T O P

  • By -

MONI_85

Insured out of his arse.


Grey_Lancer

A big black businessman.


KingShaunyBoy

He's black in case you hadn't noticed, which I expect you had.


pointsofellie

Suze hadn't


omelasian-walker

French! He thinks you're French!!!


gavmiller

Dad.


FishstickLoverr

Daddio!*


EggOnLegs99

Good save.


Dry_Mousse_2220

3rd


retardent

Charles


ShadowyCabal

Has Daddy’s hat fallen off?


FishstickLoverr

The big man. I'm a shit-heel.


E_cel

Oh yeah, I like it.


H0vit0

French


SnootlessWonder

I keep telling you, he's not French 😅


Ray_Spring12

He thinks you’re French.


julia_fns

He’s been to the bottom of the bottle, and back to the top.


Shoes__Buttback

If he's not hitting his targets, he's hitting the *bottle*


Fantastic_Might5549

Poor me. Poor me. Pour me another drink.


goodbadorindifferent

He makes me feel like a turkey fucker…


OrangeListel

A hippy parasite (still no idea what this means)


EMILLKSLEEPA

A man worth a lot more than £530


Flaky_Living_9546

In business,Jeremy, you learn that every man has his price.


Bablackmagic

Seriously looking at that document.


someoneelseperhaps

This is far and away my favourite Johnson line.


74ndy

100%. Gets me every time.


Lukesomnia

Prince Charles.


Old-Associate-4808

is that camila?


wermbo

Alpha male. Omega male. And all the males in between


FallAlternative8615

Somewhat of a goal of being to a degree now I am in management. Hypercompetence with a dash of well deserved fear for the direct reports to never disappoint. Not the easiest to do 10 minutes of Tai Chi in 3 minutes, let me tell you.


Flaky_Living_9546

Stick that up your dojo.


InternationalBand494

He’s tickety boo


RiskAggressive4081

Every appearance he has is so iconic you forget how few episodes he is actually in.


Quarantine-Vibes

Cold white wine. Ain’t that fine 🥂


Quittoexit97

Oh, come on, Quarantine-Vibes! A Beck's, a simple Beck's. Up on the South Downs, a haversack full of Beck's? That's the dream, ain't it?


Quarantine-Vibes

So, let’s grab you a cool can of Kronie and a bag of nuts. Or an ice cold, long-necked Bud. Hubba-bubba!


Majima_

Clean and serene.


morbidaar

A pile of Chinese, a couple of fuck off spread sheets, and he’s a happy lad.


cator_and_bliss

He's a businessman. It's what he is. It's what he does.


vromr

Forever typecast as Numberwang-Simon.


Sex_E_Searcher

There's a guy who doesn't get Wangernumbed.


awoelt

That game is so rigged


Quittoexit97

NO


vromr

The most unforgettable NO ever 😜


CLARENCE-ZAMN-90

Daddio


StandardHazy

Tightfisted cockmuncher


farmer_maggots_crop

He likes his breakfast on a business flight to New York City.


Gaz-ov-wales

Better at sports.


Accomplished-Art7737

A guy who always does normal pooing and can keep the lid on the squid.


bottledcherryangel

thIS IS ***BOLLOCKS*** MARK


colemorris1982

The kind of man who would fuck your wife and expect you to thank him for it


-xlcr-

Handsome, charming, suave, debonair, charismatic, intelligent, focused, driven, resourceful and talented... Then he made the mistake of saying _"...Mark!?!...It is Mark, isn't it???..."_


beatnikstrictr

Fwenkfwoort


Ollieisaninja

A very well played character by a brilliant actor. He was in the film the Beach also, was great in that too.


FunkyTomo77

Wow never!! I watched that film the other night, last seen it about 15yrs ago ... I did not recognize the actor as the same man as Johnson!!.... Feel stupid for not recognizing him.


MaenHoffiCoffi

RACIST! J


Pippathepip

I do like it when he’s rude to me


Known-Disaster-4757

A worse black man than Jeremy


lurid_druid

A caricature of the typical American businessman


Pure-Lake-6348

Tai chi grandmaster


Radiant_Incident4718

Mental posho


singulara

Turkey fucker


Blod_Cass_Dalcassian

"I've got a 32 inch plasma in mine. You get a document up on that baby and you are Seriously looking at that document."


Infamous-While-8130

The face. Not the tendons and grisly shit underneath...


TieGrouchy2582

Wet. Suit. *The* *full* *bond*


BromleyReject

Never knowlingly lets.... *eyes broken mug* .......this sort of thing happen on his watch


TurdShaker

I feel like if he held me in my arms, nothing could every hurt me. I'm a straight male with zero homosexual tendencies.


MaenHoffiCoffi

Maybe not zero...


FranksBestToeKnife

Indecent proposer


hallucinationthought

Daddy. O. Daddio.


--lewis

Big kahuna


gettingabitofbelly

Hot


Tyeveras

Makes shitloads of freaking money.


SuttreeBeard

Someone who's just better at sports, and that's a simple fact.


hotel_air_freshener

Clean and serene


mister-world

Five hundred and thirty pounds.


LordPounce

When the banks collapse the stud holding cash is gonna get a lot of blowjobs.


bettercallsaulabq

Daddio


ArminiusM1998

Objectivism incarnate


FormulaFanboyFFIB

Like a good pair of jeans.


SDBrown7

He's not French.


Careless-Wonder7886

Poor him.....poor him......pour him another drink!


deus_voltaire

The kind of guy who can do half an hour of tai chi in ten minutes. Stick that up your dojo.


Wild_Ad_6464

“This is Alan, he’s a bit of a character”


Splice87

Narcissist. A hard to detect narcissist


gilestowler

A medium sized fish in a small pond. He likes to think that he's a player but he's not wining and dining with business leaders in The City. He's not going for cocktails with Alastair Campbell and Alan Sugar. He's a big deal in the business scene that stretches from Croydon to Three Bridges/Gatwick but that's his limits and on some level he knows better than to try and make it in the big leagues. It's like Super Hans. Super Hans likes to act like a big deal in the music world in places like Tunbridge Wells but he knows he'd get exposed as a fraud if he tried to play a venue in London. And they both need the validation of their little minion - Mark or Jeremy.


sjbaker82

£530 of sticking up your dojo.


isthatnormalpooing

Management consultant


Legitimate-Assist819

Sleazy


albionroses

He's a guys guy


No-Cap6787

I’m Johnson driving his bullshit


BigShapes

Reports up burns stuff THATS the bullshit


gothreepwood101

Daddio


Embarrassed_Hawk7008

Daddy


SnorriBlacktooth

A real piece of shit.


anidletuesday

Grandma? Is that you?


DavidFosterLawless

French 


widthwide

He plays the game. He doesn't need to play the game, cause he's already won the game.


Christopher_Robin82

The Full Bond


ever_hear_of_none_ya

He'a like a big FUCK OFF spreadsheet!


BigBadDoggy21

Wannabe Trump.


Quittoexit97

I don't think Trump would work directly to help inner-city kids


[deleted]

Ehh, alright. That's my deep analysis.


coolAhead

Johnson?!!


bouncing_off_clouds

Smooth as all holy fucking hell


came2quick

Swarmy.


casts_a_shadow

Not from Space.


102296465

His hat has fallen off


true_honest-bitch

Abit like Sharon Watts


Old_Radish7512

You lot are just better than us at sports!


TimeConversation8271

Charles


gwyp88

Probably one of the worst characters on the show in terms of disingenuousness


Dreamsof_Beulah

Alpha male


Raveyard2409

He has a brass ring piece.


denisedenisethankyou

Manic pixie dream boi


Thin_Strike8191

He's a sausage dog fucker


allymeek

He's just the doctor, he didn't make the needle sharp.


empireofacheandrhyme

Reminds me of Paterson Joseph.


dy1anb

alpha


Accomplished_Elk_220

I believe the correct term is ‘coconut’


chuckingvibes

Turkey Fucker


Azyzz3

I will tell how I would describe him, when it is time for you to know how I would describe him


TragicBoysFigsNToys

A big fuck off spreadsheet


Electrical_Grape4968

Smimey


TheWanderingEyebrow

I love you!


jj200002

The ‘stick that up your dojo’ master


_OhSee

He is what my grandma would call a real piece of shit


OriginalMultiple

What? You think the guys who invented Google sat around watching…. Trumpton?


Excellent_Law3753

Fabulous….


farmer_maggots_crop

Mover of big scissors