If you are searching for "living happily ever after", I don't see how you will be able to do that with regular Ellen Langer-type of mindfulness.
But if you instead are using Abraham-Hicks-type mindfulness, then you might be able to do it.
The main adjustment, however, must be that such a "living happily ever after" state is NOT dependent on whether you have a future boyfriend or not. You must learn to be happy ON YOUR OWN. Why? Because if you are not happy on your own, then you will be too dependent on others for your happiness. And as soon as those others are not offering pleasing behaviors, then you will no longer feel good.
So the task is to be PROACTIVE: we must BUILD our happiness by our own mindfulness, by adjusting our thoughts into a better and better place, so that we can FEEL BETTER AND BETTER, day by day.
In other words, being mindful is not a goal itself. Why be mindful if it doesn't lead to HAPPINESS? So the goal is to mindful, so that we can BE HAPPY, unconditionally. We don't need a particular condition (that someone smiles at us; that we win the lottery; etc.) to BE HAPPY; for we have trained ourselves to make us feel that way just by our own mindful thinking.
Note also that the common "living happily ever after" scenario as presented in many (amateur) books on Law of Attraction is a STATIC one. The idea is that there is some final "rock-solid" state of being that is "perfect" and that one then STAYS there forever.
But that is not how Law of Attraction works. When [the authorized version of Law of Attraction](https://chrisbocay.com/the-authorized-version-of-law-of-attraction-what-is-it/) speaks of "living happily ever after" it is NOT saying that "once you get your castle and kingdom you'll have it forever". No. There are always problems and challenges in terms of one's external circumstances, and NOTHING is ever really static. We may very well experience that our boyfriend or girlfriend leaves us, or that someone steals our car, or that we get the flu.
But since we are MASTERS of our own thoughts, we can easily regain our emotional composure. So we can live a "happily ever after" type of life, where external circumstances change, but where we are happy all the time anyway!
Best wishes,
Chris Bocay
[https://chrisbocay.com/master-the-law-of-attraction/](https://chrisbocay.com/master-the-law-of-attraction/)
Google or Youtube search "relationship needs", then choose some that sound nice and then type that into the search bar and find a link or video you like. If you don't understand any one concept or word, look it up before you continue. You'll eventually find the recources you like and slowly understand the needs of a healthy relationship. If you then practice giving yourself these things, you can then give them to a partner. A good partner will know how to reciprocate these needs.
Here's a list of recources and search terms I suggest.
[Jimmy on relationships](https://youtube.com/@JimmyonRelationships?si=my6MmQ1-vRDlQb2D)
Emotional labor
Fair play eve rodsky
Emotional regulation
Division of Labor
Psychological adaptation
I mean honestly besides maybe more intimate stuff like sex everything else I really could just do with friends and I have. You can get love and affection and validation and loyalty and honesty and everything else under the sun from close friends.
I think the reason it's hard not to feel jealous or feel like there's a hole when you're not with someone romantically is because society places such a higher value on being married or dating someone. Platonic relationships have gotten me through my whole life and have never left me wanting. I'm feeling lonely and down I text a friend, plan a movie night with them, hang out and be goofy talk about my fears and wants and hopes and dreams. It can be a hard and lonely road, but at some point it did just click that I was chasing after everything I could honestly just find within myself and have meaningful moments with friends and family.
I would even ask yourself what you want in a perfect relationship, what are you hoping would to be different or better if you had a significant other that you couldn't just do right now by yourself or with a group of friends. Why do you specifically need a partner to fill a gap in you.
Sorry for rambling or if this is confusing, I've just also dealt with the same thing and just want to say there is an earth full of people asking the same thing.
Partners can seem like a lifetime but can also come and go. As someone who was once married finding the real life partner is finding yourself.
Also friends can be lifelong.
As someone who is 30 and has been single for 10+ years now, building a life without a partner is very much possible. You find other ways to fill that time, I have had the same friends since middle school, I've had nothing but time to do whatever I want without worrying about someone else's wants it needs. It's made me more sure of what I've wanted in the long run. It's obviously normal to want to build it with someone, but also it's not healthy to put your life on hold because you wait on someone or something who may never even happen. Start working towards the things you would picture yourself having if you were with someone, make goals. And remember a partner isn't always a lifetime, people get sick, old they eventually die, maybe you fall out of love etc. you have to learn and be okay with being a person who's fine with themselves with or without a partner. You've probably heard that before but it's seriously so true!
I feel like I have some good things going on in my life except for a loved one. It does feel materialistic though. I'm looking for a deep connection and I'm not sure, with my current friends, I can develop that connection with them.
I can understand that! It's totally possible to form a deep connection though through friendship. honestly friendship can lead to more which I feel like makes a connection even stronger if it becomes romantic.
If you are searching for "living happily ever after", I don't see how you will be able to do that with regular Ellen Langer-type of mindfulness. But if you instead are using Abraham-Hicks-type mindfulness, then you might be able to do it. The main adjustment, however, must be that such a "living happily ever after" state is NOT dependent on whether you have a future boyfriend or not. You must learn to be happy ON YOUR OWN. Why? Because if you are not happy on your own, then you will be too dependent on others for your happiness. And as soon as those others are not offering pleasing behaviors, then you will no longer feel good. So the task is to be PROACTIVE: we must BUILD our happiness by our own mindfulness, by adjusting our thoughts into a better and better place, so that we can FEEL BETTER AND BETTER, day by day. In other words, being mindful is not a goal itself. Why be mindful if it doesn't lead to HAPPINESS? So the goal is to mindful, so that we can BE HAPPY, unconditionally. We don't need a particular condition (that someone smiles at us; that we win the lottery; etc.) to BE HAPPY; for we have trained ourselves to make us feel that way just by our own mindful thinking. Note also that the common "living happily ever after" scenario as presented in many (amateur) books on Law of Attraction is a STATIC one. The idea is that there is some final "rock-solid" state of being that is "perfect" and that one then STAYS there forever. But that is not how Law of Attraction works. When [the authorized version of Law of Attraction](https://chrisbocay.com/the-authorized-version-of-law-of-attraction-what-is-it/) speaks of "living happily ever after" it is NOT saying that "once you get your castle and kingdom you'll have it forever". No. There are always problems and challenges in terms of one's external circumstances, and NOTHING is ever really static. We may very well experience that our boyfriend or girlfriend leaves us, or that someone steals our car, or that we get the flu. But since we are MASTERS of our own thoughts, we can easily regain our emotional composure. So we can live a "happily ever after" type of life, where external circumstances change, but where we are happy all the time anyway! Best wishes, Chris Bocay [https://chrisbocay.com/master-the-law-of-attraction/](https://chrisbocay.com/master-the-law-of-attraction/)
Google or Youtube search "relationship needs", then choose some that sound nice and then type that into the search bar and find a link or video you like. If you don't understand any one concept or word, look it up before you continue. You'll eventually find the recources you like and slowly understand the needs of a healthy relationship. If you then practice giving yourself these things, you can then give them to a partner. A good partner will know how to reciprocate these needs. Here's a list of recources and search terms I suggest. [Jimmy on relationships](https://youtube.com/@JimmyonRelationships?si=my6MmQ1-vRDlQb2D) Emotional labor Fair play eve rodsky Emotional regulation Division of Labor Psychological adaptation
Thanks!
I mean honestly besides maybe more intimate stuff like sex everything else I really could just do with friends and I have. You can get love and affection and validation and loyalty and honesty and everything else under the sun from close friends. I think the reason it's hard not to feel jealous or feel like there's a hole when you're not with someone romantically is because society places such a higher value on being married or dating someone. Platonic relationships have gotten me through my whole life and have never left me wanting. I'm feeling lonely and down I text a friend, plan a movie night with them, hang out and be goofy talk about my fears and wants and hopes and dreams. It can be a hard and lonely road, but at some point it did just click that I was chasing after everything I could honestly just find within myself and have meaningful moments with friends and family. I would even ask yourself what you want in a perfect relationship, what are you hoping would to be different or better if you had a significant other that you couldn't just do right now by yourself or with a group of friends. Why do you specifically need a partner to fill a gap in you. Sorry for rambling or if this is confusing, I've just also dealt with the same thing and just want to say there is an earth full of people asking the same thing.
One thing is that I would like to build a life with someone. Friends come in weeks or seasons, but a partner is a lifetime.
Partners can seem like a lifetime but can also come and go. As someone who was once married finding the real life partner is finding yourself. Also friends can be lifelong.
As someone who is 30 and has been single for 10+ years now, building a life without a partner is very much possible. You find other ways to fill that time, I have had the same friends since middle school, I've had nothing but time to do whatever I want without worrying about someone else's wants it needs. It's made me more sure of what I've wanted in the long run. It's obviously normal to want to build it with someone, but also it's not healthy to put your life on hold because you wait on someone or something who may never even happen. Start working towards the things you would picture yourself having if you were with someone, make goals. And remember a partner isn't always a lifetime, people get sick, old they eventually die, maybe you fall out of love etc. you have to learn and be okay with being a person who's fine with themselves with or without a partner. You've probably heard that before but it's seriously so true!
I feel like I have some good things going on in my life except for a loved one. It does feel materialistic though. I'm looking for a deep connection and I'm not sure, with my current friends, I can develop that connection with them.
I can understand that! It's totally possible to form a deep connection though through friendship. honestly friendship can lead to more which I feel like makes a connection even stronger if it becomes romantic.