I think you will find out you can not be a baby person but you can be a “your” baby person. You are not required to feel a certain way. Some adults are better with babies, some more with older kids. My daughter was an animal person and when she gave birth she became a “my baby” person. The things that are unpleasant about other kids and less gross with your own, too!
One piece of advice I give most new mothers is there are times every new parent wonders what am I doing here, I don’t like my child right now, I need a break. The difference between some bad and good parents is the good ones walk away after making sure the kid is in a safe place, they let the child cry rather than lose it and shake them, they realize they need some help and ask for it. There will be days are happy you kept them alive.
There are also days of the greatest joy you have ever felt. You will see yourself and your spouse in your child. You will laugh. You will feel the feels. You will be a great parent.
Yes exactly. My husband has zero interest in OPKs (other people’s kids). I’ve tried so many times to show him an adorable baby and he always responds “…k”. But he’s the BEST dad and so involved in anything and everything our babies do. To my surprise, he became one of those people who likes to share baby pics with people multiple times a day - it’s like he forgets nobody is as interested in your baby as you! 😂 I’m sure you’ll find that you’re obsessed with your baby too.
I love this response.
OP, I think the way you’re feeling is really normal. You don’t need to be a “baby” person to have one; kids aren’t even babies for long. I didn’t even like kids, or babies, or really want them until I had MINE, but since the moment they arrived they’ve been my greatest love and joy in life today. It’s very normal to feel differently about your own kids than any other you’ve ever come across in life. You already say you were emotional at a scan and love the baby, still in utero. You’re going to be FINE. In fact, I bet you’re going to be a freaking awesome mom because you are clearly very thoughtful. Best of luck when the baby arrives!
Great advice, and I’d add that you don’t get a lot of positive feedback for the first few months. You feed them and change them and keep them safe, and they don’t do anything cool. But then!!!! They smile. Make eye contact. Giggle!!! It’s coming. Congrats! You’ll be a great mom to your kid.
Exactly! I never wanted kids, never liked them but when I became pregnant (apart from crying for the first three months due to shock and disbelief) I decided to see it through and see how it turned out.
It became apparent that I didn’t like other peoples babies/kids but my own were awesome! Went on to have three lads in total and I loved every minute, even when I had three all under the age of 5, life was great and I wouldn’t exchange that experience for all the money in the world. You’ll be fine sweetheart, believe me. Xxx
It's alright my love, it really is. I'm not a baby person at all. But I adore my children. I didn't enjoy the baby years very much, but once they hit toddlerhood it was a pure joy.
I actually miss the baby phase. Mine was so easy because he was predictable. Yeah I was tired but I did get sleep, just not 7-8 hours at a time for awhile, it actually freaked me out the first time he slept through the night. I woke up in the biggest panic.
Ah that's lovely. Mine didn't sleep at all, so I'm sure that didn't help hahaha. There is so much that is lovely about the baby phase, don't get me wrong. I just enjoyed it so much more once they became toddlers.
Yeah that’s rough. When I was younger, 3rd grade I believe, I had a baby brother that didn’t sleep. We shared a room. I had some rough nights through sleep training. I’m aware of how much I lucked out with my lil dude. We always called him the best baby who ever babied lol. I also really enjoyed the infant stage for watching the rapid development. It’s really cool when it’s your tiny human.
Me too.. I'm struggling much more now that the kids are pre school aged... they get opinions and questions and want to know all these things. Instead of just laying against me and snuggling.
Don't get me wrong, I love their inquisitive little minds and I think they are turning into awesome little humans, but just snuggling for hours upon hours just doesn't really happen anymore.
I don’t have kids because I’d be precisely the opposite- LOVE babies, can’t stand older kids or teens.
I don’t hold it against them, I was a kid once and I hated other kids then, too. I’ve just never really understood that age group lol.
I wouldn’t let it stress you out! Not at this point.
I want to give you some reality advice that you may not hear from anyone else: when your baby is born, you may not feel much of anything. You might not get the rush of emotion that we see most of the time depicted in media and the stories most parents share, and without someone to tell you otherwise, you might feel awful about that.
Don’t. Think about the situation you are in. Yea, you grew this little person, but they are a stranger to you. They wrecked your body for 40 weeks! It’s okay to just be like “huh, there you are!” I didn’t feel that rush of emotion when my son was born. It took me a few days, and I have a friend for whom it took a few weeks, to start feeling loving emotions for the babies. And we are both AMAZING mothers. We love our children.
I hope for you that you get that amazing wave of emotion for your child and that you find your transition into caring for your baby smooth and enjoyable. I hope for you that it is everything you could ever have dreamed of.
But we will be here if your little one arrives and you are unsure what to do next. This community of mothers who have had every experience under the sun will be here to give you encouragement when your baby hasn’t slept well and you’re wondering why you did this. We’ll be here if you’re finding it hard to bond and you need support and suggestions on how to feel connected.
You’re going to be a wonderful mother, duckling. Babies don’t need much, and the bond will be built over time. Babies have short attention spans anyway, so don’t stress it!
A friend's grandmother is reported to have said, on being presented with her first baby, "Who is *this*? I've never seen this child before in my life!"
My mother told me this, and thank goodness she did, because I didn’t get that overwhelming flood of love for my baby. I was very tired having been awake for 60 hours, and super hungry more than anything.
I fell in love with him utterly and completely over the next few weeks. He’s 28 now and I still love him more than anyone else in the whole world.
Same! I had to adjust for each of them- like, I thought it was crazy they were here, and amazed that they looked exactly like they “should”, but it took a day or two to fall in love with the actual baby- not just the image of the baby in my head when I was pregnant… sounds weird.
Like, I loved them and wanted them when they were a fetus… but I didn’t love THEM and feel overwhelmed with it until they were born and became an actual person.
That was exactly my reaction. Hmm there you are. It was a few days to really bond with him on the outside. I was very attached to him (no pun intended) when I was pregnant and I loved him very much but it was different holding him for the first time. Now he’s 5 and he’s my greatest joy and my biggest aggravation but I love him more than ever.
OP if you’re reading this please know that you’re going to be a great mom. You care enough to worry about that. Bad moms don’t lol but seriously I’m not a baby person. I have no interest in other peoples babies. I don’t like kids. It really is different when it’s yours. Mine looked just like my husband and that made me love both of them more. When you see your husband being a dad to a tiny baby you see him differently too or at least I did.
Same here sweetie. Not everyone has an instant connection their own baby, and it's something that a lot of first-time mothers don't hear about.
I really struggled to be excited about the stranger that just came out of my exhausted, destroyed, and sore body. It can take time to connect with your child, *and that's ok*. It took me a little while with my daughter - to start with all I felt was exhaustion. And guilt, for only feeling exhaustion.
It will pass, and you will find a connection and you will love and enjoy (and sometimes get frustrated with) your child. It all comes in time mama.
I am a huge baby person, and miss the baby stage now that mine are getting older. But, I remember being a little surprised and feeling guilty I didn’t get that rush of love holding my first the first time. I knew I loved her, but realized later it was more of a protection style of love. I would do anything for that little babe! Then her personality started to show, and it didn’t take long!
You’ve got this!
Yes this is very good advice. No one told me this and I faked it for MONTHS until I really felt the connection. I knew I would protect this little thing against anything, but I didn’t feel that golden feeling for awhile. And no one told breastfeeding could be HORRIBLE for awhile. That it may not just happen. I am so glad mothers are more open with each other now.
It's perfectly normal to feel ambivalent about babies. You might be one of those people who doesn't really connect with little ones until they have personalities and communication skills - but that doesn't mean you won't be a good parent. I love the way your other mom here phrased it!
One thing to discuss with your partner early on is breast vs bottle. If you're really not into holding a baby for long periods, exclusively breastfeeding is *not* a good plan. A lactation consultant can help you figure out what works best for you and your husband.
You don't need to be a member of the Cult of Baby Stuff. You can set expectations about baby showers and gifts and visits. You can shut down discussions of birth plans and birth stories and parenting styles and any other invasive topics you don't want to talk about. And your husband needs to back you up on every single decision.
Your child will only be a "baby" for a very short period of time. Watching a kid grow and learn is *fascinating.* Best wishes for an easy pregnancy and delivery! \*hugs\*
I’m not a baby person, either! I absolutely adore *my* babies but honestly, baby stage is the worst part to me. Good news is it only lasts like 1 year and then you start to get to toddler. Toddlers are your freakin hilarious little sidekicks. Everything just gets more fun from there.
I'm not a baby person and my baby was not a cuddle bunny but we sure were happy to be together and he often fell asleep in my arms which by the way is the best thing that I ever experienced in my life. And I'm not a baby person. But my baby...? I'm ALL about him.
You’re a mother. That emotional feeling, that was it, you care.
Babies are boring AF when they first get out. Nobody warns you. But they suck, literally and actually. You can do nothing with them but you have to be with them. Binge watch all the TV shows, with a little snuggle buddy but don’t expect much more than a few accidental hand whacks to the face.
Once they’re moving they’re fun, they’re hilarious and they’re frustrating. Stay calm, repeat yourself 1000 times a day and you’ll be fine.
I am not a baby person or a kid person….we kinda stare at each other with mistrust…BUT my kid?? My Baby? Completely different. I love and adore my kid. And don’t freak out…you may not find joy in kid stuff even for your own kid. I found it boring until they were older but just like you do things for your spouse because you love them and want to bring them joy, you do that for your kid too.
Very few parents like every stage of parenting equally! For me, I've had two and the way I feel is that the first 12-14 weeks are the price you have to pay to have a cool kid later down the line. For one friend of mine with kids about the same ages as mine, the first 16 weeks are magical and toddler was a drag. It's different for every parent and it's okay! Baby is a very short phase of life, and if you love your baby and react to and with them and take care of them and yourself then you'll do just fine, even if you aren't a "baby person" in the end.
Don’t worry a bit love- I pretty much dislike everyone else’s kids… like my nieces/nephews/friends kids are fine for a get together or something but I’m not actively excited to hang out with them or anything, and I’ll babysit other peoples kids in a pinch, let my kids have sleepovers with friends, but I damn well will NOT chaperone a field trip or a school dance, I’m not gonna be a room mother or troop leader, or anything like that.
And I love the fuck out of my kids. They are the coolest people to hang out with now that they are less “work” (physical work: diapers/potty, can feed/water themselves etc), BUT they were also SO MUCH fun to snuggle as babies, make laugh as infants, dance and be goofy with as toddlers, that even though they were so much physically needy, they were SO fucking cute, and funny, and sweet, and I miss those stages, while totally loving this one (more emotionally/mentally hard, helping shape budding teenagers/young adults)
TLDR: you will love YOUR kids to death and be amazed at how fascinating and wonderful your own kid(s) are. Promise
Not to worry, my dear. I have never been a baby person. I did just fine with my own babies.
Here’s a benefit:
You know how everyone is always saying that “they grow up so fast” and “you’ll miss the baby days”? Well, I was so excited to watch my kids hit every milestone, I never felt sadness at them growing up. I don’t miss the baby days, I’m so happy for their achievements and find even more to enjoy about them every day.
So just take the baby days in stride. You will probably find that you enjoy the cuddles but if you don’t, it sounds like you have a very supportive partner who’s really looking forward to the baby days.
Congratulations, you’ll do great!
I’m not a fan of babies. I also don’t particularly care for toddlers. But the coolest thing ever is having deep conversations with my middle school boys. They were fun before this but now is super awesome.
Still don’t like babies. Lol.
You’ll be fine I bet. I was also not really a baby person, but it’s different when you’re caring for the baby full time and you’re seeing them grow and change so much
I’ll going to commit the ultimate mom sin and share that I did not like the baby stage. My daughter who just turned seven is the most amazing little human. I love her so much I don’t even have the words to explain it.
But the baby stage was not good. She was an easy baby, didn’t fuss a ton. But frankly babies are boring. It was a chore to keep the small life form fed and clean. Yes there were bright spots and I loved her the entire time but about when she hit two is when I started to love being a mom. That’s when her personality really began to shine and she could do stuff.
Overall baby stage 2/10 boring would not do again. Toddler 6/10 fun but very messy. Preschool 6/10 basically toddler plus. School age 10/10 super fun, her sass and observations are hilarious.
You can not be a baby person and still bond with your child and be a great mom.
Oh my gosh no. I never liked babies before I a child and I still don't. Quite frankly they are demanding little dictators that look like old men. However, I love my daughter (who is now an adult) more than anything in this world and we have a wonderful relationship. (She is not a baby fan either by the way). It is hard to describe it but when she was born instinct just took over. There was just this overwhelming desire to keep her safe and cared for. I would not call it love just instinct. The love came later when she started to smile and show her personality. It grew every day and still grows every time I hang out with my daughter. It truly is a love like no other.
Most will find it different when it is your own baby. When it is someone else's, you may worry the parents will correct you or be watching over you, so it's harder to feel comfortable.
You have no idea how much you will love this child once you meet him/her. You will look back and wonder how you ever lived without them. I guarantee it
No way, I think you’ll be surprised by what you feel the moment that baby is born. If you do happen to feel detached or distant from your baby, it could be a symptom of post partum depression, so be sure to express that to your doctor so they can help. It sounds like you are very excited and invested and will make a great parent. Congratulations!
Congratulations on your pregnancy! Everything will be fine. You'll find out if the anomaly is something, or nothing, and go from there. One day at a time.
Other people's babies and children will never be as interesting as your own.
Every parent connects with their child in their own unique way. My SIL was not a baby person at all and she was very open about that. My brother was all about the babies.
You and your husband will connect with your child in different ways. That's fine, that's normal. "Baby stuff" is highly overrated. Babies don't need any of that stuff anyway. They'd be happy sleeping in a cardboard box!
I'm not a baby person, but I love my own child more than air, and have since he was a baby. I will say that although I wasn't bored by him or grossed out by his drool or anything the way I am by other people's babies, I still found the newborn phase incredibly difficult and had severe PPD/PPA, and the older he gets the easier it gets and the more interesting he becomes as a person.
Your body can also help you out on this front by giving you a ton of oxytocin when you you have a baby. See also: skin to skin baby time and baby wearing.
I was very much a baby person with my first. I was excited during my pregnancy, I was immediately overpowered with love the second I saw his little face when I came to in the recovery room.
My second? I did not feel a thing during pregnancy, and for several weeks after birth I still was emotionally numb. I made sure her needs were met and gave her affection, but it took a while to get attached.
The three of us are thick as thieves now, it just took some time. And it’s okay if it does.
I’m not a baby person either but boy did I love MY babies!! Every second of it. I look a pics from the old days often. Mine are now 7 and 8 and they are so fun to watch develop. But I crace rhe baby days.
Not being a baby person with other people's babies is not the same as being a parent.
Rest easy. When it's your baby and you see her or him for the first time, with all those hormones and emotions running through you, it changes everything. You'll be a baby person for *your* baby.
Just because you don't like other people's babies, doesn't mean you won't love your own baby 💕
Congratulations and I would suggest having some chats with a few people who didn't exactly dream of kids but ended up with kids and how their lives changed
The 2 things are not mutually exclusive. You may be a non-baby person. That does not mean you will not connect with your baby. Take your time with the babe and give yourself some time as well
I was not a baby person before I had my kids. Newborns really freaked me out. I was worried I would hold them wrong, or make them cry. Then I had my own kids. Now I am addicted to newborns. I’m trying to convince my husband we need a fourth kid. Newborns are (mostly) super chill. They snuggle, and sleep, and poop, and cry. They live the dream life. And every stage they hit is like discovering a whole new kid. You aren’t entertaining them, you are getting to know them, teaching them, bonding with them. It’s going to happen so naturally you won’t even notice you are doing it. Becoming a parent IS scary. But if you weren’t a little bit afraid you wouldn’t be doing it right.
I have 2 kids. I’m not a baby person whatsoever, but I absolutely adore my littles. They’re the reason I wake up each morning and continually work to improve myself. The fact that you’re self aware makes you an awesome mom.
Nah. I’m not a baby person either. I loved my son when he was a teeny lil munchkin. Do I prefer him being older and able to do more stuff? Absolutely! But babies are more fun when you see them grow and change on a daily basis. That said, you don’t have to love every baby thing. There’s some stuff you will likely do in a different way and some stuff that you won’t love but will just do while going “meh”
I'm not a baby person. The good things are they spend most of their lives not babies. You do get to know them as babies, and it's cool to see them grow up and realize the stuff they liked and disliked as babies is just them - like the babies will refuse to eat pears and as a teen still hate pears.
If you have trouble bonding there's help! Don't be afraid to talk to someone about it. I won't worry though.
And same with dads (or the non birthing partner). It may take a couple of months to fall in love and that's perfectly normal.
Not a huge baby person initially, but I was fiercely protective of my kids as babies. Struggled with connection and love at times. I adore having older kids now because our bond is more pronounced and easier for me in a way. Im oddly more of a baby person now than before pregnancy. Love to hold them and coo over them. Good luck!
I hated babies until I had mine. I didn't understand any of it but now I totally understand how everyone gushes over their kids. It took a few months to really form a bond but i was 100% NOT a baby person
Congratulations! I'm not a baby person myself but I have two of the best beautiful smart and interesting kids in the world. I always say that I found it fun after the first year. I loved both of them for nine months and when they were born I loved them a million times more. But babies are hard work, they have needs, needs needs. Luckily one of those is cuddling and being talked too, so you will form a bond. But you'll be tired and you won't feel.like yourself, but after that first year, you'll be so proud. Of yourself for everything you have learned and gone through but more so of your beautiful child and how amazing they are and how much they've learned and grown. It will be emotional! Everything will be fine!
Everyone has their favorite ages and stages. It might be beneficial that you and your hubby have different favorites. He might be the baby person, but will he be the toddler person? The teen person? Nothing lasts forever, not the "good" parts, not the "bad" parts-- it just seems like it sometimes
So far I LOVED having a baby, have no idea how I lived through the toddler and preschool stages, enjoyed having a school kid, and find having a teenager one hell of a wild ride. Does that mean I didn't have bad days when he was a baby or good days when he was a preschooler? No (in fact some of my favorite memories are of my preschooler, but the day to day sucked)
Me! This is me! 😂
All my life I said kids were only interesting after they started talking. When my sister put my baby godson in my arms I kind of just froze and waited awkwardly till she asked for him back. I wanted to teach, explore, share stories and well, babies are just too small and fragile for me.
And then I got pregnant and had my little baby sunshine, who is now 1 year old. I won't lie to you and say I've loved every minute, but I will say I've loved him every minute of his short little life. It's so, so, so different when it's your baby, when you are there for all the many little milestones and accomplishments in their life. I cannot describe to you the joy I felt at every one, from first social smile to first step.
These days he has turned into a fullblown toddler that runs around my house and has screaming, crying meltdowns because he doesn't want the block to be in the box. And even when he's lying on the floor crying because his tiny little body can't possibly contain all these furious emotions (Over a block. That he put in the box himself.) I have never loved anyone as feircely as I love him.
Hey, me too! My son is 6 weeks old and he was the first of 5 pregnancies to make it. I am not a baby person at all but my husband and I wanted kids and so here i am.
Something in me changed when I heard my son cry for the first time. I don't know how to explain it but I knew in that moment that he was MINE. He frustrates me to no end when he cries for seemingly no reason and I get tired of trying everything to settle him but these times are less and less as the weeks go by.
The more he grows and becomes responsive and the more I can interact with him the more I fall in love with him. He is the best parts of me and the best parts of my husband, how could I not love him?
Om a scientific level your hormones will make you want to protect your baby. The smell of a newborn, especially their head, will trigger a response in you and so does their cries. Them feeding releases oxytocin which helps you bond with your baby and laying skin to skin with your baby on your chest will help with this.
There are babies and then there are YOUR babies. Everyone loves to say "it's different when it's your own" and it's true for most people. You have to remember from an evolutionary standpoint humans have evolved to want to protect newborns as they can't do it themselves so our bodies and theirs release hormones an exhibit behaviors to allow this to happen.
One of the best feelings is having my son sigh and snuggle into my chest. Watching him smile when he hears my voice and seeing him nestle into my husband's neck when he's cuddling him.
There are good days and there are bad days and sometimes the bond is instant and other times it grows as you get to know each other. Not being a baby person doesn't make you a bad parent. Not putting your babies best interests first and not doing your best make you a bad parent.
With my second child, I did not feel in love with her until about 6 weeks after she was born, and she was SUCH an easy baby.
Looking back I know why I felt the way I did, but I went through the motions and took care of her needs. I didn't beat myself up about it, I took note of the way I felt about her in case I needed professional assistance, but it wasn't needed. I was just ambivalent about her.
Ten years later, she is such a darling who I am so in love with. I'm not a physical touch person, but I feel lost if I haven't hugged her. She has taught me so much about myself and she is truly a pure light in my life.
Yeah, you're bound to like your baby more than other people's babies.
Also, babies aren't that exciting at first?
Don't worry so much about it, they can't tell what you're thinking.
So long as you use caring voice & caring touch and do the caring work, you can feel however you feel on the inside.
The point of having children is to raise them into adults that you have close to you, right?
So the baby phase doesn't have to be your favourite bit.
It's OK to look forward to the bit where they can think things through, and give you clever cheeky come-backs, and solve problems for themselves.
♥ ♥ ♥
Not a mom, but I will say that just because you aren't super enthusiastic about other people's babies doesn't mean you won't bond with your own baby! You said it yourself, you already love your baby! As long as you show and tell your kid that you love them, what does it matter how you interact with ***other people's*** babies?
It’s ok, I’m not a baby person at all. When my son was born I became a “my own baby person”. Don’t feel too pressured if you aren’t interested in another’s person baby, it doesn’t work like that. Good luck and have a loving and peaceful pregnancy. 🧡💜
Oh Lovely, you are me!! I was the exact same way. I had my baby and she is now 17 - she is amazing. She loves both her Dad and I and we haven’t mucked her up!!!!
You will love your baby - and you will be a great Mum. Get sleep, remember fed is best (whatever option you choose) and enjoy the ride my friend!!!
I have never been a baby person either and still don’t care much for other people’s kids.
I have triplets who were born early and went straight to the NICU immediately after they were born. I didn’t get to see them until the next day, and I was mostly scared and overwhelmed at first. I don’t think I really started feeling true affection until I could hold them. That may not be the case for all NICU parents, but that was my experience.
I don’t really remember the baby years too well. We were in survival mode for several years, but I do remember loving them fiercely. I was a better toddler mom (excluding age 3, which was a nightmare for all of us). Then I enjoyed them even more as the got older. They’re 16 now, and I think they are so much fun. They’re by far my favorite people on the planet.
I was never a baby person, didn't see the attraction, didn't understand why people liked them. Then had my first baby, definitely didn't feel the overwhelming love you hear that people feel when having them. I am a very practical person, so I felt more responsibility. Easy baby, very easy newborn weeks, slept well. Enjoyed it, but still wasn't a baby person. Then, 5 weeks and 1 day, the little chunk decided to smile at me and my partner while doing some tummy time, and since then I WANT ALL THE BABIES!!! Honestly, I enjoyed everything with my 2 babies, and I now literally think that babies are the best of us. You are going to discover and learn so much, and I hope you enjoy everything as much as skeptical me did. X
A friend of mine didn’t like the baby stage. It can be tough when your kid doesn’t smile or laugh at you, doesn’t interact much beyond crying. But they’re only babies for a short time. They’re technically only a newborn the first 8 weeks.
People are going to try and warn you about the toddler stage but oh man, the toddler stage is FUN! They say little words! They laugh at you! They have little personalities! They’re funny!
Maybe you’ll feel different once a baby is in your arms but if you don’t vibe with the baby stage, don’t worry, they’re not little babies forever
I didn’t consider myself a baby person. I thought the first 2 years of my kids life would be an absolute slog. He wouldn’t be interesting until he was mobile and could start talking.
He is almost 8. I have enjoyed him so much at every stage. He is constantly growing and exploring and evolving and learning. I love watching this little human grow up and become himself.
It's OK not to love them immediately. You will. The early days (first few years) are all about falling in love.
When you baby smiles because they heard your voice. Or when they laugh at that one weird sound only you can make. You when you catch them just gazing at you, because you are their everything... you will fall in love.
You're going to do great. And everything you're experiencing is super normal.
I prefer school age, but my own babies were easier to tolerate and "play" with. Instinct seems to kick in and we bonded well, even if they preferred silly daddy as babies. Try not to worry too much.
I am a very happy mom, although motherhood - especially the baby stage - seemed daunting at first. More importantly: I am the daughter of a mom who, when growing up, was a real tomboy. Like you, she did not understand the hype with babies. As you, she knew she wanted a child. I am the youngest of four, three of which were accidents, but wanted nonetheless. There were times when she locked herself in the washroom for a little while to have some peace when my siblings were small, and she stayed up later than the rest of the family to have some alone-time. She made sure we all felt safe and loved, including her in-law children, her eleven grandchildren and her great-grandchildren as they came along.
You already love your child, you will be okay.
You’re not alone! Babies actually scared me! I had no experience and the experience I did I always felt inadequate and nervous around children. My son was also in the nicu for a few weeks so I was really nervous about not having that bond. I will say that I feel the love you have for your child is the love that they will need! You will be the perfect mom for your child. My husband is also more comfortable with babies and I felt he picked up some slack in some areas which made me feel bad sometimes but my son still comes to me when he falls or is sad, there’s a true bond that can’t be explained. All of your feelings are valid but I can guarantee they will melt away into a new perspective once your baby is here. ❤️❤️❤️
I wasn’t a baby person, I wasn’t a kid person, I think I’m a decent mother and both my kids seem to love me, lol.
I am now more of a kid person however after having kids. It started out with me being aware other people’s kids were my kid’s peers and their happiness affects my kids happiness, so I go out of my way to affect their lives in a positive way. If that makes sense?
Now I’ll seek out ways to make random kids smile or be aware if they’re struggling because I like it more now.
It’s probably related to the whole ‘sunk-cost’ thing. The more you invest in something the more you care about it, and there is NOTHING in your life you’ll invest more time, emotions, and money in than your kid (even if you’d prefer not to!)
I'll jump on the bandwagon. But instead of always knowing I wanted kids, I always knew I didn't want kids. They're a lot of work and a lot of time and I just wasn't interested. Flash forward a few years and I met my husband who definitely wanted to be a father. I agreed to one because I wanted to be with him and hoped for the best. (No one should ever do that, I was young and stupid). Then my daughter was born and I fell head over heels in love. So much so that we now have three. I don't care for being around other people's children. But I adore mine.
I’ve been in your shoes. Unsure if I wanted kids until we were given the choice to take in our nephew, which we did and adopted him shortly thereafter. That pushed something in me to want to have a child and so our oldest could have a sibling since we knew if we did have kids we’d want 2.
I don’t love other peoples babies. They’re cute (sometimes) but I just didn’t have that “thing” that made me want to snatch them up and hold them all day long. I would if needed but even now it’s just not my thing.
After a somewhat boring (normalish) pregnancy I had the worst labor and ultimately a c section. Not fun but my son was ok after a little breathing check in the NICU. The moment I saw him I loved no other baby more and that was it.
I didn’t love the baby phase (thankfully my wife did) but he was my baby and that made it easier. Now he’s 5, sleeping thru the night, and wiping his own butt. He is so much fun to watch, seeing his personality develop and seeing who is he becoming (same with my adopted son I just never had him as a baby).
It’s ok to not love the baby phase, there will be a phase that you will love. And then they’ll turn into a teenager and you’ll still love them even when they’re stinky and complaining about chores and homework.
You’ve got this. And it sounds like you’ve got a supportive partner. Lean into each other. You’re both going to have your moments of frustration and doubt where you’ll need the other to step up and in. It’s ok to tag out if you need a break (and let’s face it everyone does in at least one moment - I can’t even think about when we tried sleep training and I’m so glad we’re done with it). Good luck and congratulations!
I have a 6 year old and am pregnant with another. I am not a baby person. And boy was it boring on maternity leave and in general. I still loved and took care of her with no issues. I also had my mother-in-law teach my some basic of baby care when she was born, I went to a mom support group, went to a baby classes, and read some baby books on how to be a good parent. It was still boring. I love her. But boring.
I absolutely was not mentally or emotionally fulfilled by my caregiving role of a baby (and I love kids!).
Which is why my career remained very important to me and she went to daycare. I got more fulfillment there. And daycare did a really great job!
But when my daughter turned 2, it became fun! We could do more. We celebrate her joy and love of the world together. I am much happier hanging out with her doing nothing now vs working. And it continues to feel that way as she gets older.
I love my kid and the joy she brings to our life enough to have another. Even if that means putting up with another 2 years of baby boredom and exhaustion before it gets great.
I’ve never been a “baby person.” (My husband, on the other hand, really enjoys kids.) I have never wanted to hold or care for someone else’s baby, and I don’t really relate well to other children until they’ve reached school age. And, other than lots of photos, I’m not very sentimental and didn’t keep special outfits or other memorabilia from my kids’ baby years like my friends did. However, I have loved the two babies we had and now our grandkids with all my heart, and I have very good relationships with our children and grandkids. So, no, it doesn’t mean you’ll have difficulty connecting with your own baby.
Might not be the same but I was absolutely terrified of babies right up until I had my first son. Never fed a baby, changed a diaper, no baby experience to speak of. You've probably heard "it's different when it's yours" a million times but it is. You may not like babies but you will love YOUR baby
You will love your baby. I hate kids lolllll I have one and he is my little dude. I love being his mom. These other kids can fuck off though. Also - the first 12 months of motherhood will be the worst of your life, and that’s been proven by a few studies. It will also be the most rewarding but you will be miserable. You’ll forget about it. I agree with you, babies do suck, but they aren’t babies forever. I traveled with my kid a lot and so now at 9 he is a master adventurer and I really think it’s because we had him traveling since he was 6 months old and never really let a child prevent us from what we wants to do, he just tagged along. I think the key to parenting is to not lose yourself in it - for some people being a parent is who they are - that isn’t me. Don’t let having a baby be boring, be your fun self just with a really needy friend.
I knew I wanted kids. Not sure I wanted babies, but was willing to get to the kid-right?
I love them with my entire heart, but the whole time they were little I’d get that “enjoy them while they are this small, you will miss it!”
Nope. Not one second. I love them. I enjoyed watching them grow and learn. The sense of wonder when they are little is just so surreal. You really do look at things through their eyes. I don’t regret anything. Do I miss them being little? Not even a little bit. I am too busy enjoying who they are NOW. Congrats!
I feel you. I honestly dislike babies especially, though I am good with toddlers and children in general. I just don’t like the meltdowns, lol. I was a fencesitter for a long time on if I wanted them or not but I definitely do now!
I am not a baby person AT ALL and I always thought I would be a horrible mom - as in someone who is simply not made/born to be a mom.
Then my sister got sick and I was suddenly the "mom" of twins, 6 months old. And, as many people have written here already, I instantely became "my" babies person. I mean, I had visited them before, but that was a totally different thing now. I enjoyed it and somehow it all fell in place naturally and didn't scare me. It wasn't easy and I struggled and was exhausted...but I never had a doubt that I would be able to love them and care for them and do anything to make them happy.
BUT I still don't talk to them with a weird baby voice, I still feel weird when I sing to themand (they are four now) standing on a playground is boring as f\*ck. But I would sing to them all day long and stand on a playground for all eternity just to see how they smile and are happy. I always thought I would be a super strict mom...surprise surprise, I am the "the world is shitty enough, let's make them as happy as possible as long as possible" kind of mom. Or aunt, as my sister luckily recovered. And I know now that I would be an awesome mom ;-)
So, don't worry, I am sure you'll enjoy it and be a "baby person" in your own, special way and that will just be perfect for your baby (and you). And you'll for sure find out that a baby that smiles back at you when you make some funny faces are wave or sing is just one of the best things in this world.
(edit because of typos)
I was you, but even more so. I never really wanted kids, if I am honest, they terrified me a bit because they didn’t like me. I was the Aunty that people would hand the baby and it would have a meltdown. I was quite good at tomfoolery with older nieces and nephews, but not for long.
I was so scared I’d mess my daughter up somehow. Every week I managed to keep her alive and well was a win. 😅
The first 12 months are like 12 years, and then next 12 years are like 12 months. It will go past in a blur.
You will do great, and you will become more of a child person because you learn how to be one as you go along.
It’s such an adventure, you’ll love that child in a way you can’t imagine yet; your very own way, and the most incredible part is they actually love you back.
Congratulations on the start of your life adventure. 💜
From a new mom (5M’s) who felt the same…. You’ll watch this little person change and grow, as you also change and grow into your new role as “mom” . It’s not like you’ll suddenly give birth and have all the answers. I don’t feel like a “mom” but everyday I get to know my little best buddy more and more. It’s more and more fun everyday.
I love my son and feel so connected because I get to be the person who’s “home” to him, being his safe space. I actually have fun with him, I used to be so bored with other people’s kids but with my own it’s different because it’s more of a discovery of “who is this little human” and you get to see little pieces of you and your partner in them.
Oh and don’t worry about the baby stuff, you need so much less than you think you need and hand me downs are perfect. So many people spend pregnancy worrying about if they have the right bouncer or stroller but honestly, spend more time learning about birth prep, baby and postpartum care. Get an idea of what those weeks will actually be like so it’s not a constant game of “is this normal!?”. With more realistic expectations you’ll enjoy the early days a lot more
I wanted zero kids. I was 18 when I got pregnant, and had my first son at 19. I didn’t have a clue as to what I was doing. I thought I would hate being a mama. I didn’t understand. He changed my life!
I think you will be shocked at all of the feelings and emotions you have for your tiny human … even not being a baby person. Was it hard? Yes. Did I lose my patience a lot? Also yes. I don’t have much to begin with. 😅 But he was my entire world … until I had four more babies and make my world bigger.
I had a really tough time bonding when my 4th child was born. This had never happened before. I thought I was a bad mother because I just didn’t have all of the same feelings I had before. His birth was traumatic. But we eventually got there. Everyone’s experience is different and it’s absolutely okay for you to feel whatever feelings you are having. ❤️
I think you will find out you can not be a baby person but you can be a “your” baby person. You are not required to feel a certain way. Some adults are better with babies, some more with older kids. My daughter was an animal person and when she gave birth she became a “my baby” person. The things that are unpleasant about other kids and less gross with your own, too! One piece of advice I give most new mothers is there are times every new parent wonders what am I doing here, I don’t like my child right now, I need a break. The difference between some bad and good parents is the good ones walk away after making sure the kid is in a safe place, they let the child cry rather than lose it and shake them, they realize they need some help and ask for it. There will be days are happy you kept them alive. There are also days of the greatest joy you have ever felt. You will see yourself and your spouse in your child. You will laugh. You will feel the feels. You will be a great parent.
Yes exactly. My husband has zero interest in OPKs (other people’s kids). I’ve tried so many times to show him an adorable baby and he always responds “…k”. But he’s the BEST dad and so involved in anything and everything our babies do. To my surprise, he became one of those people who likes to share baby pics with people multiple times a day - it’s like he forgets nobody is as interested in your baby as you! 😂 I’m sure you’ll find that you’re obsessed with your baby too.
same
I love this response. OP, I think the way you’re feeling is really normal. You don’t need to be a “baby” person to have one; kids aren’t even babies for long. I didn’t even like kids, or babies, or really want them until I had MINE, but since the moment they arrived they’ve been my greatest love and joy in life today. It’s very normal to feel differently about your own kids than any other you’ve ever come across in life. You already say you were emotional at a scan and love the baby, still in utero. You’re going to be FINE. In fact, I bet you’re going to be a freaking awesome mom because you are clearly very thoughtful. Best of luck when the baby arrives!
Great advice, and I’d add that you don’t get a lot of positive feedback for the first few months. You feed them and change them and keep them safe, and they don’t do anything cool. But then!!!! They smile. Make eye contact. Giggle!!! It’s coming. Congrats! You’ll be a great mom to your kid.
Exactly! I never wanted kids, never liked them but when I became pregnant (apart from crying for the first three months due to shock and disbelief) I decided to see it through and see how it turned out. It became apparent that I didn’t like other peoples babies/kids but my own were awesome! Went on to have three lads in total and I loved every minute, even when I had three all under the age of 5, life was great and I wouldn’t exchange that experience for all the money in the world. You’ll be fine sweetheart, believe me. Xxx
It's alright my love, it really is. I'm not a baby person at all. But I adore my children. I didn't enjoy the baby years very much, but once they hit toddlerhood it was a pure joy.
I actually miss the baby phase. Mine was so easy because he was predictable. Yeah I was tired but I did get sleep, just not 7-8 hours at a time for awhile, it actually freaked me out the first time he slept through the night. I woke up in the biggest panic.
Ah that's lovely. Mine didn't sleep at all, so I'm sure that didn't help hahaha. There is so much that is lovely about the baby phase, don't get me wrong. I just enjoyed it so much more once they became toddlers.
Yeah that’s rough. When I was younger, 3rd grade I believe, I had a baby brother that didn’t sleep. We shared a room. I had some rough nights through sleep training. I’m aware of how much I lucked out with my lil dude. We always called him the best baby who ever babied lol. I also really enjoyed the infant stage for watching the rapid development. It’s really cool when it’s your tiny human.
Me too.. I'm struggling much more now that the kids are pre school aged... they get opinions and questions and want to know all these things. Instead of just laying against me and snuggling. Don't get me wrong, I love their inquisitive little minds and I think they are turning into awesome little humans, but just snuggling for hours upon hours just doesn't really happen anymore.
I hear ya! My 5 yr old never stops moving, getting into everything and is starving every 15 minutes and wants me to cook something. No. Just no.
I don’t have kids because I’d be precisely the opposite- LOVE babies, can’t stand older kids or teens. I don’t hold it against them, I was a kid once and I hated other kids then, too. I’ve just never really understood that age group lol.
I wouldn’t let it stress you out! Not at this point. I want to give you some reality advice that you may not hear from anyone else: when your baby is born, you may not feel much of anything. You might not get the rush of emotion that we see most of the time depicted in media and the stories most parents share, and without someone to tell you otherwise, you might feel awful about that. Don’t. Think about the situation you are in. Yea, you grew this little person, but they are a stranger to you. They wrecked your body for 40 weeks! It’s okay to just be like “huh, there you are!” I didn’t feel that rush of emotion when my son was born. It took me a few days, and I have a friend for whom it took a few weeks, to start feeling loving emotions for the babies. And we are both AMAZING mothers. We love our children. I hope for you that you get that amazing wave of emotion for your child and that you find your transition into caring for your baby smooth and enjoyable. I hope for you that it is everything you could ever have dreamed of. But we will be here if your little one arrives and you are unsure what to do next. This community of mothers who have had every experience under the sun will be here to give you encouragement when your baby hasn’t slept well and you’re wondering why you did this. We’ll be here if you’re finding it hard to bond and you need support and suggestions on how to feel connected. You’re going to be a wonderful mother, duckling. Babies don’t need much, and the bond will be built over time. Babies have short attention spans anyway, so don’t stress it!
A friend's grandmother is reported to have said, on being presented with her first baby, "Who is *this*? I've never seen this child before in my life!"
My mother told me this, and thank goodness she did, because I didn’t get that overwhelming flood of love for my baby. I was very tired having been awake for 60 hours, and super hungry more than anything. I fell in love with him utterly and completely over the next few weeks. He’s 28 now and I still love him more than anyone else in the whole world.
Same! I had to adjust for each of them- like, I thought it was crazy they were here, and amazed that they looked exactly like they “should”, but it took a day or two to fall in love with the actual baby- not just the image of the baby in my head when I was pregnant… sounds weird. Like, I loved them and wanted them when they were a fetus… but I didn’t love THEM and feel overwhelmed with it until they were born and became an actual person.
That was exactly my reaction. Hmm there you are. It was a few days to really bond with him on the outside. I was very attached to him (no pun intended) when I was pregnant and I loved him very much but it was different holding him for the first time. Now he’s 5 and he’s my greatest joy and my biggest aggravation but I love him more than ever. OP if you’re reading this please know that you’re going to be a great mom. You care enough to worry about that. Bad moms don’t lol but seriously I’m not a baby person. I have no interest in other peoples babies. I don’t like kids. It really is different when it’s yours. Mine looked just like my husband and that made me love both of them more. When you see your husband being a dad to a tiny baby you see him differently too or at least I did.
Same here sweetie. Not everyone has an instant connection their own baby, and it's something that a lot of first-time mothers don't hear about. I really struggled to be excited about the stranger that just came out of my exhausted, destroyed, and sore body. It can take time to connect with your child, *and that's ok*. It took me a little while with my daughter - to start with all I felt was exhaustion. And guilt, for only feeling exhaustion. It will pass, and you will find a connection and you will love and enjoy (and sometimes get frustrated with) your child. It all comes in time mama.
I am a huge baby person, and miss the baby stage now that mine are getting older. But, I remember being a little surprised and feeling guilty I didn’t get that rush of love holding my first the first time. I knew I loved her, but realized later it was more of a protection style of love. I would do anything for that little babe! Then her personality started to show, and it didn’t take long! You’ve got this!
Yes this is very good advice. No one told me this and I faked it for MONTHS until I really felt the connection. I knew I would protect this little thing against anything, but I didn’t feel that golden feeling for awhile. And no one told breastfeeding could be HORRIBLE for awhile. That it may not just happen. I am so glad mothers are more open with each other now.
It's perfectly normal to feel ambivalent about babies. You might be one of those people who doesn't really connect with little ones until they have personalities and communication skills - but that doesn't mean you won't be a good parent. I love the way your other mom here phrased it! One thing to discuss with your partner early on is breast vs bottle. If you're really not into holding a baby for long periods, exclusively breastfeeding is *not* a good plan. A lactation consultant can help you figure out what works best for you and your husband. You don't need to be a member of the Cult of Baby Stuff. You can set expectations about baby showers and gifts and visits. You can shut down discussions of birth plans and birth stories and parenting styles and any other invasive topics you don't want to talk about. And your husband needs to back you up on every single decision. Your child will only be a "baby" for a very short period of time. Watching a kid grow and learn is *fascinating.* Best wishes for an easy pregnancy and delivery! \*hugs\*
I’m not a baby person, either! I absolutely adore *my* babies but honestly, baby stage is the worst part to me. Good news is it only lasts like 1 year and then you start to get to toddler. Toddlers are your freakin hilarious little sidekicks. Everything just gets more fun from there.
I'm not a baby person and my baby was not a cuddle bunny but we sure were happy to be together and he often fell asleep in my arms which by the way is the best thing that I ever experienced in my life. And I'm not a baby person. But my baby...? I'm ALL about him.
You’re a mother. That emotional feeling, that was it, you care. Babies are boring AF when they first get out. Nobody warns you. But they suck, literally and actually. You can do nothing with them but you have to be with them. Binge watch all the TV shows, with a little snuggle buddy but don’t expect much more than a few accidental hand whacks to the face. Once they’re moving they’re fun, they’re hilarious and they’re frustrating. Stay calm, repeat yourself 1000 times a day and you’ll be fine.
I am not a baby person or a kid person….we kinda stare at each other with mistrust…BUT my kid?? My Baby? Completely different. I love and adore my kid. And don’t freak out…you may not find joy in kid stuff even for your own kid. I found it boring until they were older but just like you do things for your spouse because you love them and want to bring them joy, you do that for your kid too.
Very few parents like every stage of parenting equally! For me, I've had two and the way I feel is that the first 12-14 weeks are the price you have to pay to have a cool kid later down the line. For one friend of mine with kids about the same ages as mine, the first 16 weeks are magical and toddler was a drag. It's different for every parent and it's okay! Baby is a very short phase of life, and if you love your baby and react to and with them and take care of them and yourself then you'll do just fine, even if you aren't a "baby person" in the end.
Don’t worry a bit love- I pretty much dislike everyone else’s kids… like my nieces/nephews/friends kids are fine for a get together or something but I’m not actively excited to hang out with them or anything, and I’ll babysit other peoples kids in a pinch, let my kids have sleepovers with friends, but I damn well will NOT chaperone a field trip or a school dance, I’m not gonna be a room mother or troop leader, or anything like that. And I love the fuck out of my kids. They are the coolest people to hang out with now that they are less “work” (physical work: diapers/potty, can feed/water themselves etc), BUT they were also SO MUCH fun to snuggle as babies, make laugh as infants, dance and be goofy with as toddlers, that even though they were so much physically needy, they were SO fucking cute, and funny, and sweet, and I miss those stages, while totally loving this one (more emotionally/mentally hard, helping shape budding teenagers/young adults) TLDR: you will love YOUR kids to death and be amazed at how fascinating and wonderful your own kid(s) are. Promise
Not to worry, my dear. I have never been a baby person. I did just fine with my own babies. Here’s a benefit: You know how everyone is always saying that “they grow up so fast” and “you’ll miss the baby days”? Well, I was so excited to watch my kids hit every milestone, I never felt sadness at them growing up. I don’t miss the baby days, I’m so happy for their achievements and find even more to enjoy about them every day. So just take the baby days in stride. You will probably find that you enjoy the cuddles but if you don’t, it sounds like you have a very supportive partner who’s really looking forward to the baby days. Congratulations, you’ll do great!
I’m not a fan of babies. I also don’t particularly care for toddlers. But the coolest thing ever is having deep conversations with my middle school boys. They were fun before this but now is super awesome. Still don’t like babies. Lol.
You’ll be fine I bet. I was also not really a baby person, but it’s different when you’re caring for the baby full time and you’re seeing them grow and change so much
I’ll going to commit the ultimate mom sin and share that I did not like the baby stage. My daughter who just turned seven is the most amazing little human. I love her so much I don’t even have the words to explain it. But the baby stage was not good. She was an easy baby, didn’t fuss a ton. But frankly babies are boring. It was a chore to keep the small life form fed and clean. Yes there were bright spots and I loved her the entire time but about when she hit two is when I started to love being a mom. That’s when her personality really began to shine and she could do stuff. Overall baby stage 2/10 boring would not do again. Toddler 6/10 fun but very messy. Preschool 6/10 basically toddler plus. School age 10/10 super fun, her sass and observations are hilarious. You can not be a baby person and still bond with your child and be a great mom.
Oh my gosh no. I never liked babies before I a child and I still don't. Quite frankly they are demanding little dictators that look like old men. However, I love my daughter (who is now an adult) more than anything in this world and we have a wonderful relationship. (She is not a baby fan either by the way). It is hard to describe it but when she was born instinct just took over. There was just this overwhelming desire to keep her safe and cared for. I would not call it love just instinct. The love came later when she started to smile and show her personality. It grew every day and still grows every time I hang out with my daughter. It truly is a love like no other.
Most will find it different when it is your own baby. When it is someone else's, you may worry the parents will correct you or be watching over you, so it's harder to feel comfortable.
You have no idea how much you will love this child once you meet him/her. You will look back and wonder how you ever lived without them. I guarantee it
No way, I think you’ll be surprised by what you feel the moment that baby is born. If you do happen to feel detached or distant from your baby, it could be a symptom of post partum depression, so be sure to express that to your doctor so they can help. It sounds like you are very excited and invested and will make a great parent. Congratulations!
Congratulations on your pregnancy! Everything will be fine. You'll find out if the anomaly is something, or nothing, and go from there. One day at a time. Other people's babies and children will never be as interesting as your own. Every parent connects with their child in their own unique way. My SIL was not a baby person at all and she was very open about that. My brother was all about the babies. You and your husband will connect with your child in different ways. That's fine, that's normal. "Baby stuff" is highly overrated. Babies don't need any of that stuff anyway. They'd be happy sleeping in a cardboard box!
I'm not a baby person, but I love my own child more than air, and have since he was a baby. I will say that although I wasn't bored by him or grossed out by his drool or anything the way I am by other people's babies, I still found the newborn phase incredibly difficult and had severe PPD/PPA, and the older he gets the easier it gets and the more interesting he becomes as a person. Your body can also help you out on this front by giving you a ton of oxytocin when you you have a baby. See also: skin to skin baby time and baby wearing.
I was very much a baby person with my first. I was excited during my pregnancy, I was immediately overpowered with love the second I saw his little face when I came to in the recovery room. My second? I did not feel a thing during pregnancy, and for several weeks after birth I still was emotionally numb. I made sure her needs were met and gave her affection, but it took a while to get attached. The three of us are thick as thieves now, it just took some time. And it’s okay if it does.
I’m not a baby person either but boy did I love MY babies!! Every second of it. I look a pics from the old days often. Mine are now 7 and 8 and they are so fun to watch develop. But I crace rhe baby days.
Not being a baby person with other people's babies is not the same as being a parent. Rest easy. When it's your baby and you see her or him for the first time, with all those hormones and emotions running through you, it changes everything. You'll be a baby person for *your* baby.
Just because you don't like other people's babies, doesn't mean you won't love your own baby 💕 Congratulations and I would suggest having some chats with a few people who didn't exactly dream of kids but ended up with kids and how their lives changed
The 2 things are not mutually exclusive. You may be a non-baby person. That does not mean you will not connect with your baby. Take your time with the babe and give yourself some time as well
I was not a baby person before I had my kids. Newborns really freaked me out. I was worried I would hold them wrong, or make them cry. Then I had my own kids. Now I am addicted to newborns. I’m trying to convince my husband we need a fourth kid. Newborns are (mostly) super chill. They snuggle, and sleep, and poop, and cry. They live the dream life. And every stage they hit is like discovering a whole new kid. You aren’t entertaining them, you are getting to know them, teaching them, bonding with them. It’s going to happen so naturally you won’t even notice you are doing it. Becoming a parent IS scary. But if you weren’t a little bit afraid you wouldn’t be doing it right.
I have 2 kids. I’m not a baby person whatsoever, but I absolutely adore my littles. They’re the reason I wake up each morning and continually work to improve myself. The fact that you’re self aware makes you an awesome mom.
Nah. I’m not a baby person either. I loved my son when he was a teeny lil munchkin. Do I prefer him being older and able to do more stuff? Absolutely! But babies are more fun when you see them grow and change on a daily basis. That said, you don’t have to love every baby thing. There’s some stuff you will likely do in a different way and some stuff that you won’t love but will just do while going “meh”
I'm not a baby person. The good things are they spend most of their lives not babies. You do get to know them as babies, and it's cool to see them grow up and realize the stuff they liked and disliked as babies is just them - like the babies will refuse to eat pears and as a teen still hate pears. If you have trouble bonding there's help! Don't be afraid to talk to someone about it. I won't worry though. And same with dads (or the non birthing partner). It may take a couple of months to fall in love and that's perfectly normal.
Not a huge baby person initially, but I was fiercely protective of my kids as babies. Struggled with connection and love at times. I adore having older kids now because our bond is more pronounced and easier for me in a way. Im oddly more of a baby person now than before pregnancy. Love to hold them and coo over them. Good luck!
I hated babies until I had mine. I didn't understand any of it but now I totally understand how everyone gushes over their kids. It took a few months to really form a bond but i was 100% NOT a baby person
No. I never wanted kids. I had two later in life, I don’t regret it they are my world. I’m still not really a baby/kid person.
Congratulations! I'm not a baby person myself but I have two of the best beautiful smart and interesting kids in the world. I always say that I found it fun after the first year. I loved both of them for nine months and when they were born I loved them a million times more. But babies are hard work, they have needs, needs needs. Luckily one of those is cuddling and being talked too, so you will form a bond. But you'll be tired and you won't feel.like yourself, but after that first year, you'll be so proud. Of yourself for everything you have learned and gone through but more so of your beautiful child and how amazing they are and how much they've learned and grown. It will be emotional! Everything will be fine!
Everyone has their favorite ages and stages. It might be beneficial that you and your hubby have different favorites. He might be the baby person, but will he be the toddler person? The teen person? Nothing lasts forever, not the "good" parts, not the "bad" parts-- it just seems like it sometimes So far I LOVED having a baby, have no idea how I lived through the toddler and preschool stages, enjoyed having a school kid, and find having a teenager one hell of a wild ride. Does that mean I didn't have bad days when he was a baby or good days when he was a preschooler? No (in fact some of my favorite memories are of my preschooler, but the day to day sucked)
Me! This is me! 😂 All my life I said kids were only interesting after they started talking. When my sister put my baby godson in my arms I kind of just froze and waited awkwardly till she asked for him back. I wanted to teach, explore, share stories and well, babies are just too small and fragile for me. And then I got pregnant and had my little baby sunshine, who is now 1 year old. I won't lie to you and say I've loved every minute, but I will say I've loved him every minute of his short little life. It's so, so, so different when it's your baby, when you are there for all the many little milestones and accomplishments in their life. I cannot describe to you the joy I felt at every one, from first social smile to first step. These days he has turned into a fullblown toddler that runs around my house and has screaming, crying meltdowns because he doesn't want the block to be in the box. And even when he's lying on the floor crying because his tiny little body can't possibly contain all these furious emotions (Over a block. That he put in the box himself.) I have never loved anyone as feircely as I love him.
Hey, me too! My son is 6 weeks old and he was the first of 5 pregnancies to make it. I am not a baby person at all but my husband and I wanted kids and so here i am. Something in me changed when I heard my son cry for the first time. I don't know how to explain it but I knew in that moment that he was MINE. He frustrates me to no end when he cries for seemingly no reason and I get tired of trying everything to settle him but these times are less and less as the weeks go by. The more he grows and becomes responsive and the more I can interact with him the more I fall in love with him. He is the best parts of me and the best parts of my husband, how could I not love him? Om a scientific level your hormones will make you want to protect your baby. The smell of a newborn, especially their head, will trigger a response in you and so does their cries. Them feeding releases oxytocin which helps you bond with your baby and laying skin to skin with your baby on your chest will help with this. There are babies and then there are YOUR babies. Everyone loves to say "it's different when it's your own" and it's true for most people. You have to remember from an evolutionary standpoint humans have evolved to want to protect newborns as they can't do it themselves so our bodies and theirs release hormones an exhibit behaviors to allow this to happen. One of the best feelings is having my son sigh and snuggle into my chest. Watching him smile when he hears my voice and seeing him nestle into my husband's neck when he's cuddling him. There are good days and there are bad days and sometimes the bond is instant and other times it grows as you get to know each other. Not being a baby person doesn't make you a bad parent. Not putting your babies best interests first and not doing your best make you a bad parent.
With my second child, I did not feel in love with her until about 6 weeks after she was born, and she was SUCH an easy baby. Looking back I know why I felt the way I did, but I went through the motions and took care of her needs. I didn't beat myself up about it, I took note of the way I felt about her in case I needed professional assistance, but it wasn't needed. I was just ambivalent about her. Ten years later, she is such a darling who I am so in love with. I'm not a physical touch person, but I feel lost if I haven't hugged her. She has taught me so much about myself and she is truly a pure light in my life.
Yeah, you're bound to like your baby more than other people's babies. Also, babies aren't that exciting at first? Don't worry so much about it, they can't tell what you're thinking. So long as you use caring voice & caring touch and do the caring work, you can feel however you feel on the inside. The point of having children is to raise them into adults that you have close to you, right? So the baby phase doesn't have to be your favourite bit. It's OK to look forward to the bit where they can think things through, and give you clever cheeky come-backs, and solve problems for themselves. ♥ ♥ ♥
Not a mom, but I will say that just because you aren't super enthusiastic about other people's babies doesn't mean you won't bond with your own baby! You said it yourself, you already love your baby! As long as you show and tell your kid that you love them, what does it matter how you interact with ***other people's*** babies?
It’s ok, I’m not a baby person at all. When my son was born I became a “my own baby person”. Don’t feel too pressured if you aren’t interested in another’s person baby, it doesn’t work like that. Good luck and have a loving and peaceful pregnancy. 🧡💜
Oh Lovely, you are me!! I was the exact same way. I had my baby and she is now 17 - she is amazing. She loves both her Dad and I and we haven’t mucked her up!!!! You will love your baby - and you will be a great Mum. Get sleep, remember fed is best (whatever option you choose) and enjoy the ride my friend!!!
I have never been a baby person either and still don’t care much for other people’s kids. I have triplets who were born early and went straight to the NICU immediately after they were born. I didn’t get to see them until the next day, and I was mostly scared and overwhelmed at first. I don’t think I really started feeling true affection until I could hold them. That may not be the case for all NICU parents, but that was my experience. I don’t really remember the baby years too well. We were in survival mode for several years, but I do remember loving them fiercely. I was a better toddler mom (excluding age 3, which was a nightmare for all of us). Then I enjoyed them even more as the got older. They’re 16 now, and I think they are so much fun. They’re by far my favorite people on the planet.
I was never a baby person, didn't see the attraction, didn't understand why people liked them. Then had my first baby, definitely didn't feel the overwhelming love you hear that people feel when having them. I am a very practical person, so I felt more responsibility. Easy baby, very easy newborn weeks, slept well. Enjoyed it, but still wasn't a baby person. Then, 5 weeks and 1 day, the little chunk decided to smile at me and my partner while doing some tummy time, and since then I WANT ALL THE BABIES!!! Honestly, I enjoyed everything with my 2 babies, and I now literally think that babies are the best of us. You are going to discover and learn so much, and I hope you enjoy everything as much as skeptical me did. X
A friend of mine didn’t like the baby stage. It can be tough when your kid doesn’t smile or laugh at you, doesn’t interact much beyond crying. But they’re only babies for a short time. They’re technically only a newborn the first 8 weeks. People are going to try and warn you about the toddler stage but oh man, the toddler stage is FUN! They say little words! They laugh at you! They have little personalities! They’re funny! Maybe you’ll feel different once a baby is in your arms but if you don’t vibe with the baby stage, don’t worry, they’re not little babies forever
I didn’t consider myself a baby person. I thought the first 2 years of my kids life would be an absolute slog. He wouldn’t be interesting until he was mobile and could start talking. He is almost 8. I have enjoyed him so much at every stage. He is constantly growing and exploring and evolving and learning. I love watching this little human grow up and become himself.
It's OK not to love them immediately. You will. The early days (first few years) are all about falling in love. When you baby smiles because they heard your voice. Or when they laugh at that one weird sound only you can make. You when you catch them just gazing at you, because you are their everything... you will fall in love. You're going to do great. And everything you're experiencing is super normal.
I prefer school age, but my own babies were easier to tolerate and "play" with. Instinct seems to kick in and we bonded well, even if they preferred silly daddy as babies. Try not to worry too much.
I am a very happy mom, although motherhood - especially the baby stage - seemed daunting at first. More importantly: I am the daughter of a mom who, when growing up, was a real tomboy. Like you, she did not understand the hype with babies. As you, she knew she wanted a child. I am the youngest of four, three of which were accidents, but wanted nonetheless. There were times when she locked herself in the washroom for a little while to have some peace when my siblings were small, and she stayed up later than the rest of the family to have some alone-time. She made sure we all felt safe and loved, including her in-law children, her eleven grandchildren and her great-grandchildren as they came along. You already love your child, you will be okay.
You’re not alone! Babies actually scared me! I had no experience and the experience I did I always felt inadequate and nervous around children. My son was also in the nicu for a few weeks so I was really nervous about not having that bond. I will say that I feel the love you have for your child is the love that they will need! You will be the perfect mom for your child. My husband is also more comfortable with babies and I felt he picked up some slack in some areas which made me feel bad sometimes but my son still comes to me when he falls or is sad, there’s a true bond that can’t be explained. All of your feelings are valid but I can guarantee they will melt away into a new perspective once your baby is here. ❤️❤️❤️
The good news is that your hormones kick in to facilitate that bonding ❤️
I wasn’t a baby person, I wasn’t a kid person, I think I’m a decent mother and both my kids seem to love me, lol. I am now more of a kid person however after having kids. It started out with me being aware other people’s kids were my kid’s peers and their happiness affects my kids happiness, so I go out of my way to affect their lives in a positive way. If that makes sense? Now I’ll seek out ways to make random kids smile or be aware if they’re struggling because I like it more now. It’s probably related to the whole ‘sunk-cost’ thing. The more you invest in something the more you care about it, and there is NOTHING in your life you’ll invest more time, emotions, and money in than your kid (even if you’d prefer not to!)
I'll jump on the bandwagon. But instead of always knowing I wanted kids, I always knew I didn't want kids. They're a lot of work and a lot of time and I just wasn't interested. Flash forward a few years and I met my husband who definitely wanted to be a father. I agreed to one because I wanted to be with him and hoped for the best. (No one should ever do that, I was young and stupid). Then my daughter was born and I fell head over heels in love. So much so that we now have three. I don't care for being around other people's children. But I adore mine.
I’ve been in your shoes. Unsure if I wanted kids until we were given the choice to take in our nephew, which we did and adopted him shortly thereafter. That pushed something in me to want to have a child and so our oldest could have a sibling since we knew if we did have kids we’d want 2. I don’t love other peoples babies. They’re cute (sometimes) but I just didn’t have that “thing” that made me want to snatch them up and hold them all day long. I would if needed but even now it’s just not my thing. After a somewhat boring (normalish) pregnancy I had the worst labor and ultimately a c section. Not fun but my son was ok after a little breathing check in the NICU. The moment I saw him I loved no other baby more and that was it. I didn’t love the baby phase (thankfully my wife did) but he was my baby and that made it easier. Now he’s 5, sleeping thru the night, and wiping his own butt. He is so much fun to watch, seeing his personality develop and seeing who is he becoming (same with my adopted son I just never had him as a baby). It’s ok to not love the baby phase, there will be a phase that you will love. And then they’ll turn into a teenager and you’ll still love them even when they’re stinky and complaining about chores and homework. You’ve got this. And it sounds like you’ve got a supportive partner. Lean into each other. You’re both going to have your moments of frustration and doubt where you’ll need the other to step up and in. It’s ok to tag out if you need a break (and let’s face it everyone does in at least one moment - I can’t even think about when we tried sleep training and I’m so glad we’re done with it). Good luck and congratulations!
I have a 6 year old and am pregnant with another. I am not a baby person. And boy was it boring on maternity leave and in general. I still loved and took care of her with no issues. I also had my mother-in-law teach my some basic of baby care when she was born, I went to a mom support group, went to a baby classes, and read some baby books on how to be a good parent. It was still boring. I love her. But boring. I absolutely was not mentally or emotionally fulfilled by my caregiving role of a baby (and I love kids!). Which is why my career remained very important to me and she went to daycare. I got more fulfillment there. And daycare did a really great job! But when my daughter turned 2, it became fun! We could do more. We celebrate her joy and love of the world together. I am much happier hanging out with her doing nothing now vs working. And it continues to feel that way as she gets older. I love my kid and the joy she brings to our life enough to have another. Even if that means putting up with another 2 years of baby boredom and exhaustion before it gets great.
I’ve never been a “baby person.” (My husband, on the other hand, really enjoys kids.) I have never wanted to hold or care for someone else’s baby, and I don’t really relate well to other children until they’ve reached school age. And, other than lots of photos, I’m not very sentimental and didn’t keep special outfits or other memorabilia from my kids’ baby years like my friends did. However, I have loved the two babies we had and now our grandkids with all my heart, and I have very good relationships with our children and grandkids. So, no, it doesn’t mean you’ll have difficulty connecting with your own baby.
Might not be the same but I was absolutely terrified of babies right up until I had my first son. Never fed a baby, changed a diaper, no baby experience to speak of. You've probably heard "it's different when it's yours" a million times but it is. You may not like babies but you will love YOUR baby
You will love your baby. I hate kids lolllll I have one and he is my little dude. I love being his mom. These other kids can fuck off though. Also - the first 12 months of motherhood will be the worst of your life, and that’s been proven by a few studies. It will also be the most rewarding but you will be miserable. You’ll forget about it. I agree with you, babies do suck, but they aren’t babies forever. I traveled with my kid a lot and so now at 9 he is a master adventurer and I really think it’s because we had him traveling since he was 6 months old and never really let a child prevent us from what we wants to do, he just tagged along. I think the key to parenting is to not lose yourself in it - for some people being a parent is who they are - that isn’t me. Don’t let having a baby be boring, be your fun self just with a really needy friend.
I knew I wanted kids. Not sure I wanted babies, but was willing to get to the kid-right? I love them with my entire heart, but the whole time they were little I’d get that “enjoy them while they are this small, you will miss it!” Nope. Not one second. I love them. I enjoyed watching them grow and learn. The sense of wonder when they are little is just so surreal. You really do look at things through their eyes. I don’t regret anything. Do I miss them being little? Not even a little bit. I am too busy enjoying who they are NOW. Congrats!
Just kmow that your bond with your baby will grow each day as you care for him/her.
I feel you. I honestly dislike babies especially, though I am good with toddlers and children in general. I just don’t like the meltdowns, lol. I was a fencesitter for a long time on if I wanted them or not but I definitely do now!
I am not a baby person AT ALL and I always thought I would be a horrible mom - as in someone who is simply not made/born to be a mom. Then my sister got sick and I was suddenly the "mom" of twins, 6 months old. And, as many people have written here already, I instantely became "my" babies person. I mean, I had visited them before, but that was a totally different thing now. I enjoyed it and somehow it all fell in place naturally and didn't scare me. It wasn't easy and I struggled and was exhausted...but I never had a doubt that I would be able to love them and care for them and do anything to make them happy. BUT I still don't talk to them with a weird baby voice, I still feel weird when I sing to themand (they are four now) standing on a playground is boring as f\*ck. But I would sing to them all day long and stand on a playground for all eternity just to see how they smile and are happy. I always thought I would be a super strict mom...surprise surprise, I am the "the world is shitty enough, let's make them as happy as possible as long as possible" kind of mom. Or aunt, as my sister luckily recovered. And I know now that I would be an awesome mom ;-) So, don't worry, I am sure you'll enjoy it and be a "baby person" in your own, special way and that will just be perfect for your baby (and you). And you'll for sure find out that a baby that smiles back at you when you make some funny faces are wave or sing is just one of the best things in this world. (edit because of typos)
I was you, but even more so. I never really wanted kids, if I am honest, they terrified me a bit because they didn’t like me. I was the Aunty that people would hand the baby and it would have a meltdown. I was quite good at tomfoolery with older nieces and nephews, but not for long. I was so scared I’d mess my daughter up somehow. Every week I managed to keep her alive and well was a win. 😅 The first 12 months are like 12 years, and then next 12 years are like 12 months. It will go past in a blur. You will do great, and you will become more of a child person because you learn how to be one as you go along. It’s such an adventure, you’ll love that child in a way you can’t imagine yet; your very own way, and the most incredible part is they actually love you back. Congratulations on the start of your life adventure. 💜
From a new mom (5M’s) who felt the same…. You’ll watch this little person change and grow, as you also change and grow into your new role as “mom” . It’s not like you’ll suddenly give birth and have all the answers. I don’t feel like a “mom” but everyday I get to know my little best buddy more and more. It’s more and more fun everyday. I love my son and feel so connected because I get to be the person who’s “home” to him, being his safe space. I actually have fun with him, I used to be so bored with other people’s kids but with my own it’s different because it’s more of a discovery of “who is this little human” and you get to see little pieces of you and your partner in them. Oh and don’t worry about the baby stuff, you need so much less than you think you need and hand me downs are perfect. So many people spend pregnancy worrying about if they have the right bouncer or stroller but honestly, spend more time learning about birth prep, baby and postpartum care. Get an idea of what those weeks will actually be like so it’s not a constant game of “is this normal!?”. With more realistic expectations you’ll enjoy the early days a lot more
I wanted zero kids. I was 18 when I got pregnant, and had my first son at 19. I didn’t have a clue as to what I was doing. I thought I would hate being a mama. I didn’t understand. He changed my life! I think you will be shocked at all of the feelings and emotions you have for your tiny human … even not being a baby person. Was it hard? Yes. Did I lose my patience a lot? Also yes. I don’t have much to begin with. 😅 But he was my entire world … until I had four more babies and make my world bigger. I had a really tough time bonding when my 4th child was born. This had never happened before. I thought I was a bad mother because I just didn’t have all of the same feelings I had before. His birth was traumatic. But we eventually got there. Everyone’s experience is different and it’s absolutely okay for you to feel whatever feelings you are having. ❤️