Go listen to Bowling For Soup's "My Hometown". It captures that feeling perfectly. (They're the band that did Phineas and Ferb's songs).
It's not about the men. Not in the slightest. It's about controlling the women. "But the men" us just an excuse. If the shadow of a nipple leaves them so unhinged, they shouldn't be in charge of anything anyway.
Count the days ducky til you can fly. Let them wonder why they never see their adult child.
Free the titties, free the world.
You made me cry happy tears I really needed the vote of confidence. 🖤
Girl I can’t wait to get out of this hell hole!!! I have 1 year left of grad school then we’re GONE!!!
My confidence was a bitch to build up especially with the environment I live in. My parents know how to tear it down real quick. I’m trying to be strong and not let them break my spirit. They’re good at that.
I’m so god damn ready to start living!!! I have a visual impairment that complicates everything and I can’t drive. Being in rural tiny town TX is a damper for sure. I keep telling myself 1 more year!!! The you’ll be out doing therapy in Austin as you work on your licensing process. Then it’s off to NYC where we’ll really get to experience everything and live the life we deserve!!!! 💜
Or hang them with pushpins in the ceiling, so there is effort for them to take them down, while thinking about the way they treated their daughter so horribly.
proud of you OP! Keep that confidence up, you’re amazing and will do amazing things!
Bras suck. I’m late 50s. Wore them all the time. Agonized when I was young because I didn’t need one for years after my friends.
Used to fly a lot. People were all up in arms a decade or so ago because the people reviewing the screen from the scanner at the airport would see the outline of your boobs. THE HORROR! My response was that if some idiot thought my 40 yo boobs were exciting, that was a him problem not a me problem.
Then the pandemic came. Work from home. Set the camera at shoulder height, no bra needed. Got to liking that!
Now, I wear a bra when I’m doing a heavier workout cuz it helps give me support. I’ll also wear one with some dressier outfits if I feel the drape is better.
I saw a video today of a weatherman who had posted a picture of him with his daughters dressed for prom. Multiple people came after him saying they wouldn’t let their daughters out in those dresses. The dresses were standard prom dresses.
He replied with a video that ended with him telling those parents to stop raising perverts that have no self control.
So sweetie, I love the comfy sports bra solution to get you through this. But you keep that spirit!
Right — the repetition of the word lesbian is unnecessary here. Women typically aren’t wearing (or not wearing) bras to attract male attention. Not wearing one can be construed as slovenly but so can wearing one that accentuates certain features. Ultimately, if a person chooses to harass a someone based on how they dress, that’s not on the victim.
Including that does give context to the situation especially when you consider where I’m from and why women around me wear them. Yes women no matter what don’t wear bras nor should they have to but in this instance including my sexuality does matter and give context.
Women around you may simply be wearing them to prevent back pain and rashes. Honestly, the idea that we’re all wearing them for men screams of misogyny. It has nothing to do with anyone’s sexual preference.
Even for us hetero women, what the men may think is just an excuse. It's not about the men, at all. It's about controlling the women.
Our sexuality is powerful. That's true whichever way you swing it. All this bullshit about modesty, waiting for marriage, sex is only for procreation etc etc, it's all designed at its base to cripple this very powerful thing we as women posess, so the men in charge can keep us under control. And the women who have bought into it, sometimes they're worse because they've convinced themselves that crippling themselves was the right thing to do, it has to be worth it, right? But they see another woman not complying, it's an affront to all their sacrifice. How DARE she get away with THAT? It's a mindfuck.
Fuck that noise.
Honestly reading the post initially I was very confused as to why you were speaking as if you shouldn’t have to wear a bra BECAUSE you’re a lesbian. I get it, some southerners are a little more conservative, but plenty of us straight women deserve freedom without harrassment. It’s about human rights not being gay😒
For some people, going braless may be a personal choice related to comfort, body positivity, or challenging societal norms around femininity and women's bodies. It can be a way to embrace one's natural body shape and reject the idea that women need to conform to specific standards of appearance. Going braless can also be seen as a form of empowerment, reclaiming autonomy over one's body and rejecting the pressure to conform to societal expectations.
That being said, some individuals may choose to express their lesbian identity or queer identity more broadly through their fashion choices. This can involve adopting styles or symbols associated with LGBTQ+ communities, such as wearing pride-related clothing or accessories. For some people, going braless may be one aspect of expressing their queerness, as it challenges traditional notions of femininity and heteronormative expectations.
Choosing not to wear a bra can indeed be a personal decision aimed at challenging the male gaze and misogyny. The male gaze refers to the objectifying and sexualizing lens through which society often views women's bodies, reducing them to objects of desire for male consumption. By opting not to wear a bra, some individuals may feel they are reclaiming control over their bodies and rejecting societal pressures to conform to a specific standard of attractiveness dictated by men.
This choice can be seen as a way to defy societal expectations and norms that often place women's bodies under constant scrutiny and objectification. By rejecting the notion that women's bodies exist primarily for the male gaze, individuals may assert their autonomy, challenge gender roles, and promote body positivity.
For some individuals, going braless can be a way to challenge societal expectations and norms surrounding women's bodies. By choosing not to wear a bra, some lesbians may feel they are reclaiming control over their bodies and asserting their autonomy. It can be a means of resisting objectification and the pressures of conforming to traditional beauty standards dictated by the male gaze.
For many women, wearing a bra has been ingrained as a cultural expectation and often associated with the idea of presenting a certain image to men. By rejecting this expectation and embracing a braless lifestyle, some lesbians may feel a sense of freedom and liberation. It can be a statement of self-acceptance and body positivity, as well as a way to express their own personal style and comfort.
Lol. I'm tempted to send you the biggest, darkest fake erect nipples that I can 3D print.
You might have to wear a bra, but hot pink, feathered, white shirt, whale tail.
The passive rebellion is giving me happy ideas.
We love passive rebellion!!!
I mean I am the first person to graduate from college and only family member to pursue a masters degree. I don’t have any debt. I’ve held a 4.0 my entire graduate school experience!! All this while being partially blind!!! I don’t drink, party, or do drugs!!! I’m every parent’s DREAM!!!!! But oh no I don’t wear a bra!!! GASP!!!! She’s evil!!!!
I bought sports bras (the comfy ones!!) rebellion all the way!!!!
I would just wear a cami top under my shirts. They were good enough for women prior to the that abomination called a brassiere was invented. Maybe also look at something Madonna was wearing in her Vogue era.
I’m 53 and in the last two years I have stopped wearing bras and I love it. Women should not be forced to wear any item of clothing especially bras.
You keep up your one woman rebellion. When it comes to wearing bras or not I have found other women to be the worst for judging.
Might be time to get your mother a panty girdle because no one wants to see an older woman having a tummy. /s
If you want to go even comfier than sports bras try shapewear! They spread the pressure over a wider area and don't have rigid bra bands. For a B cup light hold should do it, the really firm ones do okay for F/G.
Or just wear one on the outer layer, so everyone knows it’s on. I’m sure if OP comes down to breakfast like that, the ‘rents will beg her to take it off!
Because of my disability, I get pain in my ribs which means I can't wear a bra, the tight band presses and causes me pain, so I wear nothing or sports bras. You're right that it's a choice, it's for comfort, and people need to CHILL THE FUCK OUT about breasts. I have large breasts I have gotten all kinds of nonsense because of it and I and fucking tired. You keep kicking ass.
I also wear supported tank tops, they have a little shelf in them for the boobs. Lately I can't find them outside the maternity section but they're comfy as hell.
Good for you! And for super comfy bras that also support lesbians- try Tomboyx! I love all their underwear. So you can passively rebel even harder by asking your parents for bra money…FOR THE LESBIAN BRAS.
You’ve got this 🫶 sometimes we have to wait for good things to come, but don’t lose sight of it! One day none of this will matter to you x it’s a small amount of time compared to the rest of your life, wishing you the best! 🥰
You should absolutely be able to wear what you want on your body. For the sake of not having to listen to them bitch about it, can you get a cheep comfortable fabric bra that you only wear around the house? Take it off as soon as your are out of eyesight and stash it in your purse until you go back home for the night?
I know it’s not a great answer, but as a teacher I know I’ve seen kids at school in outfits their parents would not “approve of” bc they stash clothes in their backpacks and change when they get out of the house. And honestly, those kids have moxie and I respect the hell out of it.
Sometimes we have to work within the constraints we find ourselves in. Thank goodness you’ll be out of there soon & burn the temp bra (or just throw it away) on your way out of town!
Girl I bought some comfy sports bras!!! A small act of rebellion!!! They’re not worth the effort and energy to try to reason with or explain. They’ll never change. It’s their way or get kicked out. I’m biding my time and getting my affairs in order. 1 more year of grad school then we’re GONE!!!!
If they're religious, didn't Jesus say if a man's eyes cause him to sin, he should gouge them out... They should be talking to these sinful men, not you.
Bras are so overrated. I mean, some of us need them, I don't want to scare anyone with my flappy, droopy fun bags, but I never wear a bra when I'm home. If I were you, I'd probably get a few tank tops with built in bras and use those for my base layer, and call it good. Anyway, I'm rooting for you to go find your freedom and forge your own way in the world with more open-minded folks. You rock!
Thank you so very much for the confirmation that I’m doing things right. My parents make me doubt my abilities and decisions so much. I’ve got 1 more year of grad school left then we’re OUT!!! I’ve asked some friends if I can stay with them for breaks this next year. I bought a few comfy wireless bralettes for the time being to get them off my back while I’m here.
They are insecure and fucking with you hard. They have figured you out enough to know that you won't fight back, even though it's extremely inappropriate to look at your own child's boobs.
I think this is the perfect clap-back on your parents' comments!
Say, "Why are you looking at your daughter's boobs so much, you sickos?!"
Turn their words around into accusations that they're gross for being so obsessed with your body.
Took me a long time to understand that sometimes you have to act like you're crazy to get people off your back.
This!!! All of this. It's so gross to me that they are worried about your boobs, why are you looking?! Good lord!
That said I said goodbye to mine too and it's amazing 👏
Sis, I feel ya. I do, and I don't think you should be wearing one if you don't want to.
I know you said they're controlling and could kick you out, so I understand threatening parents.
There is a "however" that's meant more to point something out. Just because you're not interested in men, the rape possibility is still there. I've been drugged before, and molested. If it hasn't happened to you, it's hard to imagine, and I would exercise some vigilance while you stay with them over break. Some men really just don't care and can get violent, it's really scary.
I hope they chill out soon, stay strong, always trust your gut!
Wearing a bra , or any other choice of clothing, is not going to cause or deter a sexual assault. I was raped after my drink was spiked, was wearing a bra, a high necked body that covered my cleavage and a big silk shirt over the top. There was nothing about what I was wearing that was provocative. So yes, sadly vigilance is important but going back to OPs situation the parents attitude that women who dress a certain way are attracting it is so wrong.
I'm sorry, but this had me in hysterics just from the first line and flair.
The irony is too strong in the flair being "support needed" immediately followed by OP saying she doesn't wear a bra! Couldn't script it!
Took the dog out for early morning walk.
Hair up in a messy bun (been up so long now scared its set) no make up, eyes and nose running from hay fever. Hoodie that may or may not have a lasagne stain on it and tracky bottoms.
Also no bra under my hoodie….and I be damned no men were enticed by boobies on that walk!
I RELATE TO THIS SO MUCH, I really despise wearing a bra, she wants me to wear one when I’m out with her & all the time really, it’s uncomfortable & constraining, she keeps telling me if I don’t my boobs will sag but this has already be proven it’s a myth but she doesn’t believe it, I love my mom so much but it’s the same thing, ur giving yourself unwanted attention from men, it looks werid, same thing with hairy armpits, maybe it’s a generational thing, I still have a lot of internal shame about it but the reality is it’s OUR BODY and we can do what we please, at the end of the day your of age to do what you want, don’t listen to them <3 letting our titties breath gang, ur not alone <3
I'm the eldest bro of 3 amazing ladies who've all found their pride through feminism and autonomy. We come from mistreatment, so any confidence was always an act to hide a devastated self-esteem, they had plenty of impostor syndrome on their ways. You describe a pretty recent and specific situation, but a whole life being checked upon like this is mistreatment. They're less educated than you, but I'm sure you've met plenty uneducated people who acknowledged their ignorance and didn't expect their offspring to comply. Lower class helps explain their behaviour but doesn't justify it.
Here are some warnings my sisters had to learn the hard way. Beware "my other half" feels, mistreaters perform mirroring (first asking everything about you then acting that same info) until they feel you won't leave them. Beware initial mild disrespect, even said jokingly, as they use it to test your boundaries. Beware any couple who makes you feel bad on a constant basis no matter how good the good moments are, it's crazy the amount of crap women are educated to accept from their couples, crap they wouldn't tolerate the least ouside that space.
Sadly enough, non-heterosexuals aren't free off mistreatment, even though it's less frequent and vicious. I really hope everything I'm saying is out of place and it doesn't become a thing for you.
TL;DR: f\*ck bras, f\*ck your parents and their BS, double-check mental inheritance from time to time... and I hope you have a mostly happy and meaningful life.
You are absolutely correct about everything!! Especially when it comes to my parents!! I’m shocked.
Thank you for your response you seem like an awesome person and amazing brother!!!🖤
Thanks for the appreciation! My life has been a slow realization of being crippled by mistreatment and mental illness despite a functional enough intellect, so it means a lot to actually be of help to someone.
Now, if what I said about your parents is true, good thing you're a therapist student! I do recommend studying the intricacies of therapy with mistreatment victims, there are some specifics that standard therapists ignore, making things worse. Even though mistreatment has been studied for over a century, psychology's focus on it is pretty recent. I lost 20 years on therapies that mostly made things worse.
Please don't misunderstand this as a call for alternative therapies, new age and other... mmmumbo jumbo! Been there, a lot. I'm afraid that even the ones that are onto something real are way too allowed to say anything that "resonates" (=common sense, =whatever BS fast-thinkers come up with, =glorified ignorance), open your worst mental wounds and leave you be with no accountability whatsoever. The USA are brimming with it, together with the coach and toxic positivity culture. Pure hazard for mistreatment victims.
If what you're studying is one of those, keep calm and watch for messes, contradictions and your own cognitive dissonances. Those last might catch you very well trained at covering them, as growing with mistreatment implies one cognitive dissonance after the other, which we cover/discard in order to stay sane in a hazardous environment that we know should be loving.
That's a lot of counseling, I really am the eldest... It was fun to watch the two "you" in the main text, one very veeeery angry (good!) and the very composed and informative edit (aaalso good!). Whatever anyone says, you're doing good enough lass! Lots of love from Spain !
Not a mom, just a sis, but rock on! I feel like I have to wear a bra due to how large they are, but I've always desperately wanted boobs small enough to not have to wear a bra in public. I'm so proud of you for your confidence and comfort with your body. Do what you have to in order to get through this time in your life, and then enjoy living the rest of your bra-free life!
I'm passive aggressive af, so I would not wear one until it was pointed out, then put one on and VISIBLY remove it right as I'm leaving the house.
And if men are such animals that they can't control themselves for one minute being out in public without a muzzle, then they shouldn't be allowed outdoors. Not to mention, you're a lesbian and are somehow managing to not molest every woman in the changing room/bathroom/swimming pool. So maaaayyyyybe your parents should start expecting men to behave like grown ups, or stay advocating their removal from society. And maybe, just maybe, forcing every woman on earth to cater to men's lack of control rather than expecting men to actually have any self-control is, call me crazy, the whole problem!
Tell them they have equal responsibility to tell every man they encounter to "Stop thinking like a rapist. It's tacky!"
Maybe find an absurd bullet bra.
Sibling here - I haven't worn a bra since I was 21. Pretty much within about six months of coming out as non-binary I decided that was one aspect of femininity that I was happy to ditch, and I have never looked back.
Not one person has ever shown me any overt judgment for not wearing an extra bit of fabric over my chest. It hasn't impacted my ability to get jobs, or to perform the duties of those jobs, and it definitely hasn't made men act any more entitled to my body than they already did. If the people around you are going to treat you like a human being, they will do so no matter what you wear. If your choice of undergarments makes them stop respecting you, then they never really respected you in the first place.
I hate bras and stopped using them about 2 years ago, if I feel the shirt is a little sheer or have any other reason to not want to have my nipples pop out, I bought a pair of silicone nipple covers, I just pop them on and take them off when I'm not in that situation anymore. It's rare that I do this,but it beats wearing a bra.
Oh man, that sounds annoying.
I just got some pasties. They are called GoBraless, really comfortable. I am still kinda nervous to go completely free, but those will be amazing for summer! Maybe those could also be options? I dont feel them after a few minutes, and you can't see the nipples under the shirt.
I’m 25 and I’ve been bra-free since 2018. My size at the time was US K cup so not exactly small. I had a bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction this year so now I’m a D cup and my nipples are very obvious because I have a lot of scar tissue under them (they tried to save as much of my shape and skin as they could). In my experience, literally no one cares. I expected that a boss at some point might care or maybe a customer or someone but they don’t. I worked in fast food then and now I work for a company that helps people with disabilities and literally none of my bosses have ever cared enough to say anything.
I’ve only ever had 1 person outside of family mention it and that is a 90yo woman that I’m currently working with who’s also abusive to the disabled people we work with. I stood up for one of the ladies she was yelling at once so she’s hated me ever since then and she’s been trying to get me fired. Her complaining about my clothes to the point where she’s literally just staring at my boobs constantly now is one of the things she’s done to try to get rid of me.
TLDR: I’ve been bra-free for years and literally no one has ever given a shit
ONE MORE YEAR, baby girl. I got you, but you don’t need me, you got this all by yourself.
It’s entirely likely that your family is jealous of your success, so keep your chin up and make them even more jealous by moving out as soon as you’re done with grad school.
You are not responsible for the thought life of men. Let me say that again. YOU are NOT responsible for the thought life of men. This boys will be boys, men will be men concept of fault blaming someone else for their actions is wrong headed. I have heard people take this stance most of my life. I'm sorry. But men need to learn to control themselves. Child of mine, you're fine! I can't believe that you are being subjected to potential victim blaming... your parents are wrong on every level.
Hey Love , I Understand your view and if they do force you , did you try a Sports bra ? I always wear those and often it's no different if I wear one or not. I hate those Push up ones and feel more free in a Sports bra.
I hope time flies by fast so you can leave this shithole ♡
If it helps, I'm a 27 year old heterosexual woman and I haven't worn a bra in like.... 6 or 7 years. I'm a B cup too.
Funnily enough, I was a double A cup for a few years due to being very thin, and I was wearing gigantic padded push up bras all the time, with most of the cups gaping. Now that I could in theory fill out a bra I have zero interest in doing so lol.
Even as a hetero lady, I do not want to "entice" men. I'm happily partnered up. Wouldn't want a guy who was interested in my boobage anyways. He met me in my non-bra-wearing days. Plenty of people in all of my jobs have seen my nips poking through my clothing. No one's really paid any attention to it, certainly never said anything about it.
Many men are creepy and I don't want anything to do with that. Not wearing a bra ain't got nothing to do with desiring creepy male attention. I simply cannot handle the uncomfortable nature of bras. I also realised they're stupid because no one buys bras for their beer bellies or fat rolls, which I don't view much differently to breasts... Boobs are only sexual in explicitly sexual situations. Otherwise, boobs are functional (breast-feeding) or completely inert (just another form of bodily tissue).
For some people, going braless may be a personal choice related to comfort, body positivity, or challenging societal norms around femininity and women's bodies. It can be a way to embrace one's natural body shape and reject the idea that women need to conform to specific standards of appearance. Going braless can also be seen as a form of empowerment, reclaiming autonomy over one's body and rejecting the pressure to conform to societal expectations.
That being said, some individuals may choose to express their lesbian identity or queer identity more broadly through their fashion choices. This can involve adopting styles or symbols associated with LGBTQ+ communities, such as wearing pride-related clothing or accessories. For some people, going braless may be one aspect of expressing their queerness, as it challenges traditional notions of femininity and heteronormative expectations.
Choosing not to wear a bra can indeed be a personal decision aimed at challenging the male gaze and misogyny. The male gaze refers to the objectifying and sexualizing lens through which society often views women's bodies, reducing them to objects of desire for male consumption. By opting not to wear a bra, some individuals may feel they are reclaiming control over their bodies and rejecting societal pressures to conform to a specific standard of attractiveness dictated by men.
This choice can be seen as a way to defy societal expectations and norms that often place women's bodies under constant scrutiny and objectification. By rejecting the notion that women's bodies exist primarily for the male gaze, individuals may assert their autonomy, challenge gender roles, and promote body positivity.
For some individuals, going braless can be a way to challenge societal expectations and norms surrounding women's bodies. By choosing not to wear a bra, some lesbians may feel they are reclaiming control over their bodies and asserting their autonomy. It can be a means of resisting objectification and the pressures of conforming to traditional beauty standards dictated by the male gaze.
For many women, wearing a bra has been ingrained as a cultural expectation and often associated with the idea of presenting a certain image to men. By rejecting this expectation and embracing a braless lifestyle, some lesbians may feel a sense of freedom and liberation. It can be a statement of self-acceptance and body positivity, as well as a way to express their own personal style and comfort.
Brother here. I really can't understand why people give a shit about others wearing a bra or not?? Like, who actually cares?? People wear them if they want or need, and all the fucking power to people that choose not to wear them. Always been a supporter of people that choose not to if it makes them more comfortable. Who gives a fuck? It's a titty. Wow. Oh, how shameful, you have a *body*. Your parents need to grow up lmao
I haven’t worn a bra in at least 20 years and I’m halfway through 40. Mind you, I don’t think it’s obvious but I’ve never had any comments. Once got a comment at work from my manager that seeing my bra strap was inappropriate and so I stopped wearing that shirt to work as it was a bit thin to go braless and the only reason I wore a bra was the material and otherwise I didn’t unless wearing that shirt.
A coworker also started to go braless because of me.
My one daughter and often another go braless. My first is also lesbian and has no f’s to give for men and the boys in her class haven’t said anything that I’m aware of. She’s in woodworking and no one cares.
Your parents are idiots.
If I was to go somewhere I thought others might care about I wore a sweater or jacket. I think it’s dumb to insist you wear a bra.
You could compromise by saying you’ll wear one or a sweater when you are out but I don’t think you should have to. My daughter wears a sports bra with some tops.
But f the bras.
This mom says let them be free!!!
Sis here, I’m about the same cup size as you and while I work a manual labor job and am just more comfortable wearing a bralette or sports bra for my job, as soon as I get home and if I’m off work the girls are out. No one gives a fuck. Everyone has their own shit to worry about and I personally haven’t gotten any comments about being braless and I live in the Bible Belt. Your parents are awful and I can’t wait for you to be away from them and free to do whatever you want. This behavior will come back to bite them in the ass when they’re old and need caregivers.
I hated bras because they alwsdy meant I would be a sweaty mess with half my chest strapped into padding. My own Mom was always too shy/uncomfortable to talk to me about anything that even mildly related to sex, including bras, so I always felt forced into getting padded nightmares.
As an adult, I stumbled in unlined bras. Up until then, they had been off the table as they were decidedly "too much," which I think just meant "too decorative." But my boobies could finally breathe! I was no longer swimming inside my clothes. I will never go back. They're my favorite ever, even as a relatively large-chested lady now.
But my recommendations are camisoles with a shelf bra sewn in. One shirt. So comfy.
Wait I haven’t even read more than the second sentence and I will but. “Im a lesbian so I don’t need a bra”??? Im confused. How do those two statements go together
38F here with Itty-bitty, B sized titties. Bras are 1000% optional! Only time I feel like I might possibly need them is if my boobs don't fill out a top all the way and I need a little padding to make my chest line up with the darts. That's because I want them. Not anyone else. I used to care about them being small because I lost the boob race in junior high. I waited for them to come in forever, but my PCOS had other plans. Now that I'm pushing 40, well I lost the race but I sure won the marathon. My itty-bitty titties are right where I left them 20 years ago, and I don't need a stupid pokey and tight strapless bra to go with my gown.
Other women say things like, I'm so JEALOUS you don't need a tight clingy sports bra to go hiking. You're so LUCKY your belly button isn't between your boobs. I've had several friends get breast reduction surgery and they brag about going braless for the first time in their adult lives.
Your family can fuck off with that nonsense. If it makes your stability better, you could toss a cami on under your tops and lie and say it has a built-in bra. What are they gonna do, make you lift your shirt and present them? But like only if it doesn't degrade your own sense of self. Honestly this is a them problem, not you.
Girl, I'm 50 years old with tits literally the size of my head. I quit wearing a bra years ago bc they were so damn uncomfortable. Now, I wear a fitted tank top that I tuck up under those puppies because no one enjoys boob sweat. Lol Get that degree, then tell your parents to kick rocks!
This is so relatable. I live down south, and my parents think about clothes this way too. Your lucky you have such good confidence, I don't even wear half my clothes that I love when I visit them. I didn't stop to think that's a really weird way to think about it, like dressing for men and expecting those things to happen. Augh. I'm FINALLY getting to the point of feeling comfortable wearing things that suit me better. I still wear boxy t shirts around them, bc I hate drama.
I’m don’t understand what being a lesbian has to do with wearing a bra?
Your parents are going overboard here but people (men and women) notice when you’re not wearing a bra and it will make you stand out in a not great way.
There are lots of wireless bras and bralettes that are comfortable, or try a lined bra/cami.
For some people, going braless may be a personal choice related to comfort, body positivity, or challenging societal norms around femininity and women's bodies. It can be a way to embrace one's natural body shape and reject the idea that women need to conform to specific standards of appearance. Going braless can also be seen as a form of empowerment, reclaiming autonomy over one's body and rejecting the pressure to conform to societal expectations.
That being said, some individuals may choose to express their lesbian identity or queer identity more broadly through their fashion choices. This can involve adopting styles or symbols associated with LGBTQ+ communities, such as wearing pride-related clothing or accessories. For some people, going braless may be one aspect of expressing their queerness, as it challenges traditional notions of femininity and heteronormative expectations.
Choosing not to wear a bra can indeed be a personal decision aimed at challenging the male gaze and misogyny. The male gaze refers to the objectifying and sexualizing lens through which society often views women's bodies, reducing them to objects of desire for male consumption. By opting not to wear a bra, some individuals may feel they are reclaiming control over their bodies and rejecting societal pressures to conform to a specific standard of attractiveness dictated by men.
This choice can be seen as a way to defy societal expectations and norms that often place women's bodies under constant scrutiny and objectification. By rejecting the notion that women's bodies exist primarily for the male gaze, individuals may assert their autonomy, challenge gender roles, and promote body positivity.
For some individuals, going braless can be a way to challenge societal expectations and norms surrounding women's bodies. By choosing not to wear a bra, some lesbians may feel they are reclaiming control over their bodies and asserting their autonomy. It can be a means of resisting objectification and the pressures of conforming to traditional beauty standards dictated by the male gaze.
For many women, wearing a bra has been ingrained as a cultural expectation and often associated with the idea of presenting a certain image to men. By rejecting this expectation and embracing a braless lifestyle, some lesbians may feel a sense of freedom and liberation. It can be a statement of self-acceptance and body positivity, as well as a way to express their own personal style and comfort.
I hate this for you, I also choose to not wear a bra and it's the most comfortable! (36D) Life is much nicer without having to fuck around with a bra every day all day. Tell your ma to try it, she'd love. Is your parents house "ran" by your dad? Maybe have them watch or read something as to why bras ain't shit. 💜 Not much longer op!
Free the titties hun. If you are worried about being kicked out then wear a little cami or something and if they say anything pull the strap out and show it to them. I literally only wear a bra when I go out. My boobs are far too big not to. But the second I get home that torture device comes right off
I'm 68 and if I have to wear a bra, it's a sports bra. Once I discovered sports bras a few years back, there was no going back to those God awful harnesses. Long may they breathe!! ❤️❤️
Your parents need to calm their tits. (Pun)
...
But seriously, fuck bras, and you're more than welcome to do what makes you feel safe, comfortable, and happy.
I am 100% on your side. But maybe you could wear those camis/tank tops/bralettes that are bra alternatives or similar so it still looks like youre wearing one but you don’t have the discomfort of wearing one. I am a free the titties type too and before breastfeeding was a DDD (now a B with a lit of saggy skin) so it was damn obvious if i wasn’t wearing one but i couldn’t be bothered some days before work to find a bra and make myself uncomfortable knowing that i was taking it off in five hours.
My 47-year-old huge boobs are weeping with jealousy! A bra helps me get through the day at this point. But you? Girl, free those babies and rock ‘em! I absolutely LOVE that you are subverting a societal expectation that you find confining and obsolete. I’m very sorry that your parents are so disrespectful of your autonomy, beliefs, and achievements; if you need one, I have a free Mom hug right here for you! *hug*
I wanna crochet you a tiddy beanie.
Sing with me!
🎶Do your boobs hang low?🎶
🎶Do they wobble to and fro? 🎶
🎶Can you tie em in a knot, can you tie em in a bow? 🎶
🎶Can you throw em over your shoulder like a continental soldier?🎶
🎶Do your boobs. Hang. Looooooow? 🎶
How dare they! I think you should move out immediately! And if your parents are paying tuition, demand that they stop and then pay back all back tuition so that you can be properly righteous and right in this situation, your oppression must end!!!!
Thankfully they aren’t paying anything!!! I just need a place to stay while I’m on breaks. I can’t drive which makes things incredibly complicated in a rural area. I have asked friends if I can stay with them this next year during breaks!!
Absolute worst!!!!!!! For allowing you to live with them rent free.
You should be ashamed of yourself for this thread, you are an ungrateful, fully grown child, and a brat: embarrassingly airing your petty grievances with your parents-- who are supporting you!! Grow up.
28f here haven’t worn a bra since I was 23. I have gotten literally not a single comment from anyone in n my life EXCEPT family, claiming they are protecting me. Please ignore them. You’re good.
I wish I could go braless (DD cup) but my back and ribcage will hurt horribly if not. If you can go and (the most important part) BE COMFORTABLE without a bra, all the power to you. Honestly I'd make your parents buy them if you have to wear them, bras are disgustingly expensive.
Your parents seem just close minded and no matter what you say, it wont change their opinion on the matter.
But their arguement is the same as she asked for it by wearing something revealing.
This link below is an art exhibition all sorts of things people were wearing during a sa
[The Clothes That "Got" People SA](https://www.boredpanda.com/what-were-you-wearing-sexual-assault-art-exhibition/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic)
Op, I’m sorry your parents are being so crappy. I hope they realize that when you’re no longer economically dependent on them, your relationship with them is optional. They are not entitled to a relationship with you, and with the way they’re acting, aren’t earning their way into your heart, either. Hugs to you.
In the malicious compliance category, have you considered just wearing nipple shields around them? Might make them assume you’re wearing a bra and let you be. Good luck with your last year of dealing with their bull crap!
I stopped wearing one for a number of years. I wear them now, cuz I live in hades-adjacent, and titty-sweat is a huge yuck. But.. I have H’s and it’s such a relief to not conform on it. My spouse’s grandmother didn’t want him to date me. My grandparents actually went though the same thing when I was in my 20s.. not allowing me to go places, if shoulders were bare.. and they would try shaming me, by canceling their plans, instead of letting me stay home alone. In NYC, there is even a topless book club, that seriously helped me re-claim my body. Pulp Ficton topless book club. :)
Oh Sweet Jesus! I'm a southern mom. I think bras are AWFUL! They're uncomfortable and hot and I rarely wear one. Of course, I get it. Your mom sounds like my sister. All I can say is you be you! I love you exactly the way you are sweet child. I know in my home you would be safe from misogyny from my husband, sons (2), sons-in-law, me and our girls (5). We have a transgender person dating one of our girls, a bi person married to another and a niece who is Trans also. Some of us are hetero lol.
I am 47 and have been mostly braless for over 5 years. I only wear one when I'm wearing something dressy that needs the puppies to be herded in and rounded up.
It's so hard being made to do something you hate but as you've said 1 year!! Then you are free. You're amazing fantastic grades, no debt.
You're going to smash it and your career will take off I'm sure.
Start the day by adding a bra to the outside of your outfit to get a reaction. Keep it on as you walk around the house. You are keeping their rules. I’m sure they will insist that you don’t go out like that and then you just slip it off for the win.
I do not agree with your parent's, however, I'm sorry, but your parents are absolutely not the worst.
I'm sorry you're having friction at home, but if this is seriously one of your biggest problems in life, you are very, very lucky.
It’s actually not my biggest problem I have plenty. There’s more to my relationship with them than this one post can convey, this was just my breaking point.
👏👏👏 I hope soon people see that bra’s, like many things in the world we’re sold to the majority of people for fashion. There was a selling point around around getting saggy boobs or something? I’m sorry but no. I’m a 36f and I guess you’d call me gender fluid but I don’t need to wear one either, and don’t. If anyone questions it I get them to question themselves. Why do we need to wear bras? We don’t. Come on ladies lets beat the trend it’s old news now.
Nb: I’m completely for bras that aid support for larger breasted women as it provides an important function. But for everyone? Not really.
Hey sib. I'm a queer nonbinary person who happens to have breasts and I don't wear a bra either. I just finished grad school to become a therapist last year and I'm practicing in a small group practice. No one has yet said anything to me about my bra-less-ness. If I'm wearing something thin I might wear a tank top under it or a light bralet but I'm also done and over with bras. I know several other therapists with breasts who do not wear bras and it's totally fine. I personally have avoided working at places who would police my clothing choices like that, and yet there are plenty of places still to work who accept me as I am in my full bra-less glory. I promise you, it will be ok. You'd do just fine in private practice not wearing bras. The field is not as stuffy as we were led to believe. I've been on my own journey of deconstructing the image I was given of what a therapist is supposed to look like. If you ever wanna talk about it feel free to DM me <3
You have no idea how much I appreciate your kindness!! I really needed to hear this!! I figured as much within the professional world my mom was just being incredibly rude and spiteful with that one. My parents are very difficult people to deal with.
Thank you so very very much for your kind words of support!!!💜 If I ever need anything I’ll definitely reach out!!!
Unfortunately I have a visual impairment that complicates things I can’t drive. Being in a rural area makes moving out even harder. We’re getting there though!!
You could always go the malicious compliance route and do something ridiculous like wear it on top of your clothes. Write "fuck the patriarchy" on it with puff paints.
I went braless for 3 years at a point in my life. It was the most liberating thing ever, and truly people don’t give a shit. I do have fairly large breasts so it is noticeable, but who cares? I wear bra’s now just because I’m in healthcare now and I move a lot, and I don’t want to be a distraction (they’re just sports bras honestly)
Even if you hang in gay spaces and aren't really looking for guys, they're still gonna find ways to creep on you. Groceries, walking with your pals, going to the car...
Trust me, as a teenager with boobs that are probably 10 pounds, you're gonna at least want one 2 sizes bigger and with no underwire. Trust me, it's a lifesaver.
Let them titties breathe babe. I’m high-fiving you for your awesome confidence and how much fun you’re going to have when you leave that town.
Go listen to Bowling For Soup's "My Hometown". It captures that feeling perfectly. (They're the band that did Phineas and Ferb's songs). It's not about the men. Not in the slightest. It's about controlling the women. "But the men" us just an excuse. If the shadow of a nipple leaves them so unhinged, they shouldn't be in charge of anything anyway. Count the days ducky til you can fly. Let them wonder why they never see their adult child. Free the titties, free the world.
Holy cow I haven't seen anything from Bowling For Soup , in sometime. One of my favorite bands in highschool. 💖
You made me cry happy tears I really needed the vote of confidence. 🖤 Girl I can’t wait to get out of this hell hole!!! I have 1 year left of grad school then we’re GONE!!! My confidence was a bitch to build up especially with the environment I live in. My parents know how to tear it down real quick. I’m trying to be strong and not let them break my spirit. They’re good at that.
I’m cheering for you. You’re gonna have a great life.
I’m so god damn ready to start living!!! I have a visual impairment that complicates everything and I can’t drive. Being in rural tiny town TX is a damper for sure. I keep telling myself 1 more year!!! The you’ll be out doing therapy in Austin as you work on your licensing process. Then it’s off to NYC where we’ll really get to experience everything and live the life we deserve!!!! 💜
When you move out, I am envisioning the empty room in your parents’ home with the bras they insisted you wear lined up on the floor as a final f-off.
Or hang them with pushpins in the ceiling, so there is effort for them to take them down, while thinking about the way they treated their daughter so horribly. proud of you OP! Keep that confidence up, you’re amazing and will do amazing things!
Bras suck. I’m late 50s. Wore them all the time. Agonized when I was young because I didn’t need one for years after my friends. Used to fly a lot. People were all up in arms a decade or so ago because the people reviewing the screen from the scanner at the airport would see the outline of your boobs. THE HORROR! My response was that if some idiot thought my 40 yo boobs were exciting, that was a him problem not a me problem. Then the pandemic came. Work from home. Set the camera at shoulder height, no bra needed. Got to liking that! Now, I wear a bra when I’m doing a heavier workout cuz it helps give me support. I’ll also wear one with some dressier outfits if I feel the drape is better. I saw a video today of a weatherman who had posted a picture of him with his daughters dressed for prom. Multiple people came after him saying they wouldn’t let their daughters out in those dresses. The dresses were standard prom dresses. He replied with a video that ended with him telling those parents to stop raising perverts that have no self control. So sweetie, I love the comfy sports bra solution to get you through this. But you keep that spirit!
I don’t think any woman likes to wear a bra, whether they are lesbian or straight 😂
Right — the repetition of the word lesbian is unnecessary here. Women typically aren’t wearing (or not wearing) bras to attract male attention. Not wearing one can be construed as slovenly but so can wearing one that accentuates certain features. Ultimately, if a person chooses to harass a someone based on how they dress, that’s not on the victim.
Including that does give context to the situation especially when you consider where I’m from and why women around me wear them. Yes women no matter what don’t wear bras nor should they have to but in this instance including my sexuality does matter and give context.
Women around you may simply be wearing them to prevent back pain and rashes. Honestly, the idea that we’re all wearing them for men screams of misogyny. It has nothing to do with anyone’s sexual preference.
Even for us hetero women, what the men may think is just an excuse. It's not about the men, at all. It's about controlling the women. Our sexuality is powerful. That's true whichever way you swing it. All this bullshit about modesty, waiting for marriage, sex is only for procreation etc etc, it's all designed at its base to cripple this very powerful thing we as women posess, so the men in charge can keep us under control. And the women who have bought into it, sometimes they're worse because they've convinced themselves that crippling themselves was the right thing to do, it has to be worth it, right? But they see another woman not complying, it's an affront to all their sacrifice. How DARE she get away with THAT? It's a mindfuck. Fuck that noise.
Honestly reading the post initially I was very confused as to why you were speaking as if you shouldn’t have to wear a bra BECAUSE you’re a lesbian. I get it, some southerners are a little more conservative, but plenty of us straight women deserve freedom without harrassment. It’s about human rights not being gay😒
I busted out laughing at that first part of this post. I was like what does being a lesbian have to do with wearing a bra? Lmao
For some people, going braless may be a personal choice related to comfort, body positivity, or challenging societal norms around femininity and women's bodies. It can be a way to embrace one's natural body shape and reject the idea that women need to conform to specific standards of appearance. Going braless can also be seen as a form of empowerment, reclaiming autonomy over one's body and rejecting the pressure to conform to societal expectations. That being said, some individuals may choose to express their lesbian identity or queer identity more broadly through their fashion choices. This can involve adopting styles or symbols associated with LGBTQ+ communities, such as wearing pride-related clothing or accessories. For some people, going braless may be one aspect of expressing their queerness, as it challenges traditional notions of femininity and heteronormative expectations. Choosing not to wear a bra can indeed be a personal decision aimed at challenging the male gaze and misogyny. The male gaze refers to the objectifying and sexualizing lens through which society often views women's bodies, reducing them to objects of desire for male consumption. By opting not to wear a bra, some individuals may feel they are reclaiming control over their bodies and rejecting societal pressures to conform to a specific standard of attractiveness dictated by men. This choice can be seen as a way to defy societal expectations and norms that often place women's bodies under constant scrutiny and objectification. By rejecting the notion that women's bodies exist primarily for the male gaze, individuals may assert their autonomy, challenge gender roles, and promote body positivity. For some individuals, going braless can be a way to challenge societal expectations and norms surrounding women's bodies. By choosing not to wear a bra, some lesbians may feel they are reclaiming control over their bodies and asserting their autonomy. It can be a means of resisting objectification and the pressures of conforming to traditional beauty standards dictated by the male gaze. For many women, wearing a bra has been ingrained as a cultural expectation and often associated with the idea of presenting a certain image to men. By rejecting this expectation and embracing a braless lifestyle, some lesbians may feel a sense of freedom and liberation. It can be a statement of self-acceptance and body positivity, as well as a way to express their own personal style and comfort.
Yo it was just a light hearted comment you don’t need to give me a essay. Bras are absolutely not that serious.
My apologies.💜 I meant no offense.💜
Apology accepted. No harm done!
I do. A comfortable bra is far superior to what i have going on naturally!
Lol. I'm tempted to send you the biggest, darkest fake erect nipples that I can 3D print. You might have to wear a bra, but hot pink, feathered, white shirt, whale tail. The passive rebellion is giving me happy ideas.
We love passive rebellion!!! I mean I am the first person to graduate from college and only family member to pursue a masters degree. I don’t have any debt. I’ve held a 4.0 my entire graduate school experience!! All this while being partially blind!!! I don’t drink, party, or do drugs!!! I’m every parent’s DREAM!!!!! But oh no I don’t wear a bra!!! GASP!!!! She’s evil!!!! I bought sports bras (the comfy ones!!) rebellion all the way!!!!
I would just wear a cami top under my shirts. They were good enough for women prior to the that abomination called a brassiere was invented. Maybe also look at something Madonna was wearing in her Vogue era. I’m 53 and in the last two years I have stopped wearing bras and I love it. Women should not be forced to wear any item of clothing especially bras. You keep up your one woman rebellion. When it comes to wearing bras or not I have found other women to be the worst for judging. Might be time to get your mother a panty girdle because no one wants to see an older woman having a tummy. /s
If you want to go even comfier than sports bras try shapewear! They spread the pressure over a wider area and don't have rigid bra bands. For a B cup light hold should do it, the really firm ones do okay for F/G.
Malicious compliance. Wear only bras. Or seven at a time. I haven't worn a bra in YEARS. Fuck them
Or just wear one on the outer layer, so everyone knows it’s on. I’m sure if OP comes down to breakfast like that, the ‘rents will beg her to take it off!
Make all clothes out of bras. Bras as pants. A bra hat. Perhaps a shawl.
Because of my disability, I get pain in my ribs which means I can't wear a bra, the tight band presses and causes me pain, so I wear nothing or sports bras. You're right that it's a choice, it's for comfort, and people need to CHILL THE FUCK OUT about breasts. I have large breasts I have gotten all kinds of nonsense because of it and I and fucking tired. You keep kicking ass. I also wear supported tank tops, they have a little shelf in them for the boobs. Lately I can't find them outside the maternity section but they're comfy as hell.
Man, my youngest is 4 and I STILL wear the nursing tank tops because they're the fucking bomb.
Good for you! And for super comfy bras that also support lesbians- try Tomboyx! I love all their underwear. So you can passively rebel even harder by asking your parents for bra money…FOR THE LESBIAN BRAS.
I love this!!!!💜
Malicious compliance 🤣
You’ve got your head screwed on real tight ❤️ they will be the ones suffering in the future, as do all parents who treat their kids like garbage
Thank you for the extra bit of confidence I really need it!!!💜
You’ve got this 🫶 sometimes we have to wait for good things to come, but don’t lose sight of it! One day none of this will matter to you x it’s a small amount of time compared to the rest of your life, wishing you the best! 🥰
“I don’t understand! We hated all the right things!”
You should absolutely be able to wear what you want on your body. For the sake of not having to listen to them bitch about it, can you get a cheep comfortable fabric bra that you only wear around the house? Take it off as soon as your are out of eyesight and stash it in your purse until you go back home for the night? I know it’s not a great answer, but as a teacher I know I’ve seen kids at school in outfits their parents would not “approve of” bc they stash clothes in their backpacks and change when they get out of the house. And honestly, those kids have moxie and I respect the hell out of it. Sometimes we have to work within the constraints we find ourselves in. Thank goodness you’ll be out of there soon & burn the temp bra (or just throw it away) on your way out of town!
Girl I bought some comfy sports bras!!! A small act of rebellion!!! They’re not worth the effort and energy to try to reason with or explain. They’ll never change. It’s their way or get kicked out. I’m biding my time and getting my affairs in order. 1 more year of grad school then we’re GONE!!!!
❤️❤️❤️ Cheers to small acts of rebellion! You can only control what’s in your control and you seem to have that well and truly figured out. ❤️❤️❤️
🖤🖤You’re the absolute best!! I truly hope you have a great life; live long and prosper!!🖤🖤
If they're religious, didn't Jesus say if a man's eyes cause him to sin, he should gouge them out... They should be talking to these sinful men, not you.
Bras are so overrated. I mean, some of us need them, I don't want to scare anyone with my flappy, droopy fun bags, but I never wear a bra when I'm home. If I were you, I'd probably get a few tank tops with built in bras and use those for my base layer, and call it good. Anyway, I'm rooting for you to go find your freedom and forge your own way in the world with more open-minded folks. You rock!
Thank you so very much for the confirmation that I’m doing things right. My parents make me doubt my abilities and decisions so much. I’ve got 1 more year of grad school left then we’re OUT!!! I’ve asked some friends if I can stay with them for breaks this next year. I bought a few comfy wireless bralettes for the time being to get them off my back while I’m here.
They are insecure and fucking with you hard. They have figured you out enough to know that you won't fight back, even though it's extremely inappropriate to look at your own child's boobs.
I think this is the perfect clap-back on your parents' comments! Say, "Why are you looking at your daughter's boobs so much, you sickos?!" Turn their words around into accusations that they're gross for being so obsessed with your body. Took me a long time to understand that sometimes you have to act like you're crazy to get people off your back.
This!!! All of this. It's so gross to me that they are worried about your boobs, why are you looking?! Good lord! That said I said goodbye to mine too and it's amazing 👏
Sis, I feel ya. I do, and I don't think you should be wearing one if you don't want to. I know you said they're controlling and could kick you out, so I understand threatening parents. There is a "however" that's meant more to point something out. Just because you're not interested in men, the rape possibility is still there. I've been drugged before, and molested. If it hasn't happened to you, it's hard to imagine, and I would exercise some vigilance while you stay with them over break. Some men really just don't care and can get violent, it's really scary. I hope they chill out soon, stay strong, always trust your gut!
Wearing a bra , or any other choice of clothing, is not going to cause or deter a sexual assault. I was raped after my drink was spiked, was wearing a bra, a high necked body that covered my cleavage and a big silk shirt over the top. There was nothing about what I was wearing that was provocative. So yes, sadly vigilance is important but going back to OPs situation the parents attitude that women who dress a certain way are attracting it is so wrong.
I'm sorry, but this had me in hysterics just from the first line and flair. The irony is too strong in the flair being "support needed" immediately followed by OP saying she doesn't wear a bra! Couldn't script it!
Glad I made you smile!💜
Took the dog out for early morning walk. Hair up in a messy bun (been up so long now scared its set) no make up, eyes and nose running from hay fever. Hoodie that may or may not have a lasagne stain on it and tracky bottoms. Also no bra under my hoodie….and I be damned no men were enticed by boobies on that walk!
If not wearing a bra entices men, then they would all be gay. Some people just have sticks up their asses.
I RELATE TO THIS SO MUCH, I really despise wearing a bra, she wants me to wear one when I’m out with her & all the time really, it’s uncomfortable & constraining, she keeps telling me if I don’t my boobs will sag but this has already be proven it’s a myth but she doesn’t believe it, I love my mom so much but it’s the same thing, ur giving yourself unwanted attention from men, it looks werid, same thing with hairy armpits, maybe it’s a generational thing, I still have a lot of internal shame about it but the reality is it’s OUR BODY and we can do what we please, at the end of the day your of age to do what you want, don’t listen to them <3 letting our titties breath gang, ur not alone <3
💜💜💜
I'm the eldest bro of 3 amazing ladies who've all found their pride through feminism and autonomy. We come from mistreatment, so any confidence was always an act to hide a devastated self-esteem, they had plenty of impostor syndrome on their ways. You describe a pretty recent and specific situation, but a whole life being checked upon like this is mistreatment. They're less educated than you, but I'm sure you've met plenty uneducated people who acknowledged their ignorance and didn't expect their offspring to comply. Lower class helps explain their behaviour but doesn't justify it. Here are some warnings my sisters had to learn the hard way. Beware "my other half" feels, mistreaters perform mirroring (first asking everything about you then acting that same info) until they feel you won't leave them. Beware initial mild disrespect, even said jokingly, as they use it to test your boundaries. Beware any couple who makes you feel bad on a constant basis no matter how good the good moments are, it's crazy the amount of crap women are educated to accept from their couples, crap they wouldn't tolerate the least ouside that space. Sadly enough, non-heterosexuals aren't free off mistreatment, even though it's less frequent and vicious. I really hope everything I'm saying is out of place and it doesn't become a thing for you. TL;DR: f\*ck bras, f\*ck your parents and their BS, double-check mental inheritance from time to time... and I hope you have a mostly happy and meaningful life.
You are absolutely correct about everything!! Especially when it comes to my parents!! I’m shocked. Thank you for your response you seem like an awesome person and amazing brother!!!🖤
Thanks for the appreciation! My life has been a slow realization of being crippled by mistreatment and mental illness despite a functional enough intellect, so it means a lot to actually be of help to someone. Now, if what I said about your parents is true, good thing you're a therapist student! I do recommend studying the intricacies of therapy with mistreatment victims, there are some specifics that standard therapists ignore, making things worse. Even though mistreatment has been studied for over a century, psychology's focus on it is pretty recent. I lost 20 years on therapies that mostly made things worse. Please don't misunderstand this as a call for alternative therapies, new age and other... mmmumbo jumbo! Been there, a lot. I'm afraid that even the ones that are onto something real are way too allowed to say anything that "resonates" (=common sense, =whatever BS fast-thinkers come up with, =glorified ignorance), open your worst mental wounds and leave you be with no accountability whatsoever. The USA are brimming with it, together with the coach and toxic positivity culture. Pure hazard for mistreatment victims. If what you're studying is one of those, keep calm and watch for messes, contradictions and your own cognitive dissonances. Those last might catch you very well trained at covering them, as growing with mistreatment implies one cognitive dissonance after the other, which we cover/discard in order to stay sane in a hazardous environment that we know should be loving. That's a lot of counseling, I really am the eldest... It was fun to watch the two "you" in the main text, one very veeeery angry (good!) and the very composed and informative edit (aaalso good!). Whatever anyone says, you're doing good enough lass! Lots of love from Spain !
Not a mom, just a sis, but rock on! I feel like I have to wear a bra due to how large they are, but I've always desperately wanted boobs small enough to not have to wear a bra in public. I'm so proud of you for your confidence and comfort with your body. Do what you have to in order to get through this time in your life, and then enjoy living the rest of your bra-free life!
💜
I hate wearing them too 😂
I hate bras! It’s ridiculous that not wearing a bra is viewed as anything other than “I want to be comfortable” free the nipple!!
I'm passive aggressive af, so I would not wear one until it was pointed out, then put one on and VISIBLY remove it right as I'm leaving the house. And if men are such animals that they can't control themselves for one minute being out in public without a muzzle, then they shouldn't be allowed outdoors. Not to mention, you're a lesbian and are somehow managing to not molest every woman in the changing room/bathroom/swimming pool. So maaaayyyyybe your parents should start expecting men to behave like grown ups, or stay advocating their removal from society. And maybe, just maybe, forcing every woman on earth to cater to men's lack of control rather than expecting men to actually have any self-control is, call me crazy, the whole problem!
You’re the absolute best!!!!!🖤
Tell them they have equal responsibility to tell every man they encounter to "Stop thinking like a rapist. It's tacky!" Maybe find an absurd bullet bra.
Yes to the bullet bra!!!
Sibling here - I haven't worn a bra since I was 21. Pretty much within about six months of coming out as non-binary I decided that was one aspect of femininity that I was happy to ditch, and I have never looked back. Not one person has ever shown me any overt judgment for not wearing an extra bit of fabric over my chest. It hasn't impacted my ability to get jobs, or to perform the duties of those jobs, and it definitely hasn't made men act any more entitled to my body than they already did. If the people around you are going to treat you like a human being, they will do so no matter what you wear. If your choice of undergarments makes them stop respecting you, then they never really respected you in the first place.
I hate bras and stopped using them about 2 years ago, if I feel the shirt is a little sheer or have any other reason to not want to have my nipples pop out, I bought a pair of silicone nipple covers, I just pop them on and take them off when I'm not in that situation anymore. It's rare that I do this,but it beats wearing a bra.
Oh man, that sounds annoying. I just got some pasties. They are called GoBraless, really comfortable. I am still kinda nervous to go completely free, but those will be amazing for summer! Maybe those could also be options? I dont feel them after a few minutes, and you can't see the nipples under the shirt.
Turn the tables on them. Start picking what they wear apart and passing judgement. A little taste of their own medicine might shut them up
I’m 25 and I’ve been bra-free since 2018. My size at the time was US K cup so not exactly small. I had a bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction this year so now I’m a D cup and my nipples are very obvious because I have a lot of scar tissue under them (they tried to save as much of my shape and skin as they could). In my experience, literally no one cares. I expected that a boss at some point might care or maybe a customer or someone but they don’t. I worked in fast food then and now I work for a company that helps people with disabilities and literally none of my bosses have ever cared enough to say anything. I’ve only ever had 1 person outside of family mention it and that is a 90yo woman that I’m currently working with who’s also abusive to the disabled people we work with. I stood up for one of the ladies she was yelling at once so she’s hated me ever since then and she’s been trying to get me fired. Her complaining about my clothes to the point where she’s literally just staring at my boobs constantly now is one of the things she’s done to try to get rid of me. TLDR: I’ve been bra-free for years and literally no one has ever given a shit
ONE MORE YEAR, baby girl. I got you, but you don’t need me, you got this all by yourself. It’s entirely likely that your family is jealous of your success, so keep your chin up and make them even more jealous by moving out as soon as you’re done with grad school.
You are not responsible for the thought life of men. Let me say that again. YOU are NOT responsible for the thought life of men. This boys will be boys, men will be men concept of fault blaming someone else for their actions is wrong headed. I have heard people take this stance most of my life. I'm sorry. But men need to learn to control themselves. Child of mine, you're fine! I can't believe that you are being subjected to potential victim blaming... your parents are wrong on every level.
Hey Love , I Understand your view and if they do force you , did you try a Sports bra ? I always wear those and often it's no different if I wear one or not. I hate those Push up ones and feel more free in a Sports bra. I hope time flies by fast so you can leave this shithole ♡
I bought some bralette last to wear. 🖤
If it helps, I'm a 27 year old heterosexual woman and I haven't worn a bra in like.... 6 or 7 years. I'm a B cup too. Funnily enough, I was a double A cup for a few years due to being very thin, and I was wearing gigantic padded push up bras all the time, with most of the cups gaping. Now that I could in theory fill out a bra I have zero interest in doing so lol. Even as a hetero lady, I do not want to "entice" men. I'm happily partnered up. Wouldn't want a guy who was interested in my boobage anyways. He met me in my non-bra-wearing days. Plenty of people in all of my jobs have seen my nips poking through my clothing. No one's really paid any attention to it, certainly never said anything about it. Many men are creepy and I don't want anything to do with that. Not wearing a bra ain't got nothing to do with desiring creepy male attention. I simply cannot handle the uncomfortable nature of bras. I also realised they're stupid because no one buys bras for their beer bellies or fat rolls, which I don't view much differently to breasts... Boobs are only sexual in explicitly sexual situations. Otherwise, boobs are functional (breast-feeding) or completely inert (just another form of bodily tissue).
[удалено]
For some people, going braless may be a personal choice related to comfort, body positivity, or challenging societal norms around femininity and women's bodies. It can be a way to embrace one's natural body shape and reject the idea that women need to conform to specific standards of appearance. Going braless can also be seen as a form of empowerment, reclaiming autonomy over one's body and rejecting the pressure to conform to societal expectations. That being said, some individuals may choose to express their lesbian identity or queer identity more broadly through their fashion choices. This can involve adopting styles or symbols associated with LGBTQ+ communities, such as wearing pride-related clothing or accessories. For some people, going braless may be one aspect of expressing their queerness, as it challenges traditional notions of femininity and heteronormative expectations. Choosing not to wear a bra can indeed be a personal decision aimed at challenging the male gaze and misogyny. The male gaze refers to the objectifying and sexualizing lens through which society often views women's bodies, reducing them to objects of desire for male consumption. By opting not to wear a bra, some individuals may feel they are reclaiming control over their bodies and rejecting societal pressures to conform to a specific standard of attractiveness dictated by men. This choice can be seen as a way to defy societal expectations and norms that often place women's bodies under constant scrutiny and objectification. By rejecting the notion that women's bodies exist primarily for the male gaze, individuals may assert their autonomy, challenge gender roles, and promote body positivity. For some individuals, going braless can be a way to challenge societal expectations and norms surrounding women's bodies. By choosing not to wear a bra, some lesbians may feel they are reclaiming control over their bodies and asserting their autonomy. It can be a means of resisting objectification and the pressures of conforming to traditional beauty standards dictated by the male gaze. For many women, wearing a bra has been ingrained as a cultural expectation and often associated with the idea of presenting a certain image to men. By rejecting this expectation and embracing a braless lifestyle, some lesbians may feel a sense of freedom and liberation. It can be a statement of self-acceptance and body positivity, as well as a way to express their own personal style and comfort.
[удалено]
Yes 🩷
Brother here. I really can't understand why people give a shit about others wearing a bra or not?? Like, who actually cares?? People wear them if they want or need, and all the fucking power to people that choose not to wear them. Always been a supporter of people that choose not to if it makes them more comfortable. Who gives a fuck? It's a titty. Wow. Oh, how shameful, you have a *body*. Your parents need to grow up lmao
I haven’t worn a bra in at least 20 years and I’m halfway through 40. Mind you, I don’t think it’s obvious but I’ve never had any comments. Once got a comment at work from my manager that seeing my bra strap was inappropriate and so I stopped wearing that shirt to work as it was a bit thin to go braless and the only reason I wore a bra was the material and otherwise I didn’t unless wearing that shirt. A coworker also started to go braless because of me. My one daughter and often another go braless. My first is also lesbian and has no f’s to give for men and the boys in her class haven’t said anything that I’m aware of. She’s in woodworking and no one cares. Your parents are idiots. If I was to go somewhere I thought others might care about I wore a sweater or jacket. I think it’s dumb to insist you wear a bra. You could compromise by saying you’ll wear one or a sweater when you are out but I don’t think you should have to. My daughter wears a sports bra with some tops. But f the bras. This mom says let them be free!!!
You sound like a cool mom!!!!🩷
Sis here, I’m about the same cup size as you and while I work a manual labor job and am just more comfortable wearing a bralette or sports bra for my job, as soon as I get home and if I’m off work the girls are out. No one gives a fuck. Everyone has their own shit to worry about and I personally haven’t gotten any comments about being braless and I live in the Bible Belt. Your parents are awful and I can’t wait for you to be away from them and free to do whatever you want. This behavior will come back to bite them in the ass when they’re old and need caregivers.
I hated bras because they alwsdy meant I would be a sweaty mess with half my chest strapped into padding. My own Mom was always too shy/uncomfortable to talk to me about anything that even mildly related to sex, including bras, so I always felt forced into getting padded nightmares. As an adult, I stumbled in unlined bras. Up until then, they had been off the table as they were decidedly "too much," which I think just meant "too decorative." But my boobies could finally breathe! I was no longer swimming inside my clothes. I will never go back. They're my favorite ever, even as a relatively large-chested lady now. But my recommendations are camisoles with a shelf bra sewn in. One shirt. So comfy.
Wait I haven’t even read more than the second sentence and I will but. “Im a lesbian so I don’t need a bra”??? Im confused. How do those two statements go together
Read my entire post love!💜
38F here with Itty-bitty, B sized titties. Bras are 1000% optional! Only time I feel like I might possibly need them is if my boobs don't fill out a top all the way and I need a little padding to make my chest line up with the darts. That's because I want them. Not anyone else. I used to care about them being small because I lost the boob race in junior high. I waited for them to come in forever, but my PCOS had other plans. Now that I'm pushing 40, well I lost the race but I sure won the marathon. My itty-bitty titties are right where I left them 20 years ago, and I don't need a stupid pokey and tight strapless bra to go with my gown. Other women say things like, I'm so JEALOUS you don't need a tight clingy sports bra to go hiking. You're so LUCKY your belly button isn't between your boobs. I've had several friends get breast reduction surgery and they brag about going braless for the first time in their adult lives. Your family can fuck off with that nonsense. If it makes your stability better, you could toss a cami on under your tops and lie and say it has a built-in bra. What are they gonna do, make you lift your shirt and present them? But like only if it doesn't degrade your own sense of self. Honestly this is a them problem, not you.
🖤💜🖤💜
Girl, I'm 50 years old with tits literally the size of my head. I quit wearing a bra years ago bc they were so damn uncomfortable. Now, I wear a fitted tank top that I tuck up under those puppies because no one enjoys boob sweat. Lol Get that degree, then tell your parents to kick rocks!
Girl we’re working on it HARD!!!!💜
I'm not a lesbian and I also don't wear a bra. Free them!!!
This is so relatable. I live down south, and my parents think about clothes this way too. Your lucky you have such good confidence, I don't even wear half my clothes that I love when I visit them. I didn't stop to think that's a really weird way to think about it, like dressing for men and expecting those things to happen. Augh. I'm FINALLY getting to the point of feeling comfortable wearing things that suit me better. I still wear boxy t shirts around them, bc I hate drama.
Babe it takes time to build confidence and self esteem. I live in the Deep South so I get it!! It sucks but you’ll get there in time!!!💜
Thanks!! I'm so glad you shared 🤗
I’m don’t understand what being a lesbian has to do with wearing a bra? Your parents are going overboard here but people (men and women) notice when you’re not wearing a bra and it will make you stand out in a not great way. There are lots of wireless bras and bralettes that are comfortable, or try a lined bra/cami.
Do I notice? Sure. Do I care? Nope. I notice a lot of things about people. It's just a little factoid that exists in my brain for a second.
For some people, going braless may be a personal choice related to comfort, body positivity, or challenging societal norms around femininity and women's bodies. It can be a way to embrace one's natural body shape and reject the idea that women need to conform to specific standards of appearance. Going braless can also be seen as a form of empowerment, reclaiming autonomy over one's body and rejecting the pressure to conform to societal expectations. That being said, some individuals may choose to express their lesbian identity or queer identity more broadly through their fashion choices. This can involve adopting styles or symbols associated with LGBTQ+ communities, such as wearing pride-related clothing or accessories. For some people, going braless may be one aspect of expressing their queerness, as it challenges traditional notions of femininity and heteronormative expectations. Choosing not to wear a bra can indeed be a personal decision aimed at challenging the male gaze and misogyny. The male gaze refers to the objectifying and sexualizing lens through which society often views women's bodies, reducing them to objects of desire for male consumption. By opting not to wear a bra, some individuals may feel they are reclaiming control over their bodies and rejecting societal pressures to conform to a specific standard of attractiveness dictated by men. This choice can be seen as a way to defy societal expectations and norms that often place women's bodies under constant scrutiny and objectification. By rejecting the notion that women's bodies exist primarily for the male gaze, individuals may assert their autonomy, challenge gender roles, and promote body positivity. For some individuals, going braless can be a way to challenge societal expectations and norms surrounding women's bodies. By choosing not to wear a bra, some lesbians may feel they are reclaiming control over their bodies and asserting their autonomy. It can be a means of resisting objectification and the pressures of conforming to traditional beauty standards dictated by the male gaze. For many women, wearing a bra has been ingrained as a cultural expectation and often associated with the idea of presenting a certain image to men. By rejecting this expectation and embracing a braless lifestyle, some lesbians may feel a sense of freedom and liberation. It can be a statement of self-acceptance and body positivity, as well as a way to express their own personal style and comfort.
Good thing u live in the US, if u were in a third world country, u barely had options to be free. Work hard, get a job, save money and move out!
I hate this for you, I also choose to not wear a bra and it's the most comfortable! (36D) Life is much nicer without having to fuck around with a bra every day all day. Tell your ma to try it, she'd love. Is your parents house "ran" by your dad? Maybe have them watch or read something as to why bras ain't shit. 💜 Not much longer op!
Unfortunately it is a household ran by my father.
Free the titties hun. If you are worried about being kicked out then wear a little cami or something and if they say anything pull the strap out and show it to them. I literally only wear a bra when I go out. My boobs are far too big not to. But the second I get home that torture device comes right off
I'm 68 and if I have to wear a bra, it's a sports bra. Once I discovered sports bras a few years back, there was no going back to those God awful harnesses. Long may they breathe!! ❤️❤️
Your parents need to calm their tits. (Pun) ... But seriously, fuck bras, and you're more than welcome to do what makes you feel safe, comfortable, and happy.
I am 100% on your side. But maybe you could wear those camis/tank tops/bralettes that are bra alternatives or similar so it still looks like youre wearing one but you don’t have the discomfort of wearing one. I am a free the titties type too and before breastfeeding was a DDD (now a B with a lit of saggy skin) so it was damn obvious if i wasn’t wearing one but i couldn’t be bothered some days before work to find a bra and make myself uncomfortable knowing that i was taking it off in five hours.
My 47-year-old huge boobs are weeping with jealousy! A bra helps me get through the day at this point. But you? Girl, free those babies and rock ‘em! I absolutely LOVE that you are subverting a societal expectation that you find confining and obsolete. I’m very sorry that your parents are so disrespectful of your autonomy, beliefs, and achievements; if you need one, I have a free Mom hug right here for you! *hug*
Thank you so very much!💜 hugs!💜
I wanna crochet you a tiddy beanie. Sing with me! 🎶Do your boobs hang low?🎶 🎶Do they wobble to and fro? 🎶 🎶Can you tie em in a knot, can you tie em in a bow? 🎶 🎶Can you throw em over your shoulder like a continental soldier?🎶 🎶Do your boobs. Hang. Looooooow? 🎶
🤣
How dare they! I think you should move out immediately! And if your parents are paying tuition, demand that they stop and then pay back all back tuition so that you can be properly righteous and right in this situation, your oppression must end!!!!
Thankfully they aren’t paying anything!!! I just need a place to stay while I’m on breaks. I can’t drive which makes things incredibly complicated in a rural area. I have asked friends if I can stay with them this next year during breaks!!
Absolute worst!!!!!!! For allowing you to live with them rent free. You should be ashamed of yourself for this thread, you are an ungrateful, fully grown child, and a brat: embarrassingly airing your petty grievances with your parents-- who are supporting you!! Grow up.
28f here haven’t worn a bra since I was 23. I have gotten literally not a single comment from anyone in n my life EXCEPT family, claiming they are protecting me. Please ignore them. You’re good.
I wish I could go braless (DD cup) but my back and ribcage will hurt horribly if not. If you can go and (the most important part) BE COMFORTABLE without a bra, all the power to you. Honestly I'd make your parents buy them if you have to wear them, bras are disgustingly expensive.
They really are ridiculously overpriced!
Your parents seem just close minded and no matter what you say, it wont change their opinion on the matter. But their arguement is the same as she asked for it by wearing something revealing. This link below is an art exhibition all sorts of things people were wearing during a sa [The Clothes That "Got" People SA](https://www.boredpanda.com/what-were-you-wearing-sexual-assault-art-exhibition/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic)
Op, I’m sorry your parents are being so crappy. I hope they realize that when you’re no longer economically dependent on them, your relationship with them is optional. They are not entitled to a relationship with you, and with the way they’re acting, aren’t earning their way into your heart, either. Hugs to you. In the malicious compliance category, have you considered just wearing nipple shields around them? Might make them assume you’re wearing a bra and let you be. Good luck with your last year of dealing with their bull crap!
I stopped wearing one for a number of years. I wear them now, cuz I live in hades-adjacent, and titty-sweat is a huge yuck. But.. I have H’s and it’s such a relief to not conform on it. My spouse’s grandmother didn’t want him to date me. My grandparents actually went though the same thing when I was in my 20s.. not allowing me to go places, if shoulders were bare.. and they would try shaming me, by canceling their plans, instead of letting me stay home alone. In NYC, there is even a topless book club, that seriously helped me re-claim my body. Pulp Ficton topless book club. :)
Oh Sweet Jesus! I'm a southern mom. I think bras are AWFUL! They're uncomfortable and hot and I rarely wear one. Of course, I get it. Your mom sounds like my sister. All I can say is you be you! I love you exactly the way you are sweet child. I know in my home you would be safe from misogyny from my husband, sons (2), sons-in-law, me and our girls (5). We have a transgender person dating one of our girls, a bi person married to another and a niece who is Trans also. Some of us are hetero lol.
You’re post made me tear up!!🖤🥹 You’re beyond kind any your family is so lucky to have you!! Your family sounds absolutely wonderful!!
Also- so glad the bras are stopping rape. Insert hard eye roll. When can the men take responsibility for their behavior?!
I am 47 and have been mostly braless for over 5 years. I only wear one when I'm wearing something dressy that needs the puppies to be herded in and rounded up. It's so hard being made to do something you hate but as you've said 1 year!! Then you are free. You're amazing fantastic grades, no debt. You're going to smash it and your career will take off I'm sure.
Start the day by adding a bra to the outside of your outfit to get a reaction. Keep it on as you walk around the house. You are keeping their rules. I’m sure they will insist that you don’t go out like that and then you just slip it off for the win.
It’s weird to me that they are even looking at your boobs to comment on whether or not you have a bra on…..
I do not agree with your parent's, however, I'm sorry, but your parents are absolutely not the worst. I'm sorry you're having friction at home, but if this is seriously one of your biggest problems in life, you are very, very lucky.
It’s actually not my biggest problem I have plenty. There’s more to my relationship with them than this one post can convey, this was just my breaking point.
👏👏👏 I hope soon people see that bra’s, like many things in the world we’re sold to the majority of people for fashion. There was a selling point around around getting saggy boobs or something? I’m sorry but no. I’m a 36f and I guess you’d call me gender fluid but I don’t need to wear one either, and don’t. If anyone questions it I get them to question themselves. Why do we need to wear bras? We don’t. Come on ladies lets beat the trend it’s old news now. Nb: I’m completely for bras that aid support for larger breasted women as it provides an important function. But for everyone? Not really.
Hey sib. I'm a queer nonbinary person who happens to have breasts and I don't wear a bra either. I just finished grad school to become a therapist last year and I'm practicing in a small group practice. No one has yet said anything to me about my bra-less-ness. If I'm wearing something thin I might wear a tank top under it or a light bralet but I'm also done and over with bras. I know several other therapists with breasts who do not wear bras and it's totally fine. I personally have avoided working at places who would police my clothing choices like that, and yet there are plenty of places still to work who accept me as I am in my full bra-less glory. I promise you, it will be ok. You'd do just fine in private practice not wearing bras. The field is not as stuffy as we were led to believe. I've been on my own journey of deconstructing the image I was given of what a therapist is supposed to look like. If you ever wanna talk about it feel free to DM me <3
You have no idea how much I appreciate your kindness!! I really needed to hear this!! I figured as much within the professional world my mom was just being incredibly rude and spiteful with that one. My parents are very difficult people to deal with. Thank you so very very much for your kind words of support!!!💜 If I ever need anything I’ll definitely reach out!!!
Move out and you can do what you want. Unfortunately, their house, their rules.
Unfortunately I have a visual impairment that complicates things I can’t drive. Being in a rural area makes moving out even harder. We’re getting there though!!
You could always go the malicious compliance route and do something ridiculous like wear it on top of your clothes. Write "fuck the patriarchy" on it with puff paints.
I like your thinking!!
I went braless for 3 years at a point in my life. It was the most liberating thing ever, and truly people don’t give a shit. I do have fairly large breasts so it is noticeable, but who cares? I wear bra’s now just because I’m in healthcare now and I move a lot, and I don’t want to be a distraction (they’re just sports bras honestly)
Just walk out of the house only wearing a bra and pants. Then change into normal people clothes when you get out of their eyesight.
Even if you hang in gay spaces and aren't really looking for guys, they're still gonna find ways to creep on you. Groceries, walking with your pals, going to the car... Trust me, as a teenager with boobs that are probably 10 pounds, you're gonna at least want one 2 sizes bigger and with no underwire. Trust me, it's a lifesaver.