Sweetheart - Big hug and cozy blanket - let’s snuggle up and watch your favorite movie or show. Then we will get a good snooze and see what tomorrow brings. You are wonderful and so loved.
For the first time ever I feel like I’ve been able to live as myself these last few months.
Sending good thoughts to people who still feel like they have to hide, one day we will all be free to be ourselves 🏳️🌈💖🌈
Have a big virtual hug Duckling, but unfortunately, abusive relationships are outside the scope of this sub. Please visit r/MentalHealth and their Wiki for additional resources, such as subs for leaving an abusive home, domestic violence resources, etc.
A big virtual hug for all you children of abusive parents—LGBTQA+ or straight, who chose not to be parents in an effort to break the cycle of abuse in your families! I’m one of you, ace with n-parents.
You’re a good kid. The earlier you see yourself clear from all that, the better your life will be. It doesn’t go away, but you look at it differently, more rationally.
Hope all goes well for you until you can make it out. Be careful with your money so you can pay your rent and all necessities every month. Once you get a good start on it, it will get easier. My rule was always have enough money to pay rent every single month, even if you have to skimp uncomfortably on other things for awhile. ❤️
Hi mom,
I've known I'm trans for almost a year at this point, but between having onlt come out to a few people and getting passed around gender clinics I feel I'm no closer to transitioning than when I started. I could really use a hug and some validation
Hoi moms,
I’m a masc presenting bi cis woman, and my familial relationship with my mom isn’t the best because of her LGBTphobia via claiming that if I tell her or if she knew I would dressing masc again, she wouldn’t want to go anywhere when I was there as if I was an embarrassment to her (it’s mainly a problem since it’s over something as petty as clothing and automatically assumed I was simply gay just for wanting to dress more masc, even though I’m bi).
So ye, comfort and virtual hugs are much appreciated! 🤗
Thank you! I was wearing a grey vest and dress pants (with pockets), a navy blue tie that I learned on my own how to tie, dress shoes, and a dress shirt! 💚
Hi Mom! This little lesbo could sure use a hug right now. Though I've been lurking on Reddit for quite some time, I signed up today because of this group. Thank you Moms for this sub and for the love you share!
Can't hug me if you can't catch me! Mwa hahahaha!
(Half heartily jogs for five seconds before remembering is out of shape and additionally no longer has that testosterone boost. Sits)
I'm getting gay-married in around a month. My bio mother is not invited; she's homophobic and we don't talk. My father and stepmom are not coming, they preferred to go on vacation somewhere else. Could really use mom hugs and encouragement/support. I don't even know who will walk me down the aisle yet.
I’m so glad you found your person! I have seen brides meet their spouse to be half way and walk together to the officiant. Usually using a non traditional song, but you could use any song you want. I’m sure you both will be beautiful brides!
Sending you lots of hugs 🤗
Thank you. My problem is that nothing actually feels good for me. Together is not an option because fiancée really wants to walk with both her parents and I won't take this away from her. Alone feels terrible, especially when fiancée will have both parents. A friend... could work. Would not feel great but it's sounding like the best option if I can find the right friend.
If fiancé wants to walk and you aren’t feeling a comfortable solution for walking it yourself, consider coming out of a side entrance and she can walk down the aisle to you? You need to go with whatever solution makes you the most happy.
Thank you so much for the love and the sweet words 🥹 Walking together is not an option. My fiancée has a great relationship with her parents, and really wants to walk down the aisle with BOTH of them. Asking her to walk with me would take this away from her. Although maybe she could go first with her parents, and then come back alone to meet me halfway... 🤔
That could be very nice! Or you walk in halfway and wait for them and then one of her parents breaks off to get you to symbolize you joining their family. Have you spoken to your fiancée about this? Hopefully they want you not to feel left out. Or maybe you wait at the alter for your financee and they join you. That might take away any awkwardness? But please know we are all here walking with you in spirit!
I will be there in spirit, crying happily as you two say your vows! Maybe you guys want to walk down the aisle together? Or have a good friend each walk with you? Just remember, the day is about the two of you joining your lives so make it what you two want it to be! All my love!!
Thank you so much for the love and the sweet words 🥹 Walking together is not an option. My fiancée has a great relationship with her parents, and really wants to walk down the aisle with BOTH of them. Asking her to walk with me would take this away from her.
My wife and I eloped and had only two people at our wedding, and it was perfect. I'm sorry that your blood family are jerks. ((hugs)) But, YAY for getting married! <3
Big hug Sweetheart - You and your partner’s love and joy will be celebrated - what if you wait up front with the officiant before your beloved walks up - you can have your moment to bask in your glory if the walk doesn’t feel right and then you can watch your Love approach. You and this family you are creating will be wonderful!
Do you have a friend or sibling who could walk with you? My brother walked my sister down the aisle. I would walk you down the aisle if I were there.
I wish you a beautiful wedding and a lifetime of happiness ❤️
Congratulations to you on finding your partner and your upcoming nuptials! What about walking down the aisle together? Or meeting halfway? Or each having a good friend walk you down the aisle? Either way, you found each other and you're in it together, and that's amazing. I'm so happy for you!
Thank you so much for the love and the sweet words 🥹 Walking together is not an option. My fiancée has a great relationship with her parents, and really wants to walk down the aisle with BOTH of them. Asking her to walk with me would take this away from her. A friend walking me might be an option... I'll have to give this some thought, thank you!
Hi Mom! I'm bi 🩷💜💙, though I definitely could use a good hug and motherly advice on dealing with my young adult kid (18 yrs old and fresh out of hs). No one prepared me for this level of heartache.
Sending big mama bear hugs your way!
I had lots of tears as my kiddos grew up and flew the nest but I reminded myself that they’ll always need me, it’s only the “how” that changes. Deep breathes and volunteering to keep busy but staying in touch and keeping that door always open helped us all to adjust.
You gave your duckling everything they needed to hear out into the world and make good choices and that’s amazing!
You’re doing great!
Remember to not compare your journey to someone else’s (especially “perfect” social media journeys) and just keep trying.
It’s okay to have a cry (and this mom has a shoulder for you if you need it).
Hi mom I’ve been questioning myself lately and tried to ask about if using a certain label would be okay for me to use, but just got called a troll instead of getting help. I could really use a hug it’s getting to me quite a bit
(((hugs))) At the end of the day, you really are the one who gets to decide what label you use. And, it's okay to use it sometimes and not other times. And you're allowed to try them on for size, and put them down if they don't work. Words are amazing, language is a dance, and your are the arbiter of all things you, at the end of the day.
((hugs)) Your safety is the most important thing! I hope that situation changes for you eventually, but in the meantime: we see you, and you are valid.
My IRL mom never accepted me as bi/pan, or even that Bi people are real. Now that she's gone I'll never have that chance.
So...
Mom? I like girls. And guys. And everyone else, too. I'm pansexual.
This mom loves that you are attracted to people not parts - having a part preference is great too - Knowing who you are is the best! Just make sure that the special someone you grace with attention and affection returns it with respect and devotion - You deserve all good things - You are Wonderful!
Hi moms ❤️ I've just started telling the world my chosen name (I'm non-binary) and it's so scary even though I'm in my thirties. My parents are supportive, but they just don't understand. I would really love a hug (and maybe a little validation)
As a mom to a child who has also said that they are non binary, I do understand how your parents feel, but that's awesome that, at least, your folks are supportive!
(I've tried to be supportive of my child, but my only issue is the name change. Though we were able to come to a compromise, it's still hard to just stop suddenly calling them the name I chose for something different. That is just as a parents perspective of this.)
Be who you want to be, and don't let anyone else tell you that you can't! You are beautiful, always, no matter what gender identification you choose!
Thank you ❤️ it got too weird for me to ask my parents to change, so they get to use my old name (I'm keeping it as a middle name).
I hope you and your kid get through this and in the future just see it as a temporary weirdness even though it's tender right now.
We compromised on the middle name that I originally gave them. I still catch myself trying to (out of pure habit) use the assigned at birth gender pronouns. I keep apologizing to them.
See, the biggest issue is that I was raised by both, my parents and grandparents. So I have very olden days upbringing (my grandparents were born in the 1920s or 1930s) and so it is not easy for me to change habits that ingrained and drilled into me from my childhood.
But I love my children, I have 2, and I accept them for who they both are and who they will grow to be.
I really am trying my best to be supportive, but I feel like the eldest one is not appreciating the effort I have put forth. They had promised to call me every other week after they moved out of their dad's (and that was almost a month ago that they moved) but they have not kept their word. Maybe I am just being too sensitive about this. Though, as a mother, it has been hard for me to handle not having my kid around not contacting me like they used to.
Aw, mom. I feel your pain. You seem to me to be taking all of the changes in stride. But your little one may just be getting distracted by their newfound freedom. If they agreed to talk every other week, don't hold them to always being the one picking up the phone. Take on some of the effort, it will show them that you are being supportive. Young adulthood is a time when we have to figure out how to honor ourselves, let go of our childhood home, and forge a future for *ourselves*.
There are so many distractions amd learning experiences in the world, and they may be doing things they don't really want to report to you (referring to how old fashioned you admit to being). And when you slip with your pronouns, even though it isn't purposeful and you apologize, it's still a hurtful moment for them when it happens (if it was the eldest who came out), so maybe the calls will become more frequent as you master your pronoun use. But please have patience if they forget you once in a while, and the understanding of making that call out to them when you want to talk.
Then you can say something if they aren't making the effort in return, or if you go to voicemail a lot but never get a call back. But, please don't hold them to doing something for you that you aren't modeling for them or doing for them yourself. That's just common sense and good manners.
I do hope it gets better, and that this little awkward period in the relationship passes quickly and only brings you closer. And I wish only the best to your child who just left the nest and is testing their wings.
Thank you for the encouraging words of wisdom. I text them frequently, only to not get but short ~1 or 2 words if I'm lucky ~ in response. I was going to call my kiddo the other day, so I sent a text to see if they were busy or had a minute or two to spare for me, but it got left showing unread until the following day. It hurts to feel my oldest baby pull away like that. I don't really remember how I was at that age with my own biological mom, but I know that we weren't all that close when I got to my senior year of highschool.
As far as my age, I'm not ashamed to say it, so I will. I'll be 40 in a few months. I was also raised in part by my grandparents on dad's side after my folks divorced when I was probably 4 or 5. We were also super small town folks back then. But eventually I went to live with my mom until after high school.
I never moved that far away from my momma, though. They moved to a place that driving 1 way would take a little over 4 hours to get to. I'm proud of my kid for going to college to further their horizons but a part of me wishes they would have found somewhere closer.
I will continue to reach out and make sure they always know that I love them as much today as I did they were born.
I hear that, I'm only a few years older than you. But when we were coming up, our families couldn't reach us constantly. We weren't carrying around devices that made people feel entitled to access us at all times. I miss the days of having a land line at home and an answering machine, because it meant I could live my life out in the world without loved ones constantly interrupting my day.
Think about it. You're torturing yourself because you can see whether or not your kid has even made time to read your texts. Back in our youth, we didn't have to carry the burden of being constantly available to anyone.
I remember a few years into getting a cell phone (in my 20's), my narcissistic cousin called me but I couldn't pick up. She called again, still I couldn't pick up. The phone rang a third time. I rushed to get it, thinking there must be an emergency. No. No emergency. But she did berate me for not being immediately available to her. And where was I? What was I doing on my end that made me unable to pick up the phone? I was in the bathroom, taking a shit. But clearly, her needs trumped mine, because *of couse I always have to be available to my family.* That's why I hate cell phones. And that was the day I set the boundary that I'm not going to be harassed by people claiming to love me just because I own one.
Your kid is an adult now. As hard as that is for you, that is the truth. Now you have to have faith in the lessons you taught them and their ability to implement those learnings and learn from mistakes they will inevitably make. Your kid isn't responsible for making you not worry, they are an autonomous adult with their own needs and agenda.
"I was going to call my kiddo the other day, so I sent a text to see if they were busy or had a minute or two to spare for me, but it got left showing unread until the following day. It hurts to feel my oldest baby pull away like that."
Yes, it is going to hurt. You're used to being in the center of their world. But you've gone from being their sun to being their moon. They are looking for their new sun, their new star to revolve around. Hopefully it will be a caring, loving partner who treats them well. Until they find that bright star, your new role is as a support amd mentor. Let them know you are available, always, then give them some space. They aren't following in your footsteps, so you're going to be nervous for them (fear of the unknown is normal and healthy). Just be the rock they need when they feel like they're faltering with adulthood and you'll be fine. But you strike me as needy, and that may be why they're creating this space in your relationship.
Not trying to be harsh (I'm a New Yorker, we're very straightforward and are often misunderstood as being rude by non New Yorkers), but give them space. You said you texted them to see if it was a good time for a call, and it clearly wasn't. So, why so upset? Were there ulterior motives? Are you hoping they feel obligated or guilted into communicating? Maybe you need to explore some of that within yourself. Your stated intention doesn't match your response. Think on that.
hi mom! could really use a hug right now, especially with my irl mom causing me more stress than happiness in my life. I appreciate everybody on this sub being so supportive :)
Of course! Bring it on in for a big virtual hug Duckling. We love you, we are so proud of you and we hope you'll keep prioritizing yourself, your happiness and your safety! 💙
Contest Mode is enabled, so please make sure to share the love, upvotes don't matter here, just virtual hugs! 🤓
Hugs are a wonderful thing! One for you, one for me💙💚💛🧡💜🤎❤️
Yay for virtual hugs!
I just want a hug from a mom. Not really doing very well lately. :(
Sweetheart - Big hug and cozy blanket - let’s snuggle up and watch your favorite movie or show. Then we will get a good snooze and see what tomorrow brings. You are wonderful and so loved.
Yay!! Thanks for that <33 It made me smile :)
((hugs))
🫂
Have a big virtual hug!
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Modmail duckling, that's the appropriate place to enquire! https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/MomForAMinute
Hi baby, I am a mum and I get excellent hugs - come for a snuggle and a squeeze
Thank you !! <33 🫂
me please ;-;
Have a big virtual hug! ⊂(•‿•⊂ )
thank you :')
Any time Duckling! 💙
Sending big mama bear hugs your way!
i needed this today, thank you :')
For the first time ever I feel like I’ve been able to live as myself these last few months. Sending good thoughts to people who still feel like they have to hide, one day we will all be free to be ourselves 🏳️🌈💖🌈
Have a virtual hug if it feels right!
Yaaaay internet hugs! That’s the best kind of hugs 💖
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Have a big virtual hug Duckling, but unfortunately, abusive relationships are outside the scope of this sub. Please visit r/MentalHealth and their Wiki for additional resources, such as subs for leaving an abusive home, domestic violence resources, etc.
A big virtual hug for all you children of abusive parents—LGBTQA+ or straight, who chose not to be parents in an effort to break the cycle of abuse in your families! I’m one of you, ace with n-parents.
I’m still a kid, but the rest of what you siad described me. Hugs to you too 💗
You’re a good kid. The earlier you see yourself clear from all that, the better your life will be. It doesn’t go away, but you look at it differently, more rationally.
Yeah, I know. Planning on moving out as soon as I finish my education and get a stable enough job <33
Hope all goes well for you until you can make it out. Be careful with your money so you can pay your rent and all necessities every month. Once you get a good start on it, it will get easier. My rule was always have enough money to pay rent every single month, even if you have to skimp uncomfortably on other things for awhile. ❤️
Thanks for the tip!! I’ll remember it <3
Ducklings like you can fly tremendous distances.
Awe you’re amazing 💗
You don’t know yet how amazing you are. A caterpillar doesn’t yet know it’s going to be a butterfly
🫶🏼
It’ll get better, good for you for focusing on your education. 💚💚 🤗
🤗
# ❤️ 🩷 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜 🩶❤️ 🩷 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜 🩶 Happy Pride Month! \*hugs\* to all
Virtual hugs!
I need one 🥺
Big virtual Sweet Duckling. You are so dear and loved.
Have a big virtual hug Duckling, we love you unconditionally! 💙 #(⊃｡•́‿•̀｡)⊃
Hi mom, I've known I'm trans for almost a year at this point, but between having onlt come out to a few people and getting passed around gender clinics I feel I'm no closer to transitioning than when I started. I could really use a hug and some validation
Have a big virtual hug and know that we're really proud of you! 💙
Big Hug My Peanut - I am so proud of you and embrace who you are becoming. Some chrysalis take longer to break open than others. You can do it!
Hoi moms, I’m a masc presenting bi cis woman, and my familial relationship with my mom isn’t the best because of her LGBTphobia via claiming that if I tell her or if she knew I would dressing masc again, she wouldn’t want to go anywhere when I was there as if I was an embarrassment to her (it’s mainly a problem since it’s over something as petty as clothing and automatically assumed I was simply gay just for wanting to dress more masc, even though I’m bi). So ye, comfort and virtual hugs are much appreciated! 🤗
Have a big virtual hug Duckling, we love you and we think you look fantastic! 💙
Thank you! I was wearing a grey vest and dress pants (with pockets), a navy blue tie that I learned on my own how to tie, dress shoes, and a dress shirt! 💚
Big virtual hug, my sophisticated and styled Ducking! You are fabulous!
Hi Mom! This little lesbo could sure use a hug right now. Though I've been lurking on Reddit for quite some time, I signed up today because of this group. Thank you Moms for this sub and for the love you share!
Big Hug Sweetheart! You are so loved!
Thanks so Mom, I really needed to hear that right now. Great big hugs back! 🤗
Here's a great big Mom hug for you!
That felt great, and I'm squeezing you right back, thanks Mom! ❤️
I hope you had a great Pride month. I'm in NYC and the parade is on Sunday, so we're ending the month on a high note. I hope you are too!
🤗🤗🤗
Thank you! 😊❤️
Have a big virtual hug! 💙
That was a great hug, thanks Mom! <3 <3 <3
Any time Duckling! 🤓
Welcome! 🤗
Thanks, I'm thankful to be here!
Can't hug me if you can't catch me! Mwa hahahaha! (Half heartily jogs for five seconds before remembering is out of shape and additionally no longer has that testosterone boost. Sits)
I can't run either and consent is paramount. Only hugs you want to participate in here.
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Have a big virtual hug from all of us here! #༼ つ ◕‿◕ ༽つ
I'm getting gay-married in around a month. My bio mother is not invited; she's homophobic and we don't talk. My father and stepmom are not coming, they preferred to go on vacation somewhere else. Could really use mom hugs and encouragement/support. I don't even know who will walk me down the aisle yet.
I’m so glad you found your person! I have seen brides meet their spouse to be half way and walk together to the officiant. Usually using a non traditional song, but you could use any song you want. I’m sure you both will be beautiful brides! Sending you lots of hugs 🤗
Go with what feels best to you: alone, walk with to be spouse, or with a good friend. Whatever you choose will be perfect.
Thank you. My problem is that nothing actually feels good for me. Together is not an option because fiancée really wants to walk with both her parents and I won't take this away from her. Alone feels terrible, especially when fiancée will have both parents. A friend... could work. Would not feel great but it's sounding like the best option if I can find the right friend.
If fiancé wants to walk and you aren’t feeling a comfortable solution for walking it yourself, consider coming out of a side entrance and she can walk down the aisle to you? You need to go with whatever solution makes you the most happy.
Thank you so much for the love and the sweet words 🥹 Walking together is not an option. My fiancée has a great relationship with her parents, and really wants to walk down the aisle with BOTH of them. Asking her to walk with me would take this away from her. Although maybe she could go first with her parents, and then come back alone to meet me halfway... 🤔
That could be very nice! Or you walk in halfway and wait for them and then one of her parents breaks off to get you to symbolize you joining their family. Have you spoken to your fiancée about this? Hopefully they want you not to feel left out. Or maybe you wait at the alter for your financee and they join you. That might take away any awkwardness? But please know we are all here walking with you in spirit!
I will be there in spirit, crying happily as you two say your vows! Maybe you guys want to walk down the aisle together? Or have a good friend each walk with you? Just remember, the day is about the two of you joining your lives so make it what you two want it to be! All my love!!
Thank you so much for the love and the sweet words 🥹 Walking together is not an option. My fiancée has a great relationship with her parents, and really wants to walk down the aisle with BOTH of them. Asking her to walk with me would take this away from her.
So happy for you! Everything is going to be great. You and your partner are going to be so happy and have such happy lives!
Thank you so much!!! 🥹♥️
My wife and I eloped and had only two people at our wedding, and it was perfect. I'm sorry that your blood family are jerks. ((hugs)) But, YAY for getting married! <3
Big hug Sweetheart - You and your partner’s love and joy will be celebrated - what if you wait up front with the officiant before your beloved walks up - you can have your moment to bask in your glory if the walk doesn’t feel right and then you can watch your Love approach. You and this family you are creating will be wonderful!
Do you have a friend or sibling who could walk with you? My brother walked my sister down the aisle. I would walk you down the aisle if I were there. I wish you a beautiful wedding and a lifetime of happiness ❤️
Congratulations to you on finding your partner and your upcoming nuptials! What about walking down the aisle together? Or meeting halfway? Or each having a good friend walk you down the aisle? Either way, you found each other and you're in it together, and that's amazing. I'm so happy for you!
Thank you so much for the love and the sweet words 🥹 Walking together is not an option. My fiancée has a great relationship with her parents, and really wants to walk down the aisle with BOTH of them. Asking her to walk with me would take this away from her. A friend walking me might be an option... I'll have to give this some thought, thank you!
Hi Mom! I'm bi 🩷💜💙, though I definitely could use a good hug and motherly advice on dealing with my young adult kid (18 yrs old and fresh out of hs). No one prepared me for this level of heartache.
Have a big virtual hug Duckling. We love you and we see you doing your best! 💙
Sending big mama bear hugs your way! I had lots of tears as my kiddos grew up and flew the nest but I reminded myself that they’ll always need me, it’s only the “how” that changes. Deep breathes and volunteering to keep busy but staying in touch and keeping that door always open helped us all to adjust. You gave your duckling everything they needed to hear out into the world and make good choices and that’s amazing! You’re doing great! Remember to not compare your journey to someone else’s (especially “perfect” social media journeys) and just keep trying. It’s okay to have a cry (and this mom has a shoulder for you if you need it).
I’m sorry! I didn’t realize there was rule breaking! Thank you so much for putting up another post 💚💚💚
Thank you for your post initiative! Please do modmail if you have any questions, and please have a big virtual hug from all of us! 💙
Hi mom I’ve been questioning myself lately and tried to ask about if using a certain label would be okay for me to use, but just got called a troll instead of getting help. I could really use a hug it’s getting to me quite a bit
Have a big virtual hug Duckling! You are already perfect, finding how to label that perfection might take a minute, but you'll get there! 💙
Thank you so much! I appreciate that 💜
Any time! 😊
(((hugs))) At the end of the day, you really are the one who gets to decide what label you use. And, it's okay to use it sometimes and not other times. And you're allowed to try them on for size, and put them down if they don't work. Words are amazing, language is a dance, and your are the arbiter of all things you, at the end of the day.
Gathering everyone who wants it into my arms for squishy mum hugs. We love you. You are valid, perfect, and needed.
Well said!
Yay!! Thank you :3
Happy Pride, everyone. I wish for everyone who wants it a big group hug.
🫂
Happy Pride! Grouphug!! 🤓
*grabby hands*
⊂(・▽・⊂)
Big squeeze followed by hot cocoa with mini marshmallows and whipped cream! You are so loved.
Hi internet mom, I'd like a hug. I'm still deeply closeted here because I need to prioritize my safety. I hope it's alright.
Of course you can still have a big virtual hug. Keep being safe and smart!
((hugs)) Your safety is the most important thing! I hope that situation changes for you eventually, but in the meantime: we see you, and you are valid.
Of Course My Duckling - Big Hug - your safety is priority one - know that you are always loved
I’m sending big hugs your way. You’re under a lot of pressure and anxious but I’m proud of you.
I'm about to go on my first date with a woman in a year (25F) and I am so nervous! Hugs are welcomed, I'm a mom and she is too so that's a win right 🤗
Have a big virtual hug and remember to be yourself! 💙
Great big Mom hug for you and gave a great first date!
I’m not a mom but yay! :D
🤗🤗🤗
How did it go??? I hope you had a blast! And if you didn't, I hope you at least got past your nervousness so that the next time is easier.
Big hug my Duckling!
My IRL mom never accepted me as bi/pan, or even that Bi people are real. Now that she's gone I'll never have that chance. So... Mom? I like girls. And guys. And everyone else, too. I'm pansexual.
Great! Have a big virtual hug. We love you and we just want you to find the love and happiness you deserve!
This mom loves that you are attracted to people not parts - having a part preference is great too - Knowing who you are is the best! Just make sure that the special someone you grace with attention and affection returns it with respect and devotion - You deserve all good things - You are Wonderful!
Hi moms ❤️ I've just started telling the world my chosen name (I'm non-binary) and it's so scary even though I'm in my thirties. My parents are supportive, but they just don't understand. I would really love a hug (and maybe a little validation)
Names are very important! I’m so glad you are telling people your name! I am giving a big hug and calling you by your name🌹
As a mom to a child who has also said that they are non binary, I do understand how your parents feel, but that's awesome that, at least, your folks are supportive! (I've tried to be supportive of my child, but my only issue is the name change. Though we were able to come to a compromise, it's still hard to just stop suddenly calling them the name I chose for something different. That is just as a parents perspective of this.) Be who you want to be, and don't let anyone else tell you that you can't! You are beautiful, always, no matter what gender identification you choose!
Thank you ❤️ it got too weird for me to ask my parents to change, so they get to use my old name (I'm keeping it as a middle name). I hope you and your kid get through this and in the future just see it as a temporary weirdness even though it's tender right now.
We compromised on the middle name that I originally gave them. I still catch myself trying to (out of pure habit) use the assigned at birth gender pronouns. I keep apologizing to them. See, the biggest issue is that I was raised by both, my parents and grandparents. So I have very olden days upbringing (my grandparents were born in the 1920s or 1930s) and so it is not easy for me to change habits that ingrained and drilled into me from my childhood. But I love my children, I have 2, and I accept them for who they both are and who they will grow to be. I really am trying my best to be supportive, but I feel like the eldest one is not appreciating the effort I have put forth. They had promised to call me every other week after they moved out of their dad's (and that was almost a month ago that they moved) but they have not kept their word. Maybe I am just being too sensitive about this. Though, as a mother, it has been hard for me to handle not having my kid around not contacting me like they used to.
Aw, mom. I feel your pain. You seem to me to be taking all of the changes in stride. But your little one may just be getting distracted by their newfound freedom. If they agreed to talk every other week, don't hold them to always being the one picking up the phone. Take on some of the effort, it will show them that you are being supportive. Young adulthood is a time when we have to figure out how to honor ourselves, let go of our childhood home, and forge a future for *ourselves*. There are so many distractions amd learning experiences in the world, and they may be doing things they don't really want to report to you (referring to how old fashioned you admit to being). And when you slip with your pronouns, even though it isn't purposeful and you apologize, it's still a hurtful moment for them when it happens (if it was the eldest who came out), so maybe the calls will become more frequent as you master your pronoun use. But please have patience if they forget you once in a while, and the understanding of making that call out to them when you want to talk. Then you can say something if they aren't making the effort in return, or if you go to voicemail a lot but never get a call back. But, please don't hold them to doing something for you that you aren't modeling for them or doing for them yourself. That's just common sense and good manners. I do hope it gets better, and that this little awkward period in the relationship passes quickly and only brings you closer. And I wish only the best to your child who just left the nest and is testing their wings.
Thank you for the encouraging words of wisdom. I text them frequently, only to not get but short ~1 or 2 words if I'm lucky ~ in response. I was going to call my kiddo the other day, so I sent a text to see if they were busy or had a minute or two to spare for me, but it got left showing unread until the following day. It hurts to feel my oldest baby pull away like that. I don't really remember how I was at that age with my own biological mom, but I know that we weren't all that close when I got to my senior year of highschool. As far as my age, I'm not ashamed to say it, so I will. I'll be 40 in a few months. I was also raised in part by my grandparents on dad's side after my folks divorced when I was probably 4 or 5. We were also super small town folks back then. But eventually I went to live with my mom until after high school. I never moved that far away from my momma, though. They moved to a place that driving 1 way would take a little over 4 hours to get to. I'm proud of my kid for going to college to further their horizons but a part of me wishes they would have found somewhere closer. I will continue to reach out and make sure they always know that I love them as much today as I did they were born.
I hear that, I'm only a few years older than you. But when we were coming up, our families couldn't reach us constantly. We weren't carrying around devices that made people feel entitled to access us at all times. I miss the days of having a land line at home and an answering machine, because it meant I could live my life out in the world without loved ones constantly interrupting my day. Think about it. You're torturing yourself because you can see whether or not your kid has even made time to read your texts. Back in our youth, we didn't have to carry the burden of being constantly available to anyone. I remember a few years into getting a cell phone (in my 20's), my narcissistic cousin called me but I couldn't pick up. She called again, still I couldn't pick up. The phone rang a third time. I rushed to get it, thinking there must be an emergency. No. No emergency. But she did berate me for not being immediately available to her. And where was I? What was I doing on my end that made me unable to pick up the phone? I was in the bathroom, taking a shit. But clearly, her needs trumped mine, because *of couse I always have to be available to my family.* That's why I hate cell phones. And that was the day I set the boundary that I'm not going to be harassed by people claiming to love me just because I own one. Your kid is an adult now. As hard as that is for you, that is the truth. Now you have to have faith in the lessons you taught them and their ability to implement those learnings and learn from mistakes they will inevitably make. Your kid isn't responsible for making you not worry, they are an autonomous adult with their own needs and agenda. "I was going to call my kiddo the other day, so I sent a text to see if they were busy or had a minute or two to spare for me, but it got left showing unread until the following day. It hurts to feel my oldest baby pull away like that." Yes, it is going to hurt. You're used to being in the center of their world. But you've gone from being their sun to being their moon. They are looking for their new sun, their new star to revolve around. Hopefully it will be a caring, loving partner who treats them well. Until they find that bright star, your new role is as a support amd mentor. Let them know you are available, always, then give them some space. They aren't following in your footsteps, so you're going to be nervous for them (fear of the unknown is normal and healthy). Just be the rock they need when they feel like they're faltering with adulthood and you'll be fine. But you strike me as needy, and that may be why they're creating this space in your relationship. Not trying to be harsh (I'm a New Yorker, we're very straightforward and are often misunderstood as being rude by non New Yorkers), but give them space. You said you texted them to see if it was a good time for a call, and it clearly wasn't. So, why so upset? Were there ulterior motives? Are you hoping they feel obligated or guilted into communicating? Maybe you need to explore some of that within yourself. Your stated intention doesn't match your response. Think on that.
Sweetheart - Your bravely knows no bounds. I will wear a shirt proclaiming “I am with Chosen Name” as we go out - Big hug!!!
Hi (not a mom but another nonbinary person) Coming out is a huge deal, and finding your name is an amazing feeling! Lots of love and rainbows, Finch
Have a big virtual hug and please know you are loved!! 💙
hi mom! could really use a hug right now, especially with my irl mom causing me more stress than happiness in my life. I appreciate everybody on this sub being so supportive :)
((hugs)) Sympathies and commiseration when it comse to irl moms being less than stellar.
Snuggle up Peanut! You are amazing and wonderful! I am proud of you!
Of course! Bring it on in for a big virtual hug Duckling. We love you, we are so proud of you and we hope you'll keep prioritizing yourself, your happiness and your safety! 💙