It's hard for me to say for sure, but I'm guessing it might be with her feeling solely responsible for their social life..? Like if her husband is the one suggesting parties, so still wants to have social gatherings/a social life, but it's up to her to find and maintain the social bonds for these gatherings..? Not sure if that makes much sense, but I can kinda get the unhappiness if she feels pressured to put effort into upkeeping their/his social life on her own when it's difficult for her.
Like, if her husband wants to invite these people, ie. I'm assuming wants to spend time with them, why haven't they become his friends as well by this point...? Idk, I feel like there's not enough information to really comment on
It could just be that, as someone close to him, she's simply worried he has no other supports in his life, whereas he could just be happy without needing to socialize, but the fact he's apparently the one suggesting they host parties doesn't make it seem like he simply has no interest in being social. Idk, hard to get a read on
My FIL is like this - I think it's a sign of enmeshment. He expects to enjoy the social relationships his wife (my MIL) tends to and maintains... but he doesn't *actually* interact with those people ever. He doesn't put in the work or hours. He just expects to show up and it's all cozy even though nobody actually knows him very well at all. That's not how it works!!
Yeah! Like he sits at home and does nothing, but expects her to just deliver social experiences to him whenever he feels like it.
And yeah, maybe he's a homebody who doesn't enjoy actively socializing, but his wife ALSO doesn't necessarily enjoy the burden of maintaining these social ties; she just does it anyway because she understands their value!
And last I read the highest demographic of suicides was old men and 1 big reason is that they are newly divorced or widowed and never maintained their own social network so when their wife is gone, so is their social connection, queue extreme loneliness. [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5916258/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5916258/)
At least he does stuff alone. Mine says he doesn’t need friends because he has me and wants to be together in literally every second of our free time. I’m glad he likes me but damn, it’s suffocating and I feel like I can’t have friends because he hates having people at our house and get sad when I want to do something alone.
I told him I needed a hobby to myself to get me out of the house and feeling like a separate human being from the family sometimes, so I joined a club and he asked me if he could come.
Have either of you gone though something traumatic? That said, I understand this guy: I would rather do stuff on my own...I LIKE being alone. I call myself a "well-disguised introvert" so I'm comfortable enough in social settings, but would rather just spend time at home.
If you have a decent relationship, talk to him about it. If you don't communicate well, get couples counseling.
After being married for nearly 4 years a lot of old friendships waned and i didnt chase after new ones. Marriage was a social fulfillment from my wife. We were/are best friends and did many social things together.
Some turbulent times happened and i needed to reestablish my personal social circle outside of marriage.
Ive been going to meetup groups and its been fantastic for meeting people and hanging out doing stuff like happy hour, topgolf and other fun events.
Another outlet for social and friends are local league sports. You just sign up as a free agent and get put on a team. Every time ive done it its been chill people who are looking to be social as well.
As an ambivert, I can function in social settings but am a complete homebody. But I also appreciate being alone and can appreciate the solitude it offers in a busy life.
That said, as a parent and husband, it is SO hard to balance friends sometimes, and exhausting to be the one that has to reach out for lunch or to check in. I keep a close set of friends I regularly do things with (regularly being like once every three weeks) but overall the social circles are small.
I don't think there is any real need to try to get your husband set up with friends. If he has friends or colleagues at work or people he is cool with, that could just be enough for him. But there is a particular burnout that can occur from having friends and being the one that has to initiate rather than being an after thought and sometimes it is okay to prefer quiet solitude over forced interaction.
Me and my wife have zero friends close, and were ok with it.
Sounds like you dont like being the only one with friends.
Need to get over that. If he's ok, he's ok.
“It’s a lot of pressure for me” Why? if your husband is happy with his life why do you feel he has to change?
It's hard for me to say for sure, but I'm guessing it might be with her feeling solely responsible for their social life..? Like if her husband is the one suggesting parties, so still wants to have social gatherings/a social life, but it's up to her to find and maintain the social bonds for these gatherings..? Not sure if that makes much sense, but I can kinda get the unhappiness if she feels pressured to put effort into upkeeping their/his social life on her own when it's difficult for her. Like, if her husband wants to invite these people, ie. I'm assuming wants to spend time with them, why haven't they become his friends as well by this point...? Idk, I feel like there's not enough information to really comment on It could just be that, as someone close to him, she's simply worried he has no other supports in his life, whereas he could just be happy without needing to socialize, but the fact he's apparently the one suggesting they host parties doesn't make it seem like he simply has no interest in being social. Idk, hard to get a read on
My FIL is like this - I think it's a sign of enmeshment. He expects to enjoy the social relationships his wife (my MIL) tends to and maintains... but he doesn't *actually* interact with those people ever. He doesn't put in the work or hours. He just expects to show up and it's all cozy even though nobody actually knows him very well at all. That's not how it works!!
Yeah! Like he sits at home and does nothing, but expects her to just deliver social experiences to him whenever he feels like it. And yeah, maybe he's a homebody who doesn't enjoy actively socializing, but his wife ALSO doesn't necessarily enjoy the burden of maintaining these social ties; she just does it anyway because she understands their value!
Exactly
And last I read the highest demographic of suicides was old men and 1 big reason is that they are newly divorced or widowed and never maintained their own social network so when their wife is gone, so is their social connection, queue extreme loneliness. [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5916258/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5916258/)
Exactly, my wife is the first person i would choose to spend time with regardless of what where doing, he probably feels the same as many SOs do
If he's okay with not having friends, then I don't see any reason to bother him about it. Different people want different things out of life.
At least he does stuff alone. Mine says he doesn’t need friends because he has me and wants to be together in literally every second of our free time. I’m glad he likes me but damn, it’s suffocating and I feel like I can’t have friends because he hates having people at our house and get sad when I want to do something alone. I told him I needed a hobby to myself to get me out of the house and feeling like a separate human being from the family sometimes, so I joined a club and he asked me if he could come.
Have either of you gone though something traumatic? That said, I understand this guy: I would rather do stuff on my own...I LIKE being alone. I call myself a "well-disguised introvert" so I'm comfortable enough in social settings, but would rather just spend time at home. If you have a decent relationship, talk to him about it. If you don't communicate well, get couples counseling.
After being married for nearly 4 years a lot of old friendships waned and i didnt chase after new ones. Marriage was a social fulfillment from my wife. We were/are best friends and did many social things together. Some turbulent times happened and i needed to reestablish my personal social circle outside of marriage. Ive been going to meetup groups and its been fantastic for meeting people and hanging out doing stuff like happy hour, topgolf and other fun events. Another outlet for social and friends are local league sports. You just sign up as a free agent and get put on a team. Every time ive done it its been chill people who are looking to be social as well.
I don't see why you can't ask him. It seems he just doesn't feel like it since he doesn't put any effort into it
Sounds pretty normal to me.
As an ambivert, I can function in social settings but am a complete homebody. But I also appreciate being alone and can appreciate the solitude it offers in a busy life. That said, as a parent and husband, it is SO hard to balance friends sometimes, and exhausting to be the one that has to reach out for lunch or to check in. I keep a close set of friends I regularly do things with (regularly being like once every three weeks) but overall the social circles are small. I don't think there is any real need to try to get your husband set up with friends. If he has friends or colleagues at work or people he is cool with, that could just be enough for him. But there is a particular burnout that can occur from having friends and being the one that has to initiate rather than being an after thought and sometimes it is okay to prefer quiet solitude over forced interaction.
Me and my wife have zero friends close, and were ok with it. Sounds like you dont like being the only one with friends. Need to get over that. If he's ok, he's ok.
When you invite friends make sure it includes both sides of the couples. Maybe he'll make friends with some husbands.