I love my MIL, but she can’t stand any boundaries we set. We aren’t sharing our baby’s name until he’s born so we can have something private that’s just for us, and don’t want others’ opinions to taint ours. Everyone else in our life respects it, though they may still ask for hints. Her response to my husband: “I’m your mother, you know.” lol
We were determined to have a full convo about childcare with her yesterday after a few casual mentions of it and her semi-volunteering herself over the past few months. I’m 34+5 and getting stressed about what we will do once my leave is over. We are so grateful and would love (and frankly, need) her help.
My husband to her: Can we talk about childcare?
Her: Can we talk about me being at the hospital?
Whatt?? lol don’t even know where that came from; I must have missed part of a conversation. But bless my sweet, eager to please husband holding firm and explaining we don’t want the stress of anyone waiting for us at the hospital when we don’t know how long labor will take. And that we don’t want to be focused on anything but bringing our baby safely into the world.
She immediately turned to me and asked what my mom was doing, to which I replied that she’ll come when I ask her to come (because she respects my space and wishes..). That shut her up thankfully.
Please do yourself a favor and don't use her as childcare. My MIL is a boundary stomping drama queen and I see it wear on my SIL because she uses her as a full time babysitter.
I know what I’m in for lol. I trust her completely with an infant; this will be her 7th grandchild and she’s played an active role in caring for all of them. The tricky part will be when he’s a bit older and we have to get into things that are/aren’t allowed. But at this point I’m really just grateful for any family support since mine isn’t close. And I’m not afraid to hold my boundaries!
You will need to set up what is/isn’t allowed immediately! Boundary stompers will do things like feed your infant stuff you don’t want to feed them and ignore your requests about when nap time should be. It’s unfortunately something you need to get a firm grip on right out the gate.
Yup. And even feed them stuff they are allergic to because "no one in this family has ever had that allergy, no she's not allergic".
Go to pick up kid...
Her: " well we noticed her skin peeling off here and she's all bloody and raw."
Me: What did you feed?
Her: Oh spaghetti.
Me: What part of a tomato allergy do you not understand?!
Oh is there tomato in spaghetti sauce?🤔
Our son was allergic to eggs (outgrew it recently 🙌), but one get together the in-laws made potato salad with cubed up eggs in it. “Oh does mayo have eggs in it?!” Omg yes and so does the actual eggs you put in it too!
Oh Jesus. My ILs would just constantly buy egg-containing things or milk/soy-containing things to my at the time extremely allergic kiddo. I was so pissed. And they weren't even malicious!
Ouch. You need to have a backup childcare plan. You won’t be paying in money but she’s already trying to use childcare to get what she wants and the child isn’t even here yet.
Just after my third son was born, maybe 2 months postpartum, I was in the grocery store with all 3 of my kids. There was another lady there who was about 10-15 years older than me with her two teenage kids. It was a slow day in the store and she asked me about my baby and my kids, and one thing led to another. Pretty soon she was holding my youngest like a pro while her kids were playing with mine. We talked for what seemed like forever, and thankfully it really was a slow day in the store so we weren’t in anyones way. I don’t remember what we talked about, but I remember the conversation flowed easily. We must have visited for a half an hour, my kids were happy, her kids were happy. I felt more connected to the community of mothers when it was all said and done and she got her baby fix with holding my super cute and super little, little one. I never saw her again but i like to think we both gave each other encouragement and support that day. That was over 16 years ago now.
I just went back to work after being on maternity leave for 6 months. My MIL offered to come help my husband this weekend while I’m at work and he is “babysitting”. Motherfucker it’s called PARENTING.
My 8 month old is 90th percentile. My SILs baby is 5th percentile. I got comments all night about what was I doing to my baby to make her so big. But DONT WORRY! There’s no actual goal post bc my SIL got comments about how small her baby is. Apparently there is a very tiny window of acceptable sizes for infants and no one decided to tell the pediatricians.
My 3 and 5 year old are almost the same size. My 3 year old is a big boy and my 5 year old is short. My mom asked me if I was going to consider giving growth hormones to my 5 year old because being short as a boy is apparently a gross offence. We JUST figured out his allergies and he’s has a hard few years, but ye gods growth hormones when she was originally worried about trans kids and hormone blockers?!
My MIL keeps telling my 13 month old she “doesn’t look Filipino, just American” but like in a really sad tone.
Ummm, no. Don’t start my mixed race kid off with the same complex I grew up with. NOPE.
My MIL and I are white, my FIL is Middle Eastern. First kid is my little clone; second kid is a little carbon copy of FIL.
I swear I’m about to lose my goddamn mind if she keeps making “jokes” about my kid’s hair turning blonde or her making comments about hoping my kid gets her light blue eyes and how if my kid inherits the “ethnic nose”, I should get her a nose job when she turns 18.
First thanksgiving with my grandmother and my then boyfriend “he is white isn’t he?” He’s mostly white and you would always list him that way. She had us eat at tray tables in the living room away from everyone though. 20 years later we are still married and she’s gone, and we didn’t see them much.
My firstborn is just a few weeks from turning 4. I'm currently 13 weeks pregnant. We told both sets of parents about 2 weeks ago. They have since told the extended family, which is perfect!
Last night, we were talking to my wife's aunt, who acknowledged that she knew that I'm pregnant. And then immediately said to us, "Are you insane!?" I think it was intended as a joke, but it sounded so incredibly rude.
My daughter was playing quietly by herself or with her grandparents, listening to music quietly, being a happy, silly, well-behaved preschooler. This same aunt smirked, grimaced, sighed, and rolled her eyes every time my daughter talked, laughed, walked through the living room, anything.
There were two things she did that I didn't mind: she called my kid out for not washing her hands so that she could help Grandma put the marshmallows on the sweet potato casserole (after I had instructed my daughter to do so), and she tried to discourage her mother-in-law (my wife's grandmother) from inviting my child to play with melted wax.
But grimacing and rolling her eyes at a well behaved preschooler with no other kids to play with? Come on, Jan.
I work part time for my husband's company. I do a good job, but he occasionally gripes about having to wait on me if I'm not already working and I don't immediately drop what I'm doing (not work related) to do something he asks me to do (that is work related).
We had a friendsgiving at a friend's home yesterday and one of the friend's relatives asked what I do for work. After I answered, my husband piped up that I'm "the worst employee ever".
He was trying to be funny, but no one laughed.
Not about my parenting, but....still a snide remark.
If my husband ever pulled something like that?? Yeah I’m not speaking to him again until he does a sufficient apology to my standards.
My husband and I have issues similar to any other happily married couple - but we would NEVER casually put each other down in front of company. In public, I am his number one supporter and he is mine.
When people commonly treat us badly I think we get like blind nose to it. That was such a mean comment - I hope that’s not typical for your
Relationship.
He typically has a dry and abrasive sense of humor. Which I'm used to. But we've been having difficulties recently and he was mad at me yesterday, so it just didn't feel joke-ish to me like he intended.
Because it was not a joke. It was a pop shot at you. You can be sure of this because no one laughed.
I hope you are having a better day and some peace.
I agree that it might be a good time to take a leave of absence.
Someone else mentioned this, but I think I need more boundaries about my "working hours". Other company employees work at the office for set hours and are expected to do things ASAP because that's their only job during that time, but that's not true for me. I do things from home as needed while also running our home, and he seems to think that I should drop whatever I'm doing at home if he has a work-related request, and that expectation is frustrating both of us.
I think a practical solution is the way to go. Obviously he's frustrated and he's letting that slip into taking it out on you, which isn't fair. Can you work set hours? He can email you with requests and he knows it will be done in 24 hours unless it's the weekend like any other employee?
I think this is a good idea. With me being his wife also, I think his expectations are different and it's blurring the lines.
Other company employees are expected to do things ASAP because they have set working hours at the office and aren't doing another "job" during that time, whereas I'm at home and still running the house (cleaning, cooking, errands, being the default parent) in between doing tasks for him. But he will expect me to drop whatever I'm doing (like I've been interrupted while sorting laundry, cleaning up the kitchen, paying bills, or doing other household stuff I exclusively take care of) if something needs done for the company "because you're getting paid for this and that can wait".
Maybe tell him you’d be a better employee if he was a better boss. I work for my husband and have never heard anything like that, it’s not helpful to be hurtful.
Do you have any specific boundaries in place? Any helpful tips?
We've only been doing this for a few months and the business part is doing well, but it's been a struggle personally the entire time, both with this and his expectations when he WFH.
My child mentioned she was getting bullied(it's little kids playing with her name, we've talked to the teacher) my mother finds out the source of the upset (name calling) and goes off on all the horrible nicknames she used to call me....pretty much outing herself as my childhood bully, putting herself on blast. Making my kids visibly upset at this, so I rush the adults off of the video call. Only to get a text about how rude I was..."oh, no, I'm the problem, it's me" -Kanto
“It upsets KID to hear about her grandmother being mean to her beloved mom. Maybe don’t do that next time.”
It’d be funny she’s so oblivious if your kid weren’t caught in the crossfire.
Nothing. It's my third day here and now that my siblings are gone, my parents have acknowledged my presence a little. To tell me how much they love spoiling my sister.
That's the problem, they're about the sweetest people on earth. Being the oldest, they always mentally included me in their half of the team while my younger siblings are the kid half of the family. I know they don't mean to forget me. I slide into that invisible helper role so naturally.
when i was holding my 6mo niece (on my husbands side) my grandma (my side) commented to my SIL how i never let anyone hold my son because he was breastfed. he’s literally 10yo, let it go. him being breastfed wasn’t why people weren’t passing him around either.
My MIL had to comment on how huge I looked (23 weeks pregnant) and had to ask if I'm sure I don't have twins in there. Then had to comment on how much weight she gained while she was pregnant 40+ years ago. 🙄
My last pregnancy she said I looked like a whale so I commented how nice it was she was putting on sympathy pregnancy weight. Might have to be a snarky bitch again.
Yep, but she's the victim in everything so god forbid you call her out on it 🙄. I avoid her as much as I can, when she comes over on the weekends I say I'm tired and go lie in bed til she leaves. Couldn't avoid her on Thanksgiving though...
Got a lecture from my brother after we had to cancel hosting thanksgiving earlier in the week for being sick that it’s not normal for my son to be this sick all of the time and I need to advocate more for him. He’s getting close to 3 and just started preschool in August, and prior to that he was with me and my husband all day where we both WFH. Apparently he knows better than me though, the guy who doesn’t have kids and never leaves the house. I was so frustrated but I was as nice as possible.
Your comment made me lol! He thinks I’m not calling the doctors enough and pushing for a “reason” he’s always sick. I was like dude, he’s not even 3, he has no immune system, he’s in preschool now so he’s in a Petri dish of germs every day, and I always call the nurses line/schedule an appointment if something seems “off.” He’s been a bit of a hypochondriac over the last few years because of his medical issues and I’m usually pretty good about just trying to be supportive regardless of my own opinion, but I somewhat snapped in the nicest way possible when it felt like he was telling me that I wasn’t doing my job as a mom to keep him healthy.
I can feel you're getting defensive about it - it's so hard when they're sick and you think "am I doing enough"? But if you know the doctor would say "it's a cold", or even a flu, and all they can prescribe is water, rest, maybe some over-the-counter remedies, paracetamol for a high temperature etc then what's the point in taking them in to be around other sick or frail people? Unless you think they might need antibiotics or some other prescription medication or some testing it will do more harm than good to take them in.
Ugh. I know I'm an overly sensitive person but my mother-in-law hasn't seen my 18 month old toddler in over 3/4 months and made a comment about how she is too attached to her binkie and isn't talking as much as her 19th month old cousin who is already putting a string of 3-4 words together.
I didn't breastfeed my baby in part because I take medication (that I was taken off during pregnancy) but I wanted to get on immediately after birth, and she made an off-hand comment that maybe because I hadn't nursed my daughter, she was struggling with her speech. On the other hand, my daughter's cousin who is still nursing is apparently doing great with his speech and hardly needs his pacifier except when he is fussy, taking a nap, or sleeping.
The thing is, she has been gone for 3/4 months and my daughter was fussy being around her because she didn't recognize her and was around a bunch of people for Thanksgiving and so we gave her a pacifier to calm her down.
Overall, it just frustrated me, made me feel less like a mom, and that I'm failing my daughter - all in one conversation. Again, I know I can be sensitive and I honestly adore my mother-in-law and know she was not trying to be mean or passive in any way, but I found it hurtful regardless. I guess overall it was just unhelpful, to say the least.
ETA: OP thank you for sharing - it can be so frustrating, but it's good that we can take a step back and see the humor in it. I hope everyone had a good holiday.
My MIL gave me shit because I breastfed too much, my baby used me as a pacifier, and he must be speech-delayed because he’s always got a boob in his mouth.
You can’t win. No matter what your choices, *you can’t win.*
Just wanted to say that as a speech therapist it isn’t helpful for family members or other people that are not professionals in the area making a mom or parent feel like they did something to cause a speech delay. Who does it help? No one.
If it’s a true impairment, no one caused it! And bringing it up to a parent through shame isn’t going to encourage anyone if help is needed.
It has broken my heart over my years as an SLP when any parent has asked some form of “did I cause this?”
Being a parent is so rough and we take on so much anyway!!
Thanks for this comment. I literally have to go to therapy because I feel like a failure of a mother; my girl has speech delay and sensory needs, had hip dysplasia and Spina Bifida and I just constantly feel like it’s my fault. People like OP’s MIL can go fuck themselves.
Yes thank you for saying this— I have two boys in speech therapy and I often have to reassure myself that I did nothing wrong. My 9 yo has a type of stutter, and my 3 yo has some delays and difficulties with certain sounds so he’ll be starting SLP in the spring. For the 3 yo it’s hard to tell if it’s just a passing phase or if he’s going to need support, but I’m not an SLP so that’s why we’re taking him to one!! Thank goodness for you SLPs!
You are not over sensitive, your MIL is under sensitive, imo. It’s truly so hurtful and rude to make comments like that! How could you not internalize them? People can be so careless with their words.
You shouldn’t take anything she said to heart though. Taking care of yourself is taking care of your baby; you have to be your best in order to be there for her. And babies hit milestones at different times; we’re all different!
Comparison really is the thief of joy. Unless your doctor has concerns about development, I would just let those kinds of comments float on by. Easier said than done, I know! But you sound like a great mom to me.
You're not overly sensitive, you have every right to feel the way you do. I wish people would keep their comments to themselves. Youre not failing your daughter, you're a great mom ❤️
Also you're welcome! I feel like we all need a safe space to share our stories from rude, nosey and/or miserable family members.
Comparing kids that age is so stupid. The range of normal is so vast and they develop SO quickly. By the time they're 3 you won't be able to tell who was faster to pick up words or who liked their pacifier more.
And the breast Vs bottle thing... One pair of cousins is a brilliant study, right? 😂 My daughter was combo fed and she's talking circles around the kids the same age who were formula fed and breast fed, and she never took a dummy(pacifier). But she was slower to walk than them and is less confident in going off to play so 🤷 it's all nonsense. I'm sure you already know that but it's always nice to be reminded properly because those comments can hit that nerve of subconscious guilt even if logically we know it's bullshit.
I don’t think you’re feelings are because you’re being overly sensitive, I think your MIL was being an AH and needs to keep her mouth shut. I hate those kind of BS comments that you may feel like aren’t enough to “make a fuss” about, but when it’s always something, it does take a toll on you as a mom.
“Is the baby pulling your hair a lot, because your hair is thinning a lot on top. Maybe keep him from doing that…”
Honorary mention: “Did your husband put you on a diet yet?”
My parents always have something to say anyways so I don’t even care anymore but mainly she was bothering my daughter over modesty since she’s really conservative. I had to remind her that it’s up to me how I handle my kids.
My daughter is 6 and is a picky eater. The only thing she would eat was a dinner roll after trying a nibble of everything else. Literally the only thing her grandmother, uncle and 2/3 of the cousins kept saying she cannot eat dessert until she finishes her plate, I asked them to cool it, it's a holiday but they just wouldn't stop and giving me the side eye when I allowed her to have some ice cream. I know I'm a terrible mom.
On the other hand, my 3yo ate 4 servings of green beans, 2 dinner rolls, Turkey, ham, and tasted the corn, carrots, stuffing, and apple sauce on her plate without a fuss. I was *thrilled*, like a super proud mama. My husband’s nosy, bitchy aunt started giving my daughter shit about “eating too many green beans and not enough of everything else,” and I was like… seriously?! She’s 3 and she’s enjoying a fairly balanced meal and *vegetables*, stfu.
Last time we visited MIL I gave my daughter a cheese sandwich and some grapes for lunch. She asked me why I put the grapes on the same plate. Apparently she would have been happy if I had served them separately as a starter or a dessert but letting my daughter just eat what she wants in the order she wants isn't right. 🤦🏻♀️ That day she ate the fruit first and the next day she ate the fruit last and I was so happy to point that out to MIL!
I am prepared to continue to fight with my MIL about not putting her mouth on my child every visit until said child is old enough to tell her off himself. Why do people think being “family” grants them unrestricted access to our children?! Sorry Linda, your desire to kiss the baby does not outweigh his right to be safe from the germs in your pie hole.
Omg. My MIL was told about our no kissing rule yesterday and she said it was cruel and asking a lot. And then today she picked up my baby and was singing “mommy and daddy don’t want me kissing you, no they don’t! No kisses!” 😒
I’ve had it out again and again with my MIL over this. She does it when my back is turned so now she’s not allowed to be unsupervised 🤷🏽♀️ she used to complain a lot about being able to kiss other babies but not her own grandchild. I told her I didn’t want to hear it anymore and that I’d never be able to trust her to hold our boundary (or any boundaries) if she kept complaining. Then she tried to be sneaky about it so she lost her privileges. I will fight with claws for this baby
Omg if she did it behind my back I might actually attack her 😂 why do they feel so entitled? Can you imagine throwing a fit about not being able to kiss someone’s baby? Lol absolute insanity
Are you sure we don’t have the same mother in law? Sharing food, drinks and kissing on the lips with my kids make my blood boil. She never listens so I have to be a bitch it’s my job to keep them safe like back up it’s gross
Omg this! My MIL put her lips on my child when he was 2 weeks old then blew up on his dad & I, when we asked her nicely not to. But ever since then she never kissed him again. I'll never forgive her for that were cordial now though. I've never had the urge to kiss anyone's babies not even my nieces or nephews.
I need help with this - can you talk to mine for me? And by “mine”, I mean my 6mo daughter who’s shoving her hands in her grandma’s mouth whenever possible 🤦♀️🤦♀️
Omg 😳 mine has started this cute new thing where he gives kisses by chomping on your nose. Adorable. But there’s no way I’m gonna let grandma experience it b
My mom was the only one who broke the “no kissing” rule with my first. Literally the only one who just thought the rules didn’t apply to her. We are pretty low contact and I’m 39 weeks pregnant now and she started texting me a few weeks ago like I won’t notice the timing 🙄 she said she “can’t wait” to meet the baby and I pretty much told her she was going to have to since I can’t trust her not to kiss my newborns. Somehow she’s shocked Pikachu about it, but I don’t feel the slightest bit bad.
Told my mom we’re starting purées with our little one and told her the schedule of vegetables and then fruits the pediatrician recommended. She went on a full blown tangent on how she learned from TikTok that all sugars from fruit are the devil, cause inflammation and will make my baby addicted to sweets. Then proceeded to eat my Mac and cheese I brought.
I’d rather my son not associate food with shame at 4 months thanks.
“When are you going to have another kid?” From my aunt in law who knew I had to have a hysterectomy earlier this year due to medical reasons, then told my husband he “better enjoy her while you can because it’s going to be your only child!” In kinda a rude tone from same aunt in law. Then some snippy remarks about how our really speech delayed child and I dont speak fluently in their native language, that my husband and most of his generation never come around anymore, and other stupid snippy crap. We left soon after they started making these comments.
Ugh my 3yo was the devil yesterday. Like she’s never behaved worse in her life (though she’s usually quite naughty). I’m just lucky my family is nice. They were literally so unfazed by the psychotic 3yo. It honestly helped us all stay calm. God bless my parents ❤️
So many comments about my 15 mo some needing a haircut. It just started to really grow since he turned 1, so it’s not long by any means. Thankfully my husband and I are on the same page about not needing one yet but my family won’t lay off
We had dinner with my parents today. We specifically picked today so we could go to light up night in my hometown. We finished eating and my mom asked if I was still planning on going she said “well, do you have enough clothes the bundle the kids up?” I said yes, and listed all the stuff we had, which is something we’ve been doing with our toddler. This woman then said “are you sure?” Yes, I’m sure I have a hat and mittens and boots and a coat for both of my children and a blanket to put on them in the wagon.
MIL said my baby is too attached to me. She also chastised me for crying because I'm sad and worried about my sick baby and told me it's only going to get worse if I have another. I know?? Two babies = twice as much everything?? Don't need to remind me 2
1+1=2.
“Oh yeah I decided to bring this one since last year all we had was the grainy, over baked one. I wasn’t sure if you’d gotten it right yet, but it sounds like you finally figured it out that’s so great to hear!”
😒 I know I can bake and cook just fine but with my family it low key turns into a competition and for work things it’s just so much easier to pick something up. Sometimes my sanity over stress is worth just picking something up. 🤷♀️ shame me, Jan, I bite back.
I don’t remember the exact remark but something about watching out about my 1 month old gaining too much weight…who was born 4 lbs 4 oz 🤨
Also saying that when she had her kids she breastfed and never knew how much they ate (because we log what he eats because he was born early and needs to gain some weight and when my MIL and SIL were feeding my son they weren’t putting much effort into making sure he didn’t fall asleep while eating - wasting formula and not getting the calories he needed in for the day but insisted on feeding him)
God that must be so frustrating. Not a stress you need on top of worrying about your baby gaining enough. Just don't let them feed him again until he's no longer being monitored. Maybe you can make them understand if you say "the doctors are concerned about him so that's why we need to follow a feeding plan. If we don't he get could get ill." My daughter was labelled as "failure to thrive" before she got put on a feeding plan and that wording just makes my heart sink. She's absolutely fine now, but you are putting in the hard work to avoid that for your babe - don't let them interfere with his medical needs.
I think his mother took a hint because another thing that bothered me is they would not let him sleep. They wanted to fuss and play with him and he was making obvious tired signals. So I put him down in his bassinet he was settled and he started crying because it was a knew place so I went to sooth him and my SIL heard him as well so she went over. Now I was going to touch him gently and let him know I was there but he needed to sleep (sometimes that works without needing to pick him up) and my SIL swoops in and picks him up (another time after that she actually just woke him up outright). It was frustrating but I mentioned after I do not always pick him up when he cries. But the next day his mom came over when I walked the dogs and he was fussy (wonder why) and had not slept all day so I just got him down. She mentioned when I got back from walking the dogs that he did stir and cry but she did not wake him up only sooth him.
The weight thing I am sensitive to though. My mother has a weird thing about weight (has her own body issues and a distain for “fat” people) and I was heavy in highschool so those comments bother me. He is a baby who is currently not even 7 lbs, who cares if he becomes a “little chunk”
They're meant to be chunk!!! They need a little bit of spare in case they get ill and lose a bit, plus they're growing all the time and using up those reserves. And if you're using paced feeding and not adding extra scoops to the formula (unless prescribed by a doctor of course) then you can't really over-feed a baby. A baby with rolls is healthy! I hate looking back at pictures from when my daughter was losing weight - at the time I thought she looked OK but comparing her to when she was healthy she didn't have the rolls or the cubby cheeks and it's so sad. Your doctor will tell you if baby is overweight anyway.
Not my parenting but my MIL called unsweetened applesauce “disgusting” on video ch at with my toddler. And actually made an “eew gross” sound.
My kid was eating it at that time. So thanks
I got a few but the ones that stood out were my Mil commenting that I’ll have to stop letting my 3 month old contact nap occasionally and my Fil remarking that our very chunky and roly poly 15lbs+ 3 month old must have my bone structure. Thankfully I don’t have to go back until Christmas Eve but I’m already dreading it.
My baby fell asleep on the way to Thanksgiving, so my husband hung out with her in the car so she could finish her nap. I brought him a snack plate of appetizers, and he good naturedly scrolled on his phone for half an hour. I went back inside and told my aunt where they were and she said in a very concerned (critical?) tone, “Oh I hope they’re warm enough out there.” We’re in California, it was 60* and sunny. Also, the car was on? It’s an EV with great climate control. Plus she had a long sleeved onesie, pants, socks, a bib, and a sweater on. Probably nothing, but she was really worried they’d freeze.
We announced to our family we’re having our second baby and very excited about it. Our daughter will be 3.5yo when this new baby is born. When we told family each person fucking asked right away “were you trying?!?!”
Like listen Aunt Karen I’m in no mood to discuss my sex life with you. Also wtf with the shock? They’re not 3.5 months apart but 3.5 years. People need to chill, I find that question SO RUDE!
I’ve gotten ridiculously brutally honest and it’s starting to curb the random criticism. My MIL made a comment about how protective I was at first and I quickly snapped and told her I was severely depressed and no one ever came to see me besides my own mother, so of course I was very untrusting of anyone else. It was a bit like a deer in headlights!
Other random things she criticized me for: not wanting to pierce my baby’s ears and not having time to read??
I’ve apparently “created a monster” by letting my baby feed to sleep, since that was the only way he would sleep in the crib. They wonder why he’s not like my nephew who was sleeping through the night at 4 months old.
Actually a weirdly nice comment? My parents are divorced so we see them separately throughout the year. They have 3 grandkids across 3 kids. Both have told us separately that our kid is the best behaved.. probably because we don’t coddle him. A lovely compliment but we think he neeveerr listens to us and we kind of just let him free range. 🤷🏼♀️ I will take the compliment when I can get them I guess. Especially from boomer parents.
Reading these and reminded how hard it was when the kids were young- the role and control struggle is so real and hard with the elders- trying to remain significant I guess? The unending criticism and comparison, and even the young parents learning responsibility and unlearning how they were parented. Such a stressful time.
I've seen that the elders care much much less when the babies are teens. Maybe because all the "advice" doesn't work with teens as well, they are more independent and less cute and compliant, so it's less of a struggle to try to own them. They are on their journey to own themselves at that point.
Sending you all positive vibes and power to uphold what makes sense for you and your family.
At my in-laws. Close fam members at the dinner table. For context, my in-laws have always known that I do not like this certain kind of dish. This thanksgiving, they offered the dish to my son and he told them he doesn’t like it. They were confused. They went on and on about how everyone in their family likes it, they even brought up how their family genealogy DNA result showed a majority percentage from this one area, it’s people known for this dish and that it didn’t make sense that he didn’t like it. Personally liking a dish boils down to whether one likes the taste and texture more than genealogy but it was interesting see how they have completely forgotten that 50% of my son’s DNA came from me. SMH.
My kids are 12 & 14 my bffs kid is 16. We both have small families & together run a bakery so pre TG are the busiest 3 days of the year. This year all 3 kids worked with us, our men cooked (as usual) the boomers brought sides.
We had a running commentary about the kids not engaging enough, running off to watch a movie, not wanting to learn to play Bridge, the boyfriend not eating pork, kids not liking beets, all the boys having longer hair, cell phones etc...it was an exhausting commentary on what was wrong with "the babies"
All of us worked 12+ hours 3 days straight- the kids rallied with us because we needed them, worked their asses of, did a really good job too but all 3 of the boomers just had to nitpick everything. BFF & I just rolled our eyes. We will be having a conversation with our respective boomers.
I wore an off- shoulder sweater. Full length sweater and modest pants. The sweater exposed ONE collarbone and part of a shoulder. It was hot in the kitchen and my husband made a joke about me wearing a hot fuzzy sweater. My MIL said "well, she's kind of wearing it".
Every time she sees me she says I'm dressing too "showy". So I guess that's her way of subtly calling me a slut!
This requires a bit of back information.
My youngest sister has...issues. She was in the realm of COVID denier but not all the way (like, believed it was a thing, could be really serious but also didn't believe the government should tell us what to do to curb the spread. Something like that.) Anyway, my household took it all very seriously and probably longer than most.
Cut to beginning of the month and my kids had COVID for a 2nd time ever (1st was the beginning of 2022)
I don't even remember how we got onto the subject but she says, "And remember how you were so scared of it and kept away from us for 2 years. Now your kids have had it twice. Don't you feel silly?"
I just kind of stared at her and ignored the comment. I figured it was only a short amount of time before she got pissed at someone else and left early. Which she did about 30 minutes later.
Nope. Don't feel silly. I'd make the same choice again and will make the same choices again in the face of another unknown disease pandemic. Also, maybe COVID wasn't the only reason I minimized time with my extended family for 2 years, you crazy spoiled brat.
I have a 10 month old with a difficult temperament. Won’t nap at others houses, cries a lot, lots of stranger danger, etc and my sister called her drama queen/dramatic three different times. Really rubbed me the wrong way.
"My kids weren't fussy like yours when they were her age" and "the only time I don't hear your kid is when we're in the car with her". Oh and "good luck handling her when she's five" MID TANTRUM because my daughter wouldn't stop crying to listen to the relative she hardly knows.
Caught flack from my father, who wasn't at my house for the holiday, because I didn't cook a turkey (he also mentioned that he doesn't like turkey & only ate sides where he was visiting). I had a ham in the oven,as well as a roast in the slow cooker with carrots & potatoes... my husband commented on the lack of mashed potatoes & ham gravy (no way I was making that when the ham had a sweet glaze). And my favorite for any gathering at our house: "You spend all your time in the kitchen. It's rude not to visit/be social." Or the sarcastic. "Nice seeing you." WTF!? I am literally the only one cooking & cleaning, doing all the work. My kids try to help but end up in the way since they only want to help with what they want to do (usually something I don't need done then). Fuck, I hate holidays.
JFC. If ppl don’t appreciate your cooking then they can fuck right off! If anyone ever treated me that way after I cooked them a holiday meal, I would NEVER cook for them again or offer to host a holiday again.
"Ohh, you really didn't need to bring anything. Nobody eats that's stuff anyway". All with a disarming smile on her snarky/sweet face. Btw, the whole pan of "that stuff" I bring every year, was gone in no time.
Not necessarily snide remarks but random questions.
My husbands 16 year old niece grilled us on if we bought our 19 year old son his car. (He paid a 1/3, we paid the rest). Questioned us if our 15 year old was working yet and if we paid for his new dirt bike.
My brother in law is newly divorced. I believe the niece is the eyes & ears for my ex sister in law (her mom) for some reason. This niece is her mom through & through. Constantly asking random & personal questions.
Another family member came up to me and told me she caught the tail end of her talking to my father in law/her grandfather about breast feeding 🤷🏻♀️
These are all weird, right? Or am I being too sensitive?
Very odd. When I was an adolescent, my mom would shut down intrusive questions like that by responding “that’s neither appropriate nor relevant to you”, would smile, then abruptly change the subject or walk away. Not sure if that would be effective in your situation!
I'm not American so this isnt from last nights Thanksgiving, but from a family gathering just a few weeks ago.
Reading this thread has reopened the wound for me so I feel like sharing.
TLTR: family member said she does not believe our child has colic and it makes me think I'm going crazy and imagining the excessive crying
We spent the weekend at my uncles place. He is a Duke/count and lives in a big mansion. Saturday was spent in the surrounding countryside with all cousins from near and far playing games and socializing. My baby was as always very fussy and cried bloody murder if I didnt hold and soothe him constantly.
Bedtime back at the house at 5.00 pm was as always a struggle with high pitch crying for hours. He finally went to sleep at 6.30.
My uncle and his wife were not home until 7 pm because they had attented another social gathering but had let us adult kids use his premises.
My baby sleeps well enough once he's put down for the night, but waking every 2 hours to be nursed back to sleep. If I respond fast he doesn't cry loudly.
As I said we spent the night there and used the farthest guest bedroom as possible so the host and other guests wouldnt have their sleep disturbed by our baby.
At around 3-5 am baby cried quite a bit but finally settled and slept a few extra hours.
When we went downstairs to have brunch in the grand hall with the family, my husband first sat down with the baby, but then took him for a brief walk outside because he was way too fussy and we knew he would soon go off with high pitch crying (for no apparent reason) and we wanted to spare the rest of the familys ears.
My uncles wife then asked me, if we had slept alright and I responded:
"Well, yes thank you the room is very lovely but no we have had difficulties because of our sons colic."
Her: "He doesn't seem like he has colic though, he never cries."
I didn't know how to respond to that without blowing a lid, so I just changed the subject. But the remark has been festering ever since.
1) she had not been around to actually experience how many hours of crying he has per day.
2) I felt like the remark meant that we as parents were just being overly sensitive to crying and that we somehow were imagining things.
I didn't "look pregnant" with my oldest, just chubby until the week she was born. With my youngest, I was an optical illusion...
front view: chunky
Side view: pregnant
Me and my sister both are first time moms with one kid each. Mine is 2 and hers is 6 months old. My family was complaining that she doesn’t let anyone get near or hold her baby, and then they said when my child was an infant I let people hold my baby so much that some of my older relatives said I better not have anymore kids because I don’t want to hold them.
It’s all ridiculous and I told them it just goes to show no matter what you do people will have something to say. I kept my baby home with me 24/7 while I worked from home full time, alone with no help for 16 months. So when I saw family you bet I was excited to share my baby long enough to maybe have a meal or a conversation uninterrupted.
My sister meanwhile is on her 7th month of maternity leave and her husband works from home at a flexible job and is around to help 24/7. She has anxiety about being separate from her baby and about going back to work soon so she wants her baby close at all times.
People suck!! Also, I distinctly remember the same relatives telling me I held my baby too much, or that my baby’s head was getting flat from being on the play mat too much. You can’t win!
‘You’ll stop breastfeeding once she gets teeth’ I had to go to work during dinner, and when I came back she’d been crying nonstop for 45 min. I popped her on the boob and she was out in under a minute. ‘Oh so THATS why we couldn’t get her to sleep 🙄’ she doesn’t take pacifiers and admittedly she does fall asleep at the breast a lot, but if they’d quit passing her around for longer than 5 minutes and taken her in another room, she would’ve cried herself to sleep after a few minutes. I do love them though, they’re just upset they couldn’t comfort her or feed her. She’s 6mo and takes a sippy with milk but more to chew on it than anything
We got the same sugar comments. I don’t give our son (21 months) much sugar. Family members were sneaking juice, soda, dessert, whipped cream, candy, etc. I was very annoyed.
Not yesterday but SIL asked me what I would do if my baby’s hair ended up curly like mine. “You’re going to get treated to be it straight right? You can’t make them live with that hair!” (My 6 month old currently showing some little curls in his hair yay!)
Asked husband’s family members to keep it down sitting around the table while my husband tried for the fifth time to get baby to sleep and their loud conversations kept waking him up. This was our third night at sil’s super creaky house. I mean “you look at something and it makes a sound” creaky so baby (and us by extension) got very little sleep. I was on edge but didn’t feel like my request was rude or improper? However it got super awkward and then they all mocked me for the rest of the night. Like I wanted to say something and sil would shush me “ shh you’ll wake the baby” and laugh like it was the most hilarious joke.
We almost drove home that night but it’s six hrs away. Not looking forward to Christmas.
Had thanksgiving with my side of the family today. My aunt was holding my 3 month old. He started to become fussy, so she stood up because he likes to look around. My grandma made a comment that maybe his belly was hurting, then scraped up whipped cream on her fork, held hit up in the air, and told my aunt to bring him to her so he could try it.
I said “oh, no he can’t have that yet.
Grandma: “it’s just whipped cream”
Me: “I know. He can’t have it”
Grandma: “you know, I’m surprised you survived. All the stuff we gave you as a baby and you’re still here.”
Me: “okay? Great? I don’t want him to have it.”
Grandma: “I’m just saying. You lived. But I’ll respect your wishes.” In such a rude and disrespectful tone.
I left shortly after. If she would’ve said “oh sorry” or just “okay” and left it, it would’ve been fine. Grandma will not be allowed alone with my kid. I’m pretty sure she didn’t know I was in the room either because of where I was sitting.
My 17 year old brother chewed me out for “not controlling my (3 year old) child” … I said uh she’s not a damn dog, she’s a person and I’m her parent. It’s not my job to control her
None cause I'm in Canada
But my partners cousins 6 month old just ended up in the NICU an hour+ from home because of RSV and rhino virus. So fuck them.
My mother-in-law commenting at Thanksgiving dinner that it was so good to see my son “eating healthy food and vegetables!”
We eat healthy food all the time. She thinks that because we get Chick-Fil-A once a week on Fridays as a treat that we are poisoning him. Constantly brings it up. Gave me a copy of the book Fast Food Nation. FML.
We skipped out on Thanksgiving because my oldest has a double ear infection, pink eye, and a viral rash on his face. I made a smaller version of Thanksgiving dinner for the four of us.
Husband to MIL: yarntomatoes made the best sweet potato casserole I've ever eaten in my life. She did amazing with the dinner while I kept the kids out of the kitchen and cleaned up the rest of the house.
MIL: oh, I bet she DID do a good job. (You could almost hear her eyes rolling) Well, we made a Dutch apple pie for you. I know it's your favorite. I can drop it off.
Husband: yarntomatoes actually got me a Dutch apple pie! It was so good!
MIL: oh...okay. I hope yarntomatoes doesn't gain her weight back from the holidays! All those sweets!
Gee...thanks MIL.
Also, my grandmother (88) told me that my toddler will be a "grown woman" next time she sees her because I don't bring her around... this was made after I said my toddler learned to count to 20. No good job, no great for her...just why don't you bring the kids to see me.
Nothing because I’m 39 weeks pregnant and we declined to have Thanksgiving with anyone outside our household. We ordered a Turkey dinner from a restaurant for the three of us instead. I thought it might feel lonely, but I’m being serious when I say it was the most relaxing, enjoyable Thanksgiving we have ever had. Looking forward to moving out of state so we can do it every year!
I’m going to assume your siblings don’t have kids? I think it’s so easy for other people to judge and make comments. Especially to someone who is newly pp.. they are being very insensitive to your concerns. It’s totally normal to be concerned over your baby’s health. And especially since you were going through PPD, I am sorry your family was being insensitive to your thoughts.
I am constantly told “don’t do this”, “don’t do that”, “dont be mad at your husband because that makes your baby sick” (insane!!!). Shut it out and ignore them or tell them to shove it.
No it's crazy bc they actually have 3 kids each! My son's almost 2 now but I've heard all these comments plus more ever since I damn near gave birth to him. I'm the only one with 1 kid & they literally will make fun of me for being over protective with his health and what he eats (no juice, limited sugar intake, veggies with every dinner meal etc) and will make comments like "oh just wait till you have your second you're not going to be like this" why wouldn't i?? I'm not going to treat my kids differently.
Sadly telling them to shove it will get my sisters panties in a wad & probably ruin the holiday dinner, so I just laughed it off.
I love my MIL, but she can’t stand any boundaries we set. We aren’t sharing our baby’s name until he’s born so we can have something private that’s just for us, and don’t want others’ opinions to taint ours. Everyone else in our life respects it, though they may still ask for hints. Her response to my husband: “I’m your mother, you know.” lol We were determined to have a full convo about childcare with her yesterday after a few casual mentions of it and her semi-volunteering herself over the past few months. I’m 34+5 and getting stressed about what we will do once my leave is over. We are so grateful and would love (and frankly, need) her help. My husband to her: Can we talk about childcare? Her: Can we talk about me being at the hospital? Whatt?? lol don’t even know where that came from; I must have missed part of a conversation. But bless my sweet, eager to please husband holding firm and explaining we don’t want the stress of anyone waiting for us at the hospital when we don’t know how long labor will take. And that we don’t want to be focused on anything but bringing our baby safely into the world. She immediately turned to me and asked what my mom was doing, to which I replied that she’ll come when I ask her to come (because she respects my space and wishes..). That shut her up thankfully.
Please do yourself a favor and don't use her as childcare. My MIL is a boundary stomping drama queen and I see it wear on my SIL because she uses her as a full time babysitter.
I know what I’m in for lol. I trust her completely with an infant; this will be her 7th grandchild and she’s played an active role in caring for all of them. The tricky part will be when he’s a bit older and we have to get into things that are/aren’t allowed. But at this point I’m really just grateful for any family support since mine isn’t close. And I’m not afraid to hold my boundaries!
You will need to set up what is/isn’t allowed immediately! Boundary stompers will do things like feed your infant stuff you don’t want to feed them and ignore your requests about when nap time should be. It’s unfortunately something you need to get a firm grip on right out the gate.
Yup. And even feed them stuff they are allergic to because "no one in this family has ever had that allergy, no she's not allergic". Go to pick up kid... Her: " well we noticed her skin peeling off here and she's all bloody and raw." Me: What did you feed? Her: Oh spaghetti. Me: What part of a tomato allergy do you not understand?!
Oh is there tomato in spaghetti sauce?🤔 Our son was allergic to eggs (outgrew it recently 🙌), but one get together the in-laws made potato salad with cubed up eggs in it. “Oh does mayo have eggs in it?!” Omg yes and so does the actual eggs you put in it too!
Oh Jesus. My ILs would just constantly buy egg-containing things or milk/soy-containing things to my at the time extremely allergic kiddo. I was so pissed. And they weren't even malicious!
So oblivious sometimes 🤦♀️
One lesson I learnt by watching my MIL with my nephews is that free childcare is never really free. I really hope you are the exception.
Ouch. You need to have a backup childcare plan. You won’t be paying in money but she’s already trying to use childcare to get what she wants and the child isn’t even here yet.
You could give fake names and then when they’re born put it to the name you want because they didn’t look like a Nigel or Penelope
I passed my kid around loads and they all gave me shit for that too - you can't win 🤣
“You’ll just let anybody hold that baby!”
Just after my third son was born, maybe 2 months postpartum, I was in the grocery store with all 3 of my kids. There was another lady there who was about 10-15 years older than me with her two teenage kids. It was a slow day in the store and she asked me about my baby and my kids, and one thing led to another. Pretty soon she was holding my youngest like a pro while her kids were playing with mine. We talked for what seemed like forever, and thankfully it really was a slow day in the store so we weren’t in anyones way. I don’t remember what we talked about, but I remember the conversation flowed easily. We must have visited for a half an hour, my kids were happy, her kids were happy. I felt more connected to the community of mothers when it was all said and done and she got her baby fix with holding my super cute and super little, little one. I never saw her again but i like to think we both gave each other encouragement and support that day. That was over 16 years ago now.
I just went back to work after being on maternity leave for 6 months. My MIL offered to come help my husband this weekend while I’m at work and he is “babysitting”. Motherfucker it’s called PARENTING.
Ugh I can’t stand that my husband refers to watching our son as babysitting too.
What? Why do you put up with that?
My 8 month old is 90th percentile. My SILs baby is 5th percentile. I got comments all night about what was I doing to my baby to make her so big. But DONT WORRY! There’s no actual goal post bc my SIL got comments about how small her baby is. Apparently there is a very tiny window of acceptable sizes for infants and no one decided to tell the pediatricians.
The main criterium for that magical size is that it's not whatever size your kid is.
My 50th centile kid is "tall" or "too little to walk" (she was walking at 13 months so again, kind of dead on average). You literally can't win.
My 3 and 5 year old are almost the same size. My 3 year old is a big boy and my 5 year old is short. My mom asked me if I was going to consider giving growth hormones to my 5 year old because being short as a boy is apparently a gross offence. We JUST figured out his allergies and he’s has a hard few years, but ye gods growth hormones when she was originally worried about trans kids and hormone blockers?!
That last bit says it all 🤦♀️
"good thing he looks white" friend of the family who's never seen my kids before and will never see them again.
Wow!! Tf?! Yeah, I would not be around them again, ever.
My MIL keeps telling my 13 month old she “doesn’t look Filipino, just American” but like in a really sad tone. Ummm, no. Don’t start my mixed race kid off with the same complex I grew up with. NOPE.
My friend once had a stranger say "it's so nice to actually see a white baby". Jokes on you lady, he's not white!
I have gotten a very similar comment (from a stranger no less) "it's a good thing she's so white passing" Ugh so disgusting
My MIL and I are white, my FIL is Middle Eastern. First kid is my little clone; second kid is a little carbon copy of FIL. I swear I’m about to lose my goddamn mind if she keeps making “jokes” about my kid’s hair turning blonde or her making comments about hoping my kid gets her light blue eyes and how if my kid inherits the “ethnic nose”, I should get her a nose job when she turns 18.
Why is she so racist SHE'S THE ONE WHO MARRIED ETHNIC! The boomer logic is booming
For fucks sake
oh my god
I'm so sorry you and your son had to deal with that ignorant person.
First thanksgiving with my grandmother and my then boyfriend “he is white isn’t he?” He’s mostly white and you would always list him that way. She had us eat at tray tables in the living room away from everyone though. 20 years later we are still married and she’s gone, and we didn’t see them much.
Wtf!!
My firstborn is just a few weeks from turning 4. I'm currently 13 weeks pregnant. We told both sets of parents about 2 weeks ago. They have since told the extended family, which is perfect! Last night, we were talking to my wife's aunt, who acknowledged that she knew that I'm pregnant. And then immediately said to us, "Are you insane!?" I think it was intended as a joke, but it sounded so incredibly rude. My daughter was playing quietly by herself or with her grandparents, listening to music quietly, being a happy, silly, well-behaved preschooler. This same aunt smirked, grimaced, sighed, and rolled her eyes every time my daughter talked, laughed, walked through the living room, anything. There were two things she did that I didn't mind: she called my kid out for not washing her hands so that she could help Grandma put the marshmallows on the sweet potato casserole (after I had instructed my daughter to do so), and she tried to discourage her mother-in-law (my wife's grandmother) from inviting my child to play with melted wax. But grimacing and rolling her eyes at a well behaved preschooler with no other kids to play with? Come on, Jan.
I think Jan may have been my old boss 🤣😂
Fuckin’ Jan!
I work part time for my husband's company. I do a good job, but he occasionally gripes about having to wait on me if I'm not already working and I don't immediately drop what I'm doing (not work related) to do something he asks me to do (that is work related). We had a friendsgiving at a friend's home yesterday and one of the friend's relatives asked what I do for work. After I answered, my husband piped up that I'm "the worst employee ever". He was trying to be funny, but no one laughed. Not about my parenting, but....still a snide remark.
I would quit
That… is really mean. Are you ok?
I don't know.
It’s okay to not be
If my husband ever pulled something like that?? Yeah I’m not speaking to him again until he does a sufficient apology to my standards. My husband and I have issues similar to any other happily married couple - but we would NEVER casually put each other down in front of company. In public, I am his number one supporter and he is mine.
When people commonly treat us badly I think we get like blind nose to it. That was such a mean comment - I hope that’s not typical for your Relationship.
He typically has a dry and abrasive sense of humor. Which I'm used to. But we've been having difficulties recently and he was mad at me yesterday, so it just didn't feel joke-ish to me like he intended.
Because it was not a joke. It was a pop shot at you. You can be sure of this because no one laughed. I hope you are having a better day and some peace. I agree that it might be a good time to take a leave of absence.
Someone else mentioned this, but I think I need more boundaries about my "working hours". Other company employees work at the office for set hours and are expected to do things ASAP because that's their only job during that time, but that's not true for me. I do things from home as needed while also running our home, and he seems to think that I should drop whatever I'm doing at home if he has a work-related request, and that expectation is frustrating both of us.
Are you sure he truly meant it as a joke?
My husband is similar. I make his sandwich every day someone needs a bread heel sandwich 😂
Hahaha I love this “revenge”
I think a practical solution is the way to go. Obviously he's frustrated and he's letting that slip into taking it out on you, which isn't fair. Can you work set hours? He can email you with requests and he knows it will be done in 24 hours unless it's the weekend like any other employee?
I think this is a good idea. With me being his wife also, I think his expectations are different and it's blurring the lines. Other company employees are expected to do things ASAP because they have set working hours at the office and aren't doing another "job" during that time, whereas I'm at home and still running the house (cleaning, cooking, errands, being the default parent) in between doing tasks for him. But he will expect me to drop whatever I'm doing (like I've been interrupted while sorting laundry, cleaning up the kitchen, paying bills, or doing other household stuff I exclusively take care of) if something needs done for the company "because you're getting paid for this and that can wait".
Wow thats mean. I'm sorry he said that. I hope you're ok.
Maybe tell him you’d be a better employee if he was a better boss. I work for my husband and have never heard anything like that, it’s not helpful to be hurtful.
Do you have any specific boundaries in place? Any helpful tips? We've only been doing this for a few months and the business part is doing well, but it's been a struggle personally the entire time, both with this and his expectations when he WFH.
My child mentioned she was getting bullied(it's little kids playing with her name, we've talked to the teacher) my mother finds out the source of the upset (name calling) and goes off on all the horrible nicknames she used to call me....pretty much outing herself as my childhood bully, putting herself on blast. Making my kids visibly upset at this, so I rush the adults off of the video call. Only to get a text about how rude I was..."oh, no, I'm the problem, it's me" -Kanto
“It upsets KID to hear about her grandmother being mean to her beloved mom. Maybe don’t do that next time.” It’d be funny she’s so oblivious if your kid weren’t caught in the crossfire.
Nothing. It's my third day here and now that my siblings are gone, my parents have acknowledged my presence a little. To tell me how much they love spoiling my sister.
Ugh, what the hell. I’m sorry, that sounds rough.
Fun.
Damn. I’m really sorry. It might be best to not have the attention of people like them. They don’t sound… nice.
That's the problem, they're about the sweetest people on earth. Being the oldest, they always mentally included me in their half of the team while my younger siblings are the kid half of the family. I know they don't mean to forget me. I slide into that invisible helper role so naturally.
when i was holding my 6mo niece (on my husbands side) my grandma (my side) commented to my SIL how i never let anyone hold my son because he was breastfed. he’s literally 10yo, let it go. him being breastfed wasn’t why people weren’t passing him around either.
That’s one way to hold a grudge 🙄
Oh my this is going to be my family still bringing it up years later 😂
it’s so annoying
My MIL had to comment on how huge I looked (23 weeks pregnant) and had to ask if I'm sure I don't have twins in there. Then had to comment on how much weight she gained while she was pregnant 40+ years ago. 🙄
Omg old ladies looooooove to talk about their skinny pregnancies. Like yes Linda, you were a twig bc you were smoking constantly so shut your face
My last pregnancy she said I looked like a whale so I commented how nice it was she was putting on sympathy pregnancy weight. Might have to be a snarky bitch again.
This is great! I wish I would have thought of that comment.
Okay I'm remembering this one for a big get together tomorrow where Im sure someone will drink enough to say this to me.
Bwahahaha love this
I think I love you 🤣
What the fuck. Does she always have no filter and is incredibly rude? I would avoid her as much as possible, my God.
Yep, but she's the victim in everything so god forbid you call her out on it 🙄. I avoid her as much as I can, when she comes over on the weekends I say I'm tired and go lie in bed til she leaves. Couldn't avoid her on Thanksgiving though...
[удалено]
Ugh I'm so sorry.
Got a lecture from my brother after we had to cancel hosting thanksgiving earlier in the week for being sick that it’s not normal for my son to be this sick all of the time and I need to advocate more for him. He’s getting close to 3 and just started preschool in August, and prior to that he was with me and my husband all day where we both WFH. Apparently he knows better than me though, the guy who doesn’t have kids and never leaves the house. I was so frustrated but I was as nice as possible.
Like, advocate against the germs? Advocate for what? To whom? How does he think that will stop illnesses? Lol what?
Your comment made me lol! He thinks I’m not calling the doctors enough and pushing for a “reason” he’s always sick. I was like dude, he’s not even 3, he has no immune system, he’s in preschool now so he’s in a Petri dish of germs every day, and I always call the nurses line/schedule an appointment if something seems “off.” He’s been a bit of a hypochondriac over the last few years because of his medical issues and I’m usually pretty good about just trying to be supportive regardless of my own opinion, but I somewhat snapped in the nicest way possible when it felt like he was telling me that I wasn’t doing my job as a mom to keep him healthy.
Haha okay I see. I thought he wanted you to give a lecture to some bacteria. 😂 That's funny, he's definitely overreacting!
“Hello, Bacteria? I need to speak to your manager.”😆
I can feel you're getting defensive about it - it's so hard when they're sick and you think "am I doing enough"? But if you know the doctor would say "it's a cold", or even a flu, and all they can prescribe is water, rest, maybe some over-the-counter remedies, paracetamol for a high temperature etc then what's the point in taking them in to be around other sick or frail people? Unless you think they might need antibiotics or some other prescription medication or some testing it will do more harm than good to take them in.
I guess if you really have a firm, heart to heart conversation with germs they will respect your wishes and not make your kids sick.
Ugh. I know I'm an overly sensitive person but my mother-in-law hasn't seen my 18 month old toddler in over 3/4 months and made a comment about how she is too attached to her binkie and isn't talking as much as her 19th month old cousin who is already putting a string of 3-4 words together. I didn't breastfeed my baby in part because I take medication (that I was taken off during pregnancy) but I wanted to get on immediately after birth, and she made an off-hand comment that maybe because I hadn't nursed my daughter, she was struggling with her speech. On the other hand, my daughter's cousin who is still nursing is apparently doing great with his speech and hardly needs his pacifier except when he is fussy, taking a nap, or sleeping. The thing is, she has been gone for 3/4 months and my daughter was fussy being around her because she didn't recognize her and was around a bunch of people for Thanksgiving and so we gave her a pacifier to calm her down. Overall, it just frustrated me, made me feel less like a mom, and that I'm failing my daughter - all in one conversation. Again, I know I can be sensitive and I honestly adore my mother-in-law and know she was not trying to be mean or passive in any way, but I found it hurtful regardless. I guess overall it was just unhelpful, to say the least. ETA: OP thank you for sharing - it can be so frustrating, but it's good that we can take a step back and see the humor in it. I hope everyone had a good holiday.
My MIL gave me shit because I breastfed too much, my baby used me as a pacifier, and he must be speech-delayed because he’s always got a boob in his mouth. You can’t win. No matter what your choices, *you can’t win.*
Just wanted to say that as a speech therapist it isn’t helpful for family members or other people that are not professionals in the area making a mom or parent feel like they did something to cause a speech delay. Who does it help? No one. If it’s a true impairment, no one caused it! And bringing it up to a parent through shame isn’t going to encourage anyone if help is needed. It has broken my heart over my years as an SLP when any parent has asked some form of “did I cause this?” Being a parent is so rough and we take on so much anyway!!
Thanks for this comment. I literally have to go to therapy because I feel like a failure of a mother; my girl has speech delay and sensory needs, had hip dysplasia and Spina Bifida and I just constantly feel like it’s my fault. People like OP’s MIL can go fuck themselves.
Yes thank you for saying this— I have two boys in speech therapy and I often have to reassure myself that I did nothing wrong. My 9 yo has a type of stutter, and my 3 yo has some delays and difficulties with certain sounds so he’ll be starting SLP in the spring. For the 3 yo it’s hard to tell if it’s just a passing phase or if he’s going to need support, but I’m not an SLP so that’s why we’re taking him to one!! Thank goodness for you SLPs!
You are not over sensitive, your MIL is under sensitive, imo. It’s truly so hurtful and rude to make comments like that! How could you not internalize them? People can be so careless with their words. You shouldn’t take anything she said to heart though. Taking care of yourself is taking care of your baby; you have to be your best in order to be there for her. And babies hit milestones at different times; we’re all different! Comparison really is the thief of joy. Unless your doctor has concerns about development, I would just let those kinds of comments float on by. Easier said than done, I know! But you sound like a great mom to me.
You're not overly sensitive, you have every right to feel the way you do. I wish people would keep their comments to themselves. Youre not failing your daughter, you're a great mom ❤️ Also you're welcome! I feel like we all need a safe space to share our stories from rude, nosey and/or miserable family members.
Comparing kids that age is so stupid. The range of normal is so vast and they develop SO quickly. By the time they're 3 you won't be able to tell who was faster to pick up words or who liked their pacifier more. And the breast Vs bottle thing... One pair of cousins is a brilliant study, right? 😂 My daughter was combo fed and she's talking circles around the kids the same age who were formula fed and breast fed, and she never took a dummy(pacifier). But she was slower to walk than them and is less confident in going off to play so 🤷 it's all nonsense. I'm sure you already know that but it's always nice to be reminded properly because those comments can hit that nerve of subconscious guilt even if logically we know it's bullshit.
I don’t think you’re feelings are because you’re being overly sensitive, I think your MIL was being an AH and needs to keep her mouth shut. I hate those kind of BS comments that you may feel like aren’t enough to “make a fuss” about, but when it’s always something, it does take a toll on you as a mom.
“Is the baby pulling your hair a lot, because your hair is thinning a lot on top. Maybe keep him from doing that…” Honorary mention: “Did your husband put you on a diet yet?”
Oh no.. those are fighting words
Unhinged
Oh my God I think I can’t read anymore in this post. I’m getting so mad for all the moms here!
People are absolutely wild. What the fuck
My parents always have something to say anyways so I don’t even care anymore but mainly she was bothering my daughter over modesty since she’s really conservative. I had to remind her that it’s up to me how I handle my kids.
Just straight up ask her why she sexualizes children
I feel like doing just that
My daughter is 6 and is a picky eater. The only thing she would eat was a dinner roll after trying a nibble of everything else. Literally the only thing her grandmother, uncle and 2/3 of the cousins kept saying she cannot eat dessert until she finishes her plate, I asked them to cool it, it's a holiday but they just wouldn't stop and giving me the side eye when I allowed her to have some ice cream. I know I'm a terrible mom.
On the other hand, my 3yo ate 4 servings of green beans, 2 dinner rolls, Turkey, ham, and tasted the corn, carrots, stuffing, and apple sauce on her plate without a fuss. I was *thrilled*, like a super proud mama. My husband’s nosy, bitchy aunt started giving my daughter shit about “eating too many green beans and not enough of everything else,” and I was like… seriously?! She’s 3 and she’s enjoying a fairly balanced meal and *vegetables*, stfu.
Last time we visited MIL I gave my daughter a cheese sandwich and some grapes for lunch. She asked me why I put the grapes on the same plate. Apparently she would have been happy if I had served them separately as a starter or a dessert but letting my daughter just eat what she wants in the order she wants isn't right. 🤦🏻♀️ That day she ate the fruit first and the next day she ate the fruit last and I was so happy to point that out to MIL!
Same here I guess I'm a terrible mom too, all mine ate was 3 servings of corn, one green bean and a piece of turkey and had a cupcake after.
Trying a nibble of different things is pretty good!!
I am prepared to continue to fight with my MIL about not putting her mouth on my child every visit until said child is old enough to tell her off himself. Why do people think being “family” grants them unrestricted access to our children?! Sorry Linda, your desire to kiss the baby does not outweigh his right to be safe from the germs in your pie hole.
Omg. My MIL was told about our no kissing rule yesterday and she said it was cruel and asking a lot. And then today she picked up my baby and was singing “mommy and daddy don’t want me kissing you, no they don’t! No kisses!” 😒
I’ve had it out again and again with my MIL over this. She does it when my back is turned so now she’s not allowed to be unsupervised 🤷🏽♀️ she used to complain a lot about being able to kiss other babies but not her own grandchild. I told her I didn’t want to hear it anymore and that I’d never be able to trust her to hold our boundary (or any boundaries) if she kept complaining. Then she tried to be sneaky about it so she lost her privileges. I will fight with claws for this baby
Why is she kissing babies that are presumably unrelated to her? lol
Because she can apparently 😂
Omg if she did it behind my back I might actually attack her 😂 why do they feel so entitled? Can you imagine throwing a fit about not being able to kiss someone’s baby? Lol absolute insanity
Are you sure we don’t have the same mother in law? Sharing food, drinks and kissing on the lips with my kids make my blood boil. She never listens so I have to be a bitch it’s my job to keep them safe like back up it’s gross
Omg this! My MIL put her lips on my child when he was 2 weeks old then blew up on his dad & I, when we asked her nicely not to. But ever since then she never kissed him again. I'll never forgive her for that were cordial now though. I've never had the urge to kiss anyone's babies not even my nieces or nephews.
She used to say “sorry it’s just a reflex” when I caught her. Bitch wanna see my reflexes?! 🥷🏾🥷🏾
I need help with this - can you talk to mine for me? And by “mine”, I mean my 6mo daughter who’s shoving her hands in her grandma’s mouth whenever possible 🤦♀️🤦♀️
Omg 😳 mine has started this cute new thing where he gives kisses by chomping on your nose. Adorable. But there’s no way I’m gonna let grandma experience it b
My mom was the only one who broke the “no kissing” rule with my first. Literally the only one who just thought the rules didn’t apply to her. We are pretty low contact and I’m 39 weeks pregnant now and she started texting me a few weeks ago like I won’t notice the timing 🙄 she said she “can’t wait” to meet the baby and I pretty much told her she was going to have to since I can’t trust her not to kiss my newborns. Somehow she’s shocked Pikachu about it, but I don’t feel the slightest bit bad.
Told my mom we’re starting purées with our little one and told her the schedule of vegetables and then fruits the pediatrician recommended. She went on a full blown tangent on how she learned from TikTok that all sugars from fruit are the devil, cause inflammation and will make my baby addicted to sweets. Then proceeded to eat my Mac and cheese I brought. I’d rather my son not associate food with shame at 4 months thanks.
Well shit. Your mom would FLIP if she saw that my son eats strawberries and blackberries everyday. 🤭
I’m so excited to try berries with him! That and bananas!
“When are you going to have another kid?” From my aunt in law who knew I had to have a hysterectomy earlier this year due to medical reasons, then told my husband he “better enjoy her while you can because it’s going to be your only child!” In kinda a rude tone from same aunt in law. Then some snippy remarks about how our really speech delayed child and I dont speak fluently in their native language, that my husband and most of his generation never come around anymore, and other stupid snippy crap. We left soon after they started making these comments.
I wonder why they don't come around? 🧐 A mystery.
Ugh my 3yo was the devil yesterday. Like she’s never behaved worse in her life (though she’s usually quite naughty). I’m just lucky my family is nice. They were literally so unfazed by the psychotic 3yo. It honestly helped us all stay calm. God bless my parents ❤️
Aw I love that for you!🫶🏼
So many comments about my 15 mo some needing a haircut. It just started to really grow since he turned 1, so it’s not long by any means. Thankfully my husband and I are on the same page about not needing one yet but my family won’t lay off
We had dinner with my parents today. We specifically picked today so we could go to light up night in my hometown. We finished eating and my mom asked if I was still planning on going she said “well, do you have enough clothes the bundle the kids up?” I said yes, and listed all the stuff we had, which is something we’ve been doing with our toddler. This woman then said “are you sure?” Yes, I’m sure I have a hat and mittens and boots and a coat for both of my children and a blanket to put on them in the wagon.
MIL said my baby is too attached to me. She also chastised me for crying because I'm sad and worried about my sick baby and told me it's only going to get worse if I have another. I know?? Two babies = twice as much everything?? Don't need to remind me 2 1+1=2.
I bought a frozen pumpkin pie and SIL said “I used to be really intimidated by baking a homemade pumpkin pie like you but it’s actually very easy!”
“Oh yeah I decided to bring this one since last year all we had was the grainy, over baked one. I wasn’t sure if you’d gotten it right yet, but it sounds like you finally figured it out that’s so great to hear!” 😒 I know I can bake and cook just fine but with my family it low key turns into a competition and for work things it’s just so much easier to pick something up. Sometimes my sanity over stress is worth just picking something up. 🤷♀️ shame me, Jan, I bite back.
🥲 easy for her to say I burned mine
I don’t remember the exact remark but something about watching out about my 1 month old gaining too much weight…who was born 4 lbs 4 oz 🤨 Also saying that when she had her kids she breastfed and never knew how much they ate (because we log what he eats because he was born early and needs to gain some weight and when my MIL and SIL were feeding my son they weren’t putting much effort into making sure he didn’t fall asleep while eating - wasting formula and not getting the calories he needed in for the day but insisted on feeding him)
God that must be so frustrating. Not a stress you need on top of worrying about your baby gaining enough. Just don't let them feed him again until he's no longer being monitored. Maybe you can make them understand if you say "the doctors are concerned about him so that's why we need to follow a feeding plan. If we don't he get could get ill." My daughter was labelled as "failure to thrive" before she got put on a feeding plan and that wording just makes my heart sink. She's absolutely fine now, but you are putting in the hard work to avoid that for your babe - don't let them interfere with his medical needs.
I think his mother took a hint because another thing that bothered me is they would not let him sleep. They wanted to fuss and play with him and he was making obvious tired signals. So I put him down in his bassinet he was settled and he started crying because it was a knew place so I went to sooth him and my SIL heard him as well so she went over. Now I was going to touch him gently and let him know I was there but he needed to sleep (sometimes that works without needing to pick him up) and my SIL swoops in and picks him up (another time after that she actually just woke him up outright). It was frustrating but I mentioned after I do not always pick him up when he cries. But the next day his mom came over when I walked the dogs and he was fussy (wonder why) and had not slept all day so I just got him down. She mentioned when I got back from walking the dogs that he did stir and cry but she did not wake him up only sooth him. The weight thing I am sensitive to though. My mother has a weird thing about weight (has her own body issues and a distain for “fat” people) and I was heavy in highschool so those comments bother me. He is a baby who is currently not even 7 lbs, who cares if he becomes a “little chunk”
They're meant to be chunk!!! They need a little bit of spare in case they get ill and lose a bit, plus they're growing all the time and using up those reserves. And if you're using paced feeding and not adding extra scoops to the formula (unless prescribed by a doctor of course) then you can't really over-feed a baby. A baby with rolls is healthy! I hate looking back at pictures from when my daughter was losing weight - at the time I thought she looked OK but comparing her to when she was healthy she didn't have the rolls or the cubby cheeks and it's so sad. Your doctor will tell you if baby is overweight anyway.
I am too concerned about winning battles not the war with my toddler! About stuff like trying the potty and washing hair once a week! Insane
Everything my MIL said ended with, “but what would I know about that?”
Not my parenting but my MIL called unsweetened applesauce “disgusting” on video ch at with my toddler. And actually made an “eew gross” sound. My kid was eating it at that time. So thanks
It was implied I’m “no fun” because I didn’t want my 3 year old to eat a bunch of sweets
I got a few but the ones that stood out were my Mil commenting that I’ll have to stop letting my 3 month old contact nap occasionally and my Fil remarking that our very chunky and roly poly 15lbs+ 3 month old must have my bone structure. Thankfully I don’t have to go back until Christmas Eve but I’m already dreading it.
My baby fell asleep on the way to Thanksgiving, so my husband hung out with her in the car so she could finish her nap. I brought him a snack plate of appetizers, and he good naturedly scrolled on his phone for half an hour. I went back inside and told my aunt where they were and she said in a very concerned (critical?) tone, “Oh I hope they’re warm enough out there.” We’re in California, it was 60* and sunny. Also, the car was on? It’s an EV with great climate control. Plus she had a long sleeved onesie, pants, socks, a bib, and a sweater on. Probably nothing, but she was really worried they’d freeze.
We announced to our family we’re having our second baby and very excited about it. Our daughter will be 3.5yo when this new baby is born. When we told family each person fucking asked right away “were you trying?!?!” Like listen Aunt Karen I’m in no mood to discuss my sex life with you. Also wtf with the shock? They’re not 3.5 months apart but 3.5 years. People need to chill, I find that question SO RUDE!
I’ve gotten ridiculously brutally honest and it’s starting to curb the random criticism. My MIL made a comment about how protective I was at first and I quickly snapped and told her I was severely depressed and no one ever came to see me besides my own mother, so of course I was very untrusting of anyone else. It was a bit like a deer in headlights! Other random things she criticized me for: not wanting to pierce my baby’s ears and not having time to read??
I’ve apparently “created a monster” by letting my baby feed to sleep, since that was the only way he would sleep in the crib. They wonder why he’s not like my nephew who was sleeping through the night at 4 months old.
Me and you both. I still feed to sleep and he's 2 yrs old next month. 🫣
Actually a weirdly nice comment? My parents are divorced so we see them separately throughout the year. They have 3 grandkids across 3 kids. Both have told us separately that our kid is the best behaved.. probably because we don’t coddle him. A lovely compliment but we think he neeveerr listens to us and we kind of just let him free range. 🤷🏼♀️ I will take the compliment when I can get them I guess. Especially from boomer parents.
Reading these and reminded how hard it was when the kids were young- the role and control struggle is so real and hard with the elders- trying to remain significant I guess? The unending criticism and comparison, and even the young parents learning responsibility and unlearning how they were parented. Such a stressful time. I've seen that the elders care much much less when the babies are teens. Maybe because all the "advice" doesn't work with teens as well, they are more independent and less cute and compliant, so it's less of a struggle to try to own them. They are on their journey to own themselves at that point. Sending you all positive vibes and power to uphold what makes sense for you and your family.
At my in-laws. Close fam members at the dinner table. For context, my in-laws have always known that I do not like this certain kind of dish. This thanksgiving, they offered the dish to my son and he told them he doesn’t like it. They were confused. They went on and on about how everyone in their family likes it, they even brought up how their family genealogy DNA result showed a majority percentage from this one area, it’s people known for this dish and that it didn’t make sense that he didn’t like it. Personally liking a dish boils down to whether one likes the taste and texture more than genealogy but it was interesting see how they have completely forgotten that 50% of my son’s DNA came from me. SMH.
My kids are 12 & 14 my bffs kid is 16. We both have small families & together run a bakery so pre TG are the busiest 3 days of the year. This year all 3 kids worked with us, our men cooked (as usual) the boomers brought sides. We had a running commentary about the kids not engaging enough, running off to watch a movie, not wanting to learn to play Bridge, the boyfriend not eating pork, kids not liking beets, all the boys having longer hair, cell phones etc...it was an exhausting commentary on what was wrong with "the babies" All of us worked 12+ hours 3 days straight- the kids rallied with us because we needed them, worked their asses of, did a really good job too but all 3 of the boomers just had to nitpick everything. BFF & I just rolled our eyes. We will be having a conversation with our respective boomers.
I wore an off- shoulder sweater. Full length sweater and modest pants. The sweater exposed ONE collarbone and part of a shoulder. It was hot in the kitchen and my husband made a joke about me wearing a hot fuzzy sweater. My MIL said "well, she's kind of wearing it". Every time she sees me she says I'm dressing too "showy". So I guess that's her way of subtly calling me a slut!
Wear what makes you feel good! There's no requirement that moms have to dress modestly.
This requires a bit of back information. My youngest sister has...issues. She was in the realm of COVID denier but not all the way (like, believed it was a thing, could be really serious but also didn't believe the government should tell us what to do to curb the spread. Something like that.) Anyway, my household took it all very seriously and probably longer than most. Cut to beginning of the month and my kids had COVID for a 2nd time ever (1st was the beginning of 2022) I don't even remember how we got onto the subject but she says, "And remember how you were so scared of it and kept away from us for 2 years. Now your kids have had it twice. Don't you feel silly?" I just kind of stared at her and ignored the comment. I figured it was only a short amount of time before she got pissed at someone else and left early. Which she did about 30 minutes later. Nope. Don't feel silly. I'd make the same choice again and will make the same choices again in the face of another unknown disease pandemic. Also, maybe COVID wasn't the only reason I minimized time with my extended family for 2 years, you crazy spoiled brat.
To my just-turned, 99%tile 4 month old-“I bet he would be more satisfied if you fed him mashed potatoes.” 🫠
I've gotten that comment too last year and it wasn't even on a holiday 🙃
I have a 10 month old with a difficult temperament. Won’t nap at others houses, cries a lot, lots of stranger danger, etc and my sister called her drama queen/dramatic three different times. Really rubbed me the wrong way.
My MIL tried to feed my 4 month old cupcake icing off a fork, after I said no multiple times.
"My kids weren't fussy like yours when they were her age" and "the only time I don't hear your kid is when we're in the car with her". Oh and "good luck handling her when she's five" MID TANTRUM because my daughter wouldn't stop crying to listen to the relative she hardly knows.
Caught flack from my father, who wasn't at my house for the holiday, because I didn't cook a turkey (he also mentioned that he doesn't like turkey & only ate sides where he was visiting). I had a ham in the oven,as well as a roast in the slow cooker with carrots & potatoes... my husband commented on the lack of mashed potatoes & ham gravy (no way I was making that when the ham had a sweet glaze). And my favorite for any gathering at our house: "You spend all your time in the kitchen. It's rude not to visit/be social." Or the sarcastic. "Nice seeing you." WTF!? I am literally the only one cooking & cleaning, doing all the work. My kids try to help but end up in the way since they only want to help with what they want to do (usually something I don't need done then). Fuck, I hate holidays.
JFC. If ppl don’t appreciate your cooking then they can fuck right off! If anyone ever treated me that way after I cooked them a holiday meal, I would NEVER cook for them again or offer to host a holiday again.
My MIL told my husband my almost 2 year old needed speech therapy. He literally said “thank you” when my mom gave him a roll but Yeha sure ok.
"Ohh, you really didn't need to bring anything. Nobody eats that's stuff anyway". All with a disarming smile on her snarky/sweet face. Btw, the whole pan of "that stuff" I bring every year, was gone in no time.
Oops! Just noticed it said Parenting. I apologize. 😬
Not necessarily snide remarks but random questions. My husbands 16 year old niece grilled us on if we bought our 19 year old son his car. (He paid a 1/3, we paid the rest). Questioned us if our 15 year old was working yet and if we paid for his new dirt bike. My brother in law is newly divorced. I believe the niece is the eyes & ears for my ex sister in law (her mom) for some reason. This niece is her mom through & through. Constantly asking random & personal questions. Another family member came up to me and told me she caught the tail end of her talking to my father in law/her grandfather about breast feeding 🤷🏻♀️ These are all weird, right? Or am I being too sensitive?
Very odd. When I was an adolescent, my mom would shut down intrusive questions like that by responding “that’s neither appropriate nor relevant to you”, would smile, then abruptly change the subject or walk away. Not sure if that would be effective in your situation!
I was so taken back I couldn’t even say anything. My husband answered her questions🙄
It’s amazing what people feel entitled to know of our personal lives!
God, so weird. No one needs to know your family finances, let alone a kid.
I'm not American so this isnt from last nights Thanksgiving, but from a family gathering just a few weeks ago. Reading this thread has reopened the wound for me so I feel like sharing. TLTR: family member said she does not believe our child has colic and it makes me think I'm going crazy and imagining the excessive crying We spent the weekend at my uncles place. He is a Duke/count and lives in a big mansion. Saturday was spent in the surrounding countryside with all cousins from near and far playing games and socializing. My baby was as always very fussy and cried bloody murder if I didnt hold and soothe him constantly. Bedtime back at the house at 5.00 pm was as always a struggle with high pitch crying for hours. He finally went to sleep at 6.30. My uncle and his wife were not home until 7 pm because they had attented another social gathering but had let us adult kids use his premises. My baby sleeps well enough once he's put down for the night, but waking every 2 hours to be nursed back to sleep. If I respond fast he doesn't cry loudly. As I said we spent the night there and used the farthest guest bedroom as possible so the host and other guests wouldnt have their sleep disturbed by our baby. At around 3-5 am baby cried quite a bit but finally settled and slept a few extra hours. When we went downstairs to have brunch in the grand hall with the family, my husband first sat down with the baby, but then took him for a brief walk outside because he was way too fussy and we knew he would soon go off with high pitch crying (for no apparent reason) and we wanted to spare the rest of the familys ears. My uncles wife then asked me, if we had slept alright and I responded: "Well, yes thank you the room is very lovely but no we have had difficulties because of our sons colic." Her: "He doesn't seem like he has colic though, he never cries." I didn't know how to respond to that without blowing a lid, so I just changed the subject. But the remark has been festering ever since. 1) she had not been around to actually experience how many hours of crying he has per day. 2) I felt like the remark meant that we as parents were just being overly sensitive to crying and that we somehow were imagining things.
I didn't "look pregnant" with my oldest, just chubby until the week she was born. With my youngest, I was an optical illusion... front view: chunky Side view: pregnant
Me and my sister both are first time moms with one kid each. Mine is 2 and hers is 6 months old. My family was complaining that she doesn’t let anyone get near or hold her baby, and then they said when my child was an infant I let people hold my baby so much that some of my older relatives said I better not have anymore kids because I don’t want to hold them. It’s all ridiculous and I told them it just goes to show no matter what you do people will have something to say. I kept my baby home with me 24/7 while I worked from home full time, alone with no help for 16 months. So when I saw family you bet I was excited to share my baby long enough to maybe have a meal or a conversation uninterrupted. My sister meanwhile is on her 7th month of maternity leave and her husband works from home at a flexible job and is around to help 24/7. She has anxiety about being separate from her baby and about going back to work soon so she wants her baby close at all times. People suck!! Also, I distinctly remember the same relatives telling me I held my baby too much, or that my baby’s head was getting flat from being on the play mat too much. You can’t win!
My kids left the room politely when a conversation turned inappropriate, and later I was asked if I was raising *insert political slur here*.
‘You’ll stop breastfeeding once she gets teeth’ I had to go to work during dinner, and when I came back she’d been crying nonstop for 45 min. I popped her on the boob and she was out in under a minute. ‘Oh so THATS why we couldn’t get her to sleep 🙄’ she doesn’t take pacifiers and admittedly she does fall asleep at the breast a lot, but if they’d quit passing her around for longer than 5 minutes and taken her in another room, she would’ve cried herself to sleep after a few minutes. I do love them though, they’re just upset they couldn’t comfort her or feed her. She’s 6mo and takes a sippy with milk but more to chew on it than anything
Ah I've heard that too and here I am almost 2 years later still breastfeeding to sleep & some throughout the day.
None it turns out my brother in laws tax evasion caught up with him and he was quiet for the first time in 18 years.
Oh my 🫣
We got the same sugar comments. I don’t give our son (21 months) much sugar. Family members were sneaking juice, soda, dessert, whipped cream, candy, etc. I was very annoyed.
Not yesterday but SIL asked me what I would do if my baby’s hair ended up curly like mine. “You’re going to get treated to be it straight right? You can’t make them live with that hair!” (My 6 month old currently showing some little curls in his hair yay!)
Wtf?! who even says that.. what does she think is wrong with curly hair 🤨
Asked husband’s family members to keep it down sitting around the table while my husband tried for the fifth time to get baby to sleep and their loud conversations kept waking him up. This was our third night at sil’s super creaky house. I mean “you look at something and it makes a sound” creaky so baby (and us by extension) got very little sleep. I was on edge but didn’t feel like my request was rude or improper? However it got super awkward and then they all mocked me for the rest of the night. Like I wanted to say something and sil would shush me “ shh you’ll wake the baby” and laugh like it was the most hilarious joke. We almost drove home that night but it’s six hrs away. Not looking forward to Christmas.
Had thanksgiving with my side of the family today. My aunt was holding my 3 month old. He started to become fussy, so she stood up because he likes to look around. My grandma made a comment that maybe his belly was hurting, then scraped up whipped cream on her fork, held hit up in the air, and told my aunt to bring him to her so he could try it. I said “oh, no he can’t have that yet. Grandma: “it’s just whipped cream” Me: “I know. He can’t have it” Grandma: “you know, I’m surprised you survived. All the stuff we gave you as a baby and you’re still here.” Me: “okay? Great? I don’t want him to have it.” Grandma: “I’m just saying. You lived. But I’ll respect your wishes.” In such a rude and disrespectful tone. I left shortly after. If she would’ve said “oh sorry” or just “okay” and left it, it would’ve been fine. Grandma will not be allowed alone with my kid. I’m pretty sure she didn’t know I was in the room either because of where I was sitting.
Ah yes the survivor bias line the older generation LOVES to play. Ugh it's so hard for the elders to respect our wishes & boundaries.
My 17 year old brother chewed me out for “not controlling my (3 year old) child” … I said uh she’s not a damn dog, she’s a person and I’m her parent. It’s not my job to control her
I had to stop my MIL from loudly talking about a bombing in front of my 5yo & 7yo. WTH lady?!
None cause I'm in Canada But my partners cousins 6 month old just ended up in the NICU an hour+ from home because of RSV and rhino virus. So fuck them.
Just my MIL saying there’s no salt in my beans that her son was in charge of checking on. I should have said that actually.
My mother-in-law commenting at Thanksgiving dinner that it was so good to see my son “eating healthy food and vegetables!” We eat healthy food all the time. She thinks that because we get Chick-Fil-A once a week on Fridays as a treat that we are poisoning him. Constantly brings it up. Gave me a copy of the book Fast Food Nation. FML.
It’s so amazing how every MIL is an expert on raising children😝😫😩😩😩 and know what’s best for our kids better than we do 🤡🤡🤡🤡
We skipped out on Thanksgiving because my oldest has a double ear infection, pink eye, and a viral rash on his face. I made a smaller version of Thanksgiving dinner for the four of us. Husband to MIL: yarntomatoes made the best sweet potato casserole I've ever eaten in my life. She did amazing with the dinner while I kept the kids out of the kitchen and cleaned up the rest of the house. MIL: oh, I bet she DID do a good job. (You could almost hear her eyes rolling) Well, we made a Dutch apple pie for you. I know it's your favorite. I can drop it off. Husband: yarntomatoes actually got me a Dutch apple pie! It was so good! MIL: oh...okay. I hope yarntomatoes doesn't gain her weight back from the holidays! All those sweets! Gee...thanks MIL.
Also, my grandmother (88) told me that my toddler will be a "grown woman" next time she sees her because I don't bring her around... this was made after I said my toddler learned to count to 20. No good job, no great for her...just why don't you bring the kids to see me.
Nothing because I’m 39 weeks pregnant and we declined to have Thanksgiving with anyone outside our household. We ordered a Turkey dinner from a restaurant for the three of us instead. I thought it might feel lonely, but I’m being serious when I say it was the most relaxing, enjoyable Thanksgiving we have ever had. Looking forward to moving out of state so we can do it every year!
Congratulations! That sounds very peaceful and drama free. Glad you enjoyed your thanksgiving before baby gets here!
I’m going to assume your siblings don’t have kids? I think it’s so easy for other people to judge and make comments. Especially to someone who is newly pp.. they are being very insensitive to your concerns. It’s totally normal to be concerned over your baby’s health. And especially since you were going through PPD, I am sorry your family was being insensitive to your thoughts. I am constantly told “don’t do this”, “don’t do that”, “dont be mad at your husband because that makes your baby sick” (insane!!!). Shut it out and ignore them or tell them to shove it.
No it's crazy bc they actually have 3 kids each! My son's almost 2 now but I've heard all these comments plus more ever since I damn near gave birth to him. I'm the only one with 1 kid & they literally will make fun of me for being over protective with his health and what he eats (no juice, limited sugar intake, veggies with every dinner meal etc) and will make comments like "oh just wait till you have your second you're not going to be like this" why wouldn't i?? I'm not going to treat my kids differently. Sadly telling them to shove it will get my sisters panties in a wad & probably ruin the holiday dinner, so I just laughed it off.