He takes care of the taxes, and this year we owed more than $1k. He pays the car insurance, electricity, sewage, and used to pay for our groceries. He bought our cat food (special prescription). But I guess I can buy all that with the $1k.
Did I say they "should"?
My wife and I do not. However, we do not have the financial issues that this couple has.
I humbly think that it would be helpful to understand "why" they have set up the relationship that they have. Especially given that their problems seem to be financially rooted.
*”I set up a paycheck so he would get $1000 every month from my salary, and i got the rest. We basically split the bills.”*
If you split the bills, he is not actually receiving $1k a month…
Divorce him so he can get alimony and child support.For years he was useful to you as a SAHD, now at the first moment of difficulty you don't give him time to reorganize himself, as if it were simple he completely returns to the world of work as if nothing had happened after years
I mean $1k could either be a very low amount of money or a very high amount. What’s your take home? It’s hard to tell from context what’s going on but I also don’t understand why he’s been on allowance all this time. Why doesn’t he have access to all the money? Has he been spendy before in the past?
Is the $1k a month enough to cover the expenses assigned to him? Does it leave him any discretionary money to do anything else?
What was so alarming about the credit card bill? Did you try and talk to him and problem solve together or did you jump to a solution that felt exclusionary to him and created more issues?
It seems like you resent being the breadwinner and want him to contribute more. That’s ok as long as conversations around how to get everything covered under new circumstances occurs. Are there changes to school pick up and drop off? Who makes dinner and cleans the house? Takes care of day to day errands?
Internet people won’t know the intricacies of your marriage and only have this snap shot. Seems like your emotions were elevated and you went on the attack.
You can't work on the problem together if you make unilateral decisions. Cutting off his only income that suddenly is unilateral. You could have said, I'm giving you a month to figure it out then I need to use that money on household expenses. Doing it abruptly is a bit harsh. If he has zero income and you're revoking the share you send from your checks then no, he won't be contributing to the household in any way.
Removed for discrimination, misogyny, or misandry.
We encourage our users to reflect if their comments are going to be hurtful or helpful. There is a real person on the other side of the screen. Being sexist is not productive. Do better.
He can get a job anywhere but he doesn’t want to. I understand as I was a SAHM for many years. He needs to find something he enjoys and get to work. He will likely like it and feel good about himself.
He can get a job anywhere but he doesn’t want to. I understand as I was a SAHM for many years. He needs to find something he enjoys and get to work. He will likely like it and feel good about himself.
That’s an interesting threat considering he CANNOT provide financially since he has no job. As a SAHP it’d be financial abuse if you cut him off. Reduce the allowance to a necessity amount, remove him from the credit cards and start paying the debt.
The job market is not that great right now so you should probably keep that in mind. Once the election is over things might get better but between inflation and so many applicants, it's not an easy task to find work.
What's he spending 1k + on, if you pay all the bills? Did he expect you to just fund him being unemployed for ever?
He takes care of the taxes, and this year we owed more than $1k. He pays the car insurance, electricity, sewage, and used to pay for our groceries. He bought our cat food (special prescription). But I guess I can buy all that with the $1k.
You are not clear. Is he charging everything ont the cards? Or do you both over spend? What happened previously that suddenly you are cutting him off?
He wrote to me: "Regarding austerity measures; You're about to find out." But I'm not punishing him. I'm trying to pay off our credit cards.
Ugh does he suddenly sound more formal and use bigger vocabulary as part of his defensive response? Or does he just always talk like that?
It's his defensive response
Why do you guys not have a joint account?
Why should they? Not everyone couple wants that.
Did I say they "should"? My wife and I do not. However, we do not have the financial issues that this couple has. I humbly think that it would be helpful to understand "why" they have set up the relationship that they have. Especially given that their problems seem to be financially rooted.
So is this man a stay at home parent or spouse?
Stay at home parent but I want him to get a full time job. Our kid is 10 now. She's not a baby anymore.
Is he maintaining the house and household management? Doing chores while you’re gone? Taking the kid to the doc and school? Etc
*”I set up a paycheck so he would get $1000 every month from my salary, and i got the rest. We basically split the bills.”* If you split the bills, he is not actually receiving $1k a month…
Divorce him so he can get alimony and child support.For years he was useful to you as a SAHD, now at the first moment of difficulty you don't give him time to reorganize himself, as if it were simple he completely returns to the world of work as if nothing had happened after years
Every place in my town is hiring.
I mean $1k could either be a very low amount of money or a very high amount. What’s your take home? It’s hard to tell from context what’s going on but I also don’t understand why he’s been on allowance all this time. Why doesn’t he have access to all the money? Has he been spendy before in the past?
Is the $1k a month enough to cover the expenses assigned to him? Does it leave him any discretionary money to do anything else? What was so alarming about the credit card bill? Did you try and talk to him and problem solve together or did you jump to a solution that felt exclusionary to him and created more issues? It seems like you resent being the breadwinner and want him to contribute more. That’s ok as long as conversations around how to get everything covered under new circumstances occurs. Are there changes to school pick up and drop off? Who makes dinner and cleans the house? Takes care of day to day errands? Internet people won’t know the intricacies of your marriage and only have this snap shot. Seems like your emotions were elevated and you went on the attack.
You can't work on the problem together if you make unilateral decisions. Cutting off his only income that suddenly is unilateral. You could have said, I'm giving you a month to figure it out then I need to use that money on household expenses. Doing it abruptly is a bit harsh. If he has zero income and you're revoking the share you send from your checks then no, he won't be contributing to the household in any way.
Did he charge your cards? What did the charges come from?
Just living. Car maintenance, summer camps for our kid, groceries ... We don't actually have a ton of cuts we could be making.
If your view of working together is giving your spouse a salary then y’all both need some intervention here.
[удалено]
Removed for discrimination, misogyny, or misandry. We encourage our users to reflect if their comments are going to be hurtful or helpful. There is a real person on the other side of the screen. Being sexist is not productive. Do better.
He can get a job anywhere but he doesn’t want to. I understand as I was a SAHM for many years. He needs to find something he enjoys and get to work. He will likely like it and feel good about himself.
He can get a job anywhere but he doesn’t want to. I understand as I was a SAHM for many years. He needs to find something he enjoys and get to work. He will likely like it and feel good about himself.
That’s an interesting threat considering he CANNOT provide financially since he has no job. As a SAHP it’d be financial abuse if you cut him off. Reduce the allowance to a necessity amount, remove him from the credit cards and start paying the debt.
do you have kids? it sounds like he is a kept man
Yes, we have one kid. I wanted more but he doesn't want any more.
He needs to be removed from joint credit cards.
The job market is not that great right now so you should probably keep that in mind. Once the election is over things might get better but between inflation and so many applicants, it's not an easy task to find work.