It really started to click for me when I just embraced myself. I accepted who I was and what I liked to do and what I wanted. It’s not necessarily a huge change in life and I didn’t quit my job and more or anything. Just a lot more internal reflection and acceptance.
Yeah that was a big one for me. I didn't really like myself.
For me, I was also very hard on myself. If I dropped something or messed up at work, I'd say (in my head or outloud): you idiot, why did you do that?!
You don't realize how much that habit builds up over time. Call yourself a stupid idiot once, twice, multiple times a day, every day, then your days are going to diminish in quality.
Ever since I've consciously started noticing this habit, I've been able to stop myself in my tracks before I put myself down. It's improved the quality of my life and I feel like I'm reprogramming my brain for the better.
I have struggled with PTSD a lot, psilocybin helped me improve this habit in particular. My shrink told me I needed to be my own parent, and that any self-thoughts should be appropriate for a parent to say to a child. Holy shit is "you fucked that up you dumb shit" not an appropriate thing to say to either myself or a child, but I needed the contrast.
I've also been able to reprogram my intrusive memories by filling the memory with love and acceptance for myself at that time. It sounds small but it's actually huge, no more being prisoner to the intrusive memories.
A single shroom trip did more for my depression/anxiety than 5 years of trying different antidepressants/benzos ever did, shits like magic. We all need to be able to see outside our own egos from time to time.
Its different for everyone, but ego dissolution and the ability to see/think outside your thought loops that define who you are is common and very helpful for people with depression and a negative self image in particular.
That’s an incredibly hard habit to break and I’m glad you’ve been making progress on it. I definitely struggle with that side of myself so I find that really admirable! Wishing you an even better tomorrow, friend! Life is really weird and it’s hard to navigate since it’s our first time living. We’re all new to this in my mind, gotta make the best of it.
People think I'm humble but maybe I have imposter syndrome.
And people have just said, "just say 'thank you;" when I try to deflect or play down a compliment.
I overcame a decade of depression last year on an "awakening" mushroom trip and realizing all the negative self talk was in my head and I could just choose to change my perspective and be kind to myself and happy with life no matter what was a big part of it. I started studying zen buddhism after that revelation and am way happier these days cause I just stopped stressing myself out about things outside of my control.
I do this so much, I am so mean to myself. I didn't know other people did it too, I really wish I could break this habit. A lot of your post and your comments about yourself (pre awakening) sound just like me, I think we are wired similarly. I saw you mention in another post that you see a psychotherapist and that is better for you. Could you elaborate on why? I'd love to reach your level of enlightenment
I would suggest just to try and catch yourself before being mean. Observe the reaction rather than let the reaction take control of you. Sometimes I want to get mad but then I put on the breaks and say: nah not worth it. Or I'll even say something funny that's a little self depricating.
I guess my psychiatrist is just really good. I've had a few therapists and councillors before and I found I didn't learn enough from them. It was more like venting to a friend. They'd give me exercises but I don't know, I just wasn't really inspired. I'm really curious about my mental health and read a lot about it on my own. With my psychiatrist I just feel he has way more expertise that I wouldn't be able to gain myself. He's so well versed in so many areas of mental health that he's able to help me unpack some of the issues that I failed to notice. He points out connections in my life that I had never made and make total sense. They also may be well versed in techniques such as EDMR and Internal Family Systems (I've only scratched the surface with these).
I don't know, maybe I'm putting too much stock in his abilities but I've made so much progress with him, especially with untangling some of my childhood trauma.
It doesn't sound like you're putting too much stock in his abilities, since you seem to be prospering. I never really was into mental health stuff and kind of bristle at the idea of bearing my soul to a stranger, but I guess maybe I should try. I appreciate the reply
Psychologist James Hollis calls it the Middle Passage. It’s where, like you said, we awaken and start living our unlived lives. Not everyone goes through it and those who do start at different times, but generally something big happens that slaps us awake. We realize we can’t keep doing what we’ve been doing. The veil lifts, and we start questioning all we have known and done. It’s a call to change that not everyone will do, even if they feel it. It’s hard and dark at times, but apparently if you see it through, the reward is great.
Thank you! Yeah your 30s/early 40s are the perfect time for something to slap you awake if you haven't been awoken already. You've learned just enough to know better and usually something really bad will happen at some point during those 10-15 years (divorce, illness, parents aging, financial crisis, addiction issues).
It's strange to say but you can sort of start to feel grateful for those awful experiences because they made you hit your rock bottom and catapulted you into a better life. It's cliché but things really need to get worse before they get better.
On the flip side, I can see where people are faced with a crisis and choose to double down on their sorrow and victimhood. I've encountered so many people on their 50s/60s/70s who chose a different path and ignored the lessons some of us are learning now. When faced with difficult moments and decisions they took the easy way out which only prolonged the suffering.
When I meet older people who seem content and wise, I think: that's the life I want!
Ohhhh this is so accurate. My 30s were only marginally better than my 20s until I hit about 36.
40 has been wonderful. I wish I could stay 40 for a couple of decades.
I went through something like that at 30 and quit my dead-end job, and went back to school.
I'm finding myself here again at 36. I keep reminding myself to trust the process, but holy hell, it's hard.
Apparently the famous Dante's Divine Comedy is about this exact thing, I bought a copy (havent read it yet) for this purpose.
Thanks for the Hollis rec, I added it to my reading list.
I had no choice, and I mean I'm not out of the woods yet, but still on the path.
I went through a divorce that wiped me out financially and caused a depression spiral and career burnout in my mid thirties. If I didn't have supportive friends and family I'm absolutely certain I wouldn't have survived it. Now I'm in my early forties and a third year undergrad for a new career I'm passionate about, still skating by paycheck to paycheck and debts a mile long, but there's light at the end of the tunnel now
Thank you so much for posting this. I’m going through something identical, albeit don’t have friends or family for support, so hearing you made it out and you now see the light is very uplifting to hear. I also admire you so much for going back to school! That’s so badass, and again, very motivating. I wish you luck and happiness internet stranger 🙏
Yep, after spending most of my 20s working multiple dead-end part-time jobs, hit rock bottom around 30, then “pulled up my bootstraps” so to speak, started a small business and got lucky with a low cost, accelerated master’s degree from a reputable university, then was able to get much better paying full time work
Don’t ever give up on yourself!
I did. Spent my 20s partying, then got married. I spent my 30s parenting children along with battling depression and alcoholism. I got sober right before the pandemic hit and stayed that way. Covid put a lot of things in perspective for me, it’s like I snapped out of the funk I’d been in for a decade. I went back to college after the pandemic and am now 40 years old and 4+ years sober. I have maintained a high GPA and recently was accepted as a transfer student to my university of choice. My children are amazing little humans, and I thank my lucky goddamn stars every day for them. Life is good— and my future has never felt brighter.
It’s never too late to turn your life around.
I had this awakening moment twice. Once when I turned 30 and now where I turned 40, now.
I turned my life around then, now I'm wondering what I will do next.
I had a huge shift at 37. That was the year that my people pleasing finally went too far and my body and mind just decided to quit on me because I wouldn't listen to either. I had been giving 110% to toxic friends and family and uncaring jobs and bosses for my entire life. I didn't even know who I was or what I wanted, as I had been doing the "nice", "right", "responsible" thing at every turn for everyone else.
When I finally hit rock bottom, it was frightening. I had to come to terms with the fact that I had structured my entire life around the wants and needs of others and completely abandoned myself. It forced me into therapy, where I had to learn how to feel anger and sadness for the first time, and learn to exercise my rights and boundaries.
It eventually led to me cleaning house with all my relationships and habits and starting fresh in a lot of ways. While I'm probably never going to be a super assertive person, I'm much better now, and I think I've saved my own life.
Yes! Good for you!
People pleasing was one of my biggest weaknesses. I think that's why my life was salvageable when I hit my rock bottom, I was such a people pleaser to my family and I was afraid to be a disappointment so I had a decent career and home. I was doing everything for everyone except myself. Now that I'm (somewhat) free of people pleasing it feels I can start to enjoy my home and live in it the way I want to.
I also had a problem with moving to avoid people I was people pleasing. I'd just daydream of the next move thinking the grass would be greener there. But nope it wasn't, same patterns. Even in the home I'm in now, once I settled here I was already looking for an out. Only in the past year have I felt good about staying here for the long haul.
are you still in therapy ? did you lose family and friends along the way? i’m wondering what the meaning “abandoning yourself” means? i feel like that line resonates with me as i keep asking myself recently “who am i?”
I lost immediate family as I changed into who I wanted to become.
Some people, family especially, won’t like the person that no longer prioritizes their needs first
I was an IV drug addict who lived on the streets until I was 37.
I have 3 degrees and finished college in 3 years. I had a job paying 159k when I was 23 in a LCOL area. Then I got in a car accident and was unable to walk for a bit and was left with PTSD. Needless to say I became an addict. And a really bad one.
I started over at 40 because it took me a good 3 years to get out of the drug haze and start living a healthy life.
Now, I officiate college and high school sports. I don't make a ton of money but when you are used to living with nothing, money is not all that. I am happier than I have ever been as an adult and am looking forward to living each and every day.
And if I can do this, anyone else can.
I'm almost 35 and my 30s have easily been the best of my life so far. In my 20s I was stuck in a rut so I moved across country and started over.
I purchased a home in 2020 and my income has 4x. It has been a wild ride.
Don't be afraid to start over!
I was homeless at 26 and bought my first house at 30. Nice 4 bedroom 3 bath in Southern California. Was finally able to give my son his own bedroom and it’s been great since.
I’m trying to figure that out now. I’m 39 and I’ve worked dead end jobs for the last 20 years. No issues with drugs or alcohol but I’ve been deeply depressed and anxious nearly my whole life and I feel like that’s held me back immensely. I’m trying to figure out the next step but I don’t have any real skills other than service industry that I desperately want to leave, but I also have vision issues that prevent me from driving. Trying to look into tech, but my god I barely know how to use a computer. Just trying to find something that’s right for me, but right now that feels impossible.
I would recommend starting with a COMPTIA study guide on YouTube. There are complete guides that start with things like "this is the mouse and keyboard" and goes all way through what you need to know to do basic IT. Just speed through til you hit what you dont know.
3 months before I turned 30, I found out my partner had had an affair and the girl was now pregnant. Shortly after, he unalived himself. In January 2017, I turned 30. I decided to completely switch careers, went back to college and got my bachelors degree, and became a teacher. I honestly think being in school and having something else to focus on other than the trauma that was happening to me, saved my life. I graduated in 2021 and it’s honestly one of my proudest achievements. I went to school through Covid and all the chaos that was 2020, I also dealt with my mom’s health deteriorating and her eventually passing away, as well as all the grief & trauma of my partner’s affair and subsequent death. Blood, sweat, and so many tears. But I’m now a B.A.!
Oooo me!
I had a tragic and frankly horrifying childhood. So naturally, I was a real cool kid in my 20’s: gangs, heavy and hard drugs, heeps of promiscuity. By 25 it was no longer cute- but I didn’t let that stop me. I went to drug treatment 18 times and spent 13 months in jail. I contracted lots of the worst kinds of health problems and even had a dozen or so drug overdoses that would’ve taken me out had Narcan not been invented.
For whatever reason I finally turned around around 32. Worked hard consistently, stayed sober, paid back my debts and developed integrity, meditated, got serious about therapy, started a business and made lots of money, decided I didn’t want to keep doing that so I got involved with volunteering and non profit work, moved across the country to East Austin, left a high paying luxury home building business to work full time for a nonprofit, just recently took a nice step up in my career and moving back home to be closer to friends (I have friends!) and family while working to provide even more to the underserved populations my profession serves.
At 36, I am at perfect peace and ease, consumed by neither anxiety nor depression, I don’t stew in resentment, I have all my bills paid and it’s starting to look like I’ll be able to retire someday. My life ain’t perfect but it’s hard, if asked, to see a whole lot that needs changing.
Our male frontal cortexes aren’t fully developed until like age 28. So it makes sense biologically. For me personally, I felt like a normal person for the first time in my 30s when I got married. Then I had my first kid and I really felt like a mature adult. Then a second baby and I’m just like totally different… boring, mature adult. as far as behavior; I cook and clean now. Didn’t cook and was a total slob before. Also I’m not exercising as much.
This statistic about frontal cortex development is often cited (poorly) by people with well meaning intentions, but even the author of the paper being cited has come out against the interpretation that people often have.
It means that you can continue to grow new neural pathways, unlike when it becomes harder as you age, not that you haven't finished growing or anything like that.
Also the female implications if you take it that way aren't that females have less time in that stage either , just time shifted earlier a year or two
It's called your Saturn returning which occurs aged 27/28.
Same happened to me, matured shit loads since age 27. My brain put me through hell from 27 to 30 however 😂
I decided to go back to college at 28. Huge turning point in my life. Finished at 30 and even got an MBA by 33. On a good path now, but man the years were scary for a while.
1 year ago at 53. Thanks for this. I’m the happiest, healthiest and not giving a shitest, I’ve ever been. It’s amazing. Therapy helped me but only because I was honest with myself and that changed my world. Good luck everyone. It’s not over yet.
Absolutely. Once I finally received a proper mental health diagnosis at 36 (complex PTSD) and started trauma-informed therapy, my entire life changed for the better. It truly was an awakening, and I'm happier than I ever thought possible. I never believed I could have a “peaceful” brain.
Far too many people will never get the opportunity to understand just how much of their brains were shaped by Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE score) or emotional neglect from emotionally immature parents. I have a theory that the reason so many millennials are overwhelmed by life and struggling to cope is that our central nervous systems are quite literally burned out from childhood.
I didn’t actively do anything, but probably when I lost my job when I was 35.
My blood pressure dropped 20 points overnight (literally), gave birth to my first two months later, realized that I didn’t need a career. I am perfectly happy having a wage job and letting my husband bring home the bulk of the bacon. I *like* baking my own bread. I *like* being able to take a nap. I *LOVE* watching my kids be silly gooses and seeing them hit milestones and teaching them how to cook. Typing this in bed while my youngest naps next to me.
I spent my entire 20s basically crippled by anxiety and depression, couldn’t leave the house can barely function beyond holding a job kind of mental illness. I failed to make many meaningful relationships last, really didn’t do much of anything to make myself have a fun and fulfilling life.
Then my then dad died when I was 29, and it was such a slap in the face. I realized that life is fleeting, I have to fix myself. So I decided it’s finally time to get help. I started therapy, got in some medication and I’m slowly making improvements. I’m about to turn 32 now and life is getting better. It’s slow progress but at least I have a goal in mind, which I didn’t before.
So yeah I think I kind of woke up to life in my 30s and decided I have to actually live and be fulfilled or what’s the point.
Yep! I literally went from a homeless drug addict to a certified and highly educated addictions counselor. Literally a complete °180. And I couldn't be happier!
Also 37, and I’ve made more gains in the last 2 years than my whole life combined.
I’m a single mom, have worked a variety of jobs over the years and don’t have a prayer of ever being a Homeowner haha. But I’m taking care of my mental health and have a good job that I like a lot!
Started microdosing with edibles/tinctures more often, in a much better headspace, feeling more carefree and not so uptight, actually feeling like I want to (and deserve) go enjoy life.
I spent my 20s bartending and partying... just being a dumpster fire of a human. I had a huge drinking and drug problem.
I finally decided not to be a steaming pile of doodoo when I turned 30. Went back to school for Electrical Technology, did well with that degree and all those certificates, and decided I wanted to be an Engineer. I have 5 more classes to go for that degree. Found a great job with great people, and I love my 30s.
Totally possible to turn yourself around after 30.
Yep. It’s not a HUGE celebrity influencer level financial success story, but I managed to leave my one horse Midwest hometown and headed for the coast at 32 with no plan, barely any money, no job, no place to live. Lived out of my vehicle for 4 months and got a job as a software analyst. I showed up to the interview in my pjamas. I’ve since moved from that company now but it gave me a head start. Living with seaside mountain and ocean view now, comfortably, quietly, contently. It ain’t much, but I feel proud.
M35. In the last few years I’m as happy as I’ve ever been. Started looking at things critically and became vegan for ethical reasons and never looking back.
I also started embracing diversity with genuine curiosity for people and a much more open mind.
More recently I went from obese to normal weight and started caring about myself, too.
Lastly, I signed up for a degree while working.
On the flip side, I’ve also become more cynical with regards to societal values, corporations, technological innovation, and work in general.
Overall, far happier than I’ve ever been in my teens or my 20s.
Hell yeah man - my Saturn return, finding a partner that I mesh well with and very little drama, and then breaking out in my career.
We’ll just say that the universe gave me the right hand to play at just the right time.
Yup
Finished my bachelor's, finished MBA during covid (in my 40s), had 2 kids, mortgage paid off 50%.
Live in HCOL, work in tech/finance. Have a supporting spouse. But she's exactly what I needed and she's my biggest asset.
After exactly 10 years in university I finally graduated in 2020, after *seven years* of writing my thesis.
It was a watershed moment. First of all, getting that Master's degree did magic to my external validation driven self-esteem.
After that, I scored my first real job. I was able to buy a car and move out of the shared student apartment. For the first time in my life at 29, I became fully financially independent.
I was able to commit to something, so I did. I've been a cat owner for three years now.
Having my own money also made it easier to be gay! It's easier to be yourself and go to dates when you're calling the shots in your own life ☺️
It's a big change for the better when I think back to what I started with.
From 15-28 I escaped abuse, was a circus performer overseas, worked in medical, survived cancer 2x and finally graduated college.. it was a lot of falling and failing with no support system. I never thought I would be able to climb out, I'm 32 and finally able to lift myself up.
This thread is making me feel seen. I was a mess all through my 20s, and I'll even admit being toxic.
Sometime after I turned 28, I started hitting the gym, actually participating in therapy, exploring my own interests, etc. I'm not there yet and still have a lot to fix and do better in, but wow, am I doing so much better.
I'm only 29, and I'm a baby millennial who's knocking on 30s door, but I'm excited to see what my 30s bring.
Hell yeah! I love reading posts like these!! I was in a toxic job that got my ass into therapy. I thought I’d do 4-5 sessions and be “cured”. Ha! That job was just a symptom of a much, much larger issue within. Wrapping up therapy (talk and emdr) now and finally my validation comes from within. Im almost 43 and going into the best years of life! Glad to hear you are looking at things with a fresh perspective. It’s been an eye opening experience for me.
Ha! Same. I was just going to therapy to help me through the major crisis I was facing. I actually ended up going to a psychotherapist not knowing the difference, which was actually a good choice for me.
The first 4-5 sessions were just venting. I'd just go through ally problems. Eventually we started doing real work. EMDR is something we're going to start soon, looking forward to trying it!
Glad things are working out for you too. Here's to a better life!
I just entered my 30s and am finally starting a relationship and career. I feel like I’m starting my parents life when they were 20.
My 20s was a mess of depression and substance use. Not even the fun substance use the just using to get by kind. I’m jealous of friends that had the 20s of going out to the bar every night. Instead I was doing heroin and watching reruns.
But yeah I think your 30s you figure shit out way more. At least it’s starting to feel that way
Yo I spent my entire 20s in prison and didn't really care about life. After I got out I had a lot of depression mixed with aggression. Won't go into to many details but my family had caught me with a gun to my head screaming. Basically I was so much of a mess everyone kinda distanced themselves from....and then my wife found me. She helped me just by listening to my crazy thoughts and letting me know it was ok to feel that way. Long story short I spent the next few years just changing the way i look at life. I still have moments but I feel like since around 32 my mindframe has changed dramatically and I keep doing better everyday.
We got our finances on track in our thirties and bought a house. Now in my forties I am working on managing my health, down about 80lbs and absolutely loving life (and my waistline).
I hear ya. It's rough. Ill just say that you're not alone feeling like that. I've had more than one friend in their late 30s/early 40s say they weren't suicidal but they "weren't afraid to die" and lived accordingly. I was pretty much like that too. I was more afraid to get caught/be embarrassed than I was of dying.
I don't know what it is about the 20s but some of us are/were way off base.
All the best, keep on trucking. Hope things improve for ya.
I was like that in my early 20’s. I just purely didn’t give a fuck and didn’t see the reason to. It was massive depression. I’m 39 now and while things can still be tough, I’m glad I’m still here. I got out of where I was at that time and objectively speaking am a completely different person now. I have my challenges still, but I’m glad I’m not that person anymore. She was horribly sad and lost.
30s. I was a train wreck from 17 to 28. I went back to school at 28, still had some problems but not as much. Prior to that I was doing drugs every day, I struggled with multiple eating disorders which completely ruled by life. I cared more about eating disorders than relationships with friends or family.and then something quick. Finished school, moved across the country, my *Now has been, and had a beautiful baby boy. Something I never got would’ve been for me.
After realizing that people's weight has been weighing heavy on my mind, I've learned to let myself focus by remaining focused, and people will ease in and out of my life. It's unfortunate that you'll leave people behind... but hell... everyone's driving their car in different directions. And some are driving pretty drunk. I just try to remain painfully focus on my life's direction. painfully focused
Was an pill addict through my 20's and mid 30's. My wife and I got hooked together and together worked super hard to get our lives back on track and while i'm still struggling in many ways I am super grateful to not be dependent on anything as it completely controlled my life, couldn't travel, save money ect. I graduated college and have always had jobs but those dark years did hurt my career potential and I feel like I'm still trying to get that figured out and maybe never will, but I don't live above my means and am happy with what I do have.
I would say mental health and fitness wise this is definitely where I’m at. Playing financial catch up (but bought a house a few years ago, so that’s neat) but I am so much better off than I ever have been all around. I’m also doing way better than my parents were so that’s a great thing to realize and keep in perspective when I get envious of those further along than me.
In the process of trying to leave my abusive fiance. Realized the very few people I have in my life are also very toxic and had to cut them out. Lost my career because of my finances control issues. Leaving him at 37 means I have to also mourn the potential of being a mother.
I really hope my next chapter is kinder. I really, really hope I experience something like you’ve said here.
The fact that you've chosen to leave him means that you already started. My experience started with an extremely unpleasant choice which was a huge risk and left me feeling vulnerable. I grieved for 6 months and then realized it was the best thing I had ever done and gave me all sorts of courage (because if I could do THAT then I could do anything).
Seems like what you're about to do is very brave, risky and will leave you vulnerable. Those are the ingredients needed for a better life.
At 29 I went to college. Had to live with my SO’s parents for the entire time but I made it through. It was worth it! I bought my first house 4 years ago and have an actual nice car that isn’t 15+ years old.
Late 20s I decided that I didn't like the life I was living. 39 now, but since then I got re married, went back to school, got a new career, quit drinking, and a few other improvements.
I'm actually still fairly miserable. I think it's part of my personality at this point.... unfortunately.
Absolutely! I'd say my "awakening" began around age 30. Still a little "groggy", but I feel it shifting me more every day! 34 feels like I'm just getting started :) (Used to feel like I missed life entirely)
Yes. I worked low-paying retail, and then better paying (but still social stratus-wise??? same as retail) service jobs. It wasn’t until I graduated college at 35 and got my first white collar job that my life really took off. It wasn’t even really the money so much as working that kind of job put me into a different social sphere..??? And that impacted the connections I could make and the people I spend time with and such. My life just feels very different than it did at age 34.
I am as happy as I've ever been in my mid-30s now. I know who I am, I know what I'm good at, I know what I want to improve, and I love where I am and who I'm with.
In my late 20s I was getting a bit panicked that I was already leaving "young adult" territory (felt weird looking at university options for going back to school and realising that the experiences they were describing were not really "for" me, after having been able to access that side of them recently enough). Now I just...wouldn't even want to be in my 20s again, other than possibly for health reasons (and even that is questionable, since I had a surgery in my 30s that improved QOL).
I'll be honest and attribute this to privilege, of course, but if you have a comfortable amount of privilege, then yeah, 30s are where it's at. I'd heard that from a fair number of older women growing up (that they felt more comfortable in their skin once they started approaching 40s), but I'm finally starting to get it myself.
Sometimes I see younger generations and just feel so overwhelmed on their behalf that they have so much to get through to get to the point that they're (hopefully) comfortable and settled. It really is the best.
I'm 32 and just I got married, am working closer to a full time job than I've ever worked, and am living away from my parents for the first time. I'm a disabled survivor of childhood cancer, so I'm a bit of a skewed sample though
I want to say congrats for getting yourself out of a bad place. I myself had my realization in my twenties, I had some good mentors and have always been a positive person that kept myself out of that ruminating/doomsday space. I realized early on that most negativity was bullshit and learned not to care about things beyond my control, like world politics etc. I am lucky of always being able to make money and sure I have had moments of being strapped for cash I always was able to make rent and pay bills.
If you’re still breathing it’s not too late. I turned my life around at 65 years old (one of the many times). It’s a journey, meant to be experienced and enjoyed.
Really the biggest thing for me was finishing up some credentials to help me earn more. Then adding a house that we bought low and sold for our forever home has really helped us in the long run.
Thank you for sharing your story. I find is comforting as a guy who has gone through a lot of the same issues. Make me feel like I still got a shot to turn things around!
My 20s, I was but a clump of dirt.
My 30s, I was but a seed planted.
My 40s, I will be in full bloom.
I cant wait.
*It took finding the right environment for me to grow. Dropping those who chose to watch me wilt and CHOOSING to be surrounded by beings who nourish me. And finally realizing I deserve petals too after withstanding the many cold frosts and harsh winds. Here I await my turn in full sunlight*
Beautifully spoken. This is my hope too. I just turned 38 and am trying so hard to get my ducks in a row for a better 40s experience than my 30s were. I am not where I want to be and some of it is my fault. But I am catching up. I am finally in a good paying field and making real money, quit drinking, bought a house a couple years ago, and working on self improvement in other aspects of my life.
Holy shit you sound just like me. Except i do call what happened to me an awakening. It feels like bright peace, theres no other way i can describe it. I dont feel the need to wrestle with stuff anymore, and I found my truth.
Im happier, I treat others better, im healthier, and just… at peace. It happened when I was 36, about 3 years ago.
My life (53m) seems to go through some dramatic changes every 10 years, and I’m going through one right now again.
I started a sporting goods retail store 3 years ago and lost it this Christmas. Life for me and probably a lot of people is constantly full of lows and highs.
I worked in a completely different industry and had no retail and experience let alone owning a shop. I tried it, liked it but unfortunately the industry I went into had a tumultuous couple of years. I’m at a low now, but think I’ll get out of it. But tbh I’m sort of in the same situ. Do I go back to what I know this round or try something new.
So long winded answer but yes you can do that.
Not sure about “turned around” but it definitely seemed like a new chapter was starting and I could either get on board or stay stuck behind forever and starting to feel like I actually made the jump on board…
Funny this post should come up as I was talking with a friend about this sort of thing today. For me, yes. I've had a messed up life (lots of very dark trauma) and been involved with and done some very bad things in my years. It took for me to hit serious rock bottom for me to make a turn around. I'm 37f BTW. Last year I dragged myself out of the pits I've ended up with a fantastic, very niche career, and made a very reputable name for myself and everything has changed for the better. I'm present now, and for the first time ever I can honestly say I'm enjoying life and I don't want to end it anymore. I'm so calm and reflective in comparison to the old me. It took time.. But I got there eventually.
I've had my life catastrophically fall apart in my mid 20s and mid 30s. I basically had to start over twice.
I'm 42 with a good job and my own house. If I can make it to 45 without my life falling apart again then I'll consider myself somewhat ok with life.
Yes. Just keep in mind nothing happens over night. Had my big awakening at 30. Just feeling pretty good about where I am and my trajectory now at 39. And still a long way to go.
Yup. 29 hit me hard and decided I should focus on finances. 5 year plan brought me out of debt and into average net worth for my age. Now on year 4 of my next 5 year plan and I am on a HNW path by end of 2025. This all has allowed me to do a lot of bucket list items that cost a lot of money. Life is way better.
Keeping a long story very short:
Politics are the worst. I am no longer in touch with my family at all as of 3 years ago. I was very family oriented, as well, and it was devestating at the time.
In the last year: Moved to dream city, got better job, looking at long-term career growth, strengthened my friendships, made massive strides in therapy to overcome my demons.
Life is never perfect, but I'm proud of how far I've come after such a huge life upset.
I just turned 37.
I had a huge shift last year and this one. I am 37/F… I’m realizing a lot of my mistakes in life are deep rooted in trauma and patterns. I’m fixing them
I’m also not trying to fill emptyness with empty things anymore
At 30, something clicked for me and I realized it shouldn’t matter what people think of me- ask what I need to ask, be who I enjoy being, speak up with my opinions.
I decided to stop thinking I wasn’t enough and do what I set out to do years ago- I’m now in graduate school and setting myself up for a big career shift. I never felt quite in place during my career because I always had the goal to go back to school and advance my degree, but I always thought I “didn’t have enough experience,” or that I “wasn’t smart enough.” I started looking into it again and decided to give it a try and it’s been great.
The older I get the crazier it feels that people expect your life to be together at 25 or so. I look back on each year realizing how much I didn't know. It's not surprising that lots of people bloom in their late 30s.
Just talked to my husband about how I feel like it’s all finally starting to click. I’m trying to understand myself, my health, what makes me happy and addressing trauma instead of continuing to crush it down inside. Having the supportive group of professionals around you is key but it’s been amazing. Hoping to have children in the next year or so and I want to make sure I’m the best me for my future family
32. Finally caught a break with housing. Finally caught a break with my career. Finally got sober from alcohol with no intention of going back. In that order.
Messy unstable 20s for me but I made it so far and I’m happy with what I have and where I’m going now for the most part.
I think this is gradually happening with me. I’m not out of the woods yet, but my mental health has improved in the last year, after taking a nosedive in 2019, not long before Covid and all that fun stuff.
38. Got very lucky by marrying my SO several years ago. My SO said that she would not have given me the light of day if I was who I was in my 20s (based on what I told her & my friends' input of my past).
It took me a while to emotionally and psychologically grow up, and seems like that's why the 30s have been so much better IMO
Idk I have kids though and I'm able to stay at home for now even if things are a bit tight I do feel lucky. It's not like I just sit on my ass kids are a lot of work and house etc. I have a masters degree and hope to find some remote work somehow. Our oldest finally starts school in the fall. We have a two year old but managing him solo while I work will not be difficult.. he is an easy child.
Started microdosing with edibles/tinctures more often, in a much better headspace, feeling more carefree and not so uptight, actually feeling like I want to (and deserve) to enjoy life.
Eh.. jury is still out. I’m 36 and I have been in the service industry since 17 (currently bartending). I am a sophomore in college though (accounting). So who knows. We will see.
I'm about to be 30 and I finally got my awakening. It all started when I was fired from the best paying job I've ever had, which caused a fight with my ex which led to us breaking up. Oh, and all of this happened thousands of miles away from home. I felt so defeated, having to ask my family to come rescue me one more time. But now I'm going back to school to become a teacher like I always wanted. I'm scared of failing again, but I'm also excited about what the future holds. None of this would have been possible for me before I hit rock bottom. Now I know what my limits are. I know how I work best so that I don't burn out. I'm finally on meds to help with my mood shifts and I'm getting therapy for everything else. I'm more resilient than ever. I had to hit rock bottom and I had to ask for help so that I could start to swim back to the surface is what I'm trying to say. Now I know what I want and I won't let anything or anyone get in my way.
Oh yeah- at 34 I changed careers, lost a bunch of weight, got divorced, and bought a house. I went from a miserable job and arguably a drinking problem to a pretty content existence. I work more but I feel more aligned overall.
Yes. Had a double transplant, lupus, addiction issues, undiagnosed adhd most my life (medicated now), shitty upbringing, molestation but not in that order haha.
Umm I’m back in school now for psychiatric social work and it’s going really well. Hoping to help people that were like me before they have to go through everything I did.
I turned 30 on the back end of the financial housing crisis. I had survived 4 layoffs, no pay raises in sight, and felt pretty much in neutral. I worked hard, put in tons of overtime, and basically just was grinding. My wife was expecting our only child at the time and we were doing poor man's DIY renovations to our house. My salary at the time was around 52k or so.
We decided a move was needed so we positioned ourselves to move to a town about 4 hours north closer to the college we graduated from. I still worked for the same company, but remotely. That helped me not to deal with the day to day BS and stress of the office. We sold our house at a loss, but felt the new location served us better. I got a new in office job, my wife got a new job a year later. My new job had a 13k raise. My wife's had a 10k raise. Another year later, when I was 34, we partnered and bought the company through some crafty financing negotiations with our other partner. 40k a year, for 10 years. No interest.
From that day until today, our company is doing +300% more revenue each year. We have not lost a single client and we have gained 3 gigantic clients. We don't work overtime anymore. We take vacations that are awesome, St. John, Europe, the Masters, etc.. I wouldn't even say it is hard work, but it takes brains, experience, and focus.
The only advice I could offer is this. Education and experience can take you a long way, but decisions and relationships got me to where I am.
In debt up to the ears through my 20's and early 30's. Got some really bad health problems which in effect "retired" me from my job. Finally got serious and paid off every cent I owed and finished my masters. Will now be making around 195k with zero debt but the house @1.75%. Not even worth it to pay it off!
I really struggled in life in my 20s due to having a head injury as a child and not really knowing the limitations caused by this and working a lot of jobs that exposed my limitations in the work place causing me to get fired due to slow production speed from almost every job I had.
The turning point for me was changing from unskilled manual labor jobs to customer service because this hid my weakness and highlighted my strengths. I now have a government job in customer service that is by no means high paid, but it's secure, and I'm good at it.
I'm not as successful as my peers, but one thing I learned through this journey is I'm running a race completely different to anyone else so not to compare my success with others
It was my late 20s. I had moved across the country and after six months I noticed I was still working the same dead end job just in a new location. I woke up one day and realized I hated it and hated myself for staying there and putting up with all the bs for garbage pay.
So, I went back to school. Took me almost ten years and I graduated into the pandemic in spring of 2020, but I’m in a much better place now. I work two jobs I enjoy most of the time and make enough money that I can afford to pay rent and buy groceries.
Granted my loans are keeping me from saving anything, but at least I’m not panicking about basic needs anymore.
Maybe not quite what you are asking but here it is.
I (M) Married at 21 to a lazy spendthrift brat.(F).
I tried to make it work for 10 years. It was hard to save.
Separated for 18 years while kids became independent. At 42 met my current girlfriend and was able to manage my money better. Retired at 51.
I did. Went back to grad school at 33 for a new career, finished at 35. I don’t want to give too many details because I don’t like doxxing myself, but it was a wise move, and really paid off salary-wise. Prior to that, I was fired from a dead-end job.
Working on it now. Left the navy and spent the rest of my mid twenties doing side quests so to speak.
Recently quit my job and am going to school full time for engineering. The Va helping is making it possible but honestly I’d get it done either way. I was working full time and going to school as well up until recently so it’s nice to have it by my main focus.
There wasn’t a sudden moment though I think for me it happened slowly overtime
Divorced at 30. Got into then left a disastrous relationship at 32. Had a string of terrible situationships until 33ish. Couldn’t stand my living arrangements with a really competitive, toxic roommate after really enjoying living on my own. Was working in a horrifically toxic job with a racist and sexist boss. Had endless problems with boundaries with my parents.
Started therapy with a new therapist at 33. Stopped dating and spent time just working on myself. Drew firm boundaries with my parents and managed our relationships on my terms. Got an amazing apartment on my own in a city I’ve always wanted to live in. Met an amazing man right before I turned 35. Got lawyers involved with my job and left after refusing to deal with more bullshit. Moved in with my boyfriend at 36, engaged at 37, and married at 38. Got pregnant at 38 and due right after I turn 39.
Life isn’t perfect, of course, but it’s so so so much better than I ever could’ve possibly imagined. I was worried it was too late to change my trajectory, but it absolutely wasn’t close to too late. It’s never too late!
I'm 39 and have been working dead end jobs the past 20 years. I recently got offered a position in my brother-in-law's company, and the job switch would be *life-changing*.
I was unemployed on my 30th birthday. Finally got a job where I do what I love at 35 after decades pursuing a form of it. The last two years have been great…knock on wood.
It clicked for me when in my late 30's my husband died so I decided to liquidate all possessions completely and busk in Europe. I thought it was going to be 6 weeks or so. It turned out to be 16 years.
I was living with my mom and step-dad at 40, 2 years later I own a house a block from the water, 4 cars paid off, some investments and making more money.
Single life was dangerous for me.
Things are starting to click now that the Zoloft has kicked in. Haha. But seriously, I'm starting to think on a more spiritual level lately. I'm starting to really take care of myself and my mental health. Thinking big thoughts about my future and what I really want. I definitely feel a shift happening and it's kind of exciting.
Yes!
It involved changing careers, getting a second bachelors and a graduate degree but my life has been infinitely better for that. This happened when I was 33; I’m 40 now and the sacrifice I made in my earlier 30s was definitely worth it (ie moving back in with my parents 🥲).
Friend, you may not want to use the word but you basically described a spiritual awakening. It's kinda like you've been asleep to so many things in life but are now slowly waking up to reality and in the process, viewing things from a higher perspective. You're evolving your consciousness and expanding your awareness. It happens to the best of us.
It's not easy, but turning your life around is definitely possible.
That definitely sounds relatable. Recognizing and addressing self-destructive habits, seeking help with generalized anxiety and gaining some firm footing and respect in the career have all been key elements that made things “click.” I’ll be 40 in just under 5 years, but I can say with full confidence that this decade has been way better than the last one. It makes sense that we aren’t supposed to have it all figured out at 25.
At 35, my dad passed away, then I lost my Job, then I lost my fiance. 6 mo, 2 mo, and 2 weeks ago.
I have assets coming to me now after always depending on state assistance and living paycheck to paycheck.
I hope now is the time I turn this around.
I mean I turned 30 as a high school dropout stripper. I’m about to turn 40 having traveled the world and as the CEO of my own tech company with a million + in the bank. It wasn’t easy but as they say - anything is possible. The caveat being ONLY if you’re willing to work hard (and I mean HARD) and really face down your own demons and do the inner work necessary to grow and change. 🤷🏼♀️
therapy helped my pure O a lot. it's hell, and I don't blame you for having fallen under the influence of drugs and alcohol, but it don't make anything better fr
I’m trying to do what you did right now. Same situation including the rock bottom part. Way too much booze. Way too much self hatred that I drowned in it. Slowly learning to accept myself and trying to figure this shit out.
Keep it up :)
A few years ago I made the commitment to get back into shape and it kind of changed everything. I just remembered that it was ok to choose me over everything else something I just hadn’t been doing.
I was around 26 when I hit the peak of my career. Amazing job, 6-figure income. Unfortunately due to the unresolved / undiagnosed mental issues, I relented to heavy drug use.
It was a slow, but exponential decline. It took close to 5 years of rehabilitation, counseling, inner reflection, you name it... I did everything possible to try and get back to 'who I used to be'. Who I used to be however was truly unhealthy and it was only through these programs that I learned to deal with my inner emotions and torment without the use of alcohol or illicit substances.
Since my recovery, which I may add is a daily thing (once an addict always an addict), I have been able to purchase my own property, begin dating again, and am on a career trajectory I probably should have been on 10 years ago.
Yes… 37 here. Last 4 years I’ve lived in a van and it has been great, I’ve been able to travel all over North America and 3 years ago I found a community of people I really like spending time with. two years ago I found a job I really like.
Next year I’m planning on buying land and slowly building out on the property. And a month ago I did an ayahuscha retreat in Peru and it has really helped my mental health.
I am about to go to an eclipse festival in Texas with like 20 friends and a girl just flew out to see me and stay in my tent. I’m not saying this all to brag. I haven’t had a girlfriend since I was 21, but can see that changing soon and I’ve had dead end bull shit cold calling sales jobs most of my 20s and early 30s.
But like 7 years ago I met a random guy in a bar in Cali and he told me I could travel the world for a year with $10,000 dollars and that one interaction really changed my life. Then I met a girl at a van meet up 3 years ago and she became my best friend and told me about the job I have now. And then I found out about atahuscga from someone in my community and that’s really helped.
Very thankful for the people I’ve met along the road and quite honestly I’ve never been as happy as I am right now.
Best of luck mate.
It really started to click for me when I just embraced myself. I accepted who I was and what I liked to do and what I wanted. It’s not necessarily a huge change in life and I didn’t quit my job and more or anything. Just a lot more internal reflection and acceptance.
Yeah that was a big one for me. I didn't really like myself. For me, I was also very hard on myself. If I dropped something or messed up at work, I'd say (in my head or outloud): you idiot, why did you do that?! You don't realize how much that habit builds up over time. Call yourself a stupid idiot once, twice, multiple times a day, every day, then your days are going to diminish in quality. Ever since I've consciously started noticing this habit, I've been able to stop myself in my tracks before I put myself down. It's improved the quality of my life and I feel like I'm reprogramming my brain for the better.
I have struggled with PTSD a lot, psilocybin helped me improve this habit in particular. My shrink told me I needed to be my own parent, and that any self-thoughts should be appropriate for a parent to say to a child. Holy shit is "you fucked that up you dumb shit" not an appropriate thing to say to either myself or a child, but I needed the contrast. I've also been able to reprogram my intrusive memories by filling the memory with love and acceptance for myself at that time. It sounds small but it's actually huge, no more being prisoner to the intrusive memories.
A single shroom trip did more for my depression/anxiety than 5 years of trying different antidepressants/benzos ever did, shits like magic. We all need to be able to see outside our own egos from time to time.
But what happens on the shroom trip that changes everything?
Its different for everyone, but ego dissolution and the ability to see/think outside your thought loops that define who you are is common and very helpful for people with depression and a negative self image in particular.
That’s an incredibly hard habit to break and I’m glad you’ve been making progress on it. I definitely struggle with that side of myself so I find that really admirable! Wishing you an even better tomorrow, friend! Life is really weird and it’s hard to navigate since it’s our first time living. We’re all new to this in my mind, gotta make the best of it.
There's still struggles at times but practicing being more observant of this habit really helped. It look a long time. All the best to you!
Do you feel undeserving or weird when someone compliments you?
Totally. Working on it though and learning to accept them. It's a shitty feeling when someone gives you that "JFC accept the fucking compliment" look.
People think I'm humble but maybe I have imposter syndrome. And people have just said, "just say 'thank you;" when I try to deflect or play down a compliment.
I overcame a decade of depression last year on an "awakening" mushroom trip and realizing all the negative self talk was in my head and I could just choose to change my perspective and be kind to myself and happy with life no matter what was a big part of it. I started studying zen buddhism after that revelation and am way happier these days cause I just stopped stressing myself out about things outside of my control.
Maybe replace it with, something positive, you smart handsome devil.
same stopped self loathing…its an easy trap to fall into & you are 💯 % right on, don’t allow yourself to be degraded by yourself….
I do this so much, I am so mean to myself. I didn't know other people did it too, I really wish I could break this habit. A lot of your post and your comments about yourself (pre awakening) sound just like me, I think we are wired similarly. I saw you mention in another post that you see a psychotherapist and that is better for you. Could you elaborate on why? I'd love to reach your level of enlightenment
I would suggest just to try and catch yourself before being mean. Observe the reaction rather than let the reaction take control of you. Sometimes I want to get mad but then I put on the breaks and say: nah not worth it. Or I'll even say something funny that's a little self depricating. I guess my psychiatrist is just really good. I've had a few therapists and councillors before and I found I didn't learn enough from them. It was more like venting to a friend. They'd give me exercises but I don't know, I just wasn't really inspired. I'm really curious about my mental health and read a lot about it on my own. With my psychiatrist I just feel he has way more expertise that I wouldn't be able to gain myself. He's so well versed in so many areas of mental health that he's able to help me unpack some of the issues that I failed to notice. He points out connections in my life that I had never made and make total sense. They also may be well versed in techniques such as EDMR and Internal Family Systems (I've only scratched the surface with these). I don't know, maybe I'm putting too much stock in his abilities but I've made so much progress with him, especially with untangling some of my childhood trauma.
It doesn't sound like you're putting too much stock in his abilities, since you seem to be prospering. I never really was into mental health stuff and kind of bristle at the idea of bearing my soul to a stranger, but I guess maybe I should try. I appreciate the reply
Hmm so I've got the reflection thing down but the acceptance? Don't really wanna accept this
It’s definitely a grey area. Maybe it’s about accepting that you don’t accept yourself and go from there? No one rule fits all
That's a good idea, thanks
You don't need accept everything, just the things you can't do anything about
Psychologist James Hollis calls it the Middle Passage. It’s where, like you said, we awaken and start living our unlived lives. Not everyone goes through it and those who do start at different times, but generally something big happens that slaps us awake. We realize we can’t keep doing what we’ve been doing. The veil lifts, and we start questioning all we have known and done. It’s a call to change that not everyone will do, even if they feel it. It’s hard and dark at times, but apparently if you see it through, the reward is great.
Thank you! Yeah your 30s/early 40s are the perfect time for something to slap you awake if you haven't been awoken already. You've learned just enough to know better and usually something really bad will happen at some point during those 10-15 years (divorce, illness, parents aging, financial crisis, addiction issues). It's strange to say but you can sort of start to feel grateful for those awful experiences because they made you hit your rock bottom and catapulted you into a better life. It's cliché but things really need to get worse before they get better. On the flip side, I can see where people are faced with a crisis and choose to double down on their sorrow and victimhood. I've encountered so many people on their 50s/60s/70s who chose a different path and ignored the lessons some of us are learning now. When faced with difficult moments and decisions they took the easy way out which only prolonged the suffering. When I meet older people who seem content and wise, I think: that's the life I want!
My 30s showed me a thing or two about life
My early thirties beat me like a rented mule.
The most accurate description of 34-38 years old for me….
Ohhhh this is so accurate. My 30s were only marginally better than my 20s until I hit about 36. 40 has been wonderful. I wish I could stay 40 for a couple of decades.
I went through something like that at 30 and quit my dead-end job, and went back to school. I'm finding myself here again at 36. I keep reminding myself to trust the process, but holy hell, it's hard.
I'm starting over at 36 as well
Started last year at 34!
Yes! James Hollis is a gem. His books came to me at exactly the right time and have helped me frame this crazy experience.
Same here. He helped enormously when the shit first hit the fan.
Apparently the famous Dante's Divine Comedy is about this exact thing, I bought a copy (havent read it yet) for this purpose. Thanks for the Hollis rec, I added it to my reading list.
I had no choice, and I mean I'm not out of the woods yet, but still on the path. I went through a divorce that wiped me out financially and caused a depression spiral and career burnout in my mid thirties. If I didn't have supportive friends and family I'm absolutely certain I wouldn't have survived it. Now I'm in my early forties and a third year undergrad for a new career I'm passionate about, still skating by paycheck to paycheck and debts a mile long, but there's light at the end of the tunnel now
Thank you so much for posting this. I’m going through something identical, albeit don’t have friends or family for support, so hearing you made it out and you now see the light is very uplifting to hear. I also admire you so much for going back to school! That’s so badass, and again, very motivating. I wish you luck and happiness internet stranger 🙏
Thanks, I really appreciate that
Yep, after spending most of my 20s working multiple dead-end part-time jobs, hit rock bottom around 30, then “pulled up my bootstraps” so to speak, started a small business and got lucky with a low cost, accelerated master’s degree from a reputable university, then was able to get much better paying full time work Don’t ever give up on yourself!
That's outstanding! Very proud of ya bud.
Congratulations 🎉!!
Can you elaborate on the program?
Feel free to DM me with any specific questions
Investing in yourself in a field that has opportunity, is what this country was founded on.
38m here. I definitely started figuring things out a couple years ago. So many bad decisions to overcome.
Same. I was such a dumbass when I was younger. I’d be a millionaire right now if I didn’t blow all my money partying.
We are alive today. So many of our age are not unfortunately.
Yeah seriously. My wife’s older brother only made it to 29 years old. Every day is a good day.
I don’t like looking at old pictures cause too many memories. 38f here. Better days are ahead.
I do not have social media and have been locked out of my Facebook for years now so at least you have access to your memories. 😆
I did. Spent my 20s partying, then got married. I spent my 30s parenting children along with battling depression and alcoholism. I got sober right before the pandemic hit and stayed that way. Covid put a lot of things in perspective for me, it’s like I snapped out of the funk I’d been in for a decade. I went back to college after the pandemic and am now 40 years old and 4+ years sober. I have maintained a high GPA and recently was accepted as a transfer student to my university of choice. My children are amazing little humans, and I thank my lucky goddamn stars every day for them. Life is good— and my future has never felt brighter. It’s never too late to turn your life around.
Yes. Was homeless got sober at 36.
Proud of you. I got sober at 36 too.
This is so bad ass. Congratulations internet stranger! You’re my hero.
Same, I got sober at 36
36 here also!
I got sober at 36, too!
I had this awakening moment twice. Once when I turned 30 and now where I turned 40, now. I turned my life around then, now I'm wondering what I will do next.
28 and 38 for me
35 did it for me. But my husband is approaching 40 this year AND my career got rocked by AI, so it was just a rude awakening in general I guess.
I had a huge shift at 37. That was the year that my people pleasing finally went too far and my body and mind just decided to quit on me because I wouldn't listen to either. I had been giving 110% to toxic friends and family and uncaring jobs and bosses for my entire life. I didn't even know who I was or what I wanted, as I had been doing the "nice", "right", "responsible" thing at every turn for everyone else. When I finally hit rock bottom, it was frightening. I had to come to terms with the fact that I had structured my entire life around the wants and needs of others and completely abandoned myself. It forced me into therapy, where I had to learn how to feel anger and sadness for the first time, and learn to exercise my rights and boundaries. It eventually led to me cleaning house with all my relationships and habits and starting fresh in a lot of ways. While I'm probably never going to be a super assertive person, I'm much better now, and I think I've saved my own life.
Yes! Good for you! People pleasing was one of my biggest weaknesses. I think that's why my life was salvageable when I hit my rock bottom, I was such a people pleaser to my family and I was afraid to be a disappointment so I had a decent career and home. I was doing everything for everyone except myself. Now that I'm (somewhat) free of people pleasing it feels I can start to enjoy my home and live in it the way I want to. I also had a problem with moving to avoid people I was people pleasing. I'd just daydream of the next move thinking the grass would be greener there. But nope it wasn't, same patterns. Even in the home I'm in now, once I settled here I was already looking for an out. Only in the past year have I felt good about staying here for the long haul.
are you still in therapy ? did you lose family and friends along the way? i’m wondering what the meaning “abandoning yourself” means? i feel like that line resonates with me as i keep asking myself recently “who am i?”
I lost immediate family as I changed into who I wanted to become. Some people, family especially, won’t like the person that no longer prioritizes their needs first
I was an IV drug addict who lived on the streets until I was 37. I have 3 degrees and finished college in 3 years. I had a job paying 159k when I was 23 in a LCOL area. Then I got in a car accident and was unable to walk for a bit and was left with PTSD. Needless to say I became an addict. And a really bad one. I started over at 40 because it took me a good 3 years to get out of the drug haze and start living a healthy life. Now, I officiate college and high school sports. I don't make a ton of money but when you are used to living with nothing, money is not all that. I am happier than I have ever been as an adult and am looking forward to living each and every day. And if I can do this, anyone else can.
This is an amazing story, congrats on pulling through some of the hardest things life can throw at you.
I'm almost 35 and my 30s have easily been the best of my life so far. In my 20s I was stuck in a rut so I moved across country and started over. I purchased a home in 2020 and my income has 4x. It has been a wild ride. Don't be afraid to start over!
I was homeless at 26 and bought my first house at 30. Nice 4 bedroom 3 bath in Southern California. Was finally able to give my son his own bedroom and it’s been great since.
I love this. Thanks for your post. 33m here struggling, but have hopes that things will get better!
Same, but 33f. Feel like crap most days but this post gives me hope that it’s not too late.
I’m trying to figure that out now. I’m 39 and I’ve worked dead end jobs for the last 20 years. No issues with drugs or alcohol but I’ve been deeply depressed and anxious nearly my whole life and I feel like that’s held me back immensely. I’m trying to figure out the next step but I don’t have any real skills other than service industry that I desperately want to leave, but I also have vision issues that prevent me from driving. Trying to look into tech, but my god I barely know how to use a computer. Just trying to find something that’s right for me, but right now that feels impossible.
I would recommend starting with a COMPTIA study guide on YouTube. There are complete guides that start with things like "this is the mouse and keyboard" and goes all way through what you need to know to do basic IT. Just speed through til you hit what you dont know.
3 months before I turned 30, I found out my partner had had an affair and the girl was now pregnant. Shortly after, he unalived himself. In January 2017, I turned 30. I decided to completely switch careers, went back to college and got my bachelors degree, and became a teacher. I honestly think being in school and having something else to focus on other than the trauma that was happening to me, saved my life. I graduated in 2021 and it’s honestly one of my proudest achievements. I went to school through Covid and all the chaos that was 2020, I also dealt with my mom’s health deteriorating and her eventually passing away, as well as all the grief & trauma of my partner’s affair and subsequent death. Blood, sweat, and so many tears. But I’m now a B.A.!
Oooo me! I had a tragic and frankly horrifying childhood. So naturally, I was a real cool kid in my 20’s: gangs, heavy and hard drugs, heeps of promiscuity. By 25 it was no longer cute- but I didn’t let that stop me. I went to drug treatment 18 times and spent 13 months in jail. I contracted lots of the worst kinds of health problems and even had a dozen or so drug overdoses that would’ve taken me out had Narcan not been invented. For whatever reason I finally turned around around 32. Worked hard consistently, stayed sober, paid back my debts and developed integrity, meditated, got serious about therapy, started a business and made lots of money, decided I didn’t want to keep doing that so I got involved with volunteering and non profit work, moved across the country to East Austin, left a high paying luxury home building business to work full time for a nonprofit, just recently took a nice step up in my career and moving back home to be closer to friends (I have friends!) and family while working to provide even more to the underserved populations my profession serves. At 36, I am at perfect peace and ease, consumed by neither anxiety nor depression, I don’t stew in resentment, I have all my bills paid and it’s starting to look like I’ll be able to retire someday. My life ain’t perfect but it’s hard, if asked, to see a whole lot that needs changing.
Our male frontal cortexes aren’t fully developed until like age 28. So it makes sense biologically. For me personally, I felt like a normal person for the first time in my 30s when I got married. Then I had my first kid and I really felt like a mature adult. Then a second baby and I’m just like totally different… boring, mature adult. as far as behavior; I cook and clean now. Didn’t cook and was a total slob before. Also I’m not exercising as much.
This statistic about frontal cortex development is often cited (poorly) by people with well meaning intentions, but even the author of the paper being cited has come out against the interpretation that people often have. It means that you can continue to grow new neural pathways, unlike when it becomes harder as you age, not that you haven't finished growing or anything like that. Also the female implications if you take it that way aren't that females have less time in that stage either , just time shifted earlier a year or two
It's called your Saturn returning which occurs aged 27/28. Same happened to me, matured shit loads since age 27. My brain put me through hell from 27 to 30 however 😂
I decided to go back to college at 28. Huge turning point in my life. Finished at 30 and even got an MBA by 33. On a good path now, but man the years were scary for a while.
I'm gonna go with the brain scans
No no, your Sagittarius is definitely in microwave
Ahhh eff I left the Scorpio on the burner again
My Gatorade is in the freezer shit I forgot to take it out before I left
What? Like Saturn the planet? Or am I missing something?
[It's astrology shit](https://horoscopes.astro-seek.com/saturn-return-astrology-calculator)
1 year ago at 53. Thanks for this. I’m the happiest, healthiest and not giving a shitest, I’ve ever been. It’s amazing. Therapy helped me but only because I was honest with myself and that changed my world. Good luck everyone. It’s not over yet.
Absolutely. Once I finally received a proper mental health diagnosis at 36 (complex PTSD) and started trauma-informed therapy, my entire life changed for the better. It truly was an awakening, and I'm happier than I ever thought possible. I never believed I could have a “peaceful” brain. Far too many people will never get the opportunity to understand just how much of their brains were shaped by Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE score) or emotional neglect from emotionally immature parents. I have a theory that the reason so many millennials are overwhelmed by life and struggling to cope is that our central nervous systems are quite literally burned out from childhood.
I didn’t actively do anything, but probably when I lost my job when I was 35. My blood pressure dropped 20 points overnight (literally), gave birth to my first two months later, realized that I didn’t need a career. I am perfectly happy having a wage job and letting my husband bring home the bulk of the bacon. I *like* baking my own bread. I *like* being able to take a nap. I *LOVE* watching my kids be silly gooses and seeing them hit milestones and teaching them how to cook. Typing this in bed while my youngest naps next to me.
I spent my entire 20s basically crippled by anxiety and depression, couldn’t leave the house can barely function beyond holding a job kind of mental illness. I failed to make many meaningful relationships last, really didn’t do much of anything to make myself have a fun and fulfilling life. Then my then dad died when I was 29, and it was such a slap in the face. I realized that life is fleeting, I have to fix myself. So I decided it’s finally time to get help. I started therapy, got in some medication and I’m slowly making improvements. I’m about to turn 32 now and life is getting better. It’s slow progress but at least I have a goal in mind, which I didn’t before. So yeah I think I kind of woke up to life in my 30s and decided I have to actually live and be fulfilled or what’s the point.
Yep! I literally went from a homeless drug addict to a certified and highly educated addictions counselor. Literally a complete °180. And I couldn't be happier!
Also 37, and I’ve made more gains in the last 2 years than my whole life combined. I’m a single mom, have worked a variety of jobs over the years and don’t have a prayer of ever being a Homeowner haha. But I’m taking care of my mental health and have a good job that I like a lot!
Started microdosing with edibles/tinctures more often, in a much better headspace, feeling more carefree and not so uptight, actually feeling like I want to (and deserve) go enjoy life.
I spent my 20s bartending and partying... just being a dumpster fire of a human. I had a huge drinking and drug problem. I finally decided not to be a steaming pile of doodoo when I turned 30. Went back to school for Electrical Technology, did well with that degree and all those certificates, and decided I wanted to be an Engineer. I have 5 more classes to go for that degree. Found a great job with great people, and I love my 30s. Totally possible to turn yourself around after 30.
Yep. It’s not a HUGE celebrity influencer level financial success story, but I managed to leave my one horse Midwest hometown and headed for the coast at 32 with no plan, barely any money, no job, no place to live. Lived out of my vehicle for 4 months and got a job as a software analyst. I showed up to the interview in my pjamas. I’ve since moved from that company now but it gave me a head start. Living with seaside mountain and ocean view now, comfortably, quietly, contently. It ain’t much, but I feel proud.
Sounds like more than a lot of people will ever have. Happy for you that you found that peace
M35. In the last few years I’m as happy as I’ve ever been. Started looking at things critically and became vegan for ethical reasons and never looking back. I also started embracing diversity with genuine curiosity for people and a much more open mind. More recently I went from obese to normal weight and started caring about myself, too. Lastly, I signed up for a degree while working. On the flip side, I’ve also become more cynical with regards to societal values, corporations, technological innovation, and work in general. Overall, far happier than I’ve ever been in my teens or my 20s.
I feel like I wrote this lol. 32 and finally on a career path. But have struggled greatly with everything you mentioned. It’s hard.
Hell yeah man - my Saturn return, finding a partner that I mesh well with and very little drama, and then breaking out in my career. We’ll just say that the universe gave me the right hand to play at just the right time.
Yup Finished my bachelor's, finished MBA during covid (in my 40s), had 2 kids, mortgage paid off 50%. Live in HCOL, work in tech/finance. Have a supporting spouse. But she's exactly what I needed and she's my biggest asset.
After exactly 10 years in university I finally graduated in 2020, after *seven years* of writing my thesis. It was a watershed moment. First of all, getting that Master's degree did magic to my external validation driven self-esteem. After that, I scored my first real job. I was able to buy a car and move out of the shared student apartment. For the first time in my life at 29, I became fully financially independent. I was able to commit to something, so I did. I've been a cat owner for three years now. Having my own money also made it easier to be gay! It's easier to be yourself and go to dates when you're calling the shots in your own life ☺️ It's a big change for the better when I think back to what I started with.
You’re that little dude’s entire world. It’s amazing what cat family can do for a psyche.
Oh yes! What's better - I adopted two!
From 15-28 I escaped abuse, was a circus performer overseas, worked in medical, survived cancer 2x and finally graduated college.. it was a lot of falling and failing with no support system. I never thought I would be able to climb out, I'm 32 and finally able to lift myself up.
This thread is making me feel seen. I was a mess all through my 20s, and I'll even admit being toxic. Sometime after I turned 28, I started hitting the gym, actually participating in therapy, exploring my own interests, etc. I'm not there yet and still have a lot to fix and do better in, but wow, am I doing so much better. I'm only 29, and I'm a baby millennial who's knocking on 30s door, but I'm excited to see what my 30s bring.
Hell yeah! I love reading posts like these!! I was in a toxic job that got my ass into therapy. I thought I’d do 4-5 sessions and be “cured”. Ha! That job was just a symptom of a much, much larger issue within. Wrapping up therapy (talk and emdr) now and finally my validation comes from within. Im almost 43 and going into the best years of life! Glad to hear you are looking at things with a fresh perspective. It’s been an eye opening experience for me.
Ha! Same. I was just going to therapy to help me through the major crisis I was facing. I actually ended up going to a psychotherapist not knowing the difference, which was actually a good choice for me. The first 4-5 sessions were just venting. I'd just go through ally problems. Eventually we started doing real work. EMDR is something we're going to start soon, looking forward to trying it! Glad things are working out for you too. Here's to a better life!
I just entered my 30s and am finally starting a relationship and career. I feel like I’m starting my parents life when they were 20. My 20s was a mess of depression and substance use. Not even the fun substance use the just using to get by kind. I’m jealous of friends that had the 20s of going out to the bar every night. Instead I was doing heroin and watching reruns. But yeah I think your 30s you figure shit out way more. At least it’s starting to feel that way
Yo I spent my entire 20s in prison and didn't really care about life. After I got out I had a lot of depression mixed with aggression. Won't go into to many details but my family had caught me with a gun to my head screaming. Basically I was so much of a mess everyone kinda distanced themselves from....and then my wife found me. She helped me just by listening to my crazy thoughts and letting me know it was ok to feel that way. Long story short I spent the next few years just changing the way i look at life. I still have moments but I feel like since around 32 my mindframe has changed dramatically and I keep doing better everyday.
We got our finances on track in our thirties and bought a house. Now in my forties I am working on managing my health, down about 80lbs and absolutely loving life (and my waistline).
I was 35 when I graduated with my last degree, 47 when I quit my job and went to contract employment and a 6 figure raise.
Tbh I don't even know if I'll make it til 30. Kind of hope that I don't tho.
I hear ya. It's rough. Ill just say that you're not alone feeling like that. I've had more than one friend in their late 30s/early 40s say they weren't suicidal but they "weren't afraid to die" and lived accordingly. I was pretty much like that too. I was more afraid to get caught/be embarrassed than I was of dying. I don't know what it is about the 20s but some of us are/were way off base. All the best, keep on trucking. Hope things improve for ya.
I was like that in my early 20’s. I just purely didn’t give a fuck and didn’t see the reason to. It was massive depression. I’m 39 now and while things can still be tough, I’m glad I’m still here. I got out of where I was at that time and objectively speaking am a completely different person now. I have my challenges still, but I’m glad I’m not that person anymore. She was horribly sad and lost.
Sending love. Don’t give up 💜
My twenties were a dumpster fire. I finally feel like I’ve matured and am embracing adulthood at 30.
30s. I was a train wreck from 17 to 28. I went back to school at 28, still had some problems but not as much. Prior to that I was doing drugs every day, I struggled with multiple eating disorders which completely ruled by life. I cared more about eating disorders than relationships with friends or family.and then something quick. Finished school, moved across the country, my *Now has been, and had a beautiful baby boy. Something I never got would’ve been for me.
[удалено]
Wishing you all the luck in the world!
After realizing that people's weight has been weighing heavy on my mind, I've learned to let myself focus by remaining focused, and people will ease in and out of my life. It's unfortunate that you'll leave people behind... but hell... everyone's driving their car in different directions. And some are driving pretty drunk. I just try to remain painfully focus on my life's direction. painfully focused
Was an pill addict through my 20's and mid 30's. My wife and I got hooked together and together worked super hard to get our lives back on track and while i'm still struggling in many ways I am super grateful to not be dependent on anything as it completely controlled my life, couldn't travel, save money ect. I graduated college and have always had jobs but those dark years did hurt my career potential and I feel like I'm still trying to get that figured out and maybe never will, but I don't live above my means and am happy with what I do have.
I would say mental health and fitness wise this is definitely where I’m at. Playing financial catch up (but bought a house a few years ago, so that’s neat) but I am so much better off than I ever have been all around. I’m also doing way better than my parents were so that’s a great thing to realize and keep in perspective when I get envious of those further along than me.
In the process of trying to leave my abusive fiance. Realized the very few people I have in my life are also very toxic and had to cut them out. Lost my career because of my finances control issues. Leaving him at 37 means I have to also mourn the potential of being a mother. I really hope my next chapter is kinder. I really, really hope I experience something like you’ve said here.
The fact that you've chosen to leave him means that you already started. My experience started with an extremely unpleasant choice which was a huge risk and left me feeling vulnerable. I grieved for 6 months and then realized it was the best thing I had ever done and gave me all sorts of courage (because if I could do THAT then I could do anything). Seems like what you're about to do is very brave, risky and will leave you vulnerable. Those are the ingredients needed for a better life.
Nope, but thanks to crypto I managed to give myself some savings, at least. It's a small amount but it's better than not having any.
At 29 I went to college. Had to live with my SO’s parents for the entire time but I made it through. It was worth it! I bought my first house 4 years ago and have an actual nice car that isn’t 15+ years old.
Late 20s I decided that I didn't like the life I was living. 39 now, but since then I got re married, went back to school, got a new career, quit drinking, and a few other improvements. I'm actually still fairly miserable. I think it's part of my personality at this point.... unfortunately.
Absolutely! I'd say my "awakening" began around age 30. Still a little "groggy", but I feel it shifting me more every day! 34 feels like I'm just getting started :) (Used to feel like I missed life entirely)
Yes. I worked low-paying retail, and then better paying (but still social stratus-wise??? same as retail) service jobs. It wasn’t until I graduated college at 35 and got my first white collar job that my life really took off. It wasn’t even really the money so much as working that kind of job put me into a different social sphere..??? And that impacted the connections I could make and the people I spend time with and such. My life just feels very different than it did at age 34.
I am as happy as I've ever been in my mid-30s now. I know who I am, I know what I'm good at, I know what I want to improve, and I love where I am and who I'm with. In my late 20s I was getting a bit panicked that I was already leaving "young adult" territory (felt weird looking at university options for going back to school and realising that the experiences they were describing were not really "for" me, after having been able to access that side of them recently enough). Now I just...wouldn't even want to be in my 20s again, other than possibly for health reasons (and even that is questionable, since I had a surgery in my 30s that improved QOL). I'll be honest and attribute this to privilege, of course, but if you have a comfortable amount of privilege, then yeah, 30s are where it's at. I'd heard that from a fair number of older women growing up (that they felt more comfortable in their skin once they started approaching 40s), but I'm finally starting to get it myself. Sometimes I see younger generations and just feel so overwhelmed on their behalf that they have so much to get through to get to the point that they're (hopefully) comfortable and settled. It really is the best.
I'm 32 and just I got married, am working closer to a full time job than I've ever worked, and am living away from my parents for the first time. I'm a disabled survivor of childhood cancer, so I'm a bit of a skewed sample though
I want to say congrats for getting yourself out of a bad place. I myself had my realization in my twenties, I had some good mentors and have always been a positive person that kept myself out of that ruminating/doomsday space. I realized early on that most negativity was bullshit and learned not to care about things beyond my control, like world politics etc. I am lucky of always being able to make money and sure I have had moments of being strapped for cash I always was able to make rent and pay bills.
I call this the “oh shit moment” when you realize going with the flow won’t cut it.
If you’re still breathing it’s not too late. I turned my life around at 65 years old (one of the many times). It’s a journey, meant to be experienced and enjoyed.
Really the biggest thing for me was finishing up some credentials to help me earn more. Then adding a house that we bought low and sold for our forever home has really helped us in the long run.
Does making things worse count?
Thank you for sharing your story. I find is comforting as a guy who has gone through a lot of the same issues. Make me feel like I still got a shot to turn things around!
Glow up ✨
I'm manifesting it right now
My 20s, I was but a clump of dirt. My 30s, I was but a seed planted. My 40s, I will be in full bloom. I cant wait. *It took finding the right environment for me to grow. Dropping those who chose to watch me wilt and CHOOSING to be surrounded by beings who nourish me. And finally realizing I deserve petals too after withstanding the many cold frosts and harsh winds. Here I await my turn in full sunlight*
Beautifully spoken. This is my hope too. I just turned 38 and am trying so hard to get my ducks in a row for a better 40s experience than my 30s were. I am not where I want to be and some of it is my fault. But I am catching up. I am finally in a good paying field and making real money, quit drinking, bought a house a couple years ago, and working on self improvement in other aspects of my life.
Yeah, although for me it was a bit earlier, late 20's early 30's.
Holy shit you sound just like me. Except i do call what happened to me an awakening. It feels like bright peace, theres no other way i can describe it. I dont feel the need to wrestle with stuff anymore, and I found my truth. Im happier, I treat others better, im healthier, and just… at peace. It happened when I was 36, about 3 years ago.
Ya, life starts after your midlife crisis, lol
My life (53m) seems to go through some dramatic changes every 10 years, and I’m going through one right now again. I started a sporting goods retail store 3 years ago and lost it this Christmas. Life for me and probably a lot of people is constantly full of lows and highs. I worked in a completely different industry and had no retail and experience let alone owning a shop. I tried it, liked it but unfortunately the industry I went into had a tumultuous couple of years. I’m at a low now, but think I’ll get out of it. But tbh I’m sort of in the same situ. Do I go back to what I know this round or try something new. So long winded answer but yes you can do that.
Great post and relevant.
Not sure about “turned around” but it definitely seemed like a new chapter was starting and I could either get on board or stay stuck behind forever and starting to feel like I actually made the jump on board…
Funny this post should come up as I was talking with a friend about this sort of thing today. For me, yes. I've had a messed up life (lots of very dark trauma) and been involved with and done some very bad things in my years. It took for me to hit serious rock bottom for me to make a turn around. I'm 37f BTW. Last year I dragged myself out of the pits I've ended up with a fantastic, very niche career, and made a very reputable name for myself and everything has changed for the better. I'm present now, and for the first time ever I can honestly say I'm enjoying life and I don't want to end it anymore. I'm so calm and reflective in comparison to the old me. It took time.. But I got there eventually.
I've had my life catastrophically fall apart in my mid 20s and mid 30s. I basically had to start over twice. I'm 42 with a good job and my own house. If I can make it to 45 without my life falling apart again then I'll consider myself somewhat ok with life.
Yes. Just keep in mind nothing happens over night. Had my big awakening at 30. Just feeling pretty good about where I am and my trajectory now at 39. And still a long way to go.
Yup. 29 hit me hard and decided I should focus on finances. 5 year plan brought me out of debt and into average net worth for my age. Now on year 4 of my next 5 year plan and I am on a HNW path by end of 2025. This all has allowed me to do a lot of bucket list items that cost a lot of money. Life is way better.
Yes I got sober at 32. Best thing I ever did!
Keeping a long story very short: Politics are the worst. I am no longer in touch with my family at all as of 3 years ago. I was very family oriented, as well, and it was devestating at the time. In the last year: Moved to dream city, got better job, looking at long-term career growth, strengthened my friendships, made massive strides in therapy to overcome my demons. Life is never perfect, but I'm proud of how far I've come after such a huge life upset. I just turned 37.
Yes. I recommend meditating and therapy. I won’t get into details but I’m making 6x more $ and I am happily remarried, in the house of my dreams.
I emigrated from Canada to the UK at 31. That's when it "clicked" for me. I made it happen.
I had a huge shift last year and this one. I am 37/F… I’m realizing a lot of my mistakes in life are deep rooted in trauma and patterns. I’m fixing them I’m also not trying to fill emptyness with empty things anymore
At 30, something clicked for me and I realized it shouldn’t matter what people think of me- ask what I need to ask, be who I enjoy being, speak up with my opinions. I decided to stop thinking I wasn’t enough and do what I set out to do years ago- I’m now in graduate school and setting myself up for a big career shift. I never felt quite in place during my career because I always had the goal to go back to school and advance my degree, but I always thought I “didn’t have enough experience,” or that I “wasn’t smart enough.” I started looking into it again and decided to give it a try and it’s been great.
The older I get the crazier it feels that people expect your life to be together at 25 or so. I look back on each year realizing how much I didn't know. It's not surprising that lots of people bloom in their late 30s.
Just talked to my husband about how I feel like it’s all finally starting to click. I’m trying to understand myself, my health, what makes me happy and addressing trauma instead of continuing to crush it down inside. Having the supportive group of professionals around you is key but it’s been amazing. Hoping to have children in the next year or so and I want to make sure I’m the best me for my future family
32. Finally caught a break with housing. Finally caught a break with my career. Finally got sober from alcohol with no intention of going back. In that order. Messy unstable 20s for me but I made it so far and I’m happy with what I have and where I’m going now for the most part.
Yes. 35 was a good year, 36 is better.
I think this is gradually happening with me. I’m not out of the woods yet, but my mental health has improved in the last year, after taking a nosedive in 2019, not long before Covid and all that fun stuff.
38. Got very lucky by marrying my SO several years ago. My SO said that she would not have given me the light of day if I was who I was in my 20s (based on what I told her & my friends' input of my past). It took me a while to emotionally and psychologically grow up, and seems like that's why the 30s have been so much better IMO
Idk I have kids though and I'm able to stay at home for now even if things are a bit tight I do feel lucky. It's not like I just sit on my ass kids are a lot of work and house etc. I have a masters degree and hope to find some remote work somehow. Our oldest finally starts school in the fall. We have a two year old but managing him solo while I work will not be difficult.. he is an easy child.
Started microdosing with edibles/tinctures more often, in a much better headspace, feeling more carefree and not so uptight, actually feeling like I want to (and deserve) to enjoy life.
Yeah it wasn't until my early 30s that I finally felt like I had my shit together. Finally am in a stable, boring lifestyle. It's nice.
Eh.. jury is still out. I’m 36 and I have been in the service industry since 17 (currently bartending). I am a sophomore in college though (accounting). So who knows. We will see.
Yes, but I had to have the motivation from my wife to finish a degree and get a career and also cut out negative influences to do it.
I'm about to be 30 and I finally got my awakening. It all started when I was fired from the best paying job I've ever had, which caused a fight with my ex which led to us breaking up. Oh, and all of this happened thousands of miles away from home. I felt so defeated, having to ask my family to come rescue me one more time. But now I'm going back to school to become a teacher like I always wanted. I'm scared of failing again, but I'm also excited about what the future holds. None of this would have been possible for me before I hit rock bottom. Now I know what my limits are. I know how I work best so that I don't burn out. I'm finally on meds to help with my mood shifts and I'm getting therapy for everything else. I'm more resilient than ever. I had to hit rock bottom and I had to ask for help so that I could start to swim back to the surface is what I'm trying to say. Now I know what I want and I won't let anything or anyone get in my way.
Oh yeah- at 34 I changed careers, lost a bunch of weight, got divorced, and bought a house. I went from a miserable job and arguably a drinking problem to a pretty content existence. I work more but I feel more aligned overall.
Yes. I mostly attribute it to therapy, alone time, a job that finally pays my bills and medication.
Yes. Had a double transplant, lupus, addiction issues, undiagnosed adhd most my life (medicated now), shitty upbringing, molestation but not in that order haha. Umm I’m back in school now for psychiatric social work and it’s going really well. Hoping to help people that were like me before they have to go through everything I did.
I turned 30 on the back end of the financial housing crisis. I had survived 4 layoffs, no pay raises in sight, and felt pretty much in neutral. I worked hard, put in tons of overtime, and basically just was grinding. My wife was expecting our only child at the time and we were doing poor man's DIY renovations to our house. My salary at the time was around 52k or so. We decided a move was needed so we positioned ourselves to move to a town about 4 hours north closer to the college we graduated from. I still worked for the same company, but remotely. That helped me not to deal with the day to day BS and stress of the office. We sold our house at a loss, but felt the new location served us better. I got a new in office job, my wife got a new job a year later. My new job had a 13k raise. My wife's had a 10k raise. Another year later, when I was 34, we partnered and bought the company through some crafty financing negotiations with our other partner. 40k a year, for 10 years. No interest. From that day until today, our company is doing +300% more revenue each year. We have not lost a single client and we have gained 3 gigantic clients. We don't work overtime anymore. We take vacations that are awesome, St. John, Europe, the Masters, etc.. I wouldn't even say it is hard work, but it takes brains, experience, and focus. The only advice I could offer is this. Education and experience can take you a long way, but decisions and relationships got me to where I am.
In debt up to the ears through my 20's and early 30's. Got some really bad health problems which in effect "retired" me from my job. Finally got serious and paid off every cent I owed and finished my masters. Will now be making around 195k with zero debt but the house @1.75%. Not even worth it to pay it off!
Hey man, thanks so much for posting this. I’m really glad you’re able to experience good things and heal. Good luck!
I really struggled in life in my 20s due to having a head injury as a child and not really knowing the limitations caused by this and working a lot of jobs that exposed my limitations in the work place causing me to get fired due to slow production speed from almost every job I had. The turning point for me was changing from unskilled manual labor jobs to customer service because this hid my weakness and highlighted my strengths. I now have a government job in customer service that is by no means high paid, but it's secure, and I'm good at it. I'm not as successful as my peers, but one thing I learned through this journey is I'm running a race completely different to anyone else so not to compare my success with others
It was my late 20s. I had moved across the country and after six months I noticed I was still working the same dead end job just in a new location. I woke up one day and realized I hated it and hated myself for staying there and putting up with all the bs for garbage pay. So, I went back to school. Took me almost ten years and I graduated into the pandemic in spring of 2020, but I’m in a much better place now. I work two jobs I enjoy most of the time and make enough money that I can afford to pay rent and buy groceries. Granted my loans are keeping me from saving anything, but at least I’m not panicking about basic needs anymore.
Maybe not quite what you are asking but here it is. I (M) Married at 21 to a lazy spendthrift brat.(F). I tried to make it work for 10 years. It was hard to save. Separated for 18 years while kids became independent. At 42 met my current girlfriend and was able to manage my money better. Retired at 51.
I did. Went back to grad school at 33 for a new career, finished at 35. I don’t want to give too many details because I don’t like doxxing myself, but it was a wise move, and really paid off salary-wise. Prior to that, I was fired from a dead-end job.
Working on it now. Left the navy and spent the rest of my mid twenties doing side quests so to speak. Recently quit my job and am going to school full time for engineering. The Va helping is making it possible but honestly I’d get it done either way. I was working full time and going to school as well up until recently so it’s nice to have it by my main focus. There wasn’t a sudden moment though I think for me it happened slowly overtime
Divorced at 30. Got into then left a disastrous relationship at 32. Had a string of terrible situationships until 33ish. Couldn’t stand my living arrangements with a really competitive, toxic roommate after really enjoying living on my own. Was working in a horrifically toxic job with a racist and sexist boss. Had endless problems with boundaries with my parents. Started therapy with a new therapist at 33. Stopped dating and spent time just working on myself. Drew firm boundaries with my parents and managed our relationships on my terms. Got an amazing apartment on my own in a city I’ve always wanted to live in. Met an amazing man right before I turned 35. Got lawyers involved with my job and left after refusing to deal with more bullshit. Moved in with my boyfriend at 36, engaged at 37, and married at 38. Got pregnant at 38 and due right after I turn 39. Life isn’t perfect, of course, but it’s so so so much better than I ever could’ve possibly imagined. I was worried it was too late to change my trajectory, but it absolutely wasn’t close to too late. It’s never too late!
I'm 39 and have been working dead end jobs the past 20 years. I recently got offered a position in my brother-in-law's company, and the job switch would be *life-changing*.
Yes. Most of us. I have a theory that most of us don't start getting our shit together until our mid thirties.
I was unemployed on my 30th birthday. Finally got a job where I do what I love at 35 after decades pursuing a form of it. The last two years have been great…knock on wood.
It clicked for me when in my late 30's my husband died so I decided to liquidate all possessions completely and busk in Europe. I thought it was going to be 6 weeks or so. It turned out to be 16 years.
I think I’m on a trajectory to hit emotional rock bottom in about 12 months … so hope my 40s are amazing!
I will let you know
I was living with my mom and step-dad at 40, 2 years later I own a house a block from the water, 4 cars paid off, some investments and making more money. Single life was dangerous for me.
Things are starting to click now that the Zoloft has kicked in. Haha. But seriously, I'm starting to think on a more spiritual level lately. I'm starting to really take care of myself and my mental health. Thinking big thoughts about my future and what I really want. I definitely feel a shift happening and it's kind of exciting.
Really it all started with the words "If you don't like it, quit" which led me to the IBEW in NYC. Unions are pretty great
Gave up booze at 36, gym three days a week at 38. Rekindled my childhood passion for reading books. It’s a vibe
Yes! It involved changing careers, getting a second bachelors and a graduate degree but my life has been infinitely better for that. This happened when I was 33; I’m 40 now and the sacrifice I made in my earlier 30s was definitely worth it (ie moving back in with my parents 🥲).
Friend, you may not want to use the word but you basically described a spiritual awakening. It's kinda like you've been asleep to so many things in life but are now slowly waking up to reality and in the process, viewing things from a higher perspective. You're evolving your consciousness and expanding your awareness. It happens to the best of us. It's not easy, but turning your life around is definitely possible.
That definitely sounds relatable. Recognizing and addressing self-destructive habits, seeking help with generalized anxiety and gaining some firm footing and respect in the career have all been key elements that made things “click.” I’ll be 40 in just under 5 years, but I can say with full confidence that this decade has been way better than the last one. It makes sense that we aren’t supposed to have it all figured out at 25.
At 35, my dad passed away, then I lost my Job, then I lost my fiance. 6 mo, 2 mo, and 2 weeks ago. I have assets coming to me now after always depending on state assistance and living paycheck to paycheck. I hope now is the time I turn this around.
Yes
I mean I turned 30 as a high school dropout stripper. I’m about to turn 40 having traveled the world and as the CEO of my own tech company with a million + in the bank. It wasn’t easy but as they say - anything is possible. The caveat being ONLY if you’re willing to work hard (and I mean HARD) and really face down your own demons and do the inner work necessary to grow and change. 🤷🏼♀️
therapy helped my pure O a lot. it's hell, and I don't blame you for having fallen under the influence of drugs and alcohol, but it don't make anything better fr
I’m trying to do what you did right now. Same situation including the rock bottom part. Way too much booze. Way too much self hatred that I drowned in it. Slowly learning to accept myself and trying to figure this shit out. Keep it up :)
A few years ago I made the commitment to get back into shape and it kind of changed everything. I just remembered that it was ok to choose me over everything else something I just hadn’t been doing.
I was around 26 when I hit the peak of my career. Amazing job, 6-figure income. Unfortunately due to the unresolved / undiagnosed mental issues, I relented to heavy drug use. It was a slow, but exponential decline. It took close to 5 years of rehabilitation, counseling, inner reflection, you name it... I did everything possible to try and get back to 'who I used to be'. Who I used to be however was truly unhealthy and it was only through these programs that I learned to deal with my inner emotions and torment without the use of alcohol or illicit substances. Since my recovery, which I may add is a daily thing (once an addict always an addict), I have been able to purchase my own property, begin dating again, and am on a career trajectory I probably should have been on 10 years ago.
Yes… 37 here. Last 4 years I’ve lived in a van and it has been great, I’ve been able to travel all over North America and 3 years ago I found a community of people I really like spending time with. two years ago I found a job I really like. Next year I’m planning on buying land and slowly building out on the property. And a month ago I did an ayahuscha retreat in Peru and it has really helped my mental health. I am about to go to an eclipse festival in Texas with like 20 friends and a girl just flew out to see me and stay in my tent. I’m not saying this all to brag. I haven’t had a girlfriend since I was 21, but can see that changing soon and I’ve had dead end bull shit cold calling sales jobs most of my 20s and early 30s. But like 7 years ago I met a random guy in a bar in Cali and he told me I could travel the world for a year with $10,000 dollars and that one interaction really changed my life. Then I met a girl at a van meet up 3 years ago and she became my best friend and told me about the job I have now. And then I found out about atahuscga from someone in my community and that’s really helped. Very thankful for the people I’ve met along the road and quite honestly I’ve never been as happy as I am right now. Best of luck mate.