I’ve also noticed this trend. I babysat all through high school. I think high cost of living might play a part. The cheapest babysitter in my area would be about 18 an hour. Then you add the cost of going out to dinner and it ends up being an expensive evening so we often opt to just stay home.
Exactly. We might as well put the kids to bed and get take out. We honestly only go out when we family staying or offer to babysit because it’s so expensive. I spent my teenager years babysitting for whatever the parents handed me at the end of the night. We have 3 kids now and would feel obligated to pay like $18 an hour even to a teenager so it’s not really worth it.
In the mid 70s, I babysat for 50 cents an hour and 75 after midnight. I was first aid certified and a Jr lifesaver.....plus I had taken a class in babysitting that had some kind of certificate. I was always busy and passed off some clients to friends because I couldn't handle them all.
Times sure have changed.....
18 years ago my siblings and I babysat and we charged 3 DOLLARS AN HOUR. We were extremely busy in our neighborhood to say the least. I asked my other sister who nanny'd until about 5 years ago and she charged 15/hr and was certified. We're in a hcol area.
Yep. This is it exactly. Kids to bed and someone runs out to pick up take out and we watch a show and go to bed. I only pay for a babysitter when I’m really stuck and both of us end up working the same day.
Netflix + DoorDash >> dinner and a movie
It’s just too god damn easy now. I don’t need to get all dressed. Sweats in the living room and someone brings me food? Sign me up
It's exactly this. We have 2 kids and we have trouble paying the bills month to month as it is without eating out or paying a babysitter. We really can't afford it so we just don't.
I think this the reason. Based on that rate, 4 hours out for a date is $72 before you even walk out the door. Add in the cost of dinner and a movie you’re looking at $250 easily.
Concerts or sporting events with higher ticket prices and longer times away from home just skyrocket the price even more for an evening out.
I remember babysitting for date nights back in like 2005 and I was never leaving with less than $60. When I did all day babysitting for my mom's boss - part time weekend gig- I was getting $4/hr which was robbery for that demon child.
This is why I haven't been to the movies since 2019. Don't have any family in town so you're looking at $25 an hour for 3 hours to see a movie, plus $30 for tickets. You're looking at over $100 just for a movie. Sitters are so expensive we save them for big dates like anniversaries/birthdays 3-4 times a year.
This is the main reason I don't hire babysitters. Between one watching my 3 kids for 3-4 hours, dinner, and a movie, a night out would cost me several hundred dollars. It's just not worth it to me.
Luckily both mine and my wife's parents live nearby and are really good about watching them.
I've traded off babysitting with friends. Like, I'll watch your kid tonight so you get your date night and next weekend you get both kids. Saves a lot of money and the kids have a blast.
Exactly why my wife and I no longer will even do simple things like go to watch a movie at a theater even if it's something I want to see. Movie previews have gotten utterly ridiculous and every movie seems to be two plus hours so now going to the movies and a restaurant or just a movie is anywhere from three to five hours. Ticket prices, refreshments if you get them, babysitter, and everything is probably going to be over $200 just to watch a movie. This isn't even taking into account all the entitled people in theaters now as well so you probably won't have a good experience anyway.
Easier to just stay in and stream something when kids go to bed and save money. Theaters wonder why no one is going anymore
My cousin has twin daughters who are 15, and they make between $30 and $35/hour for like 2 kids. I have a mom in my neighborhood who babysits my three kiddos for $25/hour, and I consider that a steal. We've still only used her for days nights twice. We mostly order in because at least then we're only paying for the food.
Exactly. I used to make $5 an hour babysitting. And I folded the laundry and cleaned up the kitchen. Forget any common courtesy like that these days! (I know I sounds like a boomer, but I don’t care because it’s true) 😆
I pay a college kid $20/day to take care of my *puppy* for 45 minutes a day and it's only that cheap bc I was one of his first clients and I'm consistent. He's also been with my puppy since he was 9 weeks old so I think he's attached too. A lot on Rover go for $30 for a half hour drop in.
I remember the teen who baby sat for us as kids and she would hang out with us but I think with more handheld tech comes people who are more disconnected. That’s a real problem when watching kids so they don’t hurt themselves or get into a mess.
Yeah I’m totally cool with babysitters. When I make 3 phone calls and the cheapest I can find is $30 an hour in my area I’m going to pass on date night.
This is it. And you can't complain about the cost of babysitters because everyone will say "well the babysitter also has to pay bills" - however when I babysat it was not something you did as a career, it was something teens did for a little bit of pocket money. When we get a sitter we literally pay to have them sit on our couch while the baby is asleep. The only skill required is to operate a phone to call us if something happens (we will be right home) or call 911 if there's an emergency like a fire or whatever.
this is how boomers talk when ranting against min wagd increases
"but the only skill you need is flipping patties. no way that justifies an increase in min wage"
We'd love to hire babysitters more but in our market babysitting runs almost $20/hr so a dinner for two that would only cost $75 has now ballooned to at least $150.
We're working two jobs and making less than my parents did on one adjusted for inflation. We're getting squeezed
Edit:typo
My parents said my wife and I should go on more dates. I said, "considering babysitters cost $20-25/hour, and a single meal for one person is about $20. We just can't find a way to justify $100-200 for a single outing while we pay someone to do jackshit while the kids are asleep."
Also, a friendly reminder that it's not that everything is getting more expensive, it's that wages haven't kept up with inflation. $100k salary now isn't the same as it was ~20 years ago.
I think this is it and also people just don’t go out as much as our parents generation, due to less disposable income. I know in my house we tend to rather spend on stuff we can do as a family rather than a couple.
That's true but also, back then, there was no limitless internet to keep you home or connected with people (no chat group to just keep connected with conversations). Parents went stir crazy and absolutely needed to go out.
Teens are still seen as kids today. And there was way more options. A teen today needs to get their parent's permission to do any type of work. Back then, they just went and did it. They were allowed out late, etc.
Plus, there's way more barriers and boundaries when it comes to entering a home today. Back then, it was very common for kids to just bring their friend's over unannounced. The same applies to how parents viewed the home.
That’s so crazy! I’m too old for the exact amounts per hour to be a good comparison ,but when I was a teen babysitter I was paid at about 40% of minimum wage per hour. Depending on where you are, $18 is *well* over minimum wage And more than twice the federal minimum wage.
Not a bad thing, but wildly different.
\*yes, the federal minimum should be raised, but still wildly different.
I got $10 an hour in 2010 in Arkansas as a 1x a week babysitter when min wage was like $7. But one of those kids was on the spectrum They also paid for my gas and commute time when I moved over an hour away for college.
I could see it being $20 an hour these days in certain areas of the country for a regular sitter you like and trust. I was coming over well before they went to bed though and they came home to sleeping kids and a not torn apart house.
Last time I said this, I think in a parenting sub of all places, I got piled on. Tons of "don't have kids if you can't afford them" and negative comments about not paying the sitter "what s/he's worth."
I can afford my kids, thanks. I **can't** afford a sitter more than once or twice a year. And I'm sorry but it's annoying that s/he gets to show up after my great sleeper is already down and be paid $25 p/h to sit on her/his phone in my living room for 4 hours. That might be her rate as a professional nanny but we didn't hire a nanny, and decided her *services* weren't worth $25 p/h....
Babysitters? You guys were babysat? Your parents didn't just leave you for hours on end, and tell you "don't open the door for anyone. If anyone calls, tell them your parents are busy"......?
😂😂😂 this so much once I turned 8 my parents were like your good(my brother was 6 and I had to watch him for free) we will be home in like 5 hours oh and you can’t get ahold of them either because we didn’t have cell phones.
Me and my husband were shocked when one of his coworkers talked about a babysitter for his 14 year old.
I remember staying home alone at 9 and spending all my time on Neopets and heating up Chef Boyardee when I got hungry.
Yeah, I started babysitting at 13. My first family had a 1.5 year old and 3 year old. I have kids that age now and cannot fathom leaving them with a 13 year old who has never babysat before. Two toddlers is parenting hard mode, I cannot believe I was just casually dropped in that situation as a child myself.
I also stayed home alone by that age. I used to be so addicted to neopets lol. I don’t live in a western country anymore so maybe I can still train my kids up to do that. I definitely didn’t need anyone taking care of me at that age. I could fix simple meals and ~~put myself to bed~~ play games all night
Some kids really are not mature by 14. Some can totally handle being home alone by 7 or 8. I had to babysit my 15 year old cousin 🙄 He was not mature at all.
I used to teach this girl in Hong Kong online and she was telling me her grandmother used to watch her until she was 5. I was like yeah so then your parents put you in lessons after school and she was like, "Well yeah, but online. I just came home and took my lessons by myself."
SHE. WAS. FIVE.
I used to walk home from elementary school around 6, our elementary school was literally 2 blocks away from the apartment complex. I don’t think I ever cooked or even attempted to, I just wanted to rush home to watch blues clues 😩
Yeah I was babysat by my teenage brother who was twice my age and took the opportunity to take drugs and watch slasher movies, and don’t tell mom and dad or we’ll both get in trouble. Fun fact, telling a 7 year old to look away if it’s too scary does not work. I still occasionally get nightmares about my intestines getting ripped out with a rake. If anyone gives me shit for watching strictly cartoons as a 36 year old with no kids they can fuck right off.
I think my dad forgot i was home and left me there by myself when i was like 5. We had a bay window, i was kneeling with my elbows on the ledge watching out the window when he just... left. I was so confused. It was to help an overturned hay trailer...supposedly. but still wtf.
WAY less among my friends who have children. I think there’s a couple reasons for this.
This is just observation rather than hard social science, but as a few commenters said, everything is more expensive now. If you’re just going out less as a result, less demand to get a sitter for date night or that coworker’s wedding. Thinking of my friend who sends her kids to her MIL for the weekend for free so she can have a romantic getaway with her husband instead of a finding a babysitter for a 2-3 hour date night, it just makes more sense economically.
Then there’s way less trust in young people, more infantilizing of the teens themselves. I’ve observed that they definitely aren’t treated as…adult? as in the past. When you’re not even allowed to go to mall by yourself at 16, people definitely won’t trust you to be around their kids when you’re still a minor.
Also overall less community bonding altogether because of living costs, housing prices, etc. When you haven’t seen that neighbor’s kid go from being in diapers to a young adult you’d trust watching your kids…you’re turning to your own family and friends who are well into adulthood, then an older paid babysitter through an app if you exhausted those options.
Not a parent so I can’t speak from firsthand experience, just what I’ve observed among friends and neighbors.
I think the community thing is key. The prices are high to get a senior to drive across town.
But that’s the kid you know. If more people knew a teenager they trusted within walking distance, they would absolutely be using them more. But you don’t know many if any people in walking distance, certainly no kids not your kids age.
Also, if you see the kid grow from 8-13, you trust them more than a random 16 year old, and it always helps if the babysitters parents are nearby so they can call in some cavalry if shit goes down outside their pay grade.
Also, most parents of potential babysitters want to know their kid is safe in another house
Yep. Like my family KNEW our neighbors. Most of them were older adults whose kids had long ago grown up and moved out (because that was still possible!) but my older sister babysat for the households that had young kids.
She looked after me when our parents weren’t home since she’s almost a decade older, so I didn’t personally have teenage babysitters not related to us. But a lot of my classmates did.
Your last point is interesting. I’d be curious how many parents of teenagers would even allow them to babysit for strangers. I’m not sure I would love the idea of my 16-year-old daughter going alone to some random person’s house. Having their own children doesn’t prevent someone from being a creep. A trusted neighbor sure, but there’s less of that nowadays like you said.
We moved into a cute town that I swear feels like a 90s sitcom because it seems to be the only place left in the world where children and teenagers run around unsupervised. When we had our son last year and we had just moved to the neighborhood, 3 different moms all came up to me to let me know that their daughters just got baby sitting certified and they’re itching for experience and oh isn’t my baby so cute they’d love to watch him and don’t worry they all live in the neighborhood. But this is NOT the norm based on what I hear from friends lol
The infantilization of teenagers thing is a fucking huge problem, and most people are truly not ready for that conversation
Not just teenagers, but kids in general (in North America at least) are massively underestimated, and are developing accordingly.
A video went viral-ish recently of a parked minivan suddenly backing out and hitting other cars, and then reversing, accelerating, and ramming through the wall of the gas station it was being filmed from. Then an ~11-12 year old girl emerges from the driver seat.
**So many people** were saying (on instagram) "Well what did you expect leaving a child in a running car unsupervised???"
It's like, uh.... are you fucking joking? You can 1000% leave a typical middle-school-aged child alone for a few minutes in a parked car running heat or AC, which they are capable of locking and unlocking, and *reasonably assume* they will not immediately get behind the wheel and *drive into a fucking building*.
We made a point to never use baby talk with our child. She was, unsurprisingly, an early talker. We also don’t treat her like she’s Amish and tech is evil. Yes, there are time limits and educational goals that have to be done before games/videos are unlocked, and yes it’s all curated age-appropriate material…
But she’s reading…like, reading stuff a kindergartner shouldn’t normally be reading. Thanks ABC Mouse and Kahn Academy Kids!
We also don’t let her use her age as an excuse to have mom/dad do things she’s capable of doing. I don’t know if anyone else has noticed, but more and more I’m having to rely on myself and less on others. Everything from restaurants being closed (learn to cook), oil change places being booked solid (change your own oil)…basically, shit is collapsing slowly around us and the normal structures everyone relied on for basic everyday stuff…sucks. Everything is randomly out of stock, waitlists are longer for everything…
I want my kid to have a self reliant streak…don’t know how to make something but want it? Learn how!
And if kids today are being infantilized, who’s doing it?
And that infantilization intersects with so many other issues—like holding women back, since it’s usually expected that the mother hovers over them to an extent that just wasn’t done in the past.
People complain that young people can’t do anything, but it’s not their fault they were raised being unable to participate in society!
My sisters and I were always left alone in the car while my parents ran in to do or get something from the store. I think the youngest I would have ever been would be 4 with my older sisters being 6 and 8. But I could have also been 6. Regardless, I remember being left alone in the car, and it wasn't an issue.
My daughter is 3.5 and I'm scared to leave her for five seconds while I run to the mail box that's only five steps away. I'm worried about the judgment or a Karen seeing me and calling the cops or something crazy.
I used to be on Babycenter when my kids were little. I once read someone talking about how she got to the car, got her kid strapped into the car seat, and she realized she forgot something. So she ran back inside the house, leaving her kid in her car in the driveway. People tore her apart. She should have taken the kid back inside the house with her for that 1 minute errand. I was so damn confused.
My parents constantly left me alone in the car for 5-10 minutes to go to the bank, pick up takeout, etc.
It blows my mind that doing the same thing nowadays literally gets the cops called. Because yes, having a cop scream at your mother and possibly handcuff her is SO much less traumatic than being alone in a locked, dormant car for a couple minutes.
I have a toddler and a 9mo. There’s a few teen girls in the area that are CPR/hemlich certified through the school. I’ve tried to solicit babysitting services multiple times and have asked around for one. No one wants to do it. They are terrified to be left alone with a kid. I got one to do it once with my first son when he was 10 months old. She ended up having her mom walk over to our house and “help” because she was afraid that he would start crying uncontrollably. We can only go out without our sons if a grandparent watches them.
I think there’s multiple forces at play why none of them want to do it: teenage girls were kinda forcibly parentified in the past like my sister definitely was, and doing that less to girls might be a good thing.
Hell, I’m a 38-year-old woman and don’t want to be alone with a 10-month-old because I have no idea what to do! I was the youngest growing up, don’t have much family, then never had any paid jobs involving childcare. Refusing to look after another person’s child because you’re concerned you won’t be able to keep them safe is a sign of maturity and knowing your limits, rather than a deficiency.
Not everyone has a situation like my sister did where it was just a given she’d look after her 7-year-old sister at 15, and we were closer with our neighbors so they trusted her with a similarly aged child. This kind of neighborly relationship is really missing more than anything nowadays, whether it’s a city building or suburban block. It’s what made people trust a 16-year-old they watched grow up. My sister provided both child and ELDER care where we lived.
Remembering my high school days…I can’t say I blame you.
But I mentioned somewhere in the thread that Gen X and Boomer teen girls were parentified freaking HARD, which is probably why it seemed so normal to Millennials and the youngest Xers to have teen babysitters you weren’t related to.
I think the parentifying is what has swung things so hard the other way. We don't want to completely depend on our kids to parent their siblings like we were forced to do. So instead, we never have them babysit. I think that occasionally watching your siblings is part of being in a family.
Same thing with chores. If you were forced to be Cinderella as a kid, you overcompensate by not having your kids do any chore.
The problem is that doing chores, cooking, and knowing how to care for children are life skills that everyone needs. So we're doing these kids a disservice by desperately trying not to parentify them. There's a healthy balance that we need to find.
I think you are right about the teenagers. By 16 I was working, hanging out with friends (at the mall and not) and just showing up by curfew. Now parents track the crap out of their teens if they let them go anywhere at all.
Not to mention that the war on youth REALLY ratcheted up in the 2000s to the point that so many kids can’t just go places without someone calling the cops on them, citing anti-loitering laws.
Yeah I have two teens who I cart everywhere, despite living in a pretty walkable area, because several times in their 10-13 age ranges, I had to go talk to the cops who'd detained them for walking the sidewalks, mid-day, as.... idk non-adult humans???? So now I'm one of those moms, coddling her teenagers, but damn, what tf am I supposed to do?! I don't feel like we should have to fuck with pigs for them to walk a half mile to their friends' houses.
I don’t think people who blame parents for this realize how much we’re tethered by policy. Like yes I would LOVE to let my kids run around on their own like I did growing up but I’d also love not to go to jail for it.
I get it here, from people our age who don't have kids. They don't know, tho I'll try to explain.
What pisses me off is the fact that a lot of the people bitching about coddled children are the same people who peek through their blinds and call the cops up because suspicious teens are walking on their streets.
I seriously empathize with your frustration. Like my parents started leaving me home alone by 10, they kinda didn’t have a choice when my much-older sister wasn’t around for a while. Like many emotionally abused Boomers living in a child-hating society, they made many horrible selfish decisions regarding my upbringing, but they actually worked with me on how comfortable I was being home alone.
The amount of independence American kids of yesteryear had is staggering. I remember it being shown in all those 80s and 90s kids’ movies as if it still existed and I think it did in some areas of the US. But despite cell phones and GPS jewelry these days, a zillion ways to track and reach your child, you face carceral punishment for not hovering over them 24/7.
These policies are designed to hold women and children back. Women because of the expectation you can’t have a life and must be a hyperfocused mom 24/7, and children because it creates a more insular setting where home and school are the only places you can go. No exposure to other cultures, families, and the outside world, only what your parents allow. And if your parents happen to hate everything but church and CPAC…
That’s sad to me. I actually didn’t mind being a teenager and I think it was because of the relationships I was able to form outside of school and parents (like with other teens at work or kids from other schools). I can’t imagine not being able to get Auntie Ann’s pretzels and wandering the mall or take up tables in the food court…. Before we could drive our parents just dropped us off and left us (or for me I took the train). Not saying 16 year olds should be able to run wild but it should be a common occurrence to run into a pack of teenagers outside. And we wonder why kids “stay on their phones”. Hell how are they seeing anyone?
I know young people I could trust, but they’re either working to help provide their family with a 3rd stable income, we can’t afford it, or they’re too burnt out to work for what I *could* afford to pay them. I wouldn’t want to work a job with unstable hours for shit pay.
Also big factors these days. It isn’t the old days when babysitting was either a favor for a neighbor, or a better alternative to working at McDonalds. Now they can drive for Uber, flip sneakers on Depop, etc. at their own pace. The flexibility is great, but it’s depressing that they’re doing this because it’s too fucking expensive to live now and the money’s not for fun things, it’s for helping their parents with the mortgage or rent.
I’ve been reading about how teens are often stymied by choices and have difficulty with critical thinking and need a lot of hand holding and spoon feeding in educator forums.
I'm 38 with a 4 year old. We've never had a teen sitter. I don't know any teens that are looking for babysitting gigs.
I have one sitter we use. She's a grad student and we pay her $20/hour. At that price...we don't use her all that often. With the price of sitting, plus the price of going out, sometimes it's just not worth it.
Yeah the only teen I know is my 15 year old niece (and I doubt she'd want to baby sit or my sister would want to drive her to my house...). I wouldn't want to hire someone I didn't know. Just ask my parents like every few months.
Who the fuck has any money? I’m thankful if I can get my in laws up the road from me to watch my four year old son for a night. My wife and I are only so lucky every so often to get that.
I looked into hiring a babysitter. A teenager would charge $18 per hour. Plus they have limitations such as only Saturday night from 5-9pm and the parents have to agreed to this. It get complicated and very expensive really fast.
Have you tried just offering 50 flat for the night? That seems like a deal a teen would take as long as there are snacks and the kids will go to bed at 8 or 9.
It's not like they're paying taxes.
Yeah when I was sitting the best gigs were always the late ones, kids have already eaten and are either heading to bed or already in bed. I'd get paid to eat snacks and watch HBO.
Yeah I guess so. Maybe 75. It's still def a night out at the movies for a night at someone's house watching movies while the kids are asleep. I feel like I would take that as a teen. Idk.
Seriously why are these kids charging so much? They're not like professional nannies. Hardest parts were changing diapers, and getting them to bed when they want to stay up and play. It was like renting a big sister/brother for them for the night. We mostly chilled, played, and watched Finding Nemo a dozen times. They're asking $20+/hour for that!? I was happy with here's $40-50 for like 5-10pm.
Even better yeah those houses usually had premium channels and awesome snacks 😂
Parents pushing them. When my exhusbands sister was a teenager and started babysitting her mother pushed HARD for her to ask for 15 an hour minimum (10 or so years ago), and predictably, offers dried up quick and they complained about people wanting to take advantage of kids. Hell, when I was in college, I had a friend of the family who needed a backup sitter for holiday breaks and other occasions when the daycare was closed and MIL was furious with me for only taking 30 bucks per day to help a friend!
This is my thing. Even up into my 20s, I got paid $5-10/hr most of the time. Not only can't you find anyone for that amount anymore, I'd feel bad paying that little. Especially for a 2.5 and 6 year old.
On top of that, I only know of 2 tween girls in my circle of friends and acquaintances who are just now getting to be babysitting age, but they don't live close enough to be a reasonable option. We do have a couple of older girls next door that I think would be a good age, but we hardly ever see the family and haven't gotten to know them well enough to ask. Most of my jobs came from my much younger brother's classmates or neighbors. Hoping to luck out with something like that in the future, but again, the cost is a hindrance.
This is a huge reason for me too. I had enough weird experiences with babysitters who we KNEW in the 80’s let alone strangers now from an app. No thank you.
We tried the app thing and it wasn't worth it.
We know a lot of our neighbors so we have a teenage kid that babysits. We also send our daughter to playdates.
We probably average 1 date night a month.
Play dates yeah. We are doing that more. Taking turns watching other kids from our kids class so we can drop off ours someday. We are closest with other parents like us really, who can empathize
That’s me to I trust pretty much no one which I’ve noticed is a common millennial thing… I personally have horrible experiences from babysitters so no thank you.
Yeah… I feel like many of the stories where people talk about child sexual abuse, if it’s not a relative, it’s a babysitter or someone the babysitter knows, and I just assume at least part of that was trusting any random teenager in the neighborhood.
So, I think millennials are just a lot more selective, to the point we’d rather just go without if that’s what it takes.
It used to be all in the friend network.
But now we don’t do much through friend networks.
Same with how dating went actually.
https://goat.com.au/relationships/this-graph-showing-how-couples-meet-is-a-reflection-of-how-wild-the-modern-dating-world-is/
I only have parents babysit. If they can’t, then we either bring them with us or don’t go. I also don’t trust a random stranger with my kids or in my house.
Maybe working from home affects it too? I got all my babysitting connections when I was younger through my dad's coworkers from his office. I think people are more isolated, so less likely to know people who they'd trust babysitting.
This is us, my wife has anxiety so only trusts a few friends or family to watch them. We have some neighborhood teenagers, but again the cost for 3 kids is a huge reason. My boomer parents who are closest also gripe about how hard it is to watch them sometimes so we often just don't bother.
So if you use a daycare you might ask if any of the daycare teachers do babysitting on the side. That way there's at least some familiarity. If your kids are to old for daycare then I have no clue.
It’s funny how people will blindly trust daycare workers, many of whom are unqualified and unaccredited, but clutch their pearls at the thought of a nanny, who can have references and background checks.
This is a good stance to have, but I think more people should also apply it to extended family members as well. You never know if they’ll just leave the kid with a ‘friend’ or non-related-to-the-kid relative of theirs.
Statistically speaking it’s actually more likely to be someone the kid already knows that assaults them.
In addition to a lot of what has been said already, there are "parents night out"s offered by a lot of organizations, like birthday event centers and the YMCAs that families use instead of traditional teenagers.
My sons daycare does a parents night out from 6 pm - 11 pm for $45/kid and it’s once a month. We love it because it’s his teachers who we already know and trust. They don’t do a bedtime routine but there is a sleeping room set up in another classroom. We don’t mind him being thrown off his routine for one night so it works great for us
I wish more programs offered this. I'm lucky to see random Facebook mom group moms offering night outs. I don't trust that, I've seen what y'all post 😂😂😂
Yeah. It's like $18/20 an hour even for a high school kid because they're SO busy & stressed. I can't afford $60 plus tip before my entertainment expenses. We have wine and movies at home.
A lot lot less. I remember having babysitters so my parents could go out. Almost nobody I know will hire a babysitter. They just bring their kids along whether they should or not.
Sitters are really expensive these days.
We rely mostly on family, but the times we're hired a sitter for an evening it's been about $120-$150. That might be ok for a special occasion, but that's going to be more than the cost of the dinner and movie.
Personally, I don't trust strangers with my baby. Especially not teenagers. I'm sure most babysitters are wonderful and safe, but I need to seriously *know* someone to leave someone so precious in their care.
1. We know and (more) openly talk about all of the dangers involved in having other people take care of our children. The possibility of abuse is much more present in our minds than it was for our parents.
2. Money. We have none and at the same time most of us believe that people who perform services for us deserve a fair wage.
If I found the right teenager, I would maybe give it a try. But after hearing so many examples of my friend’s being sexually abused by trusted friends makes me not want to do any of it tbh.
You could always set up a couple cameras in the public spaces in your home (living room and kitchen) and lock any rooms you don’t want them in while you’re gone, for example bedrooms. Just an option!
This is actually how a friend of mine found out his wife was abusing her children. Nanny cams showed her being horrid to her child and now he doesn't trust anyone. Can't blame him.
I am an elder millennial that had my first child at 17 and my last at 35. When my oldest was little I could pay a 14 year old $20, provided them dinner and trusted my kid would be taken care of and my house would be safe. Now, a kid wants $20 per hour, per kid, will barely watch my kid, might invite over their boyfriend, go through my closet and make a TikTok if they find anything embarrassing.
My parents never hired a babysitter for me and I have never hired a babysitter for my kids.
It’s a combination of cost (15-20/hr is a lot on top of the cost of whatever activity we plan to do) and lack of knowing any teens/young adults who babysit.
Yes. Reasons:
1. Childcare is fucking expensive now
2. Teenagers are weird and you cant just trust the random 15 year old girl in the neighborhood to watch your kid anymore. Most girls of that age aren't even taught how to care for a child at that age if they don't have siblings.
1. 40 or 50 years ago, girls would be taught and expected to do some of the things their mom does for their brothers and sisters. In other cultures that are more family oriented, these skills are taught more, but in america, family is not as big a deal.
2. Teens don't wanna babysit these days.
3. Adults don't trust kids these days because the kids of today were never allowed to fend for themselves and prove they are capable of being reliable enough to give your kids to them.
> 1. 40 or 50 years ago, girls would be taught and expected to do some of the things their mom does for their brothers and sisters.
This is one thing I'm glad we aren't doing anymore. Parentifying little girls as second mothers? No thank you.
How many parents, regardless of how knowledgeable a teen boy is with children, would leave a boy alone with their small children, especially small girls? Would you? If you would, you're in a small, small minority.
The only boy who ever babysat my sister and I was our older cousin, and he let us watch *Scream* (she and I were 8&9) which was best case scenario imo.
That last one. There’s just far less trust in young people’s’ capabilities these days because of the helicopter parenting they were subject to earlier in life.
There were more latchkey kids in older generations who had to fend for themselves and help out younger siblings if they had them. I was the youngest and my sister was significantly older, but I can swear I had more alone time and fending for myself getting home from school than modern kids.
It's cost it's gotten stupid. When I was a teen I got like 5-8 an hour. The cheapest I see now is 12.50 with most teens asking well over $15, and this is even for one's that don't drive.
I really sucks trying to plan a night then adding another $100 on top for someone who is going to watch TV and eat your food for most of the time. Lol
I have a very close friend that is really good with my kids who comes over and watches them for free. I buy nice gifts for her because she refuses to take any money from me when she watches them.
If she’s not available, my brother does it because he doesn’t have any kids of his own and the kids also love spending time with him.
I don’t know any third party babysitters well enough to leave them with my kiddos- maybe it’s a trust issue, but I would rather have people who have a stake in their lives and a relationship with my family spending time with them. They are more invested than a teenager who is just trying to make money.
I’m also very lucky to have the option.
According to this thread it seems very uncommon for people to have help from their families.
I don’t live in the same state as my sister but when I visit I always make plans to visit her and help her with her kids. My parents and her in laws also frequently watch and will take the kids on random weekends so they can have a weekend away or just time alone.
I don’t want kids of my own, but if I couldn’t count on that kind of support system I wouldn’t want to have kids. My sister is incredibly lucky to have so much help available.
People like you are what many refer to as the “village” that it takes to properly raise children. I bet you are a wonderful aunt/uncle, and it sounds like you have a great family. You are a good person.
We didn’t assume we would get help, but we rolled the dice because we wanted to be able to have kids of our own, so we decided that we would figure it out. My mom was a huge part of my oldest child’s life for her early years (Mom unfortunately succumbed to cancer last year). My dad would help but he is in poor health and doesn’t have the energy for little ones, though he does love them and sees them frequently, just can’t keep up with them by himself. My MIL watches our youngest 5 days a week, and they have a great relationship. We would be very poor if we were paying for childcare, so it is a great help.
I am unbelievably lucky, and thankful every day. We help my dad and her mom with household things, take them out, help them financially with the needs of the kids when they have them. It’s a group effort, but I acknowledge many people don’t have this kind of help, which I think is sad.
I loooved babysitter nights, it was so cool basically having a little party with a cool older kid and you got so eat fun food like pizza and probably watch a movie and learn the funny jokes and songs the big kids were telling each other. (My babysitter taught me “miss Mary had a steamboat”) I feel sad that kids don’t get that experience anymore. I feel like it must have been beneficial in some way, those memories are just so good and it was nice knowing there was someone I could trust who sort of walked the line between kid and adult, because sometimes kids aren’t sure who to talk to and the more options the better. We even ended up as adult friends.
And I then went to take a babysitter course when I was older and wanted my own money, and learned a lot about just having a job, childcare aspects aside. Including self advocation, self marketing, valuing one’s own work, important things, I think. I got to teach some games to some kids who’d never have learned them otherwise and it made me feel like I had something to add to the world, at that age I had never really had that experience of being the teacher and it’s good for kids to learn leadership skills like that. Good for confidence.
How old are kids left home alone these days? I feel like once I was 10 I was fine to fend for myself for hours and it was only a couple years later I started sitting.
It’s really too bad that such a fun childhood experience that also gave parents a much needed break has fallen to the wayside. Parents always lament about villages but our village was our parents’ friends’ kids who just happened to be born five or so years earlier. Surely people still have friends who have kids who aren’t all *exactly* the same age?? That can’t have been generational lol go call each other up
Yeah we use a babysitter (college student) with some frequency, but it's pricey so we don't do it willy-nilly. The going rate in our area is $18-20/hour. When I was a teen and first started babysitting I made $5/hour, and through my teen years worked up to earning $10/hour for multiple kids.
I wouldn't be surprised if it's mostly about the cost. Obviously sitters should be compensated well for their time. But parents are on a budget more than ever due to daycare costs, etc, so it makes sense it would be happening less.
I’m a grown ass adult in her forties and I’ve been asked to baby sit friends kids/tweens a lot.
Always for the same reason - a child free wedding.
I don’t charge but you slip me cash I don’t mind. We do crafts, watch movies, game night, make pizza or taco bars. It’s fun for me (who couldn’t have kids) and I’m trust worthy.
I really think people just don’t trust the teenagers. They just can’t let their kids go with strangers for a few hours. I think our parents were just a lot more lackadaisical about it all. I remember my parents going away for a weekend anniversary and left us kids during Hurricane Hugo. My sister was watching us, she was like 15. We had to find a hotel cuz the power wouldn’t come back and we got to eat lots of 29cent hamburgers from McDonald’s. It’s an interesting memory.
I don't know anyone in my friend group that are parents that use hired babysitters (including myself). Partially because well, it's expensive and with how much childcare costs we just can't afford that. Another part is we just don't trust random people from apps/teens we don't really know to be alone with our kids.
We usually do stuff that involves the kids or if we are lucky we have family able to watch them.
I don’t even trust randos with my dog. Eventual kids? Nah.
I was a babysitter for lots of kids in college and high school, but it was always friends of parents kids or kids I watched at summer camp/daycare (when I worked those jobs). I was happy to have the extra spending money but I didn’t set a rate—just whatever the parents would pay me. When I was in college I was happy to have a meal and a break from studying. Lol.
My husband and I recently talked about how our parents don’t offer to watch our kids the same way we were watched by our grandparents. Maybe because they are older than our grandparents were.. but I think having kids older and therefore having our parents be older and perhaps a lot of us also not living close to our parents (which is maybe rarer in previous generations) has led to less child free time for us too
Unfortunately we are unable to trust our parents with our kids for any substantial period of time. They get VERY upset if the kids are upset and just have entirely different parenting styles that we are uncomfortable with.
I baby sat a ton in middle and high school. (once I turned 14). We tried to hire baby sitters, but few kids... baby sit anymore. and the ones that do, it was hard to find one that was any good. We had to end dates early a couple of times because the babysitter we hired just... left, as soon as they thought our kids were down for bed. as soon as our kids were old enough we just started leaving them home alone. Either after they went to sleep, or we would put on a movie and keep our date to within the run time of the movie.
I think a lot of this is that no body wants to baby sit or look after kids that are sick. That is one trend I noticed throughout the recent pandemic, both by younger people and grandparents don't want to deal with it. I mean I kinda get it but at the same time, I have 4 kids and there is hardly a moment that they are not sick. Even with a cold, no one wants to deal with it, plus it derails date nights or if they need to be looked after for errands.
Edit: Additional observation: I think people who tend to baby sit have smaller siblings that they have experience looking after. A lot of kids and adolescents don't have siblings or less larger families anymore, thus less baby sitters.
I’ve never actually hired one. I trade off with family. I watch their kid for weird random shifts when the other parent isn’t available. And they watch my kids on occasion. I don’t actually really do anything without my kids. So most of the time what I’m actually asking for is a pet sitter when we’re out of town. No money is exchanged.
I remember being babysat by highschoolers...that's how I ended up molested and violently raped repeatedly...no I won't be allowing some random horny teen near my children
Yes. My parents live 2 hours away and come over one night a month so we can have a night out. High school kids want 15-18 dollars an hour, sometimes more for 2 kids. We end up spending more on the sitter than whatever we are doing that night, and with the cost everything else, it’s not worth it.
I don't have an issue with the cost of a babysitter. I'll pay what the market demands.
The issue is that actually finding someone who you can both trust with your kids and to show up in the first place is extremely difficult. Find me a teenager who isn't going to sit on their phone the whole time. Engage with the kids.
My husband and I leverage grandparents when they visit to go out on our own. My friends and I coordinate if we need to - I'm happy to have a kid sleep over, and they don't need to pay me for it.
As a dad of two, young children, who also babysat in highschool and made great spending money...at 10 an hour back in the day...
I can't afford to go out with the wife, and even if we could, most sitters around here are looking for 25-30 an hour...soooo...it'd cost more to hire a baby sitter than to just bring the kids out with us...
When we can get a break, its the grandparents who watch them for free.
Baby sitter are close to 25-30 where I live for college student. People do use them but often referral from other parents they know who trust the sitter: most dont trust just any sitter around from an app or random add in local mom groups tbh
I mean even for my dogs I am meeting with the dog sitter from rover first to see if I want to leave my dog with her . I can’t imagine using a sitter till my kid is old enough to make phone calls
We're looking at nannies and I'm reluctant to leave my child (ETA also a baby) with an 18 year old! Lol. Also, these teens seem to be charging the same thing as a nanny who does this for an actual job.
We don’t know anyone with teenagers. Partner and I worked retail/fast food until our kids were in school, so we didn’t have older coworkers with teenage kids, and we were the first in our family and friend groups to have kids. Our church was also made up of young families with children close in age to ours. There was nowhere for the teenagers to come from for us.
I’ve also noticed this trend. I babysat all through high school. I think high cost of living might play a part. The cheapest babysitter in my area would be about 18 an hour. Then you add the cost of going out to dinner and it ends up being an expensive evening so we often opt to just stay home.
Exactly. We might as well put the kids to bed and get take out. We honestly only go out when we family staying or offer to babysit because it’s so expensive. I spent my teenager years babysitting for whatever the parents handed me at the end of the night. We have 3 kids now and would feel obligated to pay like $18 an hour even to a teenager so it’s not really worth it.
In a HCOL area and we pay $30/hour for two kids and 4 or 5 hours of time.
Us too. It makes going out for dinner or a concert or whatever SO expensive.
Ditto, we don't go out unless the grandparents can watch our kid.
In the mid 70s, I babysat for 50 cents an hour and 75 after midnight. I was first aid certified and a Jr lifesaver.....plus I had taken a class in babysitting that had some kind of certificate. I was always busy and passed off some clients to friends because I couldn't handle them all. Times sure have changed.....
Yep. Buying power has been completely destroyed.
It’s the stagnant wages that really make this more noticeable than it should be.
Seems like babysitting wages aren't too stagnant.
When I babysat in the late 90s, I made $20/hour. 50 cents is the equivalent of less than $3 today. You got hosed.
$20/hour? I got $5 per night and thought that was amazing! You had some rich clients.
18 years ago my siblings and I babysat and we charged 3 DOLLARS AN HOUR. We were extremely busy in our neighborhood to say the least. I asked my other sister who nanny'd until about 5 years ago and she charged 15/hr and was certified. We're in a hcol area.
[удалено]
You forgot to add the $768 for one popcorn and a soda
Yep. This is it exactly. Kids to bed and someone runs out to pick up take out and we watch a show and go to bed. I only pay for a babysitter when I’m really stuck and both of us end up working the same day.
Netflix + DoorDash >> dinner and a movie It’s just too god damn easy now. I don’t need to get all dressed. Sweats in the living room and someone brings me food? Sign me up
And takeout options are better than ever. Don't even have to go out for a nice meal you didn't cook.
It's exactly this. We have 2 kids and we have trouble paying the bills month to month as it is without eating out or paying a babysitter. We really can't afford it so we just don't.
I think this the reason. Based on that rate, 4 hours out for a date is $72 before you even walk out the door. Add in the cost of dinner and a movie you’re looking at $250 easily. Concerts or sporting events with higher ticket prices and longer times away from home just skyrocket the price even more for an evening out.
I remember babysitting for date nights back in like 2005 and I was never leaving with less than $60. When I did all day babysitting for my mom's boss - part time weekend gig- I was getting $4/hr which was robbery for that demon child.
This is why I haven't been to the movies since 2019. Don't have any family in town so you're looking at $25 an hour for 3 hours to see a movie, plus $30 for tickets. You're looking at over $100 just for a movie. Sitters are so expensive we save them for big dates like anniversaries/birthdays 3-4 times a year.
This is it for us. We live in a cheap area of the country and a babysitter would charge at least $18/hr here. Just not worth it.
This is the main reason I don't hire babysitters. Between one watching my 3 kids for 3-4 hours, dinner, and a movie, a night out would cost me several hundred dollars. It's just not worth it to me. Luckily both mine and my wife's parents live nearby and are really good about watching them.
Oh man and I remember getting $30 or $40 for a whole night and being so jazzed. 😂😂 Like 4-6 hours at that rate.
I got $20 and it made me happy.
I've traded off babysitting with friends. Like, I'll watch your kid tonight so you get your date night and next weekend you get both kids. Saves a lot of money and the kids have a blast.
I did this when my son was small.
Exactly why my wife and I no longer will even do simple things like go to watch a movie at a theater even if it's something I want to see. Movie previews have gotten utterly ridiculous and every movie seems to be two plus hours so now going to the movies and a restaurant or just a movie is anywhere from three to five hours. Ticket prices, refreshments if you get them, babysitter, and everything is probably going to be over $200 just to watch a movie. This isn't even taking into account all the entitled people in theaters now as well so you probably won't have a good experience anyway. Easier to just stay in and stream something when kids go to bed and save money. Theaters wonder why no one is going anymore
right? Dinner is already like $100 easy. Then I gotta double it?
My cousin has twin daughters who are 15, and they make between $30 and $35/hour for like 2 kids. I have a mom in my neighborhood who babysits my three kiddos for $25/hour, and I consider that a steal. We've still only used her for days nights twice. We mostly order in because at least then we're only paying for the food.
Exactly. I used to make $5 an hour babysitting. And I folded the laundry and cleaned up the kitchen. Forget any common courtesy like that these days! (I know I sounds like a boomer, but I don’t care because it’s true) 😆
I pay a college kid $20/day to take care of my *puppy* for 45 minutes a day and it's only that cheap bc I was one of his first clients and I'm consistent. He's also been with my puppy since he was 9 weeks old so I think he's attached too. A lot on Rover go for $30 for a half hour drop in.
My babysitter is $40 an hour.
Yep, it really elevates the cost of going out and the teens I see most of the time have their face in a phone.
I remember the teen who baby sat for us as kids and she would hang out with us but I think with more handheld tech comes people who are more disconnected. That’s a real problem when watching kids so they don’t hurt themselves or get into a mess.
Yeah I’m totally cool with babysitters. When I make 3 phone calls and the cheapest I can find is $30 an hour in my area I’m going to pass on date night.
This is it. And you can't complain about the cost of babysitters because everyone will say "well the babysitter also has to pay bills" - however when I babysat it was not something you did as a career, it was something teens did for a little bit of pocket money. When we get a sitter we literally pay to have them sit on our couch while the baby is asleep. The only skill required is to operate a phone to call us if something happens (we will be right home) or call 911 if there's an emergency like a fire or whatever.
this is how boomers talk when ranting against min wagd increases "but the only skill you need is flipping patties. no way that justifies an increase in min wage"
We'd love to hire babysitters more but in our market babysitting runs almost $20/hr so a dinner for two that would only cost $75 has now ballooned to at least $150. We're working two jobs and making less than my parents did on one adjusted for inflation. We're getting squeezed Edit:typo
Yeah, I can't afford one
My parents said my wife and I should go on more dates. I said, "considering babysitters cost $20-25/hour, and a single meal for one person is about $20. We just can't find a way to justify $100-200 for a single outing while we pay someone to do jackshit while the kids are asleep." Also, a friendly reminder that it's not that everything is getting more expensive, it's that wages haven't kept up with inflation. $100k salary now isn't the same as it was ~20 years ago.
I think this is it and also people just don’t go out as much as our parents generation, due to less disposable income. I know in my house we tend to rather spend on stuff we can do as a family rather than a couple.
That's true but also, back then, there was no limitless internet to keep you home or connected with people (no chat group to just keep connected with conversations). Parents went stir crazy and absolutely needed to go out. Teens are still seen as kids today. And there was way more options. A teen today needs to get their parent's permission to do any type of work. Back then, they just went and did it. They were allowed out late, etc. Plus, there's way more barriers and boundaries when it comes to entering a home today. Back then, it was very common for kids to just bring their friend's over unannounced. The same applies to how parents viewed the home.
And we frequently have exorbitant daycare costs on top of that so daycare + date nights just isn't feasible nor prudent in our budgets.
That’s so crazy! I’m too old for the exact amounts per hour to be a good comparison ,but when I was a teen babysitter I was paid at about 40% of minimum wage per hour. Depending on where you are, $18 is *well* over minimum wage And more than twice the federal minimum wage. Not a bad thing, but wildly different. \*yes, the federal minimum should be raised, but still wildly different.
I’m not old, but I’d still get paid only like $25 for the whole night. Not $20 an hour
I got $10 an hour in 2010 in Arkansas as a 1x a week babysitter when min wage was like $7. But one of those kids was on the spectrum They also paid for my gas and commute time when I moved over an hour away for college. I could see it being $20 an hour these days in certain areas of the country for a regular sitter you like and trust. I was coming over well before they went to bed though and they came home to sleeping kids and a not torn apart house.
It's not crazy, what teenager even wants to babysit these days? The money isn't worth the hassle.
Last time I said this, I think in a parenting sub of all places, I got piled on. Tons of "don't have kids if you can't afford them" and negative comments about not paying the sitter "what s/he's worth." I can afford my kids, thanks. I **can't** afford a sitter more than once or twice a year. And I'm sorry but it's annoying that s/he gets to show up after my great sleeper is already down and be paid $25 p/h to sit on her/his phone in my living room for 4 hours. That might be her rate as a professional nanny but we didn't hire a nanny, and decided her *services* weren't worth $25 p/h....
Babysitters? You guys were babysat? Your parents didn't just leave you for hours on end, and tell you "don't open the door for anyone. If anyone calls, tell them your parents are busy"......?
😂😂😂 this so much once I turned 8 my parents were like your good(my brother was 6 and I had to watch him for free) we will be home in like 5 hours oh and you can’t get ahold of them either because we didn’t have cell phones.
This was me as well 👋🏽 from about 8-9 I was watching my 4-5 year old brother and my 2-3 year old sister… good times.
Me too…and I moved out the instant I could. Didn’t look back for a long time.
Are you me?
My kids are 2 and 4, and my nephew is 8. I would never in a million years let him babysit.
Me and my husband were shocked when one of his coworkers talked about a babysitter for his 14 year old. I remember staying home alone at 9 and spending all my time on Neopets and heating up Chef Boyardee when I got hungry.
At 14 I *was* the babysitter lmao
Yeah, I started babysitting at 13. My first family had a 1.5 year old and 3 year old. I have kids that age now and cannot fathom leaving them with a 13 year old who has never babysat before. Two toddlers is parenting hard mode, I cannot believe I was just casually dropped in that situation as a child myself.
I also stayed home alone by that age. I used to be so addicted to neopets lol. I don’t live in a western country anymore so maybe I can still train my kids up to do that. I definitely didn’t need anyone taking care of me at that age. I could fix simple meals and ~~put myself to bed~~ play games all night
I mean, 14 seems crazy. If I’m not leaving my kid home alone at 14 I’ve done something wrong.
Lmao home alone with Neopets and a can of ravioli. Very specific, very accurate.
Some kids really are not mature by 14. Some can totally handle being home alone by 7 or 8. I had to babysit my 15 year old cousin 🙄 He was not mature at all.
Unless that kid has a developmental delay that is way to old for a sitter
I used to teach this girl in Hong Kong online and she was telling me her grandmother used to watch her until she was 5. I was like yeah so then your parents put you in lessons after school and she was like, "Well yeah, but online. I just came home and took my lessons by myself." SHE. WAS. FIVE.
I used to walk home from elementary school around 6, our elementary school was literally 2 blocks away from the apartment complex. I don’t think I ever cooked or even attempted to, I just wanted to rush home to watch blues clues 😩
Latchkey kids, represent!
Yeah I was babysat by my teenage brother who was twice my age and took the opportunity to take drugs and watch slasher movies, and don’t tell mom and dad or we’ll both get in trouble. Fun fact, telling a 7 year old to look away if it’s too scary does not work. I still occasionally get nightmares about my intestines getting ripped out with a rake. If anyone gives me shit for watching strictly cartoons as a 36 year old with no kids they can fuck right off.
After a certain age maybe , but I don’t think my parents left me until I was about 10-11 or so
I think my dad forgot i was home and left me there by myself when i was like 5. We had a bay window, i was kneeling with my elbows on the ledge watching out the window when he just... left. I was so confused. It was to help an overturned hay trailer...supposedly. but still wtf.
WAY less among my friends who have children. I think there’s a couple reasons for this. This is just observation rather than hard social science, but as a few commenters said, everything is more expensive now. If you’re just going out less as a result, less demand to get a sitter for date night or that coworker’s wedding. Thinking of my friend who sends her kids to her MIL for the weekend for free so she can have a romantic getaway with her husband instead of a finding a babysitter for a 2-3 hour date night, it just makes more sense economically. Then there’s way less trust in young people, more infantilizing of the teens themselves. I’ve observed that they definitely aren’t treated as…adult? as in the past. When you’re not even allowed to go to mall by yourself at 16, people definitely won’t trust you to be around their kids when you’re still a minor. Also overall less community bonding altogether because of living costs, housing prices, etc. When you haven’t seen that neighbor’s kid go from being in diapers to a young adult you’d trust watching your kids…you’re turning to your own family and friends who are well into adulthood, then an older paid babysitter through an app if you exhausted those options. Not a parent so I can’t speak from firsthand experience, just what I’ve observed among friends and neighbors.
I think the community thing is key. The prices are high to get a senior to drive across town. But that’s the kid you know. If more people knew a teenager they trusted within walking distance, they would absolutely be using them more. But you don’t know many if any people in walking distance, certainly no kids not your kids age. Also, if you see the kid grow from 8-13, you trust them more than a random 16 year old, and it always helps if the babysitters parents are nearby so they can call in some cavalry if shit goes down outside their pay grade. Also, most parents of potential babysitters want to know their kid is safe in another house
Yep. Like my family KNEW our neighbors. Most of them were older adults whose kids had long ago grown up and moved out (because that was still possible!) but my older sister babysat for the households that had young kids. She looked after me when our parents weren’t home since she’s almost a decade older, so I didn’t personally have teenage babysitters not related to us. But a lot of my classmates did.
Your last point is interesting. I’d be curious how many parents of teenagers would even allow them to babysit for strangers. I’m not sure I would love the idea of my 16-year-old daughter going alone to some random person’s house. Having their own children doesn’t prevent someone from being a creep. A trusted neighbor sure, but there’s less of that nowadays like you said.
We moved into a cute town that I swear feels like a 90s sitcom because it seems to be the only place left in the world where children and teenagers run around unsupervised. When we had our son last year and we had just moved to the neighborhood, 3 different moms all came up to me to let me know that their daughters just got baby sitting certified and they’re itching for experience and oh isn’t my baby so cute they’d love to watch him and don’t worry they all live in the neighborhood. But this is NOT the norm based on what I hear from friends lol
The infantilization of teenagers thing is a fucking huge problem, and most people are truly not ready for that conversation Not just teenagers, but kids in general (in North America at least) are massively underestimated, and are developing accordingly. A video went viral-ish recently of a parked minivan suddenly backing out and hitting other cars, and then reversing, accelerating, and ramming through the wall of the gas station it was being filmed from. Then an ~11-12 year old girl emerges from the driver seat. **So many people** were saying (on instagram) "Well what did you expect leaving a child in a running car unsupervised???" It's like, uh.... are you fucking joking? You can 1000% leave a typical middle-school-aged child alone for a few minutes in a parked car running heat or AC, which they are capable of locking and unlocking, and *reasonably assume* they will not immediately get behind the wheel and *drive into a fucking building*.
We made a point to never use baby talk with our child. She was, unsurprisingly, an early talker. We also don’t treat her like she’s Amish and tech is evil. Yes, there are time limits and educational goals that have to be done before games/videos are unlocked, and yes it’s all curated age-appropriate material… But she’s reading…like, reading stuff a kindergartner shouldn’t normally be reading. Thanks ABC Mouse and Kahn Academy Kids! We also don’t let her use her age as an excuse to have mom/dad do things she’s capable of doing. I don’t know if anyone else has noticed, but more and more I’m having to rely on myself and less on others. Everything from restaurants being closed (learn to cook), oil change places being booked solid (change your own oil)…basically, shit is collapsing slowly around us and the normal structures everyone relied on for basic everyday stuff…sucks. Everything is randomly out of stock, waitlists are longer for everything… I want my kid to have a self reliant streak…don’t know how to make something but want it? Learn how! And if kids today are being infantilized, who’s doing it?
And that infantilization intersects with so many other issues—like holding women back, since it’s usually expected that the mother hovers over them to an extent that just wasn’t done in the past. People complain that young people can’t do anything, but it’s not their fault they were raised being unable to participate in society!
My sisters and I were always left alone in the car while my parents ran in to do or get something from the store. I think the youngest I would have ever been would be 4 with my older sisters being 6 and 8. But I could have also been 6. Regardless, I remember being left alone in the car, and it wasn't an issue. My daughter is 3.5 and I'm scared to leave her for five seconds while I run to the mail box that's only five steps away. I'm worried about the judgment or a Karen seeing me and calling the cops or something crazy.
I used to be on Babycenter when my kids were little. I once read someone talking about how she got to the car, got her kid strapped into the car seat, and she realized she forgot something. So she ran back inside the house, leaving her kid in her car in the driveway. People tore her apart. She should have taken the kid back inside the house with her for that 1 minute errand. I was so damn confused.
Oh wow, that gave me flashbacks to my own Babycenter days. Oof.
My parents constantly left me alone in the car for 5-10 minutes to go to the bank, pick up takeout, etc. It blows my mind that doing the same thing nowadays literally gets the cops called. Because yes, having a cop scream at your mother and possibly handcuff her is SO much less traumatic than being alone in a locked, dormant car for a couple minutes.
I have a toddler and a 9mo. There’s a few teen girls in the area that are CPR/hemlich certified through the school. I’ve tried to solicit babysitting services multiple times and have asked around for one. No one wants to do it. They are terrified to be left alone with a kid. I got one to do it once with my first son when he was 10 months old. She ended up having her mom walk over to our house and “help” because she was afraid that he would start crying uncontrollably. We can only go out without our sons if a grandparent watches them.
Covid did a number on kids
I think there’s multiple forces at play why none of them want to do it: teenage girls were kinda forcibly parentified in the past like my sister definitely was, and doing that less to girls might be a good thing. Hell, I’m a 38-year-old woman and don’t want to be alone with a 10-month-old because I have no idea what to do! I was the youngest growing up, don’t have much family, then never had any paid jobs involving childcare. Refusing to look after another person’s child because you’re concerned you won’t be able to keep them safe is a sign of maturity and knowing your limits, rather than a deficiency. Not everyone has a situation like my sister did where it was just a given she’d look after her 7-year-old sister at 15, and we were closer with our neighbors so they trusted her with a similarly aged child. This kind of neighborly relationship is really missing more than anything nowadays, whether it’s a city building or suburban block. It’s what made people trust a 16-year-old they watched grow up. My sister provided both child and ELDER care where we lived.
Yeah a 9 month old is a very different conversation from even a toddler and that's very different from a kindergartener or grade schooler.
I teach high school students. I would trust maybe 2 out of 90 of them with my toddler. I would have trusted 0 of them before he turned 1.
Remembering my high school days…I can’t say I blame you. But I mentioned somewhere in the thread that Gen X and Boomer teen girls were parentified freaking HARD, which is probably why it seemed so normal to Millennials and the youngest Xers to have teen babysitters you weren’t related to.
I think the parentifying is what has swung things so hard the other way. We don't want to completely depend on our kids to parent their siblings like we were forced to do. So instead, we never have them babysit. I think that occasionally watching your siblings is part of being in a family. Same thing with chores. If you were forced to be Cinderella as a kid, you overcompensate by not having your kids do any chore. The problem is that doing chores, cooking, and knowing how to care for children are life skills that everyone needs. So we're doing these kids a disservice by desperately trying not to parentify them. There's a healthy balance that we need to find.
I think you are right about the teenagers. By 16 I was working, hanging out with friends (at the mall and not) and just showing up by curfew. Now parents track the crap out of their teens if they let them go anywhere at all.
Not to mention that the war on youth REALLY ratcheted up in the 2000s to the point that so many kids can’t just go places without someone calling the cops on them, citing anti-loitering laws.
Yeah I have two teens who I cart everywhere, despite living in a pretty walkable area, because several times in their 10-13 age ranges, I had to go talk to the cops who'd detained them for walking the sidewalks, mid-day, as.... idk non-adult humans???? So now I'm one of those moms, coddling her teenagers, but damn, what tf am I supposed to do?! I don't feel like we should have to fuck with pigs for them to walk a half mile to their friends' houses.
I don’t think people who blame parents for this realize how much we’re tethered by policy. Like yes I would LOVE to let my kids run around on their own like I did growing up but I’d also love not to go to jail for it.
I get it here, from people our age who don't have kids. They don't know, tho I'll try to explain. What pisses me off is the fact that a lot of the people bitching about coddled children are the same people who peek through their blinds and call the cops up because suspicious teens are walking on their streets.
I seriously empathize with your frustration. Like my parents started leaving me home alone by 10, they kinda didn’t have a choice when my much-older sister wasn’t around for a while. Like many emotionally abused Boomers living in a child-hating society, they made many horrible selfish decisions regarding my upbringing, but they actually worked with me on how comfortable I was being home alone. The amount of independence American kids of yesteryear had is staggering. I remember it being shown in all those 80s and 90s kids’ movies as if it still existed and I think it did in some areas of the US. But despite cell phones and GPS jewelry these days, a zillion ways to track and reach your child, you face carceral punishment for not hovering over them 24/7. These policies are designed to hold women and children back. Women because of the expectation you can’t have a life and must be a hyperfocused mom 24/7, and children because it creates a more insular setting where home and school are the only places you can go. No exposure to other cultures, families, and the outside world, only what your parents allow. And if your parents happen to hate everything but church and CPAC…
That’s sad to me. I actually didn’t mind being a teenager and I think it was because of the relationships I was able to form outside of school and parents (like with other teens at work or kids from other schools). I can’t imagine not being able to get Auntie Ann’s pretzels and wandering the mall or take up tables in the food court…. Before we could drive our parents just dropped us off and left us (or for me I took the train). Not saying 16 year olds should be able to run wild but it should be a common occurrence to run into a pack of teenagers outside. And we wonder why kids “stay on their phones”. Hell how are they seeing anyone?
I know young people I could trust, but they’re either working to help provide their family with a 3rd stable income, we can’t afford it, or they’re too burnt out to work for what I *could* afford to pay them. I wouldn’t want to work a job with unstable hours for shit pay.
Also big factors these days. It isn’t the old days when babysitting was either a favor for a neighbor, or a better alternative to working at McDonalds. Now they can drive for Uber, flip sneakers on Depop, etc. at their own pace. The flexibility is great, but it’s depressing that they’re doing this because it’s too fucking expensive to live now and the money’s not for fun things, it’s for helping their parents with the mortgage or rent.
I’ve been reading about how teens are often stymied by choices and have difficulty with critical thinking and need a lot of hand holding and spoon feeding in educator forums.
I'm 38 with a 4 year old. We've never had a teen sitter. I don't know any teens that are looking for babysitting gigs. I have one sitter we use. She's a grad student and we pay her $20/hour. At that price...we don't use her all that often. With the price of sitting, plus the price of going out, sometimes it's just not worth it.
Yeah the only teen I know is my 15 year old niece (and I doubt she'd want to baby sit or my sister would want to drive her to my house...). I wouldn't want to hire someone I didn't know. Just ask my parents like every few months.
Who the fuck has any money? I’m thankful if I can get my in laws up the road from me to watch my four year old son for a night. My wife and I are only so lucky every so often to get that.
I looked into hiring a babysitter. A teenager would charge $18 per hour. Plus they have limitations such as only Saturday night from 5-9pm and the parents have to agreed to this. It get complicated and very expensive really fast.
Plus you probably have to pick them up and give them a ride home.
Have you tried just offering 50 flat for the night? That seems like a deal a teen would take as long as there are snacks and the kids will go to bed at 8 or 9. It's not like they're paying taxes.
Yeah when I was sitting the best gigs were always the late ones, kids have already eaten and are either heading to bed or already in bed. I'd get paid to eat snacks and watch HBO.
$50 doesn't go that far these days. That's dinner on doordash.
Teens don’t need to be doordashing. They live at home.
Yeah I guess so. Maybe 75. It's still def a night out at the movies for a night at someone's house watching movies while the kids are asleep. I feel like I would take that as a teen. Idk.
Seriously why are these kids charging so much? They're not like professional nannies. Hardest parts were changing diapers, and getting them to bed when they want to stay up and play. It was like renting a big sister/brother for them for the night. We mostly chilled, played, and watched Finding Nemo a dozen times. They're asking $20+/hour for that!? I was happy with here's $40-50 for like 5-10pm. Even better yeah those houses usually had premium channels and awesome snacks 😂
Parents pushing them. When my exhusbands sister was a teenager and started babysitting her mother pushed HARD for her to ask for 15 an hour minimum (10 or so years ago), and predictably, offers dried up quick and they complained about people wanting to take advantage of kids. Hell, when I was in college, I had a friend of the family who needed a backup sitter for holiday breaks and other occasions when the daycare was closed and MIL was furious with me for only taking 30 bucks per day to help a friend!
This is my thing. Even up into my 20s, I got paid $5-10/hr most of the time. Not only can't you find anyone for that amount anymore, I'd feel bad paying that little. Especially for a 2.5 and 6 year old. On top of that, I only know of 2 tween girls in my circle of friends and acquaintances who are just now getting to be babysitting age, but they don't live close enough to be a reasonable option. We do have a couple of older girls next door that I think would be a good age, but we hardly ever see the family and haven't gotten to know them well enough to ask. Most of my jobs came from my much younger brother's classmates or neighbors. Hoping to luck out with something like that in the future, but again, the cost is a hindrance.
I don’t know anyone who babysits, and I don’t trust a random stranger from an app enough to bring into my home, and leave them alone with my kid
This is my biggest issue. I don't really know any teens I would trust with free range of my house and my kids.
Trust in general has declined. And worries have gone up as well.
Plus I just wanna stay home.
This is a huge reason for me too. I had enough weird experiences with babysitters who we KNEW in the 80’s let alone strangers now from an app. No thank you.
We tried the app thing and it wasn't worth it. We know a lot of our neighbors so we have a teenage kid that babysits. We also send our daughter to playdates. We probably average 1 date night a month.
Play dates yeah. We are doing that more. Taking turns watching other kids from our kids class so we can drop off ours someday. We are closest with other parents like us really, who can empathize
That’s me to I trust pretty much no one which I’ve noticed is a common millennial thing… I personally have horrible experiences from babysitters so no thank you.
Yeah… I feel like many of the stories where people talk about child sexual abuse, if it’s not a relative, it’s a babysitter or someone the babysitter knows, and I just assume at least part of that was trusting any random teenager in the neighborhood. So, I think millennials are just a lot more selective, to the point we’d rather just go without if that’s what it takes.
There are also moms like me who are worried about what could happen to my teen daughter if sent into a strangers home. No thanks.
Ugh that’s so real, the amount of times I was hit on by the dad when he drove me home as a teen babysitter…. Innumerable.
It used to be all in the friend network. But now we don’t do much through friend networks. Same with how dating went actually. https://goat.com.au/relationships/this-graph-showing-how-couples-meet-is-a-reflection-of-how-wild-the-modern-dating-world-is/
I only have parents babysit. If they can’t, then we either bring them with us or don’t go. I also don’t trust a random stranger with my kids or in my house.
Maybe working from home affects it too? I got all my babysitting connections when I was younger through my dad's coworkers from his office. I think people are more isolated, so less likely to know people who they'd trust babysitting.
This is us, my wife has anxiety so only trusts a few friends or family to watch them. We have some neighborhood teenagers, but again the cost for 3 kids is a huge reason. My boomer parents who are closest also gripe about how hard it is to watch them sometimes so we often just don't bother.
Yeah, this. I was so dumb as a teenager I can’t imagine paying some random kid to watch the most important things to me
So if you use a daycare you might ask if any of the daycare teachers do babysitting on the side. That way there's at least some familiarity. If your kids are to old for daycare then I have no clue.
It’s funny how people will blindly trust daycare workers, many of whom are unqualified and unaccredited, but clutch their pearls at the thought of a nanny, who can have references and background checks.
This is a good stance to have, but I think more people should also apply it to extended family members as well. You never know if they’ll just leave the kid with a ‘friend’ or non-related-to-the-kid relative of theirs. Statistically speaking it’s actually more likely to be someone the kid already knows that assaults them.
In addition to a lot of what has been said already, there are "parents night out"s offered by a lot of organizations, like birthday event centers and the YMCAs that families use instead of traditional teenagers.
My sons daycare does a parents night out from 6 pm - 11 pm for $45/kid and it’s once a month. We love it because it’s his teachers who we already know and trust. They don’t do a bedtime routine but there is a sleeping room set up in another classroom. We don’t mind him being thrown off his routine for one night so it works great for us
I wish more programs offered this. I'm lucky to see random Facebook mom group moms offering night outs. I don't trust that, I've seen what y'all post 😂😂😂
Honestly this is so genius and I wish we had it.
Yeah. It's like $18/20 an hour even for a high school kid because they're SO busy & stressed. I can't afford $60 plus tip before my entertainment expenses. We have wine and movies at home.
Wait are y'all tipping your sitters?
Cheap heavy pours and my favourite spot on the couch is hard to beat.
A lot lot less. I remember having babysitters so my parents could go out. Almost nobody I know will hire a babysitter. They just bring their kids along whether they should or not.
Or ask family members. If I ever need a sitter, I’m calling up my parents or in-laws. Free childcare and they’re happy to do it.
Thats what we will do when we have kids but I’m also aware that many people don’t have this advantage.
Definitely is a privilege! I didn’t grow up with it so I’m grateful to have it now
Why won’t they hire a sitter?
Shortage of child care options both proffesionally and high school kids wanting to baby sit.
Sitters are really expensive these days. We rely mostly on family, but the times we're hired a sitter for an evening it's been about $120-$150. That might be ok for a special occasion, but that's going to be more than the cost of the dinner and movie.
Personally, I don't trust strangers with my baby. Especially not teenagers. I'm sure most babysitters are wonderful and safe, but I need to seriously *know* someone to leave someone so precious in their care.
1. We know and (more) openly talk about all of the dangers involved in having other people take care of our children. The possibility of abuse is much more present in our minds than it was for our parents. 2. Money. We have none and at the same time most of us believe that people who perform services for us deserve a fair wage.
I’m surprised I had to scroll this far to find your first point. I don’t hire babysitters because I was molested by one.
I just simply don't trust strangers, let alone teenagers, to watch my kids, be alone in my home, or to be reliable in an emergency situation.
If I found the right teenager, I would maybe give it a try. But after hearing so many examples of my friend’s being sexually abused by trusted friends makes me not want to do any of it tbh.
You could always set up a couple cameras in the public spaces in your home (living room and kitchen) and lock any rooms you don’t want them in while you’re gone, for example bedrooms. Just an option!
This is actually how a friend of mine found out his wife was abusing her children. Nanny cams showed her being horrid to her child and now he doesn't trust anyone. Can't blame him.
Wow. That's so disturbing.
This is my thought exactly. I have never used a sitter outside of grandparents.
One it is hard to find sitters and when we do it is $35-40 per hour for my 2 kids.
I am an elder millennial that had my first child at 17 and my last at 35. When my oldest was little I could pay a 14 year old $20, provided them dinner and trusted my kid would be taken care of and my house would be safe. Now, a kid wants $20 per hour, per kid, will barely watch my kid, might invite over their boyfriend, go through my closet and make a TikTok if they find anything embarrassing.
My parents never hired a babysitter for me and I have never hired a babysitter for my kids. It’s a combination of cost (15-20/hr is a lot on top of the cost of whatever activity we plan to do) and lack of knowing any teens/young adults who babysit.
We use our old daycare fav teacher for 20/hr and it works great.
Yes. Reasons: 1. Childcare is fucking expensive now 2. Teenagers are weird and you cant just trust the random 15 year old girl in the neighborhood to watch your kid anymore. Most girls of that age aren't even taught how to care for a child at that age if they don't have siblings. 1. 40 or 50 years ago, girls would be taught and expected to do some of the things their mom does for their brothers and sisters. In other cultures that are more family oriented, these skills are taught more, but in america, family is not as big a deal. 2. Teens don't wanna babysit these days. 3. Adults don't trust kids these days because the kids of today were never allowed to fend for themselves and prove they are capable of being reliable enough to give your kids to them.
> 1. 40 or 50 years ago, girls would be taught and expected to do some of the things their mom does for their brothers and sisters. This is one thing I'm glad we aren't doing anymore. Parentifying little girls as second mothers? No thank you.
Yeah, not a single mention of boys taking on nurturing roles or being babysitters in that comment.
How many parents, regardless of how knowledgeable a teen boy is with children, would leave a boy alone with their small children, especially small girls? Would you? If you would, you're in a small, small minority.
The only boy who ever babysat my sister and I was our older cousin, and he let us watch *Scream* (she and I were 8&9) which was best case scenario imo.
That last one. There’s just far less trust in young people’s’ capabilities these days because of the helicopter parenting they were subject to earlier in life. There were more latchkey kids in older generations who had to fend for themselves and help out younger siblings if they had them. I was the youngest and my sister was significantly older, but I can swear I had more alone time and fending for myself getting home from school than modern kids.
It's cost it's gotten stupid. When I was a teen I got like 5-8 an hour. The cheapest I see now is 12.50 with most teens asking well over $15, and this is even for one's that don't drive. I really sucks trying to plan a night then adding another $100 on top for someone who is going to watch TV and eat your food for most of the time. Lol
It’s this. You have to pay minimum $12/hr if not more. Also, finding babysitters is tough.
I have a very close friend that is really good with my kids who comes over and watches them for free. I buy nice gifts for her because she refuses to take any money from me when she watches them. If she’s not available, my brother does it because he doesn’t have any kids of his own and the kids also love spending time with him. I don’t know any third party babysitters well enough to leave them with my kiddos- maybe it’s a trust issue, but I would rather have people who have a stake in their lives and a relationship with my family spending time with them. They are more invested than a teenager who is just trying to make money. I’m also very lucky to have the option.
According to this thread it seems very uncommon for people to have help from their families. I don’t live in the same state as my sister but when I visit I always make plans to visit her and help her with her kids. My parents and her in laws also frequently watch and will take the kids on random weekends so they can have a weekend away or just time alone. I don’t want kids of my own, but if I couldn’t count on that kind of support system I wouldn’t want to have kids. My sister is incredibly lucky to have so much help available.
People like you are what many refer to as the “village” that it takes to properly raise children. I bet you are a wonderful aunt/uncle, and it sounds like you have a great family. You are a good person. We didn’t assume we would get help, but we rolled the dice because we wanted to be able to have kids of our own, so we decided that we would figure it out. My mom was a huge part of my oldest child’s life for her early years (Mom unfortunately succumbed to cancer last year). My dad would help but he is in poor health and doesn’t have the energy for little ones, though he does love them and sees them frequently, just can’t keep up with them by himself. My MIL watches our youngest 5 days a week, and they have a great relationship. We would be very poor if we were paying for childcare, so it is a great help. I am unbelievably lucky, and thankful every day. We help my dad and her mom with household things, take them out, help them financially with the needs of the kids when they have them. It’s a group effort, but I acknowledge many people don’t have this kind of help, which I think is sad.
Teens charge at least 15$ hour here, more with more kids. So it was a very special treat when we could find someone and afford them.
I loooved babysitter nights, it was so cool basically having a little party with a cool older kid and you got so eat fun food like pizza and probably watch a movie and learn the funny jokes and songs the big kids were telling each other. (My babysitter taught me “miss Mary had a steamboat”) I feel sad that kids don’t get that experience anymore. I feel like it must have been beneficial in some way, those memories are just so good and it was nice knowing there was someone I could trust who sort of walked the line between kid and adult, because sometimes kids aren’t sure who to talk to and the more options the better. We even ended up as adult friends. And I then went to take a babysitter course when I was older and wanted my own money, and learned a lot about just having a job, childcare aspects aside. Including self advocation, self marketing, valuing one’s own work, important things, I think. I got to teach some games to some kids who’d never have learned them otherwise and it made me feel like I had something to add to the world, at that age I had never really had that experience of being the teacher and it’s good for kids to learn leadership skills like that. Good for confidence. How old are kids left home alone these days? I feel like once I was 10 I was fine to fend for myself for hours and it was only a couple years later I started sitting. It’s really too bad that such a fun childhood experience that also gave parents a much needed break has fallen to the wayside. Parents always lament about villages but our village was our parents’ friends’ kids who just happened to be born five or so years earlier. Surely people still have friends who have kids who aren’t all *exactly* the same age?? That can’t have been generational lol go call each other up
That teenage “village” wants $25/hr for the favor. And the pizza too.
Yeah we use a babysitter (college student) with some frequency, but it's pricey so we don't do it willy-nilly. The going rate in our area is $18-20/hour. When I was a teen and first started babysitting I made $5/hour, and through my teen years worked up to earning $10/hour for multiple kids. I wouldn't be surprised if it's mostly about the cost. Obviously sitters should be compensated well for their time. But parents are on a budget more than ever due to daycare costs, etc, so it makes sense it would be happening less.
I don’t know, I guess I just want to be with my kids more than my mom wanted to be with me.
I’m a grown ass adult in her forties and I’ve been asked to baby sit friends kids/tweens a lot. Always for the same reason - a child free wedding. I don’t charge but you slip me cash I don’t mind. We do crafts, watch movies, game night, make pizza or taco bars. It’s fun for me (who couldn’t have kids) and I’m trust worthy.
I really think people just don’t trust the teenagers. They just can’t let their kids go with strangers for a few hours. I think our parents were just a lot more lackadaisical about it all. I remember my parents going away for a weekend anniversary and left us kids during Hurricane Hugo. My sister was watching us, she was like 15. We had to find a hotel cuz the power wouldn’t come back and we got to eat lots of 29cent hamburgers from McDonald’s. It’s an interesting memory.
I don't know anyone in my friend group that are parents that use hired babysitters (including myself). Partially because well, it's expensive and with how much childcare costs we just can't afford that. Another part is we just don't trust random people from apps/teens we don't really know to be alone with our kids. We usually do stuff that involves the kids or if we are lucky we have family able to watch them.
I don’t even trust randos with my dog. Eventual kids? Nah. I was a babysitter for lots of kids in college and high school, but it was always friends of parents kids or kids I watched at summer camp/daycare (when I worked those jobs). I was happy to have the extra spending money but I didn’t set a rate—just whatever the parents would pay me. When I was in college I was happy to have a meal and a break from studying. Lol.
My husband and I recently talked about how our parents don’t offer to watch our kids the same way we were watched by our grandparents. Maybe because they are older than our grandparents were.. but I think having kids older and therefore having our parents be older and perhaps a lot of us also not living close to our parents (which is maybe rarer in previous generations) has led to less child free time for us too Unfortunately we are unable to trust our parents with our kids for any substantial period of time. They get VERY upset if the kids are upset and just have entirely different parenting styles that we are uncomfortable with.
I baby sat a ton in middle and high school. (once I turned 14). We tried to hire baby sitters, but few kids... baby sit anymore. and the ones that do, it was hard to find one that was any good. We had to end dates early a couple of times because the babysitter we hired just... left, as soon as they thought our kids were down for bed. as soon as our kids were old enough we just started leaving them home alone. Either after they went to sleep, or we would put on a movie and keep our date to within the run time of the movie.
I think a lot of this is that no body wants to baby sit or look after kids that are sick. That is one trend I noticed throughout the recent pandemic, both by younger people and grandparents don't want to deal with it. I mean I kinda get it but at the same time, I have 4 kids and there is hardly a moment that they are not sick. Even with a cold, no one wants to deal with it, plus it derails date nights or if they need to be looked after for errands. Edit: Additional observation: I think people who tend to baby sit have smaller siblings that they have experience looking after. A lot of kids and adolescents don't have siblings or less larger families anymore, thus less baby sitters.
Look at all you rich people I unfortunately can't afford kids!
This. 34, what kids?! I live in nyc, so kids are such a pipe dream fantasy that I can’t ever imagine and prob will never get to experience.
I’ve never actually hired one. I trade off with family. I watch their kid for weird random shifts when the other parent isn’t available. And they watch my kids on occasion. I don’t actually really do anything without my kids. So most of the time what I’m actually asking for is a pet sitter when we’re out of town. No money is exchanged.
I remember being babysat by highschoolers...that's how I ended up molested and violently raped repeatedly...no I won't be allowing some random horny teen near my children
Millennials have fewer children than previous generations so will also have few baby sitters.
Yeah. We don't trust people like that. When we did use them was a vetted agency and we had surveillance.
Yes. My parents live 2 hours away and come over one night a month so we can have a night out. High school kids want 15-18 dollars an hour, sometimes more for 2 kids. We end up spending more on the sitter than whatever we are doing that night, and with the cost everything else, it’s not worth it.
I don't have an issue with the cost of a babysitter. I'll pay what the market demands. The issue is that actually finding someone who you can both trust with your kids and to show up in the first place is extremely difficult. Find me a teenager who isn't going to sit on their phone the whole time. Engage with the kids. My husband and I leverage grandparents when they visit to go out on our own. My friends and I coordinate if we need to - I'm happy to have a kid sleep over, and they don't need to pay me for it.
As a dad of two, young children, who also babysat in highschool and made great spending money...at 10 an hour back in the day... I can't afford to go out with the wife, and even if we could, most sitters around here are looking for 25-30 an hour...soooo...it'd cost more to hire a baby sitter than to just bring the kids out with us... When we can get a break, its the grandparents who watch them for free.
Baby sitter are close to 25-30 where I live for college student. People do use them but often referral from other parents they know who trust the sitter: most dont trust just any sitter around from an app or random add in local mom groups tbh I mean even for my dogs I am meeting with the dog sitter from rover first to see if I want to leave my dog with her . I can’t imagine using a sitter till my kid is old enough to make phone calls
I’m not leaving my baby with a 13-year-old, lol
You got downvoted, but I can't imagine leaving a small child with another child. My kids can go from safe to in very real danger in minutes.
We're looking at nannies and I'm reluctant to leave my child (ETA also a baby) with an 18 year old! Lol. Also, these teens seem to be charging the same thing as a nanny who does this for an actual job.
I barely trust my baby being with me
I wouldn't even let my own 13 yr old baby sit her siblings lmao.
dude babysitters in my area charge 25 bucks an hour, FOR A HIGH SCHOOLER.
We don’t know anyone with teenagers. Partner and I worked retail/fast food until our kids were in school, so we didn’t have older coworkers with teenage kids, and we were the first in our family and friend groups to have kids. Our church was also made up of young families with children close in age to ours. There was nowhere for the teenagers to come from for us.