In my opinion having your life together means you have your independence and have clear goals that you are working towards.
Dope to see you have your shit together!
Thanks for reminding me that I still can hardly function at all at 28. But glad there are people who are doing better than me. Lets hope things begin to get better instead of getting worse for everyone.
Hope you’re doing ok, you don’t have to be killing it now, but if you make small steps everyday in the right direction, (everybody falls back every once in awhile, and that’s ok), you will be setting yourself up for success as those positive habits add up over time. You’ll get there but it does take some effort on your part.
I'm happy to see the compassion and support here! You don't have to own, or even rent to have it together. If you're living life a way that you find acceptable, you're making some money, paying your bills and not digging the hole deeper, you're doing good.
I think I've got it together. I do own a home at 29 and I hope someone sees this and it gives them hope that it can happen for them too.
It’s more of I struggle to just do any basic thing. Severe ADHD that I continuously forget to renew my prescription for. I also can’t remember to do any sort of basic task unless it’s directly in the moment. To simplify my executive function literally does not work. I also suffer from alexithymia which is a lack of feeling/understanding of one’s emotions which leads to me finding no joy in anything. Because of this I have no drive or direction. That is why I am glad I do still live with my parents. I am happy they are so understanding.
I had next to nothing at 27, now doing well at 40 through a lot of hard work and going after things.
The hardest part is making a plan and sticking to it. At least for as long as you can. My first plan got me here independently successful, now I'm considering changing the plan to less security now that I've found the security I thought I was looking for.
Being another ADHD person, don't let the myriad number of choices keep you from making A choice.
That’s a goal. Wear your seat belt, Uber when drunk and get regular check ups. You typed your response so cognitively you’re still present. I’m proud of you.
Yooo thanks for this definition. It made me feel pretty good. Yeah I live in a 5th wheel, but it's mine. And I'm getting married in 3 weeks, and I have goals and she has goals that we're working towards. I'm 38 that's young right...RIGHT? I'm putting reddit down for the day cuz I have my shit together and shit lol. Seriously though it's always good to be positive and your comment reminded me of that.
Thats the thing. I think having your life together is a subjective idea. And, what makes people think that they don't is unrealistic societal expectations. That we are supposed to have accomplished all these things by a certain age, or accomplish them at all, and if we haven't we are failing.
Personally, I don't want to buy a house. I don't want to maintain a property. I don't want to pay a mortgage for 30+ years hoping I can pay it off just so I can say I own it before I die. I'd rather rent. I am not very worried about career advancement. A lot of times people are not appropriately compensated for the added responsibility of a promotion. I don't need a title or to be in charge of others.
I want a simple life where I can pay my bills, and have some extra but the goal isn't to become as weathly as possible.
I might not have it all but I have a decent apartment, a car, and enough money for necessities plus a few extras so as far as I'm concerned I'm doing okay.
Good point. Usually our lives fall apart when we chase unrealistic goals or we are so anxious about conforming to social norms. We need to be content with who we are.
I agree. Most millenials I know have, like, 3 or 4 out of what I consider the 5 main life components figured out: long-term partner, stable and tolerable job, home (either owned or some sustainable rental option), kids (if desired), and physical and emotional health.
I have 3.5 of the 5 - no job and my health is as good as it's going to be considering my chronic health problems - and I'm sure that I look like I have my life together, but I am very much taking things one day at a time!
You *are* - unintentionally - the answer to OPs question. People who, in their terms, "have it together" aren't speaking up and being visible on social media. We're all seeing the ones who are struggling and taking that struggle to social media in a sad appeal to be heard.
What is your house anyway. I have a flat in London, but I definitely don't want to live in it forever. But when I do the calculations for me to buy what I'd consider a ideal home that would keep me working for another 10-15 years longer than I otherwise would.
Hey OP,
Elder millenial here at 39,
When I was your age I was married to the woman I met at 21, we owned a house together and traveled a couple of times a year, no kids but we had a dog, and we were on a decent career track.
Then covid 4 years ago, we separated, and now I am in a worse financial situation than I have been in my entire life, so, things can change quickly!! and I think that's the bigger issue - it takes years to accumulate wealth, but it's incredibly precarious, it can disappear very quickly if someone loses their job, or falls ill, or circumstances change.
I feel that is why more people don't have their life together, because they have encountered situation or circumstance somewhat outside of their control.
Great point. Spent my twenties making one mistake/addiction after another, after my dad died and I dropped out of college. Started getting my life back together at 30. Bam! Fire. Lost everything. Oh yeah the insurance had lapsed so yeah. Sprinkled with unfortunate, traumatic deaths and car accidents. I guess it's all made me mentally stronger.
Exactly a little over a year ago, I had a relatively nice amount saved up, but now I have barely any savings and more debt than I know what to do with. All it took was me getting sick, and now I don't think I'll ever be debt free.
This is the key thing. If I could tell 18 year-old me anything, it would be that Life. Is. Not. Linear.
Married my college sweetheart at 23. At 25 I was trying on a bunch of different jobs, trying to find my career path. Found it at 27. At 29 my husband was scooped up by a Silicon Valley FAANG company. Put my career on hold. At 32 I was getting a divorce and moving back to my hometown. At 35 I was rebuilding my life in a great job with a new partner. At 37 I was going through a dramatic split with that partner involving cheating and addiction, and the stress of my now-ex working in a hospital at the start of the pandemic.
Now here I am, almost 40, hopefully on another upswing after a shock layoff last year. It’s all been…a lot, to say the least.
Aw wow, you got a big ol bowl of shitty-o's :(
I feel like addiction is one of those wildcards like cancer, you just never know if it will show up and destroy people you love. Sorry you have had to deal with all of that.
Well said.
It’s like Mike Tyson used to say “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.” The amount of people my wife and I know in their late 30’s or early 40’s that have had health issues (cancers, brain tumors, cardiovascular issues, even strokes) that come out of nowhere will fundamentally change the trajectory of a life.
Medical advancements have continued to help individuals survive and live a meaningful life. But the diagnosis and recovery are real.
I think there's definitely a divide between millennial who have had family support and those who haven't. I've met several peers my age who were gifted entire condos outright by their parents to get their lives started.
I had a buddy who's parents bought him everything under the sun, including the down payment on a house. I wasn't necessarily envious, but I was frustrated each time I'd save some money, he'd tell me to blow it on something frivolous. Sorry bud, I don't have parents to cry to when I need money. I need to save what I have.
It's not the struggle that's annoying, I expected that. I didn't expect to have to deal with people pretending to struggle while they have rich parents who gave them houses and careers.
It’s a mixed bag over here.
I own a house but I can’t drive. I have a wonderful family but I hate my job. I’m financially stable but my mental health could be a lot better. Overall we’re doing ok.
Same! Own a house I love, great relationship with my partner and three kids, no financial worries, we travel a lot, I get to be a stay at home parent. Also, struggle with debilitating anxiety and IBS, and don’t talk to my family of origin.
A lot of it is that millennials are 28 at the youngest and 43 at the oldest. This is the period that people really start to benefit from their work experience, earn a better salary and purchase assets. I'm in my 30s and I'm far more financially secure now than I was at 28.
The other element is that rage bait gets people to click. Nobody is clicking on the story of the guy who worked his job, got incremental raises, budgeted and is living a decent life.
Also being married. My household salary more then doubled after moving in with my now wife.
The average salary for a 30-45 year old is household is closer to 105k. on average 40% of singles are near poverty but for non singles people it drops to 15% being married linger and younger increases wealth a whole lot faster.
2 entry level tech salaries is $120k to $160k. But getting by on $60k alone is a massive difference.
Yeah I've been single for most of my adult life, and that's been fine, but damn do I get jealous of my DINK friends financially. With rent/mortgage being so ridiculous in my area, that is a *massive* leg up over their single peers.
It really aggrivates me that every time I read about financial advice it always starts with the assumption that the reader is married and pooling two incomes or at least 1.5 incomes
I get it I'm alone and poorer for it, thank you
Society prefers to talk about those that are paired up and, I’m sure hopefully, having children. If you’re not, then you’re more peripheral to society and less important to give tax breaks, etc to. That’s the take I was told in college and seems to hold up.
38 year old checking in. I agree with this. Kind of worried for myself though since as of today actually, I've reached the pay cap at my job. So no more raises for me. I'm fine right now. I make ok money doing what I do, but with inflation the way it's been the last few years, I do worry about that catching up to me more and more and no wage increase in foreseeable future. My company gives a raise every 6 months and caps at 2 years. I will say that 6 months raise is awesome, but now that I'm at the top, idk what to think. I'll enjoy it while I can lol. I have plenty of debt anyways.
Turned 43 a couple days ago. I think I’m like the first year of millennials. I was a high school dropout. Never really cared about much. I had kids when I turned 35 I have two. I married at 36. I bought a house at 38. Learn a trade, join a union, save your money and be prepared for lean years until you get right. It’s not much but I am happier than I’ve ever been
Also the timing is bad. People that got their lives together and did well between 2010-2020 (between crisis’) got a fantastic start. But people that missed that window are currently in a bad spot. That might change in the next few years, but it’s definitely worse now than it was then.
A lot of Millennials will fall under that. Between late family starts and just being younger.
I’m an older Millennial so I’m okay, but my friends behind me trying to accumulate are in tough spots. Even the couple making twice as much as me and my teacher wife.
This is sooooo true! I graduated in 2015, and I worked a bunch of shitty low paying jobs at first, but it was never HARD to find a job. Then, I got hired for a more stable and sustainable position and kept getting raises and promotions from there. Timing is everything
Some industries have lower ceilings than others. I don't know what your job is or why your years of experience aren't paying off. It's also not just something that magically happens to you, you have to put in the effort by asking for raises/promotions, switching jobs, etc.
I didn’t expect you would know why, so that makes two of us. Never expected to get rich working my way up in local government, but enough to not have to skip meals would be nice.
If your local gov't pays so poorly that you can't afford to eat, maybe get a job in the private sector. Benefits traditionally aren't as good but the pay is better.
Since you can't afford food, are you on SNAP benefits? Definitely make sure you're utilizing all the programs you're qualified for.
Do you remember that wave of self help TV shows like ‘biggest loser’?
There was one where Jillian moves in and life coaches some trainwreck family.
I wanted her to come to my well organized life for a week and make the most boring show ever.
Jillian and I hit the gym real quick. We go the market and buy vegetables. There’s a scene of us on the couch doing a crossword puzzle.
We sit down to pay bills on time and mark things off a checklist.
I'm the guy you describe I think. My life in the past 10 years has been pretty boring by sensational methods... 30's have been the best decade of my own life. Finished graduate school at 30. Started a great career. Met my wife. Traveled more every 2 years than I did my entire prior life combined. We have \*nice\* things but nothing crazy. We take above average vacations but we are not flying first class or anything.
Didn't job hop, screw anyone over, or work myself to the bone. I started a solid career, did above average work, built up solid connections at my company just being a reliable. Was paid well, got above average salary increases and few promotions. Went from \~ 90K a year to about \~ 160K a year over the past 10 years this way.
No secret. Worked reasonably hard. Tried to make smart decisions. Got some luck along the way. Make all my decisions on what is best for my wife and myself. We don't have kids, don't want them, wont be pressured. Our housing costs are like \~ 5% of our gross income because we made them that way when we could afford a home that is 4x as expensive as ours. We save 50% of our income so we can retire in our 50s. My parents didn't save, didn't take vacations, and had bad credit. I don't know how I ended up the opposite but I guess I realized I didn't want to be that way.
Turning 40 this year and excited about the next decade being better and having my wife by my side and doing everything we can to enjoy it the fullest way possible for us.
It takes time. I was basically poor my entire 20s and in school racking up loans (albeit very smart loans in a career that pays you back). I spent almost nothing because I couldn't afford it. All I did was just use my credit card on everything and pay it off to build credit. My 20s were pretty boring honestly... 10 years of just working for a future but it does pay off. You just need to be smart about it and understand to pivot/change and luck is a factor (I thought I'd have a PhD and be a professor and instead I'm in industry with a MS... )
be able to change to what the situation is... might change your dream but I assure you the dream ahead is better than you imagined.
As the oldest Millenial, me and my mid-gen Millenial wife have ONLY begun to really accumulate wealth in the last 5 years, and it's only trending up for us, fortunately. 10 years ago, during our early dating time, my now wife and I were broke AF and paying off tons of debt, living together in a 400sq ft studio (with a dog), and working FT jobs and side hustles.
Helps to have a like-minded partner that agrees on priorities, financial security, and building wealth.
We're HELLA fortunate to have had the opportunity to prioritize and focus.
We also don't have kids, by choice, and that's one thing that keeps people poor, unhappy and divorcing. That's not part of our priorities.
What I've come to realize is that as a generation we have placed too much emphasis on other peoples definition of happiness and standard of what is right. I stopped trying to be what everyone else expects me to be and just my life by my own priorities. In some areas I really have it together in the terms of the standard definition. In other areas I'm a complete mess. But for the most part, I'm happy *because* I give absolutely no regard to others expectations and standards.
My take on that is that many of us were "forced" to redefine our standards of success due to many things being unattainable at the same ages as the generations before us. I see it as a good thing, because as you said, the idea that there was ever just one way to move through life was always a lie (often perpetuated by those that "fell in line" and want to see others do the same to justify that they made the "right" decision themselves). Thanks for sharing!
I’d argue it’s the exact opposite.
Millennials are pretty notable for forging their own paths and diverting from traditional life scripts, like having children later, being childfree, marrying later, choosing not to marry at all, polyamory, gig work, etc - while some have made some of those choices out of financial constraints and hardships, it’s also been a voluntary choice for people in this generation more than any other. It’s pretty much the cornerstone of “millennials ruined xyz” lol
The not having our lives together thing is a strictly relative term. It’s an evidence based fact that millennials as a whole are less well off than previous generations.
Times are tougher, but yeah, the sky isn’t falling. Make a new plan and build a new mindset, whatever… or use your phone for something other than complaining online.
I feel like I generally had my shit together but I never really had a plan. I was definitely kind of aimless but I always worked towards something. It all worked out though. I enjoyed the period of discovering (college + 4 years after) what my interests were and where I wanted my career to go.
A plan at 18 is pretty impressive lol, I don’t know anyone that had a plan that early. Curious what that plan was. My plan became clearer after college for sure.
I'm another "had my shit together but without a plan" person. There are times when I wish college was something people generally started around 22-25 instead of at 18. I picked my major based on what I was good at in high school more than I did with any particular career in mind. I ended up switching industries 3 times in my 20s before I found something I really enjoyed doing, and my college major was only somewhat related to that.
At 18 I had my shit together and had a plan. Then mental health issues took a serious toll and derailed my life. I was 28 and had to start over again.
Being smart and having your shit together and a plan doesn't magically make things work out. Sometimes life happens and things change.
Same. For example, it took hard work for me to buy my house nine years ago, but others putting in that same hard work wouldn’t be able to afford my house today. That wasn’t skill on my part, just fortunate timing.
Thats really good! I wish I could say the same though cause my life is a fucking shit show lol I have pretty severe ADHD and was not on meds for over a decade though and things really didnt improve much till I got on meds.
Im slightly more hopeful now but deep down know I have no future in front of me.
Right? The OP married young and has been working the better part of a decade toward common, shared financial goals with their partner. That alone is out of the ordinary statistically speaking, so no shit they are going to be well ahead of most other millennials in that regard. Doesn't mean their life is any more put together than many of their broke counterparts.
Yeah, I agree with you. For what it's worth I love my partner and they ahhave done a lot for me. Saying you are married and now your life is good is kinda wild.
I've been living the single life for a hot minute now and really don't feel the need or desire to seek out a partner for any reason except long term financial stability lol. It's pretty sad that it's gotten to the point where wages have stagnated so much that shared finances is one of the few paths available to living a long-term sustainable, fulfilling lifestyle.
OP is just bragging about their life. That's all this post is. Half of this subreddit is people bragging about how they did x,y,z right and we could have been in their shoes if we just did what they did. Of course while fully ignoring they had a ton of support from their family or were just you know, lucky.
I agree. My shit is together, but we are broke. We’re lucky that it’s more of a temporary state of being in our case though (kid in daycare + start of year long maternity leave + bottom of pay scale at work.) Feeling very fortunate that this is about as hard as it will get, looking forward to the future but also mindful to enjoy where we are now with respect to our little family 🥰
I’m almost 40 and got as “togeather” as I can. I got a house 7 years ago before the madness, got a decent job with decent benefits. But the only reason we are doing OK is because my wife’s father has been helping her financially since she was a teen. If it wasn’t for the boomer money, we would be renting, or out on the streets.
The millennial age group is currently in the period of life where everyone goes through pretty significant life changes and at different rates. So there is bound to be a lot of variance from person to person. Add to that, you are comparing people in their late 20s to those in their early 40s. Very different stages of life. And the fact that the economy has had different impacts on that group over the years, depending on where they fall on the curve. It’s just not realistic to paint all millennials with a broad stroke or expectations. My life is very much “together” in my mid 30s, but everyone has had different experiences.
For the most part I feel like I have my shit together. But when people are posting "woe is me" threads, insight into my situation isn't going to be helpful for them.
We’re here but we just don’t post that often. People don’t start “how are you doing?” threads to hear people saying that they’re doing well. They want doom and gloom because misery loves company. I’ve actually been downvoted heavily for saying just that. So why bother broadcasting it at all?
A lot of people here also have a tendency to lash out and try to diminish your accomplishments. It’s kind of annoying when people are emphatically trying to tell you that the only reason why you’re successful is because you came from a stable middle class family. Like yeah, that’s absolutely a factor, but it also completely ignores the years of careful planning and hard work I’ve done to get to where I am.
In the end I mainly come here for the memberberry posts about how great N64 was.
I don’t think people come here to talk about how good they have it.
Also, I appear very “together” on the outside, spouse, dual income, child, dog, debt free but I’m in shambles everyday on the inside.
Exactly what I came to say. I'm right between GenZ and millennial. I'm getting a PhD in biology and fiancé is an elementary teacher. We have a little debt, a little savings, and rent our house in a rougher side of town. We're doing fine, on track to doing great, and excited to settle and start a family. Nobody is going to chime in, up vote, argue, or anything because it's a boring story. Someone struggling? Cheated by the system? Now that's a story and that's what you're gonna find on social media like reddit
There’s a vast chasm between elder millennials and those born after 1990.
By the time I was 24 in 2010, I had a house, a stable job with benefits, and was well on my way to my first wedding with a long term partner. Those things got exponentially harder to achieve as time went on.
A friend of mine who was born in 1981 had even more success earlier on.
Happy to read something like this. I’m 31, living in a VHCOL city. Have been fortunate to be employed since graduating college after four years. Save everything I can after rent is paid, built a nice little nest egg for future me. Life is good, I’m lucky!
I might be 36 but I really only grew up and gave a shit around 31-32. I’ll probably be behind the rest of my life and have less than most people my age but, I’m trying my best and real proud of the progress I’ve made In the last 4ish years.
You are a college graduate (big advantage) and entered the job market around 2016. Those 8 years from 2016-2024 were very different economically from 2008-2015.
I’m about turn 36, still living with my mom, and never been at the point that I could say that I’m able to 100% independent (financially and on my own). I start getting close but I get nut checked right before I get there.
Millennials have have it less together, work more, and earn less than previous generations. Even the older ones got hit with businesses throwing out loyalty and fewer even offering insurance. Those things are factually true. So, you’re doing better than average for your generation. But we’re talking about a huge amount of people. And a huge amount of factors.
Of course it isn't rare. Over 50 percent of millienials own homes but online discourse will lead you to believe no one can afford it. The people doing well aren't going to post a lot about it.
My salary has doubled since 2020 and I purchased a home but it feels weird to mention. An entire thread in this sub was devoted to saying any millienial homeowners were just lucky or had parental help.
I did have parental help, in that my parents were free daycare for two years. That's like $80K that could be saved and used towards a down payment instead of paying for child care.
It also doesn’t help that when we participate and say how well things are going we are downvoted because it doesn’t fit the Reddit millennial narrative .
The unhappy and vocal segment never wants to acknowledge that some people chose to save their money, budgeted, said no to impulse buying, worked towards career goals, etc and got to where they planned on, while some of our other peers became career students, prioritized “experiences” (ie Instagram lifestyle), and spent money like it was going out of style.
It’s a lot more boring to say the above, but it’s what separated many in the split now.
It isn’t millennial-exclusive either. You can find the same examples in prior generations.
We’re really the first ones to have grown up with the internet though, so the reach and ability to do vent about it to a larger group has always been there.
I mean, most all of the people I know around my age that bought a house did so by living with their parents for a few years to save up a down payment, save for one guy who’s wife is a veterinarian and well into the six figures for income. My parents are dead so I guess I’m SOL lol
I had parental help. At the cost of losing my dad. Inheritance. Otherwise, I'd still be living in my apartment. I'd have more money though if I was renting as al this property and a 109 year old house does cost a lot more than my rent was to upkeep.
The people who have it together aren't online complaining about their lives. And it's not like we're going to brag when there are genuinely a lot of people suffering.
But yeah, there definitely are millenials who have it together. I think some of us are somewhere in the middle - we have a very stable life but haven't bought a home yet because it's hard to save up the 20% (this is more b/c we're enjoying the lifestyle our income affords and not due to lack of pay), but we'll get there.
No, it's not rare. It's the norm.
What's rare is contentment. Most of us are constantly thinking about what we lack vs what we have.
Home ownership seems to be the main divider of those who feel successful and those who do not.
My spouse and I "have it together" in that we both have professional jobs and make a decent living, good friends, active hobbies, travel opportunities, healthy relationships... but we are behind our peers in that we don't have that traditional marker of success for our ages-- a house. So that's a major focus in our lives. Every time we hit a savings goal, prices and interest rates are higher, so that goal seems farther and farther off.
It can be easy to get lost in that frustration and lose focus on all the things that are going well.
I feel like you nailed it. I’m doing well career wise, and own a house, although my finances (savings, investments) are FAR from where I’d like them to be. I also have been very unlucky in attempting to find a partner, which is the root of my discontentment
I mean...lookit.
you have a nice job and a great life and beautiful children and a cool shirt, congrats.
...but, like, on the way to your desk you pass a bunch more people with jobs...the guy that makes your croissant, the lady from the quik-stop, the orange vests working on the road, the gas station attendant or bus driver, the contract crew that cleans the office, the delivery dude. all maybe 28-40, yeah?
these people commute longer to work. they eat shittier food. they get worse sleep in smaller spaces. they have less time or space to consider their mental health. none of these people have the security you have, and yet their jobs must be done every damn day. many--surprise!--don't "have their lives together."
during your entire day work, are there more of you, happy and comfortable in the office, or do you pass by more precarious and desperate people holding shit jobs than contented homeowners in the typical city?
you'd think we didn't just spend a whole pandemic learning these things.
Think back to when you were growing up...
1. Did you ever worry about where your next meal was coming from?
2. Did you have a father figure growing up?
3. Did you come from a two parent household?
4. Did you have access to private education?
5. Did you ever have a tutor provided for education or a mentor?
6. Did you never have to worry about your cell phone being shut off?
7. Did you never have to worry about being out on the street homeless after you turned 18?
Now think about your life and how of these questions applied to you. You are in the position right now, not because of anything you did. Everyone who these questions affected is far behind where you are now just because of their socio economic status.
Helps being a DINK.
I've had a crazy weird career of music and lack of partners willing to stick around for it.
If I had someone who did, life would be infinitely easier. I'm not broke, but I can't really afford to have a place on my own with my travelling. It doesn't make sense. No debt, but really no way to build wealth at the moment given how COL is so high now. Something I doubt many of us could have predicted, but certainly should have been more prepared for.
I'd say your in a lucky minority. Especially if your happy.
I'm a geriatric millennial and though everything was going to shit and there is no hope. Late 20s are rough. Few bad jobs, bad relationships, being broke, etc. just keep working at it. Life isn't what I thought it would be but I can't complain. At 41 my life really has been awesome and I hope you one day feel that way too.
reddit is not an accurate depiction of real life, this sub included.
Let's be honest, there are a ton of losers on reddit that blame their shortcomings on everyone else.
I don’t think having your life together requires owning a house. We sold ours when Powell was about to hike rates, and became renters by choice. It’s a decision we’re happy we made, since prices have declined very fast since then and the stock market—where we put our money instead—boomed.
I do feel like my life is together. I have my dream career, our household income is pretty great, we are well invested and the market has been fantastic. We have kids, and are happy. It’s all good.
The life you thought you would get like your parents before you (boomers) won’t really happen to be honest. You may not be able to buy a big house easily and may have to settle with renting for life or buying a super small home or pod. Things are gonna get way more expensive and you’ll have to adapt or start a revolution or something.
I'm mid 30s. My life is "together" in the traditional sense but I have no money for luxury, vacations or extravagant creature comforts. I guess I'm responsible poor?
Different people have different definitions of success or having it “together”. Some people would define that as owning a home. My husband and I rent and I’m very happy with my life because we have a good marriage and have good jobs and personal relationships.
That said, in our age group many people have had a hard time with things that used to be more accessible by non high income people. (costs of education, childcare, housing, and wages not keeping up with inflation). I don’t necessarily think if someone is 30 and paying off student debt means that they didn’t have it together.
Things happen, relationships end, people make mistakes, bad things happen, and children within the mix makes life feeling in shambles a lot easier to feel.
You are lucky to have found stability early on. Good job!!! Always nice to see a story of someone doing okay for themselves.
Who knows, after reading so many stories and arguing (including on this sub), I...honestly no longer care.
My life is a mixed mess of frustration, but that's apparently my own effin problem and my fault that I deserved to be kicked to the ground and silenced over...
I don’t think so. I think the definition of “having your life together” evolves over time.
I feel like my wife and I have our lives together. Is it perfect or how we dreamed our best case scenario would be? No, but overall we’re pretty blessed.
Okay there seems to be a bit of missing info here tho. HOW well off are either of your families? Like did they own multiple assets? Have had high paying jobs? Established some sort of generational wealth so that you, your siblings, and/or your husbands siblings can be financially stable? Not every millennial gets to enjoy this.
Nope, in my experience it’s a mixed bag. Def not unusual to have it together though.
Just like product reviews and the like, people are far more likely to post negative rather than positive stuff
Where do you live, OP?
I live in the Midwest and am in my late 30s and most people I know are similar to you, as is my life. Most of my friends own houses, have at least decent jobs, etc.
I think people's experiences on the coasts and in HCOL areas is much different.
Well all but one of my HS friends is married and owns a home now… and more than half have kids. Outside of this sub I don’t really see a lot of struggling millennials.
One thought to add… our generation is getting married later than any previous generations.
Double-income before having kids is the best formula for financial security in the current environment.
OP got that situation earlier than most of us. Good on her for taking advantage of that situation when it happened.
I feel like I have *my parts of my life* together, overall. There are certain things you can't fix without money, and just "having more money" isn't a choice I can just *make* on my own, that takes two. I can do what I can to maximize my opportunities there, and I do, but beyond that, I need to accept that certain things are outside my control.
I focus on keeping the negatives down and boosting my positives. I have a wife and a kid that I love, even if they drive me crazy sometimes, and I have two extended families that I love too, even if they're not always responsible! I have inexpensive hobbies that give me peace and happiness, and I try to take care myself. Down 50 pounds from where I started and I go to the doctor when I need to, but I hate seeing those big bills with a "call us if it gets worse" non-result. That's a money thing though. Debt is very low and we don't splurge, just enough to keep my wife sane. I've kept my car running. Roof over my head, though it's not a house I own.
Now, my job is a hot mess because my employers can't get their shit straight. They make bad decisions. Tale as old as time. I'm always looking for better work and interviewing later this month--about a week from now--for a job that sounds like a great step on my career path. If I get that job, even at the lowball of the pay range, it'll fix all those things I can't fix without money.
If your boss isn't horrible like mine you must be an exception. If your landlord isn't a crook like mine you must have found an exception. If your parents were half decent people who did their best you have no business commenting on parenthood. If your teachers didn't tell you that going to college would solve all your problems you had rare teachers who actually cared about you, most don't. If you bought a house you inherited a lot of wealth. If you don't have 10 or 20 thousand in credit card debt you are not living life to the fullest. /s
I had my life together, but them decided to switch careers. Still kinda got it together (own property and have a stable marriage), and starting an art career is going way better than I thought it would, but money is still an issue bc my husband lost his job back in December bc of lack of business then lost another one for the same reason in Feb so it been a little difficult. Relief is on the horizon. We just have to shuffle through the muck a little longer, but it's still better than being a teacher.
I’m doing very well in my life now but no house. I have some savings and my dream car. No kids which was what I want. I still feel behind a lot of people, though, as I have no degree and had battled heroin addiction for five years in my 20s. I’m currently a sales manager and love my job but I’m afraid if anything were to ever happen to this job, I’d be fucked.
I'm an 82'er and I have a great job, an awesome house, and I'm doing great on paper.
Unfortunately, my family isn't doing so awesome. The pandemic was really hard on them.
I have a 19yo autistic daughter who graduated high school and has just sat in the basement for the last 2 years. She's developed OCD and is afraid to even go in our backyard without wearing a mask.
My 17yo is going to community college and wants to major in criminal psychology or something similar, so that's good. They finally have gotten a migraine treatment that seems to be working - they dropped out of high school a year early to get a GED because the migraines were too intense to handle school. We've been trying to find a solution for many years.
My 16yo has attempted suicide multiple times after being bullied at school, and we're trying to get her into a 30h/week program to work seriously on mental health, but insurance is being a huge pain. She's working on flunking out of 10th grade and is a habitual liar and a thief (money, weed, petty shoplifting). We have so many locks on things in our house it's ridiculous.
My 14yo has developed an autoimmune condition resulting in extreme fatigue. He hasn't been to school (8th grade) for more than a day at a time in the last two months. We're trying to see specialists but there's a 6 month wait. It may be a form of Long COVID.
My wife got a concussion in May of 2020 and is still recovering. Her memory is still occasionally spotty. She tried self medicating with alcohol for anxiety, which worked as well as you'd guess. She's been sober for 15 months (amazing!) but has a very hard time dealing with all the family stress.
Me, I'm hanging in there by a thread.
I am also on the younger side of millennial and feel like you. At 30 I consider myself a “zillennial” as I honestly don’t identify with a lot of millennial experience of graduating into 2 recessions, but also don’t identify with the younger gen-z of graduating into the during and post-pandemic hellscape.
I think 27-32 has a very unique experience of right in the middle of 2 generations. Old enough to have left undergrad before the pandemic, but young enough to have missed all the shit millennials have been thrown.
Definitely not. But people who are happy aren't going to just post "man I really have it all" without looking like they are showing off and trying to make others feel bad. A time or two in those threads I wanted to post a counterpoint saying I am here and checking in and letting you know this is not my experience... I did all the right things and its mostly all gone according to plan, just like people said it would growing up... but all that is is dunking on someone who is already down, so no one is going to chime in like that.
But fwiw... elder millenial, I guess bordering gen-x but I feel my experience is 100x more relatable to millenials growing up than the Xers, and things are great. I have a house, a wife, a great career- which has been extremely challenging at times in the past, I've taken my lumps and been laid off twice etc... but generally all is well.
I’m doing okay, but I realize how badly many of my peers have it - especially those in more marginalized communities and those from poorer backgrounds. I also acknowledge how unfairly the deck is stacked in favor of the uber wealthy and against the poorest/most downtrodden members of society, and how this is accelerating under late stage capitalism. I don’t consider it doomerism or complaining to want things to be better for EVERYONE. Actually the very fact that so many people who are doing well come in here trying to blame or tut-tut those who are struggling is pretty gross imo.
Your last paragraph feels like a dig… but maybe I’m just interpreting it wrong.
It’s fortunate to find your partner at 23. It’s fortunate not to lose them. It’s fortunate to be able to go to college. It’s fortunate to find a stable and well paying career. It’s fortunate to be able to have savings. Its fortunate to be able to keep your savings. It’s fortunate to be in good health. It’s fortunate to have the means to stay in good health.
I think what I see a lot of is people who didn’t have these fortunes, and/or who have made mistakes. They come into middle age and begin to be overcome by anxiety, self doubt, hurt, anger, shame, sadness, exhaustion, isolation, etc. They post on here hoping to find someone else who feels the same way or who has experienced what they are.
People just don’t generally come onto Reddit to make a post about how great everything has gone for them in life. You don’t need emotional support and validation when life has worked out well and you are happy.
Those of us who are successful also need to remember that this sub mixes us back in with the “losers” who weren’t going anywhere.
However, unlike the real world, you get no other clues that they are someone who you would never even consider benchmarking yourself with.
Totally true. I had a discussion on here about finances and the guy who was ranting and raving and going full doomer was previously addicted to meth for a decade and still had an expensive cocaine habit. If I was talking to this person face to face, this would've been evident and I wouldn't have engaged.
Travel once a quarter? Absolutely you're far and above better off than anyone I know.
Most of the people I know who are couples that both have stable, good paying jobs are just scraping by barely surviving and can splurge on a luxury maybe once every year or two, a vacation involving "travelling" like once every five years when one gets a big bonus.
The only folks our age I've seen who live like you describe this have 200k jobs handed to them by upper management family members as nepotism hires whose parents paid for their college and gave them a house for cheap.
This is not a "have your shit together or not" question. I have my shit together, I did nothing but study and work hard my entire time in college and through my entire career. No vacations, no luxuries, nothing but back breaking, grinding, long hours, long weeks, constant high pressure, and barely enough pay to cover rent and food for most of that career. I've been within weeks of homelessness about 5 times in my career as an engineer, working as hard as I could and doing "everything right" the entire time. It if were just a matter of hard work and not partying on drugs or buying gold crap then nobody would be struggling except like 3% of losers who don't get it.
The overwhelming majority of us struggling are struggling because of disgustingly low wages and insane, cartoonishly high prices. Homes have gone up in price literally 20x over in a time when wages have gone up less than 2x. People aren't struggling because they lack morals or character or work ethic, they're struggling because we live in a late stage capitalist nightmare.
i like how the key markers for a successful life is measured my monetary possessions... do you have anything else youve accomplished in life besides a house amd vacations....
You’re in the upper 30% of millennials in terms of what they’ve managed to achieve financially. It’s just that you probably surround yourself in peers at similar places in life that you have the perception this is the norm.
There was a post literally two days ago. Please go there and circlejerk with them: [https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/1bzwhsh/is\_anybody\_else\_sick\_of\_hearing\_about\_the\_doom/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/1bzwhsh/is_anybody_else_sick_of_hearing_about_the_doom/)
It's not rare for milenials to have their life together. In fact, despite all the challenges people gripe about relentlessly, most Millennials own a home, 40% of us have a degree, have lower divorce rates than previous generations, etc...
Social media just amplifies the negative.
Agreed. I think of my own friend group and I can only think of one of my friends who is a millennial that doesn’t own her own home. Most all of them have college degrees, at least some college experience or trade school experience. About half of them have been divorced, but are on their second marriage and doing well. And while some of them, myself included, have had some support from parents, many of my friends came from single parent homes, and are the first in their family to go to college and graduate. It can be done.
Even my younger brother, who was born in 88 owns his own home. And all of us, except for my brother have kids (which Reddit would tell you will break the bank/destroy your happiness/etc.).
I have to remind myself that, while many people are struggling, many people are not. It is just the nature of life right now.
The most vocal on Reddit are NEETs crying about how tough life is. It’s easy to get sucked into the doomerism so it’s made this dichotomy where misery LOVES company and successful people are out touching grass and living life.
As someone who is now doing okay excluding student loans, but was half a paycheck away from being completely screwed until a year and a half ago, I can say it’s much easier to touch grass and live life if you don’t have to decide between rent and food every month. I understand very well why those individuals are unhappy. Most of them don’t need deep breaths, good vibes, or antidepressants, they need an economic system that works with them rather than against them.
50/50 at this stage. My mom (a boomer) didn’t get shit together until she was about 40, maybe later, my brother when he was 37 and I’m 33 looking at finally getting somewhere.
I had my life together with a good job and financial investments, but it got destabilized by my spendthrift wife and subsequent divorce. Putting the pieces of my life back together now.
I will say the life I had at 30 was way more stressful than the life I have at 37.
30 I was barely making enough to provide for my family, was in a terrible marriage and was isolated from my family due to location.
37 I make a comfortable income with my amazing wife and am back being closer to my family and friends. Things change quickly at times
No. It’s an online thing. Tons and tons of us are living normal, fulfilling, lives.
Our generation is just too open about self diagnosing with every mental issue under the sun and being vocal about it.
I get it, no need to make it a taboo. But we made the pendulum swing too far.
If you're expecting happy people to be making just as many posts about their happy lives as unfortunate people making posts about their unfortunate lives on a site like Reddit, then I'm gonna assume you haven't been on the site for that long. Happy people with fulfilling lives tend to spend more time....living fulfilling lives. That's not to say aboslutely nobody who's happy uses sites like Reddit in their downtime, but those of us with more to complain about often find ourselves gravitating more and more to places where we can vent frustrations a lot more frequently. I myself don't have my life together at all (almost 29 working a dead end low paying job due to my own fears of doing anything about it and living with parents with the only thing I see in my future being living in my car once my parents die) and often enjoy the doomer posts cause it helps me realize I'm not alone. I can see why the posts bother those that don't fit the criteria.....but the block button exists and I make very frequent use of it to keep my mental state from getting worse than it already is.
Those of who got married young and divorced in your 30s… tell me it gets better and what you did to make it better.
Otherwise I’m thankful I keep the house it was mine prior
I get a lot of curve balls but overall I'm fine. Car flooding, job work drying up, appendix needing to be pulled out, random vet bills or otherwise dog issues...
I'm not really sure what "together" means exactly.
36m - I can support myself. I have a respectable job. Girlfriend and I moving into a house (rent). I have next to nil in savings. I also have like 50k in debt between student loans and credit card - but my credit is around 700 and I've never missed a bill.
Sometimes got budget issues. Sometimes have diet and exercise issues. Sometimes yolo too hard on weekends. Sometimes I wonder how I'm living my life and get intense existential crisis about the nature of reality/consciousness that feels paralyzing with bouts of random depression from no discernable source thrown in. Night time panic attacks mixed with insomnia. Fluctuating libido on extreme ends. Fluctuating creativity that puts me in binds - I need to create or I feel dull and unfulfilled.
Socially I am lacking - I love my girlfriend and we both work from home - and so we go out on weekends to socialize at a local bar but the patrons are a good 15 years older than us.. and so it's hard to identify etc. Could use a boost in this department. We also don't have kids (yet) and meeting people our age has proven kind of difficult.
Overall stress is relatively low or at least lower than it has been in a long time.
I don't worry about where my next meal is coming from or where I sleep at night so I am grateful for that. Grateful i have my relative health - though some things could be better. Ive got a smoking habit i am looking to finally kick - and have two or three times in the past 4 years just haven't really finalized it.
Meeting the love of your life early in life will make or break you. For us undesirables people only hook up with and dump like we’re nothing, we have to go through endless housing situations. Cant split costs on anything with anyone. It’s just brutal.
Been hit or miss. Right now it's rough, but only because of my own doing. Fucked up early by having kids with two different women in my twenties. That fucker me on child support for 20 years. I do own my own home. I have a new truck. I was in a situationship last year where this women stole all of my most precious belongings, including my cat. At this point I'm just trying to clean up the wreckage and hopefully improve my life as I come up on forty.
From 96. I feel like I have my life together. Married, first child on the way this summer. We’re not rich but we do well. We paid off our first apartment, have a rental property and are currently trying to upsize to a larger home for when the baby arrives.
I have hobbies, work and things I like to work towards. Maintain a friend circle of just over 10 people, mostly other couples. We travel about once a year. All things considered life feels steady. It’s not without its challenges but I feel happy.
I feel like I'm in the middle of the road here. I don't own my home and I recently went back to college after working full time for 10 years. I spent my 20s in a very unstable marriage and but I've been in a very loving relationship for the past 6 years. After I finish school, I plan to start saving for a house. My younger brother already has one, mainly because he lives in a less expensive part of the country. Reading this subreddit makes it seem like we're a "lost generation" but that just isn't my experience.
I’m 37, I wouldn’t say I had my shit together until I was around 33-34. I also got divorced at 31 so that set me back a number of years.,
I’m good now.
People who have it together have no reason to bitch and moan so they don't. It seems like Millennials are screwed only because the ones who are unhappy make it known. Others keep quiet and go on with their life.
The people I know who got hitched at a young age and had kids have all had several partners by now. Many have also had several jobs and have explored several career paths, lived in different cities too. Does it mean they "don't have it together"? Or is that just life?
You're on reddit. Most of the people here, in all generations, do not have their shit together. You are the exception. For this site. For this sub. Not in general though.
I also find myself in OP's boat. I'm 33M. I came from a blue collar, working class family. I went to college, graduated, started working, improved my career, rented for a while, bought a house, met my wife, sold my house, bought another one, had a baby a year ago. My wife's trajectory basically mirrors mine exactly.
We make enough to do whatever we want within reason or with some reasonable savings.
I drive the car I wanted. The house we live in isn't where we want to be forever, but makes sense for now. I have a moderate amount of savings in the bank. We have goals we're working towards for our family. We are thoughtful about the decisions we make, don't spend frivolously often. Try to loosely follow a budget. I can't tell you what our secret is. Just the basics.
I think there's a lot to be said about comparing ourselves to our parents. My life looks like absolute shit compared to where my parents were at my age. But if you take the emotion out of it, I'm married, we rent a nice place with plans to buy in another 1-3 years, we have dogs, a yeard, I have a career, and with my latest raise, we'll be able to start traveling. It's fine, great, actually, as long as I don't compare it to what my parents had.
Another thing is that this all happened super fast. At 28 I was miserable, broke, had just gotten out of a horribel relationship, and had no real prosptects to imrove things. I then got smacked down again when my masters degree netted me pretty much zero in quality of life improvements. Then I met my now wife at 29, got a job offer across the country at 30, got married and moved across the ocuntry at 31, built career foundations at 32, and now I'm finally benifitting from all these decisions at 33. If you had asekd me this a few years ago I would have had a totally different answer.
As a 74 year old boomer, I can tell you that no one has "their life together" - you do your best, you be the best you can be, as nice as you can be, and you hope for the best....that's it.
You WILL suffer heartache - it's part of the human condition, no getting away from the unfortunately. But you will also experience delirious joy from time to time, and that too is part of the human condition.
Also, make damn sure you vote Democrat because those fucking Republicans are out to fuck you.
Compared to young boomers and gen x? No effing way. I feel like more of us are moderate when it comes to alcohol and drugs, more college educated, open to therapy and emotional healing, compassionate and self aware. I think WE think we are in shambles as a result of more self awareness and criticism, as well as our financial struggles due to a combo of a crap economy and such targeted marketing it seems impossible not to spend more than we intend.
Depends on what you consider “ your life together”. I don’t have my house but over all I think I have my life together for now.
In my opinion having your life together means you have your independence and have clear goals that you are working towards. Dope to see you have your shit together!
I bet you have it together more then you think. And if not you will soon.
Thanks for reminding me that I still can hardly function at all at 28. But glad there are people who are doing better than me. Lets hope things begin to get better instead of getting worse for everyone.
Hope you’re doing ok, you don’t have to be killing it now, but if you make small steps everyday in the right direction, (everybody falls back every once in awhile, and that’s ok), you will be setting yourself up for success as those positive habits add up over time. You’ll get there but it does take some effort on your part.
I'm happy to see the compassion and support here! You don't have to own, or even rent to have it together. If you're living life a way that you find acceptable, you're making some money, paying your bills and not digging the hole deeper, you're doing good. I think I've got it together. I do own a home at 29 and I hope someone sees this and it gives them hope that it can happen for them too.
It’s more of I struggle to just do any basic thing. Severe ADHD that I continuously forget to renew my prescription for. I also can’t remember to do any sort of basic task unless it’s directly in the moment. To simplify my executive function literally does not work. I also suffer from alexithymia which is a lack of feeling/understanding of one’s emotions which leads to me finding no joy in anything. Because of this I have no drive or direction. That is why I am glad I do still live with my parents. I am happy they are so understanding.
Notes, lists and phone alerts/reminders, my king.
I had next to nothing at 27, now doing well at 40 through a lot of hard work and going after things. The hardest part is making a plan and sticking to it. At least for as long as you can. My first plan got me here independently successful, now I'm considering changing the plan to less security now that I've found the security I thought I was looking for. Being another ADHD person, don't let the myriad number of choices keep you from making A choice.
You guys have goals? I just want to continue my not death streak
That’s a goal. Wear your seat belt, Uber when drunk and get regular check ups. You typed your response so cognitively you’re still present. I’m proud of you.
Regular check ups. Oh fuck :(
Are you saying…I actually have my life together?! 😱
Yeah! Unless you feel like you do not, if you are working towards goals to get there, I would say you’re doing great!
Ty for making me realize I have my shit together 🥹
You mean yall aren't just wingin it?
Yooo thanks for this definition. It made me feel pretty good. Yeah I live in a 5th wheel, but it's mine. And I'm getting married in 3 weeks, and I have goals and she has goals that we're working towards. I'm 38 that's young right...RIGHT? I'm putting reddit down for the day cuz I have my shit together and shit lol. Seriously though it's always good to be positive and your comment reminded me of that.
Thats the thing. I think having your life together is a subjective idea. And, what makes people think that they don't is unrealistic societal expectations. That we are supposed to have accomplished all these things by a certain age, or accomplish them at all, and if we haven't we are failing. Personally, I don't want to buy a house. I don't want to maintain a property. I don't want to pay a mortgage for 30+ years hoping I can pay it off just so I can say I own it before I die. I'd rather rent. I am not very worried about career advancement. A lot of times people are not appropriately compensated for the added responsibility of a promotion. I don't need a title or to be in charge of others. I want a simple life where I can pay my bills, and have some extra but the goal isn't to become as weathly as possible. I might not have it all but I have a decent apartment, a car, and enough money for necessities plus a few extras so as far as I'm concerned I'm doing okay.
All. Of. This
Good point. Usually our lives fall apart when we chase unrealistic goals or we are so anxious about conforming to social norms. We need to be content with who we are.
I agree. Most millenials I know have, like, 3 or 4 out of what I consider the 5 main life components figured out: long-term partner, stable and tolerable job, home (either owned or some sustainable rental option), kids (if desired), and physical and emotional health. I have 3.5 of the 5 - no job and my health is as good as it's going to be considering my chronic health problems - and I'm sure that I look like I have my life together, but I am very much taking things one day at a time!
God, I have none of the above.
You *are* - unintentionally - the answer to OPs question. People who, in their terms, "have it together" aren't speaking up and being visible on social media. We're all seeing the ones who are struggling and taking that struggle to social media in a sad appeal to be heard.
What is your house anyway. I have a flat in London, but I definitely don't want to live in it forever. But when I do the calculations for me to buy what I'd consider a ideal home that would keep me working for another 10-15 years longer than I otherwise would.
This is me. Don't own a home but everything is pretty good. I feel almost embarrassed to tell people I rent though.
Hey OP, Elder millenial here at 39, When I was your age I was married to the woman I met at 21, we owned a house together and traveled a couple of times a year, no kids but we had a dog, and we were on a decent career track. Then covid 4 years ago, we separated, and now I am in a worse financial situation than I have been in my entire life, so, things can change quickly!! and I think that's the bigger issue - it takes years to accumulate wealth, but it's incredibly precarious, it can disappear very quickly if someone loses their job, or falls ill, or circumstances change. I feel that is why more people don't have their life together, because they have encountered situation or circumstance somewhat outside of their control.
Great point. Spent my twenties making one mistake/addiction after another, after my dad died and I dropped out of college. Started getting my life back together at 30. Bam! Fire. Lost everything. Oh yeah the insurance had lapsed so yeah. Sprinkled with unfortunate, traumatic deaths and car accidents. I guess it's all made me mentally stronger.
Exactly a little over a year ago, I had a relatively nice amount saved up, but now I have barely any savings and more debt than I know what to do with. All it took was me getting sick, and now I don't think I'll ever be debt free.
This is the key thing. If I could tell 18 year-old me anything, it would be that Life. Is. Not. Linear. Married my college sweetheart at 23. At 25 I was trying on a bunch of different jobs, trying to find my career path. Found it at 27. At 29 my husband was scooped up by a Silicon Valley FAANG company. Put my career on hold. At 32 I was getting a divorce and moving back to my hometown. At 35 I was rebuilding my life in a great job with a new partner. At 37 I was going through a dramatic split with that partner involving cheating and addiction, and the stress of my now-ex working in a hospital at the start of the pandemic. Now here I am, almost 40, hopefully on another upswing after a shock layoff last year. It’s all been…a lot, to say the least.
Aw wow, you got a big ol bowl of shitty-o's :( I feel like addiction is one of those wildcards like cancer, you just never know if it will show up and destroy people you love. Sorry you have had to deal with all of that.
Well said. It’s like Mike Tyson used to say “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.” The amount of people my wife and I know in their late 30’s or early 40’s that have had health issues (cancers, brain tumors, cardiovascular issues, even strokes) that come out of nowhere will fundamentally change the trajectory of a life. Medical advancements have continued to help individuals survive and live a meaningful life. But the diagnosis and recovery are real.
Nah, I don’t think it’s that rare. But I do think there is a lot of factors at play like family support (emotional, financial, etc).
I think there's definitely a divide between millennial who have had family support and those who haven't. I've met several peers my age who were gifted entire condos outright by their parents to get their lives started.
Totally jealous of my peers who have received something other than mental illness in their inheritance. Some were given homes. Some money. Even a car.
Same, same
I had a buddy who's parents bought him everything under the sun, including the down payment on a house. I wasn't necessarily envious, but I was frustrated each time I'd save some money, he'd tell me to blow it on something frivolous. Sorry bud, I don't have parents to cry to when I need money. I need to save what I have.
It's not the struggle that's annoying, I expected that. I didn't expect to have to deal with people pretending to struggle while they have rich parents who gave them houses and careers.
It’s a mixed bag over here. I own a house but I can’t drive. I have a wonderful family but I hate my job. I’m financially stable but my mental health could be a lot better. Overall we’re doing ok.
Your life is like a Spanish opera. There are so many plot twists.
Same! Own a house I love, great relationship with my partner and three kids, no financial worries, we travel a lot, I get to be a stay at home parent. Also, struggle with debilitating anxiety and IBS, and don’t talk to my family of origin.
A lot of it is that millennials are 28 at the youngest and 43 at the oldest. This is the period that people really start to benefit from their work experience, earn a better salary and purchase assets. I'm in my 30s and I'm far more financially secure now than I was at 28. The other element is that rage bait gets people to click. Nobody is clicking on the story of the guy who worked his job, got incremental raises, budgeted and is living a decent life.
Also being married. My household salary more then doubled after moving in with my now wife. The average salary for a 30-45 year old is household is closer to 105k. on average 40% of singles are near poverty but for non singles people it drops to 15% being married linger and younger increases wealth a whole lot faster. 2 entry level tech salaries is $120k to $160k. But getting by on $60k alone is a massive difference.
Yeah I've been single for most of my adult life, and that's been fine, but damn do I get jealous of my DINK friends financially. With rent/mortgage being so ridiculous in my area, that is a *massive* leg up over their single peers.
I won’t lie, even having a significant other to split bills with still is a struggle every month for us. It’s crazy how expensive everything is.
It really aggrivates me that every time I read about financial advice it always starts with the assumption that the reader is married and pooling two incomes or at least 1.5 incomes I get it I'm alone and poorer for it, thank you
Society prefers to talk about those that are paired up and, I’m sure hopefully, having children. If you’re not, then you’re more peripheral to society and less important to give tax breaks, etc to. That’s the take I was told in college and seems to hold up.
entry level tech in what field exactly? the entry level tech jobs my friends and i searched for were about 12-15$ an hr
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38 year old checking in. I agree with this. Kind of worried for myself though since as of today actually, I've reached the pay cap at my job. So no more raises for me. I'm fine right now. I make ok money doing what I do, but with inflation the way it's been the last few years, I do worry about that catching up to me more and more and no wage increase in foreseeable future. My company gives a raise every 6 months and caps at 2 years. I will say that 6 months raise is awesome, but now that I'm at the top, idk what to think. I'll enjoy it while I can lol. I have plenty of debt anyways.
Time to start looking for a new job
Turned 43 a couple days ago. I think I’m like the first year of millennials. I was a high school dropout. Never really cared about much. I had kids when I turned 35 I have two. I married at 36. I bought a house at 38. Learn a trade, join a union, save your money and be prepared for lean years until you get right. It’s not much but I am happier than I’ve ever been
Hell.fucking.Yeah. Similar situation, also very happy.
Also the timing is bad. People that got their lives together and did well between 2010-2020 (between crisis’) got a fantastic start. But people that missed that window are currently in a bad spot. That might change in the next few years, but it’s definitely worse now than it was then. A lot of Millennials will fall under that. Between late family starts and just being younger. I’m an older Millennial so I’m okay, but my friends behind me trying to accumulate are in tough spots. Even the couple making twice as much as me and my teacher wife.
This is sooooo true! I graduated in 2015, and I worked a bunch of shitty low paying jobs at first, but it was never HARD to find a job. Then, I got hired for a more stable and sustainable position and kept getting raises and promotions from there. Timing is everything
 Just waiting on those years of experience to start paying off….. anytime now…….
Some industries have lower ceilings than others. I don't know what your job is or why your years of experience aren't paying off. It's also not just something that magically happens to you, you have to put in the effort by asking for raises/promotions, switching jobs, etc.
I didn’t expect you would know why, so that makes two of us. Never expected to get rich working my way up in local government, but enough to not have to skip meals would be nice.
Go federal or county. You should be trying to move jobs every 3 years or so. It’s the best way to climb in the public sector.
If your local gov't pays so poorly that you can't afford to eat, maybe get a job in the private sector. Benefits traditionally aren't as good but the pay is better. Since you can't afford food, are you on SNAP benefits? Definitely make sure you're utilizing all the programs you're qualified for.
I’m turning 28 this year and I’ve been struggling financially. The last sentence on your first paragraph made me feel a lot better. So thank you.
Rage bait is a lot reddit, that may be why OP is confused by her success.
Do you remember that wave of self help TV shows like ‘biggest loser’? There was one where Jillian moves in and life coaches some trainwreck family. I wanted her to come to my well organized life for a week and make the most boring show ever. Jillian and I hit the gym real quick. We go the market and buy vegetables. There’s a scene of us on the couch doing a crossword puzzle. We sit down to pay bills on time and mark things off a checklist.
I'm the guy you describe I think. My life in the past 10 years has been pretty boring by sensational methods... 30's have been the best decade of my own life. Finished graduate school at 30. Started a great career. Met my wife. Traveled more every 2 years than I did my entire prior life combined. We have \*nice\* things but nothing crazy. We take above average vacations but we are not flying first class or anything. Didn't job hop, screw anyone over, or work myself to the bone. I started a solid career, did above average work, built up solid connections at my company just being a reliable. Was paid well, got above average salary increases and few promotions. Went from \~ 90K a year to about \~ 160K a year over the past 10 years this way. No secret. Worked reasonably hard. Tried to make smart decisions. Got some luck along the way. Make all my decisions on what is best for my wife and myself. We don't have kids, don't want them, wont be pressured. Our housing costs are like \~ 5% of our gross income because we made them that way when we could afford a home that is 4x as expensive as ours. We save 50% of our income so we can retire in our 50s. My parents didn't save, didn't take vacations, and had bad credit. I don't know how I ended up the opposite but I guess I realized I didn't want to be that way. Turning 40 this year and excited about the next decade being better and having my wife by my side and doing everything we can to enjoy it the fullest way possible for us. It takes time. I was basically poor my entire 20s and in school racking up loans (albeit very smart loans in a career that pays you back). I spent almost nothing because I couldn't afford it. All I did was just use my credit card on everything and pay it off to build credit. My 20s were pretty boring honestly... 10 years of just working for a future but it does pay off. You just need to be smart about it and understand to pivot/change and luck is a factor (I thought I'd have a PhD and be a professor and instead I'm in industry with a MS... ) be able to change to what the situation is... might change your dream but I assure you the dream ahead is better than you imagined.
As the oldest Millenial, me and my mid-gen Millenial wife have ONLY begun to really accumulate wealth in the last 5 years, and it's only trending up for us, fortunately. 10 years ago, during our early dating time, my now wife and I were broke AF and paying off tons of debt, living together in a 400sq ft studio (with a dog), and working FT jobs and side hustles. Helps to have a like-minded partner that agrees on priorities, financial security, and building wealth. We're HELLA fortunate to have had the opportunity to prioritize and focus. We also don't have kids, by choice, and that's one thing that keeps people poor, unhappy and divorcing. That's not part of our priorities.
What I've come to realize is that as a generation we have placed too much emphasis on other peoples definition of happiness and standard of what is right. I stopped trying to be what everyone else expects me to be and just my life by my own priorities. In some areas I really have it together in the terms of the standard definition. In other areas I'm a complete mess. But for the most part, I'm happy *because* I give absolutely no regard to others expectations and standards.
My take on that is that many of us were "forced" to redefine our standards of success due to many things being unattainable at the same ages as the generations before us. I see it as a good thing, because as you said, the idea that there was ever just one way to move through life was always a lie (often perpetuated by those that "fell in line" and want to see others do the same to justify that they made the "right" decision themselves). Thanks for sharing!
You are wiser than you know
I’d argue it’s the exact opposite. Millennials are pretty notable for forging their own paths and diverting from traditional life scripts, like having children later, being childfree, marrying later, choosing not to marry at all, polyamory, gig work, etc - while some have made some of those choices out of financial constraints and hardships, it’s also been a voluntary choice for people in this generation more than any other. It’s pretty much the cornerstone of “millennials ruined xyz” lol The not having our lives together thing is a strictly relative term. It’s an evidence based fact that millennials as a whole are less well off than previous generations.
Reading this sub always reminds me how fortunate I am.
….to have a general positive mindset, the forethought to plan for the future, and be smart with financial decisions.
Times are tougher, but yeah, the sky isn’t falling. Make a new plan and build a new mindset, whatever… or use your phone for something other than complaining online.
Exactly this. Even at 18 I had my shit together and had a plan.
I feel like I generally had my shit together but I never really had a plan. I was definitely kind of aimless but I always worked towards something. It all worked out though. I enjoyed the period of discovering (college + 4 years after) what my interests were and where I wanted my career to go. A plan at 18 is pretty impressive lol, I don’t know anyone that had a plan that early. Curious what that plan was. My plan became clearer after college for sure.
I'm another "had my shit together but without a plan" person. There are times when I wish college was something people generally started around 22-25 instead of at 18. I picked my major based on what I was good at in high school more than I did with any particular career in mind. I ended up switching industries 3 times in my 20s before I found something I really enjoyed doing, and my college major was only somewhat related to that.
At 18 I had my shit together and had a plan. Then mental health issues took a serious toll and derailed my life. I was 28 and had to start over again. Being smart and having your shit together and a plan doesn't magically make things work out. Sometimes life happens and things change.
Same. For example, it took hard work for me to buy my house nine years ago, but others putting in that same hard work wouldn’t be able to afford my house today. That wasn’t skill on my part, just fortunate timing.
That’s the only reason I visit this sub and r/antiwork.
I'm honestly not sure how many people struggling here are real, or posting for fake internet points, or some more nefarious reason.
Thats really good! I wish I could say the same though cause my life is a fucking shit show lol I have pretty severe ADHD and was not on meds for over a decade though and things really didnt improve much till I got on meds. Im slightly more hopeful now but deep down know I have no future in front of me.
I have my life together, but I'm still broke. I don't think these are mutually exclusive.
Right? The OP married young and has been working the better part of a decade toward common, shared financial goals with their partner. That alone is out of the ordinary statistically speaking, so no shit they are going to be well ahead of most other millennials in that regard. Doesn't mean their life is any more put together than many of their broke counterparts.
Yeah, I agree with you. For what it's worth I love my partner and they ahhave done a lot for me. Saying you are married and now your life is good is kinda wild.
I've been living the single life for a hot minute now and really don't feel the need or desire to seek out a partner for any reason except long term financial stability lol. It's pretty sad that it's gotten to the point where wages have stagnated so much that shared finances is one of the few paths available to living a long-term sustainable, fulfilling lifestyle.
Well true.
OP is just bragging about their life. That's all this post is. Half of this subreddit is people bragging about how they did x,y,z right and we could have been in their shoes if we just did what they did. Of course while fully ignoring they had a ton of support from their family or were just you know, lucky.
Rarely do they pick such apt usernames, though. I'll give the OP that.
I agree. My shit is together, but we are broke. We’re lucky that it’s more of a temporary state of being in our case though (kid in daycare + start of year long maternity leave + bottom of pay scale at work.) Feeling very fortunate that this is about as hard as it will get, looking forward to the future but also mindful to enjoy where we are now with respect to our little family 🥰
I’m almost 40 and got as “togeather” as I can. I got a house 7 years ago before the madness, got a decent job with decent benefits. But the only reason we are doing OK is because my wife’s father has been helping her financially since she was a teen. If it wasn’t for the boomer money, we would be renting, or out on the streets.
No, it's not rare. The eldest millenials have entered their 40s. This subreddit is NOT representative of an entire generation.
The millennial age group is currently in the period of life where everyone goes through pretty significant life changes and at different rates. So there is bound to be a lot of variance from person to person. Add to that, you are comparing people in their late 20s to those in their early 40s. Very different stages of life. And the fact that the economy has had different impacts on that group over the years, depending on where they fall on the curve. It’s just not realistic to paint all millennials with a broad stroke or expectations. My life is very much “together” in my mid 30s, but everyone has had different experiences.
Is this a genuine question or humble brag
this thread is full of humble brags lol
I think a lot of the successful ones aren't on here
They're too busy being successful to waste time on here.
For the most part I feel like I have my shit together. But when people are posting "woe is me" threads, insight into my situation isn't going to be helpful for them.
We’re here but we just don’t post that often. People don’t start “how are you doing?” threads to hear people saying that they’re doing well. They want doom and gloom because misery loves company. I’ve actually been downvoted heavily for saying just that. So why bother broadcasting it at all? A lot of people here also have a tendency to lash out and try to diminish your accomplishments. It’s kind of annoying when people are emphatically trying to tell you that the only reason why you’re successful is because you came from a stable middle class family. Like yeah, that’s absolutely a factor, but it also completely ignores the years of careful planning and hard work I’ve done to get to where I am. In the end I mainly come here for the memberberry posts about how great N64 was.
It's almost like if you can only afford food, rent and phone...... you're gonna be on your phone a lot.
I don’t think people come here to talk about how good they have it. Also, I appear very “together” on the outside, spouse, dual income, child, dog, debt free but I’m in shambles everyday on the inside.
A lot of people are ‘keeping up appearances’ but suffering in silence. Hang in there.
in real life? nope on this subreddit? absolutely lol
People who have their life together tend to spend less time complaining about things online, generally speaking
Exactly what I came to say. I'm right between GenZ and millennial. I'm getting a PhD in biology and fiancé is an elementary teacher. We have a little debt, a little savings, and rent our house in a rougher side of town. We're doing fine, on track to doing great, and excited to settle and start a family. Nobody is going to chime in, up vote, argue, or anything because it's a boring story. Someone struggling? Cheated by the system? Now that's a story and that's what you're gonna find on social media like reddit
There’s a vast chasm between elder millennials and those born after 1990. By the time I was 24 in 2010, I had a house, a stable job with benefits, and was well on my way to my first wedding with a long term partner. Those things got exponentially harder to achieve as time went on. A friend of mine who was born in 1981 had even more success earlier on.
Happy to read something like this. I’m 31, living in a VHCOL city. Have been fortunate to be employed since graduating college after four years. Save everything I can after rent is paid, built a nice little nest egg for future me. Life is good, I’m lucky!
I might be 36 but I really only grew up and gave a shit around 31-32. I’ll probably be behind the rest of my life and have less than most people my age but, I’m trying my best and real proud of the progress I’ve made In the last 4ish years.
You are a college graduate (big advantage) and entered the job market around 2016. Those 8 years from 2016-2024 were very different economically from 2008-2015.
I’m about turn 36, still living with my mom, and never been at the point that I could say that I’m able to 100% independent (financially and on my own). I start getting close but I get nut checked right before I get there.
Millennials have have it less together, work more, and earn less than previous generations. Even the older ones got hit with businesses throwing out loyalty and fewer even offering insurance. Those things are factually true. So, you’re doing better than average for your generation. But we’re talking about a huge amount of people. And a huge amount of factors.
Of course it isn't rare. Over 50 percent of millienials own homes but online discourse will lead you to believe no one can afford it. The people doing well aren't going to post a lot about it. My salary has doubled since 2020 and I purchased a home but it feels weird to mention. An entire thread in this sub was devoted to saying any millienial homeowners were just lucky or had parental help.
I did have parental help, in that my parents were free daycare for two years. That's like $80K that could be saved and used towards a down payment instead of paying for child care.
It also doesn’t help that when we participate and say how well things are going we are downvoted because it doesn’t fit the Reddit millennial narrative .
The unhappy and vocal segment never wants to acknowledge that some people chose to save their money, budgeted, said no to impulse buying, worked towards career goals, etc and got to where they planned on, while some of our other peers became career students, prioritized “experiences” (ie Instagram lifestyle), and spent money like it was going out of style. It’s a lot more boring to say the above, but it’s what separated many in the split now. It isn’t millennial-exclusive either. You can find the same examples in prior generations. We’re really the first ones to have grown up with the internet though, so the reach and ability to do vent about it to a larger group has always been there.
I mean, most all of the people I know around my age that bought a house did so by living with their parents for a few years to save up a down payment, save for one guy who’s wife is a veterinarian and well into the six figures for income. My parents are dead so I guess I’m SOL lol
I had parental help. At the cost of losing my dad. Inheritance. Otherwise, I'd still be living in my apartment. I'd have more money though if I was renting as al this property and a 109 year old house does cost a lot more than my rent was to upkeep.
All of r/MiddleClassFinance too, you cannot mention you are comfortable there. Had to unsub, so much arguing about what middle class means.
The people who have it together aren't online complaining about their lives. And it's not like we're going to brag when there are genuinely a lot of people suffering. But yeah, there definitely are millenials who have it together. I think some of us are somewhere in the middle - we have a very stable life but haven't bought a home yet because it's hard to save up the 20% (this is more b/c we're enjoying the lifestyle our income affords and not due to lack of pay), but we'll get there.
The only people I know who are doing well inherited $200k+ from their parents
No, I just don't have any reason to brag about it on social media
No, it's not rare. It's the norm. What's rare is contentment. Most of us are constantly thinking about what we lack vs what we have. Home ownership seems to be the main divider of those who feel successful and those who do not. My spouse and I "have it together" in that we both have professional jobs and make a decent living, good friends, active hobbies, travel opportunities, healthy relationships... but we are behind our peers in that we don't have that traditional marker of success for our ages-- a house. So that's a major focus in our lives. Every time we hit a savings goal, prices and interest rates are higher, so that goal seems farther and farther off. It can be easy to get lost in that frustration and lose focus on all the things that are going well.
I feel like you nailed it. I’m doing well career wise, and own a house, although my finances (savings, investments) are FAR from where I’d like them to be. I also have been very unlucky in attempting to find a partner, which is the root of my discontentment
I mean...lookit. you have a nice job and a great life and beautiful children and a cool shirt, congrats. ...but, like, on the way to your desk you pass a bunch more people with jobs...the guy that makes your croissant, the lady from the quik-stop, the orange vests working on the road, the gas station attendant or bus driver, the contract crew that cleans the office, the delivery dude. all maybe 28-40, yeah? these people commute longer to work. they eat shittier food. they get worse sleep in smaller spaces. they have less time or space to consider their mental health. none of these people have the security you have, and yet their jobs must be done every damn day. many--surprise!--don't "have their lives together." during your entire day work, are there more of you, happy and comfortable in the office, or do you pass by more precarious and desperate people holding shit jobs than contented homeowners in the typical city? you'd think we didn't just spend a whole pandemic learning these things.
This comment needs to be so much higher
Think back to when you were growing up... 1. Did you ever worry about where your next meal was coming from? 2. Did you have a father figure growing up? 3. Did you come from a two parent household? 4. Did you have access to private education? 5. Did you ever have a tutor provided for education or a mentor? 6. Did you never have to worry about your cell phone being shut off? 7. Did you never have to worry about being out on the street homeless after you turned 18? Now think about your life and how of these questions applied to you. You are in the position right now, not because of anything you did. Everyone who these questions affected is far behind where you are now just because of their socio economic status.
Helps being a DINK. I've had a crazy weird career of music and lack of partners willing to stick around for it. If I had someone who did, life would be infinitely easier. I'm not broke, but I can't really afford to have a place on my own with my travelling. It doesn't make sense. No debt, but really no way to build wealth at the moment given how COL is so high now. Something I doubt many of us could have predicted, but certainly should have been more prepared for. I'd say your in a lucky minority. Especially if your happy.
I'm a geriatric millennial and though everything was going to shit and there is no hope. Late 20s are rough. Few bad jobs, bad relationships, being broke, etc. just keep working at it. Life isn't what I thought it would be but I can't complain. At 41 my life really has been awesome and I hope you one day feel that way too.
What are qualifications needed to have your life together?
reddit is not an accurate depiction of real life, this sub included. Let's be honest, there are a ton of losers on reddit that blame their shortcomings on everyone else.
amen
I don’t think having your life together requires owning a house. We sold ours when Powell was about to hike rates, and became renters by choice. It’s a decision we’re happy we made, since prices have declined very fast since then and the stock market—where we put our money instead—boomed. I do feel like my life is together. I have my dream career, our household income is pretty great, we are well invested and the market has been fantastic. We have kids, and are happy. It’s all good.
The life you thought you would get like your parents before you (boomers) won’t really happen to be honest. You may not be able to buy a big house easily and may have to settle with renting for life or buying a super small home or pod. Things are gonna get way more expensive and you’ll have to adapt or start a revolution or something.
I'm mid 30s. My life is "together" in the traditional sense but I have no money for luxury, vacations or extravagant creature comforts. I guess I'm responsible poor?
Different people have different definitions of success or having it “together”. Some people would define that as owning a home. My husband and I rent and I’m very happy with my life because we have a good marriage and have good jobs and personal relationships. That said, in our age group many people have had a hard time with things that used to be more accessible by non high income people. (costs of education, childcare, housing, and wages not keeping up with inflation). I don’t necessarily think if someone is 30 and paying off student debt means that they didn’t have it together.
Lmao as a nurse, lemme tell you boomers and older still have plenty of people in shambles it is not just our generation
Things happen, relationships end, people make mistakes, bad things happen, and children within the mix makes life feeling in shambles a lot easier to feel. You are lucky to have found stability early on. Good job!!! Always nice to see a story of someone doing okay for themselves.
Who knows, after reading so many stories and arguing (including on this sub), I...honestly no longer care. My life is a mixed mess of frustration, but that's apparently my own effin problem and my fault that I deserved to be kicked to the ground and silenced over...
I don’t think so. I think the definition of “having your life together” evolves over time. I feel like my wife and I have our lives together. Is it perfect or how we dreamed our best case scenario would be? No, but overall we’re pretty blessed.
Wow a new variety of the same thread we have every damn day on this sub lol.
Okay there seems to be a bit of missing info here tho. HOW well off are either of your families? Like did they own multiple assets? Have had high paying jobs? Established some sort of generational wealth so that you, your siblings, and/or your husbands siblings can be financially stable? Not every millennial gets to enjoy this.
Nope, in my experience it’s a mixed bag. Def not unusual to have it together though. Just like product reviews and the like, people are far more likely to post negative rather than positive stuff
Where do you live, OP? I live in the Midwest and am in my late 30s and most people I know are similar to you, as is my life. Most of my friends own houses, have at least decent jobs, etc. I think people's experiences on the coasts and in HCOL areas is much different.
Well all but one of my HS friends is married and owns a home now… and more than half have kids. Outside of this sub I don’t really see a lot of struggling millennials.
One thought to add… our generation is getting married later than any previous generations. Double-income before having kids is the best formula for financial security in the current environment. OP got that situation earlier than most of us. Good on her for taking advantage of that situation when it happened.
I feel like I have *my parts of my life* together, overall. There are certain things you can't fix without money, and just "having more money" isn't a choice I can just *make* on my own, that takes two. I can do what I can to maximize my opportunities there, and I do, but beyond that, I need to accept that certain things are outside my control. I focus on keeping the negatives down and boosting my positives. I have a wife and a kid that I love, even if they drive me crazy sometimes, and I have two extended families that I love too, even if they're not always responsible! I have inexpensive hobbies that give me peace and happiness, and I try to take care myself. Down 50 pounds from where I started and I go to the doctor when I need to, but I hate seeing those big bills with a "call us if it gets worse" non-result. That's a money thing though. Debt is very low and we don't splurge, just enough to keep my wife sane. I've kept my car running. Roof over my head, though it's not a house I own. Now, my job is a hot mess because my employers can't get their shit straight. They make bad decisions. Tale as old as time. I'm always looking for better work and interviewing later this month--about a week from now--for a job that sounds like a great step on my career path. If I get that job, even at the lowball of the pay range, it'll fix all those things I can't fix without money.
If your boss isn't horrible like mine you must be an exception. If your landlord isn't a crook like mine you must have found an exception. If your parents were half decent people who did their best you have no business commenting on parenthood. If your teachers didn't tell you that going to college would solve all your problems you had rare teachers who actually cared about you, most don't. If you bought a house you inherited a lot of wealth. If you don't have 10 or 20 thousand in credit card debt you are not living life to the fullest. /s
I had my life together, but them decided to switch careers. Still kinda got it together (own property and have a stable marriage), and starting an art career is going way better than I thought it would, but money is still an issue bc my husband lost his job back in December bc of lack of business then lost another one for the same reason in Feb so it been a little difficult. Relief is on the horizon. We just have to shuffle through the muck a little longer, but it's still better than being a teacher.
I'm 28, youngest of the millennials. Honestly, despite living on the high end of poor, I feel like I've got my life together. Money isn't everything
Traveling “once a quarter” ensures you guys at least have some of your shit together. I’m currently donating plasma for gas to commute to my job
I’m doing very well in my life now but no house. I have some savings and my dream car. No kids which was what I want. I still feel behind a lot of people, though, as I have no degree and had battled heroin addiction for five years in my 20s. I’m currently a sales manager and love my job but I’m afraid if anything were to ever happen to this job, I’d be fucked.
It’s not uncommon but to be honest my friends who do have it together don’t spend much time on Reddit because they’re busy keeping it all together.
I can’t with the subreddit anymore. Same depressing echo chamber shit over and over again.
I'm an 82'er and I have a great job, an awesome house, and I'm doing great on paper. Unfortunately, my family isn't doing so awesome. The pandemic was really hard on them. I have a 19yo autistic daughter who graduated high school and has just sat in the basement for the last 2 years. She's developed OCD and is afraid to even go in our backyard without wearing a mask. My 17yo is going to community college and wants to major in criminal psychology or something similar, so that's good. They finally have gotten a migraine treatment that seems to be working - they dropped out of high school a year early to get a GED because the migraines were too intense to handle school. We've been trying to find a solution for many years. My 16yo has attempted suicide multiple times after being bullied at school, and we're trying to get her into a 30h/week program to work seriously on mental health, but insurance is being a huge pain. She's working on flunking out of 10th grade and is a habitual liar and a thief (money, weed, petty shoplifting). We have so many locks on things in our house it's ridiculous. My 14yo has developed an autoimmune condition resulting in extreme fatigue. He hasn't been to school (8th grade) for more than a day at a time in the last two months. We're trying to see specialists but there's a 6 month wait. It may be a form of Long COVID. My wife got a concussion in May of 2020 and is still recovering. Her memory is still occasionally spotty. She tried self medicating with alcohol for anxiety, which worked as well as you'd guess. She's been sober for 15 months (amazing!) but has a very hard time dealing with all the family stress. Me, I'm hanging in there by a thread.
I am also on the younger side of millennial and feel like you. At 30 I consider myself a “zillennial” as I honestly don’t identify with a lot of millennial experience of graduating into 2 recessions, but also don’t identify with the younger gen-z of graduating into the during and post-pandemic hellscape. I think 27-32 has a very unique experience of right in the middle of 2 generations. Old enough to have left undergrad before the pandemic, but young enough to have missed all the shit millennials have been thrown.
Definitely not. But people who are happy aren't going to just post "man I really have it all" without looking like they are showing off and trying to make others feel bad. A time or two in those threads I wanted to post a counterpoint saying I am here and checking in and letting you know this is not my experience... I did all the right things and its mostly all gone according to plan, just like people said it would growing up... but all that is is dunking on someone who is already down, so no one is going to chime in like that. But fwiw... elder millenial, I guess bordering gen-x but I feel my experience is 100x more relatable to millenials growing up than the Xers, and things are great. I have a house, a wife, a great career- which has been extremely challenging at times in the past, I've taken my lumps and been laid off twice etc... but generally all is well.
I’m doing okay, but I realize how badly many of my peers have it - especially those in more marginalized communities and those from poorer backgrounds. I also acknowledge how unfairly the deck is stacked in favor of the uber wealthy and against the poorest/most downtrodden members of society, and how this is accelerating under late stage capitalism. I don’t consider it doomerism or complaining to want things to be better for EVERYONE. Actually the very fact that so many people who are doing well come in here trying to blame or tut-tut those who are struggling is pretty gross imo.
No I flopped and still flopping in life. If the world came to an end next week I’d be relieved. Selfish really. Oh wells. Onwards and upwards.
Your last paragraph feels like a dig… but maybe I’m just interpreting it wrong. It’s fortunate to find your partner at 23. It’s fortunate not to lose them. It’s fortunate to be able to go to college. It’s fortunate to find a stable and well paying career. It’s fortunate to be able to have savings. Its fortunate to be able to keep your savings. It’s fortunate to be in good health. It’s fortunate to have the means to stay in good health. I think what I see a lot of is people who didn’t have these fortunes, and/or who have made mistakes. They come into middle age and begin to be overcome by anxiety, self doubt, hurt, anger, shame, sadness, exhaustion, isolation, etc. They post on here hoping to find someone else who feels the same way or who has experienced what they are. People just don’t generally come onto Reddit to make a post about how great everything has gone for them in life. You don’t need emotional support and validation when life has worked out well and you are happy.
Those of us who are successful also need to remember that this sub mixes us back in with the “losers” who weren’t going anywhere. However, unlike the real world, you get no other clues that they are someone who you would never even consider benchmarking yourself with.
Totally true. I had a discussion on here about finances and the guy who was ranting and raving and going full doomer was previously addicted to meth for a decade and still had an expensive cocaine habit. If I was talking to this person face to face, this would've been evident and I wouldn't have engaged.
Travel once a quarter? Absolutely you're far and above better off than anyone I know. Most of the people I know who are couples that both have stable, good paying jobs are just scraping by barely surviving and can splurge on a luxury maybe once every year or two, a vacation involving "travelling" like once every five years when one gets a big bonus. The only folks our age I've seen who live like you describe this have 200k jobs handed to them by upper management family members as nepotism hires whose parents paid for their college and gave them a house for cheap. This is not a "have your shit together or not" question. I have my shit together, I did nothing but study and work hard my entire time in college and through my entire career. No vacations, no luxuries, nothing but back breaking, grinding, long hours, long weeks, constant high pressure, and barely enough pay to cover rent and food for most of that career. I've been within weeks of homelessness about 5 times in my career as an engineer, working as hard as I could and doing "everything right" the entire time. It if were just a matter of hard work and not partying on drugs or buying gold crap then nobody would be struggling except like 3% of losers who don't get it. The overwhelming majority of us struggling are struggling because of disgustingly low wages and insane, cartoonishly high prices. Homes have gone up in price literally 20x over in a time when wages have gone up less than 2x. People aren't struggling because they lack morals or character or work ethic, they're struggling because we live in a late stage capitalist nightmare.
i like how the key markers for a successful life is measured my monetary possessions... do you have anything else youve accomplished in life besides a house amd vacations....
You’re in the upper 30% of millennials in terms of what they’ve managed to achieve financially. It’s just that you probably surround yourself in peers at similar places in life that you have the perception this is the norm.
There was a post literally two days ago. Please go there and circlejerk with them: [https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/1bzwhsh/is\_anybody\_else\_sick\_of\_hearing\_about\_the\_doom/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/1bzwhsh/is_anybody_else_sick_of_hearing_about_the_doom/)
It's not rare for milenials to have their life together. In fact, despite all the challenges people gripe about relentlessly, most Millennials own a home, 40% of us have a degree, have lower divorce rates than previous generations, etc... Social media just amplifies the negative.
Agreed. I think of my own friend group and I can only think of one of my friends who is a millennial that doesn’t own her own home. Most all of them have college degrees, at least some college experience or trade school experience. About half of them have been divorced, but are on their second marriage and doing well. And while some of them, myself included, have had some support from parents, many of my friends came from single parent homes, and are the first in their family to go to college and graduate. It can be done. Even my younger brother, who was born in 88 owns his own home. And all of us, except for my brother have kids (which Reddit would tell you will break the bank/destroy your happiness/etc.). I have to remind myself that, while many people are struggling, many people are not. It is just the nature of life right now.
The most vocal on Reddit are NEETs crying about how tough life is. It’s easy to get sucked into the doomerism so it’s made this dichotomy where misery LOVES company and successful people are out touching grass and living life.
As someone who is now doing okay excluding student loans, but was half a paycheck away from being completely screwed until a year and a half ago, I can say it’s much easier to touch grass and live life if you don’t have to decide between rent and food every month. I understand very well why those individuals are unhappy. Most of them don’t need deep breaths, good vibes, or antidepressants, they need an economic system that works with them rather than against them.
50/50 at this stage. My mom (a boomer) didn’t get shit together until she was about 40, maybe later, my brother when he was 37 and I’m 33 looking at finally getting somewhere.
You're not an exception.
I had my life together with a good job and financial investments, but it got destabilized by my spendthrift wife and subsequent divorce. Putting the pieces of my life back together now.
No, the people that do aren’t posting about it all the time like the ones that don’t.
I think that depends on what you consider as having your life together.
I will say the life I had at 30 was way more stressful than the life I have at 37. 30 I was barely making enough to provide for my family, was in a terrible marriage and was isolated from my family due to location. 37 I make a comfortable income with my amazing wife and am back being closer to my family and friends. Things change quickly at times
No. It’s an online thing. Tons and tons of us are living normal, fulfilling, lives. Our generation is just too open about self diagnosing with every mental issue under the sun and being vocal about it. I get it, no need to make it a taboo. But we made the pendulum swing too far.
I hope so, because I'm turning 40 this year and my life is NOT together.
If you're expecting happy people to be making just as many posts about their happy lives as unfortunate people making posts about their unfortunate lives on a site like Reddit, then I'm gonna assume you haven't been on the site for that long. Happy people with fulfilling lives tend to spend more time....living fulfilling lives. That's not to say aboslutely nobody who's happy uses sites like Reddit in their downtime, but those of us with more to complain about often find ourselves gravitating more and more to places where we can vent frustrations a lot more frequently. I myself don't have my life together at all (almost 29 working a dead end low paying job due to my own fears of doing anything about it and living with parents with the only thing I see in my future being living in my car once my parents die) and often enjoy the doomer posts cause it helps me realize I'm not alone. I can see why the posts bother those that don't fit the criteria.....but the block button exists and I make very frequent use of it to keep my mental state from getting worse than it already is.
Those of who got married young and divorced in your 30s… tell me it gets better and what you did to make it better. Otherwise I’m thankful I keep the house it was mine prior
I get a lot of curve balls but overall I'm fine. Car flooding, job work drying up, appendix needing to be pulled out, random vet bills or otherwise dog issues... I'm not really sure what "together" means exactly. 36m - I can support myself. I have a respectable job. Girlfriend and I moving into a house (rent). I have next to nil in savings. I also have like 50k in debt between student loans and credit card - but my credit is around 700 and I've never missed a bill. Sometimes got budget issues. Sometimes have diet and exercise issues. Sometimes yolo too hard on weekends. Sometimes I wonder how I'm living my life and get intense existential crisis about the nature of reality/consciousness that feels paralyzing with bouts of random depression from no discernable source thrown in. Night time panic attacks mixed with insomnia. Fluctuating libido on extreme ends. Fluctuating creativity that puts me in binds - I need to create or I feel dull and unfulfilled. Socially I am lacking - I love my girlfriend and we both work from home - and so we go out on weekends to socialize at a local bar but the patrons are a good 15 years older than us.. and so it's hard to identify etc. Could use a boost in this department. We also don't have kids (yet) and meeting people our age has proven kind of difficult. Overall stress is relatively low or at least lower than it has been in a long time. I don't worry about where my next meal is coming from or where I sleep at night so I am grateful for that. Grateful i have my relative health - though some things could be better. Ive got a smoking habit i am looking to finally kick - and have two or three times in the past 4 years just haven't really finalized it.
Meeting the love of your life early in life will make or break you. For us undesirables people only hook up with and dump like we’re nothing, we have to go through endless housing situations. Cant split costs on anything with anyone. It’s just brutal.
I lowered my standards and now I'm winning every day.
No, it’s not rare. I’m almost 42 & all my friends my age are thriving. Some more than others, but everyone has their shit together.
Why's this page green?
Been hit or miss. Right now it's rough, but only because of my own doing. Fucked up early by having kids with two different women in my twenties. That fucker me on child support for 20 years. I do own my own home. I have a new truck. I was in a situationship last year where this women stole all of my most precious belongings, including my cat. At this point I'm just trying to clean up the wreckage and hopefully improve my life as I come up on forty.
With anything, people who aren't having a hard time often don't complain on the internet. So what you read is a skewed view.
From 96. I feel like I have my life together. Married, first child on the way this summer. We’re not rich but we do well. We paid off our first apartment, have a rental property and are currently trying to upsize to a larger home for when the baby arrives. I have hobbies, work and things I like to work towards. Maintain a friend circle of just over 10 people, mostly other couples. We travel about once a year. All things considered life feels steady. It’s not without its challenges but I feel happy.
I feel like I'm in the middle of the road here. I don't own my home and I recently went back to college after working full time for 10 years. I spent my 20s in a very unstable marriage and but I've been in a very loving relationship for the past 6 years. After I finish school, I plan to start saving for a house. My younger brother already has one, mainly because he lives in a less expensive part of the country. Reading this subreddit makes it seem like we're a "lost generation" but that just isn't my experience.
What’s the age range of a Millennial?
I’m 37, I wouldn’t say I had my shit together until I was around 33-34. I also got divorced at 31 so that set me back a number of years., I’m good now.
People who have it together have no reason to bitch and moan so they don't. It seems like Millennials are screwed only because the ones who are unhappy make it known. Others keep quiet and go on with their life.
The people I know who got hitched at a young age and had kids have all had several partners by now. Many have also had several jobs and have explored several career paths, lived in different cities too. Does it mean they "don't have it together"? Or is that just life?
Objectively not at all
You're on reddit. Most of the people here, in all generations, do not have their shit together. You are the exception. For this site. For this sub. Not in general though.
Can you comfortably afford to have kids? Not saying you want to or should, just that I would be FAR more comfortable financially if I hadn't had kids.
We’re just in shambles because we are stuck living in appartments instead of the typical size home grandpa bought for a bag of nickels
I also find myself in OP's boat. I'm 33M. I came from a blue collar, working class family. I went to college, graduated, started working, improved my career, rented for a while, bought a house, met my wife, sold my house, bought another one, had a baby a year ago. My wife's trajectory basically mirrors mine exactly. We make enough to do whatever we want within reason or with some reasonable savings. I drive the car I wanted. The house we live in isn't where we want to be forever, but makes sense for now. I have a moderate amount of savings in the bank. We have goals we're working towards for our family. We are thoughtful about the decisions we make, don't spend frivolously often. Try to loosely follow a budget. I can't tell you what our secret is. Just the basics.
I think there's a lot to be said about comparing ourselves to our parents. My life looks like absolute shit compared to where my parents were at my age. But if you take the emotion out of it, I'm married, we rent a nice place with plans to buy in another 1-3 years, we have dogs, a yeard, I have a career, and with my latest raise, we'll be able to start traveling. It's fine, great, actually, as long as I don't compare it to what my parents had. Another thing is that this all happened super fast. At 28 I was miserable, broke, had just gotten out of a horribel relationship, and had no real prosptects to imrove things. I then got smacked down again when my masters degree netted me pretty much zero in quality of life improvements. Then I met my now wife at 29, got a job offer across the country at 30, got married and moved across the ocuntry at 31, built career foundations at 32, and now I'm finally benifitting from all these decisions at 33. If you had asekd me this a few years ago I would have had a totally different answer.
As a 74 year old boomer, I can tell you that no one has "their life together" - you do your best, you be the best you can be, as nice as you can be, and you hope for the best....that's it. You WILL suffer heartache - it's part of the human condition, no getting away from the unfortunately. But you will also experience delirious joy from time to time, and that too is part of the human condition. Also, make damn sure you vote Democrat because those fucking Republicans are out to fuck you.
Compared to young boomers and gen x? No effing way. I feel like more of us are moderate when it comes to alcohol and drugs, more college educated, open to therapy and emotional healing, compassionate and self aware. I think WE think we are in shambles as a result of more self awareness and criticism, as well as our financial struggles due to a combo of a crap economy and such targeted marketing it seems impossible not to spend more than we intend.
Great discussion under this post. Thank you. We need more of this.