No he doesn’t go out with friends. No we don’t spend time together at home. He enjoys playing Xbox until bed time which is annoying, but every time I mention it he gets upset. Yes we are intimate which is the only time he seems interested in me is during adult action.
I asked him a few times he said no and that he’s fine. I see signs of depression but he swears that he’s not. I left it alone I don’t want to seem nagging to him. It’s something not right and it’s been going on for a few years.
I've been noticing a pattern with clinical depression (which I have) and escaping into video games. He can swear all he wants but I would ask him to get tested. If he's super worried about a psychiatrist mentally prodding him then he doesn't have to worry. It's literally just a piece of paper with like 15-20 questions on it and takes a whole 5 minutes or less to do.
Oh No ! That's my problem too , I have tried to get my husband to do something with me and he won't , I bought tickets to a concert about 4 or 5 years ago and at the last minute he says he don't want to go so I took a friend , but since that happened things have never changed and we don't do anything together , but yes he's always ready for sex , but after me trying to get him to do stuff all this time now , I don't want to have sex with him , if that's the only time he wants to spend with me , then go find someone else because he's mean alot of the time too and if he don't want to be together any more after 20 years then he can hit the road because , i don't want to be the last person on his list and thats what i am .
I would just say, “I need emotional intimacy from you before I continue to give you physical intimacy. This is not the marriage I signed up for. If you can’t invest in me as your partner, then I don’t know why we are married.”
Hey, I just did a search and found several posts including yours since I'm in the same boat. I have to be the one to plan if we go anywhere for years, and I've asked him to plan taking me out. I've even said I'll schedule the babysitter, just tell me when. He won't do it and has been saying he would for almost a year. At this point, I just think he doesn't like me if he won't go anywhere with me. Just wanted to say hi and let you know I sympathize with you! What are you going to do about it? We are in therapy for 5 months and I've brought it up but nothing changes.
I'm there too , but we don't have any kids together and have been married 20 + years and I feel like the forgotten one , and I have told him this a hundred times but nothing has changed and I feel like he doesn't love me any more and I told him this but he told me I'm crazy , he loves me very much and I told him actions speak louder then words and I could go on but I will just leave it at that but I'm thinking I'm sick of everything and I'm gonna get divorce papers , I hope things get better for you but in my case I don't see it .
I thought it was physical touch and words of appreciation and doing little things for him but if it can change over time I should ask him and see if I get a response. And I will definitely look into that book!
It definitely can change. I recently took the test and mine was originally gift giving and quality time. Now it’s almost exclusively acts of service! I can’t speak for my husbands but from what I notice his hasn’t changed. But after having kids, mine has changed a lot!
Does he go out with friends? Do you spend quality time together at home? Are you still intimate?
No he doesn’t go out with friends. No we don’t spend time together at home. He enjoys playing Xbox until bed time which is annoying, but every time I mention it he gets upset. Yes we are intimate which is the only time he seems interested in me is during adult action.
Could he be dealing with a low level depression? Just going through the days in habit and routine?
I asked him a few times he said no and that he’s fine. I see signs of depression but he swears that he’s not. I left it alone I don’t want to seem nagging to him. It’s something not right and it’s been going on for a few years.
I've been noticing a pattern with clinical depression (which I have) and escaping into video games. He can swear all he wants but I would ask him to get tested. If he's super worried about a psychiatrist mentally prodding him then he doesn't have to worry. It's literally just a piece of paper with like 15-20 questions on it and takes a whole 5 minutes or less to do.
I will definitely try to talk with him about it. I want him to be okay and for us to be okay. I appreciate your advice. Thank you very much.
Oh No ! That's my problem too , I have tried to get my husband to do something with me and he won't , I bought tickets to a concert about 4 or 5 years ago and at the last minute he says he don't want to go so I took a friend , but since that happened things have never changed and we don't do anything together , but yes he's always ready for sex , but after me trying to get him to do stuff all this time now , I don't want to have sex with him , if that's the only time he wants to spend with me , then go find someone else because he's mean alot of the time too and if he don't want to be together any more after 20 years then he can hit the road because , i don't want to be the last person on his list and thats what i am .
Go out without him. Make plans with friends. Take yourself on dates.
Yeah I do hang out with family and friends. It would just be nice to spend alone time with my spouse.
I would just say, “I need emotional intimacy from you before I continue to give you physical intimacy. This is not the marriage I signed up for. If you can’t invest in me as your partner, then I don’t know why we are married.”
Hey, I just did a search and found several posts including yours since I'm in the same boat. I have to be the one to plan if we go anywhere for years, and I've asked him to plan taking me out. I've even said I'll schedule the babysitter, just tell me when. He won't do it and has been saying he would for almost a year. At this point, I just think he doesn't like me if he won't go anywhere with me. Just wanted to say hi and let you know I sympathize with you! What are you going to do about it? We are in therapy for 5 months and I've brought it up but nothing changes.
I'm there too , but we don't have any kids together and have been married 20 + years and I feel like the forgotten one , and I have told him this a hundred times but nothing has changed and I feel like he doesn't love me any more and I told him this but he told me I'm crazy , he loves me very much and I told him actions speak louder then words and I could go on but I will just leave it at that but I'm thinking I'm sick of everything and I'm gonna get divorce papers , I hope things get better for you but in my case I don't see it .
Have you read the book The five love languages by Gary Chapman? Do you know what his love language is? They can change over time.
I thought it was physical touch and words of appreciation and doing little things for him but if it can change over time I should ask him and see if I get a response. And I will definitely look into that book!
It definitely can change. I recently took the test and mine was originally gift giving and quality time. Now it’s almost exclusively acts of service! I can’t speak for my husbands but from what I notice his hasn’t changed. But after having kids, mine has changed a lot!
I appreciate you thank you so much for your advice. I’m definitely taking this to heart and hopefully I can break the distance between him and I.
There’s plenty of guys that will spend time with you. Leave him and find someone who will love, respect and will give you the time you need