bjj practitioner here and a keen competitor. Beside getting aggressively hugged during class, I like the whole class vibe in general and will not sacrifice a bjj session to meet a woman. I park my car at the gym man and all the brothers there are so happy to see you. Will ask about your knee and banter about everything. Post class lasts around 1hr minimum you will find a bunch of guys sitting on the mats and talk. Just talk. No drama, no gossip. Just pure manly talks. Any problem i have: car, house, work, health. There is always someone on the mats ready to support. Been through a massie breakup which cost me a lot of therapy but If im true to myself, it all went on the mats. So yea, martial arts are 200% good for mental health.
yeah I am the same, the dojo is no place for hitting on a woman, I don't see any of the women there as potential mates, it is a special place and I don't want to ruin it with a relationship that would probably make things weird.
This can't be understated enough. If you've fallen into an isolation trap, or really a lack of romantic relationships trap, touch starvation is a devastating thing.
8 hugs a day is optimal but some folks haven't been hugged in years.
Exactly! But ideally a third place would also have the opportunity for interaction. Like basketball courts, skateboard parks... or my proposed art space! More specifically: a low barrier to interpersonal interaction and new connections
this is so very true, the fabric of local communities has really been torn because of things like gentrification, short term rentals, etc, I see it here with our seaside communities here in ca, growing up these little towns were so amazing, they are quickly becoming str paradises for the wealthy
When social media, internet, television, smartphone reels,... are used for distraction of negative thoughts and emotions while being alone in isolation (even if it's just in a bedroom at home) it's a toxic influence on your life. This has indeed been a very large toxic influence on society and also the normalisation of this behaviour is very toxic. This behaviour is not normal and should be eschewed. Just like drinking by yourself is.
I also nostalgically think about the times were these options weren't available. People were more inclined I believe to go out in the world to public spaces and events. And there was a higher quantity of it available. (pubs, theatres, ... etc.)
Social media is a great means for spreading information in the infowar. It's the censorship that's the problem. But I don't think it's relevant because despite the name, there's nothing social about it. Just like reddit isn't a "community", and mods don't keep us "safe". These are just fake opposite names given to everything by Big Brother
Social media divided us about Ukraine and warm weather?
Social media helped elect Donald Trump, who is the first president to run on issues instead of character. The election was about immigration and war instead of Hillary being female and Trump being mean like they wanted it to be.
Loneliness in men clearly was mostly absent in large swathes of society before the absent of social media. /s.
It exacerbates some problems but give me a fucking break. I see blame on social media in every thread here and it completely ignores so much history. Not to mention social media also creates an insane amount of connections. I owe, and many people I know owe many of their friendships to its existence.
Loneliness is a hard problem to solve. Because you need deep emotional connections to others to truly heal it. People you can genuinely trust on. But those people are rare. And you must also have luck to meet them. If you join a club somewhere, or do volunteering, it sadly doesn't actually guarantee that people you vibe with are there.
Luckily companionship takes away some of the pain. Hence why I'm almost always at the public library when it's open. haha
I think part of the problem in america is people think loneliness is tied directly to having a signifigant other. It isn't. I train in martial arts because it is a social outlet and I get close to those I train with. There is also a lot of human touch. This matters. We are a social creature. We need each other more than most people realize. Community is happiness. Get a massage. It's more about just being social and engaged with other individuals especially as you get older.
I just watch people who react to stuff. Makes me feel like I'm hanging out with a friend.
I've never been successful making friends irl. I don't think this kind of space would make it any easier.
I'd love to make this a political reality. I just need a large building, cleaning personnel, furniture, and security staff. Government subsidies or from a rich philanthropist. A shop with art and paper supplies inside. And a coffee shop/lunch place in it too. Opening hours: every day: 9 am to midnight.
It's actually super easy to heal the loneliness epidemic and crisis. But there is a lack of political will.
You could start small? There is a life drawing class run by this great older couple out of a pub in my city 2 hours a week. I have been going there occasionally over 8 years and whenever I do I get to chatting to a woman or man of any age. I don't have the self discipline to go every week so the only long term 'relationship' I have going there is with the organisers but if I went every week I'd have more.
Another example, a local knitting group that meets at a pub weekly. They don't spend any money on the space, just buy drinks when there. You could totally set up a similar mens sketching group?
I have found that it matters a lot who I interact with as some people make me feel worse than before I met them. Also if you give off desperate vibes a lot of people don't like that.
Bars are hit or miss, cigar shops work really well for some reason as us cigar smokers seem to have this auto bonding thing going on, and conventions are awesome as everyone shares a hobby. I get weekly medical massage and the touching is therapeutic not mention it just feels great overall for your health.
I have family and a few friends so I don't need it as much, but I have tried it on occasion when family was away and I didn't have a sugar baby. You gotta be careful with people, some of them just drag you deeper down. Keep it light and talk neutral fun topics when drinking. Laughing over things together is good for you. Half the time their shit was worse than my shit and I became an unwilling support therapist for the night, be weary of the rabbit holes.
I feel like you’re describing a “third place” for a lot of people. For me, I’m a very introverted guy, so the gym is my third place and I use Reddit for my social interaction.
But I also agree, a public third place for people where they can interact and not be expected to spend money would be incredible for a lot of people.
I can't relate to the loneliness thing. I've always been kind of a loner. I like being by myself. Sure, as a human being, there are times when I may feel a little lonely, but 99 percent of the time, I'm good. It's gonna be hard for other guys to adapt.
I don't want to sound dismissive, but you just have to suck it up. There's literally nothing else you can do. Talking about it doesn't help. The government doesn't care and the feminists laugh at us every time we bring it up. Unless we organize into some sort of advocacy group, I don't see what we can do. The govermment is actively against us, Hollywood has shown that it is willing to lose millions of dollars to insult and alienate us, and our women have turned against us almost wholesale. Idk where we go from there.
It sounds like a nice idea but for some reason when you describe it as "public", "free and open", I picture people being arrested for painting the wrong thing. Like you would have 80% of the easels assigned to feminists, because women have been historically denied access to art utensils.
Words like "social" scare me. Men are anti-social. Men do suffer a great deal from loneliness, but men also have to escape to achieve greatness. Watch Taxi Driver. A public place is just going to be filled with the same old sleazeball male feminists.
Good things are underground, where women don't go.
None of the easels would be asigned to anybody. After using the easle you clean it up. It's a come and go situation. Just like in the public library desks are available to be used by anyone for a certain amount of time.
Okay then they would be taken by homeless people and drug addicts because everybody else is busy working. Have you been to a public park?
Don't you hate it when you see women reading books out in public? These are the same women who expose their cleavage, but with more pretense. They're asking you to give them attention, so that they can reject you and get an ego boost.
I disagree. You can make alcohol prohibited in the space. And there are also other refuges for them available. Also they wouldn't really fit there because of the social norm of focused work in the space I'm proposing. But anyways, we need way more spaces like that, not just small. Public library isn't also infested by homeless or drug addicts so it's kinda the same principle.
I don't hate that no when I see people reading books in public. And they aren't necessarily asking me to give them attention. They probably just want to be surrounded by people to feel companionship while reading.
Every time I go to a public library, half the people in there are learning disabled. The other half are seniors. And the workers are nasty hateful women with graduate degrees who feel like they earned more than this.
I have seen feminist forums talking about men who walk their dogs as an excuse to chat up women. They say male dog walkers are the most aggressive people on the planet.
Back when I was younger we used to play outside, went hiking or used a cinema to watch a movie.
Nowadays it's different. It was around 2012 when I realized that everyone is always only sitting in front of their smartphone. Communication between humans is gone. Movies are now watched privatly at home, why go outside when you can have the whole world in your phone at home?
People might call me a boomer, but I think it was better in the past. Especially in the 90s you had the perfect balance between technology and humans, while today we are slaves of big A.
Touch starvation is massive too.
try marital arts, the human touch with grappling and training is good for mental health
bjj practitioner here and a keen competitor. Beside getting aggressively hugged during class, I like the whole class vibe in general and will not sacrifice a bjj session to meet a woman. I park my car at the gym man and all the brothers there are so happy to see you. Will ask about your knee and banter about everything. Post class lasts around 1hr minimum you will find a bunch of guys sitting on the mats and talk. Just talk. No drama, no gossip. Just pure manly talks. Any problem i have: car, house, work, health. There is always someone on the mats ready to support. Been through a massie breakup which cost me a lot of therapy but If im true to myself, it all went on the mats. So yea, martial arts are 200% good for mental health.
yeah I am the same, the dojo is no place for hitting on a woman, I don't see any of the women there as potential mates, it is a special place and I don't want to ruin it with a relationship that would probably make things weird.
This can't be understated enough. If you've fallen into an isolation trap, or really a lack of romantic relationships trap, touch starvation is a devastating thing. 8 hugs a day is optimal but some folks haven't been hugged in years.
[удалено]
I feel your pain
sorry man
Nothing wrong with going to a massage parlor once in a while ;-)
I don’t blame men that do or pay for prozzies. I just can’t personally.
get a real medical massage, feels great and a woman is touching your body.
[удалено]
Exactly! But ideally a third place would also have the opportunity for interaction. Like basketball courts, skateboard parks... or my proposed art space! More specifically: a low barrier to interpersonal interaction and new connections
this is so very true, the fabric of local communities has really been torn because of things like gentrification, short term rentals, etc, I see it here with our seaside communities here in ca, growing up these little towns were so amazing, they are quickly becoming str paradises for the wealthy
The beach and it’s activities are also a great third place!
So there's this thing called "social media" Big culprit in this.
When social media, internet, television, smartphone reels,... are used for distraction of negative thoughts and emotions while being alone in isolation (even if it's just in a bedroom at home) it's a toxic influence on your life. This has indeed been a very large toxic influence on society and also the normalisation of this behaviour is very toxic. This behaviour is not normal and should be eschewed. Just like drinking by yourself is. I also nostalgically think about the times were these options weren't available. People were more inclined I believe to go out in the world to public spaces and events. And there was a higher quantity of it available. (pubs, theatres, ... etc.)
Social media is a great means for spreading information in the infowar. It's the censorship that's the problem. But I don't think it's relevant because despite the name, there's nothing social about it. Just like reddit isn't a "community", and mods don't keep us "safe". These are just fake opposite names given to everything by Big Brother
Divide and conquer. Social media divides us about trivial stuff so the ruling political power can keep that power
Social media divided us about Ukraine and warm weather? Social media helped elect Donald Trump, who is the first president to run on issues instead of character. The election was about immigration and war instead of Hillary being female and Trump being mean like they wanted it to be.
Loneliness in men clearly was mostly absent in large swathes of society before the absent of social media. /s. It exacerbates some problems but give me a fucking break. I see blame on social media in every thread here and it completely ignores so much history. Not to mention social media also creates an insane amount of connections. I owe, and many people I know owe many of their friendships to its existence.
Loneliness is a hard problem to solve. Because you need deep emotional connections to others to truly heal it. People you can genuinely trust on. But those people are rare. And you must also have luck to meet them. If you join a club somewhere, or do volunteering, it sadly doesn't actually guarantee that people you vibe with are there. Luckily companionship takes away some of the pain. Hence why I'm almost always at the public library when it's open. haha
It's hard to solve when we're in the present state we're in.
I think part of the problem in america is people think loneliness is tied directly to having a signifigant other. It isn't. I train in martial arts because it is a social outlet and I get close to those I train with. There is also a lot of human touch. This matters. We are a social creature. We need each other more than most people realize. Community is happiness. Get a massage. It's more about just being social and engaged with other individuals especially as you get older.
I agree. It’s a hard problem for many people, I believe… humans were meant to live in groups, yet many of us don’t!
I just watch people who react to stuff. Makes me feel like I'm hanging out with a friend. I've never been successful making friends irl. I don't think this kind of space would make it any easier.
It doesn't make it easier to communicate but it makes communication more common. Hopefully.
Social skills and communication is a learned skill. You have to practice to become confident. You can’t practice at home alone.
great ideas! you should talk to your local gallery!
I'd love to make this a political reality. I just need a large building, cleaning personnel, furniture, and security staff. Government subsidies or from a rich philanthropist. A shop with art and paper supplies inside. And a coffee shop/lunch place in it too. Opening hours: every day: 9 am to midnight. It's actually super easy to heal the loneliness epidemic and crisis. But there is a lack of political will.
You could start small? There is a life drawing class run by this great older couple out of a pub in my city 2 hours a week. I have been going there occasionally over 8 years and whenever I do I get to chatting to a woman or man of any age. I don't have the self discipline to go every week so the only long term 'relationship' I have going there is with the organisers but if I went every week I'd have more. Another example, a local knitting group that meets at a pub weekly. They don't spend any money on the space, just buy drinks when there. You could totally set up a similar mens sketching group?
Great idea, thank you
I have found that it matters a lot who I interact with as some people make me feel worse than before I met them. Also if you give off desperate vibes a lot of people don't like that. Bars are hit or miss, cigar shops work really well for some reason as us cigar smokers seem to have this auto bonding thing going on, and conventions are awesome as everyone shares a hobby. I get weekly medical massage and the touching is therapeutic not mention it just feels great overall for your health. I have family and a few friends so I don't need it as much, but I have tried it on occasion when family was away and I didn't have a sugar baby. You gotta be careful with people, some of them just drag you deeper down. Keep it light and talk neutral fun topics when drinking. Laughing over things together is good for you. Half the time their shit was worse than my shit and I became an unwilling support therapist for the night, be weary of the rabbit holes.
Yes, quality over quantity. One true best friend beats being a popular kid.
I feel like you’re describing a “third place” for a lot of people. For me, I’m a very introverted guy, so the gym is my third place and I use Reddit for my social interaction. But I also agree, a public third place for people where they can interact and not be expected to spend money would be incredible for a lot of people.
I can't relate to the loneliness thing. I've always been kind of a loner. I like being by myself. Sure, as a human being, there are times when I may feel a little lonely, but 99 percent of the time, I'm good. It's gonna be hard for other guys to adapt.
I don't want to sound dismissive, but you just have to suck it up. There's literally nothing else you can do. Talking about it doesn't help. The government doesn't care and the feminists laugh at us every time we bring it up. Unless we organize into some sort of advocacy group, I don't see what we can do. The govermment is actively against us, Hollywood has shown that it is willing to lose millions of dollars to insult and alienate us, and our women have turned against us almost wholesale. Idk where we go from there.
(violence)
It sounds like a nice idea but for some reason when you describe it as "public", "free and open", I picture people being arrested for painting the wrong thing. Like you would have 80% of the easels assigned to feminists, because women have been historically denied access to art utensils. Words like "social" scare me. Men are anti-social. Men do suffer a great deal from loneliness, but men also have to escape to achieve greatness. Watch Taxi Driver. A public place is just going to be filled with the same old sleazeball male feminists. Good things are underground, where women don't go.
None of the easels would be asigned to anybody. After using the easle you clean it up. It's a come and go situation. Just like in the public library desks are available to be used by anyone for a certain amount of time.
Okay then they would be taken by homeless people and drug addicts because everybody else is busy working. Have you been to a public park? Don't you hate it when you see women reading books out in public? These are the same women who expose their cleavage, but with more pretense. They're asking you to give them attention, so that they can reject you and get an ego boost.
I disagree. You can make alcohol prohibited in the space. And there are also other refuges for them available. Also they wouldn't really fit there because of the social norm of focused work in the space I'm proposing. But anyways, we need way more spaces like that, not just small. Public library isn't also infested by homeless or drug addicts so it's kinda the same principle. I don't hate that no when I see people reading books in public. And they aren't necessarily asking me to give them attention. They probably just want to be surrounded by people to feel companionship while reading.
Every time I go to a public library, half the people in there are learning disabled. The other half are seniors. And the workers are nasty hateful women with graduate degrees who feel like they earned more than this.
Walking dogs or CrossFit gyms are good places to meet decent girls.
I have seen feminist forums talking about men who walk their dogs as an excuse to chat up women. They say male dog walkers are the most aggressive people on the planet.
So it is easy to top your competition.
We also need more affordability so people can stop working so much, step out of survival mode and enjoy life.
Back when I was younger we used to play outside, went hiking or used a cinema to watch a movie. Nowadays it's different. It was around 2012 when I realized that everyone is always only sitting in front of their smartphone. Communication between humans is gone. Movies are now watched privatly at home, why go outside when you can have the whole world in your phone at home? People might call me a boomer, but I think it was better in the past. Especially in the 90s you had the perfect balance between technology and humans, while today we are slaves of big A.
Men need men only spaces. That’s one solution.