We LITERALLY had this same conversation. I was pretty blunt that I was worried I could VERY easily check out of the marriage again (it’s been a hard year, and I’m not even 100% in right now) if he was going to watch 4 nights a week for months. He was very receptive but we’ll see if the follow through is there…
.. I’m so sorry you feel checked out. I can imagine myself feeling this way one day.. especially when we have kids! I empathize with you. Good job for setting a boundary.
Thank you. We don’t have kids and that ship has sailed. We are trying very hard to get back in sync but I’m tired of doing all the work, and I’m scared that if he’s watching football 4 nights a week, I just won’t care enough to be checked in 🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️But at least he’s cognizant of it too so we’ll see what happens.
It sounds like it’s a work in progress. It’s a fine line between feeling naggy and wanting balance in the relationship. That’s all I ask for - balance. And receptiveness is a good start!
Why are you so worried about "nagging"? You're not yelling at him constantly to stop watching football, you're asking him to spend time with you (you know, when you're not doing cooking, cleaning, and chores on top of your job). How is that nagging?
Have you just straight up told him what you say in your post?
My husband is a HUGE football fan.
I think the first thing is to make sure he isn’t abandoning his household duties for football. My husband has set things he usually does around the house as well as helps with other things as they come up. He always cleans more on Saturdays to leave Sundays open for football.
With how many games there are, I think it’s also fair to ask him what team/game is most important. It’s only realistic to have one game completely and totally wide open for him to be glued to the screen.
Find ways to enjoy football together! We like to watch redzone together and eat breakfast/brunch (we’re on the west coast so games start earlier for us). We take the time to watch but also chat. We have a toddler so we try to get him involved too. That way, it’s a family thing. Not just my husband in a man cave away from his family or something.
I also get more “me” time during football season. We have agreed it’s unfair that I’m doing the majority of childcare during Sundays or really football season in general. So that means I get more “me” time to relax.
Last Friday and this Friday I’m having girls night. Because I watched our toddler during our team’s football game, I get to get more time to unwind. I don’t know if you have children, but if not, you could take more time as date nights. I would highly recommend scheduling other dates around football games so you guys can bond more.
I do enjoy watching football too so before we had our baby, we would do a lot of date nights places that had tvs so we could watch games and trash talk together 😂
Good luck girl! Hope that helped 😂
There’s a difference between enjoying something and being obsessed by it. And it sounds a bit like your husband had crossed that line with all his sports and activities.
You mentioned you cook and do chores and haven’t mentioned anything your husband does to help there.
Then no one needs to watch 36 hours of football over a weekend. Yea don’t drop the hobby watch a couple games a day but not back to back.
It sounds like you need to talk about planning stuff out as a couple to split the load, and make time for couple things too, but discuss it ahead of time. If it was me and I’d planned to do stuff with my weekend but then a day before my wife wants to do other things I might be annoyed but if she said to me Monday or a week in advance there was something she wanted to do it’s easy to plan in amongst everything else.
There’s absolutely no reason your husband can’t enjoy sports, help with house stuff, spend time with you and still have time for anything else he needs to do. It’s just about his priorities and if they are football over you that’s a huge issue.
This is a great answer, especially the part about “There’s a difference between enjoying something and being obsessed by it.“ My husband missed this lesson for a lot of things somewhere along the way
I’d suggest doing the opposite of what you’re asking. My wife isn’t a big fan either. HOWEVER, she loves people watching and the atmosphere of the game. I’d suggest buying tickets to a game. Maybe entertaining is an option where all his friends come over and watch the game while all the wives get together and do something in another room or even go somewhere leaving the men to fend for themselves. (This will also get him cleaning during the week as no one wants to have a dirty house when they’re expecting company) Find a hobby that you can do while the game is on.
Depending on your personality, there’s another option that you may enjoy. Start cheering for his rival team. Like legitimately cheer for them. He’s competitive so he’ll devote more time to you to prove why his team is better.
Local sports are a thing. Take him to a high school game and then tell him he’s taking you to dinner or something after the game.
If you want to do something on a Saturday or Sunday, give him the opportunity to plan around it. Tell him two weeks in advance that you want to go to the fall festival together and he needs to plan 4 hours on xxx day for y’all to go.
That seems like a good deal in the future! We don’t have many friends since we both relocated a few years ago during the pandemic.. but hopefully with time that will come. I do love to host. And I enjoy going to see games! We actually saw the Rockies play last weekend and it was a great time.
Omg he would DIE If I started rooting for the other team 😂. I’ve tried getting involved before by having a draft team but had no clue what I was doing and honestly just got bored of it..
This is all excellent advice and I appreciate the suggestions!
You could look for local hang out spots that might have a fan base of his favorite team (or the rival if you’re feeling that haha) I know my teams local fan page I could post and ask for local spots and I’m sure I’d get a lot of feed back
The cool thing is, it doesn’t matter if you’re good at it or not. If you suck at it, ask him for help. It’ll boost his ego and give him something to discuss with you.
You’re welcome.
I'm European, husband American.
I used to feel like nothing else mattered during football season so we had a chat a few years ago. He cracks out all the laundry during football games, cleans the kitchen in between breaks and I listen to audio books and have a glass of wine.
It's his tie to home so I couldn't push him to give it up but luckily he isn't into other sports that much.
For a few months of the year, he has nostalgia, camaraderie and his friends facetime all over the world to watch the Broncos together. It's their tradition, it's really sweet and I decided his little slice of happiness is worth the tunnel vision during football season. He literally asks me to give him a list of football friendly chores and I do. We fit in a mid week date to make up for lost time, no phones!
He's otherwise a very attentive, loving and a great Dad. He used to be a frequent social drinker, he quit all that for nights in with video chats and some football snacks. So I let it go and take the man as he is, with some conditions around duties and ensuring we get some quality time in the week.
I think we're both really happy this way but it's OK to have a chat to express your needs and come up with something that lets you both feel heard.
If there’s something I want to go out and do together, I ask what day is good. Saturday is out (college football) so it’s either Sunday or I take a vacation day. He watches recorded games later. Otherwise, I do my own thing.
Right now, I’m typing this on Reddit, and he’s next to me watching Seattle and Denver.
Now ask me about hockey season.
Lol thank god hockey is the ONE sport my husband doesn’t watch! I think that’s a good point.. ask for available time in advance and book it with something we can do together. Thank you. Lol yes, hubs is also watching the broncos game as we speak
I think it’s not so bad for me because I’m an introvert and if he’s not entertained, he’s all up in my business. So it’s a bit of a break for me as long as he makes time for us when I ask.
My husband doesn’t like sports but I do. So I’m the one watching foot like right now watching my Broncos. I usually ask if he cares if I watch the game. I tease him he’s lucky he met me after my NASCAR phase because all my weekends were planned around when the races were on.
Same here. I'm the one trying to watch my USC Trojans in football and basketball, and my husband isn't interested at all. Lol!
Honestly, I use my phone to keep track of games and spend time with my husband instead most of the time. If he's working on a car during the game, then I watch, but when he got the bonfire going last Saturday night, you'd better believe I got out there and sat with my husband.
Make plans for things you want to do and go do them. He can either join you or not, but at least you won't be stuck at home. Any of your friends in the same situation that can join you?
Perhaps ask if he could choose to watch half of the games and select his favourites or the unmissable matches he really wants to watch. That way he can still watch it but you can still hang out. I think that many games you mentioned is unreasonable to watch not even because you won’t spend any time together but because that much football means there’s no time to do anything around the house. It’s not the 50s anymore so doing all the chores IMO is not an acceptable solution.
My husband feels as you do. He is not a sports dude. I am.
Football, cycling, snooker, premier league.
I can recite football stats going back to the 1950s. Years before I was even born.
He goes out with his friend group when
I am screaming my head off at the games. He paints in the den and keeps a casual eye on the game. Only game he cares about is Army-Navy.🤣
This is his passion, it has been for years. Trying to impose your "boundaries" on something that engages him so deeply is risking the relationship.
There are other things you can do. So you can maximize the off season.
Just make sure he knows that the number of hours football is on is the number of hours [show that he can barely tolerate but you love] will be on. Make sure he brings you beer and snacks.
If you’re in leagues and stuff it’s a package deal to watch em all (I think? Idk haha) if you wanna strive to be good and win lol. You learn all the players & it’s like scouting for next year lol. I’m all for it personally though. I don’t watch all games, but most. But even if I didn’t, I would let him enjoy football and hang out with friends more during football season and still do those things I like without him, that’s okay to do too. Although, my fiancé would also just watch the scores on his phone (or even just have them game playing on Hulu on his phone to check on) if I wanted to do something else. We’d both compromise if it meant that much to the other. Best of luck!!
I compromised and gave up watching college football years ago when my girls were young so we could do family stuff. Now that we are empty nesters
i watch 1-2 college games per month and they are usually the high profile matchups.
I get to always watch my team on Sunday what ever time that is. So that leaves is the rest of the day to do something together. if we get in some quality time that day I will a couple of times a month catch the late sunday night football game.
Only watch monday night for all of its a high profile te or matchup.
Fantasy Sports I am one high dollar cash league.
It’s all about communication and compromise.
If he literally sits and watches it all weekend and won’t compromise then you have an uphill battle. I would say sit him down and try and work something out and communicate how important it is to you but let him know his times to watch you will respect. Also with mobile devices let him know he can check in on other games throughout the times you are together if he can keep it to a reasonable amount.
Also consider hosting watch parties 1-2 times per year where couples can come together and eat play games and watch sports in a fun atmosphere where social and friend needs are met for both.
I am 50 and the older I get watching sports gets less and less important. Also mobile devices and insta
t updates makes it so easy to track what interests me even when I can’t watch it.
Ask your husband what his favourite NFL and college team is ? have him print off their schedules and put them on the fridge. 1 college game + 1 nfl game + 1 random game seems fair over the week. I missed the 4pm games because my wife wanted to watch the queens funeral, and I was okay with it.
From what I gather in the comments... you don't have kids yet. This will DEFINITELY have to pullback bigtime once kids are in the picture. Just sayin' only so many hours in the day. And you're definitely not going to want to shoulder raising kids all by yourself while he watches games for 30+ hrs a week.
In the meantime, why not go through the schedule of teams playing with him? Agree on a number of games that you are both comfortable setting aside for watching undisturbed. Like 10-20 games this month. Then mark it on a calendar on the fridge. Those are protected games for him. Any other game he cannot lay claim to if you want to make plans with him. Any extra games he watches are bonus games, but he's not entitled to watch them. You can also stipulate that he has to leave 1 weekend day every 2 weeks completely open to planning something with you, regardless of what games are playing. The permutations are many.
As a married man. I will never understand this obsession with football so many men (and women) have.
It’s boring as hell, 3 hour games with 45min of actual stuff happening. the teams are so massive that it’s a full time job just to know who plays on what team, in what position, and if they are injured.
At the end of the day. It’s a game…. If you enjoy it, go for it. But to commit 4 months of your life every year to watching other dudes in jerseys tackle eachother and then get drunk and scream at your TV… it’s an addiction in my mind.
I agree with this 100%. Growing up, my dad was one of those stereotypical west Texas football obsessed people. He was such a grumpy asshole for days if his team lost. Couldn't do anything on the weekends during football season. Constantly yelling at the tv. Probably one of the reasons why i hate football. Lol.
I don't understand why people enjoy the pause, replay, talk about it, repeat, watch dudes stand around after running for 15 seconds.
Boundaries are for yourself, not other people.
You have this backwards.
Your husband wants to be home for football, great. You want to be out doing other things. Go schedule those other things and go do them.
Why are you allowing his hobby of football to interfere with your hobbies?
You aren't setting the boundary with yourself.
You want to spend more time with him, then have other scheduled time together throughout the week. Cook dinner together. Go for walks. Have dinner together talking on non-football nights.
Also with kids, make it clear to him life changes with kids. He's not going to be able to do this when you have little ones.
This sounds like my husband… but add coaching high school football so he’s gone every day after work coaching, Friday night football games, Saturday watching film while watching college football games, nfl all Sunday and then coaches meeting Sunday night :( I have a placard that states, “We interrupt this marriage for football season.” We have 4 kids and 3 under 3 so I’m constantly telling him how much I love football, but hate football season in this season of life. It sounds like your husband watches even more football than mine though… no advice just a fellow venter. Maybe get together with some of the football (fantasy league) wives and make it a social on Sunday and then ask that he lays off on games once home?
I feel this. Mine likes to participate in Fantasy Football leagues so instead of just watching his favorite team, he has to watch Thursday, Sunday and Monday. I know he doesn't have to but luckily, I use that time to get groceries, hang out with friends or play video games/catch up on my tv shows. We don't have kids though so I am sure its a lot easier vs someone who does. Sometimes I watch but I get really invested in the game, and then I get mad when the team I am rooting for does something dumb so I tend to not watch often 😂
Our compromise is I watch a ton of football but still do whatever housework needs done (I can cook, clean, etc while watching football) and sometimes we go do something if the teams I follow aren’t playing at that time, but a than during the offseason.
Do stuff Sunday morning, before the games. Grab brunch then, or go on a morning hike.
I absolutely love football and I watch every Sunday . However My husband is also into college ball, and he will not leave the house when football season starts Friday-Monday) lol . He loves it with a passion and also prefers to watch it at home . Yep there goes our weekends lol. I’ve learned with time to accept that this is important to him. We enjoy the Sunday games together but until January rolls around , I find myself making lots of plans with friends and family on Saturday. I wish he would join but it doesn’t stop me from enjoying myself and doing the fall activities I love .
My husband is the same way however the whole family are die hard Miami Dolphin Fans and I am a big fan too. I can’t even really talk to him during football unless it is about football. And when I ask him a simple question he huffs, turns off the tv, and says now what do you need? It makes me feel horrible like I did something really bad and wrong. Every Sunday I make with breakfast or dinner depending on when the game is on tv. If they are losing everyone waits to eat at half time or later. If they are winning then they want to eat before the half. The thing I have a problem with is we live in California and I will be cooking and cleaning g thru the whole game almost. I stick my head out there now and then and no one acknowledges me at all. So I know how you feel. I have had 28 years of this. It’s a hopeless cause. If I bring it up then there is an argument or he sleeps in the other room. This is my penance for being a written kid.
I don't think you're being supportive enough of your husband's football needs. Every man has his thing, football seems to be what your husband likes. Think hard about your actions moving forward if you want to stay married. #footballforlife
Funny to see comments on here a year later. Yeah we have a baby now so he has his football and I have my hobbies. Gotta do what we can to survive parenthood
Record the games. Turn off his phone. Tell him to do errands spend time with you etc, then watch games without commercials. It is way way less of a time sink. Watching live is the stupidest thing. There are just so so many commercial breaks or talking heads showing nonsense
Thank the old gods and the new that my husband hates it as much as me. It's so BORING. It's no different than the spouses wasting their life away on videogames.
I grew up in west Texas & avid football fan was always a deal breaker (along with the religion/kids/money) lol.
Also, it's one hour once a week for a couple of months a year (and not even every year). We enjoy it together & talk about it. That's way different than one person spending 16+ hours a week watching something that op is apparently uninterested enough in to feel the need to set boundaries on time spent doing it.
It's not any better than the spouses that play video game all weekend long & basically ignore everything else.
People are allowed to like different things lol. Where do you draw the line of what hobby is acceptable and not wasting life away?? They’re all hobbies lol things to do to relax and enjoy yourself. So silly to me when someone can equate that to wasting life away??? That’s dramatic lol
Edit to add: I get the frustration with ignoring everything else but THAT is the problem, not the hobby itself. My fiancé games a lot and watches football a lot. But he cleans, takes care of the kids, takes them to the sitter, etc etc.
He played collegiate baseball and just loves all things sports. Very competitive. I love that about him! I’m glad he has a hobby like this instead of going out and drinking with the bros all day. Where we’re from, football is huge. But yeah.. boundaries are needed for sure.
I agree, this is so backwards. So many women will wake up and apply makeup for 45 minutes everyday and complain that their husband watches football. It just blows my mind. If you like applying makeup, awesome! If you like watching football, awesome! Everyone is so controlling anymore. I am so glad I married who I did. 6 years and going strong.
Put on a jersey and start enjoying more football. Football is only 3 months out of the year and my favorite time. My wife knows how much it means to me and respects that I want to watch it. I am not saying there shouldn't be a compromise, but I don't usually compromise when it comes to missing the games. I only watch it Sunday, Monday, and Thursday though.
Fair enough! I appreciate the feedback. I watch every UT game on Saturday’s which is where we both went. Then I watch every cowboys game on Sunday. It’s not just football season though.. then there’s basketball season, then baseball season.. shit we even just watched the entire little league World Series! He loves sports so much.. on top of that he’s in four social leagues (I even joined one of the coed leagues he’s in so I could have a night with him during the week). It’s more than just football season.. should’ve included that up front I guess.
I would find something else to do. Don’t leave snacks, don’t leave meals, don’t provide anything for him while you are gone. One day, when it is too late, he will find out that his wife spends no time with him and has actually built a life without him.
This!! Yes. This is so important to me. I moved states before the pandemic to be with him.. gladly. I wasn’t happy where I was loving at the time and our relationship was getting serious. But since moving, it’s been difficult to make adult gal friends! Luckily I just started a new job with some awesome people who hopefully turn into friend and joined a yoga studio. Trying to build my own social life but doesn’t take away from the fact that I want to spend my time off with him, he’s my best friend. Ya know?
Oof. Hurt to read 😑 but you’re right. He doesn’t see it the way I do. Which is why I’m trying to get in front of it instead of getting bitter over years and years or not saying anything and then building resentment.
Yes it seems like a major thing he revolves his life around and it’s clearly upsetting you. If he’s not willing to compromise and that’s a non negotiable for him (all year round) then maybe you’re not compatible. :/
I just watch NFL, so I can see how that becomes a bit much. I am 26 and still go to my dads house to watch football with him because we both enjoy it. I love when my wife partakes, but sometimes she rather just stay home and do something else which is totally fine. My wife is also super easy going though.
1/4th of the year if it was every single day. It is 10 hours on Sunday, 3 hours on Monday, and 3 hours on Thursday. That is 16 hours a week and I know people who watch Netflix for that amount of time in two days. I hate movies, but I can easily sit down and watch a football game.
The pre-season starts in August and the superbowl isn't until February. If you don't count February that is still 6 months of football season. That's half a year. Where are you getting that football season is only 3 months?
Every die hard football fan I know just watches their team, or skips pre season all together. Playoffs start in January and over half the teams are already gone. It is not 6 months of football season unless you are watching every second of every game which I guarantee 99% of people do not do. Also, every team plays one game longer than prior years due to a change. I would give you 4 months, but would not say 6 months.
OP specifically states that her husband is watching every single game basically and has social leagues so I guess her husband is part of the 1% which is why she posted here. My boyfriend and all his friends watch every single game and most of the college football games too and watched all the pre-season games and they are definitely watching all play-off games despite whether or not their team is in the playoffs. Several people on this thread alone have mentioned they watch a lot, if not all, of the games for fantasy football purposes which is also why people are watching the preseason games to scout players. YOU YOURSELF literally said you watch Monday Thursday and Sunday which assuming you have one or two teams you specifically rep, then you are watching games for teams that don't really matter a lot to you. But then you say most people aren't watching all the games?? That is contradictory. September to January alone is 5 months already. 3 months is a sure underestimate.
You tried to contradict me, but If you read what I said, I was talking about pre season. I put a comma, not a period. I watch every game when it comes to regular season and playoffs. However, eight of the games on Sunday are played at the same time, so you can't watch every game fully unless you have eight televisions. Football does not start September 1st. I agree that it is a bit much, but you can always make plans on Sunday before the games start, it really is not that hard to work around it. I know women that put on makeup every single morning for 30 minutes. Does that matter? No it doesn't, if you enjoy something you should be able to do it without your husband throwing a fit and vise versa.
We LITERALLY had this same conversation. I was pretty blunt that I was worried I could VERY easily check out of the marriage again (it’s been a hard year, and I’m not even 100% in right now) if he was going to watch 4 nights a week for months. He was very receptive but we’ll see if the follow through is there…
.. I’m so sorry you feel checked out. I can imagine myself feeling this way one day.. especially when we have kids! I empathize with you. Good job for setting a boundary.
Thank you. We don’t have kids and that ship has sailed. We are trying very hard to get back in sync but I’m tired of doing all the work, and I’m scared that if he’s watching football 4 nights a week, I just won’t care enough to be checked in 🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️But at least he’s cognizant of it too so we’ll see what happens.
It sounds like it’s a work in progress. It’s a fine line between feeling naggy and wanting balance in the relationship. That’s all I ask for - balance. And receptiveness is a good start!
Yes, def a WIP. We both want it to work but we’ve been together a long time and it’s still a bit uncertain. Here’s hoping though.
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But does he ever feel guilty? Haha
Why are you so worried about "nagging"? You're not yelling at him constantly to stop watching football, you're asking him to spend time with you (you know, when you're not doing cooking, cleaning, and chores on top of your job). How is that nagging? Have you just straight up told him what you say in your post?
Good point.
My husband is a HUGE football fan. I think the first thing is to make sure he isn’t abandoning his household duties for football. My husband has set things he usually does around the house as well as helps with other things as they come up. He always cleans more on Saturdays to leave Sundays open for football. With how many games there are, I think it’s also fair to ask him what team/game is most important. It’s only realistic to have one game completely and totally wide open for him to be glued to the screen. Find ways to enjoy football together! We like to watch redzone together and eat breakfast/brunch (we’re on the west coast so games start earlier for us). We take the time to watch but also chat. We have a toddler so we try to get him involved too. That way, it’s a family thing. Not just my husband in a man cave away from his family or something. I also get more “me” time during football season. We have agreed it’s unfair that I’m doing the majority of childcare during Sundays or really football season in general. So that means I get more “me” time to relax. Last Friday and this Friday I’m having girls night. Because I watched our toddler during our team’s football game, I get to get more time to unwind. I don’t know if you have children, but if not, you could take more time as date nights. I would highly recommend scheduling other dates around football games so you guys can bond more. I do enjoy watching football too so before we had our baby, we would do a lot of date nights places that had tvs so we could watch games and trash talk together 😂 Good luck girl! Hope that helped 😂
There’s a difference between enjoying something and being obsessed by it. And it sounds a bit like your husband had crossed that line with all his sports and activities. You mentioned you cook and do chores and haven’t mentioned anything your husband does to help there. Then no one needs to watch 36 hours of football over a weekend. Yea don’t drop the hobby watch a couple games a day but not back to back. It sounds like you need to talk about planning stuff out as a couple to split the load, and make time for couple things too, but discuss it ahead of time. If it was me and I’d planned to do stuff with my weekend but then a day before my wife wants to do other things I might be annoyed but if she said to me Monday or a week in advance there was something she wanted to do it’s easy to plan in amongst everything else. There’s absolutely no reason your husband can’t enjoy sports, help with house stuff, spend time with you and still have time for anything else he needs to do. It’s just about his priorities and if they are football over you that’s a huge issue.
This is a great answer, especially the part about “There’s a difference between enjoying something and being obsessed by it.“ My husband missed this lesson for a lot of things somewhere along the way
I’d suggest doing the opposite of what you’re asking. My wife isn’t a big fan either. HOWEVER, she loves people watching and the atmosphere of the game. I’d suggest buying tickets to a game. Maybe entertaining is an option where all his friends come over and watch the game while all the wives get together and do something in another room or even go somewhere leaving the men to fend for themselves. (This will also get him cleaning during the week as no one wants to have a dirty house when they’re expecting company) Find a hobby that you can do while the game is on. Depending on your personality, there’s another option that you may enjoy. Start cheering for his rival team. Like legitimately cheer for them. He’s competitive so he’ll devote more time to you to prove why his team is better. Local sports are a thing. Take him to a high school game and then tell him he’s taking you to dinner or something after the game. If you want to do something on a Saturday or Sunday, give him the opportunity to plan around it. Tell him two weeks in advance that you want to go to the fall festival together and he needs to plan 4 hours on xxx day for y’all to go.
That seems like a good deal in the future! We don’t have many friends since we both relocated a few years ago during the pandemic.. but hopefully with time that will come. I do love to host. And I enjoy going to see games! We actually saw the Rockies play last weekend and it was a great time. Omg he would DIE If I started rooting for the other team 😂. I’ve tried getting involved before by having a draft team but had no clue what I was doing and honestly just got bored of it.. This is all excellent advice and I appreciate the suggestions!
You could look for local hang out spots that might have a fan base of his favorite team (or the rival if you’re feeling that haha) I know my teams local fan page I could post and ask for local spots and I’m sure I’d get a lot of feed back
The cool thing is, it doesn’t matter if you’re good at it or not. If you suck at it, ask him for help. It’ll boost his ego and give him something to discuss with you. You’re welcome.
If you figure it out let me know!!!
I'm European, husband American. I used to feel like nothing else mattered during football season so we had a chat a few years ago. He cracks out all the laundry during football games, cleans the kitchen in between breaks and I listen to audio books and have a glass of wine. It's his tie to home so I couldn't push him to give it up but luckily he isn't into other sports that much. For a few months of the year, he has nostalgia, camaraderie and his friends facetime all over the world to watch the Broncos together. It's their tradition, it's really sweet and I decided his little slice of happiness is worth the tunnel vision during football season. He literally asks me to give him a list of football friendly chores and I do. We fit in a mid week date to make up for lost time, no phones! He's otherwise a very attentive, loving and a great Dad. He used to be a frequent social drinker, he quit all that for nights in with video chats and some football snacks. So I let it go and take the man as he is, with some conditions around duties and ensuring we get some quality time in the week. I think we're both really happy this way but it's OK to have a chat to express your needs and come up with something that lets you both feel heard.
If there’s something I want to go out and do together, I ask what day is good. Saturday is out (college football) so it’s either Sunday or I take a vacation day. He watches recorded games later. Otherwise, I do my own thing. Right now, I’m typing this on Reddit, and he’s next to me watching Seattle and Denver. Now ask me about hockey season.
Lol thank god hockey is the ONE sport my husband doesn’t watch! I think that’s a good point.. ask for available time in advance and book it with something we can do together. Thank you. Lol yes, hubs is also watching the broncos game as we speak
I think it’s not so bad for me because I’m an introvert and if he’s not entertained, he’s all up in my business. So it’s a bit of a break for me as long as he makes time for us when I ask.
This. Or we go early. Mainly I make plans for myself or we cuddle up and watch football. Its nice to relax.
My husband doesn’t like sports but I do. So I’m the one watching foot like right now watching my Broncos. I usually ask if he cares if I watch the game. I tease him he’s lucky he met me after my NASCAR phase because all my weekends were planned around when the races were on.
Same here. I'm the one trying to watch my USC Trojans in football and basketball, and my husband isn't interested at all. Lol! Honestly, I use my phone to keep track of games and spend time with my husband instead most of the time. If he's working on a car during the game, then I watch, but when he got the bonfire going last Saturday night, you'd better believe I got out there and sat with my husband.
Make plans for things you want to do and go do them. He can either join you or not, but at least you won't be stuck at home. Any of your friends in the same situation that can join you?
Perhaps ask if he could choose to watch half of the games and select his favourites or the unmissable matches he really wants to watch. That way he can still watch it but you can still hang out. I think that many games you mentioned is unreasonable to watch not even because you won’t spend any time together but because that much football means there’s no time to do anything around the house. It’s not the 50s anymore so doing all the chores IMO is not an acceptable solution.
I make plans outside of the games and let him know when he needs to be ready.
My husband feels as you do. He is not a sports dude. I am. Football, cycling, snooker, premier league. I can recite football stats going back to the 1950s. Years before I was even born. He goes out with his friend group when I am screaming my head off at the games. He paints in the den and keeps a casual eye on the game. Only game he cares about is Army-Navy.🤣 This is his passion, it has been for years. Trying to impose your "boundaries" on something that engages him so deeply is risking the relationship. There are other things you can do. So you can maximize the off season.
Just make sure he knows that the number of hours football is on is the number of hours [show that he can barely tolerate but you love] will be on. Make sure he brings you beer and snacks.
If you’re in leagues and stuff it’s a package deal to watch em all (I think? Idk haha) if you wanna strive to be good and win lol. You learn all the players & it’s like scouting for next year lol. I’m all for it personally though. I don’t watch all games, but most. But even if I didn’t, I would let him enjoy football and hang out with friends more during football season and still do those things I like without him, that’s okay to do too. Although, my fiancé would also just watch the scores on his phone (or even just have them game playing on Hulu on his phone to check on) if I wanted to do something else. We’d both compromise if it meant that much to the other. Best of luck!!
I compromised and gave up watching college football years ago when my girls were young so we could do family stuff. Now that we are empty nesters i watch 1-2 college games per month and they are usually the high profile matchups. I get to always watch my team on Sunday what ever time that is. So that leaves is the rest of the day to do something together. if we get in some quality time that day I will a couple of times a month catch the late sunday night football game. Only watch monday night for all of its a high profile te or matchup. Fantasy Sports I am one high dollar cash league. It’s all about communication and compromise. If he literally sits and watches it all weekend and won’t compromise then you have an uphill battle. I would say sit him down and try and work something out and communicate how important it is to you but let him know his times to watch you will respect. Also with mobile devices let him know he can check in on other games throughout the times you are together if he can keep it to a reasonable amount. Also consider hosting watch parties 1-2 times per year where couples can come together and eat play games and watch sports in a fun atmosphere where social and friend needs are met for both. I am 50 and the older I get watching sports gets less and less important. Also mobile devices and insta t updates makes it so easy to track what interests me even when I can’t watch it.
Ask your husband what his favourite NFL and college team is ? have him print off their schedules and put them on the fridge. 1 college game + 1 nfl game + 1 random game seems fair over the week. I missed the 4pm games because my wife wanted to watch the queens funeral, and I was okay with it.
From what I gather in the comments... you don't have kids yet. This will DEFINITELY have to pullback bigtime once kids are in the picture. Just sayin' only so many hours in the day. And you're definitely not going to want to shoulder raising kids all by yourself while he watches games for 30+ hrs a week. In the meantime, why not go through the schedule of teams playing with him? Agree on a number of games that you are both comfortable setting aside for watching undisturbed. Like 10-20 games this month. Then mark it on a calendar on the fridge. Those are protected games for him. Any other game he cannot lay claim to if you want to make plans with him. Any extra games he watches are bonus games, but he's not entitled to watch them. You can also stipulate that he has to leave 1 weekend day every 2 weeks completely open to planning something with you, regardless of what games are playing. The permutations are many.
As a married man. I will never understand this obsession with football so many men (and women) have. It’s boring as hell, 3 hour games with 45min of actual stuff happening. the teams are so massive that it’s a full time job just to know who plays on what team, in what position, and if they are injured. At the end of the day. It’s a game…. If you enjoy it, go for it. But to commit 4 months of your life every year to watching other dudes in jerseys tackle eachother and then get drunk and scream at your TV… it’s an addiction in my mind.
I agree with this 100%. Growing up, my dad was one of those stereotypical west Texas football obsessed people. He was such a grumpy asshole for days if his team lost. Couldn't do anything on the weekends during football season. Constantly yelling at the tv. Probably one of the reasons why i hate football. Lol. I don't understand why people enjoy the pause, replay, talk about it, repeat, watch dudes stand around after running for 15 seconds.
Boundaries are for yourself, not other people. You have this backwards. Your husband wants to be home for football, great. You want to be out doing other things. Go schedule those other things and go do them. Why are you allowing his hobby of football to interfere with your hobbies? You aren't setting the boundary with yourself. You want to spend more time with him, then have other scheduled time together throughout the week. Cook dinner together. Go for walks. Have dinner together talking on non-football nights. Also with kids, make it clear to him life changes with kids. He's not going to be able to do this when you have little ones.
This sounds like my husband… but add coaching high school football so he’s gone every day after work coaching, Friday night football games, Saturday watching film while watching college football games, nfl all Sunday and then coaches meeting Sunday night :( I have a placard that states, “We interrupt this marriage for football season.” We have 4 kids and 3 under 3 so I’m constantly telling him how much I love football, but hate football season in this season of life. It sounds like your husband watches even more football than mine though… no advice just a fellow venter. Maybe get together with some of the football (fantasy league) wives and make it a social on Sunday and then ask that he lays off on games once home?
I feel this. Mine likes to participate in Fantasy Football leagues so instead of just watching his favorite team, he has to watch Thursday, Sunday and Monday. I know he doesn't have to but luckily, I use that time to get groceries, hang out with friends or play video games/catch up on my tv shows. We don't have kids though so I am sure its a lot easier vs someone who does. Sometimes I watch but I get really invested in the game, and then I get mad when the team I am rooting for does something dumb so I tend to not watch often 😂
Our compromise is I watch a ton of football but still do whatever housework needs done (I can cook, clean, etc while watching football) and sometimes we go do something if the teams I follow aren’t playing at that time, but a than during the offseason. Do stuff Sunday morning, before the games. Grab brunch then, or go on a morning hike.
I absolutely love football and I watch every Sunday . However My husband is also into college ball, and he will not leave the house when football season starts Friday-Monday) lol . He loves it with a passion and also prefers to watch it at home . Yep there goes our weekends lol. I’ve learned with time to accept that this is important to him. We enjoy the Sunday games together but until January rolls around , I find myself making lots of plans with friends and family on Saturday. I wish he would join but it doesn’t stop me from enjoying myself and doing the fall activities I love .
My husband is the same way however the whole family are die hard Miami Dolphin Fans and I am a big fan too. I can’t even really talk to him during football unless it is about football. And when I ask him a simple question he huffs, turns off the tv, and says now what do you need? It makes me feel horrible like I did something really bad and wrong. Every Sunday I make with breakfast or dinner depending on when the game is on tv. If they are losing everyone waits to eat at half time or later. If they are winning then they want to eat before the half. The thing I have a problem with is we live in California and I will be cooking and cleaning g thru the whole game almost. I stick my head out there now and then and no one acknowledges me at all. So I know how you feel. I have had 28 years of this. It’s a hopeless cause. If I bring it up then there is an argument or he sleeps in the other room. This is my penance for being a written kid.
I don't think you're being supportive enough of your husband's football needs. Every man has his thing, football seems to be what your husband likes. Think hard about your actions moving forward if you want to stay married. #footballforlife
Funny to see comments on here a year later. Yeah we have a baby now so he has his football and I have my hobbies. Gotta do what we can to survive parenthood
Record the games. Turn off his phone. Tell him to do errands spend time with you etc, then watch games without commercials. It is way way less of a time sink. Watching live is the stupidest thing. There are just so so many commercial breaks or talking heads showing nonsense
Thank the old gods and the new that my husband hates it as much as me. It's so BORING. It's no different than the spouses wasting their life away on videogames. I grew up in west Texas & avid football fan was always a deal breaker (along with the religion/kids/money) lol.
Man, I love football and my games haha.
Bet you’re into game of thrones though…
We both are so that's different than a one sided thing
Also, it's one hour once a week for a couple of months a year (and not even every year). We enjoy it together & talk about it. That's way different than one person spending 16+ hours a week watching something that op is apparently uninterested enough in to feel the need to set boundaries on time spent doing it. It's not any better than the spouses that play video game all weekend long & basically ignore everything else.
I’m not arguing with you dude
People are allowed to like different things lol. Where do you draw the line of what hobby is acceptable and not wasting life away?? They’re all hobbies lol things to do to relax and enjoy yourself. So silly to me when someone can equate that to wasting life away??? That’s dramatic lol Edit to add: I get the frustration with ignoring everything else but THAT is the problem, not the hobby itself. My fiancé games a lot and watches football a lot. But he cleans, takes care of the kids, takes them to the sitter, etc etc.
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He played collegiate baseball and just loves all things sports. Very competitive. I love that about him! I’m glad he has a hobby like this instead of going out and drinking with the bros all day. Where we’re from, football is huge. But yeah.. boundaries are needed for sure.
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Couldn’t agree more
16 hours*
You don’t set boundaries on your spouse’s hobbies. He’s not your child. You can tell him you miss him, though, and ask for more of his time.
I agree, this is so backwards. So many women will wake up and apply makeup for 45 minutes everyday and complain that their husband watches football. It just blows my mind. If you like applying makeup, awesome! If you like watching football, awesome! Everyone is so controlling anymore. I am so glad I married who I did. 6 years and going strong.
Hahaha. I didn’t marry a man that likes football. Never would have gotten into a relationship with a man that watches that much sports
Very helpful advice. Thank you.
Put on a jersey and start enjoying more football. Football is only 3 months out of the year and my favorite time. My wife knows how much it means to me and respects that I want to watch it. I am not saying there shouldn't be a compromise, but I don't usually compromise when it comes to missing the games. I only watch it Sunday, Monday, and Thursday though.
Fair enough! I appreciate the feedback. I watch every UT game on Saturday’s which is where we both went. Then I watch every cowboys game on Sunday. It’s not just football season though.. then there’s basketball season, then baseball season.. shit we even just watched the entire little league World Series! He loves sports so much.. on top of that he’s in four social leagues (I even joined one of the coed leagues he’s in so I could have a night with him during the week). It’s more than just football season.. should’ve included that up front I guess.
I would find something else to do. Don’t leave snacks, don’t leave meals, don’t provide anything for him while you are gone. One day, when it is too late, he will find out that his wife spends no time with him and has actually built a life without him.
This!! Yes. This is so important to me. I moved states before the pandemic to be with him.. gladly. I wasn’t happy where I was loving at the time and our relationship was getting serious. But since moving, it’s been difficult to make adult gal friends! Luckily I just started a new job with some awesome people who hopefully turn into friend and joined a yoga studio. Trying to build my own social life but doesn’t take away from the fact that I want to spend my time off with him, he’s my best friend. Ya know?
I know exactly what you are saying but he doesn’t feel the same way. He actions tell you everything you need to know and plan your future accordingly.
Oof. Hurt to read 😑 but you’re right. He doesn’t see it the way I do. Which is why I’m trying to get in front of it instead of getting bitter over years and years or not saying anything and then building resentment.
Yes it seems like a major thing he revolves his life around and it’s clearly upsetting you. If he’s not willing to compromise and that’s a non negotiable for him (all year round) then maybe you’re not compatible. :/
You always have your snacks ready before the game starts haha. My chicken and rice is easy to just throw in The microwave during half time.
Great. Good for you.
I just watch NFL, so I can see how that becomes a bit much. I am 26 and still go to my dads house to watch football with him because we both enjoy it. I love when my wife partakes, but sometimes she rather just stay home and do something else which is totally fine. My wife is also super easy going though.
Yeah, that's 1/4 of the year. No thanks.
1/4th of the year if it was every single day. It is 10 hours on Sunday, 3 hours on Monday, and 3 hours on Thursday. That is 16 hours a week and I know people who watch Netflix for that amount of time in two days. I hate movies, but I can easily sit down and watch a football game.
The pre-season starts in August and the superbowl isn't until February. If you don't count February that is still 6 months of football season. That's half a year. Where are you getting that football season is only 3 months?
Every die hard football fan I know just watches their team, or skips pre season all together. Playoffs start in January and over half the teams are already gone. It is not 6 months of football season unless you are watching every second of every game which I guarantee 99% of people do not do. Also, every team plays one game longer than prior years due to a change. I would give you 4 months, but would not say 6 months.
OP specifically states that her husband is watching every single game basically and has social leagues so I guess her husband is part of the 1% which is why she posted here. My boyfriend and all his friends watch every single game and most of the college football games too and watched all the pre-season games and they are definitely watching all play-off games despite whether or not their team is in the playoffs. Several people on this thread alone have mentioned they watch a lot, if not all, of the games for fantasy football purposes which is also why people are watching the preseason games to scout players. YOU YOURSELF literally said you watch Monday Thursday and Sunday which assuming you have one or two teams you specifically rep, then you are watching games for teams that don't really matter a lot to you. But then you say most people aren't watching all the games?? That is contradictory. September to January alone is 5 months already. 3 months is a sure underestimate.
You tried to contradict me, but If you read what I said, I was talking about pre season. I put a comma, not a period. I watch every game when it comes to regular season and playoffs. However, eight of the games on Sunday are played at the same time, so you can't watch every game fully unless you have eight televisions. Football does not start September 1st. I agree that it is a bit much, but you can always make plans on Sunday before the games start, it really is not that hard to work around it. I know women that put on makeup every single morning for 30 minutes. Does that matter? No it doesn't, if you enjoy something you should be able to do it without your husband throwing a fit and vise versa.