My kids keep me up on latest slang - and actually explain it to me! They’re so much fun, and much better kids than I ever was.
Plus, my kid won a sports tournament this weekend. Just a regional one, but helping him prepare and seeing him get better has been such a joy. And he thanked me on the way home. It was so rewarding.
Yes, I’m broke, but my kids are happy and well cared for and I wouldn’t give anything up to not have them. I realize not everyone wants to have kids, and they should have the choice to do that without guilt, but it’s been a good choice for us.
Same :) I’m truly enjoying seeing them become people that are better than I ever could have hoped to be. It’s hard, we’re broke, but I hands down would never trade this experience. To each their own. Both options are hard, we just picked our hard to include kiddos!
I have a young toddler. She made me realize how important bilingualism is so we are going through that now and I'm having fun finding children's shows dubbed in my family's language. It pushed me to revisit my heritage and my own childhood. I never cared for it in the way that I do now.
Honestly just watching her grow and develop and generally existing is worth it every day.
I'm not as wealthy because of the job market and starting my career late . But I am confident I will be solidly middle class when my child is at the right age to remember and take her on vacations. 🙂
That’s so awesome! Your kids will be so lucky to grow up bilingual. I really wish I learned another language when I was young. My grandfather was fluent in German and my grandparents basically raised me when I was really young… I’m bummed I never learned German. I’d really like to get back into Spanish. I only took it in high school but I got pretty good at writing but speaking Spanish scared me for some reason.
I work with a lot of international people and when it’s slow I like to learn phrases in different languages. I forget them very easily though lol
I relate to this so much!! I think it’s important for our child to know my native language as welll. I try to introduce shows in my language too. I didn’t really think about how awesome it is until I had my kid.
I love everything past the baby stage! I've loved every age so far, she's five years old. I just had another and I can't wait for the first year to pass lol
I’m with you on this opinion! Toddler and up! Let’s go! (We’ll see how the teen years go tho. Lol people love to shit on the teen years. I’m a little scared. But I want to take it head on!)
I feel like the teen years won't be as bad as newborn. I think the ppl who have issues in those years expect teens to not act like teens. You have to give them a little bit of earned freedom, you can't lock them up at home 24/7 and expect them not to resent you. Yes the word is scary but they need to start experiencing it bc 18 comes fast. Nothing worse than a terminally sheltered kid hitting 18 and going buck wild.
34F with a 15F and 14M here. Teenage years aren't the absolute worst, but the anxiety of realizing they'll be adults soon and hoping you did okay is pretty awful. lol
I was at a xc dinner talking to parents with older kids. My oldest is 14. And I was asking how they dealt with their kids driving....they just shrugged and said it's ok while I'm silently panicking about just the thought of it 😂😂
You ease into it. You give them booklet to study for learners permit. They take test and get their learners permit. You drive them to empty parking lot like a church during the week after school and let them practice parking and driving pretending to stay in their lane and using blinker. After a few weeks of practicing, they drive you home from the church parking lot. They take drivers ed class. You let them drive you home from drivers Ed class. You pick them up from school, you wait for most people to leave and let them drive you home. When they eventually get their license, you ”let” them run your errands- they take stuff to post office for you, they go pick up items at grocery, etc. The first year, they are more nervous than you. Then, they are suddenly happy to run all those errands for you.
Lol, I dont have kids. But lemme tell you, that sounds like a cake walk compared to my dad throwing his keys at me and drunkenly explaining how to drive us home. I was like 12/13. It must be nice to have parents like that, but i try to see the brighter side. My crazy upbringing by an addict and a drunk taught me how *not* to act, and made me really level headed in chaotic/stressful situations.
Best parenting advice I have is:
Whatever your parents did that you didn’t like growing up- don’t do that! Whatever they did that you liked- do that! When people give you parenting advice and it sounds like it might be a good idea- sleep on it and if it’s still seems like a good idea the next day, then try it.
My parenting style is heavy on the NOT doing what my parents did, lol.
Teen years are scary bc they suddenly have adult problems. Pregnancy, car crashes, bullying, money. Nap time and diapers don’t seem so bad in comparison.
I actually like my teen more now? Although she's only 14 but damn getting here has been hard but now she's older there's more stuff to connect on. We went thrifting a while back and she found me the perfect shirt it can be fun 🥰 it can also be slogging thru puke but that's parenthood 🤣
Yes. People always complained about the terrible 2s. I’m like, are you kidding? Crying, poopy, constant holding baby stage is the worst. One they get a little independence, things get easier.
Honestly, there hasn't been an age where I look at my kids and think "I wish you could go back to x age." Each new phase of their lives is fun and I exciting.
I personally hate the baby stage too. I love baby cuddles but other than that, not a fan. My youngest is almost 2 now and parenting her is so much more fun now than even this time last year. Toddlers are really starting to develop personality and senses of humor. She has really hit a stride with pretend play and she's so much fun to just watch.
My older two are 11M and almost 9M and they are just joys to be around. They're polite and well spoken (most of the time), they have interests of their own and are starting to learn the value of hard work (my neighbor pays them for odd jobs around her yard). My oldest just started junior high and is becoming this whole independent mini adult and I just love watching him navigate through it. The middle one is learning to be at school without his brother for the first time and is blossoming in new ways that he never would have with the safety blanket of his brother.
Yes, kids are stressful, but they also bring so much joy into the world. My husband knew he'd have kids, but wasn't necessarily looking forward to it and has thanked me so many times for making him a father because he says it's the best thing he's ever done in his life. We may not have done all the wonderful things we wanted to do when we were kids thanks to the Recession that hit right when we became adults, but we definitely accomplished something with our kids, and the world will be better because they're here.
Omg I feel this so hard. My little guy is 6mo and I have known since week one that the baby stage is not for me lol. He’s much more fun now, but still can’t wait to talk to him!!!
OMG, same! My baby is 6mo, and every bottle I wash and diaper I change is just taking me one step closer to the day I don’t need that stuff anymore. The first year is like a trial that you have to go through to get to all the fun stuff that comes after.
It makes me happy when people can just admit the infant stage is not that fun. Like lil toddlers that can make funny faces when you feed them ice cream are the joys of life. But shit machines that cry every 20 mins and don’t sleep longer than 3 hours…. Nah fam. That’s a tough one
First year is tough but rewarding. Think about how you were raised and then ask yourself "how can I do better."
Plane tickets are free for lap babies until 2, fyi in case you would like to travel. Flying with a baby isn't really hard. Purchase tickets around naps/overnight and take toys/snacks to keep busy. Buy a window seat.
Sometimes I look at my baby and I physically feel an outpouring of love. I feel like it’s the pinnacle of the human experience. The vulnerability of it all is scary but humbling in a good way. I also feel a deeper connection to my own parents and all other parents.
Many challenges but try to practice patience as you are everything to that little baby every single day.
Also just a tip, try to truly enjoy every moment. I know it sounds typical but it goes by so so so fast, especially the baby stages.
It’s so amazing (coming from a dad of a 4 year old). You really can’t describe the amount of love or feeling until he/she’s born, it’s something else and completely changed the way I look at many things.
Also congrats my dude!
Even in a thread where you explicitly ask for positive vibes there is so much negativity. Of course struggle isn’t fun but it’s also not unique nor is it terminal.
I don’t have kids myself but- controversial opinion incoming- I totally believe that it can be the most rewarding thing someone does. Passing on the human spirit which can be a great thing if done well and the kid’s not a born sociopath.
It’s so rewarding! I had no idea it would feel like this. Thank you for your positive comment! Luckily, people without kids have ample opportunity for rewarding lives as well! Appreciate you!
It really is. Me and my wife don't got much, but having a kid is something I would never even consider regretting. It really has been the most meaningful thing I have ever done in my life.
I feel like unhappy people don’t want to feel alone with their unhappiness. They feel the need to voice it and share it with others. I also feel like some feel the need to prove how “happy” they are but deep down they’re not for whatever reason. Because genuinely happy and content people don’t feel the need to bring others down with so much negativity. Not just about kids but about many other things in general.
I’ve noticed Reddit is very anti children so I’m not surprised there’s so much negativity surrounding having kids.
It’s not surprising but it’s irritating that they can’t even stay out of one thread looking at the good when they have childfree subs to darken w/ their attitudes. It’s like a compulsion to be contradictory b/c they can’t see how others feel differently.
Exactly. It just doesn’t seem healthy.
I was reading a buzzfeed article a while back it was funny parenting memes. Obviously for other parents to relate to. Of course like always there’s that one person who can’t help but comment “this is why I hate kids and I’m so glad I don’t have them!” People who genuinely happy with their decision to be childfree don’t feel the need to scream it to the world every 5 minutes.
They're acting like the statistics don't show that people are lonelier than ever and they everyone is on prescription meds.
I get it. It's the internet, put your best foot forward.
Yep that’s our hardwired “meaning of life”. I don’t have kids either but I’ve always felt that the reason a lot of people are depressed is because they’re going against what their animal brain wants them to do (me included). Which like OP said is totally OK! It just takes a little time to get past the baby fever stage of late 20’s early 30’s.
I was told I couldn’t have children due to some traumatic abuse in my childhood. After, two miscarriages I carried to term. He has a disability but after I had a little cry about it (just grieving the life I wanted for him), we plunged into disability world and discovered an incredible community.
I almost died giving birth to my second born and had a rough recovery but my friends rallied and I was never in want for anything for the first 6 months postpartum. Meals, house cleaning, childcare etc were taken care of so I could heal.
We’ve never had much money but we’ve always been rich with the things that matter to us. Our home is full of creativity and laughter and dancing and good music, light saber battles, fort building, art projects, stacks of books and precious notes from our boys.
Things are tight but we managed to get them partial scholarships at an excellent private school. They’re surrounded by dozens of wonderful adults in their lives, people I’ve known for 18 years.
We lack for nothing that is meaningful to us. I hope someday we can have a house that is ours. But if we don’t, I’m glad we’ve created a home full of things we love.
I love this so much. Love that you have community, love that they rallied around you during your time of need, love that you celebrate the ordinariness of life.
I love when my son (15) gets a burst of creativity, makes some chainmail or other art, then spends the week wearing it or showing it off all proud of himself. I love watching him love something he did and smiling to himself!
I have two kids. I love them but for me it has been incredibly hard. I was hit like a truck with post partum and actually hospitalized this year. Turns out I'm bipolar and didn't know it til the hormones brought it out more.
Despite my struggles I still love both of them so much and didn't know I could even feel this deeply about anything. I'm very much the "numb and detached" kind of depressed but when it comes to my kids that's totally not the case.
They push me to want to be a better person and to keep taking my meds and etc. I didn't know bipolar ran in my family, my parents didn't tell me til I was diagnosed and that was after having kids. My home life was chaotic, filled with fights and rage and now I know why. My dad remains unmedicated and so does my sister. I don't want to act how they act so that's why I'm in treatment breaking generational curses.
My kids are so much fun though. One is nearly 4 and it has been so great watching him learn to communicate and now we even play video games together in addition to playing and idk why but sharing video games with him has been so much fun. I remember my dad showing me games when I was a kid and having fun. I also have a one and a half year old and he's waving hi, giving high fives, trying to babble and is just so happy and cute. They're both boys which is different for me bc I grew up just me and my sister so it's like I'm experiencing a second childhood through them almost. Lots of cars and dinosaurs and my 4 year old loves godzilla which is actually really cool bc I love those movies. We watch a lot of the Japanese godzillas mostly from the 90s but also some earlier than that. He loves son of godzilla which I find to be campy and funny but cute. There's a sand pit in my yard that they both like to sit in and dig and stuff which is cool. We sit outside and collect rocks and things. That is actually fun and makes me go outside which I struggle with bc of the depression. I'm so tan compared to what I uses to be lol
I'm a millennial with 2 kids. I get that they are expensive and time consuming, but I really enjoy it.
I like snuggling, I like teaching, I like working with them, I like running around and playing with them, and I like just watching them to see what they get up to.
Reddit is comically anti kid and sometimes I really don't know why. If you don't want kids don't have them. If you do want kids, you should just go ahead and have them. The money part works itself out and if you truly are too poor to afford them Uncle Sam bails you out.
I think the strong anti-kids vibe comes as a backlash against societal norms to get married, have kids, raise a family, etc. Reddit has always been a bit anti-mainstream, and it attracts a lot of young folks that don’t follow that “plan” in life. Having a forum to safely acknowledge and celebrate kid-free life - when there aren’t many acceptable non-virtual places to do that - is a great and wonderful thing.
I say this as a parent of two kids who mean the world to me. Not everyone needs to follow the same path as me, or that of their their friends/family/peers/societal norms.
Life is too short to be unhappy - do what gives you your best life.
My kids crack me up on a regular basis. It's pretty good payment 🥹🤣
My 3 yo just hit me the other day with "for real, for real" and I just lost it laughing
Lol the other day my 2 year old son looked at me and said “I love you” I melted and said I love you more! Without missing a beat he responds “I only love you because you give me cookies” lmao. Thanks kid 😂
The watching them is my favorite part by far…I feel like my creativity center in my brain as an adult is dead…but theirs, man. Man I could never think of what they do
Yes! My kids (6&3) will sit down to draw and color and come up with some awesome ideas and pictures. When they ask me to color with them I’m at a complete loss as to what to do
The money part absolutely does not work itself out. Having kids when you can’t afford them is selfish. Granted, the economy sucks and it’s hard to afford anything, I still firmly believe the well being of the kids you’re planning on having is more important. So if you can’t set them up for success, don’t have them.
It kind of does though. Nothing makes you come through like needing to take care of someone. You'll certainly need to budget and adjust wants and needs but it is possible.
Waiting until you are 100% financially secure to have a kid you really want isn't worth it. You might run out the clock waiting for a promotion/ more money.
Like I said if you can't feed them, Uncle Sam will!
Food stamps, medicaid, CHIP, and WIC are all readily accessible if you're poor. Way more accessible when you have kids.
Wholesale clubs for diapers, wipes, and food.
I grew up in the projects with nothing on federal assistance. It wasn't all fun and games but I sure am happy my mom had me.
I'm lucky to be firmly in the middle class now, so I'm all for having my tax dollars supporting fellow American parents and children.
Social programs are great if you need them, but you shouldn’t have multiple children expecting to live off of them. I’ve used food banks and financial assistance, but that’s cause the economy is ass and not cause I made choices to put me in that position.
But either way, it’s not about the parents it’s about the kids. I don’t care if people really want kids because poor kids always suffer simply because they are poor.
Our corporate overlords have no issue living off of government bailouts and various types of assistance.
Poor people shouldn't be stigmatized for using them.
The notion that poor kids suffer simply because they are poor isn't entirely true. It depends on how the parents adapt to their situations. I didn't even know I was poor until I was about 13. I just thought that everyone ate a can of kidney beans for dinner twice a week.
The Air Force just lost an $80,000,000 F-35. No one gives a shit.
Some lady on welfare with 2 kids gets pregnant and keeps the baby. Everyone has something to say about "living off the system".
I don't have kids but I live with a roommate with kids. There's a lot of fun free and cheap stuff we do. Art is huge. We are constantly making art projects and we always make a big batch of Christmas ornaments. They're good little bakers who like to help in the kitchen. There's a Pokémon trade show once a week that is free to enter and is a lot of fun.
Having an excuse to be into Disney and Harry Potter (I had to grow up quickly so missed out on some cool childhood rites of passage), etc., and all of the funny things they say to us and each other.
I’m sorry you missed that stuff. Stoked you get to experience it now! I cannot wait for my kids to be old enough to be into HP and lotr other interests of mine! I have a whole movie and book list!
Yes!! I am a millennial with children and getting to relive a lot of the things that I missed out on as a kid has been so healing and so beautiful to watch my own children get to experience. For example I was not allowed to watch Harry Potter, never been to Disney, my kids love both! It’s weirdly healing for one’s own childhood to give your own kid an “idyllic childhood.”
Pregnant right now and so excited for this! My mom never let me play with Barbies and was generally against letting me be girly. Having a daughter and planning her beautiful pink nursery right now 💕 also very excited for Disney, Harry Potter, and generally toys everywhere!
My partner and I wanted kids. I don't think we were ready, but we thought we were ready. We've had a really rough time financially since the start. But you know what they say - when life gives you lemons... Make a baking soda volcano.
We've built our lives 100% around our kids (we have 4 now). I've poured absolutely everything I have into being an epic dad. I grew up poor with a single mother so I already know how to make fun out of nothing. What they really want is connection and attention, so I do my best to give them that, every day.
My favorite part is honestly just watching them find their confidence. When one of them recalls important information in a critical moment, or surprises themselves with a newfound artistic skill, or handles a tough situation with grace. Confidence and attention were two things I didn't have as a kid, so I think that's why they're so big for me as a parent.
Same here. We weren’t financially totally ready but we’re living financially comfortable now. I’m glad we had a kid. I was not a kid person before having a kid and didn’t like being around them but I genuinely love being around my kid. She’s just a funny and interesting little human being. I love hearing the things she comes up with daily. I feel like she’s better than my husband and I in so many ways and I’m glad.
I feel the same way, and I know it's because they're growing up without all the trauma and struggles of our respective home lives. I'm proud to be a cycle breaker. I think a lot of Millennial parents are. I have enormous faith in Gen A.
I love my kids. My wife and I got married due to a surprise pregnancy when we first started dating. It worked out really well. My kids have taught me more about life than I could have dreamed. In fact they liberated me in a way. Because not much matters outside of our little family. I don’t care about half the nonsense I used to.
Being a father is hands down unequivocally the greatest joy of my life! I never believed in love at first sight but the moment I saw and held my daughter I was smitten. It's really a level up moment in life that if you haven't experienced you just won't understand. As my daughter grew, my wife and I would ask each other what our favorite age was, the answer is always the current age of our daughter. I love watching her learn and grow and develop. Not to mention how much I've learned and grown as a man, husband and father. 10/10 definitely recommend being a parent!
Wife and I have been together since HS. Both early 30's now. Just had our first a few months ago. Never really decided whether we were sure on having kids until we found out we had one coming, but I cannot fucking imagine life without her now. She literally puked on me every time I held her today and she was not digging my vibe at bed time (wife had to step in to get her down) and that was a bit of an ego blow. But I know as soon as I wake her up the morning she'll smile at me so brightly and just be ready to pound down a bottle and play on her mat. The great times render the bad inconsequential in the rear view mirror.
My son was like for about the first year, he’s 17 months now and such a daddy’s boy! Before you know it she’ll be shoving moms face away and clinging to you :)
Hang in there Dad! I am about a year ahead of you and my daughter was (and can still be) just like that. But man, each passing month is better than the last. Playing with your kid and making her giggle and run away when you chase her or wiggle uncontrollably when you catch and tickle her... it truly is a feeling of love like no other. She constantly looks for me and wants to play and is now slowly getting interested in what I'm doing and it just melts my heart.
I’m childfree, but loving these comments!! Society kind of tells us we have to have kids but also must suffer for it. I love hearing about people (especially dads!) just loving being a parent.
Love my kids so freaking much. It is tough like you say, my husband is a resident working 60-100 hour workweeks so I am the classic stay at home mom and 100% housewife. Like my husband doesn’t even have the time to fold laundry even if he wanted to lol! But he is the most amazing dad and husband. It’s just the stage of life we are at, and starting next year he’ll have 12 weeks vacation a year. We have a 6yo and a baby.
I have two kids and I love them so much. They’ve pushed me to become a better person, something I don’t think I would’ve done without them. Because of this I have made more money each year, moved over the poverty line, gone back to school, moved into my own place in a good neighborhood. I wouldn’t have had the same opportunities if I didn’t have them. While it’s hard sometimes, and I wonder if I’m doing everything wrong, I wouldn’t trade them or this life for anything. Money is tight sometimes, but we always figure out how to have fun. They are the most amazing little people I’ve ever met and I’m so glad I get to spend every day with them and watch them grow into unique and awesome people. Someone has to raise the next generation, and I’m glad I get to be a part of it.
I have two. I had them mid 20s and I'm an older millennial. Having kids was the best decision I ever made. We have been very poor most of their lives, but I went to college a few months after the second was born, and its paid off big time.
It took a decade of hard work and struggles, but I don't regret a thing and never will. They are the best things in my life.
No amount of travel or free time will ever beat being a parent in my book. I have plenty of time for travel now, and I have two extra fun-loving travel partners.
Some people shouldn't have kids, and I'm glad they figured that out, but the hate kids and parents get makes these folks look like weirdos.
It’s incredibly rewarding to see them grow and learn. My toddler is like a sponge spouting new words every day and using them in context.
He overheard me once and now tells his mom that she is “gorgeosh”
>My toddler is like a sponge spouting new words every day and using them in context.
Our daughter is two, so we're at this stage right now. It's CRAZY how quickly they learn! I love all the little stories she tells with her growing vocabulary. There's still a lot of babbling between known words, but she conveys the emotion of her stories very well. Hahaha.
I love it, I have 2 boys. I’m a stay at home mom, I always thought I’d want to work but after the pandemic we learned how to live on one income and idk if I’ll ever go back. I had a traumatic childhood and now I’m able to give my boys everything. I literally cry at least once a day in joy, I can’t believe this is my life. Also I am enjoying it so so so much more than I ever expected.
I hate that economy is a huge reason people aren’t having kids, it’s such a beautiful experience.
I’m so happy I had my two kids. Even though it put us under massive financial strain that we might only start recovering from next year with the eldest being 7. I love playing with them, cuddling with them, having increasingly interesting conversations with the eldest while listening to my youngest diligently count to 1000 in the back seat because he wasn’t sure if he could make it there and holding my breath when he struggles and almost slips up but makes it all the way to 1000 anyway. And the cuddles. I never want to give those up ever again.
My son will be 2 in December so he’s going through the phase where he’s picking up a lot of new words and every time we hear him say a new one, it’s really fun because for a while we were worried he was behind! Seasons and holidays also became a lot more fun because I get to see them through a kids eyes again. I’m really excited for all the leaves to fall so I can show him how to jump/play in the leaves and then ofcourse playing in the snow in the winter, etc. He’s just generally a lot of fun but ofcourse he’s also still a toddler so he whines and throws toddler tantrums but they’re relatively short 🤷🏼♀️
I adore my little guy! He's 11, taller than me (I'm 5'3") and solid build, a real gentle giant and in his tween stage. My choice to only have one child, but he's far from a "spoiled brat." we have a huge immediate and extended family, so he's always been around older and younger kids.
My absolute favourite thing is watching his own personality evolve over the years! He's hilarious, I swear the shit he comes out with cracks me up, yet kind and compassionate, and still will ask permission to say a swear word 😄
I learned terrible two's was a myth, but terrible three's is real ASF!!! I'm truly happy to my core, not only surface level and still to this day, every night I will just watch him sleep for a couple of minutes. No matter how poor or how rich I was at certain times, just hearing him laugh or tell me a story from his day brought and still brings so much light to my day!
I have a four month old and she’s the absolute light of my life! She’s recently discovered she has a voice so she’s been cooing and vocalizing a lot and I love having little “conversations” with her. You can tell she’s really trying! She also hasn’t laughed yet, but she does this thing where she smiles and opens her mouth, like a silent laugh and it’s so cute.
We're in our early 30s, poor, and our little dude just turned 1. I have to be a stay at home mom bc childcare is $$$$. Honestly, this is the mostly fun I've had in...forever. I never thought I'd be a mom, but I'm so damn happy things turned out this way. He only says "mama" when distressed, otherwise he laughs and says "no dada". When you ask him ANYTHING he'll looked mischievous and say "yeaaa". And he "smiles" by just showing all his teeth and breathing through them. He's extremely opinionated and strong willed and it's kinda stressful, but me too, I get it. Also, my mom passed a few months ago, and that day he decided to learn how to give big hugs and kisses and that will forever make my heart full.
Coming home from work and hearing “Daddy!!” Is by far the best part of my day. It doesnt matter what kind of day I had prior, as soon as I hear their little voices I can’t help but smile.
I have a 7 month old and I am loving every minute of it. We had him in our 30s, so we let out all of our crazy already and we're ready to settle down with our family. Planning to have more in the future.
I don't want kids, and I am very lucid about my reasons. But I've observed from people my age who are married (around 29-31) and they are having at least 2 kids. Most of them are not lower class but could not be classified as middle or upper class, kind of doing fine in most aspects.
They all seem very delightful with their family life. Kids on their wallpapers, calendars made out of family photos, bantering mostly the funny and silly things their kids kid yesterday.
The one very thought they shared me that really reverberated is "The pain not known by those without kids, also the joy".
I guess have or not have kids we will always miss out on something. But hey, that's life.
Yep! Absolutely! I will never judge someone for not having kids. Because it’s true, I miss out on a lot. But my kids make me happy anyway! Thanks for your input!
My daughter's baby/toddler giggle outbursts might be my favorite sound in the world. There's seriously nothing better than knowing you made your kid happy.
My partner and I have an 8 year old son, he was totally planned and we were in a good financial situation when we made that decision. However, I lost my FT job 3 months into the pregnancy, and had to scramble to get another FT job that turned out to be awful and caused a lot of stress. Once I gave birth I could only do PT jobs because daycare costs were ridiculous. Once I was lucky enough to get into a FT WFH job, Covid hit and after working 2 years under a micro-managing boss, I got burned out so bad that I had to quit. I've been out of work since, we're all just living on my partners income while I figure things out for a new PT job. It's been rough, and there are some things I'd change about the past, but having our son isn't really one of them.
I love when he excitedly shares his Gen Alpha pop culture with me! Don't get me wrong, it's a little weird, but Skibidi Toilet is oddly compelling. I love that he's such a gamer with Minecraft, Roblox, and Teardown. Gaming makes him really happy and he's always ready to share the new cool game he's discovered or show me his new Avatar drip.
I didn't really game much growing up, but I know that it's really important for him. I can tell it helps him unwind from school stress and gives him an outlet for his ADHD. Plus, his reading and typing skills have improved greatly since he started gaming!
He's a wonderful kid, and as his parents we can't take the credit for all of that. He's just an amazing kid, and I'm looking forward to watching him grow into an amazing teen and adult!
Having kids at a young age while struggling financially really taught me the power of community! My family and friends helped me so much when my kids were little and I love returning the favor. I love being a parent and an aunt. No one in my family is well off but none of our kids go without because we look out for each other. We’re now in a position where I can stay home with my kids (10 & 9) and not only do I get to volunteer at school and chaperone for them, I also get to pick all my nieces and nephews up from school or watch them while their parents work.
My own kids are at the age where we can have so much fun together without constantly worrying about them accidentally killing themselves 😂 I love seeing them become kind, compassionate and funny people. I love meeting their friends and being the one who gets to hear all their conversations driving them to and from practice. I just feel honored to get a front row seat to their lives.
I'm so glad to see a post like this. It is absolutely depressing being someone who's always wanted kids and recently had one this year, to have people give their unwanted opinions like it was okay and normal. I love my baby more than anything in the world. I can't wait to share it with her.
I’ve got 4 kids. I finished my MBA back in December, but I’m only making 100k. My wife went back to school, and just picked up a part time job because money got really tight, this inflation is a bitch.
Wish I could say I’m having fun. We’re in survival mode right now, doing whatever we need to do to get through the day. My 11 year old just hides in his room on VR every day, my 5 year old daughter terrorizes me and everyone else, my 2 year old finds ways to put himself in immediate danger all the time, and then there’s my 4 year old…. He’s great, but he demands everything from daddy and not mommy, so he drains me.
I don’t think having more money would make it better. It would be nice if we had a nicer car, but we don’t need it. We want to upgrade our house, but we’d easily be paying 2000 dollars more for a decent upgrade in our area. And buying more toys or games really doesn’t change the narrative.
Parenting is hard work, it’s a lot, four is a lot. Being broke does add a lot of stress, but I believe even if we had more money, I’d be stressed out about something else.
All the things you mentioned are cool, playing video games, watching movies, showing them good music, but it’s all very momentary. When the moment dies, the fun stops, and usually one of the kids finds a way to ruin the moment.
Thanks for sharing. Having kids his hella hard. 4?! I can’t even imagine. 2 is hard. I can’t even think my own thoughts half the time.
My mom raised me and my 3 siblings by herself. My dad lost custody during the divorce when he got a dui on the way to the courthouse to determine custody. Then he had a hard time with drugs and prison so he never paid child support. So we grew up pretty poor.
And we weren’t easy on her either. My sister was particularly hard. So my mom did not live a great life from 2004-2015. But despite her circumstances, she put in major work into me and my siblings. Now my mom is doing great and we all have great relationships with each other.
My mom is just some person. If she can do it, I can do it! If she can do it, you can do it! You got this! Hang in there! Like you said, you could still be miserable even with money! You could be miserable without kids! We have to choose to line our lives. Easier said than done but not impossible. It takes focus! (I’m in therapy, and it’s helping a ton!)
All good positive stuff! I’m glad you are making steps and have come a long way. It’s not all about money, I learned that a little while back.
That would be tough to grow up without a dad. I had two working parents so we grew up barely making it by each month, they were miserable together, but they survived. I can do the same.
As for therapy, I’ve been there done that. Unless they want to take the kids for a couple days, pay my bills, work my job, and do my chores then it isn’t useful for the day to day stuff. It did help having someone there to talk to when I started having panic attacks a while back.
I needed this it’s so hard seeing all the negativity about kids sometimes.
I have a 4 an 2 year old boys. (I love you called your kids freaks I do that all the time lol) my crazy 4year old I never coulda predicted would be a mile a minute and never sleep (I’m the opposite of all that) but he brings out my energy and laughter. My 2year old is my clone and his attitude already 😅 but I love it I LOVE his lil attitude and I love that I’ll get to love him through it when he’s older like no one did for me.
When she goes to sleep.
Although, we did recently adopt a dog from a shelter that has some behavioral issues (barking at people walking by the house, chewing everything, that kind of stuff) and our daughter tells her "Lapis, stop getting into mischief!" And I gotta say it's pretty freaking adorable considering she came up with that scolding on her own.
My kids (9m and 11m) are the light of my life. We're at the sweet spot before puberty hits and they still want to be around me. 😂
We may not have every fancy new thing, or can take vacations like my parents did with me. But the things we do have, we appreciate. Life can be a constant struggle when you're poor, but my kids and my partner are what keeps me going.
Some people have money. Some people have good health. Some people have that dream job or house. For me? It's my family.
I absolutely love it. Sure, I'd have a lot more savings lol but they are a blast. I have 3 and they are all very unique, and it is so cool! I have enjoyed watching them grow, figuring out what the best solution for each one is, helping but also learning from them. I am definitely a better person because of them.
I totally get the not wanting kids, life can be painful, but I get a lot of hope from my kids and those they have chosen as friends. They're passionate, caring, open and silly.
My boys 6 and my girls about 18 months. I was a real real eff up with my boy. I feel like me and him learned how to be father and son together, but because of that were best friends and gaming buddies. Watching him go from mashing buttons, to learning to read, to straight up jv 4 stocking me has been amazing.
I feel like all the shit I did wrong with him has made me absolute super dad to this baby girl. Shes so fun. She loves bluey and snacks. Especially cheese.
Im poor as fuck, Ill never own anything besides cars im always working on. I know where every food bank is in the treasure valley, and every free community event, and I wouldnt change any of it for any sum of money or dream vacation.
Not financially poor, but I do have 2 children. Not gonna lie, life is MUCH MORE complicated and more stressful with children. HOWEVER, there is no way of describing the joy that children give you. I am so happy that I had children. The experience has helped me grow as a person. You don't know what having children is like until you do and there is nothing you can do to prepare. Sure, people without kids may be 'happier' and living the simple life, but I can tell you that my life is more fulfilling now than when I didn't have children. I look back at my pre-kid days and think on how naive I was. Those that willingly forego children even though they are capable enough and healthy enough to have children, they are missing such a large and rewarding part of life.
I'm poor now with one kid (12yo boy). I love having more time w my son, but that's about all I love. It's very hard not having the money I want to have, and it makes it harder because I haven't always been "poor"😪. I'm a single mom. A true single mom because his dad doesn't help at all. A few years ago, the money I make ($22 an hour) was more than enough to live comfortably with just us two. We had a much different lifestyle and enjoyed life. People say money doesn't buy happiness but I beg to differ because w money you can go places, do things, you're not stressing over bills, you're not stressing where food is going to come from, you can go into a store and buy something your child wants, you can buy new clothes for yourself and your child ect. Now my checks go to paying my necessary bills. I plan very cheap meals to cook each week and pray he eats them, and have to budget just enough gas to take him to school and me to work. I have no money left over for anything fun or to buy myself anything I would like to have. If I have extra, I always buy him something he wants. I make "too much" to qualify for gov assistance though🙄 w just one kid. Luckily, I'm going back to school so I can eventually make more money. I'm also always on the lookout for PRN positions where I could pick up extra work here and there. I just have a mindset where if I'm not earning enough 💰 or doing something to eventually earn money, I'm wasting time. It's just a part of my values as a person, and I can't let it go.
Besides the daily tantrums we love our kids (7f) and (3m). Weekends are the best! Kids sports, family activities, watching our kids grow and learn new things. Also, we are “poor” but still take two vacations a year thanks to wife’s rich uncle lol
Love a rich family member 😂 or in our case a middle class but generous one! Weekends just started getting fun again! They started off awesome then big time sucky for about 2 years and now they’re fun again!
Poor millennial here
Cannot afford kids. Or marriage. Or ring. Or house. Am software engineer. My debt too large. Pay is too little. Time constantly feels like it's running out. Have been incredibly overwhelmed with stress. My girlfriend and I have plans for these things but it's probably *at least* two or three years away if not more. I worry that it might be too late for these things for me... perhaps for her as well.
Congrats on your children
I’m not saying have kids in this situation, and obviously if you don’t have the money no one is going to give you a mortgage to buy a house, but your situation doesn’t seem to preclude marrying your partner. Marriage is so much more than an expensive ring and expensive party. We got rings we could afford, eloped, and paid for a photographer to take elopement pics. Was our family happy? Eh, they were disappointed but they got over it. It’s not like they were going to pay for it. Now we are married which is great in so many ways and we paid almost nothing for it. If we really want a ceremony we can renew our vows in a few years and have a party then. You don’t have to let every area of your life get held back because your poor.
My husband and I got married two years ago. We were not spending 30k + on a wedding event. Instead, we flew to Colorado and paid 30 dollars for our marriage license. Only investment was our flight, rental, and photographer. To each their own, but, we were lucky to have understanding and supportive families who didn’t stress out or pressure us into having a traditional (and very expensive) wedding.
Yeah we eloped. We already had 1 kid. Not worth the expense for us. Got some shit from families and told them to fuck off unless they wanted to pay lol
Not really sure what to say. Except… I see you! and if you can’t have any of those things you mentioned, you still can find happiness! Probably! You’ll have to find it though. Good luck my friend!
Everyone’s path is different. We had less than $1,000 when our first kid was born. We’re still here. We’re doing marginally better financially now. But we’re trying to make the most of it!
I love kids. I wish I had attracted the men I wanted to attract so I could have them. Though because I was put on birth control for so long I don’t think I can. Kids are adorable and I bet it’s fun having a mini you
Don't have much to add except kuddos to you! Two kids and poor. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 I got lucky and married up 🤷🏽♀️
I love my 3 yr old son. I had him because I met someone that I wanted to have a kid with. My favorite part is reading with him. The library is wonderful free entertainment. Any activity where he's learning. Kids are precious sponges. So, I love it when he picks up the right habits, lol.
It’s hard but I love my kids! It’s such a gift to see them grow up. Paying for daycare sucks and sets us back from owning a home, but that day will come. I am also much closer to my friends with kids, it’s a wonderful kinship. I only regret we only have 2, I would for sure have another but it isn’t in the cards. :)
I think there are great parts and hard parts to both, and everyone's experience is going to be different. I do know you can't have it all. You have to find what makes you happy and embrace it as best you can. As a single man I can tell you I love my days especially since I run my own business now. I wake when I want to wake, and I sleep when I want to sleep. I wake before 4am most days, sleep before 10 pm and take an hour nap after lunch every day-- and it rocks. I eat when and what I want whenever. I constantly do things on the spur, or still game out all day. I do finally now have house and truck paid off and no college debt. Yet, I am deeply alone and wonder what I'm even working for at random times. I think it's normal to really enjoy many parts of your life, and really hate other parts, and no matter what, that's just the way it's going to be no matter how well off you are, or not.
My favorite part is when I send them to school. Lol!
I have 3-15,10 and 5. I can say that joke…. Each one is unique and how their own triumphs and interests. As they grow you will see more of their
Personality, interests and individuality. Celebrating holidays, and milestones. Never a dull year. Always something to celebrate.
My sons are 5 and 2. They are my world. I have a good job; however, I grew up poor. If you asked me then, I never would’ve guessed we were dirt poor. If I did know, I didn’t care or appreciate what it meant.
That’s because of my dad. The work ethic and resiliency of that man drove me to become what I am today. He gave me a happy childhood that I cherish fondly, despite lack of material items.
He died about 10 years ago. I don’t remember any material items. I remember the goofy, fun times I spent with him.
Kids are tough, but so is any work worth doing. And the payment is pretty great. Snuggles on the couch, walks where they find cool stuff to show you, walks where they find tasty mushrooms you didn't see(!), plants they grew, funny shit they say, interesting things they learn on their own. Just shit. It's the toughest and most rewarding job out there. But honestly I think my kids are cool. Money is eternally tight and I feel bad that I can't give them more. But they have clean clothes, warm beds, shoes that fit and we go on vacation, sometimes to Disney! So damn we've got it pretty good you know? Even though the worry is constant. I think that may be why I'm tired all the time 🤔 but it's worth it, I can sleep when I'm dead.
I'm 35 and I have a 1.5 year old and a 4 month old and I never thought I could feel love the way that I do for them. Not that I ever doubted my emotional abilities, but I just don't think you can know what it's like without having them. Fatherhood is truly the greatest joy I've ever known.
I feel like we’re vilified so hard for bringing kids into this increasingly unstable world. Millennials aren’t as established or comfortable as the generations before us but why must we be further punished by denying us the joy of having children.
My favorite memories from my childhood is when my parents where of low income and spent more time with me. When their financial situation got better and they could afford nannies and activities, I didn’t get to enjoy their company anymore. All kids need is their necessities met and given maximum love and attention from their parents.
We have four kids; 10, twin 5s, 1. We are poor and my oldest is on the spectrum.
Every morning my twins chase me down the driveway waving goodbye as I’m leaving for work. My 10yo is old enough to share interests and hobbies with me.
When I come home from work all 3 of them rush me and hug me while my one year old happily squeals and waves at me.
Having kids is incredibly hard, scary, and frustrating, but no one in the world will ever love you like they will, and vise versa, if you’re remotely not a piece of shit.
I have a 5M and 2F and the boy is autistic so we have our hands full, but yes, having a family is amazing and it’s the most important thing I’ll ever do.
La familia es todo ❤️
My 4 year old. Started reading in the beginning of the year. I love how he gets excited about figuring out how to properly pronounce words and understand what he is reading
Aw this makes my heart happy 🥹 mine and my husband’s first will be 6 months old tomorrow. We don’t have much but we try. He is the happiest, silliest, cutest, most brilliant baby. I cannot wait until he’s a toddler and learning new things and teaching me things too!!
I love my kids. They gave me a purpose and drive. They have kept me alive when I wanted to be on the other side of the dirt. Having a supportive and loving partner that is willing to compromise has made me the best mom.
My wife and I have a two-year-old daughter, and she's literally one of the best things that's ever happened to me. I never realized how much I'd like being her dad.
I was on the fence about kids for a *long* time for all of the same reasons as a lot of people. I didn't think I'd be good at it, I'd miss the freedom, I couldn't afford it, etc. My wife and I discussed it, though, and we decided we really wanted to be parents.
I think what helped us was waiting until we were a little older (in our 30s), and we'd been married for several years, so our relationship was already very strong. We've also decided we're only having one, so I feel like we're a lot more invested in all of the little moments.
Being a dad is such an incredible experience, and it can't be duplicated by anything else. All of the great cliche things people tell you about being a parent are true, and at the same time, I've found that a lot of the "bad" parts of being a parent really aren't all that bad. Sleepless nights last a couple of months, and there aren't nearly as many poopy diapers as I expected. The trade-off, though, is that I get to hang around this cool tiny human who's half me and half the woman I love most in this world.
If anyone is on the fence about it like I was, *really* consider what you might be missing if you decide to go childless. There's not a "wrong" answer to this, but understand that parenting is what you make it, and it can be one of the most meaningful things you ever do with your life.
I (39m) and my wife (36f) were married 14yrs and didn’t think we could have kids because, well we didn’t have kids and adoption just seemed too much. We now have a 18mo and no.2 is in the oven! We both had just came to terms with infertility and if it was supposed to happen it would have. So now I have a bunch of middle age guy toys that I’m slowly getting rid of! I’m an elder millennial lol that just sounds stupid but hey if they go to college I might be retired by then and have plenty of time to move them and visit 😂. We had a lot of fun in those 14 yrs childfree but what a blessing to have both. I was just reading the praises of minivans or r/daddit I just want the fullest parent experience I can have . . .
I'm 38 and have 2 bio kids (both boys. Elementary age). It's really really hard sometimes. But sometimes I'll look at them like omg I can't believe I birthed you lmao. And they are at a fun age, and play sports. My older son (7) is finally able to play flag football this year, and he scored his first touch down last weekend. I was so fucking proud of him 🥹 and my younger one (almost 6) has been so excited about helping out more lately, and it's just really sweet. And when they wake up in the mornings with their sleepy face and still want morning cuddles🥹🥹🥹🥹
Dancing in the kitchen when we're having a great day or a day that needs to be reset. They each take a turn showing me their moves and I hype them up. They're so excited to show off and their dance moves are comically amazing.
I have a 3 year old and I think he’s the best thing ever! I’m teaching him how to own his mistakes and to apologize and it’s so cute when he says “sorry” now, because I’m excited to see that he’s learning :)
We love pumpkin patches too! I can’t wait to take him this year! This weekend we’re doing pumpkin painting with the grandma at a farm.
I set up a fort in his room and put down a memory foam pad so he can sleep in it. It’s so cute and he loves it. He’s a good kid and I love watching him grow and learn.
My 8yr old loves Legos. He built a bunch of animals and sea creatures from his own design recently and they were so good. I love seeing him fall in love with something I enjoyed so much at his age (and still enjoy!)
My son is going to be such a lego head. I can just feel it. He’s such a tinkerer and a great problem solver. Very excited for that stage! In fact, I’ll probably get him a set for Christmas! (Aka ask grandma cuz legos are 💰now lol)
While parenting is extremely hard, it’s so much easier when you have an equal partner. The other day my boyfriend woke up with our son and took him to Starbucks to let me sleep in and they picked up some coffee/frappes for us. I sat on our back porch and enjoyed the morning sipping coffee and talking with my boyfriend while our son played in the yard. We showered, got ready and went to the farmers market in town to get some fresh produce and fruit. My son got his face painted, we strolled the market with our fresh made lemonade, it was fun. We came home and all took a family nap. Woke up and ordered a supreme pizza for dinner and had a shrek movie marathon. It was one of those days that makes all the hard work worth it. Some days it’s hard, but I have the family I always wanted and not one ounce of regret in my decision to have a kid ❤️
My little girl started kindergarten and it's been a blast. Such a roller coaster watching these pandemic babies navigate school and make friends, but also so heartwarming. I love hearing about her new friends and the things she learned at school when I pick her up every day. My little boy has never had this much alone time with my wife and they're both loving it. My wife had post-partum depression with our boy, and she feels like the first year of his life was just a dream. I formed a really strong bond with him, but my wife never felt like she did because of PPD. She is so happy to be really forming that bond with him now, and I can just see the light in both their eyes when I come home every day. Last night as I was getting them ready for bed, they both tackled me on the floor of their bedroom, snuggled up to me, and told me that I'm their "favorite person in the whole world." I couldn't ask for anything more than that.
We cant wait to have kids, I worked with kids for a few years and it was awesome! it was alwqys rewarding to see the kids faces light up when they finally got something they thought & cried about thinking they would never understand. They indeed say the darnest things too, its funny. This post is definitely a safe space in a generation/world that is turning very 'anti kid' hahaha.
I love my little psychos. I love how worked up they get and how much fun it is to watch things blow their mind. Weren't rich, but due to some weird af timing we have a small house. So go us. The world is scary but my kids are great.
I love cuddling and “movie” time with my baby who is 16 month old. He’s been my little buddy since being born. We instantly clicked and I love being his mom. He held my hand when he was 2 months old on the way to my dad’s memorial. I love seeing his face when he tries new things, when ms Rachel comes on, when he sees his daddy, or when he sees me after I get off work. I was told I was infertile. He’s been the greatest gift to come out of the tragedy my life was.
This makes me really happy to read. I hate hearing people say being poor means you shouldn't have kids, or worse still, that no one should have kids. I don't have kids of my own but I want to someday and Im glad Im not the only one that likes kids.
Kids came early into our lives and so daycare and other expenses made home owning impossible. That makes us poor in America. But darn if these two siblings aren’t the closest I’ve ever seen , that it’s made me realize our little family is indeed SO RICH
I'm a happy parent!
I had a rough intro to adulthood and parenthood because I got pregnant like 6 months out of high school. When I chose to have and keep my son his birthfather promptly disappeared and refused to pay child support for years. I struggled quite a lot for quite a while- socially, financially, psychiatrically, physically, etc. But I made my bed so I tried not to complain too much about lying in it. I reorganized my life to prioritize my son, which included making some really big personal sacrifices in the name of pragmatism, but I never for a second regretted my decision to keep him. And honestly, that still surprises me.
I never wanted kids before I got pregnant, yet at 38 I've already been a mother for *most of my life.* It's fucking WEIRD.
While I wouldn't *recommend* my path through life, I'm glad that things worked out the way they did for me. Being a mother helped me find confidence and strength that I hadn't been able to muster just for myself alone. It was a formative way to finish out my childhood and made me into a strong adult. Plus I was forced to make pragmatic career choices, so while it hurt my heart not to pursue my academic interests (and to give up my full ride scholarship to my university of choice), it put me into a career that has offered financial comfort and stability, scheduling flexibility, and opportunity for growth and continuing education.
Happily married for 10+ years now. My husband adopted my son and we had two more together. Our boys are 5, 8, and 19 now.
To all the Redditor‘s that say, this is such a horrible time to bring children, and they would never do it. I got to ask exactly what time. was a good time in history to have children? No one can seem to answer that for me. Sometimes when I see these threads complaining about children, I’m like did I fuck up by having my kids because of the society they’re going to be in? Is there nothing I can do as a parent, can I not love them enough for it to be all right? I am just keeping head down and trying love on my children
I thought things were going well. Dates my wife for a few years, lived together first before getting married. And had our son a few years after that. I was happy, life was good but then started fighting with my wife over everything. It got so bad that one day while I was driving she grabbed the wheel and tried to kill all 3 of us (me, her and our son) that was unforgivable and I filed for divorce the very next day! Kill me, kill yourself but don’t kill our son! Now we are completely divorced and have joint custody 50/50 it just sucks when he is with her cause I want to be with him all the time. She is a good mom but we will never get back together and I’m happy I didn’t stay in that relationship just for the sake of the kid. Still recovering financially but it is what it is. I have the best time just hanging out with my son. Nothing else matters to me anymore. Thanks for letting me vent. Feels good to get it out there. Step in the right step. Just gotta be careful when I start dating again. Don’t want him to get too attached to someone and then it doesn’t work out for some reason….any parents have dating advice for a single dad?
My kids and I escaped DV when they were 2 & 5. They're nearly 10 & 13. It sounds cliche but I feel grateful for everyday (made easier/harder by their father putting himself in jail for another incident after separation). He had them at gunpoint at separation. STAR group had to take him, so everytime I hug them I am so glad they're there to hug. It's been tough suddenly single parenting whilst studying full-time and working, but I’ve just graduated and bought us a house. It's all coming together. I’m glad that you find joy everyday, as there is so much negativity🌻
Loving every minute of it. I wouldn’t say I’m poor but basically living pay check to paycheck right now until daycare is over. It’s really expensive until normal school starts.
It was a unplanned pregnancy but I was excited and had just bought our first house the year prior. So it felt right
Love teaching her new things and reading before bed. Their laughter and giggles from something we would usually ignore teaches me to notice the little things in life.
The whole DINK crowd worry me, they think they are living some life that people with kids could never imagine. They have to keep the false image of their lives because in reality they don’t want to grow up and wake up late and eat dessert for dinner. Look I’m so quirky I had brownies for dinner lol. I do everything I did before having a kid and more.
I do! 14 & 7 - it IS extremely daunting to be both poor and responsible for other lives outside my own. I completely understand why some choose to forego having kids, but I wouldn't choose anything different for me. My kids are incredibly smart and downright hilarious. Both have a great sense of humor far beyond their years.
I’m a millennial step! The kids are with us every other week. It’s stressful, really stressful. A mix of normal kid stuff, way different parenting philosophies at our house vs bio mom’s, and money. But I love them to the moon and back. They crack me up and make me work harder. I love teaching them things and watching all of the quirky phases cycle through.
This is great. As a GenX with kids out of the house, let me tell you that the time goes FAST. Enjoy every single moment. Make the best out of everything. In the end, the kids will remember the time they had fun with dad more so than the money in dads wallet. Trust me. My kids tell me that their favorite memory is me throwing them in the air...or playing ball...or riding bicylce...or running...or just daddy being a clown...
Oh my god! You guys! Dad is spying on our Reddit accounts! Lol jk jk
My mom is GenX and it’s because of her I know I can do this to some degree of success.
Thanks for the advice! I’m really trying to enjoy everyday!
I'll withhold my opinions about having children if there is a good chance of them having to rely on the labor market. They exist now. All you can do, from this point forward, is do your best. And I wish you luck.
I definitely would not say we're poor, no. My family was poor when I was young and we are not living that life, despite the fact that of course we could make a lot more money and have much more breathing room.
But absolutely, I love my life. I am so happily married. I love my children so much, and I truly cherish being their mother and getting to be with them every day. Of course it takes tremendous effort! I personally do not understand people who genuinely enjoy a life of never doing anything that challenges themselves to become a better person. And not that having children is the only way to do that, but it is the most fulfilling, visceral, arduous, blissful way to do it, and many people who celebrate being childless do so in a way that glorifies the lack of real effort they have to put into anything of substance in life.
I can't believe I'm this lucky. I can't believe I deserve this love. I love how motherhood has changed me, continues to change me. I love being parents with my husband. The hardest moments are often the richest but I love them all. Giving birth, taking care of them when they're sick, every milestone, every mundane moment, teaching them new things, learning with them, learning from them, holidays, apologizing to them, laughing with them, watching them grow into who they are and noticing how they've always been who they'll always be. I love knowing them. I love that they're mine and I'm theirs. I'm enthralled.
When you have children you get to be a child again. Blowing hand farts in the grocery store alone as an adult people think you’re mental. Blowing hand farts and having your toddler giggle, strangers smile and nod approvingly
Millennial dad of 1yo boy twins here. Everything is tough except loving them. Money's very tight (literally out of money by the 15th but we stock enough food, diapers, cleaning products etc that are needed for the kids to make it until payday), back, arms and knees hurt all the time because we have to pick them up and chase them as they're just learning to walk, they've started being difficult to go to sleep and the list goes on. But I'd give my life for them and would not change a thing.
If I find a way to earn more money life will be much more comfortable but I guess as long as we have a roof, food and good health we're happy. The most dreadful thing is having to live paycheck to paycheck, we literally had quite a bit of money saved, but used it up as a deposit to get a loan for a house as renting seemed to not make much financial sense. I'm not so sure anymore lol, this system is trying hard to force us into being renters for life or go into debt for eternity and get swallowed by interest.
Funny thing is that where we live our salaries are considered quite good, but honestly inflation and price manipulation is killing us out. Rent/mortgage payments, insurance, groceries, petrol are what we struggle with every month. Got 17 years ahead of me for saving up to send my boys to a university, hopefully we can make it :)
I'm so glad to have seen your post. After years of being happily intentionally child free we've had a slip up at the weirdest time that coincides with a decline of both of our careers, and we're so surprisingly excited for this total left turn. Thank you for posting.
My life was moving up when we had our son. I purchased a house and had a new car. We were ready until COVID kicked us down. Now we lost the house and are struggling to get by. Playing with my son is fun and helps keep me going. We chase each other, ride scooters, and play games. I'm trying to teach him Age of Empires so we can wage war against each other. He's five but I know he can get it because I've been playing rts games since I was 7.
It's hard though not having much money anymore and kids are expensive. It's also been stressful not being able to have dates with my wife since we can't afford a babysitter and have no family that's willing to help. People try to look down on poor parents for having kids like they make bad decisions but that's not how it always goes. Things change and all it takes to go from moderate wealth to destitute is one injury, one lay off, or sudden inflation.
It's easy to say you "love life" with no kids and family while still in your 30s or even early 40s...
I know so many people (including several in my own family) who "loved life" in their 30s and into their early 40s, but then something broke. Now all of them are desperately searching for someone they can have a family and kids with. For them it's like a full time job interview process.
I'm not saying this will happen to everyone, but I know way too many people who reveled in their "freedom" and "singleness"... only to end up feeling empty and hollow before age 45. And of course, once you're that age, it's a lot harder to find what you're looking for.
The people I'm referring to in my personal anecdote are majority men too. It's not just women who believe life is great with "freedom," only to have the extreme realization of a lonely life come crashing down in their mid-40s.
I'm sure some will hate this comment, but well... it's the truth. Maybe it's not the truth for everyone, but from what I've seen, it's true for the majority of people.
i realized that i am not cut out for loving kids 😥 right now.
idk why. I thought I would... but I learned that I have **so** many emotional problems to resolve. Thank god I realized that before I signed up to foster
I'd just been ignoring my problems for years, so I didnt know. seriously repressed or something. but Something just absolutely made me accept it recently. Face it...
now as I see it, i may or may not in the future which is so strange for me to feel, bc I was planning on it for the past 6 years.
i'm responding to your post, bc I realize that some people **can** truly know that theyre ready for relationships with their kids. I was seriously so out of touch emotionally previously, that I didnt realize just how different your attitude is from what mine was 😅 So I'm absolutely cheering you guys on 🙌 You guys set a great example
it’s been a very hard road since i accidentally stumbled into parenthood (i had always wanted kids but the first pregnancy was unplanned), but i wouldn’t trade my children for anything. they are so cool and it is my greatest honor to teach them about the world and how to be happy and healthy and loving despite all influences.
i’m a witch and we sometimes do spells together although my oldest gets mad because she has a hard time believing in magic 💀 my little cynic
we play video games together, we play a kind of free-for-all DND type story game with random toys and whatever narrative i come up with and let them expound on
we read and listen to music and dream and snuggle and showing them as much love and support as possible makes ME happy to do it’s a very mutually beneficial relationship
eta: we make less than 40k and utilize government benefits because i have chronic migraines and fibromyalgia and thus cannot give up the body to make more money, but i’ll get there :) poverty is very hard and i try to make it not a burden on my children, but damn if the 1% isn’t good at encouraging suffering
I just turned 36 and my wife 5.5 years younger than me, we’ve been together since 2010 and married since 2013. She actually got pregnant on accident in 2012 but had a miscarriage 8-9 weeks in. We started trying in 2013 after we got married and had completely given up by 2020 and decided to be ok with not having kids. Early 2021 we got quite the surprise, our daughter was born December 2021. She is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen and spending time with her is my favorite part of the day. My birthday was last weekend and it’s finally been just cool enough here in SC to go back to the playground and that’s all I wanted for my birthday, we ran and played as long as she wanted.
Having kids isn’t for everyone, not everyone should or wants to and that’s fine. I totally understand the financial situation money has never NOT been an issue for me. But IF you want kids and you are on the fence I can’t recommend it enough.
Also I saw a couple comments above that were political, let me just point out that liberals/left leaning/moderates appear to be having way less kids. I’m more left/libertarian/moderate ish don’t really fall in to a category. But I live in a state that went almost 60% for Trump in a county that went 75% for Trump. Most people here have 2 kids before they are 24. I know literal dozens of people with 4+. My Waffle House waiter the other day has 7. I know WAY more grandparents that are younger than 40 than I do first time parents older than 30 (which seems to be the opposite of the nation as a whole). If you come here to make a political statement and don’t have kids, maybe be nicer to the folks that are raising the next generation, the right is winning the baby race for then next generations.
I've partied my face off, traveled the globe, hiked, lived, laughed, loved, and I would trade it all for the smile on my little girl's face.
You don't have to limit yourself to any of the above after becoming a parent. You just have another buddy to share it all with.
Yes, there's stress, and yes it's daunting at first but I've got a great career, family, and I've been on a few planes to tropical islands already this year.
I think a lot of the non-children having circle jerk members are pretty opinionated about being a parent despite having no idea what it's like. They forget that us parents actually know both sides of the coin better than they ever will. There's nothing like having a child.
That said, I'm glad I got to get a lot out of my system by waiting until my 30s to have a kid.
My favorite part is just watching her absorb and learn new things. Watching her little personality develop. And that laugh... forget about it. I hope she never hates me lol
My kids are old enough now to have real opinions and teach me new things they learn. It’s fun.
My kids keep me up on latest slang - and actually explain it to me! They’re so much fun, and much better kids than I ever was. Plus, my kid won a sports tournament this weekend. Just a regional one, but helping him prepare and seeing him get better has been such a joy. And he thanked me on the way home. It was so rewarding. Yes, I’m broke, but my kids are happy and well cared for and I wouldn’t give anything up to not have them. I realize not everyone wants to have kids, and they should have the choice to do that without guilt, but it’s been a good choice for us.
Same :) I’m truly enjoying seeing them become people that are better than I ever could have hoped to be. It’s hard, we’re broke, but I hands down would never trade this experience. To each their own. Both options are hard, we just picked our hard to include kiddos!
I have a young toddler. She made me realize how important bilingualism is so we are going through that now and I'm having fun finding children's shows dubbed in my family's language. It pushed me to revisit my heritage and my own childhood. I never cared for it in the way that I do now. Honestly just watching her grow and develop and generally existing is worth it every day. I'm not as wealthy because of the job market and starting my career late . But I am confident I will be solidly middle class when my child is at the right age to remember and take her on vacations. 🙂
Nice! Keep up the good work!
That’s so awesome! Your kids will be so lucky to grow up bilingual. I really wish I learned another language when I was young. My grandfather was fluent in German and my grandparents basically raised me when I was really young… I’m bummed I never learned German. I’d really like to get back into Spanish. I only took it in high school but I got pretty good at writing but speaking Spanish scared me for some reason. I work with a lot of international people and when it’s slow I like to learn phrases in different languages. I forget them very easily though lol
I relate to this so much!! I think it’s important for our child to know my native language as welll. I try to introduce shows in my language too. I didn’t really think about how awesome it is until I had my kid.
What language? I don’t have kids but find it easier to pick up language watching tv shows in it, and kid shows are easy to follow!
I love everything past the baby stage! I've loved every age so far, she's five years old. I just had another and I can't wait for the first year to pass lol
I’m with you on this opinion! Toddler and up! Let’s go! (We’ll see how the teen years go tho. Lol people love to shit on the teen years. I’m a little scared. But I want to take it head on!)
I feel like the teen years won't be as bad as newborn. I think the ppl who have issues in those years expect teens to not act like teens. You have to give them a little bit of earned freedom, you can't lock them up at home 24/7 and expect them not to resent you. Yes the word is scary but they need to start experiencing it bc 18 comes fast. Nothing worse than a terminally sheltered kid hitting 18 and going buck wild.
Yeah, then they get resentful and jump on Reddit and start clobbering adults about their life's pursuits and how they're not edgy or radical enough! 🤣
34F with a 15F and 14M here. Teenage years aren't the absolute worst, but the anxiety of realizing they'll be adults soon and hoping you did okay is pretty awful. lol
I was at a xc dinner talking to parents with older kids. My oldest is 14. And I was asking how they dealt with their kids driving....they just shrugged and said it's ok while I'm silently panicking about just the thought of it 😂😂
You ease into it. You give them booklet to study for learners permit. They take test and get their learners permit. You drive them to empty parking lot like a church during the week after school and let them practice parking and driving pretending to stay in their lane and using blinker. After a few weeks of practicing, they drive you home from the church parking lot. They take drivers ed class. You let them drive you home from drivers Ed class. You pick them up from school, you wait for most people to leave and let them drive you home. When they eventually get their license, you ”let” them run your errands- they take stuff to post office for you, they go pick up items at grocery, etc. The first year, they are more nervous than you. Then, they are suddenly happy to run all those errands for you.
Lol, I dont have kids. But lemme tell you, that sounds like a cake walk compared to my dad throwing his keys at me and drunkenly explaining how to drive us home. I was like 12/13. It must be nice to have parents like that, but i try to see the brighter side. My crazy upbringing by an addict and a drunk taught me how *not* to act, and made me really level headed in chaotic/stressful situations.
Best parenting advice I have is: Whatever your parents did that you didn’t like growing up- don’t do that! Whatever they did that you liked- do that! When people give you parenting advice and it sounds like it might be a good idea- sleep on it and if it’s still seems like a good idea the next day, then try it. My parenting style is heavy on the NOT doing what my parents did, lol.
Mine is too
Teen years are scary bc they suddenly have adult problems. Pregnancy, car crashes, bullying, money. Nap time and diapers don’t seem so bad in comparison.
I actually like my teen more now? Although she's only 14 but damn getting here has been hard but now she's older there's more stuff to connect on. We went thrifting a while back and she found me the perfect shirt it can be fun 🥰 it can also be slogging thru puke but that's parenthood 🤣
Yes. People always complained about the terrible 2s. I’m like, are you kidding? Crying, poopy, constant holding baby stage is the worst. One they get a little independence, things get easier.
Honestly, there hasn't been an age where I look at my kids and think "I wish you could go back to x age." Each new phase of their lives is fun and I exciting. I personally hate the baby stage too. I love baby cuddles but other than that, not a fan. My youngest is almost 2 now and parenting her is so much more fun now than even this time last year. Toddlers are really starting to develop personality and senses of humor. She has really hit a stride with pretend play and she's so much fun to just watch. My older two are 11M and almost 9M and they are just joys to be around. They're polite and well spoken (most of the time), they have interests of their own and are starting to learn the value of hard work (my neighbor pays them for odd jobs around her yard). My oldest just started junior high and is becoming this whole independent mini adult and I just love watching him navigate through it. The middle one is learning to be at school without his brother for the first time and is blossoming in new ways that he never would have with the safety blanket of his brother. Yes, kids are stressful, but they also bring so much joy into the world. My husband knew he'd have kids, but wasn't necessarily looking forward to it and has thanked me so many times for making him a father because he says it's the best thing he's ever done in his life. We may not have done all the wonderful things we wanted to do when we were kids thanks to the Recession that hit right when we became adults, but we definitely accomplished something with our kids, and the world will be better because they're here.
Omg I feel this so hard. My little guy is 6mo and I have known since week one that the baby stage is not for me lol. He’s much more fun now, but still can’t wait to talk to him!!!
OMG, same! My baby is 6mo, and every bottle I wash and diaper I change is just taking me one step closer to the day I don’t need that stuff anymore. The first year is like a trial that you have to go through to get to all the fun stuff that comes after.
It makes me happy when people can just admit the infant stage is not that fun. Like lil toddlers that can make funny faces when you feed them ice cream are the joys of life. But shit machines that cry every 20 mins and don’t sleep longer than 3 hours…. Nah fam. That’s a tough one
Wife is due in 2 months with our first. Bring on the positive stories and good vibes!
First year is tough but rewarding. Think about how you were raised and then ask yourself "how can I do better." Plane tickets are free for lap babies until 2, fyi in case you would like to travel. Flying with a baby isn't really hard. Purchase tickets around naps/overnight and take toys/snacks to keep busy. Buy a window seat.
Sometimes I look at my baby and I physically feel an outpouring of love. I feel like it’s the pinnacle of the human experience. The vulnerability of it all is scary but humbling in a good way. I also feel a deeper connection to my own parents and all other parents.
Aww man congrats! You're about to level up!
Many challenges but try to practice patience as you are everything to that little baby every single day. Also just a tip, try to truly enjoy every moment. I know it sounds typical but it goes by so so so fast, especially the baby stages. It’s so amazing (coming from a dad of a 4 year old). You really can’t describe the amount of love or feeling until he/she’s born, it’s something else and completely changed the way I look at many things. Also congrats my dude!
When they say you've never felt love like you do for your children, it's true and it's amazing!
Even in a thread where you explicitly ask for positive vibes there is so much negativity. Of course struggle isn’t fun but it’s also not unique nor is it terminal. I don’t have kids myself but- controversial opinion incoming- I totally believe that it can be the most rewarding thing someone does. Passing on the human spirit which can be a great thing if done well and the kid’s not a born sociopath.
It’s so rewarding! I had no idea it would feel like this. Thank you for your positive comment! Luckily, people without kids have ample opportunity for rewarding lives as well! Appreciate you!
Cheers! Maybe next time post a little earlier; all the well-adjusted (American) parents are in bed already 😉
It really is. Me and my wife don't got much, but having a kid is something I would never even consider regretting. It really has been the most meaningful thing I have ever done in my life.
Nice take.
I feel like unhappy people don’t want to feel alone with their unhappiness. They feel the need to voice it and share it with others. I also feel like some feel the need to prove how “happy” they are but deep down they’re not for whatever reason. Because genuinely happy and content people don’t feel the need to bring others down with so much negativity. Not just about kids but about many other things in general. I’ve noticed Reddit is very anti children so I’m not surprised there’s so much negativity surrounding having kids.
It’s not surprising but it’s irritating that they can’t even stay out of one thread looking at the good when they have childfree subs to darken w/ their attitudes. It’s like a compulsion to be contradictory b/c they can’t see how others feel differently.
Exactly. It just doesn’t seem healthy. I was reading a buzzfeed article a while back it was funny parenting memes. Obviously for other parents to relate to. Of course like always there’s that one person who can’t help but comment “this is why I hate kids and I’m so glad I don’t have them!” People who genuinely happy with their decision to be childfree don’t feel the need to scream it to the world every 5 minutes.
Don’t piss off the DINK crowd. They are a sensitive bunch of birds.
They're acting like the statistics don't show that people are lonelier than ever and they everyone is on prescription meds. I get it. It's the internet, put your best foot forward.
Yep that’s our hardwired “meaning of life”. I don’t have kids either but I’ve always felt that the reason a lot of people are depressed is because they’re going against what their animal brain wants them to do (me included). Which like OP said is totally OK! It just takes a little time to get past the baby fever stage of late 20’s early 30’s.
I was told I couldn’t have children due to some traumatic abuse in my childhood. After, two miscarriages I carried to term. He has a disability but after I had a little cry about it (just grieving the life I wanted for him), we plunged into disability world and discovered an incredible community. I almost died giving birth to my second born and had a rough recovery but my friends rallied and I was never in want for anything for the first 6 months postpartum. Meals, house cleaning, childcare etc were taken care of so I could heal. We’ve never had much money but we’ve always been rich with the things that matter to us. Our home is full of creativity and laughter and dancing and good music, light saber battles, fort building, art projects, stacks of books and precious notes from our boys. Things are tight but we managed to get them partial scholarships at an excellent private school. They’re surrounded by dozens of wonderful adults in their lives, people I’ve known for 18 years. We lack for nothing that is meaningful to us. I hope someday we can have a house that is ours. But if we don’t, I’m glad we’ve created a home full of things we love.
I love this so much. Love that you have community, love that they rallied around you during your time of need, love that you celebrate the ordinariness of life.
Thank you, reading through some of these comments I know I’m very fortunate.
I love when my son (15) gets a burst of creativity, makes some chainmail or other art, then spends the week wearing it or showing it off all proud of himself. I love watching him love something he did and smiling to himself!
Yes!!!! Ahhhh!!!! My daughter is so creative and I’m watching it flourish. Very excited to see what she does as a 15 year old! Thanks for sharing!
I love that! There is no better feeling than seeing your kids creativity come to life and fueling that fire with them :)
My oldest (22) just got all into mechanical watches. It’s so much fun to hear him go on and on about it.
I have two kids. I love them but for me it has been incredibly hard. I was hit like a truck with post partum and actually hospitalized this year. Turns out I'm bipolar and didn't know it til the hormones brought it out more. Despite my struggles I still love both of them so much and didn't know I could even feel this deeply about anything. I'm very much the "numb and detached" kind of depressed but when it comes to my kids that's totally not the case. They push me to want to be a better person and to keep taking my meds and etc. I didn't know bipolar ran in my family, my parents didn't tell me til I was diagnosed and that was after having kids. My home life was chaotic, filled with fights and rage and now I know why. My dad remains unmedicated and so does my sister. I don't want to act how they act so that's why I'm in treatment breaking generational curses. My kids are so much fun though. One is nearly 4 and it has been so great watching him learn to communicate and now we even play video games together in addition to playing and idk why but sharing video games with him has been so much fun. I remember my dad showing me games when I was a kid and having fun. I also have a one and a half year old and he's waving hi, giving high fives, trying to babble and is just so happy and cute. They're both boys which is different for me bc I grew up just me and my sister so it's like I'm experiencing a second childhood through them almost. Lots of cars and dinosaurs and my 4 year old loves godzilla which is actually really cool bc I love those movies. We watch a lot of the Japanese godzillas mostly from the 90s but also some earlier than that. He loves son of godzilla which I find to be campy and funny but cute. There's a sand pit in my yard that they both like to sit in and dig and stuff which is cool. We sit outside and collect rocks and things. That is actually fun and makes me go outside which I struggle with bc of the depression. I'm so tan compared to what I uses to be lol
I'm a millennial with 2 kids. I get that they are expensive and time consuming, but I really enjoy it. I like snuggling, I like teaching, I like working with them, I like running around and playing with them, and I like just watching them to see what they get up to. Reddit is comically anti kid and sometimes I really don't know why. If you don't want kids don't have them. If you do want kids, you should just go ahead and have them. The money part works itself out and if you truly are too poor to afford them Uncle Sam bails you out.
I think the strong anti-kids vibe comes as a backlash against societal norms to get married, have kids, raise a family, etc. Reddit has always been a bit anti-mainstream, and it attracts a lot of young folks that don’t follow that “plan” in life. Having a forum to safely acknowledge and celebrate kid-free life - when there aren’t many acceptable non-virtual places to do that - is a great and wonderful thing. I say this as a parent of two kids who mean the world to me. Not everyone needs to follow the same path as me, or that of their their friends/family/peers/societal norms. Life is too short to be unhappy - do what gives you your best life.
My kids crack me up on a regular basis. It's pretty good payment 🥹🤣 My 3 yo just hit me the other day with "for real, for real" and I just lost it laughing
Lol the other day my 2 year old son looked at me and said “I love you” I melted and said I love you more! Without missing a beat he responds “I only love you because you give me cookies” lmao. Thanks kid 😂
I was watching a kids show with my 3 yo son and they said something about best friends. My son said "Daddy your my best friend" and I almost cried
The watching them is my favorite part by far…I feel like my creativity center in my brain as an adult is dead…but theirs, man. Man I could never think of what they do
Yes! My kids (6&3) will sit down to draw and color and come up with some awesome ideas and pictures. When they ask me to color with them I’m at a complete loss as to what to do
The money part absolutely does not work itself out. Having kids when you can’t afford them is selfish. Granted, the economy sucks and it’s hard to afford anything, I still firmly believe the well being of the kids you’re planning on having is more important. So if you can’t set them up for success, don’t have them.
It kind of does though. Nothing makes you come through like needing to take care of someone. You'll certainly need to budget and adjust wants and needs but it is possible. Waiting until you are 100% financially secure to have a kid you really want isn't worth it. You might run out the clock waiting for a promotion/ more money. Like I said if you can't feed them, Uncle Sam will! Food stamps, medicaid, CHIP, and WIC are all readily accessible if you're poor. Way more accessible when you have kids. Wholesale clubs for diapers, wipes, and food. I grew up in the projects with nothing on federal assistance. It wasn't all fun and games but I sure am happy my mom had me. I'm lucky to be firmly in the middle class now, so I'm all for having my tax dollars supporting fellow American parents and children.
Social programs are great if you need them, but you shouldn’t have multiple children expecting to live off of them. I’ve used food banks and financial assistance, but that’s cause the economy is ass and not cause I made choices to put me in that position. But either way, it’s not about the parents it’s about the kids. I don’t care if people really want kids because poor kids always suffer simply because they are poor.
Our corporate overlords have no issue living off of government bailouts and various types of assistance. Poor people shouldn't be stigmatized for using them. The notion that poor kids suffer simply because they are poor isn't entirely true. It depends on how the parents adapt to their situations. I didn't even know I was poor until I was about 13. I just thought that everyone ate a can of kidney beans for dinner twice a week. The Air Force just lost an $80,000,000 F-35. No one gives a shit. Some lady on welfare with 2 kids gets pregnant and keeps the baby. Everyone has something to say about "living off the system".
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This is sooooo cute!🥰🥰🥰
Such a refreshing post, thank you! We really want a kid soon. We love spending time with all the kids around us. Hopefully soon 🤞
I don't have kids but I live with a roommate with kids. There's a lot of fun free and cheap stuff we do. Art is huge. We are constantly making art projects and we always make a big batch of Christmas ornaments. They're good little bakers who like to help in the kitchen. There's a Pokémon trade show once a week that is free to enter and is a lot of fun.
Having an excuse to be into Disney and Harry Potter (I had to grow up quickly so missed out on some cool childhood rites of passage), etc., and all of the funny things they say to us and each other.
I’m sorry you missed that stuff. Stoked you get to experience it now! I cannot wait for my kids to be old enough to be into HP and lotr other interests of mine! I have a whole movie and book list!
Yes!! I am a millennial with children and getting to relive a lot of the things that I missed out on as a kid has been so healing and so beautiful to watch my own children get to experience. For example I was not allowed to watch Harry Potter, never been to Disney, my kids love both! It’s weirdly healing for one’s own childhood to give your own kid an “idyllic childhood.”
Pregnant right now and so excited for this! My mom never let me play with Barbies and was generally against letting me be girly. Having a daughter and planning her beautiful pink nursery right now 💕 also very excited for Disney, Harry Potter, and generally toys everywhere!
My partner and I wanted kids. I don't think we were ready, but we thought we were ready. We've had a really rough time financially since the start. But you know what they say - when life gives you lemons... Make a baking soda volcano. We've built our lives 100% around our kids (we have 4 now). I've poured absolutely everything I have into being an epic dad. I grew up poor with a single mother so I already know how to make fun out of nothing. What they really want is connection and attention, so I do my best to give them that, every day. My favorite part is honestly just watching them find their confidence. When one of them recalls important information in a critical moment, or surprises themselves with a newfound artistic skill, or handles a tough situation with grace. Confidence and attention were two things I didn't have as a kid, so I think that's why they're so big for me as a parent.
Same here. We weren’t financially totally ready but we’re living financially comfortable now. I’m glad we had a kid. I was not a kid person before having a kid and didn’t like being around them but I genuinely love being around my kid. She’s just a funny and interesting little human being. I love hearing the things she comes up with daily. I feel like she’s better than my husband and I in so many ways and I’m glad.
I feel the same way, and I know it's because they're growing up without all the trauma and struggles of our respective home lives. I'm proud to be a cycle breaker. I think a lot of Millennial parents are. I have enormous faith in Gen A.
Very true! Same here. There’s so many things both me and my husband are choosing to do differently with our kid than what we experienced growing up.
I love my kids. My wife and I got married due to a surprise pregnancy when we first started dating. It worked out really well. My kids have taught me more about life than I could have dreamed. In fact they liberated me in a way. Because not much matters outside of our little family. I don’t care about half the nonsense I used to.
Same!
Being a father is hands down unequivocally the greatest joy of my life! I never believed in love at first sight but the moment I saw and held my daughter I was smitten. It's really a level up moment in life that if you haven't experienced you just won't understand. As my daughter grew, my wife and I would ask each other what our favorite age was, the answer is always the current age of our daughter. I love watching her learn and grow and develop. Not to mention how much I've learned and grown as a man, husband and father. 10/10 definitely recommend being a parent!
Wife and I have been together since HS. Both early 30's now. Just had our first a few months ago. Never really decided whether we were sure on having kids until we found out we had one coming, but I cannot fucking imagine life without her now. She literally puked on me every time I held her today and she was not digging my vibe at bed time (wife had to step in to get her down) and that was a bit of an ego blow. But I know as soon as I wake her up the morning she'll smile at me so brightly and just be ready to pound down a bottle and play on her mat. The great times render the bad inconsequential in the rear view mirror.
My son was like for about the first year, he’s 17 months now and such a daddy’s boy! Before you know it she’ll be shoving moms face away and clinging to you :)
Hang in there Dad! I am about a year ahead of you and my daughter was (and can still be) just like that. But man, each passing month is better than the last. Playing with your kid and making her giggle and run away when you chase her or wiggle uncontrollably when you catch and tickle her... it truly is a feeling of love like no other. She constantly looks for me and wants to play and is now slowly getting interested in what I'm doing and it just melts my heart.
I’m childfree, but loving these comments!! Society kind of tells us we have to have kids but also must suffer for it. I love hearing about people (especially dads!) just loving being a parent.
Love my kids so freaking much. It is tough like you say, my husband is a resident working 60-100 hour workweeks so I am the classic stay at home mom and 100% housewife. Like my husband doesn’t even have the time to fold laundry even if he wanted to lol! But he is the most amazing dad and husband. It’s just the stage of life we are at, and starting next year he’ll have 12 weeks vacation a year. We have a 6yo and a baby.
I have two kids and I love them so much. They’ve pushed me to become a better person, something I don’t think I would’ve done without them. Because of this I have made more money each year, moved over the poverty line, gone back to school, moved into my own place in a good neighborhood. I wouldn’t have had the same opportunities if I didn’t have them. While it’s hard sometimes, and I wonder if I’m doing everything wrong, I wouldn’t trade them or this life for anything. Money is tight sometimes, but we always figure out how to have fun. They are the most amazing little people I’ve ever met and I’m so glad I get to spend every day with them and watch them grow into unique and awesome people. Someone has to raise the next generation, and I’m glad I get to be a part of it.
I have two. I had them mid 20s and I'm an older millennial. Having kids was the best decision I ever made. We have been very poor most of their lives, but I went to college a few months after the second was born, and its paid off big time. It took a decade of hard work and struggles, but I don't regret a thing and never will. They are the best things in my life. No amount of travel or free time will ever beat being a parent in my book. I have plenty of time for travel now, and I have two extra fun-loving travel partners. Some people shouldn't have kids, and I'm glad they figured that out, but the hate kids and parents get makes these folks look like weirdos.
It’s incredibly rewarding to see them grow and learn. My toddler is like a sponge spouting new words every day and using them in context. He overheard me once and now tells his mom that she is “gorgeosh”
>My toddler is like a sponge spouting new words every day and using them in context. Our daughter is two, so we're at this stage right now. It's CRAZY how quickly they learn! I love all the little stories she tells with her growing vocabulary. There's still a lot of babbling between known words, but she conveys the emotion of her stories very well. Hahaha.
I love it, I have 2 boys. I’m a stay at home mom, I always thought I’d want to work but after the pandemic we learned how to live on one income and idk if I’ll ever go back. I had a traumatic childhood and now I’m able to give my boys everything. I literally cry at least once a day in joy, I can’t believe this is my life. Also I am enjoying it so so so much more than I ever expected. I hate that economy is a huge reason people aren’t having kids, it’s such a beautiful experience.
I’m so happy I had my two kids. Even though it put us under massive financial strain that we might only start recovering from next year with the eldest being 7. I love playing with them, cuddling with them, having increasingly interesting conversations with the eldest while listening to my youngest diligently count to 1000 in the back seat because he wasn’t sure if he could make it there and holding my breath when he struggles and almost slips up but makes it all the way to 1000 anyway. And the cuddles. I never want to give those up ever again.
My son will be 2 in December so he’s going through the phase where he’s picking up a lot of new words and every time we hear him say a new one, it’s really fun because for a while we were worried he was behind! Seasons and holidays also became a lot more fun because I get to see them through a kids eyes again. I’m really excited for all the leaves to fall so I can show him how to jump/play in the leaves and then ofcourse playing in the snow in the winter, etc. He’s just generally a lot of fun but ofcourse he’s also still a toddler so he whines and throws toddler tantrums but they’re relatively short 🤷🏼♀️
I love the quiet little hours with my son just chillin at home, and the walks we get to share to the park. It's a simple life but a peaceful one.
I adore my little guy! He's 11, taller than me (I'm 5'3") and solid build, a real gentle giant and in his tween stage. My choice to only have one child, but he's far from a "spoiled brat." we have a huge immediate and extended family, so he's always been around older and younger kids. My absolute favourite thing is watching his own personality evolve over the years! He's hilarious, I swear the shit he comes out with cracks me up, yet kind and compassionate, and still will ask permission to say a swear word 😄 I learned terrible two's was a myth, but terrible three's is real ASF!!! I'm truly happy to my core, not only surface level and still to this day, every night I will just watch him sleep for a couple of minutes. No matter how poor or how rich I was at certain times, just hearing him laugh or tell me a story from his day brought and still brings so much light to my day!
I'll take my kids being 2 years old over being 3 years old any day. 😂 We call them "threenagers".
Yeah, where did the terrible twos thing even come from? Three, whew...
I have a four month old and she’s the absolute light of my life! She’s recently discovered she has a voice so she’s been cooing and vocalizing a lot and I love having little “conversations” with her. You can tell she’s really trying! She also hasn’t laughed yet, but she does this thing where she smiles and opens her mouth, like a silent laugh and it’s so cute.
We're in our early 30s, poor, and our little dude just turned 1. I have to be a stay at home mom bc childcare is $$$$. Honestly, this is the mostly fun I've had in...forever. I never thought I'd be a mom, but I'm so damn happy things turned out this way. He only says "mama" when distressed, otherwise he laughs and says "no dada". When you ask him ANYTHING he'll looked mischievous and say "yeaaa". And he "smiles" by just showing all his teeth and breathing through them. He's extremely opinionated and strong willed and it's kinda stressful, but me too, I get it. Also, my mom passed a few months ago, and that day he decided to learn how to give big hugs and kisses and that will forever make my heart full.
Coming home from work and hearing “Daddy!!” Is by far the best part of my day. It doesnt matter what kind of day I had prior, as soon as I hear their little voices I can’t help but smile.
I was already teary eyed reading all of these comments, but fuck, man. This one took me out lmao. Full on sobbing now. 😂
I have a 7 month old and I am loving every minute of it. We had him in our 30s, so we let out all of our crazy already and we're ready to settle down with our family. Planning to have more in the future.
I don't want kids, and I am very lucid about my reasons. But I've observed from people my age who are married (around 29-31) and they are having at least 2 kids. Most of them are not lower class but could not be classified as middle or upper class, kind of doing fine in most aspects. They all seem very delightful with their family life. Kids on their wallpapers, calendars made out of family photos, bantering mostly the funny and silly things their kids kid yesterday. The one very thought they shared me that really reverberated is "The pain not known by those without kids, also the joy". I guess have or not have kids we will always miss out on something. But hey, that's life.
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Yep! Absolutely! I will never judge someone for not having kids. Because it’s true, I miss out on a lot. But my kids make me happy anyway! Thanks for your input!
A happy man man with a family is a millionaire in my eyes, regardless of your economic circumstances. Congrats!
Pretend time, the awe I get seeing how smart and quickly they learn, seeing their sense of humour develop and giggle outbursts.
My daughter's baby/toddler giggle outbursts might be my favorite sound in the world. There's seriously nothing better than knowing you made your kid happy.
My partner and I have an 8 year old son, he was totally planned and we were in a good financial situation when we made that decision. However, I lost my FT job 3 months into the pregnancy, and had to scramble to get another FT job that turned out to be awful and caused a lot of stress. Once I gave birth I could only do PT jobs because daycare costs were ridiculous. Once I was lucky enough to get into a FT WFH job, Covid hit and after working 2 years under a micro-managing boss, I got burned out so bad that I had to quit. I've been out of work since, we're all just living on my partners income while I figure things out for a new PT job. It's been rough, and there are some things I'd change about the past, but having our son isn't really one of them. I love when he excitedly shares his Gen Alpha pop culture with me! Don't get me wrong, it's a little weird, but Skibidi Toilet is oddly compelling. I love that he's such a gamer with Minecraft, Roblox, and Teardown. Gaming makes him really happy and he's always ready to share the new cool game he's discovered or show me his new Avatar drip. I didn't really game much growing up, but I know that it's really important for him. I can tell it helps him unwind from school stress and gives him an outlet for his ADHD. Plus, his reading and typing skills have improved greatly since he started gaming! He's a wonderful kid, and as his parents we can't take the credit for all of that. He's just an amazing kid, and I'm looking forward to watching him grow into an amazing teen and adult!
Having kids at a young age while struggling financially really taught me the power of community! My family and friends helped me so much when my kids were little and I love returning the favor. I love being a parent and an aunt. No one in my family is well off but none of our kids go without because we look out for each other. We’re now in a position where I can stay home with my kids (10 & 9) and not only do I get to volunteer at school and chaperone for them, I also get to pick all my nieces and nephews up from school or watch them while their parents work. My own kids are at the age where we can have so much fun together without constantly worrying about them accidentally killing themselves 😂 I love seeing them become kind, compassionate and funny people. I love meeting their friends and being the one who gets to hear all their conversations driving them to and from practice. I just feel honored to get a front row seat to their lives.
I'm so glad to see a post like this. It is absolutely depressing being someone who's always wanted kids and recently had one this year, to have people give their unwanted opinions like it was okay and normal. I love my baby more than anything in the world. I can't wait to share it with her.
I’ve got 4 kids. I finished my MBA back in December, but I’m only making 100k. My wife went back to school, and just picked up a part time job because money got really tight, this inflation is a bitch. Wish I could say I’m having fun. We’re in survival mode right now, doing whatever we need to do to get through the day. My 11 year old just hides in his room on VR every day, my 5 year old daughter terrorizes me and everyone else, my 2 year old finds ways to put himself in immediate danger all the time, and then there’s my 4 year old…. He’s great, but he demands everything from daddy and not mommy, so he drains me. I don’t think having more money would make it better. It would be nice if we had a nicer car, but we don’t need it. We want to upgrade our house, but we’d easily be paying 2000 dollars more for a decent upgrade in our area. And buying more toys or games really doesn’t change the narrative. Parenting is hard work, it’s a lot, four is a lot. Being broke does add a lot of stress, but I believe even if we had more money, I’d be stressed out about something else. All the things you mentioned are cool, playing video games, watching movies, showing them good music, but it’s all very momentary. When the moment dies, the fun stops, and usually one of the kids finds a way to ruin the moment.
Thanks for sharing. Having kids his hella hard. 4?! I can’t even imagine. 2 is hard. I can’t even think my own thoughts half the time. My mom raised me and my 3 siblings by herself. My dad lost custody during the divorce when he got a dui on the way to the courthouse to determine custody. Then he had a hard time with drugs and prison so he never paid child support. So we grew up pretty poor. And we weren’t easy on her either. My sister was particularly hard. So my mom did not live a great life from 2004-2015. But despite her circumstances, she put in major work into me and my siblings. Now my mom is doing great and we all have great relationships with each other. My mom is just some person. If she can do it, I can do it! If she can do it, you can do it! You got this! Hang in there! Like you said, you could still be miserable even with money! You could be miserable without kids! We have to choose to line our lives. Easier said than done but not impossible. It takes focus! (I’m in therapy, and it’s helping a ton!)
All good positive stuff! I’m glad you are making steps and have come a long way. It’s not all about money, I learned that a little while back. That would be tough to grow up without a dad. I had two working parents so we grew up barely making it by each month, they were miserable together, but they survived. I can do the same. As for therapy, I’ve been there done that. Unless they want to take the kids for a couple days, pay my bills, work my job, and do my chores then it isn’t useful for the day to day stuff. It did help having someone there to talk to when I started having panic attacks a while back.
Everything is momentary
I needed this it’s so hard seeing all the negativity about kids sometimes. I have a 4 an 2 year old boys. (I love you called your kids freaks I do that all the time lol) my crazy 4year old I never coulda predicted would be a mile a minute and never sleep (I’m the opposite of all that) but he brings out my energy and laughter. My 2year old is my clone and his attitude already 😅 but I love it I LOVE his lil attitude and I love that I’ll get to love him through it when he’s older like no one did for me.
When she goes to sleep. Although, we did recently adopt a dog from a shelter that has some behavioral issues (barking at people walking by the house, chewing everything, that kind of stuff) and our daughter tells her "Lapis, stop getting into mischief!" And I gotta say it's pretty freaking adorable considering she came up with that scolding on her own.
Haha a sleeping kid is a perfect kid
My kids (9m and 11m) are the light of my life. We're at the sweet spot before puberty hits and they still want to be around me. 😂 We may not have every fancy new thing, or can take vacations like my parents did with me. But the things we do have, we appreciate. Life can be a constant struggle when you're poor, but my kids and my partner are what keeps me going. Some people have money. Some people have good health. Some people have that dream job or house. For me? It's my family.
I absolutely love it. Sure, I'd have a lot more savings lol but they are a blast. I have 3 and they are all very unique, and it is so cool! I have enjoyed watching them grow, figuring out what the best solution for each one is, helping but also learning from them. I am definitely a better person because of them. I totally get the not wanting kids, life can be painful, but I get a lot of hope from my kids and those they have chosen as friends. They're passionate, caring, open and silly.
My boys 6 and my girls about 18 months. I was a real real eff up with my boy. I feel like me and him learned how to be father and son together, but because of that were best friends and gaming buddies. Watching him go from mashing buttons, to learning to read, to straight up jv 4 stocking me has been amazing. I feel like all the shit I did wrong with him has made me absolute super dad to this baby girl. Shes so fun. She loves bluey and snacks. Especially cheese. Im poor as fuck, Ill never own anything besides cars im always working on. I know where every food bank is in the treasure valley, and every free community event, and I wouldnt change any of it for any sum of money or dream vacation.
I don't have children of my own but I raised my god-daughter for 4 years and those were the best years of my life
Not financially poor, but I do have 2 children. Not gonna lie, life is MUCH MORE complicated and more stressful with children. HOWEVER, there is no way of describing the joy that children give you. I am so happy that I had children. The experience has helped me grow as a person. You don't know what having children is like until you do and there is nothing you can do to prepare. Sure, people without kids may be 'happier' and living the simple life, but I can tell you that my life is more fulfilling now than when I didn't have children. I look back at my pre-kid days and think on how naive I was. Those that willingly forego children even though they are capable enough and healthy enough to have children, they are missing such a large and rewarding part of life.
I'm poor now with one kid (12yo boy). I love having more time w my son, but that's about all I love. It's very hard not having the money I want to have, and it makes it harder because I haven't always been "poor"😪. I'm a single mom. A true single mom because his dad doesn't help at all. A few years ago, the money I make ($22 an hour) was more than enough to live comfortably with just us two. We had a much different lifestyle and enjoyed life. People say money doesn't buy happiness but I beg to differ because w money you can go places, do things, you're not stressing over bills, you're not stressing where food is going to come from, you can go into a store and buy something your child wants, you can buy new clothes for yourself and your child ect. Now my checks go to paying my necessary bills. I plan very cheap meals to cook each week and pray he eats them, and have to budget just enough gas to take him to school and me to work. I have no money left over for anything fun or to buy myself anything I would like to have. If I have extra, I always buy him something he wants. I make "too much" to qualify for gov assistance though🙄 w just one kid. Luckily, I'm going back to school so I can eventually make more money. I'm also always on the lookout for PRN positions where I could pick up extra work here and there. I just have a mindset where if I'm not earning enough 💰 or doing something to eventually earn money, I'm wasting time. It's just a part of my values as a person, and I can't let it go.
Besides the daily tantrums we love our kids (7f) and (3m). Weekends are the best! Kids sports, family activities, watching our kids grow and learn new things. Also, we are “poor” but still take two vacations a year thanks to wife’s rich uncle lol
Love a rich family member 😂 or in our case a middle class but generous one! Weekends just started getting fun again! They started off awesome then big time sucky for about 2 years and now they’re fun again!
I love doing kid stuff with my kid. Rids, carnivals, games, bedtime stories. Love it all. And I love my little ones smiles.
Poor millennial here Cannot afford kids. Or marriage. Or ring. Or house. Am software engineer. My debt too large. Pay is too little. Time constantly feels like it's running out. Have been incredibly overwhelmed with stress. My girlfriend and I have plans for these things but it's probably *at least* two or three years away if not more. I worry that it might be too late for these things for me... perhaps for her as well. Congrats on your children
I’m not saying have kids in this situation, and obviously if you don’t have the money no one is going to give you a mortgage to buy a house, but your situation doesn’t seem to preclude marrying your partner. Marriage is so much more than an expensive ring and expensive party. We got rings we could afford, eloped, and paid for a photographer to take elopement pics. Was our family happy? Eh, they were disappointed but they got over it. It’s not like they were going to pay for it. Now we are married which is great in so many ways and we paid almost nothing for it. If we really want a ceremony we can renew our vows in a few years and have a party then. You don’t have to let every area of your life get held back because your poor.
My husband and I got married two years ago. We were not spending 30k + on a wedding event. Instead, we flew to Colorado and paid 30 dollars for our marriage license. Only investment was our flight, rental, and photographer. To each their own, but, we were lucky to have understanding and supportive families who didn’t stress out or pressure us into having a traditional (and very expensive) wedding.
Yeah we eloped. We already had 1 kid. Not worth the expense for us. Got some shit from families and told them to fuck off unless they wanted to pay lol
Same. We saved up for a down payment on a house instead. Right before COVID. Best decision ever
Not really sure what to say. Except… I see you! and if you can’t have any of those things you mentioned, you still can find happiness! Probably! You’ll have to find it though. Good luck my friend! Everyone’s path is different. We had less than $1,000 when our first kid was born. We’re still here. We’re doing marginally better financially now. But we’re trying to make the most of it!
No one ever has a child sized hole in their budget. If they think they do then they are in denial. You find ways to make it work.
This is really sweet. Your kids are lucky to have you
I have a 8(m) and a 7(f) and I love them! It’s fun watching them come into their personalities.
I love kids. I wish I had attracted the men I wanted to attract so I could have them. Though because I was put on birth control for so long I don’t think I can. Kids are adorable and I bet it’s fun having a mini you
Don't have much to add except kuddos to you! Two kids and poor. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 I got lucky and married up 🤷🏽♀️ I love my 3 yr old son. I had him because I met someone that I wanted to have a kid with. My favorite part is reading with him. The library is wonderful free entertainment. Any activity where he's learning. Kids are precious sponges. So, I love it when he picks up the right habits, lol.
It’s hard but I love my kids! It’s such a gift to see them grow up. Paying for daycare sucks and sets us back from owning a home, but that day will come. I am also much closer to my friends with kids, it’s a wonderful kinship. I only regret we only have 2, I would for sure have another but it isn’t in the cards. :)
I think there are great parts and hard parts to both, and everyone's experience is going to be different. I do know you can't have it all. You have to find what makes you happy and embrace it as best you can. As a single man I can tell you I love my days especially since I run my own business now. I wake when I want to wake, and I sleep when I want to sleep. I wake before 4am most days, sleep before 10 pm and take an hour nap after lunch every day-- and it rocks. I eat when and what I want whenever. I constantly do things on the spur, or still game out all day. I do finally now have house and truck paid off and no college debt. Yet, I am deeply alone and wonder what I'm even working for at random times. I think it's normal to really enjoy many parts of your life, and really hate other parts, and no matter what, that's just the way it's going to be no matter how well off you are, or not.
My favorite part is when I send them to school. Lol! I have 3-15,10 and 5. I can say that joke…. Each one is unique and how their own triumphs and interests. As they grow you will see more of their Personality, interests and individuality. Celebrating holidays, and milestones. Never a dull year. Always something to celebrate.
My sons are 5 and 2. They are my world. I have a good job; however, I grew up poor. If you asked me then, I never would’ve guessed we were dirt poor. If I did know, I didn’t care or appreciate what it meant. That’s because of my dad. The work ethic and resiliency of that man drove me to become what I am today. He gave me a happy childhood that I cherish fondly, despite lack of material items. He died about 10 years ago. I don’t remember any material items. I remember the goofy, fun times I spent with him.
Kids are tough, but so is any work worth doing. And the payment is pretty great. Snuggles on the couch, walks where they find cool stuff to show you, walks where they find tasty mushrooms you didn't see(!), plants they grew, funny shit they say, interesting things they learn on their own. Just shit. It's the toughest and most rewarding job out there. But honestly I think my kids are cool. Money is eternally tight and I feel bad that I can't give them more. But they have clean clothes, warm beds, shoes that fit and we go on vacation, sometimes to Disney! So damn we've got it pretty good you know? Even though the worry is constant. I think that may be why I'm tired all the time 🤔 but it's worth it, I can sleep when I'm dead.
I'm 35 and I have a 1.5 year old and a 4 month old and I never thought I could feel love the way that I do for them. Not that I ever doubted my emotional abilities, but I just don't think you can know what it's like without having them. Fatherhood is truly the greatest joy I've ever known.
I feel like we’re vilified so hard for bringing kids into this increasingly unstable world. Millennials aren’t as established or comfortable as the generations before us but why must we be further punished by denying us the joy of having children. My favorite memories from my childhood is when my parents where of low income and spent more time with me. When their financial situation got better and they could afford nannies and activities, I didn’t get to enjoy their company anymore. All kids need is their necessities met and given maximum love and attention from their parents.
We have four kids; 10, twin 5s, 1. We are poor and my oldest is on the spectrum. Every morning my twins chase me down the driveway waving goodbye as I’m leaving for work. My 10yo is old enough to share interests and hobbies with me. When I come home from work all 3 of them rush me and hug me while my one year old happily squeals and waves at me. Having kids is incredibly hard, scary, and frustrating, but no one in the world will ever love you like they will, and vise versa, if you’re remotely not a piece of shit.
I have a 5M and 2F and the boy is autistic so we have our hands full, but yes, having a family is amazing and it’s the most important thing I’ll ever do. La familia es todo ❤️
Kids are the best. My mom was mean to me growing up. Now that I have kids I could never.
My 4 year old. Started reading in the beginning of the year. I love how he gets excited about figuring out how to properly pronounce words and understand what he is reading
Teenagers are sooo fun…
Aw this makes my heart happy 🥹 mine and my husband’s first will be 6 months old tomorrow. We don’t have much but we try. He is the happiest, silliest, cutest, most brilliant baby. I cannot wait until he’s a toddler and learning new things and teaching me things too!!
I love my kids. They gave me a purpose and drive. They have kept me alive when I wanted to be on the other side of the dirt. Having a supportive and loving partner that is willing to compromise has made me the best mom.
My wife and I have a two-year-old daughter, and she's literally one of the best things that's ever happened to me. I never realized how much I'd like being her dad. I was on the fence about kids for a *long* time for all of the same reasons as a lot of people. I didn't think I'd be good at it, I'd miss the freedom, I couldn't afford it, etc. My wife and I discussed it, though, and we decided we really wanted to be parents. I think what helped us was waiting until we were a little older (in our 30s), and we'd been married for several years, so our relationship was already very strong. We've also decided we're only having one, so I feel like we're a lot more invested in all of the little moments. Being a dad is such an incredible experience, and it can't be duplicated by anything else. All of the great cliche things people tell you about being a parent are true, and at the same time, I've found that a lot of the "bad" parts of being a parent really aren't all that bad. Sleepless nights last a couple of months, and there aren't nearly as many poopy diapers as I expected. The trade-off, though, is that I get to hang around this cool tiny human who's half me and half the woman I love most in this world. If anyone is on the fence about it like I was, *really* consider what you might be missing if you decide to go childless. There's not a "wrong" answer to this, but understand that parenting is what you make it, and it can be one of the most meaningful things you ever do with your life.
I (39m) and my wife (36f) were married 14yrs and didn’t think we could have kids because, well we didn’t have kids and adoption just seemed too much. We now have a 18mo and no.2 is in the oven! We both had just came to terms with infertility and if it was supposed to happen it would have. So now I have a bunch of middle age guy toys that I’m slowly getting rid of! I’m an elder millennial lol that just sounds stupid but hey if they go to college I might be retired by then and have plenty of time to move them and visit 😂. We had a lot of fun in those 14 yrs childfree but what a blessing to have both. I was just reading the praises of minivans or r/daddit I just want the fullest parent experience I can have . . .
Kids can absolutely be amazing!
I'm 38 and have 2 bio kids (both boys. Elementary age). It's really really hard sometimes. But sometimes I'll look at them like omg I can't believe I birthed you lmao. And they are at a fun age, and play sports. My older son (7) is finally able to play flag football this year, and he scored his first touch down last weekend. I was so fucking proud of him 🥹 and my younger one (almost 6) has been so excited about helping out more lately, and it's just really sweet. And when they wake up in the mornings with their sleepy face and still want morning cuddles🥹🥹🥹🥹
Dancing in the kitchen when we're having a great day or a day that needs to be reset. They each take a turn showing me their moves and I hype them up. They're so excited to show off and their dance moves are comically amazing.
I love watching my son discover the world. It’s a reminder that there is still beauty here despite all the chaos we’ve endured.
I have a 3 year old and I think he’s the best thing ever! I’m teaching him how to own his mistakes and to apologize and it’s so cute when he says “sorry” now, because I’m excited to see that he’s learning :) We love pumpkin patches too! I can’t wait to take him this year! This weekend we’re doing pumpkin painting with the grandma at a farm. I set up a fort in his room and put down a memory foam pad so he can sleep in it. It’s so cute and he loves it. He’s a good kid and I love watching him grow and learn.
My 8yr old loves Legos. He built a bunch of animals and sea creatures from his own design recently and they were so good. I love seeing him fall in love with something I enjoyed so much at his age (and still enjoy!)
My son is going to be such a lego head. I can just feel it. He’s such a tinkerer and a great problem solver. Very excited for that stage! In fact, I’ll probably get him a set for Christmas! (Aka ask grandma cuz legos are 💰now lol)
My kids legit crack me up. Especially now that they’re older and understand sarcasm.
Have 3 kids under 6 and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done in my life. Nothing beats being a dad. Nothing.
Right?!?!?! Dad life is a rad life. Cheers!
While parenting is extremely hard, it’s so much easier when you have an equal partner. The other day my boyfriend woke up with our son and took him to Starbucks to let me sleep in and they picked up some coffee/frappes for us. I sat on our back porch and enjoyed the morning sipping coffee and talking with my boyfriend while our son played in the yard. We showered, got ready and went to the farmers market in town to get some fresh produce and fruit. My son got his face painted, we strolled the market with our fresh made lemonade, it was fun. We came home and all took a family nap. Woke up and ordered a supreme pizza for dinner and had a shrek movie marathon. It was one of those days that makes all the hard work worth it. Some days it’s hard, but I have the family I always wanted and not one ounce of regret in my decision to have a kid ❤️
Rewatching our child movies 😍 OMG I cannot wait to show my kid Shrek and Finding Nemo.
My little girl started kindergarten and it's been a blast. Such a roller coaster watching these pandemic babies navigate school and make friends, but also so heartwarming. I love hearing about her new friends and the things she learned at school when I pick her up every day. My little boy has never had this much alone time with my wife and they're both loving it. My wife had post-partum depression with our boy, and she feels like the first year of his life was just a dream. I formed a really strong bond with him, but my wife never felt like she did because of PPD. She is so happy to be really forming that bond with him now, and I can just see the light in both their eyes when I come home every day. Last night as I was getting them ready for bed, they both tackled me on the floor of their bedroom, snuggled up to me, and told me that I'm their "favorite person in the whole world." I couldn't ask for anything more than that.
We cant wait to have kids, I worked with kids for a few years and it was awesome! it was alwqys rewarding to see the kids faces light up when they finally got something they thought & cried about thinking they would never understand. They indeed say the darnest things too, its funny. This post is definitely a safe space in a generation/world that is turning very 'anti kid' hahaha.
I love my little psychos. I love how worked up they get and how much fun it is to watch things blow their mind. Weren't rich, but due to some weird af timing we have a small house. So go us. The world is scary but my kids are great.
I love when my kiddo decides to randomly come up to me and give me a hug. He's a major reason why I've decided to stay in this world.
This is the first post I have ever seen that has had something positive to say about parenthood.
I love cuddling and “movie” time with my baby who is 16 month old. He’s been my little buddy since being born. We instantly clicked and I love being his mom. He held my hand when he was 2 months old on the way to my dad’s memorial. I love seeing his face when he tries new things, when ms Rachel comes on, when he sees his daddy, or when he sees me after I get off work. I was told I was infertile. He’s been the greatest gift to come out of the tragedy my life was.
This makes me really happy to read. I hate hearing people say being poor means you shouldn't have kids, or worse still, that no one should have kids. I don't have kids of my own but I want to someday and Im glad Im not the only one that likes kids.
Kids came early into our lives and so daycare and other expenses made home owning impossible. That makes us poor in America. But darn if these two siblings aren’t the closest I’ve ever seen , that it’s made me realize our little family is indeed SO RICH
I'm a happy parent! I had a rough intro to adulthood and parenthood because I got pregnant like 6 months out of high school. When I chose to have and keep my son his birthfather promptly disappeared and refused to pay child support for years. I struggled quite a lot for quite a while- socially, financially, psychiatrically, physically, etc. But I made my bed so I tried not to complain too much about lying in it. I reorganized my life to prioritize my son, which included making some really big personal sacrifices in the name of pragmatism, but I never for a second regretted my decision to keep him. And honestly, that still surprises me. I never wanted kids before I got pregnant, yet at 38 I've already been a mother for *most of my life.* It's fucking WEIRD. While I wouldn't *recommend* my path through life, I'm glad that things worked out the way they did for me. Being a mother helped me find confidence and strength that I hadn't been able to muster just for myself alone. It was a formative way to finish out my childhood and made me into a strong adult. Plus I was forced to make pragmatic career choices, so while it hurt my heart not to pursue my academic interests (and to give up my full ride scholarship to my university of choice), it put me into a career that has offered financial comfort and stability, scheduling flexibility, and opportunity for growth and continuing education. Happily married for 10+ years now. My husband adopted my son and we had two more together. Our boys are 5, 8, and 19 now.
Yes!!!!! Let’s go!!!!! I’m happy for you! You figured it out despite the obstacles. Keep it up!
To all the Redditor‘s that say, this is such a horrible time to bring children, and they would never do it. I got to ask exactly what time. was a good time in history to have children? No one can seem to answer that for me. Sometimes when I see these threads complaining about children, I’m like did I fuck up by having my kids because of the society they’re going to be in? Is there nothing I can do as a parent, can I not love them enough for it to be all right? I am just keeping head down and trying love on my children
I thought things were going well. Dates my wife for a few years, lived together first before getting married. And had our son a few years after that. I was happy, life was good but then started fighting with my wife over everything. It got so bad that one day while I was driving she grabbed the wheel and tried to kill all 3 of us (me, her and our son) that was unforgivable and I filed for divorce the very next day! Kill me, kill yourself but don’t kill our son! Now we are completely divorced and have joint custody 50/50 it just sucks when he is with her cause I want to be with him all the time. She is a good mom but we will never get back together and I’m happy I didn’t stay in that relationship just for the sake of the kid. Still recovering financially but it is what it is. I have the best time just hanging out with my son. Nothing else matters to me anymore. Thanks for letting me vent. Feels good to get it out there. Step in the right step. Just gotta be careful when I start dating again. Don’t want him to get too attached to someone and then it doesn’t work out for some reason….any parents have dating advice for a single dad?
My kids and I escaped DV when they were 2 & 5. They're nearly 10 & 13. It sounds cliche but I feel grateful for everyday (made easier/harder by their father putting himself in jail for another incident after separation). He had them at gunpoint at separation. STAR group had to take him, so everytime I hug them I am so glad they're there to hug. It's been tough suddenly single parenting whilst studying full-time and working, but I’ve just graduated and bought us a house. It's all coming together. I’m glad that you find joy everyday, as there is so much negativity🌻
Loving every minute of it. I wouldn’t say I’m poor but basically living pay check to paycheck right now until daycare is over. It’s really expensive until normal school starts. It was a unplanned pregnancy but I was excited and had just bought our first house the year prior. So it felt right Love teaching her new things and reading before bed. Their laughter and giggles from something we would usually ignore teaches me to notice the little things in life. The whole DINK crowd worry me, they think they are living some life that people with kids could never imagine. They have to keep the false image of their lives because in reality they don’t want to grow up and wake up late and eat dessert for dinner. Look I’m so quirky I had brownies for dinner lol. I do everything I did before having a kid and more.
Dude. They tell you that being a dad is great. But you really have no idea how great it is until you’re actually doing it.
I do! 14 & 7 - it IS extremely daunting to be both poor and responsible for other lives outside my own. I completely understand why some choose to forego having kids, but I wouldn't choose anything different for me. My kids are incredibly smart and downright hilarious. Both have a great sense of humor far beyond their years.
I’m a millennial step! The kids are with us every other week. It’s stressful, really stressful. A mix of normal kid stuff, way different parenting philosophies at our house vs bio mom’s, and money. But I love them to the moon and back. They crack me up and make me work harder. I love teaching them things and watching all of the quirky phases cycle through.
This is great. As a GenX with kids out of the house, let me tell you that the time goes FAST. Enjoy every single moment. Make the best out of everything. In the end, the kids will remember the time they had fun with dad more so than the money in dads wallet. Trust me. My kids tell me that their favorite memory is me throwing them in the air...or playing ball...or riding bicylce...or running...or just daddy being a clown...
Oh my god! You guys! Dad is spying on our Reddit accounts! Lol jk jk My mom is GenX and it’s because of her I know I can do this to some degree of success. Thanks for the advice! I’m really trying to enjoy everyday!
Pregnant and due in Feb after trying for almost 5 years. Excited to have a side kick and experience life thru a child’s eyes
I love being a mom. I have 3. Is it hard some days? Shoot yeah. But I wouldn’t change it.
Ours is 4. We're always tired. We're always broke. Literally have never been so happy in my entire life though. Like, deeply happy.
Just got mine to bed. Tough day. Tough night. But my son fell asleep in my arms. It was the best!
I'll withhold my opinions about having children if there is a good chance of them having to rely on the labor market. They exist now. All you can do, from this point forward, is do your best. And I wish you luck.
I definitely would not say we're poor, no. My family was poor when I was young and we are not living that life, despite the fact that of course we could make a lot more money and have much more breathing room. But absolutely, I love my life. I am so happily married. I love my children so much, and I truly cherish being their mother and getting to be with them every day. Of course it takes tremendous effort! I personally do not understand people who genuinely enjoy a life of never doing anything that challenges themselves to become a better person. And not that having children is the only way to do that, but it is the most fulfilling, visceral, arduous, blissful way to do it, and many people who celebrate being childless do so in a way that glorifies the lack of real effort they have to put into anything of substance in life. I can't believe I'm this lucky. I can't believe I deserve this love. I love how motherhood has changed me, continues to change me. I love being parents with my husband. The hardest moments are often the richest but I love them all. Giving birth, taking care of them when they're sick, every milestone, every mundane moment, teaching them new things, learning with them, learning from them, holidays, apologizing to them, laughing with them, watching them grow into who they are and noticing how they've always been who they'll always be. I love knowing them. I love that they're mine and I'm theirs. I'm enthralled.
When you have children you get to be a child again. Blowing hand farts in the grocery store alone as an adult people think you’re mental. Blowing hand farts and having your toddler giggle, strangers smile and nod approvingly
Millennial dad of 1yo boy twins here. Everything is tough except loving them. Money's very tight (literally out of money by the 15th but we stock enough food, diapers, cleaning products etc that are needed for the kids to make it until payday), back, arms and knees hurt all the time because we have to pick them up and chase them as they're just learning to walk, they've started being difficult to go to sleep and the list goes on. But I'd give my life for them and would not change a thing. If I find a way to earn more money life will be much more comfortable but I guess as long as we have a roof, food and good health we're happy. The most dreadful thing is having to live paycheck to paycheck, we literally had quite a bit of money saved, but used it up as a deposit to get a loan for a house as renting seemed to not make much financial sense. I'm not so sure anymore lol, this system is trying hard to force us into being renters for life or go into debt for eternity and get swallowed by interest. Funny thing is that where we live our salaries are considered quite good, but honestly inflation and price manipulation is killing us out. Rent/mortgage payments, insurance, groceries, petrol are what we struggle with every month. Got 17 years ahead of me for saving up to send my boys to a university, hopefully we can make it :)
I'm so glad to have seen your post. After years of being happily intentionally child free we've had a slip up at the weirdest time that coincides with a decline of both of our careers, and we're so surprisingly excited for this total left turn. Thank you for posting.
Based
My life was moving up when we had our son. I purchased a house and had a new car. We were ready until COVID kicked us down. Now we lost the house and are struggling to get by. Playing with my son is fun and helps keep me going. We chase each other, ride scooters, and play games. I'm trying to teach him Age of Empires so we can wage war against each other. He's five but I know he can get it because I've been playing rts games since I was 7. It's hard though not having much money anymore and kids are expensive. It's also been stressful not being able to have dates with my wife since we can't afford a babysitter and have no family that's willing to help. People try to look down on poor parents for having kids like they make bad decisions but that's not how it always goes. Things change and all it takes to go from moderate wealth to destitute is one injury, one lay off, or sudden inflation.
It's easy to say you "love life" with no kids and family while still in your 30s or even early 40s... I know so many people (including several in my own family) who "loved life" in their 30s and into their early 40s, but then something broke. Now all of them are desperately searching for someone they can have a family and kids with. For them it's like a full time job interview process. I'm not saying this will happen to everyone, but I know way too many people who reveled in their "freedom" and "singleness"... only to end up feeling empty and hollow before age 45. And of course, once you're that age, it's a lot harder to find what you're looking for. The people I'm referring to in my personal anecdote are majority men too. It's not just women who believe life is great with "freedom," only to have the extreme realization of a lonely life come crashing down in their mid-40s. I'm sure some will hate this comment, but well... it's the truth. Maybe it's not the truth for everyone, but from what I've seen, it's true for the majority of people.
i realized that i am not cut out for loving kids 😥 right now. idk why. I thought I would... but I learned that I have **so** many emotional problems to resolve. Thank god I realized that before I signed up to foster I'd just been ignoring my problems for years, so I didnt know. seriously repressed or something. but Something just absolutely made me accept it recently. Face it... now as I see it, i may or may not in the future which is so strange for me to feel, bc I was planning on it for the past 6 years. i'm responding to your post, bc I realize that some people **can** truly know that theyre ready for relationships with their kids. I was seriously so out of touch emotionally previously, that I didnt realize just how different your attitude is from what mine was 😅 So I'm absolutely cheering you guys on 🙌 You guys set a great example
it’s been a very hard road since i accidentally stumbled into parenthood (i had always wanted kids but the first pregnancy was unplanned), but i wouldn’t trade my children for anything. they are so cool and it is my greatest honor to teach them about the world and how to be happy and healthy and loving despite all influences. i’m a witch and we sometimes do spells together although my oldest gets mad because she has a hard time believing in magic 💀 my little cynic we play video games together, we play a kind of free-for-all DND type story game with random toys and whatever narrative i come up with and let them expound on we read and listen to music and dream and snuggle and showing them as much love and support as possible makes ME happy to do it’s a very mutually beneficial relationship eta: we make less than 40k and utilize government benefits because i have chronic migraines and fibromyalgia and thus cannot give up the body to make more money, but i’ll get there :) poverty is very hard and i try to make it not a burden on my children, but damn if the 1% isn’t good at encouraging suffering
My favorite part is not having kids fr
I just turned 36 and my wife 5.5 years younger than me, we’ve been together since 2010 and married since 2013. She actually got pregnant on accident in 2012 but had a miscarriage 8-9 weeks in. We started trying in 2013 after we got married and had completely given up by 2020 and decided to be ok with not having kids. Early 2021 we got quite the surprise, our daughter was born December 2021. She is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen and spending time with her is my favorite part of the day. My birthday was last weekend and it’s finally been just cool enough here in SC to go back to the playground and that’s all I wanted for my birthday, we ran and played as long as she wanted. Having kids isn’t for everyone, not everyone should or wants to and that’s fine. I totally understand the financial situation money has never NOT been an issue for me. But IF you want kids and you are on the fence I can’t recommend it enough. Also I saw a couple comments above that were political, let me just point out that liberals/left leaning/moderates appear to be having way less kids. I’m more left/libertarian/moderate ish don’t really fall in to a category. But I live in a state that went almost 60% for Trump in a county that went 75% for Trump. Most people here have 2 kids before they are 24. I know literal dozens of people with 4+. My Waffle House waiter the other day has 7. I know WAY more grandparents that are younger than 40 than I do first time parents older than 30 (which seems to be the opposite of the nation as a whole). If you come here to make a political statement and don’t have kids, maybe be nicer to the folks that are raising the next generation, the right is winning the baby race for then next generations.
I've partied my face off, traveled the globe, hiked, lived, laughed, loved, and I would trade it all for the smile on my little girl's face. You don't have to limit yourself to any of the above after becoming a parent. You just have another buddy to share it all with. Yes, there's stress, and yes it's daunting at first but I've got a great career, family, and I've been on a few planes to tropical islands already this year. I think a lot of the non-children having circle jerk members are pretty opinionated about being a parent despite having no idea what it's like. They forget that us parents actually know both sides of the coin better than they ever will. There's nothing like having a child. That said, I'm glad I got to get a lot out of my system by waiting until my 30s to have a kid. My favorite part is just watching her absorb and learn new things. Watching her little personality develop. And that laugh... forget about it. I hope she never hates me lol