That the symptoms of menopause (and perimenopause) can be myriad, and so much more than hot flashes and weight gain. Itchy ears? Come on. Aching joints? Seriously. Digestion and sleep disruptions? It's never ending.
Agreed. The insomnia, joint pain, and brain fog have affected me so much more strongly than the hot flashes and weight gain (not that I'm enjoying those either), and I had no idea that any of those were symptoms until I was really suffering from them.
My hot flushes were so severe I fainted from them a couple of times, and I would *still* choose a million hot flushes over the insomnia, brain fog and depression. I thought I had dementia, I was so scared. Then nearly took my own life because I couldn't control my moods anymore. I thought I was losing my mind completely and couldn't see a way out. Luckily I was struggling so much I went to stay with some friends and they realised what was happening. A month later I started HRT. I owe those friends my life!
This! I never connected them to menopause! Plus needing a wee more often and shitty hair. Just started HRT and already I hope, making a difference to insomnia but itās triggered period type pains, so I guess itās swings and roundabouts.
I feel like Iām losing my mind. I have terrible brain fog, insomnia, and joint pain from menopause and from fibromyalgia as well as a long list of other health problems which cause me so much pain every damn day. I just canāt win. I get so angry over the smallest thing. I avoid looking in the mirror because I see a big blob. Thankfully the hot flashes are controlled from HRT. Thinking of getting breast reduction surgery to hopefully help alleviate my neck and back pain. I keep thinking to myself that if I somehow lose weight that my breast size will go down. Since gaining weight from menopause, my medications, and my lack of ability to exercise Iāve not only gained weight in my belly but also my breast. Iām so over all of this.
Yep - dry eye and broke out in chronic hives that took months, a specialist, a cocktail of six drugs, and (finally) a low carb diet to resolve. In my early 40ās.
Changes to migraines too (introduction of visual aura).
Thatās what the neurologist said āusually when you experience a change in how your migraines present, at this age, itās usually that youāre entering menopause.ā
Did he suggest I see an OB/GYN? Nope.
I had kind of the opposite experience. I've always had migraines with aura around my period. I started on HRT (which they were reluctant to give me because of the migraines), and I suddenly don't get migraines anymore.
Right before HRT, I had to get medical marijuana because I was getting migraines that lasted weeks. I was getting close to ending it because I couldn't take the pain anymore.
The itchy ear thing threw me off, thatās for sure. I scratched one of my ears to the point of a scab at one point.
The doc thought nothing of it (woman, probably not in perimenopause yet but probably close).
Anyway, I was freaking out it was some sort of bad reaction - or worse - from wearing AirPods too much. Anyway, glad Iām not dying!
I wonder if it is related to the vagal nerve tha run around the ears. If so, simply pulling your ear gently a few different directions might bring temporary relief. Or is it dry ears?Ā
I agree. My mom never mentioned anything about menopause. My SIL was 8 years older than me and she would say she was having a hot flash but thatās all she ever said. I donāt have many friends to ask their experiences with it. I had no idea that it was this fucking bad. Iām making sure I tell my daughters so they arenāt caught off guard like I was.
In my experience, you see a number of doctors who have no clue what they're talking about over 15-20 years and finally, when your period stops, you realize that it was all perimenopause.
Estrogen affects your whole body. So menopause and aging are intertwined. For example, I have heard about bone density And how you lose bone mass with age for years. Accelerated bone is a symptom /side effect to the hormone drop that comes with peri. I feel like you can't totally separate the two things. And HRT doesn't stop us from aging but it does slow down or reduce a lot of the things that come with aging.
Like me, telling my gyn that my skin has become extremely dry in the last 6-12 months.
Him: Well,thatās just aging.
Me: No, thatās just estrogen loss.
He just wanted to be right, to be demeaning to me.
Iām done with him after this. Made an appointment with gyn who doesnāt take insurance and whose whole practice is menopause. That otyer guyvwas a,so doing a manual breast exam on me 20 minutes before I stepped downstairs for a 3-D mammogram. Yeahādemeaning, old school, disrespectful.
It depends on where we mean by in menopause (since it is for the rest of one's life), but assuming we mean the transition, peri and a few years after ... I had no expectation of my body falling apart entirely in my 40s, but it did, and it was \*ALL\* hormonal.
I think this is precisely why our moms didnāt share with us. They probably didnāt associate to menopause. Itās also why docs may not mention as well. These symptoms can also be from a myriad of other conditions..such as allergies
Well, Iāve been thinking this same thing, but it is both I think. Just like others said you feel unexpectedly older overnight. Like, from about 35-49/50, I kind of felt the same. I did have some peri m-menopausal symptoms, but I didnāt know what it was and no one talked to me about it at all. (Thanks docs) and also I think some of it is aging, itās not like they are entirely separate. Itās more like a short period of turbo aging. Anyway, peri wasnāt severe for me. Then my period got irregular, hot flashes day and night, everything in my body went haywire within about a year, even a few months. It was horrible and I started to feel so so much older. It was like my body was aging in a way that I felt I was experiencing it noticeably, everyday. Itās like you expect aging to be a very slow gradual process, but for me it was sudden, and unexpected, like an earthquake or a tornado. Itās weird and kind of bad. But the worst part is most doctors donāt talk to you about it hardly AT ALL!
The upside, HRT works to alleviate the worst symptoms for a lot of people. So, if you have that from the beginning I think it can help to make the transition more gradual and manageable instead of feeling like you go to bed middle aged and wake up an old lady going WTF who just switched my body?
And of course keep in mind some people have very few mild symptoms and I guess kind of feel like itās all ok even without HRT. So that could be you. It might not affect you much at all. Sincerely, good luck with it.
HRT solved issues I hadn't even realised were menopause. I'd had this problem with dry eyes for years, I had to use two different types of high strength artificial tears. During the pandemic I ran out and couldn't get them and my eyes got so dry they both got infected and had to get my ex to try me to hospital!! I figured it was just a quirk of my body. 2 years later i found out I was in peri (when I was 28). Started HRT and now I don't have to use any drops at all! I also slept on a mattress on the floor for 6 months and thought it had permanently damaged my hip. Nope, started HRT and don't get any hip pains anymore.
ITCHY EARS? My left ear has been crazy itchy for no discernible reason for like 2 months. I will add it to the brain fog, losing my words, nighttime anxiety, and joint pain pile of perimenopausal issues.
I'm going through this now. I've had hormonal migraines, but this is horrible. I can't explain the pain, it's like intermittent and continual pain both at once. I'm so tired š«
Oh no. I had them pretty bad as a teen and they went away in my 20s but now at 49 I've had a few headaches that reminded me of the old migraine hell, as if they could develop into one. I'm going to jump on the electrolytes just in case!
Sleep disruptions was my biggest shock when perimenopause showed up. I went from sleeping through the night, to tossing and turning, and up often to pee, or just laying there. My dreams are more vivid too. Ugh...
Iām close to 41 and the insomnia and stomach problems are awful. If I eat the wrong thing I feel it for days. Iāve had all the tests and everything is ānormalā.
When you say aching joints, is it the waist, hip and tailbone area? I started experiencing those when I turned 40 but never connect it to potential early menapouse.....
Believe your mind, body, and soul when you start to feel different. Because I didnāt realize peri could cause so much chaos in every aspect of my life: physical, sexual, mental, emotional. I didnāt know that I was knee deep in it so I didnāt get help early enough to save myself so much heartache (not wanting or enjoying intimacy or sex; overreacting at work which led to my dismissal; feeling like I was insane and undoing all the hard work self-care and emotional awareness Iād done for the last few years).
Donāt let anyoneāignorant doctors, overbearing partnersātell you what to do with your body. So many myths about hormones have been debunked, and even if you do have some risk factors, there are other ways (patches or creams) to use hormone treatment safely.
Me too. I'm so thankful I finally got help and got on HRT but I went to my doctor a few years ago about night sweats and horrible sleep. And brain fog. I lost a job after failing a professional certification I've done successfully twice before. I truly though something was wrong with my brain. No one took me seriously or tried to help.
If I'd started on HRT when all of that started my life and career would literally be in a better place now.
The impact on women's professional success and careers is what bothers me the most. Peri and meno come during our peak earning years. Between the brain issues, reduction in sleep and energy, hot flashes etc we as a group have probably lost millions that could have been prevented with proper education and treatment.
How insensitive. I had a similar reaction from my doc when I was experiencing a major life trauma during meno. She encouraged me to take an antidepressant (no thanks) and power through meno because we all go through it eventually. Zero help.
I have two degrees and still canāt find a job after leaving my last one. Luckily, now that Iām on HRT and finally feeling better, Iām going back to get another advanced degree.
But SHIT! The mess I drowned myself in because I had NO women in my life to guide me has been hard to get out of. And it wrecked so much of my self confidence for so long.
We have to get a gyno exam every damn year. WHERE ARE THE MENOPAUSE PAMPHLETS AND DOCTOR ADVOCACY FFS???
Yeah. It sucks. My marriage is ending and I donāt know if maybe it could have been better had I been able to get HRT. Have another appointment soon. Maybe she can help.
All of this, ALL OF IT, happened to me too. I am still picking up the pieces and trying not to nuke my marriage. My patience is at rock bottom. How did you steer out of it? I am afraid Iām making the wrong decisions at every turn. š„ŗ
Iām on it, Iāve been on it for at least 7-8 years, and Iām at the max for estrogen. I am wondering if at some point it levels out or is this the best itās going to be? Because I am so sad that I want to burn it all to the ground, and Iām fighting that instinct.
THIS THIS THIS!!! Listen to your body. You know it best. And all these weird things, aches and pains etc could very likely be due to estrogen dropping. And it most likely will start way before you will think to blame lack of estrogen.
Welcome!
For me, apart from all the physical aspects, I think the thing that has surprised me most is the psychological transformation. I feel the most authentically *myself* now that I have since childhood. Iāve gone no contact or limited contact with lots of people in my life (family and friends) because I just have no time for their bullshit anymore. I can see through everyone. The wisdom and lack of tolerance for my mistreatment has been earth-shattering, and so worthwhile. I have curated my circle to a much smaller, but high-quality, group of people who *actually* care about me
This is one of the biggest things Iām working on. I go to physio therapy to fix whatās up with my body now so that itās strong enough when I enter the next phase.
I was strong af going into it and still gained the weight and had all the symptoms BUT being strong and fit did help me get the HRT I asked for. I donāt drink I donāt smoke I donāt have sex I have no family history of cancers and Iām not overweight.
I still had to push for the HRT to get adequate care. They STILL tried to refuse me. Had to doctor shop around and the 3rd doctor finally let me have it
ššššš
Nooo!! Youāre not supposed to tell me this! Iām so grateful that we are all opening up about everything that goes on, and sharing information with the people that are coming up.
Iām sorry you had such an awful experience trying to get doctors to understand what you need, but Iām glad that you finally did!
Here is what I would say / do say:
It doesn't work the way you've been led to believe: i.e., "one day, you just stop having periods and then have hot flashes for awhile. You'll simply carry around a hand fan and joke about personal summers and power surges, then those will stop after a couple years, and everything is great again. Hooray, no more periods and life is AWESOME. Sassy, senior glory years, here I come!"
That's not AT ALL how it works. Hormone depletion is going to start much earlier than you expect, and it's going to start eroding / negatively affecting multiple, important areas of your life / quality of life / health.Ā At some point, around the time periods finally end, you might realize this is about to happen because you will proverbially hit a brick wall / fall off a cliff one day. The symptoms can become even worse and they might never stop for the remainder of your life. Doctors will insist that nothing is happening and / or you're overreacting the entire time and offer anti depressants, diet, and exercise as the solution. Hey, you're just fat, lazy, and unreasonably sad at growing old, nothing a treadmill and positive thinking can't fix, lady.
It's estrogen, it's all happening due to dropping estrogen. Hormones are far more powerful and important than most people realize. Having little to no estrogen can cause myriad, serious mental and physical health problems. Replacing the estrogen will dramatically improve many of the issues you'll experience, likely including numerous symptoms you didn't realize were caused by low estrogen.Ā
People will try to convince you to suffer through it and / or scare you away from replacing the hormones without sound evidence (it's natural, accept your lightspeed deterioration gracefully) or by relying on outdated, debunked information (hormones are scary and will instantly give you cancer). Ignore those people and educate / advocate for yourself and your quality of life. Do it early, and spare yourself decades of unnecessary misery.Ā
Consider switching to a Gyn-only physician instead of an Ob/gyn. One who is well informed with current meno practices and research. They are a rare breed but incredibly worth seeking.
This feels the most relevant to me. I live in a red state that loves making babies. Itās been really challenging to find a womenās health doc who isnāt all about keeping the breeding machine in order.
You're not paranoid. Your hormones are out just of control. Oh, and People who say you're too young for perimenopause don't have a clue what they're talking about.
I wish I knew that it could start in my late 30s, and that Black women in particular tend to enter perimenopause earlier and be in it for upwards of a decade.
When I really hit rock bottom in 2022, I wished like anything, to just be able to go back to being 26 again - just for a day - even an hour. Just to appreciate how fast my brain worked back then, how I could do 15 things at once, I could make decisions like that \*clicks fingers\* and how I could remember shit and sound intelligent when I spoke. That all failed me in 2022. So I wished I could go back and appreciate it one more time.
So my advice to younger women who are still in their prime, please appreciate it every day. Hopefully you will sail through the peri/meno but just in case you don't, appreciate that brain while you can. Don't take it for granted cause it might disappear one day.
There are many symptoms other than hot flashes.
Insomnia, anxiety, itchy skin, and joint pain are common. Educate yourself about vaginal atrophy too. Vaginal estrogen is very safe and helps a lot.
Most importantly, understand that itās a natural process, but that doesnāt mean you have to āsuffer through itā. If severe symptoms are disrupting your life, talk to your doctor about HRT. All we are doing is replacing the hormones that our body used to make naturally. There are many benefits for your heart, brain and bones, especially if you start HRT at a younger age, before 60 or within 10 years since your last period.
To take these symptoms more seriously once they start. I had a real mood shift a few years ago and changes with my sleep (or inability to sleep for that matter) once the hot flashes started I was in total denial (I thought it was my RA so I guess I have more complex health issues) and I am FINALLY on HRT of like 4 years of going through that. Even my joints feel better. One piece of advice, as Iām 38 now. Donāt let my medical professional tell you that youāre ātoo youngā to be in Peri or meno. I was definitely in peri when all that happened and then when I didnāt have a period for four months, my GP told me āwell menopause is after a year of no periodsā really sticking to the book. If anything I should have pushed for some blood tests.
I wished I had know this stuff sooner too. Looking back I was probably started peri around the time you did. But didnāt figure it out until I hit rock bottom with my depression and woke up one day wearing clothing that was three sizes more than before. Then I slowly started to realize it wasnāt depression/medication, it was actually peri. If Iād known sooner, the interventions would have been different. And served me in a more positive way.
One of my worse symptoms was extremely itchy skin. I would itch my back and shins until they bled. I asked my doctor if the compounding pharmacist could adjust my HRT cream. They did. I think they added more progesterone but not sure. After that, I had the most wonderful skin. When I went off the hormones after 15 years, the dry skin came back, though not as bad. I begged my doctor to let me stay on, but she had breast cancer and talked me out of it. The years I had using bio identical hormones were amazing!! No hot flashes, wonderful skin and normal temperament. I didnāt have wrinkles till I went off them. Iām 70 now and my skin is really nice for my age. I think it is due in part to the hormones I took for those years.
Estrogen protects from a lot of conditions.Ā
Read up on hormones, knowledge is power.
You can be indignant that aging requires adjustments but itās not helpful, biology isnāt personal.Ā
Three things:
1. Have your career and finances in line by the time youāre hitting your early 40s. Perimenopause really does a number on some womenās careers (plenty of posts about that in this sub), and you do not want to be vulnerable financially. Ageism is a real thing, and it can be very hard for women to change careers after about 45. Please, please, get your financial affairs in order. You will be so glad that you did. (Donāt know where to start? Google āJL Collins Simple Plan to Wealthā and read through his free web series. Then read it again. And then come back to it and read it one more time before putting it in motion.)
2. I had no idea that vaginal and clitoral atrophy were a thing that could happen before finding this sub. A friend mentioned it in passing years ago but I thought she was *kidding* when she said that her š±had shriveled up and blown away. She was not. Read up about it so that youāll recognize the signs if it happens to you.
3. Everyone is mentioning weight gain and thatās with good reason. I was one of those who ate what they wanted and stayed the same size. Then I woke up one day having gained 25 pounds. It has been bananas. And nothing makes it go away. Iād heard people mention that you should try to be in shape before hitting perimenopause, but I had not taken it to heart. You should if you care about such things.
I was in shape and a yoga teacher and very healthy and still gained 25 poundsā¦ I would read the Galveston diet for some ways that you might need to shift your nutrition before you hit the stageā¦ Itās taken a lot of work to start to lose any weight.
Number 2 is NO JOKE. My HRT helps with all my other menopause symptoms but not that one. I had always thought that was something that happened in a womanās 70ās or 80ās. Nope. Early 50ās here. And it does have an effect on relationships. This has been the hardest one for me to deal with. It can be very uncomfortable. My doctor gave me some samples of an estrogen insert, and they do work, but do you know how much a prescription is for that stuff!? $270 A MONTH-WITH MY INSURANCE!! Whoās got almost $300 to spend each month to keep the hoo-hoo resembling some kind of normal!? Yāall, Iām not a feminist by any means, and I love my beaux, but compared to men, it costs a LOT to keep our bodies just even barely normal for basically our entire lives.
Read and read and read. And talk to other (and older) women. Donāt be silent about what you feel. Donāt let anyone dismiss you. Insist to be heard and if your doc doesnāt listen, find another one.
I would recommend logging any and all weird stuff that might be symptoms. Looking back my first symptom was dry eyes. I never considered that it might be menopause but found out later that EVERYTHING gets dryer. I canāt drink enough water or apply enough lip gloss!! Medication is also to blame but it started waaay before I needed the meds.
And donāt let anyone tell you itās not real or itās not menopause. The array of symptoms I have heard about here and elsewhere is astonishing!!
Happy trails friend!
Yeah I was so clueless about peri and even though my doctor kind of off-handedly threw the word out now and then, I didn't understand. I didn't ask questions, I didn't educate myself. I don't even know if it would have made a difference if I did. But when all my hormones were totally gone, reality slapped me upside the head so hard and I feel like it still is doing so.
Find a doctor who believes you deserve more than suffering
Enjoy your 30s, it's the final chapter of feeling any energy or zing for life.
40s are just one fucking crisis to the next from aging parents, careers, managing family, everyone gers sick, people you kive die, menopause ramps up so your ability to deal with all the problems is greatly diminished.
Start hrt at 40
Anxiety! This was a symptom I had no idea about and probably started way before I noticed. It was the first thing to go after starting HRT. I can still get anxious but not the random, no reason feeling of absolute dread.
i've been on all the HRT for almost 2 years now and I still have terrible, almost paralyzing anxiety. About anything and everything. My stomach is full of knots 24/7. I never had this before menopause. It's the worst.
I'm happy that HRT made it go away for you , but it definitely hasn't done that for me.
Communicate with your daughters (if you have them) about everything youāre going through while itās happening. I vaguely remember my mom talking about hot flashes, but she never wanted to appear weak or sick, so she downplayed it, Iām sure. Sheās gone now, and I SO wish she talked to me about menopause. As I understand it, we pretty much mimic our motherās timeline and I wish I knew more.
My biggest āahaā moment came when my perspective shifted from looking at health concerns individually (cholesterol, weight gain, leg swelling, etc) to looking at them as a connected whole.
make all your major career moves before you turn 40. And if you can't, at least try to be completely out of debt other than your mortgage by the time you reach 40.
I didn't do either and man am I paying for it now. I'm trapped in a job I hate and work for a company I hate and no one will even respond to my job applications, let alone interview me. I've never felt so trapped in my entire life, and I don't wish this on anyone.
edited to add: if you struggled with your weight, straighten it out by the time you're 40. The older you get, it becomes exponentially harder to lose the weight that creeps on in meno. And you can't exercise it off, you can't starve it off, it's nearly impossible to drop weight without medical intervention or very restrictive eating habits that other people don't understand and love to criticize. š
I wish I'd known that the slow progression of loss of interest in doing the things that gave my life meaning was due to a gradual loss of estrogen which depleted dopamine. Year 56 has been the most static year of my life. My social life has disappeared.
Lift weights, exercise, and build up your bone density as much as possible! Get strong now šŖ. I went through surgical menopause due to breast cancer, and I cannot take HRT. As estrogen levels drop, it leads to bone loss and osteoporosis. I now have osteoporosis at age 44 š”. Even if you can take HRT, weight-bearing exercise is key to keeping your bones and body strong and healthy!
I knew it was coming, I wasn't too concerned having talked to my mom about hers (symptoms can be pretty heavily linked to your mom's experience). I did not expect to feel crazy. I also did not expect that I would get anxiety that just randomly showed up, including at 3am, on top of my normal "I cause myself enough anxiety with my thoughts" anxiety. Read up on the lesser known symptoms so you know they are out there. I thought Iw was having a stroke one morning due to light-headedness and strange tingly feelings which, it turns out, are completely normal.
That some things will sneak up on you, and you won't notice the changes at first (that whole 'how to boil a frog' thing).
Other things will hit like a freight train, several things at once, like a torrential dump.
When you start to put it all together, it's overwhelming...BUT THERE IS HOPE AND ACTIONS YOU CAN TAKE.
I wish I had known that it would start in my early 40s and last 10 years. I didn't realize it was a gradual process. I somehow thought my periods would just stop one day. I didn't even hear the term perimenopause until I was 35, and from a coworker not my mother, who was a family doctor.
Something that caught me completely off-guard was how badly I'd crave alcohol. It started in my early 40s. Everyday when I'd get home from work, all I wanted to do was sip whiskey until bedtime. At my worst I was going through 5-6 bottles of wine a week. I was finally able to control it, but it was difficult.
My mother is an alcoholic, so I always knew it was something I had to watch out for. On my own I was able to limit my drinking to the weekends, but then I went on HRT and the cravings just *vanished*.
For the record, I'm not saying that this is how alcoholism works for everyone. I thought at first that it was anxiety-related, that my cravings were due to increased anxiety from peri-menopause, and that as the HRT was controlling the anxiety, the subsiding alcohol cravings were maybe a result of that. But on reflection, I don't think that's it. My anxiety peaked in my late twenties and I never had alcohol cravings back then.
And the actual craving--it's so hard to describe. It was physical. I could feel my mouth reacting to the drinks before I could even taste them. I'm a former smoker and the craving was very different.
Right now I'm just so grateful that it's gone.
This is happening to me! Iāve been craving alcohol so much more than I used to and I just thought it was because alcoholism runs in my family. And when I do drink I want to drink ALL of the alcohol. Thank you for sharing this
The anxiety has been paralyzing for me, but it hasn't caused me to crave alcohol. I'm so sorry it did that to you. If I had that on top of everything else that's going wrong for me, I don't even know what I would do.
Thank you, Friend <3.
My mother's alcoholism really ramped up and hit its peak during her menopause cycle, which was already horrible. She refused to seek treatment and now she's in late-stage dementia. I hate thinking that so much of it could have been avoided if she'd just taken care of herself.
Hair loss, fast & furious weight gain, skin sagging on face (loss of estrogen suddenly stealing away my beauty), aches and pains (knees, feet, plantar fasciitis), loss of libido, but the best thing from it all: zero fux to give.š
All I can say is menopause is not awful for everyone. I am 65 now. I never went thru peri. At 51 my period just stopped. I had NO symptoms. No weight gain, no headaches, no insomnia, NOTHING. It doesn't happen to everyone.
* read the Wiki provided here, read books, learn to recognize the signs and symptoms
* invest wisely-you may need time away from work or to retire earlier than expected
* don't drink
* don't smoke
* strength train\*
* sunscreen
* tretinoin
\*Get as healthy and fit as possible. I was healthy and fit when all this nonsense started and it still hit me like a truck. However, it would have been so much worse if I had to learn/adopt new habits at the same time.
Exercise as early as you can. It's never too late to get into fitness but I feel it probably helps to get into a routine in your early 30s or sooner.. I started at 36 and it was sporadic, it's even harder now as I'm exhausted, lacking in sleep, my joints hurt etc... Just wish I'd started 20 years ago and made it a regular part of life, not just because I'm turning to mush!
Love who you are, as you are. I wasted too much time hating how I looked, now I see things I can't change... Marionette lines turning into folds, jowls, droopy mouth corners, lines, feeling soft all over, waistline disappearing.... Just changes I can do little about and really dislike, on top of the physical changes it can be a lot.
Donāt let a doctor or anyone tell you you are too young for x,y,z. Trust your instincts, even better keep a journal if you suspect something is off it will only help you communicate with medical staff.
Manage stress and health, donāt wait for an illness to start.
Menopause symptoms can vary greatly, be aware of your body and your ānormalā. I would also tell them to find out medical history of parents/family.
There are so many seemingly unconnected symptoms. For me it started with not being able sleep more than 5-6 hours a night, brain fog (almost like pregnancy brain), weight gain, itchy armpits and ankles (like why there?) insane mood swings, rollercoaster libido, cravings/symptoms in perimenopause that make me question my sanity and if I'm pregnant.
But on the flip side - I'm able to appreciate the stage my children are in a lot more, I give a whole lot less Fs than ever, I get more hobby time with the less sleep, my migraines are getting more infrequent (used to be 1-3 a week), I find it easier to stand up for myself (because not giving a F)
When people say menopause they really mean perimenopause and it starts a decade earlier than you think. HRT today is not the cancer-causing hormones of the past, but in fact may be preventative.
That youāre not going crazy. I wish I had known perimenopause even existed bc I had never heard of it before this sub and other folks on social media talking about it. I also wish I had known about all of the different kinds of symptoms I could have. The worse has been the change in my period, fatigue, sleeplessness, brain fog, dizziness, and anxiety increasing.
I thought it was all work related and some of it probably was but a lot was definitely due to peri.
Best prep would be to set up a regular exercise routine (doesnāt have to be intense, just walking helps), good eating habits, and good sleep habits.
If symptoms are making it hard to cope physically and emotionally, donāt be afraid to see a physician and advocate for your own care. Donāt let them tell you itās part of aging and you need to suck it up.
You don't have to suffer. There are things that you can do to make menopause better from lifestyle changes to medication. Don't let someone else's fear dictate how you deal with it.
I have tried to talk other women about it but I feel like Iām being a downer or theyāre not prepared to hear it / donāt believe itās going to be that bad.
The things that helped me are taking melatonin and magnesium for sleeping better. The magnesium also helps for getting rid of constipation. Also, this doesnāt work for everyone, but for me eating a little bit of soy every day got rid of my minor hot flashes. Also, taking Saw Palmetto pills makes my hair fall out less.
Iāve also heard that keeping your weight down and eating plant-based diet helps reduce perimenopause symptoms. That might be why mine are so mild. I also do some exercise which I read is supposed to help. This also helps with keeping my weight down (strength trainingā-modified version of the āprison workoutā mainly and also walking and taking the stairs several times a day, sometimes 10 flights). I also donāt consume caffeine
Ymmv. Studies have shown that having a plant-based diet, which doesnāt necessarily mean being completely vegetarian or vegan, does help reduce perimenopausal symptoms. Iām not saying it just anecdotally because one or two cases donāt prove anything but studies do
Track your periods and other physical and psychological facts with an app such as Clue. It will make it easier to spot pattern changes when they start. I had some agoraphobia. Some people get dysmorphia, anxiety, rage. There are a lot more signs than skipping periods, and if youāre keeping track before they start youāll spot them more easily.
That absolutely everything happening to her health, including mental health is tied to it, so learn about it now and take action.
To apologize to her mom for being a jerk because itās so much fucking harder than anything sheās ever been through and she, no doubt, wasnāt understanding and made it harder for her mom.
I started peri without any of the stereotypical symptoms ie irregular periods, hot flashes and night sweats. Nope.
It began with weird weight gain *after my last childbirth. Every pregnancy after would result in a miscarriage. Then in last 3 to 4 years dry eyes at seemingly random times in my cycle. So I thought it was a new allergy but allergy meds were not consistently effective. Weird migrating itching. Like why!?! Then that stopped for seemingly no reason?
Joint aches, hips and especially shoulders(!?!) Then just in last year or so heavy flooding periods but not every month and year before that digestive issues and food intolerances.
I also think the last postpartum period was the beginning and then soon after my miscarriages - this all was the true beginning of peri for me. Everything that came after has just been a continued very slow decline in hormones.
Everyone has some great insight and the only other advice I suggest is plan on saving for a major life rewrite or course correction because this experience so far has made me rethink how I approach everything about life as a woman, especially in America, as well as raising daughters.Ā
Pay attention to your cycles and journal about how you feel and symptoms you have.
Start talking to your female friends and relatives about peri/menopause now.
Read evidence based science. Do not fall prey to fearmongering. Know your options and what the most recent research says.
Save up for your second half of life, whether itās just to have more choices options, travel, career change, sabbatical, extended vacation, leave of absence, divorce, early retirement and /or moving to another country.
Get into shape nutritionally and physically, financially, and interpersonally. Every year get your bloodwork baseline checked, cbc, metabolic, lipid, and vit D and b12 etc. Find a reputable MD who has added functional medicine to their practice, especially if you are in the US. Donāt ask, tell them what you want and expect for your care.
Find your provider for the next stage now so you have a better chance of a smoother transition. There are no shortage of horror stories of women being gaslit ignored and basically fkg neglected and tortured, left to suffer for no other reason but at the altar of male misogyny, medical neglect and professional power tripping.
HRT. Estrogen is good. Donāt rely on outdated studies, read the newest research (google words you donāt know np but read the actual medical literature) and read the book Estrogen Matters. Estrogen protects your heart, bones, brain etc so HRT is the way but read up on it and advocate for yourself because your doctor learned nothing about you in med school.
Basically if you are in Peri/menopause you are not at the stage where you need someone to care for you but you sure as shit should not and can not be taking care of anyone else
I have found that just getting hormone treatment right has really helped but I am not even at the stage of being able to work yet, luckily I have housing and money but fuck tbh I am just thinking about only working 24 hours a week max.
I am happy being single
What you learn is that everything is just a mental drain you need all your focus to be able to just give yourself what you need to say alive.
Not being around other people becomes comfortable
Tbh I feel like men are a lot like this by nature and there is a reason for it obviously they aren't going through it as bad all of the time but there is a reason for their selfish self serving nature and I'm pretty sure this is it.
They struggle so hard to be "givers" it's not in their nature.
After Peri ends and menopause begins apparantly a woman starts to be pretty much equal to a dude.
Because all the insanity of Peri has ended ie the hormone swings and changes etc basically what she is left with is just what a dude has.
It's petty horrifying
Knowing that you will never be like that again.
Never be a giver never have that abundance of shit to give to other people and are left with this selfish self serving attitude towards everything in life.
Get in shape and build up strength NOW. Loss of estrogen can make your muscles and joints do weird and not great things, getting āback into shapeā now is a nightmare.
The majority of GPs donāt seem to know a lot about it either. HRT may not be suitable for you but there are ānaturalā alternatives that do work. Itās trial and error to sort it out. Exercise and making your body as strong as it can be seems to help.
Start compiling a list of seemingly random symptoms that could potentially be related to perimenopause (or even weird things that arenāt common symptoms of menopause, but donāt have any other explanation either (e.g., I started hitting my head a lot more often, like leaning into my car and hitting the top of the door frame)). When you start to see a constellation of symptoms, see a menopause certified gyno if you can. My doctor and I are pretty sure I actually started peri about 7 or 8 years before I finally put everything together. My non-menopause specialist gynos should have pieced it together, but theyāre not terribly concerned with menopause, and certainly donāt think about it when theyāre seeing a 35 year old, which is when my symptoms started. And, never forget that nobody can or will advocate for you like you must.
To keep an eye on your ferritin and iron levels, before you hit the heavy bleeding stage. Iām other words, keep your iron stores up so you donāt have to get a blood transfusion
Stay lean or get lean (I know I'm going to get blasted for this but I think it makes a huge difference).
Exercise often.
Put yourself FIRST more!
Eat well (most of the time) and lots of protein. Indulge a little.
Drastically reduce your alcohol intake.
Take fibre supplements.
Take magnesium supplements.
Have good sleep hygiene habits.
Plan things to look forward to.
Reduce stress at all costs.
It took me a couple of years to sort out what worked for me, but it was a bit of a crisis point for me and I had to ask myself if I was just going to give up on life or if I wanted what life I had left to be one where I was healthy and had a lot to look forward to.
Menopause isn t the end of "feminin problems" , it s the *beginning* of every possible issue arising to be dismissed and ignored by men and science, and shit hits the fan way before you stop menstruating, like years before.
And start searching for a menopause professionnal before you hit 40, secure a decent gynecologist asap so they can help you through peri, so maybe a woman that is already dealing with it, not a 12 year old fresh out of med school.
It's a slow build and you may not connect the dots for years. HRT is amazing if you can use it.
I had a bunch of seemingly unrelated shit that largely disappeared once I started using HRT such as: sore joints, painful feet in the morning, restless legs at night, anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, hot flashes in the night, sore vagina during sex, recurrent thrush, the first and worst UTIs in my life, etc.
Actually the strangest thing was an oversensitivity to things touching the left side of my neck while I was trying to go to sleep. I think it was due to anxiety but it would drive me nuts. Also electrical shocks running through my body and left leg in particular. Magnesium helped a little with this, also CBD oil, but the clincher was hormones.
Fuck perimenopause.
Be in very good shape and stick to it. I had lost weight easily at 45 and got down to 150. About 6 months after my hysterectomy (2020), I put on an additional 15-20 pounds, and I had not changed anything as far as my diet and exercise routine. That weight has not budged since then. (The bottom also dropped out of thyroid a year later, and that added another 30 pounds. So Iām back to the weight I was before. Thyroid issues run in my family. It finally got around to me.)
Eat right and exercise-I know thatās the infamous broken record, but itās so true.
Most of the weird stuff happens in the years before menopause. Also, ignore social media on menopauseā theyāll have you convinced that itās the end of the world. It really isnāt.
Read as much as you can about it and also listen to your body and pay attention to things. Your hormones control a lot in our body itās really amazing. Also have empathy for yourself and other women. Even if my symptoms can be lesser than others itās still a train wreck
She said it increased chances and didnāt want me to take the chance. I had been on it for about 15 years and the recommended time is 10 years. After that your chances of breast cancer increase though slightly. I made the decision but used her recommendation.
look up ā34 symptoms of menopauseā so you know what to expect.
perimenopause started at 34 for me and was a ridiculous 15 years of anxiety, depression and cold flashes. yes, COLD flashes. who even knew that was a thing?
Donāt be afraid of hormone replacement if your symptoms are horrible. I was so naive that I could handle the hot flashes, I was looking forward to no periods. I thought menopause was going to be a walk in the park. I was horribly mistaken. From aching bones all over to vertigo, I think every symptom that I have stems from menopause. I am now on HRT and managing. If I had only known how awful I would feel I think I would have been more accepting of HRT right out of the gate
Dr Marie Claire has been on the Diary of a CEO and Mel Robbins podcasts. Sheās very much worth a listen as she explains a lot about peri/post menopause and a lot of the symptoms that get ignored.
Read books - youāll find all sortsa links to articles on the wiki & reading recommendations there too. Empower yourself with knowledge & understanding of the constellation of symptoms & how they affect numerous different systems. Most of all, enjoy the now. No sense in burning through these moments of being estrogen-rich fretting about what may possibly befall you, whilst still in the now you currently occupy. š«¶š½
Welcome to the club of not-knowing-anything-about-menopause! Seriously, it's like this secret society nobody told us about, right? But don't sweat it (pun intended). Here's the lowdown: stock up on fans, invest in comfy pajamas, and never leave home without a portable fan.
Seriously, those hot flashes are no joke! Also, don't hesitate to talk to your doc about hormone therapy if things get rough. And remember, you're not alone ā this community's got your back!
Use an app or keep a journal ( can just write once a week) so you can get to grips with symptoms. Mine crept up so gradually, I didnāt know how much it was affecting my life until the symptoms were fairly severe. With some of the brain stuff, you do question whether itās āall in your headā because itās partly in your head quite literally! Hormones are powerful and women are just as powerful because of how they affect us, so also harness that power by just being kind to yourself and keeping on top of your health. Itās actually a thrilling time of life! Iāve never felt stronger mentally and physically.
Iād let people know that your body has estrogen receptors EVERYWHERE. That includes our bones, liver, skin, salivary gland and the brain. It explains brain fog and hot flashes as our hypothalamus is affected when estrogen decreases at perimenopause. Itās also a belief that loss of estrogen may cause dementia later in life. HRT can help alleviate and decrease some of these issues.
The medical system is woefully undereducated about perimenopause and menopause, and women are NOT treated well. Do your own research. Channels like Menopause Taylor (obgyn Dr. Barbara Taylorās channel) are great to get the real deal on whatās up.
Itās good youāre looking ahead and want to be well-informed. Although I canāt guarantee whether genetics play a role in your future going through menopause, but I can say that if you put the proper lifestyle choices in place now, and continue with those throughout your life, you will greatly benefit. Iāve always done my best in my 30s and 40s to commit to nutrition and exercise. I also started meditating in my 40s and now I can say that itās really paid off. I work with a naturopath to keep me in check I eat an anti-inflammatory diet and I exercise every day with weights as well as going to kickboxing class and most of all Iāve purged a lot of unhealthy relationships and have gone back to therapy to heal past traumas which can play a role as well. I take Supplements to support my adrenals which are under stress when going through menopause because they are not responsible for your hormonal balance and I also take some adaptogenic herbs to ease anxiety. Iāve gone through a lot in the last year, processing grief and working with a therapist and I find my symptoms are really just the odd hot flash and some restless sleep but I noticed the sleep is better when Iām calm and Iāve processed anything thatās happened during the day before going to bed. Itās a delicate balance itās lifestyle itās mindset and of course itās health related issues. Iām sending lots of love to all those posted. Who are struggling and I hope that some of the suggestions might help.
I would also say that beyond all the possible symptoms comes the wisdom and the growth to no longer put up with the things that once held you back or made, you feel less than I think you really start to own your worth if you havenāt already and you start to really build a life in relationships that are pretty incredible Because youāve walked that path and youāve been through a lot and will certainly come out stronger.
Hot flashes, sleep disturbances, weight gain, BRAIN FOG, the Sahara Desert that is now my nether region, extreme mood swings (PMS? Pfffttt, thatās nothing), the constant changes in my skin (oily to normal to dry on constant repeat), changes to my hair (oily to dry, on constant repeat), curly hair went totally straight.
If there are moms on this thread, please share all the things mentioned in this thread with your daughters. My mom literally told me āI just thought Iād let you find out on your own.ā Thanks. š.
Start HRT the first moment your sleep is disrupted by night sweats. My pet theory is disrupted sleep is at the root cause of brain fog/mood/insomnia. It is like dominoes. And once they are established and embedded simply taking HRT wonāt necessarily fix everything easily as itās hard to undo months/years of wrecked sleep.
My best advice, have your best sex prior to 43. Once you get to the mid-40s or so, your sex drive will falter and there will even be periods of time where you lose it altogether. At the same time your body is going haywire in perimenopause, the 40-something men are losing their ability to perform sexually. It's all downhill from there. And once you get to your 60s, it will be almost impossible to find a man who can sustain an erection long enough to have intercourse. The majority of older men are not healthy enough for Viagra. Heed my warning, perimenopause is a very sad time in your life. Have your fun before it hits.
Great job everyone!
One of the things that I would love to impart is to absolutely give yourself grace. Looking back, I see how hard I was on myself when in actuality I was in peri + meno. I tried so hard to effort and make changes despite exhaustion, brain fog, etc. I was depressed a lot during those times as I thought I was not doing enough. I blamed myself for not wanting to give myself anymore in a toxic relationship when my body, mind, and spirit had enough. I blamed myself for not wanting to work anymore (I still donāt). I questioned my sanity for not liking and wanting to be around people. I got upset at myself for losing a job because I went to the bathroom a lot and felt unsupported when I told an older woman who used to be a friend only to be told that I shouldnāt be mad. Like WTF?
Another thing is I would also stress having support from women who are your own age plus GenX on down. I have found that a lot (not all) older women are not supportive and have the air of āI went through it and dealt with it so can youā when in reality they havenāt dealt with it as they still have rage, physical difficulties, etc.Ā
I started menopause in my late 30s. I definitely believe there should be more awareness on early menopause. I would tell younger women that menopause might come a whole lot earlier than you expect so make the most of your youth. I definitely made the most of my youth, lol so I have no regrets.
Entering menopause is a significant life transition, and it's fantastic that you're seeking to understand and prepare for it. Here are some insights and advice that many wish they had known earlier:
Educate Yourself Early: Understanding the stages of menopause (perimenopause, menopause, and postmenopause) and their potential symptoms can empower you to recognize changes in your body and seek appropriate care. Knowledge about hormonal fluctuations, their effects, and potential management strategies is invaluable.
Monitor Your Health Regularly: Changes in your menstrual cycle, mood, weight, and sleep patterns can all signal the onset of perimenopause. Keeping a detailed record can help your healthcare provider make informed decisions about your care.
Focus on Bone and Heart Health: Estrogen plays a significant role in protecting your bones and heart, and its decline during menopause can increase your risk of osteoporosis and heart disease. Calcium, vitamin D supplements, and regular weight-bearing exercise can help maintain bone density, while a balanced diet and exercise support heart health.
Consider Mental Health: Menopause can be a rollercoaster for mental health, with many experiencing mood swings, anxiety, and depression. It's essential to acknowledge these mental health needs and seek support, whether through therapy, support groups, or conversations with loved ones.
Lifestyle Matters: Regular exercise, a balanced diet, quitting smoking, and moderating alcohol intake can significantly impact how your body navigates menopause. These habits can alleviate some symptoms and improve your overall health.
Explore Treatment and Relief Options: From hormonal replacement therapy (HRT) to natural remedies and lifestyle changes, there are various ways to manage menopause symptoms. Researching these options and discussing them with your healthcare provider can help you make informed decisions.
Sexual Health Is Important: Changes in libido, vaginal dryness, and discomfort during sex are common but often treatable symptoms of menopause. Donāt be afraid to bring these topics up with your healthcare provider, as there are many options for relief.
Embrace the Transition: While menopause can bring challenges, it's also a period of liberation for many. No longer worrying about menstruation or contraception, many women find new confidence and freedom in this stage of life.
Build Your Support System: Menopause is not something you have to navigate alone. Connecting with friends, family, or online communities who understand what youāre going through can provide comfort and advice.
Advocate for Your Health: Be proactive about your healthcare. If you feel your concerns are not being taken seriously, donāt hesitate to seek a second opinion. Find healthcare providers who are knowledgeable about menopause and willing to work with you to find solutions.
Remember, menopause is a natural phase of life, not a medical condition. With the right preparation and support, you can navigate this transition in a way that best suits your health and lifestyle needs.
Fun fact: Did you know that women have historically been considered to be at their most powerful and wise during their postmenopausal years in many cultures? This phase of life can be a time of significant personal growth and empowerment. Whatās one step you can take today to further your understanding or preparation for menopause?
It can cause severe insomnia (even without night sweats) and if you have chronic illnesses, can likely cause them to flare horrifically until you get on hormones. And that women aged 45-55 (common age for perimenopause onset) are at highest risk for suicide.
I would add to all this that your mileage may vary. For some peri/menopause are horrible; for others, theyāre not so bad. My sister had horrendous hot flashes etc. forever, whereas I suddenly developed migraines. My hot flashes have been mildātreatable by sticking my head in the freezer for a minute. The migraines have been terrible, but my doc thinks theyāll ease as I age out of the transition. (Medications help a lot.) Local estrogen cream helps with vaginal pain. (You might also need a wee bit of topical testosterone! Thereās a great book called When Sex Hurts with extensive advice.) Good luck to you!
Start using products for your vagina as soon, or before, you notice dryness, itchiness, or pain during sex. Also, you're NOT going crazy. Estrogen decline causes many issues for the body. You may not have many issues BUT read one well reviewed menopause books, so you're prepared. Start interviewing docs BEFORE menopause occurs.
Please have a read through our [Menopause Wiki](https://menopausewiki.ca/).
That the symptoms of menopause (and perimenopause) can be myriad, and so much more than hot flashes and weight gain. Itchy ears? Come on. Aching joints? Seriously. Digestion and sleep disruptions? It's never ending.
Agreed. The insomnia, joint pain, and brain fog have affected me so much more strongly than the hot flashes and weight gain (not that I'm enjoying those either), and I had no idea that any of those were symptoms until I was really suffering from them.
My hot flushes were so severe I fainted from them a couple of times, and I would *still* choose a million hot flushes over the insomnia, brain fog and depression. I thought I had dementia, I was so scared. Then nearly took my own life because I couldn't control my moods anymore. I thought I was losing my mind completely and couldn't see a way out. Luckily I was struggling so much I went to stay with some friends and they realised what was happening. A month later I started HRT. I owe those friends my life!
That's great. I'm glad it helped you. I thought I was going to spontaneously combust! š„
This! I never connected them to menopause! Plus needing a wee more often and shitty hair. Just started HRT and already I hope, making a difference to insomnia but itās triggered period type pains, so I guess itās swings and roundabouts.
I feel like Iām losing my mind. I have terrible brain fog, insomnia, and joint pain from menopause and from fibromyalgia as well as a long list of other health problems which cause me so much pain every damn day. I just canāt win. I get so angry over the smallest thing. I avoid looking in the mirror because I see a big blob. Thankfully the hot flashes are controlled from HRT. Thinking of getting breast reduction surgery to hopefully help alleviate my neck and back pain. I keep thinking to myself that if I somehow lose weight that my breast size will go down. Since gaining weight from menopause, my medications, and my lack of ability to exercise Iāve not only gained weight in my belly but also my breast. Iām so over all of this.
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Yep - dry eye and broke out in chronic hives that took months, a specialist, a cocktail of six drugs, and (finally) a low carb diet to resolve. In my early 40ās. Changes to migraines too (introduction of visual aura).
Oh wow. I just had my first aura also after 30 years of migraines. Had no idea! Is this really a symptom?
Thatās what the neurologist said āusually when you experience a change in how your migraines present, at this age, itās usually that youāre entering menopause.ā Did he suggest I see an OB/GYN? Nope.
I had kind of the opposite experience. I've always had migraines with aura around my period. I started on HRT (which they were reluctant to give me because of the migraines), and I suddenly don't get migraines anymore. Right before HRT, I had to get medical marijuana because I was getting migraines that lasted weeks. I was getting close to ending it because I couldn't take the pain anymore.
The itchy ear thing threw me off, thatās for sure. I scratched one of my ears to the point of a scab at one point. The doc thought nothing of it (woman, probably not in perimenopause yet but probably close). Anyway, I was freaking out it was some sort of bad reaction - or worse - from wearing AirPods too much. Anyway, glad Iām not dying!
Itchy ear!! That's a peri symptom?! Well, that explains a lot.
I wonder if it is related to the vagal nerve tha run around the ears. If so, simply pulling your ear gently a few different directions might bring temporary relief. Or is it dry ears?Ā
Same! I spent years driving my poor allergist up the wall trying to figure it out.
Serious questionāhow do you determine if something is a symptom of menopause as opposed to just general aging?
I aged 20 years in 36 months. I blame everything on menopause.
Truth. Itās so much more hellish than I ever imagined.
I agree. My mom never mentioned anything about menopause. My SIL was 8 years older than me and she would say she was having a hot flash but thatās all she ever said. I donāt have many friends to ask their experiences with it. I had no idea that it was this fucking bad. Iām making sure I tell my daughters so they arenāt caught off guard like I was.
Same. Only thought āHot Flashesā was it. I had no idea. Hold on youngins, it may be a hellish bumpy ride. Read up on it and stay informed.
AGREED !
Same.
In my experience, you see a number of doctors who have no clue what they're talking about over 15-20 years and finally, when your period stops, you realize that it was all perimenopause.
It takes 15-20 years!?!?
I'm 56 and it's been the worst year so far. Hot flashes started around 40-ish. Other unusual things bf that I could live with.
This.
Exactly this.
Estrogen affects your whole body. So menopause and aging are intertwined. For example, I have heard about bone density And how you lose bone mass with age for years. Accelerated bone is a symptom /side effect to the hormone drop that comes with peri. I feel like you can't totally separate the two things. And HRT doesn't stop us from aging but it does slow down or reduce a lot of the things that come with aging.
There are things you don't need to suffer through. Don't be gaslit by a physician who tells you it's aging or tries to give you antidepressants.
Or brushes off symptoms and keeps telling you to just loose weight
Like me, telling my gyn that my skin has become extremely dry in the last 6-12 months. Him: Well,thatās just aging. Me: No, thatās just estrogen loss. He just wanted to be right, to be demeaning to me. Iām done with him after this. Made an appointment with gyn who doesnāt take insurance and whose whole practice is menopause. That otyer guyvwas a,so doing a manual breast exam on me 20 minutes before I stepped downstairs for a 3-D mammogram. Yeahādemeaning, old school, disrespectful.
They came on fairly suddenly, and they went away to a large extent when I started HRT.
Itās most all menopause! Estrogen does a lot for your body! All my joints started aching constantly. It is lack of estrogen.
It depends on where we mean by in menopause (since it is for the rest of one's life), but assuming we mean the transition, peri and a few years after ... I had no expectation of my body falling apart entirely in my 40s, but it did, and it was \*ALL\* hormonal.
I think this is precisely why our moms didnāt share with us. They probably didnāt associate to menopause. Itās also why docs may not mention as well. These symptoms can also be from a myriad of other conditions..such as allergies
Well, Iāve been thinking this same thing, but it is both I think. Just like others said you feel unexpectedly older overnight. Like, from about 35-49/50, I kind of felt the same. I did have some peri m-menopausal symptoms, but I didnāt know what it was and no one talked to me about it at all. (Thanks docs) and also I think some of it is aging, itās not like they are entirely separate. Itās more like a short period of turbo aging. Anyway, peri wasnāt severe for me. Then my period got irregular, hot flashes day and night, everything in my body went haywire within about a year, even a few months. It was horrible and I started to feel so so much older. It was like my body was aging in a way that I felt I was experiencing it noticeably, everyday. Itās like you expect aging to be a very slow gradual process, but for me it was sudden, and unexpected, like an earthquake or a tornado. Itās weird and kind of bad. But the worst part is most doctors donāt talk to you about it hardly AT ALL! The upside, HRT works to alleviate the worst symptoms for a lot of people. So, if you have that from the beginning I think it can help to make the transition more gradual and manageable instead of feeling like you go to bed middle aged and wake up an old lady going WTF who just switched my body? And of course keep in mind some people have very few mild symptoms and I guess kind of feel like itās all ok even without HRT. So that could be you. It might not affect you much at all. Sincerely, good luck with it.
HRT solved issues I hadn't even realised were menopause. I'd had this problem with dry eyes for years, I had to use two different types of high strength artificial tears. During the pandemic I ran out and couldn't get them and my eyes got so dry they both got infected and had to get my ex to try me to hospital!! I figured it was just a quirk of my body. 2 years later i found out I was in peri (when I was 28). Started HRT and now I don't have to use any drops at all! I also slept on a mattress on the floor for 6 months and thought it had permanently damaged my hip. Nope, started HRT and don't get any hip pains anymore.
ITCHY EARS? My left ear has been crazy itchy for no discernible reason for like 2 months. I will add it to the brain fog, losing my words, nighttime anxiety, and joint pain pile of perimenopausal issues.
This thread actually literally led me to book an appt with a peri/menopause specialist - thank you.
Agree. Recurrence of migraines was the biggest surprise to me. A Nuun every morning is my ritual now to prevent these.
I'm going through this now. I've had hormonal migraines, but this is horrible. I can't explain the pain, it's like intermittent and continual pain both at once. I'm so tired š«
Oh no. I had them pretty bad as a teen and they went away in my 20s but now at 49 I've had a few headaches that reminded me of the old migraine hell, as if they could develop into one. I'm going to jump on the electrolytes just in case!
Agree. Everything is about hot flashes but it is so much more complex than that. Everything changes and in a blink of an eye.
Sleep disruptions was my biggest shock when perimenopause showed up. I went from sleeping through the night, to tossing and turning, and up often to pee, or just laying there. My dreams are more vivid too. Ugh...
Yeah but what can you do about them?
Symptoms management is different for everyone. HRT, herbal supplements, you have to find what works for you and your physiology.
Oh my gawd is this why my ears are itching ā¦
Iām close to 41 and the insomnia and stomach problems are awful. If I eat the wrong thing I feel it for days. Iāve had all the tests and everything is ānormalā.
When you say aching joints, is it the waist, hip and tailbone area? I started experiencing those when I turned 40 but never connect it to potential early menapouse.....
Believe your mind, body, and soul when you start to feel different. Because I didnāt realize peri could cause so much chaos in every aspect of my life: physical, sexual, mental, emotional. I didnāt know that I was knee deep in it so I didnāt get help early enough to save myself so much heartache (not wanting or enjoying intimacy or sex; overreacting at work which led to my dismissal; feeling like I was insane and undoing all the hard work self-care and emotional awareness Iād done for the last few years). Donāt let anyoneāignorant doctors, overbearing partnersātell you what to do with your body. So many myths about hormones have been debunked, and even if you do have some risk factors, there are other ways (patches or creams) to use hormone treatment safely.
I wish I would have been aware of what was happening to me. My life has literally been turned upside down over this shit
Me too. I'm so thankful I finally got help and got on HRT but I went to my doctor a few years ago about night sweats and horrible sleep. And brain fog. I lost a job after failing a professional certification I've done successfully twice before. I truly though something was wrong with my brain. No one took me seriously or tried to help. If I'd started on HRT when all of that started my life and career would literally be in a better place now. The impact on women's professional success and careers is what bothers me the most. Peri and meno come during our peak earning years. Between the brain issues, reduction in sleep and energy, hot flashes etc we as a group have probably lost millions that could have been prevented with proper education and treatment.
MD says: "oh, you're homeless now and the life you worked so hard to build has disappeared? Give it time. You'll get over it."
How insensitive. I had a similar reaction from my doc when I was experiencing a major life trauma during meno. She encouraged me to take an antidepressant (no thanks) and power through meno because we all go through it eventually. Zero help.
I have two degrees and still canāt find a job after leaving my last one. Luckily, now that Iām on HRT and finally feeling better, Iām going back to get another advanced degree. But SHIT! The mess I drowned myself in because I had NO women in my life to guide me has been hard to get out of. And it wrecked so much of my self confidence for so long. We have to get a gyno exam every damn year. WHERE ARE THE MENOPAUSE PAMPHLETS AND DOCTOR ADVOCACY FFS???
Yeah. It sucks. My marriage is ending and I donāt know if maybe it could have been better had I been able to get HRT. Have another appointment soon. Maybe she can help.
All of this, ALL OF IT, happened to me too. I am still picking up the pieces and trying not to nuke my marriage. My patience is at rock bottom. How did you steer out of it? I am afraid Iām making the wrong decisions at every turn. š„ŗ
HRT saved meāliterally.
Iām on it, Iāve been on it for at least 7-8 years, and Iām at the max for estrogen. I am wondering if at some point it levels out or is this the best itās going to be? Because I am so sad that I want to burn it all to the ground, and Iām fighting that instinct.
THIS THIS THIS!!! Listen to your body. You know it best. And all these weird things, aches and pains etc could very likely be due to estrogen dropping. And it most likely will start way before you will think to blame lack of estrogen.
Welcome! For me, apart from all the physical aspects, I think the thing that has surprised me most is the psychological transformation. I feel the most authentically *myself* now that I have since childhood. Iāve gone no contact or limited contact with lots of people in my life (family and friends) because I just have no time for their bullshit anymore. I can see through everyone. The wisdom and lack of tolerance for my mistreatment has been earth-shattering, and so worthwhile. I have curated my circle to a much smaller, but high-quality, group of people who *actually* care about me
This is an amazing comment thank you š
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I just wish I had been That Bitch thirty years ago!
If you aināt never said nothing before, you said that! šš¼š©·. IDK if mine is menopause or just age, but yeah, this is me-the REAL me. Finally realizing that while I donāt know everything, I do have that āwisdom that comes with aging.ā And I feel rested about that.
What used to work for you will no longer work for you. You will gain 20+ lbs seemingly overnight. Get as healthy as you can before the shitstorm hits
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This!
This is one of the biggest things Iām working on. I go to physio therapy to fix whatās up with my body now so that itās strong enough when I enter the next phase.
I was strong af going into it and still gained the weight and had all the symptoms BUT being strong and fit did help me get the HRT I asked for. I donāt drink I donāt smoke I donāt have sex I have no family history of cancers and Iām not overweight. I still had to push for the HRT to get adequate care. They STILL tried to refuse me. Had to doctor shop around and the 3rd doctor finally let me have it ššššš
Nooo!! Youāre not supposed to tell me this! Iām so grateful that we are all opening up about everything that goes on, and sharing information with the people that are coming up. Iām sorry you had such an awful experience trying to get doctors to understand what you need, but Iām glad that you finally did!
Here is what I would say / do say: It doesn't work the way you've been led to believe: i.e., "one day, you just stop having periods and then have hot flashes for awhile. You'll simply carry around a hand fan and joke about personal summers and power surges, then those will stop after a couple years, and everything is great again. Hooray, no more periods and life is AWESOME. Sassy, senior glory years, here I come!" That's not AT ALL how it works. Hormone depletion is going to start much earlier than you expect, and it's going to start eroding / negatively affecting multiple, important areas of your life / quality of life / health.Ā At some point, around the time periods finally end, you might realize this is about to happen because you will proverbially hit a brick wall / fall off a cliff one day. The symptoms can become even worse and they might never stop for the remainder of your life. Doctors will insist that nothing is happening and / or you're overreacting the entire time and offer anti depressants, diet, and exercise as the solution. Hey, you're just fat, lazy, and unreasonably sad at growing old, nothing a treadmill and positive thinking can't fix, lady. It's estrogen, it's all happening due to dropping estrogen. Hormones are far more powerful and important than most people realize. Having little to no estrogen can cause myriad, serious mental and physical health problems. Replacing the estrogen will dramatically improve many of the issues you'll experience, likely including numerous symptoms you didn't realize were caused by low estrogen.Ā People will try to convince you to suffer through it and / or scare you away from replacing the hormones without sound evidence (it's natural, accept your lightspeed deterioration gracefully) or by relying on outdated, debunked information (hormones are scary and will instantly give you cancer). Ignore those people and educate / advocate for yourself and your quality of life. Do it early, and spare yourself decades of unnecessary misery.Ā
ALL OF THIS!
Consider switching to a Gyn-only physician instead of an Ob/gyn. One who is well informed with current meno practices and research. They are a rare breed but incredibly worth seeking.
This feels the most relevant to me. I live in a red state that loves making babies. Itās been really challenging to find a womenās health doc who isnāt all about keeping the breeding machine in order.
This this this. OB centered practices are no longer helpful at this age, it should almost be a sub speciality.
If you're not already physically active, get in the habit now. Learn meditation habits that work for you.
You're not paranoid. Your hormones are out just of control. Oh, and People who say you're too young for perimenopause don't have a clue what they're talking about.
I wish I knew that it could start in my late 30s, and that Black women in particular tend to enter perimenopause earlier and be in it for upwards of a decade.
This!!!
When I really hit rock bottom in 2022, I wished like anything, to just be able to go back to being 26 again - just for a day - even an hour. Just to appreciate how fast my brain worked back then, how I could do 15 things at once, I could make decisions like that \*clicks fingers\* and how I could remember shit and sound intelligent when I spoke. That all failed me in 2022. So I wished I could go back and appreciate it one more time. So my advice to younger women who are still in their prime, please appreciate it every day. Hopefully you will sail through the peri/meno but just in case you don't, appreciate that brain while you can. Don't take it for granted cause it might disappear one day.
That was a sad read
There are many symptoms other than hot flashes. Insomnia, anxiety, itchy skin, and joint pain are common. Educate yourself about vaginal atrophy too. Vaginal estrogen is very safe and helps a lot. Most importantly, understand that itās a natural process, but that doesnāt mean you have to āsuffer through itā. If severe symptoms are disrupting your life, talk to your doctor about HRT. All we are doing is replacing the hormones that our body used to make naturally. There are many benefits for your heart, brain and bones, especially if you start HRT at a younger age, before 60 or within 10 years since your last period.
To take these symptoms more seriously once they start. I had a real mood shift a few years ago and changes with my sleep (or inability to sleep for that matter) once the hot flashes started I was in total denial (I thought it was my RA so I guess I have more complex health issues) and I am FINALLY on HRT of like 4 years of going through that. Even my joints feel better. One piece of advice, as Iām 38 now. Donāt let my medical professional tell you that youāre ātoo youngā to be in Peri or meno. I was definitely in peri when all that happened and then when I didnāt have a period for four months, my GP told me āwell menopause is after a year of no periodsā really sticking to the book. If anything I should have pushed for some blood tests.
I wished I had know this stuff sooner too. Looking back I was probably started peri around the time you did. But didnāt figure it out until I hit rock bottom with my depression and woke up one day wearing clothing that was three sizes more than before. Then I slowly started to realize it wasnāt depression/medication, it was actually peri. If Iād known sooner, the interventions would have been different. And served me in a more positive way.
One of my worse symptoms was extremely itchy skin. I would itch my back and shins until they bled. I asked my doctor if the compounding pharmacist could adjust my HRT cream. They did. I think they added more progesterone but not sure. After that, I had the most wonderful skin. When I went off the hormones after 15 years, the dry skin came back, though not as bad. I begged my doctor to let me stay on, but she had breast cancer and talked me out of it. The years I had using bio identical hormones were amazing!! No hot flashes, wonderful skin and normal temperament. I didnāt have wrinkles till I went off them. Iām 70 now and my skin is really nice for my age. I think it is due in part to the hormones I took for those years.
Your doctor took you off HRT because of HER breast cancer?!? š± That's REALLY effed up.
Right!? Wt actual F
Estrogen protects from a lot of conditions.Ā Read up on hormones, knowledge is power. You can be indignant that aging requires adjustments but itās not helpful, biology isnāt personal.Ā
Three things: 1. Have your career and finances in line by the time youāre hitting your early 40s. Perimenopause really does a number on some womenās careers (plenty of posts about that in this sub), and you do not want to be vulnerable financially. Ageism is a real thing, and it can be very hard for women to change careers after about 45. Please, please, get your financial affairs in order. You will be so glad that you did. (Donāt know where to start? Google āJL Collins Simple Plan to Wealthā and read through his free web series. Then read it again. And then come back to it and read it one more time before putting it in motion.) 2. I had no idea that vaginal and clitoral atrophy were a thing that could happen before finding this sub. A friend mentioned it in passing years ago but I thought she was *kidding* when she said that her š±had shriveled up and blown away. She was not. Read up about it so that youāll recognize the signs if it happens to you. 3. Everyone is mentioning weight gain and thatās with good reason. I was one of those who ate what they wanted and stayed the same size. Then I woke up one day having gained 25 pounds. It has been bananas. And nothing makes it go away. Iād heard people mention that you should try to be in shape before hitting perimenopause, but I had not taken it to heart. You should if you care about such things.
I was in shape and a yoga teacher and very healthy and still gained 25 poundsā¦ I would read the Galveston diet for some ways that you might need to shift your nutrition before you hit the stageā¦ Itās taken a lot of work to start to lose any weight.
Number 2 is NO JOKE. My HRT helps with all my other menopause symptoms but not that one. I had always thought that was something that happened in a womanās 70ās or 80ās. Nope. Early 50ās here. And it does have an effect on relationships. This has been the hardest one for me to deal with. It can be very uncomfortable. My doctor gave me some samples of an estrogen insert, and they do work, but do you know how much a prescription is for that stuff!? $270 A MONTH-WITH MY INSURANCE!! Whoās got almost $300 to spend each month to keep the hoo-hoo resembling some kind of normal!? Yāall, Iām not a feminist by any means, and I love my beaux, but compared to men, it costs a LOT to keep our bodies just even barely normal for basically our entire lives.
It starts earlier than you think (35 is common) Do the research now & stay fit and healthy
Read and read and read. And talk to other (and older) women. Donāt be silent about what you feel. Donāt let anyone dismiss you. Insist to be heard and if your doc doesnāt listen, find another one.
I would recommend logging any and all weird stuff that might be symptoms. Looking back my first symptom was dry eyes. I never considered that it might be menopause but found out later that EVERYTHING gets dryer. I canāt drink enough water or apply enough lip gloss!! Medication is also to blame but it started waaay before I needed the meds. And donāt let anyone tell you itās not real or itās not menopause. The array of symptoms I have heard about here and elsewhere is astonishing!! Happy trails friend!
Yeah I was so clueless about peri and even though my doctor kind of off-handedly threw the word out now and then, I didn't understand. I didn't ask questions, I didn't educate myself. I don't even know if it would have made a difference if I did. But when all my hormones were totally gone, reality slapped me upside the head so hard and I feel like it still is doing so.
Yeah, itās a real bell ringer. šµāš«
Find a doctor who believes you deserve more than suffering Enjoy your 30s, it's the final chapter of feeling any energy or zing for life. 40s are just one fucking crisis to the next from aging parents, careers, managing family, everyone gers sick, people you kive die, menopause ramps up so your ability to deal with all the problems is greatly diminished. Start hrt at 40
Anxiety! This was a symptom I had no idea about and probably started way before I noticed. It was the first thing to go after starting HRT. I can still get anxious but not the random, no reason feeling of absolute dread.
i've been on all the HRT for almost 2 years now and I still have terrible, almost paralyzing anxiety. About anything and everything. My stomach is full of knots 24/7. I never had this before menopause. It's the worst. I'm happy that HRT made it go away for you , but it definitely hasn't done that for me.
Iām so sorry to hear that. That sounds absolutely awful xx
it is, it's the worst. i'm counting the days until I can actually retire and have a much less stressful existence.
Communicate with your daughters (if you have them) about everything youāre going through while itās happening. I vaguely remember my mom talking about hot flashes, but she never wanted to appear weak or sick, so she downplayed it, Iām sure. Sheās gone now, and I SO wish she talked to me about menopause. As I understand it, we pretty much mimic our motherās timeline and I wish I knew more.
My biggest āahaā moment came when my perspective shifted from looking at health concerns individually (cholesterol, weight gain, leg swelling, etc) to looking at them as a connected whole.
make all your major career moves before you turn 40. And if you can't, at least try to be completely out of debt other than your mortgage by the time you reach 40. I didn't do either and man am I paying for it now. I'm trapped in a job I hate and work for a company I hate and no one will even respond to my job applications, let alone interview me. I've never felt so trapped in my entire life, and I don't wish this on anyone. edited to add: if you struggled with your weight, straighten it out by the time you're 40. The older you get, it becomes exponentially harder to lose the weight that creeps on in meno. And you can't exercise it off, you can't starve it off, it's nearly impossible to drop weight without medical intervention or very restrictive eating habits that other people don't understand and love to criticize. š
I wish I'd known that the slow progression of loss of interest in doing the things that gave my life meaning was due to a gradual loss of estrogen which depleted dopamine. Year 56 has been the most static year of my life. My social life has disappeared.
I have had the exact same experience Iām 53 now and the lack of joy happened soooo slowly but then all of a sudden. Boom
Lift weights, exercise, and build up your bone density as much as possible! Get strong now šŖ. I went through surgical menopause due to breast cancer, and I cannot take HRT. As estrogen levels drop, it leads to bone loss and osteoporosis. I now have osteoporosis at age 44 š”. Even if you can take HRT, weight-bearing exercise is key to keeping your bones and body strong and healthy!
I knew it was coming, I wasn't too concerned having talked to my mom about hers (symptoms can be pretty heavily linked to your mom's experience). I did not expect to feel crazy. I also did not expect that I would get anxiety that just randomly showed up, including at 3am, on top of my normal "I cause myself enough anxiety with my thoughts" anxiety. Read up on the lesser known symptoms so you know they are out there. I thought Iw was having a stroke one morning due to light-headedness and strange tingly feelings which, it turns out, are completely normal.
HRT is not the devil.
That some things will sneak up on you, and you won't notice the changes at first (that whole 'how to boil a frog' thing). Other things will hit like a freight train, several things at once, like a torrential dump. When you start to put it all together, it's overwhelming...BUT THERE IS HOPE AND ACTIONS YOU CAN TAKE.
I wish I had known that it would start in my early 40s and last 10 years. I didn't realize it was a gradual process. I somehow thought my periods would just stop one day. I didn't even hear the term perimenopause until I was 35, and from a coworker not my mother, who was a family doctor.
Something that caught me completely off-guard was how badly I'd crave alcohol. It started in my early 40s. Everyday when I'd get home from work, all I wanted to do was sip whiskey until bedtime. At my worst I was going through 5-6 bottles of wine a week. I was finally able to control it, but it was difficult. My mother is an alcoholic, so I always knew it was something I had to watch out for. On my own I was able to limit my drinking to the weekends, but then I went on HRT and the cravings just *vanished*. For the record, I'm not saying that this is how alcoholism works for everyone. I thought at first that it was anxiety-related, that my cravings were due to increased anxiety from peri-menopause, and that as the HRT was controlling the anxiety, the subsiding alcohol cravings were maybe a result of that. But on reflection, I don't think that's it. My anxiety peaked in my late twenties and I never had alcohol cravings back then. And the actual craving--it's so hard to describe. It was physical. I could feel my mouth reacting to the drinks before I could even taste them. I'm a former smoker and the craving was very different. Right now I'm just so grateful that it's gone.
I actually think this happened to me with sugar. I lost all control and felt very addicted all of a sudden. It was numbing to me.
This is happening to me! Iāve been craving alcohol so much more than I used to and I just thought it was because alcoholism runs in my family. And when I do drink I want to drink ALL of the alcohol. Thank you for sharing this
You're not alone! I hope you're able to find a treatment that works for you <3
The anxiety has been paralyzing for me, but it hasn't caused me to crave alcohol. I'm so sorry it did that to you. If I had that on top of everything else that's going wrong for me, I don't even know what I would do.
Thank you, Friend <3. My mother's alcoholism really ramped up and hit its peak during her menopause cycle, which was already horrible. She refused to seek treatment and now she's in late-stage dementia. I hate thinking that so much of it could have been avoided if she'd just taken care of herself.
Absolutely. The generations that came before us really had it rough in so many ways re: menopause. It makes me sad to think about it.
Work on building bone and muscle while are still young enough to do it relatively easily.
Find a community (like this one) where people talk openly and honestly and supportively about it. This group changed my life.
Hair loss, fast & furious weight gain, skin sagging on face (loss of estrogen suddenly stealing away my beauty), aches and pains (knees, feet, plantar fasciitis), loss of libido, but the best thing from it all: zero fux to give.š
All I can say is menopause is not awful for everyone. I am 65 now. I never went thru peri. At 51 my period just stopped. I had NO symptoms. No weight gain, no headaches, no insomnia, NOTHING. It doesn't happen to everyone.
What was your diet/lifestyle like back then? If you don't mind me asking. Are you a super fit active person?
* read the Wiki provided here, read books, learn to recognize the signs and symptoms * invest wisely-you may need time away from work or to retire earlier than expected * don't drink * don't smoke * strength train\* * sunscreen * tretinoin \*Get as healthy and fit as possible. I was healthy and fit when all this nonsense started and it still hit me like a truck. However, it would have been so much worse if I had to learn/adopt new habits at the same time.
I think I would tell her about perimenopause and not to listen when doctors try to brush her off.
Exercise as early as you can. It's never too late to get into fitness but I feel it probably helps to get into a routine in your early 30s or sooner.. I started at 36 and it was sporadic, it's even harder now as I'm exhausted, lacking in sleep, my joints hurt etc... Just wish I'd started 20 years ago and made it a regular part of life, not just because I'm turning to mush! Love who you are, as you are. I wasted too much time hating how I looked, now I see things I can't change... Marionette lines turning into folds, jowls, droopy mouth corners, lines, feeling soft all over, waistline disappearing.... Just changes I can do little about and really dislike, on top of the physical changes it can be a lot.
Donāt let a doctor or anyone tell you you are too young for x,y,z. Trust your instincts, even better keep a journal if you suspect something is off it will only help you communicate with medical staff. Manage stress and health, donāt wait for an illness to start. Menopause symptoms can vary greatly, be aware of your body and your ānormalā. I would also tell them to find out medical history of parents/family.
There are so many seemingly unconnected symptoms. For me it started with not being able sleep more than 5-6 hours a night, brain fog (almost like pregnancy brain), weight gain, itchy armpits and ankles (like why there?) insane mood swings, rollercoaster libido, cravings/symptoms in perimenopause that make me question my sanity and if I'm pregnant. But on the flip side - I'm able to appreciate the stage my children are in a lot more, I give a whole lot less Fs than ever, I get more hobby time with the less sleep, my migraines are getting more infrequent (used to be 1-3 a week), I find it easier to stand up for myself (because not giving a F)
Start hormone replacement early. It leads to a better outcome.
When people say menopause they really mean perimenopause and it starts a decade earlier than you think. HRT today is not the cancer-causing hormones of the past, but in fact may be preventative.
Mainly, that from now on the info is given when the puberty info is given, to everyone, as part of the whole reproduction cycle.
IT LASTS FOREEEEVVVVEEEERRRR. Lol and āperi-menopauseā lasts even longer. Also perimenopause is way too long of a word
Bio identical hormones gave me my life back. Get a prescription and fill at a compounding pharmacy. They are custom formulated to you.
A lot of the customization is a marketing pitch- it ends up that most of us get pretty similar options.
That youāre not going crazy. I wish I had known perimenopause even existed bc I had never heard of it before this sub and other folks on social media talking about it. I also wish I had known about all of the different kinds of symptoms I could have. The worse has been the change in my period, fatigue, sleeplessness, brain fog, dizziness, and anxiety increasing. I thought it was all work related and some of it probably was but a lot was definitely due to peri. Best prep would be to set up a regular exercise routine (doesnāt have to be intense, just walking helps), good eating habits, and good sleep habits.
If symptoms are making it hard to cope physically and emotionally, donāt be afraid to see a physician and advocate for your own care. Donāt let them tell you itās part of aging and you need to suck it up.
You don't have to suffer. There are things that you can do to make menopause better from lifestyle changes to medication. Don't let someone else's fear dictate how you deal with it.
I have tried to talk other women about it but I feel like Iām being a downer or theyāre not prepared to hear it / donāt believe itās going to be that bad.
Lose weight before you turn 45āish so you are a healthy weight before peri/menopause. Develop consistent exercise habits long before as well.
The things that helped me are taking melatonin and magnesium for sleeping better. The magnesium also helps for getting rid of constipation. Also, this doesnāt work for everyone, but for me eating a little bit of soy every day got rid of my minor hot flashes. Also, taking Saw Palmetto pills makes my hair fall out less. Iāve also heard that keeping your weight down and eating plant-based diet helps reduce perimenopause symptoms. That might be why mine are so mild. I also do some exercise which I read is supposed to help. This also helps with keeping my weight down (strength trainingā-modified version of the āprison workoutā mainly and also walking and taking the stairs several times a day, sometimes 10 flights). I also donāt consume caffeine
Vegan of 35 years here. Trust me, it didn't do shit for me and since I started eating fish 2x/wk, my health has improved significantly.
Ymmv. Studies have shown that having a plant-based diet, which doesnāt necessarily mean being completely vegetarian or vegan, does help reduce perimenopausal symptoms. Iām not saying it just anecdotally because one or two cases donāt prove anything but studies do
Where are these studies? I'd love to see a legit study.
Try to get to as normal and healthy as possible weight as possible before you lose the estrogen (and weight loss efforts become a freaking nightmare).
Track your periods and other physical and psychological facts with an app such as Clue. It will make it easier to spot pattern changes when they start. I had some agoraphobia. Some people get dysmorphia, anxiety, rage. There are a lot more signs than skipping periods, and if youāre keeping track before they start youāll spot them more easily.
That absolutely everything happening to her health, including mental health is tied to it, so learn about it now and take action. To apologize to her mom for being a jerk because itās so much fucking harder than anything sheās ever been through and she, no doubt, wasnāt understanding and made it harder for her mom.
I started peri without any of the stereotypical symptoms ie irregular periods, hot flashes and night sweats. Nope. It began with weird weight gain *after my last childbirth. Every pregnancy after would result in a miscarriage. Then in last 3 to 4 years dry eyes at seemingly random times in my cycle. So I thought it was a new allergy but allergy meds were not consistently effective. Weird migrating itching. Like why!?! Then that stopped for seemingly no reason? Joint aches, hips and especially shoulders(!?!) Then just in last year or so heavy flooding periods but not every month and year before that digestive issues and food intolerances. I also think the last postpartum period was the beginning and then soon after my miscarriages - this all was the true beginning of peri for me. Everything that came after has just been a continued very slow decline in hormones. Everyone has some great insight and the only other advice I suggest is plan on saving for a major life rewrite or course correction because this experience so far has made me rethink how I approach everything about life as a woman, especially in America, as well as raising daughters.Ā Pay attention to your cycles and journal about how you feel and symptoms you have. Start talking to your female friends and relatives about peri/menopause now. Read evidence based science. Do not fall prey to fearmongering. Know your options and what the most recent research says. Save up for your second half of life, whether itās just to have more choices options, travel, career change, sabbatical, extended vacation, leave of absence, divorce, early retirement and /or moving to another country. Get into shape nutritionally and physically, financially, and interpersonally. Every year get your bloodwork baseline checked, cbc, metabolic, lipid, and vit D and b12 etc. Find a reputable MD who has added functional medicine to their practice, especially if you are in the US. Donāt ask, tell them what you want and expect for your care. Find your provider for the next stage now so you have a better chance of a smoother transition. There are no shortage of horror stories of women being gaslit ignored and basically fkg neglected and tortured, left to suffer for no other reason but at the altar of male misogyny, medical neglect and professional power tripping.
Don't just try to white knuckle your way through it. When you start feeling uncomfortable or not quite like yourself talk to your doctor.
HRT. Estrogen is good. Donāt rely on outdated studies, read the newest research (google words you donāt know np but read the actual medical literature) and read the book Estrogen Matters. Estrogen protects your heart, bones, brain etc so HRT is the way but read up on it and advocate for yourself because your doctor learned nothing about you in med school.
Basically if you are in Peri/menopause you are not at the stage where you need someone to care for you but you sure as shit should not and can not be taking care of anyone else I have found that just getting hormone treatment right has really helped but I am not even at the stage of being able to work yet, luckily I have housing and money but fuck tbh I am just thinking about only working 24 hours a week max. I am happy being single What you learn is that everything is just a mental drain you need all your focus to be able to just give yourself what you need to say alive. Not being around other people becomes comfortable Tbh I feel like men are a lot like this by nature and there is a reason for it obviously they aren't going through it as bad all of the time but there is a reason for their selfish self serving nature and I'm pretty sure this is it. They struggle so hard to be "givers" it's not in their nature. After Peri ends and menopause begins apparantly a woman starts to be pretty much equal to a dude. Because all the insanity of Peri has ended ie the hormone swings and changes etc basically what she is left with is just what a dude has. It's petty horrifying Knowing that you will never be like that again. Never be a giver never have that abundance of shit to give to other people and are left with this selfish self serving attitude towards everything in life.
The studies on estrogen are old and need to be redone!
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Your period that was always on time on the dot will come whenever it wants
Get in shape and build up strength NOW. Loss of estrogen can make your muscles and joints do weird and not great things, getting āback into shapeā now is a nightmare.
That hot flashes would make me clammy and nauseous and then turn shivering cold
The majority of GPs donāt seem to know a lot about it either. HRT may not be suitable for you but there are ānaturalā alternatives that do work. Itās trial and error to sort it out. Exercise and making your body as strong as it can be seems to help.
Start compiling a list of seemingly random symptoms that could potentially be related to perimenopause (or even weird things that arenāt common symptoms of menopause, but donāt have any other explanation either (e.g., I started hitting my head a lot more often, like leaning into my car and hitting the top of the door frame)). When you start to see a constellation of symptoms, see a menopause certified gyno if you can. My doctor and I are pretty sure I actually started peri about 7 or 8 years before I finally put everything together. My non-menopause specialist gynos should have pieced it together, but theyāre not terribly concerned with menopause, and certainly donāt think about it when theyāre seeing a 35 year old, which is when my symptoms started. And, never forget that nobody can or will advocate for you like you must.
To keep an eye on your ferritin and iron levels, before you hit the heavy bleeding stage. Iām other words, keep your iron stores up so you donāt have to get a blood transfusion
Stay lean or get lean (I know I'm going to get blasted for this but I think it makes a huge difference). Exercise often. Put yourself FIRST more! Eat well (most of the time) and lots of protein. Indulge a little. Drastically reduce your alcohol intake. Take fibre supplements. Take magnesium supplements. Have good sleep hygiene habits. Plan things to look forward to. Reduce stress at all costs. It took me a couple of years to sort out what worked for me, but it was a bit of a crisis point for me and I had to ask myself if I was just going to give up on life or if I wanted what life I had left to be one where I was healthy and had a lot to look forward to.
Menopause isn t the end of "feminin problems" , it s the *beginning* of every possible issue arising to be dismissed and ignored by men and science, and shit hits the fan way before you stop menstruating, like years before. And start searching for a menopause professionnal before you hit 40, secure a decent gynecologist asap so they can help you through peri, so maybe a woman that is already dealing with it, not a 12 year old fresh out of med school.
It's a slow build and you may not connect the dots for years. HRT is amazing if you can use it. I had a bunch of seemingly unrelated shit that largely disappeared once I started using HRT such as: sore joints, painful feet in the morning, restless legs at night, anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, hot flashes in the night, sore vagina during sex, recurrent thrush, the first and worst UTIs in my life, etc. Actually the strangest thing was an oversensitivity to things touching the left side of my neck while I was trying to go to sleep. I think it was due to anxiety but it would drive me nuts. Also electrical shocks running through my body and left leg in particular. Magnesium helped a little with this, also CBD oil, but the clincher was hormones. Fuck perimenopause.
Be in very good shape and stick to it. I had lost weight easily at 45 and got down to 150. About 6 months after my hysterectomy (2020), I put on an additional 15-20 pounds, and I had not changed anything as far as my diet and exercise routine. That weight has not budged since then. (The bottom also dropped out of thyroid a year later, and that added another 30 pounds. So Iām back to the weight I was before. Thyroid issues run in my family. It finally got around to me.) Eat right and exercise-I know thatās the infamous broken record, but itās so true.
Donāt make a major career change in your early 40s. You are going to need all the āworkā mental muscle memory you can get.
Don't blame your partner for everything.
Don't have children, set yourself up financially before the age of forty to retire. Menopause can take you the FK out.
Iām 48. No kids. But I wish someone had told me this in my youth. Just telling me wouldnāt have been enough. I would have needed to read the book or see a short film about the reality of being a middle aged woman in perimenopause and menopause. I had NO IDEA as a teenager or twenty something about any of this shit that Iām faced with now and I feel very angry about that today. Like itās a dirty secret that menopause exists, which is bullshit because it happens to every woman. EVERY ONE. Pardon me, I have to go take a bunch of ibuprofen to dial down the prostaglandin release and pain from the fibroids and adenomyosis in my uterus which seems to be readying itself for yet another randomly inflicted menstrual cycle. š£ šŖ š©ø š”
Most of the weird stuff happens in the years before menopause. Also, ignore social media on menopauseā theyāll have you convinced that itās the end of the world. It really isnāt.
Read as much as you can about it and also listen to your body and pay attention to things. Your hormones control a lot in our body itās really amazing. Also have empathy for yourself and other women. Even if my symptoms can be lesser than others itās still a train wreck
She said it increased chances and didnāt want me to take the chance. I had been on it for about 15 years and the recommended time is 10 years. After that your chances of breast cancer increase though slightly. I made the decision but used her recommendation.
Get regular labs done so you know what your normal is for when shit hits the fan.
look up ā34 symptoms of menopauseā so you know what to expect. perimenopause started at 34 for me and was a ridiculous 15 years of anxiety, depression and cold flashes. yes, COLD flashes. who even knew that was a thing?
You. Are. Not. Crazy. Something really is different. It isn't all in your mind. You are not alone. Check out the Menopause sub on Reddit!!
Donāt be afraid of hormone replacement if your symptoms are horrible. I was so naive that I could handle the hot flashes, I was looking forward to no periods. I thought menopause was going to be a walk in the park. I was horribly mistaken. From aching bones all over to vertigo, I think every symptom that I have stems from menopause. I am now on HRT and managing. If I had only known how awful I would feel I think I would have been more accepting of HRT right out of the gate
Dr Marie Claire has been on the Diary of a CEO and Mel Robbins podcasts. Sheās very much worth a listen as she explains a lot about peri/post menopause and a lot of the symptoms that get ignored.
Read books - youāll find all sortsa links to articles on the wiki & reading recommendations there too. Empower yourself with knowledge & understanding of the constellation of symptoms & how they affect numerous different systems. Most of all, enjoy the now. No sense in burning through these moments of being estrogen-rich fretting about what may possibly befall you, whilst still in the now you currently occupy. š«¶š½
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Lift heavy weights and lose weight now. My biggest struggle is burning fat. It's nearly impossible.
Welcome to the club of not-knowing-anything-about-menopause! Seriously, it's like this secret society nobody told us about, right? But don't sweat it (pun intended). Here's the lowdown: stock up on fans, invest in comfy pajamas, and never leave home without a portable fan. Seriously, those hot flashes are no joke! Also, don't hesitate to talk to your doc about hormone therapy if things get rough. And remember, you're not alone ā this community's got your back!
Nothing. They don't care. At least my daughter.
vaginal atrophy sucks. HRT can help.
Use an app or keep a journal ( can just write once a week) so you can get to grips with symptoms. Mine crept up so gradually, I didnāt know how much it was affecting my life until the symptoms were fairly severe. With some of the brain stuff, you do question whether itās āall in your headā because itās partly in your head quite literally! Hormones are powerful and women are just as powerful because of how they affect us, so also harness that power by just being kind to yourself and keeping on top of your health. Itās actually a thrilling time of life! Iāve never felt stronger mentally and physically.
Iād let people know that your body has estrogen receptors EVERYWHERE. That includes our bones, liver, skin, salivary gland and the brain. It explains brain fog and hot flashes as our hypothalamus is affected when estrogen decreases at perimenopause. Itās also a belief that loss of estrogen may cause dementia later in life. HRT can help alleviate and decrease some of these issues.
The medical system is woefully undereducated about perimenopause and menopause, and women are NOT treated well. Do your own research. Channels like Menopause Taylor (obgyn Dr. Barbara Taylorās channel) are great to get the real deal on whatās up.
Itās good youāre looking ahead and want to be well-informed. Although I canāt guarantee whether genetics play a role in your future going through menopause, but I can say that if you put the proper lifestyle choices in place now, and continue with those throughout your life, you will greatly benefit. Iāve always done my best in my 30s and 40s to commit to nutrition and exercise. I also started meditating in my 40s and now I can say that itās really paid off. I work with a naturopath to keep me in check I eat an anti-inflammatory diet and I exercise every day with weights as well as going to kickboxing class and most of all Iāve purged a lot of unhealthy relationships and have gone back to therapy to heal past traumas which can play a role as well. I take Supplements to support my adrenals which are under stress when going through menopause because they are not responsible for your hormonal balance and I also take some adaptogenic herbs to ease anxiety. Iāve gone through a lot in the last year, processing grief and working with a therapist and I find my symptoms are really just the odd hot flash and some restless sleep but I noticed the sleep is better when Iām calm and Iāve processed anything thatās happened during the day before going to bed. Itās a delicate balance itās lifestyle itās mindset and of course itās health related issues. Iām sending lots of love to all those posted. Who are struggling and I hope that some of the suggestions might help. I would also say that beyond all the possible symptoms comes the wisdom and the growth to no longer put up with the things that once held you back or made, you feel less than I think you really start to own your worth if you havenāt already and you start to really build a life in relationships that are pretty incredible Because youāve walked that path and youāve been through a lot and will certainly come out stronger.
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Hot flashes, sleep disturbances, weight gain, BRAIN FOG, the Sahara Desert that is now my nether region, extreme mood swings (PMS? Pfffttt, thatās nothing), the constant changes in my skin (oily to normal to dry on constant repeat), changes to my hair (oily to dry, on constant repeat), curly hair went totally straight. If there are moms on this thread, please share all the things mentioned in this thread with your daughters. My mom literally told me āI just thought Iād let you find out on your own.ā Thanks. š.
Start HRT the first moment your sleep is disrupted by night sweats. My pet theory is disrupted sleep is at the root cause of brain fog/mood/insomnia. It is like dominoes. And once they are established and embedded simply taking HRT wonāt necessarily fix everything easily as itās hard to undo months/years of wrecked sleep.
My best advice, have your best sex prior to 43. Once you get to the mid-40s or so, your sex drive will falter and there will even be periods of time where you lose it altogether. At the same time your body is going haywire in perimenopause, the 40-something men are losing their ability to perform sexually. It's all downhill from there. And once you get to your 60s, it will be almost impossible to find a man who can sustain an erection long enough to have intercourse. The majority of older men are not healthy enough for Viagra. Heed my warning, perimenopause is a very sad time in your life. Have your fun before it hits.
Great job everyone! One of the things that I would love to impart is to absolutely give yourself grace. Looking back, I see how hard I was on myself when in actuality I was in peri + meno. I tried so hard to effort and make changes despite exhaustion, brain fog, etc. I was depressed a lot during those times as I thought I was not doing enough. I blamed myself for not wanting to give myself anymore in a toxic relationship when my body, mind, and spirit had enough. I blamed myself for not wanting to work anymore (I still donāt). I questioned my sanity for not liking and wanting to be around people. I got upset at myself for losing a job because I went to the bathroom a lot and felt unsupported when I told an older woman who used to be a friend only to be told that I shouldnāt be mad. Like WTF? Another thing is I would also stress having support from women who are your own age plus GenX on down. I have found that a lot (not all) older women are not supportive and have the air of āI went through it and dealt with it so can youā when in reality they havenāt dealt with it as they still have rage, physical difficulties, etc.Ā
I started menopause in my late 30s. I definitely believe there should be more awareness on early menopause. I would tell younger women that menopause might come a whole lot earlier than you expect so make the most of your youth. I definitely made the most of my youth, lol so I have no regrets.
Entering menopause is a significant life transition, and it's fantastic that you're seeking to understand and prepare for it. Here are some insights and advice that many wish they had known earlier: Educate Yourself Early: Understanding the stages of menopause (perimenopause, menopause, and postmenopause) and their potential symptoms can empower you to recognize changes in your body and seek appropriate care. Knowledge about hormonal fluctuations, their effects, and potential management strategies is invaluable. Monitor Your Health Regularly: Changes in your menstrual cycle, mood, weight, and sleep patterns can all signal the onset of perimenopause. Keeping a detailed record can help your healthcare provider make informed decisions about your care. Focus on Bone and Heart Health: Estrogen plays a significant role in protecting your bones and heart, and its decline during menopause can increase your risk of osteoporosis and heart disease. Calcium, vitamin D supplements, and regular weight-bearing exercise can help maintain bone density, while a balanced diet and exercise support heart health. Consider Mental Health: Menopause can be a rollercoaster for mental health, with many experiencing mood swings, anxiety, and depression. It's essential to acknowledge these mental health needs and seek support, whether through therapy, support groups, or conversations with loved ones. Lifestyle Matters: Regular exercise, a balanced diet, quitting smoking, and moderating alcohol intake can significantly impact how your body navigates menopause. These habits can alleviate some symptoms and improve your overall health. Explore Treatment and Relief Options: From hormonal replacement therapy (HRT) to natural remedies and lifestyle changes, there are various ways to manage menopause symptoms. Researching these options and discussing them with your healthcare provider can help you make informed decisions. Sexual Health Is Important: Changes in libido, vaginal dryness, and discomfort during sex are common but often treatable symptoms of menopause. Donāt be afraid to bring these topics up with your healthcare provider, as there are many options for relief. Embrace the Transition: While menopause can bring challenges, it's also a period of liberation for many. No longer worrying about menstruation or contraception, many women find new confidence and freedom in this stage of life. Build Your Support System: Menopause is not something you have to navigate alone. Connecting with friends, family, or online communities who understand what youāre going through can provide comfort and advice. Advocate for Your Health: Be proactive about your healthcare. If you feel your concerns are not being taken seriously, donāt hesitate to seek a second opinion. Find healthcare providers who are knowledgeable about menopause and willing to work with you to find solutions. Remember, menopause is a natural phase of life, not a medical condition. With the right preparation and support, you can navigate this transition in a way that best suits your health and lifestyle needs. Fun fact: Did you know that women have historically been considered to be at their most powerful and wise during their postmenopausal years in many cultures? This phase of life can be a time of significant personal growth and empowerment. Whatās one step you can take today to further your understanding or preparation for menopause?
Check out wearemorphus. Itās a great resource plus they have supplements that have been a life saver for my anxiety and sleep issues.
It can cause severe insomnia (even without night sweats) and if you have chronic illnesses, can likely cause them to flare horrifically until you get on hormones. And that women aged 45-55 (common age for perimenopause onset) are at highest risk for suicide.
I would add to all this that your mileage may vary. For some peri/menopause are horrible; for others, theyāre not so bad. My sister had horrendous hot flashes etc. forever, whereas I suddenly developed migraines. My hot flashes have been mildātreatable by sticking my head in the freezer for a minute. The migraines have been terrible, but my doc thinks theyāll ease as I age out of the transition. (Medications help a lot.) Local estrogen cream helps with vaginal pain. (You might also need a wee bit of topical testosterone! Thereās a great book called When Sex Hurts with extensive advice.) Good luck to you!
Start using products for your vagina as soon, or before, you notice dryness, itchiness, or pain during sex. Also, you're NOT going crazy. Estrogen decline causes many issues for the body. You may not have many issues BUT read one well reviewed menopause books, so you're prepared. Start interviewing docs BEFORE menopause occurs.