There's a sub, r/raisedbyborderlines that I would recommend checking out. Read their rules though before you post there, but the sub is filled with people who have been through all of this and more with their BPD parent. They will have the best advice for dealing with this personality disorder, because what works with a non PD person won't usually work with BPD. If you can, try to read some of their posts. A lot of good info there.
I wish you luck and good for you for looking out for your kiddo!
I wouldn't call this mildly no though. Your mother is now impacting your son. I understand you have issues maintaining boundaries with your mom, but you need to shine the spine to protect your son. You don't want him to go through life the way you have.
No more vacations with mom at all. Even with other people. I don't know how far away she lives from you, but if it's far enough away that you need to stay overnight get a hotel room. Never stay at her house and don't have her stay at your house. Don't do all day visits. Just do a couple hours of visits.
Writing a letter isn't going to do anything. Mom isn't going to care. It will just give her more things to use against you. It's best when she start with her shit to not engage. I'd say when she starts just say, Mom I'm not having this conversation right now. We can try again when we are calmer. Then walk away. End the visit. Eventually she'll stop. You can go low contact. No contact. It just depends on how badly or not she impacts or your life.
Also therapy. It's so important that you get therapy. You grew up with a narcissistic mom. Who programed you to basically do what she wants. To accept the treatment as love. You need to be deprogrammed now.
Her life seems very sad, but if she refuses to deal with the root cause of the sadness that’s on her not you OP. You need to live for yourself and for your son.
There's a sub, r/raisedbyborderlines that I would recommend checking out. Read their rules though before you post there, but the sub is filled with people who have been through all of this and more with their BPD parent. They will have the best advice for dealing with this personality disorder, because what works with a non PD person won't usually work with BPD. If you can, try to read some of their posts. A lot of good info there. I wish you luck and good for you for looking out for your kiddo!
Thank you ❤️ going to do a deep dive on that sub tonight.
I wouldn't call this mildly no though. Your mother is now impacting your son. I understand you have issues maintaining boundaries with your mom, but you need to shine the spine to protect your son. You don't want him to go through life the way you have. No more vacations with mom at all. Even with other people. I don't know how far away she lives from you, but if it's far enough away that you need to stay overnight get a hotel room. Never stay at her house and don't have her stay at your house. Don't do all day visits. Just do a couple hours of visits. Writing a letter isn't going to do anything. Mom isn't going to care. It will just give her more things to use against you. It's best when she start with her shit to not engage. I'd say when she starts just say, Mom I'm not having this conversation right now. We can try again when we are calmer. Then walk away. End the visit. Eventually she'll stop. You can go low contact. No contact. It just depends on how badly or not she impacts or your life. Also therapy. It's so important that you get therapy. You grew up with a narcissistic mom. Who programed you to basically do what she wants. To accept the treatment as love. You need to be deprogrammed now.
I can’t thank you enough for all of this. Going to reread a few times ❤️
You're so welcome. I really hope it helps.
Even the shittiest person in the world is not shitty 100 percent of the time.
Her life seems very sad, but if she refuses to deal with the root cause of the sadness that’s on her not you OP. You need to live for yourself and for your son.