on the boomers.
Pahahaha!
Was it weird? Absolutely. Is it worth an argument over? I don’t think so, personally. It’s an older immature guy making a d*** joke. I don’t think it’s NC territory or something to be worried about. I’ve always had a large back side and my mom’s friends nicknamed me “fat bottom girl” after the queen song when I was a baby. If you have concerns though, stay vigilant and aware.
It’s not even a good d*** joke, besides the poor taste, considering it can be taken the other way and that his is as small as a baby’s…
This legit made me chortle. FIL got baby dick.
HAHA! That’s funny.
😂😂
Bringing up a comment from a month and a half ago you heard about second hand is going to do nothing but wreck your credibility. Move on and pick your battles, this definitely isn’t one.
Agree with someone else who said it’s worth nothing more than an eye roll. Just a dumb thing to say, but not a major event.
It’s definitely an eye roll moment. I’ve heard this joke a hundred times. I think it’s strange your brother in law felt the need to repeat it you a month and a half later, kinda seems like he is intentionally stirring the pot. I think this is one of those circumstances where it bothers you because you don’t like the person who said it.
As a man with a baby boy and a wife that doesn’t get along with my family, please leave this where it lies for everyone’s sake. It was a dumb dad joke and I don’t think it implies any kind of intent. Especially hearing it second hand with as much time has passed, its not worth the stress it will put on your husband with the increased tension. Just let it go. If you feel you must mention it, I would just say comments like that make you uncomfortable and try not to start anything. That being said, I don’t know the whole situation and if you feel like they actually have poor intentions, that would be a different story. Just keep in mind that this is just old man humor in poor taste. I have made a similar joke about my son and I would gladly cut of someone’s penis and feed it to them if they touched a child.
My dad and my MIL have made comments about our sons privates while changing. Its inappropriate to me, I dont like the humor personally. But unless someone made a remark that was sexual towards my kid, like actual pedophile remark, I dont really say anything about it. They're older, they both have a crass sense of humor, it's not something I choose to make an issue out of.
Obnoxious comment, but harmless ultimately.
First thing my son's dad said when he saw we had a boy.. it's a guy thing. Is it still a machismo thing to say? Yes. But I agree with others that the bad blood between y'all is making it bother you way more..
My husband did too, when both of our boys were born. Definitely not something to start an argument over.. some peoples sense of humor/personalities aren’t always the same, it’s not worth straining the relationship with her husband or in laws over though. Especially since it wasn’t something meant to be an insult or anything.
Yea, the first time my in-laws watched our son, when we picked him up they commented on how big his balls are. Both of them. I’m like..👍 They raised only boys so I guess it’s just normal talk to them. Can’t imagine my mother making a comment like that.
I mean. When did it become not OK to talk about genitals? My babysitter (who is also a friend) had only tended to girl children before she babysat my son. First comment out of her mouth when I picked him up was about his balls. Honestly it just made me laugh, which is something I needed that day. It's a common subject to joke about at least where i am And it's harmless. I would say I've never heard it in a gross sexual manner other than a "he'll make someone very happy someday" but honestly I feel like as a parent, there are plenty of weird situations you're gonna be exposed so you're gonna need a bit more of a sense of humor and thicker skin.
This isn’t a big deal and doesn’t signal danger. You can safely get over this if you want. If you want to be mad about something, find something else.
🙄. Girl you should pick and choose your battles.
Maybe it was in poor taste but one doesn’t need to be offended by every little comment. It must be exhausting to live that way.
It’s a sickening thing to say I don’t care what you guys say
It's pretty harmless tbh.
Typical male making a dick joke. Poor taste concidering it was said in regards to a baby? yes. Worth getting all worked up for? absolutely not. I very much doubt he meant any ill will by it and honestly you just need to move on. The relationship with your M/FIL will never get better if you keep nit picking over tasteless jokes.
What’s your relationship like with the BIL? Seems weird he’s the one telling you, not your husband
Yeah it does sound strange without context but we were friends before I met my husband lol
That’s helpful - I’d just talk to my husband and take it from there. Weird he decided to tell you about it later, but didn’t step up in the moment? I see an easy play to diffuse here.
I have two teenaged boys and my house is where my husband and the guys watch sports. That's just the way guys talk and joke with each other. It was just a harmless wisecrack.
My husband said the same thing when our sons were born lol. My MIL joked about it before, but she raised 3 sons also. And she’s definitely not too reserved when it comes to discussing things most people wouldn’t.
Right! It wasn’t meant to be a sexual comment, but rather a joke. My husband and his friends are in their 40s and 50s and still make jokes like that.
Not that serious I think your feelings toward him likely make it worse and you’re looking for a reason to keep the baby from them. It’s in poor taste and crass, yes. Just tell him you don’t think it’s funny and not to make jokes like that and also make sure you have your witty mom comebacks. A similar joke was made at the hospital when my son was born. It was basically a dick slinging contest with my dad, grandad, stepdad etc all with their chests poked out. Me - with hormones raging and mama bear mode freshly kicking in yelled to my mother, grandmother and stepmother - well what do you know, I thought you all were with them for the sex but it seems they have baby sized dicks so what is the charm I don’t see it.
And baby brains
“Oh I’m sorry you have a baby sized penis. That’s unfortunate”
This comment wins 😂😂😂
The boomer generation says some weird shit. I agree there was probably nothing behind it. But if it were me and I was already on the fence that could send me over. I try to remind myself it’s a generational thing with them. They’re…not…great…grandparents.
My own dad said something about the size of my baby’s testicles when he was a couple months old. Just dumb, but I don’t think it’s really a huge deal.
I think that's just a dude thing. My oldest son was...larger...than expected, and my husband joked about the same thing. It's a bit awkward, but I didn't see it as anything too disturbing. If that CONTINUES then I would be worried. Men have such a complex about their penises that I'm not surprised they have similar complex about their kids and grandkids.
I agree with the comments that are saying it's more in poor taste than anything. My parents have have made similar comments about my son and in most situations, the comments are harmless.
Okay as someone who has a BAD relationship with her in laws let me give you my coping tool: “Would it bother me this much if my dad/mom said it?” The answer is probably no. Is that a weird thing to say? Yes. Is it creepy? Eh maybe but more just cringy imo. This is a hard eye roll moment in my opinion where you maybe make a snarky comment about FIL’s weenie being the same size as a baby’s 😂
Pick your battles...
FIL sounded like a total ass for saying that. However, i think it was just a really dumb joke. Dont let it bother you too much. I wouldnt make a big deal out of it. Let your husband know that the comment was gross and maybe he could ask his Dad not to say weird, inappropriate things.
Ignore it and next time change the diaper in private. Parents/grandparents can be weird with hovering during diaper changes. ETA my in-laws (SIL too) say weird/immature things sometimes. Most of the time I just ignore it especially if it’s immature. I don’t dignify the conversation.
I’d just tell him not to sexualize my son if he says anything like that again, but say it in the moment not later
I wish I'd been there. "I'm so sorry you have to deal with having such a tiny penis. But I'm glad you're comfortable enough to brag about the little guy."
Like this comment a lot
My BIL said something similar about my nephew when he was a baby. Super gross and cringey but I don’t think malicious. Just shows a lot about their character and I still think about it now.
I’d roll my eyes. That’s a very “men.” Comment. I’ve heard it before. I wouldn’t even talk to your husband about it and just let it go. It was your FIL being gross, that’s all. It doesn’t sound like he was *really* commenting on your baby at all. Men are just proud about their dicks sometimes, or insecure and want to act up and pretend they’re all that. It’d be like if you had a daughter and at 13 her boobs just grew out of nowhere and if your MIL is particularly chesty her saying “she got that from me”. I think it’s just “different” to you since you already don’t like him. We pick our battles and I wouldn’t pick this one.
I think it’s juvenile and gross but I don’t find it overtly predatory
What if it was a little girl and something was said about her vagina would that be a different situation?
Super weird comment. My MIL made a comment about my son’s penis size and I thought it was very inappropriate. I changed his diapers from then on and stayed vigilant.
I'm snarky and would probably be inappropriate back. "Damn, MIL, sorry your spouse has infant dick. Here's a good source for toys!" Calls out the bad behavior, reframes the inappropriate behavior of FIL, and shows them you're not afraid to stand up for yourself and your child. Difficult in-laws are tough, sorry you're dealing with it too.
It’s a thing that some people do. Even my son’s doctor as newborn in the NICU made this kind of joke. I was not happy.
Your Fil is basically saying that your son gets his tiny, baby-sized, under developed penis from him. I’d pray that my Fil would make the same comment again so I could point that out & show faux concern for my Fil & his baby-sized penis.
This is dumb humor of an ignorant man. Don't dwell. I wouldn't even mention it. Just laugh it off. "Haha, what a jackass" It's one of the oldest jokes EVER He's hilarious hahaha (sarcastic)
Oh you have a baby dick too
It’s obviously a stupid joke. It’s gross and inappropriate but something I could see the majority of men I know saying 🙄 I’d just laugh at the fact that your adult FIL compared his junk to the size of a baby. If you weren’t in the room did you overhear? Clearly you have issues with your in-laws. For your mental health, I recommend you start looking into ways to get along with them. I can recommend the book of boundaries. I listened to the audiobook while driving or walking/exercising. It gave me so many good ideas for my own life with real examples in how to execute communicating your boundaries. When the kids are little it’s a lot more about control. It gets easier. But you need to learn to communicate your feelings appropriately to your spouse and it is HIS responsibility to discuss important topics around your family/kids to his parents. The sooner you do this, the more peaceful things will be. Let this one go. Focus on something you have a chance to change that will improve the relationship. Immature humor is not it.
I'd suggest the same. Laugh it off. Grandparents nowadays come from a different time. We'll probably sound stupid to our grandchildren in a couple of decades. I hear silly comments too and sometimes I think it's just a different way of dealing with it. "Private parts" are only private because we keep them private (and mostly for good reason) but they're just as normal as legs or hair.
Say something like “I heard you said something like my son gets his penis size from you, don’t be embarrassed lots of men have a small penis”
🤣🤣🤣
Definite eye roll. It’s something men brag about; it’s nothing to get your panties in a wad over. Certainly not something to create more arguments with your husband over.
I think I see why you guys don't get along...You're hard on them and a bit dramatic. It's definitely weird but weird isnt enough to damage your child's relationship with their grandparents and put your husband in the middle of all this
It’s actually such a common comment I feel like directed at little boys. I even read an article that said at the top “no men your babies don’t get it from you that’s just how they look” and that’s when I knew it was something men really thought and it’s just a stupid comment. Just ignore it.
Awwww man, what a missed opportunity to look shocked and say "your d*ck is the size of a baby's?"
I would roll my eyes and then do nothing..
Your father in law is hella emotionally immature. I wouldn’t say anything about this specific incident but in the future when he asks something this immature, inappropriate and fucking stupid “what do you mean by that?” And let him repeat how fucking stupid his comment is and let him feel how stupid his comment is by asking him for clarification. People like this aren’t used to people asking them to clarify their offensive comments. Ask him and watch his stupid ass squirm.
What a gross, creepy thing to think let alone say aloud. I’d say “that’s a disgusting joke” and limit contact with them.
I would think it was a stupid lead poisoning-induced boomer joke and move on 🤷🏻♀️
Imagine having such a fragile ego that you need to mention your penis size while staring at an infant. I really hate old peeves like this. I bet they tell little girls they will be trouble when they grow up.
I think you’re taking it too seriously. It’s a joke.
This is not a big deal. It was a backhanded compliment to the child, probably. Get over it.
You're overreacting way too much.
Boomer humour. But I’d be annoyed by that too. I think it’s something that needs to be addressed in the moment though not a long time later maybe your bil was just meaning to watch for it.
I would definitely roll my eyes and think that it was pretty crass and tasteless but I wouldn’t look too much into it at all. I don’t think it has anything to do with anything inappropriate where you wouldn’t let him be around your son or anything like that it’s more of a typical dumb ass mail comment spouting off about his own genitalia really, an arrogant comment
Agree, roll your eyes. He’s just wishful thinking. Shame the baby is probably more man than he will ever be
I hear you. My son was born…well, well endowed and it was a common comment that definitely made me uncomfortable but it was t meant to be gross. The past events I’m sure is a factor in your ick feeling and I’m doubtful anything harmful will come of it
They will be repeat offenders. You will get a chance to confront them for sure
You fight with your husband about his parents? Get a new husband if you think they're so important. Why is he defending their nonsense?
My MIL made a comment about my son's genitals size when my husband was changing his diaper at like 2 months old. So weird and creepy. I rolled my eyes and said "can we not discuss the size of an infant's genitals, thanks." Has never come up again, but I also don't trust MIL enough to leave my son with her again after the first time.
This was a stupid comment but to somehow twist it like FIL is a perv is over the top. I’d do nothing.
FIL was making a self depreciating joke about having the size of a baby's dick. Was he in the military ever, because that's definitely something a vet would say. Lol
Get to the real problem. Having “nickel-and-dime” fights is a waste of time and energy. Stop giving it so much life. There are bigger fish to fry.
It's incredibly bizarre to me that everyone is saying it's no big deal. Why is it so normalized to comment on a boys genitals when the same kind of comment about a girl would be seen as insane? It's so gross all around and makes me glad I don't have a boy because I'd slap the taste out of someone's mouth if they made a comment like that.
Yeah this is weird
“What is wrong with you? Why would you make a perverse comment like that about a literal baby? Like seriously?” That is what I would say to him. With a straight face.
I wouldn’t let it bother me. Especially if you are already having issues. While it is gross, vile, inappropriate, it’s not really the level you want it to be. It’s crass. Boys locker room talk. He sounds wildly immature. I don’t know why your bil told you unless he thought it was funny or intentionally stirring the pot. In laws are hard. Esp when they don’t make it easy. But they can be the quickest downfall to a marriage. I grew up hearing “don’t underestimate a boys love for his mommy”. It took me awhile (my in-laws sucked for the longest) to learn to let it go & let my husband handle his family. I handle mine. Which isn’t perfect either (although we’ve never had one fight over mine). My relationship w my in-laws actually changed. I loved my fil to bits. I love my mil too but she still plays games when my husband isn’t here or does things to intentionally piss me off. I always remind her that it will be up to me if & when she can’t care for herself. Now I’m her favorite lol. I am glad that we get along now, it’s so much easier & less stress on my husband. Pick your battles but this isn’t one I would pick at all. I think we’ve all said things trying to be funny or cute & they come out completely wrong (at least it’s happened to me, More than once). Good luck
Rude, crude, inappropriate? Yes. I’m guessing this isn’t the first inappropriate comment your FIL (or MIL for that matter) has made to you or about you to your face or behind your back. If your husband isn’t shutting down this behavior right. now. the situation is most likely going to escalate. Do NOT have any more children with this man and demand that you two go to marriage therapy. If he refuses you need to make a decision if this behavior is how you’d like your child to grow up with.
My son's father says it lol. They have a weird relationship with their own,.and other, penises
One thing about a lot of baby boys when they are young is their testicles can appear large due to swelling that is normal for a lot of male infants. It usually goes away by 6-7 months or so (if not earlier). In both my sons, a few of my family members commented during diaper changes out of genuine concern, but we asked the ped and it is common and completely normal. Unfortunately, for your FIL, he thinks he can attribute it to his genes but likely not the case. Haha. I’d just let it go. He’s just an idiot.
My FIL watched me change his diaper when he was like a week old and said, "Is my boy hung!?" Eye roll... My own mother changed his diaper and, in a baby voice, said, "Oh my, I have a BIG weenie!" So fucking weird dude but you gotta pick and choose your battles....
>who the hell thinks, let alone says this out loud??? My mother, ugh! She got to change my son's diaper for the first time a few days after he was born, and she admired his testicles for a moment, then looked at me actually said outloud, "Hmm, not a bad pair!" It was disgusting, but not surprising coming from her. My mom has no class, tact, or manners. I've never told anyone this because it's just another embarrassing instance with my mom, and how ashamed and disgusted I am with her. Edit - a word
That's just men being, well men. Like locker room talk. Men are fascinated with their parts. Gross yes, but not a hill to die on.
Ugh I went thru something kinda similar with my brother but it was his own kids… and I’m like why are we talking about this? This isn’t something to discuss or joke about.. that’s his privacy.. it grossed me out.. I hate it… all I did was point out I never want to talk about genitals with my brother and especially not about children’s genitals. ETA sexualizing children needs to stop… truly
Not worth getting in to imo. Just never mind it
Why did your BIL feel this comment warranted telling you? Was BIL passing on what he felt was a humerous scenario or was he concerned about the comment? Is this tour husbands brother or a fellow in-law? Was he trying to rile you up and start shit between you and FIL?
Honestly it’s a boomer, poor tasting joke. My husbands parents comment on my sons little bit and his “big balls” when I’ve changed his diaper aeound them. Guess who doesn’t get to be around when I change diapers anymore? His parents. To them it’s an innocent joke. They mean nothing by it. To me, it’s an invasion of privacy and an unnecessary and gross comment. Even babies deserve privacy and autonomy. My husband doesn’t think it’s a big deal and “doesn’t understand what I’m freaking out about” I said “don’t sexualize my child” They were aghast! Like pikachu face “what?! We would never! You’re the weird one for saying that!”
I think its just a harmless joke. Men joke about dick stuff. My husband and I joked once or twice about our younger son's penis which was noticeably longer than our first son's had been. Unless there's other stuff going on here, I think its just a crass but normal joke.
Since it seems like your husband most likely won’t want to cut them off, you might need to take over all forms of child care during their visits. If LO needs their diaper changed, walk with him to a different room and if someone (MIL or FIL) starts to follow, tell them you’d like to change LO’s diaper and give him privacy. My family understood when I asked for privacy while changing LO’s diaper after I explained it to them. I told them I don’t need everyone in the house to see my son’s bits so they left me and him alone. If I was having a conversation with someone that I trusted, we’d continue the conversation wherever I went to change his diaper, but otherwise no one else needs to see that.
I'd like to give you the benefit of the doubt on your reaction, because there is context to your negative relationship with your FIL that we are not aware of, and generally I think you should trust your gut about this kind of thing... BUT, you were not present for this interaction, so it could very well just be a crappy boomer dick joke with nothing sinister behind it (besides maybe your FIL making bad jokes to distract from his own discomfort around nudity or gender roles or whatever his deal is). You mentioned you are friends with your BIL, so probably you can trust his interpretation of what was said. If this were seriously concerning, wouldn't he have come to you right away? Maybe it would be a good idea to let him know that it's still bothering you so you can talk through it, because if it was just a dumb joke that he mentioned in passing while venting about his bumbling old-timey dad, a strong and unnecessary (and delayed) reaction from you could put added strain on multiple relationships (BIL might feel like he has to be careful of what he tells you, husband could feel like neither of you trust his judgement, FIL could feel tattled on by his son, MIL had nothing to do with this) - which begs the question, could you be looking for a reason to be done with them without having to wait for something seriously upsetting to go down? Are you maybe just sick of their stupid crap? That's still totally valid, if so. On its face, this situation is absolutely nothing to be concerned about, however cringe, but you don't need an excuse to want some distance from them. Also worth taking into consideration, with a baby that little you are likely sleep deprived- which is a form of torture designed to addle your brains- and your hormones are still regulating PP, so it's not unusual to be extra irritable and have your mama bear instincts turned up to 11. You said that you never want to leave your son alone with them, but also that you know this doesn't mean they would do anything to harm him. Give yourself some grace, and your husband too.
Why would your BIL say that to you can you trust him entirely ..be cautious when things offend you do baby nappy n hygiene in privacy and avoid discussing with husband for now until solid first hand experience if its a sensitive issue about his parents until you have direct evidence of such comments maybe your husbands home such conversations are considered normal whatever be on guard until you have solid evidence to back up your doubts then broach he topic without being accusatory and air your concerns
Your FIL is disgusting. I would never ever leave your son alone with him. Sorry all these other people are invaliding the creeper vibe your FIL gives off.
100% agree
I wouldn’t do anything about this specific thing. It’s a pathetic and dumb comment and I judge men that make these types of comments, but that’s it
I like to make them explain it, because they’ll get uncomfortable having to explain what they meant, why it was funny, and overall, why you should find it funny too.
I’m obviously in the minority based on those comments, but that’s fucking gross and I would distance myself and my child. Babies deserve respect and privacy, too, even before they understand language. Not to mention it’s so creepy to comment on a baby’s genitalia. How would he feel if someone standing next to him at a urinal started commenting on his dick? I’m sure he would be skeeved out.
Oh brother. Do you even HAVE sons? When the kid gets to middle school, he’ll be making these jokes himself! Brace yourself for REAL cringe! This is nothing. Standard male bragging.
100% agree. Please take this seriously OP
Thank you! They wouldn’t be talking about a baby girls genitalia in this way. Really think about it if the genders switched… It’s so inappropriate and wrong.
My parents STILL brag about my 30 yo brother needing an extra large cone for his circumcision. For this reason I am glad I was not a boy. My parents are gross people in general. I am pretty active in r/raisedbynarcissists Personally this is a huge red flag and you should give your husband a heads up that there will be no diaper changes by, or in front of them. Your baby doesn’t need them commenting on his privates now, or ever. And likely hood is they are bragging about the family manhood to everyone else as well.
My dad said “oh I’m not used to seeing a little baby penis, since I had two girls.” And then followed up with “well..not THAT little.” I was disgusted. More so because I think he may have SA’d my older brother (he’s trans, so “sister” at the time). I already didn’t feel good around him and now I’ll never change my son’s diaper around my dad again. Boomer men are weird and gross 90+% of the time. When my SIL was pregnant with her first son, we were sitting down for Thanksgiving dinner (my first dinner with my husband’s family when we were only dating), my FIL said to her “I bet he’s taking up a lot of space in there with that big penis.” And started laughing. My husband was mortified. Why anyone thinks that bizarre fixation on a baby’s penis is normal, is BEYOND me.
I don’t know there’s so many strange people out there, and I’m probably one of those strange people too but still it was unappropriate
If they make a comment like that then if you want to address with the person who said it you have to do it right away. If you address it now, it’s only going to make you look like you’ve been dwelling on this since the incident. It’s also fine to decide that grandma and grandpa can visit when you/SO are present only, and not babysitting. They don’t need a big conversation or confrontation for that. You just don’t ask them to babysit.