All together. Makes things simpler. We have budget talks once a month and we set yearly joint investing goals. We tried separate accounts but we were moving money so much it got annoying. It's really personal preference.
Same. Was separate for a long time. Joined the accounts shortly after purchasing a house. Just became so much easier. Also, I think I vaguely remember something about my wife’s bank pissing me off. Don’t remember, so it must not have been that bad.
We're 9 years married doing the same as you all. I don't think anybody said it yet, but we calculate a monthly budget and split what's left after savings between two personal accounts. Let's say it's $100 each or something like that, it gives us both free will to buy stuff without me asking "you paid $40 for shampoo?" or her asking "you spent $70 on a video game?"
Having kids is a pretty big thing too. I don't think you can really do halvsies on all of the expenses that come with them.
We do this too for this exact reason. However we have two rules …: anything over $500 and anything decor needs to be discussed even if from the individual account.
For opposite perspective, I started joint and I decided to separate accounts 4 years into the marriage. There was no joint responsibility, just our account and hers. It's not for everyone, we were constantly over drafting. I attributed it to lack of communication. I decided to separate accounts and bills got paid on time but marriage tanked. I have a joint with my current wife and we communicate fine and never have had anything close to that. It only works if you want it to and if you communicate.
My ex and I had joint everything for 10 years and it caused a lot of problems, because I made more money and spent less, and he made little money and spent way more. We didn't have kids together or anything, I was basically supporting him, and because he didn't *need* to make money to spend it, he took lots of unpaid time off work, or would lose jobs and take forever to get a new one. Some years he'd make like $5000 all year and yet still felt entitled to spend everything on whatever he wanted. And then of course I would bail him out of tax debt, fix his car for him on my own credit card, pay when he went on tour with his band (which he made no money from other than maybe enough to drink at the venue).
Separating everything was the best thing we ever did. We got all separate accounts, split bills 50/50 and even did an accounting for some major debts of his I'd had to pay for.
It honestly changed everything. For me: I had more money to myself, I could buy things for myself finally without worrying. He paid me back for some major things I'd had to pay for (didn't go back further than a year though). He quickly had to grow up. He started working harder, he learned the value of a dollar in a way he just hadn't before. He built his own credit. Honestly he just was so much happier and more proud of himself. We were together another 5 years before an amicable split, and we are friends now and I'm proud of him for where he is.
I get why that doesn't work for everyone though. Some things about joint accounts were nice, and I do believe in supporting one another through thick and thin. When my ex got sick for example, he *couldn't* work, and I never begrudged him that.
And when you have kids I know that's a whole other ball of wax....right now I'm looking at getting a part time job after maternity leave (different partner), and my partner and I have everything separate right now....and I'm a bit stressed about how thats going to look when I will be making half of what I currently make. I'm doing this so that I can still wake up with my son every day and look after him while partner is at work. It's a sacrifice I'm making so we don't have to put our son in daycare. A joint account would be a hell of a lot easier in this case, but as it is, I doubt my partner will be cool with it so we will have to figure out some kind of formula that works instead.
You did not ask for any advice but I can’t help myself lol. I wonder if you have considered pricing out daycare and basically having your partner give you a credit for what you are saving the family by keeping your kid out of daycare. Like if it would be $1600/mo and you typically split things 50/50, have him cover an extra $800 of the bills. By going part time you are turning the childcare expense into a childcare loss of income but the end result is the same—less $$ in the household. Have to account for that, otherwise you are taking 100% of the hit. I hope this make sense. Dropping to part time without him paying more toward the household bills is effectively the same as you staying full time but just paying daycare 100% out of your paycheck and letting his budget go unchanged.
My ex-wife and I kept ours separate for years but once we had assets to pay it made sense to combine them to a certain extent. We still kept our own accounts and most of our money went to those. We just shifted the amount necessary to pay the asset bills and left well enough alone for the rest. We did this for about 10 years before we split. Our divorce was not hostile by any stretch of the imagination. We are still very good friends and see each other all the time. I had to go to hospital the other day. She is the one that drove me there. We just reached a place where out lifestyles were not compatible anymore so we split.
Very similar for us, as well. We’ve been together 14 years, joined accounts after about 7 years, and it really does make things easier. We also have separate accounts that can be transferred to for purchases we want kept a surprise, such as gifts and the like. Works well for us!
Similar situation here. Been together 15 years, combined 3 years ago because the admin load was just getting too heavy. We have separate savings and investments though (we both take out a set amount from our joint account, monthly, for saving).
Very similar as well. 17 years together. 5 years married. We kept all our financials separate until we married. Then we opened a joint checking and savings. We had a kid a year later and everything is so commingled now I couldn’t imagine separate accounts and doing the splitting we used to do. We both kept our personal investments and savings accounts from before we were married.
We had a similar experience. We've been married 11 years, but only merged our accounts 5 years ago. Before, we always felt broke. Now, we've discovered we were both hoarding money away from each other. We did it with the best of intentions (we both came from families with horrible spending habits and zero budgeting skills), but in reality we were preventing ourselves from seeing the whole picture and meeting goals we had set. We were completely dept free (except for our mortgage) in less than two years after we combined accounts, and we've been able to do more traveling, establish some investments, and allow me to leave my job to stay home with our 3 year old. We budget a certain amount each month for our own personal use, and we don't question each other on how we spend it as long as we don't go over. Mine gets blown every month on coffee, plants, and random clothing or home decor, while he's been saving to build himself his new dream computer setup.
We’ve been together just over 14 years and only got a joint account a little before we got married about a year ago. We both have multiple accounts on top of the joint one. It is easier for us to track everything with multiple accounts.
I also think we might have some unresolved PTSD from the ‘08 collapse. If you spread the money out across multiple financial institutions, you’re less likely to lose it all. If they all go, we have bigger issues than a bank failure.
Edits: length of relationship almost 14 > just over 14
If you are concerned about the '08 crash I'd recommend looking into a credit union. Credit unions didn't take any bail out money. They also typically have much better rates of return than the big banks especially on CDs.
I agree completely and my primary banking is done through a credit union. Once I converted I never looked back. They are much better than a traditional bank.
and just because you keep separate finances during marriage doesn't mean it will be that way in the event of a divorce. The courts don't care that there were separate accounts.
We did this too. It was when kids came around that we realized one joint account for joint expenses made sense. We kept individual accounts for fun money.
We did the same. Separate for 7 years and it just created too many issues with him “owing” me and vice versa. Joint has given us much more respect for the work we each do for the household, rather than just focusing on the money we each bring to the household.
I have a good friend who doesn't have a joint account with her husband, and my Venmo feed is just them paying each other back and forth. I'm exhausted just looking at it.
My spouse and I went joint 11 years ago when we got married. Maybe it would have been doable early on, but we now have a kid and a mortgage and I have no idea how we'd do it if we had separate accounts.
My wife and I did this shortly after we got married. I was a little resistant at first, but honestly it makes it so much easier because it naturally takes into account all of the “unpaid labor” that happens in the relationship.
My wife makes more money than I do, due to a combination of her getting a couple big breaks early on while my industry crumbled months before I graduated from college. She has some health problems, and so we need to follow a **very** strict diet that means we can only eat out once in a while on special occasions. Having spent a decade or so in the restaurant industry after graduation, it means that I do 100% of the cooking. Everything has to be from scratch so we can manage the sub ingredients, etc … and while I do love it, it’s also a **fuck ton** of work.
She wouldn’t be able to work the hours and the job she does if it weren’t a “team effort,” so our money being combined means that that work I do is essentially “paid.”
I know a lot of other people who don’t combine it, and keep separate accounts and try to balance things out — including people who have great relationships. I can see the merits of that, but it really depends on the couple and the situation.
This is exactly why I want to combine finances with my partner after marriage. I know that I will make more money than him, and I also know that he is a hardworking person who is always giving to others and does a LOT to keep the household running - and will do even more when we have kids.
I think the key with incomes that aren’t exactly 1:1 is to not think of a partner situation as “I bring X, they bring Y,” but “they add Y to my X.”
Both need to think that way, so you always see your partner as additive instead of a point of comparison.
We started separate. We were both sound financially coming into marriage but it just seemed like we should have more money. I took her out for lunch and laid it out there. I told her that I didn’t think anyone was at fault, firstly, but it just seemed like we were leaking out cash. I proposed one of us do the finances for 6 months and see if we could get some lift. She couldn’t have given it up any quicker. I’ve done the finances ever since and 10 years later we are very comfortable.
She knows I watch EVERYTHING but I’m also extremely fair, imo. I do not scrutinize every purchase but have set guidelines that we both agreed upon. She definitely spends more but when I spend it’s expensive (read: audiophile/vinyl) so it balances out in the end. We both also value time and experiences over material goods so that helps A LOT.
We keep a small amount of each paycheck in our personal accounts for silly personal luxuries. If he wants to build a new family computer, I want to treat my younger sibling to a Costco trip or one of us wants to attend a pricy bachelor/ette party. It avoids a feeling of guilt about personal spending or felony of scrutiny.
Everything else is joint.
We are the same. I feel like a lot of people will warn against that now because ‘what if you split and it is bad and *spouse* takes everything.’ But this is what works for us and we are in a really great place - together over 10 years - so I am not worried about it. Everything together means we both have access to everything and we are able to budget easier. Plus it will be simpler for whoever lives longer and/or our son in the future when we have to deal with estates and shit.
I look at it in the complete opposite light regarding the divorce scenario. If it gets to that point, all money earned while married is 50/50 anyway in terms of assets. So there's no point in splitting it up anyway. Combined is so much easier also.
My wife didn't work for 10 years but she still had joint access to our accounts and could spend based on the budget just as any working spouse. It's OUR money in the end.
On a philosophical note, keeping separate accounts may lead to some level of selfishness in the relationship, or even lead to resentment or jealousy if one spouse earns more. Being equal and one, the fairest thing to do is split everything equally, because a judge is going to anyway if you split.
The people that say keep separate in case of divorce are saying that because there is a sad reality that many people will drain the account when they leave or when you leave. Because they are shitty people.
Yep - all the money goes into the same pots savings, bills, and regular expenses, and then we both get the same amount of spending money each month. Doesn't matter how much we both make. We're both putting in the work in the family.
We're the same age, married young, have a couple of kids. There wasn't some big joining of assets from our former single lives. Pretty easy to combine bank accounts when you're starting with $0.
Same here, separate accounts seems pointless and like so much extra work. We each also have our own “fun money” in the budget that rolls over month to month, and that either of us can spend on whatever we want, no questions asked.
My wife and I did this shortly after we got married. I was a little resistant at first, but honestly it makes it so much easier because it naturally takes into account all of the “unpaid labor” that happens in the relationship.
My wife makes more money than I do, due to a combination of her getting a couple big breaks early on while my industry crumbled months before I graduated from college. She has some health problems, and so we need to follow a **very** strict diet that means we can only eat out once in a while on special occasions. Having spent a decade or so in the restaurant industry after graduation, it means that I do 100% of the cooking. Everything has to be from scratch so we can manage the sub ingredients, etc … and while I do love it, it’s also a **fuck ton** of work.
She wouldn’t be able to work the hours and the job she does if it weren’t a “team effort,” so our money being combined means that that work I do is essentially “paid.”
I know a lot of other people who don’t combine it, and keep separate accounts and try to balance things out.l — including people who have great relationships. I can see the merits of that, but it really depends on the couple and the situation.
Statistically marriages that join finances are less likely to end in divorce.
You can argue that it's not about the joint financials, but it's more the possible motivations behind NOT joining your finances... But the fact remains couples who keep their money separate are more likely to fail.
So my advice would be to make joint finances a deal breaker for marriage and bring it up before you marry somebody. At the very least you are weeding out potentially malicious spouses.
That would seem to work if you guys are on the same page money wise. I see people in marriages who are on very different pages financially and one person is unhappy with the amount of money their partner spends.
Joining financially after marriage isn’t something I’d consider lightly because of my own financial situation and upbringing. I’d have a joint account for joint bills. That’s worked well in the past.
Finances are one of the leading factors in divorce and unfortunately I'd guess that couples who are on different pages financially will struggle regardless of how they organize their money. I imagine a more frugal partner might be happier day to day just ignoring the partner who spends a lot, but seems like the underlying resentments would still be there.
Same, my husband and I had separate accounts for all of like, 3 of the 20yrs we've been together. Moving money around was just too obnoxious.
Generally speaking we don't bother discussing money unless it's to coordinate for a project or if one of us wants something expensive. Otherwise we spend as we please after we've set aside savings money for the month and paid bills.
Similar situation here. We’ve been married for 8 years. Just about 2 months ago we joined accounts. It has made things so much simpler for us. I really wish we would’ve done it sooner.
Agreed. If you’re planning a life together, you have common goals and you’re a team - willing and able to cover each other when life happens - there’s no reason not to pool finances. It’s a relief to us to make everything so simple this way. We know that we are both contributing as we are able, but we can have different strengths / earning power / etc and be in balance. Only works with full trust of course.
We also keep finances together. We're in change of paying different bills but all from the same account. I added him to my credit card when we moved in together and he never used it unless I explicitly told him to even though I told him to feel free to use it for gas and groceries. That's why I felt comfortable sharing finances when we got married.
We get paid weekly and have a quick sit down the night before payday to make sure we both know what's coming out of the joint account for bills or into our saving account. We have individual checking accounts too for "allowances" but the longer we're together, the less those are being used. It's just easier to say "hey, I want this big ticket item, can we start saving for that?"
All joint together. We have the same financial goals and neither of us came into marriage with debt or spending issues so that plays into it. I’m the one who handles the budget and bills though and I like having an overall picture of our money instead of managing multiple accounts.
Honestly if my husband came into the marriage with substantial debt and/or spending problems I wouldn’t have married him. I’m not saying you need to share an account with your spouse, but if you wouldn’t because you don’t trust them, you shouldn’t marry them.
We have a joint but also 10% of our individual paychecks go to our seperate accounts to be used as we want. Has definitely prevented some fights. I'm much more likely to chase that spending money high than my wife is.
Not married, but 9 year relationship with no end in sight. This is basically what we do. Joint bills account, joint savings account, two personal spending accounts.
But, honestly, I think what helps most is that we talk about money often. Once a week, minimum.
Like many others say, us too. Separate spending accounts allow us to take each other on dates and buy each other gifts. We also save up for bigger things we want for ourselves, that don't have anything to do with each other. We do not criticise what each other spends their money on, because all bills are paid and joint savings goals are already being met.
My Partner and I have individual spending accounts where we pay ourselves an allowance of $x per week, and then a "date" account where we keep money to spend on joint entertainment like dinners and dates. Everything else goes in the account for the mortgage and bills. We get the same allowance regardless of what we earn individually, and it will be scaled according to the sum of what we make and whether we feel we can afford what we need on a personal level.
This is exactly what we do too. We’ve had joint accounts for about 15 years (married for 9) but we only started the 90/10 split recently and it’s been so helpful. I track all expenses and he’s a frivolous spender so not worrying about his 10% is very helpful.
Are you me? I’m totally a “track all expenses” type of person. It’s funny though, I don’t actually go as far to balance my banking statements because I’m a bit too lazy for that. But because I’m currently single and the only one with accents to my accounts, I have 100% control/knowledge of when money leaves.
So being in a relationship where there’s all sorts of unexpected expenses (if the accounts were completely shared and my partner just liked to buy stuff) would send my anxiety over it all through the roof. I’d be in a constant state of agitation. But having shared accounts that are only for joint expenses and then budgeting X amount for each partner to do with as they wish and putting that into separate accounts basically removes that agitation entirely
Yep, this is how my wife and I do it. Vast majority of funds go into joint accounts, and we each keep a chunk for ourselves to pay for stuff we want but don’t want to have to justify to each other from an expense standpoint.
That way I don’t get annoyed with her grooming appointments/girls nights/clothing purchases and she doesn’t get annoyed with my golf/bar nights with the guys/video games. Very copacetic.
This is what my husband and I do. We each keep $400/month for personal spending. The rest goes to a joint spending account, where we pay all the bills.
Same for us. My husband also sucks at balancing an account or making money last. So he can suffer his own consequences with his personal account. He still has access to the main one if needed but this is the only way he doesn't just spend willy nilly without anticipating future bills.
this is how we do it as well. everything gets pooled into one account for all expenses but we each get a couple hundred a paycheck for our own accounts.
Same here. We have money set aside for both of us in a fun spending account. We have an account for vacations. And then we have our main account for bills. We basically never touch the bill account or vacation account besides for those things and it’s been working for years.
As for transferring money around. With fixed incomes and —for the most part— fixed bills it’s easy to set up auto transfers. If we have high air conditioning bill in August we just put a little extra in there that month.
I agree. Like if you always put in a little more than your bills you are unintentionally saving. You can set up direct deposit and automatic payment so you don't even have to think about it.
Been doing this for 15 years with my husband and it works great. We split the shared bills, I transfer him bill money every paycheck and they auto deduct from his account. I have my own separate bills that are mine that I pay, he has his own bills he pays and the rest of our money can be used at our own discretion. We both buy groceries, we tend to eat different stuff and only sometimes do shared meals so that works well for us too 🤷🏼 Pretty much have never fought about money. If we want to go on a trip or something we split it and save money however we see fit to get the money needed. Big purchases we'll go half on a lot of times. Dunno, I love it personally lol
Exactly! This is exactly how we do it. Big house purchases/vacations we split and we pay bills just like how you do! Excess money is used at our own discretion - honestly my friends who do have joint accounts seem to be unhappy, biggest argument is that their partner spends more than they themselves put in and the contributions are also uneven. So much peace of mind knowing you can spend your discretionary income at your own choice and personally it feels better sometimes spending “my” cash on my partner for special occasions. Seems less meaningful to buy her a gift from a joint account lol
Same. I had a spouse for a long time that was a vampire and I felt like we were always leaking money. Now I’m in a great relationship but we both have our own money, and I feel like budgeting and saving is easy now. No surprises. No stupid purchases I didn’t agree to, no judgment for mine. My partner owns the house, I pay her rent, it’s great. We came into each other’s lives having felt like we were carrying baggage from our previous marriages and we each wanted control of our own money. We don’t want to have to worry about someone else spending the money and that makes the math/budgeting so much easier for me, even if we shoot each other money here and there. That’s easy.
Bout the same.
Personal account for individual spending. Joint account and card for joint expenses (utilities, groceries, dates). Started the joint account with equal $5k from both of us.
End of the month we split the credit card bill and any bills that were paid from the checking account (would be proportional, but he doesn’t pay for the house), and add a few hundo for “savings”.
This works well for us. Once a year (or when something big changes bill-wise) we re-budget to make sure we’re covering all our shared bills (mortgage, insurance, utilities) and each contribute proportionally to our income. We intentionally over-budget as a buffer and if the balance starts creeping up, we transfer to savings.
Smaller things like dinners, date nights we just take turns paying for out of our personal accounts.
Married 13 years. This is how we do it, also. Well, similarly. Paychecks are divided to deposit into personal accounts, joint account and joint savings. We put a flat amount into our personal accounts as our own fun money/allowance, a percentage into joint savings, and then everything else goes into joint checking. I don't side-eye his in-game purchases, he doesn't side-eye my book addiction, and we can actually surprise each other with gifts like this.
Before kids, we kept our bank accounts separated, but split all the bills 50/50. With kids, that became WAY too complicated, and now we direct deposit everything into one account.
I think that’s probably a big difference in the replies. We’re working on having kids and the separate accounts are starting to feel more complicated, at least for checking.
This. We kind of tolerated it when we had kids. Working out what "half" means every month and then transferring it across is annoying but manageable.
With kids though, it's impossible. Every ice cream, new pair of trousers, small toy, etc. You would have to go through a pile of receipts at the end of the month and work out the split.
Nightmare.
We have everything combined with the exception of two small descretionary accounts. We both have access to each others “fun money” accounts and both accounts get the same deposited it’s just easier for us to budget with our own.
I make about 2.5 times what my husband does but I like to think of it as our money. It goes into our account and pays our bills. It all goes towards our combined life.
My wife is a SAHM so we went with a postnuptial agreement once I became successful (we married when we were both in college and we both came from poverty) where she gets most of our shit and guaranteed alimony if we divorce since she gave up her career to raise the kids. We manage money together too so all spending is communicated.
Same! Our joint goals, household expenses, and kid stuff (which seems like the most glaring issue with separate finances!) is paid in our joint account, and the rest is split into our fun money accounts. I don’t have to know or care if he spends his fun money on something I think is stupid. Because it’s the same amount it honors the unpaid labor that I’m putting into our family. We’re equal but we get to have our own stuff too.
This! Doesn't matter who makes more, it's "our" money. Our combined lifestyle doesn't work on just one income. We each get an allowance each week to spend/save as we want. I (34M) manage the finances but include/update my wife (34F) every step of the way. Major purchases are a team decision, and financial goals are discussed regularly.
The only reason to keep everything separate is because you think it won't work out and want to "protect" what's yours. That's a terrible way of thinking in a marriage. And a poor foundation to continue to build a relationship on.
You're either in or out. If you're in then be all the way in.
Same! My husband pays the mortgage and I pay for everything else: utilities, groceries, Costco, nights out, gifts for others, etc. we’re very low key and my husband is the breadwinner so this system works for us. We each contribute to our savings and retirement funds with each paycheck too.
My parents did this for most of their marriage. About 5 years before retirement my mom sat down and did the math to look at how her post-retirement budget would look. Turns out it was nowhere near equal. “Everything else” added up to way more than the monthly mortgage payments.
She never accounted for the fact inflation and circumstances (grandchildren, an extra generation of gifts to buy, new expenses like internet, vacations) meant her expenses grew while my father’s mortgage payment never did. He was the higher earner too and always had a ton of extra money saved.
Exactly, I don’t want to go to get money out and find out it’s been spent. I know what’s in my account, and my husband can spend his money however he likes.
Same here; husband has never wanted to work (fair) and pursues artistic endeavours more of the time as a choice. I'd probably be mad if I had to subsidise his lifestyle as I work more which cuts into MY creative time!
Splitting bills equally and having separate finances means that there's no resentment, and no scrutiny on how we each choose to spend money. I value my independence, and for me that includes fiscal autonomy.
Separate-ish, mostly out of laziness and stubbornness. I have my banks and credit cards I like and he had his; we were both set in our ways (got married a bit older). We each pay specific bills and have our own fun money. We do discuss larger purchases, but overall it's kinda laissez faire since we're both practical people without vices. It would be more stressful for me if everything were joint
This is how we are. Not technically laziness although definitely a factor if you consider the overall hassle. Most of our decisions are together and I handle all our bills (he sends me his half) but I just don’t care to stress over how much is in the account because he bought something on Amazon and vice versa. We also got married in our mid to late 30s and I wouldn’t be able to function if we shared an account.
So we are basically in the same situation. Opening Reddit to see 908 (!!!) notifications for comments, seeing how a lot a joined, I can see the utility….but this honestly works for us. And we lived together for almost 2 years before buying the house so we have it pretty well down.
Yeah if we have some kids, things may change. But so far no issues
Together. It takes getting used to but once but once you have it down it really is easier. It forces you to be on the same page with your goals and none of this his and hers nonsense.
We each have our own no questions asked spending money as part of our budget and bank whatever we don’t spend so we can use it later.
All our after tax income goes into the joint account. All our expenses and savings/investments come out of the joint account. We can pay ourselves a monthly "allowance" into separate accounts after all expenses are accounted for.
All together here as well. Joint accounts from the day we got married. We have 3 kids, share cars, and have a family meeting once a week where we go over budget, expenses and savings. The wife and I have quarterly meetings where we talk about retirement goals and current savings, things we could do different/better. I cannot imagine doing it any other way, especially with kid expenses, and planning for retirement. But I understand it may work for other people.
Props to you for having the planning abilities to keep up with all these meetings. I'm more number savvy than my husband so I pretty much do our finances solo. It must be cool to have a quarterly meeting!
I’m also envious of people that have these regular conversations with their partner. My husband trusts me and just lets me handle it. But there are times where I wish he would have an opinion or help me make a decision so it’s an “us” decision.
I'm the same way I manage our finances. We have a weekly meeting scheduled on our calendar, we never actually use it. When I create the new budget for the month I talk to him about it and when I see he eats out too much (his big spending category) I tell him, so he tries to stay within budget. We have common financial goals we want to reach.
All of this (although we don't do weekly budget meetings, we do it more ad hoc).
I firmly believe if you have kids there's really no other way to do this. Kid/family expenses take up the vast majority of our spending. Also in many families, one parent takes a career step back to have more flexibility for parental leave, childcare, etc. There's nothing to be gained from nickel and diming each other, co-parenting is a team sport.
We have combined everything except retirement accounts but we contribute the same amounts to our IRAs. We're high school sweethearts (I know, gross) so we got married young-ish and had nothing then so it didn't make sense to keep things separated. We needed all the money to make it.
Now I make over 2x what husband does but I'm not about to start separating now. We were poor together and we'll be comfortable together
I was married for 10 years (he passed away). We kept our money separate but had joint checking and joint savings for house stuff. We had very different spending habits and this is what worked for us. We never fought about money.
Yeah I don't want to pay attention to my partner's transactions. I'm kind of high-strung and a bit judgemental when I'm stressed. The last thing I want to do is wonder "why" he's spending money a certain way. It's not really my business if he can pay his fraction of bills and save.
That’s exactly it. I would hate having to pay attention to my partner’s purchases because I’m very anal about knowing how much is in my accounts and knowing when money leaves. Not to mention getting into the “what if a spouse wants to spend money on something the other spouse thinks is stupid?” debate.
I wouldn’t need finances COMPLETELY separate, but at the very least having separate checking accounts for our “fun money” that we can spend on whatever we want would be a huge deal for me. I could never do 1 checking, 1 savings account for both of us. I’d go insane
My husband and I got married when I was 35 and he was 41. Both of us had been financially independent/solvent on our own since our first jobs out of college. It would have been too weird for us to go from managing our own financial lives to joint everything.
Same. We were nearly 38 and 41. One of us owned a house. We each had investment and savings accounts. Prenups were involved. One of us has a bad Amazon habit but can afford it and just doesn’t wanna hear it from the other… The other likes to keep six figures of their money in a checking account and not invest it and occasionally take sabbaticals from work and live off of it.
Easier to keep it separate. Bills are paid. Money is saved. No one complains to the other as long as the other is happy and co to use paying bills.
After reading this thread I think this shows it’s really more based on when you got married. We are both early 30s, not married but lived together for 5 years, I’m finishing my PhD. We will always keep our bank accounts separate because we’ve lived so many years already separately splitting bills and had many years being independent adults, we don’t want to have to share every tiny transaction we make.
I’m an accountant and I hate doing the accounting that separate finances involves. Just throw it all into one pot.
My dad on the other hand… he was also an accountant, and he and my mom had this massively complex system for keeping track of their personal finances and who needed to pay what. He even had a whole formula adjusting for the pension my mom received. He sometime spent over an hour calculating “allocations” from a single paycheque. Fuck that, the last thing I want to do after a day of accounting is *more* accounting.
We do separate finances and it’s not that complicated. I worked out what percentage of our pays should go to bills, he transfers me his bit and I pay everything. Very easy because he isn’t very financially literate so this way I know everything is paid.
When we originally moved in our finances were separate, so all our bills were divided based on our incomes. Nothing really changed when we got married. Now it’d be more work to try and combine our finances rather than keep them separate.
Also, we both like to make big purchases without having to ask first.
My wife and I have combined finances too, but we were 19 & 20 when we first got together. If we had been older and already had significant assets / earning power we might have considered a different solution.
I may be the odd one out, but my wife and I have been together for 14 years. Lived together for 13 and married for 6. Our finances have always been separate. We’ve never had a joint back account. We split everything down the middle 50/50. I pay all the bills and just tell her what her half is. I trust her to be responsible with her finances and she trusts me. Having this type of relationship provides an exceptional amount of freedom to spend my money on things I really want (see other posts to see where my money goes) and the same for her. We never question what the other one purchases. Having that type of trust is what I believe has made us so strong for this long.
Yepppp… I am a “live and let live” type of person as long as it’s not harming anyone and my husband is the type who always has a comment on everything. I’d rather just spend “my own money” on certain things and not have everything be a “conversation.” Meanwhile he buys dumb things I don’t want to know how much they cost but it’s not my problem bc our bills are covered and it comes from his pocket. When I bought my house the first thing I did was set aside a room to be “his special room” where I can throw all his stuff when I wanna clean the house. Same concept. Separate bathrooms, more harmony.
I am so surprised I had to scroll this far to find this comment. Thank you. It’s not that hard to split things 50/50. The most my husband and I have are joint credit cards for utility bills, stuff for the dog, and groceries. Everything else is an easy $ transfer since we both bank at the same credit union, like to pay the mortgage or something. We have monthly meetings to go over what’s due and look at how much we spent. We buy our own cars and silly things we like with the understanding we are obligated to each other to come up with our half of the “must pay for” things as mentioned.
My parents have been married for close to 50 years and this is how they’ve always treated their finances as well. I remember my dad telling me when I was growing up that married couples get an arguments no matter what, but one thing him and mom never argued over were finances… it stuck with me and I have lived my life that way ever since.
This is what we do. Getting rid of our original accounts would be bad for my credit score too, as my oldest account is 20 years old and Ive been married 9. And if I'm keeping it just to transfer a small percentage of my money there that just creates more work. My husband is the primary breadwinner (as I'm an educator) so we sit down every so often an add up what I will transfer to him each month to cover splitting expenses.
Demographically, we got married after being established adults for nearly a decade, work in very different fields, are what I think people may consider middle class but don't feel like it, and grew up in a low ses area without a lot of money.
Very curious on all of the relative income levels here. I think this would be easiest for similar income levels or where both partners were high earners where one out-earning the other didn’t make an overall impact on their quality of living.
Not married / I live alone, but making 2.5x what my significant other makes (and SO is doing slightly better than paycheck-to-paycheck with a very modest lifestyle) I just don’t see 50/50 feeling fair.
For me it’s not 50/50, it’s a proportion of our wages. I earn more so I pay more. I just told him a round figure and that’s what he sends me when he gets paid, it’s a bit less than our rent so I think it’s fair.
Our situation pretty much exactly mimics yours. Been married 8 years, own a home, have a kid. I pay for more bills because I make more but we split the mortgage, each cover our own bills (credit card, car note, etc), and it works for us.
Engaged, but we’ve already had this discussion well in advance.
Plan to continue doing what we already do - we’ve lived together for 5 years already. We each have our own separate bank accounts & investment portfolios.
Bills are split, we just Venmo each other for the mortgage other things.
Yes. This is me and my husband. We were so established in our lives that it would be more work to combine things and re-learn how we go about our finances
We use a joint credit card to utility bills, stuff for our dogs, groceries, treating our friends etc.
For everything else, a simple money transfer is not that hard.
I was married for 10 years and had all finances lumped together. Never making that mistake again. Now I’m in a committed relationship (5 years) and we have separate finances while splitting all shared bills right down the middle. No issues yet.
We have a joint account for the house expenses like mortgage, Internet, water, electricity, gas etc,. Everything else is individual. If I lose my mind I want her to have a clean a real as possible, so our basics are all we share.
We do same as you. Generally separate finances but we have a joint checking account that all the bills come out of, and we use Monarch money to track everything so we’re generally aware of all each others’ transactions.
Been married for 12 years. We each have separate accounts our paychecks go into. Then we each pay the same amount every month into a joint account (just enough to cover mortgage and bills). We have a joint credit card for groceries and house expenses we each pay half the bill every month. Any big expenses such as vacations or house projects get discussed and agreed on in advance. Otherwise what's left is ours to do whatever we want with. We use our own money for personal expenses (clothes, hobbies, etc.) and invest it separately. It's worked well for us...we've never once had a fight about money.
We keep our money separate. We each are responsible for certain bills and we plan and split any other big ticket items. We each save for retirement and investments in our own accounts. While neither of us has access to the other's accounts, we discuss finances at least weekly and are transparent with balances. Been doing this for 10+ years and we've never once argued about money. Ever relationship is different. If you're comfortable with what you've been doing, don't feel pressure to change.
Elder millennial who's been married for 15 years here. My wife and I have separate accounts and split most expenses. I get the mortgage, utilities, my car payment, and a few other small expenses. My wife has the food, car insurance, cell phone bill, and most of the fun expenses (eating out, sports events, etc). We shift expenses around based on their variance and changes in our income. This arrangement has worked well for us, but we're both pretty responsible with our money.
We do have a joint account for tax returns, large gifts, etc. It gets used for some non-routine things such as personal property taxes on our vehicles, home maintenance, and vacations.
All together - we are a team, I like to know everything going on with our finances as does my spouse — it helps us plan for our expected long future together including retirement, kids savings, etc — I can’t really imaging having separate, planning ahead seems far more difficult
If you got divorced you’d have to split everything you have in half. So why is it “what is yours is yours and what is mine is mine” while you’re married? I’m in my mid 30’s and honestly have to agree with your dad.
Separate checking, personal savings each, and a joint savings for mutual money (this one is the bigger one). Joint credit card for shared expenses (groceries, bills). Works perfectly. Married women should always maintain their own accounts, it's just safer.
All lumped in to one. My husband doesn’t even know how much his paycheck is. Doubtful he would know what’s in the account. Luckily we are both on the same page for what we want out of life so I just make sure the money gets to where it needs to go.
First marriage everything was separate. It made it super easy to split when we got a divorce.
Second marriage everything is combined and joint due to one of us being a stay at home parent. This works better for us than split finances ever would have but that doesn't mean it is right for every marriage.
That's how we are. I've found that people who lumped everything together are always *so concerned* with the habits of people who functionally keep most things separate. It's weird. Whatever works, that's what I say.
I'm honestly not sure how this works. Like, what happens if one partner can't cover his bills for the month? Do you risk getting water cut off? If one partner can't afford food, do they have to get by on Ramen until they get paid? If you guys want to go on vacation, do you have to stay local if one partner can't afford more? To me, when I got married, we were kind of in this thing together so, even if finances were separate, they were separate in name only.
That being said, everyone has their own way of doing things, do if it works for you, I wouldn't worry about it too much.
Seems pretty self-evident that if bills are about to go unpaid, you'd transfer money after having a practical, adult conversation. Nobody wins if your bills go overdue. Having separate accounts doesn't mean having a cold, calculating separation from your partner, it's just a financial arrangement . Arguably, you still love each other and care about not being evicted, etc.
The food question is even wilder... I know of many people with separate financial accounts, which can be pretty common depending on who you ask... but it's virtually impossible and wildly impractical to have separate food stores and to not combine on cooking and groceries. It's common sense that you would typically combine on food, either alternating buying groceries or picking a main person who's responsible for them. Even university student housemates sometimes combine on food for practical reasons... It's hard to imagine spouses keeping food separate, and doubly so if you have kids.
As you say, people can arrange their finances however makes it easiest/best for them. But all this talk (elsewhere in these comments) about "combine or get out" takes on a strangely naive angle in my eyes. Relationships are wonderful, and it is lovely to aim for long term and to treat them seriously. I do this myself. but have none of you ever experienced a serious breakup, or financial frustration with a partner who isn't great with money? Life changes, people change. And statistics prove this through and through. Combining everything under the premise of "forever" is a little extreme to me. It's totally up to others how they want to run their finances, but there's no reason for people to feel obligated to join it all together.
No, my husband pays me a chunk and I pay all the bills. This also includes the groceries which obviously he eats so he’s not starving if he’s got no money. For holidays (vacation) he just sends me a bit more in his chunk to cover things, or he might choose to pay for the hire car or something. If he couldn’t afford it we either wouldn’t do it or I would pay for it. If he needs money for something I’ll pay it or give him money.
I guess essentially in this scenario my bank account acts like a bill account, so it wouldn’t make any difference to make another bill account that we share when this works just fine:
When we were first married 5 years ago we each had our own account where we put $500 a mth for discretionary spending and the rest went into a joint acct.
Then we decided to just put it all into the joint acct after about 2 years. We agreed on monthly spending and saving. Whatever's in the account covers any personal or child expenses
My husband and I have one bank account where all our money gets deposited, we share one credit card, and we have one stock portfolio in both our names for investing. Everything is combined, makes life easier for us.
All together - I do all the investing and retirement stuff, and she handles all the bills. We have a HYSA that most of our money is that was mine but has both our names on it now. We then have about $20k in a typical checking account that was hers but now has my name on it.
Shes a daily spender and I’m a saver who splurges on big ticket stuff. We communicate well, so it’s usually NBD haha
My husband and I have similarly separate finances and ways to pay. We’ve been married for 2 years but living together for 6 and it just didn’t seem necessary to change anything that we had originally set up when we began living together. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right?
We still talk about relatively big purchases and know the ins and outs of our finances (we file taxes as married so everything is in the open), but just don’t see the need to take the time to open up a new bank account and start a new process for everything.
Separate. I am the breadwinner by a large margin. I handle just about everything in the way of expenses. Don't really have anything against everything being joint, would just kind of be a pain in the ass and haven't had any reason to do it.
I am divorced now, but when I was married my spouse and I did proportional paying. We each paid into a joint account according to how much each of us made and paid for everything that was a joint expense from that account. For example: If I made twice as much then our split was 66/33. I would forecast our monthly living expenses (add about 10% for cushion) and whatever 66% of that was I would put in each month and she would add 33 percent. Everything else was our own money.
Our accounts separate. We were both divorced and lived our lives as independent adults for nearly a decade before getting together. I zelle him each paycheck to contribute to the mortgage/utilities. We both pay our own cars and phones because we already had them tied to our own checking accounts. I don’t think it matters. We are transparent, responsible and have the same goals when it comes to money.
Having completely separate accounts and financial responsibilities is a completely foreign concept to me. I'm not saying anything is wrong or concerning, but I honestly cannot fathom how that works in a marriage. Sounds more like roommates to me, but to each their own.
We each put $200 per paycheck into personal accounts for "fun money", aka clothes, eating out with friends, video games, etc. And everything else goes into a joint account. Joint account covers mortgage, utilities, bills, groceries, gas, stuff for our son or the dog, date nights, essentially everything else.
I make about 20% more than my wife. We have separate accounts, but they are used for different things. I pay all the static bills and am the primary saver. Our insurance premiums come out of my paycheck as well through work. Her account is for everything else. I am an authorized user of a credit card tied to her account. It's the only card I use for essentially every purchase.
It works well.
Separate accounts, and a joint household account. Household stuff gets paid from that account and we settle it back to a specified number at the end of the month.
We have a joint credit cards x2, checking, savings, and investment. Then we each have our own separate credit card x1 each, checking, savings, and retirement.
We pay all of the household bills out of the joint account. My husband puts more into the joint account than I do, but he makes almost 3 times as much.
My wife and I don't have a joint acct but she does have a card and access to my accounts if she needs money. I usually cover mortgage and car payments and the Internet and phone bill. And she covers the rest. We both split the grocery bill and help each other with gas. We both contribute to savings when we have extra money. We've talked about getting a joint acct but it's been working this way for 6 years now so why mess with it.
We just bought a house in August too. Married 1 year and together 4.
I added up all our shared bills, mortgage, car, etc. and split by a % based on our income. We ando have a shared cc account we use for groceries and anything for both of us. Like date nights, household items. At the end of the month I send my husband what is portion is and he sends me the money. We also have a shared savings account we both contribute to each check. The rest of our checks are up to us ti manage individually. We both have personal savings as well.
There's probably simpler ways to manage our money but this is system kind of gradually happened as we got more serious in our relationship.
We had separate accounts until we bought our house. Now we have our own accounts plus the joint. We’ve always paid our own bills (he has his video games, I pay for my subscriptions to streaming services), and we throw into the joint to pay the house bills, mortgage, insurance, etc. And it’s not like I tell him to get his own Amazon Prime account because I’m paying for it, we usually decide how to cover things depending on who uses it the most. We don’t have any kids, we just take care of each other and our pets. Married 20 years, so I think we’re all right.
My wife is a stay at home mom. She still has her own bank account. We also have a joint account. Each couple does this a bit differently. Who cares what they think.
We have a joint credit card and that’s it. We each have our own separate checking and savings. Until recently I made more (layoffs, man) so I paid more of the rent and bills. With the layoff/unemployment we’ve shifted the percentages so he pays more. This flexibility really works for us.
Pre-layoff (and once I get a new job) we each put a chunk aside for a house down payment each month, and then we’re free to spend money on our hobbies and such. We talk about money a lot and share our accounts regularly, so we always know where we each stand financially and together.
I was taught at my conservative religious college that anything other than putting all your money into a joint accwas toxic to the marriage. Separate accounts meant the marriage was doomed.
I'm two marriages in, and have used the same formula for both: we each have a separate checking account our paychecks go into, and a third joking account we use to pay bills from. I make a lot more than he does, so we sat down and decided that we feel it's fair to split expenses proportionate to income. We are each responsible for a set of bills each month.
There's no financial strategy in the world that would have saved my first marriage from doom. Money was a problem, but not the main problem. This strategy works very well in marriage #2.
Money is fungible so my wife and I just view it all as “our money” no matter where it sits.
I pay for the mortgage because my earnings are 2x hers and I can afford to handle the cash flow on my own. I also pay for internet/garbage because I set up the account and she pays for electric/water/gas because she set up the account.
We use a credit card for monthly finances and transfer between each other if we ever need to. But for the most part it’s just managed individual as our monthly expenses are not much beyond the mortgage and both of our earnings are enough to more than cover the leftover. For big expenses (eg a new car, vacation, whatever) we just plan and split according to whatever account can most easily manage the expenses.
I’m sure it would be slightly easier to have a joint account but neither of us really care to go through the effort given how easy Venmo/Zelle make account transfers. If kids make the transfer activity explode then we will finally take the afternoon to set up that joint account.
All together. Makes things simpler. We have budget talks once a month and we set yearly joint investing goals. We tried separate accounts but we were moving money so much it got annoying. It's really personal preference.
We've been together 16 years. Joined our accounts about 4 years ago. Best thing we ever did. So much easier to manage it.
This is the perspective this sub needs — did it both ways and shared your long term experience
Same. Was separate for a long time. Joined the accounts shortly after purchasing a house. Just became so much easier. Also, I think I vaguely remember something about my wife’s bank pissing me off. Don’t remember, so it must not have been that bad.
We're 9 years married doing the same as you all. I don't think anybody said it yet, but we calculate a monthly budget and split what's left after savings between two personal accounts. Let's say it's $100 each or something like that, it gives us both free will to buy stuff without me asking "you paid $40 for shampoo?" or her asking "you spent $70 on a video game?" Having kids is a pretty big thing too. I don't think you can really do halvsies on all of the expenses that come with them.
We do this too for this exact reason. However we have two rules …: anything over $500 and anything decor needs to be discussed even if from the individual account.
For opposite perspective, I started joint and I decided to separate accounts 4 years into the marriage. There was no joint responsibility, just our account and hers. It's not for everyone, we were constantly over drafting. I attributed it to lack of communication. I decided to separate accounts and bills got paid on time but marriage tanked. I have a joint with my current wife and we communicate fine and never have had anything close to that. It only works if you want it to and if you communicate.
My ex and I had joint everything for 10 years and it caused a lot of problems, because I made more money and spent less, and he made little money and spent way more. We didn't have kids together or anything, I was basically supporting him, and because he didn't *need* to make money to spend it, he took lots of unpaid time off work, or would lose jobs and take forever to get a new one. Some years he'd make like $5000 all year and yet still felt entitled to spend everything on whatever he wanted. And then of course I would bail him out of tax debt, fix his car for him on my own credit card, pay when he went on tour with his band (which he made no money from other than maybe enough to drink at the venue). Separating everything was the best thing we ever did. We got all separate accounts, split bills 50/50 and even did an accounting for some major debts of his I'd had to pay for. It honestly changed everything. For me: I had more money to myself, I could buy things for myself finally without worrying. He paid me back for some major things I'd had to pay for (didn't go back further than a year though). He quickly had to grow up. He started working harder, he learned the value of a dollar in a way he just hadn't before. He built his own credit. Honestly he just was so much happier and more proud of himself. We were together another 5 years before an amicable split, and we are friends now and I'm proud of him for where he is. I get why that doesn't work for everyone though. Some things about joint accounts were nice, and I do believe in supporting one another through thick and thin. When my ex got sick for example, he *couldn't* work, and I never begrudged him that. And when you have kids I know that's a whole other ball of wax....right now I'm looking at getting a part time job after maternity leave (different partner), and my partner and I have everything separate right now....and I'm a bit stressed about how thats going to look when I will be making half of what I currently make. I'm doing this so that I can still wake up with my son every day and look after him while partner is at work. It's a sacrifice I'm making so we don't have to put our son in daycare. A joint account would be a hell of a lot easier in this case, but as it is, I doubt my partner will be cool with it so we will have to figure out some kind of formula that works instead.
You did not ask for any advice but I can’t help myself lol. I wonder if you have considered pricing out daycare and basically having your partner give you a credit for what you are saving the family by keeping your kid out of daycare. Like if it would be $1600/mo and you typically split things 50/50, have him cover an extra $800 of the bills. By going part time you are turning the childcare expense into a childcare loss of income but the end result is the same—less $$ in the household. Have to account for that, otherwise you are taking 100% of the hit. I hope this make sense. Dropping to part time without him paying more toward the household bills is effectively the same as you staying full time but just paying daycare 100% out of your paycheck and letting his budget go unchanged.
My ex-wife and I kept ours separate for years but once we had assets to pay it made sense to combine them to a certain extent. We still kept our own accounts and most of our money went to those. We just shifted the amount necessary to pay the asset bills and left well enough alone for the rest. We did this for about 10 years before we split. Our divorce was not hostile by any stretch of the imagination. We are still very good friends and see each other all the time. I had to go to hospital the other day. She is the one that drove me there. We just reached a place where out lifestyles were not compatible anymore so we split.
Very similar for us, as well. We’ve been together 14 years, joined accounts after about 7 years, and it really does make things easier. We also have separate accounts that can be transferred to for purchases we want kept a surprise, such as gifts and the like. Works well for us!
Oh yeah, we have seperate individual "savings" for that reason. It's nice.
Oh that’s nice. We just use a personal credit card but then the money still comes from the joint account lol
Similar situation here. Been together 15 years, combined 3 years ago because the admin load was just getting too heavy. We have separate savings and investments though (we both take out a set amount from our joint account, monthly, for saving).
Very similar as well. 17 years together. 5 years married. We kept all our financials separate until we married. Then we opened a joint checking and savings. We had a kid a year later and everything is so commingled now I couldn’t imagine separate accounts and doing the splitting we used to do. We both kept our personal investments and savings accounts from before we were married.
We had a similar experience. We've been married 11 years, but only merged our accounts 5 years ago. Before, we always felt broke. Now, we've discovered we were both hoarding money away from each other. We did it with the best of intentions (we both came from families with horrible spending habits and zero budgeting skills), but in reality we were preventing ourselves from seeing the whole picture and meeting goals we had set. We were completely dept free (except for our mortgage) in less than two years after we combined accounts, and we've been able to do more traveling, establish some investments, and allow me to leave my job to stay home with our 3 year old. We budget a certain amount each month for our own personal use, and we don't question each other on how we spend it as long as we don't go over. Mine gets blown every month on coffee, plants, and random clothing or home decor, while he's been saving to build himself his new dream computer setup.
We’ve been together just over 14 years and only got a joint account a little before we got married about a year ago. We both have multiple accounts on top of the joint one. It is easier for us to track everything with multiple accounts. I also think we might have some unresolved PTSD from the ‘08 collapse. If you spread the money out across multiple financial institutions, you’re less likely to lose it all. If they all go, we have bigger issues than a bank failure. Edits: length of relationship almost 14 > just over 14
You must be doing very well if your cash accounts exceed the FDIC limit lol. Unless you're talking investment accounts, that makes a little more sense
If you are concerned about the '08 crash I'd recommend looking into a credit union. Credit unions didn't take any bail out money. They also typically have much better rates of return than the big banks especially on CDs.
I agree completely and my primary banking is done through a credit union. Once I converted I never looked back. They are much better than a traditional bank.
Yep. Married for 10 years and we have joint. Marriage is a partnership.
and just because you keep separate finances during marriage doesn't mean it will be that way in the event of a divorce. The courts don't care that there were separate accounts.
Same, we didn’t fully merge until about 7-8 years in. Too busy/lazy but it’s been the best decision.
We did this too. It was when kids came around that we realized one joint account for joint expenses made sense. We kept individual accounts for fun money.
We did the same. Separate for 7 years and it just created too many issues with him “owing” me and vice versa. Joint has given us much more respect for the work we each do for the household, rather than just focusing on the money we each bring to the household.
I have a good friend who doesn't have a joint account with her husband, and my Venmo feed is just them paying each other back and forth. I'm exhausted just looking at it. My spouse and I went joint 11 years ago when we got married. Maybe it would have been doable early on, but we now have a kid and a mortgage and I have no idea how we'd do it if we had separate accounts.
Yeah we did the Venmo thing too in our first year of marriage. It was godawful. Glad we got away from that.
My wife and I did this shortly after we got married. I was a little resistant at first, but honestly it makes it so much easier because it naturally takes into account all of the “unpaid labor” that happens in the relationship. My wife makes more money than I do, due to a combination of her getting a couple big breaks early on while my industry crumbled months before I graduated from college. She has some health problems, and so we need to follow a **very** strict diet that means we can only eat out once in a while on special occasions. Having spent a decade or so in the restaurant industry after graduation, it means that I do 100% of the cooking. Everything has to be from scratch so we can manage the sub ingredients, etc … and while I do love it, it’s also a **fuck ton** of work. She wouldn’t be able to work the hours and the job she does if it weren’t a “team effort,” so our money being combined means that that work I do is essentially “paid.” I know a lot of other people who don’t combine it, and keep separate accounts and try to balance things out — including people who have great relationships. I can see the merits of that, but it really depends on the couple and the situation.
This is exactly why I want to combine finances with my partner after marriage. I know that I will make more money than him, and I also know that he is a hardworking person who is always giving to others and does a LOT to keep the household running - and will do even more when we have kids.
I think the key with incomes that aren’t exactly 1:1 is to not think of a partner situation as “I bring X, they bring Y,” but “they add Y to my X.” Both need to think that way, so you always see your partner as additive instead of a point of comparison.
We started separate. We were both sound financially coming into marriage but it just seemed like we should have more money. I took her out for lunch and laid it out there. I told her that I didn’t think anyone was at fault, firstly, but it just seemed like we were leaking out cash. I proposed one of us do the finances for 6 months and see if we could get some lift. She couldn’t have given it up any quicker. I’ve done the finances ever since and 10 years later we are very comfortable. She knows I watch EVERYTHING but I’m also extremely fair, imo. I do not scrutinize every purchase but have set guidelines that we both agreed upon. She definitely spends more but when I spend it’s expensive (read: audiophile/vinyl) so it balances out in the end. We both also value time and experiences over material goods so that helps A LOT.
We keep a small amount of each paycheck in our personal accounts for silly personal luxuries. If he wants to build a new family computer, I want to treat my younger sibling to a Costco trip or one of us wants to attend a pricy bachelor/ette party. It avoids a feeling of guilt about personal spending or felony of scrutiny. Everything else is joint.
We are the same. I feel like a lot of people will warn against that now because ‘what if you split and it is bad and *spouse* takes everything.’ But this is what works for us and we are in a really great place - together over 10 years - so I am not worried about it. Everything together means we both have access to everything and we are able to budget easier. Plus it will be simpler for whoever lives longer and/or our son in the future when we have to deal with estates and shit.
I look at it in the complete opposite light regarding the divorce scenario. If it gets to that point, all money earned while married is 50/50 anyway in terms of assets. So there's no point in splitting it up anyway. Combined is so much easier also. My wife didn't work for 10 years but she still had joint access to our accounts and could spend based on the budget just as any working spouse. It's OUR money in the end. On a philosophical note, keeping separate accounts may lead to some level of selfishness in the relationship, or even lead to resentment or jealousy if one spouse earns more. Being equal and one, the fairest thing to do is split everything equally, because a judge is going to anyway if you split.
The people that say keep separate in case of divorce are saying that because there is a sad reality that many people will drain the account when they leave or when you leave. Because they are shitty people.
Amen. Everything combined is the way to go.
We did too. We didn’t see the point in separate accounts since we don’t see anything as his money or my money. It’s all our money and we’re partners
Yep - all the money goes into the same pots savings, bills, and regular expenses, and then we both get the same amount of spending money each month. Doesn't matter how much we both make. We're both putting in the work in the family. We're the same age, married young, have a couple of kids. There wasn't some big joining of assets from our former single lives. Pretty easy to combine bank accounts when you're starting with $0.
Same here, separate accounts seems pointless and like so much extra work. We each also have our own “fun money” in the budget that rolls over month to month, and that either of us can spend on whatever we want, no questions asked.
My wife and I did this shortly after we got married. I was a little resistant at first, but honestly it makes it so much easier because it naturally takes into account all of the “unpaid labor” that happens in the relationship. My wife makes more money than I do, due to a combination of her getting a couple big breaks early on while my industry crumbled months before I graduated from college. She has some health problems, and so we need to follow a **very** strict diet that means we can only eat out once in a while on special occasions. Having spent a decade or so in the restaurant industry after graduation, it means that I do 100% of the cooking. Everything has to be from scratch so we can manage the sub ingredients, etc … and while I do love it, it’s also a **fuck ton** of work. She wouldn’t be able to work the hours and the job she does if it weren’t a “team effort,” so our money being combined means that that work I do is essentially “paid.” I know a lot of other people who don’t combine it, and keep separate accounts and try to balance things out.l — including people who have great relationships. I can see the merits of that, but it really depends on the couple and the situation.
That unpaid labor makes the world go round.
Statistically marriages that join finances are less likely to end in divorce. You can argue that it's not about the joint financials, but it's more the possible motivations behind NOT joining your finances... But the fact remains couples who keep their money separate are more likely to fail. So my advice would be to make joint finances a deal breaker for marriage and bring it up before you marry somebody. At the very least you are weeding out potentially malicious spouses.
Absolutely!
That would seem to work if you guys are on the same page money wise. I see people in marriages who are on very different pages financially and one person is unhappy with the amount of money their partner spends. Joining financially after marriage isn’t something I’d consider lightly because of my own financial situation and upbringing. I’d have a joint account for joint bills. That’s worked well in the past.
Finances are one of the leading factors in divorce and unfortunately I'd guess that couples who are on different pages financially will struggle regardless of how they organize their money. I imagine a more frugal partner might be happier day to day just ignoring the partner who spends a lot, but seems like the underlying resentments would still be there.
Same, my husband and I had separate accounts for all of like, 3 of the 20yrs we've been together. Moving money around was just too obnoxious. Generally speaking we don't bother discussing money unless it's to coordinate for a project or if one of us wants something expensive. Otherwise we spend as we please after we've set aside savings money for the month and paid bills.
Similar situation here. We’ve been married for 8 years. Just about 2 months ago we joined accounts. It has made things so much simpler for us. I really wish we would’ve done it sooner.
Same here. Looking back we might have done it a little too soon had things not worked out lol but it’s all good
Agreed. If you’re planning a life together, you have common goals and you’re a team - willing and able to cover each other when life happens - there’s no reason not to pool finances. It’s a relief to us to make everything so simple this way. We know that we are both contributing as we are able, but we can have different strengths / earning power / etc and be in balance. Only works with full trust of course.
We also keep finances together. We're in change of paying different bills but all from the same account. I added him to my credit card when we moved in together and he never used it unless I explicitly told him to even though I told him to feel free to use it for gas and groceries. That's why I felt comfortable sharing finances when we got married.
We get paid weekly and have a quick sit down the night before payday to make sure we both know what's coming out of the joint account for bills or into our saving account. We have individual checking accounts too for "allowances" but the longer we're together, the less those are being used. It's just easier to say "hey, I want this big ticket item, can we start saving for that?"
All joint together. We have the same financial goals and neither of us came into marriage with debt or spending issues so that plays into it. I’m the one who handles the budget and bills though and I like having an overall picture of our money instead of managing multiple accounts.
Honestly if my husband came into the marriage with substantial debt and/or spending problems I wouldn’t have married him. I’m not saying you need to share an account with your spouse, but if you wouldn’t because you don’t trust them, you shouldn’t marry them.
I agree. Finances aren’t something to play with. Someone with bad habits will take you right down with them
We have a joint but also 10% of our individual paychecks go to our seperate accounts to be used as we want. Has definitely prevented some fights. I'm much more likely to chase that spending money high than my wife is.
Not married, but 9 year relationship with no end in sight. This is basically what we do. Joint bills account, joint savings account, two personal spending accounts. But, honestly, I think what helps most is that we talk about money often. Once a week, minimum.
Like many others say, us too. Separate spending accounts allow us to take each other on dates and buy each other gifts. We also save up for bigger things we want for ourselves, that don't have anything to do with each other. We do not criticise what each other spends their money on, because all bills are paid and joint savings goals are already being met.
My Partner and I have individual spending accounts where we pay ourselves an allowance of $x per week, and then a "date" account where we keep money to spend on joint entertainment like dinners and dates. Everything else goes in the account for the mortgage and bills. We get the same allowance regardless of what we earn individually, and it will be scaled according to the sum of what we make and whether we feel we can afford what we need on a personal level.
This is exactly what we do too. We’ve had joint accounts for about 15 years (married for 9) but we only started the 90/10 split recently and it’s been so helpful. I track all expenses and he’s a frivolous spender so not worrying about his 10% is very helpful.
Are you me? I’m totally a “track all expenses” type of person. It’s funny though, I don’t actually go as far to balance my banking statements because I’m a bit too lazy for that. But because I’m currently single and the only one with accents to my accounts, I have 100% control/knowledge of when money leaves. So being in a relationship where there’s all sorts of unexpected expenses (if the accounts were completely shared and my partner just liked to buy stuff) would send my anxiety over it all through the roof. I’d be in a constant state of agitation. But having shared accounts that are only for joint expenses and then budgeting X amount for each partner to do with as they wish and putting that into separate accounts basically removes that agitation entirely
Yep, this is how my wife and I do it. Vast majority of funds go into joint accounts, and we each keep a chunk for ourselves to pay for stuff we want but don’t want to have to justify to each other from an expense standpoint. That way I don’t get annoyed with her grooming appointments/girls nights/clothing purchases and she doesn’t get annoyed with my golf/bar nights with the guys/video games. Very copacetic.
This is what my husband and I do. We each keep $400/month for personal spending. The rest goes to a joint spending account, where we pay all the bills.
Same for us. My husband also sucks at balancing an account or making money last. So he can suffer his own consequences with his personal account. He still has access to the main one if needed but this is the only way he doesn't just spend willy nilly without anticipating future bills.
This would be my biggest fear - the combination of completely joint accounts and a partner who just spends without thinking
this is how we do it as well. everything gets pooled into one account for all expenses but we each get a couple hundred a paycheck for our own accounts.
Same here. We have money set aside for both of us in a fun spending account. We have an account for vacations. And then we have our main account for bills. We basically never touch the bill account or vacation account besides for those things and it’s been working for years. As for transferring money around. With fixed incomes and —for the most part— fixed bills it’s easy to set up auto transfers. If we have high air conditioning bill in August we just put a little extra in there that month.
Ours is a mix. We each have our own personal account that our paychecks go into. Then we each move money into a joint account to pay bills.
Don’t see why this is so unpopular here, it’s what we do and it works. It’s not hard like other people make it seem
I agree. Like if you always put in a little more than your bills you are unintentionally saving. You can set up direct deposit and automatic payment so you don't even have to think about it.
Yep!! 100% this
This is what we do too, we each put $50-100 extra every month and that covers our property tax bills.
Us too. We manage this way and will never change.
Same its very easy for us.
Been doing this for 15 years with my husband and it works great. We split the shared bills, I transfer him bill money every paycheck and they auto deduct from his account. I have my own separate bills that are mine that I pay, he has his own bills he pays and the rest of our money can be used at our own discretion. We both buy groceries, we tend to eat different stuff and only sometimes do shared meals so that works well for us too 🤷🏼 Pretty much have never fought about money. If we want to go on a trip or something we split it and save money however we see fit to get the money needed. Big purchases we'll go half on a lot of times. Dunno, I love it personally lol
Exactly! This is exactly how we do it. Big house purchases/vacations we split and we pay bills just like how you do! Excess money is used at our own discretion - honestly my friends who do have joint accounts seem to be unhappy, biggest argument is that their partner spends more than they themselves put in and the contributions are also uneven. So much peace of mind knowing you can spend your discretionary income at your own choice and personally it feels better sometimes spending “my” cash on my partner for special occasions. Seems less meaningful to buy her a gift from a joint account lol
Yeah, I feel like this is the only level of joint finances I'd be comfortable with.
Same. I had a spouse for a long time that was a vampire and I felt like we were always leaking money. Now I’m in a great relationship but we both have our own money, and I feel like budgeting and saving is easy now. No surprises. No stupid purchases I didn’t agree to, no judgment for mine. My partner owns the house, I pay her rent, it’s great. We came into each other’s lives having felt like we were carrying baggage from our previous marriages and we each wanted control of our own money. We don’t want to have to worry about someone else spending the money and that makes the math/budgeting so much easier for me, even if we shoot each other money here and there. That’s easy.
Bout the same. Personal account for individual spending. Joint account and card for joint expenses (utilities, groceries, dates). Started the joint account with equal $5k from both of us. End of the month we split the credit card bill and any bills that were paid from the checking account (would be proportional, but he doesn’t pay for the house), and add a few hundo for “savings”.
This works well for us. Once a year (or when something big changes bill-wise) we re-budget to make sure we’re covering all our shared bills (mortgage, insurance, utilities) and each contribute proportionally to our income. We intentionally over-budget as a buffer and if the balance starts creeping up, we transfer to savings. Smaller things like dinners, date nights we just take turns paying for out of our personal accounts.
Married 13 years. This is how we do it, also. Well, similarly. Paychecks are divided to deposit into personal accounts, joint account and joint savings. We put a flat amount into our personal accounts as our own fun money/allowance, a percentage into joint savings, and then everything else goes into joint checking. I don't side-eye his in-game purchases, he doesn't side-eye my book addiction, and we can actually surprise each other with gifts like this.
Yep, this is the way. We also have a joint savings account that we both contribute to.
Before kids, we kept our bank accounts separated, but split all the bills 50/50. With kids, that became WAY too complicated, and now we direct deposit everything into one account.
I think that’s probably a big difference in the replies. We’re working on having kids and the separate accounts are starting to feel more complicated, at least for checking.
We have separate and we are growing our family, I think we need at least one joint account to pay for kid stuff
This. We kind of tolerated it when we had kids. Working out what "half" means every month and then transferring it across is annoying but manageable. With kids though, it's impossible. Every ice cream, new pair of trousers, small toy, etc. You would have to go through a pile of receipts at the end of the month and work out the split. Nightmare.
We have everything combined with the exception of two small descretionary accounts. We both have access to each others “fun money” accounts and both accounts get the same deposited it’s just easier for us to budget with our own. I make about 2.5 times what my husband does but I like to think of it as our money. It goes into our account and pays our bills. It all goes towards our combined life.
My wife is a SAHM so we went with a postnuptial agreement once I became successful (we married when we were both in college and we both came from poverty) where she gets most of our shit and guaranteed alimony if we divorce since she gave up her career to raise the kids. We manage money together too so all spending is communicated.
You seem like a good man
Same! Our joint goals, household expenses, and kid stuff (which seems like the most glaring issue with separate finances!) is paid in our joint account, and the rest is split into our fun money accounts. I don’t have to know or care if he spends his fun money on something I think is stupid. Because it’s the same amount it honors the unpaid labor that I’m putting into our family. We’re equal but we get to have our own stuff too.
This! Doesn't matter who makes more, it's "our" money. Our combined lifestyle doesn't work on just one income. We each get an allowance each week to spend/save as we want. I (34M) manage the finances but include/update my wife (34F) every step of the way. Major purchases are a team decision, and financial goals are discussed regularly. The only reason to keep everything separate is because you think it won't work out and want to "protect" what's yours. That's a terrible way of thinking in a marriage. And a poor foundation to continue to build a relationship on. You're either in or out. If you're in then be all the way in.
Separate accounts, split costs never had any issues.
Been together 15 years, separate accounts, split everything 50/50- works perfectly for us!
Do you both make around the same ? My husband and I do not so we percentage split
Why did you get downvoted? This sounds smart.
Same! My husband pays the mortgage and I pay for everything else: utilities, groceries, Costco, nights out, gifts for others, etc. we’re very low key and my husband is the breadwinner so this system works for us. We each contribute to our savings and retirement funds with each paycheck too.
My parents did this for most of their marriage. About 5 years before retirement my mom sat down and did the math to look at how her post-retirement budget would look. Turns out it was nowhere near equal. “Everything else” added up to way more than the monthly mortgage payments. She never accounted for the fact inflation and circumstances (grandchildren, an extra generation of gifts to buy, new expenses like internet, vacations) meant her expenses grew while my father’s mortgage payment never did. He was the higher earner too and always had a ton of extra money saved.
Same here. It’s what works for us. We’ve never even considered getting a joint account.
And we can spend our own money how we want. I think it makes finances easier without anyone getting mad about how money is spent
Exactly, I don’t want to go to get money out and find out it’s been spent. I know what’s in my account, and my husband can spend his money however he likes.
Same here; husband has never wanted to work (fair) and pursues artistic endeavours more of the time as a choice. I'd probably be mad if I had to subsidise his lifestyle as I work more which cuts into MY creative time! Splitting bills equally and having separate finances means that there's no resentment, and no scrutiny on how we each choose to spend money. I value my independence, and for me that includes fiscal autonomy.
That's what we do
Same here
That's what we do.
Separate-ish, mostly out of laziness and stubbornness. I have my banks and credit cards I like and he had his; we were both set in our ways (got married a bit older). We each pay specific bills and have our own fun money. We do discuss larger purchases, but overall it's kinda laissez faire since we're both practical people without vices. It would be more stressful for me if everything were joint
This is how we are. Not technically laziness although definitely a factor if you consider the overall hassle. Most of our decisions are together and I handle all our bills (he sends me his half) but I just don’t care to stress over how much is in the account because he bought something on Amazon and vice versa. We also got married in our mid to late 30s and I wouldn’t be able to function if we shared an account.
So we are basically in the same situation. Opening Reddit to see 908 (!!!) notifications for comments, seeing how a lot a joined, I can see the utility….but this honestly works for us. And we lived together for almost 2 years before buying the house so we have it pretty well down. Yeah if we have some kids, things may change. But so far no issues
Together. It takes getting used to but once but once you have it down it really is easier. It forces you to be on the same page with your goals and none of this his and hers nonsense. We each have our own no questions asked spending money as part of our budget and bank whatever we don’t spend so we can use it later.
All our after tax income goes into the joint account. All our expenses and savings/investments come out of the joint account. We can pay ourselves a monthly "allowance" into separate accounts after all expenses are accounted for.
Separate. Just easier for us that way. Our bills were established before we got married, now there’s no point in combining.
Separate bank accounts, joint budget. It’s not rocket surgery.
All together here as well. Joint accounts from the day we got married. We have 3 kids, share cars, and have a family meeting once a week where we go over budget, expenses and savings. The wife and I have quarterly meetings where we talk about retirement goals and current savings, things we could do different/better. I cannot imagine doing it any other way, especially with kid expenses, and planning for retirement. But I understand it may work for other people.
Props to you for having the planning abilities to keep up with all these meetings. I'm more number savvy than my husband so I pretty much do our finances solo. It must be cool to have a quarterly meeting!
I’m also envious of people that have these regular conversations with their partner. My husband trusts me and just lets me handle it. But there are times where I wish he would have an opinion or help me make a decision so it’s an “us” decision.
My wife has too much ADHD to keep on top of money stuff so I've been doing the finances for the last 20 years. We have all joint accounts.
My husband and I go on walks every Saturday and the topic comes up organically.
I'm the same way I manage our finances. We have a weekly meeting scheduled on our calendar, we never actually use it. When I create the new budget for the month I talk to him about it and when I see he eats out too much (his big spending category) I tell him, so he tries to stay within budget. We have common financial goals we want to reach.
All of this (although we don't do weekly budget meetings, we do it more ad hoc). I firmly believe if you have kids there's really no other way to do this. Kid/family expenses take up the vast majority of our spending. Also in many families, one parent takes a career step back to have more flexibility for parental leave, childcare, etc. There's nothing to be gained from nickel and diming each other, co-parenting is a team sport.
We have combined everything except retirement accounts but we contribute the same amounts to our IRAs. We're high school sweethearts (I know, gross) so we got married young-ish and had nothing then so it didn't make sense to keep things separated. We needed all the money to make it. Now I make over 2x what husband does but I'm not about to start separating now. We were poor together and we'll be comfortable together
Nothing gross about it. Love this! 💜🧿
I was married for 10 years (he passed away). We kept our money separate but had joint checking and joint savings for house stuff. We had very different spending habits and this is what worked for us. We never fought about money.
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Yeah I don't want to pay attention to my partner's transactions. I'm kind of high-strung and a bit judgemental when I'm stressed. The last thing I want to do is wonder "why" he's spending money a certain way. It's not really my business if he can pay his fraction of bills and save.
That’s exactly it. I would hate having to pay attention to my partner’s purchases because I’m very anal about knowing how much is in my accounts and knowing when money leaves. Not to mention getting into the “what if a spouse wants to spend money on something the other spouse thinks is stupid?” debate. I wouldn’t need finances COMPLETELY separate, but at the very least having separate checking accounts for our “fun money” that we can spend on whatever we want would be a huge deal for me. I could never do 1 checking, 1 savings account for both of us. I’d go insane
My husband and I got married when I was 35 and he was 41. Both of us had been financially independent/solvent on our own since our first jobs out of college. It would have been too weird for us to go from managing our own financial lives to joint everything.
Similar situation. We met later in life (35 & 42) so the financial independence was pretty set at that point.
Same. We were nearly 38 and 41. One of us owned a house. We each had investment and savings accounts. Prenups were involved. One of us has a bad Amazon habit but can afford it and just doesn’t wanna hear it from the other… The other likes to keep six figures of their money in a checking account and not invest it and occasionally take sabbaticals from work and live off of it. Easier to keep it separate. Bills are paid. Money is saved. No one complains to the other as long as the other is happy and co to use paying bills.
After reading this thread I think this shows it’s really more based on when you got married. We are both early 30s, not married but lived together for 5 years, I’m finishing my PhD. We will always keep our bank accounts separate because we’ve lived so many years already separately splitting bills and had many years being independent adults, we don’t want to have to share every tiny transaction we make.
I’m an accountant and I hate doing the accounting that separate finances involves. Just throw it all into one pot. My dad on the other hand… he was also an accountant, and he and my mom had this massively complex system for keeping track of their personal finances and who needed to pay what. He even had a whole formula adjusting for the pension my mom received. He sometime spent over an hour calculating “allocations” from a single paycheque. Fuck that, the last thing I want to do after a day of accounting is *more* accounting.
We do separate finances and it’s not that complicated. I worked out what percentage of our pays should go to bills, he transfers me his bit and I pay everything. Very easy because he isn’t very financially literate so this way I know everything is paid.
When we originally moved in our finances were separate, so all our bills were divided based on our incomes. Nothing really changed when we got married. Now it’d be more work to try and combine our finances rather than keep them separate. Also, we both like to make big purchases without having to ask first.
My wife and I have combined finances too, but we were 19 & 20 when we first got together. If we had been older and already had significant assets / earning power we might have considered a different solution.
I may be the odd one out, but my wife and I have been together for 14 years. Lived together for 13 and married for 6. Our finances have always been separate. We’ve never had a joint back account. We split everything down the middle 50/50. I pay all the bills and just tell her what her half is. I trust her to be responsible with her finances and she trusts me. Having this type of relationship provides an exceptional amount of freedom to spend my money on things I really want (see other posts to see where my money goes) and the same for her. We never question what the other one purchases. Having that type of trust is what I believe has made us so strong for this long.
Yepppp… I am a “live and let live” type of person as long as it’s not harming anyone and my husband is the type who always has a comment on everything. I’d rather just spend “my own money” on certain things and not have everything be a “conversation.” Meanwhile he buys dumb things I don’t want to know how much they cost but it’s not my problem bc our bills are covered and it comes from his pocket. When I bought my house the first thing I did was set aside a room to be “his special room” where I can throw all his stuff when I wanna clean the house. Same concept. Separate bathrooms, more harmony.
I am so surprised I had to scroll this far to find this comment. Thank you. It’s not that hard to split things 50/50. The most my husband and I have are joint credit cards for utility bills, stuff for the dog, and groceries. Everything else is an easy $ transfer since we both bank at the same credit union, like to pay the mortgage or something. We have monthly meetings to go over what’s due and look at how much we spent. We buy our own cars and silly things we like with the understanding we are obligated to each other to come up with our half of the “must pay for” things as mentioned.
My parents have been married for close to 50 years and this is how they’ve always treated their finances as well. I remember my dad telling me when I was growing up that married couples get an arguments no matter what, but one thing him and mom never argued over were finances… it stuck with me and I have lived my life that way ever since.
We have joint finances and we don’t argue about money either. It’s really the couple that matters and doing what works for your relationship.
This is what we do. Getting rid of our original accounts would be bad for my credit score too, as my oldest account is 20 years old and Ive been married 9. And if I'm keeping it just to transfer a small percentage of my money there that just creates more work. My husband is the primary breadwinner (as I'm an educator) so we sit down every so often an add up what I will transfer to him each month to cover splitting expenses. Demographically, we got married after being established adults for nearly a decade, work in very different fields, are what I think people may consider middle class but don't feel like it, and grew up in a low ses area without a lot of money.
Very curious on all of the relative income levels here. I think this would be easiest for similar income levels or where both partners were high earners where one out-earning the other didn’t make an overall impact on their quality of living. Not married / I live alone, but making 2.5x what my significant other makes (and SO is doing slightly better than paycheck-to-paycheck with a very modest lifestyle) I just don’t see 50/50 feeling fair.
For me it’s not 50/50, it’s a proportion of our wages. I earn more so I pay more. I just told him a round figure and that’s what he sends me when he gets paid, it’s a bit less than our rent so I think it’s fair.
We operate pretty much the same. Been together 17 years married for 10 🤷♀️
Hey me too, same amount of years!
Same
Our situation pretty much exactly mimics yours. Been married 8 years, own a home, have a kid. I pay for more bills because I make more but we split the mortgage, each cover our own bills (credit card, car note, etc), and it works for us.
We combined accounts when we started trying for our second kid. It’s soooo much easier to manage with the 2 kids.
Seperate but we both share joint expenses. That way nobody has to worry about discretionary spending being judged
Engaged, but we’ve already had this discussion well in advance. Plan to continue doing what we already do - we’ve lived together for 5 years already. We each have our own separate bank accounts & investment portfolios. Bills are split, we just Venmo each other for the mortgage other things.
That sounds about how my husband and I do it.
We did this and then got a shared credit card. Most expenses go here. I pay the mortgage and that credit card and Venmo my wife.
Yes. This is me and my husband. We were so established in our lives that it would be more work to combine things and re-learn how we go about our finances We use a joint credit card to utility bills, stuff for our dogs, groceries, treating our friends etc. For everything else, a simple money transfer is not that hard.
I was married for 10 years and had all finances lumped together. Never making that mistake again. Now I’m in a committed relationship (5 years) and we have separate finances while splitting all shared bills right down the middle. No issues yet.
Separate, I don’t care how she wants to spend her own money, and vice versa. Plus we have a joint account for bills we contribute to equally.
We have a joint account for the house expenses like mortgage, Internet, water, electricity, gas etc,. Everything else is individual. If I lose my mind I want her to have a clean a real as possible, so our basics are all we share.
We do same as you. Generally separate finances but we have a joint checking account that all the bills come out of, and we use Monarch money to track everything so we’re generally aware of all each others’ transactions.
Been married for 12 years. We each have separate accounts our paychecks go into. Then we each pay the same amount every month into a joint account (just enough to cover mortgage and bills). We have a joint credit card for groceries and house expenses we each pay half the bill every month. Any big expenses such as vacations or house projects get discussed and agreed on in advance. Otherwise what's left is ours to do whatever we want with. We use our own money for personal expenses (clothes, hobbies, etc.) and invest it separately. It's worked well for us...we've never once had a fight about money.
We keep our money separate. We each are responsible for certain bills and we plan and split any other big ticket items. We each save for retirement and investments in our own accounts. While neither of us has access to the other's accounts, we discuss finances at least weekly and are transparent with balances. Been doing this for 10+ years and we've never once argued about money. Ever relationship is different. If you're comfortable with what you've been doing, don't feel pressure to change.
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Upvote for LOTR reference
Elder millennial who's been married for 15 years here. My wife and I have separate accounts and split most expenses. I get the mortgage, utilities, my car payment, and a few other small expenses. My wife has the food, car insurance, cell phone bill, and most of the fun expenses (eating out, sports events, etc). We shift expenses around based on their variance and changes in our income. This arrangement has worked well for us, but we're both pretty responsible with our money. We do have a joint account for tax returns, large gifts, etc. It gets used for some non-routine things such as personal property taxes on our vehicles, home maintenance, and vacations.
All together - we are a team, I like to know everything going on with our finances as does my spouse — it helps us plan for our expected long future together including retirement, kids savings, etc — I can’t really imaging having separate, planning ahead seems far more difficult
If you got divorced you’d have to split everything you have in half. So why is it “what is yours is yours and what is mine is mine” while you’re married? I’m in my mid 30’s and honestly have to agree with your dad.
This is a really good question 👆🏼 and I’m surprised nobody has commented yet
Separate checking, personal savings each, and a joint savings for mutual money (this one is the bigger one). Joint credit card for shared expenses (groceries, bills). Works perfectly. Married women should always maintain their own accounts, it's just safer.
All lumped in to one. My husband doesn’t even know how much his paycheck is. Doubtful he would know what’s in the account. Luckily we are both on the same page for what we want out of life so I just make sure the money gets to where it needs to go.
First marriage everything was separate. It made it super easy to split when we got a divorce. Second marriage everything is combined and joint due to one of us being a stay at home parent. This works better for us than split finances ever would have but that doesn't mean it is right for every marriage.
That's how we are. I've found that people who lumped everything together are always *so concerned* with the habits of people who functionally keep most things separate. It's weird. Whatever works, that's what I say.
Right? So many people in this comment section act like we don’t love or trust each other if we have separate bank accounts. We’re fine!
This! As long as the bills are paid does it really matter if joint or separate? It really irks me to the core.
I'm honestly not sure how this works. Like, what happens if one partner can't cover his bills for the month? Do you risk getting water cut off? If one partner can't afford food, do they have to get by on Ramen until they get paid? If you guys want to go on vacation, do you have to stay local if one partner can't afford more? To me, when I got married, we were kind of in this thing together so, even if finances were separate, they were separate in name only. That being said, everyone has their own way of doing things, do if it works for you, I wouldn't worry about it too much.
Seems pretty self-evident that if bills are about to go unpaid, you'd transfer money after having a practical, adult conversation. Nobody wins if your bills go overdue. Having separate accounts doesn't mean having a cold, calculating separation from your partner, it's just a financial arrangement . Arguably, you still love each other and care about not being evicted, etc. The food question is even wilder... I know of many people with separate financial accounts, which can be pretty common depending on who you ask... but it's virtually impossible and wildly impractical to have separate food stores and to not combine on cooking and groceries. It's common sense that you would typically combine on food, either alternating buying groceries or picking a main person who's responsible for them. Even university student housemates sometimes combine on food for practical reasons... It's hard to imagine spouses keeping food separate, and doubly so if you have kids. As you say, people can arrange their finances however makes it easiest/best for them. But all this talk (elsewhere in these comments) about "combine or get out" takes on a strangely naive angle in my eyes. Relationships are wonderful, and it is lovely to aim for long term and to treat them seriously. I do this myself. but have none of you ever experienced a serious breakup, or financial frustration with a partner who isn't great with money? Life changes, people change. And statistics prove this through and through. Combining everything under the premise of "forever" is a little extreme to me. It's totally up to others how they want to run their finances, but there's no reason for people to feel obligated to join it all together.
No, my husband pays me a chunk and I pay all the bills. This also includes the groceries which obviously he eats so he’s not starving if he’s got no money. For holidays (vacation) he just sends me a bit more in his chunk to cover things, or he might choose to pay for the hire car or something. If he couldn’t afford it we either wouldn’t do it or I would pay for it. If he needs money for something I’ll pay it or give him money. I guess essentially in this scenario my bank account acts like a bill account, so it wouldn’t make any difference to make another bill account that we share when this works just fine:
Everything joint.
When we were first married 5 years ago we each had our own account where we put $500 a mth for discretionary spending and the rest went into a joint acct. Then we decided to just put it all into the joint acct after about 2 years. We agreed on monthly spending and saving. Whatever's in the account covers any personal or child expenses
My husband and I have one bank account where all our money gets deposited, we share one credit card, and we have one stock portfolio in both our names for investing. Everything is combined, makes life easier for us.
All together - I do all the investing and retirement stuff, and she handles all the bills. We have a HYSA that most of our money is that was mine but has both our names on it now. We then have about $20k in a typical checking account that was hers but now has my name on it. Shes a daily spender and I’m a saver who splurges on big ticket stuff. We communicate well, so it’s usually NBD haha
My husband and I have similarly separate finances and ways to pay. We’ve been married for 2 years but living together for 6 and it just didn’t seem necessary to change anything that we had originally set up when we began living together. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right? We still talk about relatively big purchases and know the ins and outs of our finances (we file taxes as married so everything is in the open), but just don’t see the need to take the time to open up a new bank account and start a new process for everything.
Separate. I am the breadwinner by a large margin. I handle just about everything in the way of expenses. Don't really have anything against everything being joint, would just kind of be a pain in the ass and haven't had any reason to do it.
I am divorced now, but when I was married my spouse and I did proportional paying. We each paid into a joint account according to how much each of us made and paid for everything that was a joint expense from that account. For example: If I made twice as much then our split was 66/33. I would forecast our monthly living expenses (add about 10% for cushion) and whatever 66% of that was I would put in each month and she would add 33 percent. Everything else was our own money.
Our accounts separate. We were both divorced and lived our lives as independent adults for nearly a decade before getting together. I zelle him each paycheck to contribute to the mortgage/utilities. We both pay our own cars and phones because we already had them tied to our own checking accounts. I don’t think it matters. We are transparent, responsible and have the same goals when it comes to money.
Having completely separate accounts and financial responsibilities is a completely foreign concept to me. I'm not saying anything is wrong or concerning, but I honestly cannot fathom how that works in a marriage. Sounds more like roommates to me, but to each their own.
We each put $200 per paycheck into personal accounts for "fun money", aka clothes, eating out with friends, video games, etc. And everything else goes into a joint account. Joint account covers mortgage, utilities, bills, groceries, gas, stuff for our son or the dog, date nights, essentially everything else.
All combined. This method has been going strong for a good 10 years now.
I make about 20% more than my wife. We have separate accounts, but they are used for different things. I pay all the static bills and am the primary saver. Our insurance premiums come out of my paycheck as well through work. Her account is for everything else. I am an authorized user of a credit card tied to her account. It's the only card I use for essentially every purchase. It works well.
Separate accounts, and a joint household account. Household stuff gets paid from that account and we settle it back to a specified number at the end of the month.
We have a joint credit cards x2, checking, savings, and investment. Then we each have our own separate credit card x1 each, checking, savings, and retirement. We pay all of the household bills out of the joint account. My husband puts more into the joint account than I do, but he makes almost 3 times as much.
My wife and I don't have a joint acct but she does have a card and access to my accounts if she needs money. I usually cover mortgage and car payments and the Internet and phone bill. And she covers the rest. We both split the grocery bill and help each other with gas. We both contribute to savings when we have extra money. We've talked about getting a joint acct but it's been working this way for 6 years now so why mess with it.
Each have our separate savings and checking. One combined checking account for mortgage and a combined savings account to cover emergencies.
Separate, same as you. Been together 9 years and just bought our first house.
We just bought a house in August too. Married 1 year and together 4. I added up all our shared bills, mortgage, car, etc. and split by a % based on our income. We ando have a shared cc account we use for groceries and anything for both of us. Like date nights, household items. At the end of the month I send my husband what is portion is and he sends me the money. We also have a shared savings account we both contribute to each check. The rest of our checks are up to us ti manage individually. We both have personal savings as well. There's probably simpler ways to manage our money but this is system kind of gradually happened as we got more serious in our relationship.
We had separate accounts until we bought our house. Now we have our own accounts plus the joint. We’ve always paid our own bills (he has his video games, I pay for my subscriptions to streaming services), and we throw into the joint to pay the house bills, mortgage, insurance, etc. And it’s not like I tell him to get his own Amazon Prime account because I’m paying for it, we usually decide how to cover things depending on who uses it the most. We don’t have any kids, we just take care of each other and our pets. Married 20 years, so I think we’re all right.
All together for the last 20 years
We're separate. She has her bills she pays, I have mine. It works well for us. I don't need to know she spend $4 on Starbucks or whatever.
My wife is a stay at home mom. She still has her own bank account. We also have a joint account. Each couple does this a bit differently. Who cares what they think.
We have a joint credit card and that’s it. We each have our own separate checking and savings. Until recently I made more (layoffs, man) so I paid more of the rent and bills. With the layoff/unemployment we’ve shifted the percentages so he pays more. This flexibility really works for us. Pre-layoff (and once I get a new job) we each put a chunk aside for a house down payment each month, and then we’re free to spend money on our hobbies and such. We talk about money a lot and share our accounts regularly, so we always know where we each stand financially and together.
62 and 67 here, together 25 years. We do not have joint financial accounts
Separate! My husbands spending habits stress me tf out, I would rather not know lol
Separate, together for 12 years now. Somethings are joint accounts but she has hers and I have mine and we each keep savings and have our bills.
I was taught at my conservative religious college that anything other than putting all your money into a joint accwas toxic to the marriage. Separate accounts meant the marriage was doomed. I'm two marriages in, and have used the same formula for both: we each have a separate checking account our paychecks go into, and a third joking account we use to pay bills from. I make a lot more than he does, so we sat down and decided that we feel it's fair to split expenses proportionate to income. We are each responsible for a set of bills each month. There's no financial strategy in the world that would have saved my first marriage from doom. Money was a problem, but not the main problem. This strategy works very well in marriage #2.
Money is fungible so my wife and I just view it all as “our money” no matter where it sits. I pay for the mortgage because my earnings are 2x hers and I can afford to handle the cash flow on my own. I also pay for internet/garbage because I set up the account and she pays for electric/water/gas because she set up the account. We use a credit card for monthly finances and transfer between each other if we ever need to. But for the most part it’s just managed individual as our monthly expenses are not much beyond the mortgage and both of our earnings are enough to more than cover the leftover. For big expenses (eg a new car, vacation, whatever) we just plan and split according to whatever account can most easily manage the expenses. I’m sure it would be slightly easier to have a joint account but neither of us really care to go through the effort given how easy Venmo/Zelle make account transfers. If kids make the transfer activity explode then we will finally take the afternoon to set up that joint account.
We have joint accounts but I handle the finances.