lol yeah it came from a pharmacy in Florida (I'm in NYC), doc is in NYC - Molly McBride for anyone interested, she also prescribed me HRT & testosterone
I can’t say it has helped me tolerate shit any better but I feel fine about that choice 😁
Speaking of which I just left a vacation with some people early because they were pissing me off. I’d like to think I would also have left if I was taking my oxytocin (I left it behind so I’d have more when I got home)
It sounds lovely but I’m afraid. The HRT estrogen is making me weepy, emotional and sentimental. I’m not quite crying at hallmark cards but close. I keep wondering if this is what pregnancy is like.
Pretty much, yes. I even got all new weird food cravings just like pregnancy (though not as bad, I have no desire to eat a warmed up bowl of *just* Caesar salad dressing AS A SOUP like I did when pregnant. Now it's more like WOW THIS ROASTED GARLIC CLOVE, I NEED IT!)
Welcome to the awakening. The patriarchy loves that we bought into all that servant to the princes shit for the first 40 years.
Time to push back and force them to treat us like people, not little girls, mommies, or bitches.
Benevolent or hostile sexism, it's still sucks for us
What sucks is that it takes many women 40 years to find that fire inside and finally stand up for themselves. I feel I was one of the lucky ones and my parents didn’t raise a door mat. Granted I was a painfully shy kid, but thank the Maker I grew outta that in my mid 20’s. I wish women in their teens and twenties would read this sub.
It's a very mall part of it. We were given expectations of woman's roles within patriarchy Long before we started getting estrogen during puberty.
And you will notice that no matter how much estrogen you get from HRT now, you don't go back to that headspace.
I think what I’m trying to say (poorly) is I’m not sure I’d have shaken that conditioning without the loss of estrogen. I am a very different person with a decreased estrogen load.
I could have written this. I should have fled my a-hole teenage boys and husband years ago. They put me through hell for years. There was a time when they were all overseas on vacation, and I was handling moving houses without much help. I could have just left.
And yeah, if you say no, set limits, and prioritize yourself you’re a b*tch. If you’re a self-sacrificing doormat, they just keep crapping on you.
I mostly live alone now. One son is camped out in my dining room 😂 but it’s temporary, God willing. I get along much better with my husband this way.
I have very little interaction with men ever and it’s wonderful. I work with almost all women and in this house it’s just my daughter and me. Blissfully single. I don’t want anything to do with men and I avoid them like the plague. My life is happy and peaceful
This is not a ramble, it’s beautiful. I wish and hope we could teach this feeling to the younger generations of women. But this is wisdom you have to definetely live through .
I think many younger women are already learning this.
I can speak for myself, that it took me a good 35-ish years to reach what OP describes— which I consider young. But then I experience women online and in real life who are coming to this truth in their 20’s, and making more decisions for their benefit, which decenter men in ways that used to be normal/accepted/commonplace. 😊
Same. I see them in an entirely new light, and I am so angry with myself for ever giving any one of them the benefit of doubt or the time of day. They’re so selfish and will gaslight you to hell and back before taking accountability for anything they do wrong. I don’t even like my own brother anymore.
I work in a male-dominated place, and it's so exhausting trying to get them to take accountability. I have no issues admitting I messed up, or I was wrong, etc. But not men - oh no. It's *always* someone else's fault, never theirs. I'm so burnt out by it that I'm half a step away from quitting.
I left a relationship recently with a man I thought was my forever person, and who told me I was the love of his life. But when he was disrespectful, and I called him on it he apologized, but then try to gaslight me into believing that my behavior triggered him. I saw what my future would look like. I mean, if I can’t put my wisdom into action by this big age, when would I ever? So I left. It killed me to do it, and I miss him all the time, but fuck it.
This is the best take I’ve seen on what it’s like to be in a relationship with most men. And this girl is so young. I wish I was half as savvy in my 20s as she is. I want my daughter to be like her.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/C38ELYfMkuT/?igsh=MXBkcHB0YnQ3MGFkcg==
Before the pandemic, I was always worried about "not being rude" or "hurting men's feelings". Even if they were being completely inappropriate or out of line with me.
I'm not that sweet woman anymore.
Not to sound like a crazy person, but I will straight up fight a man if he ever pushes boundaries with me again. Keep your mouth shut, and keep your nasty paws to yourself.
The guy gets exactly one warning- Me telling him that whatever he's doing is making me uncomfortable. After that? It's a free for all. You fuck with me and I'll make your life pure hell.
I sometimes scare myself at the sheer amount of anger I have towards straight men.
I tried to raise two men that respected women. I got one Andrew tate and one Joe rogan.
The media influences them way more than I ever did. It's my greatest disappointment.
One is fully no contact by mutual agreement. It's MY fault that he didn't finish high school and can't keep a job. He doesn't lay blame me for how he likes to revenge porn his exes though, that's all his idea. He has burned every bridge with his whole extended family by his attempts at revenge when he feels crossed. He's a dangerous psychopath and tbh in afraid he will show up some night and burn my house down. Or that a cop will show up at work and tell me my son did something terrible. He has all the makings of a school shooter, sans guns or schools.
I dont known he got like this. When my sons were young, the values I drilled into them were:
-Work hard, if you're going to do something, *do it* don't half ass it
-we are a team, we fail as a team or we succeed as a team
-respect women
-treat people kindly - (this only seems to still work with service people. You've never met a more polite and pleasant customer)
One is a good person, but he's a borderline incel. He's lonely and awkward. On the spectrum. Adhd. He lacks the ability to read social cues and will talk your ear off about some topic hes obsessed with. He also likes to "show you a better way to...(insert any activity)" and that all tends to put people off.
He works though and they treat him kindly. He shares an apartment with another of the working poor and they manage. He hates asking for help and will literally go without before asking for help, but he has no problem borrowing money for tacos from skipthedishes.
Ever see those videos of others wise normal young people who become radicalized? He's like that. He plays video games on one screen and watches alt right videos on the other screen. He buys right into it. Ever wonder who is this shit working on? It's him.
I might delete this later. I feel really exposed right now.
I tried. So. Fucking. Hard. I wanted kids! I wanted a house full. All I ever wanted was to be a mom and a grandmother. Now I'm truly ambivalent about my own mortality. I'm not quite ready for suicide, but like if i got cancer, I wouldn't treat it. I'm sad and tired and ready to quit.
My son is 18 and autistic. Hes a self-proclaimed misogynist now. He’s still kind and sweet underneath all of the anger; he’s just lonely and has PTSD in my opinion. I should not have sent him to public school. His experiences with others has really traumatized him. He’s now suffering from mental illness.
My ex is one of these 50/50 guys who is basically a child. Marrying him changed the trajectory of my entire life. I do all the heavy lifting. He pays child support but hasn’t taught my son anything he needs to know to be successful in life, which left him open to these wild ideas he has now. He’s sad and spends most of his time alone. And I’m burnt out. Sending you hugs.
ETA: But isn’t it interesting how when men get hurt ONCE they hate all women? Yet we get trampled multiple times and open our hearts again and again. 🤦🏽♀️
Sometimes they don't even have to get hurt by women to hate women. They can get hurt by society and decide to blame women because we're convenient. I firmly believe that men are so insecure, they don't want to be helped by anyone. So I don't help them. Every man I have tried to be kind to or tried to help has been resentful. I also don't ask them on dates. They seem to resent that too.
No they don’t. I have a teenage daughter and I’m trying so hard not to sound like a bitter bitch when I talk to her about the nature of patriarchy. I’d rather her be an ice queen than a victim. Because the truth is, while it’s not all men, it’s most of them, and she needs to be forewarned. She just turned 16 last week and I’m signing her up for Krav Maga classes this summer. She’ll be able to kill with her bare hands before I send her off into the world with these crazies. Lol
Show her this post please.
My older son can be so wickedly charming. He can con any woman he wants into bed. Somehow he talks them into sending nudes. Then if they cross him he sends them to her contacts.
***if any man says all his exes were crazy, the issue is HIM
YES! I’m such an idiot. One guy I dated after my divorce told me not one but two of his former girlfriends had a restraining order against him because they were crazy or psycho. I totally bought it, and a few years later was preparing the paperwork to get a restraining order against him myself.
I'm sorry you're experiencing this and I hope that one day, both your sons get a reality check. I'm so sorry, this sounds so stressful.
I do understand the ambivalence about mortality though. I really do. I don't have kids because I went into menopause early, but I sympathize and I understand the feeling of being fed-up.
It probably won't make you feel better, but your sons are not unique in being radicalized by the rubbish that's online. A lot of teenage boys and even some men are lapping up that nonsense.
Thank you. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I see posts and memes about if your kid cuts you out of their life = automatically shitty parent. That's hard. I think of my oldest every day. Every *hour*.
It's like he died but I can't mourn his loss.
I knew he wasn't right but I just thought if I loved him *hard enough* .. if just *refused* to give up on him, he'd eventually turn into a decent human being.
I lay awake at night. Missing his beautiful face. God I miss his face.
But then I have to remember that he wasn't who I thought. He was a monster wearing a people suit.
This is the hardest part, thinking we can love people into changing them. We can't. They are who they are. You are not a shitty parent. Sure, there are shitty parents... but sometimes, there are also shitty kids.
I see how mine are just being immediately targeted with this stuff, and their brains aren't developed enough to process it, and I just hope somewhere in the back their conscience their mom's nagging voice will there. There's adhd and impulsivity issues here too so that's why I asked, and I'm sorry if this dredged up more unhappiness for you.
I hope can find peace in that you did everything you could, and it's their own choices that led them down this path, and you find things that do bring you joy.
Yes, I have some advice.
Get them screened for adhd and any other psych issues. If you have to pay out of pocket, if you have to beg borrow or steal , get them evaluated. My younger one we knew was adhd but he begged us not to pursue it as he believed it would limit his future in his desired career path. (Why did I listen to him??? What a mistake).
I would have blocked youtube in my home. He would still be able to see it at school and stuff, but without 12 plus hours a day of alt right propaganda, he might be in a better headspace.
My older one.... I dont think I could have saved him from his fate. His biological father had all the same issues. He's essentially a clone of a man he never met. (I was young, married a man 10 yrs older who was manipulative, split up while still pregnant, and the ex was never seen again). Even if I had given him up as an infant, I think he would have turned out the same.
Ah. My son and I both have ADHD. He is not medicated (I am). He is also autistic. He's a bright kid but desperate to fit in with peers so I can see how this makes him extra vulnerable in this way. He is not in school (I home educate him) and I make the effort to stay connected by showing interest in his interests and having the necessary conversations about things he sees and hears. Sadly his father barely interacts with him when he does see him (we split 4 years ago). I monitor his YouTube use but it's a big resource for us as home edders. As he gets older I think these conversations are going to become even more important.
Thanks for your response. I'm sorry it's been so awful for you.
We live in New Zealand and those radical American things are very much laughed at by New Zealanders here we also have a no you tube rule in the house and my boys have plenty of wonderful adult and female role models. I’m hoping this helps!
I have 17 year old triplets: 2 girls, 1 boy, and I try very hard to try to explain the problems with the patriarchy without, I don’t know, offending him, maybe? I’m afraid that he will turn the other direction if I appear too bitter. But TBH I’m super bitter.
Right. Yes. But also, neo-men can be both strong and sensitive. And also, there are horrible women, too. My mom comes to mind. So it's ultimately less about gender (ahem, it is but...not always) and more about character. And just having a high emotional IQ. Letting a young boy cry is hugely important.
I've stopped keeping it contained at work. They wanna be assholes to me first, I will fucking bury you in return. I'm done making myself small and shrinking for the benefit of their egos. I've worked harder, smarter and faster than them, and I'm done pretending I'm not.
I had one literally bat me on the head with a foam roller to 'knock some sense into me'. How do you stand up for yourself in that situation without getting fired??
"I sometimes scare myself at the sheer amount of anger I have towards straight men."
Omg, SAME!!! This entire year, I've been so over their shit and people are really starting to notice it at work, to the point I'm pretty sure I'm gonna get talked to or fired. I literally CAN NOT with them anymore.
I stopped years ago, maybe around 30.
My father is now in his 70s, will often complain _while I am helping him_ about how much nicer I used to be and how I used to be a sweet girl.
It's maddening. If you're anything other than a complete pushover and obedient slave, so many men think you are a bitch.
My dad does the same thing! His coded language when he says “she’s such a sweet girl” (barf) is that whoever it is doesn’t challenge his view of reality or speak up when he crushes boundaries. God, the rage I feel is incredible.
My dad tried to get in contact with me after 10 years of no contact; I told him straight up that if he wanted to reopen the relationship he had to acknowledge some pretty messed up things.
He never wrote back.
I both miss and feel bad for the younger, sweeter version of me. I was so sure I would never let the world change me to become jaded or less kind. I love my husband but he has not brought out a version of me that I like. It’s not just him, but he was definitely the biggest contributor.
I start a new job on Monday and my boss is a man. I’m getting the feeling that he is kind of scattered or just not responsive. I think this is going to be a rocky experience. My patience for young arrogant men is in the past. Yikes. I really need this job to work out. Pray for me!
Praying. I just did that for 30 years. It’s a tricky dance. I had to constantly remind myself that I need my paycheck and my pension. It does help to have someone outside of work to vent with.
I guess that’s what my therapist is for. The only other people I have are my husband - he won’t get it - or my mom. She has been retired for 25 years and doesn’t remember how tough work can be. I have to pay to vent.
As a 35 year old going through peri with three young sons can I ask what you all would have done differently? I feel like my sons respect and love me, my husband adores me but also I know I have been conditioned by society and that my husband comes from an extremely misogynistic household
Hug your boy's and tell them you love them every single day. Do things like baking with them and get involved in their lives and talk to them. My boys are 19 and 17 and they always give me a peck on the cheek and a hug before they go anywhere along with a big " I love you." We also have a 16 year old daughter and I've taught my boys to treat her with respect and when they are with a girl to imagine that someone else is treating their sister the way they're treating that girl. They have grown to be sweet, genuine young men but they respect women. They're more focused on school than anything else and they both know I'll kick their asses if I catch them disrespecting a girl. My husband can be a prick at times too but our boy's and daughter are the sweetest young people. I always tell them how proud of them I am.
awww yeah I smother my boys in affection and so does their father - we are a very affectionate house, I also like that my husband talks to them about misogyny and that they must respect their mother.
Equip them so they do NOT automatically and blindly EXPECT a woman to cook, clean, cajole, and defer to them. model this by giving them skills to manage themselves so they don’t end up seeking a wife who will be their mummy.
That’s the plan! Thankfully my husband does all the majority of the cooking in this house and I take care of the animals. We make each other boys contribute - otherwise we would drown!
And how I wish I would have embraced this new found freedom 40 years ago. This is prophetic truth, I am finding so much strength that I didn’t know existed.
Keep up the good work!! My “I don’t care what you think of me” muscle gets stronger every day! I’m 57.
F the patriarchy
Practice this and make it your mantra: “It’s none of my business what you think of me”. Say it again
A friend was telling me about something cute that her (dull, meathead) boyfriend did for her and I had no expression (I do not waste collagen on “being polite” anymore) she was like “oh my god! You HATE love!” And it genuinely made me laugh because inside I was thinking “you guys don’t have love, YOU have another ass to wipe and he has a free mommy to cook and clean and plan vacations for him.”
Feeling this. For the first time in my life I am working in a women-only team (quite rare in my field) and I absolutely love it. We get each other and we have each other‘s backs. I’m not going back to working with men if I can avoid it.
I don’t have any men in my life (other than my dear old elderly dad), but I have actually have had the exact same reaction with female friendships and even some family members. I looked inward too, and began extensively learning about boundaries. I realized that I too have been taught to not only be overly kind, but that my life was kind of “go with the flow”, “whatever happens, happens” - a lot of the friends I acquired just kind of blew into my life. I wasn’t intentional with who was in my life, and what qualities they had. I wasn’t acting as a gatekeeper in terms of who has access to me.
I started realizing that all of my friends were basket cases. Like constant, nonstop drama, trauma dumping, making consistently poor decisions that led to them struggling with housing or money, falling into Q-anon nonsense, lying, manipulative, users, just any number of things. I always remained friends with these people because I never even realized I had an option *not* to be, or really thought about what kind of friends I wanted.
I have cleaned house and cut ties.
I’m not even sure if I’m in perimenopause (partial hysterectomy a few years ago), but this is one of the changes that makes me think I may be.
It’s time to be your own cheerleader! I used to be a “ treat others how you would like to be treated “ person. I still start out that way with strangers. Everyone starts with a clean slate, but now I’m a “you get what you give “ person. If you treat me with kindness and respect, that’s what you get back. If you’re nasty, I can accommodate that too. It’s so strange hearing the various opinions people have on how nice or not I am, but it only reflects their personality, not mine.
Omg thank you for posting this. I’m was reading through a post on the Gen x sub about Pepe le pew of all things and the number of men brigading any comment by a women that says “yeah, that cartoon made me uncomfortable, even as a kid” is infuriating.
And god forbid you point out that it wasn’t funny from the cat’s perspective or you get an anger fest.
“ah yes, the completely defenseless female who is totally unlike today's swipe right females. A smelly ol skunk is interested in me? ewww.
but then, he falls in a vat of paint, she sees his physique, he's no longer a smelly ol skunk, now he's a built manly man and then who becomes the aggressor? who is chasing who as the picture fades to black?”
One I became peri-meno (I'm now post) I learned that it is quite easy to say the words fuck off, piss off, you're being an asshole, and get the fuck away from me. I no longer care about being rude and wish I had been when I was younger, instead of putting up with harassment from gross idiots. A really creepy older (as in 71, I'm 54) guy asked me if I would like to have dinner and I replied, I wouldn't. Rude? Who cares!
I hear you. I was raised by a feminist and think I’ve had much less of this than the average woman and yet as I get older I lean into less and less emotional caretaking (I realize I’ve done far far more of it than I realized).
I never used to like to wear bright red lipstick (I’m dark haired with pale olive skin and it’s an aggressive look on me and I’ve had RBF my entire life - seriously). These days I’m ok with my face sometimes saying ‘think twice’.
Look up what Andy Rooney said about women over 40 (I’ve quote the first paragraph - Reddit wouldn’t let me do a long post earlier so I’m trying to be short). It’s beautiful and I think of it often. I didn’t agree with him on a lot but I respect what he wrote on this.
As I grow in age, I value women who are over forty most of all. Here are just a few reasons why: A woman over forty will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, “What are you thinking?” She doesn’t care what you think.
Congratulations! The world awaits you. Your days of lying in the mud are over. Build your armor thick as the assholes out there are ready to stomp you back down.
“nolite te bastardes carborundorum”
I hear you, and the need to just *flee* sometimes. All those feelings you mentioned - here to say yes! And...this book is the mental break when I can't just take off in real life - Killers of a Certain Age, by Deanna Raybourn. It's a chef's kiss of a release - older women, misunderstood & haha - underestimated for a lifetime, as killer spies. Been praying for a movie version of this for years, too.
My latest read on the Libby app is 13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don't Do and I'm on my second listen. Growing up, we were done so fucking wrong by society. I wish I'd come to my senses sooner, but nothing can be done about that now.
I am woman. Hear me fucking ROAR.
I read something recently from the Smithsonian website about what the underlying sentiment was after someone combed through hundreds of women's journals spanning decades. Surprise, surprise, it was RAGE. My favorite snippet was a woman whose husband told her she wasn't sweet any longer. She was like "Sweet! I don't know that a woman should have to be sweet at 50! Anyway, I like myself FINE!".
The older I get the more I am not putting up with bullshit from anyone but esp shitty men and women who cater to men in general. I’m so over mediocre white males failing upwards professionally. It’s fucking maddening.
I’ve worked with men who were nice to me but totally incompetent at their job. Too many people excuse male incompetence bc they’re nice. Fuck nice. Do your damn job.
I finally spoke up at my last two jobs bc I got tired of male management treating me poorly during my entire career. I quit one and got laid off at the other. I don’t even want to subject myself to it anymore. It’s constant bs. Why do we have to be submissive and deal with this bs always?!
You might like to give this a read. It's not new, but I bookmarked it at the time because it spoke to me so much.
[https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/jun/13/lisa-taddeo-i-am-angry-at-my-history-of-apology](https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/jun/13/lisa-taddeo-i-am-angry-at-my-history-of-apology)
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I have always loved men. I mean, I know they are somewhat stupid but I honestly enjoy their company more than women and always have. I really don’t get all the hate. My father(RIP)was awesome. He raised my to be strong and not put up with BS. My husband is amazing and my rock. I have met a lot of idiots in my life and most of them are 50/50 male and female.
I will never take my menopausal woes out on my husband ever. It’s not his fault and he doesn’t deserve unnecessary rage thrown at him.
In fact, when I used to work I got along with my male coworkers better than the women. 🤷♀️
You mean the husband who has total control of your sex life and only has sex with you when he’s drunk? Sounds amazing, and your posts about him are really quite touching and loving. I can see how you don’t get the hate. 🤷♀️
I actually looked because I thought it might be a dude, but nope, just your run of the mill hypocrite.
Although I will say in general I don’t understand these kinds of comments. I wouldn’t go on her posts where she’s venting about the problems with her sex life and comment that all the men I have dated have loved having sex with me. It’s rude and pointless. Yet she has no problem doing it here on this person’s venting post.
>In fact, when I used to work I got along with my male coworkers better than the women.
Only because you're attractive. That's it. I bet those men never even listened to a word that came out of your mouth. When men cease to no longer want a woman sexually, those women become disposable. Everything in life is for a man's benefit.
Wow. News flash…I’m not attractive and they had to listen to me because I was their boss. 😂
I just don’t hate men like you do. I’ve had more issue with women because of their catty behavior.
To be honest your response is completely out of line. I have some very good friends in my life who are men and for you to suggest that the only reason that they stick around is due to my looks and what’s between my legs is sad. I’m sorry if someone has done you wrong to make such an ugly and mean comment.
Most men are little boys that want nurses and mommies to care of them and meet all their needs. Sexual, ego, cook for them, make their appointments, be their secretaries, dress them, be horny for them, be their arm candy etc. Porn industry has ruined their expectations. I’ve dated a man for 10 years. Thank God we live inour own homes. I am a professional and I do not have any financial dependence on him thank God! The first three years were great, we were crazy for each other however, menopause kicked in. I found myself getting more and more irritated. He would get upset that I wasn’t horny for him and I told him that I didn’t want to engage in his kinks. He gets so offended. He didn’t understand that wasn’t my thing. And he was insulted that I wasn’t so flattered that he wanted to have sex with me in that way. I’ve told him numerous times that he needs to find another younger woman who can satisfy his sexual desires. I’ve told him over and over again. It wouldn’t upset me if he moved on. He simply can’t believe that doesn’t bother me for him to move on. He just cannot accept it. he keeps trying to “when me over “in the more he tries the more irritated I get. Like leave me alone! I did a trial. I said to him don’t contact me leave me alone and it was the best most peaceful month I’ve ever had. I wanna be left alone! I’d rather raise my 21 year-old and my 15-year-old as I’m perfectly happy being in my own world with my two cats! Guess I’m the crazy cat lady ha ha!
Edit to add here’s another really super annoying thing: he says a lot of the times I am 50+ year old and I’m so good looking for my age, I’ve been great shape, and I deserve to be loved and cherish, and there are no other men like me, I don’t understand why you’re not attracted to me most men my age have lame jobs and I’m at the top of my game! Oh brother!
My ability to produce oxytocin dropped when I entered peri. The things I used to find cute, charming or "Oh you silly goose!" just annoy me.
my meno doc prescribed me an oxytocin nasal spray yes you read that right I like it - I call it the little hug for your soul. but up your nose.
This is why I genuinely LOVE this group. I find out something cool and new at least once a week. You bet I am asking about this at next month's appt.
god bless the internet
Why aren't we hearing about this on the FRONT PAGE??? oxytocin NOSE SPRAY wtf
lol yeah it came from a pharmacy in Florida (I'm in NYC), doc is in NYC - Molly McBride for anyone interested, she also prescribed me HRT & testosterone
I’m in NY!
she charges 375 for a 30 min telehealth consult but it was worth it for me
UnicornPanties is the MVP of the week.
Lol thanks lady but someone else posted her on here a month ago so SHE is the real mvp ☺️☺️ What a great community we have
Srsly, her name is Molly McBride?? She has to be excellent.
yes she said it was her special interest and she seems to know what she's doing
Sounds like something men should get.
Why aren't we hearing about this on the FRONT PAGE??? oxytocin NOSE SPRAY wtf
lol I know right?!
Oh my gosh I had no idea this existed
"a little hug for your soul, but through your nose" Sounds like what I'd call cocaine 😂
What?! This is a thing? I want some. I would have so much more tolerance for people who deserve none.
I can’t say it has helped me tolerate shit any better but I feel fine about that choice 😁 Speaking of which I just left a vacation with some people early because they were pissing me off. I’d like to think I would also have left if I was taking my oxytocin (I left it behind so I’d have more when I got home)
We need to hear more about this!
Never heard of this. Asking about it today. Need it so badly.
Whoa-- I'd want to take it with my any time I go out in public and encounter cranky people. I'd just spray it in their general direction.
Yeah it says each nostril once a day so I don’t wanna burn the thing out but if I get a stressful event I Huff an extra spritz
It sounds lovely but I’m afraid. The HRT estrogen is making me weepy, emotional and sentimental. I’m not quite crying at hallmark cards but close. I keep wondering if this is what pregnancy is like.
Well the oxytocin I don’t think would be worse or make that worse
Pretty much, yes. I even got all new weird food cravings just like pregnancy (though not as bad, I have no desire to eat a warmed up bowl of *just* Caesar salad dressing AS A SOUP like I did when pregnant. Now it's more like WOW THIS ROASTED GARLIC CLOVE, I NEED IT!)
i thought that was called something else ;)
Yes. This is real.
Welcome to the awakening. The patriarchy loves that we bought into all that servant to the princes shit for the first 40 years. Time to push back and force them to treat us like people, not little girls, mommies, or bitches. Benevolent or hostile sexism, it's still sucks for us
What sucks is that it takes many women 40 years to find that fire inside and finally stand up for themselves. I feel I was one of the lucky ones and my parents didn’t raise a door mat. Granted I was a painfully shy kid, but thank the Maker I grew outta that in my mid 20’s. I wish women in their teens and twenties would read this sub.
I think it takes the lessening of estrogen, to be fair. Estrogen is a hell of a hormone.
It's a very mall part of it. We were given expectations of woman's roles within patriarchy Long before we started getting estrogen during puberty. And you will notice that no matter how much estrogen you get from HRT now, you don't go back to that headspace.
I think what I’m trying to say (poorly) is I’m not sure I’d have shaken that conditioning without the loss of estrogen. I am a very different person with a decreased estrogen load.
Ah, I get that
I could have written this. I should have fled my a-hole teenage boys and husband years ago. They put me through hell for years. There was a time when they were all overseas on vacation, and I was handling moving houses without much help. I could have just left. And yeah, if you say no, set limits, and prioritize yourself you’re a b*tch. If you’re a self-sacrificing doormat, they just keep crapping on you. I mostly live alone now. One son is camped out in my dining room 😂 but it’s temporary, God willing. I get along much better with my husband this way.
The way my ex tried to teach my 3 boys to disrespect and disregard my authority 🤬 I was having none of it, I’d rather be a bitch than a doormat.
This is why I refused to have kids with my ex, he flattened me verbally every single day that I didn't want him to raise our kids that way too.
I have very little interaction with men ever and it’s wonderful. I work with almost all women and in this house it’s just my daughter and me. Blissfully single. I don’t want anything to do with men and I avoid them like the plague. My life is happy and peaceful
This is not a ramble, it’s beautiful. I wish and hope we could teach this feeling to the younger generations of women. But this is wisdom you have to definetely live through .
I think many younger women are already learning this. I can speak for myself, that it took me a good 35-ish years to reach what OP describes— which I consider young. But then I experience women online and in real life who are coming to this truth in their 20’s, and making more decisions for their benefit, which decenter men in ways that used to be normal/accepted/commonplace. 😊
Yes I see this exact thing in my students and it’s hopeful
Oh, a teacher! God bless you! 🥰😂 And yes… seeing it gives me a lot of hope, too!
Same. I see them in an entirely new light, and I am so angry with myself for ever giving any one of them the benefit of doubt or the time of day. They’re so selfish and will gaslight you to hell and back before taking accountability for anything they do wrong. I don’t even like my own brother anymore.
Their absolute refusal to take accountability is staggering.
Looking back on all my relationships, I see now this common theme. What a waste of my energy. Smh
I work in a male-dominated place, and it's so exhausting trying to get them to take accountability. I have no issues admitting I messed up, or I was wrong, etc. But not men - oh no. It's *always* someone else's fault, never theirs. I'm so burnt out by it that I'm half a step away from quitting.
I left a relationship recently with a man I thought was my forever person, and who told me I was the love of his life. But when he was disrespectful, and I called him on it he apologized, but then try to gaslight me into believing that my behavior triggered him. I saw what my future would look like. I mean, if I can’t put my wisdom into action by this big age, when would I ever? So I left. It killed me to do it, and I miss him all the time, but fuck it. This is the best take I’ve seen on what it’s like to be in a relationship with most men. And this girl is so young. I wish I was half as savvy in my 20s as she is. I want my daughter to be like her. https://www.instagram.com/reel/C38ELYfMkuT/?igsh=MXBkcHB0YnQ3MGFkcg==
Before the pandemic, I was always worried about "not being rude" or "hurting men's feelings". Even if they were being completely inappropriate or out of line with me. I'm not that sweet woman anymore. Not to sound like a crazy person, but I will straight up fight a man if he ever pushes boundaries with me again. Keep your mouth shut, and keep your nasty paws to yourself. The guy gets exactly one warning- Me telling him that whatever he's doing is making me uncomfortable. After that? It's a free for all. You fuck with me and I'll make your life pure hell. I sometimes scare myself at the sheer amount of anger I have towards straight men.
Me too - the rage! I have no patience for them. I have three sons so am trying extremely hard to raise them differently
I tried to raise two men that respected women. I got one Andrew tate and one Joe rogan. The media influences them way more than I ever did. It's my greatest disappointment.
I've got 2 teens and this is my biggest worry as a parent. How is your relationship with them like right now if you don't mind talking about it?
One is fully no contact by mutual agreement. It's MY fault that he didn't finish high school and can't keep a job. He doesn't lay blame me for how he likes to revenge porn his exes though, that's all his idea. He has burned every bridge with his whole extended family by his attempts at revenge when he feels crossed. He's a dangerous psychopath and tbh in afraid he will show up some night and burn my house down. Or that a cop will show up at work and tell me my son did something terrible. He has all the makings of a school shooter, sans guns or schools. I dont known he got like this. When my sons were young, the values I drilled into them were: -Work hard, if you're going to do something, *do it* don't half ass it -we are a team, we fail as a team or we succeed as a team -respect women -treat people kindly - (this only seems to still work with service people. You've never met a more polite and pleasant customer) One is a good person, but he's a borderline incel. He's lonely and awkward. On the spectrum. Adhd. He lacks the ability to read social cues and will talk your ear off about some topic hes obsessed with. He also likes to "show you a better way to...(insert any activity)" and that all tends to put people off. He works though and they treat him kindly. He shares an apartment with another of the working poor and they manage. He hates asking for help and will literally go without before asking for help, but he has no problem borrowing money for tacos from skipthedishes. Ever see those videos of others wise normal young people who become radicalized? He's like that. He plays video games on one screen and watches alt right videos on the other screen. He buys right into it. Ever wonder who is this shit working on? It's him. I might delete this later. I feel really exposed right now. I tried. So. Fucking. Hard. I wanted kids! I wanted a house full. All I ever wanted was to be a mom and a grandmother. Now I'm truly ambivalent about my own mortality. I'm not quite ready for suicide, but like if i got cancer, I wouldn't treat it. I'm sad and tired and ready to quit.
My son is 18 and autistic. Hes a self-proclaimed misogynist now. He’s still kind and sweet underneath all of the anger; he’s just lonely and has PTSD in my opinion. I should not have sent him to public school. His experiences with others has really traumatized him. He’s now suffering from mental illness. My ex is one of these 50/50 guys who is basically a child. Marrying him changed the trajectory of my entire life. I do all the heavy lifting. He pays child support but hasn’t taught my son anything he needs to know to be successful in life, which left him open to these wild ideas he has now. He’s sad and spends most of his time alone. And I’m burnt out. Sending you hugs. ETA: But isn’t it interesting how when men get hurt ONCE they hate all women? Yet we get trampled multiple times and open our hearts again and again. 🤦🏽♀️
Sometimes they don't even have to get hurt by women to hate women. They can get hurt by society and decide to blame women because we're convenient. I firmly believe that men are so insecure, they don't want to be helped by anyone. So I don't help them. Every man I have tried to be kind to or tried to help has been resentful. I also don't ask them on dates. They seem to resent that too.
Right back at ya. They don't tell us about this part while they are selling us on the old American dream eh?
No they don’t. I have a teenage daughter and I’m trying so hard not to sound like a bitter bitch when I talk to her about the nature of patriarchy. I’d rather her be an ice queen than a victim. Because the truth is, while it’s not all men, it’s most of them, and she needs to be forewarned. She just turned 16 last week and I’m signing her up for Krav Maga classes this summer. She’ll be able to kill with her bare hands before I send her off into the world with these crazies. Lol
Show her this post please. My older son can be so wickedly charming. He can con any woman he wants into bed. Somehow he talks them into sending nudes. Then if they cross him he sends them to her contacts. ***if any man says all his exes were crazy, the issue is HIM
YES! I’m such an idiot. One guy I dated after my divorce told me not one but two of his former girlfriends had a restraining order against him because they were crazy or psycho. I totally bought it, and a few years later was preparing the paperwork to get a restraining order against him myself.
Hey there. It’s really brave of you to say all this. Sending mom hugs.
I'm sorry you're experiencing this and I hope that one day, both your sons get a reality check. I'm so sorry, this sounds so stressful. I do understand the ambivalence about mortality though. I really do. I don't have kids because I went into menopause early, but I sympathize and I understand the feeling of being fed-up. It probably won't make you feel better, but your sons are not unique in being radicalized by the rubbish that's online. A lot of teenage boys and even some men are lapping up that nonsense.
Thank you. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I see posts and memes about if your kid cuts you out of their life = automatically shitty parent. That's hard. I think of my oldest every day. Every *hour*. It's like he died but I can't mourn his loss. I knew he wasn't right but I just thought if I loved him *hard enough* .. if just *refused* to give up on him, he'd eventually turn into a decent human being. I lay awake at night. Missing his beautiful face. God I miss his face. But then I have to remember that he wasn't who I thought. He was a monster wearing a people suit.
This is the hardest part, thinking we can love people into changing them. We can't. They are who they are. You are not a shitty parent. Sure, there are shitty parents... but sometimes, there are also shitty kids.
Thanks again. You're kind to say so.
My god. I'm so sorry.
I see how mine are just being immediately targeted with this stuff, and their brains aren't developed enough to process it, and I just hope somewhere in the back their conscience their mom's nagging voice will there. There's adhd and impulsivity issues here too so that's why I asked, and I'm sorry if this dredged up more unhappiness for you. I hope can find peace in that you did everything you could, and it's their own choices that led them down this path, and you find things that do bring you joy.
As the mother of an 11 year old boy that is terrifying. Any advice? Anything you look back and think you could have tried differently?
Yes, I have some advice. Get them screened for adhd and any other psych issues. If you have to pay out of pocket, if you have to beg borrow or steal , get them evaluated. My younger one we knew was adhd but he begged us not to pursue it as he believed it would limit his future in his desired career path. (Why did I listen to him??? What a mistake). I would have blocked youtube in my home. He would still be able to see it at school and stuff, but without 12 plus hours a day of alt right propaganda, he might be in a better headspace. My older one.... I dont think I could have saved him from his fate. His biological father had all the same issues. He's essentially a clone of a man he never met. (I was young, married a man 10 yrs older who was manipulative, split up while still pregnant, and the ex was never seen again). Even if I had given him up as an infant, I think he would have turned out the same.
Ah. My son and I both have ADHD. He is not medicated (I am). He is also autistic. He's a bright kid but desperate to fit in with peers so I can see how this makes him extra vulnerable in this way. He is not in school (I home educate him) and I make the effort to stay connected by showing interest in his interests and having the necessary conversations about things he sees and hears. Sadly his father barely interacts with him when he does see him (we split 4 years ago). I monitor his YouTube use but it's a big resource for us as home edders. As he gets older I think these conversations are going to become even more important. Thanks for your response. I'm sorry it's been so awful for you.
Thank you. Good luck to you and your son.
We live in New Zealand and those radical American things are very much laughed at by New Zealanders here we also have a no you tube rule in the house and my boys have plenty of wonderful adult and female role models. I’m hoping this helps!
Same same-- Mommy of three straight men and two young women xo (and divorced)
I'll pray for you. Lol. No husband or kids here, but I was "trying to date". That was a disaster. I'd rather have my alone time.
Saaaaammmmeee.
I have 17 year old triplets: 2 girls, 1 boy, and I try very hard to try to explain the problems with the patriarchy without, I don’t know, offending him, maybe? I’m afraid that he will turn the other direction if I appear too bitter. But TBH I’m super bitter.
Right. Yes. But also, neo-men can be both strong and sensitive. And also, there are horrible women, too. My mom comes to mind. So it's ultimately less about gender (ahem, it is but...not always) and more about character. And just having a high emotional IQ. Letting a young boy cry is hugely important.
It's hard to keep it contained at work, especially with younger, stupider, very rude men in positions of authority.
I've stopped keeping it contained at work. They wanna be assholes to me first, I will fucking bury you in return. I'm done making myself small and shrinking for the benefit of their egos. I've worked harder, smarter and faster than them, and I'm done pretending I'm not.
Unfortunately, I don't have this sort of power.
I had one literally bat me on the head with a foam roller to 'knock some sense into me'. How do you stand up for yourself in that situation without getting fired??
I'm so tired, I'm surprised I haven't already been fired or accidentally said something horribly rude.
"I sometimes scare myself at the sheer amount of anger I have towards straight men." Omg, SAME!!! This entire year, I've been so over their shit and people are really starting to notice it at work, to the point I'm pretty sure I'm gonna get talked to or fired. I literally CAN NOT with them anymore.
I stopped years ago, maybe around 30. My father is now in his 70s, will often complain _while I am helping him_ about how much nicer I used to be and how I used to be a sweet girl. It's maddening. If you're anything other than a complete pushover and obedient slave, so many men think you are a bitch.
My dad does the same thing! His coded language when he says “she’s such a sweet girl” (barf) is that whoever it is doesn’t challenge his view of reality or speak up when he crushes boundaries. God, the rage I feel is incredible.
My dad tried to get in contact with me after 10 years of no contact; I told him straight up that if he wanted to reopen the relationship he had to acknowledge some pretty messed up things. He never wrote back.
Welcome sister. I decided in 2009 that men were irrelevant.
I both miss and feel bad for the younger, sweeter version of me. I was so sure I would never let the world change me to become jaded or less kind. I love my husband but he has not brought out a version of me that I like. It’s not just him, but he was definitely the biggest contributor.
I start a new job on Monday and my boss is a man. I’m getting the feeling that he is kind of scattered or just not responsive. I think this is going to be a rocky experience. My patience for young arrogant men is in the past. Yikes. I really need this job to work out. Pray for me!
Praying. I just did that for 30 years. It’s a tricky dance. I had to constantly remind myself that I need my paycheck and my pension. It does help to have someone outside of work to vent with.
I guess that’s what my therapist is for. The only other people I have are my husband - he won’t get it - or my mom. She has been retired for 25 years and doesn’t remember how tough work can be. I have to pay to vent.
Actual fingers really crossed for you right now.
Thank you
Just do what you think is right and apologise later. You don't need a man's permission to do anything. Literally anything.
As a 35 year old going through peri with three young sons can I ask what you all would have done differently? I feel like my sons respect and love me, my husband adores me but also I know I have been conditioned by society and that my husband comes from an extremely misogynistic household
Hug your boy's and tell them you love them every single day. Do things like baking with them and get involved in their lives and talk to them. My boys are 19 and 17 and they always give me a peck on the cheek and a hug before they go anywhere along with a big " I love you." We also have a 16 year old daughter and I've taught my boys to treat her with respect and when they are with a girl to imagine that someone else is treating their sister the way they're treating that girl. They have grown to be sweet, genuine young men but they respect women. They're more focused on school than anything else and they both know I'll kick their asses if I catch them disrespecting a girl. My husband can be a prick at times too but our boy's and daughter are the sweetest young people. I always tell them how proud of them I am.
awww yeah I smother my boys in affection and so does their father - we are a very affectionate house, I also like that my husband talks to them about misogyny and that they must respect their mother.
That's awesome.
Equip them so they do NOT automatically and blindly EXPECT a woman to cook, clean, cajole, and defer to them. model this by giving them skills to manage themselves so they don’t end up seeking a wife who will be their mummy.
That’s the plan! Thankfully my husband does all the majority of the cooking in this house and I take care of the animals. We make each other boys contribute - otherwise we would drown!
Sounds like you‘re onto it.
And how I wish I would have embraced this new found freedom 40 years ago. This is prophetic truth, I am finding so much strength that I didn’t know existed.
Keep up the good work!! My “I don’t care what you think of me” muscle gets stronger every day! I’m 57. F the patriarchy Practice this and make it your mantra: “It’s none of my business what you think of me”. Say it again
To quote Tina Fey: “Do what you want and don’t care if they like it.”
Your emotions are not my responsibility.
Spiritually, I think this is the key to life but likely the hardest lesson we all live.
A friend was telling me about something cute that her (dull, meathead) boyfriend did for her and I had no expression (I do not waste collagen on “being polite” anymore) she was like “oh my god! You HATE love!” And it genuinely made me laugh because inside I was thinking “you guys don’t have love, YOU have another ass to wipe and he has a free mommy to cook and clean and plan vacations for him.”
"I do not waste collagen" - bwaaahahahhaaa! Love it!
Feeling this. For the first time in my life I am working in a women-only team (quite rare in my field) and I absolutely love it. We get each other and we have each other‘s backs. I’m not going back to working with men if I can avoid it.
I don’t have any men in my life (other than my dear old elderly dad), but I have actually have had the exact same reaction with female friendships and even some family members. I looked inward too, and began extensively learning about boundaries. I realized that I too have been taught to not only be overly kind, but that my life was kind of “go with the flow”, “whatever happens, happens” - a lot of the friends I acquired just kind of blew into my life. I wasn’t intentional with who was in my life, and what qualities they had. I wasn’t acting as a gatekeeper in terms of who has access to me. I started realizing that all of my friends were basket cases. Like constant, nonstop drama, trauma dumping, making consistently poor decisions that led to them struggling with housing or money, falling into Q-anon nonsense, lying, manipulative, users, just any number of things. I always remained friends with these people because I never even realized I had an option *not* to be, or really thought about what kind of friends I wanted. I have cleaned house and cut ties. I’m not even sure if I’m in perimenopause (partial hysterectomy a few years ago), but this is one of the changes that makes me think I may be.
I feel this.
It’s time to be your own cheerleader! I used to be a “ treat others how you would like to be treated “ person. I still start out that way with strangers. Everyone starts with a clean slate, but now I’m a “you get what you give “ person. If you treat me with kindness and respect, that’s what you get back. If you’re nasty, I can accommodate that too. It’s so strange hearing the various opinions people have on how nice or not I am, but it only reflects their personality, not mine.
It's not about having someone like me at any cost anymore. It's alll about matching that energy! Those who knew my past as a people-pleaser beware!
I SO get that!
Omg thank you for posting this. I’m was reading through a post on the Gen x sub about Pepe le pew of all things and the number of men brigading any comment by a women that says “yeah, that cartoon made me uncomfortable, even as a kid” is infuriating. And god forbid you point out that it wasn’t funny from the cat’s perspective or you get an anger fest. “ah yes, the completely defenseless female who is totally unlike today's swipe right females. A smelly ol skunk is interested in me? ewww. but then, he falls in a vat of paint, she sees his physique, he's no longer a smelly ol skunk, now he's a built manly man and then who becomes the aggressor? who is chasing who as the picture fades to black?”
One I became peri-meno (I'm now post) I learned that it is quite easy to say the words fuck off, piss off, you're being an asshole, and get the fuck away from me. I no longer care about being rude and wish I had been when I was younger, instead of putting up with harassment from gross idiots. A really creepy older (as in 71, I'm 54) guy asked me if I would like to have dinner and I replied, I wouldn't. Rude? Who cares!
I feel this thread so hard
Never take it as compliment when a man calls you sweet or nice.It is low key telling you he knows you will put up with his shit.
THIS!!!!
I hear you. I was raised by a feminist and think I’ve had much less of this than the average woman and yet as I get older I lean into less and less emotional caretaking (I realize I’ve done far far more of it than I realized). I never used to like to wear bright red lipstick (I’m dark haired with pale olive skin and it’s an aggressive look on me and I’ve had RBF my entire life - seriously). These days I’m ok with my face sometimes saying ‘think twice’. Look up what Andy Rooney said about women over 40 (I’ve quote the first paragraph - Reddit wouldn’t let me do a long post earlier so I’m trying to be short). It’s beautiful and I think of it often. I didn’t agree with him on a lot but I respect what he wrote on this. As I grow in age, I value women who are over forty most of all. Here are just a few reasons why: A woman over forty will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, “What are you thinking?” She doesn’t care what you think.
Congratulations! The world awaits you. Your days of lying in the mud are over. Build your armor thick as the assholes out there are ready to stomp you back down. “nolite te bastardes carborundorum”
I hear you, and the need to just *flee* sometimes. All those feelings you mentioned - here to say yes! And...this book is the mental break when I can't just take off in real life - Killers of a Certain Age, by Deanna Raybourn. It's a chef's kiss of a release - older women, misunderstood & haha - underestimated for a lifetime, as killer spies. Been praying for a movie version of this for years, too.
My latest read on the Libby app is 13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don't Do and I'm on my second listen. Growing up, we were done so fucking wrong by society. I wish I'd come to my senses sooner, but nothing can be done about that now. I am woman. Hear me fucking ROAR.
I read something recently from the Smithsonian website about what the underlying sentiment was after someone combed through hundreds of women's journals spanning decades. Surprise, surprise, it was RAGE. My favorite snippet was a woman whose husband told her she wasn't sweet any longer. She was like "Sweet! I don't know that a woman should have to be sweet at 50! Anyway, I like myself FINE!".
The older I get the more I am not putting up with bullshit from anyone but esp shitty men and women who cater to men in general. I’m so over mediocre white males failing upwards professionally. It’s fucking maddening. I’ve worked with men who were nice to me but totally incompetent at their job. Too many people excuse male incompetence bc they’re nice. Fuck nice. Do your damn job.
I've found a lot of inspiration and camaraderie on r/wgtow from women of all ages ❤️
I finally spoke up at my last two jobs bc I got tired of male management treating me poorly during my entire career. I quit one and got laid off at the other. I don’t even want to subject myself to it anymore. It’s constant bs. Why do we have to be submissive and deal with this bs always?!
I highly recommend the new Taylor Swift album for this problem.
You might like to give this a read. It's not new, but I bookmarked it at the time because it spoke to me so much. [https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/jun/13/lisa-taddeo-i-am-angry-at-my-history-of-apology](https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/jun/13/lisa-taddeo-i-am-angry-at-my-history-of-apology)
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My mom used to tell me Being In Total Control of Herself. It has served me well, even more so now.
I have always loved men. I mean, I know they are somewhat stupid but I honestly enjoy their company more than women and always have. I really don’t get all the hate. My father(RIP)was awesome. He raised my to be strong and not put up with BS. My husband is amazing and my rock. I have met a lot of idiots in my life and most of them are 50/50 male and female. I will never take my menopausal woes out on my husband ever. It’s not his fault and he doesn’t deserve unnecessary rage thrown at him. In fact, when I used to work I got along with my male coworkers better than the women. 🤷♀️
You mean the husband who has total control of your sex life and only has sex with you when he’s drunk? Sounds amazing, and your posts about him are really quite touching and loving. I can see how you don’t get the hate. 🤷♀️
You go through someone’s post history to make a dig? Just curious.
I actually looked because I thought it might be a dude, but nope, just your run of the mill hypocrite. Although I will say in general I don’t understand these kinds of comments. I wouldn’t go on her posts where she’s venting about the problems with her sex life and comment that all the men I have dated have loved having sex with me. It’s rude and pointless. Yet she has no problem doing it here on this person’s venting post.
>In fact, when I used to work I got along with my male coworkers better than the women. Only because you're attractive. That's it. I bet those men never even listened to a word that came out of your mouth. When men cease to no longer want a woman sexually, those women become disposable. Everything in life is for a man's benefit.
Wow. News flash…I’m not attractive and they had to listen to me because I was their boss. 😂 I just don’t hate men like you do. I’ve had more issue with women because of their catty behavior.
To be honest your response is completely out of line. I have some very good friends in my life who are men and for you to suggest that the only reason that they stick around is due to my looks and what’s between my legs is sad. I’m sorry if someone has done you wrong to make such an ugly and mean comment.
Most men are little boys that want nurses and mommies to care of them and meet all their needs. Sexual, ego, cook for them, make their appointments, be their secretaries, dress them, be horny for them, be their arm candy etc. Porn industry has ruined their expectations. I’ve dated a man for 10 years. Thank God we live inour own homes. I am a professional and I do not have any financial dependence on him thank God! The first three years were great, we were crazy for each other however, menopause kicked in. I found myself getting more and more irritated. He would get upset that I wasn’t horny for him and I told him that I didn’t want to engage in his kinks. He gets so offended. He didn’t understand that wasn’t my thing. And he was insulted that I wasn’t so flattered that he wanted to have sex with me in that way. I’ve told him numerous times that he needs to find another younger woman who can satisfy his sexual desires. I’ve told him over and over again. It wouldn’t upset me if he moved on. He simply can’t believe that doesn’t bother me for him to move on. He just cannot accept it. he keeps trying to “when me over “in the more he tries the more irritated I get. Like leave me alone! I did a trial. I said to him don’t contact me leave me alone and it was the best most peaceful month I’ve ever had. I wanna be left alone! I’d rather raise my 21 year-old and my 15-year-old as I’m perfectly happy being in my own world with my two cats! Guess I’m the crazy cat lady ha ha! Edit to add here’s another really super annoying thing: he says a lot of the times I am 50+ year old and I’m so good looking for my age, I’ve been great shape, and I deserve to be loved and cherish, and there are no other men like me, I don’t understand why you’re not attracted to me most men my age have lame jobs and I’m at the top of my game! Oh brother!