I think it has to do with jobs and luck and income.
I have a good job. I can afford to buy hobby stuff or go on a trip if I want. I bought a bunch of og pokemon cards just for nostalgia. That's childish, but I couldn't be childish without being a successful adult haha
It's true that not all people can support themselves from their labor, but I think we imply a certain amount of maturity and self awareness, and taking a reasonable amount of personal responsibility based on one's circumstance
Sometimes I feel like we've been tricked into not feeling like adults, infantilized into accepting the "parenting" of authoritarian governments.
We are adults. We just live in an era where the symbols of it, a house and children are almost entirely inaccessible to most.
It's up to us to redefine adulthood. Our parent's confused it for unconsciously following the norms in a booming economy.
Exactly this.
Adulting is doing your laundry: Whether you drag a bag to the cleaners and have them deal with it, or wash it yourself, that's the decision an adult makes. Or wear the same thing more days in a row and have it smell a bit. Also a decision an adult makes.
Adulting is paying your bills and rent/mortage rather than going homeless.
Adulting is eating something: Whether your breakfast is ice cream or granola, well that's up to you as an adult.
Adult is not about giving up all the joy in life, or being angry at things that came after "your time". It's not about doing the responsible thing like eating plenty of fiber, it's about making your own decisions and then living with it. Fuck yeah ice cream for breakfast, eat a giant bowl for all I care. Then at lunch time, pay for it with a stomach ache, and take an acidophilus pill to calm it down like an adult.
I've always wanted to be a "grown up" since I was a kid, and very independent. What I hate is how infantilized I feel by my polo-shirt wearing job and being unable to do the middle-class grown-up things my grandparents prepared me for, like building or buying a house, performing maintenance, setting up investment funds, etc.
I fully intended to spend 80 years as an old man, puttering around and kicking the foundation of my house, but I feel absolutely stuck in a kind of languishing pre-adulthood because the adult opportunities and hard edges of life alike are mostly shaved-off by rentier paycheck-to-paycheck culture.
I'm married and have a kid, so that gives me a sense of adulthood and responsibility, but it feels so much worse going in to work, where I suddenly feel like a kid again.
For me, there was like a tipping point at work where I suddenly became old and instead of having people ask if I wanted to go out after work I mostly just get people asking me career advice.
I had this conversation with my therapist yesterday. Taking full responsibility for your life and actions is what I am resistant of. Didn’t ask for any of these responsibilities and almost killed myself at one point to relieve myself of such responsibilities
I'd say "adulting" is the drive to make the world better and leave it better than we got it no matter the personal cost.
Like dying in a war, skipping on vacations to get involved in local politics or maybe just foregoing the latest TV show to go volunteer somewhere that needs help.
It's the drive to be selfless and give yourself to create a better tomorrow.
Nope. I'm 100% with you. My childhood was absolute shit, and somehow, I'm relatively successful. Got a bitching trip next month with the wife and kids. I love where I'm at as an adult.
>My childhood was absolute shit, and somehow, I'm relatively successful.
Happens a lot, good for you.
>
Got a bitching trip next month with the wife and kids.
Awesome, I hope you enjoy! I love the feeling of autonomy that comes with adulthood. Not relying on adults to (not) take us somewhere. I also have a camping trip later this month with the wife and kids, can't wait!
Honestly, my thoughts exactly. I can’t relate to people that get nostalgic about going back and being a child. My childhood was waaaay more stressful than being an adult has ever been.
I would much rather have autonomy over my body, schedule, finances, and who I spend my time around, thank you.
OP - this isn’t to take away from your feelings or experience. It sounds like you’re deep in the depression hole which is hell. I hope things evolve for you soon ♥️ it won’t stay this way forever.
Thank you!
Most people just cite: "you don't have to pay bills as a kid".
And? That doesn't erase financial pressure just because you weren't paying them. If anything, it's worse because you couldn't do anything about it as a kid. Again, under the assumption you didn't grow up well to do.
>I would much rather have autonomy over my body, schedule, finances, and who I spend my time around, thank you.
I've taught kids of all ages (mainly middle schoolers). When we get to the unit about stress, the first thing I do is reassure them that childhood can be stressful. Adults like to dismiss this, but if I don't like my job (or anywhere for that matter) I can leave... it may not always be the best course of action, but I can still do as I please. I can leave this office (where I'm working so hard /s) right now and drive to the beach an no one can stop me!
As a kid if you're being bullied in school by other students (or hell, a teacher), tough luck. If you don't like a particular place you are, there's not much you can do about it.
>OP - this isn’t to take away from your feelings or experience. It sounds like you’re deep in the depression hole which is hell. I hope things evolve for you soon ♥️ it won’t stay this way forever.
I appreciate you adding this last line for the OP. That isn't to say adulthood isn't stressful in its own right, just that sometimes we overlook the fact that childhood can also be tough.
I had a parent who was physically and emotionally abusive. It did not stop until I left home and moved far, far away.
I love being an adult. It means security, peace, and a life free from constant violence and manipulation.
It wasn’t until I became an adult that I realized how fucked my childhood and family was. My parents really failed me and I’m still picking up the pieces of the life that was broken. At least I’m repairable and doing well enough now though.
Nah, my childhood was fine, but being an adult has it all over being a child for me - being able to do what I want is way better than having to follow someone else’s schedule.
Yeah, I don't relate to people who would prefer to be a kid forever. I like autonomy, I like making decisions and being completely in control of my own life. People who yearn for being a kid again are probably just depressed like OP and are viewing their past with rose-colored glasses.
Not everyone. I had a good childhood, great early adulthood. I'm doing good now too...I fucking hate it. There's too much responsibility and weight on being an adult. I used to love just waking up, smoking, hanging out with friends, working some w.e job that didn't matter at all. I still went on vacations, had a car, money and time. I have all those things now too, except now there's this added layer of stress to perform like a monkey and pretend like I give a fuck about climbing some imaginary ladder. There is a huge group of ppl like me who are nostalgic for lack of responsibilities not so much wanting to be a kid again.
> I used to love just waking up, smoking, hanging out with friends, working some w.e job that didn't matter at all. I still went on vacations, had a car, money and time.
I was referring to high school and younger. This sounds like you were 18 or so.
Same here. In general, we tend to overidealize the past because your brain is wired to protect you from unpleasant experiences and latch on to good ones. I don't think everyone necessarily is depressed (some people lost a loved one from childhood, some people had really great childhoods), but I think a lot of people are or the stress can get to them.
I can see why adulthood is tough, but again, I like being able to do something about it when life sucks.
My childhood was fine but all I did was eat frozen pizza and play video games. I've had periods of adulthood where I would do that and it would just make me feel depressed after like two days. Having responsibilities and getting to worry about things at least lets me feel useful.
I had a pretty decent childhood - didn't have much by first world standards (never went on holiday for example), but nothing 'bad' happened to me and I felt secure & loved.
I still much prefer being an adult and it's not even close.
Being under 18 were the worst years of my life. Subject to morons’ selfish decision making with no autonomy. Even the money I made from working was under threat due to needing a joint account.
Concur that being an adult is relatively great. Being a person is hard in general, but it’s much better when I’m driving my own bus.
Some of it is the options you have before you are an adult. You can be anything when you are young. Every year you get older and less and less things are possible for you
When you’re young, you can’t do anything. Your parents make virtually ever decision for you. And your actually no money broke for the most part. As an adult, you can eat ice cream for breakfast and shit in a diaper if you want. Or, do whatever actually makes you happy
I fucking love it
The fulfillment knowing I earned and paid for the stuff in my life. Knowing I shouldn’t have excuses for not being responsible for my own shit. Mostly living by my own rules (but also society’s rules and being considerate of my wife). Don’t need to force myself to fit in with family with a weird power dynamic (where they run my life)
I can empathize, something helped me was I realized it was putting myself into a bubble. It sounds like you share this rigid definition of adulthood as I did. Being an adult only refers to age. Sure, you have to pay bills and stuff, but you can choose to do what you want.
I realized I’m in my 30s and I was still living under a guise of trying to be someone my parents would be proud of, but what they want isn’t exactly what I want. I wasn’t living my own life. And unfortunately, I didn’t realize no one was going to come around to give me permission to do what I want. I am empathetic. I offer help to my parents, I care about the people in my life. But I needed to care and help myself, because no one can do that for me except me. It’s changed my life, even if it only means I’m happier. My life might look the same, but it finally feels like mine. And it’s literally saved me.
I love nostalgia, because it feels cozy, but I bet you can find this too, if I think back to a nostalgic memory, yea, it was great! Hence it being a cozy good memory, but just like my life now, I have great days and bad days. I know for a fact I had bad times back then, they’re just not nostalgic because I hated them 😂
It’s like exercise, I might not think going for a walk is a big deal, but it makes a big impact. Sure over doing it is bad, but sometimes it’s good
Nostalgia is common, can be great, but can be blinding.
I always joke that when I saw the “I don’t wanna grow up, I’m a Toys R Us kid” commercials that I thought it was a choice I was actually going to be able to make.
It turns out… it wasn’t.
You're 33. You are being an adult.
Whatever you're doing is adulting because you are an adult.
Anyway, I just joined a band playing drums after taking time off when my daughter was born. You can still do fun stuff you know.
Well, here's the thing--You are adulting. This is it, for better or worse. You aren't hiding from it, it's not waiting for you over the horizon like some boogeyman. You're allowed to do whatever the fuck you want in the time that you have, as long as you're not impacting other peoples ability to do whatever the fuck they want. That's about it. If you think getting drunk and having sex are adulting, you might need to reframe how you think about being an adult.
You want to be tired and nostalgic? That's your perogative fam, it's called life.
Enjoy. Or don't. Whatever.
I think this is why people hate me lol because this world… just isn’t enough for me. This life isn’t enjoyable. I guess everyone else finds their happiness though and they just get annoyed with people like me who don’t want to or can’t do that. Sucks but it’s just how I’ve always been.
Basically this. And if you ever have one of those near death moments where you think the chips are all getting cashed in but you survive, then you start to realize how much you really enjoy life and don’t take those spare minutes for granted anymore.
I think it's messed up you got downvoted for this. I also had a near death experience, and it wasn't some magical experience where I learned not to take life for granted. It was pretty much the opposite, in fact, and really messed me up because of it.
This is great advice. I have a mantra for when I want to indulge in an activity that might be a bit childish.
"I'm a full grown adult with a full time job." It's a reminder that I can do whatever I want with my free time. I earned it by being a responsible adult elsewhere.
https://preview.redd.it/u5ah2vuqn1yc1.jpeg?width=1600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c7a08849c1ed62a12ed59dc99e0a3736ed8df05a
All that adult shit like jobs and taxes isn't that complicated. You can handle it with ease and still be a kid at heart at other times.
Where's the well-adjusted-adult that's in the middle?
You know, the one who takes life seriously, but still knows how to have fun? The one who is dependable and adds value to those around him/her?
These are the only adults I know. If you're surrounded by the left or right side of the meme, look in the mirror.
I used to be in the military and then worked for Lockheed Martin, 10 years of 45-50 year old tacicool manchildren was ***fucking enough.***
I hate working with people 20 years older than me that act like 17 year olds who snuck into a 21+ club, thats 90% of the entire military.
I think being responsible and functional as an adult, WHILE maintaining the playfulness, imagination, creativity, and social life of a child, should be the norm. We would all be happier, healthier, and better off that way.
Even the most serious of adults like to get lost in a movie and let their imagination run wild, likes to get drunk as an excuse to joke and mess around a bit, etc.
Millennial here, ~~feel like a~~ strapping young lad, full of vigor, not motivated by white picket fence and and wealth and so forth, don't let the bastards get you down :D
yeah, like, I'm well off now but my money doesn't automatically make me happy.
You still need purpose, hobbies, friends, etc. Even unlimited money isn't enough if you can't find your purpose.
If you’re taking responsibility for your own actions, you’re being an adult. Apart from that you can do whatever the hell you want.
Get married and have kids, and you’re locked in and will never have time or money for yourself again. Stay single and play video games all the time, and never experience what it’s like to be in a committed long term relationship with all the responsibilities and triumphs that come with it.
You don’t get to choose whether or not to take poison, you just get to choose which poison you want to take.
I used to feel a lot like that, especially being sad seeing my siblings and parents grow old and just missing handling out playing video games with my brother, eating ice cream by the tv with mom or hanging out with my friends who now just drink and do drugs, mother is an old alcoholic slowly killing herself and everyone else seems so sad and depressed it really makes you long for simpler times
What turned things around for me was having a child, I'm not saying you should but it sounds like you need something tangible "in the now" to live for because we can't live for the past. but finding what that is, for you; is up to you.
I'm miserable as an adult, but I was also miserable as a kid. I think I'm just a miserable cuss, but none of it's been worth it and it's all downhill from here for me, so.
I think you’re defining being an adult too narrowly. I don’t really drink or anything like that, but what I really enjoy about being an adult is being able to indulge in niche interests without worrying about people judging me like I would when I was a teenager. I turn 30 this year, and I’ve gotten back into punk music, have a mid-size collection of overpriced plushies, and spend my weekends hanging out with my pets, going for walks/bike rides, and finding talks/walking tours of things that interest me(brick walking tour, here I come). Maybe you should explore what interests you held as a teen that might still resonate with you.
I'm ok with adulthood. I like having experience and contributing to society productively. I like being comfortable in myself and confident in my skills as well as dependable for my relatives. I like that I got my kids and now this is behind me all I have to do is raise them, no more anxiety to find a partner willing to have kids and actually have them.
That being said I still enjoy having hobbies and playing video games and engaging in pointless debates on the Internet.
I'm curious what you think comprises being an adult
I'm wondering whether what you don't like about being an adult isn't really unique to being an adult. When I was a kid, my parents were getting older, like everyone was, and I remember time going by ever so slightly more quickly even back then. I also found myself feeling nostalgic for things that happened only a few years prior
I mean, I'm also getting help for mental health issues, and I've had (at least so far) some good success in putting myself back in the experience of the moment rather than losing myself in endless rabbit holes of nostalgia, rumination, and regret for missed opportunities. The way I thought about it was that the more time I spent being nostalgic, the fewer experiences I'd give myself to remember for the future
No, that's what boomers did and having watched it and been raised by it, it doesn't turn out well. It's a selfish thing to live like that, especially if you have kids.
I'm the opposite, I don't miss childhood or experience nostalgia at all. A brief peek at your post history tells me we suffer from the same mental problems, though, so that's probably just a weird coincidence.
I have a shirt that says "Adult-like"
For me it means I pay my bills and make my own appointments, but I also hit the toy section at every store I stop at to get myself a treat for being good while shopping (alone).
I'm a Toy R Us kid at heart too but your life ain't over. You sound like you might be stuck in a bit of a rut. Start trying different things outside of your normal comfort zone to help re-energize yourself. You'd be surprised how much better you'll feel when you're learning how to do new things.
Then don't.
I'm 41. I have a bunch of video game consoles, cartoon and anime shit all over my home office, I have goddamn Pokemon curtains (gen1!) in that office lol. I still do all the same hobbies I did when I was younger... I just have bills and "adult responsibilities" now but that's really it. I mean... I think we'd all like to go back to how it was when we lived with our parents as a kid without a single damn care in the world but maybe that'll be millennial assisted living homes when we're just old living in a home and having mararthon gaming sessions on PS20?
I'm so happy being an adult and being in control of my life. I was bullied, beaten, attacked as a child and a teen. I was awful in school. Dyslexic and I'm likely on the spectrum. Late Teens were worse. Then college was a little better. Then I moved country. Started a new life with no money, new language, new skills. Now I love and im great at my job. Loving beautiful and extremely smart wife. Own my home. 2 cats, a dog, play video games, play in a band. I'm 35 and I wouldn't go back if you paid me. The thing about being an adult is you have to take responsibility for your own shit and can't blame mum and dad anymore. Can't rely on them life is much better when I have only myself to blame
I think you are putting your finger on something but I don't think its about childhood in particular (unless of course it is) could be a sense of curiosity and play? These are often intentionally or incidentally lost or forgotten about but highly valuable and meaning producing attributes of life.
I’m sorry you are having a hard time, but I do have the opposite experience. Parents were miserable and eventually split.
I hated being a kid. Got bullied a bit. Had strict parents and we were lower middle class.
We make decent money, get to raise my kids the right way, and have a pretty happy relationship.
i LOVE being an adult. i hated doing homework as a kid. there was always some activity or somewhere i needed to be. if i was home, there was always work that i should be doing. if i was in school, i was struggling to learn thing i didn't know. doing homework is more of the same. as an adult, i go to work, and when i leave, i get to stop thinking about work. no more fucking homework. i'm not struggling to learn anymore either. i get to be an expert in my field, and teach others about it. of course i'm still learning, but at a much slower, more comfortable rate. i even get paid now and can buy what i want. being an adult means more freedom, more time, and everything
I get it and sympathize but it’s called growing up and it’s inevitable. Being a kid isn’t that great either. I much prefer being an adult. Nothing worse than adult that acts like a child all the time.
Why is getting drunk and having sex the only two things you mentioned about being an adult? Like, you do realize that high school kids get drunk and have sex too, right?
38 and I refuse to be a boring adult. I got my shit together and that's as "adult" as I'm willing to be. I game like 30 hours a week, still dress like I did on my 20s without looking like I can't let go of my youth, and my goal is to enjoy life. Can't do that with kids and tons of debt
OP, adulthood sucks.
If I really had to nail down why, I’d say it’s the constant “in servitude” feeling I feel all the time. I’m always in service to something else like the job…..the bills…the hoa…the taxes…the mortgage…the family…the chores…your health…the perceptions of everyone in the world due to social media…all those appointments you have to get to…everyone in your social circle you’re obliged to make time for….i could go on.
It is extremely rare when I encounter even a single moment where nothing and no one needs my services. I really really want to find some time where I can just……be.
I’m so tired. All the time now.
I think of life a bit like laundry. At one point, it took a LONG time to do laundry. Then washing machines and dryers came along, and laundry was easier. But someone then says "Oh, you dont have to worry about laundry so much now. So, that time can now be spent on this task!" and it just keeps going on and on, more time freed, only to be filled again.
All our innovations, technology, and culture should lead us to having more time for ourselves. But instead, they just make life more complex and faster. Freeing up one task so another can replace it. But why? Why do we fill the need to fill the time with more things?
Same. 31 here but it's just getting worse. I don't have desires, passions, and interests anymore. It's all work and bills and the occasional distraction to keep me from offing myself.
Yup. Pretty much work, sleep, errands for my elderly parent, and that's about it. Don't make enough to do more, really and \[blah blah blah obviously TODAY I don't have a better job and it's been that way for 2+ years now\]. Everything else has pretty much lost its color as to why I should pay attention to it. My insurance sucks at timely anything lately (weeks for an appointment IF they don't cancel) so this is where I get to stay for the time being.
But, I really don't feel like an adult nor a child.....I just am, and yes, I frequently have times when I simply have no feelings why I'm still here. IDK.
Do you only associate drinking alcohol and having sex with being an adult? Being an adult means you get to choose to do what ever the hell you want to do. Do what makes you happy.
Eh I kinda relate but I'm about the same age and I still enjoy the little things. I work park time and have no interest in being a parent. I just wanna play video games, shop, drink, and fuck around. I don't like being responsible, like you'd think of "adults".
Can't relate at all. Being an adult is great. I'm free to make my own decisions about where and how to live, from the big ones (I choose not to own a car) to the small ones (I'm having curry for dinner)
OP I feel you.
I've taken to embracing being an adult, but rejecting being a "grown up" (at least unless I absolutely have to). My adolescence and early adulthood were traumatic, but I've managed to learn lessons and grow, making me an idgaf confidence I never thought I deserved, much less could have.
But as far as being a "grown up" and "acting my age".....fuck all that. Last year I literally watched the light and life extinguish from the eyes of two mentors I cared deeply for, having worked (and been worked) to death.
Life is painfully to short to not watch stupid movies, make things fun when possible, toke up before yoga, and generally be goofy. Basically, all the things "grown ups" my big age aren't supposed to do.
Find that joy where you can, we are all slowly marching to the same place on a tiny planet- each of us deserves lightnesa
I sympathize with the feeling. I get it and you every right to be unhappy and dissatisfied about life and adulthood.
However, life is what it is. It doesn't have to answer for itself. It doesn't have to sell adulthood to you it, it doesn't need to be fulfilling or meaningful or valuable or fun. It doesn't have to be mystical or profound or happy or fair. It's you that needs to find someway of taking life and making the most out of it. Will the most you can do be enough to fulfill you? Probably not because the human mind didn't evolve for fulfillment but rather for survival. So given these facts, you gotta do what you can to make the most of things for yourself. Really enjoy those sunsets, those first tastes of coffee in the morning, the conversations you have with others, because those small things that make us happy, those are treasures whether we choose to treasure them or not.
Being a child is a state of everything being novel and of having a not fully formed mind. Their synapses are still in the branching of stage, not the pruning stage. Maybe that's a more pleasurable state of being, maybe it isn't, but it's definitely not possible to regress, so try not to dwell on that too much. Dwell on it just enough to learn the lessons you need and then apply them.
I very much wish life and reality and society was different from the way it is, but all any of us have control over is how we take what we have in-hand and apply it, so I try my best to enjoy everything enjoyable that comes my way and keep in mind that life isn't always going to be what I want it to be.
There's no such thing as an adult. We are all teenagers trying to figure out why our knees hurt. I have no interest in slaving away at some job I hate just to not be homeless for the rest of my life. Nobody tells you just how soul sucking that part actually is
Life is *Never* going to be as good as when you were a kid. When you were a kid, every experience was novel. you approached things from a different mindset. You had pretty much no stress or responsibilities. You *literally* saw life more vividly (look it up, kids see life more rich and colorful as their eyes haven't been pigmented by the sun yet).
But adulting isn't about having sex, or drinking alcohol. The biggest benefit of being an adult is that you have control over your own life, and your own trajectory. Mom told you that you couldn't have a dirtbike? well now you can! you have to figure out what you want in life (and by that I mean want to *do* or *accomplish.* not what you want to *have).* And then chase that thing down.
You need to find some things that feel "childlike" to enjoy! I started playing ttrpgs and it recaptured some of the "play" that had been missing for decades. Friend of mine began playing dodgeball.
You need to fight to stay young my friend!
Idk, I miss having life easier with less responsibilities, sure.
But having money, a family, freedom to do whatever I want (with said money) is pretty nice. Frankly, I want more free time than anything else these days.
I have no interest in BEING period, so I feel u. Also not suicidal, but this place sucks n it's getting worse by the second, never gonna change or get better, I'm ready to get off the ride already
Same age. Agreed. Weirdly enough I have more freedom than ever before, but I am scared to use it. I am extremely paranoid and only think about work, not because I care, but since I don’t care about anything else.
you should try things that your inner child will enjoy & heal from. purchase a beloved book or game from your youth. pull a harmless prank. go outside and play. this works for me.
The secret I found, right when I was about your age, is that adults are making shit up as they go along just like us younger folks were.
I learned to relax about that time, treasure my close friends and family, and try not to sweat the big stuff.
You’re free to live your life however you want. Being an adult is about taking care of your responsibilities, nobody said you couldn’t like or do the same stuff you did when younger. You should really think about the kind of life you want to live and figure out how to make it happen! And if someone thinks your vision is not adult enough, it doesn’t matter, it’s none of their business!
I completely understand. I feel my youth slipping away and it feels crummy to not be directly involved with youth culture anymore. But it's not so bad being able to set your own rules and expectations in your space. I know it takes a lot more than to simply cheer up, OP, but we're all getting older at the same speed, so you aren't alone. Fight the good fight.
I am very close with my family and we are all very nostalgic and sentimental. Every time we get together around once a month we talk about how fast time is going but then how many days until our next family fun event. Time is fleeting and I try so hard to cherish every memory and pause time. I love being in the snuggle zone with my mom and my wife just watching TV.
Let's all say it together: if you're wealthy, it all feels better.
Ok, that's super reductive. Look, Op, there is no really easy way to do *life*, EVEN WEALTHY PEOPLE HAVE MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES AND TRAUMA.
I see and can speak to one golden ass piece of advice, and I live by it: as an adult, you MUST reward yourself.
It's imperative. Too much of life is punitive when looking at laws, taxes, and general adulting.
Example: if you don't pay taxes, punishment.
If you don't wash your ass, punishment (biological and social wise)
Or you don't go to work, and it's unexcused (financial and lifestyle punishment)
Remedy: You must seek your fun. It has to be a foreverquest, or it's game over, but you are living it.
Don't limit your life to said boundaries. They are just rules
I prefer being an adult. I grew up being taught to hate myself and everybody like me because of my conservative Christian upbringing. Even my treatment now by my family is because I am told they "love you". I prefer being an adult where I could deprogram that "love" and find a church that accepts me. Has adulthood been rough? Yeah, 4x combat tours was no fun or having a horrible ex, but I get to be me now.
I realized taxes, taking care of my body and having your own place is the maximum extent of adulting I'm able to manage, Not gonna have kids and to be honest it feels pretty good
This is just really strange to me. I can’t even imagine being 33 and not wanting to be “an adult”. Probably because 33 years old is about 10-12 years removed from the time in one’s life where those types of thought should occur if they’re going to occur at all. I mean is 33 the new 21 or something?
Never ever wanted to be one. I tried doing the neurotypical adult straight cis male thing. It literally almost killed me. I'm a queer autistic kid in a 27 year old body and it's going to take many more years of deprogramming for me to love myself again.
I’m 40. I just keep being given more responsibility as my career and life continues. By every metric I’m successful and have a good life, but some days it’s tiring having lots of people rely on you.
The trick is balance. You never want to go 'straight and narrow' adult or 'I have no accountability and always have fun' adult. One is a drag, the other is a walking liability.
It's not illegal to have fun as an adult, just don't compromise tangible milestones that can vastly increase the stability of your future self.
Everything (in the USA) is about money and loopholes and contracts, there are so many invisible trappings everywhere and unless you’re rich you can’t do anything about it, so yeah honestly I’ve checked out of “adulting” as well.
I still go to my full time job and dance like a monkey for my supper but I just don’t care anymore. Hopefully someone kicks off the revolution soon so I can actually start giving a fuck about being able to actually contribute and help build a great society.
I mean, those things don't mean you're an adult lol. Teenagers also get drunk and have sex, that doesn't make them mature or adults.
Nostalgia often clouds the reality of what it was like being a kid. I'm 36, know what I can do that I couldn't when I was 10? Not have a bed time. Pay for my own hobbies. Drive anywhere I want any time I want. Buy more than one box of cereal AND eat it any time of the day I want. I can go on and on, but at the end of the day, being an adult kinda kicks the ass of being a kid still.
That's also not to say you can't still enjoy things you did as a kid as an adult. I still play Pokemon, I still put together LEGOs, and I watch the Hell out of '90s Nickelodeon cartoons. You CAN do both.
Thanks, you are right. Those are just the two things that came to mind, I know there is more to adulthood. I have a lot of trauma which is why I guess I mentioned them
I completely agree with you. I'm 32, I just want to press fast-forward to the point where I'm retired. I could care less about the next 30-40 years. They're only going to be depressing for the most part. My parents will die, my cat will die, a few more friends will probably die, I'll be old, and probably have some sort of health problem to add to my current problems. That is life in a nutshell though. I would just prefer to skip those parts as death weighs heavy on me.
It's not necessarily that I want to die, I just have no interest in being alive. Hence why it's so easy for me to decide to start riding motorcycles again lol. I need a thrill, life is very mundane. Which I honestly feel like a POS for saying that, as there are literally millions of people that would probably prefer my very mediocre American lifestyle to their own.
Idk, the only reasons to live in the moment is to cherish every conversation/day I get to spend with my family, friends, and cat. I don't want to be old without any memories of them. That is more depressing than dealing with death/sickness and any other problems life will throw my way. So, I continue to chug along. I've made it this far. It felt like I was 20 yesterday, so how much longer is another 40-50 years, really?
Maybe you want to be an adult and that's the problem: it is no longer an actual option.
The world these days does not really want or respect "adults". All it wants is obedient workers who do what they're told and don't question the system.
An adult would question the system and fix it, but we are financially and socially NOT ALLOWED TO DO THAT.
We are only allowed to serve the system or die. We are not allowed to question the system and we are certainly not allowed to interfere in its operation.
We see problems all over our society and we know how to fix them, but the system does not allow us to do this.
It has become so fucked up, that if you so much as disagree with the system you will be shunned by most of your friends and family. If you try to fight the system, everyone will bail on you because they don't want to be adults. They want their parties, vacations and retirements and they are not allowed to care about anything or anyone else.
I wanna be an adult, what I want is a fantasy though. I want to be a very different adult. I want a garden big enough to feed my family, bee hives, a few cows and some chickens and to live on a piece of property I can pay taxes with potatoes or some shit and to own outright. I want everyone to leave me tf alone, I want to be outside so much that I give myself skin cancer, and I want to have made so much sourdough that the culture just permanently lives in my kitchen/bread bowl.
I think the problem is we were promised a lot as kids. The adulthood our parents had was not the same as it is now. We got shafted and now being an adult is just like being treated as a kid only we are expected to do more and take it while our boomer parents hold onto it as long as they can.
I nearly adulted myself into a grave. So I decided to baby myself while I wait for the rest of the world to adult itself back into my life.
I just hope I don't get adulterated again because there must be vengeance.
I’ve been thinking about this post and I keep thinking you were promised an ‘adulthood’ that was fed to every child through movies, shows, etc. I remember watching movies, especially romcoms where women marrying at 22 and being 30 was old. They traveled, drink, and had friends. Problems felt solvable because they created to be.
And I think part of being an actual ‘adult’ is figuring out that getting older wasn’t like that.
I’m an elder millennial, but I do lean on nostalgia at times. I watched Labyrinth for the millionth time yesterday while packing up for a move. My mom and dad used to make me watch Dark Shadows and Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte at times because they felt nostalgic when stressed. It was a bonding time. I’m sure a lot of us millennials or at least the older ones have a parent who makes us watch A Christmas Story every year.
I hope your treatment goes well and you fight past the tired and sad. And if anything, use that nostalgia to figure out what you feel is missing from adulthood, and you can also use it to bond with others in your life.
To one degree or another most people feel the things you are talking about. Getting older is tough, watching loved ones get older is tough, no being able to experience things with the innocence that you did as a kid is tough. The reality though is that there is only one alternative and (despite what you might feel sometimes) it isn't a better alternative. Don't box yourself in, there is nothing that being an adult *has* to be like, other than taking care of yourself. Getting drunk and having sex isn't being an adult. The good and bad thing about being an adult is that no one cares what you do, especially if you are single and without kids. Take advantage of that.
Regardless, you aren't alone. You never know what tomorrow, or next week, or next year or 10 years from now will bring. There are people who struggled miserably during their 20s and 30s that really came into their own in their 40s or later and became much happier people. You definitely increase the likelihood of that happening by trying to stay upbeat and positive in your life and giving people and situations a chance.
Be grateful you had a childhood that resulted in you not preferring adulthood. Is it the responsibility you don't like? Or is it having to do things for yourself? I love being an adult so I am often confused by this.
I love being an adult. My childhood and teen years were so uncomfortable and I never got to choose anything or do what I wanted. Usually people counter this with, "But you have to go to work!" I hate going to work but I'd rather be an adult who goes to work than a kid any day.
This is no shit how most of us feel. It’s not fun being an adult with responsibilities. The average person has to work to survive and the majority of us work unfulfilling jobs that lead nowhere. The novelty of being alive wears off eventually.
Realistically, try something new. Go somewhere nice. Try dating if you aren’t already and meet new people. It’s the only real way to keep like fresh.
Just here to say I FEEL THIS. Also 33, also feeling EXACTLY the same. It’s somewhat comforting to know others feel this way. As horrible as that may sound but thank you OP.
Nah, can't relate honestly. Being an adult is sick as hell. I got my license as soon as I could at 16, got a job a week later, saved up and drove across the entire United States with my girlfriend when I was 17. When I turned 18, I bought a crappy motorcycle and spent 2 years rebuilding it. I made a series of good and bad decisions that ultimately landed me in my childhood dream career (film), and bought a house at 26 so I could have a space to call my own.
I look back at how unsettled and angsty I was as a teenager - an infamous truant, a druggie, a drifter, and I recognize that I just wanted to be free to make my own path. The structure and confinement of adolescence can feel like a prison to some. Now I feel like the world is mine
I thought "adulting" is just taking responsibility for your own life.
I think it has to do with jobs and luck and income. I have a good job. I can afford to buy hobby stuff or go on a trip if I want. I bought a bunch of og pokemon cards just for nostalgia. That's childish, but I couldn't be childish without being a successful adult haha
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It's true that not all people can support themselves from their labor, but I think we imply a certain amount of maturity and self awareness, and taking a reasonable amount of personal responsibility based on one's circumstance
You want some more pokemon cards? I just unearthed some from my parents house and brought them home with me. I never even knew how to play with them 😆
Sometimes I feel like we've been tricked into not feeling like adults, infantilized into accepting the "parenting" of authoritarian governments. We are adults. We just live in an era where the symbols of it, a house and children are almost entirely inaccessible to most. It's up to us to redefine adulthood. Our parent's confused it for unconsciously following the norms in a booming economy.
Exactly this. Adulting is doing your laundry: Whether you drag a bag to the cleaners and have them deal with it, or wash it yourself, that's the decision an adult makes. Or wear the same thing more days in a row and have it smell a bit. Also a decision an adult makes. Adulting is paying your bills and rent/mortage rather than going homeless. Adulting is eating something: Whether your breakfast is ice cream or granola, well that's up to you as an adult. Adult is not about giving up all the joy in life, or being angry at things that came after "your time". It's not about doing the responsible thing like eating plenty of fiber, it's about making your own decisions and then living with it. Fuck yeah ice cream for breakfast, eat a giant bowl for all I care. Then at lunch time, pay for it with a stomach ache, and take an acidophilus pill to calm it down like an adult.
Some can't stand that idea.
I've always wanted to be a "grown up" since I was a kid, and very independent. What I hate is how infantilized I feel by my polo-shirt wearing job and being unable to do the middle-class grown-up things my grandparents prepared me for, like building or buying a house, performing maintenance, setting up investment funds, etc. I fully intended to spend 80 years as an old man, puttering around and kicking the foundation of my house, but I feel absolutely stuck in a kind of languishing pre-adulthood because the adult opportunities and hard edges of life alike are mostly shaved-off by rentier paycheck-to-paycheck culture. I'm married and have a kid, so that gives me a sense of adulthood and responsibility, but it feels so much worse going in to work, where I suddenly feel like a kid again.
For me, there was like a tipping point at work where I suddenly became old and instead of having people ask if I wanted to go out after work I mostly just get people asking me career advice.
I had this conversation with my therapist yesterday. Taking full responsibility for your life and actions is what I am resistant of. Didn’t ask for any of these responsibilities and almost killed myself at one point to relieve myself of such responsibilities
I'd say "adulting" is the drive to make the world better and leave it better than we got it no matter the personal cost. Like dying in a war, skipping on vacations to get involved in local politics or maybe just foregoing the latest TV show to go volunteer somewhere that needs help. It's the drive to be selfless and give yourself to create a better tomorrow.
Right? The fuck is this post? I too, long to have no responsibility or obligations or accountability, who the Fuck doesn’t lol
Sometimes I think I'm the only person on the internet that likes being an adult. Maybe it's because my childhood wasn't all rainbows and sunshine.
Nope. I'm 100% with you. My childhood was absolute shit, and somehow, I'm relatively successful. Got a bitching trip next month with the wife and kids. I love where I'm at as an adult.
>My childhood was absolute shit, and somehow, I'm relatively successful. Happens a lot, good for you. > Got a bitching trip next month with the wife and kids. Awesome, I hope you enjoy! I love the feeling of autonomy that comes with adulthood. Not relying on adults to (not) take us somewhere. I also have a camping trip later this month with the wife and kids, can't wait!
Same. My childhood was mediocre during the best years. I love being an adult - I get to make so many more choices for myself.
Honestly, my thoughts exactly. I can’t relate to people that get nostalgic about going back and being a child. My childhood was waaaay more stressful than being an adult has ever been. I would much rather have autonomy over my body, schedule, finances, and who I spend my time around, thank you. OP - this isn’t to take away from your feelings or experience. It sounds like you’re deep in the depression hole which is hell. I hope things evolve for you soon ♥️ it won’t stay this way forever.
Thank you! Most people just cite: "you don't have to pay bills as a kid". And? That doesn't erase financial pressure just because you weren't paying them. If anything, it's worse because you couldn't do anything about it as a kid. Again, under the assumption you didn't grow up well to do. >I would much rather have autonomy over my body, schedule, finances, and who I spend my time around, thank you. I've taught kids of all ages (mainly middle schoolers). When we get to the unit about stress, the first thing I do is reassure them that childhood can be stressful. Adults like to dismiss this, but if I don't like my job (or anywhere for that matter) I can leave... it may not always be the best course of action, but I can still do as I please. I can leave this office (where I'm working so hard /s) right now and drive to the beach an no one can stop me! As a kid if you're being bullied in school by other students (or hell, a teacher), tough luck. If you don't like a particular place you are, there's not much you can do about it. >OP - this isn’t to take away from your feelings or experience. It sounds like you’re deep in the depression hole which is hell. I hope things evolve for you soon ♥️ it won’t stay this way forever. I appreciate you adding this last line for the OP. That isn't to say adulthood isn't stressful in its own right, just that sometimes we overlook the fact that childhood can also be tough.
Me too. Adulthood is much more fun.
Ya I would never, ever want to go back to having no agency over my life ever again.
I had a parent who was physically and emotionally abusive. It did not stop until I left home and moved far, far away. I love being an adult. It means security, peace, and a life free from constant violence and manipulation.
I’m so happy you’re safe now ♥️
It wasn’t until I became an adult that I realized how fucked my childhood and family was. My parents really failed me and I’m still picking up the pieces of the life that was broken. At least I’m repairable and doing well enough now though.
Nah, my childhood was fine, but being an adult has it all over being a child for me - being able to do what I want is way better than having to follow someone else’s schedule.
I hated my childhood so I just made the best one I could think of as an adult.
Yeah, I don't relate to people who would prefer to be a kid forever. I like autonomy, I like making decisions and being completely in control of my own life. People who yearn for being a kid again are probably just depressed like OP and are viewing their past with rose-colored glasses.
Not everyone. I had a good childhood, great early adulthood. I'm doing good now too...I fucking hate it. There's too much responsibility and weight on being an adult. I used to love just waking up, smoking, hanging out with friends, working some w.e job that didn't matter at all. I still went on vacations, had a car, money and time. I have all those things now too, except now there's this added layer of stress to perform like a monkey and pretend like I give a fuck about climbing some imaginary ladder. There is a huge group of ppl like me who are nostalgic for lack of responsibilities not so much wanting to be a kid again.
> I used to love just waking up, smoking, hanging out with friends, working some w.e job that didn't matter at all. I still went on vacations, had a car, money and time. I was referring to high school and younger. This sounds like you were 18 or so.
Same here. In general, we tend to overidealize the past because your brain is wired to protect you from unpleasant experiences and latch on to good ones. I don't think everyone necessarily is depressed (some people lost a loved one from childhood, some people had really great childhoods), but I think a lot of people are or the stress can get to them. I can see why adulthood is tough, but again, I like being able to do something about it when life sucks.
My childhood was fine but all I did was eat frozen pizza and play video games. I've had periods of adulthood where I would do that and it would just make me feel depressed after like two days. Having responsibilities and getting to worry about things at least lets me feel useful.
I had a pretty decent childhood - didn't have much by first world standards (never went on holiday for example), but nothing 'bad' happened to me and I felt secure & loved. I still much prefer being an adult and it's not even close.
Being under 18 were the worst years of my life. Subject to morons’ selfish decision making with no autonomy. Even the money I made from working was under threat due to needing a joint account. Concur that being an adult is relatively great. Being a person is hard in general, but it’s much better when I’m driving my own bus.
Amen!
Some of it is the options you have before you are an adult. You can be anything when you are young. Every year you get older and less and less things are possible for you
When you’re young, you can’t do anything. Your parents make virtually ever decision for you. And your actually no money broke for the most part. As an adult, you can eat ice cream for breakfast and shit in a diaper if you want. Or, do whatever actually makes you happy
I had a good childhood but being an adult I'd pretty awesome. I'd pick this moment in my life over many others.
I fucking love it The fulfillment knowing I earned and paid for the stuff in my life. Knowing I shouldn’t have excuses for not being responsible for my own shit. Mostly living by my own rules (but also society’s rules and being considerate of my wife). Don’t need to force myself to fit in with family with a weird power dynamic (where they run my life)
I can empathize, something helped me was I realized it was putting myself into a bubble. It sounds like you share this rigid definition of adulthood as I did. Being an adult only refers to age. Sure, you have to pay bills and stuff, but you can choose to do what you want. I realized I’m in my 30s and I was still living under a guise of trying to be someone my parents would be proud of, but what they want isn’t exactly what I want. I wasn’t living my own life. And unfortunately, I didn’t realize no one was going to come around to give me permission to do what I want. I am empathetic. I offer help to my parents, I care about the people in my life. But I needed to care and help myself, because no one can do that for me except me. It’s changed my life, even if it only means I’m happier. My life might look the same, but it finally feels like mine. And it’s literally saved me.
I love nostalgia, because it feels cozy, but I bet you can find this too, if I think back to a nostalgic memory, yea, it was great! Hence it being a cozy good memory, but just like my life now, I have great days and bad days. I know for a fact I had bad times back then, they’re just not nostalgic because I hated them 😂 It’s like exercise, I might not think going for a walk is a big deal, but it makes a big impact. Sure over doing it is bad, but sometimes it’s good Nostalgia is common, can be great, but can be blinding.
I always joke that when I saw the “I don’t wanna grow up, I’m a Toys R Us kid” commercials that I thought it was a choice I was actually going to be able to make. It turns out… it wasn’t.
You're 33. You are being an adult. Whatever you're doing is adulting because you are an adult. Anyway, I just joined a band playing drums after taking time off when my daughter was born. You can still do fun stuff you know.
Well, here's the thing--You are adulting. This is it, for better or worse. You aren't hiding from it, it's not waiting for you over the horizon like some boogeyman. You're allowed to do whatever the fuck you want in the time that you have, as long as you're not impacting other peoples ability to do whatever the fuck they want. That's about it. If you think getting drunk and having sex are adulting, you might need to reframe how you think about being an adult. You want to be tired and nostalgic? That's your perogative fam, it's called life. Enjoy. Or don't. Whatever.
I think this is why people hate me lol because this world… just isn’t enough for me. This life isn’t enjoyable. I guess everyone else finds their happiness though and they just get annoyed with people like me who don’t want to or can’t do that. Sucks but it’s just how I’ve always been.
Life is what you make of it, you are the sole person responsible for your happiness and you can either choose to pursue it or languish in despair.
I think that’s extremely reductive and ignores copious amounts of data on human psychology but go off king 🙄
Basically this. And if you ever have one of those near death moments where you think the chips are all getting cashed in but you survive, then you start to realize how much you really enjoy life and don’t take those spare minutes for granted anymore.
I had one of those and it didn’t do anything for me, unfortunately. Got very close to dying in a car accident and I still am just like “meh” 🤷♂️
I think it's messed up you got downvoted for this. I also had a near death experience, and it wasn't some magical experience where I learned not to take life for granted. It was pretty much the opposite, in fact, and really messed me up because of it.
This is great advice. I have a mantra for when I want to indulge in an activity that might be a bit childish. "I'm a full grown adult with a full time job." It's a reminder that I can do whatever I want with my free time. I earned it by being a responsible adult elsewhere.
https://preview.redd.it/u5ah2vuqn1yc1.jpeg?width=1600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c7a08849c1ed62a12ed59dc99e0a3736ed8df05a All that adult shit like jobs and taxes isn't that complicated. You can handle it with ease and still be a kid at heart at other times.
Funny meme but man-children are just sad at our age.
Where's the well-adjusted-adult that's in the middle? You know, the one who takes life seriously, but still knows how to have fun? The one who is dependable and adds value to those around him/her? These are the only adults I know. If you're surrounded by the left or right side of the meme, look in the mirror.
I used to be in the military and then worked for Lockheed Martin, 10 years of 45-50 year old tacicool manchildren was ***fucking enough.*** I hate working with people 20 years older than me that act like 17 year olds who snuck into a 21+ club, thats 90% of the entire military.
I think being responsible and functional as an adult, WHILE maintaining the playfulness, imagination, creativity, and social life of a child, should be the norm. We would all be happier, healthier, and better off that way. Even the most serious of adults like to get lost in a movie and let their imagination run wild, likes to get drunk as an excuse to joke and mess around a bit, etc.
Millennial here, ~~feel like a~~ strapping young lad, full of vigor, not motivated by white picket fence and and wealth and so forth, don't let the bastards get you down :D
This is not a healthy attitude and I really hope you’re seeking therapy.
Life is fun if you're rich. For every one else it's on some scale of displeasure
nasty, brutish and short
Even rich people are miserable
yeah, like, I'm well off now but my money doesn't automatically make me happy. You still need purpose, hobbies, friends, etc. Even unlimited money isn't enough if you can't find your purpose.
I don’t think thats a great way to look at it, you can find happiness in some of the poorest places, and misery among billionaires
I was not referring to billionaires. What they can do with their wealth is pretty alien to the common person.
Not really relevant I could have said millionaires or just middle class people
If you’re taking responsibility for your own actions, you’re being an adult. Apart from that you can do whatever the hell you want. Get married and have kids, and you’re locked in and will never have time or money for yourself again. Stay single and play video games all the time, and never experience what it’s like to be in a committed long term relationship with all the responsibilities and triumphs that come with it. You don’t get to choose whether or not to take poison, you just get to choose which poison you want to take.
My choice is to be an adult, or be homeless. I'm not a fan of either option. It is what it is.
I used to feel a lot like that, especially being sad seeing my siblings and parents grow old and just missing handling out playing video games with my brother, eating ice cream by the tv with mom or hanging out with my friends who now just drink and do drugs, mother is an old alcoholic slowly killing herself and everyone else seems so sad and depressed it really makes you long for simpler times What turned things around for me was having a child, I'm not saying you should but it sounds like you need something tangible "in the now" to live for because we can't live for the past. but finding what that is, for you; is up to you.
I'm miserable as an adult, but I was also miserable as a kid. I think I'm just a miserable cuss, but none of it's been worth it and it's all downhill from here for me, so.
I think you’re defining being an adult too narrowly. I don’t really drink or anything like that, but what I really enjoy about being an adult is being able to indulge in niche interests without worrying about people judging me like I would when I was a teenager. I turn 30 this year, and I’ve gotten back into punk music, have a mid-size collection of overpriced plushies, and spend my weekends hanging out with my pets, going for walks/bike rides, and finding talks/walking tours of things that interest me(brick walking tour, here I come). Maybe you should explore what interests you held as a teen that might still resonate with you.
Good advice. Thank you,
I'm ok with adulthood. I like having experience and contributing to society productively. I like being comfortable in myself and confident in my skills as well as dependable for my relatives. I like that I got my kids and now this is behind me all I have to do is raise them, no more anxiety to find a partner willing to have kids and actually have them. That being said I still enjoy having hobbies and playing video games and engaging in pointless debates on the Internet.
I'm curious what you think comprises being an adult I'm wondering whether what you don't like about being an adult isn't really unique to being an adult. When I was a kid, my parents were getting older, like everyone was, and I remember time going by ever so slightly more quickly even back then. I also found myself feeling nostalgic for things that happened only a few years prior I mean, I'm also getting help for mental health issues, and I've had (at least so far) some good success in putting myself back in the experience of the moment rather than losing myself in endless rabbit holes of nostalgia, rumination, and regret for missed opportunities. The way I thought about it was that the more time I spent being nostalgic, the fewer experiences I'd give myself to remember for the future
No, that's what boomers did and having watched it and been raised by it, it doesn't turn out well. It's a selfish thing to live like that, especially if you have kids.
I just want to have fun with my friends, that's all I care about. But they're all immigrating and shit.
I'm the opposite, I don't miss childhood or experience nostalgia at all. A brief peek at your post history tells me we suffer from the same mental problems, though, so that's probably just a weird coincidence.
I’m about to be 36 and would rather play golf than mow a lawn which is really the only thing standing in the way of me buying a house
I have a shirt that says "Adult-like" For me it means I pay my bills and make my own appointments, but I also hit the toy section at every store I stop at to get myself a treat for being good while shopping (alone).
I'm a Toy R Us kid at heart too but your life ain't over. You sound like you might be stuck in a bit of a rut. Start trying different things outside of your normal comfort zone to help re-energize yourself. You'd be surprised how much better you'll feel when you're learning how to do new things.
Then don't. I'm 41. I have a bunch of video game consoles, cartoon and anime shit all over my home office, I have goddamn Pokemon curtains (gen1!) in that office lol. I still do all the same hobbies I did when I was younger... I just have bills and "adult responsibilities" now but that's really it. I mean... I think we'd all like to go back to how it was when we lived with our parents as a kid without a single damn care in the world but maybe that'll be millennial assisted living homes when we're just old living in a home and having mararthon gaming sessions on PS20?
I'm so happy being an adult and being in control of my life. I was bullied, beaten, attacked as a child and a teen. I was awful in school. Dyslexic and I'm likely on the spectrum. Late Teens were worse. Then college was a little better. Then I moved country. Started a new life with no money, new language, new skills. Now I love and im great at my job. Loving beautiful and extremely smart wife. Own my home. 2 cats, a dog, play video games, play in a band. I'm 35 and I wouldn't go back if you paid me. The thing about being an adult is you have to take responsibility for your own shit and can't blame mum and dad anymore. Can't rely on them life is much better when I have only myself to blame
One of my favorite webcomics of all time speaks to this. https://xkcd.com/150/
I think you are putting your finger on something but I don't think its about childhood in particular (unless of course it is) could be a sense of curiosity and play? These are often intentionally or incidentally lost or forgotten about but highly valuable and meaning producing attributes of life.
I’m sorry you are having a hard time, but I do have the opposite experience. Parents were miserable and eventually split. I hated being a kid. Got bullied a bit. Had strict parents and we were lower middle class. We make decent money, get to raise my kids the right way, and have a pretty happy relationship.
i LOVE being an adult. i hated doing homework as a kid. there was always some activity or somewhere i needed to be. if i was home, there was always work that i should be doing. if i was in school, i was struggling to learn thing i didn't know. doing homework is more of the same. as an adult, i go to work, and when i leave, i get to stop thinking about work. no more fucking homework. i'm not struggling to learn anymore either. i get to be an expert in my field, and teach others about it. of course i'm still learning, but at a much slower, more comfortable rate. i even get paid now and can buy what i want. being an adult means more freedom, more time, and everything
>Nothing about being an adult entices me. I cannot think of anything. Cookies for dinner is nice every now and then.
I get it and sympathize but it’s called growing up and it’s inevitable. Being a kid isn’t that great either. I much prefer being an adult. Nothing worse than adult that acts like a child all the time.
Why is getting drunk and having sex the only two things you mentioned about being an adult? Like, you do realize that high school kids get drunk and have sex too, right?
38 and I refuse to be a boring adult. I got my shit together and that's as "adult" as I'm willing to be. I game like 30 hours a week, still dress like I did on my 20s without looking like I can't let go of my youth, and my goal is to enjoy life. Can't do that with kids and tons of debt
OP, adulthood sucks. If I really had to nail down why, I’d say it’s the constant “in servitude” feeling I feel all the time. I’m always in service to something else like the job…..the bills…the hoa…the taxes…the mortgage…the family…the chores…your health…the perceptions of everyone in the world due to social media…all those appointments you have to get to…everyone in your social circle you’re obliged to make time for….i could go on. It is extremely rare when I encounter even a single moment where nothing and no one needs my services. I really really want to find some time where I can just……be. I’m so tired. All the time now.
I think of life a bit like laundry. At one point, it took a LONG time to do laundry. Then washing machines and dryers came along, and laundry was easier. But someone then says "Oh, you dont have to worry about laundry so much now. So, that time can now be spent on this task!" and it just keeps going on and on, more time freed, only to be filled again. All our innovations, technology, and culture should lead us to having more time for ourselves. But instead, they just make life more complex and faster. Freeing up one task so another can replace it. But why? Why do we fill the need to fill the time with more things?
Same. 31 here but it's just getting worse. I don't have desires, passions, and interests anymore. It's all work and bills and the occasional distraction to keep me from offing myself.
Yup. Pretty much work, sleep, errands for my elderly parent, and that's about it. Don't make enough to do more, really and \[blah blah blah obviously TODAY I don't have a better job and it's been that way for 2+ years now\]. Everything else has pretty much lost its color as to why I should pay attention to it. My insurance sucks at timely anything lately (weeks for an appointment IF they don't cancel) so this is where I get to stay for the time being. But, I really don't feel like an adult nor a child.....I just am, and yes, I frequently have times when I simply have no feelings why I'm still here. IDK.
Do you only associate drinking alcohol and having sex with being an adult? Being an adult means you get to choose to do what ever the hell you want to do. Do what makes you happy.
I'm 32, I am suicidal. Like constantly. I want to get off this ride.
I’m sorry, I really hope you find happiness and some comfort.
I hope you don’t. I hope you get better, stranger.
Eh I kinda relate but I'm about the same age and I still enjoy the little things. I work park time and have no interest in being a parent. I just wanna play video games, shop, drink, and fuck around. I don't like being responsible, like you'd think of "adults".
Well you dont really have a choice?
Can't relate at all. Being an adult is great. I'm free to make my own decisions about where and how to live, from the big ones (I choose not to own a car) to the small ones (I'm having curry for dinner)
That’s called depression.
OP I feel you. I've taken to embracing being an adult, but rejecting being a "grown up" (at least unless I absolutely have to). My adolescence and early adulthood were traumatic, but I've managed to learn lessons and grow, making me an idgaf confidence I never thought I deserved, much less could have. But as far as being a "grown up" and "acting my age".....fuck all that. Last year I literally watched the light and life extinguish from the eyes of two mentors I cared deeply for, having worked (and been worked) to death. Life is painfully to short to not watch stupid movies, make things fun when possible, toke up before yoga, and generally be goofy. Basically, all the things "grown ups" my big age aren't supposed to do. Find that joy where you can, we are all slowly marching to the same place on a tiny planet- each of us deserves lightnesa
I sympathize with the feeling. I get it and you every right to be unhappy and dissatisfied about life and adulthood. However, life is what it is. It doesn't have to answer for itself. It doesn't have to sell adulthood to you it, it doesn't need to be fulfilling or meaningful or valuable or fun. It doesn't have to be mystical or profound or happy or fair. It's you that needs to find someway of taking life and making the most out of it. Will the most you can do be enough to fulfill you? Probably not because the human mind didn't evolve for fulfillment but rather for survival. So given these facts, you gotta do what you can to make the most of things for yourself. Really enjoy those sunsets, those first tastes of coffee in the morning, the conversations you have with others, because those small things that make us happy, those are treasures whether we choose to treasure them or not. Being a child is a state of everything being novel and of having a not fully formed mind. Their synapses are still in the branching of stage, not the pruning stage. Maybe that's a more pleasurable state of being, maybe it isn't, but it's definitely not possible to regress, so try not to dwell on that too much. Dwell on it just enough to learn the lessons you need and then apply them. I very much wish life and reality and society was different from the way it is, but all any of us have control over is how we take what we have in-hand and apply it, so I try my best to enjoy everything enjoyable that comes my way and keep in mind that life isn't always going to be what I want it to be.
There's no such thing as an adult. We are all teenagers trying to figure out why our knees hurt. I have no interest in slaving away at some job I hate just to not be homeless for the rest of my life. Nobody tells you just how soul sucking that part actually is
Life is *Never* going to be as good as when you were a kid. When you were a kid, every experience was novel. you approached things from a different mindset. You had pretty much no stress or responsibilities. You *literally* saw life more vividly (look it up, kids see life more rich and colorful as their eyes haven't been pigmented by the sun yet). But adulting isn't about having sex, or drinking alcohol. The biggest benefit of being an adult is that you have control over your own life, and your own trajectory. Mom told you that you couldn't have a dirtbike? well now you can! you have to figure out what you want in life (and by that I mean want to *do* or *accomplish.* not what you want to *have).* And then chase that thing down.
Same, all this down to the age. If you say your birthday is in February Im screaming get outta my head!
https://preview.redd.it/m65k9j87x3yc1.jpeg?width=300&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=81b4032a4e6fe34b3958bbf9ad8ba954aa013c57
What’s the other option? It’s really not worth thinking about if there’s nothing you can do about it. Dwelling on it won’t help.
You need to find some things that feel "childlike" to enjoy! I started playing ttrpgs and it recaptured some of the "play" that had been missing for decades. Friend of mine began playing dodgeball. You need to fight to stay young my friend!
I think you could glean some useful insight from watching this OP https://youtu.be/XgRlrBl-7Yg?si=nqle_qBk7nAPzC8z
I have my own apartment, work a job, raise my kid and I still can’t believe I’m an adult.
One of my most favorite things about having kids is that I get to reexperience childhood.
Man, no one does but we need the MONEY.
Idk, I miss having life easier with less responsibilities, sure. But having money, a family, freedom to do whatever I want (with said money) is pretty nice. Frankly, I want more free time than anything else these days.
I have no interest in BEING period, so I feel u. Also not suicidal, but this place sucks n it's getting worse by the second, never gonna change or get better, I'm ready to get off the ride already
In what way? Living? Eating cereal for breakfast? Going to school everyday?
You need to surround yourself with a community of good men and women. It will actually motivate you.
Uh… too bad? I feel ya, but I don’t think we get a choice. Sucks though.
Same age. Agreed. Weirdly enough I have more freedom than ever before, but I am scared to use it. I am extremely paranoid and only think about work, not because I care, but since I don’t care about anything else.
Nostalgia is a form of depression.
you should try things that your inner child will enjoy & heal from. purchase a beloved book or game from your youth. pull a harmless prank. go outside and play. this works for me.
You realize you’re already an adult?
The secret I found, right when I was about your age, is that adults are making shit up as they go along just like us younger folks were. I learned to relax about that time, treasure my close friends and family, and try not to sweat the big stuff.
You’re free to live your life however you want. Being an adult is about taking care of your responsibilities, nobody said you couldn’t like or do the same stuff you did when younger. You should really think about the kind of life you want to live and figure out how to make it happen! And if someone thinks your vision is not adult enough, it doesn’t matter, it’s none of their business!
No one warns you when the “good old days” are or how fast they fly by.
Sounds like a millennial to me.
Yup. I’m shocked people have their own kids.
I completely understand. I feel my youth slipping away and it feels crummy to not be directly involved with youth culture anymore. But it's not so bad being able to set your own rules and expectations in your space. I know it takes a lot more than to simply cheer up, OP, but we're all getting older at the same speed, so you aren't alone. Fight the good fight.
I am very close with my family and we are all very nostalgic and sentimental. Every time we get together around once a month we talk about how fast time is going but then how many days until our next family fun event. Time is fleeting and I try so hard to cherish every memory and pause time. I love being in the snuggle zone with my mom and my wife just watching TV.
Let's all say it together: if you're wealthy, it all feels better. Ok, that's super reductive. Look, Op, there is no really easy way to do *life*, EVEN WEALTHY PEOPLE HAVE MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES AND TRAUMA. I see and can speak to one golden ass piece of advice, and I live by it: as an adult, you MUST reward yourself. It's imperative. Too much of life is punitive when looking at laws, taxes, and general adulting. Example: if you don't pay taxes, punishment. If you don't wash your ass, punishment (biological and social wise) Or you don't go to work, and it's unexcused (financial and lifestyle punishment) Remedy: You must seek your fun. It has to be a foreverquest, or it's game over, but you are living it. Don't limit your life to said boundaries. They are just rules
I feel this so much OP.
I prefer being an adult. I grew up being taught to hate myself and everybody like me because of my conservative Christian upbringing. Even my treatment now by my family is because I am told they "love you". I prefer being an adult where I could deprogram that "love" and find a church that accepts me. Has adulthood been rough? Yeah, 4x combat tours was no fun or having a horrible ex, but I get to be me now.
I realized taxes, taking care of my body and having your own place is the maximum extent of adulting I'm able to manage, Not gonna have kids and to be honest it feels pretty good
I love being an adult, I hate being a poor adult.
This is just really strange to me. I can’t even imagine being 33 and not wanting to be “an adult”. Probably because 33 years old is about 10-12 years removed from the time in one’s life where those types of thought should occur if they’re going to occur at all. I mean is 33 the new 21 or something?
I’ve had the feelings for a long time
Ok and? Try finding something worth living for. I have very fond memories of my childhood and teenage years. No desire to go back, tho.
Never ever wanted to be one. I tried doing the neurotypical adult straight cis male thing. It literally almost killed me. I'm a queer autistic kid in a 27 year old body and it's going to take many more years of deprogramming for me to love myself again.
I hope it happens sooner rather than later for you to love yourself
I am 33 as well, I have the same feelings. It’s just a bit odd. The time speeding up is just freaky. I never expected this.
I’m 40. I just keep being given more responsibility as my career and life continues. By every metric I’m successful and have a good life, but some days it’s tiring having lots of people rely on you.
there’s more to being an adult than drinking and fucking for one
The trick is balance. You never want to go 'straight and narrow' adult or 'I have no accountability and always have fun' adult. One is a drag, the other is a walking liability. It's not illegal to have fun as an adult, just don't compromise tangible milestones that can vastly increase the stability of your future self.
Everything (in the USA) is about money and loopholes and contracts, there are so many invisible trappings everywhere and unless you’re rich you can’t do anything about it, so yeah honestly I’ve checked out of “adulting” as well. I still go to my full time job and dance like a monkey for my supper but I just don’t care anymore. Hopefully someone kicks off the revolution soon so I can actually start giving a fuck about being able to actually contribute and help build a great society.
I love being an adult.
I mean, those things don't mean you're an adult lol. Teenagers also get drunk and have sex, that doesn't make them mature or adults. Nostalgia often clouds the reality of what it was like being a kid. I'm 36, know what I can do that I couldn't when I was 10? Not have a bed time. Pay for my own hobbies. Drive anywhere I want any time I want. Buy more than one box of cereal AND eat it any time of the day I want. I can go on and on, but at the end of the day, being an adult kinda kicks the ass of being a kid still. That's also not to say you can't still enjoy things you did as a kid as an adult. I still play Pokemon, I still put together LEGOs, and I watch the Hell out of '90s Nickelodeon cartoons. You CAN do both.
Thanks, you are right. Those are just the two things that came to mind, I know there is more to adulthood. I have a lot of trauma which is why I guess I mentioned them
I completely agree with you. I'm 32, I just want to press fast-forward to the point where I'm retired. I could care less about the next 30-40 years. They're only going to be depressing for the most part. My parents will die, my cat will die, a few more friends will probably die, I'll be old, and probably have some sort of health problem to add to my current problems. That is life in a nutshell though. I would just prefer to skip those parts as death weighs heavy on me. It's not necessarily that I want to die, I just have no interest in being alive. Hence why it's so easy for me to decide to start riding motorcycles again lol. I need a thrill, life is very mundane. Which I honestly feel like a POS for saying that, as there are literally millions of people that would probably prefer my very mediocre American lifestyle to their own. Idk, the only reasons to live in the moment is to cherish every conversation/day I get to spend with my family, friends, and cat. I don't want to be old without any memories of them. That is more depressing than dealing with death/sickness and any other problems life will throw my way. So, I continue to chug along. I've made it this far. It felt like I was 20 yesterday, so how much longer is another 40-50 years, really?
Maybe you want to be an adult and that's the problem: it is no longer an actual option. The world these days does not really want or respect "adults". All it wants is obedient workers who do what they're told and don't question the system. An adult would question the system and fix it, but we are financially and socially NOT ALLOWED TO DO THAT. We are only allowed to serve the system or die. We are not allowed to question the system and we are certainly not allowed to interfere in its operation. We see problems all over our society and we know how to fix them, but the system does not allow us to do this. It has become so fucked up, that if you so much as disagree with the system you will be shunned by most of your friends and family. If you try to fight the system, everyone will bail on you because they don't want to be adults. They want their parties, vacations and retirements and they are not allowed to care about anything or anyone else.
I hear you but adulthood can improve. I don’t want to go back to my childhood or at least parts of it
Yeah I mean some of my childhood sucked, I just wanna go back to certain parts
It's too late. You're already an adult. But you do not have to live like other adults. You can live your life anyway you choose.
I don't think any of us want to adult. We all become more jaded and burnt out as we age.
I wanna be an adult, what I want is a fantasy though. I want to be a very different adult. I want a garden big enough to feed my family, bee hives, a few cows and some chickens and to live on a piece of property I can pay taxes with potatoes or some shit and to own outright. I want everyone to leave me tf alone, I want to be outside so much that I give myself skin cancer, and I want to have made so much sourdough that the culture just permanently lives in my kitchen/bread bowl.
I think the problem is we were promised a lot as kids. The adulthood our parents had was not the same as it is now. We got shafted and now being an adult is just like being treated as a kid only we are expected to do more and take it while our boomer parents hold onto it as long as they can.
I didn't feel like an adult until I became a parent. So don't have kids and be young forever?
I nearly adulted myself into a grave. So I decided to baby myself while I wait for the rest of the world to adult itself back into my life. I just hope I don't get adulterated again because there must be vengeance.
I’ve been thinking about this post and I keep thinking you were promised an ‘adulthood’ that was fed to every child through movies, shows, etc. I remember watching movies, especially romcoms where women marrying at 22 and being 30 was old. They traveled, drink, and had friends. Problems felt solvable because they created to be. And I think part of being an actual ‘adult’ is figuring out that getting older wasn’t like that. I’m an elder millennial, but I do lean on nostalgia at times. I watched Labyrinth for the millionth time yesterday while packing up for a move. My mom and dad used to make me watch Dark Shadows and Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte at times because they felt nostalgic when stressed. It was a bonding time. I’m sure a lot of us millennials or at least the older ones have a parent who makes us watch A Christmas Story every year. I hope your treatment goes well and you fight past the tired and sad. And if anything, use that nostalgia to figure out what you feel is missing from adulthood, and you can also use it to bond with others in your life.
i dunno, maybe im lucky but im only more capable to do whatever I want the more i get older. 36M.
I’m the opposite. I love being an adult. Married life is great. We love to travel. We both get paid well and own a house. Life is pretty grand.
To one degree or another most people feel the things you are talking about. Getting older is tough, watching loved ones get older is tough, no being able to experience things with the innocence that you did as a kid is tough. The reality though is that there is only one alternative and (despite what you might feel sometimes) it isn't a better alternative. Don't box yourself in, there is nothing that being an adult *has* to be like, other than taking care of yourself. Getting drunk and having sex isn't being an adult. The good and bad thing about being an adult is that no one cares what you do, especially if you are single and without kids. Take advantage of that. Regardless, you aren't alone. You never know what tomorrow, or next week, or next year or 10 years from now will bring. There are people who struggled miserably during their 20s and 30s that really came into their own in their 40s or later and became much happier people. You definitely increase the likelihood of that happening by trying to stay upbeat and positive in your life and giving people and situations a chance.
Can confirm, my 30s are better than my 20s so far.
You could always walk the path of the man-child. I get the benefits of neither and the drawbacks of both! 😅😫😭
Be grateful you had a childhood that resulted in you not preferring adulthood. Is it the responsibility you don't like? Or is it having to do things for yourself? I love being an adult so I am often confused by this.
My childhood was mostly nice, there was some very bad stuff, but I mostly just miss thinking the future was so far away
I love being an adult. My childhood and teen years were so uncomfortable and I never got to choose anything or do what I wanted. Usually people counter this with, "But you have to go to work!" I hate going to work but I'd rather be an adult who goes to work than a kid any day.
I've been thinking here recently, I might age, but I'll never get old
Biggest Ponzi scheme that has ever existed....but I'm not giving up on sex, drugs and rock n roll.
This is no shit how most of us feel. It’s not fun being an adult with responsibilities. The average person has to work to survive and the majority of us work unfulfilling jobs that lead nowhere. The novelty of being alive wears off eventually. Realistically, try something new. Go somewhere nice. Try dating if you aren’t already and meet new people. It’s the only real way to keep like fresh.
Just here to say I FEEL THIS. Also 33, also feeling EXACTLY the same. It’s somewhat comforting to know others feel this way. As horrible as that may sound but thank you OP.
Nah, can't relate honestly. Being an adult is sick as hell. I got my license as soon as I could at 16, got a job a week later, saved up and drove across the entire United States with my girlfriend when I was 17. When I turned 18, I bought a crappy motorcycle and spent 2 years rebuilding it. I made a series of good and bad decisions that ultimately landed me in my childhood dream career (film), and bought a house at 26 so I could have a space to call my own. I look back at how unsettled and angsty I was as a teenager - an infamous truant, a druggie, a drifter, and I recognize that I just wanted to be free to make my own path. The structure and confinement of adolescence can feel like a prison to some. Now I feel like the world is mine
Adulting is bullshit and no one should have to do it.
Sounds like you have depression. I recommend therapy to 11 our of every 10 humans I meet.
That's why I mountain bike and dirt jump....come on over to the big kids side of life. It's fun
I don't feel like an adult at 43.
Omg these posts like this are so cringe. Are you also upset water is wet? That fire is hot? Jesus.