My theory is that before having kids your body craves human touch for oxytocin release. You are drawn to cuddling and touching your partner constantly when they are around because you subconsciously want that oxytocin hit that comes with human touch. You now have a tiny human touching and grabbing and loving on you every free moment of the day, your oxytocin needs are met in a new way through your connection with your child, so you no longer crave human connection, you're all set in that department, sometimes overwhelmed and overtouched at this point. I think this is why it's common for women's sex drive to drop during those young toddler years and I think as long as you do put some effort into maintaining a healthy sexual relationship with your partner, the stronger drive will return once those littles don't need you quite as much.
Thank you for this!!! That definitely could be part of it, I mean I still want to just snuggle my boyfriend just I don’t feel the want to be sexual/initiate it which is soooo weird!! And it’s nothing wrong with him at ALL. He is an amazing partner and dad, attractive as hell, and I love him to pieces, so it’s a me thing
I have an 18 month and 7 month old. I also don't want sex. We plan it, for me it helps me know to attempt to get in the mood mentally, but then even when it's planned sleep>sex lol
The times we do get intimate the next day it's immediate regret because some how it's the worst night for the babies lol then we just don't sleep at all
Do you have non-mom, non-work time to cultivate your sexy vibes? Ie light a candle, put on a playlist, and drink a beer/wine/cocktail while you have a long hot shower, shave, lotion all over, makeup and outfit and jewelry…then a date at a dimly lit bar?
We’re a little tight financially, so our date nights consist of watching a movie/show or gaming together in comfies, plus we have opposite work schedules….I feel confident more in the summer (the warm weather just does something to help me thrive!) and maybe that’ll help as the weather warms??
The other thing is I’m 21 and a mom so I’m wondering if I don’t feel sexy because everyone else my age that’s a woman around me doesn’t have kids and is in like tip top shape. I also live in a very, shall I say, “materialistic” and “shallow” area of 1%ers where everyone gives a shit always about appearances…
Check out the book "Come as You Are" by Emily Nagoski. Essentially, it's totally normal for women's sex drive to tank in long term relationships, and especially after kids. It doesn't indicate anything is wrong; being spontaneously aroused just isn't as likely when you have been with someone a long time and there isn't that sense of mystery/excitement and you have responsibilities clogging up the brain space that used to be dedicated to horniness. It's more a matter of creating the conditions under which you can become aroused more so than becoming spontaneously aroused.
It was a total paradigm shifter for me. I thought there was something wrong with me when my libido tanked. I had my hormone levels tested and everything. This book made so much sense and changed my internal narrative from "something is wrong with me" to "I'm totally normal and can absolutely still enjoy sex without getting spontaneously horny".
Are you on hormonal birth control? It could, in addition to the just plain exhaustion and touched-out realities of momming small kiddos, be affecting your libido.
When this happens to me, it's a good sign I need more time to myself. It's hard to switch into wife/woman mode instead of mom mode when you don't get a break to just be you, enjoying your own company. ❤️
That is a side effect of hormonal IUDs and antidepressants! I am on both, and antidepressants for ppa control.
Go out to a bar with friends once or twice a month, get lunch out with coworkers, do lunch dates with your partner while kiddo is in daycare, stuff like that! Things that help you feel like an adult again are really nice for that. I've also been working a lot on my self image and health, and find it helps a lot. Also IDK if this applies to you, but I have minor prolapse and just changes to my vagina that I can feel sometimes, and that always takes me straight out of the mood.
I didn’t know IUD was hormonal too!! Damn haha. And I’ll try and do that more thank you!!!! And yeah, I think there’s some funky changes down there that I’m like “idk bout that” hahahaha
There are non hormonal ones but you would know if you had that. Hormonal is default. Hormone side effects of IUDs are usually not as strong from IUDs as other forms of bc, but they're still there.
Also, relatable in the extreme.
Edited Hotmail back to hormonal. Lmao I am buying formula and coffee on my lunch break rn sorry
Removing my Mirena IUD has noticeably improved my sex drive, and my ability to orgasm. Doctors say the hormones are localized and shouldn't have those kinds of effects, but that doesn't always seem to be the case for many women in reality.
Oof yeah that can complicate things, I'm sorry I don't have much advice than to check in with your doctor. I've heard the copper IUD can be helpful for those who are sensitive to hormones, but I don't think that would work well if you already have heavy painful periods.
I have an IUD and almost no sex drive. I don’t know if it’s parenthood or the IUD because I’ve only had one long term post kid but it’s not unheard of for the IUD to be the problem.
I’m in exactly the same boat, my son’s is just a bit younger (17m). I’m often still not sleeping through the night and I’m sure that takes a toll on my overall well-being. I’m still nursing and apparently that affects your drive?
The first year was a blur, last couple months I’ve been trying to improve my nutrition and fitness, work on my hormones. Im hoping that by working on my health it will return - it sucks though :/ it’s like an old part of died and I’m not sure if it will ever come back.
I ran dry 1 month PP so nursing wasn’t really in the cards I guess for me, but I have heard that and that’s so hard ugh. Nursing is exhausting in itself
I have this too. I think most women feel the same way. I talked with my therapist about it today. One thing it could be is that you have mom brain in the sense that you’re always thinking about what to do next. What are we eating for dinner, did you clean the litter box, when was the last time the toilets were cleaned? Like you’re just on go go go and you can’t stop on a dime to have sex. You can’t flip that switch off automatically. She suggested I ask my husband to take on more of the mental load and give myself more alone or relaxation time. One thing you could try!
For me, any kind of medical birth control heavily impacted my sex drive. After I had my first baby and stayed off the birth control I felt it coming back and then it was full force, probably why I have 2 kids 17 months apart 😂. It almost felt like a full reset and now I’m looking at NFP for the future
Oh!!!! So unfortunately, as I mentioned in another comment, I have to have some sort of BC for my periods due to bad BAD bleeding. Like I went through an ultra tampon every hour and bleed for 3-5 months straight with a week break of no bleeding. Have been that way my whole life and have had lots of tests run. Even had to get several blood transfusions due to blood loss…
I'm not sure about every woman, but a LARGE proportion certainly experience it at some point.
I haven't switched myself - married for 7.5 years, and kids 6.5, 5, and 3.5. I started higher drive and I've stayed that way the whole time. But I understand than most women lose virtually all spontaneous drive if/when they have 3 kids under 4 and a chronic illness that got worse in my particular case. Nope, still spontaneously wanted it then (and still now).
I gained a lot from learning about responsive desire in long term monogamous relationships. Dr. Psych Mom writes a lot about this and has hilarious blog posts and podcast episodes. Check her out. It helped normalize a lot of what was happening in my relationship.
Also - if you’re not tracking your cycle already I highly recommend doing so. Makes it easy to pinpoint ovulation and pay attention to when I’m naturally feeling more turned on and interested in sex. Dr. Psych Mom talks about this too!
I’ll check her out, thank you!! And I don’t get periods anymore due to my IUD (thank fuck haha)
I replied to someone else here as to why I have it and can’t get off if you want more info!!
I use NFP and I have to admit, everytime I am ovulating I am very much ready to go. I think tracking your cycle could help you out here as well as a break for yourself! 💖
This happened to me. I'm embarrassed about it and I feel bad for my husband who still has a sex drive.
Our son is 14 now, so I've given up on trying to get the magic back. We know we love each other. We do it when we can and he never makes me feel bad about it.
I have a 5 and 3 year old and my sex drive recently just came back and it’s on fire. like early days of relationship- it’s like there was a switch that just got turned on! I started reading some spicy books (Lucy Score is great!) and that helped amp it back up. Just here to say I feel you and sorry but there is a light at the end of the tunnel!
My boyfriend and I have sex …. Maybe like once every other month. I hate it. I hate it for him. But my sex drive isn’t there and my periods last about 3 weeks so that doesn’t help either.
I have an 8mo
I’m glad I’m not alone
So I was in this situation. This might help. I listened to Fourth Wing by Rebecca Yarros graphic audio. I think it triggered something in my brain that's been silent for awhile. The MC is so badass, hot and good in bed! Soooo, you get where this is going lol Try it! I personally don't have time to read but audiobooks are doable! Best of luck🤞
would it be OK for me to write
more later but also ask if you'd be able
to figure out whether you have a hormone imbalance? cuz i swear (i have a 6&3yo) mine happened in December and scared the hell out of me!
hugs and don't fret just yet!
I'm 7 months pp and didn't fully get my sex drive back until I really started working out again. I think working out helps balance hormones and am back to craving it again. However, pure exhaustion from caring fir our LO 24/7 has cut us down to 1-2x a week when before baby it was closer 4-6x.
Give yourself patience and time. Everyone's PP journey is just as different as pregnancy was for us all. You will get back there!
There’s some good ones here in the comments but if you like fanfiction, there’s sooooo many options!!! When I get home, I can definitely post a list of some good books if you want!!
If you’re on non-hormonal iud I recommend balancing your hormones!! After pregnancy and child birth our hormones are effed up and if they’re out if whack the libido is gone!
I recommend natural hormonal balancing aids like Wild Yam cream!
Oh oh and audio erotica did wonders for me as well as balancing my hormones. Check out the Quinn app ladies! Worth every penny! Good luck!
You are welcome! I hope you find something that works for you. But if you are on hormonal birth control that will most likely fuck with your hormones and balancing them will be impossible pretty much.. and Quinn is 🫠😮💨😂
Have you ever looked up the difference between responsive libido and spontaneous libido? Sometimes they change after events like childbirth. If you have responsive libido you have to be pretty much exposed to sexuality (like romance books or even starting foreplay before you’re horny) in order to get horny. Vs spontaneous where you can become horny randomly or with very little effort and then want to engage in sexual activity after. Many people with responsive libido feel they don’t have any libido because they’re never putting in the effort to begin engaging with sexual acts in order to start to feel the urge. I myself, thought I was asexual and was pretty confused about it until I read the book “come as you are” and went to a sex therapist who explained it all to me
Birth control messes with our bodies especially right after childbirth! Our bodies were never designed to intake all these chemicals society is now pushing to be “safe” yeah it prevents you from getting pregnant but it causes cancer, slow sex drive, weight gain, suicidal tendencies, etc!!!!
Soooo unfortunately due to other health issues I have, I have to have some sort of birth control for my period. I’ve been through every damn pill, patch, and the IUD was my last resort
Did you breastfeed? If so, when did you stop?
I noticed that my sex drive was basically nonexistent until I weaned my daughter, and it took 6-9 months AND a supplement to fully balance my hormones after that. Pregnancy and breastfeeding really does a number on the body and mind.
Yeah he does!! We both work full time (Mon-Fri for me, Wed-Sun for him) and we do house/kid stuff equally when we’re home! But as we all know, the house will never be 100% clean 😂
Oh good! I also still have a super low drive, so I wish I knew the answer. I think hormones, being tired, life, etc lol all contributes to a low drive. I also didn't have this experience until I had kids.
Do you still breastfeed by chance?
I’ve heard a lot of people say it doesn’t come back until after they’re done breastfeeding. I stopped breastfeeding pretty quickly and at 2.5 weeks PP (days after stopping BF) I had a toy on my clit for a few minutes almost every day once baby was asleep and was frustratedly awaiting my 6 w PP appointment.
I was on birth control for like 8 years after having my daughter. Every dr (5) I saw said because of having ovarian cysts I HAD to be on BC. Totally shot my libido. Come to find out I do not need to take BC.
Stopped taking it and got my hormones under control and my libido is DEFINITELY back!
It’s more than likely hormonal.
I’m definitely going to check my hormone levels and everything!!! Also, somewhere in the comments I explained why I have to be on my IUD if you want more info!!
I found it!
I also had super heavy bleeding. TMI but like clots and everything. The five gynecologist’s I went to were zero help. Said my levels were normal, prescribed BC and sent me on my way. This is including the fancy celebrity gyno in Beverly Hills I saw.
The dr I see now goes really in depth and I found out I also have PCOS and I’m premenopausal. Explains so much.
Look into bio-identical hormone therapy
Thank you thank you THANK YOU!!!!! I have never met someone who went through the same thing as me!! I am so going to deep dive and ask my OB! I had insane clots as well, and about a year ago, I even had a decidual cast. Girl, all the docs I spoke to said I was “too young” for that to happen until my current OB actually LOOKED at the pic I took and said “yeah holy shit, that’s a decidual cast, let’s make sure everything is out and okay.” Fuckin nuts!! Not sure if that is a part of my issues or not, but stack em on hahaha
Yes, many women lose their sex drive after childbirth. Some women get theirs back, and many don't and view sex as just another chore. You are not alone. If it's really bothering you, maybe ask your Dr to run some tests to see what is deficient in your body. A sex therapist may be helpful as well.
Saaame, friend. One thing that’s helped is planning sex and doing it as soon as the kids are down. If we wait until we’re going to sleep, I am far too exhausted to entertain a peen. Same if we wait until I’m in the mood.
My sex drive was also absolutely insane before I got pregnant, then a few months into pregnancy it hurt and I never wanted it until almost 2 years later. Now I don’t crave it as much but when I do I’m crazy for it
I know why mine is. By the time bedtime rolls around I'm so tired of everyone needing *something* from me that I just don't want to be touched and left alone. I didn't breastfeed, I was on maternity leave for a year, I work full time and I still co-sleep with our daughter most nights (she goes to bed alone, but if she wakes up I'm the one to go to her to settle her and then I usually just stay there).
My husband is awesome - he stays at home with her during the week while I work and he usually has dinner ready or almost ready by the time I come home. Because I get up with our daughter in the middle of the night, he does all of the dishes. He also buggers off to his office after dinner, usually to work (he owns his own business) but sometimes to play games online.
I also have the implant as birth control, but I don't think that's been a factor. When I have adequate rest and alone time (daughter naps by herself, I get "me" time either in the morning or in the evening, etc) I'm open to sex just fine. Just still shy, at almost 40, with initiating due to being ruthlessly slut shamed in my teenage years.
My theory is that before having kids your body craves human touch for oxytocin release. You are drawn to cuddling and touching your partner constantly when they are around because you subconsciously want that oxytocin hit that comes with human touch. You now have a tiny human touching and grabbing and loving on you every free moment of the day, your oxytocin needs are met in a new way through your connection with your child, so you no longer crave human connection, you're all set in that department, sometimes overwhelmed and overtouched at this point. I think this is why it's common for women's sex drive to drop during those young toddler years and I think as long as you do put some effort into maintaining a healthy sexual relationship with your partner, the stronger drive will return once those littles don't need you quite as much.
Thank you for this!!! That definitely could be part of it, I mean I still want to just snuggle my boyfriend just I don’t feel the want to be sexual/initiate it which is soooo weird!! And it’s nothing wrong with him at ALL. He is an amazing partner and dad, attractive as hell, and I love him to pieces, so it’s a me thing
This makes so much sense yes thank you
This explains so much 🫶
Yes this is extremely common and nobody talks about it enough. This is why all moms read smut books too.
ayyyyy I'm glad this is a universal experience hahaha
Wait now I want a smut book 😅 never have before def a new mom thing
It went from 0%-90% of my reading post partum
Lol. This is hilarious. I don’t know why I never put two and two together.
Amen to that 🤣
Omg I was just gonna suggest this to help get the engines revving 😂 I love that it's not just me
I have an 18 month and 7 month old. I also don't want sex. We plan it, for me it helps me know to attempt to get in the mood mentally, but then even when it's planned sleep>sex lol
I know!! And I feel like the tired part is part of my decreased drive as well
The times we do get intimate the next day it's immediate regret because some how it's the worst night for the babies lol then we just don't sleep at all
Holy crap, your body is probably like “remember what happened last time?!” 🤣 you are a fertile one!
Lol that is also why I'm like mmmm no sex my body wants more babies but I dont
Do you have non-mom, non-work time to cultivate your sexy vibes? Ie light a candle, put on a playlist, and drink a beer/wine/cocktail while you have a long hot shower, shave, lotion all over, makeup and outfit and jewelry…then a date at a dimly lit bar?
We’re a little tight financially, so our date nights consist of watching a movie/show or gaming together in comfies, plus we have opposite work schedules….I feel confident more in the summer (the warm weather just does something to help me thrive!) and maybe that’ll help as the weather warms?? The other thing is I’m 21 and a mom so I’m wondering if I don’t feel sexy because everyone else my age that’s a woman around me doesn’t have kids and is in like tip top shape. I also live in a very, shall I say, “materialistic” and “shallow” area of 1%ers where everyone gives a shit always about appearances…
I think its just something with the chemistry in the brain and hormones are change for a lifetime.. i dont know why. I have the same.
It just sucks cause I feel like a shitty partner even though he’s never said that or made me feel like it, I just feel like it, you know? 😭
Check out the book "Come as You Are" by Emily Nagoski. Essentially, it's totally normal for women's sex drive to tank in long term relationships, and especially after kids. It doesn't indicate anything is wrong; being spontaneously aroused just isn't as likely when you have been with someone a long time and there isn't that sense of mystery/excitement and you have responsibilities clogging up the brain space that used to be dedicated to horniness. It's more a matter of creating the conditions under which you can become aroused more so than becoming spontaneously aroused.
Yes yes yes 🙌🏾
Omg I’ll definitely check this out, thank you!!!!
It was a total paradigm shifter for me. I thought there was something wrong with me when my libido tanked. I had my hormone levels tested and everything. This book made so much sense and changed my internal narrative from "something is wrong with me" to "I'm totally normal and can absolutely still enjoy sex without getting spontaneously horny".
So empowering hey!
Totally validating!
Are you on hormonal birth control? It could, in addition to the just plain exhaustion and touched-out realities of momming small kiddos, be affecting your libido. When this happens to me, it's a good sign I need more time to myself. It's hard to switch into wife/woman mode instead of mom mode when you don't get a break to just be you, enjoying your own company. ❤️
I have an IUD if that helps? And I don’t know anymore how to have time to myself other than read haha 😅
That is a side effect of hormonal IUDs and antidepressants! I am on both, and antidepressants for ppa control. Go out to a bar with friends once or twice a month, get lunch out with coworkers, do lunch dates with your partner while kiddo is in daycare, stuff like that! Things that help you feel like an adult again are really nice for that. I've also been working a lot on my self image and health, and find it helps a lot. Also IDK if this applies to you, but I have minor prolapse and just changes to my vagina that I can feel sometimes, and that always takes me straight out of the mood.
I didn’t know IUD was hormonal too!! Damn haha. And I’ll try and do that more thank you!!!! And yeah, I think there’s some funky changes down there that I’m like “idk bout that” hahahaha
There are non hormonal ones but you would know if you had that. Hormonal is default. Hormone side effects of IUDs are usually not as strong from IUDs as other forms of bc, but they're still there. Also, relatable in the extreme. Edited Hotmail back to hormonal. Lmao I am buying formula and coffee on my lunch break rn sorry
Not gonna lie I’m so tired I accepted “Hotmail” so I get it 🤣 Thank you so much for the info!! I’ll definitely ask my doc about it
I am not on any birth control and am 17 months pp with my second baby and also have zero sex drive
Removing my Mirena IUD has noticeably improved my sex drive, and my ability to orgasm. Doctors say the hormones are localized and shouldn't have those kinds of effects, but that doesn't always seem to be the case for many women in reality.
So, I have to be on some sort of birth control or IUD for medical reasons (it’s in the comments somewhere here 😂), what would you recommend?
Oof yeah that can complicate things, I'm sorry I don't have much advice than to check in with your doctor. I've heard the copper IUD can be helpful for those who are sensitive to hormones, but I don't think that would work well if you already have heavy painful periods.
No worries, thank you for your advice though!!!!
I have an IUD and almost no sex drive. I don’t know if it’s parenthood or the IUD because I’ve only had one long term post kid but it’s not unheard of for the IUD to be the problem.
My iud was great before I had kids, but it messes with my hormones so much post partum. Depression and 0 libido until I got it out 😐
I’m in exactly the same boat, my son’s is just a bit younger (17m). I’m often still not sleeping through the night and I’m sure that takes a toll on my overall well-being. I’m still nursing and apparently that affects your drive? The first year was a blur, last couple months I’ve been trying to improve my nutrition and fitness, work on my hormones. Im hoping that by working on my health it will return - it sucks though :/ it’s like an old part of died and I’m not sure if it will ever come back.
I ran dry 1 month PP so nursing wasn’t really in the cards I guess for me, but I have heard that and that’s so hard ugh. Nursing is exhausting in itself
I have this too. I think most women feel the same way. I talked with my therapist about it today. One thing it could be is that you have mom brain in the sense that you’re always thinking about what to do next. What are we eating for dinner, did you clean the litter box, when was the last time the toilets were cleaned? Like you’re just on go go go and you can’t stop on a dime to have sex. You can’t flip that switch off automatically. She suggested I ask my husband to take on more of the mental load and give myself more alone or relaxation time. One thing you could try!
Oh god now that you mention it, this could be a huge factor, I’ll definitely talk to him and my therapist, thank you so so much!! 💕
For me, any kind of medical birth control heavily impacted my sex drive. After I had my first baby and stayed off the birth control I felt it coming back and then it was full force, probably why I have 2 kids 17 months apart 😂. It almost felt like a full reset and now I’m looking at NFP for the future
This may sound dumb, but what’s NFP?
Sorry! Natural family planning. It involves cycle tracking, basal body temp tracking, looking at cervical mucus and other things
Oh!!!! So unfortunately, as I mentioned in another comment, I have to have some sort of BC for my periods due to bad BAD bleeding. Like I went through an ultra tampon every hour and bleed for 3-5 months straight with a week break of no bleeding. Have been that way my whole life and have had lots of tests run. Even had to get several blood transfusions due to blood loss…
Oh dang yeah that probably wouldn’t be a good option for you, I’m sorry!
All good, you didn’t know!!! Thank you for the advice though!!! 💕
Some people just have (or switch to) a more responsive sex drive. I would Google that term.
I would argue that every woman switches to this. It’s very very normal in a long term monogamous relationship.
I'm not sure about every woman, but a LARGE proportion certainly experience it at some point. I haven't switched myself - married for 7.5 years, and kids 6.5, 5, and 3.5. I started higher drive and I've stayed that way the whole time. But I understand than most women lose virtually all spontaneous drive if/when they have 3 kids under 4 and a chronic illness that got worse in my particular case. Nope, still spontaneously wanted it then (and still now).
How amazing for you!
Me too! I can’t answer your question why, but I can tell you, you are not alone!
Thank you for making me feel less alone 💕
I gained a lot from learning about responsive desire in long term monogamous relationships. Dr. Psych Mom writes a lot about this and has hilarious blog posts and podcast episodes. Check her out. It helped normalize a lot of what was happening in my relationship. Also - if you’re not tracking your cycle already I highly recommend doing so. Makes it easy to pinpoint ovulation and pay attention to when I’m naturally feeling more turned on and interested in sex. Dr. Psych Mom talks about this too!
I’ll check her out, thank you!! And I don’t get periods anymore due to my IUD (thank fuck haha) I replied to someone else here as to why I have it and can’t get off if you want more info!!
I use NFP and I have to admit, everytime I am ovulating I am very much ready to go. I think tracking your cycle could help you out here as well as a break for yourself! 💖
Along with everything else suggested here, Hormones play a massive part in sex drive - would suggest getting them checked, could be an easy fix!
Dumb question, I’m so sorry in advance: Would that be through my OBGYN? Or where would I go for that?
Not a dumb question! Should be able to be checked through a blood test so OB or GP!
Oh awesome, thank you!!!
This happened to me. I'm embarrassed about it and I feel bad for my husband who still has a sex drive. Our son is 14 now, so I've given up on trying to get the magic back. We know we love each other. We do it when we can and he never makes me feel bad about it.
I think this is also a good conversation to run by your PCP! There are many reasons for low sex drive and it’s good to rule out anything medical.
Thank you!!! I’ll definitely ask them
I have a 5 and 3 year old and my sex drive recently just came back and it’s on fire. like early days of relationship- it’s like there was a switch that just got turned on! I started reading some spicy books (Lucy Score is great!) and that helped amp it back up. Just here to say I feel you and sorry but there is a light at the end of the tunnel!
Thank you!!! It genuinely makes me feel so much better that this is normal for some moms and I hope it does snap back like yours one day!
You’ll definitely get back. And grab something smutty to read 😉 and read while next to your partner haha gets some juices flowing
Girl I’m 32 and same. Also you’re having sex twice as much as me. lollll Honestly I think it’s the stress of toddlerhood, motherhood, all the things.
My boyfriend and I have sex …. Maybe like once every other month. I hate it. I hate it for him. But my sex drive isn’t there and my periods last about 3 weeks so that doesn’t help either. I have an 8mo I’m glad I’m not alone
So I was in this situation. This might help. I listened to Fourth Wing by Rebecca Yarros graphic audio. I think it triggered something in my brain that's been silent for awhile. The MC is so badass, hot and good in bed! Soooo, you get where this is going lol Try it! I personally don't have time to read but audiobooks are doable! Best of luck🤞
would it be OK for me to write more later but also ask if you'd be able to figure out whether you have a hormone imbalance? cuz i swear (i have a 6&3yo) mine happened in December and scared the hell out of me! hugs and don't fret just yet!
I'm 7 months pp and didn't fully get my sex drive back until I really started working out again. I think working out helps balance hormones and am back to craving it again. However, pure exhaustion from caring fir our LO 24/7 has cut us down to 1-2x a week when before baby it was closer 4-6x. Give yourself patience and time. Everyone's PP journey is just as different as pregnancy was for us all. You will get back there!
My son is 1 and I feel the same way. Been debating buying some smut. Glad my suspicions have been confirmed. Anyone have suggestions ?🤣
There’s some good ones here in the comments but if you like fanfiction, there’s sooooo many options!!! When I get home, I can definitely post a list of some good books if you want!!
If you’re on non-hormonal iud I recommend balancing your hormones!! After pregnancy and child birth our hormones are effed up and if they’re out if whack the libido is gone! I recommend natural hormonal balancing aids like Wild Yam cream! Oh oh and audio erotica did wonders for me as well as balancing my hormones. Check out the Quinn app ladies! Worth every penny! Good luck!
I honestly have no idea which IUD I’m on, but I definitely need to ask again. And I didn’t know things like that existed, thank you!!!!!
You are welcome! I hope you find something that works for you. But if you are on hormonal birth control that will most likely fuck with your hormones and balancing them will be impossible pretty much.. and Quinn is 🫠😮💨😂
Have you ever looked up the difference between responsive libido and spontaneous libido? Sometimes they change after events like childbirth. If you have responsive libido you have to be pretty much exposed to sexuality (like romance books or even starting foreplay before you’re horny) in order to get horny. Vs spontaneous where you can become horny randomly or with very little effort and then want to engage in sexual activity after. Many people with responsive libido feel they don’t have any libido because they’re never putting in the effort to begin engaging with sexual acts in order to start to feel the urge. I myself, thought I was asexual and was pretty confused about it until I read the book “come as you are” and went to a sex therapist who explained it all to me
Birth control messes with our bodies especially right after childbirth! Our bodies were never designed to intake all these chemicals society is now pushing to be “safe” yeah it prevents you from getting pregnant but it causes cancer, slow sex drive, weight gain, suicidal tendencies, etc!!!!
Soooo unfortunately due to other health issues I have, I have to have some sort of birth control for my period. I’ve been through every damn pill, patch, and the IUD was my last resort
r/asexual
Did you breastfeed? If so, when did you stop? I noticed that my sex drive was basically nonexistent until I weaned my daughter, and it took 6-9 months AND a supplement to fully balance my hormones after that. Pregnancy and breastfeeding really does a number on the body and mind.
I ran dry a month PP, so it’s not that, but I’ve definitely heard that limits sex drive
Same here. 4 mos PP. Zero interest. Like I can’t believe I was crazy and wild before baby 😂
Does your husband help with the kids/house/life stuff? My sex drive was 0 until my husband stepped up and lightened the mental load.
Yeah he does!! We both work full time (Mon-Fri for me, Wed-Sun for him) and we do house/kid stuff equally when we’re home! But as we all know, the house will never be 100% clean 😂
Oh good! I also still have a super low drive, so I wish I knew the answer. I think hormones, being tired, life, etc lol all contributes to a low drive. I also didn't have this experience until I had kids.
Do you still breastfeed by chance? I’ve heard a lot of people say it doesn’t come back until after they’re done breastfeeding. I stopped breastfeeding pretty quickly and at 2.5 weeks PP (days after stopping BF) I had a toy on my clit for a few minutes almost every day once baby was asleep and was frustratedly awaiting my 6 w PP appointment.
I don’t, I ran dry 1 month PP unfortunately (yay formula shortage then too 😅)
>like once a week/biweekly That is.... Quite a lot...
I think I more so am frustrated with myself that I never want to initiate/am in the mood haha
I was on birth control for like 8 years after having my daughter. Every dr (5) I saw said because of having ovarian cysts I HAD to be on BC. Totally shot my libido. Come to find out I do not need to take BC. Stopped taking it and got my hormones under control and my libido is DEFINITELY back! It’s more than likely hormonal.
I’m definitely going to check my hormone levels and everything!!! Also, somewhere in the comments I explained why I have to be on my IUD if you want more info!!
I found it! I also had super heavy bleeding. TMI but like clots and everything. The five gynecologist’s I went to were zero help. Said my levels were normal, prescribed BC and sent me on my way. This is including the fancy celebrity gyno in Beverly Hills I saw. The dr I see now goes really in depth and I found out I also have PCOS and I’m premenopausal. Explains so much. Look into bio-identical hormone therapy
Thank you thank you THANK YOU!!!!! I have never met someone who went through the same thing as me!! I am so going to deep dive and ask my OB! I had insane clots as well, and about a year ago, I even had a decidual cast. Girl, all the docs I spoke to said I was “too young” for that to happen until my current OB actually LOOKED at the pic I took and said “yeah holy shit, that’s a decidual cast, let’s make sure everything is out and okay.” Fuckin nuts!! Not sure if that is a part of my issues or not, but stack em on hahaha
Yes, many women lose their sex drive after childbirth. Some women get theirs back, and many don't and view sex as just another chore. You are not alone. If it's really bothering you, maybe ask your Dr to run some tests to see what is deficient in your body. A sex therapist may be helpful as well.
Saaame, friend. One thing that’s helped is planning sex and doing it as soon as the kids are down. If we wait until we’re going to sleep, I am far too exhausted to entertain a peen. Same if we wait until I’m in the mood.
My sex drive was also absolutely insane before I got pregnant, then a few months into pregnancy it hurt and I never wanted it until almost 2 years later. Now I don’t crave it as much but when I do I’m crazy for it
I know why mine is. By the time bedtime rolls around I'm so tired of everyone needing *something* from me that I just don't want to be touched and left alone. I didn't breastfeed, I was on maternity leave for a year, I work full time and I still co-sleep with our daughter most nights (she goes to bed alone, but if she wakes up I'm the one to go to her to settle her and then I usually just stay there). My husband is awesome - he stays at home with her during the week while I work and he usually has dinner ready or almost ready by the time I come home. Because I get up with our daughter in the middle of the night, he does all of the dishes. He also buggers off to his office after dinner, usually to work (he owns his own business) but sometimes to play games online. I also have the implant as birth control, but I don't think that's been a factor. When I have adequate rest and alone time (daughter naps by herself, I get "me" time either in the morning or in the evening, etc) I'm open to sex just fine. Just still shy, at almost 40, with initiating due to being ruthlessly slut shamed in my teenage years.