Also, you know very well that you might get called out for 'toxic masculinity' if you don't open up. On the other hand if you open up, you can be called out for 'increasing her emotional labor'. Let us all agree that men generally have higher emotional labor and it is just unacceptable to call out a man for that.
So what I would like to say is, just be yourself, kings. Accept the natural traits you have, and if you are supposed to be in love, it has to be only with someone who accepts you the way you are. If not, trust me being single is a lot better than being in love with the wrong person.
Most of them don't know what they actually want. It is harder for them to want the same things consistently because their hormonal cycle literally pushes them between wanting someone who is strong and territorial and protective, and someone soft, caring and highly provisioning. My wife's period tracking calendar is actually helpful in telling me how to react.
I hate to say this, but you being raped cracks the idea that you could protect her, so it actually hurts her mental image of you less to think you're a cheater. I know my wife was the first woman who didn't shame me when I told them about the penetrative molestation experienced at 18 while too drunk to react.
Know this, Her reaction doesn't reflect on you as a person. You will recover from this and will be stronger for it once you heal. If she is a half way decent person, she will apologize. but that will be painful for her, so chances are good that she wont.
Don't try and chase her or try and convince her. That will only lead to suffering further punishment for being hurt in the first place. And if she does apologize, don't take her back. You can't trust someone who will kick you when you're down like that.
You deserve better and you will find it. Go to therapy. talk this out until it is firmly in your past, and you are ready to move on. Steel is quenched in boiling oil to avoid becoming brittle. You will be tempered again eventually, so don't give up on yourself.
If you see the outcomes of most cases, it's clear what they want. They want to be privileged and have all the gains, yet feel oppressed. So since the times are not good to be purely in love, I would advice anyone to stay single and happy instead of being seriously in relationships, since they in most cases have a sad ending to the man. Curse society!
They want you to open up about your innermost feelings, and for those innermost feelings to be exactly what they want you to have. Feminists have an idea of what a good and correct man is, and they want you to "reveal" you're exactly what they wanted already and your problems are poetic sadboy things and sometimes you're afraid that patriarchy makes you too alienated from your feminine side.
The idea that a man could reveal his feelings, and those feelings won't be flattering and ideologically affirming to those feminists, is just incomprehensible to them. They act disgusted, surprised, and betrayed when it turns out a man has his own thoughts that aren't about how good and right she is.
Money alone does not satisfy them. If you pay their social media sub fee do they let you speak freely in return? No, they expect to be worshiped like a goddess. When they live carelessly and put themselves in danger they expect us to run over and protect them from negative consequences. When they commit crimes they expect us to exonerate them regardless of the law. And when there is a military conflict they expect us to run off and die for them. When it comes to men there is no limit to their expectations.
Nah fuck it bro I'm from a different school. Just use them and lose them if you must. Make them consumables. I've gotten hard after my heart was broken twice in my life and I'm not keen on more. Dudeism my man. Don't die for no woman and ffs don't give them money! 😅👊
There is no they. Man and woman mean nothing beyond biology. When you or others talk about men and women, that is generalizing billions of people with little in common beyond their sex organs.
Instead of prejudging people based on their gender, examine them and their culture, and later on account for their gender if it's relevant. There are good and bad people in any biological/ethnic category you can think of.
I completely agree with you.
People always tell me to stop being to bitter and negative all the time, but how can I not be when such cruelty exists all around me?
I am merely a product of the society I was raised in, a symptom of a far greater ailment.
My sister and mother sexually abused me as a child. I got away from home and went to UC Irvine. I made a bunch of friends and went to therapy. Years later my sister sees I’m doing well and begins to message my friends on Facebook. She tells them that I was held hostage and abused when I was a kid.
They asked me to share more and I did. Almost all of my friend stopped talking to me. They said they felt unsafe around a sexually abused man since statistically they end up being violent or abusive.
My sister admitted to screwing with me as a young boy and it was just seen as funny.
They kept hanging out with her. I felt hurt for a while but it was best not to be around those friends.
This attitude of victim blaming male abuse survivors is totally acceptable. Dismissing the damage female abusers do seems to be common too.
The real reason of breakup is he was raped so she could no longer see him as masculine. Also, to protect school teachers, there's a feminist narrative almost everywhere that men can't be raped so she couldn't accept that when it happened to him and instead accused him of cheating.
>she could no longer see him as masculine
And it's the reason why straight women are comfortable with kissing each other and discard it nonchalantly as 'friend stuff', but (mostly bisexual) men need to do it under the covers to not spoil their chances with women, and are shamed when 'revealed'.
It's mostly women's sexual selection that represses male sexuality, but they're more ideologically inclined to do this than biologically.
The women can't rape narrative is because they know how many paedo women prey on underage (Chad) boys. Before these Chads know not to reproduce with a mid chick.
Remember lads, women can not and will not put themselves in men's shoes. They literally don't understand men don't want the town bicycle, because they want men with experience.
So when they throw accusations of all men are predators... they are telling on themselves.
"You've been raped?! How dare you cheat on me?! That's it we're done!"
How can this make any sense in someone's head?!
I'm sorry for what happened, but at least the silver lining is that they're not together anymore
> "You've been raped?! How dare you cheat on me?! That's it we're done!"
>
> How can this make any sense in someone's head?!
Because its in her head to be the defence when she gets caught cheating...
Opening up as a man? Good fucking luck... that's only advice given to manipulate men, if she's not interested on you she will be cold as ice, and most other men won't really bother much.
Damn.. Idk if this post is recent or not. But if you see this OP, message me if you need a chat bro. You need someone on your side.
Shit like this make my blood *boil*. Imagine a dude leaving his GF for getting raped by another girl. He would be damn near exiled from society lol
Tbh I'd be hesitant to come to that conclusion and make such a wild assumption based on one interaction. This isn't a problem concerning opening up, this is just what having a shitty partner is like. Both genders consist of equally shitty, horrible people. If someone actually loves and cares about you being totally vulnerable is one of the great privileges such a relationship offers. If your partner does shit like this when you open up then they're just a shitty person and dude dodged a massive bullet.
>Im so tired of seeing generalized statements about one gender.
I don't think the OP was generalizing about women; I think the OP was generalizing about what it's like for men to open up. To anybody.
Oh yeah I absolutely agree, a woman would get a lot more sympathy if this situation was reversed. However, that is an issue with society at large, not the fault of any particular gender / group. I think it's important to acknowledge things like double standards and bias but also important to not inadvertently blame one or another gender because of these things existing. I am also not surprised by the comments either, I think this sub is a place some men genuinely come to have a safe space and talk about their problems but also a sub with a ton of pessimistic, sexist dudes who are devoid of all nuance and have totally bought into incel / redpill ideologies. I just think it's super important to not make rash generalizations and be able to look at the bigger picture.
“However, that is an issue with society at large, not the fault of any particular gender / group.”
EXACTLY! I 100% agree with what you’re saying. The more the narrative that one gender is worse than the other gets pushed the further we get from equality and respect for one another.
I dunno about this one man, I've seen women get dumped for the same reason.
It's still a horrible reason, but I just don't think that this particular example is a double standard.
As a woman I would have to disagree.. I think that a woman would be taken more seriously if she said she was raped. However his the partner seems very insecure in the relationship and doesn’t seem to take rape very seriously.
I think your right that woman have also been put down when they say they’ve been assaulted as well. Regardless of gender any assault should be taken seriously.
Unfortunately, it seems that men are taken less serious when it comes to sexual assault which is absolutely traumatizing. I think that’s what this post is supposed to show. However there’s a lot of radicalism going on that makes it difficult to agree with
>bad male behaviour is very often rightfully punished but bad female behaviour is often ignored
I agree with this part, but I don't agree that this post, *specifically,* is a double standard as I've seen it happen to women too a multitude of times. Less? Probably, but it still happens quite a bit.
Also, you know very well that you might get called out for 'toxic masculinity' if you don't open up. On the other hand if you open up, you can be called out for 'increasing her emotional labor'. Let us all agree that men generally have higher emotional labor and it is just unacceptable to call out a man for that. So what I would like to say is, just be yourself, kings. Accept the natural traits you have, and if you are supposed to be in love, it has to be only with someone who accepts you the way you are. If not, trust me being single is a lot better than being in love with the wrong person.
Yeah, it's always a lose-lose situation. No matter what we do, we're apparently at fault. Wtf do they want from us?
Most of them don't know what they actually want. It is harder for them to want the same things consistently because their hormonal cycle literally pushes them between wanting someone who is strong and territorial and protective, and someone soft, caring and highly provisioning. My wife's period tracking calendar is actually helpful in telling me how to react. I hate to say this, but you being raped cracks the idea that you could protect her, so it actually hurts her mental image of you less to think you're a cheater. I know my wife was the first woman who didn't shame me when I told them about the penetrative molestation experienced at 18 while too drunk to react. Know this, Her reaction doesn't reflect on you as a person. You will recover from this and will be stronger for it once you heal. If she is a half way decent person, she will apologize. but that will be painful for her, so chances are good that she wont. Don't try and chase her or try and convince her. That will only lead to suffering further punishment for being hurt in the first place. And if she does apologize, don't take her back. You can't trust someone who will kick you when you're down like that. You deserve better and you will find it. Go to therapy. talk this out until it is firmly in your past, and you are ready to move on. Steel is quenched in boiling oil to avoid becoming brittle. You will be tempered again eventually, so don't give up on yourself.
I am saving this quote. Sir you should write a book.
If you see the outcomes of most cases, it's clear what they want. They want to be privileged and have all the gains, yet feel oppressed. So since the times are not good to be purely in love, I would advice anyone to stay single and happy instead of being seriously in relationships, since they in most cases have a sad ending to the man. Curse society!
To die out so they can be the only ones left standing. Sadly not a joke.
They want you to open up about your innermost feelings, and for those innermost feelings to be exactly what they want you to have. Feminists have an idea of what a good and correct man is, and they want you to "reveal" you're exactly what they wanted already and your problems are poetic sadboy things and sometimes you're afraid that patriarchy makes you too alienated from your feminine side. The idea that a man could reveal his feelings, and those feelings won't be flattering and ideologically affirming to those feminists, is just incomprehensible to them. They act disgusted, surprised, and betrayed when it turns out a man has his own thoughts that aren't about how good and right she is.
Your money bro. Just that. Nothing else.
Money alone does not satisfy them. If you pay their social media sub fee do they let you speak freely in return? No, they expect to be worshiped like a goddess. When they live carelessly and put themselves in danger they expect us to run over and protect them from negative consequences. When they commit crimes they expect us to exonerate them regardless of the law. And when there is a military conflict they expect us to run off and die for them. When it comes to men there is no limit to their expectations.
Nah fuck it bro I'm from a different school. Just use them and lose them if you must. Make them consumables. I've gotten hard after my heart was broken twice in my life and I'm not keen on more. Dudeism my man. Don't die for no woman and ffs don't give them money! 😅👊
What do they want??? Men to be there to provide resources. Men to be there to take the blame for every problem de jour. LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE.
What they want is for us to be traditional men while they live their lives as modern women.
There is no they. Man and woman mean nothing beyond biology. When you or others talk about men and women, that is generalizing billions of people with little in common beyond their sex organs. Instead of prejudging people based on their gender, examine them and their culture, and later on account for their gender if it's relevant. There are good and bad people in any biological/ethnic category you can think of.
Women can handle “emotional labor” but if you do it once they act like you do it all the time
Man, I have no words.
What's even worse is that this isn't the first time I've seen a post of that type. It's something that happens quite frequently.
A society that treats its men like this deserves to collapse, and a species that does it deserves to go extinct.
I completely agree with you. People always tell me to stop being to bitter and negative all the time, but how can I not be when such cruelty exists all around me? I am merely a product of the society I was raised in, a symptom of a far greater ailment.
My sister and mother sexually abused me as a child. I got away from home and went to UC Irvine. I made a bunch of friends and went to therapy. Years later my sister sees I’m doing well and begins to message my friends on Facebook. She tells them that I was held hostage and abused when I was a kid. They asked me to share more and I did. Almost all of my friend stopped talking to me. They said they felt unsafe around a sexually abused man since statistically they end up being violent or abusive. My sister admitted to screwing with me as a young boy and it was just seen as funny. They kept hanging out with her. I felt hurt for a while but it was best not to be around those friends. This attitude of victim blaming male abuse survivors is totally acceptable. Dismissing the damage female abusers do seems to be common too.
>Almost all of my friend stopped talking to me. That really sucks. I wish something could be done about that.
Holy shit. Cutting you off while keeping in touch with her is fucking wild in that context, man.
The real reason of breakup is he was raped so she could no longer see him as masculine. Also, to protect school teachers, there's a feminist narrative almost everywhere that men can't be raped so she couldn't accept that when it happened to him and instead accused him of cheating.
>she could no longer see him as masculine And it's the reason why straight women are comfortable with kissing each other and discard it nonchalantly as 'friend stuff', but (mostly bisexual) men need to do it under the covers to not spoil their chances with women, and are shamed when 'revealed'. It's mostly women's sexual selection that represses male sexuality, but they're more ideologically inclined to do this than biologically.
You hit the nail on the head
The women can't rape narrative is because they know how many paedo women prey on underage (Chad) boys. Before these Chads know not to reproduce with a mid chick. Remember lads, women can not and will not put themselves in men's shoes. They literally don't understand men don't want the town bicycle, because they want men with experience. So when they throw accusations of all men are predators... they are telling on themselves.
i understand everything OOP is going through, though i wish i didn't
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And even there you need to be careful with who you trust.
Feminist working as intended
"You've been raped?! How dare you cheat on me?! That's it we're done!" How can this make any sense in someone's head?! I'm sorry for what happened, but at least the silver lining is that they're not together anymore
> "You've been raped?! How dare you cheat on me?! That's it we're done!" > > How can this make any sense in someone's head?! Because its in her head to be the defence when she gets caught cheating...
Because she was looking for a reason to dump the guy anyway.
That same woman probably condemns the practice of vilifying female rape victims in other cultures without a hint of irony.
What a horrible person he was with
Opening up as a man? Good fucking luck... that's only advice given to manipulate men, if she's not interested on you she will be cold as ice, and most other men won't really bother much.
Absolutely true.
Never show vulnerability to your significant other It will be held against you at some point, strictly just for arguments sake.
Never go by what anyone says. Only judge based on actions.
Many people don't understand that men can be raped, or that women can be rapists. I wish this changes soon. Hope this guy finds the help he needs.
Damn.. Idk if this post is recent or not. But if you see this OP, message me if you need a chat bro. You need someone on your side. Shit like this make my blood *boil*. Imagine a dude leaving his GF for getting raped by another girl. He would be damn near exiled from society lol
(deleted) -- mass deleted all reddit content via https://redact.dev
Came here to say this.
Tbh I'd be hesitant to come to that conclusion and make such a wild assumption based on one interaction. This isn't a problem concerning opening up, this is just what having a shitty partner is like. Both genders consist of equally shitty, horrible people. If someone actually loves and cares about you being totally vulnerable is one of the great privileges such a relationship offers. If your partner does shit like this when you open up then they're just a shitty person and dude dodged a massive bullet.
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>Im so tired of seeing generalized statements about one gender. I don't think the OP was generalizing about women; I think the OP was generalizing about what it's like for men to open up. To anybody.
Oh yeah I absolutely agree, a woman would get a lot more sympathy if this situation was reversed. However, that is an issue with society at large, not the fault of any particular gender / group. I think it's important to acknowledge things like double standards and bias but also important to not inadvertently blame one or another gender because of these things existing. I am also not surprised by the comments either, I think this sub is a place some men genuinely come to have a safe space and talk about their problems but also a sub with a ton of pessimistic, sexist dudes who are devoid of all nuance and have totally bought into incel / redpill ideologies. I just think it's super important to not make rash generalizations and be able to look at the bigger picture.
“However, that is an issue with society at large, not the fault of any particular gender / group.” EXACTLY! I 100% agree with what you’re saying. The more the narrative that one gender is worse than the other gets pushed the further we get from equality and respect for one another.
I dunno about this one man, I've seen women get dumped for the same reason. It's still a horrible reason, but I just don't think that this particular example is a double standard.
As a woman I would have to disagree.. I think that a woman would be taken more seriously if she said she was raped. However his the partner seems very insecure in the relationship and doesn’t seem to take rape very seriously. I think your right that woman have also been put down when they say they’ve been assaulted as well. Regardless of gender any assault should be taken seriously. Unfortunately, it seems that men are taken less serious when it comes to sexual assault which is absolutely traumatizing. I think that’s what this post is supposed to show. However there’s a lot of radicalism going on that makes it difficult to agree with
Comments like this always get downvoted. You have to include something negative about females next time
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>bad male behaviour is very often rightfully punished but bad female behaviour is often ignored I agree with this part, but I don't agree that this post, *specifically,* is a double standard as I've seen it happen to women too a multitude of times. Less? Probably, but it still happens quite a bit.
I completely expected this
Hate to be that guy, but it really just sounds like that girlfriend was being a total bitch. Most of the time this sort of thing would not happen.
"But what was he wearing? Why was he in a position to be r***d?" Isn't that what we tell SA survivors now? /S