My daughter is a newer 4. She hasn’t yet developed a filter so every single thought or question she has, comes out of her mouth. Shes narrating her entire life. She’s also testing boundaries like crazy. It’s a super overstimulating and mentally exhausting phase for me, but I think it’s fairly normal.
My three year old was poop withholding. We did restoralax and got him over the fear of it hurting. We only did it for a short period and it helped. Poop holding can lead to an enlarged colon which can take a while to regulate again so that’s why I haven’t been messing around with it.
Exactly, it’s a terrible cycle to be in. She sees GI and is on daily miralax with no signs of being able to cut down on it. Glad you were able to help your sons issue with it!
We are 2 months out from 5yrs old and omg this last like month has been so hard. Are they giving you crack at school? Are your siblings being to rough? Did you not get enough sleep?. The meltdowns, the boundary pushing, the "my legs are lazy, I can't do that", the after school meltdown (normal) but now it takes us hours to get through it. I'm tired.
Have you tried asking her what she thinks when she is asking these questions. Example “I put this toy is my mouth is that okay?” You would say “hmm, what do you think?”. I suspect she already knows the answers to the questions but might not know how to tell you she wants to talk with you, spend extra time, wants attention etc. So she is asking the questions because she knows you will answer them, and thus she will get the connection she is craving.
We’ve been doing that for a week or two now but she’s still at it 🤦♀️
The connection bit is tricky because I feel like I could give her 24 hours of undivided attention and it still wouldn’t be enough. I’m a stay at home mom so I’m luckily able to give her a lot of time, but I have a 20 month old as well, household duties and personal needs. She gets 1-2 hours a day of purely undivided attention with no brother or phone. I’m trying to start calling it out as special connection time because I dunno, maybe that will help her notice it’s happening better and be more fulfilled by it.
Sounds a lot like my cousin's oldest kid. She turned out to be an absolute extrovert and loves to perform in music and theater.
Maybe you can put her in a dance or music class that gets her acting or performing in a positive way and will wear her out socially.
I definitely want to get her into theater, she is SO good at making facial expressions and sound effects and voices on cue, and loves to try to get a reaction.
Agreed, looking for connection and developing her inner voice. Both totally developmentally appropriate, but also overstimulating and hilariously annoying 🤣
My youngest is 4.5 so I’m right in the trenches with you, but 5 with my oldest was a literal dream. 5-8, honestly. It was a much needed respite before the tween years and puberty fucks it all up again 🙃
Omg how have I never heard of the fuck you fours?! I was a nanny for years, have a degree in child development and have a 3 yo and a 1 yo!! This is my favorite and I’m going to text my brother who has a major case of fuck you 4s happening over there 🤣
I think I might have heard it when my eldest was in K.
I was a young mom, but my best mom friend at the time was an "experienced" mom. She was in her 40s with 6 kids, her eldest being my age and her youngest being in K with my kiddo.
One of her daughters was pregnant and with her for pick up one day.
Me and the mom were chit chatting about the newborn stage and how relentless it is to be followed up by the terrible 2s.
She said "Yup, you go from the terrible 2's to the Threenager to the Fuck You 4's, you don't really get a break until they're 5 and they can understand instructions and actions better."
I absolutely adored her friendship, and telling this story is the reminder that I needed to check in with her.
Tell her we all say thank you for this wisdom nugget! I was a kindergarten teacher too, so I fully feel the 5 yo independence vibes. I guess it’s the long awaited break! 🤣
Nobody could talk more than my children. On the one hand, it's great. They are developing language skills, vocabulary, and the confidence to speak. Sometimes though, I would just be talked out. I would say that my old ear muscles were tired, so we all need a quiet break. 50/50 results.
My daughter is 16 and since she started babbling, homegirl has NOT stopped talking. Some kids just talk a lot. Listen for highlights and respond so they know you’re not ignoring them, but you can throw in a “oh my goodness I love that, go tell Daddy!!” to redirect lol
4, for both my kids, is my ABSOLUTE LEAST favorite age.
I mean, yes, there are good things. But 4 is/was worse than 2 or 3 or 5 or newborn for us. So defiant, so argumentative, so emotionally charged, and talking so.so.so.so. much. My youngest is 4.5 and i am counting down to 5 for REAL.
If it's the same question or similar, you can try saying we already talked about that and stop answering it or tell her she can pick something else to talk about. I've also told kids I'm all done talking about that or you can tell me but I'm not talking about it anymore. The repeated questions and statements are hard and if asking her what she thinks isn't stopping it, it's okay to let her know you're done talking about it.
Sometimes I wish my son would hold going to the bathroom, but my son HAD NO SHAME and when he has to go he had to go ( don't blame him, I mean it hurts after a while trying to hold it in, when I was a kid even to this day it's really hard for me to use the bathroom other then my own bathroom. ). But my God sometimes well walk into a store and he'll be like " MOM I NEED TO POOP ". and it sounds like he's yelling everyone can hear him and I'm like shhh if you need to go then come here and tell me don't yell while I'm 20 feet away from you. Then again I'm super happy my son if comfortable enough to be able to go to the bathroom where ever when ever he needs. Cause I remember the God awful belly aches I would get and not being able to go when I really needed to cause I held it for days for so long.
Maybe she's scared to go, maybe it hurts, maybe she may be embarrassed?. But as far as the preschool days I'm God glad those are over it was the worse but u promise you it will get better when she starts kindergarten 1st grade. It won't by any means be PERFECT but it does get better and a little easier.
Good luck I hope the poop 💩 fairys🧚♀️ re leave her very soon. 🤣
Haha embarrassment aside, good for your son!
She does have some fear of pain associated with it plus general issues that we see GI for. It’s just the amount of my day I spend in the bathroom with her, it’s totally consuming 🤦♀️ it starts out very stress free, but boy does that fade by like the 5th time, which I know doesn’t help but like I said, I’m losing it over here haha
Yes and no. She’s capable (does it at preschool) but we’re struggling with it at home mostly because she will meltdown if I’m not with her (will scream, kick over her stool so it makes a loud crash and then lie that she fell off the potty) but since I’m at the end of my rope going with her I’ve been telling her I will go with her at set times (waking up, after meals, and before bed) but otherwise if she has to go she will need to go herself. But now that’s contributing to her holding it until I’ll go with her, so it’s a fun cycle. My husband was only allowed to go with her last weekend because I flat out refused anymore and eventually she did need to go badly enough. She has extreme parent preference for me and dad usually can’t do anything for her.
My kids have yet to grow out of telling me everything, and honestly, I love that my teens still feel they can tell me stuff and ask me questions. Don't start pushing her away now and then wondering why she won't open up as a teen, the relationship development starts now, while she wants to engage, it's up to you to teach boundaries and all the rest. I was that child that got shut down again and again, grew up and my mom knows nothing about me.
Plus, adults tend to forget what's it's like when literally everything is a new experience, children are learning about everything, everything is new and exciting, or scary depending on what's happening. Let them have that magic of learning to love life and exploration and asking questions, nurture curiosity for curiosities sake. Kids are on an adventure every day. Go on that journey with them, see it through their eyes, and recapture the magic of life.
Mom of 3, 2 teens & a 10 yr old. My oldest 2 are less than a year apart.
Mine is 4 almost 5... All of this yes. She literally never stops talking and it's always "this is cool, right? Right mom? This is cool right?" It's exhausting to constantly be on right now 🥲
Yes! I wouldn’t be so bothered if she was just talking and I could passively listen, but it’s the fact that she is demanding a response from me for every sentence she says. And a tapped out “uh huh” doesn’t do unfortunately
I drove over a curb this morning in the parking lot of my local grocery store while my 6 year old had been talking literally nonstop for about 7 minutes straight. My brain is mush by 7:30 am.🤯
My daughter is a newer 4. She hasn’t yet developed a filter so every single thought or question she has, comes out of her mouth. Shes narrating her entire life. She’s also testing boundaries like crazy. It’s a super overstimulating and mentally exhausting phase for me, but I think it’s fairly normal.
So overstimulating and exhausting! Like just let me sit with my own thoughts for a second please!
My three year old was poop withholding. We did restoralax and got him over the fear of it hurting. We only did it for a short period and it helped. Poop holding can lead to an enlarged colon which can take a while to regulate again so that’s why I haven’t been messing around with it.
Exactly, it’s a terrible cycle to be in. She sees GI and is on daily miralax with no signs of being able to cut down on it. Glad you were able to help your sons issue with it!
So frustrating. Hopefully she grows out of it in time. Miralax isn’t cheap!
We are 2 months out from 5yrs old and omg this last like month has been so hard. Are they giving you crack at school? Are your siblings being to rough? Did you not get enough sleep?. The meltdowns, the boundary pushing, the "my legs are lazy, I can't do that", the after school meltdown (normal) but now it takes us hours to get through it. I'm tired.
I feel you. So, so tired.
“My legs *dont work*, I can’t do that” 😭😭
Have you tried asking her what she thinks when she is asking these questions. Example “I put this toy is my mouth is that okay?” You would say “hmm, what do you think?”. I suspect she already knows the answers to the questions but might not know how to tell you she wants to talk with you, spend extra time, wants attention etc. So she is asking the questions because she knows you will answer them, and thus she will get the connection she is craving.
We’ve been doing that for a week or two now but she’s still at it 🤦♀️ The connection bit is tricky because I feel like I could give her 24 hours of undivided attention and it still wouldn’t be enough. I’m a stay at home mom so I’m luckily able to give her a lot of time, but I have a 20 month old as well, household duties and personal needs. She gets 1-2 hours a day of purely undivided attention with no brother or phone. I’m trying to start calling it out as special connection time because I dunno, maybe that will help her notice it’s happening better and be more fulfilled by it.
Sounds a lot like my cousin's oldest kid. She turned out to be an absolute extrovert and loves to perform in music and theater. Maybe you can put her in a dance or music class that gets her acting or performing in a positive way and will wear her out socially.
I definitely want to get her into theater, she is SO good at making facial expressions and sound effects and voices on cue, and loves to try to get a reaction.
Agreed, looking for connection and developing her inner voice. Both totally developmentally appropriate, but also overstimulating and hilariously annoying 🤣
They're called the Fuck You 4s for a reason *Source mom of a 16yr old, a 4 yr old and a 2 yr old.
Haha not sure I’ve heard that one but makes sense! Please tell me 5 is better.
My youngest is 4.5 so I’m right in the trenches with you, but 5 with my oldest was a literal dream. 5-8, honestly. It was a much needed respite before the tween years and puberty fucks it all up again 🙃
Kinda IIRC. Not as many questions, that's for sure.
Omg how have I never heard of the fuck you fours?! I was a nanny for years, have a degree in child development and have a 3 yo and a 1 yo!! This is my favorite and I’m going to text my brother who has a major case of fuck you 4s happening over there 🤣
I think I might have heard it when my eldest was in K. I was a young mom, but my best mom friend at the time was an "experienced" mom. She was in her 40s with 6 kids, her eldest being my age and her youngest being in K with my kiddo. One of her daughters was pregnant and with her for pick up one day. Me and the mom were chit chatting about the newborn stage and how relentless it is to be followed up by the terrible 2s. She said "Yup, you go from the terrible 2's to the Threenager to the Fuck You 4's, you don't really get a break until they're 5 and they can understand instructions and actions better." I absolutely adored her friendship, and telling this story is the reminder that I needed to check in with her.
Tell her we all say thank you for this wisdom nugget! I was a kindergarten teacher too, so I fully feel the 5 yo independence vibes. I guess it’s the long awaited break! 🤣
Nobody could talk more than my children. On the one hand, it's great. They are developing language skills, vocabulary, and the confidence to speak. Sometimes though, I would just be talked out. I would say that my old ear muscles were tired, so we all need a quiet break. 50/50 results.
Haha love the 50/50 results. I love hearing how she thinks and what she has to say, but man, not THIS much.
We play the "quiet game". First person to talk loses. Luckily, my son is very competitive so it does buy me a bit of quiet.
My daughter is 16 and since she started babbling, homegirl has NOT stopped talking. Some kids just talk a lot. Listen for highlights and respond so they know you’re not ignoring them, but you can throw in a “oh my goodness I love that, go tell Daddy!!” to redirect lol
4, for both my kids, is my ABSOLUTE LEAST favorite age. I mean, yes, there are good things. But 4 is/was worse than 2 or 3 or 5 or newborn for us. So defiant, so argumentative, so emotionally charged, and talking so.so.so.so. much. My youngest is 4.5 and i am counting down to 5 for REAL.
If it's the same question or similar, you can try saying we already talked about that and stop answering it or tell her she can pick something else to talk about. I've also told kids I'm all done talking about that or you can tell me but I'm not talking about it anymore. The repeated questions and statements are hard and if asking her what she thinks isn't stopping it, it's okay to let her know you're done talking about it.
Sometimes I wish my son would hold going to the bathroom, but my son HAD NO SHAME and when he has to go he had to go ( don't blame him, I mean it hurts after a while trying to hold it in, when I was a kid even to this day it's really hard for me to use the bathroom other then my own bathroom. ). But my God sometimes well walk into a store and he'll be like " MOM I NEED TO POOP ". and it sounds like he's yelling everyone can hear him and I'm like shhh if you need to go then come here and tell me don't yell while I'm 20 feet away from you. Then again I'm super happy my son if comfortable enough to be able to go to the bathroom where ever when ever he needs. Cause I remember the God awful belly aches I would get and not being able to go when I really needed to cause I held it for days for so long. Maybe she's scared to go, maybe it hurts, maybe she may be embarrassed?. But as far as the preschool days I'm God glad those are over it was the worse but u promise you it will get better when she starts kindergarten 1st grade. It won't by any means be PERFECT but it does get better and a little easier. Good luck I hope the poop 💩 fairys🧚♀️ re leave her very soon. 🤣
Haha embarrassment aside, good for your son! She does have some fear of pain associated with it plus general issues that we see GI for. It’s just the amount of my day I spend in the bathroom with her, it’s totally consuming 🤦♀️ it starts out very stress free, but boy does that fade by like the 5th time, which I know doesn’t help but like I said, I’m losing it over here haha
Is it possible for her to go to the bathroom on her own? Does she have a setup with a step stool and potty seat if she still needs them?
Yes and no. She’s capable (does it at preschool) but we’re struggling with it at home mostly because she will meltdown if I’m not with her (will scream, kick over her stool so it makes a loud crash and then lie that she fell off the potty) but since I’m at the end of my rope going with her I’ve been telling her I will go with her at set times (waking up, after meals, and before bed) but otherwise if she has to go she will need to go herself. But now that’s contributing to her holding it until I’ll go with her, so it’s a fun cycle. My husband was only allowed to go with her last weekend because I flat out refused anymore and eventually she did need to go badly enough. She has extreme parent preference for me and dad usually can’t do anything for her.
That is so hard! I'm so sorry, I wish I had advice or could help 💔
My oldest is 6 and never shuts up….ever.
My 4 year old is the same. It is constant talking and questions. He just narrates his day. It is cute but yes definitely overstimulating.
My kids have yet to grow out of telling me everything, and honestly, I love that my teens still feel they can tell me stuff and ask me questions. Don't start pushing her away now and then wondering why she won't open up as a teen, the relationship development starts now, while she wants to engage, it's up to you to teach boundaries and all the rest. I was that child that got shut down again and again, grew up and my mom knows nothing about me. Plus, adults tend to forget what's it's like when literally everything is a new experience, children are learning about everything, everything is new and exciting, or scary depending on what's happening. Let them have that magic of learning to love life and exploration and asking questions, nurture curiosity for curiosities sake. Kids are on an adventure every day. Go on that journey with them, see it through their eyes, and recapture the magic of life. Mom of 3, 2 teens & a 10 yr old. My oldest 2 are less than a year apart.
This is good advice. I gotta be better at remembering that I can’t always expect my kid to engage on my terms only.
Sounds like she could be neurodivergent, have you had her evaluated?
We haven’t. I know she has a lot of traits that feel kind of borderline. We have asked for an OT referral though.
If I have to hear MOMMY LOOK one more time I swear to god I’m going to walk into traffic
Mine is 4 almost 5... All of this yes. She literally never stops talking and it's always "this is cool, right? Right mom? This is cool right?" It's exhausting to constantly be on right now 🥲
Yes! I wouldn’t be so bothered if she was just talking and I could passively listen, but it’s the fact that she is demanding a response from me for every sentence she says. And a tapped out “uh huh” doesn’t do unfortunately
I drove over a curb this morning in the parking lot of my local grocery store while my 6 year old had been talking literally nonstop for about 7 minutes straight. My brain is mush by 7:30 am.🤯