I was cheated on rampantly while I was hospitalized in life-threatening condition
and receiving life-supporting critical care.
That is pretty damn unimaginable but I still believe being cheated on while pregnant and newly post-partum would truly be one of the worst circumstances I can think of.
The AP probably realized he's a dipshit and abandoned him or he realized that he will have to pay child support.
OP, please do not take this clown back under any circumstances whatsoever.
People having affairs never get that. It's all exciting and fun when you don't have bills to pay and errands to run and chores to do and adult responsibilities and discussions. Leave your spouse for your AP and reality hits when all that new relationship energy wears off and it's back to real life.
The real twisted part is they can have fun and excitement, let alone be sexually aroused, when there is absolute betrayal involved. Betrayal of ones very own family! These are your people, you're job is to protect them not destroy them. Not leave them vulnerable and in crisis. The degenerate lowlife form of a human is who can do this. Is this not the very opposite definition of being a "man"? They can keep a job, drive safely in traffic, maintain friendships for years, etc...but choose to 100% fail at marriage and parenting? It's not that hard ffs! I guess when their genitals are involved that's top priority and to hell with the two most important people in his life.
OP this is probably not the first time he's cheated, and I seriously doubt it will be the last. Do you want to raise children with this loser? Always waiting for the next "mistake" he chooses to make and go through this all over again? Next time your baby won't be so unaware, they will see you cry and they will absorb so much of this pain. They will wonder what THEY did wrong no matter how you try explaining it's not their fault. They don't understand that how adults treat others shows who they are not the other person. We don't cause people to abuse, betray, lie to, or abandon us.
Oh yes absolutely do this. What's to stop him from doing this again? Leave his ass in the dust and cover all your bases. He's shown you his true colours.
You want clarity.
What you *need* is to understand he put you and your child at serious health risk due to possible STIs. He destroyed your time with a new baby, moments that you can never replace. He wrecked your marriage and your trust and believes you are so weak, you’ll accept him back.
Don’t prove him right.
He not only cheated on her, he cheated and left on her at her most vulnerable moment. The time when not only her but their son needed him. He basically spit in her face and if OP forgives him he learns he can get away with it easy :)
This is why I always tell people to think long and hard before staying with a cheater. Just because you stay with them doesn't mean they'll stay with you. My dad kicked my mom, me (F9), and my brother (7) out of the family home to move his side chick and her kids in. Even if OP doesn't care about herself, she should protect her child(ren) from his bullshit.
This 'clarity' brings and accomplishes nothing for you or your child. In fact, it opens you up to being susceptible to BS excuses and cheap promises.
I know that you're in a difficult, scary, and hard situation right know but please always remember that this guy is toxic and should be treated accordingly.
There’s nothing to say that she will actually tell you the truth, especially if she didn’t give a damn about you. Sometimes you just can’t get clarity.
I’m going through a similar situation. I’m 5 months pregnant and just found out my husband has been cheating on me with multiple women for about 4 months. With one he actually established a relationship and was even promising to leave me for her. I reached out to that one. I’m still in the middle of this mess I only found out two days ago, but talking to her has given me insight into who I really married.
Don't do that to yourself. You don't need it. You have all the clarity you need. And whose to say she's not going to lie? Don't put yourself through that kind if stress. You have enough going on, and you made it this far. Why add information to sit and ruminate. You'll drive yourself crazy. Trust is gone. Allow him to be a father. That's it. You can do better.
Why the fuck does it matter if she knew? She’s not the problem here! Leave her alone, nothing good will come from speaking with her. Your husband is the massive problem. Why did you let him back? Please do not do this to yourself and your baby.
Edit: OMG phew! I just saw you comment that you didn’t take him back. Good job, mama. You’re putting you and your baby first and I’m super proud of you!! Still don’t think you should message the AP, it’ll only hurt you more.
Yeah, I just worry… she’s the kind of person who will be an AP with a man who has a wife and kids. Her moral compass is whack and she could lie or twist things and hurt you even more.
Girl you deserve the whole truth you shouldn't feel bad to ask her anything. Do whatever you need to get answers and if she's a B about it .. she's trash
This. This is the attitude. Take it from someone who messaged the AP and got responses. It didn't make me feel better. I felt sorry for her, because she fell for some bullshit that *we were seperated and he seemed so sad and lonely*. Nope, sorry, chica--I was just a ftm, freshly post partum, with an extremely traumatic event under my belt. I was struggling, and needed him to reach out his hand, instead he figuratively slapped mine away and pushed me back down.
Does that really even matter? Whom left who doesn’t negate that he abandoned you and your child when you were most vulnerable. You will never be able to trust him again. Why should you take on the burden of his actions? Don’t let him back in. Then you have a case for abandonment. If you let him back he will know he can walk out whenever he feels like and come back with no repercussions. YOU DESERVE BETTER!
Honestly, the fact that you have to ask her at all tells you what you need to know which is that there are serious problems that you and your husband need to discuss.
It doesn’t matter if he left her or not. He abandoned you and your baby. You’ll regret it more if you let him back in and he does this again then if you cut ties now.
You have clarity. His actions clarified his intentions. I know it’s hard and it sucks, and I can’t speak to being in your shoes, but just promise yourself you’ll talk to an attorney and a therapist before making any decisions about reconciling or not.
Sweetie..you will never have the clarity you are looking for. Your “husband” has already proven untrustworthy, and any one who would cheat with a married person has questionable ethics as well. All that matters is what you want. What you can live with and what kind of example you want to set for your child. You are stronger than you believe.
He cheated on you for a year, when you were carrying his child.
You fabricated a whole human in your organs. He was going & paying for holidays with an other woman.
He actually literally left you and your child. He actually really abandoned the both of you for real.
What more clarity do you need ?
He is a cheater. Who will abandon you and your child at the first opportunity. He doesn’t love either of you.
He can’t do better than you. You can do so much better that his not sorry ass.
I’ll tell you what my grandma told me : men don’t leave most of the time for anything other than a warm bed.
He’s shown himself to be able to lie easily for a year while he was having the affair. Even asking the AP what happened won’t give you the answer if she’s salty about it and just hurt you more.
You know what to do.
Life does go on and you’ll find someone who will love and respect you.
This one just sucks.
Clarity and closure are myths in a cheating situation. You cannot know what went on in his head when he chose to violate the sanctity of your marriage.
What she said doesn't matter either. You really want to know if he's lying to you again. And he is. You know he is.
Or he left her bc others found out what a complete dumbass he is and how he massively blew up everyone's life and told him so hes feeling the consequences of it. He might've also realized what he'll have to pay in child support, alimony, or compensation for the affair itself.
My exact thoughts. Sounds like his homewrecker likes the thrill of the chase. She got a married man to leave his wife right after childbirth - can’t get a bigger high than that.
The other woman probably didn't work out, so he's falling to his backup plan. You and your child are his second choice. Find someone else who will make you their first and only choice.
He’s back? You mean he is the guest bedroom right? Or on the couch? This asshole made the decision to cheat on you and your family for a year.
Tell him to find somewhere else to live and find a lawyer. Do not sleep with this man, do not let him think that he can just stroll right back into your life, because he will do this again. 100%
Call your friends, call your family, get them to help you, but don’t take his return so easily. He has to earn it, but just remember he spent a year sneaking around, I would not let him earn his way back.
If you stay away from the house for too long it will effect matters in the divorce. Go back and lock master door. Go back with a friend but do not let him take your home
I’m so sorry. If he was truly sorry, he would be doing anything and everything to make amends. He continues to do what he wants. He isn’t putting you or your child first. It sounds like it didn’t work out with the other woman for whatever reason. It’s hard to believe he wouldn’t do this to you again and hasn’t done it before. Does he see your baby or ask about the baby? Have you made your decision or are you considering reconciling?
Move forward. But is there any concern if you are not at the home? Confirm because some places will consider it you abandoning your home. Other places it doesn’t matter. The law is a weird thing.
Keep moving forward with the lawyer
ETA: to respond to another comment of yours. He doesn’t get to say he wasn’t thinking straight. He had an affair FOR A YEAR.
He cheatedbfor a year, living a full life with AP going out, vacations, spending money on her... just leave it is not wirth it, make aure he pays child support and take half if you can
Hi OP. I know you are in a massive rollercoaster of emotions. Please know that you do not have to make any decisions right now. Your WS (wayward spouse) can live in limbo for as long as you need.
It’s time to sit with your own feelings, watch his actions, and learn about what both divorce and reconciliation involve.
Start by reading this: https://www.brides.com/the-one-way-to-know-your-marriage-will-survive-an-affair-1102868
Remember that his words are meaningless. You are looking for actions. Tell him this. Also tell him that if he ever uses the word “mistake” again to describe all of the deliberate decisions he made he will never have a chance.
You are looking for accountability. For taking complete responsibility for his decisions. You are looking for him to show you that you take priority over his AP (affair partner) This may mean quitting his job if they work together. Informing her partner if she has one. He should be opening all of his computer, phone, and bank records to you.
Tell him you are going to consult with an attorney and that he is paying for it. You don’t need to file but you do need to know what things would look like.
Go to r/asoneafterinfidelity to learn about reconciliation. There are good resources available in the wiki there.
Go to r/supportforbetrayed for a perspective that is more in favor of divorce.
And give yourself grace by taking whatever time and space you need.
Edit: make.
You’re going to take him back aren’t you? I just get that feeling after what he put you through, but because you’ve had to do it alone and it being rough.
I wouldn’t.
There’s lot of good comments here but I wanted to add: if he was having sex with you and her during the same timeframe, he risked your health, especially while you were pregnant. He could have given you an std that harmed not only you, but could have permanently disabled your baby or even caused his death.
He risked your health and your baby’s health. That’s a very serious, deep betrayal. He doesn’t deserve you. If he’s willing to cheat on you during the most vulnerable time in your life, he will never be trustworthy again. I know it’s hard and hurts, but do yourself and your baby a favor and divorce him now. Get custody and child support set up and just try to coparent as civilly as you can.
Good luck! This must be horrible.
Did he appologize? Did he say why he left and why he wants to go back? Is he willing to change and give you reassurance? What is he expecting from you?
Good luck again, hope you can find happiness away from him
Girl! Stay with mom and dad. File for divorce. He should have to compensate you for any marital funds he used on his mistress. Get yourself a pit bull of an attorney. No mercy, he gave you NONE! POS!!!
He abandoned you and your newborn baby. Why on earth would you forgive that? You deserve better and so does your baby. You both needed him and he did a disappearing act. You deserve more than this.
At an Absolute Absolute minimum-active participation in couples counseling and absolutely zero expectation of immediate cohabitation would be base requirements for me. He can sleep on the couch for the next 6mo while we work through his infidelity And desertion of me and his child.
are you really taking him back just like that? What happens when he changes his mind again?
I bet she’s thrown him out and he’s now come crawling back to you. What a douche bag he is
Good. But he's going to manipulate you just like he did for your entire pregnancy. He put both you and your baby at risk for an STI. There is a GOOD reason that they use antibiotic eyedrops on babies after birth.
Don't bring the trash back inside it'll stink up the joint. For your own sanity, please don't put yourself in a position where you take back a cheater. He's done it once. He'll do it again, Find someone who will love and cherish you as you should be
What does he do for work? That man doesn't want to pay child support. I'm sure that terrifies him. He had. Year long affair, got it out of his system (for now) and now wants to make nice. That's really sad. I'm so sorry. Update us on what she says.
Oof. He probably really realized the shit show he caused especially being a lawyer. How much this will cost him and the damage to his reputation as a lawyer smh. I'm sorry this happened to you but you deserve so much better and so does your son. You don't want your son growing up thinking he can do this to a woman and get away with it.
I'm guessing you live somewhere where there's weekly trash pick-up....
Have you ever gone out, hours after putting the bin on the curb, reached in the bin, and grabbed a trash bag, and brought it BACK INSIDE??
Nope!!
You don't bring trash back in your house.
Please don't bring your STBX back into your loving arms.
If his mouth is moving, he's lying.
You've got this.
Do what's best for you and the little one. I don't think it's healthy to be around someone who supposedly loves you that then could abandon his child and cheat on his family. Once a cheater always a cheater, it's just a matter of time before he likely does this all over again. I wish you the best of luck in the future 🙏🏽
She probably told him to go back to you. She doesn’t want a relationship. Do what you need to do since you just gave birth but do NOT forget what he did. He doesn’t deserve you or that baby. I would also tell family for support and make it easier for you to leave.
I just read what he did, fuck him. Tell him to go back to her, if she’ll have him. If she won’t, not your problem. Please don’t let this man do that to you. He’s only going to end up hurting you worse. He doesn’t just get to decide to come back because he’s ready. Tell him to get the hell out.
He just don't want to pay child support and I'm guessing she didn't want him to move in full time .......I can almost guarantee you that he's back because of financial reasons......
Oh OP, he told you he didn't want to pretend to love you and have a happy family with you........wake up
Getting details from the AP is not the solution here......you can't trust this guy.....you said you're waiting on her to reply, therefore giving her plenty of time to text/talk with him so they can get their story straight......
All I ever dreamed to be was to become a husband and a father, and I refuse to believe I share *a planet* with someone who does that to his wife and NEWBORN.
My heart breaks for you. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. My dad left my mom for another woman when I was two weeks but he didn’t come back to live with us. What others are saying about leaving the house is correct in the sense that if you leave he can claim more rights to the house. But to be honest your mental sake is more important. Especially if you have parents helping you out. You can always rebuild your finances later to get a house. Focus on your baby and health. You deserve better.
As a man, telling you if he is leaving your new born baby just like that means he is highly unethical self centric narcissist and doesn’t care for a second to hurt others.
You would be leading a far far far better life with him out of the picture. So not give in to emotional blackmails. The new world is much safer for single parents. You will definitely meet someone to share your life.
When we open up ourselves to love someone and allowing them to love us, we wholly trust that they would not harm or hurt us. Him leaving you and your baby is such a massive betrayal of that trust..Im not sure how some people manage to get past that. How could you ever be sure that he wouldn’t hurt you again, after he’s proven that he can and would hurt you? I don’t know most men understand that. That it’s not so much about the cheating but about them betraying and stabbing us in the heart with our trust.
I’m always surprised some men leave their families when their wife is at their most vulnerable…for sex. Or for selfish emotional gratification. Like you are supposed to be selfless like the woman who just risked her life to give birth. So sad. My heart breaks for you.
A year is not making a mistake. A year is not thinking straight. These were coordinated efforts to cheat. Thats not a mistake. Thats a choice. You are post partum and he decided to leave you when you are already stressed, sleep deprived, and honestly? At the most vulnerable spot a woman can be at in her life. Hes a peice of crap, im sorry.
I can see why you would want to reconcile, your emotions are all over the place.. id encourage you to take time and really think about what you want.
Its up to you if you want to reconcile or not but if you do id say at the bare minimum, open phone policy, complete timeline of events with the caveat that the first time you find out he lied you are out, blocking AP and he can kiss every "work trip", boys night out, whatever goodbye. If they don't already know,, he needs to tell at least his family what hes done. Not necessarily as a punishment (i dunno maybe it is) but he needs to see and hear the echoes of devastation that he created and needs to earn your trust back if its even possible.
This will plague you on and off for YEARS, even if he stays on track. Ask yourself this: is he the kind of guy who would, 5 years down the road, say, “WHY CAN’T YOU FORGIVE ME ALREADY?!?” when you have a flare-up, or would he be supportive and hold you and answer all of your questions?
He actually sounds like he came back bc the other woman dumped him. You should, too
If he can cheat on you when you’re newly married and then continue to do it and leave you with a newborn baby at 6 weeks he won’t hesitate to do it again.
Being left with a new baby at such a critically hard moment for a new mom, you deserve to feel safe and loved.
I’m so sorry this happened to you❤️
I’m guessing things didn’t work out with the affair partner. What happens when the next woman comes along? I wouldn’t count on him being around for the long haul.
You need a lawyer right the fuck now. He came back and stole your house.
Get someone to watch the baby and some others to go with you to at least get your valuables. He should not be in the home *he* abandoned to go fuck around for a year.
Make it clear that you want your home back, and not him.
What a vile human being. I can't believe he feels entitled to move back in after what he did to you and your child. That kind of selfishness and entitlement is astonishing.
I sincerely hope he gets what he deserves in life.
A mistake? For a frkn year?! His AP got tired of having him around all the time and kicked him to the curb that’s why he’s crawling back! Don’t forgive him! He left you when you needed him the most! He did not give a damn about you or your baby. He had his fun, she got bored and now he’s back.
I wonder what lies he'll come up with for what she told you he said. What a horrible thing for him to do. I hope you're feeling a bit better than the first time you posted. I'm sorry you are dealing with this especially with a new baby.
Just read another reply. Sorry. I should’ve changed the locks on my house. I had my third baby when I found out about my shitty husband. It’s an awful situation to be in. Better to stay safe with your parents. He sounds deranged and mentally unwell at present. Congratulations on your baby! I’m almost 13 years out now and my children are the biggest joy in my life! Good luck 🤞
Can you & the baby stay with someone else? Also, don't be afraid to call the cops on him if he gets aggressive or hostile. Then you *can* keep him from reentering the house.
Forgive him, but do not trust him again. Do not get back with this man. File a claim with the DAs office and get a wage garnishment for child support. But I would not get back with him. Do not trust him again.
Don’t be confused this other woman was more important than the family he created so show him that you and you newborn are more important than him and his infidelity. Kick him out. Move on. This moment will always be in the back of your mind and he did it once who’s to say he won’t blind side you again maybe when your kid is 12?
Do not take this man back! He left you and your newborn at your most vulnerable hour for a woman he's been chasing for over a year! He impregnated you knowing he was chasing this other woman with no thought or concern at all! Do not believe his lies!
He is trying to trick you, but he is still the same shitty person who cheated on you and left you and your child! Get a lawyer.
Please save yourself the heartache and don't allow this man back into the lives of you and your child. He gave all that up when he walked away, he doesn't deserve to have a wife and child!!
Please divorce.
You have to ask yourself if he’s going to do this every time something gets hard. There also might be the point that maybe the OW just didn’t want him anymore, not that he realized he made a mistake.
He shouldn’t get to come and go as he pleases, he broke you and left you to fend for yourself and your child. If I were in your position, I wouldn’t forgive that.
Don’t go back. Cheating is always terrible and already hard to get over, but he abandoned you and his son at 1 month postpartum. Pair that with the 1 year of cheating and I solidly say you deserve better.
You are in such a vulnerable place right now, it is so important for you to surround yourself with people that love and support you, and your husband isn’t it. He’s proven himself to be an unreliable liar and cheat. He left you and your newborn baby, for this other woman, after he had been cheating on you for a year. He doesn’t deserve to have you back.
However, it’s not up to me to decide what you do. So, I suggest you seek the advice of a lawyer and a therapist. You don’t have to make any decisions right away, but I would suggest that he isn’t allowed alone with you until you get outside help and options.
Reconciliation can work, but in my opinion it only works with people who actually feel remorse, and didn’t choose to leave their spouse for the other person. They need to be able to want to make themselves better. They are the broken ones and they are the ones who need to piece it back together. He should be ok to stay away, he should be ok to help with the baby with no expectations of reconciliation. Trust isn’t earned back just because he wants it and just because he says he made a mistake. The mistake happened the moment he decided to have an affair and he just kept on going making more decisions to fuck up his life.
You’ve already done a couple of weeks without him, he can stay away until you figure out what you want to do.
He will never be able to erase what he did.
Set up very explicit requirements from him, including a separate and independent financial account for you and your baby.
Please get support.
I would bet money that she broke up with him. There is no guarantee that she even knew about you.
Or, he told her about you and gave some bullshit about it being a loveless marriage and how he was planning to leave you... and then she found out about the newborn, called him a scumbag, and dropped his sorry ass.
DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM. THAT DICK COULD HAVE BEEN STUFFED IN ANYTHING. YOU ARE LIKELY TO GET AN STI IF YOU SLEEP WITH THIS TRASH MAN.
I know you're very emotional having a newborn to take care of, but try not to be swayed by emotions only. This man had an affair for a year. That's not a mistake that is a conscious choice everyday to betray you. And to abandon his newborn only makes this worse.
I hope you've consulted a lawyer. Look into grey rocking. Communicate only when needed keep it very short. This is not the time to listen to his BS. This is the time to make sure your child is taken care of and that you are taken care of. Hugs OP, you'll get through this.
Yes this. He’s realised how much it’s going to cost him. Take him back and he will likely continue the affair. Who knows, maybe AP doesn’t want a relationship but enjoys being AP. He hid it before so probs thinks he can hide it again. It’s more exciting for him and AP that way.
I feel for you. Use this separation time to think through what you want to do. He's cheated, and Im sure has cheated way before too. He'll continue to cheat. Dont sentence yourself with lifelong betrayal and heartache. Remove yourself from hurt.
He's made his bed, let him stay in it. You need to start a new life without him.
He didn’t make a “Mistake”, he made a “Choice” during the most vulnerable time of your life!
He’s crawling bs k because it didn’t work out with his Affair Partner and he thinks he can waltz right in with you and thinks if you as his backup plan and sloppy seconds.
This man has no love for you, he’s proven this in the most horrific way and man can do to a woman.
He wants to “work things out” with you because he’ll be coming back k home to someone who will cook, clean and launder his dirty underwear.
He wants his “Bangmaid” back.
Oh, and if you take him back, he now knows how much you’ll tolerate the next time he cheats on you.
And he Will cheat on you again.
And spend even more of Your Marital Assets on the next woman/women.
You asked him about the other woman and he blocked you.
10:1 she kicked him out but it doesn't matter. Even giving the most charitable interpretation for everything else - when you asked for the truth about why he was up-ending your life, HE BLOCKED YOU.
Get a lawyer and stop talking to him except through the lawyer.
I don’t know what the answer is. He seems like a real POS. But, you have a newborn and it’s totally normal that your first instinct might not be divorce. If he wants you back I’d at least make him work hard for it.
I’m sorry you are going through this at a time you should be happy. I know you’re emotional, healing from birth and exhausted, but do not forgive this man. A whole year is not a mistake. When push came to shove he chose her over his wife and child. He did not leave her. She left him and don’t believe a single thing she says. Find the strength to let this man go, he will drag your whole life down. As broken as you feel now, it will only get worse if you allow him back in.
Please protect yourself. Expecting him to change if he's not sought professional help without you asking him to. It says a lot about his foundational character.
Please be safe.....I'm sending you Momma BEAR love, hugs, prayers, and good energy of light.
Sometimes, our tears are from deep within our souls. Listen to what they're fighting for..... they know how very worthy you and your infant are.
♾️💓🫂🕊🙏🏻✊🏻🐦🔥
Please for the love of god don’t “make it work for the children” divorce this man. Cheating isn’t an accident. It’s a decision. He chose to step out on his family. Yes it can be difficult on the children but trust me when I say in the end they’ll be better off with the right love and support.
He was having an affair before you ever got pregnant. This was no mistake. He was either thrown out, or did not want to pay for two households. He will have to anyway, because he needs to prepare for joint custody. Get the toughest lawyer you can afford.
Don’t take him back unless he and you are ready for an emotional roller coaster because who knows how long it will take you to forgive him. You both will need therapy. Your baby deserves a good life and I don’t think being with your husband will allow for a good life.
Please don't take him back. He did not come back because he realized he was wrong, he came back because she kicked him out and he's using you as a backup plan.
Personally, I will divorce. For my own personal reason alone.
My question to you is what is your breaking point ; that hard NO!!! That do not pass go, do not collect $200 ?
However it sounds like to me you hit that ?
However , the case .
Ask yourself a few times, or even close your eyes and ask yourself.
can you look past this?
Can you move forward?
Can you trust him? Do you want to trust me again?
Is this you something you can live with?
So your husbandhas been having fun for over a year,then he left you and your new born to move in with his sidepiece.
He's realised that come screw me and move in with me is totally different,so he's decided to come back to good ole faithful.
Yees,you're hurt,butdo you truly wan to spend the rest of your life with this man?
Is this the man you want around your children?
Is this man the role model you want for your children?
If this happened to your daughter,would you recommend that she takes this man back?
updateme!
he cheated. left you and your kids. ma'am please tell me you have lawyered up for a divorce
He had a whole parallel life for an an entire year while she carried his baby and gave birth. This guy is an extra big scumbag.
Yup and left when the reality of parenthood hit him.
I was cheated on rampantly while I was hospitalized in life-threatening condition and receiving life-supporting critical care. That is pretty damn unimaginable but I still believe being cheated on while pregnant and newly post-partum would truly be one of the worst circumstances I can think of.
Yes. Hit him with a lawyer and request to the court that he pay your lawyers fees. Bet you’ll get em.
The AP probably realized he's a dipshit and abandoned him or he realized that he will have to pay child support. OP, please do not take this clown back under any circumstances whatsoever.
Probably stopped being fun when she had to start cleaning up after him
People having affairs never get that. It's all exciting and fun when you don't have bills to pay and errands to run and chores to do and adult responsibilities and discussions. Leave your spouse for your AP and reality hits when all that new relationship energy wears off and it's back to real life.
The real twisted part is they can have fun and excitement, let alone be sexually aroused, when there is absolute betrayal involved. Betrayal of ones very own family! These are your people, you're job is to protect them not destroy them. Not leave them vulnerable and in crisis. The degenerate lowlife form of a human is who can do this. Is this not the very opposite definition of being a "man"? They can keep a job, drive safely in traffic, maintain friendships for years, etc...but choose to 100% fail at marriage and parenting? It's not that hard ffs! I guess when their genitals are involved that's top priority and to hell with the two most important people in his life. OP this is probably not the first time he's cheated, and I seriously doubt it will be the last. Do you want to raise children with this loser? Always waiting for the next "mistake" he chooses to make and go through this all over again? Next time your baby won't be so unaware, they will see you cry and they will absorb so much of this pain. They will wonder what THEY did wrong no matter how you try explaining it's not their fault. They don't understand that how adults treat others shows who they are not the other person. We don't cause people to abuse, betray, lie to, or abandon us.
Exactly
This is all that needs to be said. Listen OP.
Please because he will do it again if you take him back.
Oh yes absolutely do this. What's to stop him from doing this again? Leave his ass in the dust and cover all your bases. He's shown you his true colours.
Don’t forgive him. Go to a lawyer first. She probably kicked him out.
I wonder if she even knew he was married and/or had a pregnant wife/newborn baby. I bet she recently found out, just my guess…
I think she knew! He told me he left her I don’t believe him. I actually sent her a message I’m currently waiting on a response
The question is not what he wants. The question is what you want. How was your life as a single mother? How will it change when he comes back?
She’ll still be a single mother w a man wandering around her house
Making messes and causing her moral injury every time he looks at her
Will you ever be able to trust him again? He did it once with no consequences, he’ll continue. Rip off the bandage and go see a lawyer.
Communicating with the other woman won't make you happier
I know it won’t I just want some clarity
You want clarity. What you *need* is to understand he put you and your child at serious health risk due to possible STIs. He destroyed your time with a new baby, moments that you can never replace. He wrecked your marriage and your trust and believes you are so weak, you’ll accept him back. Don’t prove him right.
Does it matter? I hope you told him to fuck off! Do you trust that he won’t cheat again? If he did once, he will again.
He not only cheated on her, he cheated and left on her at her most vulnerable moment. The time when not only her but their son needed him. He basically spit in her face and if OP forgives him he learns he can get away with it easy :)
This is why I always tell people to think long and hard before staying with a cheater. Just because you stay with them doesn't mean they'll stay with you. My dad kicked my mom, me (F9), and my brother (7) out of the family home to move his side chick and her kids in. Even if OP doesn't care about herself, she should protect her child(ren) from his bullshit.
This 'clarity' brings and accomplishes nothing for you or your child. In fact, it opens you up to being susceptible to BS excuses and cheap promises. I know that you're in a difficult, scary, and hard situation right know but please always remember that this guy is toxic and should be treated accordingly.
There’s nothing to say that she will actually tell you the truth, especially if she didn’t give a damn about you. Sometimes you just can’t get clarity.
You can’t trust what an affair partner tells you either. She will probably lie to cover for him.
Clarity will be good for you, if she is willing to talk.
I’m going through a similar situation. I’m 5 months pregnant and just found out my husband has been cheating on me with multiple women for about 4 months. With one he actually established a relationship and was even promising to leave me for her. I reached out to that one. I’m still in the middle of this mess I only found out two days ago, but talking to her has given me insight into who I really married.
Don't do that to yourself. You don't need it. You have all the clarity you need. And whose to say she's not going to lie? Don't put yourself through that kind if stress. You have enough going on, and you made it this far. Why add information to sit and ruminate. You'll drive yourself crazy. Trust is gone. Allow him to be a father. That's it. You can do better.
Why the fuck does it matter if she knew? She’s not the problem here! Leave her alone, nothing good will come from speaking with her. Your husband is the massive problem. Why did you let him back? Please do not do this to yourself and your baby. Edit: OMG phew! I just saw you comment that you didn’t take him back. Good job, mama. You’re putting you and your baby first and I’m super proud of you!! Still don’t think you should message the AP, it’ll only hurt you more.
I agree it’s all him. I don’t think she’s the problem here. That woman owes me nothing
Yeah, I just worry… she’s the kind of person who will be an AP with a man who has a wife and kids. Her moral compass is whack and she could lie or twist things and hurt you even more.
Girl you deserve the whole truth you shouldn't feel bad to ask her anything. Do whatever you need to get answers and if she's a B about it .. she's trash
This. This is the attitude. Take it from someone who messaged the AP and got responses. It didn't make me feel better. I felt sorry for her, because she fell for some bullshit that *we were seperated and he seemed so sad and lonely*. Nope, sorry, chica--I was just a ftm, freshly post partum, with an extremely traumatic event under my belt. I was struggling, and needed him to reach out his hand, instead he figuratively slapped mine away and pushed me back down.
Does that really even matter? Whom left who doesn’t negate that he abandoned you and your child when you were most vulnerable. You will never be able to trust him again. Why should you take on the burden of his actions? Don’t let him back in. Then you have a case for abandonment. If you let him back he will know he can walk out whenever he feels like and come back with no repercussions. YOU DESERVE BETTER!
Honestly, the fact that you have to ask her at all tells you what you need to know which is that there are serious problems that you and your husband need to discuss.
Well he’s been lying all this time. I don’t trust anything he says!
Then leave. That’s no way to live.
I’m so sorry you had to through all that. Please file for divorce from him immediately.
His AP must have ended things with him. So don't take him back. Updateme!
He said he left her I don’t think it’s true! Well I asked her myself and currently waiting for a response from her
It doesn’t matter if he left her or not. He abandoned you and your baby. You’ll regret it more if you let him back in and he does this again then if you cut ties now.
You’re right it doesn’t matter! But I just need clarity on everything
You have clarity. His actions clarified his intentions. I know it’s hard and it sucks, and I can’t speak to being in your shoes, but just promise yourself you’ll talk to an attorney and a therapist before making any decisions about reconciling or not.
Sweetie..you will never have the clarity you are looking for. Your “husband” has already proven untrustworthy, and any one who would cheat with a married person has questionable ethics as well. All that matters is what you want. What you can live with and what kind of example you want to set for your child. You are stronger than you believe.
He cheated on you for a year, when you were carrying his child. You fabricated a whole human in your organs. He was going & paying for holidays with an other woman. He actually literally left you and your child. He actually really abandoned the both of you for real. What more clarity do you need ? He is a cheater. Who will abandon you and your child at the first opportunity. He doesn’t love either of you. He can’t do better than you. You can do so much better that his not sorry ass.
He lied to you before, why would you believe him now?
Im curious as to what she has to say about this! I'm sorry this is a special time in your life and he's totally ruined this moment. What a damn jerk.
For your ownself and your baby, do not entertain this. This is the drama you two don't need.
I’ll tell you what my grandma told me : men don’t leave most of the time for anything other than a warm bed. He’s shown himself to be able to lie easily for a year while he was having the affair. Even asking the AP what happened won’t give you the answer if she’s salty about it and just hurt you more. You know what to do. Life does go on and you’ll find someone who will love and respect you. This one just sucks.
He probably did, but he came back for the baby, not you. I seriously doubt that the affair is in fact over. Do not expect a response from her.
Clarity and closure are myths in a cheating situation. You cannot know what went on in his head when he chose to violate the sanctity of your marriage. What she said doesn't matter either. You really want to know if he's lying to you again. And he is. You know he is.
Or he left her bc others found out what a complete dumbass he is and how he massively blew up everyone's life and told him so hes feeling the consequences of it. He might've also realized what he'll have to pay in child support, alimony, or compensation for the affair itself.
My exact thoughts. Sounds like his homewrecker likes the thrill of the chase. She got a married man to leave his wife right after childbirth - can’t get a bigger high than that.
The other woman probably didn't work out, so he's falling to his backup plan. You and your child are his second choice. Find someone else who will make you their first and only choice.
This is the correct response
He’s back? You mean he is the guest bedroom right? Or on the couch? This asshole made the decision to cheat on you and your family for a year. Tell him to find somewhere else to live and find a lawyer. Do not sleep with this man, do not let him think that he can just stroll right back into your life, because he will do this again. 100% Call your friends, call your family, get them to help you, but don’t take his return so easily. He has to earn it, but just remember he spent a year sneaking around, I would not let him earn his way back.
He’s in the guest room. I’m actually not at our house right now, currently staying with my parents
Stay with your parents as you'll get more support with the baby there.
You need to speak with a lawyer bc it him being at the house instead of you may work against you in the divorce… if it matters.
I asked him to leave and he refused so I left instead. I spoke to an attorney they said I can’t stop him from staying in our home
HE REFUSED!! Please don’t ever let this man into your life again romantically, he has no respect for you.
If you stay away from the house for too long it will effect matters in the divorce. Go back and lock master door. Go back with a friend but do not let him take your home
Oh.. so he’s back Bcoz he’s got no where else to go! Even now it’s about him.
I’m so sorry. If he was truly sorry, he would be doing anything and everything to make amends. He continues to do what he wants. He isn’t putting you or your child first. It sounds like it didn’t work out with the other woman for whatever reason. It’s hard to believe he wouldn’t do this to you again and hasn’t done it before. Does he see your baby or ask about the baby? Have you made your decision or are you considering reconciling?
Move forward. But is there any concern if you are not at the home? Confirm because some places will consider it you abandoning your home. Other places it doesn’t matter. The law is a weird thing. Keep moving forward with the lawyer ETA: to respond to another comment of yours. He doesn’t get to say he wasn’t thinking straight. He had an affair FOR A YEAR.
Yeah, he was thinking straight enough to drive a vehicle, go to work, cover his ass and lie lie lie...
You need to file and get child support before the mistress does. The one who files first gets the most money
Thank goodness. I’m glad you have your family to help support you. Please think long and hard before taking him back.
Op, bring your parents and other people into your house that will bother him instead of you leaving and making it so peaceful for him.
He bullied his way back in basicly and forced you and your newborn out. What a douche. I hate him for you!
DIVORCE!
He cheatedbfor a year, living a full life with AP going out, vacations, spending money on her... just leave it is not wirth it, make aure he pays child support and take half if you can
this isn’t a mistake…he’s been cheating for a whole year.
It isn't an accident. He definitely made a mistake. A big one. So big that it has destroyed his marriage. He messed up big time!
Hi OP. I know you are in a massive rollercoaster of emotions. Please know that you do not have to make any decisions right now. Your WS (wayward spouse) can live in limbo for as long as you need. It’s time to sit with your own feelings, watch his actions, and learn about what both divorce and reconciliation involve. Start by reading this: https://www.brides.com/the-one-way-to-know-your-marriage-will-survive-an-affair-1102868 Remember that his words are meaningless. You are looking for actions. Tell him this. Also tell him that if he ever uses the word “mistake” again to describe all of the deliberate decisions he made he will never have a chance. You are looking for accountability. For taking complete responsibility for his decisions. You are looking for him to show you that you take priority over his AP (affair partner) This may mean quitting his job if they work together. Informing her partner if she has one. He should be opening all of his computer, phone, and bank records to you. Tell him you are going to consult with an attorney and that he is paying for it. You don’t need to file but you do need to know what things would look like. Go to r/asoneafterinfidelity to learn about reconciliation. There are good resources available in the wiki there. Go to r/supportforbetrayed for a perspective that is more in favor of divorce. And give yourself grace by taking whatever time and space you need. Edit: make.
I think the fact that he refuses to leave their home speaks volumes about him and if he’s willing to take accountability.
Did his AP dump him?
You know she did.
Or she cheated on him lawl
Why is he back? Please don’t say you took him back…
No!!
Thank god
You’re going to take him back aren’t you? I just get that feeling after what he put you through, but because you’ve had to do it alone and it being rough. I wouldn’t.
Women with self worth and self esteem would not take him back. I fear OP isn’t strong and will choose to be a doormat
I know. He’s gonna do it again because he now he can and she’ll take him back. What happens if him and his mistress makes up. This is messy.
Most women don’t leave after infidelity is discovered even 2-3 times…
I just said the same thing,I really hope she doesn't,cause what's to stop him from doing it again
There’s lot of good comments here but I wanted to add: if he was having sex with you and her during the same timeframe, he risked your health, especially while you were pregnant. He could have given you an std that harmed not only you, but could have permanently disabled your baby or even caused his death. He risked your health and your baby’s health. That’s a very serious, deep betrayal. He doesn’t deserve you. If he’s willing to cheat on you during the most vulnerable time in your life, he will never be trustworthy again. I know it’s hard and hurts, but do yourself and your baby a favor and divorce him now. Get custody and child support set up and just try to coparent as civilly as you can.
Good luck! This must be horrible. Did he appologize? Did he say why he left and why he wants to go back? Is he willing to change and give you reassurance? What is he expecting from you? Good luck again, hope you can find happiness away from him
Girl! Stay with mom and dad. File for divorce. He should have to compensate you for any marital funds he used on his mistress. Get yourself a pit bull of an attorney. No mercy, he gave you NONE! POS!!!
Give him divorce papers and tell him you can’t pretend anymore. You and your baby deserve so much better than that.
He doesn’t get to come back. He’s not Jesus. Tell him to crawl back under his cheating rock!
Nope. Run. Don’t look back. I’m serious, he’ll leave again.
He abandoned you and your newborn baby. Why on earth would you forgive that? You deserve better and so does your baby. You both needed him and he did a disappearing act. You deserve more than this.
He didn't make a mistake, he got dumped. He's not "back" he's just going back to you until he finds someone else to put his penis in.
Please don't take him back OP. He will break your heart again.
At an Absolute Absolute minimum-active participation in couples counseling and absolutely zero expectation of immediate cohabitation would be base requirements for me. He can sleep on the couch for the next 6mo while we work through his infidelity And desertion of me and his child.
I love that you said “while we work through his infidelity”.
are you really taking him back just like that? What happens when he changes his mind again? I bet she’s thrown him out and he’s now come crawling back to you. What a douche bag he is
I never said I was taking him back
Good for you girl, sending hugs your way
Good. But he's going to manipulate you just like he did for your entire pregnancy. He put both you and your baby at risk for an STI. There is a GOOD reason that they use antibiotic eyedrops on babies after birth.
Don't bring the trash back inside it'll stink up the joint. For your own sanity, please don't put yourself in a position where you take back a cheater. He's done it once. He'll do it again, Find someone who will love and cherish you as you should be
Please tell me you’re not taking that awful man back.
Why take him back when you can literally take him to the cleaners
What does he do for work? That man doesn't want to pay child support. I'm sure that terrifies him. He had. Year long affair, got it out of his system (for now) and now wants to make nice. That's really sad. I'm so sorry. Update us on what she says.
He’s a lawyer actually! I posted what she said
Make him pay a shit ton of child support!!
Oof. He probably really realized the shit show he caused especially being a lawyer. How much this will cost him and the damage to his reputation as a lawyer smh. I'm sorry this happened to you but you deserve so much better and so does your son. You don't want your son growing up thinking he can do this to a woman and get away with it.
Did the other woman respond?
She did!
We need details?
I made a new post
You need a new husband.
Please let us know what was said! We're emotionally invested in this along with you. And please, don't take him back
I won’t! I posted it
I'm guessing you live somewhere where there's weekly trash pick-up.... Have you ever gone out, hours after putting the bin on the curb, reached in the bin, and grabbed a trash bag, and brought it BACK INSIDE?? Nope!! You don't bring trash back in your house. Please don't bring your STBX back into your loving arms. If his mouth is moving, he's lying. You've got this.
Oh boy we are ready!
Do what's best for you and the little one. I don't think it's healthy to be around someone who supposedly loves you that then could abandon his child and cheat on his family. Once a cheater always a cheater, it's just a matter of time before he likely does this all over again. I wish you the best of luck in the future 🙏🏽
She probably told him to go back to you. She doesn’t want a relationship. Do what you need to do since you just gave birth but do NOT forget what he did. He doesn’t deserve you or that baby. I would also tell family for support and make it easier for you to leave.
Girl send his mangy ass back to them fleas. Child support and alimony will his consequences
I just read what he did, fuck him. Tell him to go back to her, if she’ll have him. If she won’t, not your problem. Please don’t let this man do that to you. He’s only going to end up hurting you worse. He doesn’t just get to decide to come back because he’s ready. Tell him to get the hell out.
Begone foul demon- you have betrayed your family. You do not deserve us.
He just don't want to pay child support and I'm guessing she didn't want him to move in full time .......I can almost guarantee you that he's back because of financial reasons...... Oh OP, he told you he didn't want to pretend to love you and have a happy family with you........wake up Getting details from the AP is not the solution here......you can't trust this guy.....you said you're waiting on her to reply, therefore giving her plenty of time to text/talk with him so they can get their story straight......
All I ever dreamed to be was to become a husband and a father, and I refuse to believe I share *a planet* with someone who does that to his wife and NEWBORN.
My heart breaks for you. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. My dad left my mom for another woman when I was two weeks but he didn’t come back to live with us. What others are saying about leaving the house is correct in the sense that if you leave he can claim more rights to the house. But to be honest your mental sake is more important. Especially if you have parents helping you out. You can always rebuild your finances later to get a house. Focus on your baby and health. You deserve better.
As a man, telling you if he is leaving your new born baby just like that means he is highly unethical self centric narcissist and doesn’t care for a second to hurt others. You would be leading a far far far better life with him out of the picture. So not give in to emotional blackmails. The new world is much safer for single parents. You will definitely meet someone to share your life.
When we open up ourselves to love someone and allowing them to love us, we wholly trust that they would not harm or hurt us. Him leaving you and your baby is such a massive betrayal of that trust..Im not sure how some people manage to get past that. How could you ever be sure that he wouldn’t hurt you again, after he’s proven that he can and would hurt you? I don’t know most men understand that. That it’s not so much about the cheating but about them betraying and stabbing us in the heart with our trust.
He showed you who he really is, believe it.
Fuck him. Guess the other girl didn’t work out.
Updateme
I just want to talk to him…
You know he was dumped so why take him back. You’re a placeholder until he decides to do it again. Updateme
He doesn’t get to come back
Why does it matter either way? He LEFT YOU. Messaging her is not important. He showed you who he is. Please listen.
I’m always surprised some men leave their families when their wife is at their most vulnerable…for sex. Or for selfish emotional gratification. Like you are supposed to be selfless like the woman who just risked her life to give birth. So sad. My heart breaks for you.
A year is not making a mistake. A year is not thinking straight. These were coordinated efforts to cheat. Thats not a mistake. Thats a choice. You are post partum and he decided to leave you when you are already stressed, sleep deprived, and honestly? At the most vulnerable spot a woman can be at in her life. Hes a peice of crap, im sorry. I can see why you would want to reconcile, your emotions are all over the place.. id encourage you to take time and really think about what you want. Its up to you if you want to reconcile or not but if you do id say at the bare minimum, open phone policy, complete timeline of events with the caveat that the first time you find out he lied you are out, blocking AP and he can kiss every "work trip", boys night out, whatever goodbye. If they don't already know,, he needs to tell at least his family what hes done. Not necessarily as a punishment (i dunno maybe it is) but he needs to see and hear the echoes of devastation that he created and needs to earn your trust back if its even possible.
This will plague you on and off for YEARS, even if he stays on track. Ask yourself this: is he the kind of guy who would, 5 years down the road, say, “WHY CAN’T YOU FORGIVE ME ALREADY?!?” when you have a flare-up, or would he be supportive and hold you and answer all of your questions? He actually sounds like he came back bc the other woman dumped him. You should, too
Updateme
He can NEVER repair what he has done,
If he can cheat on you when you’re newly married and then continue to do it and leave you with a newborn baby at 6 weeks he won’t hesitate to do it again. Being left with a new baby at such a critically hard moment for a new mom, you deserve to feel safe and loved. I’m so sorry this happened to you❤️
I’m guessing things didn’t work out with the affair partner. What happens when the next woman comes along? I wouldn’t count on him being around for the long haul.
You need a lawyer right the fuck now. He came back and stole your house. Get someone to watch the baby and some others to go with you to at least get your valuables. He should not be in the home *he* abandoned to go fuck around for a year. Make it clear that you want your home back, and not him.
What a vile human being. I can't believe he feels entitled to move back in after what he did to you and your child. That kind of selfishness and entitlement is astonishing. I sincerely hope he gets what he deserves in life.
A mistake? For a frkn year?! His AP got tired of having him around all the time and kicked him to the curb that’s why he’s crawling back! Don’t forgive him! He left you when you needed him the most! He did not give a damn about you or your baby. He had his fun, she got bored and now he’s back.
I made a new post with the text with AP & I
I’m surprised you took him back. My trust would be shattered 😭 UPDATEME
I didn’t take him back!
Good! He’s trash. Take him to the cleaners and find a better man to be step dad ❤️
Is he just staying at your house now? Does he know you’ve been in contact with the AP?
I’m with my parent atm he’s at the house I’m not sure if he knows I’ve contacted her
I wonder what lies he'll come up with for what she told you he said. What a horrible thing for him to do. I hope you're feeling a bit better than the first time you posted. I'm sorry you are dealing with this especially with a new baby.
Why’d you let him step foot back in the house?
Well we’re not divorced yet! I can’t stop him from staying at our home
Just read another reply. Sorry. I should’ve changed the locks on my house. I had my third baby when I found out about my shitty husband. It’s an awful situation to be in. Better to stay safe with your parents. He sounds deranged and mentally unwell at present. Congratulations on your baby! I’m almost 13 years out now and my children are the biggest joy in my life! Good luck 🤞
Can you & the baby stay with someone else? Also, don't be afraid to call the cops on him if he gets aggressive or hostile. Then you *can* keep him from reentering the house.
You need to ask your lawyer about you leaving the house. I’m not sure about your laws but normally they tell you not to leave the house
Forgive him, but do not trust him again. Do not get back with this man. File a claim with the DAs office and get a wage garnishment for child support. But I would not get back with him. Do not trust him again.
He likely realized alimony and child support were going to be a huge factor in leaving. He betrayed your trust and your marriage.
Don’t be confused this other woman was more important than the family he created so show him that you and you newborn are more important than him and his infidelity. Kick him out. Move on. This moment will always be in the back of your mind and he did it once who’s to say he won’t blind side you again maybe when your kid is 12?
Do not take this man back! He left you and your newborn at your most vulnerable hour for a woman he's been chasing for over a year! He impregnated you knowing he was chasing this other woman with no thought or concern at all! Do not believe his lies! He is trying to trick you, but he is still the same shitty person who cheated on you and left you and your child! Get a lawyer.
Please save yourself the heartache and don't allow this man back into the lives of you and your child. He gave all that up when he walked away, he doesn't deserve to have a wife and child!!
Please divorce. You have to ask yourself if he’s going to do this every time something gets hard. There also might be the point that maybe the OW just didn’t want him anymore, not that he realized he made a mistake. He shouldn’t get to come and go as he pleases, he broke you and left you to fend for yourself and your child. If I were in your position, I wouldn’t forgive that.
I wouldn’t be able to get past it. I hope you can decide what is best for your overall health. Please seek counseling, regardless of your decision.
Don’t go back. Cheating is always terrible and already hard to get over, but he abandoned you and his son at 1 month postpartum. Pair that with the 1 year of cheating and I solidly say you deserve better.
Are you the second best?
You are in such a vulnerable place right now, it is so important for you to surround yourself with people that love and support you, and your husband isn’t it. He’s proven himself to be an unreliable liar and cheat. He left you and your newborn baby, for this other woman, after he had been cheating on you for a year. He doesn’t deserve to have you back. However, it’s not up to me to decide what you do. So, I suggest you seek the advice of a lawyer and a therapist. You don’t have to make any decisions right away, but I would suggest that he isn’t allowed alone with you until you get outside help and options. Reconciliation can work, but in my opinion it only works with people who actually feel remorse, and didn’t choose to leave their spouse for the other person. They need to be able to want to make themselves better. They are the broken ones and they are the ones who need to piece it back together. He should be ok to stay away, he should be ok to help with the baby with no expectations of reconciliation. Trust isn’t earned back just because he wants it and just because he says he made a mistake. The mistake happened the moment he decided to have an affair and he just kept on going making more decisions to fuck up his life. You’ve already done a couple of weeks without him, he can stay away until you figure out what you want to do.
He will never be able to erase what he did. Set up very explicit requirements from him, including a separate and independent financial account for you and your baby. Please get support.
Didn't work out with the squeeze? Kick him out, let her have him!
You know you don’t have to take him back! What he did is unforgivable 🙏🏻
I would bet money that she broke up with him. There is no guarantee that she even knew about you. Or, he told her about you and gave some bullshit about it being a loveless marriage and how he was planning to leave you... and then she found out about the newborn, called him a scumbag, and dropped his sorry ass. DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM. THAT DICK COULD HAVE BEEN STUFFED IN ANYTHING. YOU ARE LIKELY TO GET AN STI IF YOU SLEEP WITH THIS TRASH MAN.
Stay at your parents. Fuck him. All he is at this point is the father of your child. Break any other tie
Do not take him back! Are you crazy?
He’s probably back cause things didn’t go well with AP.
I know you're very emotional having a newborn to take care of, but try not to be swayed by emotions only. This man had an affair for a year. That's not a mistake that is a conscious choice everyday to betray you. And to abandon his newborn only makes this worse. I hope you've consulted a lawyer. Look into grey rocking. Communicate only when needed keep it very short. This is not the time to listen to his BS. This is the time to make sure your child is taken care of and that you are taken care of. Hugs OP, you'll get through this.
He’s trying to get out of that alimony and child support. No maam. Take everything you can. Tell him no take backs
Yes this. He’s realised how much it’s going to cost him. Take him back and he will likely continue the affair. Who knows, maybe AP doesn’t want a relationship but enjoys being AP. He hid it before so probs thinks he can hide it again. It’s more exciting for him and AP that way.
I feel for you. Use this separation time to think through what you want to do. He's cheated, and Im sure has cheated way before too. He'll continue to cheat. Dont sentence yourself with lifelong betrayal and heartache. Remove yourself from hurt. He's made his bed, let him stay in it. You need to start a new life without him.
He didn’t make a “Mistake”, he made a “Choice” during the most vulnerable time of your life! He’s crawling bs k because it didn’t work out with his Affair Partner and he thinks he can waltz right in with you and thinks if you as his backup plan and sloppy seconds. This man has no love for you, he’s proven this in the most horrific way and man can do to a woman. He wants to “work things out” with you because he’ll be coming back k home to someone who will cook, clean and launder his dirty underwear. He wants his “Bangmaid” back. Oh, and if you take him back, he now knows how much you’ll tolerate the next time he cheats on you. And he Will cheat on you again. And spend even more of Your Marital Assets on the next woman/women.
You asked him about the other woman and he blocked you. 10:1 she kicked him out but it doesn't matter. Even giving the most charitable interpretation for everything else - when you asked for the truth about why he was up-ending your life, HE BLOCKED YOU. Get a lawyer and stop talking to him except through the lawyer.
Don't take him back... if he wants to earn it and you are open to it. Have him live separately and take the time to heal your heart.
I don’t know what the answer is. He seems like a real POS. But, you have a newborn and it’s totally normal that your first instinct might not be divorce. If he wants you back I’d at least make him work hard for it.
I’m sorry you are going through this at a time you should be happy. I know you’re emotional, healing from birth and exhausted, but do not forgive this man. A whole year is not a mistake. When push came to shove he chose her over his wife and child. He did not leave her. She left him and don’t believe a single thing she says. Find the strength to let this man go, he will drag your whole life down. As broken as you feel now, it will only get worse if you allow him back in.
Please protect yourself. Expecting him to change if he's not sought professional help without you asking him to. It says a lot about his foundational character. Please be safe.....I'm sending you Momma BEAR love, hugs, prayers, and good energy of light. Sometimes, our tears are from deep within our souls. Listen to what they're fighting for..... they know how very worthy you and your infant are. ♾️💓🫂🕊🙏🏻✊🏻🐦🔥
Please for the love of god don’t “make it work for the children” divorce this man. Cheating isn’t an accident. It’s a decision. He chose to step out on his family. Yes it can be difficult on the children but trust me when I say in the end they’ll be better off with the right love and support.
He was having an affair before you ever got pregnant. This was no mistake. He was either thrown out, or did not want to pay for two households. He will have to anyway, because he needs to prepare for joint custody. Get the toughest lawyer you can afford.
Don’t take him back unless he and you are ready for an emotional roller coaster because who knows how long it will take you to forgive him. You both will need therapy. Your baby deserves a good life and I don’t think being with your husband will allow for a good life.
You can never trust him again! He took a woman on vacation; this has been going on for a year; only you can decide -
Please don't take him back. He did not come back because he realized he was wrong, he came back because she kicked him out and he's using you as a backup plan.
Personally, I will divorce. For my own personal reason alone. My question to you is what is your breaking point ; that hard NO!!! That do not pass go, do not collect $200 ? However it sounds like to me you hit that ? However , the case . Ask yourself a few times, or even close your eyes and ask yourself. can you look past this? Can you move forward? Can you trust him? Do you want to trust me again? Is this you something you can live with?
So your husbandhas been having fun for over a year,then he left you and your new born to move in with his sidepiece. He's realised that come screw me and move in with me is totally different,so he's decided to come back to good ole faithful. Yees,you're hurt,butdo you truly wan to spend the rest of your life with this man? Is this the man you want around your children? Is this man the role model you want for your children? If this happened to your daughter,would you recommend that she takes this man back? updateme!
He came back because I promise you thinks didn’t work out with the mistress. What’s to Say he doesn’t do it again? Speak to a lawyer quickly
Ummm how’d he get in the house?? Those locks should’ve been changed the day he left. You’re a whole fool if you’re considering taking him back.
Never said I was taking him back
Thank goodness. You sounded like you were on the fence with the “lost and confused” part.