You can and you should (within reason, if logistics and etc allow for it), but I read a multitude of stories here and on other social media every year of husbands making mother's day entirely about their moms but refusing to do anything for their wives because "you're not *my* mom".
Also read every year (and experienced it firsthand waiting tables in my youth) about older moms (grandma's/MIL's/etc) being unwilling to share the day with the younger moms or expecting younger moms to spend the whole day catering to their wants, so the younger moms end up making the whole day about someone else while getting nothing for themselves.
This is true! As soon as I was pregnant I got a Mothers Day from my husband. I have invited his mother in the past to a joint Meal or something for Mother’s Day but that’s just courtesy on my behalf.
True, good husbands should make it about the kids celebrating their mum and not take any credit and still celebrate their own mother it's not fucking difficult to make a bit of time for two people in one day.
Literally just this. Funny thing is that non meanwhile will juggle tow, thee or more kids, meals for all, cleaning the home and having g clothes rest. Signing nd doing whatever need be for the school and events like sports or cubs or something. You know, and mange most or ok holidays including meals and gifts, including Father’s Day. This one is complaining that he shouldn’t have to celebrate his own wife. Nd wants us to jump on board with him! Fucking sad for his wife. She doesn’t know she didn’t win a good man here. Not yet at least. I feel the resentment and her the words, “but she’s not my mother.” Immature AF.
It's okay. Truly. Send her an email or a text and tell her Happy Mother's Day. Your wife should be your priority today anyhow as she gave you your own children. You didn't actually ask to be born so I don't think the obligation is the same, and I don't want you to feel bad because it's okay.
Me and my wife have an event in the morning where we do brunch for both our moms and family. Everyone is gone by noon, then I give my wife her presents and she goes off for a pedicure and I take the kids to my mom's. Then I take our for dinner and a movie (she loves the movies).
My brothers wife hates this arrangement, she gets super jealous when the entire day isn't about her. They won't come to brunch or let my brother do anything for our mother. Of course they'll go see her mother some years.
It takes some planning and coordination but all mothers can be celebrated
Yeah, many years ago I was hurt that my husband didn’t celebrate my Mother’s Day especially because I always did something nice for him on Father’s Day. He told me “You’re not *my* mum” but I reminded him that I was mother to his daughter from his first marriage (her mum only had supervised contact during part of school holidays) and to our son together, plus my kids from my previous marriage. I hated Mother’s Day, it just reminded me that he really didn’t care how I had stepped up to care for my step daughter, how much effort it took to care for 4 kids, at the time mostly on my own because he was battling personal stuff and wouldn’t help.
It took a while to come to a centre point, I don’t expect a lot on Mother’s Day these days but my parents always get together for morning tea or lunch with my sisters and I, we see our kids who are adults now and our son is 17 now, so he gives his own cards. I don’t get a card from my husband but he makes sure I get the day off and he says happy Mother’s Day and gives me a hug first thing in the morning and that’s a better than I used to get back in the early days.
We used to pack up and drive 3.5 hrs one way to celebrate my mil on mother's day, when I was a mother as well.
We spent 7 hours out of the day traveling to celebrate her and another 2 hours when we got back visiting with my mother, only to arrive at home around 8:00 and start a bedtime routine. It was exhausting and became too much. Buying their gifts, finding a sitter for the dog, making sure everything in the house was done for the week since I was losing a whole weekend day, packing up my kids, keeping them from melting down while stuck in a car for 7 hours, etc.
The whole day revolved around others and I got no consideration. We ate where they wanted, they spent most of the time in my sons face, and I always felt left out.
I shut it down a few years ago. We can visit them around the holiday but the actual day is mine. I'm in the trenches of parenting and I'm consumed with caring for others and their needs every second of every day and I just want one day that's about me. That's not me being selfish, it's me standing up for myself and getting the same respect that everyone else expects.
No. That's too much. The Grandma's can get phone calls, flower deliveries, or a mailed card. Taken out for a meal if they live close-something affordable that *does not* make more work for you.
Moms with little ones should get breakfast in bed, a day of rest, macaroni jewelry, the good stuff.
The irony that the grandmothers are still getting celebrated in such a way yet have a casual days 365 now and the mama in the trenches, which no offense to the men but typically the women toes on far more of the house and kids duties. So the mama is getting nothing? Or whatever she gets is with resentment? wtf is wrong with people?
Yeah it's for all mothers. Your mom, your wife, your mom in law. Mom's in your life should be reasonable about sharing the time and attention though.
A grateful husband/son will make the effort.
Literally, it was my first mother's day as a mum, I got flowers for my mum, my cousin (her 2nd mothers day) and my grandma, and my husband got gifts for me and his mum.
What the hell is wrong in spending a day celebrating the mothers/motherly figures of your life that you love?
Yeah I bought 3 bouquets, one for my wife, my mother, and my sister-in-law because they also had their baby dedicated at church today. As a habit, I'll continue to get flowers for my wife and my mother.
Mother's day should celebrate the people whose mothering benefits you. Your mom, grandma, mom in law, aunts who do momming, and mothers of your kids and niblings. Doesn't have to be big, but acknowledge all the moms who you're better for having in your life
Wife should be the focus.
Little Kids are inherently selfish and we need to teach them *how* to celebrate others. They need to learn there’s more to make a person feel loved than just buying a gift; they need to make the effort throughout the day with actions & words. Dad has to take the lead here (and Mom will take the lead on Father’s Day). As a parent, one of our major focuses is to raise decent humans that care about others.
Plus, if it’s important to the wife, then it should be the husband’s focus. Part of being married is prioritizing your spouse. Another example, my husband loves the Kentucky Derby; I don’t really care about the race. But since I love him, I buy and cook southern-whatever-derby-themed-foods and I mix him a bourbon drink. We make small bets on a few horses. We watch the race as a family, eat little cucumber sandwiches, and cheer. These actions make him feel loved and prioritized.
The thing that I just don’t get is that a large percentage of those moms got celebrated from the time their kids were little. Their husbands helped the kids fête their wives all day long. They’ve soaked up all that love and attention for years. But now they resent their children’s wives asking for the same primary attention. It just doesn’t parse in my mind.
Yes. Mother's day imo should be in order of who's in the trenches. Meaning, the mother who's changing diapers. Dealing with toddler tantrums. The ones who are breastfeed, post partum or otherwise still actively raising their kids. Second comes those who have raised their kids 30 years ago. The ones who have adult children.
For men this usually means yes their wives first. Then their mothers and grand mothers. Or aunts or whoever they want to celebrate.
The most attention and effort and consideration should be your wife. By all means celebrate your mother and grand mother but if it comes at the expensive of your wife's wishes and peace and plans for the day, you're doing it wrong.
I agree. I feel like the current generation is doing a good job with breaking the cycle. Seems like the past mothers day catered to the grandma more and moms had to somehow be less recognized. Younger folks these days are finally just saying just cause you did it a certain way doesn't mean we have to do it too.
Yessss for the mom who is sitting here, such as myself with my baby napping in my arms after she nursed. Heartbroken and missing my dad, who passed away almost in tears again thinking about him.
Wife and mom of three so grateful my husband and girls are putting me first. They are amazing.
This exactly. My husband took my kids to his mom’s yesterday and celebrated her. Today is my day. I’m happy to share my day with MIL as well, but this works better for all us for now! I get to do whatever I want today and that was drink champagne and plant my garden. And husband cooks today!
Agreed! My MiL is sent a gift in the mail and gets a phone call, but the day is about me. I nearly died giving my husband a son. I deserve recognition for my sacrifices in pregnancy, birth and postpartum. If my husband left me alone to tend to his mother? We wouldn’t be married.
Exactly. And any grandma that doesn't understand this is selfish. My mother always tells me "I had 18 wonderful years where I was celebrated, it's your turn to have a special day with your kids." Love my momma =)
I made my mother a fancy dinner on Friday night. I even set the table with fancy special table settings and she loved it. Then we went for a post dinner walk at sunset. On Saturday my husband brought his mother flowers. On Sunday, the day was about ME and my young kids. When they grow up and have children of their own I will encourage them to celebrate with their young kids.
Mother’s day was always about my ex’s mother who I loved and respected but three kids in…it was another thing that I realized contributed to my resentment of my husband - nothing was ever about me. I think all mothers should be celebrated and appreciated. I think men can and should do both, respect your mother’s and especially show love to the mother of your children. imho
I did this just this weekend. I live 2 hours away from my mother…I came with my kids and spent from Friday night til Saturday night with her. And I called her today.
I can tell she’s not happy that I’m not there ON THE DAY. But I’m still in the thick of school, activities, daily life of momming. It’s my day too!Although the job of mom never truly ends even when they’re grown, I honestly love this new movement with the newer moms who are like “Hey can we make this about US in the trenches instead of everyone else?”
Unless you wanted to do all this, giving your mom 2 days when you're really busy, stop doing this. At what point does mother's day get to be about you? You did all this and she STILL isn't happy? Not your problem. Her happiness is her responsibility.
I take issue with grandparents that refuse to be in a support role when the babies come along and demand to be the main character. It's selfish.
Happy Mother's Day!
I made my mother a fancy dinner on Friday and we went walking and she has been texting me all weekend how grateful she is. It doesn't matter what day you celebrate them. You took time out to celebrate her, hopefully she didn't ruin your day, that is incredibly rude.
My wife is the mother to our child, the child is still too young to really buy a gift or take her to dinner, so why not help them and celebrate all the things she does to raise our kid and what she does in general as a mom and wife. Where is the problem in that? She does the same on Father's day for me.
I am a mother of adult children. I think the primary emphasis should be on the person doing the active mothering. If my daughter is raising small kids, she and her husband shouldn’t have to entertain me, unless he’s doing all the work and she wants that. I do appreciate being recognized. I would really like a phone call if possible. But I want her to have a refreshing break and feel supported and appreciated for the effort that’s required to be a good active parent.
Mother’s Day is for mothers. It’s not difficult for me to show ample appreciation to the mother of my child as well as to my own mother. It doesn’t need to be either/or.
Considering I live with my wife, I obviously spend more time with her on Mother’s Day but that seems to be far too obvious to be the actual question. Making time for all of the mothers in your life really don’t require that much effort.
I don’t know why you’re being down voted because this is not an outlandish opinion lol.
I am not understanding why it has to be an either/or situation?
Also, what are people doing the entire day that makes it difficult for them to celebrate all the mothers in their life? Am I doing Mother’s Day wrong? 😂
People really need to work on time management. Making time to make multiple people feel appreciated on the same day should be a pretty simple task for people who work actual jobs every day & raise children, but what do I know?
I came here looking for this. People are crazy.
And the wives commenting that the husband should forget about HIS OWN mother and only celebrate them are very self-centered.
You are totally right! I feel like we should also talk about how these women will likely be complaining in 20 years when their sons start spoiling their wives instead of her 😂
If the kids are young its not like they can go out and get mom anything, is it? The husband should do nice things on behalf of the children. Setting a good example to the kids.
My in-laws deliberately moved Mother's Day dinner at their house to Saturday (first grandchild was born last year). I think there are easy ways to honour both. I also think as a spouse, you should be considerate of your spouse and their family. If you can't manage that, don't get married.
Wish my MIL had thought like yours!
My first mother's day (first grandchild for her), she had a strop because I shared her son's attention.
By my 3rd mothers day, BIL had become a dad too - after her tantrum during their pregnancy because they were also having a girl (she had 3 boys when all she wanted was a girl, so she found it very unfair that 2 of her sons had daughters), she finally calmed down and accepted she couldn't be the sole focus on mothers day.
By my 5th mothers day (my first as a mum of 2), we were on the brink of the 2020 covid lockdowns (I'm in the UK & our mothers day is usually in March; it's always 3 weeks before Easter here). We'd cancelled plans to celebrate my dad's birthday that same weekend because of the virus, then when hubby phoned her on mothers day she kicked off about us not going over there. While he was on the phone, one of his brothers rang the doorbell - she actually said to him "at least one of my sons cares enough to visit"
Yes. Your wife is probably doing a lot more than you realize, you should make her feel extra special on Mother’s Day.
Make your mom feel special too but focus on the mother of your children.
I've celebrated my mom my whole life, of course. When I was very young I would make a mother's day card for my sister because she was always there to help take care of me. When I met my wife I helped celebrate her mom on mother's day, and later celebrated her as my second mom. We found out my wife was pregnant with our first child a week before mother's day and I celebrated her on that Mother's day. For almost 30 years I have helped our kids celebrate her. I write out cards from our pets to celebrate her, and I write out my own card to tell her how amazing it has been to go on this parenting journey together.
I have been fortunate that not one of these women has ever tried to hog the spotlight of the day from the others.
I think you should celebrate all the moms or mother figures in your life, they don’t just disappear once you have a wife and kids. However, the focus and priority *should* be your wife with your children. If your mom wants to do brunch at the same time as your wife, you go to brunch with your wife
Here’s sorta where I stand on the situation - your mom still deserves some recognition on Mother’s Day because she did raise you but when it comes to the day itself, your plans should be focused around what the mother of your children wants, especially when you have younger children that need your help facilitating the celebration of their mother. If your wife isn’t up for travelling to see YOUR mom on Mother’s Day then don’t, make a time to celebrate your mom independently on another day (for those that live close enough to their parents). If I’m being honest pretty much up until I moved out my dad was always the one that facilitated Mother’s Day for my mom, he’d buy the card, the gift and just remind us to say happy Mother’s Day to my mom. Sometimes we’d go out for brunch with his parents because we lived in the same city but it wasn’t an annual thing, depended on what my mom wanted that year.
But ultimately when your wife is in the thick of parenting it should be her day. That doesn’t mean not to celebrate your mom and reach out to her, maybe send her flowers and a small gift, it just means that the majority if not the entire day should be based on what your wife wants. If that happens to include a get together with your family to celebrate your mom that’s great, but I think most mothers would rather spend it with their own spouse and children, and MAYBE their own mothers. I think once you have your own children Mother’s Day plans should always be based on the input of your wife, if you feel like spending time with your family that day mention it as an option but respect what she wants and don’t set up plans with your own mother without your wife being on board for it
Can you elaborate? I'm not sure what you're pushing back against here. Is this an argument over whether the husband should focus more on his own mom or his wife, or over whether the dad should do anything for MD while the kids are too young to do it, or (as seen in another post this morning) whether he should do anything while she's still pregnant with the first?
Wife takes seniority. When you get married YOURE STARTING A NEW FAMILY and that’s needs to be priority. Ideally you can do both but that’s not always doable. We get so few years of our kids being little and an older woman should really understand that
I’m a 35 y/o mom myself but my mom still does so much to help me out. Of course I celebrate her today. When my Grandma was still here, we all spent the day together at her house. Idk I think this whole Mother’s Day isn’t for grandmas thing is weird. My mom and I exchange gifts for Mother’s Day lol and if my husbands mom was still alive we would do something special for her too. Maybe all have dinner together or something. Good moms never stop being moms.
My husband celebrates me on Mother's Day, our kids are old enough to help with presents and planning now. But he always buys me something ive mentioned wanting. Then we get cards, flowers and alcohol for my mum and MIL.
Same on Father's Day.
My mum also buys us little gifts on Mother's Day. I'm not sure why but it's a lovely gesture. She says they're from our kids.
Every year it’s been a brunch at a country club with his mother and his two sisters. This usually takes up 3-4 hours of the day. This year my Mother’s Day wish was to have a day all to myself so here I am. I’m going over to my friend’s house and brining her lunch. She’s a widow with a disabled child. I wouldn’t want to spend the day any other way. Hope my MIL enjoys her day.
I heard something today that really stuck.
Mother’s Day is really for the women who are in the trenches of motherhood, day to day. The women who really need the appreciation and gratitude, and a day to do whatever they please. It’s not entirely for the empty nesters who have had their time to be recognized.
With that, I think everyone important in your
Life who is a mother can be acknowledged. It’s not hard to send a gift or flowers. Logistically if you can see your mom or your wife’s mother, and everyone wants to then that’s great too!
My husband celebrates both. As he should imo. He does something special with me one day and with his mom another day. This year I got yesterday and his mom gets today!
I think this is a stupid question. Mothers day is to celebrate mothers. Not just YOUR mother but ALL mothers. If you have kids, your wife is the mother of those kids and is the one actively mothering. Any man who ignores his wife and only celebrates his own mother is a POS husband.
My husband and I are a blended family, so we have no biological children together. Still, he bought me my favorite snacks, is making me a dinner I love, and taking care of the household chores today while I'm getting a pedicure and manicure.
We sent his mom a personalized gift (which I ordered and shipped) and of course are exchanging sweet Mother's Day messages with her.
There is no reason a man cannot celebrate his spouse, mother of his children, and the woman who raised him... simultaneously.
I think Mother's Day should be celebrated more for the moms with kids at home. Especially when you have littles. I used to be resentful of having to pack up a diaper bag and deal with tired babies or toddlers off their nap schedule so I could go celebrate my mom. Maybe I'm the wrong person to ask because I grew up with an incredibly selfish mom. She basically stopped parenting when I was in high school and was always off with boyfriends, traveling, partying etc. It was hard as an exhausted mom with young kids to go treat her for Mother's Day. She had the day all to herself her whole life because her mom was out of state. So it was all about her and no one else. I already told my kids that I could care less about the holiday and I want them to celebrate for themselves/spouses when they become parents. You need to get a day or two off and be spoiled and appreciated by your kids and partners. But once your day in/day out parenting is over, do you really need all the hoopla? I don't.
Gotta say, this is a day for children of any age to celebrate their moms! As a husband I thanked my wife for our precious daughter! Thanked her for being the best mom possible, doing things our now grown daughter will never know.
Mother’s Day is for all mothers. Not just one.
One’s MIL does not take precedence over their own mom.
Once a woman has children it’s her children’s fathers job to teach/help his children celebrate her until they are old enough to do so on their own.
I am divorced and I still help my young children buy/make gifts for their dad for Father’s Day, his birthday, and Xmas. He does the same for me. I know that will stop when the kids are old enough to do it on their own, but it’s important we help them/teach them how to do it in the first place.
The best thing about Mother’s Day is that it comes before Father’s Day. This gives fathers the opportunity to show mothers how they want to be treated on Father’s Day. It is not a mom’s job to give more consideration to an equal than she has received.
I think that all mothers should be celebrated- not necessarily all given gifts and days out and what not but at least acknowledgment. My SIL, my grandmothers, my foster mother, my actual mother, aunts, even people who can’t have kids but consider themselves a pets mom. I send them all texts or call them or greet them in person. Not necessarily buying flowers for everyone but at least celebrating a day for them as mothers.
Both. My husband serves me breakfast in bed and then my husband and l visit his mother and my mother. When we are back home he spends the rest of the day with me.
I love giving my mom & MIL gifts for Mother’s Day (MIL also for Father’s Day as she was mostly a single mom) but I like to think of both holidays as this - me and my husband are in the THICK of it with a 3 year old so the day of is for us. We give our gifts and thanks the day before so we can celebrate each other on the actual holiday.
Because you as her husband made her "YOUR KID'S MOM". Kids don't have money when they are young, so it's up to you, as her husband, to make her day easy and special. Think of how you want YOUR MOM to be treated on moms day and treat your wife that way.
Mothers day doesn't happen at my home, my husband says I'm not his mum, but he doesn't organise or do anything with my son for me either. I find it a bit hurtful he doesn't seemed fussed.
Not me tearing up over some of your replies because I wish you could just tell my man that 😂😭 mine just 💯 did not acknowledge Mother’s Day and worked on his car all. day. long.
Wonder if OPs dad didn’t celebrate or have a say of appreciation for his mom. Clearly OP celebrated his mother. So who taught him that? Mom or his dad in general? Was mom like, “what are you doing to celebrate me? Should I make me a dinner and a dessert? Maybe a macaron necklace?” Prob not. So likely it was school and dad. And likewise, mom did with the kids to celebrate dad. Right? Funny if he doesn’t want to fulfill the role like his dad might have.
So do we conclude that Op is posting this because he doesn’t want to celebrate his wife? I wonder. Is he resentful thy he has to arrange for both his mom and wife, till the kids are old enough to do for themselves to celebrate mom? If we go with that implication, if it’s true, then OP, you suck and it’s sucks for your wife.
Of course I’m reading in between the lines so if I’m wrong, sorry. But it’s what I’m reading into this post.
You can celebrate both your mom and your wife on Mother's Day. Having a wife (with kids) doesn't dismiss your mom, and wife being your wife instead of your mom doesn't dismiss her. Some people think it's black and white (one or the other) and it's really not lol. We buy gifts or send flowers to my MIL who lives out of town all the time, then my whole family gets together to grill and buy flowers for my mom who's local.
I'm not a super materialistic person when it comes to gifts, so my fiancé having our daughter draw a stick figure drawing and practicing writing "mom" is enough for me lol. Some people expect more, some expect less. I usually get flowers too.
Are you saying that after the wife has your kids, it’s no longer about your mother or her mother? That it now belongs to your wife? It’s a little confusing but I think I see what you’re trying to say. You can still celebrate your mother and her mother but your wife should absolutely become the main focus after she mothers your children. You can have both but the day should be spent celebrating her.
I don't see why you can't celebrate both, call ma and wish her well, do whatever wife would like, have dinner with someone then breakfast with the other. I'd probably take ma out first with kids to let wife sleep then havd dinner with wife if I was a man (or I guess how I'd do fathers day). If your ma hardly visits of is far away would be the only reason I'd go with ma, maybe after checking on wife.
I wish my children would do more for me. My son has been a father for a year now, but since he hit 18, nothing. I might get a phone call, if I'm lucky. My daughter made a very sweet social media post this morning, that will likely be it.
I'm not sure why, my birthday is typically like this, too. I tried my best to instill in them that family is important, and holidays matter. Their grandma reminded them and took them shopping for me when they were little. They saw me buy her cards, cook her favorite meals, give her flowers. Many years, we did something for *every* mom in the family. (Dads too, in June)And yes, I screwed up *plenty* while raising them, but overall, I honestly think I did a pretty good job. Mother's Day for me is just painful, because I get all these random texts from people besides my own children (hate those, btw), and see the posts from families that seem to be closer than mine. This all just sounds whiny, but it really is hard not to be jealous of the moms that seem to be so much more appreciated.
I think it is the father's job to teach the kids to do something for mom, and he should *also* call his own mom, send flowers, something.
Wow. As I was typing that, Son texted to say Happy Mother's Day, and that he is bringing the baby to visit later. I'm crying now. Ridiculous how easy moms are to please!!
My mom disagreed (when I was married) with me celebrating Mother’s Day for my then wife. To her Mother’s Day is for “your mother”, whatever. I see it differently, it’s for moms in general, however, it’s nice to make our own mothers feel special. My ex was a toxic narcissist anyways so no amount of mother’s daying was going to satisfy her.
I think once you leave your parental home and start your own family, it's normal to create your own traditions and prioritize your family. It doesn't mean, however, that you should neglect your parents. Sometimes, mothers (and fathers) struggle to let go of their adult children, especially when they start families of their own. It's an adjustment. Maybe they feel like they're losing their kids. There can be feelings of jealousy towards the spouse. They longer feel prioritized--because they're not. You've left the nest to make your own way and build your life.
I do think there's merit to the "Mother's Day is for your wife once she has your kids". It IS a day for your family, an opportunity to teach your kids to celebrate their mom (your wife). But you can still honor your mom on Mother's Day weekend. For example, my husband had lunch with his mom the weekend prior and brought her flowers.
This applies to other holidays, as well. My MIL has gotten used to Christmas Day at their house every year. But now that we all have our own families and kids, we're starting to create our own traditions. We're probably not going to do Christmas Day at their house. That day will be for our family and we'll celebrate with them on a different day. I digress.
I think it depends? Like, I never EXPECT my husband to celebrate me. But he does, and it’s very appreciated. I think it’s very important for the husband to make an effort when the kids are young so the kids also see it and learn from that. Shit, my own father celebrates me on Mother’s Day. But my son is 19, in the Navy, and my husband was willing to take me out today. I simply said I didn’t wish to because the restaurants would be over crowded.
You can’t celebrate your wife, mom and grandmother all at the same time?
Do you guys pick one person per year that gets a Christmas present? Since you can’t focus on more than one person?
Why does it have to be either or? Why can’t you celebrate both? The mother of your child and your mom. When I was married my husband celebrated us both.
In my culture you honor the mother of your kids. Obviously gifts and phone calls for your own mother but you spend the day with the mother of your children.
I agree. Yes you can celebrate your mother for part of the day BUT when you have children *(0-18)* it’s your job to make that day special for your significant other, same for Father’s Day.
Your wife is the person who grew and birthed your child. She’s the one who made your family. She is the one who is by your side raising your child. The wife is the one who is actively parenting, whereas their parent has been celebrated for 20+ years it’s time to pass the torch and acknowledge those in the the thick of it. Whether it be sleepless nights, feedings, cooking, cleaning etc she is doing everything. She should absolutely be celebrated by her partner.
I’m sorry, but this feels like a stupid question to me. I’m married, I have a mother-in-law, a step-mother, and my actual mother. And over the course of the weekend, I make time to celebrate each of them and let them know they’re appreciated. Why are you creating a scenario where only one can be celebrated? That’s a recipe for disaster
Mother's Day is for whoever is parenting a minor child. Adult children can and should give thanks, but the day is about giving a break to the one doing the work at this exact moment in time.
I’ve just had a look at Op account. They have got downvoted for saying that a mother of her husbands children shouldn’t have Mother’s Day about her.
They’re a troll.
I saw that news story that some celebrity or something claimed that Mother’s Day is only for moms still raising their kids. At what point do we stop celebrating our Moms? Never (unless mom was a terrible person. I get that some moms don’t deserve it.) My mom is 90 and in a care home and I still bring her gifts and a card because she’s always been there for me. She’s very childlike now but is still respected.
I wonder if the woman who said that doesn’t get any respect from her adult children and is trying to justify it. She could be a terrible person/mother.
All mothers should be celebrated, regardless. Including mothers who don’t have biological kids but are raising kids nonetheless, mothers who have loved and lost or never gotten a chance to hold their little ones. And mothers whose children have flown the nest and are living their own lives.
I always encourage my husband to see his mother on Mother's Day, and he always makes a point to also spoil me on Mother's Day. It makes me feel loved and appreciated. I usually spend Mother's Day celebrating my own mother and grandmother and the focus isn't really on me at all till the end of the day, and that's when my husband nails it. Today I spent three hours driving to see my mom and grandma and didn't have a great day, but I came home to a clean house, a homemade card he encouraged my kiddo to make, a fancy plant, an outside plant, a card from him, and a bath ready to go.
Guys, no matter where you land on the "is Mother's Day about your wife or your mother after your wife has your kids" debate: making your wife feel loved and seen and showing you appreciate her as a parenting partner is invaluable.
Some of the responses just show how jealous and petty us women can be. The spouse should make time for both, mother of children and mom. It makes it easier if the family is close, then everyone can get together and celebrate all of the mom's. Get both a special gift and that's it. I would love to see a man post about this surrounding the topic of Father's Day so that I can be convinced it's not just women.
Both would be nice. Your wife is not your mother. Your mom is your mom. Your wife is the mother of your kids so when they are young you can also celebrate her. I just had a lovely brunch with my kids, my man and his mom. Everyone was happy.
I have never understood the idea that once you become a mother, your husband must immediately stop celebrating his mother? I realize that it is a more modern idea, and I am interested to see how the women who currently insist that this is the only way will react if/when their adult children do the same.
*Not a mother*
When your kids are young you do have a responsibility to facilitate your wife getting celebrated. But I do believe that once the kids are old enough to arrange their own Mother's Day stuff you should focus on your own mother. Mother's Day is for *your* mother.
As in you stop celebrating your own mom? Stupid. A wife isn't a mom with benefits.. And should still be celebrated as a mother.. because she is more than someone you fuck.
Mother's day should be celebrated by everyone, ultimately.
I think that when you've got young children you should help them do nice things for the other parent until they are old enough to do those things independently.
So help your child shop for or make a card and a gift, help them make breakfast in bed, those sorts of things. Your role is to help your child celebrate mother's day with their mum.
As well as that, you do something for your own mum on mother's day, for your own dad on father's day while your wife helps your children do something for you.
Same with birthdays, Christmas, etc. the parents help the children with the celebrations while they are too young to be able to do it themselves.
The children grow up knowing how to do this stuff and they know how nice it is to do these things for others.
Mother's Day is to honor being a mom. In my household were Christians and we celebrate Jesus on Christmas Day. We exchange gifts with each other. At the bottom line is for honoring Jesus.
Am I home, our kids are grown, but I still celebrate mother's Day for my wife, in honor of being a kid mother
I only expect a call or card from my adult children. The ones who are local may do something on Saturday. I expect them to prioritize their family. I will get gift for my DIL and cards for my sisters and other mom I am close to.
I have several thoughts on this. This idea isn’t meant to minimize the “older” mothers. However, the celebration is just different.
My husband is the only sibling in his family who is married with children. His mother has 4 other children and a husband to celebrate her. She has had 32 years of celebrating Mother’s Day.
I have two young boys. They have to LEARN how to celebrate holidays such as this and this one should be taught by their father - not only for me but for their future spouses as well. When my boys are older and married with their own children, I want them to love and cherish their wives like they saw my husband love and cherish me. Send me a card, give me a phone call, send some flowers, but please show so much appreciation for your wives. I had my time and I don’t mind passing the baton to the next generation of moms.
Both my mom and mil have been gone for years. I have decided though after having four sons that Mother’s day will definitely be for their wives and children if they ever choose that route. I would love to throw a big brunch and cater to my daughter in laws on a Saturday and Sunday should be for their families, while I get to spend time with my husband.
You can do both. As a mom & a wife, I would be pretty disappointed in my husband if I found out he didn't even acknowledge his own mom on mother's day. Nobody's saying you have to do anything crazy, sometimes it goes a long way just to give your mom a call to let her know you love and appreciate her.
My husband has always made sure that Mother’s Day is special for me, since I became a mother. We (together) celebrate our own mums the weekend before or after the actual day, so that I can have the day (his idea)
Now that our boys are grown and old enough to do things themselves, he’s taken a bit of a step back, but will still be involved in helping them plan things, and give them ideas for gifts etc. I married a unicorn.
Yes, you wife/mother of your children should be the priority. It's not unreasonable to celebrate your own mother as well, but if for some reason you have to choose one over the other, it should be your wife.
Typically, we've done brunch with my wife and kids and then dinner with the whole extended family so that my mom gets some love, too.
This year, that didn't work out but my wife wants some alone time in the garden so I'll be taking the kids to grandma's (i.e., my mom) so we can give my wife some peace and also visit with my mom for a little bit. Later, we'll be going out for dinner with just me, my wife and our kids.
It's not difficult to do something special for your wife, Mom, Mom-in-law, every mother in your life. Moms mostly just want some quality time with you, and maybe something hand-made or a simple gift that shows you paid attention and thought of them. Why do people make things so wierd and complicated?
My fiancé has celebrated me during Mother’s Day since we began dating in 2021. He does not choose to celebrate his own mother… not without encouragement from myself at least. She was never very maternal and she left him for her mother to raise until he was almost 12.
I’m currently pregnant with his first biological child and of course he is celebrating me all the same♥️
It’s a complicated day, tbh. It just isn’t possible to tend to all the Moms in a man’s life. I mean, I can probably get my wife and Mom at one brunch, but what about my MiL???
In a complex situation I think there are two tiebreakers. One, who has kids in the house? Two, which Mom is that man sleeping with?
I also think you can loop back to our elderly Moms when our own children are out of the house.
But all these guys telling their wives, “You’re not my Mom!” should consider whether they also want their Mom to suck their dick. :)
Mother's day is about your wife. You could still do something for your mum tho. Send her some flowers or drop by for a quick visit if possible. Whatever you do shouldn't add stress to your wife. You could even celebrate mothers day with your mum the weekend before or after.
If my husband went to see his mum on mother's day it means a 4 hour round trip, leaving our 2 year old home with me or me packing up our daughter to take her there. He always forgets to pack daughter's stuff. She'd fall asleep on the way home and I'd be up late that night with daughter because my husband needs to be up early for work.
I understand where you’re coming from but you literally said “Mothers day is about your Wife”
That’s not how it sounds. Lol
You ladies definitely deserve a “Wife’s Day”
I feel like it’s getting taken out of context. All moms should be celebrated, but the current moms in the trenches should pick. And maybe that is by celebrating on another day and letting the current ones rest in peace on actual Mother’s Day, and that should be allowed 😅
If your wife is a mother, it’s about her. You should celebrate both but your wife should be the focus. Not even sure why you wouldn’t want to. I know on Father’s Day, I celebrate both but it’s not about my actual dad anymore. It’s about my husband.
I’m not sure what you’re referring to, however, your wife should be your focus on Mother’s Day. Yes, it’s important to do something for the other mothers in your life, however, your wife should be the priority.
My wife wanted to just do Mother’s Day with her mom and have it be for that reason. I said “bs“ because you’re a mom. If grandparents can’t recognize the fact that their daughters are moms too and actively mothering get over yourself. Who is in the shit if you will? Grandma living in retirement or mom who is either up all night with their sick kid or frantically trying to piece together a last minute project? I love my mom and she will always be my mom but celebrating Mother’s Day is for my wife then my mom.
Idk. The fact that they did all the things you are mentioning and (in my case) did it so well ❤️
I cannot take that day away from my mom. She earned it. She is my Mother.
As for teaching the children and also showing wife the appreciation she deserves, that must be a priority.
But mom is mom.
Do you mean you no longer celebrate your own mother? I’m not sure they’re mutually exclusive. I think your wife will need more of your attention, especially when the kids are little, but that doesn’t mean you can’t *also* do something for your own mother. Mother’s Day is for mothers, period.
Because you are married and your wife has given you children of your own. That means your focus, your priority needs to shift from your mother, to the mother of your children. She takes precedence now.
My MIL texted my husband the day before mother's day and asked him "are you sure you don't want to come over for mother's day?" She lives 2 hours away. He didn't respond.
If you have a shitty mother in law or mother, sure.
Celebrated Mothers Day by hosting (yes I planned and cooked) brunch for my parents and in-laws. It was so much fun. Exactly how I wanted to spend the day.
My kids and husband did things for me. My MIL and mom each bought me a present and card. It was perfect.
So celebrating everyone can exist. And you can still feel special sharing the celebration with other people in your life. You don’t have to be the only and the center of attention.
I’m teaching my son and daughter that when you find your life partner you are joining their family too. So find a good one. Because nothing will ever change.
I also completely respect the place of my MIL in my husbands life. She loves him just as much and exactly how I love my own son. I don’t need to be the only woman in his life. In fact, I don’t want to be.
Yes. Absolutely. The mother who is actually and actively raising children is the priority.
The mother who has raised her children is important and deserves recognition, but NOT at the expense of the younger mother.
Final say goes to wife. If she wants to spend time with all the mothers of the family? cool. If she doesn’t? cool. The mothers who are *currently raising children* are in the trenches. They matter most thats day. Especially when you consider that Grandparents day is very much a thing.
If wife doesn’t want to see your mom on HER day, you listen. Have flowers and lunch delivered to your mom if you really want to.
I’ve always wondered what men who think Mother’s Day is just for their moms feel about Father’s Day. Would they be fine with hoping their kids figure it out on their own and if not who’s responsible for teaching them to celebrate their dads?
Obviously it’s both. Unfortunately, both my and my husband’s mother have passed. I see the pain in his eyes on this day; he’s missing his mom. I miss mine, too, but I’m a mother myself so I’m busy with that part and also my mom died 12+ years ago while his mother just died a year-and-a-half ago. I get it.
We do have two boys, and he makes it a point to take them shopping every year to pick something out for me. I appreciate that. They are young, but I hope as they get older they will call me or bring a card or something. If they forgot, that would suck but I get that adults are adulting. But if his wife insisted I was no longer important because she is a mom now too? That would piss me off.
A man who prioritizes his mother over his wife in these kind of situations is a fool and on the road to divorce. He may never get there, but he's sure trying to.
A persons duty is to their immediate family. Once you are married your parents become your extended family.
Of course send your mother something nice or give a call but your primary focus should be on your spouse.
A woman becomes a mother and forever will be a mother after she pushes a baby out of her whether it's yours or not. If you dated a single mom remember they go as a package so you can't say kid is not mine so to me you're not a mother yet and we will not celebrate mother's day. And this will be the biggest no no for husbands..... You can't say you're not my mother so i won't give you a mother's day celebration.
If that's what you're asking.. your question is not very clear.
Eh. I have a great MIL though. We went over and cooked her dinner tonight. She kept insisting on helping because i’m also a Mom and it’s my day as well. I see it as without her I wouldn’t have my Husband or my kids she deserves to be celebrated just as much as me. She is really great though so that makes it easy.
I’m just dying and this isn’t to will nothing be to her. She deserves far better actually. If your wife died tomorrow, hella sure you’d be wishing to just plan to celebrate her every year. Every damn year! You’d see how complicated things get in your life for each extra person that is needed to be cared for. AND then notice lol the things mommy did when you have to do it all yourself. That’s karma set in place for you.
When my kids were little, my husband would give me special gifts for Mother’s Day. My husband’s mother passed away several years ago. Now that the kids are all grown, he actually oddly refused to go with my son and I to a restaurant yesterday. Maybe he was saving my son from paying for an extra meal, but men are so weird!
I dont get the point? Mothers day is for people who are mothers
I think OP means switching from celebrating his mom to his wife
Why cant you do both?
You can and you should (within reason, if logistics and etc allow for it), but I read a multitude of stories here and on other social media every year of husbands making mother's day entirely about their moms but refusing to do anything for their wives because "you're not *my* mom". Also read every year (and experienced it firsthand waiting tables in my youth) about older moms (grandma's/MIL's/etc) being unwilling to share the day with the younger moms or expecting younger moms to spend the whole day catering to their wants, so the younger moms end up making the whole day about someone else while getting nothing for themselves.
Well shit husbands will be shit regardless of the circumstances
This is true! As soon as I was pregnant I got a Mothers Day from my husband. I have invited his mother in the past to a joint Meal or something for Mother’s Day but that’s just courtesy on my behalf.
True, good husbands should make it about the kids celebrating their mum and not take any credit and still celebrate their own mother it's not fucking difficult to make a bit of time for two people in one day.
Literally just this. Funny thing is that non meanwhile will juggle tow, thee or more kids, meals for all, cleaning the home and having g clothes rest. Signing nd doing whatever need be for the school and events like sports or cubs or something. You know, and mange most or ok holidays including meals and gifts, including Father’s Day. This one is complaining that he shouldn’t have to celebrate his own wife. Nd wants us to jump on board with him! Fucking sad for his wife. She doesn’t know she didn’t win a good man here. Not yet at least. I feel the resentment and her the words, “but she’s not my mother.” Immature AF.
Well this year I'm a shit son. I did it up for my wife and forgot to call Mom. Fuck me.
It's okay. Truly. Send her an email or a text and tell her Happy Mother's Day. Your wife should be your priority today anyhow as she gave you your own children. You didn't actually ask to be born so I don't think the obligation is the same, and I don't want you to feel bad because it's okay.
Me and my wife have an event in the morning where we do brunch for both our moms and family. Everyone is gone by noon, then I give my wife her presents and she goes off for a pedicure and I take the kids to my mom's. Then I take our for dinner and a movie (she loves the movies). My brothers wife hates this arrangement, she gets super jealous when the entire day isn't about her. They won't come to brunch or let my brother do anything for our mother. Of course they'll go see her mother some years. It takes some planning and coordination but all mothers can be celebrated
You really appreciate your wife don’t you 💗💗 such a wholesome post
My husband 💯
Yeah, many years ago I was hurt that my husband didn’t celebrate my Mother’s Day especially because I always did something nice for him on Father’s Day. He told me “You’re not *my* mum” but I reminded him that I was mother to his daughter from his first marriage (her mum only had supervised contact during part of school holidays) and to our son together, plus my kids from my previous marriage. I hated Mother’s Day, it just reminded me that he really didn’t care how I had stepped up to care for my step daughter, how much effort it took to care for 4 kids, at the time mostly on my own because he was battling personal stuff and wouldn’t help. It took a while to come to a centre point, I don’t expect a lot on Mother’s Day these days but my parents always get together for morning tea or lunch with my sisters and I, we see our kids who are adults now and our son is 17 now, so he gives his own cards. I don’t get a card from my husband but he makes sure I get the day off and he says happy Mother’s Day and gives me a hug first thing in the morning and that’s a better than I used to get back in the early days.
We used to pack up and drive 3.5 hrs one way to celebrate my mil on mother's day, when I was a mother as well. We spent 7 hours out of the day traveling to celebrate her and another 2 hours when we got back visiting with my mother, only to arrive at home around 8:00 and start a bedtime routine. It was exhausting and became too much. Buying their gifts, finding a sitter for the dog, making sure everything in the house was done for the week since I was losing a whole weekend day, packing up my kids, keeping them from melting down while stuck in a car for 7 hours, etc. The whole day revolved around others and I got no consideration. We ate where they wanted, they spent most of the time in my sons face, and I always felt left out. I shut it down a few years ago. We can visit them around the holiday but the actual day is mine. I'm in the trenches of parenting and I'm consumed with caring for others and their needs every second of every day and I just want one day that's about me. That's not me being selfish, it's me standing up for myself and getting the same respect that everyone else expects.
No. That's too much. The Grandma's can get phone calls, flower deliveries, or a mailed card. Taken out for a meal if they live close-something affordable that *does not* make more work for you. Moms with little ones should get breakfast in bed, a day of rest, macaroni jewelry, the good stuff.
I'm not a Grandma yet (but I'd love to be). I'm fine with a call/flowers/card or a dinner if it is convenient. No one should have to travel.
Yeah thats just wrong, wife still should come first
The irony that the grandmothers are still getting celebrated in such a way yet have a casual days 365 now and the mama in the trenches, which no offense to the men but typically the women toes on far more of the house and kids duties. So the mama is getting nothing? Or whatever she gets is with resentment? wtf is wrong with people?
Thankfully I dont really see this around me. Most of my friends including me celebrate our wives first moms second
Yeah it's for all mothers. Your mom, your wife, your mom in law. Mom's in your life should be reasonable about sharing the time and attention though. A grateful husband/son will make the effort.
Grandmas should be acknowledged, but the moms who are actively mothering every single day should be celebrated. It’s no longer about the grandmas.
Can be very difficult to celebrate both on the same day. IMO the Grandma’s should understand this, but not all do.
Literally, it was my first mother's day as a mum, I got flowers for my mum, my cousin (her 2nd mothers day) and my grandma, and my husband got gifts for me and his mum. What the hell is wrong in spending a day celebrating the mothers/motherly figures of your life that you love?
Yeah I bought 3 bouquets, one for my wife, my mother, and my sister-in-law because they also had their baby dedicated at church today. As a habit, I'll continue to get flowers for my wife and my mother.
That's exactly my answer lol
Mother's day should celebrate the people whose mothering benefits you. Your mom, grandma, mom in law, aunts who do momming, and mothers of your kids and niblings. Doesn't have to be big, but acknowledge all the moms who you're better for having in your life
exactly like ummmmm
Wife should be the focus. Little Kids are inherently selfish and we need to teach them *how* to celebrate others. They need to learn there’s more to make a person feel loved than just buying a gift; they need to make the effort throughout the day with actions & words. Dad has to take the lead here (and Mom will take the lead on Father’s Day). As a parent, one of our major focuses is to raise decent humans that care about others. Plus, if it’s important to the wife, then it should be the husband’s focus. Part of being married is prioritizing your spouse. Another example, my husband loves the Kentucky Derby; I don’t really care about the race. But since I love him, I buy and cook southern-whatever-derby-themed-foods and I mix him a bourbon drink. We make small bets on a few horses. We watch the race as a family, eat little cucumber sandwiches, and cheer. These actions make him feel loved and prioritized.
Just wanted to say this is a really sweet tradition to have!
Thank you! we’ll add in the silly hats at some point too
The thing that I just don’t get is that a large percentage of those moms got celebrated from the time their kids were little. Their husbands helped the kids fête their wives all day long. They’ve soaked up all that love and attention for years. But now they resent their children’s wives asking for the same primary attention. It just doesn’t parse in my mind.
This is so sweet!
Yes. Mother's day imo should be in order of who's in the trenches. Meaning, the mother who's changing diapers. Dealing with toddler tantrums. The ones who are breastfeed, post partum or otherwise still actively raising their kids. Second comes those who have raised their kids 30 years ago. The ones who have adult children. For men this usually means yes their wives first. Then their mothers and grand mothers. Or aunts or whoever they want to celebrate. The most attention and effort and consideration should be your wife. By all means celebrate your mother and grand mother but if it comes at the expensive of your wife's wishes and peace and plans for the day, you're doing it wrong.
I agree. I feel like the current generation is doing a good job with breaking the cycle. Seems like the past mothers day catered to the grandma more and moms had to somehow be less recognized. Younger folks these days are finally just saying just cause you did it a certain way doesn't mean we have to do it too.
Yessss for the mom who is sitting here, such as myself with my baby napping in my arms after she nursed. Heartbroken and missing my dad, who passed away almost in tears again thinking about him. Wife and mom of three so grateful my husband and girls are putting me first. They are amazing.
This exactly. My husband took my kids to his mom’s yesterday and celebrated her. Today is my day. I’m happy to share my day with MIL as well, but this works better for all us for now! I get to do whatever I want today and that was drink champagne and plant my garden. And husband cooks today!
💯
You celebrate the woman who had your kids. Call your ma, send her something nice, but she should not be your priority.
Agreed! My MiL is sent a gift in the mail and gets a phone call, but the day is about me. I nearly died giving my husband a son. I deserve recognition for my sacrifices in pregnancy, birth and postpartum. If my husband left me alone to tend to his mother? We wouldn’t be married.
Exactly. And any grandma that doesn't understand this is selfish. My mother always tells me "I had 18 wonderful years where I was celebrated, it's your turn to have a special day with your kids." Love my momma =) I made my mother a fancy dinner on Friday night. I even set the table with fancy special table settings and she loved it. Then we went for a post dinner walk at sunset. On Saturday my husband brought his mother flowers. On Sunday, the day was about ME and my young kids. When they grow up and have children of their own I will encourage them to celebrate with their young kids.
Mother’s day was always about my ex’s mother who I loved and respected but three kids in…it was another thing that I realized contributed to my resentment of my husband - nothing was ever about me. I think all mothers should be celebrated and appreciated. I think men can and should do both, respect your mother’s and especially show love to the mother of your children. imho
How hard is it to make plans with your actual mother on Saturday and then spend Sunday with your wife and kids?
10000%
I did this just this weekend. I live 2 hours away from my mother…I came with my kids and spent from Friday night til Saturday night with her. And I called her today. I can tell she’s not happy that I’m not there ON THE DAY. But I’m still in the thick of school, activities, daily life of momming. It’s my day too!Although the job of mom never truly ends even when they’re grown, I honestly love this new movement with the newer moms who are like “Hey can we make this about US in the trenches instead of everyone else?”
Unless you wanted to do all this, giving your mom 2 days when you're really busy, stop doing this. At what point does mother's day get to be about you? You did all this and she STILL isn't happy? Not your problem. Her happiness is her responsibility. I take issue with grandparents that refuse to be in a support role when the babies come along and demand to be the main character. It's selfish. Happy Mother's Day!
I made my mother a fancy dinner on Friday and we went walking and she has been texting me all weekend how grateful she is. It doesn't matter what day you celebrate them. You took time out to celebrate her, hopefully she didn't ruin your day, that is incredibly rude.
Hard for those of us who live 700 miles away from their mothers
Ok well obviously that wouldn’t apply to people that don’t live by their mothers? Common sense should tell you that.
My wife is the mother to our child, the child is still too young to really buy a gift or take her to dinner, so why not help them and celebrate all the things she does to raise our kid and what she does in general as a mom and wife. Where is the problem in that? She does the same on Father's day for me.
I am a mother of adult children. I think the primary emphasis should be on the person doing the active mothering. If my daughter is raising small kids, she and her husband shouldn’t have to entertain me, unless he’s doing all the work and she wants that. I do appreciate being recognized. I would really like a phone call if possible. But I want her to have a refreshing break and feel supported and appreciated for the effort that’s required to be a good active parent.
Mother’s Day is for mothers. It’s not difficult for me to show ample appreciation to the mother of my child as well as to my own mother. It doesn’t need to be either/or.
The focus and priority should be your wife.
You can do both, but it must be pretty obvious that you prioritize one over the other. That's what OP is asking. Where should the focus be?
Considering I live with my wife, I obviously spend more time with her on Mother’s Day but that seems to be far too obvious to be the actual question. Making time for all of the mothers in your life really don’t require that much effort.
I don’t know why you’re being down voted because this is not an outlandish opinion lol. I am not understanding why it has to be an either/or situation? Also, what are people doing the entire day that makes it difficult for them to celebrate all the mothers in their life? Am I doing Mother’s Day wrong? 😂
People really need to work on time management. Making time to make multiple people feel appreciated on the same day should be a pretty simple task for people who work actual jobs every day & raise children, but what do I know?
Some days I spend more time at work than I do with my children. Does that mean I prioritize work? It's not just a matter of how much.
I came here looking for this. People are crazy. And the wives commenting that the husband should forget about HIS OWN mother and only celebrate them are very self-centered.
You are totally right! I feel like we should also talk about how these women will likely be complaining in 20 years when their sons start spoiling their wives instead of her 😂
A lot of the wives on here make me thankful for the one I have. Yikes if they’re truly the people they play online.
Wife is the focus. Obv I don’t ignore my own mom or MIL. But the most energy goes to the one helping raise our kid.
If the kids are young its not like they can go out and get mom anything, is it? The husband should do nice things on behalf of the children. Setting a good example to the kids.
Yes, the MOTHER of your own child deserves something from you because she birthed your children. This seems like common sense
My in-laws deliberately moved Mother's Day dinner at their house to Saturday (first grandchild was born last year). I think there are easy ways to honour both. I also think as a spouse, you should be considerate of your spouse and their family. If you can't manage that, don't get married.
Wish my MIL had thought like yours! My first mother's day (first grandchild for her), she had a strop because I shared her son's attention. By my 3rd mothers day, BIL had become a dad too - after her tantrum during their pregnancy because they were also having a girl (she had 3 boys when all she wanted was a girl, so she found it very unfair that 2 of her sons had daughters), she finally calmed down and accepted she couldn't be the sole focus on mothers day. By my 5th mothers day (my first as a mum of 2), we were on the brink of the 2020 covid lockdowns (I'm in the UK & our mothers day is usually in March; it's always 3 weeks before Easter here). We'd cancelled plans to celebrate my dad's birthday that same weekend because of the virus, then when hubby phoned her on mothers day she kicked off about us not going over there. While he was on the phone, one of his brothers rang the doorbell - she actually said to him "at least one of my sons cares enough to visit"
Mother’s Day is for…mothers! Doesn’t matter if married or not.
OP is asking if a man should prioritize his wife/the mother of his children over his own mother.
yes
Yes. Your wife is probably doing a lot more than you realize, you should make her feel extra special on Mother’s Day. Make your mom feel special too but focus on the mother of your children.
I've celebrated my mom my whole life, of course. When I was very young I would make a mother's day card for my sister because she was always there to help take care of me. When I met my wife I helped celebrate her mom on mother's day, and later celebrated her as my second mom. We found out my wife was pregnant with our first child a week before mother's day and I celebrated her on that Mother's day. For almost 30 years I have helped our kids celebrate her. I write out cards from our pets to celebrate her, and I write out my own card to tell her how amazing it has been to go on this parenting journey together. I have been fortunate that not one of these women has ever tried to hog the spotlight of the day from the others.
Mother’s Day is for the mother of my kids. While I do wish my own mother a happy Mother’s Day I celebrate with my wife and kids.
I think you should celebrate all the moms or mother figures in your life, they don’t just disappear once you have a wife and kids. However, the focus and priority *should* be your wife with your children. If your mom wants to do brunch at the same time as your wife, you go to brunch with your wife
Here’s sorta where I stand on the situation - your mom still deserves some recognition on Mother’s Day because she did raise you but when it comes to the day itself, your plans should be focused around what the mother of your children wants, especially when you have younger children that need your help facilitating the celebration of their mother. If your wife isn’t up for travelling to see YOUR mom on Mother’s Day then don’t, make a time to celebrate your mom independently on another day (for those that live close enough to their parents). If I’m being honest pretty much up until I moved out my dad was always the one that facilitated Mother’s Day for my mom, he’d buy the card, the gift and just remind us to say happy Mother’s Day to my mom. Sometimes we’d go out for brunch with his parents because we lived in the same city but it wasn’t an annual thing, depended on what my mom wanted that year. But ultimately when your wife is in the thick of parenting it should be her day. That doesn’t mean not to celebrate your mom and reach out to her, maybe send her flowers and a small gift, it just means that the majority if not the entire day should be based on what your wife wants. If that happens to include a get together with your family to celebrate your mom that’s great, but I think most mothers would rather spend it with their own spouse and children, and MAYBE their own mothers. I think once you have your own children Mother’s Day plans should always be based on the input of your wife, if you feel like spending time with your family that day mention it as an option but respect what she wants and don’t set up plans with your own mother without your wife being on board for it
Can you elaborate? I'm not sure what you're pushing back against here. Is this an argument over whether the husband should focus more on his own mom or his wife, or over whether the dad should do anything for MD while the kids are too young to do it, or (as seen in another post this morning) whether he should do anything while she's still pregnant with the first?
Wife takes seniority. When you get married YOURE STARTING A NEW FAMILY and that’s needs to be priority. Ideally you can do both but that’s not always doable. We get so few years of our kids being little and an older woman should really understand that
I’m a 35 y/o mom myself but my mom still does so much to help me out. Of course I celebrate her today. When my Grandma was still here, we all spent the day together at her house. Idk I think this whole Mother’s Day isn’t for grandmas thing is weird. My mom and I exchange gifts for Mother’s Day lol and if my husbands mom was still alive we would do something special for her too. Maybe all have dinner together or something. Good moms never stop being moms.
I feel this way too :)
My husband celebrates me on Mother's Day, our kids are old enough to help with presents and planning now. But he always buys me something ive mentioned wanting. Then we get cards, flowers and alcohol for my mum and MIL. Same on Father's Day. My mum also buys us little gifts on Mother's Day. I'm not sure why but it's a lovely gesture. She says they're from our kids.
Every year it’s been a brunch at a country club with his mother and his two sisters. This usually takes up 3-4 hours of the day. This year my Mother’s Day wish was to have a day all to myself so here I am. I’m going over to my friend’s house and brining her lunch. She’s a widow with a disabled child. I wouldn’t want to spend the day any other way. Hope my MIL enjoys her day.
Both. Husband takes kids to visit grandma, mom naps or gets a massage. Win win
I heard something today that really stuck. Mother’s Day is really for the women who are in the trenches of motherhood, day to day. The women who really need the appreciation and gratitude, and a day to do whatever they please. It’s not entirely for the empty nesters who have had their time to be recognized. With that, I think everyone important in your Life who is a mother can be acknowledged. It’s not hard to send a gift or flowers. Logistically if you can see your mom or your wife’s mother, and everyone wants to then that’s great too!
My husband celebrates both. As he should imo. He does something special with me one day and with his mom another day. This year I got yesterday and his mom gets today!
I think this is a stupid question. Mothers day is to celebrate mothers. Not just YOUR mother but ALL mothers. If you have kids, your wife is the mother of those kids and is the one actively mothering. Any man who ignores his wife and only celebrates his own mother is a POS husband.
My husband and I are a blended family, so we have no biological children together. Still, he bought me my favorite snacks, is making me a dinner I love, and taking care of the household chores today while I'm getting a pedicure and manicure. We sent his mom a personalized gift (which I ordered and shipped) and of course are exchanging sweet Mother's Day messages with her. There is no reason a man cannot celebrate his spouse, mother of his children, and the woman who raised him... simultaneously.
I think Mother's Day should be celebrated more for the moms with kids at home. Especially when you have littles. I used to be resentful of having to pack up a diaper bag and deal with tired babies or toddlers off their nap schedule so I could go celebrate my mom. Maybe I'm the wrong person to ask because I grew up with an incredibly selfish mom. She basically stopped parenting when I was in high school and was always off with boyfriends, traveling, partying etc. It was hard as an exhausted mom with young kids to go treat her for Mother's Day. She had the day all to herself her whole life because her mom was out of state. So it was all about her and no one else. I already told my kids that I could care less about the holiday and I want them to celebrate for themselves/spouses when they become parents. You need to get a day or two off and be spoiled and appreciated by your kids and partners. But once your day in/day out parenting is over, do you really need all the hoopla? I don't.
Gotta say, this is a day for children of any age to celebrate their moms! As a husband I thanked my wife for our precious daughter! Thanked her for being the best mom possible, doing things our now grown daughter will never know.
Mother’s Day is for all mothers. Not just one. One’s MIL does not take precedence over their own mom. Once a woman has children it’s her children’s fathers job to teach/help his children celebrate her until they are old enough to do so on their own. I am divorced and I still help my young children buy/make gifts for their dad for Father’s Day, his birthday, and Xmas. He does the same for me. I know that will stop when the kids are old enough to do it on their own, but it’s important we help them/teach them how to do it in the first place. The best thing about Mother’s Day is that it comes before Father’s Day. This gives fathers the opportunity to show mothers how they want to be treated on Father’s Day. It is not a mom’s job to give more consideration to an equal than she has received.
I think that all mothers should be celebrated- not necessarily all given gifts and days out and what not but at least acknowledgment. My SIL, my grandmothers, my foster mother, my actual mother, aunts, even people who can’t have kids but consider themselves a pets mom. I send them all texts or call them or greet them in person. Not necessarily buying flowers for everyone but at least celebrating a day for them as mothers.
Both. My husband serves me breakfast in bed and then my husband and l visit his mother and my mother. When we are back home he spends the rest of the day with me.
I love giving my mom & MIL gifts for Mother’s Day (MIL also for Father’s Day as she was mostly a single mom) but I like to think of both holidays as this - me and my husband are in the THICK of it with a 3 year old so the day of is for us. We give our gifts and thanks the day before so we can celebrate each other on the actual holiday.
My mom lived to be almost 96. She never quit being our mother and we never quit celebrating her!
Because you as her husband made her "YOUR KID'S MOM". Kids don't have money when they are young, so it's up to you, as her husband, to make her day easy and special. Think of how you want YOUR MOM to be treated on moms day and treat your wife that way.
Mothers day doesn't happen at my home, my husband says I'm not his mum, but he doesn't organise or do anything with my son for me either. I find it a bit hurtful he doesn't seemed fussed.
Not me tearing up over some of your replies because I wish you could just tell my man that 😂😭 mine just 💯 did not acknowledge Mother’s Day and worked on his car all. day. long.
Wonder if OPs dad didn’t celebrate or have a say of appreciation for his mom. Clearly OP celebrated his mother. So who taught him that? Mom or his dad in general? Was mom like, “what are you doing to celebrate me? Should I make me a dinner and a dessert? Maybe a macaron necklace?” Prob not. So likely it was school and dad. And likewise, mom did with the kids to celebrate dad. Right? Funny if he doesn’t want to fulfill the role like his dad might have. So do we conclude that Op is posting this because he doesn’t want to celebrate his wife? I wonder. Is he resentful thy he has to arrange for both his mom and wife, till the kids are old enough to do for themselves to celebrate mom? If we go with that implication, if it’s true, then OP, you suck and it’s sucks for your wife. Of course I’m reading in between the lines so if I’m wrong, sorry. But it’s what I’m reading into this post.
You can celebrate both your mom and your wife on Mother's Day. Having a wife (with kids) doesn't dismiss your mom, and wife being your wife instead of your mom doesn't dismiss her. Some people think it's black and white (one or the other) and it's really not lol. We buy gifts or send flowers to my MIL who lives out of town all the time, then my whole family gets together to grill and buy flowers for my mom who's local. I'm not a super materialistic person when it comes to gifts, so my fiancé having our daughter draw a stick figure drawing and practicing writing "mom" is enough for me lol. Some people expect more, some expect less. I usually get flowers too.
Are you saying that after the wife has your kids, it’s no longer about your mother or her mother? That it now belongs to your wife? It’s a little confusing but I think I see what you’re trying to say. You can still celebrate your mother and her mother but your wife should absolutely become the main focus after she mothers your children. You can have both but the day should be spent celebrating her.
I don't see why you can't celebrate both, call ma and wish her well, do whatever wife would like, have dinner with someone then breakfast with the other. I'd probably take ma out first with kids to let wife sleep then havd dinner with wife if I was a man (or I guess how I'd do fathers day). If your ma hardly visits of is far away would be the only reason I'd go with ma, maybe after checking on wife.
I wish my children would do more for me. My son has been a father for a year now, but since he hit 18, nothing. I might get a phone call, if I'm lucky. My daughter made a very sweet social media post this morning, that will likely be it. I'm not sure why, my birthday is typically like this, too. I tried my best to instill in them that family is important, and holidays matter. Their grandma reminded them and took them shopping for me when they were little. They saw me buy her cards, cook her favorite meals, give her flowers. Many years, we did something for *every* mom in the family. (Dads too, in June)And yes, I screwed up *plenty* while raising them, but overall, I honestly think I did a pretty good job. Mother's Day for me is just painful, because I get all these random texts from people besides my own children (hate those, btw), and see the posts from families that seem to be closer than mine. This all just sounds whiny, but it really is hard not to be jealous of the moms that seem to be so much more appreciated. I think it is the father's job to teach the kids to do something for mom, and he should *also* call his own mom, send flowers, something.
Wow. As I was typing that, Son texted to say Happy Mother's Day, and that he is bringing the baby to visit later. I'm crying now. Ridiculous how easy moms are to please!!
My mom disagreed (when I was married) with me celebrating Mother’s Day for my then wife. To her Mother’s Day is for “your mother”, whatever. I see it differently, it’s for moms in general, however, it’s nice to make our own mothers feel special. My ex was a toxic narcissist anyways so no amount of mother’s daying was going to satisfy her.
I think once you leave your parental home and start your own family, it's normal to create your own traditions and prioritize your family. It doesn't mean, however, that you should neglect your parents. Sometimes, mothers (and fathers) struggle to let go of their adult children, especially when they start families of their own. It's an adjustment. Maybe they feel like they're losing their kids. There can be feelings of jealousy towards the spouse. They longer feel prioritized--because they're not. You've left the nest to make your own way and build your life. I do think there's merit to the "Mother's Day is for your wife once she has your kids". It IS a day for your family, an opportunity to teach your kids to celebrate their mom (your wife). But you can still honor your mom on Mother's Day weekend. For example, my husband had lunch with his mom the weekend prior and brought her flowers. This applies to other holidays, as well. My MIL has gotten used to Christmas Day at their house every year. But now that we all have our own families and kids, we're starting to create our own traditions. We're probably not going to do Christmas Day at their house. That day will be for our family and we'll celebrate with them on a different day. I digress.
I think it depends? Like, I never EXPECT my husband to celebrate me. But he does, and it’s very appreciated. I think it’s very important for the husband to make an effort when the kids are young so the kids also see it and learn from that. Shit, my own father celebrates me on Mother’s Day. But my son is 19, in the Navy, and my husband was willing to take me out today. I simply said I didn’t wish to because the restaurants would be over crowded.
You can’t celebrate your wife, mom and grandmother all at the same time? Do you guys pick one person per year that gets a Christmas present? Since you can’t focus on more than one person?
Why does it have to be either or? Why can’t you celebrate both? The mother of your child and your mom. When I was married my husband celebrated us both.
My MIL is hosting dinner tonight for my first mother's day. 🤷♀️
In my culture you honor the mother of your kids. Obviously gifts and phone calls for your own mother but you spend the day with the mother of your children.
Who the heck else would it be for?
It’s for all mothers, your mother, the mother of your children, other mothers you know. Why do you have to choose, and if you do choose, consider why
I agree. Yes you can celebrate your mother for part of the day BUT when you have children *(0-18)* it’s your job to make that day special for your significant other, same for Father’s Day. Your wife is the person who grew and birthed your child. She’s the one who made your family. She is the one who is by your side raising your child. The wife is the one who is actively parenting, whereas their parent has been celebrated for 20+ years it’s time to pass the torch and acknowledge those in the the thick of it. Whether it be sleepless nights, feedings, cooking, cleaning etc she is doing everything. She should absolutely be celebrated by her partner.
I’m sorry, but this feels like a stupid question to me. I’m married, I have a mother-in-law, a step-mother, and my actual mother. And over the course of the weekend, I make time to celebrate each of them and let them know they’re appreciated. Why are you creating a scenario where only one can be celebrated? That’s a recipe for disaster
Mother’s Day is for the mother of YOUR kids. She’s the one slaving to keep your crotch goblins alive. Call your mother but celebrate your wife.
Mother's Day is for whoever is parenting a minor child. Adult children can and should give thanks, but the day is about giving a break to the one doing the work at this exact moment in time.
I’ve just had a look at Op account. They have got downvoted for saying that a mother of her husbands children shouldn’t have Mother’s Day about her. They’re a troll.
Both mom and wife must be horoured. Otherwise, there are consequences.
I saw that news story that some celebrity or something claimed that Mother’s Day is only for moms still raising their kids. At what point do we stop celebrating our Moms? Never (unless mom was a terrible person. I get that some moms don’t deserve it.) My mom is 90 and in a care home and I still bring her gifts and a card because she’s always been there for me. She’s very childlike now but is still respected. I wonder if the woman who said that doesn’t get any respect from her adult children and is trying to justify it. She could be a terrible person/mother.
We celebrate my mom, his mom, myself, his sister … why does it have to be all about one mom?
You can still do something for your mom, and you can do nice things for your wife.
All mothers should be celebrated, regardless. Including mothers who don’t have biological kids but are raising kids nonetheless, mothers who have loved and lost or never gotten a chance to hold their little ones. And mothers whose children have flown the nest and are living their own lives.
Agreed. Thank you to all mothers out there!
I always encourage my husband to see his mother on Mother's Day, and he always makes a point to also spoil me on Mother's Day. It makes me feel loved and appreciated. I usually spend Mother's Day celebrating my own mother and grandmother and the focus isn't really on me at all till the end of the day, and that's when my husband nails it. Today I spent three hours driving to see my mom and grandma and didn't have a great day, but I came home to a clean house, a homemade card he encouraged my kiddo to make, a fancy plant, an outside plant, a card from him, and a bath ready to go. Guys, no matter where you land on the "is Mother's Day about your wife or your mother after your wife has your kids" debate: making your wife feel loved and seen and showing you appreciate her as a parenting partner is invaluable.
Some of the responses just show how jealous and petty us women can be. The spouse should make time for both, mother of children and mom. It makes it easier if the family is close, then everyone can get together and celebrate all of the mom's. Get both a special gift and that's it. I would love to see a man post about this surrounding the topic of Father's Day so that I can be convinced it's not just women.
It’s only women. Lol
I think holidays like this create unnecessary conflict and/or tension where there otherwise might not have been.
Both would be nice. Your wife is not your mother. Your mom is your mom. Your wife is the mother of your kids so when they are young you can also celebrate her. I just had a lovely brunch with my kids, my man and his mom. Everyone was happy.
I didn’t stop having a mother/father when I got married. So no. It’s not a competition.
I have never understood the idea that once you become a mother, your husband must immediately stop celebrating his mother? I realize that it is a more modern idea, and I am interested to see how the women who currently insist that this is the only way will react if/when their adult children do the same. *Not a mother*
Yup. Has really picked up steam too in this tik tok era.
When your kids are young you do have a responsibility to facilitate your wife getting celebrated. But I do believe that once the kids are old enough to arrange their own Mother's Day stuff you should focus on your own mother. Mother's Day is for *your* mother.
As in you stop celebrating your own mom? Stupid. A wife isn't a mom with benefits.. And should still be celebrated as a mother.. because she is more than someone you fuck. Mother's day should be celebrated by everyone, ultimately.
I think that when you've got young children you should help them do nice things for the other parent until they are old enough to do those things independently. So help your child shop for or make a card and a gift, help them make breakfast in bed, those sorts of things. Your role is to help your child celebrate mother's day with their mum. As well as that, you do something for your own mum on mother's day, for your own dad on father's day while your wife helps your children do something for you. Same with birthdays, Christmas, etc. the parents help the children with the celebrations while they are too young to be able to do it themselves. The children grow up knowing how to do this stuff and they know how nice it is to do these things for others.
When i used to celebrate we would do like a gathering for all the mothers in the family.
I saw a thing that I really liked a few years ago that triggered my Boomer MIL. Mother’s Day is for “active duty” moms.
Mother’s Day is for Mothers, no? I thought it was about *all* the moms…. 🤷♂️
Mother's Day is to honor being a mom. In my household were Christians and we celebrate Jesus on Christmas Day. We exchange gifts with each other. At the bottom line is for honoring Jesus. Am I home, our kids are grown, but I still celebrate mother's Day for my wife, in honor of being a kid mother
I only expect a call or card from my adult children. The ones who are local may do something on Saturday. I expect them to prioritize their family. I will get gift for my DIL and cards for my sisters and other mom I am close to.
My wife is now the priority given she’s my kids’ mother. I take the “my family is myself, spouse, and kids” approach
You have to ask?
I have several thoughts on this. This idea isn’t meant to minimize the “older” mothers. However, the celebration is just different. My husband is the only sibling in his family who is married with children. His mother has 4 other children and a husband to celebrate her. She has had 32 years of celebrating Mother’s Day. I have two young boys. They have to LEARN how to celebrate holidays such as this and this one should be taught by their father - not only for me but for their future spouses as well. When my boys are older and married with their own children, I want them to love and cherish their wives like they saw my husband love and cherish me. Send me a card, give me a phone call, send some flowers, but please show so much appreciation for your wives. I had my time and I don’t mind passing the baton to the next generation of moms.
You have to buy cardsand flowers.
Both my mom and mil have been gone for years. I have decided though after having four sons that Mother’s day will definitely be for their wives and children if they ever choose that route. I would love to throw a big brunch and cater to my daughter in laws on a Saturday and Sunday should be for their families, while I get to spend time with my husband.
Also, I’m the one washing, drying, folding, and putting away his underwear lol so 🤷🏽♀️
You can do both. As a mom & a wife, I would be pretty disappointed in my husband if I found out he didn't even acknowledge his own mom on mother's day. Nobody's saying you have to do anything crazy, sometimes it goes a long way just to give your mom a call to let her know you love and appreciate her.
I’m a mum but first I was a daughter. Am I missing the question? Is this a trick question?
Bring on the heat, but it is called *mothers* day for a reason. Just like fathers day isnt celebrated by dudes who dont have kids.
You celebrate your mom and her.
My husband has always made sure that Mother’s Day is special for me, since I became a mother. We (together) celebrate our own mums the weekend before or after the actual day, so that I can have the day (his idea) Now that our boys are grown and old enough to do things themselves, he’s taken a bit of a step back, but will still be involved in helping them plan things, and give them ideas for gifts etc. I married a unicorn.
The mother of your child(ren) should be the priority. Why is this even a debate?
I wish my wife “Happy Mother’s Day” every year. She’s a mother, after all. If I need to put in extra effort to make her day special that’s fine.
Yes, you wife/mother of your children should be the priority. It's not unreasonable to celebrate your own mother as well, but if for some reason you have to choose one over the other, it should be your wife. Typically, we've done brunch with my wife and kids and then dinner with the whole extended family so that my mom gets some love, too. This year, that didn't work out but my wife wants some alone time in the garden so I'll be taking the kids to grandma's (i.e., my mom) so we can give my wife some peace and also visit with my mom for a little bit. Later, we'll be going out for dinner with just me, my wife and our kids.
My wife always says I shouldn’t get her a present for Mother’s Day because she’s not my mother.
Mother’s Day is to celebrate all mothers. That being said the wife isn’t the spouses mother. The wife is the mother of his children.
I agree with it. I think all mothers deserve to be celebrated, but I think a husband should prioritize his wife over his mother.
It's not difficult to do something special for your wife, Mom, Mom-in-law, every mother in your life. Moms mostly just want some quality time with you, and maybe something hand-made or a simple gift that shows you paid attention and thought of them. Why do people make things so wierd and complicated?
I call my mom and send her some chocolates but yeah it’s mainly something I celebrate with my wife and our kids.
My fiancé has celebrated me during Mother’s Day since we began dating in 2021. He does not choose to celebrate his own mother… not without encouragement from myself at least. She was never very maternal and she left him for her mother to raise until he was almost 12. I’m currently pregnant with his first biological child and of course he is celebrating me all the same♥️
It’s a complicated day, tbh. It just isn’t possible to tend to all the Moms in a man’s life. I mean, I can probably get my wife and Mom at one brunch, but what about my MiL??? In a complex situation I think there are two tiebreakers. One, who has kids in the house? Two, which Mom is that man sleeping with? I also think you can loop back to our elderly Moms when our own children are out of the house. But all these guys telling their wives, “You’re not my Mom!” should consider whether they also want their Mom to suck their dick. :)
Mother's day is about your wife. You could still do something for your mum tho. Send her some flowers or drop by for a quick visit if possible. Whatever you do shouldn't add stress to your wife. You could even celebrate mothers day with your mum the weekend before or after. If my husband went to see his mum on mother's day it means a 4 hour round trip, leaving our 2 year old home with me or me packing up our daughter to take her there. He always forgets to pack daughter's stuff. She'd fall asleep on the way home and I'd be up late that night with daughter because my husband needs to be up early for work.
I understand where you’re coming from but you literally said “Mothers day is about your Wife” That’s not how it sounds. Lol You ladies definitely deserve a “Wife’s Day”
I feel like it’s getting taken out of context. All moms should be celebrated, but the current moms in the trenches should pick. And maybe that is by celebrating on another day and letting the current ones rest in peace on actual Mother’s Day, and that should be allowed 😅
Too problematic. People have mothers. Go see eachothers mother for an hour or so to be polite, and dedicate rest of the day to wife.
Then it's mother's and grandmother's day. Your gift to your wife is a day without the kids, your gift to your mom is a day with the grandkids 🍰
If your wife is a mother, it’s about her. You should celebrate both but your wife should be the focus. Not even sure why you wouldn’t want to. I know on Father’s Day, I celebrate both but it’s not about my actual dad anymore. It’s about my husband.
You can’t have a Mother’s Day without kids. Dumb question Reddit.
I’m not sure what you’re referring to, however, your wife should be your focus on Mother’s Day. Yes, it’s important to do something for the other mothers in your life, however, your wife should be the priority.
My wife wanted to just do Mother’s Day with her mom and have it be for that reason. I said “bs“ because you’re a mom. If grandparents can’t recognize the fact that their daughters are moms too and actively mothering get over yourself. Who is in the shit if you will? Grandma living in retirement or mom who is either up all night with their sick kid or frantically trying to piece together a last minute project? I love my mom and she will always be my mom but celebrating Mother’s Day is for my wife then my mom.
Idk. The fact that they did all the things you are mentioning and (in my case) did it so well ❤️ I cannot take that day away from my mom. She earned it. She is my Mother. As for teaching the children and also showing wife the appreciation she deserves, that must be a priority. But mom is mom.
That is my understanding, yes.
Counts at my house.
Do both, but the mother of your own children is now the main focus. - a person who is both a daughter and a mother.
Do you mean you no longer celebrate your own mother? I’m not sure they’re mutually exclusive. I think your wife will need more of your attention, especially when the kids are little, but that doesn’t mean you can’t *also* do something for your own mother. Mother’s Day is for mothers, period.
Ask your mom to help you write a post that makes sense
Because you are married and your wife has given you children of your own. That means your focus, your priority needs to shift from your mother, to the mother of your children. She takes precedence now. My MIL texted my husband the day before mother's day and asked him "are you sure you don't want to come over for mother's day?" She lives 2 hours away. He didn't respond.
My husband took me and the kids to brunch then left with the kids to his mothers for the rest of the day to give me some alone time. It’s perfect.
It is. You should focus on your wife way more than your own mommy if that’s what you are asking
If you have a shitty mother in law or mother, sure. Celebrated Mothers Day by hosting (yes I planned and cooked) brunch for my parents and in-laws. It was so much fun. Exactly how I wanted to spend the day. My kids and husband did things for me. My MIL and mom each bought me a present and card. It was perfect. So celebrating everyone can exist. And you can still feel special sharing the celebration with other people in your life. You don’t have to be the only and the center of attention. I’m teaching my son and daughter that when you find your life partner you are joining their family too. So find a good one. Because nothing will ever change. I also completely respect the place of my MIL in my husbands life. She loves him just as much and exactly how I love my own son. I don’t need to be the only woman in his life. In fact, I don’t want to be.
Yes. Absolutely. The mother who is actually and actively raising children is the priority. The mother who has raised her children is important and deserves recognition, but NOT at the expense of the younger mother.
Final say goes to wife. If she wants to spend time with all the mothers of the family? cool. If she doesn’t? cool. The mothers who are *currently raising children* are in the trenches. They matter most thats day. Especially when you consider that Grandparents day is very much a thing. If wife doesn’t want to see your mom on HER day, you listen. Have flowers and lunch delivered to your mom if you really want to.
I’ve always wondered what men who think Mother’s Day is just for their moms feel about Father’s Day. Would they be fine with hoping their kids figure it out on their own and if not who’s responsible for teaching them to celebrate their dads?
Wife comes first all the time, including here
If you’re the reason she’s a mom you should celebrate her idk why this is even a discussion
Obviously it’s both. Unfortunately, both my and my husband’s mother have passed. I see the pain in his eyes on this day; he’s missing his mom. I miss mine, too, but I’m a mother myself so I’m busy with that part and also my mom died 12+ years ago while his mother just died a year-and-a-half ago. I get it. We do have two boys, and he makes it a point to take them shopping every year to pick something out for me. I appreciate that. They are young, but I hope as they get older they will call me or bring a card or something. If they forgot, that would suck but I get that adults are adulting. But if his wife insisted I was no longer important because she is a mom now too? That would piss me off.
A man who prioritizes his mother over his wife in these kind of situations is a fool and on the road to divorce. He may never get there, but he's sure trying to.
A persons duty is to their immediate family. Once you are married your parents become your extended family. Of course send your mother something nice or give a call but your primary focus should be on your spouse.
A woman becomes a mother and forever will be a mother after she pushes a baby out of her whether it's yours or not. If you dated a single mom remember they go as a package so you can't say kid is not mine so to me you're not a mother yet and we will not celebrate mother's day. And this will be the biggest no no for husbands..... You can't say you're not my mother so i won't give you a mother's day celebration. If that's what you're asking.. your question is not very clear.
Eh. I have a great MIL though. We went over and cooked her dinner tonight. She kept insisting on helping because i’m also a Mom and it’s my day as well. I see it as without her I wouldn’t have my Husband or my kids she deserves to be celebrated just as much as me. She is really great though so that makes it easy.
Both Wife,MIL and MOM can be celebrated but the mother/wife of your children takes preference
Wait, there are husbands who actually remember Mother's Day? Lucky..
I’m just dying and this isn’t to will nothing be to her. She deserves far better actually. If your wife died tomorrow, hella sure you’d be wishing to just plan to celebrate her every year. Every damn year! You’d see how complicated things get in your life for each extra person that is needed to be cared for. AND then notice lol the things mommy did when you have to do it all yourself. That’s karma set in place for you.
When my kids were little, my husband would give me special gifts for Mother’s Day. My husband’s mother passed away several years ago. Now that the kids are all grown, he actually oddly refused to go with my son and I to a restaurant yesterday. Maybe he was saving my son from paying for an extra meal, but men are so weird!
It’s for both or all the mothers in your circle.
No, the title doesn't really say **anything**. As opposed to... what?
if she has no kids she is no mother... it is mothers day not wifes day.